#help with the motivation constipation lol

[daesukiii]

Pairing: roommate! San x f! yn

Word Count: 10,664

Warnings: cursing, alcohol consumption, smut warnings under cut

Genre: Angst, fluff, smut, f2l au, college au, M for mature audiences

Summary: As the resident fuckboy San's best friend, you're legally obligated to be his hype man. It's only fitting as you're one of the few who can resist his boyish charms. But when he's set his sights on someone you cannot stand, perhaps you need to dig a bit deeper into your feelings after all.

Smut Warnings: masturbation (f), voyeurism, sexual fantasies, oral (f), missionary, protected sex, very slight breast play, overstimulation, cowgirl, some cumplay, dirty dirty talk, fingering, slight body worship ig?, praise, I literally have no idea I wrote it at a time when I should've been in bed so lmk if I missed anything

-

this is for the jackson wang party fic collab finished with @mingsolo (hella good) @flurrys-creativity (Pygalgia and Abience) and @sanjoongie (trouble) <3 I still have one more to go but we'll ignore that LMAOOOOO I added too much plot :') flurry was a dear and helped me sort out my thoughts and I managed to write 8k of it in one day lol.

hope u all enjoy and sorry I'm a professional yapper there's no shutting me up

“Going out again?” you ask your best friend and flatmate, San, as he walks past where you’re seated at the kitchen counter, suffering through your essays.

“Yep,” San answers easily, popping the ‘p’ and leaning over to take a peek at your laptop screen. “You misspelt ‘dextrorotatory’, you wrote it as ‘dexrotatory’.”

As your eyes find the typo, you groan and plant your head on the table. “I give up,” you declare dramatically, “I’ll drop out and become a taxi driver.”

San laughs. “First of all, you can’t drive that well. Second of all, you’d make more money as a stripper.” He dodges your smack with ease. “Third, you’re smart and you’ll ace these like always. You’re just a little mentally constipated. Why don’t you join me tonight?”

You think about it for a minute. While you probably do need a break from staring at your laptop, you know how wild the parties San goes to can get from personal experience. And you don’t think it’s a good idea when it's the end of your semester and the final year of your master's program. You just can’t afford to do that. “I’ll pass this time,” you sigh. “Maybe after exam season.”

San hums. “All right. Make sure to take a break, though,” he reminds you, dropping a quick kiss on the top of your head. “See you later.”

He soon disappears out of the door and you turn your focus away from your best friend to your homework. You feel bad for whoever his new conquest will be at the party.

In your opinion, it’s best to keep San at arm’s length when it comes to a romantic relationship. Not that you like him, but you also don’t want to be another notch on his bedpost, and you most certainly do not want to ruin your eight-year-long friendship. It’s not hard to see that San isn’t interested in a long relationship, not right now at least.

You honestly find it amusing that so many girls and guys still throw themselves at him and then get upset when he doesn’t give them a second glance after the initial night. His reputation precedes him, especially in your small town, and yet there will always be a line out the door for him. You don’t even know how he knows so many people.

With a sigh, you clear out your thoughts and refocus on your organic chemistry work. You’re lucky your job offered to pay for your master's classes, but the workload is killing you inside. You’re incredibly happy you’re almost done, and with newfound motivation, you hunker down and start writing out your notes again.

It’s almost two in the morning when you finally yawn and start putting your books away, and it’s almost three when you hear the front door open and the sound of San stumbling into the shoe rack as he always does. “You’re home already, Sanah?”

“YN!” San stumbles his way into the bathroom where you’re combing your hair, wrapping his arms around you and tucking his flushed face into your neck. “You’re still up?”

You laugh, tapping him on the head with your brush. “Yes, but I’m about to go to bed. And you should too, you know.”

San groans, his hold on your waist tightening and his words slurring together. “I don’t wanna,” he whines, “the bed's too cold.”

You sigh fondly. This happens almost every time he drinks, and usually, that’s why he doesn’t drink too much when he’s by himself. He gets too cuddly with people and you’re usually the one to keep him from bedding everyone he sees.  You suppose he somehow didn’t end up with anyone in bed and he’s disappointed now. “Do you think you’ll ever ask to sleep with me nicely, or will you just settle for wrestle-cuddling me into my own bed?” you ask, rolling your eyes as San does not answer, just pulling you towards your room. “There’s my answer.”

You’re too used to his drunk antics and just let him move you around. It’s comforting in a way, that he’s comfortable enough around you to do this with you, and it makes your heart warm whenever he throws his arm around you and presses his face in your neck.

You’d never admit it, but it’s nights like this when you sleep the best. With his warm breath tickling your neck, you let your body relax and your eyes flutter shut.

-

“God, I’ve got a raging headache,” San groans when he sees you enter the kitchen with a mess of bed hair. “I went so crazy with the soju last night, I think I’m going to die.”

You laugh, reaching for the pot to make some oatmeal for him. “Don’t be so dramatic. Why did you even drink so much anyway? No bitches?”

San snorts but immediately whines from the sharp pain that probably shot through his skull. “You’re so mean to me! No, I got no bitches, but that was from my own choice anyway. I don’t want to fuck around anymore.”

Both your eyebrows raise into your hairline. “No? What changed things, hm? Finally decided your one true love is Byeol?” As if on cue, your shared cat meows and curls around your ankles, and you bend down to scratch behind her ears.

“Never had to decide that, we all know she’s the real number one in my life. No, I think I’m interested in someone.” You stop your petting of Byeol, who meows in protest and runs off to pout somewhere. “Come on, don’t act like you just saw a ghost.”

“Who?” is the only question that comes out of your mouth. Of course, San has had a crush before, but he���s never stopped screwing around unless he was actively dating that person. He’s a fuckboy, but he’s not a piece of shit at least. This is new.

“Lee Yeseul. I met her yesterday at the party, and she’s so sweet. She was so out of place at the party, and not in a mean way. She just…has such an aura around her.” San’s voice is soft even just talking about her and you get the feeling he’s being serious. “We’re meeting up for coffee today.”

“That’s…amazing, Sanah. I really hope it goes well for you,” you smile at him, pushing a bowl of oatmeal over to him. “Don’t forget to let me make a speech at your wedding.”

San chuckles, rolling his eyes at your jokes. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t you have study group today? Go there and stop bothering me.”

You ruffle his messy hair before planting a kiss on it and pinching his cheek. He blindly reaches around to smack at you but you dodge him easily, laughing as you head out to grab your keys. “See you later, Sanah. Have a good da-ate.”

San grumbles at you but ultimately returns to his food. You think you can hear him muttering about you being a pain in the ass and you smile to yourself. You don’t have the heart to tell him you know Lee Yeseul…and she’s a major bitch. You sincerely hope she’s sweet to San at least—he deserves the best. But you find her absolutely draining, especially with how often she talks about herself and doesn’t pay attention to anyone else ever. If she cries in your class one more time you think you might smack her yourself.

You still remember the time you had gotten a call that your grandfather had died, and after overhearing your conversation, instead of comforting you, she started talking about how “so many of my family members died in the past ten years.” Sure, maybe she was trying, but you’ve known about her antics enough that it was clear she just wanted to make it about her.

But if San likes her, who are you to interfere? He has a pretty good eye for who has a good personality so maybe Yeseul has changed. You’re not one to stop him. Not that you ever could. When he first started going out to party, you would tag along to make sure he wouldn’t make any bad decisions, but your efforts seldom paid off. You’re pretty sure he must be blessed since he somehow hadn’t pissed off anyone majorly enough to have them call a hit on him.

Shaking your head, you rid yourself of these thoughts and go to the library. There’s no use dwelling on it, the more you think about it, the worse your feeling about his crush on Yeseul gets. He’s a grown man, he doesn’t need you to parent him.

“Woah, who pissed in your cereal?” You should’ve known you wouldn’t be able to hide your bad mood from your study buddy, Hongjoong. Although you only see him for studying, you’re confident enough to call him your closest friend other than San. “Are you okay?”

You sigh, dropping your books on the table. It earns you a harsh ‘shh’ from the librarian which you apologise half-heartedly for. “Do you remember Yeseul? Lee Yeseul?”

Hongjoong’s brows raise high into his hairline. “The professional bitcher? What did she do now?”

“San’s into her, and with her personality, she’s probably loving the attention from the professional heartbreaker.” You groan, glaring at the cover of your organic chemistry textbook. “It’s none of my business if he cares for her, but damn, I wish he could’ve picked anyone else.”

Hongjoong hums, leaning forward and poking at the top of your head. “Look, you’ve been his friend for years. I think you have a bit more of a reason to poke your nose into his business than most. Give it a few weeks, and if it truly bothers you, then you can bring it up to San.”

You sigh. “Maybe.” You say nothing else on the topic and Hongjoong knows not to broach it anymore. Sometimes you wish he wasn’t so smart.

-

“YN, I didn’t know you knew Yeseul!” is the first thing San says to you one week after he returns from one of his many dates with her. “When I mentioned you being my roommate she told me you were in the same class as her.”

You wince to yourself as you take a long swig of your coffee. “Mmh, I didn’t think it was that relevant,” you say. You can practically hear Hongjoong rolling his eyes at your excuse. You know you should tell him your qualms about Yeseul, especially since the gross feeling in your gut has only gotten stronger. But you’re not sure you want to tread those waters. San’s sweet, but he’s loyal to a fault and probably wouldn’t like you talking badly about Yeseul.

San narrows his eyes, clearly suspicious but not willing to pry. “Well, maybe if we ever find you a date, we can go on a double date.” He moves on pretty quickly, though, walking over to lean over your shoulder and look at your laptop. “Still going on that paper?”

You hum, cracking your knuckles. “Yeah, it’s due tomorrow so I need to pump it out today and then get Hongjoong to look it over.” You lean back, letting your head rest on San’s torso as you yawn. “I can’t wait for this to be over so that I can graduate already.”

San laughs, leaning down to rest his chin on your head. “You’re smart. You can do this. And when you’re done, I’ll take you to a party and we can celebrate.”

You groan, shifting forward and putting your hands back on the keyboard. “Well, in that case, I should get back to writing this.” As you start typing again, you hear the buzzer ring and the warmth of San’s body leaves you as he goes to check who it is.

“Oh, hey, Yeseul! Come on up!” Your eyebrows raise into your hairline and your head snaps up. Why would Yeseul go to all this trouble of coming here? Didn’t they just see each other?

You close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths before facing the dragon herself. You can hear the tell-tale sound of her voice pitched up to sound more sweet, although it’s grown to be grating on your ears. “Hi, Sannie,” she purrs and you have to refrain from retching. “I was on my way home but I realised it went right by your apartment so I figured I could come say hi. It doesn’t look like you’re too busy, right?”

“No, not at all,” San replies, and you hate how sweetly he talks to her. “YN is in too, she’s writing her final paper. Wanna say hi? She could probably use the distraction.”

No, I don’t need the distraction, is what you want to scream out, but your mother did not raise you like that although you wish she did. Instead, you just smile politely at the girl entering your kitchen. “Hello, Yeseul. Good to see you again.”

“Hey, YNie!” Her cheery nickname for you has your eye twitching. “How’s the paper going? I finished mine a few weeks ago so I’m home free. Just need to submit it.”

“That’s great, Yeseul,” you say, tone slightly more monotonous than you wanted it to be and San shoots you a look. “Hopefully you get a good grade on it.”

“Hey, would you want to join us for dinner?” San cuts in and you can already feel a headache starting to pulse behind your eyes. “I was going to order pizza since it’s my turn today and I’m not nearly as good of a cook as YN.”

“Oh, that would be lovely! I don’t mind whatever toppings,” Yeseul claps happily. The urge to punch her in the face increases bit by bit for you. San nods happily, stepping out into the living room to place the call. After a moment, Yeseul turns to you with puppy eyes and you brace yourself for whatever she has up her sleeve. “Could I trouble you for a glass of water, YNie?”

You try your best to keep your composure as you get up to fetch her a glass of water. She takes it without even a thank you and you decide you’d much rather die than deal with her any longer so you close your laptop with a sigh. “I’m actually meeting with a friend for dinner, but you definitely should stay and have fun,” you say, smiling as plausibly as you can. You do not have dinner plans but you’re sure you can figure it out.

When you go into your room, you’re drawing blanks. You’re still going out, but you’ll probably just end up calling a friend to complain. As you leave the room and grab your keys, San meets eyes with you and frowns. “Where are you going?”

“Ah, I promised to have dinner with a friend so I’m heading out. Enjoy your time with Yeseul, though.”

The furrow between San’s brows deepens. “But I already ordered the pizza.”

You laugh, shaking your head. “I can bring the leftovers tomorrow for lunch. Sorry, I just forgot to tell you, but I really have to go now. Bye!” Before he can say goodbye as well, you slip out the door. The suffocating feeling that is encompassing you lifts and you sigh in relief, but then you somehow feel worse at the idea of San and Yeseul having fun and giggling and cuddling.

You shake your head again, trying to clear your muddled thoughts before setting down to go find your dinner. Fast food was the easiest option, and you figured you could at least sit in your car and wallow in self-pity.

-

After you receive your order you park and pull out your phone, scrolling through your contacts. You don’t want to call your family because as much as you love them, they can be a bit over-protective and probably will offer to help you find a different apartment and that would be a bit dramatic. In the end, Hongjoong is probably the next best option.

He doesn't pick up immediately, and you’re just about to hang up when the phone crackles and Hongjoong’s voice comes through. “Why are you calling me?”

You can’t help but bark out a laugh at his disgruntled tone. “Hongjoong, it’s a perfectly reasonable hour to call, don’t blame me for your shit sleeping schedule. Are you actually free though?”

Hongjoong sighs and if you focus you can hear the sound of him rolling over in bed. “What’s up?”

“It’s about Yeseul again. She came around today, and it was just…so suffocating. Like, why did San have to pick her? There’s so many girls, and out of them all he picks her? The most bitchy one I know?”

Hongjoong hums. “Why does it annoy you so much?”

You groan, leaning your head back and taking a long sip of your drink. “She’s self-centred, bitchy, and she’s just so fake. I don’t think this relationship will end well, Joong. Clearly he’s just blinded and she’s so manipulative.”

“But why are you so bothered by this specifically? I mean, sure we’ve had bad interactions with Yeseul, but you’re pretty nonchalant about the shit San gets up to and you like to let him deal with the consequences himself.”

You frown glaring at the phone although you know he can’t see it and you pop a fry into your mouth. “I don’t know. It just feels different. I feel like I should interfere this time. I mean, he’s a lot more serious this go around.”

Hongjoong hums, rolling once again as he yawns. “YN, be totally honest with me. This is a shot in the dark, but I think this is pretty important.” You hold your breath in anticipation. “Do you like San?”

“Oh sure, he’s a good friend–”

“You and I both know that’s not what I meant.” You bite your lip, stiffening in your chair. “YN, you need to be honest with yourself. The way you talk about San, you interact with him, it’s not how just roommates, just friends interact. You kiss each other's heads, YN. And it can be platonic, but I’ve rarely seen San do that to his female friends, and I’ve never seen you do that, period. You don’t even kiss me.” His voice turns teasing on the last bit but you’re too shocked to register.

Do you like San? You love him like a friend, of course. But when you think about him being with anyone else, even if it wasn’t Yeseul, something in you aches. When you think about San’s smile being directed to anyone else, you can feel a burning in your gut. The answer is clear, whether you like it or not.

“I…yes. I do.” The confession comes out quietly. “But I don’t want to do anything about it. Like you said, it’s up to San whether he likes Yeseul enough. I can’t interfere.”

You can practically hear the look Hongjoong would be levelling at you. “Why not?”

You shrug. “When San likes someone, nothing can stop him from liking someone unless he wants to. I’ll just let it run its course and hopefully my own feelings will vanish in the process.”

“That doesn’t sound very healthy, YN.”

You let out a despondent laugh. “Sure, probably not. But who knows? Maybe I can find someone else in the process.” You let out a sigh before glancing at your now-cold sandwich. “I gotta head out, but thanks for talking, Joong. I’ll see you in class.”

Hongjoong can barely say goodbye before you hang up the phone and lean back. This is going to be difficult. The more you see Yeseul, the more you know you’ll accidentally slip up and something will tip her and San off. Your headache is pulsing behind your eyes and you take a small bite of your sandwich, your appetite diminishing. You miss being a child and your biggest worry is that San sneezed on your lollipop.

With another groan, you wrap up the sandwich and just go for a late-night drive instead to clear your head. It’s something that has never failed to calm you down and keep your mind level. San always berates you for driving alone at night, but you’d like to say you’re pretty safe. Plus, even he has agreed that it’s pretty calming when—you frown, forcing thoughts of San to leave your brain.

You don’t really know how long you’ve been out, but it’s surely long enough that Yeseul has left. As you carefully open the door, there’s a long silence, and you sigh, happy you made it home free. But as you’re about to call out for San, you hear a high-pitched moan come from his bedroom. And it certainly is not San.

You almost turn tail and head right back out of the apartment when you hear San’s reverberating moans fill the house. Against your better judgment, you take off your shoes and step closer towards his bedroom. His bedroom door is cracked open and curse him for putting his mirror right in view where you can see him leaning back on his bed, his lower half hidden off the edge of it and you can only see Yeseul’s knees.

And in your head, you know it’s wrong. But your heart is beating out of your chest and you can feel heat building in your core. And, well, you’ve always worn your heart on your sleeve. You keep yourself pressed against the wall, staring at the way the muscles in San’s neck strain and the way he moans with every snap of his hips. You’re sure your panties are soaked through by now, and your teeth sink into your lower lip to keep yourself quiet. The taste of copper enters your mouth but you couldn’t care less.

It’s only when San sits up, probably to fuck into Yeseul better and he disappears from the mirror that you rip yourself away and escape into your own room. Not another thought enters your brain as you strip your leggings and underwear off, flopping on your bed and closing your eyes as you let your hand trail down to press against your slick pussy. It doesn’t take long for you to sink your fingers into your sopping cunt, turning your head to bury your face into your pillow.

The guilt in the back of your mind is quickly sent away as you imagine San’s hands fucking you instead. He’s always had well-worn hands, and your brain fogs up as you imagine him leaning forward to mouth at your neck as he fucks you.

Your brain flips back and forth between the idea of him eating you out so well and fucking so many loads into you with his thick cock that your stomach swells and you whimper into your pillow as your core tightens and you come onto your fingers. You feel tears prick your eyes as you get up to wipe your hands of the cream coating your fingers and toss the tissue in the trash. You’re not sure how you’ll be able to face San or Yeseul again after that.

You can feel the shame burning inside of you and you close your eyes and cry yourself to sleep silently.

-

Waking up is disorienting, your eyes red-rimmed and your bottom lip raw and blood dried on it. You feel like death and you’re pretty sure you can’t attend class like this. You lean over and grab your phone, yawning as you send your professor a text with a weak excuse. You don’t really care how plausible it is, Professor Jeong usually is quite understanding so you don’t worry about that for too long. San had texted you an hour ago, asking if you had come home, and you choose not to answer it.

You can hear mumbling in the other room, probably Yeseul and San sharing goodbyes, when you hear the door shut behind her. Unlike you, she’s probably happy to go to class and tell all her friends about her night with the campus fuckboy.

It takes another thirty minutes for you to finally roll out of bed and put some lotion on your face, hoping for the traces of the questionable night you had to erase from your face. Once you’re satisfied with your appearance, you venture out into your living room where San is standing by the door. “When did you get back?” he asks without even turning around. “I texted you like, an hour ago.”

You shrug, avoiding his eyes as you move into the kitchen to find breakfast. “I only just woke up, San.”

Your roommate gives a short huff, following close behind you. “Don’t you have class? Yeseul just left so you could walk with her.”

You try not to roll your eyes at the idea of that. “I’m not feeling well so I don’t think I’ll go.” “You’re not feeling well?” San’s voice deepens in concern and as you grab a yoghurt, he places his hand atop your forehead. “You are feeling pretty warm.”

At his touch, too many memories of last night flood through your brain and you shake away his hand. “Yeah. I’ll just go lie down for a little. Have a good day.”

Before he can say anything else, or realise your suspicious behaviour, you dodge past him and head off back into your room to hide. “I left your pizza in the fridge,” he calls after you and you just grunt in thanks before barricading yourself in your room.

You lean against the door for a minute before you realise you didn’t even grab a spoon. Unwilling to go back out there, you’ve resigned yourself to licking it out of the container like a cat when you hear a gentle knock at the door.

“I got you a spoon,” San’s unsure voice filters through the wooden door, and you squeeze your eyes shut.

“Thanks, San,” you murmur, turning to open the door a crack and take the proffered utensil. “Sorry for being short with you.”

His lips quirk into a half-smile, a silent acceptance of your apology. “I get it. Just get some rest, YN.”

You close the door again, this time a warm heart in your chest mixing with the guilt you still feel in your gut. You’re not sure how on earth you’re going to get over your feelings for San.

-

Avoiding San goes well for the most part. You are in your finals week anyway, and you’re spending most of your time at the library or in class. Your college’s library stays open for 24 hours during the last week of school anyways so some nights you’ve just been staying there until morning. Hongjoong disapproves heavily but doesn’t say much about it and you appreciate his support either way.

Avoiding Yeseul proves much harder. She seems to always find her way to wherever you happen to be, interrupting you and Hongjoong’s study sessions with a perfect smile and narrowed eyes. You don’t know what she wants from you, and you aren’t pleased with her presence.

But one evening, you’re about to leave the library to have some dinner when she corners you. “YN, let’s talk,” she says in that sickeningly saccharine voice of hers, looping her arm into yours and pulling you down the street. “I have some things to ask you.”

Unwilling, you try to tug your arm out of her grasp, but the girl is stronger than you expected. She pulls you all the way to her dorm on campus, sitting you down on her leather couch. “What is your relationship with Choi San?”

Her question comes so suddenly you need a minute to register. To her credit, Yeseul waits patiently for you to gather your thoughts. “He’s my friend and roommate?” you say as truthfully as you can muster, although you know it’s an absolute lie, and judging from her expression, Yeseul doesn’t believe you either.

“Don’t take me as a fool, YN. The way he talks about you is undeniable.”

“That seems like something you should be talking to him about,” you say, attempting to get up from the couch but Yeseul just pushes you back down.

“I’ve tried. He just tells me there’s nothing to worry about and I don’t believe that,” Yeseul grits through her teeth.

And you have to give it to her. She did try to come to San about her worries. But the way she refuses to trust him grates on your nerves. He stopped his fuckboy activities to be with her, and yet she’s worried about you, one of the few girls who isn’t all over him at any moment. You arch a brow. “Do you not trust him?”

Yseul scoffs. “Of course not. He’s a fuckboy. But I like the status I get with him. I just don’t want to end up embarrassed.”

Well, that will be inevitable, you can’t help but think to yourself. No matter how much your relationship with San is strained, you’re not about to let Yeseul talk shit about him like he isn’t genuinely trying for her.

“That’s where you come into play,” Yeseul’s smirk turns sharp. “I’m going to call San. Ask him to choose between us. If he chooses you, then I want you to stay far, far away from him.”

You shrug. No matter the outcome, it’s not like you’re not already keeping your distance from San. In the end, you’ll just tell him to break up with her and let him deal with the chaos himself. “Go ahead,” bitch.

San picks up on the first ring. “Yeseul?” He’s cheery and your heart aches at the thought of Yeseul breaking his so easily. “What’s the occasion?”

“Hey, babe, I just have a quick question, and I need you to answer truthfully for me, okay?” At his pause, she takes that as a go-ahead. “Who would you pick? Me or YN.”

There’s a long silence on the phone. “Yeseul, we need to break up.”

Only one thing unites you and Yeseul in this moment, and it’s your shared confusion for San’s reaction. “What do you mean?” her voice turns panicked. “Isn’t that a little far?”

“You’ve been stuck on this, and I don’t know how much I have to reassure you, Yeseul. I haven’t even seen YN for the past two weeks. And she’s my closest friend. I’m not dropping her for a two-week relationship. I hope you have a good time, Yeseul.”

Before you can react at all, Yeseul screeches and points an accusing finger at you. “This is all your fault, YN!”

Your jaw drops at her absolute audacity. “My fault? What are you on? I was just trying to live peacefully when you dragged me into this plot ignoring my advice. I told you to talk to him, to just fucking trust him. God, you’re an idiot. And I’m going home.”

Without another word, you leave, still fuming over that interaction. Couldn’t she just have made the call without you? You’re happy you don’t have to do all the convincing for San to leave her, but that just complicates things for you. Would he really so easily drop Yeseul just for you? From what you’ve heard, he was practically head over heels for her.

With another sigh, you head back to the library. You need to finish that exam.

-

“Pens down, and turn in your exams,” you hear the professor call, and you don’t think you’ve ever gotten up so fast. You’re so, so fucking happy that you’ve finished your last year and now you’re free.

As soon as your professor accepts your paper you race out of the lecture hall, only stopped by the cafeteria when you hear someone call your name. Lee Juyeon, someone you’ve started growing closer to, waves you down. “Hey, YN, congrats on finishing!” he smiles at you and you can’t help but smile back, the giddiness contagious.

“Thanks! You too,” you say, pulling him into a hug. “It’s so nice to be done.” Practically nothing could dampen your mood, especially seeing Juyeon. He’s sweet, and you have an inkling he likes you. And you’re not opposed to it.

“It really is,” Juyeon agreed cheerfully. “Look, I have to go celebrate with my family, I just wanted to say hi. But hey…there’s this end of the year party on Saturday, and I was wondering if you wanted to go with me.”

And your suspicions were right. You think about it for a moment. You’re not the biggest party person, anyone knows that, but Juyeon is sweet and just what you need, so you accept eagerly. It doesn’t take long for the two of you to exchange numbers and for him to promise to send you more details before he runs off. And through your excitement, you know you still have to go meet with San who’s probably waiting for you just outside. He wanted to see you as soon as you finish your exams, and you didn’t have the heart to decline.

“Congratulations on finishing your last exam, YN!” San cheers as soon as you exit the college building. “I’m so proud of you!”

You’re too tired to complain when San sweeps you up into a hug, just letting yourself relax in his firm arms. After all this work, you think you’ll let yourself indulge in his affection. “Thanks, Sanah. I appreciate it.” You let your chin rest on his broad shoulder, closing your eyes and letting the exhaustion take over you. “Can I go to bed now?”

You hear him chuckle, the vibrations from his chest comforting you. “Yeah, yeah. We can celebrate later. Come on.”

He tugs you all the way to your apartment, dropping you on the couch and quickly curling right up next to you. You can’t bring yourself to care. “I’m proud of you,” he repeats into your hair as he tucks your head into his neck. Your eyes flutter shut.

When you reopen them, it’s bordering on evening. San is no longer wrapped around you, and you can hear him moving about in the kitchen. “San,” you call out, voice raspy from having just woken up. “What are you doing?”

“Ah, I’m making dinner,” he responds, his voice too warm for your liking, your heart beating just a little faster. “Come and eat.”

With a bit of difficulty, you rise from the couch and move to the kitchen, taking a seat at the counter. “Japchae? When did you learn how to cook this?”

San chuckles. “Wooyoung taught me the other day because he was bored. I figured it’d be a nice surprise for you after all your hard work.”

Your lips twitch, unsure if you should smile or pout. “That’s sweet. Thank you again, San.”

As you start eating the noodles (there’s a little too much sesame but you don’t have the heart to tell San that), San clears his throat. “So…I promised to take you to a party.”

You vaguely remember this conversation. “Ah, yeah. What did you have in mind?”

“There’s this end of the year party, it’s supposed to be the biggest one, hosted by Jackson Wang.”

“Ah–” you shake your head, eyes apologetic. “I promised someone else I’d go with them. I didn’t know that was the party you wanted to take me to. Maybe we can do something else on a different day?”

San’s lips turn downward the slightest bit. “That’s okay. There are other parties. Who invited you, by the way?” His tone is casual, and yet you still feel like you’re walking into the lion’s den.

“Ah, Lee Juyeon from college. I think he’s in Hongjoong’s philosophy department, but he’s a year behind. He’s cute so I figured I’d give it a try.”

“It’s a date?” Your brows furrow at the heaviness in San’s voice but you pay it no mind and nod. “I see. Well, have fun.”

The rest of the dinner is filled with silence, San picking at his food and you in no mood to try and dissect his mood. He takes your empty bowl and starts doing the dishes, and you mumble out a thank you before running back to your room. He’s clearly not willing to talk more and it’s best to give him space.

As you lay in bed, you can’t help but worry about what is so grating on his mind after you mentioned your date. You can’t think of anything that would cause him to be angry—as far as you’re aware he has no grudges against Lee Juyeon, much less met him. Shaking your head, you try and fall asleep. It’s best not to dwell on it, you can just ask him tomorrow.

-

It’s Saturday, and you’re in a foul mood. San hasn’t spoken to you in the four days leading up to the party, avoiding you like there’s no tomorrow. The only saving grace comes in the form of Juyeon’s excited texts, telling you all about his outfit for the party, and you respond with matching enthusiasm. When you meet with Juyeon in front of the large house where the party is held, the thought of San isn’t even on your mind. Instead, you just take Juyeon’s offered hand and follow him into the party.

You weave through the bodies, reaching the counter where shots are being passed around. “Want vodka or tequila?” Juyeon asks, his voice pitching higher to be heard over the bass. Without answering him, you just reach for the bottle of tequila, pouring the two of you shots. “Good choice,” Juyeon laughs, throwing his head back as he downs the alcohol, you following suit shortly.

“You know, I never pegged you for a college party fan,” you lean in, laughing. “Maybe I should hang out with you more.”

Juyeon chuckles, wrapping an arm around your waist. “Maybe you should. I know great party-throwers. Although I’ve heard you’ve been to your fair share, what being San’s friend and all.”

You shake your head, a smile on your face. “Maybe at first, but you know, organic chemistry isn’t an easy major to balance with a party life.”

Juyeon laughs loudly, bumping you with his hip. “I understand the pain. Philosophy falls into that category of majors too. Another shot?”

You take the second shot happily, letting the alcohol burn through your veins as you stumble alongside Juyeon’s wandering through the crowd. Whatever you’re doing is a blur, all you can focus on is Juyeon’s smile and his warm hand holding yours.

It feels like barely a moment has passed when Juyeon pulls you into a nearly empty room of couches, only a few other couples lingering in the corners. “I hope you’ve been enjoying yourself,” Juyeon starts, his eyes sparkling as he takes in your appearance. “It’s been fun hanging out.”

“I did too,” you agree with a small smile, looking up at him through your lashes.

He leans in, and you lean in, and your lips brush. It’s a sweet kiss, one that you lean into as Juyeon wraps his arms around your waist. It’s warm and you smile into it. And then a familiar face pops into your head. You wonder to yourself how San would kiss you, if he would do it as sweetly as Juyeon or if he would devour your lips like it was his last meal.

When Juyeon pulls away for air, you feel guilt burning in your stomach again. Why would you think of other men when Juyeon’s right here in front of you? As Juyeon leans in to kiss you again, you almost move back before a hand grips your shoulder and pulls you into a broad chest.

“Hey, man, I’m going to have to talk to YN if you don’t mind.” You’d recognise your best friend’s voice anywhere, and it only serves to fill you with annoyance. Sure, you weren’t as into Juyeon’s kisses as you expected, but it doesn’t mean you’re thrilled to be interrupted by the man who’s been ignoring you.

Juyeon takes one look at San, and something changes in his eyes. A mix of reluctance and acceptance, and with a short nod and smile towards you, he slips away from you. You turn to San, frowning at the sharpness in his narrowed eyes, not one you’re used to seeing or enjoy seeing. “Why would you kiss him?” he spits, and your annoyance grows with confusion being added to the mix.

“What do you mean, ‘why kiss him’? I told you, San, I was on a date. Why the fuck did you interrupt us?”

“I like you.” Those three words would be a dream for you to hear from his mouth…if you weren’t so pissed.

“No, fuck that. I do not need to hear that from you right now. Not when I was enjoying my night with Juyeon. What was confessing supposed to do for you, San? It’s too late now. I wanted to enjoy this party, and now I have to go apologise to Juyeon for you.” San opens his mouth to speak, but you shake your head, pushing him away from you.

You leave San standing by himself as you search for Juyeon, your mood immediately souring. Why would he fucking do this to you? You can feel tears burning your eyelids and you abandon your search for Juyeon, searching instead for some liquor to take away your embarrassment.

As you pour yourself another shot of tequila, you notice a familiar face, Hongjoong talking to a girl you recognise as someone he hangs out with sometimes. They look like they’re getting it on and you feel a little bad, but you need his advice. “Hey, Kim Hongjoong!” you call out to him, waving him over. Hongjoong’s eyes brighten and he makes his way over, leaving the girl staring after him longingly, but her attention is soon taken away by two other guys. You recognise one of them from the cafeteria but you don’t remember his name.

“Hey, YN, what’s up? I didn’t expect to see you here, did San take you?” Your face falls and Hongjoong realises he stepped into dangerous territory. “Okay, what happened?”

-

“I can’t believe San is mad at me for kissing someone at the party,” you groan after explaining to Hongjoong the events leading up to now. “Sure, maybe it wasn’t the best move on my part but he’s had like, twenty million one-night stands, and yet I can’t kiss someone else? He hasn’t even talked to me after I mentioned going on a date. And yet he looked positively murderous after he saw me kissing that other guy.”

Hongjoong tilts his head, confused. “Isn’t that what you wanted, though? You like him.”

“I did! I do! But I’m so sick of waiting around for him, and I could’ve had a chance at liking someone else. He’s all over the place, and I don’t know if that’s what I want in a man.” You’re lying to both Hongjoong and yourself, and Hongjoong knows it, raising an eyebrow.

“Honestly, YN, it just sounds like you need to talk to him.” Hongjoong crosses his arms, tapping his foot and eager to back to the girl was with, but also not wanting to ditch you in your time of need. You feel a little bad for pulling him away, but your mind is swirling with so many thoughts, you don’t know if you can sort them out by yourself and drinking to erase those thoughts is not something you like to do. You’re not San.

And speak of the devil, you smell his familiar cologne before his hand lands on your shoulder and pulls you into his chest. You whirl around out of his grip and glare at him. “Get off me,” you snap. “I’m in the middle of a conversation right now, Choi San.”

With one glance at Hongjoong, he raises his hands and winks at you. “Have that talk, YN. It’ll do you more good than harm.”

Oh, you’re going to kill that traitor after the party. You turn your attention back to San, your mouth twisted into a frown. “You make this quick or else.”

San has the decency to look a little ashamed as his eyes shake. “Can we talk on the patio? It’s too loud in here.”

With a dramatic sigh, you grab his wrist and pull him through the crowd to the back door, practically slamming it behind you. You can see the eyes of people interested in the drama through the windows but you pay it no mind. “Speak. You get five minutes before I go back in and you don’t talk to me again for the rest of the night.”

San’s face falls and his lips pull into a pout. But no matter how subconsciously adorable he is, you refuse to fall for his charms this time. The heat of anger is still curling in your gut when you think about the argument from earlier. “YN, come on, I had a good reason.”

You shake your head, ignoring the strands of hair that fall into your eyes. “No, San. Confessing to me is not a good reason to fuck up my night. You didn’t even apologise. You’ve been ignoring me for days after I mentioned my date, and the moment I kiss Juyeon you get all angry and jealous? Be for real.” You pause for breath, glaring daggers into his eyes. “You are not owed my time, especially after that shit you pulled. Yeseul’s jealousy is why you broke up with her, so why are you like this to me?”

San’s gaze intensifies and you can see him actively trying to reign in his temper. Although he does his best to remain calm, if tempers are rising, he can be intense. “YN, what was I supposed to do? Watch you go out with him? Watch you slip from my fingers just like that?”

“Yes!” you all but scream at him. “If I could sit by and let Yeseul take each little bit of your heart, you could’ve done the same! I was going to be happy, San! I wouldn’t have to sit behind and watch you from the sidelines with my heart slowly cracking. But I don’t get that same courtesy.”

You step forward, poking his chest with a finger as you let loose your storm of thoughts. In your anger, you don’t even notice San’s arm moving until it wraps around your waist and pulls you into him. The action shocks you enough that you stop mid-sentence, your finger still pressing into San’s flesh. “You love me?” San leans in, his nose brushing against yours.

You can feel heat flare up in your face as you stare wide-eyed at him. It takes you a moment to register your compromising position and you stumble back, pushing at his chest. “Don’t do that,” you hiss, turning your eyes away. “I don’t like you, San. Not anymore.”

“You’re lying.” San’s voice is firm. “Look at me in the eyes and tell me you don’t like me anymore.”

You don’t know where you got it from. You’ve never been good at lying, not to San. Maybe it was the alcohol burning through your system, mixing with the shame and anger you feel. But this time, you stare him directly in the eye and say the four words that might’ve been the biggest lie in your life. “I don’t like you.” San’s brows furrow and he shakes his head.

“No–”

“Yes, San. You cannot just waltz around and expect me to keep the patience I had for you. I’m sick of being pulled around like a puppet. Maybe at first you didn’t know. But refusing to give me space when I asked for it?” You shake your head, glancing back at the party. “I’m going back in. We can talk about the apartment lease later.”

Without glancing back, you re-enter the house. And maybe it hurts a little that he doesn’t go after you, but at this point, you’re too numb and all you want to do is go home and cry. But home is not an option, not when it would probably be the first place he would look for you. Fighting back the tears threatening to fall from your eyes, you slide into your car, staring blankly at the wheel for a long moment until you feel composed and sober enough to drive.

And drive you certainly do. You’re not quite sure where you’re going, and you’re plenty aware that this is a bad idea, but you just let yourself go around and calm yourself down first. The crisp breeze paired with the warm spring air does wonders to clear your head and paired with the late times, there are not too many cars out. It’s peaceful.

You’re not too sure how long you were out, but it’s long enough for the blurry memory of the argument to clear and you groan, pulling over to park by the side of the road and let your head hit the steering wheel. You went too far. San had always been the more emotional of you two, always wearing his heart on his sleeve. He must’ve had a hard time with Yeseul, and although it doesn’t excuse him, you never gave him a chance to properly apologise.

With a sigh, you check your phone to see five missed calls and twenty texts from San asking where you are. He somehow even got your neighbours (a sweet couple in their twenties who babysit Byeol sometimes) to ask you if you’re okay. As your finger hovers over the call button, debating whether to call him back, bright headlights shine behind your car and you stiffen. Your hand hovers over the pepper spray you keep in the dash as you press the call button in a panic. No matter what the disagreement was about, you know San would still come to your aid if you needed it.

“YN, open the door. I’ve been worried sick!” San’s voice crackles through the receiver and you spin around in your seat, squinting at the figure standing behind your car and your shoulders sag in relief.

“God, San, you scared the shit out of me!” you scold, leaning over to unlock the passenger seat and push the door open while hanging up the call. “Get in here.”

A haggard-looking San slides in, his eyes red-rimmed and mouth pressed into a thin line. The car that drove him turns and you look back in confusion before San starts explaining. “I wanted to give you space so I stayed at the party,” he starts explaining after a moment. “But I got worried and went to the apartment to find you. But you weren’t there, and I asked all your friends. I’m lucky you left your location on, and my friend gave me a ride.”

You wince. You forgot about turning off your location, although you’re glad you didn’t as it would’ve been more dangerous otherwise. “I’m sorry,” you mumble, turning your eyes to look out the windshield. “I just needed to clear my head so I went for a drive.”

There’s a long period of suffocating silence between the two of you when San finally speaks, his voice quiet. “I’m sorry,” he starts and your head snaps towards him, eyes wide. Of all the things you expected to fall from his lips, an apology is not one of those things. Not tonight, at least. “I was too pushy. I shouldn’t have ignored you, or interrupted your time with Juyeon. I should’ve talked to you like an adult.”

You laugh, resting your head on the steering wheel. “What an astute observation, San. However did you come to that conclusion?” Your exasperation is evident in your tone and San sucks in a breath at how done you seem. “Look, San. I’m sure you didn’t mean it to be that bad. But I’m just…tired. I’m tired of always wondering what is running through your mind, where I am in your list of importance. You date Yeseul, but break up with her over me. You give me the cold shoulder when I go on a date, but suddenly me being on a date is unacceptable. I just don’t know how to take anything.”

Against your will, tears start to drop onto your thighs, streaking down the skin and you sniff. “Shit,” San panics beside you. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.” He hands you a tissue and you take it with shaking hands, pressing your face into it as San tugs you closer, guiding you to lean against him.

He repeats soft little ‘sorry’s and leans his head atop yours, his tears falling onto your hair. The two of you stay in this position for a long while, no words are needed to understand the emotional moment.

“Let’s go home, YN,” San mumbles, his voice vibrating deep in your heart. “Let’s go home and we can talk tomorrow.”

You sniff again, tears run dry as you sit up and wipe your eyes. “Okay,” you whisper out. “Let’s go home.”

San stays attached to you throughout the drive home, his hand gripping onto your own hand whenever he can, and quickly wrapping you into a back hug as you walk up to the apartment. “I…cuddle with me tonight?” you ask, eyes flitting away from his face, missing the brilliant smile that spreads across it.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he hums, walking with you to his room, and he lets you slide in first, the smell of his detergent filling your mind and your eyelids flutter shut already. San crawls in next to you, pulling you close.

“Good night, YN,” San mumbles as your breathing evens out. As you drift off into sleep, you swear you feel his soft lips on your forehead but you dismiss it as wishful thinking.

-

When you reawaken, San’s still curled up, your body covered by his, his breathing slow and gentle. You can’t help but blink a couple of times to make sure it isn’t a dream when his arms tighten around your waist and he shifts. “YN?” His morning voice is as rough as always, rumbling low in his chest.

“Hey, Sanah,” you greet him quietly, leaning up to meet his eyes blinking slowly at you like a cat’s. “Good morning.”

“Hi.” He dips his head to nuzzle into your neck, breathing in your scent. “I should probably explain myself.” His voice vibrates against your neck and you giggle softly at the ticklish feeling.

“That would be nice.”

San huffs, but he can’t complain about your snark. “I like you, YN. I don’t know when I started to, and I definitely didn’t realise I did until I started dating Yeseul. I did like her, but not as deeply as I thought I did. It was so easy to break up with her as soon as she made me pick between you and her. The answer came to me without a doubt in my mind as soon as the question left her lips, and yet I still didn’t realise my true feelings.” He laughs self-deprecatingly, and you stroke his hair comfortingly. “I didn’t realise why I was so pissed about you going out with Juyeon, and that’s why I was avoiding you. It’s a stupid reason, I know. But I just didn’t know why, not until I saw you at the party kissing him. I just wanted to be there instead of you. And I’m sorry, and I understand if you don’t like me anymore, but–”

“I love you.”

His head snaps up to stare at you after your sudden declaration, and after he registers your words a smile spreads across his face. He puffs out a breathy chuckle and you know his answer before he even says it. “I love you too.”

His eyes shine like you’ve hung the stars in the skies, and when they flit down to your lips, you know an unspoken question when you see it. You lean forward slowly, letting your eyes close once more when your lips meet his.

And damn, you were right about how San kisses. In a second, he deepens the kiss, bringing his hands up to cup your face while his tongue swipes at your lips. Shyly, you part your lips and he dives right in, licking into your mouth and biting at your lips.

“Sanah,” you gasp into his mouth, the sound swallowed by his plush lips. “Sanah–”

You repeat his name like a prayer as his lips travel down to your neck, littering wet kisses and bite marks all over your sensitive skin. “Fuck, baby, you’re so sweet to me,” San moans against your body. “Please, please, let me treat you right, make it up to you. Let me worship you.”

You whine as he laves his tongue over your breasts spilling out of the crop top you had worn last night. Any other time you would’ve stressed at how gross the clothes were but right now you could hardly even think about it. “Fuck, yes, please,” you beg when San nips at your cleavage, leaving a mark.

“Ah, already begging for me,” San groans, his hips pressing into your legs. “You’re so perfect.” His voice grows whiney as his sucks on your nipples, making your back arch.

His kisses move down your body until his breath is ghosting over your stomach and his hands are pawing at your pants, shoving them down as quickly as he can. He doesn’t have the same amount of minimal patience for your panties, and before you can react, he’s ripped them off your legs. “Choi San!” you scold, shifting to try and sit up but his grip on your hips stops you from moving too far.

“I’ll buy you a new pair,” San promises before diving right in and sucking at your clit without another moment’s hesitation. Your hips jerk and your core tightens at the sudden feeling as you throw your head back and moan so loudly it’s bordering on a scream

His ministrations on your dripping cunt have you wordless. His fingers are pressing into your hip bones, the sensation making you squirm. As soon as his tongue breaches your clenching hole your hands fly down to grasp at his hair. “Fuck–” you squeal, your legs attempting to close but San just pushes them apart again, busying himself in your folds.

“Fuck, you taste so good,” San groans, the vibrations sending shivers up your spine as he lets his teeth scrape against your clit. You can hardly focus on anything at the barrage of sensations filling you up, San fucking his tongue into you so well. Your thighs are shaking as you can feel yourself grow wetter and wetter against his face.

When you tilt your head down, he meets your eyes as he moves one of his hands to push a finger into your hole. “Shit–” your grip on his hair tightens impossibly. “Sanah–”

“Come for me, love,” San groans, and you let the dam break, screaming out his name until your voice is hoarse, and San licks up your release through it all.

When he finally pulls away from your twitching and sensitive core, his lips are covered in your glistening slick, thick globs of it sitting pretty on his chin. Without thinking, you pull him down and crash your lips against his, tasting yourself on his tongue. San groans as you lick his face clean, shoving your tongue deep into his mouth.

“Fuck, I need to fuck you right now or else I think I might go insane,” San growls, blindly fumbling in his nightstand to pull out a condom as he shoves down his sweats to reveal his hard, red cock. Without another thought, he opens the pack with his teeth, rolling the latex down his length with ease thanks to the precum dribbling down it.

He lines up, the tip of it kissing your hole, when you groan. You’re much too impatient for this, reaching down and holding him steady as you shift your body to sink onto his thick cock. “Shit, YN,” San grits out as you take him deeper and deeper until your cunt kisses his crotch. “You’re too much.”

You pant, shifting on his cock as you try to get used to the stretch. He’s not the longest you’ve had, but he’s thick and the stretch is almost too much. “You’re fucking talking, you fill me up so fucking well, Sanah.” You hiss as you throw your head back, the stinging melting into pleasure. “Fuck me already, San. Or should I go and find Juyeon to–”

You’re cut off by San thrusting into you so violently that you swear the bed shakes. “I don’t want to hear that fucking name out of your mouth anymore,” San commands, leaning forward until his body weight pins you down and your eyes roll back as he starts fucking into you with short, quick thrusts.

With every movement, you feel like you may break apart. You can hear every slick sound, the sound of it obscene, and yet all you want is more. Your previous release coats his cock so well, thick strings of it attaching to his hips.

His arms wrap around your waist, and before you can protest or do anything, he hoists you up until you’re sitting in his lap. You swear this angle makes him impale you even deeper, his cockhead kissing the perfect spot deep inside you. Your head drops to San’s shoulder, moaning against the fabric of his shirt. “Fuck, San, you’re so deep,” you moan high-pitched. “You’re so fucking good for me.”

San growls, pressing a kiss behind your ear. “You’re so tight for me, so much better than Yeseul. I saw you in the mirror, you know,” he whispers conspiratorially and you gasp and clench, snapping your head to look at him. “You’re not as sneaky as you thought, love. Did you touch yourself to the thought of me fucking you so well?”

You whine, words failing you, and San’s hips slow to a stop. You try your best to grind against him but his hands grip your waist, keeping you still. “Please–” you try to beg but San chuckles and nips at your earlobe.

“Answer me, YN.”

“Fuck– Yes!” you cry out, so eager for him to start moving again. “Wanted you to fill me with your cum so well until it was spilling out of me. Please, please, please, fuck me.”

“Hm.” And without any warning, San jerks his hips up into you, biting into your neck like a fucking vampire and you scream, hips stuttering as you come on his cock. You don’t think you’re making any coherent noises, just babbling into his neck as your bones become jelly from the overstimulation.

If you thought the sounds were obscene before, you swear they’ve become ten times worse as you lay limp against San’s body. He’s moving you up and down his cock like a doll and you pant, squeezing your eyes shut as you still feel aftershocks from your orgasm.

“Shit, you’re so warm around me, I’m gonna come,” San moans in your ear, his rhythm breaking as he drops your weight on his cock. You can feel him twitching inside you as his teeth sink into your neck once more. “God, I want to fill you up so badly, but that’s just going to have to wait, my love.”

After a long moment, he pulls out, groaning at your come coating the condom and his thighs. Without thinking, he dips his fingers in the mess and brings it to his mouth, licking it off like it’s the most delicious thing in the world to him. “Come here, baby,” he says in that beautifully raspy voice, and you lean forward, meeting his lips in another kiss.

This kiss is sweet and soft, but the lingering taste of your shared releases still permeates your taste buds. You sigh, leaning your head against his shoulder as he lays against the wall with you in his arms.

“I’m sorry,” he apologises again, pressing another kiss to the top of your head and it’s almost like he hadn’t fucked you like it was your last day on earth. “I won’t ever leave you again.”

You hum, turning your head to pepper kisses over his neck freckles. “I should be the one saying that. I love you, San. And I’ll always run to you with no hesitation.”

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[missycolorful]

The scene with q!Forever and q!Philza at Global spawn in Pugatory is something that will always kinda sit in the back of my head. Because it truly, truly solidifies the strength in their dynamic, and neither of them will probably realize it lol. Hello, I'm here to be insane about q!philever, so buckle up

Like everyone else, q!Phil was dealing with a lot in Purgatory. He began to lose trust in close friends. He wasn't sure he'd even be able to save his children. While trying to uphold his morality and not kill except in self-defense, he was very much walking a fine, jittery line. All while trying to keep his team organized and motivated. Aside from kind of losing his mind like the others, there was no clear indication that Phil's composure was dangling by a loose thread.

But then he's allowed a moment of peace to exchange information with another team. It's just him and Forever. No kills planned, nothing. Just two people allowed to talk about the absurd situation they've been thrown into. A moment to really take everything in.

During the conversation, Forever doesn't hold judgement toward Phil or anyone else due to the event, even when he comments on Philza's kill on Rivers. Even when Phil tries to justify his actions, Forever doesn't hold it against him. It's hard to say exactly how important this is to what happens next, but I feel like it means something here.

It's when q!Forever says that once they leave Global Spawn, that they become "enemies" again, this is when q!Philza breaks. And I think this moment has been glossed over by many (I want more fan art, dammit >:T) cause it doesn't feel big on the surface. It's not like cc!Philza genuinely sounds heartbroken, his cries sound... a little exaggerated/dramatic, you know? What he cries about isn't anything groundbreaking, it's what many of them feel ("I don't want to be here." "I don't want to kill my friends."), even though Phil fans can sense a deeper meaning here. And after Forever briefly consoles Philza ("Everything is going to be good. This is what we need to go through."), Phil, like a flick of a switch, is right back to his composed, level-headed self. It was like that moment never even happened.

But it did, and it drives me crazy that he did it in front of Forever. cc!Phil made that conscious choice to have his character lose composure, his character that he and his fans knows is an emotionally constipated motherfucker. And the reason it drives me nuts is because how the fuck did we get here?

I can imagine this scenario with lots of characters, and it never plays out like this (i.e. with Tubbo, he'd likely just keep it all in. Et cetra.). I don't see him letting himself be this vulnerable around most others. Hell, before this, I never would've imagined he'd do this in front of Forever, either.

But the more I think about it, it kinda makes sense.

Phil and Forever's relationship is a funny one. Early on, Phil wouldn't trust Forever with a toothpick. He'd never be emotionally open with him. Forever even held a bit of animosity toward Philza after Phil'a final rejection. But that rocky start is honestly a huge part of why it is as strong as it is now. Cause, well, the strength of any relationship comes from accepting all parts of a person. Flaws and all.

Some characters hold Philza up on a pedestal (i.e. q!Missa). They don't really see his flaws. They don't think about his ugly sides. They just see a pillar of a man who is always willing to help, who can do anything and everything, who keeps composed and lighthearted and level-headed in any scenario. q!Forever was kinda like this, at one point.

But Forever realizes that isn't the case eventually. Because Phil's not great at dealing with emotional situations, and Forever learns that the hard way. Phil's not good at talking about feelings, he can be blunt and a bit harsh, because he's a pragmatic sort of guy. But it takes a softer, gentle approach to reject someone, and Phil wasn't ready for that. So, in retaliation to the hurt Phil caused him, Forever had a conflicted relationship with him. It didn't last long, but I digress. This brief shift in their relationship was for the better. By not placing him on this pedestal anymore, Forever began to see Philza in a different light. One that didn't cast Brunim in its shadow.

With Philza, Phil saw Forever at, arguably, his worst in the beginning. Obsessive, threatening, clutching onto a pipe dream with no regard for Phil's feelings. But over time, Phil got to see the much more real sides of Forever. When Tallulah lost her first life, when Forever made NINHO. He saw a passionate and intelligent side to this guy who was obsessed with him, and he respected that person. And with this recognition, he offered his trust to Forever, such as giving one of his presidential votes to Forever.

Both of their perspectives for the other changed throughout the first few months, and I believe they gained some level of appreciation between them because of that. They share this newfound respect and trust. And that is the core to their new relationship. Consistently, Forever and Phil have given each other open and mutual respect and trust. Never is either of these things taken for granted, abused, or manipulated in any way.

When Forever is hooked on the happy pills, he subconsciously seeks out Philza's help, which Phil offers with ease. Before Forever goes to the Nether, Phil expresses his worry and wants to help. But he doesn't push, because he respects Forever's agency, and trusts that Forever is doing what he thinks is best. (also during this scene, when Forever gave him access to the warpstone in that secret part of his base, only Forever and Richas had access to it beforehand, which feels like a big moment according to his fans, so! :D). So when Forever returns to the Nether, while he doesn't believe Fit and Pierre when they say they tried to save him, he absolutely, 100% believes in Philza.

Because he knows Philza by now, and Philza knows Forever. Maybe not on equal levels, but still. After merely a few months, they've slowly begun to understand each other a bit more. So I guess it's only natural that they'd be more open around each other.

I'd even argue that this isn't the first time Philza lets down his walls around Forever. It just didn't happen when Forever was awake.

I wouldn't say that Phil talking to Forever while he was in a coma is the same level of vulnerability as the scene in Purgatory. Because Phil wasn't totally direct with his feelings, he sort of deflected (the story, banging the pots and pans, calling him an idiot, etc). Hell, even when he is expresses how he feels, he's not entirely direct: "We just really care about you. We wanna see you come back. You're making us worry." Like, of course everyone cares, but to say this as we when it's just the two of you obviously feels like a moment of vulnerability but not wanting to admit to it. Cause, hey, under different circumstances, he absolutely would've committed to visiting Forever in the hospital every day. Still, his very open worry did give off a sense that his walls were crumbling.

So with all of this, if Philza can meet with someone alone in practical hell, and that someone, a person he openly trusts and cares about, can look him in the eye and say "I don't judge you" on the things he's has done, maybe that allowed the floodgates to open for a bit. Maybe once Forever said they'd be enemies outside those doors, the situation hit Phil like a truck, and he just couldn't keep it in anymore. And maybe knowing it was just the two of them, Phil knew he could be a person around Forever, not a leader or a mentor or a force to be reckoned with. And Phil really needs someone on equal footing with him like this. He needs someone he can feel safe around. So for him to find this in Forever, of all people, even if it's just for this moment, is extremely important to me.

The way their relationship has progressed, perhaps it would've been simply a matter of time for Philza to be open with Forever. I dunno when Phil will be quite so open around Forever again, but I do say when with a fair enough of certainty (or I could be wrong and I'm simply talking straight outta my ass but who knows). Because to have this moment with Forever was intentional, even if it feels like a blink and you miss moment. It may have been under a minute, it may not feel important to other viewers. BUT to me, it genuinely says so much about their relationship, how far they have come, and where they are now.

#qsmp #qsmp meta #sugarduo #philever #philza #forever #missy rambles #or none of it means anything and this never gets brought up or anything like that again and phil is mocking us for our dramatics🤷 #either way idc let me have fun i love these two so muchhhhhhhhh <3 #long post

[hungarrrrrr]

ALL ABOARD MY CRACK SHIPS!! 🚢🚢🚢

(in no particular order)

Alya x Adrien (Rena x Chat) same brain cell all the way

Ok ik I said they share the same brain cell and I still think Rena and Chat do but Alya and Adrien’s dynamic is a lil different. They’d probably start off as friends first. I think Alya would take him out of his comfort zone and show him new and exciting things. Like adrenaline junkie things bc Alya is so fun and fearless. Also different foods bc her mom is a Chef.

Stormy Weather x Chat Noir. gets flustered/angry when teased x teaser

okay I think this one is pure crack but it’d be so silly! Soo much banter, so many puns. There is no real explanation or justification for this ship, I just watched Stormy Weather and found them fun. also I love stormy weather’s design

Chloe x Adrien aww childhood friends to lovers.

Of course their relationship would have some ups and downs but Adrien is kind, patient, and forgiving giving Chloe the room to fully develop into a better person. Chloe would help Adrien become more assertive and firm, not only with her bc she can act like a brat sometimes, but also with his father and people who try to take advantage of him (FÉLIX). He would probably only get like that on occasion though and Chloe would usually be the one to say he ordered no pickles on his burger.

Chloe x Kagami (Queen Bee x Ryuko) tsundere x kuudere.

I can see this going two of ways, either enemies to lovers or something similar to a celebrity/popular person and person who doesn’t give a shit and treats them like a normal person. Kagami would call Chloe out on her shit n that would simultaneously piss Chloe off and make her contemplate the way she acts. Maybe they both connect over their love for Adrien, platonic or romantic (😱 love triangle where the opponents fall in love instead!?!?) Both are some how extremely blunt while also being emotionally constipated. I like to imagine that when Chloe is being rude for attention Kagami would ignore her until Chloe asks directly for what she wants(cuddles).

Luka x Nino (Viperion x Carapace) chill guy x nervous wreck.

When Nino is stressed Luka is always there to calm him down. Otherwise, they’re both super chill and bond over music. In the past, Nino would sometimes entertain the idea of learning an instrument and making his own music but now that Luka’s in his life and is starting a band, he has more motivation to learn the keyboard. He would probably replace Adrien in Kitty Section (sorry adrien). But if Adrien rlly wants to be in the band Nino has no problem just directing/editing the music videos for them or background sound stuff.

Nino x Marinette complete disasters.

Definitely awkward in the beginning. Especially if they both have crushes on eachother. Nino would make Marinette playlists as a way of communicating his feelings. Either the titles of all the songs say a message or the songs themselves are the message. So much blushing, nervous laughter, and slip-ups (if they can even talk to eachother at all), Adrien and Alya would help them fall in love and confess and possibly develop feelings for each other while doing so.

Rose x Max might be a lil ooc but cinnamon roll x cynical or more accurately blind optimist x extreme realist

lol I lowkey started writing a whole short story/synopsis for these two but long story short Rose gets Max to believe in the improbable and to stop relying so much brain and more on his heart. Rose can be kind of naive so Max helps Rose use her brain and start questioning others and their intentions more. When Rose tell Max about her illness he would freak out, research it, and bring Rose’s favorite things as much as possible if she was in the hospital. He even would build her a robot that tells jokes, plays movies, and has custom video games that she would like. Idk.

To be honest most of these started off as jokes but now that I’ve typed out their dynamics I think some of these ships could actually work.

#alya x adrien #rena x chat #rena rouge x chat noir #stormy weather x chat noir #nino x luka #viperion x carapace #nino x marinette #rose x max #chloe x kagami #ryuko x queen bee #adrien x chloe #crackship #miraculous ladybug #adrien agreste #alya cesaire #chat noir #rena rouge #stormy weather mlb #chloe bourgeois #kagami tsuguri #miraculous ryuko #queen bee #nino lahiffe #marinette dupen chang #luka couffaine #rose lavillant #max kante

[andromedaexists]

Writeblr Positivity Tag

I was tagged by the amazing @betweenthetimeandsound! Thank you!

What motivates you to write?

My friends! Every single person who has told me that they want to see Call Me Icarus come to life motivates me. Every time I get a message from Feral or Crypt or Nats or Creme or anyone that tells me that they love the characters I create and the stories I tell motivates me to keep writing.

A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not, maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them):

ooooh there's a few pieces that I'm really proud of. If I had to choose just one there's this specific line in Incorrect Eyes that really does not make sense out of context, but I feel like I did a damn good job of portraying panic and anxiety in it (i bolded it so it will stand out):

My phone was always going off, messages from teammates, friends, family that I just couldn’t answer. Didn’t know how to answer. “Are you okay?” I didn’t know, I couldn’t feel anything other than numbness and fear. “Where have you been?” Hiding. Hiding and working and sinking further into the pit of despair and paranoia. “Your friends are wondering where you are.” I wondered that too, where was I? What was I doing? What were these words around me? Why were there eyes everywhere? I didn’t know what to do, I felt like I lost my mind. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe without being watched. I needed to escape and I did not know how.

Which OC makes you smile every time you think/ talk about them and what are they like?

Icarus! I grin so big when I talk about him!! He is a rat bastard and I have so so so much fun torturing him!

Like, I literally light up when I get to infodump about him to people, he is a special interest of mine at this point. He is an emotionally constipated piece of shit that refuses to get over his dual god and inferiority complexes and he is my everything

What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

I really enjoy putting things together. Like, you just finished all your plotting and writing and light revisions, time to run over it one time from front to back and put everything together. That's what I like the most

What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

hhhhhhh that's a question. I'm actually feeling pretty shit about my writing right now, but if I had to choose I think I'm pretty darn good at descriptions. Like, I can absolutely get you put into a room down to the smell of that room and the dingy off-white stain in the corner lol

What is something in the writeblr community that is most enjoyable?

I really enjoy the people. Like, the tag games come and go, the questions are more off than on, but the people? We are always here and always sharing parts of ourselves and out writing. Everytime @cream-and-tea's snippets of Pallas cross my dash I get giddy, I love seeing @isherwoodj's work (especially when Doc is involved) too! I just love the community and the friends I've made, if that makes sense

A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

Scrivener for sure, like being able to organize my WIP exactly how I want it to be organized and not have to deal with a huge ass document is amazing! I also love that I can very easy rearrange the order of things and have multiple drafts open without having to have multiple instances of a program open!

I also heavily rely on speech to text, I have a bad habit of small typos that most programs wont catch (i.e. my instead of me, by instead of be type stuff) The only way I've found to reliably catch these is through speech to text since my eyes will just jump right over them!

A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

I really love incorporating mythology into my worldbuilding. It doesn't matter what my WIP is, it will have mythological significance. It's obvious to see in CMI, but it really shines in Desecrate. A lot of things in that WIP have heavy mythological significance (such as the characters names, Christian "Kit" Amadeus Michaels and Adonai)

What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

Take care of yourself, there cannot be a book written by you without you.

Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters:

ooohhhh there's so many!!

Let's start with the Shit Show: @lockejhaven @365runesoftheamalgamations @ghost-town-story @crypticcodexcreations @smol-feralgremlin @inkspellangel and @authoralexharvey!

There's also @cream-and-tea @isherwoodj @flowerprose @howlingbreeze @cljordan-imperium and writingpotato (who left us, RIP we love you) here on tumblr!

And some new mentions that I found on twitter who have shown a lot of love for me so far: Clanky, Doom (who is here @doom-inique-writes hi doom!), Kaye (also here, hi @marsadler!!!), Tyler, Em, Gabe, and @wickedwitchwritesstuff!!!

There are so many more, but I love each and every one of you so so much and only have so much room to write people here <3

As far as tagging to do this, I think I've tagged enough people lmaooo, anyone who wants to answer these questions is more than free to!!

#tag game #writeblr #andi writes #writeblr positivity tag game

[eloignetoi]

My opinions and overall throughts about Netflix Wednesday because people (including me) are obsessed with it but there is very little content about it (beside the TikTok trend).

The show itself is amazing - not just because it's popular - but the storyline, characters and overall aesthetic are quite endearing. I loved how characters worked together and how sometimes they didn't:

Wednesday is not perfect nor horrible. She has many traits that fit the autism spectrum : obsessions, blank tone and facial expression, unique perception of the world - no she is not depressed, she isn't numb to reality nor sad, she simply enjoys what most people are scared of -, and her perception and understanding of social and emotional conventions are, well, unconventional. These traits make her uniquely enjoyable, but it also gives place for improvement and development in this new social environment that is Nevermore, and which we witness throughout although mostly at the end of the show.

Xavier is not a classic manipulative white boy. He is clueless and emotionally constipated (which I believe has something to do with his dad), and that can be annoying, especially when you know he could have been a lot more helpful with Wednesday's investigation as his dreams/visions seemed to complete hers. A certain tweet has made people agree that he is manipulative and annoying, which I don't really get. He is supposed to have flaws so that there's place for character development, just like Wednesday. But he always had good intentions. He did not manipulate Wednesday into asking him to the ball : considering his serious crush on her, I think he truly hoped she had changed her mind - one can hope lol - and teased her as a friendly joke. That's why he got so mad when he found out about her ulterior motives: he realized she never planned on being his friend. He was not being obsessive either. I mean, when you're in love with someone who's been the target of an attempted murder, I guess you try to go out of your way to protect them - and eventually forget them. That's what the painting was for (as he clearly explained it), don't act like you've never been in love or had a hard time getting over it. The one thing I do agree with is that he and Wednesday have no romantic chemistry, and I hope they are not going to try and force this relationship. If they do, I hope they'll make it right with a better atmosphere, context, chemistry, etc... and let's be honest, it would take a lot of changes and efforts. What would really work (with the atmosphere and context of the first season), would be a strong friendship, not only because they made up at the end, but also because they have many similarities and their powers could be very useful when put together. They would be amazing investigators.

When it comes to Tyler, I am surprised people didn't catch on his uniqueness. There were very little to no clue about his true nature, but he was definitely odd: the only normie kid rejected by his normie friends but without any outcast friend either. Troubled teenager who lost his mom, has a bad relationship with his father and a history of bullying (with Xavier), and the creepy scene in the Gates' mansion where his face suddenly appears in the light. After watching the end, you can also catch on the change in sound/music at the ball when Thornill smiles at him, like there's a form of dissociation from the rest of the crowd. Overall, I think the twist was rather unexpected. What I am really eager to see is what they are going to do with him: he was manipulated and experimented on to turn into his outcast form, but from there he also willingly killed people while enjoying it and manipulated Wednesday in the creepiest way (planning a date and their potential first kiss in the very crypt he knew they'd kill her, seriously...). I wonder if they are going to try and save him or push the monster hunting to the edge. After all, his mom apparently didn't kill anyone - I believe they would have mentioned similar deaths from 30 years ago (although that might be information kept for season 2 and it might have something to do with the normie death from 30 years ago that forced the Nightshades to disband). And I can't imagine his dad's state after all the revelations: the guilt he must feel for not talking to his son about his mom and not seeing he was being manipulated.

If there is a second season, I can't wait to see more revelations about Bianca and her mom, Xavier's dad, and just more of Ajax, Enid, Yoko, Eugene and maybe even Kent. And I'm not even mentioning the stalker, as well as the new possible mayor, principal of Nevermore and Thornill's replacement.

What I really liked about this show, beside characters, were costumes: the Addams' gothic style, perfectly modernized while still being close to the original comic/movie. And I loved Enid's colorful clothes (especially her amazing pink shoes in the last episode).

I do have a few complaints about the show:

Although dialogues are perfectly intelligible, everyone being at the same volume, I could barely hear any background music. I only realized it were here in certain scenes thanks to the subtitles, and it sort of loses the whole impact its supposed to have on the scene. So, if you have a hard time hearing (I am aware I don't have the best hearing), I would advise you to use headphones to really get the whole experience.

I'm also slightly disappointed by the style of the series. With Tim Burton as a director, I guess we expected a darker, more "crooked" style (with character designs or even sceneries), which we mostly only got from Tyler's Hyde form and Thing. I am aware Tim Burton doesn't have full freedom and, contrary to animation movies, has to deal with the material and physical limits of the real world (human face shapes, expensive makeup and CGI).

I think my last complaint would be about the length of the season: it was slightly fast-paced and therefore quite short in the end. So many things happened in only 8 episodes. I know productions now have to deal with many constraints, deadlines and even budgets, but I hope the success of the first season will give more time and money for the producers to have fun and add as much as they want to the final product.

Finally, I think it's just fair to write about Jenna Ortega's acting, which is absolutely amazing. Beside the no-blinking thing (which is really hard, not only because of the length of the scenes but also because of reflexes - try not blinking while moving your head around, or try doing it while keeping your movement natural), her posture is so straight yet remains natural. I'm also quite impressed by her capacity to control her full body - try staying as straight as her while falling, like in her vision scene after the kiss.

I also think it's important to note Gwendoline Christie's performance (principal Weems). Her facial expressions are to die for, with the slight eye movements whenever Wednesday or Morticia piss her off !

Emma Myers (Enid) also has some good facial expressions (at the ball, or with the homeless man who steals the camera) and her whimpers are so fun !

The expressiveness in this show is quite phenomenal and really participate in the story - big fake smiles (like Noble and Weems), odd expressions (like the woman who drives the hiker in the woods in the first episode, or Tyler's weird scene in the mansion), and the ambivalent, twisted meaning of Thornhill's actions and reactions that are great to rewatch after the twist revelation.

I have a few more thoughts about the choice to involve Pilgrims in the story (which is unique, hilarious and meaningful), but they're not fully developed.

I don't mistake my opinions for truths and I'd love to see more approaches to the series.

Also please note I'm French and English is not my first language. If you see any mistake or weird syntax/grammar, please inform me 😊

#netflix #netflix Wednesday #jenna ortega #tim burton #random thoughts #Alfred Gough #Miles Millar #Gwendoline Christie #Addams family #tv show #Wednesday Addams

[shadyufo]

first art thing ive done in like two months is sculpt a pile of guts

not super detailed cause they are just gonna be covered in blood in the end lol

#gore #guts #fiiiiinally painting that xenomorph model kit I built a couple of years ago #cant resist adding some gore #it aint gonna be perfect but at least its something #my brain has been absolutely zapped lately #ive had mountains of ideas for fun future projects coming together in my head #including a couple of new painted skull designs im really excited about #but my motivation is absolutely nowhere to be found #thought this lil silly project might get things moving again #as they say #help with the motivation constipation lol #so we'll see #words #art #customizing #custom painting

[aliens-took-my-iwa-chan]

give me your headcanons on iwaizumi 😩

When I tell you that I don’t know where to start with Iwaizumi headcanons I’m NOT joking

I might accidentally leave some out but I’ll try my best!!

Okay so this is semi-canon but this boy is obsessed with Godzilla. Like he owns all the movies and has a tiny little old tv in his room that he watches them on (when I say old I mean a boxy tv with antennae that has that black and white static stuff) his walls are FILLED with posters and he has a 4 foot tall Godzilla plushie that Oikawa gave him for his birthday.

THIS. BOY. PLAYS. GUITAR. YOU CANT CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE. HE PLAYS AND SINGS FOR OIKAWA CONSTANTLY AND HES BEEN PLAYING SINCE A VERY YOUNG AGE

He has one glow in the dark star in the center of his ceiling,,,, oikawa gave it to him when they were very young and he never took it down

GAYGAYGAY OMG SO FRICKING GAY

EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED

ADHD Iwaizumi will never not be a thing

He doesn’t love volleyball as much as oikawa but he still wants to be really good, sometimes he gets a lil insecure because he compares himself to other aces, but the team always helps him get over it

Half Filipino, half Japanese

IWAIZUMI IS A SPRITE KID,,,, SPRITE IS DEFINITELY HIS FAVORITE SODA,,, HE PROBABLY HAS A SHIRT WITH THE LOGO OR SMTH

Definitely has cheesy motivational t shirts like “never give up” on the front or smth,,, the whole team wants to make fun of him for it but they can’t because somehow he still looks good in them??? How???

This boy loves camping. He forced the entire team to go once but it was a nightmare so now he usually just drags oikawa along with him

Okay kind of an iwaoi head canon but it still involves Iwaizumi so,,,, their houses are right next to each other and their windows face each other. They have reallyyyyyy sturdy trelices that they climb up to get to the others room and get in through the window. Their moms totally know but they ship it so they never get them in trouble for it

Another iwaoi headcanon,,,, but hey it still involves Iwaizumi- they knew each other since birth, their moms were friends so they are in all the family photos and stuff.

Loves bugs and wants to study them, but he always feels bad when he catches one so he puts it back almost immediately

EYELINER. HE WEARS EYELINER.

His spiky hair is bedhead but it doesn’t look bad so he just keeps it that way

He’s definitely the one organizing fundraisers for the club, and since he’s the only one responsible with money he’s the one who has to deal with it

This boy definitely wanted to be a physical therapist because he *always* helped with Oikawa’s bad knee and wanted to help other people too

I can’t decide between him hating ushijima or being best friends with him, it’s one or the other. If he hates him it’s because he knows he makes oikawa uncomfy and anyone who makes oikawa uncomfy is his enemy. If he’s besties with ushijima they’re really close and it pisses oikawa off

He’s great at dealing with other peoples problems but is a disaster when he deals with his own. Like, if u ship iwaoi, hes definitely been pining for years and can’t work up the courage to ask him out,, he sucks at picking up signals or understanding flirty things so all of it just goes over his head

He has two moms. You can’t tell me otherwise.

Was pretty late on figuring out his sexuality, he probably didn’t have any romantic feelings towards anyone until pretty late (ooooooh greyromantic Iwaizumi?????)

Once he knew that oikawa was always going to be taller than him he definitely started going to the gym so he could at least have better muscles lol

Only child Iwaizumi

Best friends with takeru,,, probably taught him a lot of volleyball, takeru calls him his uncle

He has okay-ish grades, they’re nothing to boast about but they aren’t bad,,,, his best core subjects are ELA and Social Studies

I know I said that kageyama hates astrology but imma use the same thing for iwaizumi,,,, he reallllllyyyyyyyy doesn’t like it but he tries to be supportive whenever Oikawa talks about it (Oikawa likes to tease him for the strained face he makes whenever he brings it up)

CAN DO A PERFECT IMITATION OF OIKAWAS VOICE,,, ITS HONESTLY TERRIFYING

I am 100% positive that I have more but this is an extremely long post so I’m gonna stop here. Thanks for the ask!!!!

#I LOVE THIS MAN #iwaoi #haikyuu #haikyuu iwaizumi #haikyuu headcanons

[fireheartbuzzard]

my dream

day one: i just realized i’m desperately in love with you

author’s note: hi everyone!! this is my very first rowaelin fanfic, so i’m sorry if it’s bad lol. i’m also sorry that it wasn’t posted on time. my senior year of high school started at the beginning of september so everything was very hectic and crazy around that time, still is with college applications coming up, but i was able to finish this story. for all the other prompts, i either have an outline/idea for it or i’ve started writing something already. i know it’s late, but bear with me as i try to balance high school and everything else. i’ll add a header photo later, i think. idk. i’m new to this 😭

content warning: slight angst, lots of repeated words/phrases (sorry lol)

word count: 4.3k

~

Rowan’s eyes drooped as he walked into his home after a long day of work, desperately needing a nap on his lumpy couch. He set out to make some coffee for later tonight, knowing that he’d have to stay up again to finish another project for his summer class.

Rowan probably shouldn’t have procrastinated his assignment in order to spend time with Aelin at the carnival earlier this week, but he’d rather that than have Aelin spend time alone with Chaol. Just the thought of his name made Rowan scoff.

After being friends for a couple of months, Chaol had recently become Aelin’s new summer fling. Rowan always knew he’d had ulterior motives, but when the idea was brought up to Aelin, she’d laughed and said, “If anyone here had ulterior motives, it’d be me.” Rowan had no clue as to what Aelin was talking about, but she’d insisted that it was only a one-time thing and so far, had been determined to keep a buffer between them, which meant that Rowan had to accompany them on every single “date.”

Despite grumbling the whole time to Aelin at the carnival, Rowan had to admit feeling satisfaction after shoving the ice cream into Chaol’s face in order to prevent him from kissing Aelin. While Aelin looked amused during the whole ordeal, Chaol looked the exact opposite with a scrunched up mouth and furrowed brows. Rowan thought he looked constipated.

Maybe, he was. Rowan shook his head, no no, he was definitely angry.

Rowan smiled to himself as he poured boiling water into the coffee strainer over his mug. Letting it sit when he finished, he walked over to his couch and laid down, allowing his body to rest after hours of exhaustion. His eyes drifted closed as he thought back to Aelin’s situation with Chaol.

Rowan didn’t understand why Aelin wouldn’t just break up with him if she didn’t like him at all. Hell, he doesn’t even understand the reason why she does half the things she does, her mind truly baffles him. He wouldn’t trade her for the universe though, not for anything. Every single part of Aelin fuses to create the most amazing person Rowan’s ever met; Rowan adored everything about her—her witty remarks, her melodious laughter, her long golden hair, her beautiful turquoise eyes with a ring of gold, her bizzare and wicked humor, just about everything.

Gods, don’t even get Rowan started on her smile. Rowan fucking loves her smile. He would do anything in the world for her face to brighten with that glorious smile of hers. It’s the first thing he thinks of in the morning and the last before he goes to bed. Just thinking about her can light up his mood and make him smile.

Settling into the couch even more, Rowan drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face and his mind stuck on Aelin.

~

Rowan woke up with a start, accidentally jerking the dead weight on his arm. He felt warm breaths puff against his chest as he looked down at the culprit of his numb arm. Aelin lay in his arms, halfway on top of him, with her arm thrown across his waist and her legs entwined with his. Rowan smiled as he looked at her slightly open mouth and her golden blonde hair cascading down the edge of the couch.

Rowan had to get started on his project soon and he had his coffee waiting for him, but he couldn’t even move with Aelin lying on top of him, not that he wanted to anyway. So, giving in to this small defeat, Rowan stroked Aelin’s hair as he thought about his dream.

Rowan woke up to a smattering of kisses across his face and the loud giggling of a toddler, followed by quiet laughter. He felt a slight weight on his chest and small hands grabbing at the skin on his face. Opening his eyes, Rowan was met with striking cerulean blue eyes and a head of silver hair.

“Hey, papa!” The toddler grinned at Rowan, eliciting a smile from him.

“Hey, baby,” Rowan grabbed the toddler’s head and placed a loud smacking kiss on her forehead, evoking even more giggles from the kid.

He noticed Aelin drifting closer, hands cradling her swollen belly. “Alaïa wanted to wake you for breakfast. It only seemed fair to have her loudly slobbering all over you as your wake-up call since we all woke up early to make breakfast,” Aelin smiled as she spoke, her face glowing with happiness and amusement.

As Aelin sat on the edge of the bed, next to Rowan’s arm, she leaned down and pressed a kiss to his lips. Leaning in towards his ear, Aelin whispered, “Hurry up and get your spectacular ass downstairs before all the food is gone.” Aelin gathered Alaïa into her arms before leaving the bedroom.

By the time Rowan was downstairs, breakfast was in full swing. Instead of going to the dining table, Rowan stayed standing at the foot of the stairs, observing his family. A girl—with the same golden hair as Aelin and the same pine green eyes as Rowan—ate quietly with her shoulders back and her head held high. The boy across from her—with Aelin’s eyes and a head full of silver hair—smiled at his younger brother who was struggling with getting the food onto his spoon. The younger boy looked exactly like Rowan, as if someone made a clone of him with his hair.

Alaïa was a sight to behold. With food on her face and clothes, she looked to be having trouble maneuvering the food to her mouth with her spoon, accidentally flinging it into her silver hair instead. She seemed to be on the verge of tears from frustration, but with one quiet laugh from Aelin, Alaïa peered over at the smiling Aelin and gave a little giggle.

Aelin glanced up at Rowan in that moment and opened her mouth to say, “Da—”

A small noise of content broke Rowan out of his reverie. Rowan looked down and noticed that he’s still stroking Aelin’s hair as she nuzzles her head further into his hands. A small smile graced Aelin’s face, making her appear peaceful. Watching Aelin sleep made Rowan smile; he could watch her do anything and never get bored because he was just so enamored by her.

Rowan jerked to a stop. Enamored? His brows furrowed in confusion as he thought back to Aelin. Rowan does not believe he can live his life without Aelin in it; he doesn’t even want to think about the prospect of it.

As a groan broke out of Aelin’s lips, she snuggled closer to Rowan. He watched as her eyes fluttered open and she took in her surroundings before smiling up at him. It was the sight of that smile that made Rowan realize the truth of why he’d felt so satisfied upon smashing that ice cream cone into Chaol’s face and why his heart beat a bit faster whenever Aelin’s attention was on him. Just like it was now.

“Hi,” she croaked, voice still hoarse from sleep.

Rowan smiled, “Hi.” He looked around before looking back down at Aelin, “So, how’d you get in here?”

Her brows furrowed in confusion before she quickly snapped her fingers. “I broke in by using a rock to smash your windows,” Aelin grinned. Rowan felt blood draining from his face at her answer.

“WHAT?!” Rowan sprung up from the couch and walked to his front windows. Knowing Aelin, that couldn’t be exaggerated and didn’t sound like it’d be far from the truth. However, as he got to the curtains, he heard quiet giggles and turned around in time to hear them turn into loud cackles of laughter.

“Calm down, Buzzard. I was only kidding. I snuck into your backyard and used the key you hid in your shed by breaking down the shed door.” Aelin rolled her eyes at his exasperated expression, “Oh, don’t be so dramatic, you told me where you hid the spare key when you were confessing secrets while drunk off your ass,” Aelin waved a hand.

Rowan was never so mortified before. Secrets? Not just one, but more?!

Aelin must’ve seen the mortification written on his face because why else would she bellow with laughter like she was right now. Rowan just shook his head as he walked into his kitchen and grabbed his mug of coffee.

By the time he got back, Aelin was scowling at her phone.

“What’s wrong?” Rowan asked as he sat back on his couch and took a sip of his coffee. Aelin only groaned before throwing her hands up in the air and kicking her feet like a petulant child, causing Rowan to chuckle at Aelin’s antics.

“Chaol wants to go on another date,” Aelin frowned. “He’s insistent on continuing to meet up until he has to go back to Rifthold by the end of the summer.”

Rowan couldn’t help but frown along with Aelin. “I don’t understand why you won’t just call it quits. You obviously don’t like spending time with him.”

Aelin rolled her eyes in return. “I find his company companionable and I want to keep having him in my life.” Aelin sighed, “Anyway, can you please join us? He wants to have a picnic on the beach this Friday.”

Rowan thought about seeing half-naked Chaol and his grabby hands around half-naked Aelin on the beach and grimaced. He did not like the idea of seeing Chaol around Aelin at all, let alone a half-naked Aelin, so Rowan definitely had to go.

Rowan sighed as he ran his hand over his face, “I’ll go.”

“Really?” Aelin beamed. At Rowan’s slight nod, Aelin shifted on the couch and squeezed Rowan tight around the waist. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She murmured into his chest. Rowan wrapped his arms around her frame and squeezed her back. Rowan could definitely get used to this. Aelin pulled back a second later and stood up from the couch. “Okay, I’ve got to head home and feed fleetfoot now,” Aelin smiled, “Thanks for the amazing power nap.”

“Break in again anytime,” Rowan smiled as he heard her chuckle.

“Yeah, yeah, Buzzard.” Aelin waved goodbye before leaving the living room and closing the front door behind her.

Upon hearing Aelin leave his home, Rowan thought back to his revelation earlier today. Rowan Whitethorn was in love with his best friend and she didn’t even know it. He was screwed. He was so irrevocably screwed and he had no clue as to how he’d get himself out of this mess.

~

Rowan was fuming. He swore that steam was blowing out of his nose and ears like those cartoon characters. Aelin had given him a popsicle to “cool off” and right now, Rowan felt like a petulant child at the beach.

The whole day, Rowan’s been doing his damn best to block Chaol from Aelin, but it seemed like Chaol caught onto his game and is now quicker with his actions. Aelin hasn’t been helping either. Not with the way she’s voluntarily playing in the water with Chaol right now in her show-stopping black bikini with embroidered little golden dragons.

Earlier, Chaol offered to put sunscreen on Aelin’s body for her. Before Rowan could beat him to it, Chaol had already started applying the cream to her long tan legs. Aelin didn’t even protest, but she didn’t miss the sharp glare Rowan sent Chaol’s way, silently laughing at Rowan.

It certainly didn’t help when Chaol was applying the sunscreen slowly, as if trying to memorize the feel of her skin. And instead of quickly stopping Chaol, Aelin keenly kept an eye on Rowan, an amused look on her face as she caught the narrowing of his eyes.

A while later, they played in the sand together like two toddlers on a date. Aelin giggled the whole time as she buried Chaol in the sand and created a mermaid body for him. Rowan figured she needed help getting sand so he repeatedly kicked sand towards Chaol from where he sat on his beach chair. A lot of the sand landed on Chaol’s face, which earned him a shout and glare from Chaol, but it wasn’t Rowan’s fault that the sand landed on his face when Rowan aimed it towards his neck.

Totally not his fault. Must’ve been the wind.

Aelin seemed to be amused by the whole ordeal, if the twinkle in her eyes and the giant smile spread on her face were anything to go by.

The rest of the day seemed like it was “Ignore Rowan Time” because they both ignored Rowan and kept to each other. They went to buy popsicles together and deserted Rowan at the beach. They reappeared about twenty minutes later, only to desert him again to go into the water. Rowan had enough of it.

Now, Rowan watched from afar as Chaol put his slimy hands all over Aelin, carrying her onto his shoulders and dropping her into the water. Sighing in frustration, Rowan angrily bit down a big bite of the popsicle before throwing the rest into the trash can a few feet away.

Grumbling the whole way, Rowan walked down towards the water, looking for ways to easily throw Chaol into it. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Aelin spin towards him, smiling as she looked at him. Rowan returned a small smile, hoping it didn’t look like a grimace.

As Rowan crept towards Chaol, he kept eye contact with Aelin, conveying his plans to her through the movement of his eyes. Aelin’s face shone with amusement as her eyes held a mischievous gleam. Chaol, noticing something amiss and Aelin’s wandering eyes, turned just in time to be tackled into the water by Rowan’s broad shoulders.

Aelin cackled as Chaol’s arms flailed above the water, paying no attention to Rowan as he stalked toward her. It was already too late by the time Aelin felt herself get lifted by Rowan’s hands.

“Don’t you dare, Buzzard,” Aelin warned as she repeatedly slapped Rowan’s bare back. Rowan only slapped her butt in return, to which Aelin quickly gasped, “Rowan Whitethorn! You did not jus—”

Aelin was thrown into the water before she could even finish her sentence. Rowan watched in amusement as Aelin’s arms flailed before she pulled herself above water, spitting a mouthful of salty water at Rowan’s chest. Wiping the water from her face, Aelin glared at Rowan before running as best she could in water and trying to tackle Rowan. Rowan was immovable, but he grabbed her around the waist and fell backwards into the water anyway, pulling Aelin with him.

Up above the water again, Aelin glared at him and huffed as she crossed her arms over her chest, Rowan’s arms still encasing her to his body. Rowan’s chuckle reverberated through Aelin’s body from where their bodies were touching.

The sun was setting, creating beautiful hues of pinks and oranges that reflected off of the many white fluffy clouds in the sky. Seeing Aelin bathed in that light was surreal. The ring of gold in her beautiful turquoise eyes, eyes that Rowan loves, more accentuated in the golden sunlight. Her golden hair glowing as if it was on fire. Aelin looked stunning.

Aelin grinned as Rowan’s hand flattened against her waist, his fingers contracting as if debating letting her go. Rowan noticed Aelin’s hand lifting to cup his face. Her hand was warm, as though the warmth of the sun she personified extended to her fingertips.

Rowan stared into her deep questioning gaze, eyes inquisitive as if waiting for him to do something. Rowan could only stare as she carefully stroked her thumb across his cheekbone, her hands slick with the beach water.

His eyes locked onto hers as she lifted her other hand to his face, her fingers tracing the lines of the tattoo along his temple. Rowan’s breathing turned ragged as he was reminded of the day’s events: how he was constantly left behind to watch over their things, how he was left out of the activities Aelin and Chaol had chosen to do, and how utterly frustrated and defeated he’d felt when Aelin didn’t try to avoid Chaol’s advances on her.

“Rowan,” Aelin breathed as her fingers slid down the side of his tattooed cheek, reminding Rowan of the way she’d touched Chaol today and how she’d allowed that touch to be reciprocated.

He quickly yanked both wrists off his face. He didn’t want her to touch him when she was fawning over some other man. He dropped her hands and stepped back, staring at her as she briefly closed her eyes in hurt.

“Don’t do that,” Rowan rasped, “Don’t—touch me like that.”

Aelin swallowed, her face burning red, “I’m sorry.” She backed away a step. “I’m sorry,” she repeated. “It was nothing.”

Rowan’s eyes shuttered, “Good.” The word repeated in his head. “Fine.”

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

Rowan kept a neutral face as he stalked away, trying not to look like a wounded puppy. He quickly toweled himself off before gathering his things and leaving the beach without Aelin in tow.

~

Rowan didn’t know why he was here. He’d definitely ruined things between him and Aelin if the hurt on her face was anything to go by. But, Rowan couldn’t go to sleep knowing that he’d done something that hurt Aelin. He’d lied in his bed, staring at his ceiling before deciding to just go apologize to her. He didn’t look at the time at all, just put on some clothes and left his house. He didn’t take his phone, didn’t take anything but the keys in his hands.

Now, Rowan was staring at a small two-story cream-colored house. Kingsflame flowers lined either side of the short path leading to the front door. Aelin’s favorite flowers.

“Fuck,” Rowan sighed. He shook his head as he slowly brought it to lean against his car horn. “I should’ve gotten her flowers.” He glanced at the clock to see if there’d be a possibility for him to make a quick trip to the flower shop. 2:48, the clock read.

The flower shop wouldn’t even be open at this time.

Rowan sighed as he quietly got out of his car and made his way up to Aelin’s door, dread pooling in his stomach at the idea of Aelin ignoring him completely. As Rowan waited after ringing the doorbell, he took note of the light ballad coming out of Aelin’s small home, the sorrowful melody hitting him in the chest. Aelin only ever listened to that type of music when she was feeling heartbroken and Rowan was hurt knowing that he’d been the one to cause that pain.

He rang the doorbell another time before deciding that she probably couldn’t hear if her music could be heard from outside. Sighing, Rowan pulled out his phone and called her, hearing the music pause for the duration of an unanswered call, and waited until the call went to voicemail before he reluctantly walked to the fourth kingsflame flower from her front door.

Rowan, then, got onto his knees and dug out dirt until he was met with Aelin’s spare key, which was only supposed to be used in dire emergencies.

Oh, this was very dire.

Grimacing at his dirty hands, Rowan walked back towards the front door and opened it before getting inside. Rowan threw the spare key onto the counter before rinsing his hands and hightailing towards Aelin’s bedroom.

Slamming open the French doors, Rowan’s eyes frantically searched for Aelin, finding the woman standing at the threshold of her connected bathroom in nothing but a blue towel wrapped around her lithe frame.

Shocked still, Aelin stood with wide, puffy, red eyes and a frown marring her beautiful face. Rowan knew she’d taken a bath to feel better, but it wasn’t enough to abate her emotions if the tears still lining her eyes were anything to go by.

Rowan’s chest hurt, his face crumpling in pain at the sight of her. “I am so, so sorry, Aelin,” Rowan apologized as he looked deeply into her sorrowful eyes. “I hadn’t meant to react like that—like your touch had been so repulsive that I had to quickly get rid of it. But when you did touch me, I was reminded of how you’d touched Chaol earlier in the day, how you’d allowed yourself to be touched by him. I didn’t like watching you with him, let alone touching him.” Rowan took a step forward and some of his anxiety quelled at the insistence in her eyes for him to keep talking. “I was mad and I took it out on you. I’m sorry.”

Aelin seemed at a loss for words as she silently processed everything he’d said, her eyes analyzing his face as she searched for the sincerity of his words. Her head tilted slightly as if trying to further understand his words. “Why were you mad?”

Rowan subtly winced as rubbed the back of his neck, ducking his head and staring at the wooden floor. “Like I said, I don’t like Chaol,” Rowan explained.

“No, no. You said you didn’t like watching me with Chaol. You were jealous,” Aelin deadpanned.

“Mad or jealous, I don’t care. All I care about is you and the fact that I love you,” Rowan shouted as he threw his hands into the air.

Aelin’s breath hitched as she stared in shock at his sudden outburst. Her mouth opened and closed a couple of times before she gaped at him. “Wh-what did you just say?” Aelin sputtered.

“I had a dream, Aelin. I was woken up by a 2 or 3 year-old child and she was laying on my chest when you walked in. You told me that you had her wake me up by giggling and kissing my face because while I slept in, you and the kids woke up early to make breakfast. Our children were in that dream and you were pregnant with our fifth child.” Rowan ran a hand through his hair before he took the remaining steps between them and gently cupped her face as he looked into her eyes. “When I actually woke up, you were right there in my arms. I’d never been more peaceful and content than when you were in my arms. As you were laying there, I’d realized I wanted that dream to become reality. And, I wanted that with you. You’re it for me, baby. You’re my dream and my forever. I love you, Aelin. Please forgive me.” Rowan gently rested his forehead against hers as he wiped the tears streaming down Aelin’s face.

Aelin’s hands came up to grasp his elbows as Rowan leaned down and kissed her right cheek, his hands moving to tuck her hair behind her ears. His lips moved towards her other cheek, pressing another light kiss there before moving onto both of her eyelids. He continued placing light kisses onto her forehead, her nose, and her chin.

As Rowan got to her lips, he angled his head away from her face to stare into her eyes, seemingly asking for permission to continue his path. When Aelin reached her hands up and gently cradled his face as he slowly leaned in, Rowan threw all caution to the wind and finally pressed his lips on hers.

Kissing Aelin was better than anything Rowan had ever known. The soft and hesitant, yet determined and insistent press of her lips against his set his body on fire. Rowan felt like he was burning inside out, but he didn’t care because every second with this woman in his arms was worth burning to ashes.

Pulling away, Aelin looked into his eyes, placed her hands on his shoulders, and said, “I know.”

Rowan pulled back a bit, pressing another kiss to her lips before looking at her questioningly. “What do you mean you know?” Rowan gently rested his hands on her waist and pulled her closer to his body.

Aelin sighed, “I mean, I know that you love me. Don’t worry, I love you, too, Rowan.” Aelin leaned onto her toes to lightly kiss him on his lips. “Why do you think I’d devised all these plans to make you jealous anyway?” Aelin shrugged.

Thrown off guard, Rowan froze as he stared her down. “Plans to make me jealous? What are you talking about? How did you know?”

“All I have to say is that you need to learn how to control your alcohol intake. Getting a love confession from my best friend when he’s shitfaced drunk was not how I planned on learning about his undying love for me.” Aelin waved a hand, “Anyway, I had Chaol act like an obsessed lover so you would get riled up and finally make a move. He’s truly only a friend that’s visiting for the summer and he has a fiancée back in Adarlan; she's actually in on it too, so no need to worry. I’m not so sure if my plan was a good or a bad idea, considering the tumultuous outcome.” Aelin glanced up at him to gauge his reaction.

Rowan didn’t know whether he should laugh or cry. A sudden laugh erupted out of Rowan, startling both him and Aelin. “It was definitely a good plan if I’m able to be yours in the end,” Rowan muttered, leaning down to kiss Aelin.

Aelin pulled back and quirked a brow. “Who said you could be mine?” The question was paired with Aelin’s arms crossing over her chest. Rowan immediately paled.

“Well,” Rowan rubbed the back of his neck, “I assumed that since you reciprocated my feelings, you’d be my girlfriend now, but…” Rowan trailed off awkwardly.

“Did you ask yet?” Aelin inquired, a serious expression taking over her face.

Gripping Aelin’s hands in his, Rowan looked into her eyes as he asked, “Aelin Ashryver Galathynius, will you do me the honor of allowing me to become your boyfriend?”

Aelin pretended to be thinking for a few seconds, eliciting a pinch in the side from Rowan. Aelin grinned, a smile so beautiful, Rowan would be a fool to not smile back.

“Of course, Buzzard.”

#rowaelinmonth #rowaelin #rowan and aelin #rowan x aelin #rowaelin angst #rowaelin fluff #rowan whitethorn #aelin galathynius #aelin ashryver galathynius #throne of glass #fireheart #buzzard #fireheartbuzzard

[jiminrings]

hellooo can i request a drabble of uni!au art major tae and biochem major yn? also part one of the would you series is AMAZINGGG seriously i cant wait to read more!! <3

rich kid kim

pairing: taehyung x y/n

wordcount: 5k

glimpse: tae’s cold and probably needs a friend more than he needs a model, y/n feels this nEED to take care of him, a term of enderment then a dash of emotional constipation and a sprinkle of jealousy :D

notes: thank you for the request babes!! writing this made my heart melt and aND!!! thank you omg i’m glad you like would you :((

if you squint or if you’ve read insufferable, this is most probably taehyung and his y/n!!!

taehyung is personally more than willing to pay himself out of this project

oKAY LISTEN

he’s not the proudest knowing that he comes from a rich family and he’s the only kid and he’s never really struggled for much

everything was just given to him without any hesitations whatsoever

and yeah he admits that he can nEVER admit that his pampered and luxurious lifestyle since birth has shaped him to be this way and it’s hard to unlearn these types of things

things were too easy for him and thAt’s what made it hard

tae is the farthest thing from an outcast..,.,.,.,

.,.,. but that’s him in his usual rich boi bubble of elites wherever he goes because he’s surrounded by people like him

hoseok and jimin have got to be his closest friends but of course they pursued business degrees and everyone must’ve probably saw that coming

nobody, however, expected the kim taehyung to pursue a degree based rootly on passion and even major in it

yeah that’s right what are yOU looking at???

he’s an art student and yeah he’s taking this seriously ://

do yOU have a problem with that?? do you?? no what did you say?? step the fuck up ky-

spoiler alert: people do have a problem with that

taehyung could tell that his parents did a complete 180 when they learned through jimin’s noisy-ass mouth (not even through their own son) that he’s gonna be getting an art degree

his dad’s the one who’s most especially disappointed at him because well he’s the only child and uhhhh.,.,.,, so who’s gonna inherit the company now.,.,,,

tae normally feels selfish and this time, he felt like he was being rational rather than being selfish!! this is what he passionately wants!! pls god can i be selfish oNE more time

eventually his parents had no choice because as their son explained,, having an art degree won’t keep him away from the family business at all and he could even expand it!! he doesn’t need a degree!!! 

lmao he’s been putting the money he gets on the stock market ever since he was ten years old

and they had to accept it eventually because this is what HE wants and if this is the only thing that he wants... then might as well help him through it, right??

now this is another dilemma

taehyung’s applied at a regular university in which everyone’s blended together and no one really cares about who’s who

it’s not exclusive to people like him.

he submitted his requirements and his portfolios by himself!!

and he got accepted!!

he’s nOT SURE if it’s purely because of his skills and himself and not his parents’ money nor influence

whatever it is, he doesn’t want to know because if it ends up being the answer he doesn’t want?? lol he’d crawl into a hole and mope for a week and would be doomed to wear three-piece suits for the rest of his life 

so anyways

yeah..,, this is one of the handful of times that taehyung is completely willing to pay himself out 

this project was supposed to be easy enough as what the professor said but uH he’d like to passive-aggressively decline pls and thank you

their final project was to make a portrait

right?? easy!!

a portrait of sOMEONE IN CAMPUS,,, regardless if you know them or not

(( well of course you’d get to know them by the end because yea they’re required to show proof that they indeed met and the model did agree to be painted ))

and by the end of the project, it’s either they keep it to themselves or give it to the model!!

that should be easy, right??

...

....

...... pls say right

oh my god tae should probably drop out now so he doesn’t get to do this

rich people don’t necessarily have to be educated, right???? maybe he’ll just settle into being a himbo 

he learned about the meaning of the word through urban dictionary that he tHEN only learned about like six months ago and now he gets so many things

taehyung’s not intimidated by the workload of it all -- in fact, he’s even excited about it because it helps him relax!!

what he’s intimidated about is the fact that he’s kim taehyung and there are only two possible options

either his model would be someone who knows him and would be taking every possible step to ensure that they climb the social ladder through him and they’re not even gonna be dISCREET about it

OR

his model wouldn’t completely care about who he is and in the process belittles him upfront and tbh his hart wouldn’t be able to take that and he’s probably wipe his tears away with dollar bills

there is almost no in-between, that one he’s sure of

so why are you like this?

why are you neither of the two and why are you sO kind and go against his expectations????

do you have an ulterior motive or something????

you who’s a biochem major and is actually another building away from his own

you who’s made the initiative that you become hIS model

you who actually oFFERED and almost begged to be a part of a project that would only be for tae’s benefit

... aha

that’s about -5 points from being a cool laid-back nonchalant gal

+10 for looking like someone who’s had a massively obsessive crush on him since day one and looking like you’d lay his life for him

no but lmao actually you just learned about taehyung in a magazine

you were bored at the dentist’s and scrolled through every possible outlet in your phone and it didn’t satiate you anymore!!! so how about reading a good ol’ magazine :D

then came taehyung

it was a whole issue dedicated to him and you were probably too dedicated into reading it that this time it was you telling the dentist to wait lol

that’s as far as you knew about him

and then you learned just some weeks ago that taehyung happens to study where you also study at and that was.,., inch resting

you never really saw him before around campus because it was too big and well maybe if you put in the effort, you’d actually find him

maybe you had a tiny lil admiration for kim taehyung just from one whole issue alone you read at the dentist’s or whatever

you’ve only known about this final project situation through changbin!!!

changbin, your neighbor at the apartment next to you, who’d crash over whenever his wifi feels the tiniest bit slow

yes you did spend a little more money to upgrade your internet situation (most times it’s the router who makes all the difference) because you were so tIRED of having things slow in the middle of researching for your projects in biochem)

no you will nOT have that <3

and of course changbin’s not having your that shitty wifi either so he pushed you to get that in the first place so he can use it too lmao

he’s told you just a couple of days ago about his final project and that maybe, just maybe, he’d make it into a move for this girl that he likes

nothing’s more romantic than pleading for someone to paint ur face right

and your grade and the decision to whether you’re gonna pass or flunk and graduate or retake are relying on you mostly

and in changbin’s case it’s also hIS heart on the line so yeah no pressure at all luv

“i kinda feel bad for rich kid kim, y’know?”

“what about taehyung???”

“eW do you have a crush on him??”

“addressing someone by their name equals to a crush??????”

your banters never stop because you’re as quick-witted as him and he both loves and hates it

he loves that omg someone can keep up with him and that way he gets challenged to always have the last say!!

he hates that oh god why is he friends with someone who reminds him of himself so much how is hE gonna deal with that??

sometimes he’ll purposely argue with you to fEEL something lmao

but there’s just something here that tells him you’re a little more interested now in this flow of conversation ever since rich kid kim was mentioned

“hm, nothing. i’m pretty sure he doesn’t have a model yet.”

he dodges you in the kitchen to look for peanut butter in your cupboard and oddly... you’re not berating him for decreasing your groceries....?

what does changbin mean by that? whAt model?? model as in taehyung doesn’t have the newest model of whatever car he wants? or maybe he has a model girlfriend and-

hold on wait wHAT

taehyung has a-

“m-model?”

he looks at you weirdly but you don’t even bat an eye when he gets ahold of your marshmallow spread so that he could make another one of his s’mores sandwiches

“uhhhh model as in he doesn’t have someone to paint for our project??”

is that what you wanted to hear or,.,

you and changbin share one (1) brain cell and it SHOWS

the two of you have to open your mouths, then close, then ponder, and then do that aGAIN until the both of you could finally grasp if you were in the same page

“oh cool!! i’ll be his model then!”

“yeah but did he ask”

“it’s gonna be easy!! i’ll just tag along with you to your building”

“yeah but did he aSK”

“we’re probably gonna hit it off instantly and then you’ll have to leech off from someone else for their wifi and food and every other necessity that you already have-”

“yeah but dID HE ASK????”

long-story short: no. taehyung most certainly did not ask you to be his model.

but here you are

saying that you came a long way is a bit of a stretch because taehyung mostly turns his head the other way around when you call out to him in public

progress is still progress :D

you’re eating lunch with him at the same table and this time you’re sat beside him!! when normally he’d just walk home to his apartment (lol that’s not allowed but you won’t be surprised to know that he has a free pass) and eat!!!

before that, taehyung would gLARE at you until you stop asking to sit with him in his table

yea he gets a bit lonely at time because jimin and hobi aren’t with him and hE’S the outcast but he won’t do anything about it,, just scroll through his phone while he eats and tune everyone out

you figured that maybe it’s changbin always linked with you in lunch because your schedules just matched up thAt perfectly like it does with tae’s

hee-hee so you might have elbowed him until he begrudgingly agreed to be tolerable, keep atleast four feet of distance from you, and not call tae rich kid kim

spoiler alert: taehyung doesn’t really care about whatever you do because doing those changes with changbin did nOT work at all

however

H O W E V E R

taehyung doesn’t know at all how you’ve wormed your way into his heart!!

what seem to be cold to you is his warmest he’s ever been in such a new environment and outside of his usual comfort bubbles!!!

it’s like you occasionally stealing the food from his plate when you have the same thing is the equivalent of h*lding h*nds with him

you putting your leg over his before he pushes it after five seconds mUST be the equivalent to marriage

wait he’s lying

taehyung does know how you’ve wormed your way to his heart

“hi! i’m y/n! :D”

ok u are a little bit sweaty and out of breath from doing all that fast-paced walking for the past ten minutes

your new shoes that you still need to break into further aren’t helping your situation in the slightest bit

honestly? this is all changbin’s fault <3

he unknowingly gave you the sign that you were looking for

if he says yeah five times with five minutes?? okay yeah you’re definitely looking for kim taehyung and offering yourself to become his model

you don’t wanna sound weird but you feel sorry for him and you wanna help him :((

he’s not helping you tho because he has long legs underneath those trousers and it looked like he wouldn’t budge at all not unless you jogged and stopped right in front of him

“hi! i’m y/n!! :D”

“...”

“.....”

tae’s a bit... perplexed

because who’s THIS entity and why are you standing in front of him

...

....

“bye y/n.”

:]

he wants to exit from this situation because oh my god??

why r u like this

he didn’t ASK for your name!!

and he doesn’t even know you and giving him your name honestly won’t do anything and he doesn’t get what’s your motive and-

“oh c’mon!! you didn’t even shake my hand :((”

he feels even more lost as he tries to wrap his head around that uh.....

you uh.... you wanted a handshake??

.....

tae doesn’t even hide his annoyance because it’s clear as day!!!

he’s blatantly tilting his head at you rudely with a blank stare omg take the hint pLEASE

realizing it now you mAY have came on too strong to taehyung that looks confused as ever

“hi, i’m y/n.”

changbin’s by one of the lockers taking pics of you beaming at taehyung and him scowling down to show you later how dumb you look and how you shouldn’t do this at all

okay LISTEN

his personality trait is to immediately assume the worst out of every scenario possible and that way when something slightly less worse happens? that’s a win babie ;D

he became ur friend in the first place because you heard him yelling since he’s at the door right next to yours and you could hEAR him throwing things around as he cusses his laptop

yeah he cusses his laptop what about it??

if you close your eyes hard enough, you could hear him throw his router against the wall (you later learned that he was so close to finishing his digitalization but then his laptop decided to die) before punching the air

(( the friendship started when you knocked vERY gently and offered him to borrow your laptop even if you aren’t done with all your homework ))

((( changbin thought at first that u were such an organized and too-friendly social butterfly who’s a kiss-ass to everyone but now he thinks ur the coolest person ever and he treasures you more than life itself )))

although, taehyung’s a lot more vicious and closed-off and critical than changbin

he narrows his gaze at you as you introduce yourself for the second time before merely clicking his tongue

“ok cool”

is that uhm

is that IT good sir

“you’re not,” you’re dancing around your words and being careful to not let a pout grace your lips at the sheer lack of enthusiasm, “gonna introduce yourself to me??”

you got a reaction alright

taehyung sCOFFS and that’s the loudest he’s ever been with you in the span of two minutes

“you followed me for ten minutes just to tell me your name. kinda seems like you already know mine if you do that, no?”

this is why you took up biochem instead of law

how do the lawyers not break down???

why does phoenix wright make it seem SO easy?? especially when he’s spoken to in a confrontal tone???

oh god taehyung broke you already

not to be rude but uh what do you wANT

can you get it over already??

“o-oh! uhm i was wondering if i could uHm,” you sound ridiculous now that you think about it and this is perhaps one of the only times you feel embarrassed, “volunteer to be your model for your project?”

hmm

was that a wrong answer,,,

sHOULD YOU HAVE SAID THAT??

“are you in my class?”

taehyung asks and he’s finally said a sentence to you!!! omg

you’re quite shocked so he had to click his tongue to get you to answer 

“no, actually!! i’m a biochem major and-...”

that’s all it takes before he hums and nods his head

and for some reason taehyung looks at you like you’re pREY

“are you a stalker?”

okay wait holy fuck wHAT

you know what

you took a sip from changbin’s coffee half an hour ago but why are you only choking on it nOW

you’re positively sputtering and now ur pressured bc tae thinks you’re a stalker!!! a damn stalker!!

“looked at you long enough. i don’t need a sketch artist and i could just-”

no no no pls no

this meeting is going downhill very quickly 

“oh my god taehyung i’m nOT a stalker okay!!!”

that shuts him up because your voice is so firm and okAY then how do u explain this stalker smh ://

throughout the whole time you’re talking about changbin being an art major and also your neighbor and everything in between, tae has such a neutral expression that you feel so intimidated

“-and that’s what!! i’m not taking advantage of you or anything, if that’s what you’re thinking i guess? i swear!!”

he listened and well if he’s being honest,,, okay yea you did make sense and he does know changbin

“okay then. i’ll think about it.”

“are you gonna give me your number???”

it’s either you’re so forward or he’s just not used to being caught off-guard

WHICH FUCKING ONE

“what for?”

it’s been so long ever since someone asked taehyung for his number

usually in galas and any other socialite gatherings you could think of, everyone’s number would just be in your phone automatically and you won’t even rEMEMBER how it got there in the first place

better yet, it’s been so long since he went back to his usual routine lifestyle of being himself 

his last gala was two weeks ago and tae had to keep looking at his phone to study pdfs and whatever clear pictures he can get of his reviewers back at home because he had a test tomorrow morning

“so you could text me where we’re gonna meet so you could paint me, silly!!”

:D

okay wOAH there

“i didn’t even say that you’d be my model????”

“lol but you were thinking it huh”

that’s it

taehyung has nO choice but to paint you if he wants to finish this project and graduate and have something of a thicker paper to flaunt

it came as a shock to him that hE took your offer and he could only imagine its effect on you

not to brag but tae didn’t even have to sweat for a little because it’s yOU who came to him with this offer!! not him!!

tae lives in the classiest apartment here in uni and everyone probably knows that

much to his insistence that he doesn’t want anyone from uni going outside his apartment, he had to take an L and invite you over

he wouldn’t risk doing his work in any place else because he doesn’t want anyone thinking and getting the wrong idea!!

speaking of, he’s regretting it now because you seem to be too happy being in his space

you’re pointing around and being awed at every possible thing!!! 

what??? is this ur first time seeing a rattan hanging chair :// or a massive couch?? or a canvas painting of something so beautiful?? all of that in what’s supposed to be a student’s one apartment??? christ y/n get yourself together

“so what do you want me to do?? where do i sit oR do i stand instead?? i’m gonna need you to know that-...”

“nothing.” taehyung deadpans before he gets his camera so he could get digital shots as well if ever he needs an extra touch when it comes to his final product

the gears in your head are going bRRR and you’re gonna have to ask him to elaborate but taehyung already sets the pace

“nothing. just be your rEALLY annoying self and pretend i’m not here.”

normally you don’t take his words to heart but this one just hits a little close to home bc it’s early in the morning and taehyung already finds you intolerable

“by pretend, do you mean-...”

“up to you. are you more annoying around me or no?”

how did he read your MIND

tae got the thoughts in your head word per word and you’re so amazed at that because fUcK you originally thought that he’s good at bluffing his way up

click!

it’s you smiling at him

no you’re beaming at him

and you’re in front of his morning-lit curtains and you’re against the light

the portrait itself is already visually appealing and satisfying and man the shadows!!! the value!!!! they’re so raw and dreamy and this is exactly his style!!!

it was just a one-take wonder as soon as he took a picture of you!!! and he may have you to hold that position if he needs the push!! he just needs to translate it to canvas with his own language and emotions and then he’s dONE!!

you’re a pain in the ass

you laugh and you move too much

taehyung had you to to revisit that pose and hold it and you wouldn’t stop giggling bc you were too proud that you did THAT!

you also ask too many things that even hE doesn’t have the answers to

how is he supposed to know if red string lovers exist when you went into a spiel just because you saw a red tube of paint???? and why is he saying his opinions on such trivial things when he has his final project to take care of???

and how is he supposed to know why YOU’RE here hanging out with him instead of finishing your own final project

jk maybe it’s the L word but you’re gonna subdue that as much as possible since taehyung looks like he’d leave you by yourself with any chance that he gets

and you even call him terms of endearment!!! nicknames!! pet names!! names that you’d call someone who’s familiar to you and you probably l*ve!!!

angel

that’s what you call him :))

“why do you call me that?”

“because you look like one”

“and how would yOU know what angels look like??”

“because if they were to exist then you’d probably look like one!!”

“but-”

“ok that’s one minute no more questions taehyung <3″

tae just provides you with all the conviction you need to take care of him without even knowing

not in a maternal type of instinct type of way, but rather in a sPECIAL someone type of way

you find yourself caring for him mOre than you ever could for any regular friend you have!!

you just throw a whole loaf of bread to changbin and call it a day

but for tae??? you go above and beyond!!

“did it ever hit you that rich kid kim never really introduced himself to you?”

oh right....

changbin points out one day and you could see where he was getting at

for some reason he always knew what was in your mind at any given time and sometimes it’s to your disadvantage

you seem to be growing on taehyung though!!

he tolerates you better now!!

sometimes he’ll find you loveable even

he likes having someone around and you’re the perfect contender

if he decides to not talk too much, then you fill up the white noise!!

if he wants you to shut up?? then yOU shut up but of course not without babbling for a little

he’s opened up but with some reservations

some reservations that you don’t mind but it’s normal that you feel sometimes left out, y’know??

because it’s been a good month since you and taehyung properly interacted but he still resents you as much if you think about it

“hey angel!!”

“what is it-...”

taehyung looks up from his meal that he’s been poking at his fork because this has to be the fourth time you call out to him

so he turns to look at you and-

oh

uhm

there seems to be a misunderstanding

you weren’t calling HIM

you were calling out to some other guy that iSN’T him

that’s seungmin!!! omg you haven’t seen him in so long and he just happened to pass by your lunch table!!!

apparently he has something to talk to you about which is why you’re standing up and leaving tae all alone on the table

seungmin’s smile is adorable as always and he gets you in a pretty good mood!!

oh god

dear gOD

what is taehyung feeling in his chEST???

tae’s grip on his fork is starting to get pRETTY tight

and if he’s aware enough, his right eye’s twitching and he’s practically scoffing under his breath

why tf would you call him that

WHO is angel and why is it nOT him anymore????

what he’s feeling is just unexplainable and it tastes something like betrayal

“who’s he?”

he quizzes you as soon as you get back to your table and you don’t waver one bit because you know he’s been asking questions recently

“oh that’s just seungmin!! we were childhood friends then he just transferred here awhile-...”

there’s a bitter taste on his tongue and it shows up in his face and you’re not even paying attention to him!!

“really? thought i was him for a second.”

ok now that got you to stop eating

????

why is he acting weird

taehyung looks even more irked because you look sO oblivious right now

“do you call everyone angel?”

o-oh where is this going

“uhm-”

you’re not even finished and to be honest you’re quite lost and taehyung sCOFFS you to the next century

“‘course you do.”

taehyung angrily finishes his meal and you leave it at that because ok maybe he had a bad day?? and he’s just taking it out on you??

and well tae DOESN’T want you to leave it at that

he wants you to ASK him why he’s mad!!! he’s passive-aggressive and it’s getting unhealthy but he’d rather choke than have him spill whatever he’s feeling

the next few days, taehyung avoids you like his LIFE depended on it

you’re not really bothered by it because he has his days, but this one’s just getting out of control

“are you giving me a time-out or something??”

lmao what did u do now

you nudge him when you see him by changbin’s apartment to borrow an easel even though he’s already got it by his apartment

yeah he’s mad at you and he’s petty but maybe he wants to see you again

tae’s giving you silent treatment and you don’t even question him for it

you don’t bother!!

you’re letting him do whatever he wants as always and he dOESN’T like it anymore!!!

he feels like he’s gonna combust at any given time and you don’t give a shit and he feels like yOU should give a shit because you always do!!

you always hover and worry around him but wHY does he feel like you’re not doing it anymore??

why does he yEARN FOR YOU???

it’s quite an an early night for you

you love biochem but sometimes it kicks your ass and it makes you retch at the mention of all-nighters nowadays!! bc they used to be fun but now doing them because you nEED to?? no thx

you’re already in your pajamas and you’re all washed up!! what could changbin need from you at 9 in the evening??

there’s an urgent knocking on your door and you resist the need to groan because you were about to really knock yourself out!! you need to get back all the rest you’ve wasted over your own final project

is that-

“taehyung?”

the man in question is in his huge yellow hoodie that swallows him up every time and he looks positively spent

his hair’s shaggy and his eyes are glazed and there’s a pink tint to his cheeks :((

he’s holding a baby hydroflask in his hands and you’re pretty sure that’s alcohol in there lol

“don’t call me taehyung!!”

he immediately snaps and you’re lost as aLWAYS

did he really just walk all the way to your complex to snAp at you??

“i’m not taehyung,” he frowns deeply and that’s when you’re a bit more mesmerized, “i’m angel.”

is this what you think it is??

your no.1 deflection move is to laugH and you’re doing that rn

something about this whole situation tickles you funny and you’re not sure what to feel about it

“i like your bottle!! i should get one for myself!!”

he could see right through you though

he ignores your stOOpid statements and goes to hold your hands :((

“no, no. i’m your angel. i-i’m your taehyung, right??”

listen

taehyung is the most confusing being you know and he’s so emotionally constipated that he outperforms changbin but this one,,,

this just feels so different

he’s hugging you

he’s embracing you

he’s burrowing his face to your neck and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t ever imagine what this would feel like :(((

he positively 100% might be in love with you

and you positively 100% might be in love with him too

he’s fishing for your hand by your side to put in between your bodies as he shakes it and that’s because he doesn’t wanna let go of the hug 

:((((

you’re melting and this what heaven must feel like :((((

“h-hi. name’s kim taehyung and i’m yours.”

#I SPENT A LOT OF TIME ON THIS PLS LEAVE FEEDBACK PLS AND THANK YOU :D #taehyung #kim taehyung #taehyung imagine #taehyung imagines #taehyung x reader #taehyung x y/n #taehyung drabble #taehyung drabbles #taehyung au #taehyung oneshot #bts taehyung #bts imagine #taehyung fic rec #taehyung fic recs #bts fic recs #kim taehyung imagine #requested drabbles

[washymylifeaway]

SunaOsa fanfic recs: valentines edition~~

SunaOsa is one of my all time favorite ships and this past month, there has been/was an exchange going on between writers (here is the link) and artists (separately) and because I don’t have a life (or maybe it’s just that SunaOsa is my life LOL), I’m here to tell you some of my favorite fics from the pile :D However, as much as I love a ship, sometimes fluff is too asajndajnd so mind you there will probably be a lot of good fics missing just cause I couldn’t get myself to read more fluff (or angst) LOL (IM SORRY but sometimes I also just can’t motivate myself to read a fic no matter how good it looks OOPS).

As always, please check warning and tags before reading any of these fics, and take care of yourselves!!!!

In no particular order (jk the order is last updated haha) tho my favorites will have *** next to them :)

***glass stained black by unrequitedangst (E) 31k // Mafia AU’s are some of my favorite kinds of fics, and this one did not disappoint! The character development of Osamu is really legit and despite being mafia, it’s not that heavy or angst of a fic (but you should still definitely read tags and warnings first). It’s an Osamu heavy fic, and if you’re into reading him being stupid, go right ahead LOL.

redux by catalysis (T) 2.3k // ngl I hate break-up fics with a passion truely (when you can’t handle fluff or angst what to do) but I liked the concept for this one hehe (so I made myself suffer LOL). It was short, but cute !!! and the unspoken words really hit me in the FEELS (so what I’m dramatic fight me LOL).

Impropriety by DeathBelle (T) 5.7k // royalty~ I love the banter between them in this fic and we DO stan respectful Osamu yes we do <33333 The relationships between not only SunaOsa but SunaAtsu (because even though it isn’t really SunaAtsu best friend agenda, I can delude myself into think it is okay :/) are done so well and so nice he’s mean Osamu is best Osamu.

***what are you waiting for? by Slumber (T) 3.7k // MIGHT BE MY FAV FIC FROM THIS EXCHANGE!!! It made me cackle and I love how they learn new things about each other!!!! Like the development is so good and Suna is really doing the MOST!! Also, I love recursive endings AHHHHHH!

agape by sketchedsmiles (T) 11.7k // soulmates, then they were SOULMATES! (ik that’s not how it goes but pls just humor me LOL) This fic really depicted Osamu’s insecurities/internal turmoil/overthinking really well and the realization he has vs Suna’s AHJAFKASFJ. I love confident Suna.

fireside by tartaglia (starkartifices) (T) 3.6k // we do love the subtle flirt flirt don’t we hehe ;) It’s short, it’s fluff, and it’s funny - what more could you ask for? Also whats a vigilante fic if there isn’t at least one pun about being a vigilante LOL.

Over and Over Again by tookumade (G) 6.4k // I would like to order one reassuring, reliable Miya Osamu for myself please and thank you :((( The way the relationship is so GOOD like both Suna and Osamu pick each other up and they know the other has their back ajfhkajdfl. I would purchase all the onigiri with the deal Suna was proposing ;) Onigirintarou.

from here to eternity by TheGlovedArtist (T) 6.6k // I for one am a big fan of mythology and stuff (heroes of olympus but like IDR any of the plot LOL) so of course I read this fic. The snark appearances of Sakusa and Komori gave me LIFE and the difference in descriptions from Astumu and Kita cracked me up. This is another respectful Osamu fic (yes I love these) and in this one it was a ‘I save you as much as you save me’ type beat LOL. Gotta love rings.

***Subtle Inarizaki Dating by sifuhotman (T) 15.2k // THIS ONE. Even if you don’t read the whole thing, I beg of you, please, I AM ON MY KNEES, read the SID for Astumu. It is worth the loss of all your brain calls I guarantee it. It made me giggle so freakin much. Suna might be an A-Hole but he’s OUR A-Hole <3

Forever Begins with 8 Seconds by subtlehues (T) 3.9k // FLUFF hehe, I love their dynamic in this one it’s very good and cute and everything great! Also, I am all for the head cannon that Suna cannot cook, yes pls. Also SUPERPOWERS whooooooooh.

***try again, and again, and again by rosegoldwriting (T) 2.6k // SOULMATES! If you ever wanted a specific soulmate AU! for SunaOsa look no further, it probably comes out LOL. I love this concept of them just being like ‘WTF’ everyday, it gives me life. Also, count how many soulmate AU’s you recognized because I just thought about it and I think it’d be fun LOL. (I went back and I think 11 but I’m not sure LOL)

let us burn by SilverMoonT (G) 13.5k // I am always up for a nice vampire Osamu and witch Suna (which believe it or not, is my second one because I read the other one by this writer LOL) This one is more Suna POV and it really goes into his fears and desires, and I like the way Osamu pushes him to live more freely.

***reasons to microwave an elixir by spiritscript (T) 8.2k // THIS ONE. UGH I love, and it’s funny and cute and it EVEN HAS CRIME (kinda not really but yes)! I love the quiet moments they have and the PET AHHHHHHH! We love medic Osamu :DDDDD But also the betrayal and the sparring (and the irony at the end LOL) AJSKJNFK.

we fall between by stringendos (T) 14.7k // honestly the entire time I was just screaming at my computer, begging for them to hurry up and realize, but alas this is a ~slow burn~ for a reason and the tag ‘exes who act like theyre married’ really is the reason I read it and I do not regret LOL. Also bless Matsuda and stan her.

All the Time in the World by minie_ai (M) 8.8k // we love immortality! Denial! And Suna mentally filing away blackmail against people (namely Astumu) LOL. Running away from your problems is always the answer (I am saying this is a not sarcastic manner because I too, run away from my problems LOL) but ramen is ALWAYS a good answer. We love ourselves some emotional constipation LOL.

***none but you by broikawa (T) 7.2k // everything is a competition always LOL, not that I’m complainin but still LOL EVERYTHING. I really love this one because I love the progression and cock-block SakuAtsu hehe. I love them being synchronized idiots <3

it all comes back to you, (my home) by iritaescents (T) 4.5k // FOREVER, WE STAN FOREVER. Anyway, LOL this was is very very cute and fluff and not slow burn, it fast burn LOL. It’s a cute fic to read and it even has our favorite, now say it with me SOULMATES LOL.

Can't help falling in bed with you by tirralirra (T) 6.7k // here we see a 5 + 1 with points for the title (I think it’s very funny LOL my humor is bad ;)) Not that it really needs extra points because it’s a great fic in itself LOL but I really liked the title so I felt the need to share this with you all (OOPS). This was so cute, and the + 1 is HILARIOUS.

It’s no longer up :(((((( -> love's consequences by xginpuff (T) 6.5k // WARNINGS AND TAGS been a while since we had an angsty fic in this list (LOL the way I just tried to avoid all of them hehe). I read the tags but ngl I was still surprised later LOL maybe I’m just dumb, but anyway IK it starts out a bit confusing, but after you read more, you’ll get into it!

***sunagashi by bastigod (T) 9.8k // if there’s anything I like more than mythology, it’s folklore LOL. I love this fic and the plot is written so artfully AHDSAJN. Also the scene with the Ume-chan and her comment (so snarky I love). Also they way I went through so much trouble trying to figure out the kanji LOL (SPOILER it’s miyarin hehe)

catch me (while i'm still runnin') by lunarins (T) 4.3k // first and foremost, may we have a moment of silence for Komori and his eyebrows..... Continuing, this fic was so good because I love a good heist hehe. Their slight of hand abilities really doing the most LOL, and the ending OMG. I love the way the writer added in how they appeared to others during the heist, it really made it so good! Ugh to have a painting class and almost die LOL.

***if we get this right by Slumber (G) 5k // OLD FRIEND plsplspls I love this fic and I love how Osamu slowly relearns who he knew Suna as AHHH. The ending, again UGH, I really loved it and their banter with one another.

The Study of Suna Rintarou by DeathBelle (T) 6.1k // PLEASE the way Osamu kept getting offended omg. But also the effort Suna puts into getting to know Osamu, I was in ~love~. Read to me Osamu, READ TO ME. But also the Osamu is an oblivious MF agenda is alive and well within this fic hehe.

Take a Hint by pancake_surprise (G) 2.3k // ok so I had just read a tumbr post about the one bed thing and then I saw this fic. It was like the stars aligned okay? I was like, ig I HAVE to read it now hehe. But seriously read it, it’s cute and like everything else, of course there’s a challenge to be made LOL.

Heatwave by pancake_surprise (G) 2.1k // the way they were dating without knowing they were dating man. The tag ‘Didn't Know They Were Dating‘ more accurate than the ‘first dates’ one LOL jk but actually tho am I kidding? It’s the first official one IG. LOL anyway, we do love the doin of the defining of relationships. Yup.

If you made it all the way down here, CONGRATS LOL. Like I said, I didn’t read all of them (sadly) and these were the ones i did read LOL. I might add more depending on whether I can motivate myself into reading fics I know will be good LOL so we’ll see heh. Honestly, I thought I was gonna get word counted, but YAY we finished (for now hehe). Also sorry for any possible typos (is this no beta we die like men?) I’m running on 90 min of sleep so my engrish be strugglin LOL. Be safe and wear masks :)

#haikyuu fanfic rec #haikyuu fic recs #sunaosa #osasuna #do people even use that ship name? #I think SunaOsa superiority #it flows more nicely hehe #anyway #this is like the fifth time I made another post while making a different post #like #do I have issues with finishing one post at a time? #apparently #manga #fic #ficrecs #read pls #pls read them #is it worth it? yes #LOL #valentines #haikyuu #hq #hq fic rec

[marikaaajoy]

my relationship with digital art and how BNHA salvaged it

I just wanted to let out my thoughts but I can only do it here :>

This might be a downer for some people but I’d like to share it with people here. BNHA means the world to me and this is why.

I first started drawing when I was 7 years old in 2006

I think it’s ugly now, but 7 year old me remembered being so proud of this because this is a drawing of my stepfather. This is the only drawing I have that was from my childhood. I think the aim here is to draw in anime style BUT I didn’t even watch anime back then. I had a classmate who loves anime and she taught me to draw in school. Drawing became a favorite hobby immediately after that.

Then it was 2013 and I was 14 years old. Drawing is still my favorite thing to do besides being on the computer. I love anime at this point too. My parents bought an iPad for the whole family, but I was almost always the one using it. I discovered an app called ArtStudio and thought “Wow, I can draw without making a mess and with only my fingers” because I was always too lazy to take out my drawing materials and clean up afterwards.

These were my first digital drawings. The pirate one was the very first. I got obsessed real fast. I can color so easily, undo any mistake, layers are a blessing too. There was just so much more freedom. I always sucked at coloring in traditional art and I didn’t like the mess (idk my hands get so messy traditionally)

The next year, it was 2014, I was 15. My birthday is in a couple of months and I knew my parents were planning to buy me something pricey (I think it was a laptop) so I approached them and asked if they could just buy the Wacom Bamboo as a present which was cheaper anyway and I even explained how it works to them and how it would allow me to draw on the computer instead of the iPad. I tried really hard to be convincing. I would have prepared a powerpoint presentation if I had to.

They did give me the wacom as a present. They even gave it to me months before my birthday so I could use it already. I thought I was the luckiest teen in the world with my parents.

These are a collection of my favorite works from 2014 to 2016. The middle one was my second drawing using wacom and Paint Tool SAI. I was a part of a lot of fandoms in those years lol

It gets downhill from there :/

April 2016, my mom and I moved to Japan, while my stepfather and siblings stay in my country. It was tough. For someone who is obsessed with anime, you’d think I’d be thrilled to live in Japan.

I was. Though only at the first few months. It’s not the same as it’s portrayed in anime (I should’ve known but I used to be blinded by anime). It was just lonely. The language barrier sucked and then lots of financial and family issues until my parents split. I got my first boyfriend too and I thought I was blessed by the nicest boy, but the relationship became extremely toxic but I didn’t have it in me to walk away.

All the shit that happened affected me mentally and emotionally. My biggest outlet which was digital drawing, was also out of the question because I did not have a computer/laptop when we moved to Japan. We left it in our home for my stepfather and siblings, even the iPad. I have my wacom with me, but no computer/laptop to use it with. I couldn’t draw.

I tried though. I used my phone to draw, but it wasn’t the same. Then the life problems got piled up, things got worse, and I just lost motivation in anything. Literally anything. From 2016 to 2019, I stopped watching anime, I dropped out of all the fandoms I’m in, I stopped watching my favorite TV series or movies, and I stopped drawing. I even got a bit disconnected with my friends who lived in my country (we talk regularly online). My family was broken so I gave all my attention to my toxic relationship as well which made everything worse too lol

I didn’t draw besides from a few scribbles and the drawings above. I did try digital art on my phone a couple of times again and even posted them on my IG, but they weren’t any good. Eventually, I got mentally and emotionally drained and dropped out of senior high school. I just stayed home for almost a year, leeching off of my mom. I felt even more worthless and my life had no direction at this point. Nothing mattered anymore.

April 2019 or so I think, my (ex)bf bought me a laptop. He says it’s a gift, but I think the real reason was to make up for something horrible that he did (which is stupid because money /gifts won’t resolve anything). I have a laptop. I can draw again, but I didn’t. I didn’t care, I wasn’t interested in drawing anymore anyway.

Welp. June 2019, I went back to my country. My (ex) bf stayed in Japan. The distance helped me end the relationship and my friends were there (they always were) to help put me back together along with two trips to therapy. I went back to finish my senior high school in my own country this time. That said, I have to stay in my country for school (but I was happy because I didn’t wanna go back to Japan yet when the breakup was still fresh and with going back to school, my life has a direction again.)

It was weird. I remember just being sorta lost and confused because I used to put my time, effort and everything into my previous toxic relationship, which was now gone. I was free and I had so much free time that I didn’t know what to do with it. I got so used to doing nothing and being nothing.

This is where BNHA enters.

Dunno when it started, but I started seeing Bakugou frequently online. It’s usually just Bakugou. I knew who he was because my friend suggested BNHA to me back in late 2018 I think but I didn’t watch it since I’ve lost interest in everything at that point in my life.

But ye I thought he hot af but I still didn’t watch BNHA.

But then for some reason he REALLY kept appearing in my social medias and it was really frequent. The last straw was when I saw a pic of him in UA’s gym uniform and thought “damn boi aight imma watch bnha for u” (y’all gotta admit he looks good in those colors with his combat boots XD )

I watched BNHA. Fell in love with Iida along the way. Then I switched to Tokoyami (but Shoji was hot too so aaaaa), but then angry emotionally-constipated sea urchin head caught my heart again. But oof. BakuDeku moments really made me feel some type of way I haven’t felt since I moved to Japan. It felt new but nostalgic. I fell hard in that ship.

I started obsessing. From memes to posts to fanfictions to buying merch to filling my room with BNHA posters. I realized I was reverting to my old self from the time I was still happy and it was thanks to BNHA (and the good people who helped me through the worst too)

Shit I wanted to draw BNHA, I thought.

I mean, I have a laptop, I still have my wacom and drawing softwares. I could totally draw digitally again if I wanted to.

But guess what

I can’t :c

My hand physically cannot draw. My drawings don’t look the way I want them too. 3 years of not drawing really destroyed any skill I had. I was back to square one.

September (yeah they’re ugly, I laughed at it). If you’re wondering why I drew on paper, it’s because, for some reason, I really CANNOT draw digitally. I mean it. I can barely sketch digitally at this point. The lines and shapes just doesn’t come to life. They’re just scribbles. But somehow, I can kinda draw on paper with a ballpoint pen. But yeah, that was the best I could do at this point in my life

After that, I still tried to draw, to regain my old art style, but it didn’t happen... It just doesn’t look or feel the same. Drawing used to be fun. But during this phase, it felt like my ugly drawings were just mocking me (probably was just too emo that time lol)

Weirdly, around a week or two I think, after my half-assed attempts at drawing, I managed to draw digitally somehow o.o

I did a Midoriya and Todoroki drawing like this too. It was my first post here on Tumblr I think. The annoying part here is that I cannot draw digitally unless I draw on paper first, take a pic, and then trace the lineart. I couldn’t draw directly on the computer. Granted, drawing on paper and drawing on digital is very different for me in the first place anyway. But it was still a pain. And it still looked like shit. I can only draw stiff poses :/ it seems like my brain decided to delete all data about anatomy and posture and backgrounds. My lineart here is even messy af. It still really not the same as my old style.

By 2020, I think I got my old art style back. On March, I made this. This took me 27 total of hrs to make.

Right now, I think it’s not bad, but back in March, I was disappointed with the result. This is when I finally broke down crying because it didn’t look good enough and I hated that it took me 27 hrs to draw “bullshit.” I was angry at myself for losing interest in drawing for 3 years when I could’ve used that time to improve. I had to start all over again and it still didn’t look good. (Current me thinks that the drawing above is alright. I was just a lot harsher to myself back then. Used to have a lot of issues but I’m doing great now)

I cried myself to sleep that night. Woke up wanting to cry again. I wallowed in sadness for a couple of days. Eventually told my friends what’s up. Got some pep talk. Even talked to my sister (she’s great, she always hypes me up with my stuff and sometimes I think she’s my biggest fan with how she appreciates my drawings and I’m really grateful for that).

My world turned a 180 and I was weirdly positive after all that crying because brain chemicals and shit. I had a revelation. If I hate how my art style looked so much, then I should have been putting effort in changing my art style, not trying to regain my old art style (that I don’t like anymore)

I researched a lot. I analyzed different art styles and anatomy again. I did everything I could think of to find a style that works for me. I might have even neglected school for a bit to focus on digital art lmao

After all that work, I posted a fanart of middle school BakuDeku in their classroom. I love that fanart so much even if I probably have better ones by now because that was the first fanart I made that I felt like I could be proud of and it was the first one I made in my new art style. It was a milestone for me.

March 2020, I moved back to Japan and without the toxic relationship, I’m a lot positive now. Happy. I’m myself again after the previous bad years. I’m still continuously learning though, trying to improve, but at least, now, I found my own art style :) I really suck at interacting with people online, but I’m always grateful for the support everyone has been giving my fanarts. I’m happy when my content makes people happy.

This is why BNHA is important to me. The series is great alone, but it’s not just that to me. BNHA is so much more. It’s what made me find the passion to create again, only this time, it’s focused on drawing (I used to write, but now I just draw, but maybe I’ll write again for BNHA).

My family is supportive with my love for BNHA, but I think they don’t know the deeper reason why I love it. Sure, I was fine living on with nothing much going on in my life. I’ll finish school, get a job, work until I die or something. It was okay. It was the way of life. But BNHA gave my life color again. I wasn’t just blindly going through life anymore. I have something to look forward to everyday now. BNHA even became a bridge to other things. Ever since then, I’m a lot more open to people, to try new things, to explore and not just live through life and waste away. I got better at leaving my comfort zone. I’ve never been happier in my life :D

Thank you for supporting my fanarts. Thank you so much for giving me a chance to express myself through BNHA. I hope to make more content in the future and improve even more :)

#plus ultra #<3 #personal

[wearingraincoats]

I have to go vote but I'm on my period and it's made me constipated. 😖 I feel really bad and really fatigued for some reason even though I slept all night and haven't done anything all day. I need to find some sort of exercise class, I feel like I'm falling apart and I hate looking this way. I just don't have the energy or the motivation. I cannot reasonably go to sleep before midnight, and cannot wake up before 7. By the time I get out of work, I'm fucking starving and traffic is usually so bad it absolutely decimates my mood by the time I get home. I just kind of wish I had an older girlfriend who could help me figure out what I need to do and motivate me to do it. It's not that I want my partner to be my life coach, but just to have someone be like, oh I've been there, have you tried such and such? To have someone that cares about how you're doing and who's rooting for you and will try to help you achieve your goals... I don't do that for myself. And yes, it would be nice to have a partner who actively engaged me in exercising and healthy eating, like going to the gym with me and cooking healthy stuff that's tasty... I'd like to think I could break a lot of my bad habits when I finally have a partner, because I'd be fucking ashamed for most people to see some of the stuff I do lol. But honestly? It will be a rough transition and I'm not looking forward to it. Anyway, gotta go vote! I'm dreading it'll take forever but I'll also be concerned if there aren't very many people there.

[comicteaparty]

June 17th-June 23rd, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from June 17th, 2019 to June 23rd, 2019.  The chat focused on Heart of Keol by keiiii.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Heart of Keol by keiiii~! (https://www.heartofkeol.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until June 23rd to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. Do you believe Danbi’s mom is at the Heart of Keol? If so, will she even want to see Danbi? If not, where else could she be? Overall, what consequences do you think Danbi will face in his attempts to reunite with his mother?

FeatheryJustice

1. My favourite scene so far from what I have read, is the toilet scene. Glowing toilet moss is the best part about it, who doesn't want to poop into the golden throne XD

AshAngelV

1. I'll have to come back to. 2. I'm bracing myself in case she's dead, or worse. Assuming death or worse doesn't happen, I think she'll be mad that he put himself in danger to find her, but also be glad to see him. I kinda don't think she's in the heart, and I'm sure his looking is going to cause all sorts of trouble for him and the rest of the party.

MJ Massey

I don't think she's dead, but I think something else happened to her that she isn't around anymore, like she went to another dimension or something

keii4ii

(hi everyone)

Tuyetnhi

hewwo~

oh ye, for no. 1...gotta rumminate lol. there's a ton of scenes I liked that I can't call out a favorite just yet lol

kayotics

1. I think I need to go back and reread since I feel like I read it all in a fever dream and went through it so quickly that it all meshed together, but I loved it a lot. I remember Ethan meeting the other earth person really well and loving her a lot, but I also remember liking the scenes with the train. There’s a lot of good scenes and they all pull different emotional chords.

Tuyetnhi

yee I agree

kayotics

2. If Danbi’s mom is there I’d gather that there’s something seriously wrong with the situation. But I think that Danbi’s mom will be at the heart. There’s a lot of themes about parents (lost parents, reuniting with parents, flawed parents) that I think she’ll be there but not what Danbi expects.

Delphina

1. Favorite scene: BIG KITTY HUGS https://www.heartofkeol.com/eng/025-14/

Kabocha

Aaaaah, that's definitely one of my favorite scenes... I honestly love the kitty hugs scene as well as the one that just finished: https://www.heartofkeol.com/eng/028-09/ When I saw this I needed to scream a little because it was just... like.. a "holy shit" moment. THAT EXPLAINS A LOT but now I am extremely worried for Ethan's emotional health :'D As far as Danbi's mom... I... dunno. I kind of had her written off as more of a motivation to start the trip, but not so much a part of the destination. I think she might be dead, or perhaps helping "preserve" Keol. ...So I don't think it's going to be a good meeting as far as "Wtf is going on" but a good meeting as far as seeing how people change when there's a long time.... especially if you think you know them. I'm seriously torn though -- I think whatever's happened to her, we're going to get a hint about it, and it's gonna come from Lu. And it's gonna compound the heartbreak that I see coming on the horizon...

Desnik

Oh I really love this one, but there's a page I remember that has this awesome use of 3-point perspective to insinuate a spiritual journey from one plane to another, let me see if I can find it again

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. Who or what is the red hoodie kid, and what is their connection to Ethan? What might they have to do with Ethan’s latent Dokkabi powers? What is the significance of their facial mark give it matches the queen’s?

MJ Massey

Crack theory on red hoodie kid they're Ethan's dad from the past but that is probably not at all correct

RebelVampire

1) My favorite scene is the one where Ethan princess carries Lu away from all the octopus being cooked. I enjoy it was partly just hilarious seeing Ethan's overreaction, but also emotionally significant for Lu cause Lu got to see how much the giant doofus cares for him. 2) I think Danbi's mom was at the Heart but is there no longer. And i think Danbi will end up meeting someone who knew his mom instead of his mom directly. Frankly I assume she is dead and that Danbi is gonna have to go through the emotional trainwreck of accepting that the trip and everything he went through was for nothing except for answers. And while I'm sure Danbi will try to play it off as if just the closure is fine, I really don't think it will be. I think it'll be this bottled up thing that eventually explodes into an emotional mess that needs janitors to clean up.

RebelVampire

3) Lushaka. He is a giant cat. I really don't need to say anymore. Cats are best. 4) Assuming Ethan's dad was in Keol and an illegal Dokkabi as was implied, I think the red hoodie kid is a manifestation of the wyrm that the dad ate. And that it somehow passed to Ethan cause there is no illegal Dokkabi lore that says this isnt possible yet. So Ethan always had the powers, he just could never use them. As for the facial marking, I think it's just a mystical symbol of the wyrm's power. And the queen has it cause she was just a super good dokkabi all along or something.

kayotics

3. My fav is Lushaka, but it’s because he’s kind of emotionally constipated and is trying to not show he has feelings and I love characters like that.

4. I’m not much of a theorizer, but if I remember right, there was mention of a king that was supposed to appear? My initial thought on that information was that the kid was the upcoming king

MJ Massey

I think Ethan is my favorite. He's not what I would have expected as a main character for this kind of story, but that's what I really love. And he also has a good heart. He's someone I'd want to be friends with

keii4ii

Emotional constipation and emotional mess janitors... giving a whole new meaning to The Shining Outhouse (HoK's discord server name)

kayotics

Keiiii, I gotta tell you I love emotionally constipated characters

NeilKapit

Great choice for this week. I’ll re-read Keol from the beginning to discuss it properly.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. What do you think Adela will do given she just narrowly escaped from hunters? Additionally, who is the woman who saved Adela, and what could she possibly want from her? How will this tie into the rest of the story?

AshAngelV

5. I've really liked the illustrations of Ethan's soulscape (I guess is what you'd call it). They combine Keii's glowy magics with deep symbolism and heartbreaking moments (like when the stump burns). So many levels of epic.

keii4ii

Both of my favorite scenes have not been drawn yet due to Webcomic Time™. But one of them is actually coming up very soon! I'm drawing a set of scenes that lead directly up to it. Among the scenes that have been drawn/posted, I like this one... not so much as a favorite scene, but more like, "this is what HoK is about." https://www.heartofkeol.com/eng/013-04/ And the whole of chapter 25-26, especially Danbi's reaction here. https://www.heartofkeol.com/eng/026-06/ I guess the common thread there is the weaving of love and deep, bitter let-down.

(Just noticed "common thread" and "weaving" ... Pun not intended )

NeilKapit

As I’m reading through it it’s off to a great start. A lot of subtle character works that’s showing not telling, hinting at Ethan’s troubles.

snuffysam

5) Illustrations I like - any time magic gets used, specifically Dokkabi magic. The way the colors play off each other, the way the lighting affects the scene, and the amount of character that gets revealed through the form of the magic... it's all incredible.

surfKraken

Recently I've reread HoK after following it since it showed up on Tapas, and it's a rock solid favorite.

I guess what I like is it's originality #1

and #2 that it moves at its own pace and does its own thing.

I know that sounds generic but that's the best I can do after just getting home from a long day☁️

I don't have the energy to type all the feelings I have about the characters and presentation lol

They are as good as it gets for me in webcomics. there!

Tuyetnhi

5) ahhh I have to say Lu's tenticles lmao. I was caught off gaurd when he just woosh them out. I also like how they're rendered. but I do agree with snuffysam about the magic displayed and used in various instances.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. Why do you think the queen is hunting for Elyeo and locking them up? Is it for their own good, or is something sinister going on? What might this have to do with her destined mate who is supposedly a red-haired, male Elyeo?

RebelVampire

5) https://www.heartofkeol.com/eng/021-05/ The big second to last panel on this page. I love the lighting and the poses and the details like Ethan's body hair. everything comes together to create a really intimate moment that makes me squee. Especially the lighting though. Like even though Ethan and Lu had special moments between them before, this was the moment that made me tear up on the inside. 6) my crack theory is that its Danbi's mom disguised somehow. And she just magically sense Adela knew where her son is. my more serious theory is that the lady also wants to go to the heart and needs a guide. And ya know, clearly Adela knows the way. Which I think inevitably that's the path. Everyone gotta go to the heart for a "happy" reunion where there will be no drama and everyone will just have tea and cake. happy happy rainbows.

7) Ethan and Lu cause they are the OTP. Cause every part I'm like "how will you should you care about each other this time." and then I'm surprised and cry on the inside. 8) I think the queen has basically gotten impatient and lonely. And now that she knows her mate is a male Elyeo, shes keeping all Elyeo's to watch for his birth. So basically she has a little sinister breeding facility going on.

keii4ii

Been loving reading everyone's thoughts so far! @kayotics mentioned that there's a lot of themes about parents, and it's true! For many characters, a parent is the one person you can expect to love you even when the rest of the world is going bad/crazy. Messing with that expectation, uprooting it, seeing what grows from where it was uprooted... That's a big part of the story. @Delphina I'm so happy to see love for that scene! I think that was where I started feeling more clear-headed about the story. Like the story finally found itself. Maybe not at that exact point, but somewhere around there. @Kabocha Extreme worries for Ethan's emotional health is 100% justified at this point in the story. The characters are gonna run straight through a busy 8-lane highway, metaphorically, and only Lushaka is aware of it. He's hoping they can make it without getting hit by a car........

@Desnik Oooh did you mean this page? https://www.heartofkeol.com/eng/001-04a/ @MJ Massey I can TOTALLY see you and Ethan getting along splendidly!

Kabocha

With the current page that's gone up since chat started... I am screaming. I don't think lu laughing really portends anything good at this point. Aaaaaa But I'm looking forward to seeing the emotional traffic jam that occurs.

keii4ii

Lu worries about cars and trucks, then a freaking Boeing 777 comes crashing onto that highway

...maybe

Kabocha

... oh no. So what you're saying is we're going to end up with the emotional version of that plotline of ghost whisperer, where nobody involved in the emotional 777 realizes that's what happened, so they're trying to be all normal but nothing is right and they're all a wreck

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. Why do you think the Xi people are so mistreated? Given the dangers, is Ethan’s sympathy warranted, or do you believe he should be more careful? How might all this play a role as the group gets closer to the Heart of Keol?

AshAngelV

Ugh, missed most of the week cause brain dead from work. 9. Keii's use of reflections in eyes is on point and adds a subtle layer to deep scenes. 10. Probably a mix of racism and longstanding grudges. And I think Ethan should be more careful in general. Dude is way too nice/trusting for his own good. It'll probably cause conflict between him and Lu cause Lu is the exact opposite and might end up getting frustrated.

RebelVampire

9) I really love the body hair, I gotta say. Cause usually that's something left out with more painterly styles like this, and yet it's there and I can tell exactly what it is. And I just appreciate that the time is taken to add it in even when it doesn't necessarily add anything to the scenes in question. 10) Probably the age ol' tale of one person did something bad, whole group got blamed, rinse and repeat until everyone hates everyone. Ethan 1000% needs to be more careful. His sympathy is admirable, but it's gonna get him stabbed in the butt. There is just too much hate and past history, and it's gonna take more than Ethan's kindness to overcome that. Cause I don't think Ethan will figure out he needs to earn their trust until it's much too late and just kind of think being kind is enough. As for the Xi people's overall role, I think as they get closer to the heart, they're gonna be in more danger. But more than the risk of danger, I think Ethan is going to be changed and want to talk to the queen or something. And say hey, stop being a dick. And then the queen will be like, who tf are you strange giant man.

MJ Massey

9. keiiii is such a master of light but I also enjoy how her impressionistic brush strokes bring patterns to life as well. Each frame is a masterpiece. I was lucky enough to win a wall scroll from her and it's one of my favorite art pieces I have at home

Desnik

@keii4ii yup!! thats the one

NeilKapit

OK, the Unofficial Voice Casting for Heart of Keol

Ethan is Patrick Seitz

Danbi is Susan Dailan

Lushaka is Liam O’Brian

Hana is Cristina Vee

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. Do you believe the assumptions are correct that Ethan’s dad had been to Keol and was an illegal Dokkabi? If not, what is your alternate theory? If so, how will this revelation affect Ethan’s well-being both physically and emotionally?

AshAngelV

11. Beautiful glowy magics and just under the surface tension/feelings that pop out and murder you emotionally. 12. I do think that's the case. And it could be that it'll send him looking for the piece of his father that didn't come home. (In a literal or metaphorical way.) It'll probably call this world into question, because what kind of world calls his father a criminal? Also it confirms that it is possible to return, but then what if it damages his mind the way his father's was. So, I imagine it'll wreck Ethan emotionally, which then would activate the magic potentially harming him physically.

Respheal

I'm finally catching up so I can answer questions (busy week aaaaaaaa) but the scene with the rainbow right after the Two Fools in the Rain chapter ends......In my heart of hearts I'm hoping Lu is purring so hard in that scene

"I'm not a housecat. -purrrrrr purrrrrrr-"

AshAngelV

Some big cats do pur.

Respheal

ah ha okay I'm caught up now 1. I'm a total sucker for two things: isekai, and characters with hidden powers. HoK tickles those both, BUT it approaches them from an original angle. For one, a significant portion of the world is also a newcomer to the world, so that's neat, and then the hidden powers aren't like.....the big deal. They're more spice in the curry that is the story. That said, I really enjoyed the calming down Ethan part of the train scene because on one hand, hidden powers get hyped and on the other it was one of the first definite "Awwww" moments between Lu and Ethan

2. Heck I have no idea anymore. I just can't even guess at this point xD 3. Ethan? Probably??? He's just a good wholesome boy, and he needs a hug :') 4. aaaaaaaaaaaa I don't knoooooow I had guesses but they keep going out the window so at this point I'm just along for the ride xD I thought the kid might've actually been the queen at one point but I don't know anymore

5. -croaks- so many? The opening illustration is gorgeous so that's one way to start a comic xD Keii4ii's lighting has been phenomenal throughout(edited)

everything is so glowy and shiny

12. And yeah, the idea of Ethan's dad having been to Keol? Hold up. If that's true, I guess that means the gates aren't one-way after all, so that has some interesting implications for Ethan's potential return home in the future (will he take that option if it becomes available? Good question ) But also...I don't think it would impact Ethan's opinion of him all that much? It wasn't what happened to his family, it's that it happened at all, and the way it impacted them. Although yeah for sure it has some scary possibilities for Ethan's own well being if he can't control the Dokkabi power But he's got Lu so it'll be alright.....right?

keii4ii

aaaaaaa

Summary of my feelings:

AshAngelV

Lol

Not really sure what emotion is associated with tentacles.

keii4ii

One way to interpret the tenta is wiggly

AshAngelV

Haha

NeilKapit

Just occurred to me that Heart of Keol is an isekai, even though it predates that genre’s recent surge in popularity

It’s much better than most of what I’ve seen in that anime genre, since the characters are much more complicated and authentic

It’s a story involving a troubled young man spirited away to an alternate fantasy world that prompts him to work through his problems while trying to find his way back

Though I suppose stranger in a strange land stories are far, far, FAR older

keii4ii

Thank you! Yeah, I think HoK is only technically an isekai. While it fits the definition, it doesn't fit the expectations, for better or worse. And it wasn't because I was trying to make "an isekai... but different!" I just made the story the way I saw it, and the similarities as well as differences are kinda coincidental.

The story is what it is.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. Why do you think the Hornets are interested in Danbi? Do you think Lushaka will be able to go through with his betrayal? How will this betrayal affect his growing relationship with Ethan?

ShaRose49

I think maaaybe Danbi is more powerful than he seems? Or maybe there’s another reason they’re interested in him, maybe it has to do with his mother. I’m just spitballing here. I just wanna say that the art for this comic is breathtaking, and danbi’s expressions are so soft and gentle

AshAngelV

13. I'm looking forward to Ethan finding out his Dad was in Keol. Not sure if it's excitement, or dread, though. Lol 14. I think it has something to do with the future king. I don't think Lu would be able to go through with it if it'd obviously hurt Ethan, but if he thought he could get away with it, he might. If he were to kill Danbi and Ethan found out about it, I think that'd end their relationship completely.

Jonny Aleksey

I've just read through every 2019 update. I've most definitely missed important stuff but I really wanted to participate in CTP seeing as I keep missing it. 1. Ch27-9. Post hair cutting. It looks beautiful. Such amazing angles for such an emotional scene. This is a mark of a good comic. They art told me the gravity of what happened even thou I didn't know much about the hair situation. 2. The flashback said that hair dye doesn't work on Danbi's mom so unless she can hide, it's unlikely. Might even lead to an emotional gut-punch. 3. I like Ethan. I guess I like semi-clueless but heartwarming goofs . Also he's from Jersey. That's pretty cool.

Jonny Aleksey

5. Probably Ch27-9 again. The angle and detail is great but it's probably the colors. This comic's bright colors are eye candy. 8. Again, only going from the 2019 pages it seems Elyeo Father King legend is very important to this city, but they seem to hate the blue haired people. Maybe they're hoping to find the next King to get rid of the people they hate/afraid of. Seems like a villain thing to do (if the Queen is a villain that is) 9. I've noticed that red and blue are colors that aren't seen on people but they appear together often in the environment. Not sure what that means but those colors do seem to be important. 11. If I hadn't made it clear, the colors are a huge strength but I think it wouldn't be as good if it wasn't for the storytelling. 28-6 and 28-7 are best examples as this is essentially just two people talking but each panel is unique and flows well so I wasn't bored. The facial emoting is good too tho a few full front faces are strange.

12. Ethan's "dad" in the flashback is wearing an army uniform which I find interesting. I'm not sure where Koel is (I'm sure it's explained in the previous chapters),, it's clearly an Asian aesthetic. Maybe there'll be some Korean War allusions, hinting at some reason the US would be there. I admit it going out there for theories but it's something I thought about.

Jonny Aleksey

13. Seeing Ethan was my favorite character I do want to see what his dad (if it even is him) is like. I did really like what I read because of the art and somber tone. What I read seemed like a down time in the story, a slow burn; so I'm excepting something intense to happen. Maybe someone finds out Danbi is whatever he is and it leads to a chase sequence.

RebelVampire

11) The illustrations. This comic strikes a good balance between painterly and detail that gives it really unique imagery among contemporary comics. In particular, though, the lighting. This comic is a great example of what can happen for your comic when you do lighting really well, cause it creates such much atmosphere you almost choke on it (in the good way). 12) Yes, I do believe Ethan's dad was in Keol. That was my guess even before more recent pages inserted more of the implication. There's too many connected dots for it not to be the case, honestly. XD As for its affect on Ethan, I think at first it's gonna be confusion. Cause I doubt his dad ever mentioned Keol, and I doubt being in Keol explained all his dad's behaviors. Then honestly, probably the 5 stages of grief. So denial it was what happened, angry that nobody magically knew about Keol or something, bargaining that his dad could be fixed from the insight, depression that nothing would be the same like Ethan hoped for, and acceptance that at least there are answers to be had and it makes more sense as to why he got summoned to Keol. Which that last one I think is the one that will hit him teh hardest emotionally. That he is there for a reason and it's not just a coincidence.

13) Lu and Ethan and their continually growing relationship (that I swear I will cry over if their relationship is forever ruined.) 14) Honestly? I just assumed it's some half-baked schemes to defy the queen and keep the king from showing up. Or something like that. Like I really got the impression from the whole reveal scene with Lu is the Hornets really arent thinking their plans through that well and/or are at least poorly organized. I think Lu is gonna have second thoughts and bail for Ethan's sake. And while Ethan is passionate enough to forgive, I think Ethan is gonna find himself in a rock and hard place. Cause Danbi I don't think will forgive Lu. Not after the previous lie Lu told and shit. So Ethan is probably gonna get hurt more by being putting into a situation where he has to choose between helping his giant cat love and helping the dude who first helped him when he arrived and somewhat owes a life debt to.

keii4ii

I super appreciate all the comments here! In the past, some people told me how the art is the only good thing about the comic, haha. I used to get really down about that. It's great to see that you guys appreciate the art not just because it looks pretty, but also because it serves the story. I'm here to tell the story, after all!

Also very happy to see some love for Ethan and Lu's relationship

keii4ii

I'm looking forward to showing all the heartbreaks and their aftermaths (which hopefully include healing and growth)

There's gonna be a lot of worldbuilding info and plotty-ness, like what the Hornets are trying to do and why, but in this story, ultimately all of that is just context for the emotional development.

keii4ii

Also @ the correct and partially correct theories, despite the scarcity of information in the comic so far... I'm not a theorizer myself as a reader, so I'm amazed when people can come up with solid theories!

Even the ones that are going to be proven otherwise have good thought behind them!

ShaRose49

I can give you some constructive criticism if you’d like—though I only read like, 50+ pages and I’m much more of a newb than you are @keii4ii Just some little things I’ve noticed

But I don’t wanna sound like a smartass either it is certainly good quality overall

keii4ii

What kind of constructive criticism are we talking? Like, what topics/areas?

ShaRose49

Probably mostly with the character development

But I can be bad at explaining things

Like I’m bad with words I mean sometimes

keii4ii

Generally speaking, I think "this didn't work for me because [reason]" is pretty down to earth and non-snobby. It acknowledges subjectivity, and accepts that it might work just fine or even great for other readers

ShaRose49

Yeah, something like that! It might help, might not, but you never know

keii4ii

like in the past I... even ran into someone who not only said my writing was bad, but also unintentionally insulted people who liked my story by saying something to the effect of "no one who's looking for a good story would read this."

ShaRose49

Yah that’s dumb, like you can’t speak for every person lol

keii4ii

Also are we talking the first 50 pages?

ShaRose49

Yeah around that—probably more, but I haven’t read all of it, that’s for sure

keii4ii

Okay, what's the thing that didn't work for you? (don't give me like a whole List of All the Bad Things You Did, I don't want to be overwhelmed )

ShaRose49

Yeah don’t worry I get overwhelmed too

So I think one of your biggest strengths is worldbuilding—you’ve built an incredibly detailed and unique world with Keol. So if people are into rich, fantasy worlds, they’d probably adore this story. However I find that we know very little about almost all of the character’s personal lives? They have a few interesting quirks, but it still felt hard for me to connect with any characters because we only see very brief and vague flashbacks of their struggles and whatnot

keii4ii

Oh, I think that auto-resolves

ShaRose49

For me, personally, the characters are usually why I read the story or why I don’t. But it does seem like they’ll get more interesting eventually, it’s just taking awhile I guess

keii4ii

This is a very slow burn story, and the character development isn't meant to hit you like a fire hose.

ShaRose49

Yeah That’s fair. I didn’t mean something super obvious, but perhaps a little more clarity with at least one of the characters might’ve been good, but no worries that’s bound to improve

I can somewhat relate to Ethan having a relative who is so ill they’re almost not the same person anymore. My grandparents on my dad’s side had/have dementia which can be hard and sad

keii4ii

What I'm wondering is what anyone even likes about the worldbuilding in the early chapters It doesn't seem special to me, lol (and this isn't self depreciation; it's not bad, it just is to me.)

kayotics

Speaking as a reader who also likes strong characterization: heart of Keol is very slow burn, but I find that the characters are very rich, just in super nuanced ways

ShaRose49

Oh my gosh, the world you’ve created is so unique! It feels like dreams I’ve had

keii4ii

like I know some people who were interested because it was Asian fantasy that wasn't Japanese for once, but that's not special to me. I'm Korean, I consume Korean media, and I am very used to seeing Korean settings.

ShaRose49

I only have experience with some Korean media, and that’s mostly drama webcomics

keii4ii

I guess though, not every Korean fantasy is as glowy as HoK!

ShaRose49

The world is probably the best part for me so far

I just love the portal thingy

keii4ii

@kayotics Thank you! Nuance is something very important to me

snuffysam

Yeah the characters are my favorite part of the comic. Especially how the relationship between Ethan and Lu develops. In fact, that's my answer to (13). I want to see where that relationship goes. If Ethan finds out about Lu's... shadier outings, how will he handle it? Stuff like that.

keii4ii

Every character's gonna need a special anti-breaking armor for their heart. . . .

NeilKapit

OK, I’m caught up on HoK from start to finish, I’ll start work on the questions

Treating this like an old school assignment because I want to do this right

keii4ii

btw there might be a couple more pages to read on the main site, if you're reading on Comic Fury!

NeilKapit

1.) The recent scene with Ethan and Lushaka, where Lushaka comforts Ethan as he’s recounting his father’s mental illness and the harassment they both got for it, definitely stands out

keii4ii

(Thank you for reading, Neil and everyone. I appreciate this!)

NeilKapit

2.) I’m not sure where Danbi’s mom is and what she’s doing right not and what she thinks of Danbi; honestly I don’t tend to try and predict these large scale mysteries, because anything I come up with as a reader would ultimately be less than what the writer will surprise me with, and I don’t want that surprise poisoned for me by not living up to my “head Canon”

3.) Lushaka, whose personality can be described like a good steak— tough outside, tender inside. Always a fan of A.) cats and B.) stoics, and he’s certainly both. How he’s gone so far with the disfiguring wounds on his feet is impressive but also makes me feel bad for him, on top of everything else he’s been through.

4.) See #2....wherever I think this story is going with all the plot threads set up won’t be as good as the reality. I can say that the twist about Ethan’s dad having visited Keol was shocking, but in a good way since it connected a lot of things

5.) Too many to count, but I did bust out laughing in the Q&A section with Ethan in a dating sim. Some of the scenes with the new woman with the dreads showing off her powers by balancing multiple falling objects at once were especially impressive.

And, at risk of sounding like a broken record, tiger mode Lushaka comforting Ethan

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Heart of Keol this week! Please also give a special thank you to keiiii for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Heart of Keol, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: https://www.heartofkeol.com/

keiiii’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/keii4ii

keiiii ’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/keiiii4

#ctparchive #webcomics #comics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #heart of keol #keiiii

[starlightwrites]

Writing Process Meme

I was tagged by @illusivesoul! Thank you ! :D

I don’t want to tag anyone because I’m not sure who’s writing right now, but if you see this and want to share, please tag me! I’d love to read your stuffs! <3

Short stories, novels, or poems?

I used to be all about novels but I have started looooooving short stories!

What genre do you prefer reading?

So many! I love fantasy and romance and horror and historical and satirical and--

What genre do you prefer writing?

Most of my non-fic work is modern fantasy or bangsian fiction! Love me some ghosts and faeries! I like writing romance too!

Are you a planner or a write-as-I-go kind of person?

Both! I start out with a great plan and then I do not follow it even a little bit. I’m bad at directions, even when the directions are my own. :/

What music do you listen to while writing?

I like all those lofi hip-hop montages because they are just enough sound to keep my brain happy and focused, but they are still quiet and soothing. I also sometimes listen to a song that inspired me on a loop for six hours while I try to figure out how to manifest that exact feeling in a paragraph. It is. The Worst.

Fave books/movies?

OH man so many.

Books: Le Petit Prince by Antoine de St Exuprey; the Harry Potter novels; White Noise by Don Delillo; Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen; Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes by Cory O'Brien; Vampires in the Lemon Grove by Karen Russell; 90% of the Shakespeare Comedies and Tragedies (Histories are ok but they’re on thin ice) (fuck The Taming of the Shrew); The Outlander novels (even though they have their issues...like...so many issues)

Movies: Amelie; the 1996 BBC Miniseries version of Pride and Prejudice; the 2005 Kiera Knightly Pride and Prejudice (there’s a theme); The Adams Family movies; The Princess Bride; Clue; Moulin Rouge; literally any Disney movie ever.

Any current WIPs?

Also a lot lol. I have

Moments Between (Mass Effect: Rae Shepard and Garrus Vakarian longfic)

Another Life (Fallout 4: Cori Hart and Porter Gage longfic)

Where You Belong (Fallout 4: teen Shaun and Sole Survivor Lola fic--unreleased)

Companion One-Shots with Fallout 4 Sole Survivor Lola Clover

Under the Mojave Stars (Fallout New Vegas: Courier 6 Lulu and the companions and a whole lot of emotional constipation)

Aaaaaand then a few non-fic WIPs that I am sitting on.

If someone were to make a cartoon out of you, what would your standard outfit be?

A black dress with a cardigan over leggings, flats, and a pair of glasses! That is 75% of my outfits. I dress like a librarian.

Create a character description for yourself:

She walked into the room like a baby giraffe on roller skates. Her arms were piled high, full of books, notebooks, scraps of paper, keys, a laptop, four different pens, and a precariously placed Grande coffee. Her glasses were perched on top of her head and she squinted, eyes pinched to figure out if that person waving was waving to her? Or not? Maybe not--probably not. They drew closer and oh. They were waving to her. Oh no. She shifted her things into one arm to wave back but dropped her keys, knocked her glasses off her head, and nearly dumped the coffee.

(I’m a mess, pls send help)

Do you like incorporating people you actually know into your writing?

Nooooooooooooo! Nope! I may draw inspiration here or there, but that is a slippery slope and I try to avoid it at all costs.

Are you kill-happy with characters?

I used to be, but lately I’ve been all about happy endings. It depends, I suppose.

Coffee or tea while writing?

Both? Both. At the same time, because I got up to make a tea, forgot that I had made the tea, brewed some coffee, made it back to my desk, and then realized I had just an abundance of beverages. SOoooooo both.

Slow or fast writer?

HAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA slow. As molasses.

Where/who/what do you find inspiration from?

Everything! Most often a feeling I got from something (a song, a setting, etc), but also from all over the place. Random thoughts, people at work, prompts in my classes, etc.

If you were put into a fantasy world, what would you be?

Probably a bard but...like...not a good one.

Most fave book cliche? Least fave book cliche?

Fave: They Thought They Didn’t Have Feelings for Each Other. They Totally Have Feelings for Each Other.

Least fave: sexual assault as a means of motivation (*ACHEM* OUTLANDER *ACHEM*). It is needlessly triggering, sloppy, lazy, and does a HUGE disservice to survivors.

Fave scenes to write?

Catharsis scenes. I LOVE scenes that let off steam or lighten the mood after a really dark patch. They are satisfying to write!

Most productive time of day for writing?

Midnight to 3:00 am, preferably after I have decided to go to bed and have showered. -_______-

Reason for writing:

Because. Seriously, though, just because. There are only a few stories we can tell, but endless ways in which we can tell them, and that is magical. I write to connect to people and to explore the world we live in. I write to process and understand, but most importantly: I write just because. (And no one can stop me).

#Tag meme #Writing Process #Thank you @illusivesoul for always tagging me in these! #<3 #Much love to every one of you!

[yvvaine]

I used to ship j0nerys until s7 happened then it all ended the moment jon says”I wish you good fourtune in the wars to come” like daaamm boi that was colder than the winter winds lol so after rewatching all of the seasons I got to s6 again&i was like wtf how did I miss jonsa then I checked out both tags&I was so intrigued by the depth of all the jonsa metas all the signs I missed in the show&books(good j0nerys metas are nonexistent)I have to be anon as I fear the J/D ignorance I will receive lol

The whole season was off tbh. I mean the intro b/w the two wasnt toooo bad (they couldve set it up friends to enemies to lovers trope) but everything after that was so go damn cringe worthy

and its little things like that!!! I mean they know how to do romance (and romance in a short time frame; Talisa and Robb anyone???) Plus, the only time that specific line is said like that in the show (theres between ned and arthur, mance and baratheon) is between two enemies (and one ends up dying by the hands of the other too) like how is that not forshadowing????? the fact that he always looks constipated around her, fidgity, wanting to BLATANLY gtfo, never opens up to her (though she tries to open up to him i guess? I see her crush on him, emilia’s eyes are very expressive that way, but d e f not both ways) no real smiles, bonding, jokes, talks, passion (boatfail lmao) a good first kiss, literally anything that makes a romance, well romantic

plus, personality wise, theyre not compatiable at ALL. as danys journey goes on, she’s slowly morphing into everything she never wanted to be. blinded by power (that isnt even hers for the taking). If she had a good heart why didnt she just go to help  w the night king (who is a direct threat to people she SAYS she wants to rule and has the best intent for) and deal with all the political stuff after? Cersei would still be there. When Jon had first arrived, she’d still have her alliances to go back to. Plus when he first came she hadnt gained any territory yet either. Why did she say shed only help if he agreed to her demand of subservience??? from a strictly strategical point of view, thats kinda dumb. its comeplely uneccasary from him to bend the knee for her to help. she wouldnt lose anything. in fact, if anything PR wise that wouldve been a great move for, to elimate the threat to literally everyones entire existance, claim victory in the name of westeros as the HERO of westeros, not the foreign conqoureror, and position her self as the champion of the people (compared to cersei) in the name of the people. making bending the knee a requirement for her to help was extremely unnecessary and in the end detrimental. I mean now she has nothing to go to the north in her favor for. If she went before that she’d be the benevalant queen coming to help their king bc she cared about people, and after they were triumphant he could bend the knee and i doubt anyone would complain too much once they saw that she went into the fight w/o ulterior motives etc

And anyways, how is a one sided, psuedo-subserviant relationship not toxic? How is that a relationship to look up to? What kind of role model relationship is that? a freaking bad one I dear say 

and yes, the lack of metas always astounded me, even when i shipped them. I mean liked them originally bc of all the “parallels” and stuff but the more i analyzed them, it became clear that they were f o i l s, not parrallels.

 I actually stumbled on jonsa by accident. As i slowly became to like Dany’s complex character not as an anti-hero figure, but as the “villian of the other side” or the accidental villian trope, it was around the time i was appreciating sansa more and more. She’s vastly underrated and underestimated both in the show and by fans outside of it, capable and smart. 

The thing that struck me most out of s7 was the spoils of war episode, which focused heavily, as a minor detail, on food. At first Daenerys was complaining that she had nothing to feed her extremely large army, that Cersei was already mobolizing all the food in the reach for her own favor. Then we have cersei bragging how she’s taking all the food, basically to fortify the capital and also making it so Dany wouldnt have any, that she could starve them out so to speak. Then we have Sansa, orginizing a way that she could insure the houses under her control had enough food for themselves, but also asking them to send a fair amount to her, so when things hit the fan, these houses and the pople of the north could flee to winterfell, the largest and strongest northern base, and they’d have enough food to feed everyone already living there plus the influx of refugees despite the extremely harsh winter approaching. Then of course, we have Dany’s feild of fire 2.0 where she first went after the soldiers, then deliberately targeting the food meant to feed the people of westeros during the winter (and the food she jsut complained about needing), then back to the soldiers. 

Out of all the potential queens, I made my choice there. 

Jonsa snuck up on me. I so much loved their relationship in s6, it was so beautiful, the bonding, the reunion, the support of one other. I liked that they argued over legitimate differences, before settling on a choice. I read a few jonsa metas then, and at that point i was pretty much okay with either option, but once s7 came i completly and fully jumped ship so to speak. I re analyzed my take on dany, my opinion on jon’s characterization, and reaffirmed my love for sansa. I read more jonsa metas and coupled with such a warm fandom that jonsa has (we can actually debate diff point of views respectfully for one, we support each other for two - kinda like jon and sansa’s relationship lmao) alas was hooked!

Im sorry for the fear of coming off anon :/ for a while I kept my mouth shut too, and when i finally went more public I got some similar treatment so I entirely understand

#jonsa #anti-jonerys #anti-daenerys

[hidden-otaku-stuff]

(1) Hey! So sorry for replying late, a lot has happened these past couple of days D: but I hope you've been doing good! (I say as if I've been gone for months aksjdf) anyway, yeah, they're definitely scary. I think it'll be worth being able to be that soft and open with someone though. And I'm glad it did have a positive impact on you! Even if they were hard you came out stronger or wiser in some way. And thank you, you're so sweet :') So do you hon ❤️

hey honeymoon! sorry for taking my time to respond, i hope everything’s been alright with you! 

(2) Terushima really does just seem like a big dork who loves volleyball haha. I feel like his initial vibe would make me not want to interact v much lol but once you get to know him he's actually a good person. and that tongue piercing tho 👀. "that one definitely hurts a lot more than Falling does" then I think I'm good for awhile hahaha. I've already read a sad hospital AU so I'm going to stay FAR away for now. Honestly I wish there was an interesting story behind it but there's not :')

(3) basically I had an art blog and the name of it was kind of a pun with the word "honeydew." but that nickname was already taken and I wanted to be ~original~ sso I didn't want to use it lol. I still liked the honey aspect though and I thought Honeymoon sounded cute. I'm also kind of a secret hopeless romantic and at the time I kept my identity on my art blog a secret, so it kind of felt like an "alter ego" of mine? long story short I liked the nickname and it kinda stuck haha

ok i mean, to be fair, he was super aggressive when he was meeting kiyoko. but i definitely feel like there’s that dorky side to him LMAO.

oooof idk if I can handle any angst rn tbh so i can definitely relate 😭 

that’s honestly such a cute story though??? like, that’s literally so freakin’ adorable. what type of art did you use to do? (and honestly girl, this whole blog is on the DL and i tried super hard to keep it hidden from my life LOL).

there’s nothing wrong with being a hopeless romantic though! it gives you a chance to day-dream hehe 💞 what’s your favorite romantic trope? it could be as cliche or non-cliche as you’d like! 

(4) "i’m sorry for being a sadistic fk 🥰" 😀 something tells me you're kind of not LOL (really though I know you're sweet and don't actually want to hurt people akdhf) and honestly I'm glad you decided to expand on it! Chapter one is also great as a standalone but I'm so grateful for the rest so far, and you're doing an amazing job with it love 💖 I understand the chara x chara thing. I don't know if I've ever actually shipped anything to the point of me /wanting/ it to be canon

(6) like, it'd be cool if it was, but I don't actually care y'know? unless it was actual romantic tension built up in the movie/book/series. Fanart and fic is what mostly got me lol. I think the HQ fandom is super diverse/creative in its shipping. Not only because of an incredible story with great characters, but great fans and creators as well. And yes! someone else who likes KuroIwa!! I think that ship is really cute (and they're my top 2 faves so I'm biased haha) have you seen neutinya's art?

i swear i’m nice 💞 thank you so much for the love!! 🥺 i’ve been having writer’s block for a bit, and your comments have honestly motivated me to write so much more for it LOL

i definitely agree though, like, i can’t aggressively fight for one ship over another because it’s literally just not canon. it just feels wrong to “shove that agenda”, so to speak. but it’s always interesting to see all the different character combinations. i never would’ve imagined half of the ones out there if not for this fandom LOL

neutinya’s literally why I have a thing for KuroIwa!! LMAO. i really like the art that they put out. same with bright_stars_45 on IG. Their stuff is literally why i ship Bokuaka soooo hard. 

(7) (did I skip 5?) I really hope I'm numbering those right it's 12:30 am here lol. anyway, it's probably a good thing you weren't in the fandom then. I don't know how it is now, but it was p chaotic and toxic and there was actually controversy surrounding one of those fics. I'm sorry about you and your sister love :( I don't know if you'd ever want to have a strong one with her but I hope you do if you do! and if not then there will always be people you share that with, blood or not 💕

LOL you did skip 5, but it’s okay bby 💖 it’s not too serious tbh. i’m not really close to my family, so i’ve always believed in the “my family is the one’s i choose, not necessarily the one’s i’m blood-related to” :) 

(8) Piglet has always been my fave, but Eeyore and Lumpy are also great. do you have any favorite characters or ones that mean a lot to you? and that's really cool too!! I know being mixed can get super complicated but knowing you have all of those cultures in you in some way is pretty amazing. Honestly I've been undecided for the past 2 years but after everything going on in 2020, I've felt this need to release the truth? no matter what that may be. I know a lot of people say journalism 

(9) isn't an honest profession but, and this will sound arrogant, I want to change that. Even if that just means me being an independent journalist while being an editor to make a living, I'm okay with that. Also it can give you the opportunity to travel, and writing has always been my strong suit. socio is so I can have a better understanding of the world and learn to be less biased and more objective and understanding. What about you? :O

my favorite Disney character is honestly Tiana from Princess and the Frog! her hard-working story is hella relatable to me, and it inspired me to be better for myself if that makes sense? 

TBH the most annoying part of being mixed is being called eXoTiC by guys who are tryna sleep with me 💀 there’s definitely a lot of fetishization about it lol

i hella respect that! the need to release the truth. journalism is honestly a raw and authentic profession that people underestimate because they read from biased sources or the things they read isn’t accurate. i have mad respect for you for following that career path! if there’s anything i could do to help, lmk love 💖 TBH, i chose business because i wanted to open my own business and i love psych because i love understanding the world and the people in my lives. psycho-analysing is one of my hobbies hehe. so similar as to why you did socio!

(10) and yes!!!! tbh I've always liked theatre but was never really one for the stage. I was in a child friendly version of macbeth in 6th grade and that was it lol. In my senior year of high school I performed a slam poem about my depression and my teacher called me emotionally constipated lmaoo. and because of how hs went down for me I never got to take classes anyway. I started getting into sfx/film makeup though and I really want to do that! I also just love the energy of backstage tbh

(11) this is getting really long akfdjh. but yeah I want to learn more! I'm actually kind of struggling in my stage management class right now because I honestly don't know much about theatre so it's overwhelming. I haven't even seen a lot of shows (I did see The Lion King when I was a kid though!! and a few hs productions). enough about me though, what's your favorite part, or what are some of your best memories? I love seeing that it makes you so happy :D

omg i’m so sorry that your teacher called you that. that’s so inappropriate, especially considering the subject matter. i hope that you’ve had a more positive experience involving your work since then. if you ever want to talk about your struggle, please feel free to reach out, ok? 

you must be pretty talented with makeup though! that’s so cool 🤩 i’ve always admired sfx and people who are talented with makeup tbh. what’s your favorite part about it so far? 

i was fortunate enough that my hs had a super talented theatre program that i could be a part of. i had the opportunity to be in both tech, management, and on-stage. i honestly really enjoyed being behind-the-scenes in the management part! it was so great seeing a production from start to finish and knowing that i was involved with that process. i’m a huge theatre nerd tbh 😅 i love watching shows like Phantom of the Opera, Hamilton, RENT and I’ll routinely watch them haha. 

#skye's asks #firebonbon