#hes 40 years old ffs

[simp4pedropascal75]

"Everywhere." (dbf!joel x reader)

summary: Before beginning to work in your new job, you decided to visit your dad in Texas for the whole summer break. What you didn't know is, that you would meet your teenager's crush, your dad's best friend, again. Joel fucking Miller.

words: 5.4k

trigger warnings: dbf!Joel, age gap (reader is in her 20s, Joel is in his early 40s), no!outbreak!Joel, some mentions of y/n, a little bit angst, 18+, smut (f!nger!ng, praising, s3x, ect.)

a/n: well, it's been a while since I posted. I hope you're all doing well and I hope you'll enjoy this new ff. <3

(sorry for spelling mistakes, english is still not my first language)

-------------------♡❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡-------------------

It has been two months now since you have this special affair. Every time you sneak over to him, your breath quickens, and butterflies fly around in your stomach when you’re getting nearer to him.

Every time you lay in bed alone, you feel his hands and his kisses all over you.

Every time you think of him, thinking of every night you two had… you can't bear the ache between your legs.

But it is not just the sex…

Every time you’re with him, you forget all your worries and fears.

Every time you're with him, he makes you feel safe.

He makes you feel loved.

He makes you feel alive.

When you think of all this, it is just perfect.

But it's not.

No one can know.

No one can know that you sneak out mostly every night to go to him.

No one can know how you feel about him.

No one can see.

It has to be a secret.

When you’re not alone, you just have to act like your just neighbours…

Even if you are neighbours.

It’s not easy. It’s hard.

But even if the fear of having to end everything doesn’t let you go… it doesn’t keep you from doing it.

Maybe someday, you can let everybody see.

See that you love him.

But that’s all just in your head. You love him, you really do, but… it’s complicated.

You don’t know if he really feels the same way about you do.

But there’s one thing you really know.

You’re in love with Joel Miller.

Yes, the Joel Miller who’s nearly twenty years older than you.

The Joel Miller who’s you’re neighbour and has known you since you’re a teenager.

The Joel Miller you’ve watched doing work in his garden.

The Joel Miller with these beautiful eyes and strong arms.

And… the Joel Miller who’s unfortunately your dad’s best friend.

You were 14 when you moved to Texas with your dad. It was shortly after your mom and dad’s divorce. He got the legal custody of you. And you were kind of relieved that you didn’t have to live with your mother. Sometimes in the past, she got pretty impulsive towards you and your parents just kept fighting. But you still have some contact with her.

So, it was good to begin all over again. You went to a new school, made some friends and all kinds of that stuff. Your dad also found a new job and got along with the neighbors, especially Joel Miller.

They got along pretty well, since they were both a single dad with one daughter.

But all besides that, you never really knew him. You waved him when you saw him outside.

When he was over at, your dad's house you simply said hello. You never really wanted to talk to your dads' friends.

But everything changed when you became older. You remember how your dad asked you to look after Joel 8 years old daughter Sarah and you didn’t say no to that. It was a good way of earning some money of your own.

So, you’re started with 18 to babysit Joel's daughter. And that’s when you started getting a slight crush on him. You noticed over time that you feel different with him than with the two or three boys in your age, you dated in the past. Over the two years you’ve started getting an immense crush on him, but it was hopeless. It was just a dream fantasy of him and you getting together since he was that older than you. Just a teenager’s crush.

At the end of 19 you left for college in Louisiana and told yourself to grow up. You studied philosophy and even if it wasn’t always so easy, you finished from college and then even got a job as a professor in another university to teach philosophy.

But before you started working in your new job, there was a long summer break. And after all the learning and writing exams, you deserved it the most.

You decided to visit your dad in Texas and stay there for the whole break because you didn’t see him often for the past years. You also wanted to spend your 26th birthday with him and in your second hometown.

You pulled over your car in the driveway and parked. As you got out of the car, your dad already walked towards you. “Oh, there’s my girl!”, he smiled happily and hugged you tightly. “It’s so good to be back home!”, you said. Your dad and you small talked for a bit while he was getting out your luggage out of the car. Suddenly, you heard a very familiar voice.

“Hey buddy”, you heard, and you turned around. You saw them talking and then saw who he was.

“Hey, you still remember …?”, your dad says but you already finished the sentence in your thoughts.

Joel.

When he stands in front of you, you freeze. He looks even hotter than before…

How can someone look that good in his 40s?

You cleared your throat. “Yea- of course”, you responded. Your heart begins to race. “Umm- How’s Sarah?”, you asked firmly. “She’s doing really well. She’s on a vacation with some of her school friends for the whole summer break. But she would be so happy to see you”, you remembered him replying with his texan accent.

And that’s how everything started. You saw him way more often and talked to him when he was at your dad’s house. He made you laugh and feel safe. Every time he was just near you, you couldn’t think rationally. The first weeks after your arrival, you spend a lot of time with Joel since there was a lot going on your dad’s work.

Every morning after breakfast you went over to his house and you two played UNO, chess or simple board games. He showed you around the neighbourhood and told you everything you’ve missed while your away. You noticed that during the time you spent together, he looked at you in a different way. You thought you’re just being delusional, but he acted differently towards you, but differently good.

You often caught him staring at you, every time he called you “darling” or “princess”, you got goosebumps and when you teased him, which you loved, he got so nervous.

There was just this tension between you two.

And one day, it just happened. You were at his house and put on your shoes to go home because it was already kind of late and you wanted to get home before your dad did.

Joel was sitting on the couch, watching football. “You’re sure you got everything?”, he asked you while looking at the TV. “Yea- I think so”, you replied and put on your jacket. You put your hands in your pockets and noticed that you forgot your keys. They were lying next to Joel on the other side of the couch.

You smirked, walked over to him and bend right over his lap to grab your keys. “ ‘just need to grab my keys…”, you mumbled and felt his whole body getting tense. “I know what you’re doing...”, you remember him mumbling under his breath.

“I’m not doing anything, old man”, you chuckled, grabbed your keys and walked towards the door. He stood up and you thought he would open the door for you, like he always did, like a gentleman. But now he was just standing there.

“Well, I wish you a good night, then”, you smiled and opened the door half way, until he closed it. He pushed you against it and the next second you felt his lips on yours. You froze and the butterflies in your belly got crazy. Your heart was racing but you immediately wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him back.

And that’s how this whole affair thing started.

Nearly every night you sneaked out to him, like today.

You’re in his bedroom and the only thing you can hear is heavy breathing, moans and skin clapping together. “Joel-“, you breath out while you’re lying on your stomach, and he’s fucking you from behind.

His one hand grabbing your waist and the other hand pulling your hair back, makes your eyes roll back. “Fuck, you’re so fucking tight-“, he groans and thrusting into you even deeper.

You squeeze your eyes together, slowly feeling that very familiar feeling in your lower stomach. “Joel, I’m gonna-“, he cuts you off.

“No, not now. I wanna look at you-“, he gasps, and you suddenly feel an emptiness in you, as he pulls out.

“Joel-“, you whine, and he flips you around on your back. “Shh, you can take it”, he breathes. He leans over you and kisses you passionately. His tongue explores your mouth, and you still can taste yourself in his mouth from him eating you out earlier.

His hand slides over your belly, grabbing your breast and squeezing them harshly while his other hand spreads your legs. He breaks the kiss, and you gasp for air. You look right into his eyes… his beautiful eyes.

He rubs his tip over your wet pussy, teasing you. “Fuck Joel- I cant-“, you whimper and bite your lower lip. “You can…”, he whispers and pushes his hard dick into you.

You moan satisfied as the emptiness fades away. He begins thrusting into you while his hand is slowly wrapping around your neck.

“You’re such a good girl…”, he groans and pushing your waist into the mattress. It doesn’t take you long for you to feel that familiar feeling again. Joel feels it too.

Between your loud moans and breaths, you want to say it, but he places his lips on yours. “I know, baby… me too”, he breaths. Everything gets tense in your body.

You chuckle slightly, but your chuckle fades quickly, by feeling him directly hitting your g-spot. Your moans get louder and you roll back your eyes.

“Look at me…”, he slightly growls by being just concentrated on you. You feel his dick twitching inside of you. You pull yourself together and look at him. His strong arms, six-pack shining in the moonlight that comes through the window.

“My beautiful girl…”, he moans, and that’s it

“Cum for me.”, and you do. You cum all over his dick which leaves you breathless. You look at him, while he continues thrusting into you two more times, until you see his mouth opening and feeling him filling you right up.

You come fresh out of the shower wearing comfy shorts and a white tank top. You put your towel dried hair up in a bun and walk downstairs to the kitchen. You hear the shower still running upstairs, since Joel is still in there.

You walk to the fridge and open it. You get out a beer for Joel and an ice cream for you. You close the fridge and walk to the living room, placing the cold beer on the table and take a quick look at the clock.

12pm

While eating your ice cream, you look at Joels house plants, which just nearly survived because of you. You chuckle sightly and begin watering them.

“they would already be dead if I didn’t had you“, you hear Joels voice say behind you.

“I know”, you reply quietly and concentrated on the plants. You hear Joel sit down on the couch and open his beer. As you keep watering the plants, you see Joel searching for the TV remote.

“it is literally right next to you”, you sigh and let out a chuckle. You put the watering can away and jump on the couch next to him. His stare is fixed on the TV while he drinks his beer. You rest your head on his shoulder and he puts his hand on your thigh, caressing it.

“Joel”, you mumble and keep watching TV.

“Hm..?”, he hums.

“Í have been thinking about… well, how this all will go on, when the summer break ends..”, you whisper cautious, watching his reaction directly.

All you hear is a sigh from him while he takes a sip from his beer. “go on?”, he replies focused on the TV. You gulp, moving away from him and sitting up.

“well yes- how will this thing go on?”, you ask more seriously, pointing on him and you. “or don’t you want it goes on?”, you mumble, feeling your heart getting heavier.

“‘never really thought about it-“´, he replies with a sound like he doesn’t really give a shit, he’s just concentrated on his TV. You scoff and get up. You grab your bag pack and walk to the entrance, slipping into your shoes.

“wait-“, Joel sighs and you hear him get up. “that’s not what I meant”, he mumbles and rubs his forehead while watching you.

“well, I think its really clear what you mean and think”, you scoff again and grab your jacket. “look- I never really thought about it”, he grabs your hand and pulls you towards him.

“I don’t know what you expect from me-“, he mumbles. Your heart gets heavier again, and you shake your hand, while you can't believe what’s really going on.

“what I expect you to-“, you stop and take a deep breath, “I’ll go, my dad will come back from work soon”, you whisper and get your hand out of his grip.

Opening the door. “good night, Joel”, you mumble and walk to your house. The last thing you hear from Joel was a loud sigh, and then the closing of the door.

��—

You’re laying in your bed, staring at the ceiling. The bright sunlight was shining through the window. You think about last night and sigh.

‘Did he really never thought about it…?’, you think to yourself.

You stand up and walk over to your desk. You look in the mirror, noticing some hickeys on your neck.

Your mind plays back last night, his lips pressed on your neck, while his fingers are buried inside of you. How he- “y/n, would you come down please?”, you hear your dad calling from downstairs, ripping you out of your thoughts.

“Yes!”, you reply and sigh. You quickly grab your cute summer dress out of your closet and quickly make yourself ready in the bathroom, covering up all these hickeys. While you run downstairs, you put your hair up in a messy bun. “What is it, dad?”, you ask loudly and walk into the kitchen.

“You remember how I talked about these grill party’s, every neighbour does for the neighbourhood? Today its my turn”, you hear him talking out of the living room, while you grab yourself a coke. “yeah, what about it?”, you ask, making your way into the living room.

“well, I need your help in organising, Joel isn’t enough, you know”, he laughs, and you freeze in the doorway, looking at Joel who’s sitting next to your dad on the couch.

“Joel is helping us since we’ll help him next week when he has to do the grill party”, your dad says, looking with a smirk to Joel. You don’t answer.

“hey? Did you hear what I said, lazy head?”, your dad laughs while Joel looks at you. “yea- um sorry. I heard you”, you mumble as you pull yourself together and clear your throat. “I mean, yea, I can help you. What should I do?”, you ask, trying to ignore Joel and just looking at your dad.

“well, while I get everything prepared here, you and Joel can get groceries shopping”, he suggests and takes a look at Joel, looking for a reply.

“Sure”, Joel replies and gives him a pat on his back. “I mean-“, you get cut off. “We’re already on our way”, Joel says and gets up, grabbing his cars keys which are laying on the couch. You scoff, shaking your head. “Come on”, Joel calls and opens the door.

“bye dad”, you mumble quietly and grab your shoes, putting them on and walking through the door, towards his car.

“Thanks for asking me”, you whisper annoyed and open the car door and take a seat.

“You’re welcome, darling”, Joel replies and gets in the front seat and starts the engine. As he begins driving, you let the window down and close your eyes, relaxing under the warm breeze on your face.

“how did you sleep?”, Joel suddenly asks, trying to smalltalk and you chuckle. “you’re really bad at small talk, you know that? But I didn’t sleep well, no”, you reply and watch the kid's playing soccer as you pass by a house.

“look, because of yesterday-“, Joel begins talking but then stops. He rubs his forehead and takes a deep breath.

“I-“, he tries. “we’re there”, you cut him off and directly as he parks you get out of the car.

You have no nerves for this now.

You two arrive back at your home, and take out the whole groceries, placing them on the kitchen counter.

“thanks you two”, your dad says as he walks past you, kind of stressed. “I’ll be back in a minute, I need to go over to Veronica”, he shouts since he’s already out of the door. Veronica is one of your neighbours, she’s a really nice old lady.

You look over to Joel next to you, who just finished taking out all the groceries. You suddenly feel his hands on your waist, turning you around and pressing you against the kitchen counter.

You let out a sigh. “Joel-“, you mumble and try to get out of his grip. “Look at me”, he says clearly and stern.

“Come on, now-“, you whine and he pushes you against the counter even more. “I said, look at me”, he stated. You roll your eyes and look up to him. “what?”, you whisper annoyingly.

The next thing you feel are his lips pressed on yours. You try to resist, but your body replies to him by opening your mouth, allowing his tounge to explore yours. You wrap your arms around his neck and pull him down to you.

“I’m sorry…”, he breathes as you pause the kiss. “I’m sorry about yesterday.. of course I want all this to keep going, but- it’s just difficult”, he mumbles and presses his lips on yours again.

“I know…”, you murmur against his lips.

“we’ll figure something out…”, he whispers as he stops the kiss again and caresses your cheek.

You let out a slight smile and nod. You look right into his eyes and that’s when this desire kicks in again. You immediately slam your lips on his again, grabbing onto his shirt. You grab his hand, placing it on your clothed breast. He squeezes it harshly, rubbing with his fingers in circles around your nipple.

You whimper into the kiss, feeling this ache between your legs again. You grab his hand, leading it down your stomach, but he stops. “We can’t- your dad.”, he points out and stops.

“he’s not there yet- I need you…”, you whisper desperately into his ear.

Joel hesitates. “fuck…”, he hisses under his breath. That’s when his hand slips under your dress, pushing away your panties and sliding two fingers into your wet pussy. You let out a satisfied moan and let your head fall back.

“You need to be quick, baby”, he mumbles into your ear while he grabs your waist with his other hand, so he can support you in standing. His fingers slide in and out, searching after your soft spot. As he finds this spot, your moans get louder and your legs weaker.

“fuck, joel…”, you breath out, squeezing your eyes together as you feel your climax building up in your lower stomach. “come on, baby..”, he whispers into your ear while he hits this exact spot with his fingers. You hear the door unlock. As he feels you’re cumming, he covers your mouth with his hand.

“cum for me, sweetheart…”, he demands as he hits this spot one last time and you cum with a loud moan, which his hand muffles.

“I’m back”, you two hear your dad call and hear his steps getting nearer the kitchen. He pulls his fingers out of you, releases you out of his grip and licks off his fingers. You pull down your dress again and that’s when your dad comes in.

“everything okay?”, he asks with a smile and you nod, still out of breath.

“yea”, you reply and give him a forced smile back.

‘That was close’, you think to yourself.

“Well then, let’s make everything ready for tonight”, he chuckles and walks out of the kitchen. You take a glance at Joel, who’s still a little shocked since you two almost got caught. You go on tiptoes and place a kiss on his cheek. You take the groceries and carry them out to the garden, with Joel looking after you.

You hear so many laughters coming out of the garden while you’re in the kitchen to grab some drinks for outside. The whole garden was full, since almost the whole neighbourhood was there.

You go out, with all the drinks in your hand, placing them on the table. You take a glass of water and give it to Veronica, the old lady, which as your neighbour.

“thank you, sweetheart”, she says with a kind smile. You look around, and see everyone chatting, drinking or eating. Your stare falls on Joel, who was talking and laughing with your dad while they are standing at the grill.

‘He would never really approve of you and Joel, would he?’

You sigh.

But you remember Joel words…

“We’ll figure something out“

And that’s how the next following weeks kept going. You keep sneaking over to him at night. But your dad often noticed or saw you going out when he came home late from work, and then you always had to come up with some random excuse.

You slowly noticed that your dad has got quiet of sceptical and tried to talk about you once because you always go out late. But you’re a adult. And you really couldn’t care, all you could care about was him.

Joel Miller.

It was midnight and you and Joel are laying in his bed. You lay in his arms while he’s running his fingers through your hair. Your breath was still fast, 5 minutes ago he fucked the shit out of you.

You feel so safe and comfortable in his arms, but thinking about that you have to go back to Louisiana… You let out a sigh and hug him tightly.

“you’re okay?”, you hear Joel mumbling. You nod slowly, “yea”

Joel knows exactly what’s on your mind. “tell me, when you could go anywhere you want on this earth, where would it be?”, he asks and looks down at you.

You chuckle slightly. “I don’t know… I always wanted to see the northern lights”, you reply.

“why are you asking?”, you ask confused and sit up, pulling the blanket over your body.

“maybe I can take you there someday”, he mumbles and gives you a slight smirk.

You roll your eyes. “yea sure…”, you mumble.

“somewhere else too?”, he raises his eyebrows and sits up too.

“come on joel, don’t play with me”, you hit him playfully. “no, I mean it”, he grabs your waist and pulls you onto his lap.

“something else?”, he asks again.

“hmm… maybe- the maldives… I was never on the maldives”, you whisper.

“noted.”, he mumbles and pretends to write it down. You giggle. “somewhere else?”, he asks again with a smile.

God, how you love his smile.

“really? You don’t even have that much money, old man”, you chuckle as he grabs you by your waist again and pushes you in the mattress while leaning over you.

“i don’t care, i’ll take you wherever you wanna go.”, he whispers and looks right into your eyes. Your thoughts about you leaving immediately vanish and you give him a smile. He presses his lips on yours.

“everywhere?”, you mumble into his kiss while your heart was pounding like crazy.

He nods. “everywhere.”,

He replies and places kisses on your neck, while he slowly moves down your stomach. You bite your lip, looking at him how he disappears under the blanket between your legs. You let out a soft moan as you feel his lips pressed against your clit and give yourself totally to him.

You put on your shoes while the sun starts to come out slowly. “i’ll come back tonight, then”, you mumble tired and go on tiptoes to place a kiss on Joel’s lips. He hums against your lips in agreement.

“I thought about showing you how to play guitar…”, he whispers while his lips can’t leave yours. You let out a chuckle, “okay…”.

You grab your jacket and open the door. “see you then”, you smile and walk out the door.

You’re in town alone. You’re walking around the shopping centre to get some ingredients for your birthday cake. You’ll get 26 years old in 4 days.

Old, you think.

While you were grocery shopping, Joel was knocking at the door of your dads house.

Your dad opens the door. “Hey buddy, what do you need?”, he asks and leans against the doorframe.

“I need to borrow this toolkit of yours, ‘need to repair something”, Joel says and clears his throat. “Yea sure, come in”, your dad smiles and walks with him into the living room. “Wait here”, he says and after some minutes he comes back with the toolkit and hands it over to Joel.

“Thanks, buddy”, Joel replies and gives him a pat on your dads back.

Joel makes his way to the exit. “Hey um, I wanted to ask you something”, your dad stops Joel. He turns around and raises his eyebrows. “sure, what is it?”, Joel replies.

“well um- I noticed y/n sneaking around at night and coming home super tired- I mean, I know she’s a grown up, but she’s still my daughter. I’m just a little concerned , since we usually talk about almost everything“, your dad says and Joel gulps.

“do you know anything? You know, since you two spend some time together while I was working, I’m really grateful for that, buddy”, your dad continues, and Joel pulls himself together.

“sure- no thing, but I know nothing, sorry”, Joel mumbles and shrugs his shoulders. “okay… yea, I just don’t want her to get in trouble or anything, not that she sneaks around with some creep or something“, your dad laughs.

Joel let’s out a fake laugh too while a wave of guilt runs over his whole body.

“you’ll tell me, when you know something, right? Since we’re buddies?”, your dad asks and places his hand on Joel’s shoulder.

“Sure”, Joel replies and takes a deep breath.

“I’ll have to get going then”, he clears his throat again and your dad nods.

“sure, good luck with the toolkit”, your dad smiles and waves at him while Joel walks over the street to his house.

It was 10pm and you walk over Joel’s house with these butterflies in your stomach going crazy again and knock on the door. He opens it.

“Hey”, you say with a smile and go on tiptoes to give him a kiss, but he turns his head. You look at him confused.

“You’re okay?”, you chuckle and stand in front him, waiting for him to answer. He lets out a sigh and rubs his forehead.

“fuck…”, he mumbles under his breath while you raise one eyebrow.

“look- this can’t go on”, he finally speaks out and your heart literally drops.

“w-wait what?”, you stutter in shock and can’t believe this is real right now.

“this won’t and can’t work out.”, he points at you and him.

“what the fuck, joel. Yesterday, you talked with me that you would take me everywhere on this world- and now, you’re like- ending it?”, you repeat everything to make it yourself clear what’s happening right now.

“Look- this was a huge mistake. It’s just too complicated and-“, you cut him off.

“You said, we’ll figure something out“, you get louder and more upset while everything around you gets hotter and your eyes wetter.

“well- unfortunately we can’t. It can’t go on like this, y/n. you need to find someone else”, he mumbles stern.

“find someone else?!”, you repeat and can’t believe every word what’s coming out of his mouth.

“what the actual fuck… I thought you loved me-“, you nearly shout and a tear runs down your cheek.

“love you? I never loved you-“, he suddenly says out loud without thinking. And that’s when your whole world stands still. You stare at him with tears in your eyes.

“fuck you, joel.”, you hiss and slap him right into the face.

Then you just turn around and walk over to your house again, trying to control the emotions which are running through your whole body right now. You quickly wipe your tears away and go into your room, not looking back.

And just like that, everything ended.

It has been four days now since Joel ended this special affair.

You didn’t sneak over to him anymore, but your breath still quickens, and butterflies fly around in your stomach when you see him, but this time, with a sharp pain right into your stomach.

Every time you lay in bed alone, you feel his hands and his kisses all over you.

Every time you think of him, thinking of every night you two had… you can't bear the ache between your legs.

But it was not just the sex…

Every time you were with him, you forgot all your worries and fears.

Every time you were with him, he made you feel safe.

He made you feel loved.

He made you feel alive.

When you think of all this, it was just perfect.

But it wasn’t.

No one could’ve known.

No one could’ve known that you sneaked out mostly every night to go to him.

No one can know how you still feel about him.

No one can see.

It had to be a secret.

When you’re not alone, you just have to act like your just neighbours, what you now just are.

It’s still not easy. It’s hard.

But now that the fear of having to end everything came true… it keeps you from doing it.

Now it’s just a fantasy that maybe someday, you can let everybody see.

See that you love him.

But that’s all just in your head. You love him, you really do, but… it’s more than complicated.

You know that he doesn’t really feel the same way about you do.

But there’s one thing you really know.

You’re in love with Joel Miller.

Yes, the Joel Miller who’s nearly twenty years older than you.

The Joel Miller who’s you’re neighbour and has known you since you’re a teenager.

The Joel Miller you’ve watched doing work in his garden.

The Joel Miller with these beautiful eyes and strong arms.

The Joel Miller who’s unfortunately your dad’s best friend.

And… The Joel Miller who broke your heart in thousand pieces.

You sit in front your birthday cake. Your dad nearly invited the whole neighborhood and now everyone waits for you to blow out your candles. You know Joel’s here too and you feel his eyes on you. That’s when the sharp pain kicks in again.

You look up from your cake and see him leaned against the doorframe of the living room.

‘You’ll regret it, Joel’, you think to yourself.

Then you look on your candles again and blow them out.

“Happy fucking birthday to me”

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[anewstartrekfan]

Why I like Kirk so much and why I think he didn’t resonate as much with general audiences as Spock did

I think what Gene Roddenberry and the rest of the tos crew underestimated is how powerful knowledge of a character can be when they thought Kirk would be popular over Spock. As season 1 progresses while you do get information about both Kirk and Spock peppered through out, how much and how it’s conveyed is important.

Spock is Stoic yes, but surprisingly he talks about his past and what it means to be Vulcan a lot. And other characters comment on Vulcans too like McCoy describing where a Vulcan heart is. Even moving onto season 2, when Spock truly, desperately, does not want to explain what Pon Farr is or that Sarek is his father, he admits these things under pressure. And all of this information is what’s gives the audience an idea of what informs his actions.

Jim Kirk however, despite being very outgoing and charismatic, very rarely talks about himself. With few exceptions, every time you do learn something about his past it’s because someone else explains it or points it out. You’ve got where no man has gone before where Gary talked about their academy days, The naked time while Spock talked about his regrets, Kirk vents that he wants a personal connection and then is literally the only person who is able to will the virus to stop effecting him (on his own I mean) just long enough for McCoy to give him the cure.

The Android copy of Kirk tells us about Kirk’s brother Sam, in Conscience of the king literally everyone except Kirk explains his tragic tarsus iv backstory, we never find out who the Ruth girl is in shore leave, and it’s Bones that brings up Sam lives on Deneva. Even in season 2 in the worst episode ever, the deadly years, when Kirk is in a room alone with his ex fiancé, she explains their history. Not Kirk.

This man is allergic to talking about himself I love it.

Edit: Whenever Jim does even sorta talk about his past, it’s always in the context of what the other people he’s talking to know about it. Take Tarsus IV. Spock tells Jim that he checked the same library records. So when Jim finally opens up at the end of the conversation, it’s information Spock and Bones already know. “I saw him [Kodos] once, 20 years ago.” Then about 10 minutes later when he’s talking with Kodos and trying to get proof, he gives Kodos a copy of the speech Jim heard him read 20 years ago. Saying that he memorized the words. Again, these are things only the two of them would know about. It’s not something Jim exclusively went through.

Then later in Obsession when Jim is talking about his prior experience with the fog, everything he references was in the report he made after the Farragut disaster that he knows Spock and Bones read. There is no new information he reveals about what happened to him or even how he felt about it. Bones has to be the one to say Jim was wrecked with guilt because at the end of the day, Jim will never willingly talk about his past without knowing or thinking the other person he’s talking to has the same information. He will not reveal anything new 95% of the time.

Anyway back to the old blog.

While I’d argue conscience of the king does most of the work you would ever need to explain why Kirk is the way he is, the fact is we don’t learn much about his past through him. Instead it’s Kirk’s actions that inform our understanding of him. Which on some level I like a lot. It’s rare that a tv series doesn’t lean heavily into some tragic backstory explaining why a character acts the way they do. But it isn’t just he doesn’t have multiple tragic backstories. It’s what we know nothing about his past in general. Ffs we didn’t learn he grew up in Iowa until Star Trek IV. It might not even be Riverside! That town just claimed it for themselves and everyone rolled with it.

Edit: SNW did confirm after almost 40 years that riverside is Kirk’s birthplace.

The audience never truly closes the gap with Kirk because he never willingly opens up (at least where I am in the show idk maybe the movies change this) So comparatively Spock just had more going on.

#james t kirk #star trek tos #star trek #Star Trek rambles #captain kirk #star trek meta #Kirk analysis #star trek analysis

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 15

PREVIOUS

The thing is… FF is aware that he should probably be medicated. You might be saying well isn’t he taking his ulcer medication? The answer is yes he is and when he is getting close to missing a dose Nicky’s usually the one that texts him with six frowny face emojis asking if he took his meds (they have a system, he takes his meds and then he texts Nicky)

No, he knows that he should probably get on something for his anxiety. Betsy has offered to get started on getting him on the right cocktail, his grandma thinks it’s a good idea, and Nicky has offered to get him as much weed as he needs to chill out, he knows a guy. Andrew is probably only going to stab him and threaten him not actually hunt him for sport, in his moments of clarity he can accept and understand that.

But there is nothing in this world that he wants less than to get back on anxiety medication. The world had been grey, it muted everything in the world for him, he faded completely into the background of his own life, and he couldn’t even grieve-

He was almost thankful for his step-dad’s sudden arrival in his life and how quickly his mom forgot about him to spend every waking moment she could on him and his children and then their children. It was two years of nothing and then his mom stopped picking up and refilling his prescription because it was too much of a hassle to keep picking up every month.

“He’s not anxious, see he’s fine. He doesn’t need it anymore.”

The withdrawal and the emotions that came afterwards had been hellish. He’d collapsed into his Grandma’s arms and begged her not to call his mom. He spent an entire month of summer vacation feeling like he was going to die and when he got back he found that no one had even missed him.

He swallowed the hurt, all of his emotions felt so much stronger now that he’d lost them for two years. If he has reactions like he’d had before he knows his mom will put him back on the medication.

The town is small and everyone talks. He knows about the dog walker’s poop flinging scandal, he knows about how the butcher’s left pinky got put back on wrong when he’d cut it off, he knows that the kid down the street paid $40 for a bag of oregano that he thought was weed, he knows that lil susie is in counseling because a girl should probably not be establishing cult rituals around her barbies.

He can’t react, can’t let people know he’s dying from anxiety because his math teacher sighs when he hands over his test. Can’t let anyone know that he has to put his head between his legs and take deep breaths before he can go into the cafeteria. His only solace is that all of the foreign language teachers love him, it’s easier to accept a compliment or comment in a language his family doesn’t use.

His step family treat him like the guards outside of Buckingham. Anything for a reaction y’know? He tells himself he does not care and for the most part he doesn’t.

He signs up for Exy in middle school because he just wanted something to do and it was the sport that had the same meeting days as his grandma’s bowling league. She picks him up from practice and they get ice cream together afterwards, she’s the only thing he has since Great Gran passed not too long after he got free of the medication.

He still feels her fingers checking behind his ears on occasion, a joke now that he’s off his meds referencing when he was too zoned out to care about hygiene. He still remembers her looking at him and feeling like she was seeing more than just him, “You’re a Smith. The last one when me and my daughter go. We’ll all be with you whenever you need us.” She promises.

He thinks it’s just respectful to get her favorite scent when he needs her help. He was raised to be respectful.  Lavender still makes him think of her and he hopes his grandma left some on her grave recently.

He knew he’d have to wait to go to college. His mom is putting on the pressure now that he’s 18 saying he will have to pay rent even though Greg is older and definitely isn’t. He plays Exy and thinks about how he’ll handle his life between 18 and 25, he puts all his anxiety into the game and maybe the coach notices something.

He must have noticed something.

The Foxes don’t offer positions to kids who don’t have something going wrong for them.

Coach Wymack and Dan Wilds wouldn’t be there in his little bum fuck nowhere town in Washington if his coach hadn’t sent a tape and an explanation.

He could admit that he knew about the Foxes. He looked up to the vice captain a fair bit not just for his game but also…well the Butcher was national news. Vice Captain Neil’s story was all over the news and maybe he was just a little bit in awe of someone who could stand his ground after all of that. Watching Vice Captain Neil Josten give shit to every last reporter who gave him any shit? Inspiring.

He just didn’t think it’d be a good fit for him.

He’s not like the rest of the Foxes. Dan talks about them all in broad terms, how they’re all fighting to become something and grow beyond the unfairness that was out of their control. FF is tough to convince but he’s a pretty good defensive dealer, Dan and Coach Wymack both want him.

Dan eventually has to go because she has an interview for a coaching position out this way but Coach Wymack just hands over the rental car keys and Coach Wymack stays.

Coach Wymack stays and they keep talking. FF talks about everything and Wymack eventually just says “Well, you’re still here despite all of that aren’t you? Sounds like a fighter to me. I think you’ve got what it takes to carry that weight with some help and I can promise that you won’t have to deal with those jerks past your high school graduation. You’re not going to be the first Fox who I help out from under some asshole parents and you won’t be the last.”

So he signs a contract, he’s 18 he can do that AND buy cigarettes now (he won’t. That’s how Gran lost gramps when dad was still young but he COULD. Much like he COULD go into the town’s only sex toy shop but that would be back to his grandma faster than the cigarette purchase to be honest and he isn’t THAT interested in what’s in there.)

He finishes up school but the assistant coach is a friend of his step dad and mentions that he’s signed to the Foxes. It’s just one week between his graduation and when Coach Wymack is coming to grab him

Suddenly he exists in his house for the first time since they all moved into it after the wedding and it’s the WORST. The want things, they want promises, they want assurances, they want to pretend and act like he’s always been there.

He flees to his Grandma’s house and texts Coach Wymack asking if there’s ANY chance he can get picked up early because he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to talk if he calls the man.

Coach Wymack comes for him and shoulders him past his ‘family’ to the rental car but the panic attack he sees in the car ride to the airport when his family’s car follows them all the way to the rental drop off means that he HAS to see Betsy.

Betsy is nice. Betsy teaches him how to breathe through stuff. Betsy teaches him how to ground himself in reality. Betsy tells him that the Starbucks girl probably doesn’t hate him. Betsy suggests he get on some medication.

He said No.

He’s scared out of his MIND in Palmetto but it’s better than-

He prefers to feel things.

Betsy tells him that it shouldn’t have been like that. His mother should have taken him back and gotten his prescription adjusted until it wasn’t like that.

He still declines.

Andrew gets suspicious about him knowing Russian after that game of Never Have I Ever and Nicky keeps almost letting it spill right by him. His stomach hurts the CVS girl keeps pepto for him behind the counter.

He still declines.

He prefers to feel things.

You can’t enjoy the thrill of a 100% on a Kanji Basics midterms without the anxiety of the Oral presentation. You can’t feel the true satisfaction of getting a blender for 25% off + 50 dollars of in-store credit without the flop-sweat of the searching eyes of a woman wearing PINK branded lounge wear. You can’t keep friends if you have no ability to empathize with them even if you’re worried you’re annoying them or ‘humble bragging’.

Fear is better.

Betsy tells him if he’s ever ready then she will help him. His Gran tells him she loves him. Nicky says “Look there’s a strain called White Russian. That’d be funny right?!”and FF agrees but declines to sample it.

Right now, as Nicky smudges eyeliner under his eyes and tugs at his shirt for the 80th time, he thinks it might actually be better to feel nothing.

He’d woken up from his…nap? He might have fainted actually? But he did it on a bed and it lasted for like 4 hours? So does that count as a nap? He wants to ask but also doesn’t want to worry anyone, maybe he could ask Aaron that if a Friend faints and doesn’t wake up for four hours is that a nap or a medical emergency? Just curious.

When he had emerged from Nicky’s room Captain Neil and Andrew had herded them all into the Maserati and they’d gone out and gotten McDonald’s for a late lunch. The only comment he had gotten when he’d asked for a happy meal (his stomach could not handle anything more) was whether or not he wanted the toy.

“Yes.” He answered panicked at the sudden question.

He got his Megamind toy, accidentally shone it into Aaron’s eyes when he pushed a button. “Shit that’s bright” before he apologized and shoved it in his jacket pocket.

They hung out at the house for the rest of the day.

They watched movies, played Mario Kart (how is Captain Neil this bad when his reflexes on the court are so good?) and did some homework. Andrew seemed to actually like the brownies which is why FF probably woke up from his... still haven’t asked Aaron if it’s a nap or a medical emergency.

He has a square and even at room temperature they taste great.

When it started to get dark they all went to go get ready. FF had gone to get whatever clothes Nicky had prepared on but had found himself sat on the man’s bed (so much glitter, seriously how can one bed have so much of it?) and Nicky holding a pencil to his eye and telling HIM not to flinch.

“Gonna have all the….” Nicky pauses and adopts a look on his face that means that he’s thinking incredibly hard about something. “Wait how have we been friends for MONTHS and I have no idea how you swing?” FF is caught off guard for a few moments because it’s the first time that Nicky has verbally confirmed that they are, in fact, friends and…

Wow.

That’s so nice.

He thought it was just Nicky’s innate inability to leave something to suffer needlessly that had the upperclassmen helping him. (FF has watched Nicky go out of his way to give cats food, turn turtles back onto their stomachs, and walk into traffic to stop cars so that a duck family could make it to a pond. He just sort of figured he was the same level of pathetic)

Wait.

What.

“Wait, what?”

“How do you swing?” Nicky repeats.

FF knows what he means but doesn’t want to. “With my left hand.” He responds and hopes Nicky drops it because the long and short answer is: he doesn’t know. He has no idea.

“Ohh dirty!” Nicky makes a jacking off motion with his left hand and FF feels embarrassed sweat cover his body, “NO! Don’t ruin my work!” Nicky yells fanning him with his hands so the eyeliner doesn’t run. “You know what I mean Smithy. Swing for girls, boys, both, neither? What am I working with here?” He asks wiping at FF’s cheek.

“I don’t…know.” He admits because deflecting is OBVIOUSLY not his strong suit. Twice in a row it’s brought up weird sex stuff.

“C’mon don’t be embarrassed. Even if you’re straight you’re obviously an Ally.” Nicky smiles.

“No it’s not…” he flushes okay he is embarrassed but that’s because he REALLY doesn’t know. Like how the hell did he get to college and have ZERO idea about what he’s attracted to or if he’s just not attracted to anyone? He’d been focused on not screaming for the last decade and that hadn’t really left a lot of room to consider how anyone looked. He’s getting used to having friends and three whole group chats (he’s bad at responding to them, overwhelmed by the idea that whatever he says can be revisited and picked apart forever but still, THREE!)

“I really have no idea.” He repeats.

Nicky blinks at him. “Okay well, college can be all about figuring that out then! No worries my sweet boy, we will figure this out.” Nicky pats his cheek.

He feels a little better.

“Alright, let’s go to Eden’s!”

Oh fuck that’s right.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

NEXT

Per your requests:

@i-have-three-feelings @blep-23 @dreamerking27 @andreilsmyreligion @belodensetdust @rainbowpineapplebottle @yarn-ace @iwouldlikesometea @lily-s-world @obscureshipsandchips @booklover242 @whataboutmyfries @sahturnos @pluto-pepsi @dreamerthinker @passinhosdetartaruga @leftunknownheart @aro-manita-muscaria @hologramsaredead @Chaoticgremlinswishtheycouldbeme @tntwme @tayspots @nick-scar @crazy-fangirl2524​ @blue-jos10​ @stabbyfoxandrew​ @splishsplashyouropinionistrash​ @sammichly​ @the-broken-pen​ @bitchesdoweknowu​ @very-small-flower​ @ghostlyboiii​ @its-a-paxycab​ @bisexual-genderfluid-fan​ @cheesecookie​ @theoneandonlylostsock​ @foxsoulcourt​ @blueleys @adverbialstarlight​ @elia-nna​ @can-i-just-stay-in-the-corner​ @nikodiangel​ @foxandcrow-inatrenchcoat​ @hallucinatedjosten​ @satanic-foxhole-court​ @vexingcosmos​ @chalilodimun​ @insectsgetcooked​ @angry-kid-with-no-money​ @queer-crows​ @lilyndra @themugglemudperson​ @readertodeath​ @apileofpillows​ @mortalsbowbeforeme​ @hellomynameismoo​ @next-level-mess @youreonlylow​ @interstellarfig​ @notprocrastinatingatalltoday​ @percyjacksonfan3​ @queenofcrazy27​ @bsmr261 @ghostlyscares​ @spencellio​ @adinthedarkroom​ @harpymoth​ @sufferingjustalilbit​ @anxietymoss​ @oddgreyhound​

The requests to be added to the tag list got spread out across a few different mediums on this one so if I missed you then just ask in the replies!

As stated before if you’re up here and I spelled it right but you  didn’t  get a notification there might be something switched around in  your settings that won’t let me tag you properly?

#Fluent Freshman AU #Turns out I couldn't wait to write about Dan and Wymack coming out to recruit FF #So I used them as a means to talk about some other shit #And transition back to Thanksgiving Break #In the end no matter how silly he is #FF is a Fox #He's a Fox with all that implies #I'll touch more on his full past later but here's a lil taste #A lil angst as a TREAT #After all the sugar you need some bitterness #Could he really be a blorbo without it? #FF in the car on the way to Sweetie's: Hey so like random question here Aaron but what's the turn around time on fainting? #Aaron: the turn around time? #FF: Yeah like how long does it usually take for someone to wake up after they faint? #Aaron: Like 20 seconds #FF: So like four hours is abnormal #Aaron: 20 minutes is abnormal. Four hours is a medical emergency. WHY? #FF: Asking for a friend. #Aaron: That friend should be in the hospital #FF: Oh he probably will be later #I don't know if I'm gonna write them actually hanging out at Sweeties in their club outfits #I think the implied OH GOD I'M NOT DRESSED RIGHT that FF would feel is so obvious #But hey time to see who reads the tags #What flavor do you think FF would get for ice cream? #AFTG #AFTG OC #AFTG AU #AFTG Fic #FF - Pt. 15

[anli-rambles]

It's been what, 12 years since ? And I still refuse to believe Edward died fighting two mercenaries after seeing what he CAN actually do in Black Flag. "BuT hE wAs YoUnG iN bLaCk fLaG." Yeah, maybe, but he was like 40 when he died, that's not old 😭 Ezio was 65 when his villa got raided in a similar way to Edward and he still managed to fight off the invaders (yes Shao Jun helped but still), Haytham was 55 when he was swapping hands with Connor in AC3, Adéwalé was 67 and still kicking when Shay killed him, Edward was a trained MASTER assassin ffs, and he died to two nameless Templar goons ? Nope. No I don't believe it. It makes ZERO sense. Ubisoft we need to TALK.

#edward kenway #ac black flag

[mybworlds]

Bittersweet

CHAPTER 1

status: ongoing

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

summary: your life is full of 'must'. You live with your overprotective mother who controls every aspect of your life. You have a dream, to write romance novels, but love - real love - you haven't found yet. Your mother has even decided what you must do in your free time: play music. One day, however, when you go to your music teacher's house, you will have an unexpected encounter and from that day on things change…

rating: 18+ explicit (minors, DNI)

Before to start... Hello people, I know there are other two ff that I already started, but I dreamt this new idea for my new ff. So I decided to write it down it. So here we are. If you want to let me know what you think about it I'd be glad to read you.

No offence pls, if you dislike it go away :)

Thanks @vase-of-lilies for the banner

You always dreamed of doing something special, of being the person who would make a difference in the world….

So you hoped.

You hoped to become a great writer of romance novels, and you hoped to instill hope in the hearts of young people not to give up in the face of love and the possible obstacles that may arise.

But not all dreams come true.

In fact, you ended up working in a small bar on the outskirts of your town, surrounded by the many stories of the many diners who populate the place during the daytime or evening hours--depending on the shifts. These stories are the most different, and cannot help but feed your wild imagination.

In the evening, when you are not on shift, you write dozens and dozens of stories on your computer: some are shorts, some are very long and have happy endings, some less. It depends on your mood and how you imagine certain events you've witnessed or heard will end.

"I'm home!"

Your mother has just returned from a nearly seventy-two-hour shift at the hospital, she works in emergency medicine, and - since your father died (or at least she always said) - when she's not at home, you have to do everything, housework and bar work, grocery shopping, paying bills.

"Hi, Mom."

You absentmindedly greet her by putting down your computer glasses and crinkling your eyes in exhaustion.

"Did you buy groceries?"

The usual string of questions starts, to which you always answer with a distracted yes. You are almost 30 years old, but sometimes you feel like you are 40s or even 50s. Sometimes you think you would just like to enjoy youth, to be carefree, light-hearted, you would like to be free even to make mistakes, and instead you feel caged in this life. In a life where the only rule is you must.

"So you're okay with that?" your mother suddenly asks, making you get your feet back on the ground.

"What?" you ask confused.

"You might even listen to me for once!" blurts out Mom.

"I just got distracted for a second!" you exclaim trying to catch up.

Mom snorts, "I asked you if you were free tomorrow for your guitar lesson."

Ah yes, the exhilarating guitar lessons!

Mom, ever since Dad left (but she always said it was as if he was dead), has demanded that you take piano lessons first and guitar lessons later, like your father. You can't understand your mother, sometimes she seems to hate your father, sometimes she doesn't.

About love, you've always wanted it to be forever. Maybe it's just some romantic bullshit you always watched in movies or read in books, but you want to believe that there really exists out there for you, someone who is willing to love you for a lifetime. Too bad you haven't found anyone so far who is willing to love you the same way you love, to want you the way you want!

Going back to your guitar lessons, your teacher is a bit of a peculiar guy, a bit of a loner, a lover of many things and one opposed to the other. He's -- you don't know exactly how to define him. You've never been able to decipher him. He seems gruff, but at the same time he has a good side and probably deep down sweet.

Very deep down.

"Yes, don't worry." Mom, ever since he left, has become overprotective in some ways with you, has demanded to control you even though you are not so young anymore, wants to know what you read, what you see, what you do. It may seem normal, perhaps, for a mom to try to get to know what her child does, but not the way she does. If you are evasive for one reason for another, she becomes a hound, suffocating almost. Once she even demanded to read a chat you created with friends fearing that you might be in touch with a man much older than you, and instead she found herself a chat where you were exchanging sometimes funny and sometimes even private messages with some of your close friends from school, which even embarrassed you, but mom justified herself by saying she was doing it for you. She even banned you from driving for fear that you might have a car accident! You have a driver's license, but your mother won't even let you drive around town. She always has to be the one to drive you. These manias of hers are suffocating!

"Good. Do you have money to pay for it?" she asks you.

"Yes, don't worry," you reply, going to prepare dinner.

"We have to be very punctual or I'll be late for the hospital," she informs you.

"Do you have another night?" you ask her "It will be the fifth time in a month! But didn't there used to be shifts once even in the hospital?" you ask again as you prepare some pasta.

"Yes, but -- you know, there are only a few of us and then there are even more emergencies than usual."

You follow your mother with your eyes as you see her typing on her cell phone. Your mother sometimes looks like the young woman and you look like the mom.

What an unfair life!

The next day your life flows as usual, you get up very early, make coffee bringing it also to your mother, go to shower, get dressed and go to work.

At the café there is the usual hustle and bustle, who wants coffee, who wants a croissant, who wants a slice of pizza, who wants something else. You don't have a moment to yourself. Only when it's almost lunchtime now, you stop and go to the back of the store to eat your sandwich and smoke. Yes, you smoke. The only real transgression in your life. If your mother found out she would probably kill you, but you don't care smoking makes you feel good and maybe it makes you feel good because it's a decision you made, not because it was forced on you.

You rub one temple and look toward the road covered with a hint of snow. You wonder what you would have been doing by now if you had not been there with your mother, if maybe you were busy in college or maybe in pursuing some master's degree, you wonder who you might have been if you had dared to live your life to the fullest.

In the afternoon, your mother - after making sure you are dressed appropriately, that you have sheet music and whatnot - drops you off in front of your teacher's building.

The latter lives on the top of seven floors, it's practically a penthouse, it's beautiful place. Being with him -- a little less so.

When you knock, you are about to greet him, but a completely different man from your teacher appears in front of you. He is tall, much taller than your teacher and you, curly brown hair, dark eyes, a look that is at first grim, then curious, defined jaw line and curved nose. He is perhaps 40 years old.

You stand open-mouthed, thinking you had the wrong house for a moment, then realizing it's the right address.

"I was looking for Mr. Miller," you say.

"In person." he replies.

"Tommy Miller," you say.

"I'm his brother." he says again.

You are about to say something, but he is the one who interrupts you by asking if you are his student and calling your name, you nod in confusion.

"My brother had to leave yesterday morning. He told me you were coming and to wait for you to let you know." he clarifies by placing his hands on his hips.

He is incredibly muscular; you have never seen a man like him. He hits you right away.

"I see. Then -- I'll go." ready to leave.

You make to turn your back to him "Did Mommy tell you not to talk to strangers?" he asks making you turn back to him "I saw you get out of your mother's car." he adds noticing your confused look.

"What did you say?" you ask in annoyance.

You see him smirking and cross his arms "Are you afraid the big bad wolf will eat you?"

You wrinkle your forehead "First, I don't even know who you are." you say moving a couple of steps closer to him "And second…"

"Joel." he introduces himself by extending his hand.

"You're creepy -- Joel," you say looking first at his hand and then at his face.

"You, on the other hand, are shy." he notes looking at you and running his gaze over your figure. No one has ever looked at you like this. Making your skin warmed. "Yes, you are a shy little one." he adds, smiling and making wrinkles appear on the sides of his eyes.

"Your brother is definitely nicer," you say.

Lie. Tommy has always been very much on his own.

He just bends his head to the side, "Funny, people always told me I'm the nice one of the Miller brothers."

Gotcha.

"Well, maybe they never really knew you!"

"And you in less than a minute figured out who am I?" he asks, leaving you speechless.

No, you know very well that you cannot judge anyone in less than a minute. If someone had judged you in less than a minute they probably would have dismissed you as an ordinary young woman, lacking dreams of her own, trivial.

Perhaps the same thing applies to the man in front of you, Joel Miller.

#joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller smut #joel tlou #joel miller hbo #tlou fanfiction #tlou fic #the last of us hbo #joel miller self insert #the last of us #joel fic #the last of us fanfiction #joel the last of us #pedro pascal #pedro pascal as joel miller #smut #joel x f!reader #joel x female reader #joel x you #dom!joel #dom!joel miller #joel miller fic #joel miller angst #bittersweet ff

[yanderemeganekko]

"Thistle is 15" "Thistle is 1000 years old" "Thistle is a child" "Thistle was 40/60/80/100 at the point where he" shut up shut up shut up elves don't mature the exact same as humans do and he has no confirmed canon human age plus people can be immature at literally any age especially after being forced to shoulder insane responsibilities from a young age just let people do what they want. We're not doing this to the Dungeon Meshi fandom ffs.

#what is this post about? thistle fans will know #(I say we're not doing this delusionally bc it's already happening) #I don't even ship him with Laios (except for jokes) or Delgal but I don't care I have better things to worry about #he can be 15 he can be 16 or 18 or 25 he's still clearly immature regardless of age #because he got a massive responsibility suddenly thrusted upon him and had no one to turn to for help. I promise this would fuck up anyone. #idc what your opinion is of shipping him just be honest about your actual reasons and don't pretend he's a little kid to prove a point. #it's demeaning to his character to pretend he had no choice or responsibility in his actions. in all the 1000 years he kept doing it. #if he had no choice then mithrun and marcille didn't either. but y'all don't wanna open that can of worms do you.

[sineala]

Superheroes and Aging

Meta time! I was asked (on Patreon) to write meta about how Tony Stark might deal with feelings about aging and being surrounded by The Youth. I am reposting it here.

I have to say this has also been on my mind a lot. I will say it's a weird thing growing up being into comics and being a fan of the teenage X-Men because obviously they were the most relatable and then being as old as all the adult superheroes and now being older than all the adult superheroes, who have all been basically the same age for decades as the rest of us move on past them. At least they finally aged up the original crop of teenage heroes and have been replacing them with new ones.

So the thing about superheroes in Marvel Comics, as you probably know, is that they pretty much don't age. Initially, this wasn't really a thing Marvel worried about. It was the sixties and they'd made comics cool and profitable again and kids loved them and I'm pretty sure they weren't thinking that sixty years later people (grown adults, even!) would still be reading and loving and expanding on the universe they made. Because I think if that had been the case they'd have, say, fewer villains that really sound like someone thought of them in about thirty seconds at 5 pm on a Friday and then went home. Big Wheel, a guy who has a... big wheel. Swarm, a guy (I mean, he's not really... human) who is actually a group of bees. Nazi bees. Paste-Pot Pete. You know what I mean.

Anyway, at first Marvel heroes aged, because why wouldn't they? Despite what you would guess if you only watched adaptations, it only took, I think, a couple years for Peter Parker to grow up and leave high school. The original X-Men all stopped being teenagers. Time moved on. Then after about ten years Marvel figured out it was going to be a problem if their beloved heroes were too old to be superheroes and they more or less halted the aging process. And that's how we get the Marvel Sliding Timescale. Broadly stated, the Sliding Timescale is essentially "don't worry about it." Everything you are reading right now happens right now, the beginning (the FF getting their powers) happened about ten or fifteen years ago (I think right now it's closer to 15 and we're at four RL years = one comics year), and everything else that has ever happened in 616 -- because Marvel also doesn't believe in line-wide reboots -- is wedged in somewhere in the time between. As real time passes, the sliding timescale slides events closer and closer together because more events have now happened.

So the effect of this is that heroes don't age. I think this is actually most notable with child characters -- like, ask yourself how old Franklin and Valeria Richards are. Or don't. I think Dani Cage has been a toddler for about fifteen years now. So the founding Avengers started off in their early 20s, are now in their mid-30s, and are going to continue being in their mid-30s for the foreseeable future because Marvel doesn't want its heroes being over 40. I think there have been a couple IM issues where Tony has had "significant" birthdays that they carefully avoided putting a number on -- I think one was Bendis, and I know he had a surprise party in the Gillen issue with the adoption reveal. I want to say that maybe there was also a Fraction one? I'm not sure.

The time references have occasionally been lampshaded -- the most recent Iron Man issue as I write this (#6) has Tony asserting that he doesn't remember things by what year they happened in, but rather by what armor he had at the time. He goes on to tell a story of something that happened while he wore the Silver Centurion armor, throwing in an aside that the shoulder pads were fashionable then -- and, out of the armor, he is given his usual stylish perm; the artist has definitely been inspired by Bob Layton's later Iron Man work -- which for me has the disconcerting effect of making it sound like this is somehow taking place in the 80s and also not in the 80s at the same time. Because now they've invented an extra time for shoulder pads and perms to be fashionable and it's approximately 2015. Time is fake. No, actually. It is.

And building on that, I think the effect of that is that mostly they don't seem to have characters like Tony dealing with aging. He doesn't really seem to worry about it, probably because there can't be any narrative payoff if he's simply never allowed to age. (Steve gets it even more weirdly, because a lot of times fandom assumes the serum is just going to halt or slow aging -- as it does in people like Natasha who have serum variants -- but then in universes where significant time actually passes, like House of M, Steve is visibly older, and he definitely is meant to have the serum. Or Bullet Points, where Steve, minus the serum, is actually dealing with aging as he comes out of retirement for one last mission. Which kills him, because it turns out he probably was too old to do this safely. But then in 616 we're expected to believe that Steve can lose the serum and also be mostly combat-ready at age 95. Aaanyway.)

So what if Tony did worry about getting older? Based on how he interacts with the kids these days, I think mostly his worry actually wouldn't involve other people.

For all that intelligence in Marvel seems to be a single invariant and quantifiable statistic that can be accurately measured (which isn't the case in reality but work with me here) and that Tony is a genius but not The Smartest Genius in the Universe, he doesn't ever seem to display any ill will toward anyone ranking higher than him on the list -- say, Reed -- and he is in fact definitely willing to take on the younger geniuses, like Riri, as proteges, and he seems happy to mentor them. He doesn't seem to feel at all threatened by the idea that some of these people are definitely smarter than him -- say, Moon Girl -- and will someday succeed him. Or at least will if Marvel ever lets them age out, which again seems unlikely. Theoretically he also ought to be drawing on a lot more lived experience than Riri that he can use to advise her, but one of the bizarre things that Cantwell's run has left us with is Tony believing that giving the Mandarin's Rings to Riri to study with zero oversight is absolutely the right thing to do; Rhodey congratulates him on his great decision-making. I guess we'll see how that turns out.

(This is in contrast to a character like Doctor Doom, who clearly can't stand the idea that Reed might ever be smarter than him.)

Given that Tony is a character who often has execrable self-esteem, it actually seems a little odd that it doesn't bother him that he isn't the smartest, but it really doesn't seem to. He seems fine with that. He's enough of a genius to do what he needs to do, I guess, and that's good enough for him. Even in Cantwell's run, which was, uh, not a run I would call particularly in-character for Tony in many ways, the thing he decides to do with the Power Cosmic is make everyone in New York as smart as he is. I think this was a fairly poor storyline for a large number of reasons, but I think it does actually show that he has good intentions, in a sense -- he wants everyone else to benefit from the intelligence he has, the same way they can benefit from his philanthropy. He wants to give people the advantages he has. So he seems like someone who wouldn't resent the up-and-coming heroes and geniuses; he seems like he'd be honestly happy that there would be more people out there on his level.

I think, really, as long as he knows he's good to go, he knows he's good enough to do the things he wants to do -- even if sometimes he just hates himself as a human being -- and he probably looks around at all the kids and knows they have to train them up, because even if they're going to be good they're not as good as he currently is, just because they don't have the benefits of years of experience. I mean, maybe they could have some kind of superhero Registration or something. The joke he made to Steve at the end of Empyre wasn't entirely wrong.

(I feel like I should probably also read Young Avengers, for more on how the Avengers deal with The Youth, but I haven't gotten around to that yet.)

Since Tony often blames himself for, well, everything he can possibly blame himself for, including the deaths of people he feels he should have been able to save, I feel like his worries about aging would probably involve his ability to continually successfully be a superhero. We haven't really seen much of this worry since his Extremis/Bleeding Edge days but there was definitely a period of time where his main concern seemed to be the ability to compete with the people he's fighting -- and this seems like it might be where he's heading again in his confrontation with Feilong, who, I should point out, does actually attempt to make fun of him for being old. Tony doesn't seem to take it personally, but he does seem very upset that he's not on Feilong's level, technologically. So I think the thing that would bother Tony wouldn't be the idea that he couldn't keep up with the heroes, but rather that he couldn't keep up with the villains.

So, yeah, that's my take.

#posts i actually wrote

[prettyprince00]

♡ FILMS FOR FAUNLET FASHION INSPO ♡

~~Got bored so compiled this (pretty extensive) list of film references for faunlet style and aesthetics, might be helpful for anyone looking to delve into and develop their style. Don't take this as some kind of gospel, it's just a bunch of movies and shows that I think can be useful reference points. My personal style and taste for example is a huge mix and amalgalm of stuff I see, from movie characters to paintings, books, comics, cartoons, music videos, haute couture collections, K- and J-idols, BJD dolls, even elements and staples from female fashion that I kind of genderflip or just outright mix into and merge with my own "masculine"/boyish/whatever faunlet fits. I think the secret to finding your style is to never limit yourself & always be creative (& clever ofc)! ♡

Feel free to suggest and tell me some of your personal films/shows that inspire you the most. I'm sure I forgot some stuff >.> Hope this helps somewhat lolol

WARNING: A LOT OF THESE HAVE MATURE THEMES AND +18 STUFF, SO DO RESEARCH BEFORE WATCHING AND PROCEED AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION, CAUTION & RESPONSIBILITY!

I. Academia/Schoolboy/Old Money/Preppy/Classic Faunlet Vibes

Les Amitiés particulières by Jean Delannoy

A Series of Unfortunate Events (Film and show)

Both versions of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Lord of the Flies (both versions tbh)

The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe by Andrew Adamson

Kaze to ki no Uta + Natsu e no Tobira (Honestly most shounen ai anime especially from the 80s/90s)

CLAMP Gakuen Tanteidan

Kuroshitsuji i.e. Black Butler (probably the most famous ouji aka male lolita-influenced anime out there)

Ouran High School Host Club

Cardcaptor Sakura (Li's fits especially but also Touya's and Yukito's)

The Long Day Closes + The Neon Bible, by Terence Davies

If... by Lindsay Anderson

The Butcher Boy by Neil Jordan

Tea and Sympathy by Vincent Minnelli

Purple Noon by René Clément

Sleepers by Barry Levinson

The Basketball Diaries by Scott Kalvert

School Ties by Robert Mandel

The Dangerous Lives of the Altar Boys by Peter Care

Blue Spring by Toshiaki Toyoda

Death in Venice by Luchino Visconti

East of Eden (also Splendor in the Grass I guess?) by Elia Kazan

Lacombe Lucien (+ Au Revoir Les Enfants) by Louis Malle

Bad Education by Pedro Almodóvar

The Ice Storm by Ang Lee

La Luna + The Dreamers by Bernardo Bertolucci

Teorema by PP Pasolini (also Saló tbh bt I feel kinda weird recommending that lmfao even though it's a pretty well-established masterpiece & one of my favs)

Total Eclipse by Agnieszka Holland (teenage Arthur Rimbaud is a core faunler reference tbh, strange that I don't see him brought up more, though he's been a queer/twink culture icon for ages so yeah)

Les roseaux sauvages by André Téchiné

Call Me by Your Name by Luca Guadagnino

Deep Red by Dario Argento (only for the flashback Xmas scenes with the creepy little boy in knee-highs and Mary Janes tbh lol)

The Omen by Richard Donner

The Good Son by Joseph Ruben

Pinnocchio (OG Disney animation) (you could make a double feature with A.I. Artificial Intelligence by Spielberg/Kubrick too)

Les 400 coups by François Truffaut

L'enfance nue by Maurice Pialat

A Single Man by Tom Ford

Looking for Langston by Isaac Julien

Sacré College, Garçons d'Etage, Scouts and Gamins de Paris by JD Cadinot (WARNING: Cadinot's films are basically erotica/arthouse vintage gay p*rn so obviously 18+!!!!!)

II. More Contemporary/Gas Station/Trashy/Greaser/Hustler/Catalet Faunlet Vibes

My Own Private Idaho (also Mala Noche and Elephant) by Gus Van Sant

Slight Fever of a 20-Year-Old + Like Grains of Sand by Ryosuke Hashiguchi

Mysterious Skin + Totally Fucked Up + Nowhere by Gregg Araki

Hustler White by Bruce LaBruce (+18)

Rebel Without a Cause by Nicholas Ray

Cry Baby + Polyester by John Waters

Pretty much any juvenile delinquent teensploitation 40s/50s Old Hollywood flick tbh

The Outsiders by FF Coppola

A Cruel Story of Youth + Sing a Song of Sex by Nagisa Oshima

Most of Edward Furlong and Vicent Kartheiser's 90s filmography (Pet Semetary 2, Brainscan, Little Odessa for Furlong; Heaven Sent, Another Day in Paradise, Masterminds for Vincent)

River's Edge by Tim Hunter

Young Soul Rebels by Isaac Julien

Sleepaway Camp by Robert Hiltzik

Le Diable Probablement by Robert Bresson

Permanent Green Light  + Like Cattle Towards Glow (+18) by Zac Farley & Dennis Cooper

Pauline à la Plage by Eric Rohmer

The Smell of Us + Ken Park by Larry Clark

Flesh by Paul Morrissey

Lonesome Cowboys by Andy Warhol

Cruising by William Friedkin

Un couteau dans le cœur by Yann Gonzalez (though most of the male fashion in this is just ripping off Friedkin's Cruising and Cadinot films like Aime... comme Minet, Deuxième Sous-sol and Les Minets Sauvages so you could just watch those instead I guess lol)

Equation à un Inconnu by Francis Savel (erotica/+18)

Rebels of the Neon God by Tsai Ming Liang

Fireworks + Scorpio Rising by Kenneth Anger

Dope by Rick Famuyiwa

Cooley High by Michael Schultz

The Inkwell by Matty Rich

Red Hook Summer by Spike Lee

George Washington by David Gordon Green

American Graffiti by George Lucas and Bill Norton

All About Lily Chou-Chou by Shunji Iwai

Stand by Me by Rob Reiner

The Mudge Boy by Michael Burke

US Go Home by Claire Denis

Gummo by Harmony Korine

L.I.E. by Michael Cuesta

Palo Alto by Gia Coppola

Spetters by Paul Verhoeven

Fox and His Friends by RW Fassbinder

The Pit by Lew Lehman

O Fantasma by João Pedro Rodrigues

The Delta by Ira Sachs

What Have I Done to Deserve This + Law of Desire by Pedro Almodovar

The Partridge Family sitcom tbh lol, also the 70s era of the Mickey Mouse Club, pretty much any 70s media featuring male idols of the time like David Cassidy, Leif Garrett etc

Dazed and Confused by Richard Linklater

The Lost Boys by Joel Schumacher

Y Tu Mamá Tambièn by Alfonso Cuarón

Summer 85 by François Ozon

Les Chansons d'Amour + La Belle Personne by Christophe Honoré

Body Without Soul + Not Angels But Angels by Wiktor Grodecki (personally rly dislike the weird Christian melodramatic & imo exploitative direction of these documentaries bt the boys who are interviewed do the best they can to salvage it -- quintessential East European 90s cityboy looks)

III. Fantasy/Glam/Mystical/Sacred/Ancient/Historical Faunlet Vibes

Pink Narcissus by James Bidgood

Caravaggio + Sebastiane by Derek Jarman

Peter Pan (any version tbh)

Fantasia (1940 Disney classic)

Tabou by Nagisa Oshima

Poison + Velvet Goldmine by Todd Haynes

Party Monster by Fenton Bailey

Satyricon by Federico Fellini

Der Rosenkönig by Werner Schroeter

The Blood of a Poet by Jean Cocteau

#faunlet #faunlet aesthetic #(Honestly almost didn’t post this cus a magician never reveals his secrets but was feeling kind & altruistic today sjsjsjs) #not sure if im keeping this on the blog 4 good bt u all can reblog it so itll live on 6ever #faunlet nation #this was on my drafts 4 a long time

[r0yalgrimm-artz]

So...future GX look?? Around in their 40's where they've both finally settled and feel much better with where they are in their lives.

More so domestic life style look. I was so torn back and forth between giving Chazz some stubble or not. He only has a lil stubble since I imagine his stubble doesn't grow much. Also not much chest hair it's like a little bit. However when he's dueling in front of an audience or for the cameras, he tends to shave ofc to give a clean look (also so the makeup applies better when he dresses up). Forgot to give him a bit of eye bags but he sleeps a bit better when he's home. Also forgot his GREY HAIRS FFS.

Kore is more relaxed and finally at a healthy mental state in her life. Goes by she/they, embraces it and is comfortable with it. Not on the verge of death or having near death experiences compared to her 20's. Does Duel still, loves dueling with all her heart. Gets spammed phone calls and messages by Chazz when they're away, after some instances in their 20's where Kore nearly fucking died so now Chazz messages her and calls her a lot when either he or she is away.

Also some notes but not really relevant I just like these soft old cougars:

⚡️ Both got married at 34, mainly cause Kore kept side lining the idea of marriage.

⭐️ Chazz is more affectionate in his 30's-40's, always will give Kore small palm kisses when she's holding his cheek. Takes advantage of this a lot.

⚡️ Kore & Chazz both gotten therapy, granted Kore is somewhat still iffy with her mental state at times.

⭐️ Have better relationships with their kids, while Kore sometimes struggles Chazz is surprisingly the one that helps Kore out and helps build better relationships with their kids.

⚡️ Kore did suffer postpartum depression when she had their first kid (Kenji). There was days where Kore felt nothing for him as ashamed as she is to admit it. Chazz managed to step in and help, giving Kenji unconditional love and being supportive and caring for Kore. Eventually Kore got better but Chazz kept a much closer eye on Kore.

⭐️ They did separate at one point in their late 20's or early 30's for like two years after some touchy subjects in an argument occurred and left them both separating for two whole years. Chazz still made effort to see his kids cause he loves them obviously. Do eventually rekindle and discuss their problems and issues after two years and get back together (before Chazz asked Kore to marry him).

⚡️ Both had gone out nightclubbing for once after not going out clubbing much since their youth. Was for Chazz's 40th. Both had a massive culture shock when they saw the state of nightclubs nowadays. Literally, both felt out of place. A time when they both used to dress up nicely and go out to nightclubs with lively bouncy music, now it more casual with pop music. They both decided to get wasted and got kicked out by the bouncer. Ended the night with Kore's face buried in a kebab on the floor that she tripped over into and Chazz spewing in the drains. No, they will never repeat what happened to anyone.

⭐️ Chazz has massive beef with his eldest kid Kenji. Kenji acting like a little shit. Mainly because when Kore and Chazz separated, Kenji made assumptions and blamed Chazz even though it was both Kore and Chazz at fault in their own way. Kenji has since behaved better. He just acts like a little shit because he likes to.

⚡️ All three of their kids are close in age...Massively regret having kids that are closer in age range. Both Kore and Chazz were hanging on by a thread trying to juggle them three at once. Literally both laughed like maniacs when their friends decided if they wanted kids close in age range but Kore and Chazz just laughed then were like, "Don't. You'll regret it". They love their kids though. Just Kenji being the first kid and actually being a little angel at first fooled them in.

⭐️ Chazz would fight with other parents if they dared accuse his daughter Himari for shit. Absolutely defends his little girl. Yet Himari is built like a fucking tank and easily can hold up Chazz no problem. Works great if he's having an argument with Aster and Chazz wanted to get physical. Himari casually just straight up picks up her dad as if he ain't weighing shit. Kore and Himari have mommy and daughter dates, and both can just act as feral in stores when it comes to impulsive buying. Do they need it? No. But do they really want it? Yes.

⚡️ Ekou has...gained Jaden's curse in attracting all the bad shit his way. Literally Ekou probably one point dueld to near death against someone. Chazz totally didn't call Jaden up 3AM like "YOU MOTHERFUCKER YOU PASSED IT ONTO HIM". Jaden was just confused.

⭐️ Also, Ekou is feral like Kore. Also hung around Jaden too much and gained habits from him. Chazz is disappointed slightly. Loves his kid still. Just...Regrets leaving Ekou around Jaden a lot.

That's all I have now I'm gonna lay down and cry cause stomach pains.

#my art #my post #digital art #yugioh gx #ygo gx #yugioh #ygo #yugioh oc #oc #chazz princeton #jun manjoume #ibispaintx #ibispaint art

[descubriendo-aurelia]

tl;dr trans origin story

So, what have I done so far? How did I arrive to this point? Well, I kind of always knew that I wished I had been born a girl, but for many years I suppressed these feelings. I can remember as far back as age 4, seeing my older female cousin Jaimie and wishing I could look like her.

(Warning: I talk briefly about a sexual encounter below.)

I'd been somewhat familiar with feminizing HRT, FFS and vaginoplasty since I was an early adolescent thanks to cable TV, and transitioning seemed like such an extreme process (because it is) that it seemed impossibly expensive to achieve the results that I wanted for myself. I'd always been fascinated with hearing the stories of trans people and would watch anything related to them them any chance I got. My favourite movie since I was 16 years old was, and still is to this day, Breakfast on Pluto, a story about an Irish transwoman. How curious that it didn't occur to me until later in life that I loved this movie because I wanted to be like the main character.

Throughout the years there were other signs, like playing dress-up with my best friend and wearing their femme clothes, which led to the appearance of my Southern belle alter-ego Annabelle in our late teens while the True Blood series was still popular. Yes, with a big, floppy hat y todo. 👒

Shortly after moving to Seattle, I'd come to the realisation that I'd never been comfortable with a male identity and decided to start identifying as non-binary and using they/them pronouns.

There were two main catalysts that made me come to terms with my inner womanhood this past year. The first was a sexual encounter I had with a bisexual man who wanted me to wear panties for him. As we had sex, he sexualised me as a woman and referred to me as a woman. It made me feel validated and desired in a way that I had never been before, and it felt so right and perfect somehow. This encounter, as you might imagine, made me reflect long and hard about my gender identity.

The second catalyst was an Italki Spanish conversation class. My teacher is a trans woman, and the topic of discussion was gender identity. At one point during our discussion, she asked me, "What part of you wants to cling to the masculine?" and I realised that I didn't really have an answer for her. I realised that I was clinging to masculinity (or vestiges of it, lol) because I wanted to please other people, rather than make myself happy and discover my true identity.

A couple days later, on July 20th 2022, I decided that it was time to start doing something about it. I started by telling close friends, and it wasn't long before I settled on the name Aurelia and started to try presenting as female to the best of my ability. I'm very fortunate to work in a very trans-friendly city at a very trans-friendly business with exceptional health insurance for individuals who seek in gender affirming care. Having already worked alongside several trans people at my job, I felt comfortable enough to start coming out to my coworkers right away. They, of course, accepted me with open arms and have been amazing at using my preferred name and pronouns. A few of them even gave me clothes!

I then, of course, started shopping. In addition to makeup and clothes, I bought an epilator, silicone breast forms, mastectomy bras, a few different styles of gaffs as well as tucking tape. Not at all once, of course, 'cause all that shit was expensive. (Especially the gaffs! I tried two styles, a cheap $20 Amazon that was bulky and inaffective, and a $40 that works amaaazingly. $40 is a lot, but after I started ordering one every paycheque, I think she took notice and started sending me two per order, which was super sweet of her. Thanks, Lexy B Blair!)

I found a doctor who specialises in transgender care through my insurance and on September 6th, I started taking my HRT medications. After 5 weeks, I've seen slight (though not yet visible) breast tissue growth, skin softening, and thinning and softening of body hair. It's hard for me to gauge any emotional or psychological changes, since I was a very emotional person before HRT, lol. I guess I get angry way less often, but I also feel like this was true before I started HRT and has more to do with the relief I felt immediately after coming out that I was finally allowing myself to present female.

On October 13th, I got registered for laser hair removal, and I'll begin my first treatments in November! I'm so tired of shaving every day and having to use orange colour corrector and a full face of heavy foundation just to have a "natural" look. My facial hair comes in really dark, so no matter how close I shave, they leave behind a greenish undertone to my skin, which is why I need the colour corrector.

So, now what? We wait for the hormones to do their job. I probably won't notice any major changes until a year in, and the full effects could take 3-4 years. I asked my doctor about progesterone to help with breast development, and he wants to try it when I'm 6 months to a year in. Depending on how well that works, I may or may not eventually want breast augmentation.

Another procedure I'm definitely interested in is facial feminisation surgery. Because I went through a testosterone-based puberty during my adolescence, my jawline is very angular and I have a protruding brow bone compared to before I started puberty. HRT is supposed to help a little bit with rounding of the face via fat redistribution, but this won't be noticeable for at least a year. So, I suppose the plan will be to see how satisfied I am after the three year mark, and if not, look into getting the procedure.

And then, of course, there's the surgery that cispeople are most obsessed with: ✨vaginoplasty✨. Will I get it? First of all, if you don't already know this, please don't ever ask a trans person this question. As for me, I'm still conflicted. I don't believe in the concept of "completely transitioning" and don't think that genital surgery is a necessary step in a gender transition. I would be completely content keeping my genitals and would still feel as complete of a woman as any other. And yet, when it really comes down to it, I think I would still prefer a vagina to a penis if given the choice... which, I guess I have? But then, of course, there's the whole surgery itself, which is very extensive and scary, with a rough recovery. Plus the extensive dilations. Hmm, I just don't know about all that. If I did it, which I honestly don't think I will, I would want a very talented doctor who will perform a labiaplasty, clitoroplasty, and vaginoplasty, and who has multiple photographs of the results of former patients.

So, that's all, folks. If you're still reading this, thank you for listening to me overshare, lol.

#hrt update #mtf trans #trans #transgender #transfemme #transfem #trans woman #transgirl #trans positivity #vaginoplasty #gender affirming surgery #gender affirming care

[simp4pedropascal75]

“I love you” (Joel Miller x Reader)

words: 2.6k

trigger warnings: A LOT OF ANGST, death, sui!cide attempt, it has a “happy ending?”m fluff, reader in his 20s and Joel in his late 40s

summary: you go on a misson with joel, tommy and maria, but things doesn’t go as planned.

s/n: hey guys, i have been inactive for a while now because of school:/, but i hope you like this ff, tell me if it's too dramatic or too much and if i made any spelling mistakes or anything, i'm happy about feedback:)

Enjoy<3

-----------------------------------------------------

Joel and you knew each other a long time now. You’re happily married, and you never thought this all will happen, but here you are, laying naked in Joels arms. He’s still asleep, and you just watch him.

He’s so beautiful…, you think.

You don’t get the chance to watch him sleep often. Your eyes wander from his fluffy and messy hair to his bushy eyebrows. Then to his beautiful eyes, which peacefully rest. You look at his nose.

God, his nose.

You bite your lip while remembering last night: you sitting on his face while his nose is buried into your pussy and his tongue-

Okay, stop it.

You chuckle quietly while your eyes travel to his soft lips.

His lips…

You remember feeling these lips for the first time on yours.

-----------------------------------------------------

You and Joel first met when he came to Jackson with Ellie. Since you’ve been good friends with Tommy, you quickly got to meet him and oh my god, he was cold as fuck.

You two didn’t got along for the first time and he was mean, to be honest. But since you needed to go on missions and patrols together, you had to deal with each other.

That you and Ellie got along well didn’t made it easier for you.

But after some weeks, you caught yourself staring at him, wanting to know where he is, how he is and feeling a big desire of having him near you.

God, how you hated this feeling. The feeling of being in love with someone, who doesn’t love you back.

That’s what you thought, without knowing Joel already loved you way before you started to get feelings. He was just good at pretending. Ellie definitely noticed it and she teased him.  Oh, and how she did.

But Joel and you got closer. And one time when you two were on a mission, where you two almost died. And in this moment you two realized that life is too short for not confessing the love for each other.

And that’s when he pulled you into his arms and kissed you with all his feelings, he had for you. It was raining, and it just was like in a movie.

After that you began to date, you remember how people judged you because of the age difference, but you didn’t give a shit. And thankfully the people didn’t care after a while too.

After 2 years he proposed to you and two months later you married.

Now it’s already been four months since your wedding and you actually try getting pregnant. You always dreamed of being a mother, but you knew Joels story and expected that he doesn’t want a second child, and to addition, you had Ellie. But one day on your honeymoon, he said that he would try it, for you. And since then, you tried, but with no success. But you don’t give up, and I mean, you can’t complain. Having sex with Joel Miller is…

-----------------------------------------------------

“You’re staring at me?”, you hear a raspy voice. It’s Joel and he rips you out of your thoughts. “Well, I had to use my chance, you know”, you smile.

“Pervert…”, Joel mumbles joking while he pulls you into a kiss. You directly feel what his intention is. “No!”, you break the kiss. “We have a busy day today.”, you say seriously while getting up. Joel sighs and you just feel his eyes directly staring through you. “Now you’re staring, old man!”, you laugh and get dressed. “I can’t help myself…”, he mumbles and stands up. You feel his hands on your waist.

Fuck, he’s still naked.

“Joel…”, you warn him while he places kisses on your neck. You almost fall for his touch, almost…

“We promised Tommy and Maria to help them out on their mission, so… nice try.”, you free yourself out of his grip and go into the bathroom. “Get ready now!”, you shout out of the bathroom, and you just hear his annoyed sigh.

Joel’s POV

I’m leaned against the doorframe, waiting for her to come down and ready to go. And then she comes down, with a big smile on her face and she just seems so god damn happy out of sudden. “So happy to see me?”, I chuckle confused while raising my eyebrows. She laughs.

How much I love her laugh…

“Well, no, not particularly about that.”, she answers, grabbing her backpack and walking towards me. “Ouch”, I chuckle, and she places a kiss on my cheek. “I will tell you when we come back.”

Y/N’s POV

Before you go, you take a look into Ellie’s room, where she’s sleeping peacefully. You smile and slowly approach her. “We’ll go now”, you whisper softly while caressing her hand. “Hmh...”, she mumbles sleepy. “Don’t make too much trouble while we’re away, love you…”. Ellie doesn’t reply, she’s asleep again.

We walk hand in hand to the gate, where we meet Tommy and Maria. “Hey there”, Tommy says to me with a smile and hugs me.

“Did you sleep well?”, he teases, knowing you didn’t sleep at all and looks at Joel with a smirk.

“Shut up, Tommy”, Joel says while rolling his eyes and then they greet each other. Maria comes towards you.

“You seem very happy today”, Maria notices and hugs you.

“Well, I am…”, I give her a soft smile.

“Everyone’s ready?”, Tommy asks, and we walk to our horses.

“Always”, you reply, and you feel Joel’s mouth at your ear: “You know, we could stay home and…”

“Joel, no.”, you laugh and wrap your arms around his neck.

“When we get back home, we can do whatever we want…”, you whisper and start kissing him. You don’t realize how long you actually stay there and make out with him until Tommy clears his throat.

“You’re done?”, he asks, and you chuckle.

-----------------------------------------------------

You’re already two days on your way to the hospital to get new medical recourses.

“Okay, how about a race?”, you suggest randomly. “No.”, Joel replies seriously.

“Well-“, Maria wants to answer but you’re already gallop away with your horse.

“Dammit- Y/N!”, you hear Joel shouting and you laugh. You always loved riding, especially with your horse. You feel the wind blowing through your hair and when you see the big, abandoned hospital in front of you, you stop. Joel comes straight after you, followed by Maria and Tommy.

“What were you think-“, you hear Joel upset, but you interrupt him.

“Well, here we are.”, you say out of breath and turn to the others. You feel Joel watching you, but you can’t look at him right now, too distracting.

-----------------------------------------------------

We go through the entrance of the hospital. “Let’s split up”, Tommy suggests. “Or we’re here for an eternity”.

We all agree, and Joel and you get going. You’re walking through a hallway, going into different rooms to search for medical stuff.

“Mad?”, you ask while opening some drawers.

“Kind of”, Joel answers with his rough voice and making sure everything’s safe.

“Gonna’ make it up to you, don’t worry”, you smirk, and you just hear a chuckle from him.

You two search in every stage of the hospital on the left side and thankfully found some stuff. You didn’t meet any clickers on your way, which was kind of confusing and suspicious, but the better for you. You two are on your way back to meet up with Tommy and Maria again.

“How about Ethan?”, Joel suddenly says.

“What?”, you ask confused, looking at him.

“Ethan, a name for the baby when you get pregnant sometime.”, Joel explains, and a slight smile appears on his face.

You heart melts. “Ethan is beautiful”, you answer while placing your hands on his shoulders.

“I love you…”, you whisper and looking directly into his beautiful hazel eyes.

“I love you too, princess”, he caresses your cheek, wanting to kiss you, but suddenly the wall above you begins to shake. “Watch out!”, he says while grabbing your hand and running with you some meters away. The wall breaks down and makes a big hole in the floor.

A hole to the lowest stage of the hospital.

You hear steps, very fast steps and they get louder.

“Runners.”, Joel quickly realizes, grabs your hand, and starts running. A whole wave of runners and also clickers come out of the hole, where the basement of the hospital was and chase you.

You quickly run to the entrance again, where Tommy and Maria are already waiting.

“Watch out!”, you yell and grab your gun while turning around and start shooting.

Everyone starts shooting, but it seems there are just coming more. It doesn’t take long that you all realize that your ammunition gets low.

“They’re too many!”, Maria shouts.

A clicker runs directly towards you, you wanted to shoot but you don’t have any ammo anymore. He jumps onto you. “Fuck off!”, you yell, grab your knife, and directly stab into the clickers head.

“Y/N! You’re okay?”, Joel asks you worried and helps you standing up. “I’m fine.”, you answer.

You’re not.

“Let’s get out of here!”, Tommy shouts and you all run out, to your horses and ride away.

-

After you’re out of danger, everyone gets off and takes a deep breath.

“Is everyone okay?”, Tommy asks, and everybody looks after each other. You get off the horse, pressing your hand on your arm.

“Guys…”, you mumble quietly. Joel turns around, so do Tommy and Maria. You look them directly into their eyes.

“Oh no…”, Maria realizes and gulps. Tommy doesn’t get a word out of his mouth.

“What?”, Joel is confused and not understanding anything. He doesn’t see it. He doesn’t want to.

You show remove your hand from your arm.

You got bitten.

“What… no…”, Joel stutters and walks towards you. “No!”, he yells and takes your arm to stare at your wound. You start to feel dizzy and sit down, leaning against the tree. Joel kneels to you, taking a bandage and pressing it on your arm.

“Y-You’re going to be fine, don’t worry, darling.”, he stammers. You look at him and a tear runs down your cheek.

“Joel…”, you whisper, but he doesn’t want to hear it. “I’m going to bandage you and then we’re going to Jackson, where you get helped…”. He’s denying it. He can’t see it. He can’t accept it.

“Joel…”, you whisper again. “No, don’t worry, everything’s going to be fi-“.

“Joel!”, you shout, and he got quiet. Now he sees it. You see tears in his eyes. Tommy and Maria do too.

It’s quiet. It’s quiet for a long time.

You’re arm begins to shake. You take your gun and realize it only has one bullet left. You look up to Joel, your eyes meet. He directly knows what you mean.

“No, you’re not going to do that”, he says seriously and rips the gun out of your hand. “Come on, you’re strong, we’re gonna make it to Jackson!”, he tries to deny it again. He wants to lift you up.

“Joel, we cant help her”, Tommy mutters.

“Please Joel, I don’t want to turn in one of these monsters…”, you cry, and you feel you slowly how you lose control over your mind. “Please…”, you lay your hand on his cheek.

“I can’t live without you… Please, I can’t do this…”, he begs while tears are running down his cheek.

“You need to take care of Ellie… People need you…”, you whisper.

“But I need you-… No, I can’t!-“, you grab his hand in which he holds your gun.

“Please Joel.”, you whisper and wipe his tears away. “I love you so much, joel…”, you smile in tears.

Joel pulls you into a hug. A long one. You feel the warmth of his body for the last time, and so does he. He places a kiss on your forehead.

“I love you…”, he stands up and raises the gun at you. His hand begins to shake.

“It’s okay…”, you smile softly while a tear runs down your wet cheek.

He stares at you. He sees your smile for the last time. He takes a deep breath and…

He pulls the trigger.

-----------------------------------------------------

Joels POV

I walk into our house while I feel how my lungs begin to tighten. I can’t get Ellies cry out of my head when she saw me carrying Y/N’s body. I try to breath but everywhere I look, it reminds me of her. I try to walk up the stairs and go to the bathroom, thinking I’m going to throw up. I fall on my knees in front of the toilet. My vision starts to get blurry, but then I suddenly see something on the edge of the bathtub and I remember the morning before we went on the misson.

-----------------------------------------------------

I’m leaned against the doorframe, waiting for her to come down and ready to go. And then she comes down, with a big smile on her face and she just seems so god damn happy out of sudden. “So happy to see me?”, I chuckle confused while raising my eyebrows. She laughs.

How much I love her laugh…

“Well, no, not particularly about that.”, she answers, grabbing after  backpack and walking towards me. “Ouch”, I chuckle, and she places a kiss on my cheek. “I will tell you when we come back.”

-----------------------------------------------------

I grab after it, but I don’t recognize what is it, but when my visions starts to get clearer again, my heart stops.

It’s a positive pregnancy test.

-

One months later

I’m sitting on the edge of the mountain, watching the moon. It was our favorite place.

But the moon doesn’t seem very round, I’m drunk. I drink my whole beer and place it to the side, then I take my gun, looking at it.

I think of her, every fucking second. I see her smile, I hear her laughs, I feel her touch and I feel her presence. But everything is just in my head. She’s gone. If I stayed with her in Jackson, everything wouldn’t have happened. I wouldn’t have lost my love… and my baby.

I place the gun towards me, and my hand begins to shake, again.  

I pull the trigger, but suddenly everything freezes. Like the time has stopped.

“Don’t”, you say and take a sit next to me. I look to my side and you’re there.

“Joel, you’re needed here. You still have a purpose to fulfill here. Think of Ellie. She couldn’t handle losing two of the people she loves.”, I hear your voice saying to me and feel your hand on mine. “We’ll see each other again, but not now. I love you.”

I flinch. The bullet directly passes my ear. I flinched, again. Just like I did when I lost Sarah..

Some years later

“Joel, get up…”, I hear Ellie. “Joel fucking get up!”. I can’t reply.

“Please stop… Please don’t do this!”, she shouts.

“Joel please get up!”, that’s the last thing I hear and then everything goes black.

-

I slowly wake up, feeling grass under me. I slowly get up, confused, but feeling no pain. I look around, I’m in a field and in a distance, I see a house with a sheep ranch. “Hey there, old man.”, you say, and I turn around. You run into my arms, and finally, I feel you again. “I missed you…”, I mumble while taking your face into my hands. “I missed you too…”, you reply and then our lips meet.

“Come…”, you smile at me and take my hand, walking through the field towards the ranch. In the distance I see Sarah, she’s waving me. “Come on dad!”, she shouts from the distance, and I smile.

I stop walking, taking a deep breath and then looking at you.

“I love you.”

#joel miller #joel miller fanfic #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fluff #angst #ff #the last of us #the last of us x reader #ellie the last of us #joel miller x reader #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #the last of us fic #joel miller smut #the last of us joel miller #fyp

[whirlinginroses]

So I headcanon Garte going on to have a family with Sylvie and there’s several lines of his where I was like “yeah this guy has such dad energy”. He’s like a 40 year old man trapped in a 28 year old’s body lmao.

My favourite is definitely the fence bit. The way he goes “a reeeeally big one” and makes a sarcastic comment about the Franconigerian cavalry. So dad coded, I can just see him being like that and looking over his paper like “ffs”.

You disgruntled future old man I wanna give you the world ❤️

#disco elysium #lawrence garte #garte the cafeteria manager #headcanons #mushy nonsense #cute headcanons #disco elysium quotes #does anyone care about this man other than me #it’s okay I’ve got enough brain rot for all of us

[redskull-fanatic]

More Skull Headcanons to provide content yeye

Skull is very used to people looking up to him, physically and mentally. The pressure is on 24/7, all of Hydra bends to his every whim. He’s also 6’5, so majority of people are shorter than him. Due to this, he’s always closed off and controlling. Very, very dominant. Doesn’t care much for people taking that from him. He objects to submissive roles passionately.

He has no socials bc why the fuck would he?? Maybe he has a tech team to check Twitter like LMAOO he DOES NOT care..

Homosexual, very much so!! Maybe on the Aromantic spectrum?? GreyAro?? Romance is incredibly hard for him, as love has never been shown to him. At all. Lust, now that’s understandable. He’s still confused as to why people.. want to fuck him.. Most likely for power—

Skull likes the cold of the mountains, snowy, isolated areas. Hydra has bases everywhere, but Skull frequents the ones located in those cold, mountain areas. He’s canonically always in environments like that, so suppose they’re his favorite!!

Skull sort of never sleeps, but somehow gets enough sleep to function decently.. He never remembers what his schedule is like exactly, but he’s sure he does sleep.. at some point

Skull’s comfort music genre is opera, he can’t get enough of it

I’m unsure wether or not Skull can cook.. anything?.. He never needs to, but he does love the more luxurious type of dishes

He’s more of a documentary fan, it creates a nostalgic feeling within him.. Makes him feel like over 80 years hasn’t passed..

Will fucking kill you in a pillow fight, completely on purpose. The murderous instinct is strong with this one..

Sleeping alone? On his back, like a fuckin narc. Looks like a vampire ffs.. With someone else? On top of them, smothering them, holding them close

Frequently talks to the tesseract for reassurance and comfort, he trusts that artifact with almost everything

Enjoys getting his portrait done, does it most when feeling good about things. Conquered more territory? Beat the shit out of an Avenger? Get a portrait done!

GOD AFFECTION IS,, FUCKING MORTIFYING,, Someone could hurt him. Someone could kill him. Why close your eyes during a kiss?? They could pop a cyanide pill in their mouth and spit it into Skull’s. Why hug? They could stab him in the back. Touch his hand?? Why?? To break it?? Hands off. Skull’s rules.

Want Skull to cry? Bring up his mom.. He will sob uncontrollably about his mom.. Various reasons as to why, he refuses to discuss it..

God he hates the Avengers.. They’re incredibly annoying.. Nosy do-gooders..

Skull takes care of himself solely for functionality. Shower, brush teeth, clean clothes.. Presentation is important, being leader of an empire and a well-known face.. Though, he will do little things for himself. Put on cologne to feel better, or wear a favorite hat of his. Little things.

Skull has a big passion for Mythology. He loves it, adores it. He knows almost everything about it. It’s something he can geek about for hours

He considers a few others.. close. He mainly associates with Arnim Zola, Mother Night, and Viper. They’ve been his advisors for the majority of Hydra’s lifetime. He runs everything through them.

Skull’s a smoker PFFF He likes those huge cigars from the 40s, has his own stash. Old habits die hard.

Perfect vacation? Honestly, in one of Hydra’s nicer bases, able to do nothing but read, dine, and listen to music. That’s all.

Never uses a map, follows his gut instinct. Surprisingly, he hasn’t gotten lost yet

Has seen many strange things, considers M.O.D.O.K. one of the strangest.

Takes advice like a huge pill. It’s very tough to swallow..

Swears.. when deemed necessary. Whenever it feels right. Skull is a man of instinct.

Terrible at cooperation. Just.. He’s very bad at it..

Wakes up on the dot every morning, gets ready immediately, assesses easy paperwork, checks on troops and their morning route, and fetches a bite to eat on his way to morning meetings

MULTIPLE scars, all over his body. He hides them.. as best as he can..

God, truly good, innocent people are utterly repulsive to Skull. They need to be broken. Reality is harsh, they must learn the hard way..

#red skull #marvel #captain america #johann schmidt #marvel comics #the red skull #red skull headcanons #marvel headcanons #headcanons #headcanon #marvel hc #marvel hcs #hcs

[hawkinsschoolcounselor]

This is less of a theory and more of a clarification question but... how old is 001 supposed to be now? In the show's present time I mean. Robin said the Victor Kreel massacre happened about 30 years before El, so that means 001 has to be around 40 when he's acting as an orderly, right? But he doesn't look like it. So, what, does 001 actually have powers to control time??? I'm guessing 001 is like in his late 40's in current St4 timeline, but is that correct?

Also, does this mean we finally know how the Upside Down was created? It was because of El? It's basically a Bonnie Benett thing — Bonnie's powers helped her make a whole new dimension just for her ghost boyfriend (funnily enough, boyfriend's name happens to be Enzo), and here El basically banished 001 to this new dimension she created. Is that why Dr. Brenner was so sure that El could reach that other side, because she created it and already had a link with it? Of course, I'm not sure if he knew about 001, but I'll not be surprised if he did.

Oof. This season was amazing in terms of lore, but now I also want to know WHERE DID 001 GET HIS POWERS FROM lmao. Hopefully st4b answers that.

~ FF

Peter seemed to be about 10 or so in 1959, so he would have been around 30 in 1979. I doubt age is anything of importance to him anymore, but he'd be in his mid to late 30s in current day.

I don't know that we have the answers on the Upside Down, yet. It's possible that this was the first time someone was sent there, but that's all we know. There's still the matter of the Upside Down being frozen in time on November 6, 1983 despite the fact that it's not the first time a Gate was opened. What form did the Upside Down have prior to that? Was it all really just that chaotic void of red energy? Where did the demogorgon come from? What was it eating when El saw it? There's still too many unanswered questions. I'd still like it to be Will's mindscape, but I won't hold my breath on that.

As for where 001 got his powers, well, he seemed to have them naturally. That whole idea is what seemed to start Brenner on his experiments with kids.

#stranger things 4

[stylesunchained]

If we were to believe what Deuxmoi said, then Olivia is really a pathetic excuse of a woman. How are you a 40 year old mother of two waiting for a guy 10 years your senior to decide what to do with you? "He's waiting to see how it all plays out" Lets say that we believe Deuxmoi for a second. What does that mean for her? It means that all this time that she's away is because Harry told her to back off untill he decides if he wants to take her back or not and she takes it. Why the fuck are her worshipers rooting for her to be with him? This is humiliating (if true) Are you, a supposedly bad ass feminist girl boss going to wait in a corner like a dog until Harry decides to throw you a bone to come back? This is probably the most embarrassing thing I've heard the past two years. Every time I think we reach the bottom of the cringe barrel, we get even lower. This is HUMILIATING!! She made this shit herself with her lies but PLEASE at least own up your shit and leave on your own, have at least a little bit of dignity for the sake of your CHILDREN!! They will SEE THIS THINGS ONE DAY FFS OLIVIA!! Some will believe DM some will not but whatever anyones believes she still LET'S these things out. It's SO EMBARRASSING!!!

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

[lemonhemlock]

The thing is if anyone says that Daemon and maybe Criston were possibly subjected to Alys' charms you will immediately be accused of being a misogynist. Just try suggesting that on Twitter or on Reddit, it will be like detonating a bomb in real time. Some will even lose their minds if you even dare to call her a witch. This is why nobody even tries to reason with those people anymore. Book readers who still remember the little that was being discussed online about all of this before the show know you could have a normal debate back then on what may have actually happened in the book with those two by analyzing every scenario the text implies but right now it's impossible to do so due to the fact that antis and crazies who only use the character to project onto her have hijacked this part of the fandom and everything they do is bully people with different opinions. As for Aemond's age, well, firstly I have to say I love how defensive they get when his young age is pointed out, be it 16 in the show which is the maximum he can be given the timeline (I also still believe they meant for him to be at least 18 and messed up, but alas, here we are) or 19 in the book. They'll just say it's two adults falling in love and end of story. This parallel was pointed out in the past by other anons I think but the relationship also reminds me of Nettles and Daemon. She is 16 years old when she first appears in the story (and yes, also an adult by Westerosi standards if I'm not mistaken?), but normally she would still also be way too young for Daemon and the whole affair is very icky, if she's indeed his lover and not his daughter, yet I don't see antis applying the same logic to them, instead they only use the relationship to point out that Daemon is a groomer. Not that it's not true, because it is, but you see the double standards. This teenager/barely adult young man x older adult woman ship? Good. The other one bad.

I myself had an anon at one point that I think was trying to suggest Alys being a witch is made up because of sexism, when I pointed out that this ship isn't viable, as Aemond cannot bring a literal representation of the supernatural with him back into the Red Keep.

I also believe they meant for him to be older, but messed up the maths or didn't realise the clownish implications it would have for future seasons, but, like you, I wish this debate would die already. Yes, Ryan specified the ages of 17-21 for them, but it's physically impossible for Aemond to be older than 16, with the time-jumps they themselves specified in the show - 10 years after ep. 5 and 6 years after Driftmark. I do not care what Ryan or anyone else says in this regard, confess that you don't know how to do basic algebra and just retcon it or whatever, but both cannot be true at the same time. This isn't Dark on Netflix, we're not time-travelling or in parallel universes ffs, Aemond cannot grow older when he has maximum 16 years of linear time to do so.

And even if we go by FB, where he's 19-20 and Alys is "at least 40 years old, that much is known", nobody would be peddling the argument that it's two adults falling in love. By all means, nobody is telling you not to ship it, just to stop insisting on this weird orwellian imposition that everything is fine and dandy between them.

In any case, this is a very complex discussion of power dynamics, as in this very specific case it is muddled enough that it's not entirely evident who abuses whom. On the one hand, Alys can be the manipulative older woman, who also taps into the paranormal and is empowered as a result of that, so not a person to be trifled with. On the other hand, Aemond, while younger, still has a tremendous amount of social, political and military power he can lord over Alys. He is a prince of the realm, he has Vhagar and he has the power to put her entire family to the sword.

Anyway, I expect that in future seasons daemyras and daettles* are going to go hard against alysmonds and throw the age argument right back in their faces. They're going to be warring over this aspect to the moon and back, when it's such a stupid hill to die on. Accept it as the problematic** ship that it is and live your life in peace. Glass houses/candles and all.

*or whatever the ship name is for daemon/nettles

**god, i h8 that word, but nothing better comes to mind rn

#ask #anon #riverdragon #anti alysmond