#heros and halfwits
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Too Close for Comfort
I was inspired to write a quick scene after I saw this amazing piece, which I can't stop thinking about. I wanted to try something new and fun and hopefully on brand.
Summary: What happens when Tav gets a little too close to the devil? (Raphael POV x Female Tav)
(Image via red-dead-sakharine)
“You halfwit.”
Tav was sprawled out on the ground, clutching the burning wound in her stomach. No matter how hard she pressed, the blood found its way through her fingers, staining the ground beneath her.
Raphael stood near the campfire, holding an infernal weapon that dripped with her blood. He could stab that creature again. He summoned the blade away as he approached her, clenching his fists. His dark eyes were full of fire and rage.
“No wonder this realm is in disarray, you mortal buffoons don’t know how to conduct yourselves.”
Tav shifted her head to grin at Raphael as he got closer, coughing up blood.
“Can’t… can’t really take you seriously right now… you might want to wash yo-your face.”
Raphael grew hotter, his temper about to reach a boiling point; he was on the verge of erupting into his cambion form.
Tav had summoned Raphael that evening for a private meeting, pulling him away from his work. She insisted it was urgent and he was cursed to entertain her. Raphael had wasted hours lecturing these creatures about what's at stake but they never understood, never cared to listen. He was on the cusp of greatness; he could practically feel it tickling his fingertips. He could taste the triumph on his lips that he’s craved for millennia, and yet this inept group of heroes continued to be his final roadblock.
The moment Raphael stepped through his fiery portal to indulge Tav, she pounced on him like a cat in heat. She had taken Raphael’s head into her hands, tousled his hair and released a fury of kisses across his face; the final blow was that horrid wet kiss on his lips.
“Have you no decorum!” Raphael roared.
Flames exploded from his hands as he summoned his infernal weapon. He lunged it deep into the pit of Tav's stomach before shoving her away. She landed on the ground with a cry, the creature too stunned for even one of her annoying quips.
He was still peppered in those damned kisses, her taste lingered on his lips. He violently snapped his fingers, removing the evidence from his face, putting his hair back into pristine condition once again.
Tav let out a pained laugh, she was beginning to shiver. Her face getting paler with every passing second.
“Oh? Still find this amusing?” .
“It… was worth it.” Tav smiled again, blood lining her teeth.
“If it wasn't for your antics our business together could’ve been concluded a fortnight ago! I have no time for these mortal games, little mouse.” Raphael growled.
He glared at Tav and watched as her chest rose and fell like a passing wave, her movements getting slower and slower. She was struggling to keep her eyes open, alternating between long staggered blinks. He knelt down and grabbed her bloodied chin in his hand, squeezing it.
“You’re an exasperating creature, dare I say the worst kind.”
Tav forced a final smirk before her eyes flickered shut. Her body grew limp and that damned smile finally faded from her lips.
Raphael let out a long sigh, clearing all the air from his lungs. He looked up into the sky; there were no clouds tonight, the stars were glistening. An otherwise beautiful evening had it not been soiled thanks to that little mouse.
He thought hard for a moment about leaving her there, in a pool of her own blood. Let her companions discover the body, that would teach them all a fine lesson. But alas, they had a deal. He rolled his eyes as he picked up Tav's cold body.
A blazing portal crackled into existence in front of Raphael and he stepped through.
#raphael#raphael x tav#raphael the cambion#bg3 raphael#bg3 fanfiction#bg3#raphael bg3#baldurs gate 3 raphael#raphael baldur's gate 3#baldur's gate 3#writing#fanfic
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"All?" he mocked. "Tell me, little bird, what kind of god makes a monster like the Imp, or a halfwit like Lady Tanda's daughter? If there are gods, they made sheep so wolves could eat mutton, and they made the weak for the strong to play with."- Sansa(ACOK IV). How on earth Hound considered a hero?
If I remember correctly, that’s not one of the quotes people use when talking about how heroic the Hound is (although tbh he doesn’t say many positive things). Sansa a few chapters later shows him (politely, fearfully) where he can shove his nihilistic strongman philosophy:
She had forgotten the other verses. When her voice trailed off, she feared he might kill her, but after a moment the Hound took the blade from her throat, never speaking.
Some instinct made her lift her hand and cup his cheek with her fingers. The room was too dark for her to see him, but she could feel the stickiness of the blood, and a wetness that was not blood. "Little bird," he said once more, hisvoice raw and harsh as steel on stone. Then he rose from the bed. Sansa heard cloth ripping, followed by the softer sound of retreating footsteps.When she crawled out of bed, long moments later, she was alone. She found his cloak on the floor, twisted up tight, the white wool stained by blood and fire. —ACOK Sansa VII
So let’s get this straight: strong bitter Hound who says the weak are there to serve the strong holds a knife to a girl’s throat for a song…and she sings for mercy, holds his face, and he’s so shamed by what he was going to do he leaves her alone to never see her again. Hound has been mocking Sansa’s “soft” “bird” songs since she met him, and she, afraid for her life, proves to him and everyone reading that yes, those “weak” qualities are stronger than hatred and brute force. This is actually one of the best pieces of evidence that GRRM isn’t grimdark…not that a grown man broke into a girl’s bedroom and threatened her with a knife to sing (that’s sadly expected), but that girl, in a “voice that sounded small and tremulous to her own ears”, sang about mercy and peace…and she wins, he doesn’t hurt her anymore. It’s not so much Beauty and the Beast as it is Snow White and the Huntsman, in which Snow’s innocence means the Huntsman can’t bring himself to kill her; except Sansa singing and putting a hand on his face takes a more active role. She asked the Mother earlier to ease the rage inside him, and she (or She?) did.
No, the Hound isn’t a hero, but more importantly, his entire mindset in that quote is wrong. And Sansa—one of the series’ main heroes—shows us in the same book why. I can’t imagine reading Sansa’s Blackwater chapters and how she represents a core theme of the novels—that compassion, peace, and mercy are actually stronger than hatred, war, and revenge—and not understand she’s going to be one of Westeros’ future leaders by the end.
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Why do I feel like Alfred and Teddy!verse Irina would be best friends?
Ari Note: If not best friends, more than acquaintances.
You come out of your office and lean against the railing, scrubbing your hand over your face, "Irina?"
"Yes?" she called back, handing Alfred a cup of tea.
"Where the fuck am I supposed to be right now?"
Irina took a deep breath, saying a prayer for patience and leaned back far enough to see the schedule, "Booth Two."
"The fuck-"
"Heroes and Halfwits."
You don't answer but amble to the staircase grumbling, pausing just long enough to take your water bottle from her and wave hello to Alfred.
"Long week?" Alfred chuckled. You look exhausted. And Irina looks like she's about to smack you with a rolled-up newspaper.
"We're three days out from Hiatus. The post-tour brain is real."
He quirked an eyebrow at her in askance and Irina shook her head, "Tour is always hard. She doesn't sleep much and it's a nightmare to get her to eat anything on a plate. With silverware... So after the tour she's just kinda- well I mean I'm pretty sure she's legally asleep. But she'll perk up a little after lunch. Hopefully."
Alfred nodded, watching the concern flit across her face in spite of the irritation and smiled a little. "How on Earth did you wind up working here?"
Irina shrugged, "After- everything, when she had her little breakdown before they let her come back to work, they made her agree to have an assistant. Someone to help mitigate some of the day to day stress. And then they hired me-"
"So she didn't pick you?"
"No," she laughed, "The first time I met her she was half drunk by her pool with a guitar. And oh. My. God. I hated her so much."
Alfred snorted, he could see that. "So what changed?"
"She's just so damn kind," Irina huffed. "I was such an asshole- I kept just doing the bare minimum and just; by rights she should have just fired me. But... I don't think she was in a position to argue, at least not emotionally." She winced, remembering how outright mean she'd been. "And then when my mom died; to this day I don't know what made me go to the house. But she just pulled me inside, no questions asked. She let me cry on her couch and scream at the top of my lungs- and never not once did she try and tell me I couldn't feel that way. Then she made me dinner and brownies and let me sleep in a guest room."
The older man nodded. He could see that too. You were sweet. And you cared. "She is nice," he hummed, sipping his tea.
"Not nice," Irina corrected, smiling, "Kind."
"There's a difference?"
"Nice people say "Wow. That sucks." and move on with their day. Kind people will actually help you, even if they don't say nice words."
He digested that for a moment and looked at Irina consideringly. "And you've been here ever since?"
"Yup," Irina said, picking up a granola bar off her work table and throwing it at you, snorting when it hits you in the chest and you stare at it blankly for a second before scooping it off the floor. "Eat that," she ordered crisply, "And text me what you want for lunch."
"But I don't-"
"Y/N so help me. You will eat a meal today if I have to kill you."
"Can't I just pay for your manicure and call it a day?"
The other woman crossed her arms and scowled at you, "Either you eat or I call Teddy and make him yell at you."
"What the fuck-"
"Your choice," she challenged.
And Alfred suppressed a grin with difficulty. Irina was definitely a kindred spirit.
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Hey, I'm that new player anon from the other blog who asked about Tardif enjoying baking. Thanks for your detailed answer.
I'd like to ask, why do you feel the DD2 interpretations of the characters feel squeaky clean? I have heard from others that DD2's backstories comes off as trying to make them similar to Dismas' (feeling remorseful for their past and trying to find redemption), is that true? Characters like Sarmenti don't feel like they're particularly different, but I can see where they're coming from with Paracelsus or something
Hello hello! o/ welcome to the fandom and thank you for the ask :}
Sorry for the late reply, i was promptly reminded why i shouldn't type big answers in a browser and had to re-do this answer a few times ^^'
i'm happy that my bits of historical anecdotes were of any interest to you, if you have anything else you'd like to know, ask away, i'll do my best to answer. i researched DD's possible cuisine for my writing, so i'm more than happy to share and have an unhealthy amount of interest in Crimson Curse
Now, regarding your ask…
Oh, the characterization... well, i am working on a huge and detailed answer for another ask regarding Dismas in particular, and it's taking me a while because i have feelings and i need to dig out DD2 barks for factual comparison, but in general, for me this is because of three things:
removal of the character's agency;
removal of moral ambiguity;
re-writing of established facts that contradict 'heroism';
You see, before DD2's shrines, all the fandom had to work with were hero's comics, their barks (lines they say during specific afflictions and/or actions) and descriptions on some of their personal trinkets (namely, Crimson Curse sets). All of those were vague and open to interpretation, but painted quite a dark picture for any given hero. The only more or less 'cinnamon rolls' (aka victims of circumstance but arguably good-aligned) were Baldwin (leper), Misendei (arbalest), William (Houndmaster) and Bigby (Abomination), who were wronged but tried to keep their goodness intact. And even those supposed cinnabuns had some quite questionable lines when stressed enough, revealing that sure, they did their best, but even they weren't spotless.
However, everyone else was either a selfish ass, or a coward, or mass murderer, or someone else equally shitty and their 'key backstory moment' was painting them in a dubious light.
Fresh examples that pop up in my head and have mirrors in DD2 are Paracelsus (Plague Doctor), who was rather obsessed with her work on the human body, and her barks show how she is absolutely determined to keep her notes and research private but in a rather "this is my achievement, only mine!" way. She's arrogant and shoves her way around others whenever she's stressed, feeling them all beneath her.
For example:
(sigh) My time is too valuable for these trivialities!
You halfwits are interrupting my concentration!
Uneducated brutes! The ignorance! The idiocy!
Hmmm... deformed at birth or merely hideous?
So many useful organs... all wasted on you.
Why bother? You are all little more than meat.
Medicine marks a new age, ignorant barbarians!
Sure, her comic shows her hard working, not denying that, but also having the bloodied handkerchief of her professor with her (from the 4th panel onward, it's always with her); which can be interpreted in a multitude of ways, not excluding her poisoning him just to be able to work on his body and further the study. We can't see her shunned and debated as it was shown in DD2, and she isn't portrayed as a singular woman character in the university setting. We can't see her professor dying of natural causes – we just see him dead and her coming to witness that, already with books and clutter at hand. It can be seen as if it was her own scheme. For all we know - yes, she is the mad scientist (tm.) and it wasn't her trauma or making a zombie which pushed her out of university and into Hamlet, but her arrogance, very Victor Frankenstein style.
However, in DD2 a lot, and I mean a LOT was made to make her softer, mellower, less over the top and more sympathetic: how the professor disregards her theories; how she's the sole woman in the class; how she is mocked, debated and considered 'scandalous' (based on Shrine quotes); how she lost her will to pursue medicine; how she was a poor little meow meow after shrine 5 who cannot focus and get the screams out of her head (which contradicts heavily all of her characterization in DD1...); you get the idea. Even her negative barks aren’t as vicious:
You bicker as a child does!
You! Reckless! You threaten us all!
I've had better company in the morgue!
If I bleed out, who will staunch your wounds?
By my calculations, you misjudged that.
Sure, it can be because DD2 is still in the making, but… they have a different attitude, don’t you think?
A lot of work went into making this character as beaten up and sympathetic as possible instead of an over the top, cocky, somewhat mad scientist with absolutely unhinged love and fascination for bodies and bodily fluids (she’s asking her teammates for their piss during camping for god’s sake, that woman has no understanding of social norms, or no use for them) - but in doing so, Para lost what... well, made her Para, in my opinion. Para in DD1 goes through bodies, piss and blood to further her goal of medical enlightenment; Para in DD2 is a tormented soul who went in over her head and got broken, and now atones for... well, making a zombie out of an already dead man and genuinely i fail to see how is that use any worse than a regular autopsy. It's not like her professor felt it, or was trapped in that body or was turned into a zombie by a bite or something. He was already dead. So... dunno, maybe it's just me, but the sudden complete breakdown was... odd. Para I knew would’ve been motivated to push even further, to make that mistake count. Para from DD2 broke and gave up – which, in turn, makes no sense, since the timeline is DD2 backstory -> DD1 -> DD2, so she had to go to Hamlet and continue her experiments there and… alright, the timeline is another beast altogether, and I am not poking it here.
Another example is Audrey, the Grave Robber. In DD1 she was flamboyant and cocky, teasing and taunting enemies and allies alike, concerned about her clothes even in the heat of battle and undeniably selfish, in there for a thrill and money. She still referred to herself as a Lady, and was quite cheeky with everyone. We saw her backstory comic, and all it showed was the poverty of a high class lady, a presumably dead husband (?) and how she turned to grave robbing due to him being buried with his jewellery. Her barks referred to tea, ambergris and other high-end luxuries, so it was an easy timeline to map: a noblewoman (the title of Lady was only reserved for a wife of the currently ruling Lord, and I’d better stop here before I start poking heraldry and title inheritance) who got into debt for some reason (maybe even her own spending) and was facing eviction and social humiliation, and who decided to change her fate. That was it. No domestic abuse (although, I cannot argue that it wouldn’t be setting- and time-appropriate), nothing about her husband sexually assaulting her, nothing. Only her love for baubles and luxuries. For all we knew, she had spent the family fortune on those. I don’t think there’s any indication in DD1 which points to her killing her husband, really. Hell, we weren’t even sure it was her husband, some people headcannoned the guy from the portrait as her father.
But in DD2 she is shown as exclusively a victim – at home, she’s a victim of abuse, then she’s a victim of circumstance, she’s a cornered woman, desperate to get out and get better. It’s not her fault she poisoned her husband – he abused her! It’s not her fault she became a grave digger – she was forced into it! She isn’t a bad person. She was forced into those circumstances! She’s a good person, a hero! She was just in a very bad spot, really, please sympathise with her.
You mentioned Sarmenti, and I want to poke that one a bit, too. He, too, is very different to what was portrayed in DD1 and DD2. In DD1 his backstory was one of revenge for the humiliation he was faced with during his work in the court of the tyrant. However, it was never shown how or why would he come there. Again, for all we know, he worked there, and his barks about serving at children’s birthday parties supported that. We knew he was a jester and he worked as a jester. He was humiliated and took revenge by killing the court. How he summoned spears of dubious origin was never explained or addressed. With all the constant laughing he had in his barks, it sounded almost like he had PBA (pseudobulbar affect). If he actually had it, becoming a jester was really one of the few available options for him.
But in DD2 he is shown to be specifically a musician who became famous enough to become a curio, was tricked into coming to court, caught and kept there, humiliated in ways even Narrator refuses to specify and supposedly driven absolutely insane by the combination of that and some eldritch music magic he got. He wasn't even employed there. He was tricked, lied to, then abused. Again, an absolutely normal, arguably good person, driven up a wall due to horrendous inhumane circumstances to do evil— sounds familiar by the third time, isn’t it?
And this is why I call them squeaky clean. Heroes in DD1 were the agents of their downfall. They were arrogant, they made decisions which ended up in disasters, they were led by their greed, obsession or vices. But they had agency. Sure, they weren’t good people – but they were active forces in their lives, and what they did or didn’t do was just that – their action, their decision, their agency. It was never exclusively circumstances offering only one solution which happened to be a bad one. It’s not that they chose bad action because it was easy or they didn’t care or something else caused by heroes – they were put in circumstances where this was the only course of action they could do, and thus, they cannot be considered morally bankrupt for doing the only available thing. All of the backstories are now there to evoke sympathy and say “wouldn’t you do the same if you were put in the same awful circumstances?”. And this, to me, cheapens and flattens the heroes by a huge margin. Frankly, I’m even a little bit surprised the ‘redemption’ bit is intact, considering how much they distanced the heroes from the actual horrible things they did. Arguably, Alhazred is the only one who still does his backstory completely selfishly, but they don’t really show him as remorseful, too, and because of that it’s not as jarring.
But then again, heroes in DD1 didn't always seek redemption in Hamlet. For some, it was just... money, fame or a job. The high moral horse was a factor only to a selected few (looking at you, Dismas). It wasn't ubiquitous. And frankly, it made the motley lot more believable. People are different. People react to bad things differently. Hell, people cannot even agree on what "bad" is. Damian's favourite pastime for all intents and purposes can be Bigby's nightmare. Having different heroes having different reasons in their backstories helped them stand out against each other more, in my opinion. The way all of the backstories became only focused on redemption, and only pushing hard for sympathy after DD1's diversity is frankly a bit odd for me.
Again, RH are the canon makers and if this is what they wish to do with their property, more power to them. But to me as a writer it is disappointing.
I hope this explains it ^^ but feel free to ask more if you want to
#my shoebox of letters#darkest dungeon#darkest dungeon 2#character study#dd paracelsus#audrey#sarmenti#dd plague doctor#dd grave robber#dd jester#writers pain#the bloodied journal page || my writing#Grievings of the mountain || discussing DD2
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Trixx is gone, Wayzz is gone, Pollen is gone, basically all the miraculouses are gone! But fear not! For we still have Duusu, who may or may not be safe with Felix, Fluff, who’s 💯% safe with Alix and more importantly, Tikki and Plagg are still owned by the heroes! Phew! Ah, Plagg, the lovable rascal who’s always up to mischief and hungry for camembert. He’s helped Adrien so much. Like convincing him to enjoy his birthday party (“The Bubbler”), letting him know how important he is to him (“Syren”), playing piano together (“Feast”), and creating a third persona for him as Cat Walker! (“Kuro Neko”). Can’t imagine how much more powerful Monarch would be if he got his hands on Plagg!😅 However, it is the power of destruction😳. The damage is serious! See for yourself:
*Destruction-Monarchs in charge of those poor little Kwamies now. They’re scared, helpless and forced to do whatever he tells them to, like for example reveal Ladybugs identity! Don! Don! Don! Fortunately, despite the fact that the Kwamies are under his possession, Ladybug never denounced them as they’re still bonded to her as the guardian. Phew! What a relief!
He’s experiencing what Marinette went through all through the 4th season and he sees how troublesome those Kwamies can be! In spit of knowing all their powers, there were certain “limitations” to what he can and can’t do (ex.trying to use Orikko’s power of sublimation to time travel even though that’s Fluffs power and he can’t bestow that) for his goals involving those little rascals and that just put him on edge! I mean, yeah, Marinette was exhausted from keeping all of them in line too, but she was careful and sweet with them and Gabe was just rude and vicious with them and only sees them as pawns for his evil schemes. Glad the Kwamies at least talked back to him, he deserves it! :P Still, he slyly asks where at least Ladybug lives! Don! Don! Don!
HE’S AT MARINETTES HOUSE! OH SH*T! OH SH*T! THIS IS THE END! SAY GOOD-BYE! SAY GOOD-BYE! WE’RE FINISHED! WE’RE DONE! GAME, MAN! GAME OVER!😭 WAIT! Did Monarch just ask Marinette where Ladybug is!? (record scratch)🤨. Uuuuuuuuuuuh, did I miss something? Oh! Wait! I see what’s goin’ on here! Oh, this is precious🤭. THE KWAMIES ARE SENDING MONARCH ON A WILD GOOSE CHASE AROUND PARIS TO SAVE MARINETTE! (Badum-tish🥁) Oh good Lord!😂
Try as he might, Gabe/Monarch just can’t catch a break! I mean, sure he’s got a hold on a majority of the miraculouses, but it hasn’t been a picnic for him that’s for sure! First he kept falling face forward during his time travels (“Evolution”), then he was a joke when he said he’d be attacking “relentlessly” and everybody was just chillin’ (“Multiplication”) and now, his so called Villain Episode was all about him running around Paris like a halfwit thinking it would lead him to Ladybug!🤣 It was all part of Marinettes planning!👏👏👏Great job! Girl! Great job! She finally put her elaborate scheming to some good use! So, somewhere around maybe the 2nd or 3rd season (did the first three eps of this season all happen in the same day? I kinda noticed that. Was this cuz we the fans complained about the timeline in the show?), Marinette cultivated the ultimate fool proof plan to make sure her identity never got found out and to keep the main baddie busy! From using hidden notes to allies of authority, it worked like a charm!😉. You’re probably wondering what all this excessive planning and making the villain look stupid had to do with the episode title since it is about Plaggs power on destruction. Well, as if you couldn’t already tell from the gif above, Monarch risked Cat Noir cataclysming his arm! Don! Don! Don! All to get away again and prevent the heroes from taking back the Kwamies! DAMN! Even Cat was horrified by it cuz even though Monarch was the villain, behind that mask he wore was still a human being. More so his father! A sh*tty father, but a father none the less. That boy has such humanity🙏. Well, looks like we got our canon answer on “What happens when Cat Noir cataclysms a person?” FYI, they don’t die! Like how it scared the people with that illusion from “Heroes Day”. Instead, it just leaves a dark mark on the person and from what I saw in future eps in trailers, it slowly weakens them too! Yikes!😬The duo were this close! THIS CLOSE!👌to finally rescuing all the other Kwamies and being with their beloved guardian again. I’ll be honest, I accidentally saw a gif of Ladybug with all the Kwamies and I thought, “What!? She got them all back this early!?”, but of course, that would be too easy. We need the Kwamies to be stuck with Monarch for the season so the heroes can battle him and save them cuz otherwise, we won’t have any drama! Or a plot! Speaking of drama, it gets worse for our little Kwamies, Gabe trapped them in cages and turned their unique looking miraculouses into basic a** rings so he can wear them comfortably and then use them to secretly transmit the Kwamies powers to the alliance rings from last weeks ep to the civilians of Paris to akumatize them with! Don! Don! Don!😱
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Ambera the Dwarf Sorcerer
The Mad Noble - The Cursed
It is said that the Blackscale family is cursed, cursed for their avarice. Many centuries ago, the founder of the noble family was a hero, having slain a Black Dragon in its lair. Her children passed their wealth on to the people, strengthening their defenses and feeding the poor. However, as the generations passed, the Blackscale family fell to greed, penny-pinchers who underpaid their staff whilst lavishing themselves. When the latest patriarch of the family heard of a great treasure guarded by another dragon, a Silver Dragon, he slew it through wiles and betrayal. As they lay dying, the dragon cursed the foolish dwarf - May your bloodline return to its namesake! Some time after, Ambera was born, and the curse was realized - the dwarfling was born horned! Now she wanders the halls of her massive home, seen as a disgrace, and halfwitted.
It is said Ambera is cursed, but what is a curse but a twisted blessing, she says. Let her parents and older siblings call her a monster - her magic is a gift, and her scales are burnished bright each morning. She is called foolish and mindless, for her generous heart and giving ways. The dragon’s curse said she would return to her namesake, and the great Ambera who slew the Black Dragon would be proud of her.
Part one of a short series of Spooky Themed DnD characters.
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Introducing August, the main protagonist of Charlie and Robyn's imagined adventures in AUGUST: A PANDEMIC EPIC.
August is based on "Aww", a soft-toy who has been at my son's bedside since he was a baby. The real-life August has... seen better days, but remains a firm favourite in the Halfwit Hero household.
As a reflection of the collaborative storytelling done by Charlie and Robyn throughout the game, August will be a blank-slate, silent protagonist, and his skills will be defined by a robust job system that emulates the powers and abilities of some of Charlie's favourite pop-culture heroes. Will August be a rum-addled pirate? A resourceful hero? A boy-wizard? Or even a lazer-spitting robot? You will decide.
#indiedev#gamedev#game development#indiegame#rpg maker mv#rpg maker#devlog#indie dev#character design#character art#concept art#august
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Imagine your ff14 blorbos (or whatever blorbos you want I guess) in DQXI’s plot. How well does THAT go?
….SHOCKINGLY GOOD ACTUALLY Imma ramble real quick- I tried to stay away from XIV spoilers except for the Bonus Section at the end, you wouldn’t know unless you Know but there are So Many DQXI spoilers.
Okay so if I was putting people in their most direct counterparts we’ve got
Eleven - Warrior of Light (aka Camus or the default, Meteor)
Erik - Thancred
Serena - Alphinaud
Veronica - Alisaie
Sylvando - Y’shtola
Rab - Papalymo
Jade - Yda
Hendrik - Urianger
We got the one chosen by The Source Of Life. We got thief with knives. We got healer/destructive magic twins. We got the short mage who is the oldest of the group and his younger companion who had to flee her homeland and fights with her fists. The only ones that don’t Exactly fit are Sylv/Y’shtola and Hendrik/Urianger but just. The vibes are kinda There. Especially with Hendrik/Urianger.
Thancred and Erik are just. Knife. Thief. Kinda sarcastic. It Works.
But now I’m just imagining Short Alisaie the entire game and I cannot stop giggling. Actually wait fuck that kills her off SHIT-
Okay the more I think about it. Sylvando saying “halfwit prince” and Y’shtola going “little sun” have the EXACT same vibes oh my god. I can’t see her bringing together the Soldiers of Smile specifically but she’d totally do a Less Dramatic Equivalent.
Yda and Papalymo have so much Rab and Jade vibes I literally was like “wait is this not just Rab and Jade” when I started playing XIV. Also from Heavensward on Jade and Yda share a voice actor so. Bonus.
Urianger is the one I’m least certain about in the role because like, Hendrik is the knight that hunts down the heroes until he realizes he’s in the wrong and switches sides while Urianger is a scholar who’s on the protagonist’s side from the beginning. But they both have the “well if this is for the good of all…” thing going on.
ANYWAY that’s all to say that I think they would handle it incredibly well, maybe a bit more chaotic in some parts and less in others, yknow? They’d get the job done.
Okay so for bonus, here’s some more character swaps. This does contain XIV character name spoilers and comparisons that might give away their role so. Tread lightly.
Dave - Runar
Faris - Emmanellain
Mordegon/Carnelian - Emet-Selch
Jasper - Lahabrea
Frysabel - Aymeric
Krystalinda - Estinien
Calasmos - Meteion
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I've been rewatching AH play Sky Factory before this news came out (and Heroes and Halfwits, but that's not really relevant) and having so many thoughts about it.
We all know most Michael is Mogar and wears the bear skin, but honestly he's more of a dog to be, but specifically a high energy working dog. If he doesn't have a task, he's gonna tear apart your couch. The difference between Michael before getting into his magic and after is so stark. This man NEEDS a task
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A CRACKING ADVENTURE
Ignis accompanies Rosie (@rosepetalmoon) and Escargoon on a quest and stuff happens.
Rated M for snenis and general Ignis Knight bullshit.
Hey readers are you ready to hear a tale of questing knights, small breasted humans and an obnoxiously stereotypically gay snail?
No? The fuck do you mean "no"?! Oi, get back here!
Now where were we? Ah yes....
Our story begins in the kingdom of Dreamland, on the planet Popstar. There at the heart of the kingdom lay the village of Cappy Town where there lived a stupid lazy ass King called Dedede. He was a dumbass motherfucker. He never paid his debts but somehow those organisations never cut him off from their services... how odd.
Anyway. It was a bright and sunny day in Cappy Town. Why if you looked carefully you could see one of the knights, their laughter ringing out as they gleefully burned down the local eatery.
This was not the first time it had been burned down by this maniac of a knight. But it was the first time the owner, a Cappy by the name of Kawasaki had to be dragged out of the burning building kicking and screaming.
But the Knight called Ignis would not allow it. For they felt that Kawasaki must suffer pain and humiliation until he produced food that was actually edible. So this is likely going to go on for a good while longer.
Anyway our heroes of this tale are the star warrior Rosie and her snail fuckbuddy Escargoon. The two had a problem. For you see the snail twink had managed to get himself afflicted with a curse. So they needed to set off on a quest to lift the curse. But they needed a knight to go with them.
There were four knights in the castle. The brave Meta Knight who spoke with a heavy Spanish accent and had an unseen mariachi band with him at all times.
The very British sounding Sword Knight.
The absolutely incomprehensible Blade Knight, who always stuck with his caretaker/handler/translator Sword Knight.
And finally the castle lunatic. Ignis Knight. Ignis didn't know how they got a job at castle Dedede, or Castle Deedles as they called both it and the ruler. The last thing they remember was getting blackout drunk and waking up in the castle with a signed employment contract.
Even worse for our hapless couple... the first three knights were either very busy or just couldn't be bothered to go.
So plucking up all the courage in the world. Rosie and her snuckbuddy (snail fuckbuddy) went to ask Ignis to accompany them on the quest.
It would be a long and frightful journey. The trio met new creatures and cultures... before watching helplessly as Ignis destroyed them in a firestorm for shits and giggles.
Oh dear, maybe this was why Meta Knight had been against giving Ignis back their flamethrower.
Leaving behind the screams of the dying, the trio of halfwits entered a really dark cave system where the curse would finally be revealed to Ignis.
"Anyone got a torch or glowstick?" Ignis asked, straining through the darkness. The burning infant that had served as their torch had gone out a while back. And they were all out of infants to burn.
Just then a faint green glow began to show itself from Escargoon's waist. Ah hah! Ignis thought. A massive glowstick!! That would be useful. Sadly it wasn't giving off a lot of light. Ah well that just meant you had to crack it some more!!
Ignis ignored Rosie and Escargoon’s attempts to stop them. They grabbed hold of the glowstick which felt strangely slimy. No matter. It shall be cracked.
With a loud snap and a crack the light increased in its intensity to light up the entire cavern. Though Ignis could do without Escargoon's constant screaming and wailing.
"Will you shut up Goonads!" But there was no stopping him. For there was no glowstick. The curse had made Escargoon's snenis (snail penis) glow like the brightest of glowsticks.
And Ignis had snapped it in multiple places.
Deeper in the caves they found the relic they had been searching for. The buttplug of Oingo Boingo. Ignis slammed it into the snail's ass and thus the curse was broken. But so was his snenis.
Soon enough the three fools arrived back in Cappy Town to learn that Kawasaki had died and his teacher Chef Shiitake had built a new restaurant. Thank fuck for that.
Escargoon's snenis would eventually recover. But they never forgot the lessons they had learned. Don't take Ignis without the other three to try and keep them in line.
The end
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incredibly funny that the two heroes of LoTR are named Wise and Halfwit
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@thecs said: 𝐼𝑛𝑏𝑜𝑥 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 & 𝑓𝑜𝑟 : 𝐸𝑚𝑒𝑡 𝑆𝑒𝑙𝑐ℎ & 𝑀𝑖𝑛𝑎 𝑆𝑡𝑦𝑙𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝐼𝑛𝑏𝑜𝑥 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙 : 𝑢𝑛𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑒𝑚𝑒
≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾ ≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾
“ Why do you simply seem so bored, Hero . . . “ mused Emet Selch, as he leaned against the wall inside of Mina’s private chambers. Keeping an eye on the Miqo’te warrior of light / darkness. It had been a fairly quiet day - which was shocking given this group, and their need to be in a world ending location. Snorting some to himself, and of course messing with his perfectly planned ideas. Smirking quietly to himself, while shoving himself off the wall - lazily walking over to where the Warrior was currently sitting. Dropping down into the chair beside them, he eyed the other silently. Her soul was almost hauntingly familiar to him, and it drove his mind into overload.
Reaching out in an idle manner he’d tug on her ear. Smirking wider as he chuckled, rubbing the tip of the left ear in between his fingers. “ Such an adorable ear, “ mused the man - his voice low in a whisper. Now he was acting out of character of course. Why not throw her for a loop, and see how it ends.
' you're aware these are my private quarters, yes ? ' of course he was, yet his figure persistently stood off like a watchful sentry — ever aware of his eyes studying them. inwardly they felt relieved that ardbert refused to make an appearance ; whether by happenstance or choice, they could not blame him. a secret most assuredly kept.
fangs bore in his direction amidst a half - hearted hiss from the miqo’te. their ear twitches away from his touch. ‘ i’m not bored, an’ stop acting like some fawning halfwit. you’re my enemy, lest you forget. ‘ meaning they should attempt throwing him out. it was decidedly fucked up to let him stay, yet the bard drew to him, an overly curious moth to a flame. perhaps the banter was amusing, perhaps she empathized — somehow. ‘ i’m restless. waiting around isn’t my niche, but i ought to enjoy it all the same. ‘
asi’mina turned, sitting on their knees to face him better. ‘ i’ll bite your hand off if y’ try that again. ‘
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I have happily listened/ watched many streaming ttprg/ dnd shows.
Critical Role, The Adventure Zone, Dimension 20, Acquisitions Inc, Titansgrave, Heroes and Halfwits, Son of Dungeon and more.
I need more!
FEED ME!
#dungeonsanddragons #dnd #ttrpg #criticalrole #theadventurezone #dimension20 #acquisitionsincorporated #tabletoprpg
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My Take on Critical Role…
I have lived the majority of my life as a “closet dork”. I have interest in hobbies that wouldn’t have been perceived as popular to my childhood peers. When I was informed that my parents were concerned about my social skills, those hobbies would be put on hold. Video games took a backseat to Rugby and I never experienced TTRPGs because theatre presented itself as a way for me to expand my social skills, provided that I dedicated my time to rehearsals and productions.
D&D wasn’t introduced to me until after college when I viewed Heroes and Halfwits from Achievement Hunters. Developing a curiosity, I took the suggestion of one commenter and began watching Critical Role. The story presented by Matthew Mercer and the characterization performed by the cast hooked me in. As episodes past, I slowly picked up on the mechanics of the game to the point to where I had caught up with the series and wanted more, I obtained a copy of the players handbook and looked into playing on Roll 20.
D&D has become one of my favorite hobbies, as the experience provides creative freedom and an outlet of expression that had surpassed my experiences in theatre.
Now, I have dropped off from the series. I did so long ago around the start of season 2. I don’t think that there was anything wrong with that season, rather I found it difficult to get invested in another campaign due to gaining a full time career, being invested in games that I actively played in, and doing theatre here and there.
Yet I began writing this when I heard about Season 3 Episode 33. If you’re in the same boat as I am and aren’t caught up with the series, this is your courtesy spoiler warning. You probably don’t want to read past this paragraph.
So, from my understanding, S3E33 sees the death of multiple player characters. It also seems that multiple viewers are dissatisfied with these deaths, as I the posts I have seen implies that some have expressed their opinions in nonconstructive ways. That’s basically the extent of my knowledge of what has recently happened in the series. From here on out, the rest of this is purely my speculation.
The first thing that I speculate is that it might not be just the character deaths that are upsetting. The reason why I say this is because we’ve had character deaths in season one, yet those deaths were more like being knocked unconscious as the character’s generally got better. The only character to truly be taken out of the game was Vax right before the epilogue. I’m not a big enough fan to be certain that similar backlash wasn’t made on these character deaths from the community, but I feel that they weren’t. My belief is that because character deaths in season 1 were handled well (for the most part; a few exceptions exist) by allowing the character deaths to reflect the possible theme.
The first campaign seemed to carry themes of ‘the family chosen’ as well as ‘Good shall triumph over Evil.’ Whenever a character experience death, the death and resolution tended to complement these theme. From Vax bargaining with the Raven Queen even to Keylith swan-diving from a mountain cliff, I could probably tie in a thematic element to each event. In Keylith stunt, she died attempting to gather a dropped treasure for Vex. While there’s a clear lesson of pride before the fall, the theme of chosen family comes into play when Vex cast revivify and suggests that they forget about the treasure.
I state this because I didn’t get into Critical Role because of the dice rolls in combat, but rather the story telling that portrayed it. In all honesty, I cannot claim that I have watch all of season one because there were some combat sections that I skipped because they felt irrelevant to the plot and I got bored when the rules clarification held up game play.
With all this in mind, here’s my address to S3E33:
First off, I don’t encourage bullying Matt Mercer. While I have never personally met the man, will probably never meet him, and don’t always agree with him, bullying him isn’t constructive.
With that in mind, I also have to empathize with those who were discouraged from the episode. If this was merely a game between friends, then it would be easy for criticism to be dismissed. However, Critical Role has evolved. It’s an entity that is profiting off of the sells of related material. It has built a community of followers of both veterans and newcomers to D&D. Such an entity has a responsibility to its community of supporters.
Part of me feels that D&D podcast would benefit from including GM-style information at the intro of their series. There’s a vast variety of way that D&D can be run, and I have seen many groups end because discussion on how the game would run weren’t communicated clearly. I can only imagine that that issue is multiplied when campaigns gain a massive passive audience.
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#cookies#d&d#dice#d20#cut out#nerd#geek#custom order#critical roll#the adventure zone#heros and halfwits#crit
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How many people watched hero’s and halfwits?
Because it was an amazing series. Bo Jingles rocked my socks. Quork. The ad goblin. Michael as the weird dog in series 3 was hilarious. Ryan’s murderiness. Frank the amazing dm. It was a great series and I’m sad no one talks about it more
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