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#hello tumblr i have a life

maths (rollercoaster)

#don't rb :)#hello we have a problem in maths and i think i figured it out in more detail#so i have the combination of people making me have an ego and randomly appearing impostor syndrome#i am. 'good' at maths. meaning i'm good at remembering methods and applying them when told to#issues include: if no method known/don't know which to use. i basically just can't#so! online! if we're doing something new and i instantly understand it/use it correctly for (bonus if it's difficult!) a question#then my brain is all like. i'm literally a genius i'm the best at maths i don't even need this lesson anymore. i have succeeded in life#and then i'm bored while people are still working/talking so i go to tumblr or something#and then my teacher moves on and i don't realise. teaching something else new.#i don't realise until it's too late 😔 then i miss part of the explanation/can't focus and i can't do the questions soooo i am then dead#and this is 5 minutes later and already my brain is like hahaaa we are now failing this is the worst catastrophe ever...#...faked the intelligence but now it's over and look everyone else got the right answer so quickly you are Wrong! everything is Wrong!#then i abandon the lesson for 5 minutes because i didn't listen and i have failed and ✨i fucked up✨#i come back. realise the method and get a question right and be like. what did i just do this is fine now i get it complete overreaction why#like hello? can we have something in between the weird feeling of extreme accomplishment and failure?#would be nice to not be over confident (*thinks of a shakespeare quote*) so i focus and learn. but still confident in my abilities already??#plus sometimes i swear i want myself to do this cause when it feels like i'm supposed to i just can't cry? so i try to whenever i can#at insignificant things?????? i am so done with myself sometimes what on earth is going on here#it would be great for my brain to realise that we cant do this when we're back at school! i cried once but i had to fight so hard to hide it#what a MESS over literally one lesson. which is basically my favourite lesson cause the teacher and class are the best#today's maths went normal cause i was actually trying to listen to the new thing and not repeat last time :l so today was fine at least#*heavy sigh at myself* why#c/txt#c/vent#sometimes you have to make a post on to figure your brain out and that's okay (is it? maybe. best option)
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