#hell this is basically the nature of neglect. they’re not TRYING to hurt a child because the entire problem is the child

[bigskydreaming]

What kills me in fics is when you have tags going like "Good brother Jason", which, cool, but in the same story there's " Dick TRIES to be a Good Brother" LOL way to switch the dynamics. I also tend to stay clear of the ones where the centric character seems to have a platonic relationship tag with everyone (including the ones where they're antagonists in canon like Jason & Tim) except Dick. You can feel the hate/dislike/prejudice a MILE away.

Yeeeeeeah. You are definitely not alone. Like pretty much every Dick Grayson stan I’ve ever talked to on the subject stays the hell away from any fic tagged “Dick Grayson tries to be a good brother.”

LOL like....it’s basically what I was talking about in that older post I just reblogged a few minutes ago. That thing where Dick’s actions or choices in a canon story or fic aren’t judged on their own merits but are rather inherently weighed against some hypothetical perfect choice that he DIDNT make and so he’s basically evaluated based on how much he falls short of that mark each time instead of anything he actually did.

Sorry not sorry, but I’m just not interested in stories that TRANSFORM the character most commonly referred to as the emotional glue of the family and the only one who consistently even CARES about them all being a family....into the fumbling incompetent relationship disaster man who at best gets credit for at least putting in an attempt at being there for his family.

Especially not when Bruce and Jason and Tim are praised for doing the bare minimum in canon when it comes to family interactions while everything Dick ACTUALLY did is just completely ignored and overwritten in order to make his Failure to People Good the narrative obstacle to be overcome.

Now, the “Dick Grayson Tries To Be A Good Brother” tag applied to Tim-centric fics in particular tho....hoo boy I am out of there so fast there’s a Kool-Aid Man shaped hole in the wall and not a sign of me as far as the horizon.

Like, currently my Pet Peeve Thermostat is set to Battle for the Cowl-referencing fics that don’t use this tag but very much are in that spirit. You probably know the ones, like their summaries suggest they’re open to considering Dick’s side of the situation but turns out the author at most is throwing him a “well at least you tried not to suck” bone while still reading him the riot act for very much still sucking.

Because what drives me up a flipping WALL here in particular, when I naively click on a link that seems different from the usual and ignore the voice of experience because I’m just desperate enough for Tim and Dick food that doesn’t just go on and on about how Dick ruined their brotherhood and it will never be truly repaired....

What makes the fruit bats in my belfry go absolutely B-A-N-A-N-A-S is not just the super fun realization that Psych! You thought this fic might be different but it’s actually the same!

Nah.

It’s how much people, both writers AND commenters, just absolutely LOVE to reference Tim’s shitbag parents and how emotionally abusive and neglectful they were (all true and valid, btw, let’s be totally clear about that)....but bringing them up here specifically to emphasize just how great Dick’s ‘betrayal’ was and how what he did makes him no better than them.

It’s like. Oh. I see.

So because after twenty years worth of stories about Dick dropping everything the second Tim needs him, whether it’s for help or just advice or even just reassurance or comfort or ANYTHING ....because after two decades worth of content showing Dick absolutely doting on Tim in their EVERY SINGLE interaction and buttressing his self confidence at every opportunity, never passing up a chance to call him his brother and emphasize that they’re family and he loves Tim and is so proud of him...

Because after all that there’s a story whose very premise forced Dick to choose between two kids, both still very much his brothers and their shared father’s sons even if one was new to him and didn’t have the same history the other two had....

Because by the very nature of the story Dick had no choice but to prioritize one over the other due to them both hating each other and Dick already being stretched to his absolute limits trying to live his dead father’s life and take on everything Bruce used to do at the cost of giving up everything Dick had chosen for his own life and wants and priorities, all while dealing with his own grief....

And with it being inevitable that the boy he DIDNT choose to prioritize was going to be hurt....

Because after twenty years of never failing to put Tim first the second Tim needed him, never even putting HIMSELF first OVER Tim....because for the first time Dick felt that someone else he felt obligated to, felt a responsibility towards, actually needed him MORE than Tim....

And for that reason and that reason ONLY, Dick picked that other boy, all while trying his best to tell Tim that he still needed him, still valued him, all the things that Bruce DIDNT tell him when he took Robin not even because he thought someone else needed it at the time but simply to take away, with absolutely nothing Dick said in any way negating or contradicting any of his many, MANY assurances to Tim over the years that they were brothers and always would be and with them still very much legally brothers and with concrete ties to each other that declared them family even WITHOUT the connection of Robin....

Because after and despite ALL OF THAT, Dick picked the brother that he didn’t know and frankly didn’t even LIKE, because he knew no one else was going to pick this kid and he also knew he’d already picked Tim a hundred times before and hoped that at least all that HISTORY of past focus and attention he’d given Tim to help build him up, give him foundations to build further upon, that hopefully at least that history that was still there, still relevant, still something Tim had actively benefited and grown from in ways Dick now hoped to help Damian....like surely this would be of at least SOME significance to Tim, SOME kind of proof of how much Dick loved and valued Tim....

Because one time and one time ONLY, Dick DIDNT put Tim’s needs first, not because he didn’t want to or because he was being selfish or short sighted or simply didn’t care, but rather solely because this one time Tim’s needs were in direct opposition with the needs of another young boy Dick saw as his responsibility and in even greater need and with even less of a foundation than the one Dick had helped Tim build....

This puts Dick on the same level as Tim’s shitbag parents, the ones who are infamous for (and practically synonymous with) emotional abuse and neglect. Dick’s basically interchangeable with them now. Certainly no better than them. Tim’s entire emotional well-being rested on Dick and Dick alone and nothing he’d provided Tim with in the past counts, just this one moment in time right here right now, that’s the entirety of their relationship see, it all comes down to this and nothing else, and because Dick didn’t put Tim first, no matter WHAT his reasons or how much he wanted to, he has officially failed Tim as hard as the neglectful parents who did nothing BUT neglect, ignore and just not give a shit at all, simply because they couldn’t be bothered to.

Yeah.

That’s neat.

#and please before certain people get all up in their righteous umbrage and declare a blood feud against me for this #take note of how nowhere did I say Tim doesn’t have the right and reason to be hurt #because of course he does #you will never see me claiming otherwise #but just because someone was hurt that doesn’t mean that someone did it to hurt them #and that is the distinction so many fans don’t seem to care to make #I’ve literally seen people call Dick emotionally abusive and neglectful for this era of canon and holy shit people #in terms of abuse specifically you absolutely can be abusive without meaning to #hell this is basically the nature of neglect. they’re not TRYING to hurt a child because the entire problem is the child #doesn’t even rate as much of a presence in their awareness as they should #but people can yell it’s just their interpretation all they want about this era of canon #but it’s flat out not true. it’s their transformation of the material not an interpretation of it #because you literally have to CHANGE what Dick ACTUALLY says to Tim to paint him as neglectful or not caring about his emotional well-being #you have to CUT OUT all mention of the times Dick tried reaching out to Tim or checking up on him in order to paint Dick as simply moving #on with his shiny newer little brother #that’s not a difference of interpretation. that’s an act of transformation. changing details of a story that isn’t reading the way you want #it to....until it DOES say what you want it to #and the problem has NEVER been some of us just being unwilling to let people have their headcanons #the problem is people’s refusal to call them headcanons or AUs or anything that acknowledges they’ve transformed the source material #in order to CREATE the interpretation they’re going with #AND OTHER FANS HAVE EVERY RIGHT IN THE WORLD TO SAY YEAH WE’RE NOT TRYING TO TALK ABOUT YOUR TRANSFORMATION OF CANON THO #we’re literally trying to talk about what you transformed it FROM....and the fact that despite all your complaints about canon character #choices....some of you repeatedly make the CHOICE to change canon not just to fix or address the poor character choices you don’t like for #your faves.....but also at the same time making this other character do the very stuff you claim to hate canon having your faves do #and that is your CHOICE. AND YOU GET TO MAKE IT. BUT IT IS STILL A CHOICE TO MAKE CHANGES #NOT simply a different interpretation of the foundational material #like you guys keep trying to pass it off as #and that MATTERS #it matters quite a lot in fact

[dreamslesbian]

so i've been thinking of morality, redemption, atonement and the claim that c!dream is "too evil" and has done "too many awful things" to deserve anything but death at this point, and it reminded me of one of my favorite shows of all time:

the Good Place!

i'll be talking about the ending of the show so spoilers ahead !

so basically, for those who haven't watched it and don't care for spoilers, the Good Place centers around a group of people stuck in the Bad Place (think of Hell, non-religious but same concept) who are initially led to believe they're in the Good Place. a Lot happens but they eventually befriend the demon in charge of their neverending torture and manage to fix the entire afterlife system.

and they do this by acknowledging that punitive justice just isn't fair. that making bad people suffer only ever brings more pain.

"people improve when they get external love and support. how can we hold it agains them when they don't?"

"no one is beyond rehabilitation." -michael, 4x08

the entire thesis of the show is that people can be Good if given the chance, that no one should be considered beyond saving, that everyone deserves a chance to do better, to be better no matter what they've done. the Bad Place gets redesigned so that people just get to try and try, again and again to be good until they are. they get help, they aren't isolated but rather encouraged to socialize and create meaningful connections, and when they fail they are not punished but instead steared into the right direction. it's implied some may take hundreds or thousands of years to get better but it doesn't matter because no one is beyond help, no one gets left behind.

and the series actually shows several examples of people who one might consider irreademable, it doesn't make it entirely comfortable for the viewer to accept that people deserve to be rehabilitated. the abusive and neglectful mother of the protagonist is actually used as The example for people being able to change and how much good allowing people to be better can bring to others. it doesn't erase the hurt she inflicted on her child and tbh while watching i was a bit dissatisfied with her lack of repentance for all she put eleanor through. but still, i could see that wanting revenge or wanting her to repent/apologize in a specific way wasn't the point.

then there's michael, the one who says the lines i quoted above. he is a demon, entirely cruel and "evil" at the start of the show. he tortures the cast for the entirety of the first season and lies and manipulates them a bit more afterwards too. and yet he changes, you could argue that he is a demon and it's in his nature to be evil but that's just not true. by the end of the show he is one of the most empathethic and caring characters on the show, which means he was always capable of being that way. he wasn't given the opportunity or the enviroment to be that way up until the events of the show and that's the entire point! moreover the entire cast would be justified to never forgive him, he tortured them for thousands of lifetimes after all, but they are in the Bad Place for a reason too. they aren't perfect themselves, they've hurt countless people as well. maybe it's not comparable, maybe they aren't equally as "bad" but that doesn't matter. what matters is that they help each other, they forgive each other, they get better together. they don't demand michael to be subjected to the same torture they did or for him to receive any punishment at all. they just forgive him. admitedly he does have to undergo trials and hardships through the show but it's never framed like that is comuppence for all the hurt he's inflicted.

so yeah, maybe c!dream has hurt a lot of people, maybe his actions are worse than the rest of the server combined, but that doesn't mean he doesn't deserve a chance to change and be better. nothing good comes from him suffering or dying, nothing good comes from senseless revenge and violence. i don't think everyone should forgive him or that his road to redemption should be easy or hell even successfull but at the very least let him try.

#dream smp #dreblr #c!dream #dreamwastaken #dsmpblr #dsmp #really if you haven't watched it i do recommend watching it blind but i got it spoiled and still love it dearly so yeah #read at your own discretion

[makeste]

A theory I have seen is that Fuyumi wants the family back so desperately, because she and Toya experienced the better Endeavor, where everything was alright. My guess is that after his decent into abuse its stopped being like a normal family and Natsuo and Shoto never experienced a normal family. But that is just a therory

okay so speaking as someone who grew up with an abusive and neglectful parent (though in my case it was my mom rather than my dad)... it’s complicated. there are a lot of emotions there. I think one of the things Horikoshi has really excelled at with the whole Todoroki plot is the way that he’s used the four siblings to show the different ways that children respond to parental abuse. and I can say from personal experience that all of them are valid. not just the bitterness, anger, and resentment that Touya, Natsuo, and Shouto have all shown at times, but also that intense (but tentative, almost wishful-thinking) longing to just have a normal family that we see from Fuyumi. speaking again from experience, that last one isn’t an outlier at all. in fact, in my case, I’d say that was honestly the strongest feeling out of all of them, and it even fueled a lot of the other three emotions. btw just a heads up I’m gonna delve into some personal stuff here briefly, so yeah. I won’t put details, but if anyone wants an abuse trigger warning added to the post or anything like that, just let me know.

so the thing is, even during my angriest times, if some magic wish-granting genie had poofed in and told the child me, “’sup, I’m here to solve all of your family problems, just tell me what you want me to do,” I wouldn’t have wanted them to take my mom away and lock her up somewhere and make her suffer or anything like that. honestly, even during the worst of it, the thing I wanted more than anything else was just to have a normal family. my mom had a lot of untreated mental health issues, and it was basically a situation where you never knew which version of her you were going to get on any given day. so there were times when she was a kind and loving mother who took care of me and my siblings. and there were a great many more times when she was temperamental and erratic, and we all (my dad included) basically just walked on eggshells around her and did our best to lay low and try not to bother her because even little things might set her off, and we never knew how she was going to react. and my dad worked a lot, and my sibs and I were homeschooled for reasons which I’m not gonna get into because this post is already veering off on too many tangents, but anyway so the short of it is that my sibs and I grew up in this unstable environment and ended up more or less raising ourselves. and I resented my mom a lot for that, growing up, and I still do honestly.

now a lot’s happened since then, and she’s gotten some help, and my siblings and I are all adults now and we’re more or less good, even though we all took a certain amount of Psychic Damage along the way and we’re each still dealing with that. and we each have different relationships with our mom now, and a couple of my sibs are even fairly close to her. but for my part, I pretty much have no relationship with her at all outside of seeing her a few times a year at family get-togethers and the like. the thing is, even though my mom did eventually (after a LOT of false starts and struggles and heartache) get some help, she’s never really shown remorse for what my siblings and I went through because of her. she’s never taken responsibility for any of it. she blames a lot of other people, and will go on long rants about all of the terrible things that have happened to her and all of the horrible ways people have treated her (some of which is true, and some of which very much is not). but there’s never even the slightest acknowledgement of any of the things she herself has done to hurt others. she either passes the blame or just pretends it never happened. 

and honestly, it sucks. even now, there’s little to no real desire to change on her part. she’s gotten therapy and meds now, and so emotionally she’s much more stable than when we were kids, but one of the unfortunate results is that it’s all the more clear now that a lot of her behavior never had anything to do with her mental illness at all. she just didn’t care at all about how she was hurting others; or at the very least, didn’t care to face it. and that’s just how it is.

anyway, so I’m sorry to keep breaking away and telling you guys my own life story lol. but the point I’m trying to get at here is that I actually relate to Fuyumi so much, though. what I wanted more than anything was for my mom to care, and to say she was sorry, and for me to be able to believe that and to trust her, and for her to actually change. that was it.

and so for me, here’s the biggest difference between the Endeavor situation, and my own and so many others. the difference is that unlike people in real life, we know Endeavor is actually remorseful for what he’s done. we know it for certain because we’ve seen it for ourselves, from his own point of view. the manga actually lets us get inside his head and shows us that he really is sincere, that he really is sorry, and that he really is trying to change. and that’s something that’s impossible to get in real life. that certainty that the person really means it, that they’re genuinely remorseful and committed to making amends.

and for me, that’s fucking wish fulfillment right there. for the abusive parent to finally realize the error of their ways and be sorry and try to do right by their kids. I fucking wanted that. hell, I still want it, even though I’ve made my peace with things the way that they are. that chance to somehow heal the broken relationship, and have your parent genuinely try their best to be a real parent to you, even if it’s years after the fact? shit. I’d take that in a heartbeat.

and so when it comes to Fuyumi and her attempts to get her family to reconcile and experience a few normal things, I f feel that. I really do. because when you’re growing up in that type of situation, normal is all that you want. and I don’t think it’s anything that requires an explanation on her part, because it’s not actually an unusual reaction at all. it’s natural. it’s the most natural thing in the world. honestly it’s annoying that fandom sometimes tries to shame her for having those feelings. like honestly, fuck that. because the thing is, I’d wager that almost every kid who grew up with an abusive parent has at some time or other felt the exact same way.

and that includes Touya, Natsuo, and Shouto as well. literally the only difference between them and Fuyumi is that they feel that Endeavor’s change of heart is simply coming too late. it’s not that they don’t want their family back, just like she does; it’s that from their point of view, it’s something they can’t get back. for Fuyumi, that dream of having a normal family is something she’s still seeking. for Natsuo and Touya, that dream of having a normal family is something that was destroyed. something that Endeavor killed. something they’re in mourning of. and so Touya wants revenge for it, and Natsuo is trying to pick himself up and move past it. and meanwhile Shouto is caught somewhere in the middle of all of those reactions, because he’s still trying to decide whether or not he can ever bring himself to trust his father again. he’s somewhere in between his brothers’ mourning and his sister’s hopefulness. sort of a Schrodinger type of deal lol.

but anyway, the point I’m trying to make here is that all four siblings are really experiencing the same thing, just in different ways. Fuyu may be the one arranging family dinners and the like, but that same longing to be part of a normal family is at the core of Natsuo, Shouto, and even Touya’s behavior as well. Natsuo’s hurt and resentment, and Touya’s spite and bitterness, come from being denied the thing they want. and Fuyu’s shaky attempts at reconciliation come from her desire to still obtain it somehow. but at the end of the day they’re the exact same feelings. and they all come from the same place.

anyways, hopefully that makes some kind of sense. basically, everyone is valid. Fuyu is valid, Natsu and Shouto are valid, and Touya is murdery which isn’t cool, but his feelings are still valid too nonetheless. hugs and therapy for the Todoroki children in 2021, Horikoshi. please and thank you.

#todoroki fuyumi #todoroki shouto #todoroki natsuo #dabi #todoroki touya #todoroki enji #bnha meta #todoroki fam meta #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #asks #finally managed to snap my streak of writer's block and executive dysfunction after more than a week lol #rip my deku meta which is stubbornly refusing to sit still and be written #have a random todofam meta instead lol #this went all sorts of places but it's okay we're just trying to get back into the swing of things here #getting ready for whatever feels are coming our way this friday #do your worst horikoshi #but not really though please

[gh0ulbunni]

Aight bitches, headcanons for my version of the WATXM Cartoon's 'Mortimer Toynbee'

(TW: Death, suicide, depression, mental illness, body horror but it's not that bad)

-The stage we see Mortimer at in the show is most likely him as an 18 - 20 year old, still in the juvenile stages of his mutation as it occurred after the death of his mother Esmerelda. Esmerelda was a kind and meek but busy woman who ultimately died from a stroke caused by high blood pressure. She worked 3 high stress jobs in order to try and keep a roof over her and Mort's heads as his father gave up his rights because he "Didn't want a freak for a son and that he'd never be his son."

-When his mutation actually began to show after her death when he was 3, Mortimer's once ivory skin turned fully green and due to the neglect his hair became matted in chunks (the braids we see in the show), his hygiene dropped to little to no self-care because of the new allergic reactions he'd get when his new sensitive skin came into contact with the naturally chemical loaded body washes, deodorants, shampoo, and tooth pastes that he had. He turned to showering with just water and brushing his teeth with just water, but the water the brotherhood has access to was INCREDIBLY dirty and laced with chemicals that made him sick.

-Mortimer is actually incredibly smart, but others would feel threatened by him when he tried to show this so he mainly acts dumb and stupid as a way to avoid conflict and aggression from people (Specifically Pietro and Dominikos).

-At 22 he finally leaves the brotherhood after being there for 4 years and tries to take his own life only to realize he's developed superhuman durability and a healing factor. This immediately makes him frustrated because he feels he's been punished and forced to live a miserable life.. And in comes Spider-Man who talks him out of trying to jump and takes him to SHIELD.

-After a few days at SHIELD's holding cells he makes a bit of an impression on Fury who offers him a role as an agent. Mortimer, a people pleaser who'll take any chance to climb up the ladder in life, immediately agrees and sets to work training.

-As he trains, his mutation gets stronger and he unlocks more abilities he never thought he could have: Superhuman strength, durability, endurance, agility, senses, special eyesight, chemical and toxin production, flexible bone structure, superhuman lungs, telepathic communication with amphibians, acidic saliva, flaming tongue, and a venomous pheremone secretion that allows for mind control.

-The final step was when he fell extremely ill and it was discovered that his genetic makeup was severely broken due his involvement in an experiment called the Black Womb Project, ran by Charles Xavier's step-father/Juggernaut's father Kurt Marko. This left Mortimer's DNA and mutation severely unstable and it almost caused him to loose control of his new powers and have multiple mental breakdowns and even a manic episode where was on an extreme high before going through psychosis in which he believed Magneto was out to kill him for leaving his son's group.

-After having a hell of a few months, Mortimer is put through a new process called Genetic Rehabilitation designed for mutants who've been forced through experimentation programs and have had their DNA damaged.

-After a while his skin turns from 100% green to 40% green with lots of ivory patches. The tops of his hands, chest, stomach, inside of his legs, and the tops and bottoms of his feet are a pale ivory color while his back, neck, cheek and temples, arms, his sides, and the outsides of his legs are varying shades of soft green with patches of dark green ranging in sizes from small to giant patches on his joints and sockets (shoulders, elbows, knees, and hips) which he's self-concious about at first but comes to love his new look. The most shocking part is his eyes which become black with amber irises that have flicks of lime and gold in them.

-Along with getting therapy for his DNA and body, he gets therapy for his mental health which.. Hoo boy he was and still is strugglin (but not as bad). He has: BPD, C-PTSD, GAD, ODD, and Depression.

-Absolutely loves brushing and caring for his hair, which, after it's unmatted and cleaned of bugs and gunk is ass length and black with a silky shine to it. He still wears his old bandana thing

-Has picked up playing a musical instrument in his spare time. If he isn't working, tinkering with his suit, gear, and gadgets then he's playing... The violin?

-He's suprisingly good at it.

-After becoming a shield agent he starts to get more confidence before meeting a mutant who was currently in SHIELD's custody... Said mutant being the oc of @ohmygillygoshoppler

-Callista and Mortimer become close, he spends lunchbreaks with her, constantly volunteers to be her guard/escort when she's let out.

-Ok so, dad headcanons lETS GO

-Cal and Mort end up having a daughter named after his mom, and her thing is having her mom's monster mouth with mouths on her hands that can shoot out 13ft long flaming tongues. Esme (or Esmerelda) absolutely becomes a rescue hero

-Callie is into clown/circus lolita outfits and Mortimer is a grunge punk. Esme never gets dressed in the basic ass kids clothes, she looks like mini Wednesday Addams.

-This child never gets put down (physically), Mort or Cal are always holding her.

-Mort and Esme are the epitome of "Don't talk to me or my kid ever again" while Esme is copying her dad's glare.

-Alright, Mort's strong.

-Like, really strong. He didn't even know how strong until he was cornered on his first mission as a shield agent and he kicked his enemy with his leg so hard he decapitates them.

-He can kick hard enough to knock down concrete walls, snap people in half, crack and damage paved roads, and create enough air pressure to knock people over.

-His tongue can crush skulls

-He could get hit by a semi-truck and still walk away with a few bruises

-Develops a bite force of 1,000 PSI (Less than a polar bear)

-He bench presses 3 tons with his legs and 1 ton with his arms

-Develops retractable claws that can lengthen and shorten, he uses these to fight.

-Looks like he could kill you, can kill you but has the energy of a golden retriever puppy

-As he ages he becomes more.. Forgiving? Of the people who've hurt him, specifically Pietro. He'll forgive but never forget, it's like when you drop a mug. It won't ever be the same.

-I imagine he fights a lot like how Deku does? The leg based fighting and shoot style is a big part of his fight style.

-Legs for daaaaaaaays, they're so long. Also he's 5'8 now because Toad is canonically 5'8 - 5'10 and he'll hold it over Wolverine while snickering.

#headcanons #xmen headcanon #my headcanons #artists on tumblr #x-men #x men the animated series #x men first class #x men rp #marvel #character design #mortimer toynbee #this can also go for Todd too #todd tolansky #x-men toad #the brotherhood of evil mutants

[petalburg-pokemon-husbandry]

Slakoth

There’s this forest near where I work named Petalburg woods, and it is the natural habitat of one of the most dangerous Pokémon for a young trainer to catch. It’s not a super powerful dragon, it’s not a fire breathing lizard or a fox that can freeze you in an instant. No, the Pokémon I’m referring to is none other than the quiet, mild mannered Slakoth.

Slakoth, for those who are unaware, are some of the laziest Pokémon in the world - if not THE laziest. They lie down so much that their stomachs basically have foot pads. You almost always see them gathered around berry bushes or in fruit trees because that’s the place that requires them to move the lowest amount. Slakoth will wait until the last possible moment before they starve to start eating food because they have such little desire to do anything physical. That’s how lazy they are.

So, if Slakoth are so lazy, why did I say that they’re this crazy dangerous Pokémon for young trainers to catch? Well, it’s not the Slakoth, it’s what they evolve into.

If you, as a young child, decide to go into Petalburg Woods and catch a Slakoth, for the first little while you’ll more than likely be just fine. It’ll eat a lot, it’ll sleep a lot, and not much else. Maybe you’ll try to take it into a battle, only to discover that even then they don’t really do… anything. Maybe you can get a few slashes out of them and that’s really it.

Then, out of nowhere, your Slakoth may choose to evolve. This is where things really take a turn for the worst. You see, Slakoth evolve into Vigoroth, and while Slakoth may be known for being one of the laziest Pokémon out there, Vigoroth are known for being some of the most hyperactive, itchy-trigger-finger, loose cannon Pokémon there are. Vigoroth are often trained to work on construction sites, because once they learn to move things without breaking them, they can work for nearly 12 hours straight with no breaks, and they can lift hundreds of pounds each. The local moving company in my area uses almost exclusively Vigoroth for their workforce and when we moved into our current house, they had the truck completely unloaded in under 20 minutes. Vigoroth have amazing potential, but there is no way in hell that a kid could keep one under control. Especially not on their own.

“Oh, but if my Vigoroth is unruly, I can just keep them in their Pokéball until they calm down!” you say. You are wrong. Vigoroth get VERY agitated if they aren’t allowed to move. If you put one in its Pokéball to calm it down, you’re only going to make it more agitated when it comes out. “Oh but I could just give them some of a sedative to call them down!” Well, aside from the moral and financial problems with that, this is a HORRIBLE IDEA, because the only thing worse than a violent rampaging Pokémon is a half-asleep violent rampaging Pokémon that doesn’t know what it’s doing.

And, of course, even if you manage to stick it out through the awkward energetic teenage years that are Vigoroth, you still end up with a problem after it evolves, because Vigoroth evolve into Slaking. Yes, you read that right. Slaking. If you didn’t know this already, the Pokémon known world-over for being insanely strong piles of muscle that could throw cars and launch hyper beams if only they weren’t so lazy, and that make their nests by pushing over entire trees to form clearings, start out as little guys who won’t even move somewhere else to pee. That’s why Slakoth are such dangerous Pokémon for kids to catch. Because they start out seemingly completely fine, and end up turning into something that no kid could ever control. I’d recommend a kid train a Bagon before I’d recommend they train a Slakoth.

I mentioned in a previous post that my dad is the gym leader in Petalburg city, where I work. Well, in addition to doing that, he also breeds and raises Vigoroth and Slaking. (Partly for battling, partly to lend out to companies looking for Pokémon labor.) That’s the main reason I’m so familiar with these Pokémon, and the main reason I know the the next thing I’m going to say. (Just as an advanced warning, this is a little heavy.)

Vigoroth are some of the most neglected and abused Pokémon out there, especially in my area. People will catch Slakoth looking for an easy pet, and then turn their lives into a living hell after they evolve. The number of hurt Vigoroth running around the woods after people got fed up and released them is just far too high. There are times where the woods in these areas have to be closed off to the public so the rampaging Vigoroth can be dealt with. Part of the reason I wanted to work at the Pokémon center in Petalburg in particular was so that I could help rehabilitate mistreated Vigoroth. Rustboro is the nearest large city, and the woods around that place are absolutely FILLED with released Vigoroth. People will come to visit Rustboro City, catch a Slakoth in the woods ‘to experience the local Pokémon’, (🤢) train it for a few days, and then immediately release it once it evolves. It’s gotten so bad that tourists have been outright banned from catching Slakoth without written permission, and even then people just do it anyway. If you live in Hoenn and you’re looking to adopt or can give financially, please consider checking out the Vigoroth Rehabilitation Center in Rustboro city. They do amazing work, and they were the ones to really push for the catching ban I mentioned earlier. Their website can be found here.

Well, with all of that out of the way, thank you so much for reading! Please check out the Rustboro VRC, even if you can’t directly support them. Even just getting the word out about them can be a big help. See you next time!

#pokemon #pkmn #pokemon husbandry #pokemon-husbandry #Slakoth #vigoroth #slaking #bagon #Rustboro City #petalburg

[horrorslashergirl]

Decebal Avram Chirilă SFW Alphabet Slasher OC

Authors Note: Just trying to work more on his character so I decided to try this SFW Alphabet. ENJOY!

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Decebal is a person that isn't afraid of public display of affection, if he likes someone he will let them known, through compliments, flirting, hugs, and so on. He may come off as a womanizer (which he kind of is), but that's really just how he is. All his life during Romanian Communism he's been neglected completely from affection; the most he got were more mature women complimenting on how cute he was.

Even if you're just his friend, he will hug you, wrap his arm around your shoulder. Don't strictly take that as a romantic gesture. He is just friendly.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

This Romanian as a best friend? You're basically having yourself a loyal dog that will take a bullet, grasp a knife and give his life for his best friend. He hated himself for not being strong to save his parents so now as an adult, he protects the people that have a big value in his life.

He may seem very friendly, but he has a hard time trusting someone, and that someone has to prove themselves trustworthy, mostly because Decebal is a wanted man and he meet people that played the 'friend' role only to stab him in the back. If he calls you brother or sister, then you can count on him anytime. His word is gold.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Decebal loves hugs and cuddles, and he has no problem in sharing. This man is touch-starved for affection, although he will never admit it. 

He usually loves to hug and cuddle from behind, his big arms wrapped around you, his chin rested on top of your head or if he's in a really good mood, he will spin you around. Romanian Rollercoaster!

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Alright, this man has very big issues with settling down and the whole marriage deal; although not impossible! As I said, he has a hard time letting anyone get close to his heart. It's kind of a paradox because he is starved for affection, but he runs like hell from marriage. You need to have nerves of steel if you want to get him into a little more 'serious' relationship. That strictly depends on you if he views you as a one-time thing or something more. All the women that were around him as a child after his parents were killed, were company ladies or prostitutes, toxic women so for him to meet someone who is genuinely nice to him out of no reason is a little more like a fairytale for him.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

As friendly as this man is, he is also very blunt. Decebal isn't the type to beat around the bush; if he has something to say he will. He is most of the time very honest and probably his words might hurt you, but he doesn't like to get drunk with water, which pretty much means he isn't the type to even lie to himself.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

As I said above, marriage is pretty much a subject and a level he wants to step aside and avoid. He is a rogue one who loves to taste freedom in all ways. He had enough of the restrictions during the Romanian communism, so his outlaw life is something he cherishes. You will have to be someone who isn't into poly relationships. You may be his significant other (Again.... How did you do that?), but that doesn't mean you can tell him what to do. Stubborn Romanian Ass.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Decebal is a pretty gentle guy in his day to day life; he prefers to love than to fight, but again.... If the last resort is fighting, oh boy. He is the type to open the doors to the ladies, smile their ways, or compliment them. That's I suppose his gentle nature. He basically has three moods; the gentle romantic lover, the sassy and vulgar punk, and finally the fast, sadistic swordsman assassin.

On 80% of the time, he is a combo of the first two. The last one is a rarity because he prefers to smile than scowl, but he is called The Impaler for a reason.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

I did mention it in the cuddle part. He is a hugger and will do so with almost anyone who is nice to him or doesn't show to be his enemy. His hugs are very nice, especially when he does them from behind, twirling you around if he is in a very good mood.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

There are two ways that he says these words. One is when he is in a jokester mood saying something like 'Awww... I know you love me.' Then the more serious way that takes a lot to pull from the Romanian's lips. He may say the L-word but it depends on how he says it. That makes the difference.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He really isn't a jealous guy. Decebal values freedom most of all things and he doesn't want to be a possessive asshole to his s/o if that's the case. He gives you freedom, so he expects you to do the same.

If it's for example about someone he likes and someone hits on them, he will probably increase his game, topping his competitor, because Decebal has Latin blood running through his veins and he knows how to take someone's mind with his charms.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Romanian lover, French kisser. He loves to leave his partners with a dazed look after a kiss, so his kisses are full of passion and sensuality, his hand running through your hair, while his other hand strokes your hip. All the time his eyes are half-lidded looking into yours.

As for where he loves to be kissed? Try kissing the nape of his neck, you will feel him shiver and look over his shoulder at you with a cheeky smile.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He has a weak spot for children mostly because he knows how sensitive these little ones are. He was a little guy himself when his parents were killed, so he knows what such a tragedy can do to one. As for if he wants children? He isn't a father figure. Sometimes he acts like a teenager and he doesn't see himself be able to raise children with his style of life. 

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings are probably either very funny or lazy, depending on how he spent the night. He can wake up full of energy, blasting Romanian music in his headphones, singing, and preparing for the day. Lazy mornings are usually in bed, crawling downstairs and trying to prepare his coffee, drool running down the corners of his mouth.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

If you're a night person you got yourself a night owl. He loves to stroll through the city, going to a bar, having a few drinks, going to a club. Or if you prefer a much quieter environment, you two can sit down on the front porch, talking about whatever topics you want. He is a pretty cultured person so he can keep up a conversation all night long. Ooooor.... if you want a much more sensual night.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Alright; Decebal has the whole super confident guy attitude with a cheeky grin, all tall and handsome, but he has also a very sensitive side. He will reveal little by little about his past, torture, nightmares when he feels he can 100% trust you. Despite his loud nature, he also has a mysterious vibe that attracts people, especially ladies aaaand also danger to him.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

You really need the talent to anger Decebal. In his opinion, life is too short to have a scowl on your face. Like the Romanian saying 'Faci haz de necaz' which basically means 'I'm laughing at trouble'. All his childhood was depressing and gloomy and he is simply tired to victimize himself. 

He really doesn't get mad so easily, but God help you if he gets angry, because it's like seeing Romania's bloody history depicted into a person.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He has a pretty good memory and will remember everything you told him. Your favorite flowers, your favorite dish. He will remember. He doesn't forget if someone helped him and he doesn't forget when someone did it wrong.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

He never had a long term relationship. All his relationships, if you can call them that were just for one night or even for a few hours. His life in his home country was harsh and he didn't have the privilege to meet someone he could call HIS. Then after leaving his country, he never stayed in one place which made relationships non-existent.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Decebal is very protective if you are someone he cares for, protecting you even if it means giving his own life. He is a 'Go hard or Go home' guy. He lost too much when he was young because of his cowardice, so when he unleashes his swords is dance time.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He is a romantic guy by heart and he loves to make his special one feel that way; a bouquet of flowers, something that he remembers you saying you want.

As for effort in general, he puts 100% of his blood. All his life he had to work hard until collapsing and none cared. He digs his teeth into the task at hand and won't give up just because it hurts. He faced enough abuse as a child to know that there are worse things than a back full of whip marks or broken fingers.

When he was young he used to be tortured if the task given to him wasn't done properly and it's in his system to do it right.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Probably his flirty attitude towards most people, which in his opinion is just friendly. Even if you magically are his s/o old habits die hard and he can be a real womanizer, so let's hope you're someone who can put up with a lot.

Another bad habit, or rather a good one? Depends on how you view it, is his daredevil side that makes jokes even in the face of death. Dying with a smile on your face and a good laugh? Sounds familiar. 

Emotional Intimacy? He doesn't like this territory mostly because he feels like the coward he was as a child. Putting his feelings on a silver platter is a challenge for him and he usually screws up by taking everything as a joke. 

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He knows he looks good. He knows he is handsome. He knows the ladies dig it. He is mostly 50% concerned with how he looks. He makes sure he is clean, smells good and his hair is in that messy bedhead the women swoon over.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Probably if you and he have been together for a very long time. He just got used to you being around that when you leave is kind of depressing sight, but freedom is the most important thing for him, so he will swallow everything down and wave you goodbye, going on his lonely path yet again.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

One of the things that really may trigger his vulnerable side would be someone choking him because that reminds him too much of the days in jail as a child and teenager, the warden there being the father figure that used to choke him under the dirty cold water that reeked of rats on an almost daily basis.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He doesn't like controlling people, people that think they can make anyone do what they want just using the fear as a weapon. It reminds Decebal too much of the dictator of his country during the communist system. He went through much in his life to have his freedom be taken away... again. That is something that haunts his sleep at night, one of the reasons he mostly spends his nights out and his days sleeping.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He is usually sleeping during the day, mostly because he prefers to spend his nights strolling through the city, anywhere where he can be free, none to tell him what to do. He is usually sleeping on his front with his face buried into the pillow. Usually, if he wakes up in the middle of a nightmare, he stays awake and looks out the window or on the roof of the house or building, letting his mind known that he is free. He isn't chained.

#Decebal Avram Chirilă #slasher oc #Original characters #sfw #alphabet #Killer OC

[surveys-at-your-service]

Surveys #417-419

Been slacking on posting these, so here’s like three surveys over the past few days divided up. I just don’t feel like posting them individually. Beware, it’s a long post, haha.

Do you believe that animals don’t have souls? I lean towards the idea that they, at least more complex species with actual sentience, do in some way. It's hard to imagine like, a fly having a soul, but it's a nice thought. You could NEVER convince me some don't, though, like my late dog Teddy, Sara's old chameleon Jem, and I could go on and on. Have you ever not been able to swallow pills? No, I've always been able to. If you HAD to change your first name, what would you change it to? Maybe like, Quinn. Something you don't hear a lot, for sure. Something more memorable. What are your thoughts on orange soda? Orange cream soda is BOMB. Man, been so long since I've had that stuff... Are you good with children and/or animals? Don't mean to brag, but people say I'm like a magician with animals. No matter what it is, I bond with it. Children, not so much. I'm awkward around them. Who in your life makes you smile the most? My cat, ha ha. If you were cremated, where would you want your ashes to be placed? Hm. Maybe high up in the mountains or in the Kalahari Desert. Do you plan on going to your high school’s reunion? No. I'm pretty sure I'd shatter from memories just entering the building. Would you want revenge on someone if they killed someone special to you? Or would you find it in your heart to forgive? "Forgive" my ass. They'd better get what's coming to them, even if I've gotta be the person to deliver it. Is there someone you are dying to see? More than I think anyone could possibly know. But it's probably better if I never do. Could you picture yourself getting married and having kids? Married, yes. Having kids, no. I could only picture that in one phase of my life, but like I called it: a phase. I should never be a mother, nor do I want to be one to begin with, so yeah, no kids for me. Do you like to take walks? If my legs were actually worth a shit, yes, I would, if it's in a nature-filled area. What are you listening to at this moment in time? "Thoughts & Prayers" by Motionless In White. Did you ever kiss someone with a tattoo? No. Could you say something good about the last person you kissed? She's very resilient. Why are you single? Because 1.) I'm a very unappealing example of an adult, 2.) I'm not exactly very attractive, and 3.) I'm basically a hermit, so I don't meet people. Do you get jealous if your boyfriend hugs another girl? Hypothetically, in almost any case, I wouldn't. My imaginary boyfriend can have female friends. But I'll admit if it was like, an ex-girlfriend or something and it was a seriously intense hug, I might. Is there something that happened in your past you hate talking about? Yes, but I mean, who doesn't. Have you ever been completely alone with a boy in his room? You make this sound so scandalous lmao. Yes, plenty of times. I dated a dude and briefly lived with him for three and a half years. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? No. Who was the last person that you cried in front of? I'm sure it was Mom. Is it hard for you to be “just friends” with the opposite sex? Nah. Do you remember every single person that you’ve kissed? Yeah. Do you believe that the world will actually end? Humanity, oh yeah. The planet itself, given the infinite nature of the universe, also yes. At SOME point, even if it's zillions of years down the line, Earth is gonna get fucked by something. Are you socially awkward? I am the literal avatar of "socially awkward." Would you rather watch a comedy movie or horror movie? Horror. Who is your favorite actor/actress? MARK IS A FUCKIN' ACTOR, Y'ALL. Are you satisfied with your gender? Yeah. Are you good at admitting your problems? HA! Yeah. ezpz Have you ever had a hangover? No, never been drunk to begin with. Do you know any strippers? No. How many times have you dyed your hair? I ain't counting. What is something that reminds you of your childhood? Dinosaurs. Do you think you eat healthy? I try to. I have my bad days, though. Are you sick quite often or hardly at all? My immune system is the fucking MVP. I am just about never, ever sick. Has anyone suspected you of being a different sexuality? Yes. Do you like chocolate or vanilla cake more? Chocolate, duh. Does it bother you to have blood drawn or not so much? Nah, no biggie. Has your cell phone ever rung in class? Omg no, I woulda been mortified. Have you ever tried opening your eyes under water? Yeah, as a kid. Would you rather have a cat or a dog? I prefer cats. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? Like... six times, I wanna say. What would you say is your favorite type of flower? Orchids, but I also love dahlias. I've actually noticed that I've really had a greater "thing" for flowers lately. Like don't get me wrong, I've always loved flowers very much, but I've just found myself more drawn to them than usual, especially when taking the daily hour ride to the TMS office. Do you watch Toddlers and Tiaras? FUCK no. That show disgusts and angers me so much. If someone asked you to go to war today, what would you say? Yeah, no. Funny joke. I couldn't go anyway due to mental health issues and a suicidal history. Do you own an old vintage typewriter? We used to when I was little. I have no idea what happened to it, though?? Hell, maybe we still have it somewhere, but I doubt that. Do you like or hate the smell of fish? Ew, does ANYONE like the smell of fish??? Have you ever read any of John Green’s books? I got a few pages into The Fault in Our Stars, but stopped for no real reason. I didn't not like it or anything, I was just still in my "I don't read" episode. Are you a protective person? VERY. I'm a fucking guard dog over those I love most. Are you a fan of penguins? Yeah, they're cute. I especially think emperor penguins are very majestic. Have you ever met your favorite author? I don’t have a favorite author. Did you get your mom or dad’s eyes? Neither's. I think my maternal grandpa had blue eyes, though? I'm not sure at all, though. When was the last time someone bought you flowers? Not sure. Has there ever been a murder in your town? "A" murder? Thems is rookie numbers for my neck of the woods, fella. This place is known for crime, and that includes murder. When falling asleep, do you ever feel like you stopped breathing? Well, I have seriously severe sleep apnea, so... but the diagnosis came as a surprise to me, because I never DID think this. But sure enough, did a sleep study, and in just one hour's time, I stopped breathing like what, 30 times? What's the last thing that scared the hell out of you? Stupid drivers. Do you have any life-changing plans within the next 6 months? I guess getting a job could be pretty life-changing. As of right now, how do you feel about your future? I'm very, very scared. Who is the last person you ran into unexpectedly? Hm, I dunno. Where does your grandma live? Both of mine are dead, but my paternal grandmother lived in Michigan, while my maternal one technically lived in Florida, but stayed in New York with her son's family a whole lot. I don't really know where she stayed more. Do you know how to read music? Not anymore. Does the song you’re currently listening to remind you of anyone special? Not so much the song, but the band. Motionless In White is one of his all-time favorites, so I can't listen to them without thinking of Jason. Sucks because they've been becoming one of MY favorites, too, so I listen to them a lot. If the person who has hurt you the most, said they were in love with you, would you believe them? I'd tell him he was in a love with a person who no longer exists. It's impossible for him to be in love with me now when he doesn't know how much I've changed. If Facebook made you pay would you still use it? Ha, no. Have you ever been recorded on film without your permission? Not that I know of? Tell me about your last boyfriend? He's a wonderful person. He's been there for me without fail since we became friends in high school band, and he is SO fucking funny. He's always cared a lot about me, and I care a lot about him, just not in the same way he does me. He's like my big brother. Are your parents racist? My dad definitely is. What is your least favorite subject in school? Math and economics both sucked. Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before? Almost certain no. I'm pretty sure Dad didn't fight for custody at all, but it could've been something Mom just never told me. Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I NEVER could. Do you have any siblings you neglect? .-. As a kid, did you ever go to camp? I went to Vacation Bible School, if that counts. Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls? Yeah, until that big news story about a dirty needle pricking a child. Have any of your siblings ever had a crush on your significant other? Not to my knowledge. I highly doubt it. What do you usually order at Taco Bell, if you go there? Cheese quesadilla with fiesta potatoes. Rarely a pair of those cinnamon ball thingies. Ever consider a sex change? Nah. Do you eat whip cream straight out of the can? EW no. I hate the texture of whipped cream. What do you think of popcorn? Loooove. Have you ever dated any of your friends’ ex? No. Well, it's funny, Rachel (both Juan's and Jason's ex) and I are friends now, but definitely weren't at the time of us being together. Have you ever gone out with someone even though one of your friends liked that person first? If yes, did you feel bad? If no, were you tempted to? No. Would you rather be a rich musician, or a rich actor? Musician. What was the last charity you donated to? I don't recall. Did you like to collect frogspawn as a kid? I've told the "my friends and I saved hundreds of tadpoles" story enough times, so for this question, I'll just talk about when I would go fishing with Dad as a kid. Back then, if I got bored of actually fishing, I would walk along the riverbank and try to catch tadpoles and minnows in my hands. It was soooo fun to Kid Brittany. Do you walk fast or slow? I walk pretty damn slow. Can you juggle with more than two items? I can't juggle, period. Do you like jalapenos? Yeah! Do you like kiwis? Yessss, I love kiwi! Does anyone in your family go deer or bird hunting? Who is it anyway? I don't know if she still does, but my little sister used to go deer hunting with a friend.

Are you saving up for anything right now? What? Yeah, my pet snake's 40 gallon terrarium. What sort of things do you have bookmarked in your internet browser? It's quite diverse, but I think I mostly have templates for specific character profiles. Have you ever snuck in to a theater/dance/bar etc? No, I'm a good noodle. If given the chance, would you go to Ireland? Certainly! It's beautiful there. If you have a cat, does it ever “converse” with you? Oh, ABSOLUTELY. When I talk to him, he sure does try to answer me and it's the cutest thing, ha ha. Have you ever tried those electric toothbrushes? Yeah, that’s what I use. Has anyone told you that they wanted to marry you/were planning on it/etc? Yeah, guess he changed his mind. Name one of your ex’s mother’s names? Virginia. Does your favorite song have a meaning? BIG TIME. Have you ever written or received a suicide note? I've written one. .-. What is the worst thing a child has ever done to you while you were babysitting? When I was changing her diaper, she got up and ran around naked in the house. ;-; Do you own a nightgown? No. If you could get any pet right now, what would you get? i. want. my. tarantula. Have you ever actually been stuffed into a locker? No. That is just such a TV trope that I've never even heard of happening irl. Do you/did you decorate the inside of your locker at school with stuff? I only had a locker in middle school, and I believe I didn't. I didn't want one in HS. What’s the coolest thing you’ve made with Legos? I was never a Legos kid; I played with Lincoln Logs. Do you want to get pregnant right now? Fuck no, man. Or ever. Have you ever housed a friend for a long period of time because they had no place to live? No. If you have a favorite comedian, have they ever been in a movie? I don't have one, really. Are there any books you want to read? Besides the series I'm reading, I want to read The Testaments by Margaret Atwood, but idk if I'll ever get to it, really. If you have younger siblings, are you very protective of them? We don't have a close relationship, but I am nevertheless. If you have older siblings, are they very protective of you? Not really, it seems. First letter of the names of everyone you have kissed? J, T, D, S. Do you like going to school sports games? No, I hated it. When Ash was a cheerleader, Mom made me go, and I was never happy about it. Have you ever worn your boyfriend’s clothes? An ex-boyfriend's, yeah. Did you get into your mom’s makeup when you were a kid? I don't think I did? Do you want anything pierced? Ugh, a lot of places. The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? I never do. Has your partner ever accused you of cheating when you actually didn’t? I've never been accused of cheating. Has anyone ever called you stuck-up? No. I'm quite the opposite. Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? Too many, really. What are you doing this summer? Nada. Do you still watch MTV? I never did. Have you ever spent the night with the last person you kissed? Yes. What’s the dress code for your job? Do you like it? I'm unemployed. Does your job allow piercings or tattoos? ^, and this might sound stupid, but I wouldn't work at a job that didn't. Especially tattoos. No job is stopping me from doing things that improve my self-esteem and body image, particularly when I LOATHE my body. If a little bit of art makes me feel better about myself? Nobody is stopping me. What are some trends you dislike that everyone seems to love? "Crocs. Whyyyy?" <<<< THIS. First people hated them, now they love them??? They're hideous as shit. If you got married and then got divorced, would you want to re-marry? I don't really know. How often do you use lotion? Not NEARLY enough for someone with skin as dry as mine. Do you donate your old stuff to Goodwill? If so, what was the last thing you donated? Yeah. Mom recently brought some old toys, I think? How weight conscious are you? You have no fucking idea. Rent a movie or go see one in theaters? I prefer going to a theater. I enjoy the experience. What’s the biggest personality trait turn-off for a potential partner? Probably being an explosive/volatile person. I can't with that. Would you ever go on a birth control pill? I already am to regulate my period and tame the cramps. And if I was sexually active, I absolutely would want to be on it. What's your favorite late night tv show? I don’t have one. At high school do or did you participate in Spirit Week? No. Do you have a favorite vocalist? Who? Queen's Freddie Mercury will probably always top the list. If you have a favorite photographer, can you describe their work? I don't have a favorite photographer. Surprisingly. Are sex and sexual activities something you enjoy? If it's with someone I'm in love with and am in the mood, sure. What is one aspect of your life that did not turn out as you expected? I did NOT expect to reach 25 like... *gestures at self* this. What is one thing stopping you from becoming a veterinarian? I could never handle euthanizing pets and watching the families' hearts break. How long have you lived in the house you live in? Not even a year. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder? I'm definitely sadder. Especially today. Do you like Subway? I do. Have you ever seen a volcano? No. Have you ever found a spider on your bed? Yes. It's the scariest shit when one skitters across your blanket, because like, you LEAST expect it to happen in the comfort of your own bed. Are you satisfied with the way your life is right now? Not even remotely, if I'm being honest. I'm at a real low. When was the last time you ate at Burger King? Years ago, when I was a vegetarian and went there for the veggie burger. How often do you cry? lol a lot Ever had a crush on a teacher? No. Can you wire a plug? ... I don't even know what you mean by "wire a plug," so obviously no lmfao. Where were you when you got your first period? Well I think I actually *started* at school, but I noticed when I got home. Can you drive? I mean I'm capable, but I'm an incredibly anxious, overly passive, and just generally terrified driver. I'm so scared of when I finally get new glasses and therefore a new permit... but I have to get used to driving. Living where I do, public transportation is very, very limited, and I just can't have people driving me places the rest of my life. Exercise or healthy eating? I sadly hate exercising SO much. I'd rather eat healthy. Did you play Red Rover when you were a child? Yeah. Are you more attracted to men or women? This can actually vary with time, which I originally thought was weird but is apparently normal for some bisexual individuals. There are spans where I feel more sexual attraction to men, and then other times women. Has anyone ever called you rich? God no, I am so far from it. What makes you feel beautiful? Nothing. Are you considered a very sensitive person? I'm way too sensitive for my own good. Have you ever told someone you never wanted to speak to them again? Yes, my dad. I regret that letter I sent him so, so much. I honestly don't know how he can treat me with so much love after the shit I said. If you could watch any TV series right now, what would it be? I am... astonishingly behind on Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty. I know, seriously incredible. I just don't watch TV, man. It's strange, I'm into the show, of course I am, I just... don't like sitting myself in front of a television and purely watching it. I'll catch up, though. Do you grind your teeth, and if so, why do you do it? No. But it's not like people have a reason they grind their teeth... they just do. Do you feel the need to rant about anything right now? If so, go for it. I could, but I'm not going to. It'll just upset me. Do you have a friend named Nick? What’s his favourite food? My sister's husband's name is Nick, but he is definitely not my friend. I can't stand his bigoted, sexist, misogynistic, homophobic, racist ass. I don't know or care what his favorite food is. What are you listening to? I'm re-watching Gab and Sinow play Resident Evil 5. People can say all they want about RE5, but I love it. Do you prefer waffles or pancakes? Waffles, but only if they're still soft enough to not be considered crunchy. I prefer them because I can put peanut butter on them, and the grooves catch the syrup instead of just absorbing it all like pancakes. Do you prefer non-diet or diet soda? I don't/can't drink diet sodas because the artificial sweetener gives me a KILLER headache. Are you craving anything right now? You guys have no idea how badly I want Taco Bell for whatever reason. Which word did you say first, mama or dada? The latter. What was your first pet’s name? So, there's three answers to this. I was born into the family while we had a collie named Trigger, but I have absolutely zero memory of her. She passed when I was too young. Our first family pet that I clearly remember was Chance, our rescued cat. My first *personal* pet was either a guinea pig named Squeak or Chinese water dragon named Shadow. I can't remember who came first. Who was your best friend in elementary? It changed with the years, but I can say the three biggies were Brianna, Kim, and Quiata. Who was your favorite teacher in high school? Probably Coach Collie. He was so wise, kind, funny... He was all-around just wonderful and taught so many life lessons. When you go to a restaurant, do you have a go-to dish? Always. What is the best part of your most ordinary day? Waking up and doing my first sweep of the Internet before I get bored outta my fucking senses. Do you read any web comics? No.

Do you drink bottled water? Yeah, but like any water, it has to be COLD. Not room temperature. Not a tad chilly. I mean cooooold. When did you last use a straw? Earlier. I have a metal straw I use to drink water with because I drink faster through a straw, and with it being water, of course I want to try to drink as much as I can when I actually choose to drink water. Have you ever tackled someone to the ground? No. Do you know anyone who lies to make themselves look more interesting? My former best friend did that. She was an online friend, so it made it easy. I finally caught on and called her out on it, and then she just totally dipped. Do you like to sing? Not that much, honestly. Like sometimes I feel like it, sure, but not frequently. Are your parents in good health? No, not really. Have you ever been a caregiver to a sick/disabled relative? No. I feel bad saying it, but I know I never could be. I could NOT clean another human being. It's one of the bajillion reasons I'm not having kids. Do you like to take naps during the day? "Like" isn't the right word. I just... need to. Most days, there is NO way I can make it 'til night without one. What movie was your favorite to see in the movie theater? Even though it was sincerely a sucky movie, I really enjoyed watching Silent Hill: Revelation because I saw the 3D version, plus the hype over my favorite franchise getting a new movie was just very exciting. Favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle character? I was never into that. Ever watched The Blair Witch Project? Yes, and I positively adore it. I genuinely think it's a genius horror movie, never showing, but telling through other methods. Have a favorite AC/DC song? Probably "You Shook Me All Night Long." Are you good at selling candy for those fundraiser things? Omg nooooo I HATED doing that shit, especially when some amount of sales were like, required for whatever bullshit reason. I hate hate hate advertising to people. My parents always bought them instead. Have you ever had a crush on someone too old for you? No. Well, besides James Hetfield, ha ha. What's your favorite Dr. Suess quote? I don't know enough quotes to have one. If you were to have wings, what would you want them to look like? Dark and dragon-esque with lots of rips and tears in them... but not enough to stop me from flying, ha ha. Have you ever broken up with someone to find you want them back later? No. Has anyone ever dared you to eat a chili pepper? Did you do it? No. Have you ever tried Thai food? No. Have you ever watched Avatar? The TV show, not the movie. I've seen I think one season with Sara so far? I actually quite enjoy it. What's your cellphone's signature for text? WOW this survey is ancient. If you smoke marijuana, what is your preferred or typical method? I don't smoke it. Do you often take painkillers? I dunno about "often," but headaches to the point I take something aren't rare for me. Do you wish you were in a relationship? I mean yes, but I know it's for the better I'm not. Have you ever been to the ER? Many times. Do you ever feel guilty eating meat? I feel extremely guilty. I try not to think about it. Where have you lived for the most part of your life? Eastern NC. How old are you? 25. What are you listening to at the moment? Powerwolf came out with a new album, so I've been bingeing the shit out of some songs, ha ha. Right now it's "Blood For Blood." Do you watch WWE Raw? Ew, no. I have NEVER gotten the appeal of wrestling. Just like... why????? Do you dye your hair? Nowhere near regularly. :/ I haven't had it dyed in a very long time, and I hate it. I love colored hair. We just can't afford that expense on something so little. My hair does NOT take dye easily, so we have to have a professional do it, and that isn't exactly cheap. Have you ever lived in a different country that the one you’re living in? No. Which of your parents will you see next? I live with my mother, so. Have you fallen asleep in school? Not in class, no. In college when I would be in the library between classes, though, I've dozed before. Have you ever been hospitalized? Yes, but not for physical issues. Do you make fun of obese people? You're talking to someone who is. So obviously no, and you're a piece of fucking shit if you do. Do you have an innie or an outtie? Innie. Have you ever tried to headbang? No. Even as a metalhead, I don't get it, man. You're asking for a headache. Do you own any Converse? What do you think of them? I have a few and like them. Have you ever started a rumor? No. Have you ever been in a position of authority? I mean, I'm an admin on two sites, so I guess? Were your ancestors royalty? Yeah, I'm related to one of the Queen Victorias, I believe. I just know she had a thing for beheading people, ha ha. What do you like on your pasta/noodles? Sauce, butter, grated cheese, etc.? Just tomato sauce and meatballs, really. Who is the most ungrateful person you know? What makes them this way? My fucking ex-best friend. You could never, ever give her enough and she just... blegh. She was so fucking ungrateful for everything people did for her. It was just never enough. Do you like cherry Pepsi? I like cherry Coke. I don't like Pepsi. Have you ever held an uncommon pet before (ex: mouse, spider, snake, lizard)? I've held snakes, rats, lizards, and a tarantula. Who did you last play truth or dare with? No clue. Have you ever camped out somewhere for an event the next day? No. When were you the saddest in your life? 2016. Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? No. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? Yeah, they've moved out. What was the most unique pet you’ve owned? I'd probably say my champagne ball python. A lot of people don't even know ball python morphs exist, so seeing her might surprise some people. Do you like Doritos? Yeah. When you buy clothes, do you always try them on first? No, but I need to learn how to... I just HATE doing it. Have you used bugspray recently? No. Do you enjoy swimming in the ocean? Yesssss. Have you ever tried to sew or knit anything? No. Has something ever happened to you that seemed like it was from a movie? Most of Jason's and my relationship felt like one. Hence why the breakup felt so sudden and just impossible. Do you find yourself to be a believer in love at first sight? Not even remotely. Is there something you want to do, that you swear you will, no matter what? Spread Teddy's ashes in Yellowstone. I promised him. Are you longing for the day that you’ll be an adult? (If you’re not already) I am an adult, and it sucks. What’s something you’ve vowed to never eat? Any meat that was hunted. Have you ever owned a diary/journal with a lock and key? I don't believe so. When you were little, what movie did you watch over and over? Mostly Disney films, like The Lion King and Finding Nemo. Are you deathly allergic to anything? No. Do you know what you want for your dream house? Nope. I honestly don't really care about having a "dream" house to begin with. I just need one that's cozy to me and gets the job done. Have you ever seen the movie The Notebook? Many, many times. It's my favorite romance movie. Have you ever used the photo editing site “Picnik”? No, not to my memory. Has an animal ever taken a strong dislike to you? Our old dog Bentley didn't like me all that much, and I didn't like him, either. Have you ever attempted to cut your own hair? No. Do you have a lucky or special coin? No. Do you love ice cream cake more than normal cake? No. Do you check your email daily? No. Is there anyone you know who’s in any way paralyzed? No. For you, do you commonly feel more jealousy or envy? Envy. Do you rely on the heads/tails flipping of a coin sometimes for decisions? No. Has a laptop ever burned your legs? Yes, actually. For a while many years ago, my old laptop left subtle burn marks on my legs. Anyone’s birthday coming up soon? My nephew's is next month. Do you like Laffy Taffy? I doooo. Are your biceps at all noticeable? Ha, no. Have you ever seen a walrus? Maybe when I went to SeaWorld as a kid? Did you ever have one of those easy bake ovens as a kid? Yup. If given the opportunity, would you ride on a camel? Sure. What flavor cake do you like for your birthday? Red velvet. Have you ever had a job you loved? Nope. Have you ever been in a building that was on fire? Yikes, no. Have you ever written a poem for someone? Two people. Have you been best friends with someone of a different race? Yes. Who is the person you are closest to that you’ve met online? Sara. What was the name of the first porcelain doll you got? I was very afraid of dolls as a kid, so I obviously didn't have one. Do you sell any products? If so, what? I mean, I'm a wannabe photographer that sells my service. Owls or peacocks? Owls. Lions or horses? Lions. Can you still fit into kid’s clothes? Hell no. What devotional do you read, if any? None. What do you make wishes on? I only ever do for the tradition of it on my birthday. I don't believe in the magic of wishes, though. Have you ever made a recipe you found in a magazine? No. Are you bitter about anything? Probably always will be. Have you ever been in a love triangle? No. How bad are your hangovers? Never had one. Have you ever broken a bone? If so, what was the cause of it? Yes. It was identified as a fracture, but a break and a fracture are technically like the same thing, so. At a skating rink, I fell and landed on my hand so the top of it nearly touched my arm, so my wrist got FUCKED. I will never, ever forget the severity of the pins and needles feeling and just the experience in general. It hurt so goddamn bad. Is this the best year of your life? Fuck no.

#in other words i don't feel like thinking up song lyrics for three surveys at once lmao #survey #surveys #random questions

[flightfoot]

What's your favorite Rick Riordan series between Percy Jackson, The Kane Chronicles, Heroes of Olympus, Magnus Chase and Trials of Apollo? (or like, if you can't choose, what do you like about the series you've read?)

Trials of Apollo, no contest. 

I liked Percy Jackson a lot, it was VERY well done. Percy was hilarious and relatable, but also just super awesome, his dynamic with Annabeth was fun to read, along with his dynamic with Grover, the quests had a lot of entertaining encounters, and it had some well-executed themes that tied in with the overall conflict nicely, mostly about how parents’ and adults’ negligence and even abuse can harm their kids, the overall effects of that, and just... generally trying to get the parents to shape up, as well as the effects of not respecting others in general, like with how the minor gods and by extension, their children, are treated by the Olympians. It comes up with Percy’s relationships with both Gabe and Poseidon, and most of the campers’ relationships with their godly parents, and that’s a MAJOR cause behind the entire conflict, and one of the major things that Percy tries to make better at the end of the last book.

Kane Chronicles... it’s been awhile since I read it. I don’t remember it having as prevalent a theme as Percy Jackson did, though there was definitely social commentary on racism, with how Carter was sometimes treated, and with how people had trouble comprehending that Carter and Sadie were full siblings, since while both are mixed, Carter’s pretty dark-skinned, while Sadie looks White. It was more of a background thing though, not a major plot point. I liked the characters and the plot fine, they were entertaining, and it was good overall - but it’s not a series I’ve felt a pressing need to reread either. Only real complaint I have about it is the romances centering around Sadie. Her and Anubis were kinda cute, but it would’ve been a lot cuter if she was older than 12-13, and he wasn’t a 4000-year-old god who looked, acted, and was treated as a 16-year-old. And then the whole thing with making it a love triangle with Walt who’s ALSO 16 and Rick’s method of “solving” the love triangle... look honestly I just would’ve been a lot more ok with the romantic shenanigans there if Sadie wasn’t a middle-schooler throughout it. Overall still good though, I’d be down for an adaptation of it, but it’s one of the few cases where I hope something IS flat-out changed to make the romances more palatable.

Heroes of Olympus is where I originally fell off of the Riordanverse. There was just so long between books and I could barely remember what happened between them, and with most of the books being like parts of the same quest (especially books 3, 4, and 5), unless you were constantly refreshing your memory of them via fandom, they were hard to follow, especially with several main characters and different character dynamics to keep track of. When I went back and read the whole set of them though, getting back into the series, it was WAY better, since I could read them as a coherent whole. I could tell he was struggling to juggle all the characters, but I thought he did a fairly decent job of it for what it was. I ended up liking all the characters - ESPECIALLY Leo, I thought he was great and relatable and funny, but I also wanted to hug him - and while the quest could drag on a bit at times, there were some interesting parts there. And Percy and Annabeth’s journey through Tartarus was GREAT. 

The themes for Heroes Of Olympus overall were pretty much the same as with Percy Jackson, but with less emphasis I think. It was mostly just “the gods (mostly Zeus, really) are being crappy again, but this time we have enough support among ourselves to manage, except for when a god is technically required to defeat a Giant”. A lot more emphasis was placed on individual character arcs and circumstances, which I think was a good choice, since with so many main characters, they needed more concentrated character development in order to put them up to par with Percy and Annabeth. Plus it allowed Rick to still go into some different themes a bit, like racism with Hazel, trauma with Leo, insecurity with Frank, etc, in a way that felt natural and relevant. It helped that they were broken up into different books for their introductions, so not everything was dumped in at once.

The ending of Heroes of Olmypus... yeah the final battle with the GIants was lame as all hell, and honestly the quest ended up feeling a bit like busywork, but screw it, I did LOVE one part of the ending. The imagery of big, bad Gaia, who even Zeus is so scared of he just wants to hide away with his head in the ground, physically manifesting and being about to take everyone out, everyone losing hope... and then screaming as Festus appears and snatches her up into the sky as Leo gives a shit-eating grin and hurls fireballs at her while insulting her the whole time is just GREAT. I always giggle, and I honestly found it a lot more memorable than the Kronos fight, even if it was technically less epic. It seemed fitting for her to be taken out in such an embarrassing way, by the boy she’d personally taken the most from.

Magnus Chase... yeah that’s the only one I didn’t finish. Quick note: its been over a year since I tried it, so I’m operating off of memory here. I wanted to like it, and after reading through Heroes of Olympus (which i originally stopped reading after Mark of Athena) and Trials of Apollo, I was all hyped up for more Riordanverse... and was disappointed. The basic elements were there, and the writing itself wasn’t bad, but... well, I never really got attached to most of the characters this time, I didn’t find the quest very interesting, and... well, you see how I mentioned about the themes in the earlier reviews? I thought Rick bit off more than he could chew with Magnus Chase, at least with the first book. (I slogged through the first book, got a hundred pages into the second book to see whether Alex, who I’d heard a lot of hype about, could save it, thought Alex was only ok but not someone who saved the book, and called it quits). 

So in Magnus Chase, Rick went DEEP into the social commentary on a lot of disparate subjects, trying to really tackle homelessness, child abuse (because no duh, that’s pretty much a staple, I think the only of his series that DOESN’T have major themes around that is Kane Chronicles), Islamophobia, ableism, and... I’m having trouble thinking of the exact term for it, but Blitzen was heavily looked down upon and derided for wanting to make fashionable armor and just being into fashion in general, so... I think it’s supposed to commentary on making fun of people for having interests that are generally seen as feminine? I guess? I dunno, it was definitely social commentary on SOMETHING, but I think the dwarves having their own particular culture here hurt whatever Rick was trying to say, since social commentary is very much tied to the culture it’s in, and we only have a small taste of dwarven culture, at least in the first book. 

In any case, all these things are fine to do social commentary on, but when you’re trying to go in-depth and really address them, it helps if they’re more tied in with the overall conflict in the book, and if each issue has room to breathe. As it was, it kinda felt to me like the characters were being paraded from location to location to confront some different social issue. I just thought it was too much, too crammed into one book, and the overall conflict had pretty much nothing to do with that. Like, at the end of the book Rick tried to tie it together with some sort of “we’re a band of misfits” message, and... well, a message based on NOT fitting in with society, isn’t one that’s very satisfying or cohesive. And the individual issues, while there’s certainly cross-sectionality between, aren’t intrinsically linked, so... they just don’t mesh together very well. Not so many, all mashed into one book. Plus I just didn’t care for any of the gods, and the only characters I liked were Magnus and Sam. Blitz and Hearthstone... they were just sort of “there” for me.

I can see why people like Magnus Chase, and it’s not BAD by any means, but it just wasn’t for me. Maybe I’ll take another crack at it at some point, but I’m not super optimistic about it. As it was, I just ended up looking up the parts where Magnus met with Annabeth and read those.

Trials of Apollo though, I ADORE. Apollo was hilarious (along with the books in general), it had a pretty focused message about child abuse and abuse in general, along with how a privileged position can blind you from the travesties that are going on around you, or that you yourself cause, and I just thought the themes worked very well. Rick went more in-depth this time on the exact consequences of child abuse and the ways that a parent could abuse and manipulate their child, something that wasn’t covered as much in his earlier series, as those were more based around neglect. I’m a sucker for a good redemption arc, and I was really impressed with how it was kinda slipped in with Apollo. Like, he didn’t even know he NEEDED one, and the good guys weren’t especially pressing him on that point, it’s a realization he slowly came to over the course of several books. And you can clearly tell that he’s conceited and has issues, but isn’t actually malicious... and slowly the reader comes to the realization that he has hidden depths, that not even HE knew he had. It’s really interesting how he did some pretty bad things (or DIDN’T do, a lot of it has to do with inaction and just being uncaring), but he never comes off as being like, evil. He comes off as being an arrogant, narcissistic person at first, but then slowly finding out that beneath that is a lot of pain and trauma, and part of that persona he’s built up has been to deal with this. Watching him slowly change and grow and discover himself during the series, in a way he never had before... it’s just amazing to read. Also puts a nice cap on the Greco-Roman saga, in that the past two series had a heavy emphasis on how the gods didn’t care enough and had to have their hands forced a lot, and Apollo sort of acting as a stand-in for those other gods, showing that yes, they CAN change for the better - something that most of the gods, and even other immortals, didn’t think was possible, even as they did it.

Well that was super long. But yeah, I have strong feelings on the Riordanverse, and Trials of Apollo is far and away my favorite.

#ask #long post #percy jackson #heroes of olympus #kane chronicles #trials of apollo

[milofuckedup]

Questionnaire; task 2

read more about my boy under the cut

Basic Character Questions

First name?  Milo

Last names? Blevins

Middle names? Dean

Nicknames? Mi, Mimi, Spacey

Date of birth? September 9th 1996

Age? 23

Physical / Appearance

Height? 6″0

Build? Athletic, lanky

Hair colour? Honey Brunette

Hair style? Mess of locks across his head

Eye colour? Blue

Glasses or contact lenses? Neither

Scars or birthmarks? cigarette burns across his arms, a scar above his right eye

Tattoos? none

Physical or mental handicaps? none

Type of clothes? thrift store chic. He lives in light washed jeans and old button down shirts

Race / Ethnicity? caucasian 

Mannerisms? fidgety, stuttery, always rubbing his lips 

Personality

What words or phrases do they overuse? “im sorry” “lets play a game” “can we go home?”

Do they have a catchphrase? No

Are they more optimistic or pessimistic? pessimistic

Are they introverted or extroverted? VERY introverted

Do they ever put on airs? no

What bad habits do they have? smoking, drinking, running away 

What makes them laugh out loud? just about everything

How do they display affection? gently nuzzling his head into you, resting his head on your shoulder, holding your hand. He likes to be touched softly

How do they want to be seen by others? like a nice person, someone who loves deeply and genuinely 

How do they see themselves? as actual human garbage 

Strongest character trait? sensitivity 

Weakest character trait? sensitivity 

How competitive are they? not at all

Do they make snap judgements or take time to consider? he over things EVERYTHING

How do they react to praise? awkwardly

How do they react to criticism? crying

What is their greatest fear? spiders

What are their biggest secrets? he is sure that everyone in his life hates him, they all want him gone, so he works with everything that he has to try and get people to stay

When was the last time they cried? right now, he is probably crying this moment. 

What haunts them? his father

What will they stand up for? his friends, his loved ones, never himself

Are they indoorsy or outdoorsy? indoorsy

What is their sinful little habit? chainsmoker 

What quality do they most value in a friend? honesty, loyalty, wont leave him

What do they consider an overrated virtue? Dignity 

If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be? his inability to speak about what he wants, what he likes, what he needs from someone

What is their obsession? reading

What are their pet peeves? people biting their nails. 

Friends and Family

Is their family big or small? Who does it consist of? hes all alone. 

What is their perception of family? that it isnt who you are born with it is who you chose. 

Do they have siblings? Older or younger? none

Describe their best friend. Luna Olsson she is selfless, and thoughtful and has picked Milo up more times than he can count, she is the on person on this planet he trusts enough to live with, he loves her more than he thought he could, he has let her in more than anyone else. 

Ideal best friend? See Above

Describe their other friends. Hudson the person he always turns to when life gets too tough. Tanner  the man that he can always have fun with, turn his brain off with and just let himself breathe with. Rion someone who has always been perfect and loving and gentle with him. 

Do they have any pets? no 

Past and Future

What was your character like as a baby? As a child? he was a quiet baby, and a well behaved child, he did everything that he could to get his mother to stop abandoning him  

Did they grow up rich or poor? DIRT poor

Did they grow up nurtured or neglected? neglected 

What is their greatest achievement? staying alive

What was their first kiss like? awkward, fumbly, he threw up afterwards because his stomach was in knots

What is the worst thing they did to someone they loved? make them feel like they were second best

What are their ambitions? maybe get his GED one day

What advice would they give their younger self? its all shit, dont even bother trying

What smells remind them of their childhood? burning tires, old gas stations, and piss under bridges

What was their childhood ambition? to stay alive

What is their best childhood memory? his 10th birthday his best friend came over with a cupcake and remembered the day while his mom was drugged up on the couch

What is their worst childhood memory? take your fuckin pick. 

Did they have an imaginary childhood friend? no

When was the last time they were crushed with disappointment? every day 

What past act are they most ashamed of? any time he has ever been intimate with someone 

What past act are they most proud of? any time he has been intimate with someone 

Love

Do they believe in love at first sight? no 

Are they in a relationship? no 

How do they behave in a relationship? like a lovesick puppy, very clingy, very needy, asks if they still love him every twenty five seconds 

When did you character last have sex? two years ago

Has your character ever been in love? yes

Have they ever had their heart broken? yes

Conflict

How do they respond to a threat? tears

Are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue? his tongue 

If your character could only save one thing from their burning house, what would it be? the teddy bear his grandma gave him

What do they love to hate? reality television 

What are their phobias? spiders, the dark, being alone

What living person do they most despise? no one 

Have they ever been bullied or teased? his whole life 

Where do they go when they’re angry? on a long drive to the next town over 

Who are their enemies and why? he doesnt like to have any 

Work, Education and Hobbies

What is their current job? gas station clerk 

What do they think about their current job? he hates it

What are some of their past jobs? gas station clerk, thief, drug dealer

What are their hobbies? reading, writing, singing 

Educational background? didnt get ANY formal education

Do they have a natural talent for something? singing 

Do they play a sport? Are they any good? god no 

What is their socioeconomic status? lower lower lower class 

Favourites

What is their favourite animal? cats 

What place would they most like to visit? england 

What is the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen? the beach at night 

What is their favourite song? halloween - hunny 

Music, art, reading preferred? music: indie. Art: abstract. Reading: character studies 

What is their favourite color? green

Favourite food: chicken tenders and fries

What is their favourite day of the week? friday night

Possessions

What is in their fridge: ketchup, sauces, lemons

What is on their bedside table? books, a glass of water 

What is in their car? absolutely nothing

What is in their purse or wallet? his id, and his library card

What is in their pockets? a packet of gum, his phone, his empty wallet, his keys, two rings that he takes on and off 

What is their most treasured possession? his book collection

Spirituality

Who or what is your character’s guardian angel? doesnt have one

Do they believe in the afterlife? no

What are their religious views? none

What do they think heaven is? a full fridge and your best friends 

What do they think hell is? other people

Are they superstitious? no 

What would they like to be reincarnated as? a house cat

How would they like to die? car accident or sleep 

What is your character’s spirit animal? field mouse

What is their zodiac sign? virgo

Values

What do they think is the worst thing that can be done to a person? abandonment 

When did they last lie? he doesnt really lie, he mainly omits truths

what is their view of lying? he hates it, thinks its despicable 

When did they last make a promise? last week 

Did they keep or break their last promise? he broke it

Daily life

What are their eating habits? whenever he can, he will eat whatever is in front of him. 

Do they have any allergies? pollen 

Describe their home. small, dingey, covered in books, a bed on the floor, empty fridge 

Are they minimalist or a clutter hoarder? clutter hoarder 

What do they do first thing on a weekday morning? sleep, he just finished the night shift

What do they do on a Sunday afternoon? go for a walk and take a picnic

What do they do on a Friday night? stay in and read

What is the soft drink of choice? sprite

What is their alcoholic drink of choice? whiskey neat

Miscellaneous

Who is their hero? he doesnt have any

What or who would your character dress up as for Halloween? dracula

If they could save one person, who would it be?

If they could call one person for help, who would it be?

What is their greatest extravagance? he owns an iphone 5 

What is their greatest regret? hurting angel @angclhqs​

What would they do if they won the lottery? buy a house, donate the rest

Do they believe in happy endings? no 

What is their idea of perfect happiness? a good book, electricity on, and a cup of tea 

What would they ask a fortune teller? how long until I am content

If your character could travel through time, where would they go? 2200 

If they could have a superpower, what would they choose? invisibility 

#crawford:task2 #crawfordtask2

[minyoongimakesmefeelthings]

PPOYH Request: You helping Jimin during his first heat

This one-shot takes place in the 'Paw Prints On Your Heart' universe, based on a hybrid fanfiction I made. To understand this request, you can read Paw Prints On Your Heart here!

Jimin was annoying. Well, annoying is an understatement. Jimin was downright a brat. Why? You had no idea, but his behaviour was driving you crazy.

"JIMIN!" You yell, pushing Jimin away from you. "I'm trying to watch a movie and I can't follow it if your keep licking my neck!" You say annoyed, turning back to the T.V.

Jimin let out a groan. "Urhg, it's always you and your stupid T.V." He says, crossing his arms.

Your head snaps in Jimin's direction. "Excuse me? I've been working all week, early morning to late night, I'm sorry I couldn't give you any attention. But can I just watch a movie and relax?"

Jimin smirks, leaning over to you, placing his head in your lap. "I can help you relax." He says in a deep voice before he takes a deep breath. "I can smell how wet you are for me, Y/N.."

You again push Jimin away. "You must be getting a cold, because I just want to watch a movie." You say, not even looking at Jimin.

"Y/NNNNNN.." Jimin whines, again leaning over to you, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. "Come on.. You're driving me crazy.." You hear Jimin say as you feel his hand sneaks underneath your pyjama shirt.

"JIMIN." You slap away Jimin's hand and stand up from the couch." "BAD BOY." You say with a raised voice, giving Jimin a little tap on his head.

Jimin growls, flashing his canines, something he had never done before. Infact, Jimin's behaviour is something completely new for you.

Your eyes widen. "Excuse me?" You say in disbelief. "You know what? You can sleep on the couch tonight. You've been acting like a little kid who won't take 'no' for an anwser. I'm your girlfriend, not your mom!" You say. "You calm down and get your hormones in check." You say before you turn around to the bedroom. "Goodnight." You say harshly as you slam the bedroom door shut.

You walk over to the bed and sit on it with a sigh. Your brows furrowed and your arms crossed. Stupid Jimin, you think. Having a hybrid is harder than you thought. Jimin lived with you for 3 months now and everyday you learn something new, but this.. This was really new.

You grab your phone and decide to call Jin. He has Taehyung for almost 7 years now, maybe he knows what to do.

Your call get's picked up immediately by Jin. "Y/N? Hi, can I help you?" He ask.

You sigh. "Hi Jin, I kinda have some problem with Jimin.." You admit.

"Relationship problems?"

"Hybrid problems."

"With that I can help." Jin laughs. "Tell me, what's wrong?"

You giggle at Jin's small joke. "Well, Jimin has been acting up alot the past days. He's more cuddely than usual, very touchy and normally I don't mind, but he's also a real brat. Not listening anymore.. Oh!" You remember. "He even growled at me, showing me his canines!"

You hear Jin think on the other end of the phone. "Looks like he wants to dominate you, by showing his teeth."

"But what does that have to do with being all touchy all the time? He's hormones are out of control!"

"It all ties together, Y/N." Jin starts. "I think Jimin is having his heat."

Your eyes widen in shock. "H-His heat? Hybrids can get in heat like real animals?!" You question. You hear Jin hum. "Even Taehyung?"

Jin chuckles. "Even Taehyung." He sighs. "I got used to it now if it happens. For a few days his child-like personality dissapears and he tries to dominate me in my own household."

"W-What can you do about it?" You ask.

"Well, basically, they need to mate with someone. Have their release. In the animal world the females are also in heat at the same time." Jin pauses. "Female dogs for example walk around with their tails up high, showing their asses, letting males know they're ready to mate and..- I'm getting of track, this is about hybrids.."

You giggle. "Thanks for the lesson, professor Jin.."

"Hey, I'm just trying to help!"

You laugh. "Sorry, sorry!" Your smile fades. "But.. What do I do now? I know you can't spray hybrids.."

"True," Jin replies.

"W-What do you do when Tae is in heat?" You ask quietly.

It stay quiet on Jin's end.

"Never mind." You quickly say.

"N-No Y/N! It's not like..- Usually, if a dog or hybrid are in heat and can't mate with.. Well, their mate, they resort to masturbation."

You bite you lip. Shit, but YOU are his mate and it explains why he has been so grumpy. You've been so busy this week, working overtime since one of your co-workers is sick, you barely had time for Jimin, let alone to have sex.

"I-I gotta go, Jin! Thank you!" You quickly say as you hung up the phone, not even giving Jin the chance to say anything.

You hop off the bed and wiggle out of your panties. Making you now only wear a T-shirt, that barely covers you ass. You're gonna be his perfect mate. You bite your lip and walk the door, opening it slowly.

The door opening catches Jimin's attention as he looks up at you, clearly unamused. You walk towards the dinnertable and bent over it, showing yourself off, pretending to read the magazine that was laying there.

You hear Jimim growl behind you, a low and needy growl. You look behind you, over your shoulder and see Jimin staring you down, palming himself through his jeans.

You look away from the lewd sight and feel yourself heating up. You bite your lip and wiggle your ass a little, trying to invite Jimin over.

"Fucking hell." You hear him cuss. You hear the couch creak a little, indicating that Jimin is moving towards you. You want to look behind you, but before you can, you feel your ass being slapped so hard, it starts to sting, sure to leave a mark.

You feel Jimin press his buldge against your bare ass as he leans forward, only a few inches from your ear. "I could smell your arousal from the bedroom," He whispers as he grabs you by your hips, his nails digging into your flesh. "Fuck." He breaths taking your earlobe between his teeth.

Your legs start to shake already, your knees feeling weak. You never heard Jimin curse. Jimin is always really timid and submissive to you, always giving you the lead, but now you know his heat is taking him over and you have no control.

Jimin's hand slides from you hip, over your ass, down to your core. With one finger he graces between you folds. He chuckles as he stands up and licks his own finger clean. "You're so wet for me, so ready for me. Like a bitch in heat."

You breath hitches hearing Jimin talk to you like that.

"Y/N.." You hear from behind you, it was softly, barely audible.

You look over your shoulder and see Jimin standing there, biting his lip, his eyes piercing into yours. He looks worried about something. You stand up and turn around towards Jimin, giving him a confused look.

"I-I.. I need you so badly, for days now. But, I know I can't stop if I start.. I won't control myself. I don't wanna hurt you.." He says, looking down at his hands on your hips. "But.." You look at Jimin and can feel yourself starting to drip at the idea to have Jimin be a little rough with you.

You cup Jimin's face with your hands and lean forward. "Jimin," You start. "Mate with me." You whisper.

Immediately after the words left your mouth, Jimin spins you around, putting his hand on your shoulder and forcefully bending you down on the table.

The action makes you stomach turn in excitement. You bite your lip down hard when you hear Jimin unzip himself. You take a deep breath.

Jimin runs his leaking member up and down your slit, wetting his tip. He smoots his hands along your sides, firmly grabbing the skin there. You arche your back, your body humming in wait. Jimin places a kiss between your shoulder blades and hugs you around your middle.

"Good girl," he whispered into your skin.

Before you can respond, Jimin draws himself up to his full height and plunged into your tight core. You gasped; he stilled. Jimin groans as your tight walls clamping down on his cock.

And without any warning, he begins to thrust madly. His hips slap against your ass, colouring them red. Stretching you open after a week of neglect. Sliding along your walls, reaching your spot over and over again, never missing one hit, making you throw your head back. You cry out as he ravages you with abandon.

"Fuck," Jimin breath, his nails scretching over your skin. "Y-You feel so good." He says leaning forward. You feel his breath against your shoulder, making you whimper. "Taking me so well, the perfect mate." He continues before he sinks his canines in the skin of your shoulder.

You gasp as you feel Jimin add more pressure in his bite, his teeth almost piercing your skin. However, this only adds to your arousal as you let out another moan. His thrust become quicker, harder. He pulls back and licks the mark he just left on you.

The action makes you clench down on him. Making him hiss. "Fuck, that's it baby. Clench down on me so you won't spill any of my cum." He groans against your ear.

"A-Ah, J-Jimin.." You moan as Jimin's hot breath hits your neck.

Jimin feels his impending release building up and reaches around your waist to your clit.

"Ah!" You cried as his fingers swirled against you. Your legs shake and buckles with his manipulations, Jimins rides you wildly, his deep animalistic nature surfacing and governing his actions. Your muscles clenches around him, tighter in this position, and he hisses as your cunt rubs his cock up and down.

Jimin thrusts become uneven as he rubs your clit even faster. "Cum for me, be a good girl now," He breaths, his head leaning against your shoulder, trying his best not to cum before you as he gives your ass another slap.

You bite your lip trying to silence your own moan as you feel a fimiliar knot build up in your lower stomach, you're close and Jimin notices too. He thrusts become slower, but harder, making your whole body move.

Just a few more thrusts and you feel your high crashing over you, making you moan Jimin's name like a prayer. Your legs shaking and knees almost giving out.

"Fuck Y/N, Y-You're so tight, I can barely move.." He groans, standing straight up again. Jimin's hold on your waist become thighter as he keeps you steady. Hearing you moan his name and clench around him so fuckin' tightly was his cue to let go.

His hand quickly grabs your shoulder, Pulling your back against his chest. You let your head fall back on his shoulder.

"Ah Y-Y/N.." Jimin breath in your ear, his arm sneaking around your neck. Pulling you even closer to him. "Fuck, fuck, fuck..-"

And with a few more hard and deep thrusts, he cums, holding you still, trying to cum in you as deep as possible. Hiding his face in your hair as a string of curse words leave his mouth.

You moan again too, finally coming down from you high as your body starts to become oversensitive and tremble.

You hear Jimin trying to catch his breath. His breathing is slow, but hard. He let's go of you and your knees give in. Making you fall back on the table. You hiss when you feel Jimin pull out after a few minutes, making you feel his cum dripping down your leg.

"I thought I told you.." You hear. You look over your shoulder, seeing Jimin looking at your pussy. "To not spill anything." He says in a deep voice. His finger trailing along your inner tighs, collecting all the cum that is dripping, making you shiver.

"J-Jimin.." You manage to say. "P-Please, I can't anymore.." You whisper, squirming under him, your legs unable to carry you anymore.

"Hey, Y/N?" He asks, his hands moving to your hips, helping you stand up and turn facing him. "You are o-okay, right?"

You smile. "I'm fine," You look at him, the hunger and dominance in his eyes being gone. "I'm more than fine." You say as you wrap your arms around Jimin's waist, resting you head on his chest.

Jimin sneaks his arms around your waist too. "You sure? I didn't hurt you?" He feels you shake your head. "I'm sorry if I did.. I.. I really couldn't control myself anymore, this has never happened before.." He says against your hair.

You look up. "Y-You've never been in heat before?" You ask.

Jimin shakes his head. "I have. But I kinda pushed it aside, since I never liked having sex," He looks down. "But now I have you.." He looks back up again. "A mate.. I'm just really sorry for my behaviour.. I didn't know how to tell..-"

You smile brightly. "Jimin, being in heat is perfectly normal!"

"Is it?" Jimin questions. "You're a human. I can't get you pregnant anyway.. I..-"

"It is, Jimin." You say, poking his chest with your finger. "You should tell me when you're in heat, so I can help!" You demend.

"Y/N.. A heat can last for 15 plus days.."

You smile brightly at Jimin. "So be it. I'll help you everytime. That's what a mate is for!"

You hear Jimin sigh in relieve. "Okay, I will tell you from now on.." His tail slowly wagging behind him as his ears are flat on his head, making him look like a submissive puppy again.

You smile to yourself at the drastic change in Jimin's personality. He went from an alpha to an omega in a split second. "Good boy." You coo.

Jimin presses a kiss to your forehead. "Good girl." He whispers.

#bts #bts reactions #bts scenarios #bts jimin #y/n #fanfiction #angst #bangtan #fanfic #fluff #human!reader #hybrid #hybrid!au #park jimin #paw prints on your heart #bts imagines #dog!jimin #hybrid!bts #hybrid!jimin #imagine #kpop #reader x jimin #bangtan sonyeondan #reader

[bigskydreaming]

#when i read about tim i often kind of come to the idea that he's relatively self centered#and that can be both a flaw and a strength#but he doesn't often consider other people's feelings and circumstances#like when dick made damian robin he didn't really consider the situation from anyone else's view#or in his origin story#he doesn't seem to consider how dick would feel about hearing how tim was affected by dick's parents' death#or with the spyral situation#or in regards to him earning robin#and its pretty consistent in fandom characterization even if a lot of writers don't seem to be aware of it#its interesting cause i think its something i think he has in common with bruce#its honestly a surprisingly consistent thing from what i see#and it can be a strength to#it can absolutely lead to some confidence and self actualization#as well as being able commit to fixing something and working hard at it#because you believe you can and don't think anyone else can/will do it via @emenerd

Y’know, what’s interesting to me about these points is the fact that like.....Tim having tendencies towards self-centeredness is actually something that COMPLETELY makes sense and can be quite sympathetic in light of his backstory of having neglectful parents.

In an age of armchair diagnosticians eager to label anyone who expresses a controversial viewpoint while centering themselves as an example, as like, having a narcissistic personality disorder (and with the loaded implication that this makes them a bad person even if its true, instead of just....having a disorder, yay weaponizable ableism) like, it can be important to add in distinctions that even tendencies that share overlap with a lot of things born of entitlement, etc....aren’t always necessarily proof of that.

For instance, in Tim’s case, an overemphasis on himself and his own position in situations and arguments can very reasonably be attributed as a coping mechanism he developed in an attempt to acknowledge and address self-esteem issues he sees himself as having, DUE to parental neglect.

Its not that he thinks he’s the most important person in the room, necessarily, its that he spent so many years not even being considered a person in the room, that now he OVERCOMPENSATES on his own behalf, in an attempt to remind himself that no, his opinion and feelings and situations do matter.....and because he like most of the Bat-characters has a tendency towards hyper-fixating on a problem they’re trying to address, this can also understandably create a kind of tunnel vision. Where he’s so busy focusing on what he’s diagnosed as an actual issue he has that he’s trying to address or make up for, in order to build up his self-esteem....that he neglects to keep everyone around him equally centered in his interactions with them, and remember that like, they have their own issues and ignoring that to focus entirely on his own runs the risk of negatively impacting them in the exact same way he’s still learning to cope with having been negatively impacted in his development as a child.

None of this makes him a bad person, or is stuff that can’t be addressed and developed just by paying the appropriate attention to it and his interactions.

SO the issue I tend to more often have....

Is with how often in fandom and fanon we hear references to Tim’s neglect and emotional abuse and how this impacted him.....much in the same way we see Jason and Cass and Damian and Dick’s various forms of abuse and the developmental impact it had on them....

BUT there tends to then be a disconnect, IMO, because that acknowledgment of the WHAT of Tim’s neglect and abuse and the HOW it hurt him.....isn’t often followed up by an examination/awareness of how it also SHAPED him.....at least, not compared to how discussions/fics about say, Jason’s abuse tend to point out the latter as much as the former.

And this is a big part of my gripe with the ways abuse is centered and tackled as a topic in fics and fandom discussions, because its so often capitalized upon as a defense or shield for a character from criticism, stuff like that.....without ever actually EXPLORING the topic itself, or the FULLNESS of the impact it can have.

But only in regards to some characters.

What I mean is like....we see a lot of focus on Jason’s childhood abuse, yeah? And this often is then connected through headcanons, meta and fics to various aspects of Jason’s characterization as a teenager, and as an adult as well.....with a tendency towards anger or violence, abrasive personality, etc. Don’t get me wrong, its usually presented as such in a SYMPATHETIC light, especially when raised by fans of Jason themselves.....but his abuse is very much present and centered in fics and discussions as something that not only impacted him and made him suffer, but something that actually shaped him to varying degrees as well....with a lot of focus then in fics of him as an adult, like, paid to him going to therapy and unpacking his childhood abuse in an effort to WORK on these aspects of himself that make his present day life harder or less healthy than he’d like it to be. The issue of how his abuse lent itself to various behaviorisms is raised in order to address various byproducts of his abuse as FLAWS that he seeks to eliminate, in order to make himself happier and make himself someone that people want to be around more.

And again, don’t get me wrong - for the most part, this is a GOOD thing. The caveat here is just a personal dislike I have for how often these narratives smack of a kind of saviorism, and act like it was only through the grace of Bruce and becoming part of the Batfam that Jason’s ever afforded the opportunity to better himself as a person. I dislike the hell out of this because it not only pairs all too well with a lot of classist shit, it feeds into the singular narrative we’re so often presented with by media about abused kids: the myth of the victim being destined to become a victimizer, it all being an inevitable cycle. The reason this myth is so easily perpetuated is the exact reason I’m so critical of the saviorism in a lot of abused-Jason fics.....people can very easily fall into the trap of assuming that abused kids are likely to grow up to be abusers because they never have anyone to TEACH them that abuse is wrong, or to lead by healthy example. 

The harm of this perception is that it kinda throws under the bus every kid who never lucks out and gets a Bruce Wayne style savior swooping in to not only save them from their abusive environs, but TEACH them that they deserved better and that abuse is wrong. 

Because its like, uh, the thing is, plenty of abused kids who never get a personal mentor or savior figure are fully capable of figuring out for themselves that they deserve better and that people hurting them is wrong, because it makes them feel bad and they don’t like that? 

Many abused kids don’t grow up in a media vacuum where they simply have no access to glimpses of lives different from their own.....we see kids having happier, healthier family lives on TV or in books and are able to figure out that society overall thinks that’s what family is SUPPOSED to look like, and its ours that is the aberration? 

The very fact that we’re taught or have it instilled in us by abusive parents that like, we’re not to bring up instances or examples of our abuse to teachers or friends, that its a SECRET, is like, usually a dead giveaway that there’s something WRONG with it that we’re being instructed - and enforced with abusive consequences - to keep from alerting others to....like, this is basically a blaring siren to a lot of us that no, what’s happening to us ISN’T normal and acceptable, and that’s literally WHY the parent we’re afraid of is so insistent on us keeping the facts of it hidden? 

And so like, tons of abused kids figure out for ourselves the difference between right or wrong, based off nothing more than our own feelings about things and a desire to not be like the people who make us feel miserable - like, never underestimate the power of spite to like, keep a kid from growing up doing the same thing to others that was done to them, lol. 

But point being, lots of kids never get a Bruce Wayne figure to take them away from their abuse and also teach them that they never deserved it and how not to pass the hurt forward by doing the same things to others. And its kinda condescending as fuck that we so often see narratives that take it as so obvious it barely merits commenting on, that like, ‘of COURSE abused kids grow up to become abusers if they don’t have someone else step in and show them a better way’....mmm, no. Fuck that. But you get what I mean.

So like, its a mixed bag. Its a good thing, to see Jason-centric stories that show him addressing his childhood and seeking just a more fuller, happier, healthier life for himself. Its a less great thing to see this narrative presented as all encompassing, with it never being raised that no, Jason actually could figure out he deserved better and how to treat people in ways he’d want to be treated even without a billionaire guardian angel.....NOT because the narrative wherein someone helps an abused kid figure out what was wrong about how they were treated is like, NEVER valid....but rather it just becomes a problem when looked at as a data point against the larger tapestry of fandom-wide works....and noticing that this specific narrative is pretty much the ONLY one raised or treated as valid. With it just being ASSUMED to be the natural course of events and characters, rather than just....the direction society overall has their perceptions of abuse steered towards due to a singular and constantly reinforced abuse narrative shown to us in media.

And the way this all plays back into my point about Tim and what took me down this road in general.....

Is that disconnect I was talking about, lies specifically in HOW Tim is often acknowledged and regarded as an abuse survivor due to his emotional abuse and neglect......with this abuse and its impact on HIM often taking center stage, much the way Jason’s abuse and its impact takes center stage in his narratives.....

BUT with a key difference being that while a lot of Jason’s narratives go on to denote the specific ways his abuse helped SHAPE him and his interactions with others, and raise and address the ways in which he can better himself and his relationships by unpacking all of this openly....

Most of the stories about Tim’s abuse/neglect tend to just STOP at the awareness of its existence and impact on him. Never taking it that one step further to examine how those specific forms of abuse could have additionally SHAPED him....in ways that sometimes negatively impact those around him and his own loved ones, even if this is completely unintentional on his part. The difference, the disconnect, lies solely in how rarely its ever acknowledged that Tim’s own upbringing can and does play directly into how he interacts with people later on in life.....and in ways that he’s fully capable of addressing and bettering himself so as to be happier and healthier just in his own life, and in his relationships, as someone others want to be around.

Aaaaand once you actually examine or consider WHY there’s this discrepancy between the full ramifications of Tim’s abuse and that which various siblings of his underwent, when there’s full agreement that what he did go through absolutely can be termed abusive as well....like, its the implications of what about Tim makes him more naturally resistant or whatever to being shaped by his abuse in ways that have actual negative impact on others in his life, whereas the same isn’t true of say, Jason.....that’s when the red flags start to go up for me, and the unintended subtext starts to get Less Than Stellar, IMO.

Anyway. Just food for thought on the subject of Tim, his upbringing, the various impacts this had on not JUST him but also on how he interacts with others, and ways in which all of this compares and contrasts with how the subject of abuse is raised and depicted in regards to other Batkids.

[james-ruby]

“Powerful you have become, the dark side I sense in you.” – Yoda

BASIC QUESTIONS

First name? Ruby.

Surname? James.

Middle names? Someething with an M. 

Nicknames? Rube. Rubes. Red. 

Date of birth? October 26th. 

Age? Sixteen. 

PHYSICAL / APPEARANCE

Height? 5′6. 

Weight? 130ish. 

Build? Long limbs. 

Hair colour? Blonde. 

Hair style? Naturally curly, like her dad’s. Usually pulled back. 

Eye colour? Greenish blue. 

Eye Shape? Almondy. 

Glasses or contact lenses? Reading glasses.

Distinguishing facial features? Good jawline? 

Which facial feature is most prominent? She thinks her chin is. 

Which bodily feature is most prominent? Bewbs. 

Other distinguishing features? Crooked smirk. 

Skin? Pale. 

Hands? Normal.

Make up? Sometimes. 

Scars? Just small ones. 

Birthmarks? On the back of her arm, by her elbow. 

Tattoos? None yet. 

Physical handicaps? None.

Type of clothes? Lots of t-shirts, tank tops and jeans. 

How do they wear their clothes? Normally ties up a t-shirt or tank top with a knot. Then with like sneakers and stuff. 

What are their feet like? Big. 

Race / Ethnicity? White. 

Mannerisms? Nervous stuttering. Bites her nails. 

Are they in good health? Yes.

Do they have any disabilities? No.

PERSONALITY

What words or phrases do they overuse? It’s fine. 

Do they have a catchphrase? Not really. 

Are they more optimistic or pessimistic? More optimistic, but both. 

Are they introverted or extroverted? Introverted. 

What bad habits do they have? She holds back emotions. 

What makes them laugh out loud? Sarcasm. 

How do they display affection? Often, but not excessively. 

Mental handicaps? None.

How do they want to be seen by others? Good enough. 

How do they see themselves? Inadequate. 

How are they seen by others? A nice, innocent, little girl. 

Strongest character trait? Forgiving. 

Weakest character trait? Naive. 

How competitive are they? Pretty competitive. Don’t play Monopoly with her.

Do they make snap judgement or take time to consider? Time to consider. 

How do they react to praise? She likes it, but if it’s over the top she shys away from it.

How do they react to criticism? She takes it to heart. 

What is their greatest fear? Not being able to get what she wants because she’s too afraid to stand up for herself. 

What are their biggest secrets? Not really a secret, but she doesn’t tell people when her feelings are really hurt. 

What is their philosophy of life? Do what makes you happy.

When was the last time they cried? Last night. 

What haunts them? Having awful friends. 

What are their political views? Y’know, she’s not super into politics because she’s young and that’s a lot. 

What will they stand up for? She’s working on it. 

Are they indoorsy or outdoorsy? Both. She has to be in the mood for either. 

What is their sinful little habit? She’s a good girl. 

What sense do they most rely on? Like, sight? 

How do they treat people better than them? We’re all equals. 

How do they treat people worse than them? I mean, she doesn’t agree that someone’s ‘worse’ than her. 

What quality do they most value in a friend? HONESTY. 

What do they consider an overrated virtue? Selflessness. 

If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be? She’d be more like her mom. 

What is their obsession? Scary movies. 

What are their pet peeves? People getting all up in her bubble. 

FRIENDS AND FAMILY

Is their family big or small? Who does it consist of? Kind of small. It’s her dad, her mom, her and her little brother. Most of their other relatives don’t live nearby, so it’s mostly just them. 

What is their perception of family? Family’s important and love is important. Being friends with your parents can be a good thing because you’ll feel comfortable going to them with issues. 

Do they have siblings? Older or younger? A little brother, Billy. 

Describe their best friend. WOW. 

Ideal best friend? Someone who brings out the best in her, has her best interests in mind. Someone who’s loyal and will be honest with her. 

Describe their other friends. People that she just likes being around and that she can be comfortable around. 

Describe their acquaintances. They all think she’s just a nice girl. 

Do they have any pets? She’s had dogs, but none at the moment. 

Who are their natural allies? Sunshine people or people that can handle sarcastic dry humor. 

Who are their surprising allies? The Kilroys. 

PAST AND FUTURE

What was your character like as a baby? As a child? Sunshine. 

Did they grow up rich or poor? Richer than some. 

Did they grow up nurtured or neglected? Nurtured. 

What is the most offensive thing they ever said? Probably when she used the f-word at the Kilroy’s Christmas dinner. 

What is their greatest achievement? She doesn’t think she’s had a huge achievement yet. 

What was their first kiss like? It was nice. Thanks Ian. 

What is the worst thing they did to someone they loved? Lied?

What are their ambitions? She’s not too sure. 

What advice would they give their younger self? She’s still so young. 

What smells remind them of their childhood? Norah’s perfume. 

What was their childhood ambition? To be a firefighter. 

What is their best childhood memory? All the trips to Australia to see her dad’s family. 

What is their worst childhood memory? Her favorite dog dying. 

Did they have an imaginary childhood friend? No.

When was the last time they were crushed with disappointment? When she found out Lucy was going behind her back. 

What past act are they most ashamed of? Catfishing Ian. 

What past act are they most proud of? Saying the f-word at the Kilroy’s Christmas party. 

Has anyone ever saved their life? No?

Strongest childhood memory? When Billy outgrew her when he was three and she was five.

LOVE

Do they believe in love at first sight? No.

Are they in a relationship? No.

How do they behave in a relationship? More like a best friend, probably. She’s still learning. 

When did you character last have sex? Never.

What sort of sex do they have? Who knows.

Has your character ever been in love? No.

Have they ever had their heart broken? Eh, kinda.

CONFLICT

How do they respond to a threat? Shock.

Are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue? Let’s try it! 

What is your character’s kryptonite? Her little feelings. 

If your character could only save one thing from their burning house, what would it be? She’d only really care about her family. 

How do they perceive strangers? She likes people. 

What do they love to hate? Reality tv. 

What are their phobias? Holes. 

What is their choice of weapon? Peace, man. 

What living person do they most despise? No one. 

Have they ever been bullied or teased? Yes. 

Where do they go when they’re angry? Her room or for a walk. 

Who are their enemies and why? She hopes no one. 

WORK, EDUCATION AND HOBBIES

What is their current job? Waitress at the bar before 9, because then it’s a real bar. 

What do they think about their current job? It’s alright, but she’s waiting for the day she runs it. 

What are some of their past jobs? None.

What are their hobbies? Watching movies, trying to get into modeling, photography, motorcycles. 

Educational background? She’s working on that high school degree. 

Intelligence level? She’s a smarty. 

Do they have any specialist training? No.

Do they have a natural talent for something? She’s good with tools. 

Do they play a sport? Are they any good? She likes football, but doesn’t play any. 

What is their socioeconomic status? Upperclass, kinda. New York’s still expensive. 

FAVOURITES

What is their favourite animal? Dog. 

Which animal to they dislike the most? Bugs. 

What place would they most like to visit? Sweden. 

What is the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen? Australia. 

What is their favourite song? Just anything punk rock. 

Music, art, reading preferred? Punk rock, photography, comics? 

What is their favourite colour? Red.

What is their password? Bullet2025 - rip Bullet. 

Favourite food? Pizza. 

What is their favourite work of art? She thinks that the architecture in the Netherlands is awesome looking. 

Who is their favourite artist?  Tim Burton. 

What is their favourite day of the week? Sunday.

POSSESSIONS

What is in their fridge: A lot - her dad and Billy eat a lot. 

What is on their bedside table? Lamp, candle, glasses. 

What is in their car? She doesn’t have a car. 

What is in their bin? Trash...

What is in their purse or wallet? Backpack - books, student ID, probably more trash. 

What is in their pockets? Gum. 

What is their most treasured possession? Jewelry her grandma makes. 

SPIRITUALITY

Who or what is your character’s guardian angel? She’s not sure. 

Do they believe in the afterlife? She hopes there’s something out there. 

What are their religious views? Not raised religious. 

What do they think heaven is? She doesn’t necessarily believe in heaven. 

What do they think hell is? Is there a hell? 

Are they superstitious? No.

What would they like to be reincarnated as? An elephant. 

How would they like to die? In her sleep. 

What is your character’s spirit animal? A lamb. 

What is their zodiac sign? Scorpio. 

VALUES

What do they think is the worst thing that can be done to a person? BETRAYAL. 

What is their view of ‘freedom’? Being allowed to make your own choices. 

When did they last lie? Who knows. 

What’s their view of lying? White lies are okay. 

When did they last make a promise? She promised to help Ian get his grades up. 

Did they keep or break their last promise? it’s been a day. 

DAILY LIFE

What are their eating habits? So much junk food. 

Do they have any allergies? Dust, pollen. 

Describe their home. A nice house in the suburbs of New York. 

Are they minimalist or a clutter hoarder? Minimalist. 

What do they do first thing on a weekday morning? Take a shower before school. 

What do they do on a Sunday afternoon? Watches Netflix in bed. 

What do they do on a Friday night? Possibly hang out with friends. 

What is the soft drink of choice? Sprite. 

What is their alcoholic drink of choice? Well. 

MISCELLANEOUS

What is their character archetype? The good girl. 

Who is their hero? Gunner. 

What or who would your character dress up as for Halloween? A german beer wench.

Are they comfortable with technology? Yes.

If they could save one person, who would it be? Gunner. 

If they could call one person for help, who would it be? Would’ve been Lucy. 

Where do they see themselves in ten years? Managing the bar. 

What is their greatest extravagance? What.

What is their greatest regret? Being a pushover.

What is their perception of redemption? You have to be sorry to be redeemed. 

What would they do if they won the lottery? College here she comes. 

What is their favourite fairytale? Rapunzel. 

What fairytale do they hate? Snow White. 

Do they believe in happy endings? Yes.

What is their idea of perfect happiness? Being happy. 

What would they ask a fortune teller? That’s scary. 

If your character could travel through time, where would they go? She’d probably see her future. 

What sport do they excel at? None.

What sport do they suck at? All?

If they could have a superpower, what would they choose? Reading minds. 

#c;life

[willnotgogentle-blog]

( olivia wilde, 34, she/her ) silence! can you not see her highness, isabella macnamara has arrived? it seems the princess of ireland is willing to compromise for peace, which is makes sense when everyone calls them the peaceful princess. have you tried approaching them? i heard they can be rather meddlesome + impulsive, but their staff say that they’re intelligent + charming.

—— ❝ let’s start off easy. tell me the basics. ❞

[ name ] isabella coleen fitzgerald nee macnamara

[ date of birth ] may 1st 

[ place of birth ] dublin, ireland

[ age ] 34

[ religion ] catholic

[ marital status ] single (widowed)

[ occupation / title ] dowager duchess of leinster & princess of ireland

[ gender identity ] cisfemale

[ allegiance ] ireland (coalition)

[ spoken language(s) ] english, irish gaelic, french (fluent), lithuanian (intermediate), spanish (intermediate)

[ special skill(s) ] financially savvy, excellent at horseback riding, taught to hunt with a bow and arrow by her husband.

—— ❝ what of your family ?? are they still alive ?? ❞

[ father ] bran macnamara - deceased

[ mother ] helena beauchamp-hart - deceased

[ sibling(s) ] oberon macnamara (older brother, alive), imogen macnamara (young sister, alive)

[ children ] finnian (son, 10, alive), aileen (daughter, 8, alive), brigid (daughter, deceased, stillborn), saorise (daughter, deceased, passed at 8 months from sweating sickness), lochlan (son, 2, alive)

[ significant other ] albanach harkin fitzgerald (deceased, passed from unknown illness shortly before the birth of lochlan)

—— ❝  now let’s paint a picture of you. ❞

[ height/weight ] 5′7″/125 lbs.

[ built ] slender

[ hair color ] auburn/brown

[ eye color ] green/blue

[ accent ] irish

[ voice ] alto, pleasant

[ style of speech ] articulate, clear

[ scars ] a small scar on her right forearm from accidentally cutting herself with a butcher knife

[ abnormalities ] n/a

[ clothing ] is quite materialistic and dresses extravagantly, especially when the occasion permits. she loves to wear the finest clothing and jewelry and stays up on the latest fashion trends.

—— ❝ tell us, what kind of person are you ?? ❞

[ star sign ] Taurus - strengths: Reliable, patient, practical, devoted, responsible, stable. weaknesses: Stubborn, possessive, uncompromising. likes: Gardening, cooking, music, romance, high quality clothes, working with hands. dislikes: Sudden changes, complications, insecurity of any kind, synthetic fabrics. Practical and well-grounded, Taurus is the sign that harvests the fruits of labor. They feel the need to always be surrounded by love and beauty, turned to the material world, hedonism, and physical pleasures. People born with their Sun in Taurus are sensual and tactile, considering touch and taste the most important of all senses. Stable and conservative, this is one of the most reliable signs of the zodiac, ready to endure and stick to their choices until they reach the point of personal satisfaction.

[ alignment ] chaotic good.

[ enneagram type ] 9 THE PEACEMAKER the Easygoing, Self-Effacing Type: Receptive, Reassuring, Agreeable, and Complacent

[ color personality ] you are deeppink #FF1493 Your dominant hues are red and magenta. You love doing your own thing and going on your own adventures, but there are close friends you know you just can’t leave behind. You can influence others on days when you’re patient, but most times you just want to go out, have fun, and do your own thing. Your saturation level is high - you get into life and have a strong personality. Everyone you meet will either love you or hate you - either way, your goal is to get them to change the world with you. You are very hard working and don’t have much patience for people without your initiative. Your outlook on life is very bright. You are sunny and optimistic about life and others find it very encouraging, but remember to tone it down if you sense irritation.

[ what plant(s) best represent you ] dandelion - scrappy and tough, you’re a pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps kind of person. You don’t give up easily and you often thrive in situations that others would find discouraging. You have an instinct to serve others and see yourself as most useful in times or places of crisis, but you may over rely on your toughness and forget how sensitive you really are; echinacea - a protector. With an amazing blend of optimism, nurturing and goodwill, you lend your strength and energy to those in need. Your seemingly infinite goodwill and boundless supportive energy make you the one people turn to when times are tough. Your greatest strength is, of course, also one of your weaknesses, especially if you neglect to take care of yourself. At times like these, it’s a good idea to take a step back and focus some of that protective energy on yourself; ginger - spirited. A feisty and fiery companion, quick with an opinion, a laugh or an idea. Warm, friendly and inviting, you never allow an awkward moment to pass. In fact, even cold and distant people warm up to you more quickly than others. Negative experiences or too much indulgence, however, can send you into a bit of a tailspin, and when hurt you may become quite cold and distant. Ginger people do best when their natural warmth and affection is flowing freely, giving them easy access to their love of life.

[ theme/character song ] bitch - meredith brooks; “I’m a bitch, I’m a lover, I’m a child, I’m a mother, I’m a sinner, I’m a saint, I do not feel ashamed, I’m your hell, I’m your dream, I’m nothing in between, You know you wouldn’t want it any other way”

—— ❝ do you have anything more you wish to say ?? ❞

isabella was married to the duke of leinster based on the fact her father made some financially detrimental decisions while he was in the beginning stages of his declining mental state. the duke’s vast wealth helped ireland to get out of immense debt and while she was thankful for that, she always felt it was held over her head.

her first love and betrothal was to lukas of lithuania, and she thinks often that he was the one she should have ended up with, if not an argument between their fathers separated them. still, she is happy to see that he seems well and truly wants the best for him.

her marriage was not completely loveless, but she never really let herself fully try to open up to him and never quite trusted him. they did find a common love for hunting and a lot of their bonding was spent doing this.

she is immensely loving and protective towards her children. she speaks of them often, but only brings them to new places when she feels it is safe and is comfortable with a new environment.

she may come off as conceited and domineering, but she is truly a loving and loyal soul. isabella has a strong will and is fierce, but even if she may not show it, she wants the best for everyone and in bern, she wants to make as much peace as possible.

for the first time in her life, it seems, she feels like she is more free to make her own decisions. while she thinks mainly of her children and what is best for them, she is ecstatic that she can now do things that she truly wants to.

#crowns.task #task 01 #( the peaceful princess ) #infant loss tw

[vandergelic-blog]

Vanderwood A-Z pls? =3=

LMAOOO, okay. ^^

A: What are/were this character’s best subjects in school?

None. Vanderwood is pretty smart, so school was a breeze for him. There was so much shit going on back home all the time, he didn’t really consider it. I feel like he would be into Literature though..because he likes to read, it gets his mind off a lot. ^^

B: Do they have any allergies?

Ya. To stupidity, messiness and 707, lol.

C: Can they swim well?

I mean, he’s a secret agent. If he can dodge bullets, he should know how to swim. I like to think there was a mission where he and Seven had to infiltrate a yacht, then once they got the information they needed, they rigged the whole thing with explosives and they jumped out into the ocean at the last second. Like bad asses. 

D: How they react to being flirted with?

*deep blushing* “What the hell are you saying?”

“Um…okay.”

“I don’t understand why you feel that way towards someone like me..”

“I appreciate it.”

E: How are they with children?

If it was their child, super protective, super naggy. Would read them a story every night and tuck them in. Always made sure they were fed and happy. If it wasn’t his child, like maybe Seven’s or Jumins, and he was simply ~looking after~ them, it would be the same thing. He would deny it at first, but wow they want a kid one day..

F: What’s one thing they’re really bad at?

Dancing. He is terrible at dancing. please don’t make him dance lmao, he will cry. 

but tbh i could see him giving his s/o a lapdance tho im

Okay and ice skating. Everyone seems to love the ice skating date idea. But this man cannot ice skate, LOOOL.

G: How do they flirt?

They will show you a bit more tolerance with you than he does with others. He’ll remember the little things about you that others probably wouldn’t. He’d actually comfort you, and give you small gifts that reminded him of you. Occasionally will tell you, “Being around you, makes me not want to tase someone.”

H: What is their deadly sin?

Abandoning his loved ones and dropping people who genuinely cared for him throughout life. Being neglectful of other’s feelings and pushing them away. Maybe.. killing a few people too. ;u;

I: On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do they love themselves?

I give him a solid 2. I mean, he doesn’t like himself, but hey, he knows he’s better than Seven.

J: What’s their sense of humour like?

Sarcasm, so much sarcasm.

K: How do you know when you’ve upset them?

When they give you the cold shoulder and act like you don’t exist. Vanderwood is really good at ignoring people btw. He’s stubborn too. So…you better step up and apologize, because God knows he won’t, lmao. whydoilovehim

L: What is their favourite board game?

Life. Because it’s cute and domestic. They get to make decisions they wish they could’ve.

M: What is their favourite dessert?

Hmm..I feel like he would be really into danishes, cobbler, or cheesecake. 

N: What do they usually eat for breakfast?

Coffee with oats and fruit…OR WAFFLES. I think he would really like waffles lol. Also crumpets. 

O: What would it take to break them, inside and out?

Prying into him and confronting him about his past, that is, if you knew anything about it if he told you. It makes him uncomfortable and it hurts him a lot. Or trying to force him to voice his feelings. He hasn’t even come to terms with himself on a lot, so please give him time & space. ;u;

P: How do they handle money?

They’re pretty frugal with it. He has a budget, despite how much they make. 

Q: Are they patient?

It depends on who or the situation. He has used up most of his patience with Seven, so…

R: What are their hands like?

Uhmm, they would be about the average size for male hands lol. His fingernails would be nicely cut and his hands would be super clean!! He wears gloves for a reason, lol.

S: How stealthy are they?

They’re one of the best agents at his agency. He’s as stealthy as can be! 

T: Where are they ticklish?

He’s not that ticklish tbh. Although, I feel like if you tickled him at his sides a bit, he would let out a groan before shooing you away; cause maybe he’s just a bit sensitive there, hehe.

U: What’s their voice like?

Smooth like jazz. It’s nice, deep, clean and modulated. He honestly has such a nice voice, can lowkey sing a bit too! While he’s cleaning or cooking though. He can have the most monotone sound ever though if you happen to annoy him or he’s just being sarcastic. 

V: What’s the easiest way to annoy them?

Being messy or being loud. Poking them repeatedly or having bad manners, like smacking your food or burping.

W: Can they dance?

nO. Okay.. maybe a few toe touches, stepping from left to right and all, a little shimmy here & there, but nO.

X: What’s their most petty little secret?

I read this somewhere, I forgot whose blog it was but this was the first thing that came to mind when I read this! Basically faking calls to his boss to make Seven work, which I think is hilarious. Whoever wrote that, all credit is to you. ^^

Other than that, probably kicking ice below the fridge. LMAOO. 

Y: What is one question they’ve always wanted an answer to?

“Why is the RFA so damn complicated?”

Z: How do they sleep?

Vandy is a pretty light sleeper. It’s just natural instinct for him to always be alert tbh. He sleeps without a shirt on (*cue nose bleed*) and just their boxers..he lies on his back, one arm above him, the other resting on his stomach, his head turned to the side slightly and the covers only pulled up to about his waist. Sometimes throughout the night he may turn onto his side. He doesn’t snore much. A pretty quiet sleeper tbh, looks like an angel when he sleeps.

loool, i hope this satisfied you, anon!! I received a few more characters, AND YOU CAN KEEP SENDING THEM IN!! But it’s 3AM, and I’m kind of tired after this, so I’m hitting the sack!

Requests are open! btw.

#mystic messenger #mysme #mystic messenger headcanon #mystic messenger hc #mysme headcanon #mysme hc #vanderwood #this was fun to do

[rantsbymiriam]

Nightmares

I had a terrible nightmare last night. It was so bad that im still thinking about it today....so vivid in my memory as if it actually happened to me. Thats the thing about dreams, you actually feel all the emotions when you dream. And when you have a bad dream, you feel it as though it was real.

I dreamt I was in a school bus filled with school children and we all got into a major accident. We crashed into the river..but it wasn’t a river..it was a river filled with oil. You cant swim in it. (gila climate change dream)

I survived. The bus driver managed to haul me out. The children died. I cried so much. The bus driver told me that we should leave the area immediately and act like nothing happened so no one would find out. I was appalled at his suggestion but I was too much in shock to be able to process his suggestion. Then suddenly im back at home trying to tell an ex of mine what happened to me with the accident and all. And he just ignored me. 

Then I woke up. 

How many layers of trauma can you point out in this very dream? So many! I dreamt abt dying chlidren!!

 I have a bajillion things to do at work today and all I can think about is 

1- The children died. I can hear their cries. 2- wtf is wrong with the bus driver 3- wtf is my ex boyfriend of 10 years ago doing in my dream ignoring me? Seriously wtf. dah dah la tu. 

Obviously whatever thats going on in your dreams is a reflection of your reality.  Howver, my reality is not so bad now though. Work is work. I should feel pretty excited about whats to come for work stuff (murals and new projects and shit) but I think at this point of my life i cant derive happiness from work anymore. In the beginning I could because everything was new and exciting and now everything is just work...blerghhh..

You know what I need to get? A life. Thats what I need to get. I spent the whole of 2018,2019 focusing all my energy and time on work and figuring out the business....but its already the end of 2019...and im legit dying for something new. I also think I need to start dating again. You know, be a normal 31 year old single woman.

I just dont know how to anymore. All the things I used to like a few years ago...before I left for London in 2016...going to bars, clubbing, partying...im just not into anymore. Whenever I am invited to go, or think about going, my head immediately feels heavy...like my entire body refuses to do all these things...

So i’ve been trying out new activities...like THRIFTING. I am a natural thrifter. It gives me so much satisfaction if I find something I love for RM2. I went last weekend with some friends and we found a RM2 MARIMEKKO PLATE WHAT WHATTTTTT. If thats not a steal I dunno what is. I used to sell these plates at Janine and they’re like RM50. 

I said in my last post that i’ve been getting back into my music.....which is really playing the guitar again..playing my ukelele....writing music..singing to myself. Why did I even stop doing this? I loveeeee music. But for the longest time, ive had the weirdest most complicated relationship with all the music I love. (to cut the story short, a lot of bands trigger my PTSD LOL) I’ve been trying to deal with all these triggers and FORCE myself to listen to the songs and create new memories attached to it. 

I notice this abt myself. When I go through a bad experience in life... when im out of it... I avoid everything to do with that time of my life like THE PLAGUE. Even when the experience also had good stuff in it, I still avoid. I don’t think this is a good way fo navigating life.

For example, last night I went to watch Last Christmas with my mom and my sister (#romcomnight) and the movie was shot in London. I legit had so many WEIRD flashbacks of my time in London. It was non stop. Good and bad memories. mostly bittersweet.  I couldn’t bring myself to really get into the movie because THE ENTIRE MOVIE TRIGGERED ME. I need to deal with this. I WONT allow just a shitty time in London make me hate an entire city that I used to love. Ahh.. London...what a weird time of my life. Thats the moment I realize you can get what you want in life, but still be unhappy about other shit. It never stops. More on that later. 

You know another city that triggers me? Singapore. Oh my god. Now I have 2 freaking countries that make me have the hibbyjibbies when I go there. 

Anyway, this year, I plan to stop getting triggered with crap that doesn’t even directly affect my day to day life. Like music, movies and entire cities that i’ve been completely avoiding because it triggers me so much. As you can obviously guess by now, relationship memories trigger me. I now know that it isn’t the relationship per se that triggers me, it isn’t even the person im seeing. It is just me being overly sentimental and having all these childhood traumas that come back to haunt me when I date people.

And it only comes out when I start getting intimate with people. All my emotional baggage from being abandoned and neglected as a child comes back tenfolds with any guy I date. He could be the nicest guy in the world and I would still have to deal with my baggage. I know my nightmare last night is probably a reflection of all these experiences i’ve had as a child.

It took me a looooongggg ass time to accept and forgive all the people who had hurt me as a child. If you dont know yet, childhood trauma is one of the main reasons why people behave / do / believe in what they do / have unhealthy coping mechanisms...and it can REALLY affect relationships and how you are in a relationship if one does not deal with these traumas properly. It also affects how you deal with stress and stressful situations. It affects everything really. For me it affects EVERY SINGLE THING abt my life, except work related stuff .People always assume I have my shit together because when its work related im almost always on the good side of things. My personal life is the opposite of my work life. It used to be a disaster area. Literally a hurricane went through it and nobody rebuilt it. It was just left there in shambles...Theres a rave happening in the middle of it.....Not really a happy rave...more like a rave happening out of desperation, like “fuck we live in a hell hole. LET’s RAVE!!!” Instead of cleaning up the mess, I chose to rave. Omg. Thats totally me and my life haha. Anyway, that was back then. Currently my personal life is a beautiful garden straight out of a Monet painting..theres a beautiful cottage right by the river.....flowers are blooming everywhere...Its pretty scenic...fantabulous...level boleh masuk Architectural Digest (welcome to my crib)...... The only problem is that its completely EMPTY.... More on that later. 

Back to childhood traumas, I am not the only one in the world with childhood traumas. EVERYONE has childhood traumas in one way or another. EVERYONE has baggage.  You reading my blog here. You have traumas. It’s only a matter of being AWARE of ones trauma or not. Thats your own journey to find out. Some people are lucky to have been born into mentally healthy and happy families, GOOD FOR YOU BRO.

Im not special at all. I hear stories front left and centre about relationships falling apart because of they haven’t properly dealt with all their mommy and daddy issues...and issues regarding the self....

Anyway I dont even know why im talking about this right now..I guess the dream last night made me realize that ive totally been avoiding dating or having relationships (or even meeting new people) and using work as an excuse to not have to deal.

Then again, its not like TINDER has the best quality of men in the world Lol so I know im not missing out on much. But I know I must. 

For the sake of my “art” and creativity. I’ve never been a full time artist AND be in a relationship at the same time. I always wondered all these artists and their “muses” - being inspired by another person to create your art....I find it fascinating. 

If you read about Frida Kahlo’s life and her artist boyfriend...whoa..thats like ART TELENOVELA....Artists are so passionate when it comes to love. I scare myself when I think about it. Artists have no chill honestly. When they feel, THEY TRULY FEEL. Im sure many artists are able to properly regulate their emotions and are just normal ass people...but the artists I know are all super mad in some way....

Which is why, I believe this is the best profession for me. There was no way I could work in an office and be a robot...churn out report after report and new marketing strategies when there is so much ABOUT LIFE out there to get inspired by...I guess this is a topic for another time which I really wanna talk about. Basically how I came into “myself” when I made the change to do what I really want in life. I changed my hair and dressing too.....I suddenly realized “Why am I wearing all this 9-5 bullshit? Why TF am I wearing an A line skirt” I can wear whatever the hell I want I dont have a boss or have to be “professional” and I can get away with wearing a plastic bag on my head if I wanted to. And here I thought I was a “non-conformist” There was so much more I was subconsciously “conforming” to and didn’t realize. Dressing and hair are just surface level stuff....Theres a whole lotta “lifestyle” choices that ive been re-thinking too....Also the sacrifices i’ve made to do the business...I had to do a whole entire LIFESTYLE rehaul for me to be able to afford doing my business......(this is something that I REALLY want to share. Cause chasing your dreams ain’t easy. People only see the glamorous parts of it)

Thats a post for another time. For now, I really gotta go back to work and FINISH UP SOME REALLY EXCITING PROJECTS....

(I tried to do this in caps lock to hype myself, but it didn’t work. im dreading work today....oh well) Im human. some days we get nightmares and it fucks up our entire day. 

[littlehouseofkarlacade]

some more introspection from karla time! long post alert~!

so we were watching clips from supernanny today because i got really bored and i was talking about them and it just snowballed into us watching them

and i forget what in the conversation led up to it, but father figures were mentioned, and my gf was talking about her dad and it was good shit and i was like “aww, that’s cool”

but at the same time my brain decided to go “hey guess what???? remember how you’ve literally had none of this ever? well i’m sure you do now, and you’re not gonna forget about it for a whiiiiile~”

like. hot damn. gg brain, thanks for that.

like... my dudes. i’ve got some fucked up ideas about family purely based on my own blood one, the one that i no longer associate with.

like... (jesus i need to stop using that word as much as i do lmao) aight. i’m gonna be straight with y’all. ...you know what i mean.

under the cut we fall...~~~!!

so my mother was abusive. because she could be. because she’s narcissistic as hell and everything and everyone had to confine themselves to her standards and if they did not, they were kicked to the curb. except her own children, because, ya know, children are malleable. you can try and bend them into whatever you want them to be.

i’m not gonna go into details, but basically she failed at molding me into whatever it was she wanted me to be, and so she got rid of me not too long after i turned 18 because 1. her boyfriend told her to, and 2. it was fiiinally legal for her to do it. what a bittersweet moment that was~! it was so happy for me because i had been wanting to get away from her for so long, but it was also miserable at the same time because i had literally nowhere to go 8D it was great.

my father was also abusive, but more neglectful than anything. this i don’t hold against him quite as much as i do my mother, because it was both within his control and completely out of it at the same time. see, he’s paranoid schizophrenic, and also one that veered on and off his meds during pretty much my entire childhood. there are also things that happened that, once the authorities found out about the entire situation, were constituted as sexual abuse that i will not go into, and i only mention this because it contributes to my overall image of myself and of families.

and then there was that 2-year-long child custody battle between the two of them, and that was ridiculous because both sides told me so many bad things about the other that i don’t even know to this day if they’re true or not and frankly... it wouldn’t surprise me if they were. i’m not gonna go deep into those either because 1. they’re majorly fucked up, 2. they’re mostly sexual in nature, and 3. they’re even more fucked up for an 8-year-old to learn. i was told about a lot of things when i was 8 that i really should not have ever had to learn about, but alas.

anyway. to my original point: my view of families. because of all this shit, my view on them is quite warped. families that live in relative peace, with everyone having each other’s back for the most part? works of fiction. in my head, there is no possible way at all that shit like that actually exists. families that do shit together, that support each other, that actually allow their members to talk about their feelings and shit without fear of clamming shut, whose instinctive reaction when feelings are hurt is not to beat the shit out of their children? also works of fiction.

there’s no such thing as that to me is what i’m saying.

to me...

families are the centerpoint of the dog eat dog mindset. everyone’s out for themselves. who gives a shit about feelings other than your own? families are just a group of people you can more easily hurt and be hurt by because you’re stuck with them unless you make some huge ass effort to get away from them, and even then you might not be able to.

families keep secrets hidden. you’re not allowed to talk about what happens in your house because it’s supposed to be secret. “what happens in my house stays in my house” after all. and god forbid you let something slip. the world completely implodes~!

there’s more to this, but i’ve talked long enough as it is.

indeed, i have issues. i know. i also know that i should be over them, as i’m 26 and a full-grown adult and have been for years. believe me. i know. i hate that all this shit still hangs over my head, and that it all comes back when i least expect it and when i don’t want it to. i hate that i still have mannerisms and behaviors that are the result of all that shit. i hate that my brain is fucked up, that i’ve got a handful of shit muddling about in there; i hate that i’ve inherited my father’s family’s history of mental issues.

i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it

and yet it is part of me. a rather large part of me, because it isn’t something one can just drop very easily, especially when it’s been around as long as it has for me.

i’m not trying to sound like i’ve been nothing but a goddamn victim my whole life, because i know i haven’t. i know i’ve fucked up in the past too, i’ve done bad shit, i’ve made some bad decisions.

shit, man. i don’t even know.

but i think it’s that talking about it helps the healing process. that might be what the general mindset is.

i dunno. i don’t mind talking about it. even if i get emotional depending on what exactly about it i’m talking about. i mean, several years ago it was difficult for me to even hint at it, much less go into as much detail about it as i have now, so i guess that’s progress?

meh. idk.

it is what it is.

#karla talks the past #child abuse mention #if ya don't like seeing or reading about that shit