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vukovich · 1 year

Note

Peculiar Prompt!

Character 1: Draco

Character 2: Harry

Relationship type: it’s like friends with benefits except instead of sex its blood-drinking (and maybe a little bit of sex) to lovers

Mythical creature: one of them is a vampire

Flavor: hot cheetos

Thing you see while driving: ducks

Fetish: tiny cock ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Weather: blizzard

(i humbly request a not-sad ending, very excited to see what you do with all this!)

Fit to Bust

The hematologist was named Dr Sanguine, which felt fake. His exam table felt plenty real, though.

"Polycythemia," he said.

"Huh?" Harry replied. "Oh. Uhm, monogamy- I mean, monogamous, I guess. If the opportunity arose."

Dr Sanguine shook his head. "It's polycythemia. Not lupus. Dr Histoid owes me a round of golf."

Harry glanced down at the sheaf of handouts. "Huh," he said again. "So now what?"

Dr Sanguine shrugged. "Oddly, this is the only condition in existence that leeches were good for. Call the West End blood donation centre and make an appointment. Once every month or so ought to do it."

"Huh."

"I'm sorry," the woman said primly. Her lipliner looked like a smooch-shaped cookie cutter. "But you were declined."

"Huh?" Harry reached for the single sheet of paper on the clipboard in her hands. How could ten questions disqualify him already.

A trim, dark-haired man skidded out into the hall on an exam stool. Cubic zirconia stud earrings glinted on both sides of his head, his perfect hair made Harry self-conscious, and his scrubs were entirely too tight in very nice ways.

"They don't want your sort around here, darling!" the man yelled, then winked. Harry very much wanted to rub his dick on the man's chest.

"Oh," Harry said. "Huh."

The St Mungo's Department of Blood Maladies and Sudden Losses was eerily quiet. There were no windows. No ceiling fixtures, only lights in wall sconces. If the halls had been carpeted, it would have felt more like a library or mansion than a hospital wing.

An elderly witch in vintage cat eye glasses silently waved him over to the counter. "Mister Potter," she whispered putting down her book. "We've been expecting you."

"Oh, uh, okay," Harry muttered. It was a far sight better than the Muggle blood donation route, at least. "The Healer I saw said the donors get to choose the vampire... not the other way around... right?"

Visions of being fed on by redheaded women had plagued his nightmares of late.

"Yes," the woman said, nodding. "The rooms have one-way glass, so you can peek in from the hall before you decide to go in."

"Okay, thanks, I-"

A man came out of one of the furthest rooms, delicately pressing a wad of gauze to his neck. Harry gave him a quick head-to-toe assessment. Tall, dark hair, good face, nice chest, trim wai- BULGE, WET SPOT, muscular legs.

The man cleared his throat as he passed the desk. The woman nodded to him. "Four weeks, Mister Ravenswood?"

He licked his lips and caught Harry staring at his crotch. "Yeah, four weeks'll do."

The woman nudged her glasses up higher and addressed Harry. "Go on, then. Take your time. Some of them are more popular than others."

Harry nodded and set off down the hall. There were four doors on each side, and above him, two gold placards. One said "Ladies" and the other "Gents". Harry moved to the "Gents" side of the hall, assuming it was addressing him, then realized that they'd sorted the vampires inside the rooms, not the blood donors.

Across the hall, a woman with curly red hair looked up from her book and waved through the glass, showing a good half-inch of fang. Harry squeaked and huddled against the wall.

The vampire inside the first door looked like Filch, but cleaner, which should have been an improvement, but just felt suspicious. The vampire in the second room looked like a youth Quidditch coach, but not in a sexy DILF sort of way. More of a pins-his-hopes-and-dreams-on-kids kind of way. Both sat in mauve vinyl hospital recliners looking as though they, themselves, were the patients.

The third vampire was missing. His room didn't have a chair, just a bright Persian rug and a heap of satin and velvet throw pillows.

Harry was ready to give up and research phlebotomy spells when he peeked inside the last room. The last vampire looked like David Duchovny.

Harry pushed the swinging door open, and the vampire leapt to his feet. He bared his teeth like a snake.

The back of Harry's head hit the wall first, then his shoulders, then his arse, then his hands. He let out a startle cough, and the vampire slammed a hand around his throat.

Harry groped in his pocket for his wand, found it, and whispered, "Lumos-"

The vampire leaned forward, his nose brushing along Harry's jaw.

"Lumos sol!"

Golden sunlight streamed out of Harry's pocket. The vampire hissed, grabbed him by the neck, and shoved him though the swinging door.

Harry kept his wand pointed at the door for several long moments, watching as the vampire went from snarling at the glass to pacing, to sitting back down in his chair.

Harry rubbed his neck. Leave it to St Mungo's to get donors killed.

The third room was still empty. Unless there was a vampire hiding inside that pile of pillows.

Harry looked at the not-DILF Quidditch coach. The man looked like a skinny Jack Black, which should have been a compliment, but wasn't. He pushed the door open slowly.

The vampire glanced up once, curtly, then announced, "No blokes."

Harry threw a hand up dismissively and turned around and went back out into the hall.

The redheaded vampire across the hall waved to him again. She was using a fang to tie off yarn on a knitting project. Absolutely not.

Nobody had told him that the whole blood drinking thing actually was sexual, but he'd assumed it couldn't not be sexual. And the fact that the one vampire had a no-penis policy seemed to prove it.

And the human who'd left as he was coming in had obviously had a good time, presumably with the vampire from room three, who'd already fed and left.

How could it not be sexual to have someone stronger than you, faster than you, hold you down, pierce into your body, and drink you down. Every single bit of that was sexual.

But if he had to choose between that kind of intimacy with a blood-sucking, Argus Filch-looking son of a bitch and experimenting with blood letting spells, the spells sounded like the better bet.

He waved back to the knitting vampire and headed to the desk on his way to the lifts.

The woman at the desk didn't look up from her book, but cleared her throat loudly. "No luck?" she said in a creaky old voice.

"Uhm," Harry said, "No, I suppose not."

She nodded ambivalently.

Harry started to leave, but stopped. Maybe that missing vampire was worth asking about. Blood letting spells were notoriously hard to control, and the leading cause of false death reports.

"The, uhm," he started. "The vampire in the third room. What's his, uhm..."

Harry left his question in the air.

She arched an eyebrow and marked her page with a finger. "Well, he certainly never goes hungry. Quite popular." She gave Harry a tiny smirk. "I think you'd get along fine. He comes every few days."

"Huh," Harry said. "Alright. I'll try again on Thursday."

She opened her book and shooed him away with "Wear something nice."

Harry showered, put on nice trousers, a clean shirt, and arrived five minutes before donation hours started, only to find out...

It was Malfoy. Harry's entire body slumped, standing in the hallway, and he considered kicking the door like a petulant teenager.

Of course it was Malfoy. Who else would drag a Persian carpet and a cubic yard of throw pillows into a hospital room just to eat a meal twice a week?

Malfoy.

Malfoy would require the trappings of luxury for a fucking snack.

Harry lingered in the hall and watched Malfoy, sprawled in his pillow nest like a Victorian courtesan. He appeared to be asleep, but as far as Harry knew, vampires didn't sleep.

There was a good chance Malfoy would just tell him to fuck off. There was also a good chance he wouldn't, and Harry would have to reconcile having a pseudo-sexual encounter with Malfoy, of all people. Quite possibly an actual sexual encounter, which could be brilliant, because Malfoy was hot. Or it could be a disaster, because the world at large had yet to notice that Harry Potter, media darling, had a dick the size of his thumb. If anyone was willing to sell that story to the tabloids, it would be Malfoy.

Harry rested the tips of his fingers on the door, but didn't push it open. Maybe he could pull this off without getting his dick involved. If he could summon enough loathing for Malfoy, maybe it could just be a blood letting, and nothing else.

He sighed and pushed the door open.

One of Malfoy's eyes slid open, then the other, like an annoyed snake. He licked his fangs, and Harry waited for a snide remark.

Instead, Malfoy's nostrils flared. His voice was lazy and thick. "Polycythemia?" he asked, as if questioning the daily special at a restaurant.

"Uhm," Harry muttered, "yeah. How'd you know?"

Malfoy shrugged, one-shouldered. "Smells like it." He yawned and sank into the pillows.

The points of his fangs caught the light from a small lamp in the corner, and Harry's arms ran with goosebumps. He blew out a breath and willed himself to calm the fuck down. It was just Malfoy. Stupid, pointy, pasty (extra pasty now) Malfoy.

Malfoy made no effort to move, so Harry stood nervously at the edge of the rug. "So, uhm, how'd you end up a vampire? Last I heard, you were a Cursebreaker."

Malfoy shrugged again. "Still am. I didn't use a containment ward on an artifact I should have. Ended up bleeding to death here in hospital, but Mum knew someone who knew someone who knew someone undead, so... Night shift Cursebreaker now."

"Huh." Harry wondered if he needed to take his shoes off to step on the rug, but Malfoy had his shoes on. But his shoes were cleaner than Harry's. "So... how's being a vampire?"

Malfoy's smile was slow and left his eyes cold. "No complaints."

Harry stepped on the rug. "You don't mind hunting people for food, do you?"

Malfoy's grin showed his fangs. "You think I have to hunt?"

Harry tried to ignore the thrill that raced up his spine. "Don't you?"

The toes of Harry's shoes met the edge of the mound of pillows, but Malfoy made no move to rise.

"Mm, no. Not once." Malfoy ran his tongue over a canine. "My prey comes to me, doesn't it?" He patted the royal blue velvet pillow next to his hip.

Harry licked his lips and sank to one knee. The rug gave way slowly under his kneecap. It was one thing to have a vampire pin him against a wall, or tackle him to the ground. That was a trial to endure, and that's what most of his life had been. But never had he crawled eagerly into a predator's lair. And definitely not with his dick rubbing against the back of his zipper like this.

Malfoy lifted an arm and let Harry settle in along his side. They sank down together, and Harry wiggled closer. There was no magic to it beyond a warm, welcome body and a soft bed.

"You're warm," Harry said.

Malfoy shrugged. "Only hungry vamps are cold."

Harry laid his head on Malfoy's arm and rolled onto his side. He bent his knees up a bit to hide the little tent in his trousers. The entire length of his neck was exposed. Any second, Malfoy would strike. He'd move like a bolt of lightning. He'd pin Harry down and sink his teeth into Harry's neck.

A tiny squeak snuck out of Harry, followed by an embarrassed flush across his cheeks.

Malfoy glanced at him sidelong, not even turning his head toward Harry. He swallowed, and Harry did, too.

Harry's cock was far too hard, and he was sure Malfoy could smell it. If he could smell a blood disorder, he could surely smell Harry's arousal. Any second, he'd strike.

Malfoy sighed. "I'm not just going to bite you and suck the blood out, Potter."

"Huh?"

"I was raised to appreciate a meal." Malfoy turned his head, nose to nose with Harry, and his voice dropped to a whisper. "Anticipation and all."

"Uhm, okay. What... I mean... How..."

Malfoy licked his teeth, and Harry felt the heat of his mouth ghost over his lips. "I want you ready to burst when I finally bite you."

Harry gulped.

Malfoy rolled onto his side and wrapped his arms loosely around Harry. His lips grazed Harry's chin. "I want to barely nick you and have you flood my mouth."

Harry's entire body ran hot, and his cock throbbed against his trousers.

Malfoy's lips kissed a slow, soft line along Harry's jaw. "I want your heart in your throat when I put my teeth in it."

Malfoy slipped his thigh between Harry's, and Harry's cock rubbed against Malfoy's hip.

"Oh, God," Harry blurted.

He lifted his chin and gave Malfoy his neck. Malfoy's breath shuddered out as he lowered his mouth to Harry's neck. His hand left Harry's hip to slide between them, cupping Harry through his trousers. Malfoy moaned again when he found Harry's cock.

"Oh, fuck," Harry whispered. "Fuck-fuck-fuck."

Malfoy's tongue was hot and wet against Harry's neck, and he wasn't certain who was making more noise. He thrust into Malfoy's hand, tension building at the base of his cock with every thrust.

"Fuck," Harry gasped, "bite me."

His balls tightened, and he tried to stave of the weight of his impending orgasm, but it was too much, too good.

Malfoy sighed against Harry's ear, and Harry moaned and humped into Malfoy's hand.

And Malfoy finally struck, slow and seamless. Harry didn't know he'd done it until his vision wavered, and he felt Malfoy's jaw working against his throat. His body faltered as Malfoy stroked him through his trousers. His muscles went lax. Black spots danced in front of him. And he was still so fucking close to coming, held in suspended animation as his blood pressure dropped, his brain starving for oxygen.

His vision went black. His ears rang. He let out a strangled, helpless peep of a moan as he sank into the nothingness.

Malfoy took a deep breath, and, like a gunshot, the room rushed back into focus. Light, then sound, then arousal flooded Harry, and the suspended tension in his hips broke like a tidal wave. Malfoy stroked him one last time, Harry's body went rigid, and he came in his trousers like a fucking teenager.

Malfoy licked Harry's neck as he came, and Harry clutched his head. Malfoy let out a low, satisfied chuckle, then gave Harry's neck a final kiss. He rose, licking his lips clean. In the dim lighting, it looked like barbecue sauce.

"Shit," Harry whispered. He stared up at Draco, wide-eyed and thoroughly dazed. "That was good."

"Mm hm," Draco hummed. "What did you have for dinner?" He licked his lips and hummed appreciatively again. "Curry? No, no real spices, just the capsaicin."

"Uhm." Harry's boxers were absolutely plastered to his groin. "Flamin' Hot Cheetos."

Draco sucked his spit through his teeth. A pink flush was rising in his cheeks. "Hot Cheetos," he said absently.

Despite the sticky situation in his pants, fatigue washed over Harry. He yawned and snuggled down into the pillows. He half-expected Draco to nudge him to leave, but he tucked a pillow under his own head and curled his arms around Harry.

Harry tucked his head under Draco's chin. "So you're here twice a week?"

"Mm hm."

"What do you do the other nights?"

Draco nuzzled his chin in Harry's hair. "Wouldn't you like to know."

Harry yawned and butted his forehead against Draco's chest. "Maybe I would like to know."

Draco huffed in surprise. "Huh."

#peculiar prompts #drarry #vampires #cw: blood #cw: choking? breath play? blood choke but not?

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nucleariguana · 9 months

Text

The Lyrics To Every Song In “Mandatory Fun”

My maid is cleaning the bathroom, so I can't take a shower When I do, the water starts getting cold after an hour I couldn't order off the breakfast menu, cause I slept in till two Then I filled up on bread, didn't leave any room for tiramisu Oh no, there's a pixel out in the corner of my laptop screen I don't have any bills in my wallet small enough for the vending machine Some idiot just called me up on the phone, what!? Don't they know how to text? OMG! I got

First world, first world problems (First world problems) First world, first world problems (First world problems) First world, first world problems

I bought too many groceries for my refrigerator Forgot my gardener's name, I'll have to ask him later Tried to fast forward commercials, can't, I'm watching live T.V I'm pretty sure the cookies in this airport lounge ain't gluten free My barista didn't even bother to make a design in the foam on the top of my vanilla latte

First world, first world problems (First world problems) First world, first world problems (First world problems) First world, first world problems

Can't remember which car I drove to the mall My Sonicare won't recharge, now I gotta brush my teeth like a neanderathal The thread count on these cotton sheets has got me itching My house is so big, I can't get WiFi in the kitchen Uh, I had to buy something I didn't even need just So I could qualify for free shipping on Amazon

First world, first world problems (First world problems) First world, first world problems (First world problems) First world, first world problems (First world problems)

First world, first world problems (First world problems) First world, first world problems (First world problems) First world, first world problems

I'm waking up, in Cheeto dust My belly's covered with pizza crust I'm using my inhaler now I'm out of shape, fattening up I'm sipping Coke from a Solo Cup Donut crumbs are upon my lips, whoa

The TV's on, I really hate this show I can't reach my remote control Welcome to my new place, to my new place Sorry it's a cramped space, but it's my place Whoa oh, whoa I'm, really inactive, I'm so inactive Whoa oh, whoa I'm, really inactive, highly inactive

My muscle's gone, I'm atrophied Always lose my fight with gravity I rest my bones, and just chillax, whoa My NordicTrack's collecting dust And my StairMaster's a pile of rust This is it, The Inertia, whoa

I can't get up, this couch is part of me I'm growing cobwebs on my knee Pretty sad for my age, sad for my age I could break my rib cage, here is my age Whoa oh, whoa I'm, really inactive, yes, quite inactive Whoa oh, whoa I'm, really inactive, not very active

Near comatose, no exercise Don't tag my toe, I'm still alive

I'm giving up, my energy is shot I'm never moving from this spot Never move from this place, move from this place I'll stay here in this place, right in this place Whoa oh, whoa I'm, really inactive, just so inactive Whoa oh, whoa I'm, really inactive, not so attractive

Tuesday morning, 8:15 I was riding to work on the Jackson Park Express Seemed like any other day Then my whole world changed In a way I never could have guessed 'Cause she walked in Took the seat right across the aisle I knew we had a special connection The second I saw her smile

She smiled as if to say "Hello, haven't seen you on this bus before" I gave her a look that said "Huh, life is funny, you never know what's in store By the way, your hair is beautiful I bet it smells like raisins"

She looked at me in a way that asked "Did you have a nose job or something? I'm only asking, cause your nose looks slightly better Than the rest of your face" I arched my eyebrow, ever so slightly Which was my way of asking "Do you want my old Hewlett-Packard printer? It still works, kinda And I got a bunch of ink cartridges left"

Then, she let out a long sigh Which, I took to mean, "Uh" "Mama, what is that deodorant you're wearing? It's intoxicating Why don't we drive out to the country sometime? And collect deer ticks in a zip-lock baggie", oh yeah

I gave her a penetrating stare Which could only mean "You are my answer, my answer to everything Which is why, I'll probably do very poorly On the written part of my driver's test"

Yes, it all happened On the Jackson Park Express On the Jackson Park Express On the Jackson Park Express On the Jackson Park Express

I knew she was starting to fall for me 'Cause she crinkled her nose, which unmistakably meant "Baby, lets wear each other's clothes And speak in a thick German accent And, maybe someday we can own and operate Our own mobile pet-grooming service" I couldn't hold back my feelings I gave her a look, that said "I would make any sacrifice for your love Goat, chicken, whatever I could never hold you close enough Let's have our bodies surgically grafted together Oh, surgically grafted together"

She picked up a newspaper, and started reading to herself Which I'm sure, was a way of telling me "When you're cold, I will warm you When you're shivering, I will hold you When your nauseous, I will give you Pepto-Bismol every hour For as long as the symptoms persist" Oh, I, I never, ever want to see you cry So, please let me cauterize your tear ducts with an arc welder Then, I glanced down, at her shirt, for a second In a way that clearly implied "I like your boobs"

Yes, it all happened On the Jackson Park Express On the Jackson Park Express On the Jackson Park Express On the Jackson Park Express

I cleared my throat quietly, and then, I looked away And I'm sure it was obvious to her, just what I was trying to say I was trying to say, "Hey I'd like to make a wall-sized mural out of all the dead skin cells That you slough off while you sleep at night" Whoa-o-Oh, "I'd like to rip you wide open And french-kiss every single one of your internal organs Oh, I'd like to remove all your skin, and wear your skin, over my own skin But not in a creepy way"

Then, I'm pretty sure, she looked at me, out of the corner of her good eye And, though, she never spoke a word, this is exactly what I heard She was saying, "Oh! I wanna make out with you, in an abandoned toll-booth, in the middle of a monsoon I wanna ride dolphins with you, in the moonlight Until the staff at Sea World kicks us out I want you inside me, oh, like a tapeworm"

I pointed to the side of my mouth, as a way of indicating "Hey, I think you got something on the side of your mouth" She licked the corner of her lips, as if to say "Here?", I nodded, implying, "Yeah, you got it"

And, then the bus stopped, at 53rd Street, and she got up suddenly "Where are you going?", pleaded my eyes, "Baby, don't you do this to me Think of the beautiful children we could have someday We could school them at home, raise them up the right way And protect them from the evils of the world Like Trigonometry and Prime Numbers, oh no Baby, please don't go"

She brushed my leg, as she left the bus I'm sure that was her way of saying "I'm sorry this just isn't working out You're suffocating me I need some space to find out what life's all about So, goodbye forever, my love"

And deep inside, I knew she was right It was time for us both to move on And no, I never got her number, oh no no She never bothered to leave her address, oh But, as long as I live, I'll never forget Those precious moments we shared together

On the Jackson Park Express On the Jackson Park Express On the Jackson Park Express On the Jackson Park Express On the Jackson Park Express On the Jackson Park Express On the Jackson Park Express On the Jackson Park Express

We must all efficiently Operationalize our strategies Invest in world-class technology And leverage our core competencies In order to holistically administrate Exceptional synergy We'll set a brand trajectory Using management's philosophy Advance our market share vis-à-vis Our proven methodology With strong commitment to quality Effectively enhancing corporate synergy Transitioning our company By awareness of functionality Promoting viability Providing our supply chain with diversity (versity, ooooh) We will distill our identity Through client-centric solutions And synergy (Oooooh oooh oooh)

At the end of the day (At the end of the day) We must monetize our assets The fundamentals of change Can you visualize a value-added experience? That will grow the business infrastructure and Monetize our assets Monetize our assets Monetize our assets

Bringing to the table Our capitalized reputation Proactively overseeing Day-to-day operations Services and deliverables With cross-platform innovation Networking, soon will bring, seamless integration Robust and scalable, bleeding-edge and next-generation Best of breed We'll succeed In achieving globalization

And gaining traction with our resources in the marketplace It's mission-critical to stay incentivized Against this purple-poster-flexible-solutions for our customer base If you can't think outside the box You'll be downsized It's a paradigm shift! (Hey, Hey! Look out!) Well, it's a paradigm shift, now! (Here we go! Here we go! Here we come! Here we come! Ha!)

We clawed, we chained our hearts in vain We jumped never asking why We kissed, I fell under your spell A love no one could deny

Don't you ever say I just walked away I will always want you I can't live a life, running for my life I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball I never hit so hard in love All I wanted was to break your walls All you ever did was wreck me Yeah, you wreck me

All the other kids with the pumped up picture You better run, better run, outrun my gun All the other kids with the pumped up picture You better run, better run faster than my bullet

And we danced all night to the best song ever We knew every line, now I can't remember I think it went ooh eh ooh I think it went oohla eh ooh I think it goes eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh

Eh, sexy lady Po, po, po, po Polka Gangnam Style Eh, sexy lady Po, po, po, po Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh

Hey, I just met you And this is crazy But here's my number So call me, maybe And all the other boys Try to chase me But here's my number So call me, maybe

I wanna scream and shout (hey!) And let it all out And scream and shout (hey!) And let it out We sayin', "Ohh, wee ohh, wee oh wee oh" We sayin', "Ohh, wee ohh, wee oh wee oh wee ohh, wee oh wee oh"

Now you're just somebody that I used to know Now you're just somebody that I used to know

It's going down (hey!), I'm yelling timber You better move, you better dance Let's make a night you won't remember I'll be the one you won't forget (Timber! Timber!)

I'm sexy and I know it Girl look at that body (He's sexy and he knows it)

I wear your grandad's clothes I look incredible I'm in this big old coat From that thrift shop down the road (Hey!)

That's right! (He looks incredible) I do! (He's in that big old coat) It's large! Hey, lets go! (From that thrift shop down the road)

I'm gonna pop some tags Only got twenty dollars in my pocket I'm hunting, looking for a come-up This is super awesome

She's up all night 'til the sun I'm up all night to get some She's up all night for good fun I'm up all night to get lucky

We're up all night 'til the sun We're up all night to get some We're up all night for good fun We're up all night to get lucky

We're up all night to get lucky We're up all night to get lucky We're up all night to get lucky We're up all night to get lucky We're up all night to get lucky We're up all night to get lucky We're up all night to get lucky Up all night to get lucky

Yes, we're up all night to get Can get lucky, we're gonna get lucky, let's all get lucky We're up all night to get lucky! (Hey!)

I saw a baby drive a truck I saw a junkie eat a tuba I saw a stripper kiss a duck Behind a dumpster in Aruba

I saw this fat, psychotic guy His underwear was made of crickets He pawned a skeleton to buy Some old expired lotto tickets

I saw a naked vagrant giving Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to his cat I probably could have gone my whole life Without seeing that

With my own eyes I see things that'd drive a normal man insane Wish I could disconnect my brain From my own eyes

I saw a mime get hacked to death With an imaginary cleaver I saw an old man's final breath I watched him die from Bieber Fever I saw these diabetic chicks In an abandoned 7-Eleven I watched them snorting pixie sticks While they were belching Stairway To Heaven

I saw two drag queens trying to see how many crackers They could shove up each other's nose I'd like to erase my mind completely but I suppose That's just the way it goes

With my own eyes I see things that'd drive a normal man insane Wish I could disconnect my brain From my own eyes (my own eyes) Those visions haunt my memory Oh, there's so much I wish I could unsee With my own eyes

Some priest got drunk and stole a circus zebra And he trained it to massage his back My guinea pig committed hara-kiri So we used him to play hacky-sack My neighbor's kids sold weapons grade plutonium And frosty ice-cold lemonade They took MasterCard and sometimes Human organs in trade, that's how we paid I have to say that it was really darn good lemonade

With my own eyes I've seen thing that'd drive a normal man insane Wish I could disconnect my brain From my own eyes (my own eyes) Those visions haunt my memory Oh, there's so much I wish I could unsee With my own eyes With my own eyes With my own eyes With my own eyes

Everybody shut up, woo! Everyone listen up! Hey, hey, hey, uh Hey, hey, hey

If you can't write in the proper way If you don't know how to conjugate Maybe you flunked that class And maybe now you find That people mock you online

Okay, now here's the deal I'll try to educate ya Gonna familiarize You with the nomenclature You'll learn the definitions Of nouns and prepositions Literacy's your mission And that's why I think it's a

Good time To learn some grammar Now, did I stammer Work on that grammar You should know when It's "less" or it's "fewer" Like people who were Never raised in a sewer

I hate these word crimes Like I could care less That means you do care At least a little Don't be a moron You'd better slow down And use the right pronoun Show the world you're no clown Everybody wise up!

Say you got an "I", "T" Followed by apostrophe, "s" Now what does that mean? You would not use "it's" in this case As a possessive It's a contraction What's a contraction? Well, it's the shortening of a word, or a group of words By the omission of a sound or letter

Okay, now here's some notes Syntax you're always mangling No "x" in "espresso" Your participle's danglin' But I don't want your drama If you really wanna Leave out that Oxford comma Just keep in mind

That "be", "see", "are", "you" Are words, not letters Get it together Use your spellchecker You should never Write words using numbers Unless you're seven Or your name is Prince

I hate these word crimes You really need a Full time proofreader You dumb mouth-breather Well, you should hire Some cunning linguist To help you distinguish What is proper English

One thing I ask of you Time to learn your homophones is past due Learn to diagram a sentence too Always say "to whom" Don't ever say "to who" And listen up when I tell you this I hope you never use quotation marks for emphasis You finished second grade I hope you can tell If you're doing good or doing well About better figure out the difference Irony is not coincidence And I thought that you'd gotten it through your skull What's figurative and what's literal Oh but, just now, you said You literally couldn't get out of bed That really makes me want to literally Smack a crowbar upside your stupid head

I read your e-mail It's quite apparent Your grammar's errant You're incoherent Saw your blog post It's really fantastic That was sarcastic (Oh, psych!) 'Cause you write like a spastic

I hate these Word Crimes Your prose is dopey Think you should only Write in emoji Oh, you're a lost cause Go back to pre-school Get out of the gene pool Try your best to not drool

Never mind I give up Really now I give up Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey Go away!

Your sports team is vastly inferior That simple fact is plainly obvious to see We're gonna kick your collective posterior Of course you realize we're speaking figuratively Our stats are thoroughly impressive Our coach really has the Midas touch Our players are fast and strong and brave And your guys, eh, not so much

In fact we've played teams across the nation And you're the worst one we've come across Try to assimilate that information And it just might help you cope with your impending loss Oh, and if somehow we are still failing To affectively articulate the points at hand Allow us now to summarize them in a manner That your feeble brains can understand

We're great (we're great) And you suck (you suck) We're great (we're great) And you suck (you suck) We're great (we're great) And you suck (you suck) You see there's us (we're great) And then there's you (you suck) We're really, really great (really great) In contrast, you really suck (really suck) Okay, full disclosure, we're not that great But nevertheless, you suck

Your sports team will soon suffer swift defeat That theory's backed up by empirical evidence We're gonna grind up your guys into burger meat Again, of course, we're speaking in the figurative sense What's the use of even going through the motions When you know that you're gonna lose anyhow So why don't you save us all some time And give up now (you suck!)

I never seem to finish all my food I always get a doggie bag from the waiter So I just keep what's still unchewed And I take it home, save it for later

But then I deal with fungal rot, bacterial formation Microbes, enzymes, mold and oxidation I don't care, I've got a secret trick up my sleeve

I never bother with baggies, glass jars, tupperware containers Plastic cling wrap, really a no-brainer I just like to keep all my flavours sealed in tight

With aluminum foil (Foil) Never settle for less That kind of wrap is just the best To keep your sandwich nice and fresh

Stick it in your cooler (Cooler) Eat it when you're ready Then maybe you'll choose (You'll choose, you'll choose, you'll choose) A refreshing herbal tea Mmm, lovely!

Oh, by the way, I've cracked the code I've figured out these shadow organizations And the Illuminati know That they're finally primed for world domination

And soon you've got black helicopters comin' cross the border Puppet masters for the New World Order Be aware: There's always someone that's watching you And still the government won't admit they faked the whole moon landing Thought control rays, psychotronic scanning Don't mind that, I'm protected cause I made this hat

From aluminum foil (Foil) Wear a hat that's foil lined In case an alien's inclined To probe your butt or read your mind

Looks a bit peculiar ('culiar) Seems a little crazy But someday I'll prove (I'll prove, I'll prove, I'll prove) There's a big conspiracy

One time I was in the checkout line Behind Steven Seagal Once I'm pretty sure Mr. Jonah Hill Was in the very next bathroom stall My best friend's brother Well, he was an extra in Wayne's World 2 My neighbour's baby sitter Dated three of the guys in Motley Crue I swear Jack Nicholson Looked right at me at a Laker's game

I got a lame Lame claim to fame

Check it out, I bought a second hand toaster From a guy who says he knows Brad Pitt I got me an email from the prince of Nigeria Well, he sure sounded legit My sister used to take piano lessons From the second cousin of Ralph Nader Last year I threw up in an elevator Next to Christian Slater Well guess what, my birthday and Kim Kardashian's Are exactly the same

I got a lame Lame claim to fame A really lame Lame claim to fame

Once at a party, my dentist accidentally Sneezed on Russell Crowe I posted first in the comments On a YouTube video I tried to sit by Steve Buscemi But he told me this seat's taken I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy Who know a guy who knows a guy who know Kevin Bacon

I had a car that used to belong To Cuba Gooding Jr.'s uncle A friend of mine in high school Had jury duty with Art Garfunkel One time I was staying in the same hotel As Zooey Deschanel I used the same napkin dispenser As Steve Carell at a Taco Bell Well I don't mean to brag but Paul Giamatti's plumber knows me by name

I got a lame Lame claim to fame A really lame Lame claim to fame I'm talking lame Lame claim to fame A really really really lame Lame claim to fame

Ow, let's get lame boys

First things first, I'm a craftsman (craftsman) Remodelling is my only passion (it's my passion) And I'm the greatest in the business Want referrals, yo My clientèle will bear you witness (right, right) I can help when your door jamb sticks (heh?) There is nothing in the world I can't fix (yeah) I do tiles, I do stone, I do bricks Call me, I'll come rushing over with my bag of tricks (bag of tricks) Where you go when your disposal is rusted (rusted) Termite problem making you disgusted (yuck) When your front window is busted (hey hey hey) Just one man that's always trusted

I'm so handy, you already know I'll fix your plumbing when your toilets over flows I'm so handy, I'll bring you up to code When your dishwasher's about to explode

Now you see that your furnace is needing some service I'm fully bonded, no need to be nervous Perhaps you would like a new counter Formica Maybe I'll hook up your dish washer combo dryer But all your pipes are antique Your water pressure's too weak You got an attic full of dry rot Because your roof sprung a leak Your fridge is starting to reek Your hardwood floors really squeak But don't you worry I'll just show you my amazing technique Now let me glue that, glue that and screw that, screw that Any random chore you got, well I can do that, do that Or maybe I'll just rewire your house for fun I got 99 problems but a switch ain't one

I'm so handy, everyone said so I'll grout your bathroom, resurface your patio I'm so handy, I'm the guy to know When your leaf blower doesn't blow-oh-oh-oh

Patch the drywall, clean your gutters and mow the lawn Make that phone call, I'll install anything you want Yeah, check my big staple gun, my socket wrenches are second to none I won't quit 'til I'm done, don't even care if I hammer my thumb (OW!)

Still rocking my screwdriver Got the whole world thinking I'm MacGuyver Your heating bills are shocking I can solve that with some duct tape and some caulking Your house is a disaster, huh? Need a guy whose a master with the plaster, huh? Let me be your stripper Taking off lacquer, no one does it quicker

I'm so handy, you already know I'll beat all price quotes, my hourly rates are low I'm so handy, you should call this pro I'm in the phone book and se habla Español It might seem crazy, wearing stripes and plaid I Instagram every meal I've had All my used liquor bottles are on display We can go to see a show but I'll make you pay

Wear my belt with suspenders and sandals with my socks (Because I'm tacky) Got some new glitter Uggs and lovely pink sequined Crocs (Because I'm tacky) Never let you forget some favor I did for you (Because I'm tacky) If you're okay with that, then, you might just be tacky, too

I meet some chick, ask her this and that Like 'Are you pregnant girl, or just really fat?' (what?) Well, now I'm dropping names almost constantly That's what Kanye West keeps telling me, here's why

Wear my Ed Hardy shirt with fluorescent orange pants (Because I'm tacky) Got my new resume it's printed in Comic Sans (Because I'm tacky) Think it's fun threatening waiters with a bad Yelp review (Because I'm tacky) If you think that's just fine, then, you're probably tacky, too

Bring me shame, can't nothing Bring me shame, I never know why Bring me shame, can't nothing Bring me shame, I said Bring me shame, can't nothing Bring me shame, it's pointless to try Bring me shame, can't nothing Bring me shame, I said

43 Bumper Stickers and a YOLO license plate (Because I'm tacky) Bring along my coupon book whenever I'm on a date (Because I'm tacky) Practice my twerking moves in line at the DMV (Because I'm tacky) Took the whole bowl of restaurant mints. Hey, it said they're free (Because I'm tacky) I get drunk at the bank And take off my shirt, at least (Because I'm tacky) I would live-tweet a funeral, take selfies with the deceased (Because I'm tacky) If I'm bit by a zombie, I'm probably not telling you (Because I'm tacky) If you don't think that's bad, guess what, then you're tacky, too

#weird al

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fagsgallery · 9 months

Text

(ID and pose reference under the cut)

here are my diy blorbos attending the correct movie.

pose reference was this iconic photo:

[ID 1: a short, pencil-drawn comic sketched on checkered paper. the first panel shows a man with almost chin-length locs and a generic cinema staff uniform in front of a few posters for movies trending in the summer of 2023. the only two posters that are completely visible are those for barbie and oppenheimer. someone off-screen says "3 tickets, please!", and the cinema employee, with a bored expression, responds "Right… For what movie?"

the second panel contains three teenagers from the waist upwards. the only color visible in this panel is hot pink, everything else is greyscale, just like in the first. in the middle of the trio is my original character cheeto, arms araound zir two friends, looking at the viewer - and, presumably, the employee - with skeptically raised eyebrows. cheeto has dark skin, a shaved head and freckles. ze is wearing a tight pink dress with a fishnet top underneath and a black vest above. a pair of pink sunglasses is resting on zir forehead. ze is wearing eyeliner and pink eyeshadow, along with black and pink lipstick. two pink worm-on-a-string earrings dangle on either side of zir face and ze has a nose ring.

to cheeto’s right (or left from the viewer’s perspective) is zir friend jesse. she is white, with a few freckles on her nose, long hair and a half-up hairstyle. she is wearing two pairs of sunglasses that don’t hide her furrowed eyebrows. along with that, she’s in a pink t-shirt and high-waist jeans with pink lining the waist and the sides.

on cheeto’s left is zir other friend, lewis, who is looking towards jesse with one eyebrow raised, looking a bit concerned. lewis is also white and has long dark hair. he is wearing a pink tube top paired with a skirt of the same color and a waist chain with a little heart, a star and a brooch on it. he, too, is wearing a fishnet top underneath, which is paired with pink wrist warmers (i think that’s what they’re called?). he has pink heart-shaped sunglasses that were pushed up into his hair, which he has styled in two pigtails, one of which he is holding with his left hand. he has pink lipstick on and a dramatic eyeliner look with pink eyeshadow and a little heart beneath the left eye. his earrings are also heart-shaped (and, surprise, also pink). he is also wearing a pink choker with a ring in the center. end ID 1]

[ID 2: a picture of jonny d’ville, drumbot brian and gunpowder tim from the mechanisms in almost the exact same pose as the three teenagers described above. jonny is on the middle, a cigarette hanging from his mouth and almost smirking. to his right is brian, who is laughing with his hands in his pockets. tim, on jonny’s left, is dramatically staring at the viewer with one hand resting on his fabulous hair. end ID 2]

#art #ocs #original characters #the mechanisms #<-kind of #barbie #barbie movie

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jlalafics · 2 years

Text

Snippet: "The Point of No Return

This is my current WIP which is for @ouateverlark's challenge and is loosely based on The Fast and The Furious movie series.

Since I'll probably be busy tomorrow for Mother's Day, I'm posting this totally unedited bit tonight.

Thank you to @daydreamsandcaffeine for this bomb-ass aesthetic. She's the best!

I hope you enjoy the snippet.

Happy Mother's Day to all you mommies (human, dog, cat, and otherwise) and dads who also play this most important role!

------

Her gaze went to the market and Peeta straightened seeing that she was heading in. His eyes shot back to his laptop, pretending to not acknowledge her entrance as she went straight to the fridges in the back.

However, Peeta could feel her. His hair stood on end with each step that brought her closer to the counter…to him.

No woman had ever had such an effect on him.

Two cans of Arizona iced teas (lemon and raspberry), a bag of Cheetos hot fries, and a Vero Mango Chili Lollipop were placed on his counter, and he immediately reached to ring them up.

“$8.23,” Peeta said as he started to bag her purchases.

The woman snorted. “Damn, that’s expensive.”

Smoky eyes greeted his blues and his breath stuck in his throat for a moment.

He coughed nervously before giving her a smile.

“You’re not from the Bay, are you?”

“No, just moved here.”

She was even more beautiful up close; her dark waves framed her heart-shaped face with almond eyes, a pert nose, and naturally plump lips. His eyes roved over her from the dark wash jeans, fitted black tank tucked into its waist, and the olive-green moto leather jacket.

“Well, welcome to San Francisco where the gas prices are high and you pay up to 3K to live in a possibly illegal in-law,” he joked.

She examined him before replying, “But you love living here.”

Peeta grinned. “Wouldn’t want to live anywhere else. This is home.”

“That’s nice,” the woman replied quietly. “I’d like that one day.”

“Maybe you’ll find your place here.” Peeta held out his hand. “Peeta Mellark.”

“Katniss Everdeen.” She shook it, and a tingle shot through his spine. Her eyes suddenly went to her car. “I should get these to my sister. Hopefully, she’s still napping.”

He looked at the Integra’s tinted windows. “Would be pretty hard to notice any sunlight through those. It’s a ‘97, right?”

“A ’95 Type-R, actually.”

“Tight work,” he remarked. “I like the Spoon rims.”

“Thanks. My Dad and I put them in before—” Katniss stopped, her voice catching. “It was a pet project of ours.” She let out a breath before giving him a smile. “I better get going. Have to meet my uncle at his place. It was nice meeting you, Peeta Mellark.”

“Wait—” Peeta rounded the counter and grabbed another Vero Mango lollipop from the canister nearby. He went to her, holding out the candy. “Your snacks and this extra piece are on me. An official welcome from a true San Franciscan.”

Katniss took the lollipop, unwrapping it and sticking it into her mouth. She sucked, the sound reaching his ears, and Peeta resisted the urge to groan at the sheer sexiness of it.

Goddamn, she was his dream girl.

Katniss smirked, as if she had heard his thoughts.

“I think I’m going to like it here.”

#The Point of No Return #aka fastandfurious!everlark #everlark #everlark fanfiction #Things I'm writing

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ouateverlark · 2 years

Text

The Point of No Return

Author: JLaLa (@jlalafics)/Image by @daydreamsandcaffeine

Prompt Number: 12

Prompt: How about a story based on the Fast and the Furious series? It can be any of the characters and can be in any place in the world. Peeta and Katniss both love fast cars. Family is the most important thing in life

Rating: M

Peeta hated days like these.

Hot and dry, perfect to start out the usual September brush fire in the Bay Area. Autumn usually began with a three-day stint of hot days before welcoming back Karl the Fog. Residents of the city welcome the overcast like an old friend, Peeta included.

He stretched behind the gas station counter, whistling along to the tune from the latest TikTok musician that played from his laptop speakers.

Outside, cars came and went, owners pumping gas or coming into the small store that he manned to buy snacks or drinks.

It wasn’t the greatest job, but the schedule was flexible and let him study during his downtime.

As his gaze went to his laptop screen, the bass-like rumble of a Spoon exhaust system caught his ear. Peeta’s eyes shot up just as a deep-orange Acura Integra pulled up to the gas pump in front of the market. He was immediately impressed by the bodywork; the anodized aluminum black rims, the aggressive lip kit, the carbon fiber wing—

Not to mention, the woman stepping out the car.

The same song playing on his speakers blared from inside her ride, filling the air. He watched captivated as she walked over to the pump, her movements perfectly in sync with tune.

“This ain't build a bitch…I'm filled with flaws and attitude…so if you need perfect, I'm not built for you…”

The song fit her perfectly. Peeta watched as the dark-haired woman Facetimed, her hand gesticulating angrily. She was definitely pissed about something. He snorted as the call ended with her giving the caller the finger before tossing her phone through the open driver window.

Running a frustrated hand through her hair, she finished pumping and returned the gas nozzle.

Her gaze went to the market and Peeta straightened seeing that she was heading in. His eyes shot back to his laptop, pretending to not acknowledge her entrance as the woman went straight to the fridges in the back.

However, Peeta could feel her. His hair stood on end with each step that brought her closer to the counter…to him.

No woman had ever had such an effect on him.

Two cans of Arizona iced teas (lemon and raspberry), a bag of Cheetos hot fries, and a Vero Mango Chili Lollipop were placed on his counter, and he immediately reached to ring them up.

“$8.23,” Peeta said as he started to bag her purchases.

The woman snorted. “Damn, that’s expensive.”

Smoky eyes greeted his blues and his breath stuck in his throat. He coughed nervously before giving her a smile.

“You’re not from the Bay, are you?”

“No, just moved here.”

She was even more beautiful up close; her dark waves framed a heart-shaped face with almond eyes, a pert nose, and naturally plump lips. His eyes roved over to the dark wash jeans, the fitted black tank tucked into its waist, and the olive-green moto leather jacket.

“Welcome to San Francisco where the gas prices are high and you pay up to 3K to live in a possibly illegal in-law,” he joked.

She examined him before replying, “But you love living here.”

Peeta grinned. “Wouldn’t want to live anywhere else. This is home.”

“That’s nice,” the woman replied quietly. “I’d like that one day.”

“Maybe you’ll find your place here.” Peeta held out his hand. “Peeta Mellark.”

“Katniss Everdeen.” She shook it, and a tingle shot through his spine. Her gaze suddenly went to her car. “I should get these to my sister. Hopefully, she’s still napping.”

He looked at the Integra’s tinted windows.

“Would be pretty hard to notice any sunlight through those. It’s a ‘97, right?”

“A ’95 Type-R, actually.”

“Tight work,” he remarked. “I like the Spoon rims.”

“Wait—” Peeta rounded the counter and grabbed another Vero Mango lollipop from the canister nearby. He went to her, holding out the candy along with her bagged items. “Your snacks and this extra piece are on me. An official welcome from a true San Franciscan.”

Katniss took the lollipop, unwrapping it and sticking it into her mouth. She sucked, the sound reaching his ears, and Peeta resisted the urge to groan at the sheer sexiness of it.

Goddamn—she was his dream girl.

Katniss smirked, as if she had heard his thoughts.

“I think I’m going to like it here.”

++++++

“I saw that! You hella failed!” Peeta scowled at Finnick Odair, his best friend, who in turned beamed at him. “Just joking, bro, but I could tell you liked her.”

Finnick worked at the auto shop adjacent to the gas station along with Thresh, another one of their crew.

“Doesn’t matter,” Peeta lied. “I have to focus on other things.”

Their attention suddenly went to the white Porsche 911 Turbo that was heading towards them. It turned in sharply to pull up and park and Finnick jogged over to open the door.

“Hey Peeta!” Annie Cresta, Finnick’s girlfriend, greeted brightly as she stepped out of the car. “Y’all ready?”

Finnick kissed her quickly before looking back to him.

“Just about to close. Peeta was telling me about this girl that he just bombed with.”

Annie was a former car show model, not surprising with her flowing dark hair, slim figure, and deep green eyes. It was actually how she met Finnick, whose car—a Shelby GT 500—was on display. The two hit it off when Annie asked to check out his engine—her dad was former race car mechanic—and had been inseparable ever since.

“You met a girl?” Annie reached over and pinched his cheek. “So cute!”

“Nothing will come of it,” Peeta informed her, smiling wryly. “She had a nice ride though.”

“Ride?” Annie looked at him in confusion. “Like her ass?”

“No, like her car,” he told his friend. “A ��95 Integra, gorgeous color. Not to mention, she was gorgeous, too.” Pulling his cellphone from his pocket, Peeta looked at the time. “We should get going. Haymitch and the rest of them should be there now.”

Finnick reached into his shirt pocket and tossed the keys at him. “She’s in the back.”

Peeta nodded before heading into the open garage, past the cars being serviced and toward the silver custom fit car cover. Finnick’s shop was popular and with everything going on, he made sure that she was well-protected.

Going to the front of the cover, Peeta carefully rolled it back, checking for any marks before fully exposing her to the evening air.

“Hello, love,” he greeted.

His GTR gleamed in greeting; the dark green paint job shimmering with flecks of silver and Peeta opened the door to climb inside, taking in the scent of the leather. He adjusted the rearview mirror, making sure that the rosary from his mother wasn’t tangled.

“God, those Volk rims are bangin’,” Finnick said as he started his engine. “How many shifts did it take to get them?”

“Six months’ worth.” Peeta grinned, his hands already on his steering wheel—a Momo that cost him a pretty penny. He ate Maruchan noodles for a year to save up for it. “It’s always worth it, though.”

“You really need to get laid, man.”

Peeta gave him the finger.

“Hey, guys!” Annie skipped towards them, her skirt and long hair flouncing with her. “Last person at the meet-up buys dinner!”

“You’re on, babe,” Finnick replied before heading to his Shelby, newly painted electric blue with a white stripe down its middle.

“I want Golden Boy!” Peeta yelled as Annie rushed to her car. Fastening his seatbelt, he turned the engine over and revved it up before putting it into drive to move gently out of the garage.

He stopped next to Annie’s car, and she drew down her passenger window. “You think you’ll see your girl again?”

Peeta shrugged, his mind going to those sparkling greys. “I can only hope.”

Finnick joined them, a wide smile on his face.

“Come on, you two! Let’s roll out!”

Taking a deep breath, Peeta shifted into gear and in the blink of an eye, the three cars were racing into the evening.

++++++

Peeta lost himself in the drive, forgetting about the wager between himself and his friends.

Instead of heading for the easiest path from the gas station in Bayview—getting on the 101—he decided to cruise the streets and found himself driving through the Dogpatch District.

There was a distinct divide between the neighboring districts due to gentrification. In just a few blocks, it went from shipyards and old factories to state-of-the-art apartment buildings, the Uber HQ, and Chase Stadium.

While Peeta loved discovering new facets of the City, like the new Asian fusion bakery near his apartment, he missed other things like the family run restaurant that was walking distance from the gas station. His father used to take him there on the weekends so they could have man-to-man time while eating hefty servings of char siu and rice from Styrofoam containers.

Just as Peeta crossed the small drawbridge next to Oracle Park, his cellphone rang. Making sure there weren’t any cops around, he answered, putting it on speaker.

“Hey asshole, where the hell are you?”

Peeta rolled his eyes at the greeting. “Almost there, Gale. Just drove by the ballpark. Who’s there?”

“Haymitch, Johanna, Thresh—wait…Annie and Finnick just arrived—” There was a shuffle and some muffled words before Gale got back on the phone. “Little Miss Annie said that you’re getting pizza for Haymitch’s tonight.”

“Guess I am,” he replied. “See you in a few.”

His eyes went directly onto the 3rd Street.

It was surprisingly quiet, which made sense since there wasn’t a game going on.

Peeta shifted gears, put his pedal to the floor and sped through, hearing the squeal of his tires as he gained speed. He grinned at the rumble beneath him, the sounds of his car as familiar as his heartbeat.

Maybe it wasn’t that he lost himself in the ride, it was that found himself in it.

Making a turn into the lot, Peeta quickly found the rest of his crew despite the throngs of other automobiles arranged around their own group.

Everyone knew that Haymitch Abernathy’s crew had the prime spot; dead center in the lot with the perfect backdrop of the Bay Bridge behind them.

Peeta parked in his usual spot, to the right of Haymitch’s 1973 Barracuda, which was a source of envy and desire for many. There wasn’t a single driving crew that didn’t know of the man or his car.

It was pure black with leather bench seats and a 3-Spoke walnut hardwood steering wheel—timeless pieces for a classic. Unlike the rest of their cars, Haymitch’s had no body kit or other flashy additions. He didn’t need them because his racing skill alone was legendary.

Peeta stepped out of his car and immediately Haymitch came over, a wide smile on his weathered face.

“About time you showed up.” He put an arm around Peeta, patting his back. “I hear you’re bringing pizza over to my place. Effie will be happy. She hasn’t done a Costco run this week and will have nothing for any of you to eat.”

“If she ever needs anyone to help her out, I can go with her,” Peeta offered.

“And that’s why you’re my favorite,” the man declared.

Effie, Haymitch’s lady—practically his wife—was a retired officer from the San Francisco Police Department. It was how the two met; each time there was some sort of street race, Effie was immediately sent out to deal with Haymitch, who had taken a special liking to the woman.

It got to the point where he would start running lights on purpose and, even once, making donuts by her precinct just to be pulled in for an interview with her.

About the weirdest way to get someone but now the two were living happily in sin.

“Of course, he’s your favorite!” The woman with the ponytail shave approached, a glint in her dark eyes. She put her hands to Peeta’s cheeks to squish them together. “Peeta is so adorable!” Her words were laced with sarcasm. “He might even turn me straight.”

“Hello, Johanna,” Peeta greeted with a chuckle. He hugged the woman and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Who’s your conquest tonight?”

Johanna looked around and then sighed.

“Slim pickings tonight. Might just have to eat out Cato’s girl like last time.”

“God, I’d love to be a fly on the wall when he finds out about that.” Peeta’s stare went to the group adjacent to them. A tall blond with an unusually long neck met his eyes and sneered before taking a sip from the Corona in his hand. Beside him, the petite girl with long, sleek hair and round eyes looked to them, her gaze zeroing in on Johanna.

In response, his friend made a V with her index and middle finger before sticking her tongue between them, flicking it up and down. The girl startled before pressing herself closer to Cato, though her eyes flit once more to Johanna.

“I have no time to deal with a closet case like Clove,” Johanna told him.

Johanna Mason was the crew’s second in command. If Haymitch and Effie were considered the Papa and Mama Bear of their crew, Johanna was essentially their Aunt Bear—who liked pussy. She knew everyone strengths and weaknesses on the road and if they were ever challenged, she would immediately send the best driver for the race.

Besides Beetee, their tech guy, Johanna knew every road in the Bay Area and how to handle each one.

“The right one will come along,” he assured her.

“God willing,” she retorted before suddenly snapping her neck to her left. “Hands off the car, Gale!”

The dark-haired man, who could easily be mistaken as Haymitch’s son due to having the same olive skin and grey eyes, raised his hands in surrender.

“Just checking out the new body kit!” Gale called out before stepping away from the grey Nissan 370z. “No need to be a bitch about it.”

“I’d watch your mouth before I call your mama,” Johanna warned.

“Leave him alone,” Peeta said. He walked over to Gale and patted his shoulder. “He’s still learning how not to play with other people’s property—”

The group erupted in laughter as Thresh and Finnick launched into a rendition of Naughty by Nature’s O.P.P.

A few weeks ago, Gale sat inside the Barracuda—strike one—then touched the steering wheel—strike two. Just as he was about to sign his death warrant and open the glove compartment, Haymitch found him and tore him a new one.

Gale hadn’t looked at the Barracuda or Haymitch ever since.

Peeta finished greeting the rest of the crew, hugging it out with Thresh, who was off from Finnick’s garage today. Then he said hello to Brutus and Gloss, two cousins from Oakland, who were essentially muscle men—they owned a high-end gym in the City. The two were checking out the paint jobs on their matching Toyota 86s; Brutus’ was midnight purple and Gloss’ was chartreuse.

Brutus asked when he would be coming to train to which Peeta said that he would look into his work schedule.

Truthfully, the last time that he trained with the men, he couldn’t move for three days. They meant well but didn’t understand that not a lot of people were on their level fitness-wise.

His last stop was Beetee, who was sitting in his Dodge Charger with a laptop in the passenger seat.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Hacked into the SFPD’s CB radio system,” Beetee replied. “Just keeping a watch in case.” He pushed up his horn-rimmed glasses. “Would hate for them to ruin such a fun gathering.”

“Any reason that they should?”

“Cato is a little heated since you bested him at Twin Peaks,” the man informed him. “I have a feeling he might be feeding info to the police to shut this all down.”

“What an asshole,” Peeta replied. “I thought he was just bent out of shape because Johanna gave Clove head.”

Beetee guffawed. “That might just push him over the edge.” He looked up at Peeta. “Just watch your back, okay?”

He smiled warmly at the man. “Of course.”

Haymitch let out a whistle and they all gathered. Behind them, the music coming from one of the lowriders was quickly cut and even Cato’s crew turned to hear what their leader had to say.

“I’m glad that you were all available to come out,” Haymitch started. “Seeing you all here reminds of how much of a family you have become to me.” He cleared his throat, his grey eyes solemn and Peeta felt something stick in his throat. “With that in mind, I’m stepping down. Effie and I need to focus on some family matters, and we thought that you should be the first to know.”

For a moment, the crowd went silent.

“So, you finally knock her up?”

The question came from one of the guys where the lowrider cars were parked. Peeta remembered this man’s car being the ’64 Impala; he had invited Peeta for a ride once.

Haymitch snickered. “No, but don’t give Effie any ideas!” Everyone howled and Haymitch held his hands up to quiet them down. “I know this is a surprise, but things came up…and it’s what needs to be done.”

Out in the throng, someone held up their 40 oz bottle of Olde English. “To Haymitch!”

The crowd roared and those with a drink held it up to honor the man.

Johanna was the first to confront their leader. “A little warning would’ve been nice!”

He looked to each of them, regret in his eyes.

“We’re going to talk about it at my place tonight. Especially with everyone around gunning to take my spot…our spot. Also, there’s someone I want to introduce you to.”

A familiar orange Integra roared into the lot, braking sharply in front of their group.

Peeta’s heart began to race.

It couldn’t be—

The door opened and there she was, still wearing the same green leather jacket. She rushed over to Haymitch, giving him a smile before looking to the group.

When she zeroed in on Peeta, her grey eyes rounded before delightfully sparkling in his direction.

Heat filled him at her provocative stare.

‘Hello again, Dream Girl.’

“Guys—” Haymitch put an arm around her. “This is my niece, Katniss Everdeen.”

++++++

“Please be into girls…please be into girls…” Johanna murmured in quiet prayer behind him.

Peeta sat frozen in his spot, watching Haymitch introduce Katniss to some of the older folks in the mob.

Of all people, why did she have to be related to Haymitch Abernathy? Someone he knew for a definite fact could get away with murder.

However, there would be no problem if Peeta just kept it in his pants and avoided her.

“Peeta!” Haymitch headed right for him; Katniss following behind. “This is Katniss. Katniss, this is—”

“Peeta Mellark of gas station fame,” she finished with a smirk. “It’s been what—eight hours?”

“I didn’t realize that the uncle you were referring to was Haymitch.” Peeta avoided Haymitch’s curious gaze. “Again, welcome to the City.”

“And, how do you know my boy?” Haymitch asked.

Katniss looked at her Uncle. “Your boy? I was hoping Peeta was single—”

“Katniss…” Haymitch warned though it was tinge with warmth.

“Don’t worry!” She winked at Peeta. “I promise to not eat him alive.” He hoped that neither noticed the slight twitch at his lower half. “Anyway, Peeta was the first person to welcome me to San Francisco. He made me feel much better about the whole situation…”

The lightness in her eyes dimmed for a moment.

“I want you to be happy here, Katniss,” her uncle said gruffly. “You and Prim.”

Katniss embraced the older man, giving him a kiss on the cheek as they pulled apart.

In return, Haymitch patted her shoulder awkwardly.

“We will be. Thanks to you and Effie.”

“Wow.” Peeta guffawed. “I’ve never seen you so…soft.”

“I’ve seen you cry watching The Notebook. I don’t think you’re in a place to be calling me out,” Haymitch retorted.

“That is the last time that Annie decides on a movie!” Peeta turned to Katniss, who watched the banter in amusement. “I’m not making myself look good, am I?”

Katniss snorted. “No, you aren’t, but I like you this way.”

They stared at one another for a moment, and Peeta felt his mouth rise at the sight of her smile—as wide and bright as his own. He wished he could stop time just so that he could remember every bit of this moment; the way the corners of her eyes crinkled and the slightly higher lift of the right side of her lips.

And that dimple on her chin.

He wanted to press his mouth to it, imprinting it forever in his memories.

“This is getting weird,” Haymitch suddenly said, breaking them both from the stare. He whistled, calling the rest of the crew towards them. “Everyone, this is my niece Katniss. Treat her nicely, but don’t stare at her weirdly like Peeta just did.”

Each of them introduced themselves; Johanna with barely contained lust, Annie with excitement, Thresh with friendliness, Finnick with flirtation, Brutus and Gloss with quiet grunts, and Gale with suspicion. Beetee had already been introduced in the first round along with all the elders at the gathering.

“Katniss here is quite the driver,” Haymitch told them proudly. “Her dad was one of the best drifters in the country and he taught her well.”

“Bullshit,” Gale busted out.

Katniss stepped up. “Excuse me?”

“I’m just saying—this isn’t just some single-road town in the middle of nowhere. This is San Francisco. Not everyone can drive it—or drive it like we can.”

“Name a street.”

Gale was taken aback. “What?”

“According to you, not everyone—specifically me—can drive the streets of San Francisco,” Katniss countered. “Give me a street and I’ll show you I can.” She stepped into his space, and Gale retreated, but just slightly to save face. “In fact, you can drive against me.” Her eyes went to Gale’s Cherry-Red Viper. “Unless you can’t handle that weak ride of yours.”

Gale’s eyes flashed. “Top of Vermont Street.”

Peeta joined the two, turning to Katniss.

“You don’t have anything to prove.” He glared at Gale. “Especially to him.”

Katniss’ stare softened and she moved close, brushing her knuckles against Peeta’s.

“I know I don’t. I just think that he needs to be taught a lesson.”

His stomach fluttered at the fire in her eyes. “And what is that?”

“That it’s not about the car. It’s about the driver.”

++++++

While many believe the most crooked street is Lombard Street, San Franciscans know the truth.

It is actually Vermont Street.

Settled in Potrero Hill, the street is hidden in a residential area surrounded by trees. It’s not a place to take photos and you never had to worry about having to wait in a queue like Lombard. In fact, because of its seven sharp turns, it was disorienting to take photos.

That wasn’t going to stop Annie.

“I’m totally going live on my Instagram,” she told everyone at the bottom of the street where the crew was parked and gathered.

“Are you really putting your niece through the ringer over Gale?” Johanna questioned, her hard stare on their leader. “You know he’s all talk.”

“She needs to prove herself,” Haymitch responded before turning to Katniss. “You good?”

Katniss nodded. “I’m ready whenever he is.”

“How do we know that neither of them is woofing?” Brutus called out.

“Easy. Send in a witness,” Haymitch told him. “Katniss, pick someone to ride with you.”

“Peeta,” she answered immediately. His face warmed as he joined her side and she leaned towards him. “I’m glad I haven’t scared you off yet.”

“You’ll have to do a lot more to keep me away.”

Katniss barely managed to hold in her smile.

Haymitch looked over at Gale, who was sitting against his car.

“Gale? Who’s your choice?”

“Finnick.”

“We’ll flip on who goes first,” Haymitch continued. “Katniss is heads, Gale is tails.” He dug a quarter from his pocket before flipping it and covering the coin with his other hand. “Annie, call the result.”

Annie danced towards him, and he moved his hand away. “Heads!”

“Peeta, you record Katniss driving,” Johanna said. “Same for you, Finnick. The fastest split time is the winner.”

Katniss nodded. “Got it. Let’s go, Peeta.” They walked over to her car, and he went to the driver’s side, opening her door. She smiled as she sat down. “Thanks…no one has ever opened a door for me.”

“That’s a damn shame,” he replied. “I’ll have to fix that.”

Closing it, Peeta rounded the car to the passenger’s side and opened the door, plopping himself in his seat. He looked around the interior in admiration; the seats were taupe leather and smelled like they were just put in.

“Before you ask, they’re new,” Katniss informed him. “Wanted to make the trip easier on Prim.” She reached to her stereo system, an Alpine, and turned the volume up. “I can’t drive—the way I need to—without music.”

“I get it. I’m all about my dance mixes.”

Katniss started her engine and the smooth rumble immediately comforted him.

There was something about being in a well-built car. You could feel the love and the dedication put into it. Being in a custom-built car was like being in someone’s home, you’re able to get a glance of the kind of people they are. If they’re messy or neat, if they’re a minimalist or extravagant, or even if they are rebellious or a law-abider.

Peeta could tell immediately that she was an analytical driver, already planning the next move as she used her short shift and smoothly turned her Momo—they matched—up to the top of Vermont Street.

His phone rang and he answered to find Johanna’s face on the screen. “Hey, we’re at the top.”

“Okay,” Johanna said. “When Katniss is ready, let me—”

“I’m ready now,” Katniss interrupted, looking at the road before them. She gunned the engine, shifting with one hand and gripping her steering wheel with the other. “You?”

Their eyes met and her steel gaze went soft. However, her chest rose, her lips blowing out her tension unsteadily.

She needed him. In what way, he wasn’t sure, but he knew one thing.

Whatever Katniss needed, he would be there—co-driver, friend, family…

The other possibilities…they would just have to wait.

Because it was time for Katniss to show them what she was made of.

Johanna called out from his phone, “Starting in…3…2…1! GO!”

Her tires squealed as they flew off the concrete.

Peeta hung up on Johanna and got on camera mode to record. He focused on Katniss’ braking techniques, so smooth and stealthy that there was no jerking as they made their way through the first turn. Expose’s “Point of No Return” blared in the background, the bass making the whole car pulsate, but Peeta noticed none of it.

All he saw was her.

“I'd like to feel the passion To the point of no return I will be in full reaction I wanna take you in my arms

You're taking me to the point of no return…you're taking me to the point of no return…”

Despite their speed, he recorded steadily to make sure that he was getting all the proof that prick Gale needed. Katniss’ driving skills were flawless, her turns were tight and control on the wheel firm. She was focused completely on the road as they reached the halfway point.

All the while, a radiant smile lit her face.

She looked like he felt whenever he drove.

Like there was nothing else in the world that they would rather be doing.

“Why are you staring at me?”

Peeta moved the phone to meet her eyes. “Because I have to, I’m recording.”

“That camera hasn’t moved from face since the third turn.”

“Oh shit—” He quickly panned the camera to where she gripped the wheel. “Sorry.”

Katniss cracked up. “It’s not you I have to prove anything to. I know you trust me.”

He raised a brow at her words. “How do you know that?”

“It’s an instinct, like driving.” They made another turn, the second to the last. Peeta could see the line of their crew’s cars blocking the end of the road. “I know that you wouldn’t steer me wrong—excuse the bad pun.”

“Driving and puns,” he remarked. “My kind of night…with my dream girl.”

They reached the last turn and Katniss shifted as they made their way to the finish, braking to a full stop.

She turned to him, her cheeks flushed and her chest heaving. Her mouth curved in a smile as they stared at one another.

“What are you doing after this?” Katniss asked.

“I owe everyone dinner from Golden Boy Pizza.” His eyes went to where their hands rested at the console. Slowly, he covered her hand with his. “You want to come with me?”

Without a tic, her hand turned under his to entwine their fingers.

Their eyes connected, her own full and warm for him.

Peeta knew the look as sure he could breathe; he knew it reflected his own.

Love.

The point of no return.

“I would go anywhere with you.”

End of Part One

Yes, if you this is by no means over and I'm already working on Part Two. Watch on my Tumblr for updates.

Hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading!

*Music:

“Build A Bitch” – Bella Poarch

“Point of No Return” –Expose

#ouate challenge 2022 #everlark #everlark fanfiction #based on movies #submission

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azzurra-astra · 1 year

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Mariner CH.5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

It took little effort to get the weapon back to her abode since nobody was around to question it, and hiding it was a piece of cake. Under her bed. She arrived with little time to spare, for fifteen minutes after she got home and chose to rush into a shower, downstairs the front door slammed shut. What would she tell her brothers if they ever caught her with that spear in hand?

"Oh this? A merman gave it to me! ... Yes, you heard right! A barrel-chested merman! With Flaming Hot Cheeto arms and hair the color of red velvet cake! He's only a big asshole who wanted to rip my face off, wanna go meet him?"

Realistically, she would just tell them she found it on her hike.

Her mouth tugged into a frown when she exited her bathroom in fresh clothes, her windows shuddering, a foreboding greenish tint in the sky. The storm had arrived, she hoped that asshole merman was okay.

〰️〰️〰️

Arakos was in fact, not the best off, no, he was frustrated. Using markers from his previous expedition he arrived to where he was first caught, feeling the shifting tides from the storm above. Part of him worried that the ocean already dragged the corpse - if there was one - too deep for him to follow, and he didn't want to wait it out. Nitwitted decision in hindsight with the way he came dangerously close to getting launched into a dark cavern full of slip-streams in his descent. If he could just move a little deeper, it wouldn't be so bad, or at least that's what he kept repeating to himself even while fighting the tug and sway of a few rogue currents.

Breaking free of the ocean's nasty surface grab, he found the waters freakishly went still, but he held little complaint for how creepy it was. His fins flared with alarm, a figure creeping in the rocks had craned his way and was coming fast. His mouth opened to expel a hiss, discouraging whoever it was a significant amount, to the point where he could make out pale gray skin and the shape of it's owner.

"What're you doing here, Void-mouth? Your kind stay in haunted waters." His chest thudded, the sound reverberating off the cavernous walls.

"Waters you don't dare go." The tapered, eel-like body was easily twice the length of his own, dragged behind a skeletal frame, and oblong face surrounded by a cloud of inky hair. It was a female, missing a good portion of her left limb. Her other hand was missing a pinky, a detail he skipped since she habitually kept her cloud gray limbs tucked to her chest.

Though in darkness, Arakos could make out the scar-like seams extending from the edge of this woman's mouth and down the sides of her throat. A capability unique to her sub-species, to consume prey so large you wouldn't envision, the entire underside of her gullet down to her waist a shimmering palette of extremely small scales and shallow creases.

"State your business, you had intentions to attack." He held back a snarl, drifting backwards as her body swayed like sea grass, closing in.

"I mistook you for food, I apologize." She croaked. "… Care for an exchange of names?"

It was an offer, and seeing she had no intention to follow through, he dropped his guard somewhat.

"Arakos."

"Arakos.... Haizea." Her head dipped, narrow eyes widening as they wandered his shape briefly before pin-pointing on his face.

"Why are you here? Has hunger driven you this far as well?" Her mass and drifted even closer yet, the dark, almost gradual necrotic color of her skin at the waist down bunched in the rocks she uses to anchor herself several feet away.

"No, I... Lost my weapon, I returned to search for it."

The way she moved made him shiver, even if she couldn't help it.

Lenses slid over her milky yellow scelera. "It’s rare your type comes this deep… You'll have luck then, if it's yours, on a cliff past me for another mile, there is a weapon nestled in the head of a toothy beast. It is decaying, should be easy for you to remove."

Arakos internally reeled, he did kill it after all. "I... Thank you."

Her entire body rippled, she was laughing. As her tail finally left the cluster of rocks, it's glowing end came into view, a little red light.

"You middle dwellers always make us out to be savages of legend, like it would be in our demeanor to tear at your flesh without a single shred of civility. We cannot, we will not. Our family ties may not be as pleasant as yours, but we wouldn't thrive without having some mental complexity. Your anxiousness, it's hilarious." She partially circled him, head tilted nearly upside down.

"Be that as it may, it hasn't stopped your kind from trying." His eyes never broke from her face.

"You mean the select village idiots, yes...." her smile recessed, then reappeared wider than ever. "... Are my features so encapsulating that you cannot look away~?"

There was an outstanding, ghostly beauty about her, yes, but far too unsettling in spite of himself. Her pale, ashy-gray skin stood out against black swirls of hair, the dark fins waving from her back along the seam of her progressively thinning tail. She would've possessed a set of near-black hands were they still intact.

"Don't flatter yourself." He snorted, then switched subjects. "Is food scarce further down?"

Haizea chuffed at his words, but nodded. "Fairly, we go months without food, tis normal, also my purpose here isn't for a meal alone, I'm on guard."

"For what?"

"A gargantuan prisoner, from the depths far from here. He's a rogue, a massive bastard who's been disrupting the order of things. He's killed ours, yours, and so on... He comes from a brutal concentrated population, by word of mouth, his name is Kudarus." Her expression compressed, disgust etched into her otherwise smooth face.

Kudarus…. A name meaning “Thieving Darkness.”

Arakos drifted past her, flipping to swim backwards and watch her follow him, her body as flimsy as a kelp leaf when she moved.

"Whatever is his purpose? Does he have a means to an end?"

"Any guess would be fair, he has no bounds within that void of a mind. He claims to be in search of a sunken landman's machine, one the sea and time hasn't yet lay claim, not to share the spoils but to advance his own motives. I understand that, universally, we lack many things the ones above do, but to kill and steal to achieve it...."

"On that front he's no different than other criminals, but his goals are bewildering. It sounds like he's killing those who do not want change." He piped, half distracted by the muted flashes in the canyon wall, fish hiding from them.

"I see no point in fearing the advancement of our customs, our way of living, especially when it's for the better. I suppose comfort overall is everyone's universal go-to...." She sighed, then continued. "Things must grow slowly, you can't just jet against a wave and expect to break it's might, you either follow it's motion, or you go under it to move forward."

"Perhaps he's chosen to outright breach and go through it head on, maliciously.... Not to distract from this, but, why do you follow?" He looked from over his shoulder, having grown comfortable enough to expose his back to her.

"Because, I'm not the only one posted here, my nephew is as well, and he's not so quick to relent. He is the.... ‘Bite first, speak later’ type." She chuckled.

"Wonderful." He groaned, his fins closing a little.

"That and... It's different. You're different. Not so quick to judge considering our history…. It’s quite catching, like your colors." She sounded playful and accelerated beneath him, her ribbon-like body spiraling around his shape as she widely circled him once.

"I appreciate your cadence, but I... Have someone." He casually lied to let her down gently, but her attempt did earn a chuckle.

"My apologies, but who is stupid enough to let you leave their side during times like this?" She smirked, moving below him once again.

They must've been close, since she was now on the look out, he noted.

"One who trusts me."

"True. Ah--there's the dolt now. Forgive him should he introduce himself, he's very.... Intense. Too serious, much too much like my older brother." She pointed with her severed limb below them.

Hugging the cliffs a few meters below them, was gargantuan shape, skin darker and mottled with spots. His hair was tucked back into a series of clips, not wild like theirs. His body was even longer than hers, tail softly glowing against the jagged outcropping.

Arakos' felt his eyes go wide. "He is.... massive."

"Isn't he?" She sounded proud. "He's a smidge smaller than my brother due to his age, but soon he'll be a lumbering threat to the eyes."

"I'm thankful your kind isn't as strong as you appear."

"Our jaws are weak, and our limbs are frail. Alone we lack, but in numbers we prevail~" She sang as she twirled downward part ways.

"See to it you find your weapon, and return home intact, shallow man. Your love needs not to find you in pieces." She used her good hand to usher him forward with a finger, grinning.

Her exposed teeth were longer than his, made for trapping moderate prey.

"You have my thanks, Haizea." He nodded, the strokes of his tail quickening to get him there faster.

"We find new and good things in the strangest of places~" Her voice was distant as he carried on, having turned away from him to join with her nephew.

Arakos didn't have long to travel before he could make out the shape of a jutting, small cliff. Resting upon it and covered in scavengers was the deceased predator he'd stabbed, it's body having been well degraded by passersby beings taking bites or feeding on the rotted flesh.

Most of them scattered at his approach, and resting on the other side in the silt, was his verutum. The hagfish paid him no real mind, knowing they were practically inedible to a being such as him for all their slime coating. He yanked the weapon with little resistance from it's head, feeling a sense of satisfaction and completion. It was the first weapon he'd successfully made, and carried with him for years, it'd fended off many an enemy, and caught him food. Little damage was present on the staff itself, no doubt where the animal had tried to dislodge it on the rocks and reefs frantically. Unfurling it's thin strap from a collar near it's middle, he brought it to rest over his chest and shoulder, twisting himself to head surface-ward. He care not to linger in an unfamiliar place where it was dark, disorienting, despite two relatively friendly void-mouths.

〰️〰️〰️

Shelter was easy to find, but the closer he got to the surface, the more severe the sea's behavior. It was a snug hideaway, winding into a short chamber at the base of the island. Verutum securely tucked into stalagmites on the floor, he coiled his tail against the chamber walls, his sensitive hearing focused on the crashing roar of the waters above. Even in the enclosed area, the pressure was drastically different, the water still had a mild tug or push, but not enough as to rob him of sleep.

Left to his thoughts, the clan member Haizea revealed to him made him weary, what she told him churned his insides... The rogue would do best not to come here, it was a struggle enough in these times, plus his optimism told him that he'd be caught soon. He tried to ultimately switch his thoughts to something more positive, but there was very little to focus on in the recent days, except that strange little land walker.

Was she something he could regard as a positive thing?

In any sense, she had no intention to harm him but her actions thereafter would speak the loudest. He wasn't sure what her second visit to him was really about, he hoped she wouldn't make a habit of it if she ever met him again. He didn't want for her to follow him like some kind of begging animal, that would turn annoying, as also the risk of her getting attached and exposing him to her kind. While she was a reasonable exception, most land walkers were barbaric, they wouldn't hesitate to kill or take him hostage. They’d done so to the fast whales, indiscriminate of their size, they sang about the loss of family, never seen again.

Still, he did wonder what another meeting would bring, should they ever come face-to-face again. Were it left to fate, then so be it, but this storm did have him a little worried about her survival, it wasn't like this was the first one to assault the island it's inhabitants, but it was bad, very bad.

He was no stranger to coming upon landman's debris floating in the ocean after one of these maelstroms, sometimes entire portions of architecture, water crafts, gadgets, kitschy things, cables, even one of those fast land crafts with hard black wheels that were very loud. It was a big one, the back of it a rectangle with a platform for transportation of heavy things. The cabin was too small for him to fit into wholly, but he found odd items inside after he managed to force open the door, like seating made of slick foreign materials, dirty soft gloves, faded thin material with their language on it folded away in a compartment between the two front seats. He was so excited by the discovery that he incessantly pestered his older brother about it until they both ventured out to explore it. His brother, being the ever inquisitive intellectual, urged others to bring it back to the city for study. Everything about it was so.... Hardy, it was difficult to dismantle for examination, and last he checked in on it, Casul was only then getting beneath the chamber in front of the cabin.

So close to the surface he was, it was impossible not to get a front row seat to the light show, the entire ocean illuminating when lightning scrawled across the clouds above.

#Azzurra writes

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thestoriesincoffeestains · 2 years

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Rowan Rees | Sting Like a B

Main FC: Paige Spara Younger FC: Miranda Cosgrove Occupation: Owner of women-only bar The Hornet’s Nest Sexuality: Bi

Rowan grew up as a vivacious, spirited only-child eager to take on the world. At a young age, she quickly surrounded herself with passionate, talented people, even though she wasn’t quite sure where to direct her own passions. During her formative years, she switched from one project--rollerblading, piano, graffiti art, YouTubing--to the next, never quite feeling like anything was just hers.

In high school, she got thrown into a Home Ec class and hated the enforced gender norms--the girls were assigning baking and sewing projects while the guys fixed appliances. After burning her third pineapple upside down cake, Ro tossed in the towel and switched to Blacksmithing--a course the school was about to phase out. She instantly fell in love with having the ability to mold and shape something as tough as metal with her own hands and the right tools. After finding the only female blacksmith in town, Rowan became her apprentice and learned how to create weapons for her senior project. She still has the broadsword and axe she made.

As an only child, Rowan grew up with few restrictions, even though her adventurous spirit was a little too much for her parents at times. She’s always quick to accept a dare or challenge, and even if she fails, she loves the thrill of trying what she shouldn’t. Though she didn’t intend to rebel, she grew up hating unnecessary rules, tradition, gender normals, and set-in-stone social etiquette. She decided early on she wanted to say ‘fuck it’ to corporate America, the white picket fence American dream, and everyone’s expectations.

Still unsure of what she wants to do with her life, Rowan ends up majoring in Business and instantly falls in love with the possibilities of what she can do with her life. After attending a rowdy, misogynist-infested sports bar in the hopes of watching a roller derby game when her electricity goes out, Ro says ‘fuck it’ again and knows what business she wants to create for her final project. She created The Hornet’s Nest, a women-only bar complete with an axe-throwing range, wine on tap, a huge bathroom, and The Bachelor or Great British Baking Show playing on at least one screen at all times.

Rowan is an act-now sort of girl, and though it usually gets her into trouble, she often has a reason for it, too. She often drags her friends into her plans, never wanting anyone to feel left out. Still, she can sometimes get so caught up in her project of the week that she can seem neglectful or forgetful. She’s always late, even to her own meetings.

Once the business settles, she joins a local roller derby team--The Rollin’ Furies--as Horn-ette. She also hires local artists to add spray paint bar all over the interior and exterior wall. Most of the drinks at the bar are named after female friends or famous women in history. She also prioritizes working with women-owned businesses, vendors, and musicians. Instead of matchbooks, the bar offers tiny hand sanitizer and lotion bottles, hair ties, and clips, all with the bar’s signature Hornet and ‘Sting Like a B’ slogan.

Rowan usually sucks on a lollipop (cannabis ones when she’s older) when she’s thinking hard. She loves Renaissance fairs, comic books with female leads, and indie films (but doesn’t have the patience to read subtitles). She loves cheesy snacks (namely, Flamin’ Hot Cheetos), fudgy brownies, and mozzarella-stuffed pretzel bites. She can get a little loud, interrupts people without meaning to, and has to step back from a situation before she can see reason. Tinkerbell was her favorite Disney character growing up. She has a hard time letting anyone else manage the bar but doesn’t want to become a control freak. Once the bar is in the green and thriving, she travels with friends once a year to blow off steam.

#rowan ✦ face #rowan ✦ starter #rowan ✦ musings #rowan ✦ likes #rowan ✦ headcanon #rowan ✦ crushes

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musubiki · 4 years

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beauty and brains sonia magnolia ✨

#pokemon #pokemon swsh #swsh #pkmn #sonia #professor sonia #assistant sonia #art #doodles #pokemon fanart #fanart #her hair..........is shaped like a cheeto #i love this girl.....im so proud of her...

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elliotsblunt · 2 years

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01 forbidden | elliot

pairings — elliot/reader | brothersbestfriend!au |

word count : 3.2k

summary : you had always had a crush on your older brother’s best friend, elliot, who was always hanging around the house. it started off innocent, but as more years passed, those feelings developed an interesting turn.

warnings : eventual smut,enemies to lovers,sassy!reader,god complex,usage of drugs

authors note : i’ve been waiting to upload this, so so so excited. here it is ladies and gentlemen and them. muah !

elliot masterlist next chapter

January 11, 2019

“Your brothers’ music is so fucking annoying,” Maddy muttered with pursed lips, rolling her eyes as she applied a thick layer of gloss. Nodding your head in agreement, your perfectly manicured nails flipped through another magazine, waiting for your toes to dry. In the background, some hideous rock music played behind the paper walls that connected to your older brother, Sam’s, room. Her tone was plucked, “I can barely hear myself think, like, is he seeking attention or something?”

You snorted at that. Flipping your hair over your shoulders, you released an irritated sigh, standing up onto your feet. Toes sinking into the flush carpet, you walked past her, exiting your room, “I’ll go tell him to turn it down. Be right back,” you muttered in a slight mutter, your golden necklace with your name printed in gold laying between the valley of your breasts. With slight furrowed brows, you stuck your nose in the air, before approaching the doofus’ door. It was littered in random stickers, consisting of musical instruments, a big DO NOT DISTURB sign printed onto the front it it, “Sam,” you shouted, banging your fists on the door, “Open the door, asshole!”

In a few moments, the door swung open, revealing your stoner older brother. Only by a two years. But he treated that as if it was the biggest gap in the world. It really irritated you to the core, how he acted superior, when you were sure his brain feels were deteriorating every waking second due to the green herb. His eyes were hooded, looking down at you with a scowl, “What do you want, slut?”

“For you to turn you shit down, before I tell mom what I found in your room last week,” you threatened, talking about the two grams of molly that was hidden beneath his underwear drawer. His jaw tightened at the threat, making you smirk, “Deal? Deal. So do what I want or we’ll be having a family meeting tonight, kay?”

His eyes rolled, flipping you off, before slamming the door in your face. With a groan of disgust, hoping the stench of weed didn’t stick to your clothes—you returned to your room, noticing that your friend was no longer there. And when your phone rung, reading the text from your bestie, your assumptions had been accurate.

mads bae :

sorry bitch, nate picked me up. explain later. tty tomorrow love u

Raising your brows, you responded.

k, love u 2. muah

Sighing, you threw your phone onto your purple bed sheets, pondering in what to do. You didn’t really eat carbs past six, but it was the weekend, and you had shit else to do. Whatever. You were going to be seriously bloated tomorrow, but in the moment, you really wanted some fucking cheetos. Walking back out your room, your freshly painted feet skipped down the stairs, hand sliding down the polished railing. Entering the kitchen, a scream tore from your throat, hand flying to your chest when you spotted some boy looking in your fridge. Judgment lacing in your voice, your brow rose,

“Um, excuse me?” You placed your hands on your hips, face twisting at the sight of him. The boy, who you got a better glimpse at, shut the fridge door with a surprised look. Black roots rested between strands of bleached blonde ones, skin tan and smooth, an apple shaped tat standing out on his face. Tilting your head, your eyes fell down to his outfit, which consisted of a black hoodie and a pair of regular light washed blue jeans. He was your brothers’ friend. Especially with the way his eyes squinted at you, rimmed with red, you knew he was high, “Who are you? And why the hell are you holding a jar of mayo?”

Glancing down at the bottle in his hands, he chuckled, placing it onto the counter, “I was gonna make a sandwich,” he explained, voice raspy and low. Leaning his hip against it afterwards, his brow arched towards you, “I’m guessin’ you’re Sams’ little sis, Y/N,” he assumed, offering you his hand. Your nose scrunched at the gesture, eyes flickering up and down at him, as his hand fell back to his side, “Okay, uh, nevermind the—“

“You smell like weed, and it’s giving me a headache,” you grumbled, pushing past him, making your way to the cabinet. His eyes glued to your figure as you took the bag out, with orange accents, not paying him any mind as you poured a few of the chips in a bowl. He cleared his throat again, making your eyes roll again, not intending to have a conversation with some stoner kid that your brother picked up. Chewing slowly, your eyes snapped to his with a glare, as his voice sounded once again,

“Damn. Your brother said you were a bitch,” he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. His lips curved into a slight smirk when your eyes turned thinner, “Guess I had to see for myself, didn’t I?”

You scoffed, swallowing the cheesy snack, “Puh—lease. Like I’d care what a pothead like you thought,” you mumbled, taking another bite of the crunchy item in your small fingers, “Besides, I’m not a bitch, I just don’t associate myself with those that smell like a skunks’ asshole,” you continued on, his jaw tightening at your bluntness, “Since you’re new, I’ll explain the rules to you. My brothers’ friends don’t speak to me unless I speak to them first, which is never, so this’ll be our last interaction. Alright? Cool.”

Turning around, about to head back up to your room, you froze after one step when he chuckled.

“You sound a little too full of yourself for someone that’s mid, at most,” he quipped back, with a dry tone, making your eyes round. No one ever spoke back to you, ever. To be honest, guys ate it up when you treated them like shit, finding it attractive that you had a backbone and standards. It was a bit refreshing to finally meet someone that challenged you, but more importantly, it pissed you the fuck off. Turning around, he shrugged innocently, lazy smile hanging off his lips, “I bet underneath all that makeup, you look as miserable as you are.”

Luckily, you didn’t get offended easily. You were hot, and you knew it—so it was obvious he was lying because you had crushed his ego. Smiling at him, you blinked, tone sickeningly sweet, “Don’t come for my looks unless you can point out something specific, for an example, like that fugly tat that’s on your cheek. Oh—or your poorly dyed hair that looked like you colored it with an air fryer. Now, do what you do best, and get high while looking at naked pics of girls you’ll never get.”

Speechless, his lips pressed firmly together, probably trying to calculate how to get you back. But without giving him anymore of your precious time, your hand fell to your chest, mocking sympathy,

“This was a humbling experience. Y’know, speaking to a loser like you. Inspired me to go do my homework, so thanks.”

And with that, you sent him a wink, before spinning around and swiveling your hips, making your dramatic exit out the kitchen.

And that’s how you met your brothers’ best friend, Elliot.

At school next day, he was brought up by your friends.

BB let out a sound of disgust, as Kat opened another pack of snickers, taking a bite as she typed away on her computer, “Fuck, Kat, you should watch out, before like, you get diabetes or something—“

Not glancing at either of them, you applied some blush to your lips, expression not rippling, “Shut the fuck up and stop being a fucking cock sucker,” you cut her off, everyone in the bathroom falling silent. You hated BB, especially with how she always tried kissing your ass, hating on people whilst trying to impress you. But Kat was your friend, and rule number one of being a hot ass bitch, was to never be a bitch to your friend. That’s like, fake, which is so not it, “And I mean like, literally. All you do is such cock in the bathroom during lunch,” you snapped, Maddy standing beside you as she crossed her arms,

“M, do you think it’s cool to shame other girls?”

Maddy rose her brows, unimpressed, “Yeah, no. That’s some weirdo shit right there, B. Figure that out.”

The embarrassed brunette felt her cheeks turn red, looking down at her shoes without saying anything before hitting her vape. Letting out a sigh, you patted your cheeks, making sure the blush set in, before offering it to Kat, who had put away the chocolate bar, “Here, use this. It’s my fav,” you handed it to her, “Your skin tone, is like, super nice. I wish I had skin that clear.”

Kat smiled, “Thanks, but you’re like, perfect,” she complimented, facing the mirror. Letting out a chuckle, you took the blush from her, before dipping your finger into the bright powder, “No such thing as perfect, babe,” you told her, dabbing it gently against her pale skin, “—but, you can pretend to be, because no one else knows you’re pretending. Besides, I’m close enough to it anyways.”

In response, she laughed nervously before biting her lip.

You actually liked Kat. Her and Maddy were the only two people you could stand in this entire fucking school, and she was actually real. She told how how it was, but was also this extremely shy girl, letting people walk all over her kindness when it’s convenient for them. Maddy and you were like her bodyguards, which was cool for you, since you saw her as your daughter in an odd way. She was so sweet, voice small, thick glasses always covering her brown doe-shaped eyes. She was really pretty, too, but her fashion was a no no.

That was a different story for a different time.

“So there’s a new kid,” Maddie brought up, sliding onto the counter. Her heels hung in the air as she placed her hands on her knees, smirking with her plump, glossy lips, “He came from like, some other city here in cali, I think. I heard he has a tattoo on his face of some shit.”

A brief recollection of last night rolled into your mind, making your blood run cold when you remembered him. Laughing, you finished Kat’s cheeks, shoving the makeup product bag into your bag, “Yeah, I know,” you mused, cocking your hip, “I met him. He’s some stoner freak that’s friends with Sam.”

Maddy narrowed her eyes, “Ew.”

“Right,” you sighed, looking in the mirror. Fluffing your hair, you craned your neck, making sure your makeup wasn’t cakey in the lighting, “Either he’s gay, or smoked so much that his brain became dead—because he said I was mid. I’m everyone’s type.”

Maddy let out an agitated sound, looking down at her phone, disregarding what you said, “Ugh, Nate keeps texting me,” she mumbled, fingers flying across her screen, “He keeps wanting to take me shopping, but I won’t give in that easily, especially after what he did.”

Kat’s voice was quiet, but still apparent, as she leaned against one of the counters, “You mean when he did put it up your ass?”

Biting back a smirk, you gingerly placed one of your hands over your mouth, masking yourself as Maddy suddenly became more flustered. Cheeks turning red, she pointed a finger at you two, “It was one finger, and no, I’m not talking about that,” she snapped, her voice tight, “Last night, I was like I need a boob job, right? And then he didn’t say anything, which was like, the wrong fucking answer,” she rambled, pulling out her mascara wand and swiping at her lashes.

Leaning into the school mirror, her large eyes stared at herself, “So when I confronted him, he said he liked them the way they were, which pissed me off more—because he didn’t say that in the beginning.”

You hummed, “Right. So it seems like he’s lying.”

“Exactly.”

“I mean, we’re in high school now, and I’m a woman—he needs to treat me like it,” she went on, anger building up within her. Fanning her face, she shook away the thought of him, looking at you with a raised brows, “Anyways, is he cute?”

You frowned.

“Who?”

“The new kid, bitch. Is he fuckable for you? I mean, new year, new dick,” she prompted, a suggestive tone in her voice. You bit your lip, not usually liking anyone in that type of way. But you had to admit, he was attractive, and did get on your nerves—which no one usually could, since you didn’t care about anyone’s opinions. But the way that he had dominated you, instead of vice versa, made your chest warm.

But obviously, you wouldn’t admit that, face twisting as you readjusted your bag over your shoulder, “The fuck? He’s friends with my brother. That’s like, weird. If he’s willing to hang out with a loser like him, then imagine how weird he is.”

Kat played with her fingers, “Your brother is cool, I mean, he’s not that bad,” she mumbled, causing you and Maddy to send knowing looks to one another, smiles on your faces. It was obvious Kat had a crush on Sam, but would never verbally say it, probably because she thought she couldn’t bag him. But to be honest, you thought they would look cute together, but didn’t want him to be with one of your friends.

They were yours, not his. Which made you a little selfish, yes, but you didn’t give a fuck. Besides, it’s not your fault she never acted on her feelings. Her eyes rounded as she looked at you, “Not like I know that, it’s just—nevermind. Forget it.”

Laughing, you felt Maddy bend you over, thrusting her hips against your backside as you fake moaned. Kat blushed furiously, “Fuck you,” she laughed, standing up onto her feet, “I have class. See you guys.”

“Bye bitch, love ya!”

March 8, 2022

Swaying your hips expertly, your body sprang into a back flip, falling into the arms of two other girls. Springing from their grip, you walked to the front of the row, popping your hip to the side before smirking at the crowd. Being the best dancer on Easthigh Land Highschool’s dance team was easy for you, having a natural rhythm to your body, showing off what no one can touch. It also boosted your already high ego, watching as the students cheered from the stands, raising in sound when you fell into the splits. Then you spun around, before dropping to your knees, shaking your ass. Licking your teeth, you flew back to your feet, before strutting to the back. Pulling your hands, you furrowed your brows, pumping the audience up.

Then, cockily smirking, you finished off the dance by hurdling your body into three front flips, before ending it in the splits—hands in the air as you giggled at the attention. You loved it. The cheers, clapping for you, hungry eyes of the boys that wished they could spend a night with you, the girls that both envied you and wanted to be you. It was like drugs, addicting and something you craved.

Sending a kiss to the students, you stood onto your feet, before bouncing in your steps as the football team began to jog back onto the court. Your eyes narrowed when you spotted Sam, with his stoner friends, smoking some bud behind the bleachers. Spotting a familiar bed of blonde curls, your chest puffed, feeling a hot light stab into your heart. Wearing his baggy shirt, Elliot leaned against the pole, taking a hint of his joint.

Clearing your throat, you tore your eyes from him, Maddy pulling you down onto the bench beside her in her cheer uniform, “Bitch, you slayed. As usual.”

“Thanks,” you smiled, brushing off your glittery purple shorts. Covering your breasts was a skin tight black top, the uniform for the dancers, smoky purple eyeshadow painted onto your eyelids—purple rhinestones decorating the top of your cheekbones. The game went on, before Maddy went to go cheer, and eventually it ended. You hated football games, they were so fucking boring, but the parties after were always the best part. After the game, you all went over to Jacob Chapman’s place, where he hosted an after game get together.

But after the party, you didn’t end up getting drunk, ditching when Maddy vanished with Nate to go fuck. You weren’t really in a partying mood, wanting to just be alone and do some face masks and self care. Approaching your house, you slowed down, spotting your brothers’ best friend sitting on the steps, joint in between his fingers, looking straightward.

When his eyes fell onto yours, your stomach flipped, but acted opposite of your hidden feelings, pulling on a twisted look, “Well look who it is,” he rasped out, blowing out a stream of smoke. His lips quirked into a half smirk,

“It’s the wicked bitch of the west.”

Ever since you met Elliot three years ago, you had concluded that you did have a crush on him. But of course, your brother would kill you, and it was just embarrassing. You were the town’s princess, everyone loved you and kissed the ground you walked on. Elliot was more so—the bad boy. The punk. Instead of watching the football games, he smoked behind the scenes. At dances, he would ditch with your brother and sit in the parking lot, sharing joints and liquor they stole from god knows where. His grades were ass, which wasn’t surprising, when you’re high all the damn time. But yet, girls wanted him, because he didn’t care about anything or what anyone thought. Similar to you.

Which is why you liked him. Competition. He was different.

He was exciting. A breath of fresh air. His tattoos that littered his body, always wearing dark clothes, that fucking lip piercing he had. Sometimes he would tug it in between his teeth, unknowingly, and it made you squeeze your thighs together at the sight. It pissed you off the affect he had on you, because you were usually the one in control, but not when it came to him. That’s why you were so mean to him—because you hated the way he made you feel.

You wanted to clip the wings of the butterflies he gave you.

Raising your brow, you cocked your head to the side, “What? My brother not here to jerk you off or what?”

He chuckled, tapping on his joint with his pinky to rid of the ash, “He ditched me to go fuck Cassie. Guess pussy is more important than bros,” he muttered, hollowing his cheeks as he took another hit. His eyes narrowed down at you, “Thought you were going to Chapmans.”

“Maddy ditched me to go fuck Nate. Go figure,” you muttered bitterly, “So why don’t you leave, if my brother isn’t here. Your stinking up my front porch.”

His eyes flashed.

“Thought you liked my company,” he mused.

You scoffed, leading him to snicker.

“The only time I’ll ever love your company is when in loving memory is put in front of it.”

Sniffling, he wiped his nose, before putting out his joint, “As always, your company has been absolute shit,” he smiled at you in a fake, mocking way, causing you to reflect it. Kicking his feet of the steps, he sent you a salute, bowing slightly, “See you later, bitch.”

Sending him the bird, you rolled your eyes, before walking into your house.

The things you’d give to fuck him.

taglist ☻ @justiceloves123 @icedcold @kaeyasluvbot @maneatercore @christianzior @sluttytears s @leslienjazzy @alascaxq @soliqz @onlyangel-444 @elethiyia @cherricola66 @glizzymcguirex @youngleosia @euphoricfeminine @drakens-trash @janieisamarauder @hessafeelsfordayss @1blissfuleuphoria @visiondaddy @ncllywrites @milkiane @beepbopboodeedee @chaoticstreetlights @joy-soul-gallery @vintagebitc @letmebeyoureuphoria @megatqistina @iheartcatss @harrycanyonmoonn @borapsycho @spencerreidsm0mmy @jasontoddss1ut @nonbinaryblackwoman @vampyswrld

#elliot #elliot euphoria #euphoria #elliot imagines #elliot smut #elliot x you #elliot x y/n #elliot x reader #elliot imagine #elliot is mean

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wooyaa · 2 years

Text

you have mail ! open it ? pending (3) “wtf.“ [p. 1]

a series (potentially) i have no idea how to describe this. words: 808 warnings: swearing streamer!hu tao x fem!reader :: aha. ahahahaha.

hu tao, 19. sophomore at teyvat university. soon to be a junior. rooms with zhongli, 21, and a senior, in an apartment complex two blocks away from campus. hu tao, a streamer on twitch, has quite a reputation for loving horror games and being good at games.

hu tao, the streamer known for having flower-shaped pupils, that shined even brighter when she was excited.

hu tao, the girl that played genshin impact and is known for loving an unreleased character called [name]. geo vision. bow user.

when hu tao first saw [name], she fell in love. visuals, leaks about her lore, gameplay, everything about her.

hu tao was a part of the genshin special thanks to streamers event, ultimately winning first place and getting herself as a character in the game. also, she whaled for her own c6.

hu tao, who thought it was fate that [name] was releasing on her birthday. she'd been saving up, (and maybe spent a little bit) for her favorite character.

- ❀ -

"zhongli, zhongli!" hu tao exclaimed, shaking the poor man's shoulders back and forth.

"hu tao, please- whatever it is, i beg you to stop shaking me..." he pants, taking the younger one's hands off of his shoulders, sighing tiredly as to why she was so excited.

"it's important!! it's TWO days away from [name]'s release and today's! the day, for her talent drops!" she shouts, making zhongli rub his ears. good thing their rooms were soundproofed.

"and i need a little bit more of her silk flowers..." she looks up to zhongli, flashing her infamous puppy-dog eyes, "'li, will you help me please?"

he sighed, shaking his head, the gold highlighted part of his hair swinging to the front. "okay."

- ❀ -

"hey guys!! stream's gonna be chill today,, just farming for [name] hehe.."

pepesweat not this again

good luck for her widepeepohappy

you will get her lmao

her eyes sparkle, "hehe, thanks! anyway i have 14,000 primos for her!" she pouts, "but i have a 50/50..."

zhongli's discord icon lights up on the screen in green, "i think you'll get her either way. you've been working day and night, i think [name] would be very rude if she didn't come home with your wishes."

hu tao grins as she kills a ruin guard. "thanks, 'li...! she will come home no matter what." this girl does not know what's coming.

- ❀ -

"happy birthday, hu ta-"

"[NAME]'S HERE [NAME]'S HERE [NAME]'S HERE [NAME]'S HERE [NAME]'S HERE [NA]-"

"...hu tao, she's not here yet; there's maintenance. but happy birthday."

poor zhongli was caught off guard when his roommate woke up abruptly and started shouting about her beloved favorite character before he could even finish wishing her a happy birthday.

the said girl whines, kicking the bed like a child. "but i can't wait..."

the older man sighs, annoyed but smiling. this child really does love [name]. "i've brought you breakfast. [steamed fish with a side of prawn dumplings]."

- ❀ -

"[name] [name] [name] [name]- come home please please please-"

yes, hu tao has just logged on genshin, her viewers telling her to calm down and some cheering her on.

[NAME] COME HOME

pepepray PLEASE

calm down she's here she's here

quickly, hu tao goes to [name]'s favorite spot, wanwen bookhouse,

"rexlapis please give me [name]."

"why are you praying to me-"

"GOING IN TO WISH NOW!!!"

---

"HOLY SHIT ITS GOLD ITS GOLD ITS GOLD"

hu tao clicks, rushing, waiting to see her wife appear on screen.

three star.. three star... three star... GOLD!!! and... that's... [name]'s silhouette!

...or so she thought.

raging red flames released from a sturdy claymore, the flaming hot cheeto hair that hurts to look at.

"why... wHY DOES MY [NAME] LOOK DIFFERENT...!?"

D: D: NOOOOO LMFAO D: pepecry

"...hu tao. it is not too late. you can still get her." stifling a chuckle, zhongli (user "rexlapis") reassured the girl that is on the verge of tears.

"thAT'S RIGHT! I STILL HAVE 40 WISHES AND-"

a dark screen is shown on hu tao's screen, only visible to herself. and there, written in gold, says, "do you wish for her to come home?" [yes] [no] hastily, hu tao scrambles to click the yes option, even spamming it a few times. the yes option then lights up in gold, exciting but confusing the streamer.

WTF NO WAY WHAT

"WHAT THE FU- GOLD!? SHE'S COMING SHE'S HERE [NAME] YOU'RE"

CRASH!!!!

hu tao's pc circuited, sparks flying and smoke emerging from the kitchen. hu tao coughs, wide eyed as she runs out of her room. a figure is seen on the floor, a smile lighting up on their face as they run over to the shocked, hu tao. "ah!" they exclaimed, trapping her in a warm embrace, and said "happy birthday, tao...!"

this, this person. they seem... familiar... wait... "[N]- [NAME]!?"

---

guess she did come home lol oops?

#streamer hu tao #hu tao #hu tao x reader #hu tao x you #hu tao fluff #you are a genshin character that becomes real #hu tao simps over you #genshin #genshin fluff #genshin imagines #hu tao imagines #audreys w.w #hu tao sees herself in the game #hu tao brainrot #hu tao x fem!reader #fem reader #calm x chaotic #idk

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what-i-call-men · 3 years

Text

Jiggle physics

Jeff Pfister x female!reader

Warnings: SMUT, dominant reader, sub Jeff, some degradation towards Jeff, a bit of voyeurism at the end (reader finds out mutt saw the whole thing)

Request: My fic thought for the night (up for grabs) but it’s Jeff pfister. Reader is a dancer/instructor and Jeff studies her for “jiggle physics”. Thought is definitely a smut

One again I am stealing a picture from @copy-of-a-cheeto because I love the icons they make. Thank you!!

Also thank you to @divineruler for proof reading

It was another day for you to begin with. You were working at a small gym in town after your other job hadn't really worked out. You were freshly graduated from college and needed somewhere to work while you looked for other opportunities, a gym was your best option. Now you weren't an avid gym person, but you did enjoy dancing so you ended up instructing a Zumba class. It was more of a hip hop class because your gym was right near a college town, and early 00s Spanish didn't reach college kids as much as hip hop and rap music.

This week you had specifically scheduled a dirty Thursday class, uncensored music and a lot of confidence boosting music. You were doing your last few songs, pushing everyone to their "sexy limits" as you put it. You had stripped off your tank top, now just in your sports bra and leggings. When you were stripping off your top, you had a few of your regulars whistle or cheer, some even joining you as they knew the choreography. You ended your last high energy song and started your cool downs, opting to leave the shirt off as you were definitely sweating right now.

The slow sounds of Just the two of Us by Grover Washington jr played through the speakers as you instructed your class to stretch out. As you faced them, you couldn't help but catch a glance of blonde hair from outside the glass doors to the room. It looked familiar but you couldn't put your finger on it as you continued your instruction. After you finished your cool down, you moved to gather your things as some of the students chatted with you. One of your best friends had walked out to run to the locker room and came back, running up to you and pinching your arm a bit. "You'll never guess who is outside looking for you." She whispered so others wouldn't hear.

Turning to her you rubbed the now pained part of your arm and raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Um I don't know, Ryan Reynolds ready to sweep me off my feet?" You asked and reached down to pick up your gym bag and tank top, choosing to toss it in the bag rather than putting it on. Your friend followed you out of the classroom with the rest of the remaining class. "No, it's fucking Jeff and Mutt from high school." She whispered and nodded to the front desk where they stood, talking to a receptionist. You looked at them for a second.

"And they have those same dumb haircuts from when they were 12." You choked back a quiet laugh as you approached the front desk. Mutt saw you first and then elbowed Jeff to look up at you. "Hey boys, long time no see." You said and walked up to the pair, holding out your membership card to the front desk people to clock you out. "What warrants such an abrupt visit from the resident horny weeb club." You said and led the boys out, your friend keeping a close distance behind the group.

"Hey y/n, can we talk to you alone? We have a job offer for you?" Mutt said and glanced at your friend. You stopped outside the gym and nodded to your friend to go to the car you shared. "What job could you two possibly have for me? Last I heard you guys were just trolling random people online and spam liking my Instagram pictures." You said and crossed your arms. You weren't really friends with the two in high school, but you did have a friendly teasing relationship with them, rather than really making fun of them like others did. You were really only nice because you never knew who'd end up going crazy, and you'd rather not be on someone's shit list.

"We recently ran into... a lot of money. And we wanted to hire you at our robotics company." Jeff said and gestured excitedly at you. He definitely was on something from the way he had a shake to his hands. "Uh... you two know I majored in archeology? I don't know the first thing past how to google." You said and looked mainly at Jeff. God if he didn't have that stupid haircut still, you'd be tempted to say he got hot. He's got a pretty good body and he looked pretty good in comparison to Mutt. It would help him a lot if he didn't still dress and look like he was 12.

"We're aware. It has nothing to do with your degree. Here, this is what you'd make if you come to work for us." Mutt grabbed a card from his pocket and a pen that hung from your bag pocket. When he handed you the paper you had to blink at the numbers for a second. "Annually?" "Weekly" Jeff corrected your question. You stared at the paper for a second. "How do I know you guys aren't just high or something? How'd you even find me?" You asked and Mutt and Jeff looked at each other before Jeff grabbed his keys from his pocket. He clicked the unlock button and a Rolls Royce beeped from where it was parked only a few spots away from where you stood. "If you're interested come pay us a visit." Mutt pointed at the business card he had handed you and the two walked to the car before you could say anything.

When you got home of course you researched the company name on the card. Kineros Robotics had made actual headlines and pictures of the men were on different sites about their sudden influx of money to their company from a generous anonymous donation. You glanced at the card and pursed your lips before pulling up Instagram, going to Jeff's page, glancing at the pictures he's posted and biting your lip. God you could really tell he was either still a virgin or very submissive in some sense. He wasn't like any of the gym bros that hit on you or messaged you. With a small surge of courage, you hit the 'message' button and typed out a quick text.

After messaging back and forth about the job opportunity for about two days, you found yourself standing outside the main entrance to the robotics lab. You walked down the hall to see glass doors and just a buzzer. You buzzed and were quickly let in. "You guys should get a receptionist or someth-" your words were cut off when you saw what was really in the room. There were humanoid robot figures and a lot of latex parts just laying around. A lot of these parts were tits or asses, all different shapes and sizes but there seemed to be something off with all of them.

"Hey I'm glad you made it. You can set yourself up in the room over there." Mutt said as he stared down at his computer. The room was all white, some windows around but pretty much all of them had shade covering them with little to no light peeking through. There was a pile of white powder sitting at each desk. Oh so they were coked out and making sex dolls. What the actual fuck did this have to do with you? "Set my stuff up...?" You asked softly and Jeff stood from his desk to lead you to the room.

"I didn't tell you what you were here for?" He asked as he opened the door to the next room. You shook your head and looked at the hardwood floor and speaker set up. "We need you to be a model. See... our last few latex prints came out... less than desirable- jiggle wise. Our math was way off and we need these to be as real as possible." Jeff said and walked to a small cabinet in the corner of the room. "I need you to put this on so we can monitor your motions to make our robots more realistic." He said and handed you what was barely any cloth. It looked like those dotted suits superheroes wore so their suits could be cgi but instead of a suit it was a bikini top and what is pretty much a skimpy pair of bottoms that were basically bathing suit bottoms with how little they covered.

"Jeff, you didn't mention this." You said and took the clothes slowly as he headed back out to the door. "Just put those on and I'll be back in a few." He said and glanced over your body again quickly before closing the door. You decided to send a quick text to your best friend- just a "here's what I'm doing in case I get murdered" text. After that you slipped the clothes on and stared at yourself in the mirror beside the little cabinet. You could tell this was a makeshift dance room. That was probably what they were looking for. Good thing jiggle physics was your thing in class.

Jeff came back a couple minutes later with a laptop in his hands. He stopped and gulped when he looked over your body in the skimpy outfit, quickly opting to sit on the ground as he monitored the points on the laptop. "Go ahead." He said and positioned the laptop on his lap, having to adjust himself a bit a couple of times. "Jeff... I need music." You said and moved to grab your phone, nodding to the speaker system, him shrugging and letting you do so. As you leaned over the speaker you glanced in the mirror beside you and he was very much staring right at your ass. God if he wasn't such a virgin you'd probably be disgusted. That was probably why they didn't know the right jiggle physics for a woman's body.

You started playing some of your best twerk music, trying to shake off how weird it was to have just Jeff staring at his computer then back to you as you danced. You tried to just close your eyes and get into the choreography as you ignored the awkwardness of Jeff obviously having a boner and you just twerking for him to collect data. You did a few hip swirls and then some quick shakes, glancing at yourself in the mirror. Honestly as you looked you didn't realize you had given Jeff a perfect look of your ass. He ran a hand through his hair as the song began to wrap up. You went to your phone to change the song and decided to strike up a small conversation.

"So… are you getting good data?" You asked and just got a simple nod from Jeff, his stupidly cute bowl cut bobbing back and forth as he nodded. "So you're making sex robots huh?" You asked as you looked through your playlist nonchalantly bending over a bit to give Jeff a good view of your chest. He once again responded with a nod as you started the next song. It was a bit more sexy than the last one. "Why don't you monitor the jiggle physics of sex then?" You asked as you lowered the volume of the song, starting your choreography, which included some moves where you're on the ground, shaking and bouncing as if you were riding someone. "I'm sure they are more accurate than me dancing." You said as you pushed yourself down to the ground chest first with your ass up and facing Jeff.

He adjusted a bit and you moved yourself a bit closer to where he was seated as he chose not to answer you. "If you want more accurate results Jeff, you need the jiggle physics of sex." You stated and gently moved the computer off his lap, placing it on the ground as you gently moved to straddle his legs. "The reason you and Mutt can't get the math right is because you need to really experience a woman's body during sex and neither of you could rope in a girl to fuck you for science. Am I right?" You asked Jeff as you leaned into him, settling yourself on his lap. His face was so red as his eyes kept flicking from your chest to your face. He just nodded silently to your question.

"Jeff, I'm gonna need you to verbally respond to me. I want to hear you say it." You said and ran your hands from his shoulders and down his chest. He took a deep shaky breath. "Fu- I need you to fuck me for science." He said softly and looked up to you as you tutted at him.

"No honey, the other thing." You said and pushed your fingers under the hem of his shirt. He gulped and took in another breath. "I can't get anyone to fuck me. Please y/n I need you." He pretty much whimpered under you as you pushed up to the balls of your feet, leaning forward and beginning to shake your ass a bit from where you sat on his lap. You rolled your hips slowly forwards and pushed your chest against his, leaning up next to his ear. "That's better." You whispered and then left a small wet kiss under his ear. Slowly working down his neck in small wet kisses and sucks.

You could feel his body tense as you reached down between you and gently palmed at him. God you could tell how hard he was without looking. You smirked a bit and continued to suck small hickies on his neck and under his ear as you quickly undid his button and fly, grabbing his dick from his boxers. Wow if you would've known he was packing you probably would've slept with him in high school, but everyone just assumed he wasn't and that was why he didn't get girls. You pumped him slowly and you could hear him let out small moans and whimpers, wanting to stay quiet on the off chance Mutt heard over the music.

As you pumped him you gently bit his earlobe to get his attention. "If you wanna get inside me baby, you gotta help me out." You said quietly and he nodded and willingly let you take his hands and place them on your ass. He gave a small gentle squeeze and you smirked as you felt him twitch in your hand. "God... fuck... holy shit..." he muttered as you rolled your hips against his thighs, wanting to at least stimulate yourself a little bit.

"You wanna make sure my monitoring is ok baby?" You whispered and he glanced over at the laptop, still reading the outfit you wore. You grabbed his cock again, now moving yourself to push your bottoms to the side. Slowly sinking down on to him, you could've sworn Jeff came right then. And he did. But that wasn't going to stop you from helping him out for the 'sake of science'. You grabbed his hands and placed them on your waist so as to not interfere with his readings. Slowly you began to bounce on him, feeling all parts of your body begin to bounce. Jeff was letting out the most sinful noises. Honestly it sounded like he only knew what moaning was from women in porn, but you didn't mind- honestly it was hot to have him be so responsive.

"Oh baby you're gonna be too loud, Mutt might interrupt us and you wouldn't want that would you? Don't want him to find you moaning like a whore for me." You said lowly as you reached up to gently squeeze his throat. He closed his mouth and nodded at you as you continued to bounce on him. God you could tell how close he was to coming again, but lord knows you weren't done with him. His moans got quieter but he still let out small whines from below you. You reached down to rub your own clit as you bounced on top of him. "Fuck baby, you wanna fuck me so bad? How about you get that data you need by pounding me from behind?" You muttered and climbed off of him.

He barely questioned you when you did so, only whining a little at the loss of contact. As you turned around and got on your knees, pushing your ass up in the air, he quickly moved to his own knees, pushing into you and beginning to thrust at a rapid pace. You could definitely tell his knowledge of sex is from video games and porn because he kinda went wild. He pounded hard and you couldn't help but moan out as he grabbed your waist with a tight grip. After he got a hang on his speed, he reached forwards and pulled you up, pushing you against the mirrored wall he had been leaning against, he paused momentarily to undo the bikini top, and as soon as it dropped to the ground he was grabbing your tits from behind.

You pushed back against him, your face now pushed against the foggy mirror as he thrusted into you hard. "Fuck.... fuck y/n." He grunted out quietly as his thrust became more sporadic and sloppy. You could tell he was gonna come again, so you reached behind your head and grabbed his hair firmly. "You're not coming again until I cum. You fucking hear me?" You groaned as he continued to thrust into you. He nodded and reached around in front of you, fumbling for your clit for a moment before you corrected his hand placement and showed him the correct movement. He rubbed quickly and in pace with his thrusts, you could tell from his look in the mirror that he was trying so hard not to cum.

As soon as you finally reached the edge, you let out a loud and pretty pornographic moan of his name mixed with some swearing and praises. "God... fuck Jeff you feel so good in me. I want you to cum baby. I want you to cum in me baby." You thrusted back on him and kept your hand firmly tugging at his hair. It was only seconds before he was coming in you, his own face twisted in pleasure as you looked at him through the mirror. He slowed to a stop and slowly removed himself from you. You only caught your breath for a couple moments before there was a knock on the door.

"Hey those were good readings, we're gonna need you here again tomorrow so we can get some other position readings." Mutt called through the door. You looked at Jeff. "Could he see the reading the whole time?" You asked Jeff quietly. He bit his lips and nodded. "I assumed you knew because you saw this room through the glass when you walked in." Jeff said and pointed to the mirror which was in fact a one way mirror you had seen walking in from the lab, which you falsely assumed was a window because of the shade. "So mutt saw the whole thing?" You asked softly, slowly piecing everything together. Jeff nodded, scared you were gonna be upset. You only shrugged and reached over to gently grab his throat again. "Guess now he knows how good of a whore you are for me then." And god if he hadn't just come, Jeff probably would've come again from that action alone. Damn you were gonna have fun working here.

#jeff pfister #jeff pfister x reader #ahs apocalypse #Jeff pfister smut #fic thoughts fulfilled

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julek · 3 years

Text

prompt: near-death experience for @whataboutthebard!

rating: G

warnings: disastrous cooking skills, mild food poisoning?

yeah! it's set in my nailed it! AU

The camera’s red light blinks.

“Hello, bakers, and welcome back to Nailed It!” Jaskier says, bright and loud. “The show where, regrettably, everything is possible.”

The camera pans to the contestants, now lined up with their creations underneath a mysterious dome — Geralt, Eskel and Lambert smiling primly at Jaskier, their eyes shining with anticipation.

Jaskier grins a touch too widely. “Now, the moment we’ve all been waiting for!” He says with a grimace. “The… tasting!”

Now, the camera takes a close-up shot of the contestants’ faces, capturing the artful bead of sweat running down Eskel’s temple. Then, Vesemir and Yennefer step in beside Jaskier.

“And, as always,” Jaskier continues, gesturing, “I’ve got my beautiful judges joining me on the pleasure of trying your surely delightful inventions— the respectable Vesemir”— who looks disgruntled, having been woken up from his nap— “and the very scary-looking chocolate expert, Yennefer!”

Her smile holds the promise that tears will be shed on the set. She nods at the contestants, and, inexplicably, Geralt looks paler than a minute earlier.

The camera zooms in on Eskel’s face, his flour-covered scar pulling into a smile as the judges approach his table.

“Hello there, Eskel!” Jaskier waves. Eskel waves back. “What do you have for us today?”

Eskel looks at his covered dish with a proud smile. “Something edible, this time. Hopefully.”

“Mmm, edible food— my favorite!” Jaskier says, excited. “Now— you were trying to make this gorgeous sword-shaped cookie, right?” The picture on display shows a polished silver sword with a wooden handle, small details made with royal icing on the sides. It’s covered in melted chocolate and sprinkled with some glitter for a dashing effect. Eskel nods. “Well, let’s see what you came up with!”

Taking the lid off, Eskel presents his cookie.

“Well!” Jaskier says, delighted. “That looks like a sword!” He steps closer. “Well— kinda, in like a cool Picasso-esque way— but that’s neat!”

Yennefer hums. “Its shape does remind of something close to a sword,” she comments. “There’s the grip, the fuller— is that supposed to be the pommel?” She says, pointing to a gold-colored cheeto sticking out.

“Yeah, uh”— he rubs the back of his head — “y’all said to be creative, and I thought— ‘Well, this will knock their socks off’.”

The camera zooms in on Vesemir. He looks unimpressed.

“Well, let’s try it!”

Jaskier breaks a piece of the sword for each of them to eat, and is satisfied with the way the dough cracks. “That sounds baked,” he says, hopeful.

Each of the judges takes a bite out of the cookie, and Jaskier eats the handle, cheeto and all. The face he pulls makes Yennefer cackle.

“So?” Eskel asks, tentatively.

Vesemir speaks first. “The consistency was… tolerable.” He looks at the rest of the cookie on his hand. “As for the design, well. You tried.”

Eskel smiles. Yennefer clears her throat, and his smile vanishes. “Eskel.”

He cringes. “Yes?”

She holds her cookie piece between her fingers. “Did you try to be creative with the flavor, too?”

“...Yes?”

She clicks her tongue. “You put so much vanilla extract I felt like I was licking a dirty coin,” she says, and she tries her best to look apologetic. “I’m sorry.”

Jaskier finishes licking the cheeto dust off his finger and gives his verdict. “Eskel, my dear,” he begins, “you know— I shouldn’t be saying this, for, um, legal reasons,” he looks around, as if he’s telling a secret, “but I was rooting for you. So bad.” He puts a hand on Eskel’s shoulder. “But, sadly… the rumors are true. Eating your cookie did feel like licking a steel bar. I’m sorry. We’ll be moving on.”

Eskel nods solemnly. “Thank you, judges.”

The camera follows them as they move down to Lambert’s table. His hair, which had been slicked back as the show started, is now sticking up in every direction, flour and eggs and something that looks like yellow frosting making a mess of it. His hot pink apron is covered in so many ingredients Jaskier doesn’t know how we managed to get any of them inside the bowl. He smirks.

“Hello, judges,” he says, his arms crossed smugly over his chest.

“Lambert, Lambert,” Jaskier croons. “How have you been, old friend?”

Lambert spreads his arms. “Not bad. Surely better than my brother there.”

Eskel glares at him.

“I’m glad,” Jaskier says. “Now, let’s remember what you were trying to make.” The screen behind them shows a transparent bottle filled with a glittery bright-purple concoction, a very detailed light-brown cork sealing the potion. Some purple caramel-smoke surrounds it, giving the cookie a mysterious air. “And let’s see what you did!”

With the biggest self-satisfied smile he can master, Lambert uncovers his plate. “There she is!”

Jaskier blinks. Yennefer blinks. Vesemir’s eyes haven’t been so open in the entire episode.

“Well?” Lambert says, handing them their forks. “Arent’cha gonna try it? It’ll get cold!”

“It… should be cold,” Jaskier murmurs, his voice small. He approaches Lambert’s table. “Lambert…”

“Yes?”

Jaskier makes a face. “Why… why is it so small?”

Lambert’s cookie sits proudly in the middle of the plate, but it’s barely bigger than a button. A purple, glittery button.

“Hmm?” Lambert looks at the original cookie on the screen, then at his own. “What do you mean? I mean, sure, it’s a bit smaller, but I didn’t have any measurements to go by, and—”

Yennefer puts up a hand, and he falls silent. Then, she takes the cookie in her hand, and places it on the pad of her finger. It’s barely bigger than that.

She looks at the cookie, then looks at Lambert.

Lambert looks away.

“Well,” Jaskier says after a long, tense moment of silence. “Should we… try it? Though I’m not sure how.”

Stepping in, Vesemir takes a sharp knife from Lambert’s station and cuts the mini cookie in three, getting his hands covered in glitter in the process. Each of the judges takes a bite of their bite-sized cookie, and then look at each other.

“I don’t know what I just ate,” Jaskier says, confused. “It tasted like something for a second, but then it was gone.”

Vesemir nods in assent.

Yennefer narrows her eyes. “Lambert,” she says sternly.

Lambert tries for a smile. “Yes?”

“Why wasn’t there enough dough for a decent-sized cookie?”

A blush creeps up Lambert’s neck. He rubs his hands together. “Well, you see— um, like I said, the measurements—”

“Is it, perhaps,” Yen interjects, “that there wasn’t enough because you ate the dough as you were making it?”

The camera catches the bob in Lambert’s throat as he swallows thickly. Behind him, on the screen, a clip plays — the hidden camera in the pantry, catching him red-handed, cookie dough on his hand as he pretends to go through the food coloring bottles.

“Lambert,” Jaskier says sheepishly. “We’ll be moving on. Thank you.”

Lambert nods, looking embarrassed, but then, he mouths I regret nothing at the camera.

“Now, Geralt,” Jaskier greets as they approach his table, “you were trying to recreate this beautiful, imposing wolf-shaped cookie.” A picture of the aforementioned cookie appears on a screen behind them, the golden-colored eyes of the striking grey wolf staring them all down. It has intricate details on its fur, and its snout is finely carved from modeling chocolate, the rest of the cookie covered in shaded fondant. It’s glorious. The camera pans back to Geralt, who looks as though he swallowed a stick of butter (he may have — Jaskier couldn’t keep track of every food crime the man committed). “So, let’s see what you made!”

Without much fanfare, Geralt reveals his… cookie.

“Um,” Jaskier says. “Uh— Geralt?”

“Hmm?” Geralt says, innocent.

Jaskier takes a step forward, examines the treat more closely. “Where… um, where’s the wolf?”

The cookie is there, sure thing. It’s a few inches bigger than the original — no problem there — and its color, it could be argued, resembles the gray coat of the wolf.

“Right here,” Geralt says, pointing his finger at… something. “There— those are the eyes”— he shows two bright-yellow froot-loops, which are lost in all the frosting— “and here is the snout,” he concludes, pointing to a brown m&m, smiling valiantly at Yennefer.

The judges take a step back. “Right!” Jaskier says cheerfully. “Now… the tasting.”

Each of them takes a fork, and they dig in. The camera focuses on each of their faces as they take a bite — it captures Jaskier’s face of utter revolt, Vesemir’s reluctant chewing, and Yen’s delicately manicured hand as she spits the cookie back onto it.

“C’mon,” Geralt protests, “can’t be that bad.”

”You just fed us raw dough,” Yennefer says, deadpan. “Raw cookie, Geralt.”

At her side, Vesemir nods.

Disgust clear on his face, Jaskier says, “It was, like, overcooked on the outside, but raw on the inside?” He gags. “Worst surprise ever. I was so focused on not throwing up that I forgot to taste the frosting.”

Geralt purses his lips. “I may have, uh, eyeballed every ingredient. Maybe.”

“Oh, don’t we know,” Jaskier says, dismayed. “God, Geralt, you can’t just— serve this to people. You can’t just hope people won’t die when they try it— Didn’t you try it first?”

“Didn’t you see the way it oozed as you pulled it out of the oven?” Yennefer adds.

Geralt looks at his brothers for support. “I did try it,” he says. “It tasted fine to me. I like it a bit chewy. Like when you make your eggs sunny side up, and then scoop the yolk with a piece of bread?”

The room is silent.

Jaskier looks like he’s about to faint.

“Geralt,” he says carefully, “that— it’s— you don’t— I think I’m gonna be sick.” He walks off-stage, and the camera follows him as he trips over the cables and equipment. “Can I get a doctor over here? I’m feeling a bit dizzy. Also, could we make sure the next contestants can list the main symptoms of Salmonella off the top of their heads? Yeah, write it down, S-A-L…”

#mywriting #the witcher fanfic #nailed it!#what about the bard #geralt of rivia #jaskier the bard #yennefer of vengerberg #eskel witcher #lambert witcher #vesemir #food mention

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warmsol · 3 years

Note

Can we (I) get some random facts on (my beloved eboy), Kai 🥺🤲🏼

omg yes ;-; let’s gooooooo!

• he has an absolutely shit diet. he literally lives off coffee, cigarettes, hot cheetos and coke. (no, not the drug. he doesn’t do that anymore. 🤭) he’s kind of like a child when it comes to his food. he’s extremely picky, the type of dude to only order chicken fingers and fries at a fancy restaurant. this can drive ashton nuts! he tries so hard to get him to eat vegetables, different types of cuisines… but he just won’t!

• he hates exercise and being active. i’ve said it before but this man literally can’t walk up stairs without a heavy coughing sesh. and this isn’t just because of his poor diet, but his lungs are smoked the hell out! 😭

• kai is extremely hot-headed. though he’s been working through many of his problems, this is the one that seems to stick. he gets set off pretty easily, and it can often be hard to deal with not only for him but those around him. when these slip ups happen it tends to include a lot of loud cursing and slamming things. ;-;

• kai adores physical touch. i’d definitely say that it’s his love language. he loves when ashton runs his fingers through his hair, when he scratches his back, holds his hand. he loves mornin cuddles and goodnight kisses. he hangs all over ashton any chance he can get. he just wants to be held!

• n*sfw ahead… kai has become a huge sub in bed. he use to be pretty dominant, but then ashton came along and fucked up his whole world. literally. he use to love being in control, and now he has to fight to have that control. he has his moments where ashton gives in, of course… but usually, kai’s too busy curling his toes in pleasure to even try. 🤪 you can say they have a very active and fulfilling sex life!

• kai writes a lot of songs. and he has a lot about elia. it’s funny because while he’s so incredibly happy with ashton, it’s always been easier for him to write about the sad. so he pulls inspiration from his last relationship, and writes about how he felt, how it ended, the heaviness they shared. if elia ever saw or heard them, he’d probably die of embarrassment. 😭 he doesn’t write them because he hasn’t moved on, (obvi) it’s just his source of inspiration as an emotion fueled writer. that being said he still has so many songs about ashton. actually, in my story’s world, i like to think he wrote this song for his husband. (just imagine him playin it for ashton and cry shdkcjdksk)

• speaking of elia… kai has such a special place for her in his heart. he still loves her, in a non-romantic way. he cares for her deeply and only wants to see her happy. they have a bond that’s quite hard to describe. many people may think it’s odd to keep in contact with an ex, but for kai and elia it’s different. they met each other at some of the lowest points of their lives and impacted the other in ways that shaped and changed them forever. elia was the first person to see kai. she was the first person to listen, to try to love and help him, unconditionally. so many gave up on him, but not her. he knows if he didn’t cut it off, elia would’ve ran herself dry for him. ;-; kai thinks of elia, and knows she’s the angel makoa claims she is. that’s quite honesty the only thing him and makoa can agree on. anyways, kai and elia text quite often. they like to send updates, check in, it’s really sweet. ♥️

• ‼️tw parental trauma. kai and his parents don’t have a relationship. they were extremely neglectful and abusive when he and jasmin were children and they were often left to fend for themselves. because of this, he definitely will never let them meet arielle. they don’t know that he’s married, and they only know *of* ari, but nothing else about her. not even her name. he rather keep it this way. in his mind, they’re dead.

• remember aurora? 🤔 well, for a while he and aurora were co-parenting quite well… then ashton came into the picture. for some reason, aurora has a vendetta against ashton. it’s most likely, very obviously, jealousy in some form. kai tries VERY hard to keep things civil, but aurora has her ways of poking buttons that can lead them into arguments. (i’d also like to add that blaze ended up dumping aurora because aurora developed a bad drinking habit :// which has kai quite nervous leaving her with arielle. this will be touched on laterrrrrr in the story.)

• kai used to be a plug. he’d sell weed. and since ashton use to be uhh… a big time drug dealer…. :x they’ve had this idea of starting their own cannabis company. all completely legal, of course. they’d like to sell edibles for recreational use! this is something i’ve wanted to dive into but not quite sure how to.. show that in a sims story. but we’ll figure it out. somehow. maybe.

• kai is a night owl. he loves staying up late by himself, working on music, watching too many tiktoks, smoking on the balcony. he really uses that time alone to center himself and chill out. and sometimes, he stays up too late and falls asleep on the couch. ashton will usually be going to the bathroom and see him there, so he’ll pick him up and tuck him into bed… 🥺

• one of kai’s favorite things in the world is singing arielle to sleep. they cuddle up in bed, and she says “sing? sing?” and he softly sings her favorite lullaby… he adores watching her lil eyelids flutter and hearing her cute lil snores. he often can’t believe something so angelic is apart of him but he’s so incredibly grateful for his little girl.

i could really keep going on and on but my fingers and eyes are sleepy lmao ahdkshdks

#ask #isa answers #story ask

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whereisten · 4 years

Text

I Think We’re Alone Now

A Jaemin fic that’s part of our Halloween Series!

Summary: Your Spring Break plans change at the last minute when the campus heartthrob asks you to join him and the popular kids to your nemesis’ cabin.

Pairing: college student! Jaemin x female reader

Genre: romance, angst, mystery, suspense, horror, crime

Word Count: 7.4k

Warnings: Bullying, body image mention, gore, violence, death

(A/N): SHOUTOUT TO MY GIRL KRYS FOR THIS DELICIOUS MOODBOARD. SHE IS AN AMAZING ARTISTE. I AM IN AWE. I hope my story does this moodboard justice and I hope you guys enjoy! Thank you for the support!

___

Spring Break was imminent for the kids of Guang University. It was your freshman year and your friends all had different plans. You planned to stay home and get a head start on your homework and catch up on all of your favorite Korean dramas.

You headed out of the school with Haechan, your best friend. He had plans to go visit his family in South Korea for a couple of days. You were bummed that your closest friend wouldn’t be in town for the break.

“You sure you don’t want to come to Seoul with me? We might bump into Ji Chang Wook. You never know.” Ji Chang Wook was your celebrity crush.

You balanced your giant biology textbook while you tried to find your phone. “That’s tempting but I have a big exam right after break and I’ve been behind for weeks...So now I have to cram.”

Haechan sighed. “Y/n, you need to give yourself some down time.”

You frowned. “What are you talking about?”

Haechan sighed. “You haven’t come out to any parties in the past two months.”

You sighed. “Well...”

Haechan whined. “You’re supposed to be my party buddy...”

“Well, party buddy, then explain Daniela, Hazel, and Ally,” you said, calling out your best friend for not being so lonely at these parties after all.

“I-“ Haechan started.

Before Haechan could explain, a group of girls you’d tried so hard to avoid walked by and “accidentally” bumped into you, making you drop your book to the ground.

The girl who bumped into you turned and laughed. “I’m SO sorry. Maybe if you didn’t take up so much space, it wouldn’t have happened.”

The other girls laughed as they began to saunter off.

You groaned. You thought bullies retired once they graduated from high school when reality finally gave them a slap to the face.

Well, unfortunately for you, the mean girls from your old high school were smart enough to get into your dream school so you now occasionally saw them. And worse, shared a biology lab with them. The head of the pack, Heather, always had it out for you for always beating her for the best grade in class. You’d get a 94 and she’d get a 93. You were just happy to get an A and she was furious she wasn’t number 1. You guessed it had to do with her superiority complex and how she had to please her wealthy parents.

Haechan yelled, “Heather, what the hell-“

Heather started, “What? It’s a simple observation.”

Well, not everyone could be a size 0 like Heather. You knew that you had a healthy body shape. Sure, you know you could use improvements but you were human. No one was perfect. Nothing Heather could say could make you think she was right. She was just a hater.

“Have a nice break, Heather. Maybe your dad will finally come home,” you said as you grabbed Haechan’s hand and walked off.

“Hey! y/n, get back here!” Heather demanded. Her dad and her mom were separated for a while now and he was never home to spend time with his precious daughter.

Heather’s bark had always been bigger than her bite. So you didn’t let her words get to you. Not anymore.

___

Haechan went home while you waited to call an Uber to take you to the record store across town. You may as well go out and do one fun thing before you hunkered down at home for the break.

That was when you heard someone sobbing hard. And you couldn’t help but find the source.

The boy sat down on a bench by the bus stop. It was the campus heartthrob, Na Jaemin. You’d shared a couple of lectures with him this year. He was very sweet, always had something to compliment you on. Your hair, your lipstick, your outfit.

Well, then he would proceed to ask for help with assignments but you appreciated getting paid with flattery.

You frowned. “A-are you okay?” You started. “Do you need help?”

Jaemin looked up as tears ran down his beautifully sculpted face. His eyes widened at the sight of you. He wiped his tears away with his jacket sleeve. He shook his head. “Y/n! Hey, I’m…okay…I just-“

You sat down beside him and pulled an unopened bottle of water out of your backpack. You handed it to him. “Here.”

He looked down at it and asked, “Are you sure?”

You nodded. “Go ahead.”

“Thank you,” he said, managing a half-smile.

He drank from it as you waited.

He exhaled in satisfaction. “Thank you, y/n. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you like this. School and work have been so stressful…I just needed to let it all out.”

You hesitated before you put a hand on his back. You moved it gently against his muscular upper back. “I’m sorry…Do you…wanna talk about it?”

Jaemin froze and debated telling you. “I got fired from my job…” He admitted.

You removed your hand from his back. “Jaemin, that’s terrible…I’m so sorry…What happened?”

He shook his head. “The boss was kinda harsh. I couldn’t take it. I slipped up once and I got the ax.”

You tried to meet his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Jaemin.”

Jaemin managed a smile for you. “Thank you, y/n. You’re always sweet. Always good. I’m glad you’re here with me.” He placed a hand over yours.

This may or may not have made you want to scream with excitement. But your better judgment told you to contain yourself because Jaemin was upset.

Your little moment was interrupted by Heather and her cohorts.

Heather stood in front of Jaemin, noticing his red eyes “Oh, Nana, what’s wrong?”

Jaemin didn’t look all that thrilled to see Heather either. “It’s nothing…Don’t worry about it.”

“Because if y/n is bothering you, she should leave. Isn’t that right, y/n?” Heather turned to you with her hands on her hips.

You were about to snap when Jaemin beat you to it. “Actually, Heather, she’s not. So what can I do for you so you can leave faster?”

Heather looked at her group in shock. Her minions all let out audible gasps and whispers. “Jaemin...”

“I’m waiting,” Jaemin said, a new commanding tone overtaking him.

“We wanted to know if you’re coming to my cabin this weekend.” She tried to come off flirtatious but after his rebuff, she was confused.

“Maybe,” Jaemin replied, “If y/n comes.”

“What?” You and Heather exclaimed.

“I’ll go if y/n goes,” Jaemin said resolutely.

You started, “Jaemin, I-”

Jaemin interrupted. “I need this, y/n. A time to get away. And if you come, I would love it…” He said softly, almost intimately…Like no one else was around.

You’d had a crush on Jaemin since the first day of Intro to Theater. Jaemin was a tremendous actor. He was an excellent Demetrius to your Helena in your act for A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

Jaemin was always so nice. You thought the most he would do for you is give you a dollar for the vending machine. And that would’ve made your heart soar to the moon.

It was odd that you were considering going somewhere to hang out with Heather and her friends...But you did want to get to know Jaemin more.

What about your homework?

Well, it could wait.

And what about Heather?

Well, pissing off Heather was a hobby of yours.

One of Heather’s friends coughed. And Heather rolled her eyes. “Fine. Meet at my house at 7 AM tomorrow.”

___

Your older sister Sophie drove you to Heather’s. “Why are you going to Lucifer's spawn’s cabin?”

You sighed. “Because a cute boy asked me to.”

Sophie put the car in park right in front of Heather’s mansion. She looked at you in disbelief and fascination. “A boy?”

You said, “He wanted me to come.”

Sophie laughed. “Well, y/n, he must be very cute if you’re willing to hang out with Her Royal Darkness.”

“Like her ego, I’m sure the cabin is big enough so I don’t have to see her.”

You were both so distracted that you didn’t notice Jaemin knock on your passenger side window. He smiled brightly. Wow, he looked incredible for someone who woke up and texted you good morning at 5:30 AM.

“Wow,” your sister said, in shock from Jaemin’s beauty. She rolled down your window.

“Ready to go, y/n?” Jaemin asked. You saw the expectant look in his eyes. He was radiant and much more relaxed. You were so happy to see him. He seemed to feel a lot better.

“Jaemin, this is my older sister, Sophie,” you said, “Sophie, this is my friend Jaemin.”

They shook hands and Sophie muttered, “You better tell me everything when you get back. And that I am the maid of honor at your wedding.”

“Bye, Sophie! We’ll go on our run together when I come back on Sunday, okay?” You said louder to deflect from what Jaemin could’ve overheard. You and Sophie ran together every weekend for stress relief and bonding time. You got out of the car and hoped Jaemin hadn’t heard anything.

Jaemin offered to give you a ride on his Jeep Explorer to Heather’s cabin, much to Heather’s disappointment. Heather’s friends were riding with her.

You and Jaemin had fun on the road for two hours, just the two of you. You enjoyed some old school Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and Britney Spears. You snagged the CDs from your sister’s collection.

“Every little thing I do never seems enough for you!” You and Jaemin sang.

You too had gotten off the route to get snacks at a convenience store and because Jaemin needed to fill up his tank. He insisted you put your wallet away. He bought all of your favorite junk food essentials: M&Ms, Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, Coke, Orange Fanta. This boy knew his way into your heart.

“So, y/n, what’s your end goal in life?” He asked as he continued the route to Heather’s cabin. “You strike me as an aspiring pediatrician...Saving the children!”

You laughed at his enthusiasm. “I’d like to be a physical therapist. My parents got into a car accident when I was nine...My mom was fine but my dad broke his right leg and right arm. He needed to get physical therapy in order to walk properly again...I went with him to almost all of his appointments. I have a lot of respect for physical therapists after how much they helped him…”

“I’m glad your dad recovered,” Jaemin said as he gave you a quick smile before gluing his eyes back onto the road.

“Me, too...But...my end goal in life? Honestly, I just want my own space to dance around in...With no shame.”

Jaemin chuckled. “No shame, huh? Does that mean you’re a terrible dancer?”

You smacked him. “No. Well, I’m sure there are worse dancers.”

He laughed harder. “Okay...I believe you.”

You laughed. “What about you, Jaemin? What’s your end goal?”

He sighed. “Start up my own content-creating company...I’m into traveling and uncovering hidden gems. Be the next big thing after Buzzfeed Unsolved.”

“Those are some pretty big shoes to fill…” You started.

Jaemin sounded unsure. “Yeah…”

You smiled, “I know you can do it. You’ve got a subscriber in me.”

Jaemin faked a tear. “You have no idea how much that means to me.”

You both laughed again as you reached for the M&Ms and your hands touched. You quickly pulled away, embarrassed. But Jaemin smiled to himself.

Jaemin said, “But as cheesy as it sounds...I want to get married, get a big house, and fill it with twelve children.”

You coughed. “Twelve? Are you and your future wife thinking of splitting the pregnancies up?”

Jaemin laughed. “Okay, maybe not twelve...But a family of my own is my dream. My parents split up when I was five so...I’ve split my time between two homes and it was an awkward feeling, especially after both of my parents remarried.”

“Oh…” You said. You couldn’t exactly sympathize with him because your parents were happily married so you didn’t want to say anything that could rub him the wrong way. That was the last thing you wanted.

“I want to be with that one person...For the rest of my life...When I meet her, I’ll know.” He said, giving you a meaningful look.

You had no idea how to process that so you took a sip of your blue raspberry ICEE and held it in the air, awkwardly. “Here’s to you finding your soulmate someday.”

He chuckled. “Thank you.”

___

You arrived at Heather’s summer home...Well, she called it a cabin. But it was actually a mansion by the beach. It was gorgeous. Something straight out of a movie. It looked like it could be its own hotel resort. You realized that there was a good chance you’d have your own room.

“This house is huge!” You exclaimed.

Jaemin looked along with you as he handed you your bag. “What a shame. I was hoping we would room together.” He said softly into your ear.

You turned to him in shock and he shot you his infamous flirty grin. This boy had you thinking he liked you and he’d better stop before you tried to kiss him.

Heather handed everyone keys to their bedrooms. “If any of you lose this copy, I can’t help you.” She made sure to say that as she handed you your keys.

You went up the stairs of the beach house and chose the last room on the left. You were unlocking the door to your room when someone from behind you tapped you on the shoulder.

“Hey, you’re y/n, right?” You recognized Yangyang from your mandatory PE class. You both took Intermediate Swimming, a class where as long as you flailed in the water and passed the easy quizzes, you’d be guaranteed an A.

You nodded. “And you’re…”

He said, “I’m Yangyang. It’s so nice to see you here!”

“You, too,” you said, averting your eyes once again. Yangyang was pretty attractive and you hoped he didn’t remember you and your Sailor Moon one piece. You always tried to be one of the first in the water and the last to leave when it came to your swimming class.

Even though Heather’s comments were nothing to you, it didn’t mean you were completely immune to the hurt it caused.

“You were in Coach Emerson’s swim class, right? You had the iconic Sailor Moon swimsuit.”

And there went the rest of your hopes and dreams. “Y-yeah…”

He laughed. “Don’t be embarrassed. I had Dragon Ball Z swim trunks.”

“Really?” You said.

Yangyang pretended to be hurt and winced. “I thought you’d be the one to notice.”

“Well...I’m not exactly looking at anyone’s...body…” You said, cringing at your words.

He laughed. “Fair point. I just liked the pattern. Your favorite character is Sailor Mars, right?”

You nodded, “Hell yeah. She’s the best.”

“I’m more of a Sailor Venus guy, myself,” he replied.

“Good taste. But all of the Sailor Scouts are queens,” you started.

“No question,” Yangyang said. “Hey, do you-” His phone started to ring. “Sorry, y/n...I gotta take this.”

You waved goodbye to him and entered your spacious bedroom. As much as Heather despised you and you despised her, her family had excellent taste in real estate. The queen-sized bed was plush like a cloud straight from heaven. You pulled the window up to feel the ocean breeze. It was paradise.

You heard a knock at your door an hour later. It was Jaemin.

“Wanna go for a walk?” He asked.

“Sure!” You said, having already changed into a sundress.

Jaemin thought you looked stunning. Well, you always did. He was so happy to be here with you. Otherwise, he may not have gone on this trip.

Jaemin led you to the beach where you let your toes touch the water. He teased you by splashing you. And you splashed him back until you both were soaked.

You both laughed so hard that you toppled over each other, you on top of Jaemin. You both stared at each other for a long time. Jaemin closed his eyes, his long eyelashes caressing his cheeks. He waited for you to kiss him.

You moved closer and your lips met his. His lips tasted salty thanks to you and your merciless splashing. But the kiss was everything. It was fireworks at the end of a perfect night. It was hot chocolate on a warm winter night. It was like an angel held you and you snuggled against his wings. The kiss was perfect.

You two let go and Jaemin bit his lip. “So.”

You stood there, frozen. “So…”

“So...we did that.”

You nodded. “Indeed we did.”

“Thoughts?” He looked at you with his big brown eyes.

You cleared your throat. “Well...I certainly wouldn’t mind doing that again.”

Jaemin’s big gorgeous goofy smile came back full force at hearing you. He cupped your face in his hands and was about to kiss you again.

“Guys!” Naeun called out to you. “Have you seen Yangyang?”

You and Jaemin pulled yourselves apart. You answered, “Last time I saw him was when he went to his room. Is everything okay?”

“He wasn’t answering his phone...And I found it in his room.” She held up his phone that had a Dragon Ball Z pop socket on the back of it.

You frowned. “That’s weird.”

Jaemin offered. “Maybe he went for a walk. Got some fresh air?”

“Maybe…” Naeun thought and you nodded. “If you see him, tell him I’m looking for him and that I’m pissed.”

“Okay,” you said.

Naeun stomped away, frustrated.

“Now where were-” you started.

Jaemin already pulled you in for another kiss. He pinned you down against the shoreline and trailed your neck with his kisses.

You breathed heavily as you held him tightly.

He looked at you, as if asking you something.

You gave him a look. “What’s up?”

“Do you want to…” His eyes moved down to his pelvic region where his member was protruding through the fabric of his trunks.

Your eyes widened at how big he was. And your eyes nearly popped out of your head when you realized what he was asking. “Oh…”

Jaemin waited for you patiently.

Things were moving too fast. You were more than happy to kiss Jaemin all night but you really weren’t ready to have sex. Not tonight, anyway.

You already knew the answer. “I’m sorry Jaemin. I do like you but...I’m...not ready. I should go…” You got up but Jaemin stopped you. It was like a romantic Korean drama scene, except instead of your wrist ...He grabbed your ankle.

“It’s okay...You don’t have to go. Please don’t go…” He begged as he made a puppy dog pout.

You laughed, relieved. “Okay okay...You can stop making that face.”

Jaemin pouted his lips even more. “What face?”

You rolled your eyes and splashed him. You and Jaemin spent a couple of hours on the beach, kissing and talking. You wrapped up and he walked you to your bedroom.

___

You woke up early the next morning to hear screaming and crying. You got out of bed and ran out the door.

“What’s wrong?” You asked, finding Naeun devastated on the floor. Heather sat down with her on the ground and consoled her.

“Yangyang…” She said between sobs. “He’s gone!”

Renjun looked grave as he handed you his phone. “We all got these messages. Did you, y/n?”

You looked at what was on Renjun’s phone screen and there was a video of Yangyang, bound up and gagged. Tears streamed down his eyes. He mumbled loudly for help.

Tears fell out of your eyes. “What the hell is this?”

You couldn’t believe it. You’d just had a whole conversation with him yesterday. He was friendly and funny…

And now he was like this.

Jaemin replied, “Someone’s idea of a sick joke...I don’t recommend looking at the rest of the story, y/n…”

You ignored him and kept watching. The next video pointed to a wall and you could hear Yangyang clearly now...He was yelling. “No! Who are you? Why are you doing this? Stop! Nooooooo!” The video cut off after that. The last picture was of Yangyang with his throat slit with text that read: “Wonder who will be next...It’s anyone’s guess, really. 🧐 #springbreak2020”

You ran into the bathroom and threw up. The rest of the group followed you into the bathroom. “Well, y/n?” Tzuyu started.

“Well, what?” You asked.

“Show us your phone,” Tzuyu demanded.

“Why?” You asked.

Jaemin intervened, “Why are you guys ganging up on her?”

“We’ve checked everyone’s phones...Now we want to see y/n’s,” Tzuyu said, a vindictive look in her eyes.

“Fine,” you said. You pulled it out of your pocket and you were shocked to find the messages on your phone.

“Someone sent them to her, too. She’s as innocent as the rest of us,” Renjun said.

Tzuyu frowned. “Okay…”

She seemed disappointed that you weren’t the culprit. You wondered why Tzuyu hated you. She was merely one of Heather’s followers so you guessed she would hate anyone Heather hated no matter what.

Still, this didn’t alleviate any of your worries. Someone kidnapped and murdered Yangyang overnight. And whoever that was remained close by.

And they weren’t finished.

Unfortunately for all of you, your cell reception was weak so you couldn’t contact the police. You were on the verge of a panic attack.

Renjun decided, “We should try going to the next town to get reception.”

Tzuyu started, “You are not leaving me here.”

“Fine, we’ll go together.” He said as they both walked off and borrowed Heather’s car.

___

You sat in the living room, scared to be in your room all alone. Hell, you didn’t mind being with Heather and Naeun. Jaemin was making lunch in the kitchen for you guys.

It had been a few hours since Renjun and Tzuyu left. Now you were all getting worried. The next town wasn’t that far off, according to Heather. So something was up.

And you wondered if it had been a good idea for them to leave. Maybe they had been just as much in danger as the rest of you. Whoever the killer was...He had resources to be anywhere at any time. It gave you shivers.

“Y/n, can you get Naeun a glass of water?” Heather asked you.

You nodded and met Jaemin in the kitchen. You asked him once again, “Are you sure I can’t help with anything?”

Jaemin shook his head. “I’ve got this.” He said as he finished making lasagna.

You got a glass of water for Naeun. “Jaemin, I’m scared,” you said.

Jaemin looked rattled up, too, but he seemed to be holding it together for the rest of you. And it meant a lot to you.

The four of you sat down to eat quietly. Naeun barely took a bite of her lasagna.

Not too long after, she started wheezing. Hives broke out onto her skin. “Epi...Pen...Heather.”

Heather jumped out of her seat. “I’ll go get it!”

“Oh God,” you panicked. “You need air! Let’s go outside, Naeun.”

You and Jaemin helped her out to the front door so she can breathe better. You were praying Heather found her EpiPen soon.

Heather returned, upset, “Are you sure it’s in your purse? I couldn’t find it.”

Naeun nodded. “Yes…”

When you realized Naeun’s EpiPen was missing, you ran up to your room and grabbed yours. “I brought mine!”

“Hurry up!” Heather said.

You ran back down and Naeun was able to get the injection she needed to recover from her reaction.

Heather took Naeun up to her room to recover.

“I wonder what Naeun was allergic to…” You said to Jaemin.

Jaemin frowned. “I don’t know...I had no idea she had severe allergies. Maybe it was in one of the ingredients but I’m not sure which one…God, I feel terrible.” He put his face in his hands.

“Hey, it’s okay...It was an accident...She’ll be okay,” you said as you hugged him.

“It was a good thing you had your EpiPen, y/n...You’re amazing…”

“Or I just have severe allergies, too,” you said.

He laughed awkwardly. “Right…”

Even more hours passed. Renjun and Tzuyu haven’t returned. Everyone was antsy.

You and Jaemin were going to go out and look for them but you were shocked to find his tires had been slit recently.

This wasn’t a coincidence. The killer was watching your every move. You wondered if he had gotten to Renjun and Tzuyu. Your throat dried up at just thinking that.

You and Heather grabbed weapons from her father’s shed, which included gardening shears and hunting rifles.

Heather taught you how to handle the rifle. You both went back into the house with your weapons in tow. You all made sure to shut all of the windows and close all of the doors. You scoured the entire property. No one can come in. And no could come out. You hoped there wasn’t some random secret entrance to this house that rich people always seemed to have in the movies. You all reluctantly headed to bed.

You sat up on the edge of your bed. You were comfortable in a concert tee and some shorts. You wanted to wear something that would be easy to run in. Just in case the killer would come for you next.

Jaemin was at your door. “Hey…Heather and Naeun both fell asleep.”

“How can they be asleep...I can’t sleep knowing that that bastard is out there…” You said.

Jaemin walked into the room. “Can I sit with you?”

You nodded. “Jaemin, what are we going to do...We can’t just stay here. We're sitting ducks. Renjun and Tzuyu are just gone...And we don’t know when or even if they're coming back…”

Jaemin rubbed your back in small circles. His touch was distracting. Kissing Jaemin would be a great distraction.

Making love to him would be even better.

That would be ridiculous. The last thing you wanted to do was have sex when a murderer was afoot. That would be a total cliche.

Jaemin replied. “I’m sorry, y/n...I think our best bet is to wait it out until morning and go to the next town on foot.”

You nodded. “Yeah...Maybe daytime will be safer.”

Jaemin nodded. “Why don’t you go to sleep and I’ll take the first shift?”

“Really?” You asked.

“Yeah, I’m wired. I had three cups of coffee in the past hour. You need to rest, y/n.” Jaemin said as he pulled the covers over you. “I’ll come back to wake you. I’ll be on guard.” He grabbed one of the hunting rifles he left outside the door.

“Thank you,” you said as you shut your eyes. Sleep quickly took over.

___

You were quickly shaken awake. “Y/n get the fuck up!” Heather hissed.

“Heather?” You exclaimed.

She shushed you. “Shut up. You need to come with me right now.”

“What’s wrong?” You whispered.

Heather made sure your door was locked before she returned back to you. “Naeun is dead.”

You looked carefully at Heather and had seen that she’d been crying. “What?” You asked. “That’s impossible.”

“We shouldn’t have left her alone. She said she was fine. She seemed fine. I went to check on her and...she wasn’t breathing. And...I think she was smothered, y/n.”

“Wait...Are you saying…”

“The killer is Jaemin,” Heather said.

“What? Why would you say that?” You shook your head.

“Think about it, y/n. None of us has good reception here so how is that we got those texts about Yangyang? The killer had to be in close proximity to us. Tzuyu and Renjun left in my car, which he probably messed with so they got into an accident...And...I don’t even want to say what could’ve happened...Whatever Jaemin put in the lasagna almost killed Naeun. Then, her EpiPen fucking disappeared. And then, conveniently right after, his tires were slit. And now, since he couldn’t finish the job the first time, he smothered Naeun to death.”

“Heather...Jaemin wouldn’t…” You started.

“I know...I had my doubts, too, but...he gave me some calming tea before I went to sleep...When it cooled down, I tested it...It’s been drugged.”

Your heart sank. “How do you know?”

“My dad’s company is working with the nail polish that can track date rape drugs. My painted nail changed color when I tested it out. Jaemin tried to drug me, y/n…” She showed you her neon green polish and the one fingernail that turned black.

You covered your hand over your mouth.

“I had a feeling he would come check up on me so I tossed some of the tea down the drain and pretended I was asleep. He came back to check that I was asleep, y/n...That’s just creepy. Why the hell would he need to drug me?”

Not knowing how to answer, you started, “Heather...Maybe…”

Jaemin surprised you both by breaking the wood of the door down with an ax. He made a big enough hole to unlock the door from the inside.

You and Heather yelled. Jaemin heard everything.

Jaemin started. “Heather, why are you up? I thought I was going to take care of you tomorrow in my grand finale…”

“Shit,” Heather said as she got closer to you.

“Jaemin? What grand finale?” You demanded. “What is going on?”

Jaemin smiled wide at you. “Sweetheart, I thought I told you to sleep.”

The look in Jaemin’s eyes became cold...Calculating.

“y/n...It’s no accident that I asked for you to come on this trip…” Jaemin said as he pulled a knife out of his pocket and twirled it around his hand. “I thought you’d partake in the festivities…”

“What festivities?” Heather demanded. “Why the fuck did you try to drug me? Why did you kill Naeun? What the hell did she do to you?”

Jaemin tsked as he met Heather’s eyes. “Why wouldn’t I kill Naeun? Why wouldn’t I kill them all? Think about it, you ungrateful little brat.”

You found yourself moving closer to Heather then for she was your only living ally. Albeit the biggest bitch in the land.

Jaemin killed everyone.

Jaemin was the killer.

Heather shook her head. “Jaemin, stay the fuck away from us. I swear to God. Or I’ll-”

Jaemin chuckled. “You’ll what? Call Daddy? Call Mommy? They’re both abroad, never giving a second thought about their spoiled daughter...Those two think you couldn’t be safer and more comfortable…It’s ridiculous...A girl who has everything...Takes it upon herself to put others down...You’ve put y/n down for years...You’ve never let go your childish and petty hatred for her...And for what reason?”

Heather’s resolve faded when she realized what you had.

“Jaemin…” You started.

“Y/n, did you not realize that each person on this trip has fucked with you one way or another?” He asked.

Well, the girls were bitches, yes, but…

“Naeun was the one who spread that rumor about you getting your breast implants...Tzuyu was the one who nearly ran you over in the student parking lot...Renjun body shamed you in the boys’ locker room...And Yangyang told us all that he wanted to take your virginity this weekend…”

“Jaemin!” Heather exclaimed.

“You should’ve been careful with who you added in your group chat full of morons, Heather....Ah, and Heather, dear...you’re the ringleader in all of this...You goaded Naeun and Tzuyu to do these things to y/n. You’ve set out to put y/n down for a long time now. You even went along with Renjun and Yangyang’s comments about y/n’s body...Fuck you, by the way, she’s perfect in every way...And I should’ve made them all go through slower...more painful deaths for all of the things you said about her...”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. You had no idea that even boys were targeting you...First off, you literally just breathed. The girls were childish and petty but…

“Jaemin,” you said.

“Yes, sweetheart?” Jaemin asked with a kinder smile to you.

“What they all did to me was wrong...But you didn’t have to…”

Jaemin’s eyes widened. “Kill them? Well, it wasn’t up to you...All of these people are worthless scum that won’t amount to much, honestly….So was it really a waste?”

Heather surprised you by pulling a handgun out of her pocket. She shot Jaemin in the chest. “y/n, let’s go!” She pulled you out of the bed and you both ran for your lives.

“Agh!” Jaemin groaned as he fell to the ground.

You both ran down the stairs. Heather unlocked the front door, knowing the house was no longer safe.

You both ran down the steps of the entrance. You had to pull Heather with you because she ran too slow for you. Then, you heard a gunshot.” Heather fell down. She’d been shot in the foot. “Fuck!” She yelled.

You turned to see Jaemin at the entrance with a hunting rifle. “Bulletproof vest, baby!”

You yelled as you tried to help Heather up.

Jaemin asked, genuinely confused. “Y/n, why are you running? This has nothing to do with you.”

You gaped. “Are you kidding me? Apparently, this has everything to do with me…Jaemin put the gun down! Please stop!”

Jaemin shook his head. “Out of the question, sweetheart. You’d be smart to leave Heather to me.”

Heather began to cry. “No…”

You wrapped Heather’s arm around you and both walked off. Heather winced with pain but she could manage as you kept running. Jaemin was getting closer and closer. He waited, then.

You and Heather were confused. Why did he stop running?

You and Heather both walked over a bear traps you both hadn’t seen.

You yelped in pain and Heather cried out, “Son of a bitch!”

It hurt for both of you to move an inch. You both cried.

Jaemin made his way over, using a flashlight. He sighed. “Y/n, you should’ve stopped running. Now you’ve your beautiful ankle...Well, it’s no big deal...I can disinfect it and patch it up nicely for you...After I’m done with Heather.”

“Jaemin, no, please stop. You don’t have to do this. I don’t want you to do this. That’s enough!” You pleaded.

At the sound of your last two words, Jaemin froze. The words brought him back to when he was a kid and he would pummel other children for bullying his younger siblings. His parents would beg him to stop. It was too bad that their words didn’t stick. And your words were no different.

Jaemin sighed. “I’m sorry, y/n…” He whacked the back of his gun over your head so you blacked out.

___

Heather had also been knocked out. She awoke to being tied up and sitting in the hot tub beside the Olympic sized swimming pool in the backyard. She noted that bricks were tied around her ankles. As she tried to pull herself up, it was impossible for her to get out.

Jaemin smiled wickedly as he wielded the thermostat. “You’ve always prided yourself on being the hottest girl at our college...Why don’t we put that to the test?”

“Jaemin, please stop! I am so sorry!” She cried. “Please don’t do this! I messed up! I...I’ve always been jealous of y/n! Because she was the one who had everything. The perfect family. The perfect grades. The perfect body. Everything about her is so damn effortless that I hated it.” She hoped that pouring her soul out to him might make him change his mind.

“Oh, boohoo…” Jaemin said as he increased the heat.

Heather grew uncomfortable. “Jaemin...Stop...Please...It’s too hot…”

Jaemin sighed. “Goodbye Heather…”

___

You slowly woke up seated on the passenger side of Jaemin’s Jeep. Your eyes quickly opened when you realized that. You jerked awake and found Jaemin in the driver’s seat, calm and composed. “I think we’re alone now...”

You backed up against your window. “Jaemin! Where is Heather?”

“Oh, she’s tied up at the moment...In the hot tub...She is indeed the hottest girl from our college now…” Jaemin said, a chuckle escaping his lips at his pun.

You were about to be sick. You pulled the window and vomited. You tried moving by the gash from the bear trap made you wince and groan in pain.

“Oh, y/n...I didn’t mean for you to get hurt...You couldn’t help it, though. Wanting to help that brat till the end...Because you see the good in people...You are simply too pure.”

“Jaemin...Where are we going?”

“To the next town...Where we will report a murderer that broke into Heather’s summer home…”

You looked at him in disbelief. Surely, he wouldn't turn himself in.

“The murderer is at large and we narrowly escaped, y/n...I got you out of the bear trap and we were able to get away in my car…”

You shook your head. “Jaemin, no...They’ll never believe you...”

Jaemin shocked you by breaking down the same way he had the day before you left for the trip. “Officers, please h-help us. Our friends are gone!”

You looked at him in disbelief. Did he fake crying before?

Well, you did think he was a tremendous actor. You just didn’t know how right you were.

“Jaemin, this is wrong…” You started.

He sighed. “Y/n...you worry too much...Now your life will be brighter...It’ll be perfect now. Perfect for the perfect girl…”

You contemplated how the hell you could get away from Jaemin. Your options were limited as he’d taken your phone. You couldn’t exactly run that far but you could find a way to slow him down. You noticed Heather’s car off the side of the road. It’d rammed into a tree. Jaemin must have tampered with Heather’s car, you realized. He did admit to having a hand in their disappearance, after all.

You thought fast and with all of your strength you moved over to Jaemin’s side and turned the wheel so the car collided into the trees.

The impact was intense but you’d dodged most of the impact. Jaemin laid next to you, unconscious and bleeding.

You limped out of the car and checked Heather’s car. As you feared, Renjun and Tzuyu died from the impact. It was a gruesome sight. They dealt with blunt trauma. Their heads were draining blood. You nearly puked again.

Before you broke down in tears, you thought fast and remembered Renjun and Tzuyu smoked. You rummaged through the glove compartment for a weapon or a phone...You came up short with Renjun’s lighter. Tzuyu’s phone had some battery left. The reception was low so you had to find a way to get to the next town to get reception.

So now what the hell were you going to do, you weren’t going to light a car up on fire...And burn the evidence that was once Tzuyu and Renjun.

You noticed the gas leak that came from under the car. You got under the hood of Heather’s car and found the gasoline tank leaking. You grabbed an empty Starbucks cup from the front seat and let the gasoline slip in.

___

You ran, not getting very far when Jaemin called out to you. He was able to walk normally and he was quickly catching up to you.

“Y/n! Sweetheart! Where are you going? Without me...” Jaemin called out.

You turned quickly and found he walked over to you with an ax.

“Fuck off, Jaemin!” You said, realizing he was just as capable of killing you.

“Sweetheart, let’s just talk about this...I did this all for you...Because I love you...I want to make you happy. I want to marry you. Have twelve children...Ah, yes, you said twelve may be excessive...How does eleven kids sound?”

You rolled your eyes. He was fucking insane. You decided to provoke him. “What makes you think I would marry a deranged killer?”

Jaemin’s face was unreadable then. You hid the cup of gasoline away in your sweater. Pretending you've injured your arm so Jaemin wouldn’t be the wiser.

“Y/n, please…”

You entertained him by turning around.

“What, Jaemin? How could you possibly convince me that anything you did was okay?”

“If you let me try…” Jaemin started. He got closer to you.

You waited for him to get closer and quickly doused him with the gasoline.

Jaemin coughed as some of the gasoline got in his mouth. “y/n, what are you-”

“Goodbye, Jaemin.” You ignited Renjun’s lighter and tossed it at him.

Jaemin clothes caught on fire. He yelled in agony as you watched him struggle. He threw the axe at you but he missed. You cried as you went back to Jaemin’s car and started up the ignition. Thank goodness, it still worked.

Jaemin immediately removed his clothes to remove himself from most of the flames and patted himself down. He immediately charged at you as you backed the car up from the tree.

You didn’t think twice as you ran him over. Checking the rearview mirror and seeing the job hadn’t been completed, you reversed the car and ran him over again.

You waited ten minutes to see that Jaemin was dead. You got out of the car and kicked his body to check for any movement. You got his heavy, lifeless body into the car with you. You checked his pulse again. He was dead. You checked multiple times because once again, you weren’t about to become a movie cliche.

You made it to the next town and reported Jaemin’s murders and how you killed him in self-defense. You explained your weekend of terror and you were at the station all week for questioning. Your family joined you and consoled you as you told them all you knew.

The police scoured the mansion. They found Yangyang’s body in the pool house, beaten to a bloody pulp. They found Naeun’s body in her bed, like she’d been in perpetual slumber. They found Heather’s body in the hot tub, wrinkled and burnt. They found Heather’s car where Tzuyu and Renjun’s bodies remained.

Jaemin told you the truth. He worked part-time at hardware store. He had been fired that day for snapping at one of the customer’s who was berating his wife. Before Jaemin left, he stole an ax. He really did get the ax, like he’d told you.

It turned out Jaemin tampered with the reception at Heather’s house and because her house was already remote...Jaemin was able to use that to his advantage. He used the last of the reception before he cut it off to send the texts about Yangyang from a burner phone, which was uncovered in his Jeep. Yangyang’s phone was unlocked and the police uncovered his messages that were supposedly from his dealer, who he scheduled to meet with the night he disappeared. It turned out Jaemin hacked into the dealer’s phone to get Yangyang right where he wanted him. Jaemin did indeed tamper with the wires of Heather’s car so Tzuyu and Renjun’s fates were sealed. The leftover lasagna Jaemin had prepared was analyzed and there were traces of crushed peanuts in the lasagna. Naeun had a severe peanut allergy. Naeun’s EpiPen was found with Jaemin’s other belongings. When you’d saved Naeun with your EpiPen, Jaemin took it upon himself to smother Naeun with a pillow in her sleep. Jaemin had planted bear traps around the front lawn, which was how he caught you and Heather. Heather died from heat exhaustion in the hot tub as she was tied up and restrained with bricks tied around her ankles. Jaemin had done all of this with gloved hands so no trace of his DNA could be found at the crime scenes. If it hadn’t been for the evidence he’d hidden in his car, then the case would’ve been more difficult to resolve.

Jaemin’s body was recovered at the crime scene. Thankfully, he was not a movie cliche where he up and left and awaited his next victim. He was dead to the world and most importantly, dead to you.

[Fin]

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valdomarx · 3 years

Text

Inseparably Entwined

Stargate Atlantis, McKay/Sheppard, bound together, 2k, rated M

Elizabeth pinches the bridge of her nose. "What did you two do now?"

"We. Uhh. We found another Ancient device."

"And, instead of cataloguing it for a hazmat team to investigate, as per protocol, you decided to play with it?"

“To investigate it,” Rodney corrects. “Like the competent professionals we are.” John punches him in the arm.

Elizabeth's lips purse into a thin line. "And then you accidentally activated it?"

John winces. "And then we accidentally activated it."

"Of course you did. And its effects are…?"

"Non lethal," Rodney says, a bit too quickly.

Elizabeth mumbles something that might be don't bet on it under her breath. "Non lethal, but…?"

John shifts his weight and stares at a point behind her head. "McKay and I have to stay within ten feet of each other at all times or we both pass out."

For a moment there is stunned silence. Then the sound of Elizabeth's bark of laughter fills the office and spills out into the gate room.

Carson waves a hand. “You’re both going to be fine. It looks like the bond is only temporary.”

Rodney fidgets. “How temporary?”

“I couldn’t say. A few days, maybe a few weeks?”

“Weeks?” John chokes out. “Listen, doc, we need you to fix this -”

Carson cuts him off. “I’m sorry, son, but I’ve got more important things on my plate right now.” He looks pointedly around the infirmary which is admittedly full of marines being treated for combat injuries, Athosians coming in for checkups, and troops of medical staff organizing vaccinations for off-world groups.

John deflates. “So we’re stuck with each other?”

Carson pats him on the shoulder. “Good luck.”

Rodney looks up at that. “Hey!”

“Absolutely not.” John recoils in horror. “We are not sleeping in your room.”

“But all my stuff is in there.”

“Your room is disgusting. If you think I’m sleeping on the floor among half-finished bags of cheetos and bits of drones, you are sorely mistaken. It’s a wonder you haven’t attracted the Lantean equivalent of rats.”

“I’ll have you know the bags of cheetos are almost entirely finished.”

“Rodney -”

“Alright! We’ll sleep in your oh-so-tidy quarters. Military spick and span, no snacks or useful bits of machinery in sight.” Rodney rounds on him, waving a finger in his face. “But if I get an inspired idea in the middle of the night and can’t find a circuit board to test it on, know that it’s your stubbornness that is robbing humanity of another of my great concepts.”

John hides a smile. “I’ll have to find a way to live with myself.”

When the doors to John’s quarters slide open, Rodney’s jaw drops.

“Hey! How come you have a bigger bed than me?”

John shoots him a smug look. “I upgraded after the last attack. Benefits of command.” It was one of the very few benefits of command he was willing to take advantage of.

“Oh, that’s how it is, hmm? We’re living in a military dictatorship here, with all the best perks and boons given to the highest ranking officers? Never mind that it’s the scientists who do all the actual work, who discover new technology and solve the problems, oh no, let’s give out the biggest and comfiest beds to the military guys, as if that’s fair -”

“McKay!” he interrupts. Rodney looks like he’s having fun, gearing up for a good rant, but John honestly can’t take it right now. “Go to sleep, I’m begging you.”

Rodney huffs, clearly saving that rant away for another time. “Fine.”

John is woken up for the third time that night by Rodney fidgeting on the floor and sighing dramatically.

“What is it, McKay?” His voice is testy. He doesn’t love having his sleep interrupted.

“I can’t get comfortable. A sleeping bag on the floor is bad for my back.”

John stares at the ceiling and counts to ten. He looks at the ample space next to him and calculates his best odds of getting some sleep tonight. “Come here and share the bed with me then.”

Rodney eyes his mattress dubiously. “I’ll have you know I require a very firm mattress, for spinal support, not that I’d expect you to understand -”

“For god’s sake, get in the bed. It has to be better than the floor.”

A moment’s pause. “Yeah, alright.”

It’s been a long time since John slept next to someone. His rare hookups have mostly involved sneaking out in the middle of the night, and even when he was married they slept in separate beds most of the time.

Sleeping next to Rodney is, surprisingly, not awful though. Sure, he steals all the covers and moves around all the time and, of course, he snores, but John finds that he strangely doesn’t mind.

John has seen Rodney under fire, seen him at his best, seen him happy and sad and angry and bored. But he’s never seen him first thing in the morning before.

“Whazzat?” Rodney’s eyes barely open. His expression is one of overriding confusion. “Whzz going on?”

John stifles a smile at his resident genius. He’s been up for an hour already, showered, done his laundry, and cleaned his space. He’s also decided to play nice and share his secret.

“Here,” he says, and hands a mug of freshly brewed coffee to Rodney. “Just don’t tell anyone I snuck coffee and a kettle into my personal effects, or the scientists will raid us in the middle of the night.”

“Coffee!” Rodney is still radiating confusion, but he hones in on the cup of coffee like a laser. A blissful smile passes over his face. “You brought me coffee.”

“I did.”

“You’re wonderful.” Rodney takes the coffee and cradles it like something precious and rare.

After a day and a half doing paperwork in the lab because they can't go off-world, John has reached the end of his rope.

"I'm going to the gym," he snaps. "You can either come with me or we'll both end up in the infirmary when I try to go there alone."

Rodney glares and is clearly about to start arguing when Zelenka elbows him. He sighs dramatically but agrees that they can take an hour away.

While they're both in the gym and John needs a sparring partner, he figures he might as well teach Rodney some self defense. The idea of Rodney needing to defend himself makes something unpleasant twist in his gut, but he pushes that away and argues they should make the most of this time and do something productive. To his surprise, Rodney agrees, and they run through some basic drills and defensive maneuvers.

Rodney is bad at this, frankly. He's all elbows and poor coordination, but he's trying.

John is feeling magnanimous, and he knows the value of a bit of positive reinforcement. So when Rodney steps forward and attempts a clumsy hip throw, he leans in and lets himself be thrown.

Rodney looks astonished that actually worked, before delightedly pouncing on John and pinning him to the floor.

"Got you," he says, face pink and grinning wickedly.

John's heart picks up, somehow distracted by Rodney's heavy weight on him and the sharp brightness of his smile. He swallows thickly.

"I guess you do."

“Geez, Sheppard, how long does it take to have a shower?” Rodney’s voice carries through the bathroom door. “I want to run some simulations on the city’s power systems with Zelenka.”

John’s cheeks flush and he tries to tune Rodney out. “Just give me a minute, will you?”

“What are you doing in there anyway, jerking off?”

John goes very, very still.

“Oh my god, you are!”

“Shut up, McKay.”

“No, no, don’t let me stop you. You go ahead and enjoy yourself.”

“I hate you.”

“I’m not judging. It’s perfectly natural. And hey, maybe it’ll help you chill the fuck out for once.”

John scowls, gives up, and shoves his dick back in his pants. “I will kill you in your sleep.”

John is used to having to drag McKay around after him on missions, so in some ways their new situation isn’t entirely unfamiliar.

Tac vests are useful for that; full of hand holds he can grab when he needs McKay to get down under cover or to stop him from wandering off to look at some shiny piece of technology. When Rodney is in uniform, he can grab the collar of his shirt, though Rodney complains that it creases the fabric horribly.

So John finds a compromise. When he has stuff to do and Rodney is dawdling, he grabs his hand and steers him in the right direction. After a while it becomes second nature - whenever there’s danger or something important is happening, he takes Rodney’s hand and they set off to deal with it together.

If any of the marines find it funny to see their commander holding hands with the head of science during a crisis, none of them dares to mention it.

John is carefully, carefully tending to his hair. Just the right amount of product, to spike it just the right amount to look effortless. He tweaks and ruffles, tugs and shapes. This is an art form which requires judicious maintenance.

“Oh, for the love of -” Rodney grabs the tub of hair wax out of his hands. “We’ll be here all day. Let me.”

He steps forward and slides his hands into John’s hair, ruffling it vigorously. His fingers are firm on John’s scalp and he tugs just on the right side of too hard.

Rodney steps back and surveys his work. “That’ll do.”

John glances in the mirror and sees a chaotic, wild mess. He looks like he’s run a marathon, with his pink cheeks and mussed hair, or like he’s rolled out of bed after a night of passion.

“Rodney! I can’t go out like this.”

“Oh, shut up. You look smoking hot, like you always do.”

That’s… What? What does that mean? Why the hell would Rodney say that?

“Come on,” Rodney is saying, already on his way out the door. John has to run after him, cheeks still flushed.

They find a rhythm.

John gets up first and puts the coffee on while he showers. He’s given up on trying to tidy Rodney’s side of the room, so he lets the piles of circuit boards and screwdrivers sprout up where they will. Once Rodney is up they get breakfast at the mess, then he spends the morning doing paperwork and writing reports in the science lab while Rodney works. They meet Teyla and Ronon for lunch, then he spends the afternoon drilling the marines while Rodney taps away at a laptop. Evenings, they bicker over which movies to watch in their quarters and throw popcorn at each other.

Elizabeth even agrees to let them travel to the mainland, and then to go on low-stakes reconnaissance missions.

It’s… comfortable, he realizes. It works.

That thought makes something twist in his chest, and he doesn’t know why.

“Morning, sunshine.” John pours Rodney a cup of coffee.

“Mmm.” Rodney is still sleep-rumpled, but he struggles upright and smiles softly. “Morning.”

As he hands over the coffee, Rodney catches his wrist and holds him there. He looks down at the mug, then back up at John. John notices in an abstract way that his eyes are very, very blue.

“Thanks,” Rodney says, and pecks him on the lips.

Right. Okay. That’s a thing. That’s a thing they’re doing now.

John is still processing as Rodney gets up and heads for the shower. “I’ve got a meeting with Miko this morning,” he says over his shoulder, normal as ever, “so we might have to push our gym session back by half an hour -”

He keeps chattering away while John sits on the bed and has a minor crisis. Did they… do they… but that would mean…

By the time Rodney is out of the shower, John has made a decision.

He doesn’t allow himself to overthink it, he just takes Rodney’s face in his hands and kisses him deeply. Rodney’s arms tighten around his waist and his tongue slips into his mouth and oh. Oh yes. That’s good.

John’s a little breathless, a little dizzy. “Are we really doing this?” he asks.

Rodney’s face scrunches up in amusement. “I think we’ve been doing this for weeks.”

Yeah. Okay. That’s a fair point.

The tense feeling that’s been winding around his chest uncoils, and in its place is nothing but blooming warmth.

“I guess we have.”

EPILOGUE

“Carson.” Elizabeth looks up from where she’s frowning at a tablet and gives him a polite nod. “Thanks for stopping by.”

“Any time,” Carson says, and means it. “What can I do for you?”

“I was hoping to get an update on the situation with John and Rodney. We really do need them to get back on full duty soon.”

“Ahh.” He’s been carefully avoiding that topic. He takes a breath. “To be honest with you, the bond between them wore off days ago. They could go their separate ways now and be none the worse for it.”

Elizabeth’s eyebrows fly upward toward her hairline. “And you haven’t told them yet?”

“See, at first they were in the infirmary every day asking for an update. But they haven’t been in for over a week and -”

“And?”

“They seem…” he pauses, contemplating his choice of words, “... happy.”

Elizabeth’s mouth twitches into a quickly suppressed smile. “That may be, but you have a professional responsibility.”

“Aye, you’re right. I’ll go and tell them the effects of the device have run their course.”

“Well…” Elizabeth looks thoughtful. “You have a professional responsibility to give them accurate medical information when they ask for it.”

Carson sees where she’s going with this. “And until then?”

Elizabeth shrugs and gives him a sly look. “They do seem happy.”

#mcshep #stargate atlantis #my writing #sometimes you must write the fic you want to see in the world

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