#hes just there for a second

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

i will never understand why more people in their 80s don't commit felonies. you reach that age and surely there's something illegal you always wanted to do but didn't bc Consequences

dammit, GO FORTH GRANNIES!!! rob an armored car! hold up that bank! tunnel your way into fort knox! what are they gonna do, sentence you to 20 years? good fuckin luck with that

#mine would be a coordinated museum heist utilizing the lifetimes of experience and diverse expertise of my fellow nursing home residents #also there's Karl the orderly. his skill is he drives the shuttle van #technically he shouldn't be enabling us but he thinks it's a good enrichment activity #heck debra hasn't been this excited since her son flew in from australia. #plus Karl figures formulating an elaborate heist is better brain exercise than the puzzle books they keep in the resident lounge #all the sudokus are half finished anyway #update: upon consideration my second choice is just. MASSIVE credit card fraud.

[mumblesplash]

i say if you’re gonna have the mysterious entities speak in rhyme you might as well commit (EDIT: part 2!)

(posting an unprecedented Part 1 of At Least 3 bc i actually have the entire script and most of the storyboarding for this done already)

#yknow. got an idea. had a breakdown. bon appetit #this was the creative impulse i was referring to on sunday #my art #secret life #secret life spoilers #slsmp #grian #geminitay #briefly #trafficblr #also #mostly bc i am proud of it and partly bc i want people to know it’s on purpose: #grian is not trying to rhyme at all in this part. he is being deliberately unhelpful #he lowkey tries to fuck it up on purpose in that second to last panel but the secret keepers just switch rhyme schemes #the one time he completes an end rhyme is because he lost his temper #anyway yeah this was motivated mostly by me wanting to see if i could do it

[zivazivc]

I feel like I have some of the most random headcanons. but I am lowkey obsessed with the fact that John Dory is so much older than Branch that he potentially could have dated their friends'/peers' parents, and/or anything else funny and possibly entertaining that the large age difference entails lmaokskssbcdsbcjdh

edit: part two

#trolls #dreamworks trolls #(I headcanon that JD is 18 years older than Branch) #branch does not compute all that that entails lmao #also the possibility that he could have been getting bullied by his nephew lmao #okay okay i'll stop #my art #trolls branch #trolls poppy #broppy #trolls john dory #john dory #trolls creek #trolls oc #freesia #every one of my troll posts so far has an oc yay yippe :P #brozone #trolls band together #trolls spoilers #i guess #trolls comic #comic #trolls fanart #that second panel branch is so in love and i am so in love with the fact #and then the third panel poppy is so in love and i'm just GYAAAAHHH 🥺🥺🥺

[chloesimaginationthings]

This will be the first scene of FNAF 2 movie…

#myart #chloesimagination #comic #mike schmidt #fnaf vanessa #vanessa afton #vanessa shelly #william afton #fnaf #fnaf movie #fnaf 2 #fnaf 2 movie #fnaf fanart #five nights at freddy's #seeing fnaf 2 movie has been fully confirmed #I’ve been thinking about scenes in the next film again #and I just wonder how that first mike and Vanessa scene will go… #like I would not blame Mike for a second of he did something like this #he has bills to pay and an Abby to feed! #Williams last fuck you truly was dying without paying Mike #like I know he exploded but still #hope you get well soon Vanessa 🩵🩵 now open your purse

[bixels]

I watched Starship Troopers tonight.

#personal #dumb #my art #immediately after finishing i was pumped to watch some analysis vids on it #cuz i heard a lot of the drama about the original author being a pro military fascist and the director going “fuck that” and making a satir #scrolling through youtube search results was not promising. lots of male film buffs i would Not trust even on a first glance. #“The Critical Drinker” (pfp of a bearded man drinking alcohol) lol. #and then I saw cinemawins did a video on it and was like oh nice i haven't seen his stuff in a while but he's a pretty leftist creator #scrolled through the comments #second panel face #this sucks i'm outta here. #just leagues and leagues and leagues of anime pfps and right leaning people dogpiling on him for “not understanding what fascism is” #idk it's pretty alien and weird to me watching this movie and going “wow yeah that was pretty obvious huh” like literally the from opening #to the teacher preaching militance and only giving voting rights to “those who serve their nation first and earn it” #and then seeing droves of people online going #WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? It's not anti-fascist and even if it was it's #the director's fault for desecrating heinlein's incredible sci-fi epic vision. ermm media literacy is dead.

[s-aint-elmo]

part 2 of my pining falin agenda aka I STAND WITH MARCILLE THAT DRESS WAS CUNT

part 1

(ID in alt text)

#dungeon meshi #falin touden #marcille donato #farcille #dungeon meshi spoilers #doodles #mine #in my to-do list that second image is described as 'visions of marcille tarted up dark magician style dancing in falin's mind' #making laios call the dungeon lord dress weird in part one is just compliance to canon characterization HE DOES NOT SPEAK FOR ME #i looove fashion and fashion as characterization so my headcanon is that marcille's epilogue style is a direct consequence of that dress #she realized that there was no escaping the resemblance to her mother bc it is now a proven fact that black brings out her cuntiferocity #also falin is wearing a chemise de la reine bc 1) plumage real estate 2) similar to her canon dresses and 3) booba

[egophiliac]

roll out the red carpet guys we're going to the SHAFTLANDS

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #tapis rouge #i have nothing else right now i'm sorry i just got excited by that vil hairstyle #(and i got REALLY excited for a second because i thought red carpet = movie premiere and i always love it when vil gets to be an ~acteur~) #(but 'luxe couture' makes me think fashion show instead. ah well.) #anyway it's time for the vil hometown event!!!! or...travel event at least? #are we gonna get to meet eric or is it gonna be someone else 👀 👀 👀 #like i would love to see eric but i kind of think it won't be him since he had that little main story cameo #(as portrayed by Generic Man Silhouette with some hair drawn on) #but feel free to prove me wrong twst! show us how much more glorious his hair has gotten in the last ten-ish years

[bigfatbreak]

Birds of a Feather previous / next

#my art #feralnette au #birds of a feather #long tags #sorry I went apeshit in the tags #LETS SAY IT ALL TOGETHER NOW #I - M - A - G - OOOOOOOOO #its fun drawing marinette's back to Alya and having her appear stout and unstoppable and totally logical #and then you see her face and she's like two seconds from completely snapping and is keeping it together by a thread #as a note just because mari feels very certainly abt smth doesnt mean she's right. feelings can be valid and also irrational #in the throes of grief she decided it was better to be alone than to lose someone again so she started pulling away #and lila made pulling away very very very easy to do #shes also vaguely aware she's being unfair in pinning this on alya which is why she started spinning the drain on cockmoth again #legitimately all the shit that's happened to her wouldn't have been so catastrophic if he was never in the picture and she knows it #but the bitterness of her bestie choosing a fantastic liar over her at the worst of times stiiiiiings #alya's personal timing was bad but lila really took advantage of the fact that marinette had been acting off and weird #she basically clocked marinette as being unstable from SOMETHING and made up a lie about her #knowing she wouldn't have the strength to defend herself #between her social life going tachy bc of lila and losing fu in a way that felt like personhood death marinette was really put on the spot #and alya doing her thing of busting in there and assuming her bias is correct was a terrible combo #essentially marinette is highly unstable and alya is just realizing that #busting in and giving her a lecture when she's slightly hysterical and definitely delirious from exhaustion is NOT the way #to show her she's self sabotaging #cuz thats just gonna make her double down on self sabotaging. bc marinette will not accept that she is also a CHIIIIILD

[kavaleyre]

“After 200 years, you can forget how much color there is in the world.”

#my art #astarion #astarion and halsin #halsin #halstarion #<- gift for my lovely friend #Astarion deeply has my heart though #I have caught the BG3 bug BAD #i just want him to be happy #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 fanart #I just can’t stop thinking about how beautiful the world must be to him now that he can see it again #it’s almost like a second chance #at loving the world around him #and halsin could show him so much #also the flower is a white amaryllis #which is supposed to represent new beginnings. #anyway i love them

[lazylittledragon]

please continue with dadstarion if you want to. we lov him

don’t worry i don’t need to be asked

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion #tavstarion #karlach #dadstarion #parents are incapable of noticing that their child looks weird and then there’s astarion #you can tell this is a while post brain because he’s so relaxed that he can’t run 60ft in 6 seconds anymore #i think he deserves to laugh more. and have lots of comfortable loungewear #also i love the person who tagged the karlach wip with ‘lots of love not lots of gentle’ #i feel like she thrives during that stage of baby where they stop being fragile and you can just toss them around

[zosanbrainrot]

this is how I see them

#sanji turned out so good and was just a quick thing so I had to add zoro #but for some reason he was super hard to draw for me this time #anyway this is how I see them #post battle staying up late on the deck drinking themselves silly to the point they forget to pretend to hate each other and just talk #maybe eating some snacks sanji had made #'we really almost died again didnt we' #looking at each other a couple of seconds too long before averting eyes #letting the mind wonder #zosan #zoro #sanji #one piece #my art #roronoa zoro #vinsmoke sanji #ETERNAL PINING HELL #im drawing these while on google meet at work

[wawataka]

they fucking did it again they baby-fied mob bones give me the middle schooler id be terrified to run into at the store back

#i’m not complaining #he’s so… #bawls my eyes out #i looked at my pfp and the post i made and went wait a fucking second #i know the art is technically different but i like to think there was some inspiration #yknow for all the official art that includes ritsu he’s really not in a lot of merchandise unless they’re including like everyone everyone #sorry i just kinda started rambling #mp100

[gutsby]

Diehard

Pairing: dbf!Joel x Reader

Summary: Joel tries Viagra for the very first time.

Warnings: 18+. Unprotected p-in-v. Erectile dysfunction. Daddy kink. Praise kink if you squint. Overstimulation. Cumplay. She/her pussy pronouns. Pushing physical limits with a pre-negotiated safe word in place for it.

Note: No more limp dick erasure. We die like [old] men.

Part of the Waiting Game ‘verse | Word count: 986

Joel just wanted to prove he could fuck like he used to.

He didn’t think he’d almost kill you in the process.

“JOEL!” you screeched, heels digging deep in the mattress as your climax came in seismic waves.

The stimulation was insane. Normally the much-older man would have been down for the count after two—and usually one—big O, but now his chest was heaving, hips relentlessly beating a punishing pace against your own.

Your walls were slick with not only your cum but his, milky ropes of his arousal making for an obscene set of sounds every time his dick slid in and out of your cunt. You could feel his balls tighten and twitch with every forthcoming spurt of him, practically reeling with the pulse of each new sticky gift inside you. His groans rumbled low, but the power and pleasure and outright primal fervor they conveyed were unmistakeable. You had to look down, feebly, to believe it yourself—Joel never fucked his way through your orgasm and his.

Then you felt a palm slide up the back of your head, and Joel held it up to make sure you watched him fuck you.

“J-Joel,” you whimpered, watching his girth disappear and reappear at least a half-dozen times as you did.

“Just a little more, honey,” he murmured against your forehead. The smack of each thrust was dizzying, “Want my pretty girl nice and full’a me before she leaves, okay?”

Joel never could let you head back to college without a few of his loads and a head full of filthy memories—something to hold you over until your next visit home. You would’ve liked to mumble back, ‘Okay,’ but then your pussy clenched around him, and his thrusts grew faster.

“My sweet girl,” he grinned, “She likes that, huh?”

You could scarcely manage a nod. The weight of your head was held fully by him, and if that wasn’t indicative enough of your fucked-out state, your face surely said the rest. When Joel leaned back to adjust the angle of his thrusts, he caught sight of your hooded, glossy stare and almost came all over again. He slowed his pace for once.

Then he dipped a finger between your body and his, just long enough to douse the tip of his digit with cum. He bottomed out inside you, watched you part your lips in a gentle gasp, and pressed his touch to that open space.

It was almost like you didn’t have the strength to suck. You just let him smear the sticky stuff along your lower lip, gaze plastered to his. Then Joel’s cock sank deeper.

“O-ow!” you whined, partly reanimated by the stretch.

“You can take it,” Joel grunted.

The double entendre wasn’t lost on you. You could, and would, take his finger and his cock inside. You suckled dumbly on the cum-drenched fingertip in assent.

But when Joel’s finger popped out of your mouth and his thrusts picked back up, you weren’t entirely convinced you would be able to hold up the second half of that deal.

It wasn’t fair. He took one magic pill, and poof, his dick stayed hard for half the fucking day. You had nothing but your youth and two shaking legs to ensure your survival. When Joel worked his cock back and forth a couple more times and it seemed your body was about ready to scream, you took hold of his biceps and squeezed tight.

“I can’t.”

“Can’t what?”

The tip of his cock nicked a soft ridge inside you, and you jolted back. Joel’s palm was still pressed to your head, holding you to him, and his hips had you pinned as well.

Instead of answering, you whimpered.

You didn’t want him to stop, but you also weren’t sure if you could handle any more. Your eyes met his, pleading.

“Can’t what?” Joel pressed, a little more sternly.

Another whimper. Inside, Joel’s cock was rubbing that pleasure point raw, and you felt another climax coming.

“Use your words.”

“Too— too—”

Each new thrust was sending stars before your eyes. Joel was one sick man if he tried to make you talk while he fucked you past the point of all intelligible speech.

“Too what? Tell me, baby.”

You’d get that fucker back someday. Joel just grinned.

“Too much,” you hissed when his hips delivered another mind-numbing push. Then, feeling pleasure threaten to peak at almost a painful degree, “Toomuchtoomucht—”

Joel continued thrusting, knowing damn well you knew what to say if you really wanted him to stop. As if to underscore this point, he tipped your head back and made you hold his gaze, features creased with a frown.

“That sure don’t sound like the safe word to me.”

It wasn’t. You knew it wasn’t. He didn’t need to tell you twice, or even breathe a second word besides. With one more brush of Joel’s thick, throbbing, implausibly hard cock, he sent you over the edge and into your fourth orgasm of the morning, hitting that spot again and again.

And again.

And again.

Just like before, Joel fucked you through each wave, catching your lips this time to stifle your cries. You might’ve gone blind for a second or two, but that was alright; the pleasure, proximity, and then the sweet, erratic pulse of his cock sending rope after rope of his cum deep inside made the overstimulation worthwhile.

Your body went limp against the bed, held tight in Joel’s grasp, when you felt that sickly sweet dichotomy of soft, tender touches and a cock lodged between your walls that was as hard as it had ever been. Still trying to console you with kisses, still trying to warm you up for another round, perhaps, Joel almost laughed out loud in your mouth when you groaned into his and whispered:

“Please don’t ever take that fucking pill again.”

#SOMETIMES I WRITE THIS MIDDLE-AGED MAN LIKE HE’S 25 AND JUST NEED TO SHUT THE F*CK UP #*brittany broski voice* BE REALISTIC!!!!!!! #BE F*CKING FOR REAL #FOR A SECOND BE FOR REAL #joel miller #joel miller tlou #joel miller smut #joel miller imagine #joel miller one shot #joel miller x reader #joel miller fanfiction #the last of us #tlou #the last of us fic #joel miller x you #dbf!joel miller #dbf!joel

[time-woods]

more of these dorks

#chasing stars au #not technically canon to the au but its just kinda funny #second one goes out to those who said hes got paws #deadly paws 'xcuse you #adventure time #adventure time au #fionna and cake #prismo the wishmaster #Sīdus the Fallen star #scarab the god auditor #the carmine cavalier #prohibitedwish

[fluffyartbl0g]

THEY’RE ALL SO SILLY!1!1!1!!1

Speedrun/Time travel AU masterlist

@nia-rarita thanks for the ask! (Sorry I couldn’t fit both parts of ur amazing ask into this sbs, but I appreciate all the gushing XD)

#one piece #op fanart #monkey d. luffy #time travel au #speedrun au #roronoa zoro #cat burglar nami #usopp #sanji #east blue crew #i drew this entire comic so i could draw zoro getting knighting by luffy XD #i think katakuri had such a strong impression of luffy in the first timeline that he still trusts him in the second one #even tho he doesnt remember anything #i think pudding prolly fills him in a bit #omfg its so late and a one piece chapter just released!!! ahhh time to read ch 1090 (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ*

[ubepan]

chilchuck gap moe this ep btw. he looked up at laios with big googoo eyes i Had to pause the ep. a middle-aged grown ass man wht are u doing looking at another man like he has the world in his eyes. you are divorced with three kids dude

i think im unwell

#chilchuck #this was just my stream of consciousness during those 3 seconds mb #dungeon meshi #i debated on calling it gap or not because Hes Him. but it is infact gap #anime onlys rn thinking this might jus be standard behavior for the youngest in the team. he is pushing 37