#hello everyone i wrote an essay

[trungles]

Cross-posting an essay I wrote for my Patreon since the post is free and open to the public.

Hello everyone! I hope you're relaxing as best you can this holiday season. I recently went to see Miyazaki's latest Ghibli movie, The Boy and the Heron, and I had some thoughts about it. If you're into art historical allusions and gently cranky opinions, please enjoy. I've attached a downloadable PDF in the Patreon post if you'd prefer to read it that way. Apologies for the formatting of the endnotes! Patreon's text posting does not allow for superscripts, which means all my notations are in awkward parentheses. Please note that this writing contains some mild spoilers for The Boy and the Heron.

Hayao Miyazaki’s 2023 feature animated film The Boy and the Heron reads as an extended meditation on grief and legacy. The Master of a grand tower seeks a descendant to carry on his maddening duty, balancing toy blocks of magical stone upon which the entire fabric of his little pocket of reality rests. The world’s foundations are frail and fleeting, and can pass away into the cold void of space should he neglect to maintain this task. The Master’s desire to pass the torch undergirds much of the film’s narrative.

(Isle of the Dead. Arnold Böcklin. 1880. Oil on Canvas. Kunstmuseum. Basel, Switzerland.)

Arnold Böcklin, a Swiss Symbolist(1) painter, was born on October 16 in 1827, the same year the Swiss Evangelical Reformed Church bought a plot of land in Florence from the Grand Duke of Tuscany, Leopold II, that had long been used for the burials of Protestants around Florence. It is colloquially known as The English Cemetery, so called because it was the resting place of many Anglophones and Protestants around Tuscany, and Böcklin frequented this cemetery—his workshop was adjacent and his infant daughter Maria was buried there. In 1880, he drew inspiration from the cemetery, a lone plot of Protestant land among a sea of Catholic graveyards, and began to paint what would be the first of six images entitled Isle of the Dead. An oil on canvas piece, it depicts a moody little island mausoleum crowned with a gently swaying grove of cypresses, a type of tree common in European cemeteries and some of which are referred to as arborvitae. A figure on a boat, presumably Charon, ferries a soul toward the island and away from the viewer.

(Photo of The English Cemetery in Florence. Samuli Lintula. 2006.)

The Isle of the Dead paintings varied slightly from version to version, with figures and names added and removed to suit the needs of the time or the commissioner. The painting was glowingly referenced and remained fairly popular throughout the late 19th and early 20th centuries. The painting used to be inescapable in much of European popular culture. Professor Okulicz-Kozaryn, a philologist (someone with a deep interest in the ways language and cultural canons evolve)(2) observed that the painting, like many other works in its time, was itself iterative and became widely reiterated and referenced among its contemporaries. It became something like Romantic kitsch in the eyes of modern art critics, overwrought and excessively Byronic. I imagine Miyazaki might also resent a work of that level of manufactured ubiquity, as Miyazaki famously held Disney animated films in contempt (3). Miyazaki’s films are popularly aspirational to young animators and cartoonists, but gestures at imitation typically fall well short, often reducing Miyazaki’s weighty films to kitschy images of saccharine vibes and a lazy indulgence in a sort of empty magical domestic coziness. Being trapped in a realm of rote sentiment by an uncritical, unthoughtful viewership is its own Isle of Death.

(Still from The Boy and the Heron, 2023. Studio Ghibli.)

The Boy and the Heron follows a familiar narrative arc to many of Miyazaki’s other films: a child must journey through a magical and quietly menacing world in order to rescue their loved ones. This arc is an echo of Satsuki’s journey to find Mei in My Neighbor Totoro (1988) and Chihiro’s journey to rescue her parents Spirited Away (2001). To better understand Miyazaki’s fixation with this particular character journey, it can be instructive to watch Lev Atamanov’s 1957 animated film, The Snow Queen (4)(5), a beautifully realized take on Hans Christian Andersen’s 1844 children’s story (6)(7). Mahito’s journey continues in this tradition, as the boy travels into a painted world to rescue his new stepmother from a mysterious tower.

Throughout the film, Miyazaki visually references Isle of the Dead. Transported to a surreal world, Mahito initially awakens on a little green island with a gated mausoleum crowned with cypress trees. He is accosted by hungry pelicans before being rescued by a fisherwoman named Kiriko. After a day of catching and gutting fish, Mahito wakes up under the fisherwoman’s dining table, surrounded by kokeshi—little wooden dolls—in the shapes of the old women who run Mahito’s family’s rural household. Mahito is told they must not be touched, as the kokeshi are wards set up for his protection. There is a popular urban legend associated with the kokeshi wherein they act as stand-ins for victims of infanticide, though there seems to be very little available writing to support this legend. Still, it’s a neat little trick that Miyazaki pulls, placing a stray reference to a local legend of unverifiable provenance that persists in the popular imagination, like the effect of fairy stories passed on through oral retellings, continually remolded each new iteration.

(Still from The Boy and the Heron, 2023. Studio Ghibli.)

Kiriko’s job in this strange landscape is to catch fish to nourish unborn spirits, the adorable floating warawara, before they can attempt to ascend on a journey into the world of the living. Their journey is thwarted by flocks of supernatural pelicans, who swarm the warawara and devour them. This seems to nod to the association of pelicans with death in mythologies around the world, especially in relationship to children (8). Miyazaki’s pelicans contemplate the passing of their generations as each successive generation seems to regress, their capacity to fulfill their roles steadily diminishing.

(Still from The Boy and the Heron, 2023. Studio Ghibli.)

As Mahito’s adventure continues, we find the landscapes changing away from Böcklin’s Isle of the Dead into more familiar Ghibli territories as we start to see spaces inspired by one of Studio Ghibli’s aesthetic mainstays, Naohisa Inoue and his explorations of the fantasy realms of Iblard. He might be most familiar to Ghibli enthusiasts as the background artists for the more fantastical elements of Whisper of the Heart (1995).

(Naohisa Inoue, for Iblard Jikan, 2007. Studio Ghibli.)

By the time we arrive at the climax of The Boy and the Heron, the fantasy island environment starts to resemble English takes on Italian gardens, the likes of which captivated illustrators and commercial artists of the early 20th century such as Maxfield Parrish. This appears to be a return to one of Böcklin’s later paintings, The Island of Life (1888), a somewhat tongue-in-cheek reaction to the overwhelming presence of Isle of the Dead in his life and career. The Island of Life depicts a little spot of land amid an ocean very like the one on which Isle of the Dead’s somber mausoleum is depicted, except this time the figures are lively and engaged with each other, the vegetation lush and colorful, replete with pink flowers and palm fronds.

(Island of Life. Arnold Böcklin. Oil on canvas. 1888. Kunstmuseum. Basel, Switzerland.)

In 2022, Russia’s State Hermitage Museum in Saint Petersburg acquired the sixth and final Isle of the Dead painting. In the last year of his life, Arnold Böcklin would paint this image in collaboration with his son Carlo Böcklin, himself an artist and an architect. Arnold Böcklin spent three years painting the same image three times over at the site of his infant daughter’s grave, trapped on the Isle of the Dead. By the time of his death in 1901 at age 74, Böcklin would be survived by only five of his fourteen children. That the final Isle of the Dead painting would be a collaboration between father and son seemed a little ironic considering Hayao Miyazaki’s reticence in passing on his own legacy. Like the old Master in The Boy and the Heron, Miyazaki finds himself with no true successors.

The Master of the Tower's beautiful islands of painted glass fade into nothing as Mahito, his only worthy descendant, departs to live his own life, fulfilling the thesis of Genzaburo Yoshino’s 1937 book How Do You Live?, published three years after Carlo Böcklin’s death. In evoking Yoshino and Böcklin’s works, Hayao Miyazaki’s The Boy and the Heron suggests that, like his character the Master, Miyazaki himself must make peace with the notion that he has no heirs to his legacy, and that those whom he wished to follow in his footsteps might be best served by finding their own paths.

(Isle of the Dead. Arnold and Carlo Böcklin. Oil on canvas. 1901. The State Hermitage Museum. Saint Petersburg, Russia.)

INFORMAL ENDNOTES

1 - Symbolists are sort of tough to nail down. They were started as a literary movement to 1 distinguish themselves from the Decadents, but their manifesto was so vague that critics and academics fight about it to this day. The long and the short of it is that the Symbolists made generous use of a lot of metaphorical imagery in their work. They borrow a lot of icons from antiquity, echo the moody aesthetics from the Romantics, maintained an emphasis on figurative imagery more so than the Surrealists, and were only slightly more technically married to the trappings of traditionalist academic painters than Modernists and Impressionists. They're extremely vibes-forward.

2 - Okulicz-Kozaryn, Radosław. Predilection of Modernism for Variations. Ciulionis' Serenity among Different Developments of the Theme of Toteninsel. ACTA Academiae Artium Vilnensis 59. 2010. The article is incredibly cranky and very funny to read in parts. Contains a lot of observations I found to be helpful in placing Isle of the Dead within its context.

3 - "From my perspective, even if they are lightweight in nature, the more popular and common films still must be filled with a purity of emotion. There are few barriers to entry into these films-they will invite anyone in but the barriers to exit must be high and purifying. Films must also not be produced out of idle nervousness or boredom, or be used to recognise, emphasise, or amplify vulgarity. And in that context, I must say that I hate Disney's works. The barrier to both the entry and exit of Disney films is too low and too wide. To me, they show nothing but contempt for the audience." from Miyazaki's own writing in his collection of essays, Starting Point, published in 2014 from VIZ Media.

4 - You can watch the movie here in its original Russian with English closed captions here.

5 If you want to learn more about the making of Atamanoy's The Snow Queen, Animation Obsessive wrote a neat little article about it. It's a good overview, though I have to gently disagree with some of its conclusions about the irony of Miyazaki hating Disney and loving Snow Queen, which draws inspiration from Bambi. Feature film animation as we know it hadonly been around a few decades by 1957, and I find it specious, particularly as a comic artistand author, to see someone conflating an entire form with the character of its content, especially in the relative infancy of the form. But that's just one hot take. The rest of the essay is lovely.

6 - Miyazaki loves this movie. He blurbed it in a Japanese re-release of it in 2007.

7 - Julia Alekseyeva interprets Princess Mononoke as an iteration of Atamanov's The Snow Queen, arguing that San, the wolf princess, is Miyazaki's homage to Atamanoy's little robber girl character.

8 - Hart, George. The Routledge Dictionary of Egyptian Gods And Goddesses. Routledge Dictionaries. Abingdon, United Kingdom: Routledge. 2005.

#hayao miyazaki #the boy and the heron #how do you live #arnold böcklin #carlo böcklin #symbolists #symbolism #animation #the snow queen #lev atamanov #naohisa inoue #the endnotes are very very informal aksjlsksakjd #sorry to actual essayists

[elleloquently]

hello!!!! can i request a mini fic fluff ellie helps the reader with her swamped homeworks

| a/n : wrote this in my free time instead of.... you guessed it, doing homework. thank u for requesting <3 this is kinda short n sweet but i hope it will be enjoyed <3 this is dedicated to you anon, and everyone else who is absolutely overwhelmed w class

| c/w : self deprecating talk? kinda but not super serious. established relationship, ellie being a cute gf ): fluff central. kinda elle-coded 'cause reader cries

too soft for all of it - ellie williams

it took you a few seconds longer than usual to notice your phone ringing. you blinked heavily, tearing your eyes away from your bright laptop screen.

“hello?” you finally answered, stifling a yawn.

“babe, the fourth ring? you’re seriously giving me forth ring treatment?” ellie’s voice was a welcomed change in place of the lectures you had been listening to all day.

"sorry els," you muttered halfheartedly. you glanced at your planner, frowning. you had been working at this assignment for hours, at this rate you were behind schedule.

"what's wrong?" ellie asked, her voice softer.

"nothing," you sniffed. "just school. tired."

"are we still hanging out today?" ellie asked, eyebrows furrowed in concern. you hadn't texted her for a couple hours, ellie's first indication that something was wrong.

at her question, an irritating lump began to form at the back of your throat. you were supposed to hang out with your girlfriend today. you were also supposed to catch up on your assignments- it had been an extra busy week and you felt as though you were barely holding on. you had mapped out your week, organized which assignments you were going to complete on which day. however, some things were much harder than you had expected and your brain decided to feel blue this week instead of motivated.

not completing homework meant not seeing ellie, which was undoubtedly your final straw.

"i can't," you choked out, immediately drawing more concern from ellie. "i'm so busy ellie, and i've barely got anything done-"

"hey, it's okay," ellie soothed, automatically in girlfriend mode.

"it's NOT," you groaned, causing ellie to grimace. she felt bad listening to you on the phone, not being able to handle the sound of your voice breaking. "i haven't even started my essay yet, and i have three exams to study for, THREE ellie williams, three!"

ellie held back a laugh, clearing her throat before responding. "i know babe, i'm really sorry. is there anything i can do?"

you shook your head despite being on the phone. ellie heard rustling as you switched your phone to your opposite ear, turning your attention back to your laptop. "i can't do this anymore," you mumbled.

"yes you can, you're gonna get through it," ellie murmured, listening carefully to your uneven breathing.

"i have to drop out of school," you told ellie, rubbing your eye and trying to force the tears away.

"no," ellie disagreed. she felt bad, knowing how much you were struggling. the pain in your voice was enough to make ellie want to do anything and everything for you, but she couldn't help but smile at the dramatics.

"yes," you hiccuped. "i have to drop out of school, and m'gonna be a failure forever. my family will probably hate me and... and my eyes are gonna be fuzzy forever because i have too much homework and i can't, i can't look at my laptop anymore and my head always hurts," you cried, feeling pathetically small at how quickly your eyes welled up.

"whoa," ellie tried to keep her voice even, it was a horrible time to even let out a small chuckle. "i'm really sorry babe, it's gonna b-"

"and my stomach hurts because the dining hall food sucks, i just wanna take a hot bath so bad... everybody needs to leave me alone," you complained, trying to speak normally through the tears. "except for you," you added weakly.

"phew, glad i made the cut," ellie sighed in pretend relief, something that would normally be a quick way to make you giggle.

"ellie," you whined, pouting at your laptop screen.

"i know. how about you pack your stuff?" ellie suggested, already standing to retrieve her wallet and keys.

"weren't you listening? i can't hang out, i have to-"

"quit school and have fuzzy eyes? i hear you," ellie acknowledged. "but how about you come do those things at my apartment?"

your heartbeat quickened at ellie's offer, but you felt too defeated to take it seriously. "i can't," you cried, and ellie quickly turned up the volume on her phone. you were sniffing and your voice sounded muffled.

you rested your head on your desk, gently pushing your laptop away from you.

"you wanna stay at your dorm?" ellie questioned, already knowing the answer.

"no," you sobbed, and ellie winced.

"pack your stuff then, okay? you can come and have a nice bath, and i'll help you with everything, yeah? does that sound good?" ellie coaxed, already leaving from her front door.

"okay," you agreed meekly, standing up from your desk and looking helplessly around your room. "thank you ellie," you mumbled, wiping your tear stained cheeks roughly with your sleeve.

"don't thank me, just get ready, alright? i'll be there soon."

with promises to drive safe, you quickly began throwing everything you needed to bring into a bag. your eyes felt heavy with sleep as you packed and waited, but ellie kept her word and arrived for you as quickly as she could.

you met her at the front door of your building, bag slung carelessly over your shoulder.

with swollen lips and puffy eyes from crying, ellie’s heart lurched at the first sight of you.

"i'll trade you," ellie said in a greeting, automatically taking your bag from you and presenting you with your favorite order from a cafe down the street. you gasped in surprise, eyes welling up with tears.

"ellie," you uttered, looking to her in awe.

"what?" she asked nonchalantly, taking your free hand. "anything for my favorite girl," she told you. you trudged along to ellie's car, gasping when she opened the door for you to reveal a bundle of flowers waiting in the passenger seat.

at first you were silent, but ellie's proud smile quickly disappeared from her face when you finally choked out a sob.

"what?" she panicked, glancing wide eyed from the flowers to your face. "what's wrong?"

you stared at her, tears once again slipping down your checks. "this is so sweet." your chin wobbled as you spoke, and ellie squeezed your hand.

"it's not supposed to make you cry!" ellie rushed. "it's supposed to make you stop crying." she was partly concerned, partly amused as she watched your face contort with emotion.

"it's jus' sweet," you hiccuped, blinking slowly.

"you're sweet," ellie praised, coaxing you into the car. "c'mon, let's get you back so you can rest before you crash, we don't need you to be a crybaby and grumpy," she teased.

"hey," you frowned, sniffing the flowers that you held in your lap.

"hey," ellie repeated. "i'll help you, you're gonna be just fine."

“you’re gonna make me cry again,” you warned, sensitive but holding back a smile.

“uh oh,” ellie grimaced. “let’s get you outta here, waterworks.”

“ellie!” you exclaimed, finally breaking out into a grin.

ellie swelled with pride once you finally smiled, a feeling that carried her through the evening while she helped you get through everything you were stressed about.

by the end of the night, you were feeling much better, especially considering how the day had started.

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x you #ellie tlou x reader #ellie williams college au

[leilakisakabiri]

request: Hi can you do where the reader is wearing Gavis hoodie and she accidentally stains it and starts freaking out. Thank uuu and i love ur writing

I Got You (Gavi)

Summary: You need Gavi to come help you after you get yourself into a bad situation.

Warning(s): None

A/N: Thank you so much for the request and for your support! Requests are open. Currently working on The Promises We Keep Pt 2. Also, guys if I haven't done your request yet, don't worry, it probably means it's gonna be a long one.

Word Count: 3.1k+

Masterlist

It was a Saturday night in Barcelona, and you were holed up in your room, feet tucked under you, a knitted blanket over your shoulders as you read over the words in front of you for the hundredth time.

While the city was alight with people getting drinks, dancing, and laughing, you silenced your phone, closed your blinds, and put your headphones on to quiet any outside noises. 

You had decided to stay in this weekend, caught up in writing an essay for your criminal law class that was worth 50% of your grade. Safe to say you did not take it lightly. You had been hunched over your computer for the last nine hours, brain numb and fingers aching as you had tried to come up with a thesis and strong argument for your essay. You had blocked out this weekend to finish the essay, letting everyone know ahead of time not to contact you unless it was an emergency, including Gavi. 

Gavi had been gone for the last couple of days, traveling around Europe for the last leg of La Liga, and he had been adamant about spending as much time with you as he could once he got back - before his summer schedule kicked off. However, that hope was quickly cut short when you informed him you most likely wouldn’t be able to see him at all this weekend due to you being stuck finishing your essay. 

Although he had tried to convince you to change your mind, bribing you with the idea of endless cuddles and then promising to be as silent as possible while you wrote when his first idea didn’t work, you relented, knowing that having him around would be a major distraction, one that you couldn’t afford. 

“I’m sorry Pablo I don’t think I can this weekend. What about Monday?” You asked hopefully. 

He sighed over the phone, his face pulling into a frown, “I can’t. We’re leaving Monday morning for France.”

You bit on your lip, feeling bad, “I’m sorry I just really need to focus this weekend.” 

He nodded, “I get it. It just sucks. I wanted to see you at least once before I’m gone again. But it’s fine – I’ll survive.” He replied dramatically. 

You grinned, “Well I’ll miss you Pablito.” 

“I already miss you.” 

The smile on your face only grew as your heart warmed at his words, “I’ll text you if anything changes. Have a great game, I’ll be watching.” 

He gave you a wink, “Damn gotta show off now that my girls watching.” 

You giggled at him, “Bye Pablo.” 

He mocked your tone playfully, “Bye Y/n.” 

That was last week, and now you were nose deep in your essay, textbooks scattered around you as you looked for possible quotes to strengthen your thesis. You had been so busy scanning the words on the page that you hadn’t noticed your phone buzzing non-stop next to you. 

Once you saw the glow of your phone screen curiosity got the better of you and you flipped it around seeing you had eight missed calls from your best friend. 

Your eyebrows knitted in confusion, it was almost two in the morning, she would for sure be at a club right now, happily dancing the night away with your friends, so why was she consistently calling you? 

The phone buzzed once again and this time you were quick to answer. 

“Hello, Gia, what’s going on?” 

Her voice was slurred on the other end, but you could sense the panic regardless, “Y/n? I don’t know where I am, I was with the others but then I went to the bathroom, and I then couldn’t find anyone anymore. And this guy won’t leave me alone-”

“Gia, where are you? I’ll come get you.” You cut off her rambling, already rushing to put on your shoes, essay long forgotten. 

She hiccupped, “I’m at Macarena. I’m sorry no one else answered.” 

“No, no problem at all. I’m coming right now, Gia. Don’t move. I’m glad you called.” You comforted her. 

The club was only a twenty-minute walk from your house, and seeing as you didn’t have a car or the time to wait for public transport, it was your best option. 

You cursed yourself for not answering sooner as you rushed to get your keys, grabbing a random hoodie on the way out. 

Although summer was beginning to creep into Barcelona, the nights were still chilly with cold winds rushing through the area. 

You sped through the streets, walking with purpose as you finally reached the club. You were severely underdressed for the club wearing a random hoodie and yoga pants. You saw the line for the club was still extremely long, wrapping around the corner and you knew you had no time to waste. 

You took a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself, you were never one to break any rules or ask for any special favors, but now seemed like a good time to start. 

You walked up to the club bouncer, ignoring the nasty look the guy at the front of the queue was sending you, “Excuse me. I need to get in right away, my friend is inside alone, and I need to help her.” 

You heard the guy next to you scoff. 

The bouncer looked at you unimpressed. “Sorry sweetheart. You want to get to her, you have to wait in line.” 

You relented, “Sir please, just look at my outfit,” you said gesturing to yourself, “clearly, I’m not here to party, I just need to get my friend and leave. You can even come with me!” 

He gave you an apprehensive look, taking in your appearance, “I can’t leave my post.” 

You groaned, “Fine, then can someone else escort me? I can literally call her right now. She’s not in the right head space.” 

He squinted his eyes at you, “You look familiar.” 

It finally clicked. This is where you had gone with Gavi and his team, celebrating after they had won a final a few weeks ago. They had treated you like royalty, blocking off a whole section just for you, the club owner even making an appearance to congratulate the team.

You didn’t like to use the fact that you were dating a well-known athlete as a way to get special privileges but if it meant helping your friend then you would do it. 

“Yeah, I was in VIP a few weeks ago. I know the owner, so please let me in.”

“What’s his name?” 

You racked your brain trying to think of that night, “Santiago. It was Santiago!” You replied, finally remembering. 

The bouncer gave you a once over before he finally nodded begrudgingly, “Fine – but be quick.” 

You heard the other people in line begin to argue but you quickly thanked the bouncer, rushing inside, not wanting to wait long enough for him to change his mind. 

God bless Gavi.

The place was packed, bodies pressed together so closely that you had to squeeze in between heavily making out couples and groups of friends to make your way to the middle. The strobe lights were going crazy, changing every few seconds to the beat of the music. There was a DJ booth twenty feet above the crowd playing EDM Spanish music and the crowd was going insane, chanting along. 

You hit your head on your forehead as you realized you forgot to ask her where she was. 

You pulled out your phone, letting out a breath of relief when she answered, “I’m here Gia. Where are you?” 

“I’m at- I said no, stop, I’m at the bar.” She huffed. You felt your anxiety rise, who was she talking to? 

“Ok, I’m coming.” 

You pushed through the throngs of people, finally spotting the bar, seeing her leaning against the counter, hands flying as she argued with someone. 

You walked towards them hearing the tail end of their conversation, a bad feeling in your stomach.

“Gia!” You yelled, coming to stand next to her. 

She gave you a relieved look, falling into you, the effort of standing up being too much. 

You caught her, hugging her back. 

“Oh wow – two for one. I got a buddy that would love you.” 

You steadied Gia looking up to see the guy she was talking with giving you a smirk. 

You held his gaze, annoyed, “No thanks. We’re leaving now.” 

You went to turn but he caught your wrist pulling you back, the drink in his hand sloshing,

“Woah, don’t go yet, the fun’s just getting started. Look my buddies are in VIP we can hook you up.” 

You yanked your hand away, giving him a disgusted look, “First don’t touch me. Second, we’re leaving.” 

“You’re not leaving.” He persisted. 

You raised an eyebrow, “Fucking watch me.” 

He reached for you again, but you were prepared, grabbing his hand, and flinging it off you, as you weaved into the crowd, ignoring his shouts. 

You let out a breath as you stepped outside of the club, grateful for the cold air after sweating through your hoodie in the packed club. 

You adjusted your hold on Gia, holding her waist as you started the trek back to your apartment. 

She stumbled over her steps as you walked, giggling, “Oh my god Y/n your bleeding!” 

You gave her a confused look, dragging her, “What?” 

She giggled again, reaching for your hoodie, “It’s coming from your stomach, look it’s red!” She pointed at your shirt. 

You looked down and you stopped in your tracks, breath hitching as you began to panic, “Oh shit Gia I’m wearing Gavi’s hoodie!” 

She stopped as well, letting go of you as she plopped onto the ground, staring up at you,

“So?” 

“So? He’s going to be so mad at me. That dick spilled his drink on me. This is a white hoodie – who knows if it will come out?” You stressed.

“It’s-" she hiccupped, “fine.” 

You shook your head, “No It’s not it’s his favorite hoodie, I didn’t even realize I was wearing it. Fuck, I have to clean as soon as we get home.” 

You started walking before you realized she wasn’t following you. 

“Gia?” 

You turned around to see her slumped against the sidewalk, eyes closed. 

You rushed to her side, shaking her, “Gia? Gia, are you okay?” 

She hummed, “I don’t feel so good.” 

“Can you walk? We’re almost halfway there.” You asked, helping her sit up so she was leaning against you. 

She groaned, “I’m going to throw up.” 

You looked around anxiously, unsure of what to do. You had left the main strip of clubs and restaurants, and were now on a back road, walking in an area that was dimly lit and that you weren’t too familiar with. 

“I can call an Uber.” 

You reached into your pocket, cursing yourself as you realized you had forgotten your wallet in the rush to get to the club. 

“Shit, I don’t have my wallet. Do you have yours?” 

“Antonio.” She groaned, leaning her head against your shoulder. 

You let out a huff, contemplating what to do. You attempted to get her to stand up once again, desperate to get out of the area, but she couldn’t stand, and you weren’t strong enough to carry her the rest of the way. You chewed on your lip debating a solution, but you didn’t want to do it unless it was the absolute, last, last resort. 

You spent the next five minutes calling all your friends, but no one answered. You groaned, frustrated, knowing you had run out of options. 

You heard your friend beginning to doze off and you shook her, “Gia stay awake.” 

She moaned, “Y/n I really don’t feel good. I don’t know what’s wrong.” 

Your finger hovered over the contact, and you finally pressed it, feeling the guilt build inside. 

It rang seven times before going to voicemail. You called back. 

On the third ring, the line finally connected, 

“Y/n? Why are you calling me so late?” Gavi’s voice was thick with sleep, his words murmured. 

Hearing his voice sent a pang of relief through you, and suddenly you didn’t feel so alone,

“Gavi I’m sorry. I really need your help.” 

He was up in an instant, wide awake, “What’s wrong?” 

“I’m stuck in the middle of the road with Gia. She got drunk and I went to get her but now I’m worried there’s something wrong. She can’t get up and we’re all alone. I don’t have any money. I called our friends, but no one answered, I-I didn’t know what to do.” You rushed out. 

You heard his breath accelerate on the other end of the line, “Ok don’t worry baby I’m coming. Send me your address, everything’s going to be okay. Just stay on the phone with me.” He reassured you. 

You nodded before realizing he couldn’t see you, “Thank you so much Gavi.”

You heard his car door open, “Anytime. If anything happens like this again you call me first, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

You stayed on the phone with him, rubbing Gia’s shoulder to comfort her, readjusting her whenever she began to doze off. 

Finally, you saw a familiar car pull onto the street, and you waved your hands, trying to get him to see you. 

The car made a quick turn and then Gavi was rushing out, a worried look on his face, 

“Oh thank god you’re okay. I was so worried.” 

“I’m so sorry for waking you. Thank you for coming.” 

“Y/n stop apologizing.” He said, helping you carry Gia to the car. 

Upon feeling that she was being lifted, her eyes shot open, “Y/n what’s going on?”

She glanced over to her left seeing Gavi before she turned to look at you, it took two seconds for her eyes to widen and then she was whipping her head back, “Gavi? The hell y-you doing here?” 

You giggled at her abruptness, “I had to call for help.” 

She turned to you, snuggling into your shoulder affectionately, “You’re the best Y/n. She was a rockstar today.” She spoke, as you both pushed her into the car. 

Gavi raised his eyebrow at you as you both got in, “A rockstar eh?” 

You rolled your eyes, “She’s just spewing nonsense.” 

Gia groaned in the back, hands clumsily coming to slap your shoulder, “Ehh don’t lie Y/n. You should have seen the way she talked to those guys – even I was scared.” 

You saw Gavi’s grip on the steering wheel tighten, his posture stiffened as he looked over at you,

“Guys? What guys?” 

You opened your mouth to reply but Gia beat you to it. 

“This one guy, he kept trying to get me to come with him, but then Y/n was like no way we’re leaving, and then he started hitting on her, but then he tried to grab her, and she karate chopped his hand! He was so embarrassed!” 

You felt yourself blushing at her recollection of events, “I did not karate chop his hand!” 

“Yes, you did. It was like in midair when he was talking about his friend that liked you, and then I blinked, and it was gone!”

“Did he try anything?” Gavi’s voice was hard, as he looked at you.

You shook your head, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, “No don’t worry. We were fine.” 

You felt his body relax under your touch, and one of his hands came to grip your own, “You should have called me sooner. I’m sorry you had to deal with that asshole.” 

You felt your heart flutter at his words, “Don’t worry I handled it. But thank you, next time I will.” 

Soon you were pulling up to your apartment and hauling Gia up your steps. 

“I really wish we had an elevator right now.” Gia groaned as she was being half pulled, half carried up the steps. 

You made eye contact with Gavi after hearing her statement, and you had to bite your cheek not to laugh out loud, 

“You and me both G.”

Finally, you reached your apartment, and all let out a sigh of relief as she fell onto your bed, passing out almost immediately. 

You cringed as you saw her head land centimeters away from the sharp edge of one of your textbooks. 

You reached over, clearing the space so she was able to sleep without the risk of a concussion. 

You looked up once the area was cleaned to see Gavi looking at you intently, a weird expression on his face almost like he was stuck in his thoughts. 

“What? Is everything okay?” You asked unsure, looking down at yourself. 

That’s when you realized. 

You were still wearing his hoodie, the one that had a massive red stain on it now thanks to the jackass at the club. 

You had completely forgotten about it. 

You quickly apologized, “Gavi I’m so sorry. Gia called and I was so worried so I grabbed the first thing I could find – and then the guy kept grabbing me and had this drink – anyways,” you let out a huff, “I’m really really sorry, I can buy you a new one.” 

Gavi stared at you in surprise, shocked by your outburst, “Y/n relax. It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry I know how much you love this sweatshirt.” 

Gavi shook his head slightly smiling, you were just so adorable, and he physically couldn’t hold back the words he’d been dying to say any longer, “I love you more though, so it’s fine.” 

“Wha-what?” You stumbled over your words, clearly not expecting such a big revelation.

“I said I love you.” He said it with so much confidence, almost like he was reciting a fact, something that couldn’t be changed, and you melted a little at how sure he sounded. 

You didn’t know what to say, your brain still playing those three words on a loop. He loved you. He had said it first. 

The silence stretched on and now it was his turn to get nervous, “Is that okay?”

Your mouth was still open in shock, but you quickly recovered, 

“Yo-you love me?” Your voice cracked. 

“Well, yeah… why would I not?” He asked, eyes locked on yours.

You shook your head, a smile gracing your features as you took a step closer to him, “I love you too, and I’m sorry-”

He cut you off with a sweet kiss, pulling you closer into him, as he slid his hands under the sweatshirt, fingers gently squeezing the soft flesh of your hips. 

Your lips moved in sync and your hands went to play with his hair, gently tugging. 

You heard him let out a groan and you bit his bottom lip instinctively. 

He pulled away out of breath, a dazed look in his eyes, “Joder, you can ruin all my hoodies if this is how you apologize.” He muttered breathlessly. 

You rolled your eyes, smiling as he brought you back into him for another kiss. 

#pablo gavi #gavi imagine #gavi #gavi angst #gavi fluff #gavi imagines #pablo gavi imagine #pedri #footballer imagine #football imagine #football #soccer imagine #soccer #futebol #pedri imagine #fc barça #fc barca #fc barcelona #gavi headcannon #gavi x reader #gavi blurb #pablogavi

[stardustloserdoll]

Hey babe, I heard you had no ideas for a Professor Turner so here’s one:

You’re struggling with writing an essay, maybe a particularly important one it doesn’t really matter. And you asked Alex to come and help you in the library. He shows up, you’re doing your best to focus on writing. But his voice is so low and he’s practically whispering in your ear. His hands look so pretty writing and marking your essay. Maybe, y’all get a little close… ykyk

Now, you could leave it there, but… smut is so much fun.

So now you’re struggling to stay quiet as Alex fingers you beneath the table. Whispering dirty things into your ear and telling you to stay quiet.

TBH+C Alex is the one who I imagine I would do this, this gif specially:

Or like early Car:

AAAAAH i love this. thank you so much!😭 he looks so fineeee in those gifs 🤭

also trying out a different pov d:

essay help

female reader

“i’ll see you all on monday. have a good weekend.” professor turner said, causing everyone to begin packing their things up quickly. as you began packing your things, you glanced over at him seeing he was erasing the board. slinging your backpack over your shoulder, you waited till everyone was out, finally approaching him.

“hello professor.” you smirked leaning on his desk. he turned around placing the eraser down “y/n.” he smiled placed his hands on his hips, looking down at her. “boring lecture as always.” he laughed packing up his things “you love them.” you rolled your eyes playfully. you sighing dramatically as you watched him pack. “something wrong?” he asked.

“yeah um. i was having trouble on the essay and i was wondering if you can help me with it?” he looked up raising his eyebrow “you? asking me for help? that’s rare, your essays are always well done.” you sat down in the seat in front of the desk. “well the one you assigned is confusing! you should’ve explained it better.” you pouted. “maybe if you weren’t eye fucking me the whole time you would’ve understood it better.” you scoffed mumbling a whatever. “can you just help me please?” he nodded his head “of course.”

“great, i’ll meet you at the library. thank you.” you said placing a kiss on his cheek walking out.

you sat there in the quiet library, the sound of keyboards clacking and the sound of pages quietly turning. you tapped your pencil against the desk, anxious eyes scanning the room until you saw him. he looked around the room until he spotted you sending a small wave your way.

“hey.” you smiled moving your things aside. “hey. sorry im late.” he said taking a seat next to you, placing his things down beside. “it’s okay. i haven’t wrote much anyways.” you said handing him a pen from your pouch. “how about we look at that essay of yours hm?” he said leaning in to examine the work, placing it in front of him to read.

“yeah. right, the essay.” you mumbled. as he read through the pages, you couldn’t help but stare at his hands. the way his veins would pop out whe he wrote something down, to the way he lifted his hand up to his lip as he read. you bit your lip, playing the the hem of your skirt. after some time went by he was finally done reading. “okay so far it’s good, just some little things to change.” he said placing the paper in front of you. he placed his arm around your chair getting closer.

“see that sentence. i think it could use a little more detail.” he spoke placing his finger on the paper, his warm breath ghosting over your ear. you swallowed nodding your head, erasing what you had previously. you swallowed, reading over his comment scribbling down some things. “how does this sound?” you asked turning your head slightly to look up into his eyes. his eyes lingered onto yours for a while until he looked down to read what you had, the scent of his cologne wafting into your face making you dizzy. “mmh perfect. how about we continue with the rest?”

as you both continued to look over the essay you, couldn’t focus. your eyes would stay stuck onto his hands, imagining what those fingers could do. you gripped onto your pencil tightly stopping your writing making alex notice. “something wrong y/n?” he asked. you shook your head bringing the pencil up to your lips, eyes still lingering on his hands as you clenched your thighs. you action not going unnoticed by him causing a smirk to form on his face. “what’s on your mind, you look a little red.” you shook your head seeing his hand moving to rest on your thigh. “did you want a break?” he asked. “i think you deserve one. you’ve been working so hard on that essay of yours.”

you watched as his hand slipped under your skirt, inching closer, stopping him. “alex..we can’t.” you whispered looking up at him with pleading eyes. he chuckled “i guess you’ll have to stay quiet then hm?” you bit your lip opening your legs slightly. “naughty girl.” he smirked resuming his motions, slipping a finger into your underwear to rub circles onto my clit. slowly pushing two fingers into you me, thrusting his fingers at a slow pace.

you moan softly, biting your lip, your eyes shutting close as he fucked you. “shh.” he whispered, slowly increasing his pace. you moved your hand to grip the seat, letting out a shaky breath clenching your thighs around his hand. he quickened his pace, making me loud moan a slip out, his hand coming to my mouth to silence me quickly. you muffled a sorry, causing him to drop his hand. “im close al.” “naughty girl, what’d i tell you.” he whispered keeping his pace up, making me shift in my seat.

“cum on my fingers sweet girl.” he praises giving you that final push. you let out a shaky breath as your orgasm washed over you, feeling alex slip his fingers out of you painfully slow making you shudder. “let’s finish that essay, when we do you’ll get rewarded.”

#professor alex turner #alex turner x y/n #alex turner x you #alex turner x reader #alex turner smut

[ariaste]

Man, you know a post is a banger when your askbox is absolutely exploding afterwards.

Hello everyone and thank you for sharing your ideas about the Good Omens theory essay I wrote!! I love all of your thoughts and additions :D I do need to get some other things done today so unfortunately I can’t respond to all of the messages you’ve sent me, but I AM reading them and going, “Hmm!!! Interesting! I will ponder this” 😍

[iamyoursonly]

3AM (29/03/2024)

wrote this at 3am because i had a dream of him and i needed some hallucinations desperately <3 sorry for not posting for so long though, i had so many tests i could barely breathe :(

Late nights but no movie night, I’m just overworking myself, as I sit at the same spot for the 27th hour.

My tired eyes drag across the computer screen, lazy fingers typing the last few words with my keyboard to complete my long due essay. Headphones listening to pop music to keep my mind awake, well the unhealthy amount of caffeine also helped with that.

I take some freshly washed grapes that I previously prepared for myself and put one in my mouth, slowly chewing and getting a taste of how sweet the grapes are. Suddenly, my mind wanders to think of how it would feel like if there was someone to feed me grapes when I’m doing work.

I slap my face and take another sip of my coffee when my mind tries to wander away and think about that ‘homeless romantic’ crap again. I could’ve been doing that if my immature self didn’t choose to become a become a doctor. I just sigh and continue the essay.

Until I couldn’t, and I passed out on the table.

“My love? Are you alright?” A man whispered into my ear, his voice was so hot and addictive though. Complaining would be the last thing I would do honestly. But I had to get up and check who it was.

I open my eyes, slowly getting used to the light at my desk again, only to find the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my whole entire life. He was gorgeous as a greek god that only Zeus had crafted himself. His features as sharp as a knife, and he looked divine.

“Am I hallucinating?” I mumbled, and as if I said it out loud, the man whispered again. “No you’re not, sweetheart.”

Well I better be in heaven for working my butt off completing that stupid essay. Seeing that I’m face to face with this beautiful man, I’m 100% sure I spawned into the correct place after I died. So this is the after life, it’s not even half bad to be honest. Like just look at him, he must be my guardian angel that is on his way to guide me to the staircase to heaven. The staircase will definitely be as gorgeous as his eyes…

“Hello? Darling? Are you still with me?” He says again, and I leaned closer to admire his features. I whisper a soft “Yes, I am.” As I focus on his ocean blue eyes, and before I knew it, I was drowning in that ocean his eyes held. His eyes was blue like a beautiful sunny day, it was that shade of blue that everyone liked, and I couldn’t help but admiring them a little bit too much too.

“Earth to y/n?” He tries yet again, but this time I could just focus on how snowy white his hair was, it was as white as the whitest paint ever made, and it looked so beautiful and silky I couldn’t even describe how much I wanted to run my fingers through his hair.

As if he could read my mind, he grabbed my face and closed the distance between the two of us, and our faces were so close I could feel his breath… He can touch me! And I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating. I wasn’t. “Sir…?” I choked out, with his face so close to mine, I could barely control my pacing heartbeat, let alone my flushed expression. I could just stare into those captivating eyes of his and think about how beautiful he is… Honestly, even the most beautiful words cannot describe how spectacular he looks.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked, and with us this close, I’m definitely not okay.

“May I ask who you are and why you’re here?” I ask, trying to put up a strong face, trying not to show my weak side.

“I’m Gojo Satoru,” he replies swiftly, without hesitation, “And I may come from the future but don’t freak out please. I’ll explain.”

I just look at him, not knowing how to react as my mind had suddenly gone blank from this shocking news. “Time travelling? That’s possible?”

He chuckled as if he knew how I would react, “How old are you, darling?”

“I’m 14.” I tell him, a bit curious about what he will tell me next. “I’m 29.” He tells me, “It’s 2024 right now, right? I was 16 during that time.”

It took quite a long moment of silence for me to process this new idea of time travelling that I never thought would happen in the near future. I just look at him and his smile as he moved away from me. The amount of questions I had started flooding my mind, I had to resist the urge to ask him all at once.

“So you’re in the year 2036?” I ask him, and I got my answer in a second.

“Actually 2037, it’s March right now, right? Well, I was born in December.” He said, with a smile.

“Why are you telling me all this? What do you want from me?” I started blurting out the questions I had in my mind for a while. And he just looked at me. “I just wanted to see if you met me yet, by that I meant my 16 year old self.”

“Huh?” I started to get confused, “What do you mean by that?”

“We’re dating, darling. In the future, and we’re engaged just last month in 2027.” He smiles, looking so happy I could almost know what to anticipate for the future, “You’re definitely the best thing that happened to me, I could see why I chose you as my wife.” I sat there in shock, not knowing the right words to say, but I felt a hot rush of heat on my face, I must’ve been blushing so hard when I heard him say that we will be engaged… I mean engaged with that man? What luck did I have to be able to pull him?!

“When will we start dating, may I ask?” I manage to choke out, and he laughs, making my face blush an even redder tone. Then he puts a finger up to his lips, as if telling me that it’s a secret, “Wait and see, it won’t be fun if I just spoil all the fun.”

His watch suddenly starts beeping really loudly, as if signalling him to go back, and I was right.

“Sorry darling,” he shows me his watch, and it shows that he had a minute left, “It’s time’s up for now, but I’ll see you later.” He just gave me a big hug and then he disappeared into thin air.

I still didn’t know how to react to that chain of information, I just sat still for a long time, so long that I could feel my butt hurting because of that. The wind blowing my curtains away from the touch of the windows, and that woke me up, that cold breeze of wind at night but with just a tiny bit of warmth to bring me the comfort I needed.

As if I needed something cold to continue this thinking, I head down the convenience store, in my silly pyjamas, I needed to get my daily doze of milk at 3am for better thinking. Not thinking that anyone would be there at 3am just like me, but I caught a glance of a tall guy with some snow white hair, and in that instant, I couldn’t stop my body from running towards that isle that he was in.

The tall guy turned to look at me, as I was panting from running so fast towards him, and he stared at me up and down, “Are you okay, miss?” I look at him, and I could see the sparkly ocean blue eyes I’ve just seen a moment before, but this person looked like a mini version of him — that Gojo guy. Even their voice sounded somewhat similar…

“I am, thanks for your concern.” I tell him, and he gave a slight smile before grabbing the last bottle of milk to the counter.

“Hey!” I call out to him, and he turned back to look at me, “What is it?” he says.

“I wanted that bottle too,” I say, a blush starting to creep up on my face, I think that explains the smirk on his face, “It might be weird asking but do you mind sharing?”

He just laughed out loud, breaking the silence in the air, and I just look at him with my blush creeping up my face so much faster than before. “So?” I ask again.

“I’ll just give you the bottle.” He tells me, then he heads to the counter to pay while I can’t even move my legs from embarrassment to stop him from paying for me. I simply stood in shock and waited for his return in the same position. He came back and gave me the bottle, I held onto the bottle tight and I maintained eye contact with him before he started leaving the store with both his hands in his pockets.

“Wait!” I call out, again, and he looks at me, “Would your name be Gojo Satoru?”

He didn’t necessarily respond but he did give just that tiny nod I needed to confirm, then he mouths the words, ‘I’ll see you later.’

master list

#drabble #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #gojo satoru #gojo and you #satoru gojo #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x you #gojo x reader #jjk gojo #haha #enjoy haha

[thefrontofmymind]

12 Days of Christmas: Day 1 - Secret Santa

hello all! this is the first installment of @abiiors 's 12 Days of Christmas !!

NOTE: this is a continuation of Nothing's Changed, a oneshot I wrote a few months ago. i would say you should read it beforehand just so you know what's going on

You weren’t nervous for the faculty secret santa, you’d seen a billion listicles of good generic gifts that could fit just about any of you coworkers.

It was only as you slyly opened the folded piece of paper you drew from the box and read the name, a shock went down your spine and you broke into a cold sweat. Ross.

You could argue it was silly to get so worried. You had your lists! But with Ross…it has to be special. You had to get him something meaningful–this was your first Christmas together, and granted you’d already ordered him a stack of vintage records of albums he loved, but you knew you couldn’t flake out and get him…a box of chocolates, for example.

But you had to be careful, anything too special could set off alarm bells in everyone else’s heads. It was common knowledge that you were friends in uni, and when given the chance you would be glued to each other’s sides, but there were policies about fraternisation between colleagues and you couldn’t lose this job.

You wracked your brain from the Wednesday morning of the name draw, up until Friday afternoon trying to think of something–anything–for Ross.

“You still here?” Lou said, popping her head through your doorway. “I thought I’d be the last one out of here tonight!”

You laughed–your neighbouring drama teacher was known for spending her evenings building set pieces and readying props and costumes for whatever performance her classes were doing next. “Just…milling around…”

“What’s up?” In the few months you’d known her, it seemed Lou always had the knack for sensing when someone was off; she’d know to send a student to the school nurse just with one glance at them.

“It’s silly, really…” You trailed off.

“It’s clearly bothering you, what’s up?” She persisted, taking a seat on the desk closest to your work station at the front of the room–where Ross would sit to eat lunch with you everyday for the past 2 months.

“I just don’t know what to get my secret santa–I know it’s stupid to get all worried about it–just…you know, I need it to be perfect,” you answered.

Lou let out a sigh. “What are you doing tomorrow? We can go into town and I’ll help you find a gift.” 

You breathed a sigh of relief at the idea of help. Though, how would you go about with Lou’s help without her cottoning on to the fact that the one reason you were so nervous was that you didn’t want to toe the line of co-workers and romantic partners too much around the people that couldn’t know.

“And maybe I’ll find something for my gift,” she continued. “What do you get Jimmy in Geography, anyway?”

“A map?” You joked.

“Well I imagine he probably has enough of those laying around,” Lou answered with a grin. “Who do you have anyway?”

“Ross.”

“Ah, right, I get it now…” she commented before leaving, calling out a quick ‘I’ll drop by at 10!’ as she strolled out the door.

~~~

It wasn’t as cold as you expected the next morning. The sun had come out and there was a light layer of dew over the outside frames of the windows of your flat. You could even get away with just wearing your coat with a normal t-shirt for once.

You spoke to Ross the night before–he had grading to do before the end of term so he was spending his whole Saturday in a hole in his living room, surrounded by four classes worth of history essays to read. You were grateful he didn’t ask what your plans were, you just left it at a ‘then I’ll leave you to it’ and he seemed satisfied with it.

And in a stroke of rare luck, Lou was at your doorstep at 10 on the dot, with two oat milk lattes in her hands. It was never her forte to be on time, but you were glad your morning wasn’t full of anxiously waiting around for your coworker–and now friend. 

“So what are you thinking?” Lou asked as you strolled through the crowded street mall you found yourself in. She pointed to a fancy cosmetics shop. “Cologne or something maybe?”

“Not personal enough, I think,” you answered. “Why couldn’t I just get someone I don’t know anything about?!”

Lou laughed. It made you realise you may have been overthinking it just a little. You’d known Ross for years, you loved him… You just had to go with your gut.

“You and Ross are close, huh?” Lou continued after a few moments of silent strolling.

“In uni…we were inseparable,” you replied. “Like really close.”

She gave you a look, wide eyes. It was a silent question. Just how close? You gave one curt nod in response, a sign that you couldn’t talk about it, but it was clear what the answer would be.

Suddenly you felt like a weight had come off your chest. Finally you were honest to someone about Ross. You realised you didn’t have to completely hide your relationship, you just had to be careful about it. You immediately caught onto the notion that by and large you didn’t need to overthink this all; just go with your heart, and you’ll find the perfect gift for the most perfect man.

Walking past a jeweller, a gold glint caught the corner of your eye. It was a display in the window–a gold chain, not too delicate, but thick enough for you to see it immediately. You made a b-line for it without even looking to Lou. Every link interlocked with each other and laid so smoothly. 

You remembered Ross wore a thin chain in university–you remembered it dangling over your face as he hovered above you, begging for him to drown you in kisses yet again. At some point over the years he must have either lost it or forgone it as a growing moment. You missed it tickling your face, hiding within his chest hair like a hidden treasure waiting to be unearthed–you got butterflies just thinking about it.

Sure, it was a little out of the price range for the gift exchange, but you always took those sorts of things as just a guideline. You and Lou walked out of the little family-owned shop with a tiny navy blue bag in your hand and a spring in your step.

~~~

You kept one eye on the small wrapped box under the tree in the staffroom during the staff party. Even though no one, bar Lou, knew what it contained, you were still worried someone would take it or misplace it or mistake it for their own gift. Through drinks and shallow conversations about your holiday plans and picking at the spread of potluck appetisers provided but almost everyone in the room, every so often you would just quickly glance to make sure it was still in it’s spot sitting atop a wrapped cylinder that you could only guess was a candle–it made you giggle to yourself to think that someone panicked and grabbed the first think they could think of, the most basic gift imaginable.

You spent most of your time glued next to Ross. He looked so…beautiful in his knitted red sweater with his hair pulled back like usual. You just couldn’t wait for him to open his gift. You couldn’t help but stare at the glint in his eyes as he chuckled along with the group at Kerry from biology’s story about her sons’ antics.

After about an hour and a half of mingling, it was finally time for the gifts. You all sat in a big circle around the staff room as Principal Janine handed out the wrapped presents. You giggled at the gag gifts, smiled at the sweet gifts, and tried to hide your confusion at gifts that were clearly some kind of inside joke you weren’t privy to.

Janine finally picked up the box for Ross. “And this one’s for…Ross!”

You could barely contain your excitement as he began to tear at the corner of the wrapping. You could tell he was being gentle with it, trying to ignore the spurs of “rip it!” from the group. He looked inquisitively at the small velvet box once it was free from the paper.

“Open it,” you whispered from beside him. You almost missed the glint in his eye as he slyly glanced at you. You knew you’d already given the game away–he knew it was from you.

The gold chain didn’t sparkle as much as you hoped under the fluorescent lights of the staff room, but it still caused a mist in Ross’ eyes just the same.

“So who do you think it’s from, then?” Lou asked with a grin–after all, she was there with you when you bought it.

“It can only be from one person, I reckon.” He smiled and placed a firm hand on the back of your shoulder.

You could’ve melted under his touch then and there. Even with all the private escapades you had gotten up to, nothing could compare to the adrenaline rush you felt at the tiniest amount of affection you could show each other in public.

“Well, I noticed you don’t wear one anymore! I thought you could get a little nostalgia from it!” You were smiling so wide, it looked like someone had stuck a clothes hanger in your mouth.

You noticed that underneath the tree was beginning to get sparse. Only about half a dozen gifts were left, you wondered which one was yours.

Janine grabbed a bulky, square-shaped, wrapped box and read the nametag on it. She joyfully passed it to you.

You couldn’t help but immediately tear the wrapping, making just an ounce of the mess you used to love making on Christmas morning when you were a kid.

It was a bottle of perfume. Not just any bottle. Britney Spears’ Midnight Fantasy. You let out a deep chuckle once you’d registered what it was–the perfume you were just about addicted to in uni, you pretty much had a stockpile running of them for your full 3 years there.

You heard a laugh from beside you. Ross had a smile just as wide as yours, his cheeks had all bunched up and he got those little creases at the edges of his eyes that you loved so much.

“Of course!” You bellowed. You realised everyone else in the room looked confused, you thought it’d be kind to clue them in. “I was obsessed with this perfume in uni, like, I don’t think I ever wore another perfume then.”

“Never! We knew you’d be coming when we could smell it while you were still a mile up the road!”

~~~

Ross’ cheeks were lit but the LED tealights surrounding your flat. You set up a picnic of sorts–inside, of course, no one in their right mind would stay outside in the freezing temperatures for longer than necessary–with an Indian takeaway.

It was small moments like this, the intimacy, that made you appreciate Ross even more. You’d thought it out and come to a conclusion; you didn’t mind that you couldn’t be all love-y with each other in public, it was the private times that counted, and with each interaction you could feel yourself falling further and further.

“I hope you like it,” you said, when discussing your secret Santa gifts–coincidentally to each other.

“Are you kidding, love? You’ll have to wrestle it off me now!” He smiled, a little wonky from the two bottles of wine you’d shared that evening.

You giggled. “I’m glad, and likewise with the perfume I…I can’t believe you remembered the exact one.”

“Of course I did!” He replied. He placed his plate on the picnic blanket that was sprawled out on your living room floor. “I actually have something else–to go along with it…”

He shifted and turned to dig through his bag, normally filled with supplies for school and his laptop. He retrieved a brown paper binded scrapbook.

“This was the-uh-second part of the gift,” he continued. “But I couldn’t quite give you this bit in front of everyone else.”

He handed you the book, and you finally got a good look at the cover. There was a picture of the two of you back from some university party back in the day–probably scoured from someone’s Facebook memories. You tried to hide your cringe at your outfit, not quite something you would wear today.

You began to flip through the pages. Photos from your year together, tickets to the films you saw at the cinema, a concert ticket or two as well. Each page had a little paragraph written right onto it in Ross’ scribbly yet concise handwriting–sometimes explaining a memory of a day in the fall when you got excited to watch Hocus Pocus with him, or a poem about snow falling down on you and resting in your hair.

You flipped to the last page, there was a lengthy letter written.

My love,

If all is going as planned, I’m watching you read this right now. I could stare at you forever, you know that?

You looked up to see Ross smiling at you, you couldn’t help but let out a schoolgirl-like giggle.

Even though you’ll vehemently deny it, the truth is you are the most beautiful sight in the world. Ever. I will never get sick of being graced by those eyes, the curve of your neck into your shoulders, your arms that you swear dangle just a little too far to be proportionate, and those hips–my word, those hips.

I could go on about your looks forever, but that is barely the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the marvel that is you. You’re always so kind, so caring, and you’re the smartest in most rooms you’re in.

For a long time I thought the only chance I had with you was gone when we split so long ago. I must’ve accrued some bloody good karma to give me a second chance at loving you. I know it hasn’t been that long this time around yet, and I know we’re bound for a hassle the longer this goes on, but I want you to know that I’m in it. Whatever it takes, you are staying in my life and there’s not a chance I’m letting you go again.

All of this to say, I love you.

Your Ross

P.S. Don’t feel pressure to say it back or anything. It’s just important that you know.

You couldn’t stop the grin on your face. There was heat spreading all across your face and neck. You realised you hadn’t looked back up at Ross yet–you just couldn’t help but re-read the last few lines of his letter. I love you. I love you. I love you.

When you finally looked back at him, you could see his smile had faltered just a little. He was worried about your response.

You tried to find the words to tell him how you felt. How perfect this all was.

“Sorry if I…overstepped,” he started. “I just had to get it out, you know? Like there was this-”

You cut him off with a kiss. A deep kiss. The kind that did all the talking for you. The kind where you didn’t care that your teeth hit each other on impact and your neck was craning in an awkward position and all of Ross’ weight was settled on one hand leaning on the carpet and it was beginning to aggravate the skin on the palm of his hand.

In the end, none of that mattered. Because you loved each other, and after so long without one another that was the most important thing in your life.

#christmas75 #ross macdonald x reader #ross macdonald imagine #ross macdonald fanfiction #ross macdonald fic #ross macdonald blurb

[mirrorthoughts]

The Identity Crisis of Desmond Miles

Alright, here we are 😂 Thanks to everyone who has voted on my poll (and yes, I know it's not over yet but I wrote this already anyway 😂), I’m actually surprised I got more than 10 votes (and all of them on a yes 💕(the one for the results was mine 😂I wanted to see how it’s going)).

So yeah, Blorbo thoughts about Desmond’s brain, how the Animus maybe-probably works on it and how it’s actually possible that Desmond still has a (probably in the end very weak) grasp of his own identity (below a readmore, because I don’t know how long this will get 😂😂)

The Start

First a few facts I will base this whole… essay on

Desmond learns skills from his ancestors, so the Animus has to impact him deeper than only on a surface level (surface level would be like playing a VR version of a game).

I don’t have the precise ages/dates in mind for the lifespans of Altair, Ezio and Connor, but even if I’m being conservative we’ll get at least 80+ years of other people’s memories in contrast to Desmond’s 25 years of life (…just realized he’s about half a year older than me, so maybe it’s not a surprise he’s one of my forever-blorbos <.<…), one of those, namely Ezio’s he actually ‘lived’ from birth to retirement (= ~55-60 years).

AC Revelations is the only real glance into Desmond’s own memories (aside from what he tells us at the beginning of AC1 and 2). From a doylistic view I know that Ubisoft probably just didn’t want to expend more effort to create Desmond’s memories the same as his ancestor’s, especially because they probably knew at that point they would kill him in the next installment anyway. From a watsonian view the way his memories are all bare bones - mostly his voice talking as if it was a story he remembers and not something he actually lived, without people/faces and places he knew - comes across as if he doesn’t really remember all that much anymore, as if they were really old memories buried by the rest of his (or rather his ancestors’) life.

The brain can hold a lot of information and memories. Even more than you might think. We all know about those Guiness World Records guys that taught themselves to easily remember a myriad of numbers, words, things, whatever. I actually recently saw a very good video about how to do that even as a ‘normal person’. And I’m not even talking about people with photographic, eidetic, echoic or other types of ‘perfect memory’. So, I think we can agree on: the brain is fucking awesome (most of the time) and probably can actually handle the 130+ years Desmond has experienced.

Desmond

Desmond’s ‘life’, according to what his brain experiences when he was in Abstergo’s hands looks a bit like this: Desmond (25yrs) -> Altair (however many days/weeks) -> Desmond (one night’s sleep) -> Altair (however many days/weeks) -> Desmond (one night’s sleep) -> repeat until he gets broken out of Abstergo.

And it only gets worse. Yes, he gets more “free time” when he’s with Shaun and Rebbecca, but at the same time he experiences weeks, if not months of Ezio’s life at a time! Sometimes even years. (We can argue about how the time jump-function works in the Animus, but he still gets the information of what happened how during that time because Ezio knows all of that shit, so even if it’s not as detailed as what he actually actively lives through he still gets the memory of what happened during that time as far as I’m concerned).

And then we have the most extreme ratio in Revelations: Mere seconds of being Desmond (hello computer/brain-speed!) against another few months/about a year of Ezio’s time.

During AC3 it’s not as clear cut how much time he spends in the Animus, thanks to them being inside, but I’d guess they’re about at the same ratio as with AC2, maybe a bit better since he does get to go on missions outside.

In total that makes maybe three months of Desmond’s time (it’s about half a year from when he got kidnapped to when he dies minus all the time he was in the animus. Tbh I think it’s even less than three months he has as Desmond/himself during that time) against literal decades of memories and experiences of his ancestors during the same time. And of course the Bleeding Effect that even disturbs his ‘Desmond time’.

So much for the ‘mathematical’ side of it all 😂

To summarize: Every memory that Desmond makes as himself is overshadowed by dozens of memories he makes as one of his ancestors. So piece by piece, Desmond’s own memories get buried deeper and deeper in his head and those 25 years he actually was only Desmond get fainter and fainter as the new memories he’s making as his ancestors are getting favored by his brain.

Identity Crisis

At this point, it wouldn’t be surprising if Desmond really believed himself to be Ezio, right? After all he’s lived about 55 years of Ezio, he remembers being born as him (and wasn’t that an awkward scene to play… nevermind experience for Desmond), growing up as him, and of course everything we as the player played through with Ezio. And although aside from some verbal outbursts against especially Lucy and a few scenes of the Bleeding Effect we actually don’t see much of it during the game (as far as I remember at least). But we also know about the in-game consequences of using the Animus in detail - hello Clay - and that Abstergo doesn’t really care about the effects of the Animus on their victims as long as they get from them what they want/need.

And yes, Rebecca’s Baby 2.0 was optimized by her to make it better/easier for Desmond. But better/lesser effects still means there will be some effects. And also… afaik Rebbecca has her informations about the Animus from whatever Lucy ‘smuggled out’ of Abstergo. Lucy is said to be a Templar spy, so what informations did she really give Rebecca? Bc as far as I’m concerned it would be to Lucy’s/the Templar’s advantage if Desmond would find them what they need more or less by his own choice and then is brain gets scrambled to hell and back so the Assassins won’t be able to get more informations themselves, right?

Anyway, @Raett (who was a lovely participant in the discussion of these thoughts) hit me with that lovely sentence of “If you've spent more time being 'Ezio' than being 'Desmond' than what's to say [you aren’t] Ezio with memories of Desmond?”

And… just imagine. You’ve just gone through decades of memories, your own memories are faint right now (see point 3) and you’re not quite sure if those actually are your memories or if that’s just something you’ve seen. Maybe you are Ezio after all? Maybe you only dreamt of those ‘memories’ of Desmond - after all that weird vision of a woman that called you the Prophet also talked about someone with that Name! Okay, alright, then you are obviously Ezio, right? You remember your family, your sister, after all you write to her regularly when you are not visiting. You remember Constantinopoli, you remember traveling to Masyaf, you remember finding Altair’s body, his memories.

Wait.

You remember more of Altair then the memory discs have shown you. How can you remember more of Altair’s life? It was already a miracle in your eyes that you saw his memories at all! You remember someone named Connor, Ratonhnhaké:ton. You remember him living in the future, not as far as Desmond, but still far closer to him than yourself. How can you remember the future if you are Ezio? But you remember your - Ezio’s - whole life, so you have to be Ezio, right? But you also remember Altair’s life. Not all of it, but years of it. And you remember Ratonhnhaké:ton, remember how he became Connor, remember his work and life up to somewhere in his later twenties.

And you remember, though faintly, Desmond. You remember that diabolical machine Desmond used. You remember what he was forced to do.

You can remember remembering, reliving your memories.

Are they really yours? Or maybe, maybe you aren’t Ezio after all.

Remembering

So, now that Desmond’s gone through that circle of ‘who am I?’ and ‘I’m Ezio, right?’ and ‘I have to be Ezio, but I can’t be Ezio, so who am I?’ probably more than just a couple of times, what actually is it that brings him back every time?

The short answer is probably ‘reality’, even though that sounds dumb as fuck at first 😂

But in a wider sense that’s actually true. A person’s memory doesn’t only consist of seeing and hearing things, as much as someone who played the games might get the impression because the average person has yet to be able to smell/feel/taste things from computer games 😂.

And that’s the crux, the only thing that actually saves Desmond from loosing himself completely: Sensory impressions, which are a great trigger to remember things.

The clothes he’s wearing don’t feel like any of his ancestor’s clothes. Their make and design are completely different, the fabric was produced in a different way, the clothes themselves, like underwear are even a modern invention (modern men’s underwear is actually largely an invention of the 1930s). And of course nowadays most people wear a lot less layers than it was custom in most of human history.

Then there’s sound and smell (and visuals of course), a modern city is so much louder than even ancient Rome has been. More people (the world’s population is more than 20 times larger than during the 1400s (Ezio was born in the latter half of that century). And between 2011 and 2023 we actually gained another Billion of people on this world!), loud and smelly cars, food stalls, tared streets, large buildings and modern architecture. Cities in general.

And of course he has his companions who would jog his memories by being there.

And his companions are the ones who also trigger another sense of Desmond: touch. Or at least I hope they do <.< touch starvation is a bitch and even a hand on your shoulder or sitting closer together and almost touching and stuff like that do help a lot.

In the same vein we also have Desmond’s own bodily awareness by the way. Especially after months of mostly lying in the Animus he won’t be as strong or enduring as his ancestors and when I think about how Ezio’ running around Rome in his armor… well Desmond definitely has a long way to get anywhere near that strength 😂😂😂 So, his body doesn’t feel like either his ancestor’s bodies. And he also has different markings on his body than them (aside from the scar on his lip that he shares with Altair and Ezio) and, of course, he has his tattoo.

And I think that’s what is grounding him the most. While he sure as hell can fall into one of his ancestors’ personalities when he’s hiding somewhere in the woods, cars - and technology in general - and cities and people have the best chance at pulling him back into himself. Even small things like a tea one of his ancestors remembers that just doesn’t taste quite right. Because over the hundreds of years the plants used to make that tea changed by natural evolution or - more likely - by cultivation through humans.

Coping

I’m kinda curious what they would have done with Desmond if he’d survived in canon. But since they didn’t really let him survive (I’m expertly ignoring the Reader btw.) we will never know an answer to that, I guess <.<…

Though I think with a bit of therapy he’d actually be able to compartmentalize the memories of his ancestors quite well? I mean… I actually think I saw something similar in a fanfic, but since each of their lives was so uniquely different I think it would actually be pretty clear cut to shove each of them in a dedicated space - like a mind palace or something.

I mean, mind palaces work by using a place (real or imaginary) that you know very well and kinda… sort what ever you want to remember in those places. Other than Desmond who mostly has the farm (and I don’t think he’d want to use that place and revisit it every time he tries to remember something specific) each of the other three kinda has at least one dedicated space he knows like the back of his hand. For Ezio he could use Florence, Monteriggioni, even Rome (though maybe a place he isn’t going to travel to that often). For Altair Masyaf is the most likely choice in my opinion. And for Connor he has the homestead and his ship. Just places he hasn’t the same connection to as Desmond and which he can imagine well enough.

He would probably still need a shit ton of therapy for that whole thing anyway and for coping with his own childhood and how his dad is a fucking asshole, too <.<… But he would have a chance to cope, maybe even heal.

Anyway, thanks for everyone who read this far 😂😂😂 I didn’t expect to turn this whole thing into a 2k+ essay, but well, I kinda did o_O… I have no idea if I remembered everything I wanted to write, but this thing is what you get 😂 Hope you had fun! :D (And thanks for wanting to read this to everyone who voted 💕)

#seikaze #sei's brain bubbles #assassin's creed #desmond miles #this got so much larger than I anticipated #it was actually a joke that I called it 'essay' at the beginning #but welp #now it's 2.2k plus a bit long

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Hello.

I have so many I want to ask but I'll do this one again.

5 biggest surprises in Bl this year.

(Thanks for the xmas message btw.) Rose💜

Ooo I like this one, there were lots of good surprises this year:

Shows that surprised me

Wedding Plan

gif by @pharawee

Everyone has an opinion on MAME, and I do not blame them, but know that I am judging you hard if you did not like Wedding Plan and especially if you did not like Sailom. This show was phenomenal and if you have not watched it, you should.

Be My Favorite

gif by @makesomehistory

Krist and Jittirain also have reputations on this website, and while I was not aware of the reputations of either of these individuals many of my friends on this website do and we entered this show ready to be mad at it, and instead we all walked away enjoying it and genuinely surprised by the fact that we had enjoyed it. So shout out to Krist and Jittirain I guess, and honestly Gawin too because he showed that he is a great actor in his own right in this show.

Bed Friend

So I had seen the trailer for this show before it aired, and decided to check it out because it was marketed as high heat and I was curious to see what other studios were doing with high heat after KinnPorsche. So imagine my surprise 5 minutes in when the lights go out and we get the flashback showing baby Uea getting padlocked into the bathroom. Y'all. Jaw. Floor. I literally paused, I went back to the trailer, there was ZERO indication about his child abuse history. So that was probably my biggest surprise of the year for BL.

Characters that surprised me

I Like Phupa Now!

Honestly, thank god for Aof. He really used Our Skyy 2 to finally give Phupa the character arc he needed. In A Tale of a Thousand Stars, Phupa served as the more traditional romance story male where we did not get a lot of actual information on him, and when I watched ATOTS it was my first EarthMix show and I wasn't good at reading Earth's microexpressions so Phupa fell flat for me. But now I love him so so much, because Our Skyy 2 finally gave me enough time to sit with Phupa that I finally realized how much he was struggling with internalized homophobia, and I wrote two essays about it.

Mond was Boeing All Along!

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Don't care what anyone thinks of Only Friends as a whole, so many people were sure that Boeing was going to be played by Mix, and I remember the posts flying when Mond showed up at the end. Jojo asking Mond if he'd kissed any boys and casting him because he said no, and then having Mond kiss almost every single boy in the show? Inspired.

ASK ME MY TOP 5 OF ANYTHING BL 2023

#ask game #best in bl 2023 #be my favorite #wedding plan the series #bed friend the series #bed friend #os2 x atots #only friends the series

[hitomisuzuya]

hello 💕 no rush but id like to make a humble request when you have time! can i request a sfw scenario or headcanons of tighnari or albedo taking care of an overworked partner with a stressful job? im a nurse and just came home crying from a horrible shift and all i could think of on my drive home was being comforted by them. if you dont want to do the request thats ok too, no worries. make sure to take care of yourself as well and thank you for writing for everyone!

-🪷 anon

a/n: Nurses truly don't get enough appreciation. They work hard, especially in the ER, harder than doctors if you ask me. I hope you like this and that it makes you feel better. As someone who was a caretaker for my mom, nurses taught me a lot of things that I will always remember. I wrote both Tighnari and Albedo for you.

Headcanons for Albedo and Tighnari comforting the reader after a stressful at work. SFW. Comfort. Fluff.

Albedo would listen intently when you vented about your day to him. Everyone had been so rude to you today at your job. You were sick of it by the time your shift ended.

He told you it would be okay. That you didn't deserve to be treated that way. You worked so hard, and he hated that your efforts hadn't been met with the kindness and thanks you deserved today.

He would paint you anything you wanted. A quiet snowy scene in Dragonspine, or a hilichurl dancing like a goofball around some rocks. Anything to make your eyes light up.

A smile was what he preferred to see instead of a frown.

He would prepare a warm bath for you, mixing different oils in the water, lavender in particular. They would help you relax.

Albedo also suggested that you take the day off tomorrow, and focus on doing things you enjoyed.

Tighnari would rest your head in his lap, stroking your hair as you told him about the awful day you'd had at work.

He would let you rub his ears or pet his tail. If that was what room to make you giggle and smile then he was more than happy to let you.

He would read to you. You didn't care if it was an Akademiya essay, or a book about different therapeutic herbs. In fact, he preferred it that way. If you could learn something new in the process that would help you later in life, he was more than happy to read to you all night long.

You would eventually drift off to sleep. It's not that what he read to you was boring. His voice was just so soothing.

He would tuck you into bed as best he could so as not to wake you. You needed and deserved the rest.

He would have Collei make breakfast for you the next day.

Tighnari would leave a note for you to wake up to, asking you to take a walk with him when he finished his Forest Ranger duties.

#genshin impact #genshin fluff #genshin comfort #tighnari #albedo #tighnari x you #tighnari x reader #albedo x reader #albedo x you

[kwiwrites]

On the Hills (1/?)

Hello everyone! Thank you for 10k hits on the hills. In celebration, I've put together a little essay of sorts on the makings, as well as my thought process behind this fic. I still have a lot more to say about it, so if you guys enjoy this please let me know, and I would love to publish a second part.

this account is still not in use, and basically inactive. I just didn't wanna put anything marauders on my other accounts haha.

Note: This entire doc is about my interpretation of Regulus and how I wrote him in the “The Hills.” Your view of him may not match in the same way, and that’s alright! 

Initial Idea

I honestly don’t have  a timeline or even reason for writing this fic. I remember thinking that there weren’t enough fics with Regulus dealing with his mental health and just having a shit time of it, so I sat down and wrote the first chapter on a whim some time in October. 

The way I viewed Regulus back then (this was only my second Jegulus fic- the first one being a long-winded fluffpiece with barely any character development or even actual character traits of James and Regulus other than being horribly terribly in love with each other- the fic is called Finding Barty if anyone’s curious) was different from many other people (and even slightly different from the way I view him now). Regulus to me was a person who wasn’t exactly brave- not in the ways that are “visible” to people at least. He’s not a coward but he isn’t outspoken as Sirius, especially when it comes to rebelling against his parents. To me, he also never blamed Sirius for leaving without him- at least not more than he blamed himself for not being stronger. I don’t think Regulus could ever channel his anger outwards at Sirius, he would turn it inwards at himself, destroying himself before he could harm others. 

And so- this is the basis that this fic was born off of.  A vague idea of Regulus getting disowned and a half-formed idea of a character. Like I said, there wasn’t much to go off of. I was impulsive, and I had time. So I wrote the first two chapters in a few days, published it and decided to see where it would take me. 

On the story

(Note: In this section I am NOT invalidating romance stories. I literally write romance stories as my hobby. I read romance stories exclusively.  Just- The Hills is not one. It will never be one. That does not take away from nor add to its value as a fic.) 

The Hills was never meant to be a romance story. The Jegulus is there, yes- but it’s not the focus. I think it’s better that way, though readers might disagree.

In the first outline of the story (now buried deep in my notes app, never to see the light of day again, for better or worse) the Jegulus was a lot more prominent. There were many instances of James and Regulus growing closer, bonding together- but I never managed to fully follow through with it. Even when I tried to incorporate the Jegulus more, I just realized it wouldn’t work. It simply was not meant to be the focus of the story. The exes storyline also just didn’t exist originally. James and Regulus were going to organically grow closer, and fall in love. 

Looking back, I realize that that would never have worked- not if I wanted to completely shift gears and turn this mental-health focused character study into an actual romance story. Regulus falling in love with James would have been at odds with his constant struggles to keep living, and while those two things are not mutually exclusive, I do believe that if I had kept the original outline and made the Jegulus more of a focus- then it would have fallen apart as a narrative. 

I didn’t even realize I was deviating from the romance part of the fic until it was quite literally pointed out to me (albeit in a positive light) by one kind commenter. The more chapters I wrote, the more I diverged from my original idea of a Jegulus fic. Somewhere along the way it turned into purely a Regulus focused fic, with James being there as a sort of physical manifestation of Regulus’ past, as well as a narrative tool that allowed me to give Regulus comfort without it feeling like any of the characters was trying to “fix” him. 

So yes, I would call this a Regulus character study before anything else, along with a study of how depression/ anxiety/ self harm / suicidal thoughts can impact a person; tear them apart at the bone and turn their life and their sense of self inside out. It’s about how absolutely debilitating mental illnesses can be; how they are a constant, daily struggle that you can’t just overcome like so many people lead you to believe. It takes time. And sometimes it doesn’t fully go away, your life just grows around it. You become better, not because you have been fixed- but because you have come to terms with being fractured. You are learning how to cope with it, and you are better than you were tomorrow, the day before. That’s all that matters. I wanted Regulus to learn all of this through the course of this fic.

Writing this fic was a form of catharsis for me, and I wanted to give other people facing similar struggles the same form of hope I felt while writing it. I won’t go into too much detail, but this fic is deeply, deeply personal to me, and seeing so many others resonate with it and love it in the same way I do has been awe-inspiring, for lack of a better word. I cannot thank all of the readers, the commenters and everyone who gave this fic a chance enough. 

Thank you to anyone who's read this entire thing, please do let me know if anyone would like a second or even third part since this is not all I have to say abt this fic

#jegulus #fic: the hills #regulus black #james potter #fanfiction

[souryogurt64]

Hey just finished reading the essay and it was amazing!! I wanted to ask if you know anything more on Spencer’s departure from the band bcs you have mentioned that Brendon kicked him out while the version ive always heard/seen was that he left on his own to focus on fixing himself up

Yeah so I get into this a bit in my Brent Wilson essay (link)

Spencer has always been a really private person so a lot of the conclusions I've drawn (ie, he and Ryan fell out) are kind of speculative but I still think the pieces are all there.

If you read and watch everything linked in that section, it is pretty clear to me that Spencer was struggling with addiction and Brendon no longer wanted him in the band. I think other people (ie, Pete) wanted to give Spencer a chance to get clean. I don't really think Spencer wanted to leave. I think Spencer going that public about his addiction was like a condition of him staying in the band to like maintain accountability or something.

This would explain Brendon telling the story a million times that he wrote "This Is Gospel" to basically tell Spencer to leave Panic!, but Spencer didn't actually leave Panic! until well after the album was out.

Again if you read and watch everything in that section, Spencer says he's getting treatment and wants to continue the band, then after tour starts Brendon says "it’s become evident Spencer still needs more time to take care of himself" and "the tour will continue without Spencer while he is away getting the help he needs." That was Brendon, not Spencer.

I think it's obvious there was some sort of incident. It's most likely Spencer relapsed, but I think there is a slight possibility Spencer said he didn't want Brendon getting wasted in front of him and Brendon said no. I say this in that Brent essay but the Drunk History video is a really uncomfortable level of alcohol.

The full statement Brendon posted is kind of nuts. I understand it's very difficult to have someone you care about struggling with addiction and I understand that when that's happening, people can behave in ways that are unpleasant to deal with. However, it seems like Brendon is making the conflict mostly about Spencer "telling him what to do," and Brendon seems to have that problem with everyone on Earth.

I'm not like an expert but it also seems like Brendon is judging Spencer for getting addicted to drugs when he's able to do a ton of drugs and not be an addict. It sounds like Spencer was abusing opioids which is really serious and leads to heroin addiction to a lot of people, like Travie.

When people in bandom like Pete talk about abusing pills like Xanax and Ambien, that's like different physically than opioids. I think Pete is so adamant he was never an addict because he wants to be clear he was not physically addicted to painkillers and that's a different thing. Also I don't think opioids are really a party drug and it sounds like Spencer was taking them to deal with emotional issues so I feel like Brendon is being kind of a dick about it.

This didn't make it into the essay, but I also found this video where Brendon is making a lot of implications about the "narrative" of This Is Gospel and Emperor's New Clothes and him and Spencer and Spencer's addiction issues. This is like an insane thing to say in my opinion. Like just watch it and listen to the songs I'm not even going to bother analyzing this. Finders keepers losers weepers???? Hello??

#Spencer smith

[doctorofmagic]

What is your favorite version of Dr. strange in the comics, why?

Hello!! Thank you for dropping questions and apologies for taking so long to reply, I was in need of a break but I'm back :D (hopefully)

For your first question.... Recently, I'm torn between Aaron's and McKay's versions. Aaron wrote Stephen at his lowest and the story spoke to me on personal levels (Stephen's depression as a metaphor for Mr. Misery will always hit me like a truck, given my own experiences with that). He was very chaotic but also absolutely caring, which is very important for me when evaluating his characterization. McKay's Stephen is... perfect. He's still flawed but now he's in a better place, seeking improvement and embracing love once more. He's always empathetic, sweet, but also stern and serious when he needs to be. Also, while Aaron's Stephen pushes people away, McKay's version is reconnecting with people and relying on his friends, which also resonates within my very soul. They both have different flavors haha. Let's just say these two characterizations are the ones who are carved into my heart the deepest. I could talk about it all day but let's not, otherwise it's gonna become another long post 😅

For your second question.... Altruism. Man is always, ALWAYS ready to give up on his very life and soul to save everything and everyone. His kindness, compassion, love.... This is why he'll always be my number one. No one represents love as he does in my opinion. And in my humble opinion, to love in a world of hatred is an act of resistance.

Lastly, oh... That one will entail a long essay. I think I have this answered at some links on my pinned post but overall, he's very difficult to sum up in an analysis because of the many layers he has. So I usually tend to go for different topics (flaws, mistakes, fears, virtues etc). Another reason to love him so #guilty

Thank you so much for passing by, I had tons of fun!

#how can the sorcerer supreme be of assistance? #ask #doctor strange #stephen strange #marvel comics

[rogerswifesblog]

Request for a story where Steve hopelessly falls in love with the new hire for the avengers/ stark industries marketing department. So Natasha immediately sets up that she helps him with all things social media

Thank you for the request! I hope you like it, let me know!

Requests are open!

Online

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: It's your first day at Stark Industries...and Natasha seems to notice Steve's little crush on you.

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Steve Rogers x SI!employee!reader

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: none I'd say

Keep in mind English is not my first language!

Nervously you entered Starks office. It was your first day at work and you were supposed to come here first. Probably to meet Tony himself-you we're supposed to take care of the marketing department of Stark Industries.

You've dreamt about this since you were in high school. This moment. Entering Starks office, meeting Tony stark himself. You haven't met him, since the job interview was with Pepper-and she was great. Such a friendly and likeable woman.

"Come in, Mrs Y/N", a robotic voice said, after you knocked on Starks office door. Slightly surprised you looked up. Wow. So it was really true-stark had a artificial intelligence in his whole building. Incredible.

You opened the door, a big smile on your face. "Good Morning, Mr Stark", you said while looking at the man mentioned. Your smile slightly fell when you saw the other person sitting in the room in front of Starks desk.

No way.

No fu-

"Cap-Captain-hi-yhm, I mean-Good morning", you said flustered.

Why was he  here? Of course you knew him. Actually you wrote an essay about him in Highschool. And in college.

God. This was embarrassing. You've never had a crush on anybody...besides him. Captain America. Steve Rogers.

Steve seemed to feel pretty much the same. As soon as you entered the room, he blushed. He could feel his whole body being on fire.

Of course Tony noticed this. A smirk appeared on his lips, while he slowly drank a sip from his coffee. "Hello, new employee. I guess you're here to introduce yourself-Y/N, right?", he started talking, while slowly looking back to Steve, who apparently thought the floor must be incredibly interesting, so intense he was starring at it.

You looked back from Steve to Tony. You could feel your cheeks heat up. "Yes, yes that's me. I'm here for marketing department and also the social media for Stark industries?", you asked, since you weren't sure about the last part. Pepper told you this could be a possibility-social media is important for Stark industries and Stark himself-but he wasn't allowed to post anything. It didn't surprise you to hear that...not after the last incident.

Tony nodded, while he gestured you to sit down.

He gestured to the chair in front of his desk.

Right next to Steve.

Oh god.

Deep breaths.

You slowly sat down, giving Steve a small-and tense-smile. He looked away.

Oh wow, great.

"Well, Y/N, Pepper already told me you seemed perfect for the job, so-", the door interrupted Tony mid sentence. Natasha-fucking-Romanoff just entered the room.

Oh god, please no.

A smirk crossed her lips, while she came to Steve and put her hands on his shoulders. "Hi Tony-I think our Gramps forgot he was supposed to train with me", her words made Steve sigh. He was used to the teasing of his teammates. Yet there was something different this time-

A quiet chuckle.

You.

He immediately looked up, which made you look away.

The two of you blushed.

Natasha and Tony noticed your reactions and looked at each other for a moment. Both of them smirked knowingly, while the two of you looked away from each other.  Clueless.

"Well, let's go, fossil or do you need help getting up?", Natasha teased. Steve sighed again and shook his head. "That's I don't need help with getting anything up", his whole face burned. He was mortified. Why did he say it like that? The whole room went quite, while everyone looked at Steve.

Wordlessly he quickly stood up. "We should-training", he mumbled while grabbing Natasha arm and leaving the room with her-the red head started laughing.

As you looked back at Steve, your eyes met. A small smile spread over your lips, before you looked away. So did Steve.

Tony watched the two of you with his eyebrows raised.

He may or may not texted Natasha something about what he saw-of course she already knew.

"So Steve-how's your Twitter going?", natasha asked Steve, while blocking one of his punches. He sighed. They had this conversation way too often. Natasha knew he didn't want any social media-at least nothing as Captain America. Just some small accounts he could use to scroll through Instagram or Twitter, but nothing where he would post. It's just not...him.

Slowly he put his hands down and shook his head. "Come on Nat, we've talked about it. The world doesn't need a...a Twitter account for Captain America", he mumbled, grabbing his water bottle and taking a sip. Unimpressed Nat raised one of her perfect eyebrows. „Whatever you say...Captain Iceberg." A cocky smile on her face. She already had a great idea...

This job was great. You loved it.

Tony was a better boss than the one you had before-and you could actually work in your department and not be the one who brought everyone coffee. That's what happened at your old workplace.

An hour before finishing, Tony came into your small office-which was also new, you never had your own office before. "I have a request for you-the last one for today. Natasha needs some help with a little...social media problem. Could you take a look? I let JARVIS know to let you out on the right floor", he said.

With a friendly smile on your lips you left with Tony your office and went to the elevator. "I'm sure it'll be fun", Tony said and guided you to the elevator with a cheeky smile. Before the door closed you could him hear saying something about...the captains floor? What?

Before you could process everything, the door opened.

You looked straight into the muscular chest of Steve Rogers himself. Slowly you looked up. "Hello Captain", you mumbled quietly, blushing. A small smile appeared on Steve's face. He seemed nervous.

"Hi-what-? What are you doing here?", the man before you asked, while stepping aside, to let you in.

Walking this closely next to him, made your whole body tingle.

Slightly nervous you took out your phone. "Tony told me Natasha needed help with social media? But I think he send me to the wrong floor-I'll call him and-" "Nope, you're in the right place...Natasha did it", he interrupted you quietly mumbling. He sighed. Of course Natasha had to pull something like that.

"She wants me to make a Captain America account on Twitter and Instagram. I don't really need that, but she thinks it could be useful." While telling you this, he put his hand on your lower back and guided you on the sofa to sit. Only a few seconds he realised it. Immediately he withdrew his hand from you, like if you had burned him. Steve could feel his cheeks heating up. God, would this blushing ever stop?

"It's a nice idea. You could use it to spread...awareness, love and important informations, you know? I can help you with making an account...that's kinda my job", you giggled in the end, which also made Steve smile.

Maybe he should give it a try. It had nothing with you to do, of course. But it definitely didn't hurt, that you would have to be here and sit with him for as long as he needed to create the accounts....

You looked at him for a moment. He raised his eyebrows slightly up. Did he had something on his face?

„Your phone“, you said with a slight smile on your face. Steve immediately nodded and looked down at his pants, where he had his phone. His face turned red-or maybe it still was-while he gave your phone over.

The corner of your lips twitched upwards. “Please enter the code and open Instagram, Captain.” “Steve-just-just call me Steve”, he mumbled, while doing what you asked him to do. Once again he gave you his phone.

“Great, thank you, Ca-Steve.”

Slightly Steve leaned over you, to watch you while you…whatever you were doing. You couldn’t stop yourself from laughing while looking at his Instagram account. “Brooklynboy1918? Really, Steve? I can’t believe you have a secret account”, grinning you couldn’t stop yourself from typing in your Instagram account and follow yourself.

Steve Rogers was your crush since Highschool-you would let your chances go by.

You still felt a bit flustered about doing that.

“Let’s…make the Captain account for you”, you mumbled. You could feel Steve lean over you-and it made your heart race. Why did he had to be so close? God it made your whole body tremble slightly.

Steve didn’t even noticed at first how close he was. Not until he could smell your sweet perfume. You smelt so, so good…

Immediately he backed away a bit. God, that was embarrassing. You probably thought he was weird, leaning over you like that.

You tried to not to show how shaky your hands were, while you thought about a Instagramname for Steve’s new account. Yet, it wasn’t easy to concentrate. Steve was just…so close. You could smell his shampoo. He smelled so good…so fresh and clean. You just wanted to bury yourself in his chest. Smell him, feel him…

Slightly your eyes widened when you realised what you were thinking about. “S-so, the account is made. Now let’s…do something about the profile picture. Maybe a picture from the photoshoot you had a month ago?”, you muttered, which made Steve smile a bit. You knew about his photoshooting. It made his heart jump, even though he had no idea why.

Steve nodded. “Yes, that’s a good idea. I liked a few photos from this one.”

It only took a few minutes finding the right photo-and you really had to pull yourself together not to ogle all of his photos you could find on the internet.

“Now to the biography, tell the world something about you, Steve…”

Within half an hour Steve had a Instagram and Twitter account just for Captain America.

And also Steve’s food had arrived, that he had ordered, before he found out you’d come to help him. It was enough for the two of you, since Steve always ordered a lot of food.

“Look, you’re getting followers. Told you it was a great idea. Natasha was right”, you said while taking another bite from your pizza slice. Steve already ate six, while you were at you second-and there were still three whole pizzas on the table.

Leaning back, Steve let out a quite sigh. “Maybe I should’ve done it sooner”, he mumbled while looking from his phone back to you.

Or maybe that was the perfect time to make these accounts. At least he spend some time with you.

You looked at your watch and gasped. “Oh, I should get going. My shift-“ “just stay for a bit longer”, Steve interrupted you.

The two of you smiled slightly, while blushing again.

You liked seeing Steve blush…and you were curious how far this blush could go…

“A bit longer probably wouldn’t hurt”, you mumbled flustered, biting in your slice.

A big smile crossed Steve’s lips.

Maybe he should thank Natasha for this.

Speaking of the devil, a massage brought him out of his thoughts. He looked back at his phone. “Natasha says it’s also important that I make a tinder account? What’s that?”, by the way you started laughing, he assumed it was, in fact, not needed.

He definitely will not thank Natasha for anything.

You but your bottom lip slightly. “Of course we can reconsider a tinder account for you, but…it wouldn’t be necessary if you…asked me on a date instead?” Grinning Steve nodded immediately.

Maybe he could thank Natasha after all….just maybe.

That’s it! I hope you liked it, let me know!!

Some feedback?

Don’t forget to like, comment and reblog!

#steve rogers #steve rogers fanfiction #mcu #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x female reader #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fluff #steve rogers fandom #steve rogers fic #steve rogers smut

[peppertaemint]

Hello pptm! Would you talk a bit more about the current state of tv series? You mentioned briefly about an oversaturated market and how The Golden Age is now gone, but what were some of they key problems that lead to it in your opinion?

Would you consider Succession as part of the series that knew the importance of character development? Could we consider it like the final good show in this dire landscape of tv and streaming?

Lastly, what do you think will come next? There's a shift in the movie business in Hollywood if we look at the past year, but I don't know if we should be overly optimistic. Will we take a step back from prestige tv for a while until a new wave will bring something new?

Hello Madam M! Thanks for sending such a thoughtful Ask.

I think that over-saturation was part of the problem. What I mean by that is everyone and anyone trying to cash in on the money to be made through so-called prestige TV, and how the late stages of prestige dovetailed with the rise of streaming platforms.

Not every network went after prestige, but they've all gone after streaming, which has led to these conglomerates of streaming. Platform-wise, this is a huge turn off for "discerning" audiences. People watch HBO because they know what they're going to get. Now, if you sign into Max, you're confronted with the dregs of TV and can't make heads or tails of any of it.

This has been the case for Netflix for years now. They've dumped huge money into developing series but half the time when they cancel a show, that's the first a lot of people have even heard of it.

The other side of this is that platforms have dumped money into these series no one can find (lol), but say you do find it -- it looks and feels prestige but it ends there because the writing isn't solid. My understanding is that the writers' room tradition, which has a big practical training side to it, has been decimated by new ways of working these streaming platforms have brought. Usually, you start as an assistant in the room to learn the ropes. As the series goes on, assistants move up to writing scripts.

If these rooms aren't being put together anymore (which I read is the case more often than before), new writers aren't going through the learning stages.

The other factor is how quickly funding is pulled on these shows. If rooms are put together, there's no time for the craft to be taught or for the head writer to master it.

Do I think Succession got the writing right? Absolutely. When Ii wrote that BTS/Succession crossover for you (remember our bet... actually I can't remember what we were betting on 💀), trying to nail the dialogue and characters was incredibly difficult. It's like when you're spec script writing, you have to show you can follow the format but also write the characters so they are in-character but also not caricatures of their most obvious traits. The last part is what happened with the writing on Friends, for example. Most of the characters became the lowest common denominator of their most notable traits. Obviously, sitcom is a different format, but the point still stands because this is what happened to Greg in the last season of Succession. His character became a stock gimmick and stopped progressing.

I think things come in ebbs and flows, so the industry will self-correct. People keep joking that by amalgamating, platforms are reinventing cable TV. Lol. What needs to happen is for there to be less projects and more time, effort and oversight (The Idol FFS... where the fuck were HBO on that?) on the projects that are greenlit.

Well, there's my two cents. My flight was delayed so this turned into an entire essay.

#tv #tv talk #asks

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

Live Blog/My thoughts scene for scene ish for OFMD S2 Episodes 1-3

FULL SPOILERS FOR S2 EPS 1-3. Including a post credit scene for Episode 3 that includes a teaser for the episodes 4-5 and discussing scenes we haven't seen from the trailer.

My long form stuff usually gets seen by people outside of my circle so before this long post I want to preface with this-

Hi! Izzy is my favorite character. As of right now I have written just under 240k words about this guy and spent most of my time in this fandom in Izzy spaces. If that is a problem for you, this might not be the read.

But I got fed a 5 star meal and already see this season is a love letter to the fans and I am here to appreciate it. 

Please be warned. I personally think this season should have a warning on it for how it handles suicide, suicidal ideation, substance use and relationship abuse. I will be going in depth on this but handle it with respect as someone whose lived shit like this.

My first watch was without subtitles and on a big old tv screen. I I decided to miss a few things my first watch, choosing to turn off subtitles, and get surprised by dialogue and delivery(as I tend to read ahead). This watch is to confirm lines, appreciate delivery, and more. 

I have not read any meta, and this is blind before I see how all my mutuals freak out!!!!

Lines that fucked me up will be bolded. Just know I want to write an essay about them, and would given the chance. (sorry for spelling errors I watched this twice + stayed up for an extra 10 hours😅)

EPISODE 1:

I liked the recap, but I don’t think it’s enough for casual viewers who watched it maybe once ALSO. That Edit of Izzy’s ‘namby-pamby crying for his boyfriend’ IMMEDIATELY into the Toe Scene got a laugh out of me, because OWW. How had we not thought of that? 

I LOVE THE DREAM SCENE. Izzy beating him fair and square, but still losing. The stab in the killing side? THE MELODRAMA. The way this confirms Stede sees Izzy as a ‘big bad’ he needs to defeat to ‘win’ Ed. Him having the most 1 dimensional view of both him, Ed, and Izzy. A view how Stede is still an idiot unable to see nuance in people. Izzy smiling? The way he mutters his last words> God I love Con O’Neill. Let’s watch him maybe die 8 separate times and call it a season. 

It also got a good laugh out of me. Did I predict that that it was a dream when the teaser came out? Yeah. Still funny as shit.

‘Can’t be worse than you moaning Ed, Oh Ed’ FUNNY AS SHIT. 

I liked the ‘customer service’ montage. Swede, you deserve all the love you get. You are in good hands.  I think Stede’s part of this episode was just to lighten the rest of it. Hello to an antagonist of this season, and narrative foil to Stede, Prince Ricky.

I know it doesn’t matter who did Ed’s back tattoo, but the irony of Ed trusting someone enough to get it done is just funny. 

(Wedding Scene) I SQUEALED WHEN WE GOT THE RETURN OF ED’S EVIL THEME. Also, calling his crew the devils ‘kids’ is so fucking funny. HELLO CLASSIC ROCK IVE NEVER HEARD OF??? Welcome to the OFMD playlist. I love the montage of ‘Ed is working everyone to death’. Izzy got to threaten an English sailor. I know he’s happy with that. 

Yes. The wedding thing was absolutely over the line. RIP Ivan, you will be missed. I can’t wait for Frenchie to break down, and congrats to all the people who wrote Frenchie as emotionally distant, you’ve won! 

THE WAY IZZY SOUNDS SO TIRED ‘Yeah. They got cake.’ ALSO. Did I miss the knife throwing scene?? Was that just for the trailer? I think it was in a past edit and they removed it.

‘Can’t do the job? Someone else will’ (Ed to Izzy)- Izzy felt that he mattered to Ed. This one line reframes their entire relationship. This fucks Izzy up. I theorize as the main reason Izzy never did anything was because Ed was his captain. But they were still friends. Close. Trusted partners.  But Izzy is still expendable. Even after all this time. He is nothing. Maybe he knows Ed is doing this so he rebels, and kills him, but maybe he doesn't. Izzy cares about loyalty... we'll see.

Yes. The Izzy scene hurts. But after watching Ep 2, this is nothing. 

‘It is your job to-to follow my fucking orders’ (Izzy to crew) THIS IS NOT HOW I THOUGHT THIS LINE WOULD BE USED. Because he knows. He knows he’s fucked, and he’s struggling to accept the fact that he’s looking down the loaded barrel. He knows that he can’t make these people listen to him, not any more. He’s alone, and now the one thing he can do(be Ed’s first mate) is about to be stripped from him. Hell, it already is.

Spanish Jackie. I love you. I love you so much. Extort those fuckers. Semi clean water and education is a big deal! Also, this season overall is a HUGE win for my fellow Pete fans. Funny bastard. 

I have thoughts about Prince boy, but they can wait until he does something.

Stede’s flaw has always been his naivety, habit of judging once and never really questioning it, and his ego. Prince is able to take advantage of it. I don’t trust him. I think he’s a spy. I also like thinking Spanish Jackie is collecting husbands to certain tasks like it’s Pokémon. Need a bartender? Customer service husband. The books? Math husband. New Swedish husband? Masseuse.

HI IZZY ED SCENE ----

‘Because it’s fuckin’ treasure.’ Izzy. Izzy I fucking love you. God. The way he stiffens up. Knowing them not following orders means he will lose a toe. Fucking god. 

This to me confirms that Ed really wants to get Izzy to kill him in in ep 1. He will tear down every good memory they have just to get Izzy to give in. He doesn’t care about their past, he just wants to die. Izzy is a convenient violent punching bag because he can’t leave. He knows fully well that this crew doesn’t listen, and blames Izzy for a fact he can’t change. It’s fucked that he's shoving Izzy into this corner but he doesn't think there will be consequences. 

Honestly. I think Izzy knows his partner is at this edge, but he can’t do anything. This is why he gets the guts to talk back. Both here and later in front of the crew(more in a second).

The ‘you know me better than anyone has ever known me’ (Izzy to Ed) line kills me. Because it’s honest. For the rest of these episodes Izzy is so fucking honest It hurts. He can’t lie. Not to himself, not anymore. Not to Edward or the crews. He can't take advantage of any situation, or turn the tables. All he has is his words. He knows this, and yet here he is. Facing this abuse, and trying, because he wants to fix it. But he knows he’s not enough to snap Ed out. 

‘I have love for you’ (Izzy to Ed in cabin)Present tense…fucking hell. Izzy tries to pull Ed out by showing his soft center, and we can tell from Ed’s dismissive reaction that he already knows all this. But Ed isn’t talking. Izzy can’t read minds, he wants to help. I know he felt adrenaline spring through him after the confession, and with loose lips, he says just the wrong thing. HI MICROEXPRESSIONS ON CON. FUCKING AHH

‘Hang on Ed- Captain.’ (Izzy to Ed as Ed is marching out to the crew)OW. OUCH. OOF??? IZZY PANICING???? Trying to stop this???

The look on Izzy’s face when Ed holds the gun to himself is not shocked. Hurt, and he immediately closes himself off, like he genuinely thinks Ed would do it.  That’s what hurts. Also, I don’t know if hes doing a high pitch voice to imitate Izzy, but that’s my view of it. 

‘PACK IT IN' (Screamed by Izzy to Ed) THATS MY MAN!!! Stand up to Ed being shitty! GOD. Frenchie’s little head shake. Trying to warn Izzy, to tell him no :((((. But Izzy doesn’t care. He knows he’s not got too long left, so he might as well chew Ed out, to say the things everyone is thinking but are too scared to say. God, the way Ed teases the answer in front of everyone. -Say his name and I will shoot- sitting right there in his eyes, and Izzy GRINS and he says ‘Stede fuckin’ Bonnet’ and that is finally enough of an excuse for Ed to shoot. 

Look at the way Ed nods his head as Izzy says it, not even letting Izzy finish before saying it. He's done. All the other performative versions of violence, of being Blackbeard he does, I see a reason to say 'he's doing this as self hurt' but Idk. It feels like he wanted to, and now he can. So he does. The way everyone reacts hurts me. The way Ed steps over him, the way Ed pushes Frenchie into Izzy’s job. 

I know many fans, and myself before the show aired, thought the leg shooting would be too much. In all honesty. This is how I’d want it written. This entire episode has showcased Edward’s grown resentment to his friend mixed with self destructive impulses. Some might view this as being too much, but given episode 2, this is such a big fucking moment I can’t even comprehend it right now. 

Do I think Izzy’s love confession pushed Ed to this panic- ESPECIALLY after his last confession ended in Stede running away? Maybe. But I think Ed was mentally in a place where he couldn’t react with anything BUT dread. Thus making the Stede call back even worse. But I don’t know. 

That’s one end of the spectrum of how this scene can be interpreted (Ed shooting Izzy’s leg felt unjustified/uncalled for at this point in the story) now lets turn it around (The ‘Izzy deserved it’ fuck heads)

Lets be 100% clear here. 

I view Izzy turning the crew to the English was a catylist, BUT not a cause for them getting captured. Stede was wanted for murder, and would have gotten caught eventually. Hell, the fact Blackbeard was on the ship in S1 was a lucky guess that Chauncy was happy to take advantage of, that IZZY HAD TO SIGN THE ACT OF GRACE to get Ed out of.  

Can Ed hold Izzy responsible instead of taking accountability for his own actions? Yes. This episode shows that’s basically how he sees it. But we as fans are basically shown 5 different ways to view Izzy as sympathetic here. 

Now: Moving back into the episode (after 500 words of that…damn)--------------

Ricky is so dumb…. I don’t know if I love it or not.

I love ‘Susan’ (Zheng Yi Sao) but have some thoughts. I enjoy her, the way she holds herself like Ed did in episode 3, drawing that parallel. That and her Izzy narrative mirror of a first mate. Also, I hope the Swede and Spanish Jackie have a lovely season. I love them so much. 

(Yes! I got to inform the family of the history of the Queen of Pirates. I love what I do. )

One of my favorite crew scenes: Jim and Fang failing to correctly remember the story. I LOVE IT. I agree Archie, Jim trying to help Fang feel better is so fucking GOOD. Mixing the legend of the Monkey’s paw and Pinochio while cleaning up Izzy’s blood is so fucking…much. 

Hi another song I have never heard of??? (The whistle one, you will be going to the Ed Izzy divorce playlist)

Ed is pulling a Stede. Running away from every problem forgetting they dont exist. The second something tries to change he snaps. It hurts looking at Frenchie clearly trying to balance his family and Edward’s lack of empathy. I fucking love this episode, and think it’s up there for my favorites. This is a trend that will continue. 

EPISODE TWO:

Maybe my favorite piece of writing in ages. Can I just say they are Fucking WILD to call the Izzy/Ed episode ‘Red Flags’????? BECAUSE DEAR GOD

I watched the recap. It’s like, 3 scenes of stede, with Izzy geting shot and the final scene of Zheng Yi Sao. 

Classical song in opening: Etude No. 1, Op, 25. Going into the writing playlist. 

Buttons sleeping with his feet up, maybe to be close to the sea?

Now. I am going to use this moment to discuss a large criticism I have. The cutaways to scenes from S1. Now, do they feel fast, and awkward, yes. Should the writers trust their audience to tie the call back together? Yes. But for a casual audience I think these scenes are VERY necessary if you haven’t watched the show. I think they should be taken out, but I get why they’re there. 

‘Run From Me’ by Timber timbre THIS IS A FUCKING ED/IZZY SONG IN THE SHOW?!?!??!. WE DID IT. WE GOT 1! I don’t see any way how you could tie this is Ed/Stede. A song about the fear of hurting others and needing to always push people away. After last episode??? I fucking… I teared up on rewatch, because FUCK. It’s a scene with Ed playing with the dolls, but Izzy’s presence is right THERE. 

OMG OMG OMG- A PIRATE SHIP IS USING THE BELLS SYSTEM TO KEEP TRACK OF SHIFTS????? (Kind of? Not really? She just rang a bell. But just give me this).

Wee john & Buttons, I love you. ‘YES QUEEN!’ I CACKLED! I love the mispronouncing ‘China’ gag. 

‘I decided to take a chance on you…because’ Because they’re allies. Stede taking ‘soft’ as a compliment gives me life. 

LUCIUS!!!!! I FUCKING LOVE THEM!!! THE ‘OH MY GOD’ CALLBACK!!! THE HAPPY CREW SONG RETURNING?? 

I love that Stede is immediately like-*the vibes are off. What happened to my boy.* as soon as he sees him

Can I also say, I love that when we transition over to the Revenge, we see it from the front, sailing into frame. It’s such a good shot. 

I love that Ed is obviously in a manic period, FUCK. WHAT IF HE WAS CRYING OVER KILLING IZZY??? He wouldn't…but other than that, I can’t see specifically what he was crying about. 

‘No more booze, no more drugs, and more importantly, no more Izzy’ WHEN I TELL YOU I GASPED WHEN IT WAS REVEALED IZZY WAS KILLED THE FIRST TIME. God. Not by Ed, because Ed would never, but by FRENCHIE. No wonder they had to edit ‘Stede’ over that in the trailer… 

‘The new first mate always kills the old first mate’ - Okay, this bugs me. It’s not that the first mate is killed because ‘it’s law’. First mates were usually picked by their captain, but the Captain was democratically chosen. The first mate is loyal to the captain, as that is their job. The reason the first mate was killed when replaced was because the new Captain feared the old first mate could start a mutiny, and use the friendships built against a new person in power-

OH SHIT. DOES THIS MEANS ED KNEW IZZY WOULD MUTINY???? SO HE ORDERED FRENCHIE TO KILL HIM??

HOLY FUCK! :0

EDWARD YOU CONNIVING LITTLE BASTARD!!!!!

Hi secret passage :) To all the authors who also wrote them as tiny little hallways in the walls, rip. How did no one notice an extra room.

IZZY!!!! MY BOI

God, Izzy just knowing he’s fucked, and wanting to die now before Ed finds out is so fucking GOOD. ‘We just had him asleep’ JIM he’s a 50 year old man fading in and out of sleep due to an infection, not a toddler. I love that Izzy is just…so done. He didn’t expect the crew to help him out 🙁

HELLO OTHER SCENE IN THIS EPISODE I DIDN’T EXPECT TO LOVE-

God. I think my problem with Lucius in fanon was that he was always treated like he was above it all. The therapist. The loving partner. The jokester. But he has actual depth and Nathan is a brillian actor.

Hi Buttons being a sea god. I love that I wrote him as being creature adjacent ages ago. Bro can read Chinese AND got a fun magical ability. I can’t wait for that to pay off. 

THE OTHER SCENE I HAVE FEELINGS ABOUT. Pissed off Ed being so fucking cheery when confronting Frenchy is so unnerving. Ed isn’t dumb. He knows. He knows the moment he caught Frenchie with that box that he was helping keep Izzy alive but he needed it confirmed. Which Frenchie did. 

(This is the point where my bro woke up so I rewatched everything with him)

Dear god. CAN WE CLEAN IZZY? Bandage that leg? ANYTHING?

‘But he’s out dick’ (Jim to Archie about Izzy and why they want to keep him alive) FUCK YEAHHHH!!! I love it, but can we not do this in front of a passed out Izzy?

Oh, the way my gut dropped the first time I saw Ed on the stairway of the secret room. Keep that man away from him.

GOD THE WAY I FUCKING GROANED WHEN OLU MOVED THE SHIPS ON THAT MAP. I am so happy the show is portraying how a flagship of a fleet works!!!

Lucius smocking to relieve stress and sooth his anxiety. All that to not think about what's happened. THAT and Pete being the ‘softer’ partner, gives me life. 

Izzy/Ed scene in the hidden room.

HI IZZY! ‘Up in leg heaven’(Ed to Izzy) Does this line read like bad fic? Yes. Good think I write fic and think it's fucking hilarious.

I fucking CHERISH this scene- 

‘I dreamt you killed me.’ ‘good for you’ (Ed to Izzy, Izzy to Ed)I FUCKING LOVE YOU IZZY- you are so tired of Ed's shit. I would put the entirety of this scene and every micro expression from Izzy if I could. ALSO ‘Eddie????’’ WHY- FUCKING- THAT WAS A FANFIC LINE AND IT'S MAKING ME SAD :0.

We are so getting a flashback next episode, aren't we? Even if we don't I'm so satisfied seeing the past closeness hinted at in these 3 episodes.

‘Clean up your own mess I’ve been doing it my whole life.’ I fucking LOVE HIM!! Even when he's suffering through an infection he won't let Ed walk all over him. Then Ed gives him his gun. LITERALLY TELLING IZZY TO STILL CLEAN UP THE MESS. 

‘I loved you…best I could.’ OH FUCK> OH FUCK!!!!! How did I MISS THAT ON MY FIRST RUN? IZZY/ED CONFIRMED???? THE FUCK???? ED ADMITS THAT HE FUCKING LOVED HIM!!! FUCKING KILL ME. ALSO PAST TENSE! That better be because he thinks Izzy is dead and not that he doesn't love him anymore :((( 

I loved Stede mentoring Lucius in talking btw. 

‘Save the rest for Pete’ (Stede to Lucius) Aw. Stede can’t be the therapist. I also love that Pete got freaked out. It makes me happy. 

I love this whole pre-storm scene. The way we can see Ed adjusting the canon into the mast to blow it down. The general storm vibes. The tension. The way it reads like the fuckery scene in ep 4 with the storm. Ed being steps ahead. But instead of Ed doing something clever he's doing something self destructive.

‘Run From Me’ start playing in the background up again when Lucius' line about being broken and learning to cope. LEADING RIGHT INTO THE STORM SCENE- AHHHH.

The way JIM STOPS ARCHIE FROM FIGHTING. Literally replicating their arc from S1.

THE WAY IZZY SHOOTS ED TO PROTECT THE CREW FROM ED LITGHTING THE CANON WICK. THE FUCKING PAN UP REVEALING IZZY IS ALIVE AND *EMPTY*

‘YOU INDESTRUCTIBLE LITTLE FUCKER’ (Ed to Izzy) THESE TWO I SWEAR TO CHRIST!

GET ‘EM FANG! PROTECT IZZY

God I fucking love this episode. So fucking much. The fact Ed/Izzy divorce has multiple suicide attempts built in makes me feel things. I wouldn’t expect anything else. 

==============================================

EPISODE 3

‘I know, it’s been a day!’ (Zheng Yi Sao to Shadow guy)

I love the scene of her bargaining with the guy and think Zheng Yi Sao is going to build a pirate army to take over the Republic. She’s already taken over China. This is just for pride.

GOD I love the scene of Stede going through the ship. Mainly because it lets us see the hallway, and tells me more of the Ship's anatomy but that's not the point. 

I don't know how the Crew survived the storm, but DAMN. I'm so proud of all of them working together. We were all right to write fic like that.

Izzy just casually being devalued by Stede and how he just IMMEDIATELY looks to Frenchie. OW. FUCKING OW. Also the way Izzy said 'Bonnet' at the start of this scene makes me so happy. 

I ZONED OUT A BIT- FORGOT TO WRITE

Now we’re at the scene of Stede cleaning up the knives. Leading into Izzy and Stede bitching. I love this scene mirroring the one where Izzy tells Stede to ‘plumb the depths’. Because it’s a moment where Izzy tries to be honest to Stede, but it doesn’t work. I FUCKING LOVE THIS SCENE SO MUCH. Izzy holding his tongue just a bit trying to warn Stede. A person he is actively jealous of. Hell, he even takes accountability for his actions. He even tells Izzy a half truth that they didn’t kill Ed. 

IZZY IS FUCKING TRYING. BUT STEDE IS TOO STUBORN!!!! Why does Izzy always need to be the voice of reason, it’s bad for him :( He needs someone to treat him seriously. 

I love that Hornigold has all of Ed’s mannerisms from the start. That and all of Hornigolds memories are what Ed remembers about the things he hated about the man (the crab thing)

Is it sad that Ed is excited to live a normal life, but his gut(Hornigold) tells him not to be so naïve? Yeah. But I’m mad at him, so give me a day. 

I love Izzy in the jail scene. ALSO WHY IS FRENCHY LEANING THAT CLOSE TO IZZY-HELLO?? Izzy crying, closing his eyes. Not able to keep Ed safe because he still tried SO HARD to keep his body semi stable. They think he’s probably dead, and Izzy still keeps his corpse safe. EVEN AFTER ANYTHING. HE STILL LOVES HIM! :D D:

This is where the Pirate Queen isn’t fun anymore for me. I liked her, but then she threatened Olu if he said no?? I don’t like it! Especially as it seems Olu didn't get the hint.

The escape overall is very fucking sweet. Especially Izzy shushing people. I makes me happy :)- Also Buttons being a good first mate and giving orders as soon as they touch deck.  

I’M SORRY- IZZY THNAKING STEDE I saw it the first time, and freaked out, but the second?? DEAR GOD! I fucking love him. Give this man a hug. 

Also! I think the Mermaid scene is my 'Ohh Daddy' from S1. It’s a bit.. .much, I like the metaphor a lot. Eh. I don't know. I think they should have blured out Stede's face a bit with water. Reveal it's REALLY Stede when he gets closer. Hide the budget a but more or do a far away shot vs up close. Pretty but just a bit off.

ALSO: IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED THE Ep 3 POST CREDIT SCENE DO-AS I’M SPOILING IT. As a person who is writing a ‘cured object’ thing for this fandom… watch this undo like, 40k of my own words. Please let Izzy be a bit of a skeptic but he generally follows the vibes cause ‘legends’ ALSO murder lesbians!! ALSO IZZY/STEDE woops, sorry, IZZY & STEDE FRIENDSHIP ARC!!!

SO FINAL THOUGHTS: 

Things I didn’t like:

Dislike how we glosses over the discussion of a poly/open relationship for Oluwande and Jim. They both thought eachother were dead, so it doesn’t give me the ick as I bet some will. But the way Jim joked about it still felt wrong.

Glossing over Lucius’ trauma a bit with the puppet joke. I found it a bit in poor taste. 

The fact Izzy is on the episode ‘cover’ for episode 3 on Max, revealing he didn’t kill himself in ep2. I forgot about it midway in, but remembered it on rewatch. Like? IDK

The lack of content warnings, I get it, but damn the suicidal ideation stuff +mania episode+ abuse hit hard. 

It went by a bit quick, but they wrote themselves in a corner. The slow building dread of Ed being a dick, vs Stede just working at Jackie's to get money. So they started when everything was falling apart. AND they need to get The Queen and the Prince established. Judging by the next few episodes, hopefully it will slow down. I prefer this to skipping those things, obviously. But I was much more interested in Ed’s side of the story than Stede's.

Things I do like/Standouts:

Hi Con O’Neill. Can you start paying rent the way you live in my head? Seriously, every scene Izzy is in he steals it. I assume people are a bit peeved that Izzy is getting more attention than Olu&Frenchie&Jim & whatever other character a person likes. But I really think they sewed it in well. Seriously, it’s heartbreaking, and everything I could have asked for. I Love Every Delivery. I see these episodes as enough to turn people slightly sympathetic if they were haters of Izzy before.

ALSO: IZZY SAVING THE CREW. Putting himself in danger FIRST so he doesn't hurt anyone? Jim immediately seeing this and trusting him in the future. I can’t wait to see friendship bloom between him and the crew. That and Izzy's own self destructive habits get broken down as he learns to respect himself outside of hierarchy and Ed. Yes, even like this I want to fuck that man.

Stede- I enjoy that he seems more comfortable with the crew. Especially Pete and Buttons. I don’t have much to say, but I hope this new Izzy training episode means he’ll learn to trust Izzy. Not too much to say, but that's a good thing! Here soon instead of Ed being the focus of the 'deal with this' stick it will go to Stede 'I'm the captain :(' Bonnet

BUTTONS OH MY GOD- My favorite head canon became canon babes!!! I love it. I’m here for it. He's having a lovely time.

ALSO FRENCHIE!!! Hi babes! I missed you being a clever badass! I'm happy Ed didn't stab you.

Them taking Ed’s issues seriously. We got hints of addiction/abusive behavior last season, but they took that and ran with it. Add that to self destrictive behavior that scales up with every scene. Plus the one line from Lucius about how some people can’t be fixed…good stuff, I like how we're handling mental health. I’m not happy with him, but we have time. Taika clearly had fun. I also see myself in his mania and self-sabotaging behavior (non violent, but still wish washy moods for my part)

That and Izzy/Ed being what it is… I believe that Ed genuinely loves Izzy the only way he can, but it’s not enough. He can’t love Izzy the way he needs. Ed needs to apologize, obviously. I won’t be able to forgive him ‘till then. I don’t think Izzy should until he’s able to pull away from him a bit. 

Let's just say I can't wait till next week when we get lesbians and one of my favorite tropes.

(@ing mutuals I know have seen it that I would love to yell with @gydima @born-on-a-beach-teach @treesofgreen BUT do feel free to shout down below!!!)

#izzy hands #edward teach #ofmd season 2 #ofmd s2 #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd s2 ep 1 #ofmd s2 ep 2 #ofmd s2 ep 3 #our flag means death season 2 #I have a lot of feelings man #I can't wait to see what everyone thinks