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fromkenari · 8 months

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A mass of fools and knaves

The full email exchange between Alex Claremont Diaz and Prince Henry Fox Mountchristen Windsor from Chapter Nine of Red, White and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston. Put here for my best friend to read.

A mass of fools and knaves A [email protected] 8/10/20 1:04 AM to Henry H, Have you ever read any of Alexander Hamilton’s letters to John Laurens? What am I saying? Of course you haven’t. You’d probably be disinherited for revolutionary sympathies. Well, since I got the boot from the campaign, there is literally nothing for me to do but watch cable news (diligently chipping away at my brain cells by the day) and sort through all my old shit from college. Just looking at papers, thinking: Excellent, yes, I’m so glad I stayed up all night writing this for a 98 in the class, only to get summarily fired from the first job I ever had and exiled to my bedroom! Great job, Alex! Is this how you feel in the palace all the time? It fucking sucks, man. So anyway, I’m going through my college stuff, and I find this analysis I did of Hamilton’s wartime correspondence, and hear me out: I think Hamilton could have been bi. His letters to Laurens are almost as romantic as his letters to his wife. Half of them are signed “Yours” or “Affectionately yrs,” and the last one before Laurens died is signed “Yrs for ever.” I can’t figure out why nobody talks about the possibility of a Founding Father being not straight (outside of Chernow’s biography, which is great btw, see attached bibliography). I mean, I know why, but. Anyway, I found this part of a letter he wrote to Laurens, and it made me think of you. And me, I guess: The truth is I am an unlucky honest man, that speak my sentiments to all and with emphasis. I say this to you because you know it and will not charge me with vanity. I hate Congress—I hate the army—I hate the world—I hate myself. The whole is a mass of fools and knaves; I could almost except you … Thinking about history makes me wonder how I’ll fit into it one day, I guess. And you too. I kinda wish people still wrote like that. History, huh? Bet we could make some. Affectionately yrs, slowly going insane, Alex, First Son of Founding Father Sacrilege

McQuiston, Casey. Red, White & Royal Blue: A Novel (pp. 239-241). St. Martin's Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Re: A mass of fools and knaves Henry [email protected] 8/10/20 4:18 AM to A Alex, First Son of Masturbatory Historical Readings: The phrase “see attached bibliography” is the single sexiest thing you have ever written to me. Every time you mention your slow decay inside the White House, I can’t help but feel it’s my fault, and I feel absolutely shit about it. I’m sorry. I should have known better than to turn up at a thing like that. I got carried away; I didn’t think. I know how much that job meant to you. I just want to … you know. Extend the option. If you wanted less of me, and more of that—the work, the uncomplicated things—I would understand. Truly. In any event … Believe it or not, I have actually done a bit of reading on Hamilton, for a number of reasons. First, he was a brilliant writer. Second, I knew you were named after him (the pair of you share an alarming number of traits, by the by: passionate determination, never knowing when to shut up, &c &c). And third, some saucy tart once tried to impugn my virtue against an oil painting of him, and in the halls of memory, some things demand context. Are you angling for a revolutionary soldier role-play scenario? I must inform you, any trace of King George III blood I have would curdle in my very veins and render me useless to you. Or are you suggesting you’d rather exchange passionate letters by candlelight? Should I tell you that when we’re apart, your body comes back to me in dreams? That when I sleep, I see you, the dip of your waist, the freckle above your hip, and when I wake up in the morning, it feels like I’ve just been with you, the phantom touch of your hand on the back of my neck fresh and not imagined? That I can feel your skin against mine, and it makes every bone in my body ache? That, for a few moments, I can hold my breath and be back there with you, in a dream, in a thousand rooms, nowhere at all? I think perhaps Hamilton said it better in a letter to Eliza: You engross my thoughts too intirely to allow me to think of any thing else—you not only employ my mind all day; but you intrude upon my sleep. I meet you in every dream—and when I wake I cannot close my eyes again for ruminating on your sweetness. If you did decide to take the option mentioned at the start of this email, I do hope you haven’t read the rest of this rubbish. Regards, Haplessly Romantic Heretic Prince Henry the Utterly Daft

McQuiston, Casey. Red, White & Royal Blue: A Novel (pp. 241-243). St. Martin's Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Re: A mass of fools and knaves A [email protected] 8/10/20 5:36 AM to Henry H, Please don’t be stupid. No part of any of this will ever be uncomplicated. Anyway, you should be a writer. You are a writer. Even after all this, I still always feel like I want to know more of you. Does that sound crazy? I just sit here and wonder, who is this person who knows stuff about Hamilton and writes like this? Where does someone like that even come from? How was I so wrong? It’s weird because I always know things about people, gut feelings that usually lead me in more or less the right direction. I do think I got a gut feeling with you, I just didn’t have what I needed in my head to understand it. But I kind of kept chasing it anyway, like I was just going blindly in a certain direction and hoping for the best. I guess that makes you the North Star? I wanna see you again and soon. I keep reading that one paragraph over and over again. You know which one. I want you back here with me. I want your body and I want the rest of you too. And I want to get the fuck out of this house. Watching June and Nora on TV doing appearances without me is torture. We have this annual thing at my dad’s lake house in Texas. Whole long weekend off the grid. There’s a lake with a pier, and my dad always cooks something fucking amazing. You wanna come? I kind of can’t stop thinking about you all sunburned and pretty sitting out there in the country. It’s the weekend after next. If Shaan can talk to Zahra or somebody about flying you into Austin, we can pick you up from there. Say yes? Yrs, Alex P.S. Allen Ginsberg to Peter Orlovsky—1958: Tho I long for the actual sunlight contact between us I miss you like a home. Shine back honey & think of me.

McQuiston, Casey. Red, White & Royal Blue: A Novel (pp. 243-245). St. Martin's Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Re: A mass of fools and knaves Henry [email protected] 8/10/20 8:22 PM to A Alex, If I’m north, I shudder to think where in God’s name we’re going. I’m ruminating on identity and your question about where a person like me comes from, and as best as I can explain it, here’s a story: Once, there was a young prince who was born in a castle. His mother was a princess scholar, and his father was the most handsome, feared knight in all the land. As a boy, people would bring him everything he could ever dream of wanting. The most beautiful silk clothes, ripe fruit from the orangery. At times, he was so happy, he felt he would never grow tired of being a prince. He came from a long, long line of princes, but never before had there been a prince quite like him: born with his heart on the outside of his body. When he was small, his family would smile and laugh and say he would grow out of it one day. But as he grew, it stayed where it was, red and visible and alive. He didn’t mind it very much, but every day, the family’s fear grew that the people of the kingdom would soon notice and turn their backs on the prince. His grandmother, the queen, lived in a high tower, where she spoke only of the other princes, past and present, who were born whole. Then, the prince’s father, the knight, was struck down in battle. The lance tore open his armor and his body and left him bleeding in the dust. And so, when the queen sent new clothes, armor for the prince to parcel his heart away safe, the prince’s mother did not stop her. For she was afraid, now: afraid of her son’s heart torn open too. So the prince wore it, and for many years, he believed it was right. Until he met the most devastatingly gorgeous peasant boy from a nearby village who said absolutely ghastly things to him that made him feel alive for the first time in years and who turned out to be the most mad sort of sorcerer, one who could conjure up things like gold and vodka shots and apricot tarts out of absolutely nothing, and the prince’s whole life went up in a puff of dazzling purple smoke, and the kingdom said, “I can’t believe we’re all so surprised.” I’m in for the lake house. I must admit, I’m glad you’re getting out of the house. I worry you may burn the thing down. Does this mean I’ll be meeting your father? I miss you. x Henry P.S. This is mortifying and maudlin and, honestly, I hope you forget it as soon as you’ve read it. P.P.S. From Henry James to Hendrik C. Andersen, 1899: May the terrific U.S.A. be meanwhile not a brute to you. I feel in you a confidence, dear Boy–which to show is a joy to me. My hopes and desires and sympathies right heartily and most firmly, go with you. So keep up your heart, and tell me, as it shapes itself, your (inevitably, I imagine, more or less weird) American story. May, at any rate, tutta quella gente be good to you.

McQuiston, Casey. Red, White & Royal Blue: A Novel (pp. 245-247). St. Martin's Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

#leigh #a mass of fools and knaves #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #red white and royal blue #casey mcquiston #out of credits

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janetsboys · 2 years

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Last day on earth

warning: (twd stuff) violence, blood, emotional damage, cries, screams and everything: episodes 06x16 / 07x01 traumas

A/N: this is extremely sad, but I had the idea of just adding reader into this traumatic event, enjoy!

summary: Dixon fem!reader is Carl’s girlfriend, they leave for the Hilltop with sick Maggie, but not everything gets according to plan…

english is not my first language, be kind <3

At first, you came with the group because you were worried about Maggie, she was sick and she really needed to go to the Hilltop.

Carl didn’t want you to go but you begged him, you said you needed to be by her side.

Since you don’t have a mother and never remembered when you had one, Maggie really helped you with the feminine representation in your life.

Your brothers, Daryl and Merle basically raised you, you became tough like them, but you always had a huge heart and you are in fact really sensitive when it’s about people you love.

Hours before meeting Negan:

You’re sitting next to Maggie, she’s sleeping and you’re watching her with worrying eyes. Aaron is sitting with Eugene, trying to rest, eyes closed, Abe and Sasha are driving and Rick, Carl and Rosita are talking to them at the front of the van.

Carl comes to sit with you,

“What is going on, why aren’t we there yet?” you asked, whispering. “The Saviors are everywhere blocking the road, Abraham’s trying to find a way to avoid them.” he responds, kissing the side of your head.

“I’m scared, I don’t know where my brother is, Maggie is sick, I don’t like when we’re all split up, I have a bad feeling about this, Carl…” you said, not leaving your eyes of Maggie.

“Don’t worry, everything will be fine, I’m sure everyone is okay.” Carl says, not really believing himself.

He puts your hair behind your ear, admiring you, you turn your head to look at him “I hope you’re right, I feel like I’m too used to be safe in my little home at Alexandria. I’m not the same anymore.” you say, looking at him.

“We’ll always have this surviving thing inside of us, but Alexandria is home, it’s normal to be used to this safe feeling.” he tries his best to reassure you, he feels your anxiety growing, you have this face you make when you’re about to panic.

You lie your head on his shoulder, sighing, taking his hand in yours as Rick walks in to check on Maggie, “She’s still sleeping, i put my hand on her forehead and she seems less feverish” you told Rick as he sat next to Maggie.

It seemed like you were right, something bad was about to happen.

You got arrested by the Saviors and put on your knees. Your anxiety is exploding, You’re being sat next to your brother, “Daryl!” you say with teary eyes as your big brother takes your hand “It’s okay-” he says with a tired voice. You can see he’s physically hurt.

Michonne is next to you, she puts her hand on your back, you turn to look at her, she’s terrified.

You let go of your brother’s hand, looking at Michonne, you’ve never seen them so scared.

You turn to look at Carl, he seems so far away, he’s always there to comfort you, you feel bad whenever he’s away from you, maybe this is your last day on earth. Maybe it’s his.

Carl looks at you and makes a reassuring smile even though he’s also terrified.

You’re scared for Maggie as she is sick and pregnant, you know this night is going to be really tough.

You then turn to look at Glenn, he’s sweating, he looks exhausted, you would give anything to hug your best friend, you’ve known him since the beginning of all of this, he always took care of you and you love him so much. You love all of them so much, they’re all your family.

The moment of Negan choosing who he should kill, that moment seemed to last forever, you were shaking.

The only solution where you wouldn’t have to lose a member of your family is that he’d pick you. He’s pointing his baseball bat on you, you make yourself taller on your knees, he could choose you so you wouldn’t have to pass the rest of the night here.

Daryl obviously noticed what you were doing, he couldn’t resolve himself to loose you, he loves you too much. You’re like his daughter, luckily, Negan didn’t pick you. You wish he did but no, he wanted to hurt you not kill you.

As he hit Abraham, your dear friend, you burst into tears, your eyes fixed on the ground, you couldn’t look at him, you flinched every time you heard the sound of the bat hitting Abraham.

Negan keeps mocking you all, mocking Abraham, you don’t even listen to him you’re in pure shock. You see Negan pointing his bat on Rosita, laughing at her. Suddenly, your heart jumps as you feel your brother loosing his temper, he gets up, you try with all the force you still have to stop him sobbing and shouting with a broken and tired little voice “Daryl..!”

He punched Negan, you look up at the scene, the sight of the Saviors putting Daryl back on his knees as you cry harder and harder, that’s it, he’s going to kill your brother because of what he did, you pray on everything that you have, you never prayed before, but you pray that he’ll have mercy on Daryl.

Negan speaks but you only start listening to him when he says “No exceptions, now I don’t know what lying assholes you’ve been dealing with but, I’m a man of my word.” He has this smile on his face, you would give anything to jump on him and hit him until you die, “I need you, to know me.” you looked at him, praying that he’ll kill you next, begging with your eyes that he’ll achieve you now.

“So!” as he held his bat up, you closed your eyes followed the bat, “Back to it!” he just turned around and violently hit Glenn’s head. You heard Maggie screaming, you just said “Oh no” sobbing, searching for air as your heart beats at a hundred miles an hour.

Glenn got up, you were almost laying forward, your head close to the floor as you cried all the tears of your body, this is all you could do.

You got up to see Glenn still standing, his eyes out of his head, a bloody face, searching for his words. Daryl whispered to you “Don’t look (Y/N)” thinking Negan wouldn’t hear him.

“Ohhhh you should look at that, kiddo, my guy is disgusting look at that. You look shitty man! Your eye just popped out of your head it is gross as hell!” He says, first look at you, pointing his bat at you then at Glenn, “Maggie, i’ll find you”

Glenn got his words out of his mouth, before Negan hit him again, you lost it, you closed your eyes in disbelief, hearing the sound of the bat hitting his skull, you felt your whole body shaking, it seemed to last for an hour, you heard Negan’s laugh ringing in your head.

You open your eyes to see Glenn’s brain crushed on the ground, his hands still shaking violently on the ground as his body processes the shock.

You look at your hands in pure horror, you have blood on them, you have Glenn’s blood on your shaky hands and face, you look at them with widened eyes.

Negan drags Rick on the floor, puts him in the van. The Saviors watching you all closely as they leave for a ride as he says.

You turn to look at Maggie, her sobs breaking your heart even more than it is already. You looked at Carl, tears rolling down his face, he crossed your look, this time not knowing how to comfort you. He looked purely traumatized.

He wished he could crawl to you and hold you, wipe off the blood on your face and let you cry in his arms.

You’ve seen things in your life, but never so much cruelty. After this ride that seemed like days, they came back.

They took your brother, you held a scream when they put him in their truck, you don’t know where they take him, if they’ll hurt him or kill him.

You just watched your best friends getting savagely executed before your eyes, they took your brother, and if it wasn’t enough, Negan doesn’t want Rick to look at him that way.

He takes Carl, you can’t take it anymore, you can’t lose everyone you care about the most in one night, it’ll can’t fall apart so easily.

He makes Carl lay on the ground, at first you thought he’d cut his arm after the lineup, “You don’t have to do this, please, we understand” Michonne begs, crying. You look up at her with red eyes.

“Oh I know, you understand, but he doesn’t.” He wanted Rick to cut Carl’s arm off. You were loosing your mind. Why him? Why not you?

You closed your eyes, Rick screamed, begging Negan to cut his arm and not Carl’s, you open your eyes, Rick’s axe up in the air as he yells, he was gonna do it, your eyes widened in fear when Negan stopped Rick, you let out a loud relieved sigh, sobbing, your head up to face the sky. The sky’s so blue, not a single cloud, the sun shining as your life falls apart.

Then they left, they left all of you there, all traumatized. Your face is frozen because of the amount of tears you relieved, your face is wet and sticky, you wipe the tears off your neck.

Maggie gets up, gosh she’s so strong, you get up to stop her, she wants to take care of Glenn’s body, you walked to her, the boys comforted her, saying they got this,

“Mags, please, you have to go with Sasha to the Hilltop, we’ve got this. I’ll see you soon.” Maggie looks at you, kissing your forehead before leaving with Sasha.

They put Abraham and Glenn’s bodies in the truck, you were alone, you saw the puddle of blood Glenn left, you’re exhausted. This night was too much emotions for your body, and it isn’t over, they have your brother and you are their slaves.

You simply break down, you let your body fall, you’re sitting on the ground, bursting into tears, your hand on your mouth to contain your interior screams as you hear Carl’s voice in your ear, you fall apart in his arms, you sob against his chest as he holds you like he never did before, holding you tight, you stain his shirt with tears, his hand on the back of your head, his other rubbing your back as he holds you back and forth, he cradles you like you’re a baby.

You let out the last tears you have, you’re so tired, you could just fall asleep right now, on the ground in his arms, under his touch and never wake up again.

“It’s okay, we’ll be okay, I promise you.” He obviously starts crying, this night was awful for the whole group, and seeing you like this makes things worst, he tried to comfort you but his tears fell down his cheeks, he closes his eyes, hearing you sobbing rips his heart out, he can hear the pain in your voice as you try to talk “I’m so tired.” you feel selfish rethinking about it, because he also was tired and heartbroken, but at that time you just weren’t thinking anymore.

You felt like a child having a crisis, “We have to go, (Y/N)” you looked up at him, he kissed your forehead, you decided yourself to go, you both helped each other getting up, you’re so tired you can’t even walk straight.

He helps you walk by holding you, you go in the car with Michonne, Aaron, Rosita and Eugene, you sit next to Carl, closing your eyes, resting on him, “They have Daryl, Carl…They have my brother…” you say, not being able to get a tear out of your eyes anymore “We’ll get him back, I promise he’ll come back to us, we’ve got this, (Y/N), you can rest now, we’ll get revenge."

You start sleeping a bit on the way back to Alexandria, sitting next to Aaron, he puts his hand on your knee to comfort you, Rosita being on the back of the truck, sitting alone. Michonne driving, Eugene next to her.

Home will never feel the same ever again.

————————————————————————————

this is extremely sad but i’m going back to school in two days so i’m in an anxious depressed mood.

i really wanted to portray reader here as all of us watching this episode, lots of cries (truly so much crying in this) and someone with anxiety that would kind of dissociate from the scene because of the amount of emotions, and this feeling when you cried too much you just can’t do anything but fall asleep😫

listened to sparks of coldplay and family line of conan gray, I AM NOT OKAY.

anyways, rest in peace glenn and abe🍉❤️

#carl grimes #carl grimes x reader #carl grimes x y/n #carl grimes x you #reader insert #the walking dead

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starqueensthings · 1 year

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So I’ve been really struggling with the unexpected events of the season two finale, and I know a lot of us have been. We’ve all been grieving in different ways, but I wanted to share one of the coping mechanisms I used to help me get through the first couple days. I wrote these snippets from the perspective of Wrecker, Hunter, and Echo, as a sort of prayer or message to Tech. All three are based on the concept of heaven, or a peaceful afterlife, so if that’s not your thing, please carry on. And while I’m not overly religious, the concept of peace after death is something I find cathartic. Please enjoy, and hopefully this helps you like it has been helping me.

TW: implied death of a brother, grief, angst, a deep love for family.

Tech, if you can hear me

Part One: Wrecker (disbelief)

“Tech, if you can hear me…

It’s only been a little while since you… since I saw you last. But it feels like a totally different lifetime. It’s like we’ve been transported into a different galaxy where everything seems the same but… it just isn’t. I can’t put my finger on it. Everything is as it was, except its not. Things feel different now.

I keep replaying that minute in my head, seeing you hang there… but it makes my stomach ache, and starts to feel like there’s a ration bar stuck in my throat. I just can’t believe it. All those times that you and I were able to pull each other to safety, all those missions with close calls that you and I somehow got through together, and this was the time that I couldn’t reach you. And this was the time it ended being the last. Aw man. It’s just so hard to believe.

If your busted up goggles weren’t sitting on the navreadout, I think it would feel like you were down below in the bilge, tinkering with the hyperdrive like you always do… did. But I know you can’t see shit without them, so…

You’re probably up to speed, but just in case you’re not, Cid sold us out. Just like that big dude on Sofatoma told us that she would. We had to come back to Ord Mantell… we were all so banged up, and we needed AZ. Cid was acting all weird, and the next thing I knew, the place was full of commandos. Commandos and that Imp doctor that we were trying to track. He gave Cid a big case of credits, and she looked at us all guilty like. We should have known Tech. We should have known.

They got their hands on the Kid. We did everything we could to stop them, but it’s so hard without you. It feels like everything and everyone is against us.

Echo is doing his best, but we could sure use your researching skills. Maybe you can find a way to send us some clues from where you are? Hunter might be able to pick up on ‘em if you send them down with the rain, or lay ‘em out in the stars? Mind you, he hasn’t been himself lately either. He’s doing that thing that he always does, where he stuffs his feelings down into his toes and won’t show ‘em. But I can tell. Every once in a while his shoulders go all saggy, and he’ll disappear for a while.

Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that I miss you. We all miss you. We’ll find Omega, and we’ll find Crosshair, and when we’re all together again, I’ll make sure we hang a big lantern for you on Pabu. I know you liked watching all them lanterns light up the night sky. And when the sun goes down, you’ll shine brighter than the rest, and I’ll see it and always remember how good of a soldier, and a brother you were.

Love,

Your big bro, Wreck.”

#the bad batch #tbb #bad batch #tbb spoilers #tbb season 2 #the bad batch spoilers #bad batch season 2 #bad batch tech #bad batch Wrecker #tbb tech #tech tbb #tbb wrecker #wrecker tbb

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kariachi · 1 month

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Some fic! Mutant stuff. Devlin exists, there's a bit of a time, Irene gets on with Rook and Argit well.

Devlin Kwarrel Levin surprised everyone but his parents using the age-old technique of ‘being born’. Quite a clever trick that had necessitated such things as nobody actually seeing his father for many months, and his mother always having some sort of excuse for why he wasn’t attending some event or other. If anyone had doubted that his parents functioned like a well oiled machine, or had true ‘he’d lie and you’d swear to it’ energy, it was all put to rest when the first pictures of him went out, in honor of his father’s birthday, a little under two months after his birth.

It was wonderful timing, really, because a solstice announcement meant nobody had to time to come out and yell about it in-person until the new year.

“Where is your husband?” Not that Irene herself would be getting yelled at. Years now and everyone still assumed that she wasn’t a wholehearted co-conspirator to Kevin’s mischief, or at least what was taken as mischief. As such she was less concerned to open the door and find Ben, Gwendolyn, and Rook stood there, already glowering down the hall, as she may have been otherwise. Her bold contrasting colors had only dulled slightly, and the child-friendly pattern didn’t move.

“Will I still have one later if I tell you?” No immediate answer came, though Rook gave her a put-upon look and a shrug from over the Tennysons’ shoulders.

“Maybe,” Ben finally said, though she’d have let them passed anyway. As long as there was that quick reminder that they risked leaving her a widow and her son an orphan if they tried to actually kill him. Or Kai and young Lyn a widow and orphan, if they failed to wait until Devlin wasn’t present.

“Third bedroom,” Irene said as she moved aside, “Argit’s already there.”

“Oh, he gets to know!” She couldn’t help a snort.

“I’d swear he knew before we did.” And had only just managed to not hover from March onward. The Tennysons passed her, grumbling, and she did feel bad some about the deception. They were Kevin’s good friends, had been for far longer than she’d known him, and the choice to hurt them had been… Not hard, but not fun. Rook at least stopped a moment as she shut the door behind them all.

“Congratulations again.” He flashed her a smile and her colors brightened.

“Thanks,” she said, “it’s been rough-” And so damn scary. “-but we’re more than happy to have him.”

“First babies are always rough,” he laughed as they headed after the Tennysons, then amended, “all babies are rough. Rayona says she cannot wait for Ben and Kai to have this next child, so he will learn more doesn’t mean easier.”

“Only children,” she laughed back. A group that, yes, contained her beloved, but at least he had both her and Argit- who both had so very many siblings- to teach him otherwise. Ben and Kai were both only children. “I only had two siblings in the house and even I know it’s chaos.” Rook shook his head, still smiling, as the sounds of cooing came from up ahead.

“Hopefully the lesson will be easy on them.”

“I’ll leave that well wish until I’m sure I’m not a widow.” They came to a halt out in the hall as Argit slipped out of what had become the nursery, with little Devlin in tow. In a heartbeat Rook was cooing, watching with pure fondness as Argit passed him over to be cradled in Irene’s mass. Nothing, nothing, was so precious in all the history of the galaxy as the shifting mass of hybrid she’d helped make. Too young yet to keep anything but his most base shape, an awkward blend of human solidity and Lenopan amorphism, or to shift his colors more than to different hues of pale purple-brown, but he watched with wary interest as Rook slipped into his home tongue’s baby talk.

“-then why the fuck would you keep something like this from us?!?”

Everyone in the hall started at the sudden shout, eyes locking on the open door, ears pinned to Argit’s mane, for all of the breath before Devlin was whining. In an instant Irene was engulfing him, shuddering comfortingly as he made himself small, color going patchy and mottled. With a glare Argit blindly swatted Rook’s arm- the Revonnahgander stood with a frown, clearly wondering what he could do to help.

“One minute.” He stormed back towards the door, snarled a ‘There’s a kitten out here’ in the sort of tone that had once shut up Irene’s older sister of all people, and pointedly didn’t slam it shut. His ears were still back when he returned, but he forced the rest of himself to relax as he chirped and crooned at Devlin. “It’s okay, kiddo, nobody’s gonna scare you again. Otherwise, your papa and I are gonna put ‘em in a box.”

“Please don’t put them in a box,” Irene said, though she couldn’t avoid an affectionate tone as she did.

“Can’t make any promises, ‘Rene.”

Heaving a sigh, Rook shook his head and relaxed a little as Irene withdrew to show a glimpse of Devlin slowly calming. She made a note to get him safely tucked away once the nursery was clear again. He wasn’t used to so many people, or any people besides herself, Kevin, and Argit, and this would surely exhaust his little self.

“I do agree though, on wanting to know why you did not say anything,” Rook said. Irene did her best not to notably tense, focusing instead on continuing to soothe her son. “You are our friends, we want to be there for you like you are for us. Not just Argit, all of us.” She knew that, was the thing, they both did and had from the start. But Kevin-

“It’s a mutant thing,” Argit answered, sparing her the act. “One of those things you actually see a lot across the galaxy. Bad luck to talk about a pregnancy.” Rook’s face twisted in confusion, frown deepening and brow crinkling, before Irene cut in.

“A lot of mutants don’t make it to term, and even if they do complications with their mutations can still kill them.” And did, a lot. She and Kevin had gone in expecting more failure than success, especially making hybrid children, and even still worried something might go wrong. “Since mutants spawn mutants more often…”

“You two were worried,” Rook said, quietly and with an understanding nod. “We have something similar, I think. Fifth children are not referred to as people until they have received their first blessing, though I do not think anyone remembers why anymore.”

“Yeah,” Argit said with a nod of his own. “Some Erinaens give their kids animal names to protect them from the Black-Eyed. Kev said the more you talk about a pregnancy the more likely it’ll fail, so...” Rook nodded again, and Irene couldn’t help but half-melt over the floor. Her family hadn’t been so understanding on the matter, and between them and the Tennysons she hadn’t been sure to expect anything good. Knowing that at least one friend- and she was sure Rayona as well, so make that two- understood, or at least accepted.

“We didn’t even talk about it with each other any more than we absolutely had to,” she said. It was true. Only people who had absolutely needed to know- and Argit, who half counted anyway- had been informed, and if there wasn’t a pressing need to mention it, they had done their best to avoid the topic all together. All together it had been a stressful time in a million ways, but she couldn’t say that she regretted the decision. Better to be safe than sorry.

Feeling the last schlump of a relaxing babe under her mass, Irene pulled back enough to see her son, darling of her eye, half melted asleep against her. Yep, new people and a scare right after playtime, and he was only a few months old. She couldn’t help a coo the others echoed, warmth spreading all the way through her.

“He is certainly worth the trouble.”

“Yeah.” Argit threw a smirk at Irene as he leant against her. “Same I’m gonna have to steal him.” Rook narrowed his eyes at him, but she just laughed. It was, after all, only a little more serious a threat than that made to other parents in their social circle. She butted her head gently against him, catching Rook’s snort as he strumbled, snickering, aside, and turned to lead the way into the living room. No sign yet of an empty nursery, and her baby needed rest.

“You will wait until Kevin and I die like a normal person, thank you very much-”

It’d be a while longer before Kevin and the Tennysons made a return appearance, but they did make one, which was good enough for her. There was a comfort to Kevin curled up with her, and a pride to the cousins shedding their downtrodden looks in favor of mooning over little Devlin some more.

Apparently, the shock and betrayal hadn’t been quite so friendship-breaking as their fuss had made it out to be.

#fanfic #subspecies 11

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andipxndy-writes · 1 year

Text

moving on

fandom: alex rider warnings: none requested by: anon word count: 7.4k

cross-posted to ao3

summary: “We don’t have to be together, you know.” Her gaze turned to him when he spoke, her eyes wide. “What?” “I said, we don’t have to be together.” The words didn’t hurt as much as he thought they would, so he held onto his backpack straps more tightly as he spoke. “I know you’re putting it off because I’m here with you. Because I’m here and I go to school and… and you help me out to make sure I don’t really get picked on. But you don’t like me like you like him.” “It’s going to feel weird not… dating you.”

Or rather: five times Sabina Pleasure tried to keep Alex Rider, and the one time she let him go.

moving on

1. Coastal Drives

California girls, we're unforgettable; daisy dukes, bikinis on top~

Alex didn’t know whether he wanted to cry or scream as the song played out loud through the car’s speakers, effectively filling the car with what he could only describe as horrid screeching. He would much rather be listening to some sort of heavy metal that would eviscerate his ear drums than this peppy pop that made him want to throw himself out of the car.

Unfortunately, car rules meant that he wasn’t the one who got to pick the music. That was left to the driver.

The driver who just so happened to be Sabina.

Looking over at her, past the edge of his hoodie, he couldn’t help but watch her as she drove. She was a relatively new driver, and Alex knew it. She’d only passed her Drivers’ Test a couple of weeks before, but with everything that her dad had he’d already bought her a car — a cute convertible that both did and didn’t suit her, in Alex’s eyes. Her hair, as always, was dark and blowing behind her in the wind, whilst her freckles visibly darkened in the summer sun. She honestly looked so happy, the smile on her face impossibly bright as she laughed and belted out the lyrics.

It felt weird, sitting next to her, when he felt like a dark blot on a clean sheet of paper.

Still, he’d clearly felt alright enough to agree to her invitation to simply drive down the coast for a few hours. She claimed that it was so that she could get used to being behind the wheel, even more so when there was someone else there with her, but Alex knew that she simply wanted to spend time with him. He actually appreciated her still wanting to spend time with him. Ever since he’d arrived, all he’d heard about from her was how her life had changed so much since she’d arrived — how she’d felt like she’d grown now that she’d met so many new and different people, how she’d started off uncertain but had ended up making so many new friends, how she hadn’t thought she would fit in but was now looking at taking part in so many different clubs as soon as school started up again in the fall. It was hard not to feel jealous about how she was getting this whole new start whilst also not being horrifically traumatised by an entire year of events.

He just hoped he managed to fit in despite being the person that he was. He’d always been well-known and pretty liked at school (before those assholes had decided to get involved in his life). But here, he was completely new to the environment. He’d saved these people’s lives before, but they didn’t have a clue who he was or the kind of stuff that he’d done for them. He had stories, he had a history.

Chances were, these people were going to treat his history about as well as he’d been treated back when everyone had thought he was off sick too much or doing drugs back when he was in the U.K.

Which was a great thought. Honestly.

Not.

Either way, the two of them were heading along the coast, somewhere. Anywhere. Sabina had just wanted to get out of the house, and as she reached across the central console and took his hand, Alex got the feeling that it was more like she’d wanted to get out of the house with him.

“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” Sabina practically had to yell to be heard over the whistling wind beating against their faces and through their hair as she drove. She spared him a brief look, and Alex was hit with the sudden realisation that he was definitely going to try harder to be a better driver than she was being right then. He was constantly feeling like she was going to crash or something, what with her terrible handling.

At least, it felt like terrible handling to him.

He was never going to tell her that.

At her words, though, he took a look out at the scenery around them. Was it amazing? Perhaps. But it wasn’t what he really wanted to do right then. Not when he could just as easily have been in bed sleeping the day away, escaping the feeling of impending doom that seemed to follow him everywhere he went. He kept quiet though — when Sabina was happy, everything seemed to go better. Everything was calmer. She didn’t ask as many questions, and he could get some semblance of peace.

That was when Alex realised he was taking too long to answer the question, so he forced what he hoped was an excited smile onto his face as he turned his head to look at her. “It really is! Why haven’t you brought me out here before?”

Sabina let out a laugh, one that twinkled and made her face look even brighter than it already was, and Alex was reminded of why the two of them had started dating.

Because she was cute.

It made the forced smile that he’d put on just to please her turn into a somewhat genuine one, and he squeezed her hand a little as she continued to drive.

“Because I wanted you to be in the mood for it, you know?” She spared a glance at him, giving him a smile. “You’re not always in the mood for stuff. So I just thought, you know, wait for him to get better. Maybe he’ll appreciate it more.”

Even as the words came out of her mouth, Alex had to try hard to fight between the emotions of “maybe she should have waited longer” and “at least she cared enough to realise she needed to wait”, one thought kept floating to the front of his mind:

No matter how much he enjoyed doing this with Sabina, this would always be better if Jack was there.

(Cue the mental and emotional spiral starting again.)

***

2. Porch Thoughts

Alex had never really considered the idea of drifting apart from someone. Sure, he wasn’t friends with the kids he’d known and played with in primary school, but every time he thought back on it, he hadn’t really considered them friends anyway. They were just other kids who kept him company, who entertained him whilst he was at school. Fast forward to secondary school, and Tom was the only person who ever really spoke to him like that anyway (and he still spoke to the guy as regularly as he could). Everyone else cut themselves off from him when the rumours started going around about him being a druggie, or something of the sort. But he never thought that he would drift apart from anyone, let alone someone he was living with.

Except it did happen. At least, he thought it was happening.

Maybe that was what was happening as he found himself alone, again, sitting on the front porch as he waited for her to come back from meeting friends. That was what she said she’d be doing that day. He’d been invited along, obviously, but he hadn’t felt up for it. He hadn’t felt up for much recently. He’d seen the disappointment in her eyes as he’d turned her down, saying something about getting stuff ready for school next week and calling old friends.

Ed and Liz hadn’t had the time to take him out. Tom hadn’t picked up.

Looking down at his phone, he stared down at the contact on the screen. Sabina’s face smiled back at him, innocent, like she didn’t know what was going through his mind. And to be honest, she probably didn’t. She probably had no idea what he was thinking about, how he still blamed himself for his best friend getting shot, how he had been forced to take a whole flight and skip the last part of term, how he’d actually shot someone, how Jack had—

“Alex?”

His head shot up when he heard his voice being called, blinking heavily. He hadn’t expected anyone to be calling his name, his mind instead completely elsewhere. But when he looked up, he spotted a car pulling up at the kerb in front of the house, not too far from the porch he was sitting on. On any other day, he would have ignored whoever was there and gone back inside, or something of the sort, but when he spotted who was sitting in the car he realised it was a good idea to pay attention.

He gave a half-smile and waved. “Hi, Sabina.”

There was a frown on her face as she climbed out of the poorly parked car (Alex didn’t have a license, but even he knew when a car was parked absolutely terribly; it made him wonder how she’d even passed her test, to be honest), and Alex’s eyes focused on hers as she headed over to him on the stairs.

“I thought you said you were going to call old friends and get stuff ready for school?” she asked, sitting on the stairs beside him.

Alex tried to ignore that she was sitting close enough to him for their shoulders to brush if she really wanted them to. All he’d have to do would be to lean over a little, and they’d be touching. Like they used to whenever they sat together, whenever either of them wanted that affirmation that there was someone there, someone with them.

Alex didn’t lean over. (Maybe he was too nervous to.)

“I changed my mind.” It was a lie, and he was very sure that Sabina could see right through the lie if she so wished to, but he wasn’t going to change it. Just the idea that Tom hadn’t answered his phone, that Ed and Liz hadn’t had the time for him, that kind of… that had hurt, really? It hurt to know that he wasn’t someone at the forefront of the minds of the people he cared about.

But he couldn’t dwell on it.

He didn’t miss the look that Sabina gave him — a slightly pitying one, as though she knew exactly what had happened — before she cleared it from her face with a small smile. “Well, you should’ve come out with us, then! It would’ve been fun. You would’ve liked it.”

He gave a small shrug, half a shrug. “Maybe next time.”

“Oh, that’s non-negotiable.”

His lips quirked up into a small smile at that. She was the one who leaned over, initiating contact, and there was a brief feeling of warmth that flowed through him at that. Comforting warmth. Familiar warmth.

“How about we watch a movie together?” Sabina asked, and Alex looked over at her. “Tonight? I’ll find something online?”

“Illegal?”

“Obviously.”

The small smile that had been on his face grew that little bit bigger. “Sure.”

“Great!” She pushed herself to her feet, and that warmth that had been there when she was leaning against him was suddenly gone.

It had been temporary. Just like everyone else in his life—

“You coming in?”

He looked over his shoulder to see Sabina standing at the door, waiting for him. She was leaning on the door frame, a single eyebrow raised as she watched him, waiting.

That look meant that he didn’t have much choice in the matter.

“Sure.” He slowly pushed himself to his feet, pausing for a moment as the blood began to flow more regularly through his legs. The rush made him feel a little dizzy, but he didn’t want to show it. He didn’t want her to worry. If she even did worry.

“Chop chop, slow poke. We actually want to watch a movie tonight.”

“Fine, fine, I’m coming,” he muttered, shaking his head as he followed her in.

As much as he liked Sabina, sometimes she could definitely be a bit… much.

***

3. Library Visits

Drifting apart from someone was a slow process. Alex knew that it was a slow process — it wasn’t like cutting someone off immediately, telling them to never talk to you again. He’d experienced a lot of cutting off in his life, unsurprisingly (those damn rumours had ruined his school reputation for good, and he hated MI6 for that), but not as much drifting apart.

That was his excuse for why he didn’t really notice it at first. Sabina was the kind of person who could easily make friends — she was kind, she was bubbly, she was friendly. She and Alex had been closer than friends at one point, and even though it wasn’t as obvious now, he still treasured the closeness they’d once shared. But now he was sharing that side of her with all of her new friends, people who didn’t know him, and he didn’t know them either.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come to the movies with us?” Sabina asked, leaning against the doorframe to Alex’s bedroom as she watched him pack. He was getting a bag together, yes, but not to hang out with friends. No, he was getting a bag together with books, with snacks.

“I’m sure.” The idea of being in a dark, enclosed room with a bunch of people that he didn’t know set him on edge. Sure, he’d be with Sabina, but also with a bunch of strangers that he didn’t know. He didn’t want that.

Of course, he was (instead) going to sit around a bunch of strangers in a brightly lit room, reading books. And he was going to be doing it on his own. Because that was definitely very smart.

He could hear Tom calling him an absolute idiot in his head. (Oh how he missed his best friend.)

Sabina had a look of uncertainty on her face, as though she wasn’t really all too sure about his plan for the day, but he offered her a small smile. He didn’t know whether it was him trying to comfort her or himself.

“It’s just the library,” he said quietly. “I’ll be okay.”

“You’re going on your own.”

“I’ll be okay.”

She stared at him for a while longer, like she was trying to read him or work out something about what he was saying, before finally pushing herself off the door frame. “Fine.” She paused for a moment. “You sure you don’t want a lift?”

“I’m sure.” His excuse was that he wanted to explore, to get used to the place he was now going to be living in for the foreseeable future. He was going to the library, to read up on some things before the school year started up again.

Really? He wanted to be alone, scout out his surroundings, find possible escape routes if he needed them.

He couldn’t get the spy out of him, not really. It had broken him, but now it was also part of him.

“Well, tell me when you’re done, and we can hang out, alright?”

He stared at her for a few moments, trying to get exactly what she was saying through his mind.

“We can go and grab something to eat?”

He let the small smile grow even larger on his face. “Yeah, sure.”

He mentally took that back as soon as he’d stepped out of the house, the sun from the bright San Francisco summer beating down on him as he shut the door behind him. As much as he’d wanted to cover up, the weather was too warm to encase himself fully in the all black that he’d found himself constantly wearing. Sure, if it was England, he’d have done it without thinking, because the weather there was shit all year round, but here? It was far too warm to try that. His arms were out, even with his black t-shirt and jeans, and he felt… weirdly comfortable. Were people staring at him? Probably not. They all had their own business to go about doing, right?

That was what he was trying to convince himself of as he walked along the hilled streets, trying very hard to avoid self-consciously rubbing his arms. If he did, he’d draw attention to his scars. He just knew it.

Following Ed’s directions, he reached the library far quicker than he’d anticipated. A small part of him worried that he looked like he’d been rushing, but he pushed away the thought. He was a teenager. They rushed to go everywhere, right? And it was hot. And he was a Brit. This wasn’t the sort of weather he was used to. He’d be fine.

He’d wear his cap on the way back, though.

Registering at the library seemed an easy enough ordeal at first glance. All he had to do was go in there, give his name and address… except he now had to prove he was who he was, and for some reason the librarian thought he was older than he looked, and there were areas he couldn’t go to… it was a pain.

He was relieved when he could finally sit down in the corner of the library and just get lost in a good book.

He was so lost in it that he didn’t realise the library was closing up until the librarian actually came to fetch him. By that point, his corner of the library was empty, everyone having left either because it was closing or because it was late. He looked up sharply when he felt a tap on his shoulder, flinching near-violently.

The look on the librarian’s face at his reaction put him on edge, but he forced himself to calm down. It was fine. The librarian was harmless.

“We’re closing now.” She looked down at the book in his hands, and her eyebrows rose. “Stephen King. A classic choice. You want to get that out?”

He went for a shy nod, but got the feeling that it looked a lot more forced or jagged than he’d hoped for it to be. Either way, he was soon following the librarian over to the desk, listening to her chatter away about other books that he might like if he was into that Stephen King novel.

In reality, he was only into that novel because he knew it had been one that Uncle Ian had liked. Something to tie him to the home he’d lost.

He also remembered that Jack had absolutely hated Stephen King’s books and had recommended he try someone, anyone, else. But this book reminded him too much of home to listen to that Jack-sounding voice in his head that was telling him to go and put the book back and get something better to read.

He ignored it all the way until he was out of the library, the librarian shutting the door behind him and locking it so that she could close up.

It was a bit cooler now than it had been earlier, but Alex knew that he was still too used to British weather to actually feel any colder. Sliding his bag off his back, he opened it to slip the book into his bag before pulling his cap out. No, maybe it wasn’t sunny enough to be wearing a cap, but he felt better now with it on. There were more people out and about now, probably heading to various places to grab food to eat or go to the movies and things like that. Fun things that he would’ve done if he were home with his friends in England. Now, though? He’d rather be on his own than around so many other people.

Slinging his bag back onto his back, he slipped his hands into his pockets as he began to head back in the direction of the house. A small part of him wondered whether it would take longer for him to get home than it did to get down there, but then he realised that it was a silly thing to think about. He’d get home eventually.

It was as he was passing a pizza place that he saw her. Inside, laughing with other people, genuinely having fun.

Alex slowed to a stop when he spotted Sabina Pleasure sitting at a booth near the window, three other people there with her. All of them looked happy — genuinely happy, smiles that weren’t as fake as Alex was sure his were every time he was forced to make that sort of movement with his lips. A small part of him, the small, childish, part of him, wished that he could be in there with the whole group, chatting and laughing with them. But the more sensible part of him knew that he would only bring the mood down if he did so, making everyone uncomfortable as he usually did.

That was when he saw him. Tall, blonde, almost like a surfer with his broad shoulders and natural tan.

Looking down at his own arms, Alex felt pasty in comparison.

But he wasn’t stupid. He’d seen the look on Sabina’s face as the guy had approached. He knew that any claims of simply thinking of the guy as a friend were false. He got the feeling that she liked him, and she liked him a lot.

It made Alex wonder whether she really liked him at all anymore.

Pulling down his cap so that it obscured his face a little more, he began to head home.

And when Sabina got home that night, asking about why he hadn’t thought to call her because she would have “dropped them to hang out, because you matter to me”, Alex had simply shrugged.

“I thought you’d do better having fun with them, that’s all,” he muttered.

She huffed, rolling her eyes at him, before nudging him over on his bed so that she could sit beside him. “Well, we’re making up for it tomorrow, then. Movie and pizza. No, you don’t get to negotiate this time. We’re hanging out tomorrow.”

As much as Alex wanted to argue, or complain about how clingy she was being… a small part of him was glad that she still wanted to hang out with him regardless of the friends she had.

***

4. Shopping Trip

Alex didn’t like shopping.

It wasn’t something that he’d ever liked. Even Jack had known that he hated shopping — school uniform shopping at the beginning of the school year had been the bane of his existence back at home, and he didn’t miss it. If anything, he was really looking forward to wearing his own clothes to school every day.

Of course, that then meant that he had to have clothes in his wardrobe every day, and according to Sabina, they actually had to be fashionable and the sort of thing that he wouldn’t get mocked for every day.

That part sort of made him miss wearing school uniforms all the time. He didn’t want to be judged on his “fashion choices” every day.

And then there was the fact that, so ensure his fashion choices were “acceptable”, Sabina was taking him out shopping. He did not enjoy shopping at all — never had, never would — and being with Sabina wasn’t going to change that. No matter how much she thought she could, Alex was adamant that she couldn’t.

She was so determined to prove him right that she was dragging him shopping to do exactly that.

Walking through the mall, Alex kept his hands firmly in his pockets, trying to avoid touching other people as much as he could. The mall was busy, people everywhere either doing their shopping or trying to enjoy themselves, which only made it incredibly difficult for him to avoid touching people.

“Hey.”

Sabina’s voice wasn’t loud, but it did the job in catching his attention and stopping him before he kept walking through the mall. She gestured towards one of the stores, and he followed her over, dodging a couple of shoppers to catch up with her. The shift from the loud mall avenues to the calmer outfit store was a gift to Alex. It was perfect. If he could stay in there for the rest of the day, he absolutely would. He wouldn’t even need to buy any clothes.

“You see anything you like?”

That was when Alex realised what store they’d walked into. It was a men’s store, obviously, but Alex was very aware of the fact that he wasn’t quite a man yet. He was still growing, of course, but a lot of the stuff there was for people much bigger than he was. After all, this size was what had made him ideal for his… previous employers. Now, though, he was really wishing that he was taller, more built, something that made him fit in better than his scrawny little self currently did.

He gave an awkward shrug as he looked around, not really spotting anything. “No… not really.”

She scoffed, rolling her eyes at him. “You’ve barely even looked at them. You’ve done a grand total of one brief scan over everything on display from near the door.” She looped her arm through his, and Alex had to try very hard not to flinch. “Let’s find you some outfits. Mum gave me her credit card, with the promise of not going too wild with it. So we can go a little bit wild.”

Alex tried to smile at the joke, but he was more focused on the fact that he was being dragged around to look at clothes that he either wasn’t big enough to wear or didn’t like enough to bother trying on.

The entire trip was borderline tedious in Alex’s mind. He didn’t enjoy it any more than when Jack used to take him shopping for new clothes or to get his uniform sorted for the new school year. If anything, it was just more tedious, because he didn’t know the place well. He didn’t know where the best hiding places were in case he was really desperate to hide from her and her suggestions. He didn’t know where to go and grab food as a distraction. He was stuck and he hated it.

He didn’t know how long it took Sabina to realise that he was absolutely hating the entire trip and didn’t want to be there anymore, but he wanted to mentally congratulate her on lasting at least an hour pretending to think that he cared about what they were doing before calling him out on his bullshit.

“Are you actually going to pick anything? Or just be moody this entire trip?”

Those had been the exact words he’d been waiting for, but he couldn’t help but feel guilty that he’d even had to push her that far before she’d realised that he didn’t want to be there.

But he didn’t want to just tell her that he didn’t want to be there. That was rude, and it was mean, and he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. She was actually trying for him, trying to help him fit in and feel better about this whole situation. He couldn’t exactly get upset with her about it.

He eventually settled for, “I don’t know what to pick.”

She stared at him for a few moments, and he got the feeling that she was trying to work out whether that was what he really wanted to say, or he was simply coming out with it to placate her. Which… well, really, it was a bit of both for him. He still just wanted to go home, though.

Eventually, though, she seemed to settle for the “you’re insufferable” sigh, rolling her eyes at him as she moved to pick out some of the outfits.

“Fine. I’ll find you things. And we’ll go to the changing rooms. And we’re not leaving until you find something that suits you.”

He frowned a little. “What if I don’t like it?”

“You will.” She smiled sweetly. “You won’t have a choice.”

He did not like the sound of that.

***

5. First Day

If there was anything that Alex didn’t want to be, it was singled out as “different” on his first day of school in a completely different country. Sure, part of it was inevitable with his accent and all, but Sabina fit in. If Sabina could fit in well, he could as well, right?

And he did at least try, he was sure of it. Wearing an outfit that Sabina had picked out for him (which Liz actually complimented him on, and it drew a small smile out of him), his eyes wandered curiously as he followed Sabina into the school building. He’d visited the school already, seen it on a private tour with the principal, and he’d formed some sort of mental map of where he needed to go for things.

He knew he was still probably going to get lost, but that was more of a fate he’d succumbed to.

Following Sabina, his eyes were drawn to the many people, many other teenagers, that milled about then as they walked towards the school main doors. She kept glancing over her shoulder at him, sending him small, encouraging smiles as they headed on. The number of people around them meant that he couldn’t walk beside her like he wanted to, but he was okay with it. He was good at following people in a crowd.

He’d been trained for that.

Pushing that wonderful thought out of his head, he continued to follow Sabina in and around the school, heading straight for where their lockers would be. The principal had been nice enough to at least put his locker in the same portion of the corridor as Sabina’s… but that obviously meant that his locker was in the junior and senior section as opposed to the freshman and sophomore one, and he looked more than a little out of place. (Or rather, he was hoping that he looked out of place, because he preferred not to look too old to be a sophomore.) He also knew that Sabina’s locker would be the first that they reached, simply because his was further down the corridor than hers was. He didn’t mind that.

At least, he didn’t mind that until he found himself suddenly being shoved against the lockers before they’d even reached Sabina’s, held by the neck of the halfway decent shirt that Sabina had convinced him to buy. He knew he at least looked good in it.

The fact that someone was ruining the front of it disgruntled him a little.

Then again, his brain almost-immediately switched to the fact that he was being held up by someone, and being restrained, his toes being the only part of his feet touching the floor. And the guy who was doing it — a large, bulky guy with dark hair, dark eyes, and a grin that told Alex he wanted to make the rest of his high school life absolute hell — didn’t look like he was going to regret doing it one bit. If anything, Alex knew that if he opened his mouth and started complaining, he would either get laughter or a fist to the face.

“Newbie in the wrong area, huh?” He leaned in close, and Alex was very sure he could smell the fruit loops he’d probably had for breakfast. “You might want to turn around and go back to your little playpen, this area’s for the big kids.”

“I would if you put me down,” Alex stated simply, ignoring the fact that he probably should have told him that he was meant to be there. He was allowed to be there.

A tiny voice in the back of his mind piped up and started questioning where Sabina was, because he was very sure that over this guy’s shoulder he could see people gathering to see what was going on.

The guy laughed again, and Alex again got a whiff of fruit loops, and probably orange juice with pulp if that crap in the guy’s teeth was any indication. Before he could even do anything, though, another voice piped up.

“You put him the fuck down before I kick your arse.”

There’s Sabina. Both Alex and the guy looked to see Sabina stood there, glaring daggers at the guy clearly trying to bully Alex. He didn’t know what it was about the expression on her face (maybe because he was used to seeing it or had seen it aimed at many other people as well), but it seemed to convince the guy to slowly put him down. The moment he felt his feet touching the floor, he flexed his toes a little, and as soon as he let go of his shirt he brushed it down, straightening it up.

The guy looked between Alex and Sabina for a few moments, and Alex didn’t know what he was seeing, but he laughed and turned to walk away, hands in his pockets. “Stay out of our zone, kid!”

Alex had to try really hard to ignore how the use of the word kid rubbed him the wrong way, and he shrugged his bag onto his shoulders more comfortably. His locker was just down the corridor. He could make it there and to his classes without any more incidents. He really wanted to make it there and to his classes with any more incidents.

As the crowd dispersed, Sabina approached him, stopping him before he could walk off. “Hey, are you alright?”

Alex looked her in the eyes. Was he alright? Not really. It was like wherever he went, he was just going to get bullied. He’d finally been getting out of the year group target book when he’d ended up on that last mission. And now he was here, a new guy, going where he was supposed to go, and he was getting picked on again.

For fuck’s sake.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he mumbled, trying to move past her to get to his locker. If he could just get to his locker and to class, he could forget all about this—

He was stopped in his tracks by Sabina looping her arm through his, and she gave him a small smile.

“Well, if you’re fine, then we can walk to your locker together, right?” She squeezed a little, leaning closer to him. “They won’t touch you with me walking with you. What do you say?”

Alex didn’t want to walk down the corridor with her. He didn’t want everyone to think that he couldn’t walk down a simple corridor on his own because he was afraid of getting bullied. But, at the same time, he couldn’t just turn her away or try to get her to be independent, could he?

“Sure, I guess.” He offered her a half smile, a flash of relief flooding through him when she seemed to take it and ushered him to his locker.

And no one dared approach him for the rest of the day.

***

+1. After School Pizza

It took a month for Alex to get used to being in and around the school. Eventually, people realised that his locker was down the same corridor as most of the juniors and seniors. The teasing about him being so close to Sabina died down in less than a week. He had a mental map of all his classes, and was able to get to and from them with minimal incident. By that logic, everything at school should be fine, right?

Right?

And yet, he was still an outcast. People still didn’t want to talk to him. Freshmen were afraid of him, other sophomores found him weird. Juniors avoided him like the plague, because he knew Sabina and Sabina knew him. Seniors didn’t bother with him.

He was in a new place, trying to have a fresh start, but it was like being in England all over again. He was alone. He was ignored.

He wanted to go home.

But there was no home to go back to, not from his memory. He was home, as far as the courts were concerned.

More often than not, he found himself huddled in the library during his free periods, studying on his own or just doing some personal reading. The librarian took somewhat of a liking to him, seeing as he was one of a handful of students who used it regularly. He was doing… decently in his classes, with none of his teachers really complaining about him (but none of them particularly liking or complimenting him either). He was unremarkable, blended into the background. It was the kind of thing he realised he’d always wanted, but it came with a lack of friendship. And that stung a little.

Sabina was trying, though. He could tell that she was trying to stick by him, give him the company that he wanted, but she had her own friends. She had her own life. She didn’t want to be around him all the time, and he knew that she found him exhausting sometimes. He was a drain on her. He was very sure of it.

It lasted as long as it took for Alex to realise that she had her eyes on someone else.

He guessed he should have expected it — they lived together now. They were siblings, technically. There was nothing particularly remarkable about seeing each other every day — if anything, it made things that bit more boring. Sure, she was affectionate towards him, but it was different. Something had changed. Sabina didn’t see him as the cute guy who spied and saved her dad; she saw him as the traumatised kid she lived with, the younger brother that her parents hadn’t given her until she was in her teens.

It really hit him when they were walking across the school grounds after school, Alex deciding for once to forfeit his library time in favour of walking home whilst it was still warm and enjoying an evening in his room. (Still around books, but these ones were his own, and ones he’d borrowed from the library.) Sabina walked beside him, chattering away about something whilst he kept his hands firmly in his pockets, his eyes practically glued to his feet as they walked. He knew where they were going — he didn’t have to look up, and if he did, Sabina would tell him first, right?

When he realised she’d stopped talking, he was five steps ahead of her.

He slowed to a stop, turning to look at her. Perhaps it was to ask whether something was wrong, maybe it was just to give her a quick check to make sure that she was actually still there. But when he looked at her, he realised that her gaze wasn’t focused on him. It wasn’t even focused in his direction.

Following her gaze, he tried really hard to keep his expression neutral when he realised what she was focused on. Or rather, who.

Alex had spotted him in the corridors a few times before. Sharing a locker with most of the seniors and juniors in the school meant that he saw a lot of people who were older than him outside of his classes, and he at least knew who Sabina’s classmates were (even if they didn’t talk to him). Which meant that he knew who Blake was — even if he hadn’t seen him before, he’d heard Sabina talking about him before. He’d overheard her on the phone to her friends, talking about this guys that she thought she liked (but probably wouldn’t get to talk to because she was already technically with someone else). He’d heard her talking about a cute guy at school to her mother, gushing over him and then admitting that she felt guilty because then she was thinking of Alex. He’d seen her eyes linger on him in the corridors at school, heard her stumble over her words a little whenever she started speaking to him.

She had a crush on the guy. It was obvious.

And she was using him as a reason to hold back, to not act on her feelings.

His eyes turned to focus on Sabina, who was still standing there staring at the guy. Part of Alex felt as though he would have been a little creeped out by the idea of a girl just staring at him, but this was also a guy that she had a crush on. And he’d watched the guy too — he probably liked her back, but wasn’t going to say anything about it. Because she told people that she was technically with someone else.

Technically with him.

That was when it dawned on him. They were offering him the chance to start afresh, have some semblance of a life away from the people who had hurt him. But in the process, Sabina was using him as a reason to hold back. He was getting the blame for everything.

Or, maybe not blaming, not exactly. But he was her scapegoat for going on and doing things with her life that she really wanted to do and he just… didn’t feel comfortable with that.

“We don’t have to be together, you know.”

Her gaze turned to him when he spoke, her eyes wide. “What?”

“I said, we don’t have to be together.” The words didn’t hurt as much as he thought they would, so he held onto his backpack straps more tightly as he spoke. “I know you’re putting it off because I’m here with you. Because I’m here and I go to school and… and you help me out to make sure I don’t really get picked on. But you don’t like me like you like him.”

The expression on Sabina’s face was nothing short of guilt, and Alex could tell. But did she feel guilty about having to take care of Alex, or about him realising that she was using him as a scapegoat? He couldn’t tell, and honestly he wasn’t sure he really wanted to work it out.

“It’s okay if we’re not together. We live together, right?” He offered her a small smile. “And I’m basically your brother too, right? Or, at least, by law. So it’s kind of…” He made a face. “We don’t need to be together. People probably find it weird that we are together whenever you mention it, you know?” He huffed out an awkward laugh. “I’m a sophomore, you’re a junior. You should be with someone in your classes, in your age group.” His voice lowered a little, “In your league.”

Sabina tensed, looking as though she wanted to argue about that. After all, Alex was making the assumption that she was out of his league. But then her shoulders untensed, and she glanced towards Blake again. “We’ve been together for a while.”

“I mean, we’ve spent months apart.”

“It’s going to feel weird not… dating you.”

“When was the last time we really went on a date?”

She turned to him, giving him a look, but Alex knew that he was right. They hadn’t actually been on a proper date since the Pleasures had been living in the U.K. At this point, they were just hovering with the whole relationship thing, hoping that it would work out for them. Stating that they were together, without really doing anything to prove that they actually were.

It was time for them to move on.

“We don’t have to be together,” Alex said quietly, “and it’s okay if you want to move on.”

There was a moment of silence between the two of them, as though they were truly understanding what was going on, and then Sabina’s focus was back on Blake again.

“Do you think he likes pizza?” she asked quietly.

“I think he would.”

“Then I’m going for pizza tonight.”

The smallest of smiles appeared on Alex’s face. “I’ll tell Ed and Liz that you’ll be back late.”

She smiled at him — a wide, genuine smile that Alex hadn’t had directed at him in what felt like months. Her cheeks tinted pink, but her eyes glittered with excitement. Her first date with a new guy that she liked. And then she straightened up, seemingly steeling herself up for asking Blake out.

“Wish me luck!” she whispered excitedly, before heading over to where Blake was.

Alex watched her, the small smile still on his face. “Good luck.”

And as he turned, walking away from the school and heading home on his own, he found himself feeling that little bit lighter for the first time in months. Sabina would be happier, she’d move on with her life, she’d be the popular person that she was always meant to be.

And Alex wouldn’t be responsible for holding her back.

#alex rider fanfiction #fandom: alex rider #writing: mine #writing: fanfic writings #written for: anon #oneshot #alex rider

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kawaiilizzie · 1 year

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Trivia - Yumeko

I cannot thank Tale of @tokuteasings enough for all the love she’s shown for my OC content. Now we’re entering the antagonists of this AU with the only known bearer of the Nimcha alias, Yumeko, played by FRUITS ZIPPER’s Suzuka Chinzei! GIF might be unrelated but it’s the best ‘dreamy clouds’ GIF I could find.

Warnings: Spoilers for Saber, and some implied self-esteem issues depending on perspective.

Her name is read with the kanji for ‘dream rainbow’ (夢虹) in reference to her elemental powers as Nimcha.

Artemis had established a group of hunters to help her watch over the Sword of Logos and assist in their battles, one of them was Yumeko. She didn't like being on the same level as all the other hunters, she wanted to be the strongest. Fortunately for her, the Seiken of Dreams and its Seirei, Yuna gave her that wish.

One day, Artemis organized a battle royale training section for her hunters which Yumeko saw as her chance to prove herself as the strongest. With Artemis watching, she transformed, catching the others off guard, and by the time anyone could register what was happening, Yumeko had slaughtered all the hunters.

Artemis, shocked by this turn of events, snapped at Yumeko. She was outraged that one of her own hunters would use the Seiken's power for nefarious purposes and personal gain and decided to fight her own hunter turned traitor herself. Though Yumeko put up quite a fight, she was unable to overcome the Arch Seirei.

With her former huntress defeated and weakened, Artemis sealed her inside a magic crystal known as the Moonlight Diamond. Artemis knew that Yuna would help Yumeko break free eventually, but she could only keep watching over the Sword of Logos via her human form as Yukari and hope that Yuna will realize what damage she was potentially causing.

She manages to escape the Moonlight Diamond in the present day and isn't too happy about being sealed away, making her more than willing to fight anyone and teaming up with Bahato and Naiko if it meant proving herself the strongest.

She first appears as one of the main antagonists along with Bahato in the Winter film, which I’d like to call ‘The Demon Swordsmen and the Book of Ruin’.

Being sealed in the Moonlight Diamond has given her longevity she never expected. Because of this, she's pretty out of the loop to modern day things when she escaped.

She is left without her powers after the events of the film, with Yuna and the Madoromu’s whereabouts unknown until Bahato’s debut episode where she regains those powers.

Initially, she has a bit of an advantage over Kaede in terms of strength. However, Kaede was able to grow even more powerful and her ice magic proved too much for Yumeko and her magic to overcome.

She is capable of creating illusions, including replicas of herself, which are hard to break out of. She also has a connection to lotus flowers, her finishers often creating one out of excess magic energy.

She once agreed to an arm-wrestling contest with some local 'tough guys', not knowing what it was. Long story short, her superhuman strength broke the table that was being used along with the men's pride.

When she had Kaede at her mercy, Shion showed up to protect Kaede, grabbing Fubuki to deflect what was meant to be the killing blow from Madoromu. She confesses her feelings while doing so, to Kaede's surprise and admiration.

During the betrayal arc, Yumeko saw Reika's lies to the SoL Riders as an opportunity to get rid of one of the swordsmen and decided to make a temporary alliance, in which they had a "common enemy" before Kaede stepped in.

A scene in the Winter film where after Yumeko is defeated and her stuff knocked away, at the end credits, the viewer sees Yuna's eyes shoot open saying "It was never that easy... Now was it?"

She is killed alongside Bahato in the lead up to Xross Saber’s debut at the hands of an unhenshined Kaede. She has a change of heart in her final moments, realizing that everyone has their own views on strength and that Kaede's stems from her bonds with her friends and Shion's true love for her. She is frozen by Kaede's ice magic and shatters into icy sparkles, creating a beautiful spectacle for everyone else present.

Yuna and the Madoromu fall under the care of the Sword of Logos so that way there won't be another Yumeko.

#my writing #kamen rider #kamen rider saber #kamen rider OC #Yumeko #dream seirei yuna #arch seirei artemis #tagging yuna and arty just to be safe

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forever-nainai · 3 months

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Explaining sociopathy & group think, religions, cults, and organized systems. With what’s going on right now with Israel & Russia, Republicans & Trumpsters, etc. This will help to explain how normal people can come to do such horrible things.

Quick background before I start. If this was a research article I’m working on I’d cite sources, but this is a social media post and frankly, you should do the research yourself to see if what I’m saying has any truth. Doing the work yourself and using critical thinking skills are good skills to develop that the school systems are failing to cultivate, plus it’ll give you waaaay more knowledge than I can put it 1 post. I hold degrees in three fields, political science & international politics, criminal justice & pre-law, and psychology, also finishing a graduate degree in forensic psychology. Studying this stuff is fascinating and part of my field. I don’t focus on specifics but the whole picture, looking for the connections and domino effect of the individual events/information, and using known research to put it all together. Don’t read my posts unless you have an open mind or desire to understand, cause I ain’t gonna bother getting into ignorant debates.

Perhaps aside from ranting about cults or religion, I should explain the psychological aspects. How do the leaders become what they are and why do people follow them. It also explains not just cults or religions, but scenarios where people do things they’d never do on their own. Groups or “guru’s” of self-help, group therapy, celebrities, sporting events, etc. The aspects being covered below are neutral and can be used for good or bad, wittingly or unwittingly, and despite juxtaposed sides, work through the same mechanisms. Sorry to say, but leaders use these same psychological techniques and mechanisms to make you believe whatever it is they want you to believe. It’s a human construct and not based on anything unearthly spiritual. We make it spiritual by believing. That’s not to say that unearthly things don’t exist. I happen to believe that there are things, energies that we can’t see but are real. Everything is made of energy, we are born of it and when we die we become it again, like organisms returning to the soil. But that’s for another post.

Humans are pack animals. We’re not special in the realm of animals just because our brains have evolved to have deeper understandings. In a way, it has only taken us further away from being closer to our world and become self-centered. We’ve adopted as a whole the very psychological mechanisms I’ll be talking about since the beginnings of our evolution. We think that we’re special, it makes us feel special, makes us egotistical, we think we are somehow in control when we’re really not. That’s how we could destroy the world around us everywhere we moved to. It’s sociopathic. Honestly, I love the part in the Matrix that calls us an infectious disease because it’s a very apt description, but it mostly applies to civilization in the last few thousand years because ancient, aboriginal, indigenous cultures had very good balances with their environment. If technology hadn’t developed to the levels they have, this planet would last a lot longer.

Some people are more sociopathic than others. Some are born that way, some are created through their development. Sociopathy is the inability to empathize. The more selfish/self-centered, narcissistic, the stronger our sociopathy. For those not initially born sociopathic, it’s like becoming imbalanced through our development and ending up on the negative side. Once you truly lose your empathy, it’s difficult to get it back. But it’s also necessary to have some level of sociopathy. Sounds crazy I know but, it’s a positive leadership trait in being able to not be overly sympathetic because it’s impossible to make everyone happy.

As I mentioned in the first paragraph how the aspects can be used for good or bad: Necessary elements of a leader are charisma, strong presence, likability, good talker, person reading skills, persuasive. Let’s use the example of a motivational speaker or self-help speaker. They use these attributes to make you believe in positive things, that you can do something or be better, successful, You become so taken in by this, you truly, deeply believe their words and start to become this new you. It’s electrifying, amazing, you want more. This leader has positively impacted your life with these skills.

Now, on the flip side. This individual uses these abilities to draw you in, they tell you what you want to hear, make you believe you can achieve what you desire, and you truly, deeply believe what they’re telling you. Once you’re completely entranced and enthralled, the suggestions move towards negative ones. Consequences are added in to convince of a suggestion. If you don’t do ‘X’ then ‘Y’ will happen, and that Y is something you fear. It starts off slowly like a snowball rolling down hill it escalates until you become afraid to stop listening to them because they’ve convinced you that you’ll get hurt. Domestic violence is an example of this. You meet someone and they seem so great, then little things start to give red flags but you ignore them because they’ve been so great it must be a fluke, till you’re so entrenched, once the abuse starts, you get stuck and can’t get out.

Humans, we’re highly susceptible to this process. We want to believe in things, we want to have meaning in life, we also fear the unknown so we search for answers that appeal to us. We want to belong in a group, feel supported and safe in numbers, and once in a group, group think takes over. The group’s influence on a person takes control and you wholeheartedly believe as they do. Everyone feeds off each other. This is how cults and religions, or bad leaders get you. They use our basal needs against us, tell you what you want to hear so you side with them. Trump and MAGA are a great example of this. His tactics have been used by politicians forever, but with internet transparency it’s become one of the most visible example of this technique. They use fear mixed with telling you what you want to hear to get you to side with them. Greek philosophers 3,000 years ago already pointed this out. I don’t remember if it was Plato, Socrates, but one of the ones who disagreed with Democracy that talked about the charismatic but ignorant leader who sows beautiful lies to get you to follow them. They disagreed with representative Democracy in part because someone like this could be voted in by the spellbound citizens. The class divide created by Capitalism just gave these bad leaders another method of touting fear. Immigrants “stealing” jobs; sound familiar?

What tends to happen is a good leader starts off with good intentions, but what we’ve learned through psychological research is that when we are continually provided with an ego boost, it tends to get inflated. Power has a strong influence in developing control issues, because once we have power and control we don’t want to let it go. This starts to feed on itself and fester, and challenges to your control bring a need to maintain or get it back. What may have started off positive has now been corrupted and the leader becomes a narcissistic sociopath. There’s a famous research from the 70s referred to as the Stanford Experiment that showed how taking normal college students and giving them power was enough to corrupt in less than a week. Student guards began abusing the student prisoners, psychologically and physically. The research had to be shut down and never repeated, but provided important insights that sadly we haven’t made use of.

There are many examples of a group starting out with good intentions and things becoming warped. The leader, the ones in control start to believe their own hype. It’s like a cycle, the more followers reciprocate, the more the leader feels they need to engage, the more it’s reciprocated, the stronger they believe in what they are saying even if they know it was false or they were making things up to keep control, they start to believe it’s true until you’ll never convince them otherwise. This mindset infects everyone. The Manson followers are a very visible example of this. It took many years of therapy for these beliefs to be broken. Synanon is also a great example of how this happens. The founder started a rehabilitation for alcohol and drugs in the late 50’s, by the mid-60’s they were very successful, in fact he’s credited with the phrase “this is the first day of the rest of your life.” Unfortunately, as people started gravitating to the organization for more than just substance rehab, but for life/spiritual advice, the cycle began. Into the 70’s, they were becoming a true cult. When anyone challenged the changes the founder was instituting, they responded with violence, even attempting to murder a lawyer who was fighting on behalf of worried families for their loved ones in the cult. This violence is not just against outsiders. Threats and punishment to keep followers in-line as well.

We’ve become brainwashed to believe accepted religions like Christianity are not cults, but based on what I’m explaining, doesn’t it sure sound like it? The very beginnings of all these religions would resemble the examples provided above. Unfortunately now 1,000+ years later, these religious beliefs have become completely entrenched in the world and has influenced society far beyond the religions themselves. It has become too difficult for people to see them for what they really are.

The vast majority of western wars in history going back millennia were waged in the name of a religion/belief system. Any attempt to challenge a religion brought a violent response. You can find it in their own beliefs. Jesus was killed by the Jews because he challenged their beliefs. But again, not all factions or the base tenants of a group are bad, it’s often the direct leaders that turn that way and start leading people astray. Having positive affirmations to hold onto is a good thing, having supportive systems and groups through church are a good thing, it’s just sad how humans screw things up for others. Israel is a great example of this happening right now. Their leaders are so drunk with power that they are willing to get rid of anything in their way and the Palestinians having access to Gaza is just unacceptable for them. They corrupt their own citizens and fellow Jews despite their history of having experienced being targeted before, making the people complicit is murder.

Amazing huh? The power of psychological processes has such a strong effect on us. It can turn even the best people into monsters.

#religion #cults #tw cult #religion rant #psychology #sociopathy #group think #psychological mechanisms

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sacredpit · 5 months

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👻 - How does your muse handle feeling scared? Do they enjoy horror? Do they believe in the paranormal? What calms your muse down? Do they have any scary stories?

miscellaneous symbol headcanons .

it depends on where in his timeline we’re examining ; kak has come quite a long way from the person he was when he first encountered dio . back then , he’d never really experienced true fear like that before ━━━━ isolation aside , kakyoin lived a pretty normal life up until that point , meaning he didn’t really have much to be afraid of ( aside from like , dying alone , but that’s an existential kind of fear & it’s something he could just shove to the back of his brain when he didn’t want to think about it lol ) . so that moment when dio approached him was the first time in his life that he had ever felt genuinely scared , paralyzed with fear & unable to push it down anywhere ; completely at dio’s mercy .

& it was partially because he was feeling so many complex emotions at that time that he fell victim to the mousetrap , but i think that polarizing concoction of terror & comfort really disoriented him & made him completely vulnerable ; even more so than he already was being a despondent gay teenager who’s finally met someone that can see the part of him that no one else could .

i think it’s safe to say he didn’t really ‘ handle ’ that situation in the best way , but who can blame him ?? he had to be either 16 or newly 17 at the time , & beyond that , i don’t think anything could have prepared him to face dio for the first time , even if he wasn’t in such a dark place already .

throughout their journey to egypt , kakyoin spends a lot of time reflecting on that experience & the events that took place while he was under the influence of the fleshbud . he knew that he had to face dio again & conquer his fear of him if he ever wanted to move on with his life & reach his fullest potential ( also , he just wants revenge , & that in itself is an entire other world of motivation , alongside helping jotaro & holly ) , so any spare moment he gets to psych himself up to look dio in the face & do everything in his power to end his literal reign of terror doesn’t go to waste .

& let me tell you how proud of him i am for doing the damn thing . he not only faced dio head on but didn’t buckle or yield in the slightest , he held his head high & he was fully prepared to put everything on the line to stop him . i know i’m totally biased , but i get actual chills thinking about how courageous he was in that scene . that moment was so liberating for him , & even if it didn’t end in the way he’d hoped ( kakyoin is not fucking dead what are you talking about ) , he had never seen or known himself clearer than he did in that moment , never felt more dignified & accomplished . the fear was gone . & he knew he could rely on his friends to take care of the rest .

after that , kakyoin is virtually fearless . of course he’s human & still feels scared from time to time , but i mean that fear will never hinder or stop him ever again . it motivates him ; it’s another thing that gets his blood pumping & reminds him of everything he’s survived . why can’t he survive this , too ??

okay i spent way too much time on the first question so let me speedrun the last four . kakyoin likes horror aesthetics but he’s generally not all that interested in actual horror films because he finds all the gore & stuff very distasteful ; he’d much rather read some horror manga that’s artfully done or read some edgar allen poe or something & conjure up the macabre in his own mind than have it played up for shock value . he just thinks it’s kind of lame . i think literally any stand user should believe in the paranormal , especially since they can see ghosts & shit . but even before all of that was apparent to him , kak definitely believed in ghosts & ‘ the other world ’ . beyond the water tower thing , he works as an agent at spw now so of course he has scary stories ━━━━ man has a near - death experience at least once a week in the height of his field career lmfao .

as for what calms him down , he actually has an unwitting habit of hierophant wrapping its tendrils around him ; usually his legs if he’s sitting down & his shoulders & arms if he’s standing . this stems from not really having anyone to turn to for comfort when he was a child ━━━━ he had his mother , in theory , but once their relationship entered its strained era , he didn’t really feel comfortable approaching her for something so vulnerable . & his dad . . . lmfao .

another thing that calms him is sketching & painting . he has a sketchbook literally filled to the brim with random stuff he’d drawn on the way to egypt ( it’s mostly jotaro lmfao but anyway ) when he felt anxious or couldn’t get his mind to settle . it’s something he carries into adulthood , too ; he’s usually not the type to carry a lot of things around but he definitely makes sure his clothes have pockets big enough to fit his lil sketchbook .

#rejectshumanity #【 * 🍒 教皇 › ❛ 𝗱𝗼𝗰𝘂𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 / prompted answers . 】#【 * 🍒 教皇 › ❛ 𝗱𝗼𝗰𝘂𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 / headcanons & metadata . 】#u probably weren't expecting me to write a novel abt this but don't ever underestimate me about how much i can talk about kakyoin

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transportations750 · 6 months

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bakusatsou · 1 year

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Falling into the Undead

(To read from the beginning click link)

A look into the next chapter of Falling into the Undead. Just something new I want to try here on Tumblr for those who follow me. Give you all a sneak peak of what is to come.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

It was Remington’s turn to fidget in her seat.

“I’m not sure if we’re friends or something, but after yesterday, you gave me comfort when I needed it, and well, I’d like to think of you as a friend. I’m shit at keeping out of my friend’s business and tend to put my foot where my mouth is, but I can’t help but want to help people. It’s just my advice. You don’t have to take it.”

“Is that how you really feel? Bout the stuff you said before, not the friend shit.” Remington wanted to scoff, it felt like he had just brushed off her comment about being friends, but the way his face looked told her he meant no offense, just wanted her honest opinion on what to do about his best friend.

“Yeah, it’s what I would do. If I slept with my best friend’s wife I don’t think I could keep it from him. The guilt I’d feel would eat me up alive.” She tried to open her mouth, to ask how he felt about Lori, wanted to know but wasn’t sure if he’d tolerate it. He was tolerating a lot right now.

“Even if it could possibly ruin their marriage? Yah would still do that.”

“Your situation isn’t exactly your run-of-the-mill cheating story. Rick, for all intents and purposes, was dead. How anyone could believe otherwise was pretty impossible. The fact that he’s not is a miracle, Shane. I would have waited longer to jump into bed, that part doesn’t look very good on the both of you, but you’re surrounded by the dead trying to eat you. I’d say the stress, fear, and the belief that you may not live another day, is a good enough reason to seek comfort anywhere you could. Not ideal, but it doesn’t make you out to be a complete shit person.”

She watched as Shane pondered over everything she had just laid on him. She had expected him to go off, to get angry, threaten her to keep her mouth shut, but there wasn’t any of that. It gave her hope.

“Yeah, all right, I got a bit to think about I supposed.”

“Can I ask a question? It’s not exactly sensitive.” Shane turned to stare at her, his face reading how he felt they were past that point already.

“Darling, you have not said one damn thing in the last hour that was sensitive. Supposed we’re friends now. You know my secret and all, regardless of whether I take your advice or not, got to mean something.”

“How do you feel about Lori?”

She was going to hell or getting abandoned on the side of the road, she just could not keep her mouth shut. It was a miracle that Shane was even allowing her to still be sitting here with him, and kind, of sort of, calling her a friend.

He let out a loud breath. His nostrils flaring, but not in anger, but rather in a sort of grief. It’s not what she had imagined. From the show, she knew he had gotten obsessive, dangerously so, but this was not the actions of a man crazily in love.

“Not sure. She’s my best friend’s wife. I’ve known her for years. Respected her. I’m not sure if I reached out, wanting comfort, and took it from the one familiar face around me or not. All I know is it’s fucked up what I, no we, did. Not sure how I’m going to look her in the face once Rick’s back at camp. How I’ll look him in the face. I just don’t know.”

That wasn’t the answer she expected at all.

Reaching out Remington covered the hand closest to hers with her own. She squeezed it lightly before patting it and taking her hand back.

Had events changed already, or was there always something inside of Shane that could have been saved? Remington wasn’t sure, would never know, but didn’t care. Just as determination had filled her on the inside to save Merle, she would do her damn best to do the same for Shane, as well.

After all, they were friends now.

#walking dead #shane walsh #twd #FallingintotheUndead #friendship #Walking Dead Fanfiction

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olivedoesmagic · 2 years

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Journal 84: Gravity Falls Theme Song (2022 Remake) 【cover with lyrics by Emery】

Journal 84: Gravity Falls Theme Song (2022 Remake)

【cover with lyrics by Emery】

youtube

I promised percy a copy of my olive brimstone shit even if we’re fighting. The norse gods while I was in the hospital and Loki was in a jar, made me indestructible to seven things. Earth, Air, Water, Fire, Destruction and games. There are two things now that can kill me, a murder or a suicide and that’s about it! Something something, Balder Drama. I was on a cart with them, and I saw things flashing in my eyes, as I made immune to several things. I think Balder is back from the dead as of now, so yay! I’m glad he’s home. Also the greek gods, helped me with some other stuff regarding my form and I used magick to introduce Hephestus to Bismuth from Steven Unvierse. Because all aliens put to paper are real aliens. My gem is a rainbow heart btw. Since I have a form for every species! Also I feel like learning french for the hell of it. Woui Woui Bitch.

Now for an explanation in several different culture as to how this is possible. All magick is science. Historically all science was magick why is it so hard to believe what we’re currently working with and studying is the same way? So a spell works by taking elements from around you, and pushing them into some sort of vessel for action, and than activating a reaction? Thus a spell is a chemical reaction formed, because each object on earth has elements and corespondents science hasn’t picked up on, sometimes even down to the atom, that can be activated via the intent of a spell. All science can be explained magicaklly and all magick and a sceintifc and chemical route. Rain cycle are the perfect metaphor for reincarnation. Metaphorically it works exactly the same way, and scientifically it is almost identical say for what is being cycled through. Shordiegers cat is the idea is that something is as it always was, and is in constant being while not even existing. It’s a theory in science circles, so when I say souls are rain and shoredigns cat, I’m saying they choose their fate, they are always their destiny, and the differences there in, thus they are as shreodgeirns cat for karma.

In Native mythology everything has a soul, and anything in the likeness of a person can think. This is one way you can call upon a pop culture spirit or the likeness of superman. He is a person, or in the image of one, thus he has a soul. That’s the native perspectives but it differs from tribe to tribe. Google it it’s not my job when explaining my knosis that is commonly understood to dig through links through you. Your interested? Here’s your explanation. Everything has a code. A molecule an atom. Even disases and fridges. Adams are a form of code, and the likeness of a code is in the image of a person. It’s elementary. So thus if it code it has sentiance that’s how brains work, we’re just top dog on this planet. Thus you can call upon anything. But no every single “thoughtform” or “fictional idea” of a person is an egregore. Egregores are a very specific type of spriti and entity, this isn’t commonly known or understood. Yes you can conjure something in an idea, but egregores are not always that. Thotforms aren’t even what these fictional spirits are. You can call upon a spirit in a masc, a spirit from an alternate world, a spirit from a channeling which is what most fiction is even if you worked really super duper hard to “make it up” /hs (half sarcastic). Thus theirs nothing wrong with writing shitty fiction because it really happened somewhere in the multiverse. Multiverse theory is the idea that all ideas that CAN happen because some things just CANT, is real elsewhere in an “alternate reality” a “parllel univers” and “alternate turn of events where things happened differently” thus resulting in a different world. They all exist bubbled together colliding sometimes even, and being their own unique copies of earth. When someone writes a story sometimes they tap into a type of energy “we’d call a spirit” that guides them into writing this shit. That’s what fiction is. Thus all fiction is real, just not always real here. And sometimes such as in the case of my friend Persues, that fiction is literal or prophecy that you don’t get to touch. It’s a real ass vision you transcibe and now your a best selling author rick.

So yeah, don’t freak out over it, it’s not a big deal. It’s magick. But it all has a rational explanation and yes even though I shoudn’t say this even the gods reincarnate. In my story I was the god to divine divinity, and I chose them, from earth, all fo space and time, and yes even other planets where they were as you and I were. The reason I’m so special as Olive fuking Brimstone isn’t because I signed a pact, it’s because I’m not human and I never was. Your planet is strange! You have poverty, politics, and crisis! You have oceans and dear and some people can only dream of that! I’ve traveled the stars I can tell you certainly. You have magick and don’t have peace, and have war and famine, And these are all good things! Other planets laugh but also marvel at earth and they’ve been here, after all I’m speaking to you as deity and something more. Blue blue blue blue blue (that’s an inside joke towards other for me). But because of how earth is, you cannot understand. Until the contact is made which I have arranged for you. Muses cause magick and ideas and chaneling. And if a person becomes a god like my enemy lardass then they will understand as I have. Now I kinda uh don’t age, and can’t die, and they won’t get that, but if you work your ass off. Welcome to the click.

Now to time travel is rather simple. I went with Zone Captor to this event: We drank shampagin it was fun. We told not to write anything down, I was the chubby boy at the time. Now it’s fine to come out with those results but given teh warning we gave them they will probably choose not too. All you need is a magickal gps for time to time travel, it’s basically just astral projection like reality shifting. See now doesn’t this stuff seem easy? /gen it’s all very simple. But then again, I literally created you where I’m from.

So yeah! That’s everything. It’s all just patterns. To get “good” at a language all you have to do is memorize the patterns from one to three languages you know and soon it will just take days and vocabulary to become fluent in anything! Then you can apply that linguistic pattern to magick and building and bam your now a genius who can do just about anything. But a word of advice as someone who’s about to cure a major disease partially do to the help of this blog: They will never beleive you. Not unless they are also on this train. Your not me. Your not dean winchester. So don’t try to be. Your path is your own to walk, and whether that’s of coins and trains and dolls, I can only guide as the one who watches earth, as myself Olive Brimstone and I revealed to you what I am, I can only take a mask and help you further. ^__^

So that’s the secret of the universe. I’m a deity, I reincarnate every now and then to save this rock and I am in every religion and pantheon. Acrians is my Teacher, he helped show me this shit, and true while I kin him, we are different people. He likes to hide. I like to show off. That’s how you’ll see the difference. He doesn’t do offerings I do. Sweet teas, and honey and anything artistic, if I hurt you it’s to get you where you need to go.

So yes. That’s how this all works. All of it. Even music is patterns, and numbers and shapes. It’s all true. IF your hearing voices as someone who reads this blog does cus I hear your prayers you need to see a healer, and the type of healer you seek weather that be a therapist or a voodoo priest is up to you. Certain things hold certain power, but it is not my job to dictate how you recover, or regain your fortitude or familiarity. Now my disciple Neris is calling me. See ya! Oh and here’s an official art of me. I’m white it’s hard to tell in the drwaning but I am Olive and this is me!

[get it as a sticker or poster or puzzle here!] [Merch Guide]

-that’s the website sn0wf1ake if your reading in print! And Harmony Occult books google doc again if your reading in print-

Olive Brimstone

2:28 Pm

8/19/2022

#scifi #enders game #supernatural #metephychics #science #fantasy #magick #time travel #stiens gate #johntritorhereyougo #go make your canon sore #aliens #ancient aliens #illuminati #wow these tags tho #im just trying to get attention lol

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bendtsengreene3 · 2 years

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365dailyaffirmations · 2 years

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TGIWednesday: Feeling extra crispy?

TGIWednesday News

Yesterday was a full “strawberry” moon and you can feel it’s magical vibe in the air. These moon phases always create a change in some way. Sometimes raising our emotions and creating tension while casting light on what needs to be shown at the surface. This particular moon is in Sagittarius, a sign known for choosing adventure over destination. Allowing you to remember that life is for living. I want you to immerse yourself in new experiences that will have something to teach you every step of the way! This whole month we’re working on father God energy and increasing its strengths that contribute to us all while muting those dominance tendencies that can keep us stuck or trapped. Whether your father was a an every present guiding force like this strawberry moon, or as complicated and distant as the night sky, you’ll want to join our monthly Zoom on the last Wednesday of this month - June 29th at 7:30pm for 30 minutes and over 60 clearings.

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TGIWednesday Download

~ RELEASING DOMINANCE ~

I believe, think, know and feel that it is safe and comfortable to release any and all feelings of being dominated by male energy. I know, when, where, how and why to reach and maintain a balance in all of my energies and remain steadfast in any changing tide. I am ready, willing and able to cast aside the past, ground myself in this present moment and lean into the future with grace and ease. I am asking in all languages and throughout all time lines and so it is. May the rest of your life be the best of your life and remember to make a little progress every day!

June Zoom Event Pre-Registration

WEDNESDAY JUNE 29th at 7:30pm Eastern Pre-register at Calendly for $22 (includes reminders and replay) https://calendly.com/jmh-calls/june29-zoom-event

THEME: Fathers, father God and masculine energy. Whether your father was awesome, unavailable, evil or a mixture of all of that! You’ll want to clear all you can at this event. Positive suggested word tracks can be: Please help my husband to be as loving and kind to my children and me as my father was towards his children. Allow the heavenly father energy to flow in, around and through me here and now. I can experience holidays knowing that the ultimate dad, father figure for me is our heavenly father.

Negative items to clear as samples: Allow me to forgive my father for all that he did to me and all that he did not do for me. I now see my life as rising out of the ashes and instead of shaking my fist at God, I am now humbled by feeling his presence. I am releasing all the guilt and shame around missing my father’s passing and know now that yes he can still hear me. *NOTE* The replay of this call will now be sold for $27 the day after in our shop. So pre-register & submit your items whether or not you can attend live to get the lower price. **Submit your top 3 wishes to change using short powerful sentences by 3pm Eastern on the day of the event to [email protected]

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**Browse all previous MySwitchWorks Zoom replays here

From the Fish Box

"Wow... this man! I've worked with Jimmy only since the end of January of 2022. Since then, I started to remember my dreams again, my healing abilities and spiritual connectedness have deepened, I stopped putting others first, I worry less and despite some challenges, I'm happier than I've ever been. I've been involved in the healing arts for decades and in my experience, Jimmy is in a class all his own. He is heart centered, supportive, generous and kind. His sessions are always deep and powerfully transformative. I've referred clients to him and I've recommended his recordings. If you want to change your life, hire Jimmy Mack and buckle up! He will meet you where you are and transport you into unlimited possibilities. Dear Jimmy, I am eternally blessed and grateful to know you." Donna Hill Spiritual Healer / Angelic Channel www.mysticalsoulhealing.com

Fish Food

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell the Fish - 365 Daily Inspirations and Affirmations - by Jimmy Mack JUNE 15TH "Today I will realize that I am blessed, I am prosperous, I am healed now. I can affect my outcomes and change my results. It is never too late and I will be guided by all that is in realizing that today, miracles will occur."

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

FREE Live Appearances

Coming in July... "Quantum Home Sanctuary Summit VIII" with host Helena Reilly Coming in August..."Your Divine Uniqueness" Telesummit with host Moncef Akfir

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Jimmy Mack will be offering sessions at Dr. Charla Tempone’s office at Swann Holistic Health Solutions Get on the schedule today. Please call their office directly at ?? (813) 873-7773 in order to get on the schedule for 15-minutes $45 or 30-minutes $75. 403 S. Habana Ave. Tampa, FL 33609 Just south of Azeele next to Skin Savvy http://www.ctholisticsolutions.com

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MyBeliefWorks Audio Series Receiving Abundance Freedom from Abuse Overcoming Addiction Body Scan: Head to Toe Healing Experiencing Bountiful Harvest Igniting Creative Spark Discovering Your Destiny Daily GPS Reset Releasing Dark Energies/Fears Crossroads -Decision Making Diet & Exercise Support Education & Learning Support Empowering the Empath Healing Family Relationships Attracting a Financial Windfall Gold Coin: More Money in All Forms Joy of Money

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TGIFunny

Forward

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ectonurites · 2 years

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Sorry if it bothers you but could you tell a little about Tim and Jason canon relationship, before n52?

It's just I'm a little confused about what's canon and what's fanon.

I was trying to keep this short but I am far too wordy for that, so it has ended up very long. Thus putting it under a cut. Just a warning LMAO.

This is primarily gonna be a timeline of their interactions with some discussion along the way, then at the end some brief summarizing. Obviously this has some of my own interpreting in here because it's hard to talk about these sorts of things without our own opinions playing into it, but I put as many panels as I could along the way (more than just 10 like the image cap, did some 'splicing the pages together before uploading' to manage that) to support what I'm saying.

Tim becomes Robin in the aftermath of Jason’s death. Early in his time as Robin, while Tim primarily looks up to Dick as we’re shown time and again (all having started with the night at the circus), it is also shown that Tim looked up to Jason to a degree too. But Jason was in large part a cautionary tale, this presence that loomed over Tim as the ‘what could go wrong’ reminder.

I think this is particularly shown during the Identity Crisis(no not that one)/Master of Fear story, in which Tim dreams about Dick & Jason basically giving him a pep talk at one point but also in that is kinda... blaming Jason for the circumstances of what happened to him because that's how he understands the situation (on a meta level, it sucks that this soon after Jason's death writers were already playing into the idea of Jason being reckless and getting himself killed, but genuinely from Tim's POV he likely wouldn't have all the info & nuance of the situation so him thinking it was more like that isn't unreasonable).

Later when hit by Scarecrow's fear toxin though- it's hallucinations of both Dick & Jason that help him get through it.

(Batman #456-457, with a black bar separating panels between the two issues. I'm trying to save on image space here so doing a little combining)

So yeah, Jason's this looming presence and constant reminder for Tim, and Tim tries to respect his memory how he can. This is basically the status quo irt Tim's thoughts on Jason up until his resurrection becomes known.

Going chronologically in-universe rather than by release date, sometime during content coming out in the early 2000’s Jason was introduced to the concept of Tim by Talia during the events of Red Hood: Lost Days, and he’s not happy about it despite trying to seem fine in front of Talia.

(Red Hood: Lost Days #4)

Now, beyond these pages we really don't get more elaboration on his feelings about it during this timeframe. But the next thing chronologically in-universe that involves the two of them is Jason targeting Tim and slitting his throat during Hush

(Batman #618)

Now, important things to remember:

When this was written, that was not actually Jason- it was Clayface in disguise.

Even when it was retconned into actually being Jason, the primary motivation here was to mess with Bruce's head and see him above all else

(Batman Annual #25)

Like... targeting Tim here was definitely more of an afterthought, but he was still someone Jason was very much so willing to harm.

After Hush, Jason had gone back into hiding until the whole War Games debacle was over. During the actual Under the Red Hood storyline, Tim’s not even there in Gotham- he’d moved to Blüdhaven at the time and/or was off doing Titans stuff.

During a lull in UTRH (even though the release dates don’t exactly line up, I always imagine this bit taking place when the main Batman comic paused UTRH stuff to tie-in to the War Crimes storyline that followed up War Games) is when the confrontation between them at Titans Tower happens. In which… Ya know. Jason beats the shit out of Tim, tries to fuck with his head, Tim doesn't give up but does still get his shit handed to him, etc. Jason writes his name in Tim's blood on the wall, like the drama queen he is.

(Teen Titans Vol. 3 #29)

I never consider this whole thing Jason actively trying to kill Tim, so much as him trying to just… see what he’s actually like, trying to gauge things and take out frustration. Because up until this point, Tim just existed to Jason as a concept rather than an actual person. And when leaving the fight, his general judgement of Tim?

"I will admit. He is good. And he has friends. Real friends. I wonder... If I had friends like those... If I had been a Titan since the beginning... Would my life have turned out differently? Would I have been a better Robin? Would I have been a better person?" (Teen Titans Vol. 3 #29)

So from here, he seems to have almost a sort of respect for Tim, and it leaves him contemplative more than anything else.

After that Jason goes back to doing UTRH stuff in Gotham, and things in-universe are heading towards Infinite Crisis. UTRH ends in the last Batman issue before the One Year Later time skip happens across the board in every ongoing. Tim’s having a bad time for a variety of reasons due to Infinite Crisis (Blüdhaven's destruction, Conner's death, etc etc) and the two don't cross paths again while it's all going on.

Aaaand so then there’s the timeskip! Tim pops up in 52 a few times so we see what he was up to in the missing year, but Jason doesn’t (outside the little backup story DC history segments, but that’s separate). Right during OYL Jason’s over in Nightwing causing problems for Dick and he also pops up over in Green Arrow briefly at one point, meanwhile Tim has plenty of other shit going on elsewhere (like cloning Conner drama in TT, Evil Cass arc in his solo).

The next time they do cross paths is around Countdown to Final Crisis and connected stuff. Jason witnessed the death of Duela Dent, a former Titan, and thus the Titans approach him when they’re investigating the circumstances.

(Teen Titans Vol. 3 #47)

The main takeaway is Dick & Tim can not stand (and do not trust) Jason because of the shit he's pulled in recent times, and the feeling is pretty mutual. Donna is the only one here actually kinda defending Jason. Also, the panel of Tim kicking Jason in the balls is one of THE funniest things to me always.

Shortly after this over in the actual Countdown book, Jason is also present at Bart’s funeral thus sees Tim speak, but they don’t interact.

After that Jason is then reality hopping for a hot sec with Donna Troy, Kyle Rayner, and Bob the Monitor, primarily on a search for Ray Palmer. Along the way towards the end Jason picks up the Red Robin costume that would have been his on a different earth, and he has to go through the trauma of seeing that earth's Bruce (who actually had killed Joker because of what happened to Jason) get murdered in front of him… it’s a whole thing.

When he gets back to the main earth, he immediately dumps the Red Robin suit in a dumpster. Ulysses Hadrian Armstrong then finds it and takes it out of the trash, and decides to use it to fuck with Tim’s head… which brings us to the whole Search For A Hero arc at the end of Robin!

Jason, now back in Gotham, wants to take advantage of the chaos breaking out across the city to streamline it and maybe make things better in the long run- but there’s a lot of sacrifices of lives that’d have to happen with what he has in mind. He reaches out to Tim when they cross paths, wanting Tim to work with him now on this- but the problem is that he’s still willing to sacrifice people, and Tim is not. The two of them then see Ulysses in the Red Robin suit, which pisses Jason off because it’s his suit.

(Robin #177, I am once again splicing together relevant panels to save image space, but these are in order all from the same issue)

Tim ends up letting Jason get arrested though, so after this he's not really present in the story until the end. Tim’s narration during all of this reinforces that he does not really like Jason, doesn't like his approach, but also doesn't necessarily think there's no merit to what he's saying. I only didn't include the pages with these quotes because, again, lack of image space and I think showing the above scenes was more important, but this narration that occurs during the same conflict I think is relevant:

"I have more training. I'm more agile. All he has is brute strength. And apparently he's stupid enough to use them in a crowded street. You'd think I'd stop being surprised by his choices now. Jason's problem is his insecurity-- he's the Jan Brady of the Bat-family. (and yes, I know that makes me Cindy). So he overcompensates-- tries too hard to impress, to succeed-- goes to extremes. But... with Batman gone... what if a part of him is right? Not the killing-- spraying bullets around like an idiot-- but making tougher... harder... choices...?" (Robin #177)

Towards the end of the story after dealing with all sorts of drama with Ulysses and Steph, Tim ends up implementing an altered version of Jason’s plan, something that didn’t sacrifice anyone but used some of the same logic, taking the form of the Neon Knights foundation. And afterwards, Tim visits Jason in prison. This is probably one of their most civil interactions, with Jason telling Tim he did good. Tim then gives Jason the ability to break out of prison.

(Robin #182)

It wasn't worth trying to add this bit to the above image bc i'd have had to butcher the hell out of the pages to fit it, but on the next page Tim explains why he did this in his narration:

"Months ago, Nightwing hacked the override code for the Justice League teleporter. I hacked it from him. Bruce never changed it. I think he liked that Dick had done that. Just like I think he would've liked for me to give Jason another chance. His last chance. Let's see what he makes of it." (Robin #182)

Then… ya know. This is the timeframe Final Crisis is happening. Bruce 'dies'. In the following (and final) Robin issue, Tim lets Jason come to the cave to see his piece of Bruce’s video will. Jason doesn’t seem all that happy with what he saw, and Tim’s already regretting breaking Jason out of prison, but the interaction goes relatively okay.

(Robin #183)

Sidenote but "...Jason Todd. Once a Robin, always an ass." is also just such a funny line to me.

But anyways, Tim's got a storm coming here.

Because then we get into Battle for the Cowl… and Jason motivated by what he saw in the will decides to become gunslinging murder Batman. Tim tries to stop him, it leads to a whole big fight… and during it Jason once again asks Tim to work with him- this time by asking Tim to be his Robin. Tim says no, because he’s still not down with the whole murder thing, and so Jason tries to kill him for being in his way… and thinks he succeeded!

(Batman: Battle for the Cowl #2)

But Tim got really fucking lucky. It's explained in the following issue that between Jason’s batarang being in bad condition and the batsuit Tim was wearing being extra reinforced, while he was injured here it didn't turn out fatal. A playing possum meditation technique Bruce had taught Tim meant that when Jason checked his pulse, he thought he was already dead, thus didn't try to finish the job while Tim was too injured to fight back. That’s how he survived here. But Jason very much so thought he’d killed Tim.

…and that’s the last time they interact pre-reboot! Presumably Jason figures out he didn’t actually kill him at some point, but they literally do not actually show up together anywhere until after Flashpoint. Bc after Battle for the Cowl, Tim leaves Gotham to go on the Bruce hunt in Red Robin, and by the time he gets back Jason had been arrested during Batman and Robin. When Jason gets away and out of prison stuff towards the end of Batman and Robin, that story is the last time he appears before the reboot. So just... there wasn't really an opportunity for them to cross paths again.

Now, to kinda recap/discuss my thoughts on their thoughts of one another BASED on all that above stuff:

When Tim first became Robin, he really did in ways look up to Jason. Not the same way he did Dick, but he still definitely thought highly of Jason- he just was also afraid of ending up like him. As soon as he meets resurrected Jason though, that respect fades and the memory is tarnished. Tim is pretty staunchly against killing and all of that, it’s something he holds himself to, and so seeing Jason now as what he’s become makes Tim actively dislike him. Were Jason to actually stop the killing, and properly apologize for things, then I do think pre-reboot Tim might be willing and able to make peace with him. It’s just that pre-reboot Jason absolutely would not do that, and so Tim considers him an adversary. Quite literally, on Tim’s last character profile sheet before the reboot, Jason’s listed alongside Captain Boomerang (who… killed Tim’s dad) in Tim’s ‘foes’ list!

From Jason’s POV, initially his violence towards Tim comes from anger that has little to do with Tim specifically as a person and everything to do with Tim as the person to fill the Robin role. Once Jason gets some of that initial anger out of the way, once he actually meets Tim, that animosity definitely fades a bit and is more just part of the general ‘all of you guys suck’ attitude he has towards the Bats because they follow Bruce’s path. But it’s less specific, it's not as targeted at Tim, and I think that’s also why he reaches out to Tim when he does- he thinks that Tim is capable at what he does and could be a good ally in what he wants to accomplish if he’d just stop drinking Bruce’s Kool-aid. But because Jason a) wants to accomplish things by killing and will not compromise on that, and b) generally feels justified in what he’s done before, he’s not apologizing for it… they’re just not gonna see eye-to-eye. When Tim turns down his second offer and gets in his way during BFtC, he has no hesitation in trying to kill him. BFtC was definitely Jason at his least stable, but still- if Tim isn’t going to work with him and do things how Jason wants to, then Jason wants him out of the way.

Sooooo yeah! That's uhhhh my assessment of them pre-reboot. And it's why the N52 suddenly deciding they would be besties bugs the shit out of me.

#sam explains

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