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loveswrites · 9 months

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Rainy Road Part 2

Rainy Road Part 2 Poly Cullens x Reader

Time it took me: A while can't even lie

Word count: 1501

To anon: There will be a part 3 ofc my loves

Love <3

Cold. Cold was all you felt. It had been 3 months since The Cullens left. From that night on forward you felt like time was paused for you but was still going on for everyone else. The seasons change and the leaves fall. All you can see is that rainy road from that night. Bella was no different. When your mates left, so did hers. You never thought Alice would do something like that to Bella. But then again you never thought any of the Cullens would do something like that to you. Everything went against your better judgment.

Charlie has tried to get you and Bella to go out more, talk more, eat more. The eating part was more so pointed towards you. When you woke up from that night you felt fine until all your memories came rushing back. When you did you woke up in a hospital. You had hoped and prayed that the doctor that would walk through that door was Carilse. But he never came. He never showed. That broke you more than having a broken arm ever could. You didn’t know what to do. Carilse was only ever concerned about your health. Being the amazing doctor he is. And his love for you only amplified his push for you to stay healthy.

So you did the only thing you could do.

You went on a hunger strike. For two weeks straight you wouldn’t eat anything other than the spoonful of food Charlie would practically shove down your throat. He would beg and plead for you to eat something. He didn’t care what it was. You thought starving yourself would bring him back. Would bring them back. It didn’t. No sign of them was ever found. That hurt you more. They really didn’t care. Everything they said was true. Those months you spent loving them, understanding them, caring for them. Meant nothing to them.

You couldn’t sleep most nights, and when you did they were full of nightmares. The hateful words they said to you that night rang through your head. The voices were so loud you’d wake up screaming in terror. This was hard for Charlie. If it wasn't Bellas screams waking up the whole house it was you. No one had gotten a good night's rest since that night and it was really showing. Charlie would get caught falling asleep on the job whenever he was at work, He'd fall asleep mid dinner, etc. That made you feel bad. You couldn't hide your pain even if you tried. You couldn't like and say you were fine. Your eyes tell a thousand truths.. That's something you always told Edward whenever you caught him being closed off.

You could always read him like a book. Not that night though.

It was late or early in the morning you should say. You wouldn't know you didn't go to sleep last night. You couldn't. You watched the sunrise as much as it could behind the gloomy clouds. The sound of rain hitting your bedroom window brung tears to your eyes. That sound only reminded you what happened that night. But it also let you know that what happened was real. Not just a traumatic nightmare or dream.

It was the weekend so you were free to do whatever you wanted. Yay, you thought dryly to yourself. A knock coming from your bedroom door brung you out of your thoughts. As it opened Charlie peeked his head in.

"You alright in here?" He asked.

You shrugged your shoulders in response. You've never been so not alright in your life. Everyone knew that.

"How'd you sleep? I didn't hear anything last night.." Charlie said walking into your room.

"I didn't sleep." Your voice reeked of never ending tears. You felt like an overflowing river. Or more so you felt that you were drowning in that river.

"Oh.." He said. And even looking out the window you knew he was scratching the back of his head.

"Your mom called." He stated.

"Okay." You said plainly as your voice cracked.

"She wants you and Bella to come visit her for a while in-"

"No thanks." You cut him off sitting up to face him but not before wiping the tears off your face.

"You're not well. You're worse than Bella. You're going. You haven't left your room since I don't even remember when. You're worrying me." Charlie stressed out.

"I- that would make me worse." You said trying to think of something to say other than just kill me.

"You need to go out, have fun like you used to. Seth called his worried about you too he says you guys haven't talked in months. Why don't you hang out with him?" Charlie suggested.

"Sure." That was the last thing you wanted to do.

"Great! I'll tell him you're on your way over." Charlie said before he made his way out of your room. When you heard your door close you sat up.

You were irritated by the events of this whole thing. You didn’t want to go see Seth. You didn’t want to go see anybody. You barely even wanted to look at yourself. You don’t even remember the last time you looked at yourself. The last time you saw Seth was that night.

Everyone told you that Seth was the one who found you that night, you wished he didn’t. You had wished he left you in the middle of that road to die like the family who swerved to avoid hitting you did. No one would let you go see the family or try to go say sorry. You were hysterical. You couldn’t even form a simple sentence to the doctor when they would ask you “Where does it hurt the most?” And all you could do was point to your heart and gasp for air.

After 10 minutes of laying there in your bed contemplating if this life was really truly worth living you got out of your bed. Walking in the hallway you were faced with Bella who looked as horrible as you felt. She was dressed and she had her bag over her shoulder.

“Where are you going?” You asked. You don’t hear her leave her room unless Charlie calls you both down for breakfast and dinner.

“Charlie.” Bella said and that was all it took for you to know that he gave you both the ultimatum. Either get better here or go home with mom.

“Who he'd make you go see.” You were kinda curious.

“Anyone really, I chose Jessica though.” She spoke softly.

“What about you?” She questioned back.

“Seth.” You both shared a look and both shook your head and parted ways.

The front door closed the same time you closed the bathroom door.

Looking in the mirror for the first time in a long time you couldn’t help but look back and see yourself as a widow. You were never married to your mates but in some way it felt like that was an unspoken marriage to begin with. Sighing you spent a long, much needed hour in the bathroom. And when you walked out you felt like a new woman with a shiny broken heart. You got dressed and after another hour you were off to Seths.

As you drove the car Carlisle bought you for your birthday you fought yourself to not get lost in your own thoughts. Why didn’t he take the car? They took Bella’s radio but not my car? Maybe that would be something too big to not notice being gone? Before you knew it you were at Seth’s place. No matter how slow you drove you got here too fast in your head. You couldn’t express how much you didn’t want to be here but here you were. Letting out another breath you got out of the car and before you slammed your door shut the door to the cabin opened.

Turning around you saw Seth walking out with a smile on his face. Giving him a soft smile you closed your car door and walked up to him closing the distance.

“Hey.” He said smiling.

“Hi Seth.” You said softly.

“I missed you.” He said pulling you in for a hug. You tensed at the physical affection. He always hugged you when you saw each other. But it seemed all too much today. You found yourself holding back your tears immediately when you hugged him back. He wasn’t who you wanted to hold, to touch..

Pulling away after a while you sneezed and quickly wiped your eyes.

“So what do you wanna do?” you asked.

“We can watch some movies and order food if you want?” He said.

“Sure I guess that would be fine.” You replied softly. Seth smiled and you both started walking towards the cabin. Your social battery was already on hell. You had no clue how you were going to get through this.

#loveswrites #reader insert #x reader #cullen poly #poly twilight #cullen romance #twilight #seth x reader

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theanimeoftheblackbunnymask · 1 year

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What type of yandere do you think jouno and tecchou are?

I can answer this!

Masterlist (Request are open)

Saigiku Jouno (Yandere Idea)

Jouno is a cold hearted yandere, I feel like he's a yandere in canon too.

You wouldn't expect him to be as dangerous as he actually is due to his facade. He shows himself as calm and composed, when that may be true to some degree, it's not 100%.

Would be kidnap you? Maybe, it depends. He's a hunting dog, the strongest one in his mind, he knows he can protect even when you're not tied to a bed in his house, but it's just a precaution.

Jouno is blunt, he will purposely be mean to you and be very honest about stuff he doesn't like about you. Talents, emotions, anything. Jouno is the kind of yandere to break you down into nothing purely for his own entertainment and for a power trip.

He's extremely possessive. He will literally whisper on your ear all the things he'll do to you, ranging from sexual to down right disturbing, all because you were talking to Techou for a bit too long. He doesn't get why you want to talk to that useless waste of space, and he's very open about that fact.

Punishments from him are brutal. Whenever you fuck up or you're caught doing something you weren't supposed do he'll look at you like this.

You're left shaking and crying, covering his your own blood, bruises, cuts, everything. He'll leave you gagged, tied and naked on the basement, him smiling at your cries. Jouno loves your pain. The race of your heartbeat, the sense of fear he feels, your screams and begs, it all gives him a rush. Jouno however doesn't get carried away too often, so he knows when to stop so you don't die. He'll leave you down there for days, and when he sees you again you backing yourself into a corner while he kneeling Infront of you with that fucking smile on his face, asking you if you were done with you little rebellion.

He degrades the shit out of you, it's even worse if your a hunting dog. He'll moan and groan about how weak, pathetic and untalented you are, and how he's surprised you hold any use to them. Does he mean this? Most likely, whole heartly. Him degrading you turns him on, along with your tears. Sometimes he wishes he could see your face, just so he can see your tears, he bets it'll be adorable.

Jouno got no time or room for your disobedience. He doesn't like broken darlings however, he'll get rid of you due to you not being entertaining anymore. He wants a pretty strong willed, slightly disobedient darling, just so he has the excuse to pretty much torture you.

Despite this however, he loves you, well, more like he's obsessed with you.

Oh yeah. Hiding isn't a thing with him. You can lock yourself in a room to just avoid him, but he'll just appear Infront of you.

The thing is too, he acts like nothing happened after he punishes you.

Day to day life with him is full of fear, you can't read him. You're scared you'll mess up, what if he pins you to the floor and slowly breaks every bone in your arm again. He traumatizes you to such a degree that you can't even escape, mainly due to him being a hunting dog, but also because he's conditioned you with so much fear that if you got the chance to beg someone for help, you wouldn't take it.

Tetchou Suehiro (Yandere Idea)

Techou is definitely one of the better yanderes out of all the yanderes in BSD.

He'll never put his hands on you, never. He doesn't like torture and he's not sadistic like Jouno. I feel like his punishments consist of being locked in your room with no food for a few days.

Techou would be pretty protective and he would do anything to make you happy. You want to go to mall sure? Sure, he'll buy you anything. Local cafe? Yes. Want to wear his clothes? Cute...

I feel like Techou would threaten you, but they're all empty. Techou wouldn't do anything to hurt you on purpose. If he gets mad and accidentally hits you, he's hugging you and crying for you to forgive him and that he didn't mean to.

Techou is pretty serious and he wants to have this relationship go well. He can go hours just staring at you.

I feel like you could have an actual good relationship with Techou if you ignore some of his red flags.

Techou would do anything for you. And he means it whole heartly.

A mad Techou however is a dangerous one.

I feel like he's way more on guard and lack some self control. So it you two were fighting he woke hit you and like pin you to the couch while staring at you with coldness and rage in his eyes before he realizes what's going on.

#yandere bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs x reader #yandere bsd #yandere bsd x reader #bsd x reader #bsd x you #bsd x y/n #bungou stray dogs x you #bungou stray dogs x reader #jouno x reader #jouno x you #jouno x y/n #yandere jouno bsd #yandere jouno x reader #yandere jouno #tetchou x reader #yandere tetcho #bsd tetchou #Tetcho x reader

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zeta-in-de-walls · 1 year

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Okay so Tommy's character has become addicted to invisibility potions because he's afraid of being in the spotlight.

... This is the complete opposite of Tommy's character from the start of the SMP. Tommy's character at the start of the SMP was absolutely hungry for attention. He feared being ignored and overlooked and that's part of why people found him annoying and why he was sometimes troublesome. He really wanted to be seen.

And now we've reached the point where he's afraid of attention. He fears being seen now because in his experience it brings pain. This is not a natural progression of character. This is a character who has been through traumatic experiences which has broken them in some way. Tommy should not be shy and reclusive. This is a Tommy who is full of fear and cannot be himself.

Now, Tommy's character has had suicidal thoughts in the past. We know he's contemplated his own death, usually in times where he's felt lonely and unloved. However, he also fears death very much. He is very much afraid of dying.

Being invisible is safe. No one can hurt you because they can't find you. Being invisible is also incredibly isolating because no can see you. And Tommy especially has always been a very relationship oriented character.

So it seems he's stuck a balance and found himself an unhappy status quo where he's not truly dead and yet not truly living either.

#tommyinnit #meta #analysis #dream smp #why am i writing meta about a stream I'm yet to see #tw suicidal thoughts

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mykinkyyandere · 2 years

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what if five severely punished darling for something they didn’t do (to the point where darling is very traumatized) and then finds out what actually happened?

Traumatized Mannequin

AO3

Pairings: Yandere/Dark! Daddy! Five Hargreeves X Traumatized! Are Regressed! f!Reader

Warnings: Yandere, dark, overly traumatized/ drugged/ numb/ kidnapped/ isolated/ living doll/ (forced) age regressed reader, obsessive/ possessive/ delusional behaviours, past abuse, dub-con touching, bottle-feeding, daddy kink, grown-up Five

A/N: It was supposed to be a short answer but it became long enough to be headcanons so i made it a little longer & detailed.

Your trauma breaks you and he can't fix you back. Just like a mannequin, you remain unresponsive while he's taking care of you. You can't speak or resist. You either just stare blankly or you cry. He knows what he did to you and it traumatizes him too. He was supposed to protect you from all harm, but he did you the most harm. He feels like a monster, he hates himself. But his way of dealing with his terrible mistake makes him feel better: Treating you like a sensitive mannequin.

So now everything's very different for both of you. No more rules or punishments. You're now a living being that needs to be protected more than a human being. Like a poor little pet. It was already like this before, but not completely. You weren't this broken back then.

The way he talks to you, the way he treats you, it's all like he's communicating with a timid creature rather than a human. It's like you're having a hard time understanding him and your first instinct is to shut yourself up because of your trust issue. He talks to you so softly and constantly reminds you that he's not going to hurt you because you often forget that and cry in fear. Sometimes you keep crying so hard and he tries to calm you down in his arms, sometimes you just keep quiet and he pats your head. There is a deep sadness in his eyes as he looks at you.

He tries to spend all his time with you, and if he can't, he gives you sleeping pills. He's with you every moment you're awake and takes care of you as if you need full attention, as if you would die if you were alone. He never deprives you of his care and compassion. He never lets you remember loneliness and experience it more. He's never been this delusional. He will never forgive himself for what he did to a poor vulnerable girl like you.

He kisses your head, says he loves you and hugs you. He lays you down, reads you a bedtime story and makes you sleep on his chest. He swears to hide his cruel side from you forever. You can play with your toys and watch as many cartoons as you want. He'll buy you a room full of nice gifts. He'll even play with you as much as you want. Just don't freeze. Please move the doll in your hand, please react to what you are watching. Say something like you used to.

He adds medicine to your milk so that you don't get scared or cry more because you became very sensitive to sudden movements and noises. He takes you in his lap every afternoon and makes you drink all the bottle before you take a nap. He gently wipes the tears from your cheeks with his thumb and whispers everything is okay.

He got what he always wanted, now you're completely his. But he didn't want it to be this way. It hurts him so much to see you like this, so he takes your pain away with drugs while he takes his own pain away with alcohol. He had never been this drunk before. His only consolation is to hug you while you sleep. To smell your hair and apologize to you over and over. Every night.

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romana-after-dark · 8 months

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The Wrong Way (Dark Ending): Going Under, Part 2

Raider!Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Raider!Tommy Miller x Fem!Reader

Spotify Playlist

Summery: After you give birth to Ellie in the cabin, Joel fins you and Tommy, besting Tommy in a fight. What happens to you? What happens to Ellie, Tommy, Lorenzo and the rest of the family Little One has acquired? How does Little One learn to cope with her new reality? Does she fall into the darkness that surrounds Joel and all he touches? Can Joel really change for you and your daughter?

WARNINGS FOR FULL FIC, NOT CHAPTER BY CHAPTER UNLESS SOMETHING NEW IS ADDED AFTER MASTER WARNING LIST: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT!!!! Fic contains graphic depictions of sexual assault, rape, molestation, dubcon/non con. MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH WARNING, graphic violence, murder, manipulation, the horrors, Joel being Joel, Tommy being kinda pathetic, Joel's weird sexual fantasies, breeding kink, abuse of power. Just.... all the bad.

Extra on the executions. Suicidal ideation. Sorry, I should've put tjat in the warnings first chapter but I just came up, so this is your warning now. Im tryingto think of all the hardest stuff that happens now so I can warn ahead of time but sometimes it just happens while writing you know? Things come up. Dont say i didnt want you with major character death

a/n who watched Avatar TLA growing up? There a reference to it at the very end.... that episode traumatized me

*******************

It had been four days before Joel came and got you. The room was cold from the cool outside air; it was far from freezing, only a crisp Wyoming early fall so far. This had proven a benefit, despite the way you shivered under tattered blankets, as it aired out the bucket of piss and shit that was your toilet.

Ellie had to be dead by now. Infants need to be fed regularly, every 2-3 hours according to Maura… your breasts hurt, they hurt so fucking bad sometimes you cried from just that… but it wasn’t a hard leap from your depressed mindset. The pain was aching and you had to squeeze the milk out of your engorged breasts just to have a little relief. Your vagina hurt, too. Luckily you had stopped bleeding, although you wished you’d just bleed out already. Everything was pain and your dreams in the few moments you were sleeping were filled with nightmares.

You weren’t sure what you were living for. You laid on the mattress hour after hour, staring at the broken glass from your fit, thinking you could easily kill yourself… The only thing that stopped you was the effort it would require. Dazed, almost… that was the best way to describe it, all the hours blurring together

Honestly, you hadn't expected Joel to return at all. You figured he killed Ellie or just let her starve, killed Tommy and would just let you waste away in this god forsaken room, the room where so much happened.

Tommy taking your virginity after you begged him, playing go fish for hours.

Joel raping you, loving you, cuddling you.

Nick.

When he walked into the room, you didn’t even look up. You didn’t have the energy anymore. When his strong arms scooped you up, leading you out of the piss-smelling room, you instinctively wrapped your arms and legs around him like before… it had been habit at this point, after a year of doing this and you were no stranger to your body betraying you.

Joel, in turn, held you close. “Just look what you’ve done, hermosa… but it’s okay, we can fix it.”

“No” you whine, head in the crook of his neck. Why was his smell comforting after all that had happened? “We can’t fix this.” Your baby is gone, after all you did to try and save her.

“Yes, yes we can, you just gotta be good.” Of course Joel thought this was fixable. Ellie was only ever his replacement for Sarah, so she was replaceable herself. Joel would put a baby in you again and if it was a boy? Another one. And another, and another until you died, then he’d move onto the next vulnerable young girl.

Joel took you outside. When you saw the raiders all surrounding the yard, a yard that had previously been your comfort, a place you imagined your baby playing, you figured this is where he killed you. You were ready.

“Watch her” And he went into the house. The sunshine and fresh air felt nice, you had to admit. When he returned, he carried a little bundle; the baby blanket Mrs. Munoz knitted, with Ellie’s little face barely peeking out.

“ELLIE!” Joy and sunshine filled your heart again, and suddenly nothing else matter than the fact your daughter lived. Ecstatic, you dash towards her as all the pain of earlier seeming long gone in your desperate need for her, but Joel wouldn’t let you have it just yet. He moved her out from his firm grasp, still holding her but seemingly threatening to drop her. “JOEL NO!”

“She’s safe, little one, don’t you worry… as long as you behave.” He went back to rocking her, a soft expression as he looked at his daughter.

“H-how is she alive? She didn’t feed, I thought- I thought she was dead!”

“You really think I’d let my daughter starve?” His voice was condescending, a slight scoff at the end. “C’mon now, you can’t be that stupid. I know there's not a lot going on in that bimbo housewife brain of yours but I thought you had a little more faith in you than this.” He was… he was laughing at you. All the things he did to you, all the things he’s said… why did this hurt so bad? Joel never called you stupid before… and didn’t he… he threatened to hurt her just a moment ago, didn’t he? Or did he? Maybe you were reading into it too much…

“I’m not… I’m not stupid.” Defensively, you spoke but your eyes remained on your daughter.

“Oh, of course not, sweet girl, of course not.” Was he making fun of you? Why were the other men chuckling? “But I had a plan incase you couldn’t produce milk. I’ve got a freezer full of breast milk from other women, and even some formula. It’s expired but, it’ll do in a pinch.”

As relieved as you were about Ellie living, guilt punched at you. “You… Joel, you took milk away from hungry babies?”

Joel rolled his eyes. “No, of course not. Mrs. Little Feather was producing an abundance so I paid her well for a stash, just in case. I’ll always protect my family” He turned to one of the men and nodded.

Tommy was pushed out the house, hands bound behind him and he was shoved to the ground.

“TOMMY!” But you didn’t dare move, not when Joel had Ellie.

“Honey, fuck, I’m sorry, I-” He was cut off by Joel kicking him in the stomach. Tommy’s left hand was bandaged up from the stabbing.

But Tommy’s reveal wasn’t even the worst. Out of the house came Zach and Lorenzo, bound and gagged, quickly followed by the biggest shock yet. June. It had been a whole year since you’d seen her, never even saying goodbye when you were ripped away from your family. The four of them knelt on the ground, hands tied behind their backs, Lorenzo and Zach at one end of the yard, Tommy and June behind them. Joel shoved you towards Zach and Lorenzo, the guards taking off their mouth gags.

Zach yelled your name. “Run!” But Lorenzo knew better. Lorenzo knew there was no running from Joel, and there was no leaving Ellie behind. You stumble towards them, taking them in your arms. Joel was going to kill them.

“I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry…” You sob, knowing this was because of you.

“Sweetheart.” Lorenzo’s voice called to you, oddly calm given the circumstances. “Sweetheart, look at me.” He waited until you looked him, Lorenzo’s large, brown, droopy eyes calming you the way they always did. “It’s okay. Zach and I… we’ve already made peace with this. It’s gonna be okay.”

“No it’s not!” You protest. “He’s gonna kill you both we will have NOTHING!”

Zach. “You’ll have Dolli.” You look to your big brother. “And I know it’s hard, and I know it’s shit right now, honey it’s shit, but you can’t leave her with Joel, okay? So you gotta do this. Think of mom, think of all she did so we could survive.”

A fresh bout of tears. You sniffle, smelling the grass and the dirt and the filth surrounding you. “But I can’t.” You sob violently. You can’t do this without help, you never could.

“You can-”

“I’m not strong!”

Lorenzo. “You’ve already been strong, always. You survived a lifetime of hell and you put up a hell of a fight, again and again. You’re gonna raise Dolly to be strong like you, okay?”

Ellie. Ellie needed you. Nothing else mattered but her. “Her name… her name Ellie. Joel chose Dolly, I chose Ellie June.”

Zach smiled. “Ellie June. I love it.”

“Your goddaughter, Zach.”

He nodded. “I’ll keep an eye on her, I promise. We both will.”

Joel steps up, still holding Ellie close to his chest with his left hand. “Alright, ‘nuff talk’n”

“No, Joel, please!” You desperately cling to your brothers, a feeble attempt to save their lives when you feel yourself being picked up by familiar arms; Tommy wrapped a strong arm around your middle pulling you away. “TOMMY LET ME GO!”

Kicking, screaming, fighting, you try to pull off him but your legs dangle, treading air.

“Joel.” Tommy called to his brother. “Dolly’s ears.” He referenced the baby in his arms as Joel pulled out the gun.

“There’s a silencer.”

Horror and anguish as you cry for your family, Lorenzo and Zach both mouthing that they loved you although you couldn’t hear a sound anymore, except the sharp eeeeee and muffled voices. The panic had set it.

Lorenzo and Zach come closer together, their bound up finger intertwining together. Joel strides up the the couple, covers Ellie’s ears with his hand and chest and-

BANG! BANG!

Zach and Lorenzo’s bodies felt limp to the ground, and you didn’t have it in you to scream any more. You went into shock, freezing up and zoning out, only barely aware of Joel comforting Ellie as she cried; no doubt startled from the shooting and commotion.

Joel spoke to his men, but you weren’t sure what he said… the only thing in your sights was your dead family and he thought that June and Tommy were probably next…wait, when was Tommy untied?

Joel hand grabbed your face and you heard a faint ‘Joel, stop’ but he didn’t. It was the middle of the sentence before you started to understand again. “-are both dead now. Jack is dead, Maura is dead. But her,” He pointed his gun at June, stepping towards her. “She’s alive. Zach tried to take her, thinking it’d save her. Look what good that did huh?”

You couldn’t speak, but Tommy did. “C’mon, man, she’s got nothing to do with this, don’t kill her.”

“Well Thomas, I’m glad you care so much, that’ll make the next part easier.”

“What are you-”

Joel ignored him. “Set her down.” Tommy did. You wobbled a bit but got to your feet, trying to concentrate on behaving… Zach was right, you needed to do this for Ellie. He walked back to you. “See how easily he listens to me? Like a guard dog. Tommy always was good at following orders.” He looked too Tommy again. “Take three steps back.” Tommy did. “Spin around” Tommy rolled his eyes, but did. “Shake you butt”

“Joel-”

“Do it Tommy”

Tommy did, looking humiliated in the process he wiggled his hips.

“Oh come ooooon” Joel laughs. “Put on a show”

“This is humiliating”

“THAT’S THE POINT!”

You wince at the outburst, wanting to hold Ellie so painfully bad… her little nose was getting runny from the cold, even with a little hat on.

Joel raised the gun to Ellie, and Tommy immidietly complied, shouting at him to knock it off. Jaw set tight, Tommy bent over and stuck out his butt, shaking it to the chuckles of the other men. Tommy fucking Miller, Joel’s previous right hand man. Feared leader, reduced to this indignity… You looked over to June, still bound and gagged and on her knees, looking utterly confused.

“Good job, Tommy” Joel turned back to you. “See how easy it was for Tommy to listen to me? Always been like that, following me around like a lost puppy, desperate for my approval… you know why I untied his hands, little one?” He didn’t wait for your answer. “Because I need you to know he watched. He watched me kill your brother and Lorenzo, he held you back while he watch. He watched me take you, he watched me fuck you on the table, he watched me brand you, and if he had been here last week he would’ve watched as I hung you.”

The whimper from your mouth at the memory is pathetic, but you keep your mouth shut as your eyes cry.

Joel perked up. It was like a shift, that dramatic change in his personalities that was so hard to keep up with. “So here’s my vision! It’s gonna take a while until we can all trust each other but I want us to all be a family.” He nudged his gun, and one of the men moved to June. Joel must have planned this all out, orchestrated it… He gave the gun to his man, and yanked down June’s gag. It was clear she had been crying heavily, but would not give Joel the dignity of begging for her life. June was strong like that. Sweet, kindhearted; a soft person who was undeniably stubborn. “Beautiful thing, aren’t you. Gonna make such a pretty wife.”

June was too proud to beg, but you’d been long suffering indigities. You had no pride left. “No, no, no, no, no JOEL! Don’t do this, I’ll be good, I promise!”

“Relax, bebita.” He laughed at you. “She’s not for me. You’re the only one for me, you know that right? You gave me my daughter back, you’ll always be my wife, no matter what.”

You were more confused than ever; a cooling breeze rustled your skirt, making you realize just how damn sweaty you’d gotten during all this. “Then what-”

Joel took the collar of June’s shirt, dragging her towards Tommy and throwing her at him as she squeaked in shock. Although he caught her, diving towards her falling body and preventing it from hitting the ground Tommy looked as confused as you did.

“I don’t want-”

“She’s your wife now”

“JOEL!” He held her and June clung to him. “This is insane, I don’t want a wife!”

Uninterested, Joel shrugged him off. “Fuck her, don’t, I don’t really care.” Joel strode towards you again but stopped to look over his shoulder at Tommy. “But knowing you, you probably will. Just a matter of whether you hold her down or not.”

Tommy, for all his weaknesses and flaws… you knew he was not that type of man.

“You and June will live in your old room. She can’t leave the room unsupervised until I say so” He turned to you. “Same with you, little one. But Tommy’s gonna watch you both. Know why?”

Finally, fucking finally, Joel handed you your daughter and you scooped her up, sobbing. “Hey baby, hi. Mommy’s here, yeah, mommy’s here now, it’s okay”

The sun was beginning to set, the shadows of the trees casting long over your dead family. “Because I’m choosing to spare his life, He owes me. And if we can all get along, no more run’n, no more fighting, no more ‘Joel stop!’” he mocked. “Then the 5 of us and whatever other children we’re blessed with can all live together as one big happy family.”

Joel sat you between his legs like you always used to after a bath, Ellie in both your arms as he nursed. “Knew you’d fuck up that room, little one. My brave girl. Always so strong, so resilient. You wanted to get to Dolly, didn’t you?”

“Yes” it was the truth, at least. You couldn’t help but feel comfort in Joel’s arms even now… what was wrong with you? Why were you like this? How had he broken you down this badly? “Just… just wanted to be with her…”

“I understand. She’s perfect, isn’t she?”

“Absolutely perfect” and she was, Ellie was everything.

A knock on the door; Joel beckoned them in.

“Watch your fucking eyes.” He snapped at his man bringing you food and water, despite this very man having been there when you were raped in the kitchen… a little breastfeeding wouldn’t had much to the fantasies.

When Ellie was done, fallen quickly asleep, Joel took her and laid her in her crib before doing what you knew was only inevitable.

He laid down beside you, handings trailing you body, muttering about much he missed you, how much he missed your body. “My perfect girl…” In gentle whispers, he spoke praises into your mouth between kisses, hand trailing between your legs. You hated your body for responding to him, you hated the way he made you feel so good and you hated how you would kiss him hours after murdering your brother and friend… But Ellie. Ellie is what mattered. Ellie needed to be safe, she needed her mom, and she needed no more of her family dead. So, you kissed Joel. You kissed Joel the way you had kissed Tommy only earlier this week as he swore to you he’d be the father of the child in that crib. Your life with Tommy crumbled down before you, as did any chance of happiness.

“Joel, I haven't bathed in days…”

“Don’t care, need you”

“Joel it huuurts” You begin to cry, despite knowing that only ever has turned him on more. “Please?” 4 days was not a lot of time to heal, the tearing still evident in you.

Pulling away, Joel looks at you, cupping your face with large, calloused hands. “We need to work together on this, little one. Give a little, get a little. For Dolly.”

Damn him. Damn him and the way he made your stomach burn, damn him and the way his touch felt so good and how you wanted to just be a happy family with him even now… And damn him for knowing how to use Ellie to manipulate you.

“Can we… can we do anal?”

The surprise was evident on his face, bed creaking as he sat up. “You’d prefer to take it in your ass instead of your pussy?”

As you gaze up at him, the concern on his face was clear… oh how he confused you. “I think it would hurt less.”

His features softened as you spoke, laying back down beside you to kiss your neck. “Just focus on my hand right now, sweet girl.” And you did. You did because you were a mess, you were disgusting, you were heartbroken and sad and lonely and you wanted Tommy but you had Joel and he had treated you well didn’t he? Maybe this was survivable… maybe. But you had to please him, and Joel always made you cum. Your pleasure turned him on… so you allowed yourself to sink into the swirling touch of Joel Miller’s fingers.

His touch was gentle but pressing and urgent; patience yet needy, as if making you cum would rebuild the bubble that he had built all those months… and it just might. Your cunt feel empty when it pulses around nothing but you are thankful you are able to get this wet, to orgasm still… The natural lubrication will help with taking his dick up your ass. When the climax was over, you took the chance to relax… it would hurt less if you relaxed.

“Roll over” He ordered, and you did as you were told before Joels straddled your thighs, hands rubbing up and down your mostly-clothes body. “Such a pretty girl… such a perfect girl, and all mine… I don’t care that Tommy fucked this sweet little pussy” Joel reached down to rub your swollen lips. “I don’t care. Once you’re healed up, I’m gonna cum inside you every goddamn day until you give me another baby, gonna fuck a baseball team into you.”

Of course he is. Of course. You wouldn’t expect nothing else from him; he wanted to keep you trapped with him forever… All the love you felt for Ellie was going to multiply tenfold, and you could never, ever leave with that many.

As Joel lined his cock up, swiping it up and down your asscrack and the crease of your thighs, you burry your face in the pillow. Joel wasn’t going to prep you at all, was he? He was going to just fuck you, rip you open and punish you-

“Oh little one… you’ve had a long day, haven't you? Yeah… You’ve been good, I’ll meet you halfway” Joel slid his cock between your plump thighs.

You lift your head off the pillow. “What? What are you doing?”

He began to pump, fucking your thighs and making the bed creak enough you made a mental note to ask Jack to oil it- fuck, Jack was dead, dead because he saw you trying to escape and took you back to Lorenzo. Dead because he went to get Zach to save his life… All of them ended up dead anyway. Jack, Maura, Lorenzo, and my dear brother who had only ever tried to help you. Now June was essentially Tommy’s wife just as you were Joel’s and although you trusted Tommy not to hurt her, she was in a house full of raiders… and Joel.

“Let it out, baby, let it out.” Joel cooed as he thrusted between your legss; one or twice he spit down between them to keep the lubrication going but it wasn’t long before he pulled out, jerking himself as he painted a picture of his cum on your ass and thighs. “Beautiful girl… beautiful.” The cum was like lotion as he rubbed it along you, rubbing your aching muscles… Did he love you? Truly?

When Joel leaves to boil water for the bath, you go to pick up Ellie. You needed her, needed her painfully. You wanted to make up for lost time in those four days she was gone, and away from you; she needed skin to skin, she needed love, she needed her mama’s voice… she needed you.

Joel could hear you from outside the door, peaking through the crack to watch you cuddle his daughter… you were a good mom. You loved Sarah like he did, you cared for her, you wanted the best for her. You just needed to learn, that’s all. Learn that Joel was the only man that mattered, learn that giving Sarah a family with siblings and two loving parents was more important than your own personal feelings. You simple needed to learn that Joel knew what’s best. He’d take care of you, take care of you like he always did; protecting you. He wouldn’t make the mistakes he made with Nick, Tommy, Lorenzo, Jack… Tommy would watch you while he was gone, but he knew Tommy, and Tommy was a simple man. Place a pretty girl in his bed, and it wouldn’t take long before they were fucking, and once Tommy fucked a girl, well… he latched on fast. Probably his mommy issues.

You were so sweet with Dolly, so careful, so attentive… even now, you sang to her and Joel thought this was the only sight he needed to see for the rest of his life: You, freshly fucked and beautiful with Dolly asleep in your arms as you sang.

What Joel didn’t know was your thoughts were consumed by your brother, dead outside with a gunshot in his head. Maybe you could ask him and Lorenzo to be buried together… it was the least you could do for your first protector… your soldier, your guardian who died in vain fighting for your safety after a lifetime of taking your beatings.

“Leaves from the vine

Falling so slow

Like fragile tiny shells

Drifting in the foam

Little soldier boy

Come marching home

Brave soldier boy

Comes marching home”

The bath after sex felt exactly like it always had.

*******************

YEEEEEEEEEEEESH goodbye Zach and Lorenzo!!! my babies! my favorite couple! (im so sorry fen. I murdered your boy!) Also sorry angela buuuuuuuuuutttt you knew this was happening.

Honestly my heart aches for Zach. I have an older brother who was largly my protector in my childhood, my best friend for so long and I love him lots. Thats who zach is based off of for me but i dont wanna give a faceclaim bc I tryyyyyyy to make little one race inclusive (i know i didn't do perfect with the details of her bruisings but it can be hard) If any of my mutuals wanna see a pic Ill show you XD

Remember when I said taylor russle was June's faceclaim? I lied. I saw a picture of Alisha Boe and was like!!!!!! wait no thats her!!!! so now shes on this header.

JUNE AND TOMMY PLOT TWIST what do we think will happen there??? (June is canon bisexual, so dont let her marrying Maura in ghost of you series throw you off. She's the one who told little one all she really knew about sex.)

PLEASE LEMME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS AND THEORIES!!!! RBS ARE SO IMPORTANT TO SPREAD WORK but I like you know what you guys are thinkig!!! what part was the hardest to read? what are your thoughts on how this goes? One june and tommy? the deaths of jack and maura as well as tommy and lorenzo? Joel suddenly being very condesending to little one and almost like a schoolyard bully to tommy? all this happening while holding ellie?

He kinda reminds me of Joe Goldberg in You lol carrying Henry around with him on his lil stalking trips

@pimosworld @rubyfruitjungle @moriartyyouwhore @k-ra @the-fox-den @jenna-ortega @alwaysmicado @lunar-ghoulie @ladynightingale @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @maura-honey @fandxmslxt69 @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog

#Joel Miller #Joel Miller smut #tw rape #dub con #non con #dark joel miller #romana after dark #dark!Joel #the last of us hbo #joel miller fic #joel miller reader #joel miller reade smut #dark joel miller reader #tommy miller fem reader #tommy miller smut #tommy miller fem!reader #the wrong way fic #the wrong way series #tommy miller

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ashintheairlikesnow · 1 year

Note

🔢 for Kauri Jake and Antoni? I absolutely relate so much to Ant’s feelings regarding physical touch both platonic and sexual. Just interested to see what you would come up with! Obviously if you’re not comfortable with that then a comf piece would be amazing 🥺❤️

(the prompt was a 3-or-moresome. Antoni isn't going to be about that, so I am choosing the comf option! @winedark-whump asked how Kauri would handle being stuck in an elevator...)

CW: Claustrophobia, panic attack, comf, hurt/comfort, the QPR returns, traumatized whumpee

The doors open only with the maintenance man and the firefighter each pulling with their full strength at a side. The doors shriek in protest, separating inch by inch.

Antoni expects Kauri to come barreling out, but he doesn't. Instead, Antoni has to look down to realize where he even inside the small square.

Kauri lays on his side, his wild curls against cheap scratchy carpeting, his hands pressed palms against his closed eyes. Hitching breaths are shallow, hardly gasps, and the maintenance man doesn't know what he's looking at but Antoni does.

He thinks the firefighter maybe does, too, by the way his jaw tightens at the sight.

"Shit, it was only a couple hours," The maintenance man says, looking stricken. "Got it open as fast as I could."

"He fears to be closed in," Antoni says by way of explanation. The firefighter meets his eyes, briefly, with a depth of understanding that makes Antoni grateful for his silence but uneasy, too.

He steps forward, feeling the very slight dip under his feet as it accepts his weight. "Kasha? The door is open now. Let's go."

Kauri doesn't move.

"Kasha?" When Antoni crouches next to him, he can hear Kauri's whispers, thick around the tears. He reaches out and his palm rounds over the curve of Kauri's shoulder. It trembles under his touch.

"I hate the light, I h-hate, hate being alone in the light, I hate it, alone, alone in th-the light..." Kauri's voice is more whimper than whisper, really. A frightened animal. "I can't, I didn't do anything, I didn't, I was good I was good I was good-"

"Sssshhhh. I have you." Despite his prickling awareness of the watching men and his fear of what they might understand from Kauri's state, his terrified words, he doesn't try to force Kauri up. He leans forward and presses his hands over Kauri's. Lets him feel the warmth of human touch.

Kauri sobs, a broken sound that comes from so deep within him that Antoni wonders if it is Kauri that cries at all, or the remnants of Liam Harker finally making themselves fully known. Was Liam Harker frightened of small spaces? Or did that only begin when he had been wiped away?

"I have you," Antoni repeats, leaning over and pressing a kiss to his head. The florescents overhead buzz softly, all too familiar. The little box is cold - the heat isn't working in here. The walls of the elevator are a plain, flat white.

"I'm good, I'm good, I'm-... I'm good, I promise, I promise..."

"I know," He soothes, shifting to rub a hand up and down Kauri's back. His muscles shake under Antoni's light touch, and he finally leans fully over him, laying his body and his weight against Kauri's slight frame.

Kauri's shaking slows, and so does his crying. He keeps breathing in those shaking, shallow inhales, but some of the painful tension seems to break in him. He shifts, turning over onto his back and throwing his arms around Antoni's neck, weeping against his T-shirt. At first, it's a relief, until he hears Kauri cry, "I'm so sorry, I'll be good, don't leave me alone, please, please-"

"I will not. I will not leave you. I have you, Kasha, I have you..."

The fireman clears his throat, and Antoni looks up to see him speaking in a low voice to the maintenance man. Both of them look away when they see Antoni watching them.

He hopes to give them privacy. He worries it might be for other reasons.

He has to hold Kauri to get him to stand, pulling himself upright with Kauri's arms still tight around his neck. He feels half-choked but doesn't dare try to get him to let go. His skin prickles.

Then Kauri's legs wrap around him, ankles crossed, and he grunts, nearly falling himself before he manages to get his hands under Kauri's ass and thighs to hold him up. He's still weeping against Antoni's shoulders.

Antoni arms ache almost immediately, and he leans back against a wall, panting. But then...

"I've got him," Jake says, and he shifts Kauri from one set of arms to the next with an ease that shows just what all his working out has done for him - the muscles to hold a grown man like he weighs nothing.

"Jasha." For a second, Jake is holding them both, and Antoni closes his eyes. But then there is space between them again, and his breath comes easier, he feels the prickling of his skin start to fade. "The elevator broke-"

"Yeah, I saw the text. I'm sorry it took me so long, I was helping Krista out with a doctor visit." Kauri looks even smaller in Jake's arms, and buries himself against his bulk and warmth. "Let me take you both home. We'll come back for the car once Kauri's okay, yeah?"

Antoni nods, swallowing. He looks over to the fireman and maintenance man.

"Hey, look, we didn't see shit, okay?" The maintenance man offers, a little awkwardly. "I'll erase the security tapes."

The fireman nods. "Empty elevator. Good thing, too."

"Thanks," Jake says with real sincerity, and he moves back out through the empty lobby, Kauri in his arms, Antoni trailing behind him. Kauri still looks like a string pulled tight, about to snap. "You okay, Ant?"

"Yeah... Yeah. I mean, I am not, but..." Antoni sighs, taking a hand back through his messy hair. "Once our Kasha is, I will be."

#whump #bbu #box boy universe #box boy #erase to control #come get y'all qpr #the qpr #claustrophobia whump #claustrophobia #jake the shelter guy #antoni sings lullabies #stuck in an elevator #trauma recovery whump #traumatized whumpee #i wrote this through a migraine aura someone praise me

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turntechgodsmut · 2 months

Note

HOW CAN I CONTACT NICK PLEASEEE IM A 13 YR OLD SILLY GIRL WHO IS INFACT MENTALLY ILL IM ACTUALLY PERFECT FOR HIS STANDERDS PLEASEEE I NEED TO TALK TO HIM :3

For your own sake I’m hoping this is a joke

If it’s not, here! I’ll give you the full details on what to expect if you contact him! Because I met him when I was 14 and also a mentally ill silly girl!

Expect to be brutally raped. This is not gentle, you will be bleeding for days. He will slam your head against walls and choke you to the point you are gasping out for precious air, it’s not a sexy kind of choking. It’s the kind where it hurts as you struggle to breathe and suffocate slowly. It’s a near death experience on the regular. Speaking of near death experience! He will threaten you with knives, he held one to my throat. It’s an indescribable feeling, when you feel your stomach sink as you realize your life could end right there at the hands of another human. It makes your body react in ways you can’t control.

You will find yourself sobbing and crying, because he will make you feel insane and delusional for thinking anything is wrong with this relationship. You will beg him so many times to stop hurting you, to stop raping you, he will not stop. He may apologize after, but he will do it again.

If you’re like me you may even attempt suicide while dating him! Don’t expect him to visit you in the psychiatric hospital, he doesn’t care about you that way. But he will use your body again as soon as you’re out.

He is a parasite too. He thrives off of tons of people. Expect him to hurt your friends! He raped my friends too! We all hid our scars we received from him from each other, we were too ashamed despite all of us hurting because of him. You will feel intense guilt for being the reason he even knew them.

There is also the subject of family and loved ones! Years after this you may finally have the courage to tell them what you went through. They will feel shame and anger and guilt for having not seen the signs, for having not helped you. They will look at you for the rest of your life knowing how much you were hurt and they will hate themselves for letting it happen to you. You will always see it behind their eyes, it never goes away.

It never ever goes away. You won’t be able to maintain a normal relationship ever again. You can try, but every time someone touches you, you will struggle to not flinch, to not think they will hurt you too. Sex will never be enjoyable, your mind will always remember the ways you were hurt and violated. The way you gave someone so much trust to be intimate with you, and the way your trust was quickly broken.

And what about the rest of your life? Well! You will be so mentally fucked, you will cry for days on end about how you lost your childhood, lost your innocence to a fucking creep. To some fucking loser. If you’re like me you’ll be too depressed and traumatized to make anything out of yourself! You just become a shit college dropout addicted to drugs that help numb the pain.

Do not make the same mistakes I did. I thought I was so special and mature for having an older guy pay attention to me. Older guys who go after little girls do so because they are losers. No girls their age like them. They know how to utilize their power over you. I get wanting to fall into self destruction, I was the same. But please do not ever subject yourself to people like this. It isn’t worth it.

I only hold onto this url bc I don’t want “stans” of his taking it and glorifying him. He is a monster. Years later I still have nightmares about him. Even recollecting everything to answer this ask had me breaking down, but if I can tell the honest truth, in such a way that no child will ever have to go through what I went through, I will.

Please just do something better with your time. You are young, enjoy it while you are able to. Have fun, be silly, pick up creative hobbies. Live your life for YOURSELF not for some fucking man who will not give a shit about you later.

#sorry to word this so harshly but #I want this to scare you #bc I didn’t know the truth of how awful he was as a kid #and maybe if I had known what he was really like and the long term affects #maybe I would have been too scared to talk to him #ppl told me to stay away but never really told me why #maybe having something more definitive will work better than just a “stay away”

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quietly-by-myself · 1 year

Text

A Wicked Work of Art - Chapter 3

Masterlist

CW: medical whump, trans whumpee, test subject whumpee, experiment whumpee, fantasy racism, dehumanization, fantasy whump, suicidal whumpee, slavery whump, injection into an open wound, stitches, references to past physical abuse, dubcon medical treatment, noncon procedure (wound stitching), discussion of mental health treatment, discussion of patient autonomy, nonsexual nudity, carewhumper, doctor carewhumper, medical restraints, broken bones

===

Just like he’d promised, Vasiliki came back within thirty minutes. In fact, he hadn’t really done anything other than brew tea for the subject, ensuring that it was the correct temperature with clinical precision.

When he entered, the subject had stopped crying. In fact, he looked rather dissociated, if Vasiliki had to put a word to it. Restricted affect, maybe. It was understandable. The subject had been through a lot of traumatic events in the recent months. A year with Constantine, as his personal “companion.” Just the thought made Vasiliki gag.

“Here’s the tea I promised,” Vasiliki said softly, placing down beside the bed, on a table with a small lamp. “I’ll let you drink it yourself, but I’m only allowing you one hand. The restraint goes back on right after, okay?”

The subject nodded, looking away from Vasiliki. Vasiliki tried not to take offense, reminding himself that the subject had failing mental health. It was Vasiliki’s job to ensure that everything about him was as healthy as possible, including the subject’s mental health.

“I’ll give you more lead on the other wrist so you can sit up.”

Vasiliki was quick with his work of unrestraining the subject’s right wrist, then loosening up his other wrist. Then, he pressed a button on the side of the bed and the bed moved the subject’s beaten body up.

Immediately, the subject began to cry out in pain. Vasiliki stopped the bed from moving him all the way up.

“What hurts?”

“My ribs, sir.”

From the sidelong gaze of the subject, Vasiliki figured that there was more to the story than sore ribs.

“I’ll need to undress you.”

The subject swallowed and nodded his agreement. Vasiliki pulled a switchblade from one of the pockets on his lab coat and cut away the paper gown that was on the subject.

What Vasiliki saw was worse than what he usually saw. Alongside the gnarly bruising that looked only a day or two fresh, there were deep gashes - deep gashes that Vasiliki thought to stitch up. They wouldn’t heal on their own.

Vasiliki walked over to the wall and grabbed a pair of nitrile gloves. The snap made the subject flinch visibly.

“It’s okay. I’m just going to feel your ribs for now.”

That did little to comfort the subject. Vasiliki didn’t exactly blame him for that. He approached carefully, very aware of the subject’s unrestrained hand.

Now that he saw the full extent of the bruises and wounds littering the subject’s body, he was beginning to understand why the subject flinched at every one of Vasiliki’s movements. Gently, Vasiliki felt along the subject’s sternum, then felt up and down his ribs. From the look of it, the subject had been booted with some sort of spur.

“I need to feel a few of your wounds. You’re going to need stitches.”

The subject suddenly got very pale. All the blood in his body dropped to his feet.

“Please, no. I don’t want that. I can’t. I can’t take the pain. It’s okay, sir, to just let them heal like that.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll use a local anesthetic. You’ll only feel the needle when I inject it.” Vasiliki’s lips played a slight smile. “I’m the doctor here. I think you need stitches, so you’re getting stitches. I can’t give you more powerful painkillers by mouth because you need the codeine for your cough. However, the local anesthetic will do well for when I stitch you up.”

Soon enough, the subject was keening. Not even whimpering - full on keening. “Just kill me. Let me die. I can’t do this anymore. It’s too painful. It’s too much.”

“Look me in the eyes, Akakios.”

The subject was reluctant, but followed the order. There was a mix of panic and absolute despair in the subject’s eyes. It genuinely made Vasiliki’s heart ache.

“You have a broken sternum. I would guess that some of your ribs are also broken from the amount of bruising.”

Vasiliki, again, had to turn off the clinical side of his head and try to think about the humanity in the subject.

“Nobody is going to hurt you here. Our job is to make sure you’re up to standard. We do what we can to ease your pain, within reason. Normally, we’d need special clearance to give you oxycodone, for example. However, I’m the one who normally approves those forms, so you’ll get something stronger once you’ve fought off this respiratory infection. Now, I want you to understand that what you went through over there is over. Constantine is gone. Okay?”

Akakios swallowed and nodded, but Vasiliki could tell it wasn’t genuine. The subject was just trying to make him happy.

“Now,” Vasiliki walked back over to the cabinets and took out five syringes, a vial of lidocaine, and a dissolving stitch kit. “I think two of those wounds on your legs and three on your chest are going to need stitches.”

“Please no.”

Vasiliki went over to the table, placing the materials on the table next to the subject. Then, he picked up the tea.

“Here,” he took the subject’s shaky hand and placed the mug in it. “Drink this first. It’ll get too cold if you don’t.”

The subject took a deep breath, then took a shaky sip of the tea. He seemed to like it, because he kept drinking it quickly. Vasiliki knew it wasn’t from dehydration. The kid had been hooked up to IV fluids since the minute he got there.

“Now, I want you to take a deep breath and try to calm down as much as you can.”

Vasiliki knew it was largely useless as he took the mug from the subject and lowered the head of the bed back down. He then restrained the subject’s free hand and tightened the restraint on the other one.

“It’s going to hurt for me to put the anesthetic in, but it’ll hurt less than the stitches without it.”

The subject just shook his head, freezing. Vasiliki sighed and drew up as many CCs of lidocaine as he safely could. As he moved to inject it into the wound he decided to work on first, the subject screamed bloody murder. He immediately devolved into pleas for mercy that dissipated quickly once Vasiliki began the stitches.

Each time that Vasiliki injected the anesthetic, the subject screamed and each time that he started stitching the subject, the subject went quiet. He couldn’t thrash much at all with how tight the restraints were.

“See, that wasn’t so bad?” Vasiliki went to the wall and changed his gloves, grabbing more alcohol swabs to clean the blood around the wounds. Then, he got transparent dressings and placed them on top of each of the stitched sites.

“No, sir.”

It was a bold-faced lie.

“You don’t have to lie to me, su- Akakios. I prefer honesty. Now, I want you to be honest with me. Are you still suicidal?”

The subject looked far away from Vasiliki and nodded. Again, Vasiliki rolled the stool up to the side of the bed.

“I can’t offer much in the way of comfort. I’m sorry for that, truly. Have you thought over what I said about putting you on something for your mental health?”

“You’ll do it anyway.”

“I will do no such thing. I think it’s counterproductive to take away your autonomy like that.”

“I’ll do anything to ease my suffering. This is all too much. I just want to die.”

Vasiliki took the subject’s hand and squeezed it a little. “I know. I can help you not feel that way, if that’s what you so wish.”

The subject seemed to consider it. “Dr. Christakos, I don’t want to feel. I don’t know what I did to deserve this.”

“I’m sure. I’m sure of that.” Vasiliki looked away from the crying subject. “It’s just this world we live in. It’s nothing you did or didn’t do. Do I understand that you’re willing to give this a go?”

The subject nodded.

“Okay. It’s an infusion combined with a pill you’ll have to take every day until we see significant improvement. I’ll get you started right away.”

Vasiliki went and found one of the nurses, ordering a high dose of ketamine, along with pills of mirtazapine. One of the nurses that Vasiliki had hand-picked brought the two to him, something Vasiliki quickly accepted. He quickly attached the bag of ketamine to the subject’s IV line, then prepared a glass of water for him to take a pill with.

The subject was compliant. Vasiliki knew that the ketamine would help faster than the mirtazapine would, but he also knew that it would produce its own set of side effects. Perhaps it was better for the subject not to remember the suffering he was going through for a few days, until the mirtazapine could start working well.

Vasiliki said little to the subject. He didn’t really know what to say to him. Tender emotions weren’t his strong suit. That was why he worked at the Facility.

Vasiliki took a deep breath and turned to face the door. Just as he was about to slide the door closed, he heard a quiet voice.

“Thank you.”

Vasiliki smiled to himself. “You’re welcome. Rest now.”

With that, Vasiliki had made his decision: he was keeping the subject for his own purposes.

Maybe the years had made him soft, but he found himself attached to the suicidal subject that had found himself under Vasiliki’s care. He wouldn’t let the subject go so easily.

Luckily, he knew who to talk to. It would take a few days, but maybe it would give the subject peace of mind to know that he was the test subject of a scientist who at least cared about his health.

That couldn’t be said about all facilities.

===

Tags (open!): @i-can-even-burn-salad, @whumpsday, @pigeonwhumps, @oddsconvert, @pumpkin-spice-whump, @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi, @writereleaserepeat, @just-a-silly-little-whumper, @sparrowsage, @inscrutable-shadow

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rms10 · 3 months

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Assuming Azula ever manages to work through her issues and get de-Sozinized, do you think Azula is ever capable of reconciling with Zuko, Ursa, Mai, Ty Lee, Ursa, and/or Iroh?

Because it seems pretty clear from her solo comic that she did care for them, or at least wanted them in her life, and was/still is deeply hurt by their "betrayals." So it seems highly likely that once she worked through her issues and indoctrination, she would be willing to do anything to have them back in her life, this time on healthier grounds.

And this is supported, at least in regards to Mai, by the canon cookbook, which happens if I remember correctly around 15 years after the end of the war and has Mai and Azula on such good speaking terms that Mai can tease Azula about her "cherry-pit incident."

But on the other hand, her solo comic strongly suggested that part of the reason why she rejects redemption is because she doesn't want to deal with the pain that would come from acknowledging she hurt her loved ones.

So it is seems equally likely that she would avoid reconciling with them due to a mix of guilt, self-loathing, and, in regards to Mai and Ty Lee, not wanting to force herself upon them again. Especially since, in regards to the latter proposition, is implied that Azula didn't punish the Fire Warriors for leaving her since she didn't want to repeat her mistakes with Mai and Ty Lee.

However, even if she was willing to reconcile with her loved ones, they may not want to reconcile with her, even if she did everything humanly possible to make amends to them, after everything she did to them and/or their loved ones, with Ursa in my opinion being the only one who would have true, unconditional love, and thus forgiveness, for Azula.

In fact, in my opinion, the comics and extended lore have all but said this is be the case for Mai and Ty Lee, and I think Zuko after the events of S&S would feel the same way as well.

So do you think Azula is ever capable of reconciling with Zuko, Ursa, Mai, Ty Lee, Ursa, and/or Iroh, and if so, to what degree?

This is an interesting question, and really feeds back into whether Azula can be redeemed and what any redemption for her will look like. At the end of the show, we see her broken down, severely damaged and traumatized by losing at the only thing she still pictured herself as being superior at. It left her on the edge, where her story could be take anywhere. In fact, in many ways she has the most open-ended future of anyone at that point. Our central protagonists mostly have fairly well defined futures for them, and of course those are largely confirmed in LoK.

The comics really didn't do Azula any favors because of how she was written in S&S. (The comics were fairly poor on staying true to representation of all the characters, so she isn't unique.) However, they weren't wrong in painting Zuko as wanting to reconcile with her, and I think he'd welcome her back with open arms, so long as he's convinced she's not a threat to his family. As you note, Ursa would reconcile at any level she can with Azula. Despite having little choice in all the damage Azula received in her upbringing, Ursa still harbors guilt over it. She'll even take risks for herself if there's any opening for reconciliation.

Really, Mai's acceptance of Azula is going to be largely driven by Zuko's interest, since they'll reconcile at some point in the future. (The comics really made a hash out of maiko, but also made it pretty clear that they'll reconcile.) For Mai, it'd take an actual apology and proof that Azula recognized how horrible she'd been in the past to have any chance of a real reconciliation. Given that Azula was about to kill her, Mai would keep her distance and probably be a bit overprotective of Izumi around Azula, without some kind of full acceptance of her guilt by Azula.

Ty Lee goes off to join the Kyoshi Warriors, so she's in a different position in that she doesn't need to interact with Azula at all, if she doesn't want to. She found her new sisters (where she's part of a chosen matched set, lol) and may not travel back to the Fire Nation that much. She's so happy and bubbly that it's easy to assume she'd just accept Azula back, but I'm not certain that would really happen when she gets away from that toxic "friendship" and finds a real group to interact with. She might be willing to forgive, but at the same time have no real interest in reconnecting.

Thanks for the ask. These Azula asks are interesting in that she's not a character I've ever thought all the deep about post ATLA, so an aspect of those show to go explore a bit more now.

#avatar the last airbender #azula #zuko #ursa #iroh #mai #ty lee

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i-sveikata · 6 months

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I read the chapter for several hours and now it's already late at night but I don't regret anything. I couldn't put it down, this tension between them, this chase, this passion and danger just captured me. I'm EXCITED. Pete who thought about Macau warms my heart so much 💓 Vegas my boy your father inspired you that you mean nothing and are not worthy of anything but look who is chasing you, who so desperately wants to prove to you that there is a way out and he is next to you 🥺 I’m so sorry for Vegas for what his father inspired him that darkness and hatred are all he has and all he is worth..... And Pete who finally knew the full depth of Vegas's trauma and how painful it is to realize how much your loved one is broken and breaking before your eyes 💔 I knew what was going to happen in this chapter but the way you described it, that line between fighting and shooting and Vegas and Pete being excited, it was just WOW. I was so tense the whole time. That parallel that all the time Vegas was running after Pete and begging him to be with him, but here Pete finally realizes how much Vegas means to him and runs after him all the time, please stay so WE COULD BE.....Thanks for all these emotions 🫂💙I hope Pete makes Vegas comfortable after waking up and he himself will be fine (it was too emotional for him) I want them to finally be happy, or traumatized mafia boys in love🥺But I feel Korn won’t leave them alone😭 Too many letters, but I’m so grateful for this work, thank you for your work, it’s incredible 🫶

omg sorry i always hear about everyone reading it so late at night for them and these timezones are straight up working against us!!! but to be fair i did post it like 1AM in my timezone too lol so im just as sleep deprived as you probably hahaah.

that makes me so happy to hear!! it was literally the culmination of the fic, the penultimate show down without it actually being the complete end so i really hope after all the build up and tension that it delivered!!

omg like???? so soft of him tbh i really wanted to build on that final scene on the show- like where macau is so comfortable around pete that he cuddles up to him with vegas and it just seemed to work so well. pete might be tough and practical to the point of hurtful sometimes but he does care!!!

ugh yeah we really did see the worst effects of vegas' trauma this chap, like here he has something good with pete, pete who has already given him one too many chances than what he deserves and even with him running off constantly during the coup, pete is still chasing him, still trying to pull him back from that ledge. so glad kan is dead now because i dont know if vegas would have ever made the choice to turn his back on him. not unless kan took his intentions to hurt pete further and it literally came down to the two of them in the room (like that time in the safe house when kan nearly killed him) and even if it had ended like that, and vegas had chosen pete like we all knew he would, it would have still been agony for vegas.

pete is absolutely going to take his caring up to eleven once he's fully conscious again and can get in to see vegas. he is going to be annoying so many doctors with vegas, whilst also making sure vegas follows their post op recovering instructions lol. but we all know vegas secretly loves being taken care of so the both of them will be living their best unhinged lives.

no spoilers but korn has some more tricks up his sleeve he always does but now that pete isn't restricted by his agony of not betraying the main family anymore i do think korn is going to be in for a surprise.

ahhhh youre so welcome!! im so very glad that you liked it :)

#fic asks #ill fill the graveyards until i have you

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circular-bircular · 2 years

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how... how did saying "i'm not an individual, i'm a part of one singular whole" make you guys feel more individual? genuinely do not understand. parts language implies you're not you, you're just shards of a broken whole, that every system member is not a full person and that collectively they add up to one individual, the "singlet-you-were-meant-to-be" or whatever

I would love to talk more about this!!! It’s one of my favorite parts of how we function now tbh. Sorry for the rant ahead, I’ve wanted to talk about this for so long, and this is apparently the time.

Before we used parts language, we were of the idea that Rice was the “original alter.” We were taught that by the online communities we were in, and she was forced into that role. That meant, we all felt like figments of her imagination. Which. Sucked ass.

We fought hard to be seen as our own selves. We dressed differently, we dropped our voice when male alters were out to an excessive degree (to the point of damaging our voice often). Curtis struggled so much with trying not to smoke, because at least smoking would prove he was himself, because Rice has never wanted to smoke. Trying to make ourselves be people hurt us a lot.

Eventually, we finally moved away from the “core” idea, which was gross anyways. But even seeing ourselves as our own people, we never felt like we could be. I’m my own person - but I want top surgery. If I was really my own person, I would be able to get top surgery. But I’m not! I’m stuck here with these assholes like Sierra and Debbie, and they both want these tits. So I have to fight to be myself, and the fight was with them. I fucking hated every single day, because I was fighting with someone who couldn’t even hear me half the time, because I was the one fronting. How useless right?

And then, we learned about parts language. It sounded like bullshit, to be honest. “We’re all our own person, we don’t want to be parts of a whole.” But… that’s how DID works. It’s what made the most sense. DID works out that you (as a singular identity as a singular child) are traumatized to the point of putting the pieces of yourself into multiple identities. Those dissociative identities are part of that whole.

When we first started thinking of ourselves as parts, we saw it as that “broken-parts-of-one-whole-who-we-are-meant-to-be” thing too, and that pissed us off. But… we started looking at it through the lens of functional multiplicity instead. We are who we’re supposed to be right now - because we aren’t supposed to be anything except what we want to be.

Now? Now I’m a person who wants top surgery. But because I am part of one whole, I can recognize that collectively, we don’t want that. Collectively, I have Sierra, Debra, Rice, Sie, Octavian, Ve, Avery, and now a new split yesterday who all want to keep our chest. Even Curtis feels something about it. That’s 7.5 out of 13 who want to keep our chest (for the most part - Octavian and Rice sometimes don’t like it). I can recognize that, as a part of Circ (our name for the collective system), I want my chest off because we are collectively queer, but maybe we aren’t fully a trans man like I am. Does that mean I’m not a trans man suddenly? Fuck no!!! I still exist!

But now, my voice matters. Before, I was constantly fighting to be my own person. I didn’t WANT what the others wanted. And I was fighting them - now? Now I’m fighting with them. Now I can have a conversation about my desires, and they understand my pain. Before, Debra didn’t understand my desire to get rid of my chest, because she was trying to make the body hers. She was her own person and was trying to live like it. Now? Now she understands that, as part of this collective, I am part of her. Deep down, there was a part of her that wanted to be a man. That part was so, so strong, it split into me - the depressed closeted trauma holder who she used to see as pathetic, because all she could see was how much better she was.

If I’m her, and she’s me, and we’re part of this whole? How could we ever hate each other? (We’re dating now.)

By using parts language, I got listened to. I didn’t have to fight to be me. None of us did! And… that led to us being able to use our energy to actually exist. Rather than putting all of his energy into sexual jokes and dropping his voice, Curtis really found a love for voice acting. Does it matter that some of us share that interest? Not anymore! Makes perfect sense! Before, he would get so twisted up because “but if Wade likes this too, that means I’m not my own person.” Now he can recognize that, not only would multiple parts of a whole clearly like some of the same things, but. Different people can also like the same things!!! So - we are no longer having to fight to be our own people.

Aaa sorry I’m just gushing over parts language now. I gotta make dinner but:

TL;DR: We tried out core theory and it hurt us irrevocably. We tried “we’re all separate people” and had to fight, hard, to try and be individuals. It was only once we called ourselves parts of one whole that we could stop fighting each other, which gave us the chance to grow into our own interests, and say “fuck you” to doubts we had about being our own people.

#parts language my beloved #i want to kiss parts language on the mouth #syscourse #parts language #i still use alters btw #i still refer to us as different people sometimes #it’s not an all or nothing deal #but it IS beautiful #asks #anon

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suiana · 1 year

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Tw: rape, assault, a gun, fighting, yelling, and just overall a traumatic experience

Oh by the way all the diologs are translated from Spanish :]

Ok it was a normal tuesday, I was happily at work fixing up a small gift of flowers we weren't gonna use , and give it to someone v e r y special when all of a sudden, 3 men come RUSHING into the store.

I of course get starteled and let out a yelp. Then they hear me and start trying to make small talk with me all about how "The plushes and whatches here are so expensive that they probably cost half your salary!"

Cue weird ass laughter from them.

So I'm starting to get really uncomfortable because I was alone with these weird people. That's when the first one breaks and gets a (fake) lilac tulip from the gift I had almost finished.

He asks me "How much for this?"

To which I tell him "Oh these flowers are not for sale, they are apart of an arreglo for someone"

He gets visibly frustrated and says "Well I want it so how much for it"

I state again "It is not for sale sir, so please choose something else"

He then tells me "I want the flower and your number"

The others chime in saying stuff like "You're so lucky he likes you" "She's so cute we could just take her out right how" "She seems really weak" "she won't put up a fight"

I begin to become a bit afraid so I write down my old number (that's no longer in use) on one of the buisness cards we have on display at the front desk to slide to him and procede tell them "If you're not going to buy something that is for sale or place an order please leave sir"

The man then takes the card, shoves it in his pocket, and walks around the desk to my side. Keep in mind thoughout all of this I have a pair of scissors at arms reach and a pen in my hand.

He yanks me by my hair and covers my mouth, and begins undoing his pants while the other two guys start to grab some stuff.

I let out a blood curduling scream and start trying to fight back, but it all happened so fast that before I knew it he was moving onto my shirt trying to cut it open with a little navajita that he had. He did manage to rip it half way and cut me a little in the process

I stab his arm with the pen and rush to grab the scissors. He grabs his arm and yells to the men to get me.

They had their hands full with stuff so they (thankfully) couldn't grab me then and there.

I run out to the street screaming for help. Out there are a total of like 15 people out and about. The cowboy next door hears this comotion and grabs his gun and comes out to see people recording me getting beat up by 3 men and them cuting my clothes off.

I am FIGHTING for my LIFE whilst everyone aroynd is on their phones telling the men to either stop or hit me harder. I am in the process of being draged back into the store all bloody, bruised, crying, and squirming to get out of their grip.

The cowboy shoots one of the men in the leg who was trying (and failing miserably) to remove my binder he beings shouting and screaming in pain, and afterwards the cowboy starts fighting to other two.

I grab the shop's phone and call the police. It takes them like 2 minutes to respond (wow thanks athorities) and another 30 minutes to get there when the station is like 10 MINUTES WAY MAX!!

Though out all of this, one of the men escapes the cowboy, stealing his gun and running to me, he grabs my and points the gun at me.

The yells "O TE VAS O LA MATO ALA VERGA"

Which is just saying "or you leave or im fucking killing her"

The cowboy says "Dont hurt her!"

I'm trying to escape this man's horrifingly strong grasp, and in the mist of this I bite his chest man titties. He yelps shock. (I did make him bleed a little at the cost of losing two braces)

I get shoved to the ground and hit my head on some broken glass that was caused by the men droping shit.

I'm bleeding from my head and he grabs his navaja and slices my binder off bit by bit whilst the cowboy is forced to whatch this go down finnaly being restrained by the other two.

We're all yelling, I'm overwhelmed, my top half is out in the open for anyone to see, there's a man ontop of my trying to rape me, a random ass cowboy is trying to save me, my makeup is absolutly ruined, my head is spinning and driping with even more blood, and the police are taking forever to get here.

This mother fucker then moves onto my hands and tying them up with his belt so I stop hitting him.

I at this point almost accept defeat. But no I couldn't just let him get his way!!

I'm far too stuborn for this!

I CAN'T let him!

No!!!

And I didn't.

I kicked.

I screamed.

I hit him with my elbows.

I did everything in my power to stop him.

Until the police arived at last.

And with all my might, I kicked him in this crotch once again. That was until they pulled him off me.

They rushed me and the cowboy to the hospital and kept us there for idk how long anymore. I was close to dying. Having lost so much blood

My mum was called, and my sister took them to see me.

They were hysterical.

I had to tell them to be quiet. Everything hurt by that point.

The doctor said I was almost ok. Nothing serius go damaged. But I needed a blood transfer. My boss was also called by my mum and she said she would pay for everything.

The police had to remove my family from the room so they could question me before everything. And I told them everything.

The doctors were outside telling my family about the blood and how they could not find anyone to donate at the moment so I was probably not going to make it unless one of them did.

So while my family was deciding who, my sister stood up and said she would. She was taken to be tested to see if she would be able to. And she was. So they drew the blood and the rest is a blur.

When I woke up I was so afraid. I yelled my Lex's name. I screamed for my mum.

And with teary eyes they rushed into the room. My mum cried, and thanked god as my sister just stared.

She just look at my body. At the buised. The cuts. My face. She didn't say anything. She just cried. So that caused my to also cry.

She told my mother while I wad asleep that she could not bear the thought of her little sister going through this. Seeing me in a hospital bed a few steps fron death's door. It broke her.

We both knew in our hearts. That she was worried every second since that phone call. She would not say it to me. It is unusual for us to show afection to eachother. My mum always hated that. But that night I spent in the hospital, she never left my bedside.

When I said I couldn't sleep she c r a w l e d on the bed and joined me. I said "Ew wtf [insert her name] get off 👺" anf she didnt. She just huged me. And we fell asleep like that.

My mum even got a photo the next morning of us there XD

And yeah, that's the story of how I almost got raped and was a couple steps from death's door 😃👍

-De anon

bro that must be so traumatising are you okay now??? wtf those passerbys are shit why didn't they try to help??? bro if you ever want to talk or smth just message me because that must be fucking traumatic. I'm glad you're alright now though

#dev anon

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nightowltribe · 1 month

Text

Why we are a system or the list of all of our childhood traumas

I can not promise that this is going to be choronological or exhaustive as there are things that either hasn't been shared with the system yet or I have not connected the dots as being traumatic. This is long and its full of things that could be triggering so be aware if you read it.

Let's start this off with something we've been told repeatedly, our first year of life was spent being very sickly and hospitalized.

Many of the adults we group up around were traumatized, poorly functioning, and did not get help meaning we had a chaotic home life and bad role models by circumstance.

Parents fought verbally daily and we heard a great deal of it as well as being the trigger for at least one fight.

Parents told us repeatedly that as a child that 'had it easier' we weren't allowed to be angry, upset, sad, or any other negative emotion and when we were they got mad at us.

In early childhood we went through the old school allergy testing that involved being repeated stuck by a needle all over our arms and back, we always had a fear of needles so this meant we had to be held down.

We've also had to have multiple blood tests done through childhood that we had to be held down for as well.

We wittnessed several fights involving our parents and other members of father's side of the family that sometimes even devolved into physical fighting between multiple people, some had weapons involved, and the kids hearded into a room away from it while a few adults stood guard to keep any of the kids from being taken. (This was a very messy and violent time of custody battles involving our cousins)

We wittnessed our aunt and uncle fighting verbally with threats of violence and neglect from both sides to each other.

We were bullied and othered in school because of moving school systems a few times on top of frequent fighting among us and cousins on both sides of the family.

Experienced COCSA by a cousin the same age that either was abused or allowed to see something he should not have.

Busted out three of our adult teeth in an accident involving a wooden chair, we were likely dissociated as we didn't feel pain or upset until the adults insighted that by their own fear and talks of going to the ER (we started crying because we thought we were going to get a shot and not at all about the fact we broke three teeth to the gumline and nearly knocked a fourth out whole).

Had to endure repeated visits to a dentist that disliked kids, would not let allow parents/gardians to be in the room with us, would use verbal threats of extreme physical restraint when we'd flinch or twitch from pain or discomfort to get the broken teeth repaired, he used a tool to force our mouth open to the point it nearly dislocated and held our mouth like that for the duration of the visits despite us trying to say it hurt. The dentist worked on every other issue in our mouth before rebuilding the teeth we broke meaning we went months with broken teeth and more than neccessary visits to him. (He is the cause of our fear of dentist that has just compounded with later dental issues).

Constantly being told to do one thing then get into trouble for doing that and told they didn't tell us to do that. An example that happened a lot is we would be told on the way to visit grandparents to help watch our brother and keep him out of trouble but when we'd try to do that we'd be told to stop by our grandparents and then get in trouble with our parents for trying to 'parent' our older brother and parents would deny telling us to help watch him.

Grandfather verbally expressed that between us and our brother he favored our brother and would always defend him when we tried to help watch him as told by parents when we went to grandparents house.

Grew up with a parents struggling finacially, being told we were spoiled, and frequently being told that there are kids that would love to have a fraction of our toys or the food we left on our plate. (This become interalized guilt for believing we were more priveleged than other kids).

When on the phone with friends parents would secretly listen in to pur conversations by using the other landline, and if they got mad would start yelling at us over the phone and follow up with us being punished after they got off the phone.

Grew up being told that if parents felt like we were hiding something they would go through our room and diary if we ever had it find what we were hiding.

Grew up listening to father's religiously fuled rants about hollywood, gay agenda, and trans agenda as well as him using slurs to refer to actors he believed were a part of those agendas. (We are bisexual and trans and have had these parts of us repressed for 20+years and are trying to undo the damage).

Our best friend tricked us into acting out sexual acts with her by telling us it was all fake like actors did in movies, this happened for a few years until her guardians where watching us through her bedroom window from outside and this caused a massive blow up with our parents that refused to listen to us, believed we had initiated it because we were older by a couple of years, and we were treated like a prisoner in our own home. We went weeks without being to see friends outside of school, when they started letting us spend time with friends it had to be in public rooms of the house and when they started allowing friends to spend the night again the only door we were allowed to shut was the bathroom door so we had no sense of privacy. (This damaged the friendship so bad that we avoided her after this and still to this day the idea of talking to her makes us uncomfortable).

Many online friends and boyfriends coerced us into doing sexual videos and pics and ignored our voiced discomfort.

Many past employers treated us like shit because of our health problems even when they were responsible for the health problems and when we'd start missing a lot of work mother would take the employer's side and tell us we needed to suck it up and father said we were too spoiled and soft because we didn't have to work to support ourselves as a child/teen even though they told us they didn't want us to have a job while we were in school to enjoy pur childhood and teen years.

Teachers, principals, and school system treated us like delinquents despite the fact the worst we ever did was be tardy to class because of crowding issues and forgetting homework frequently.

Growing up when we would get in trouble father would use intimidation and anger based behaviors to scare us into submission and in our younger years he's spank us for things that made him mad even if it was just an inconvenience. Mother would explode verbally then do the silent treatment for hours. Both used the 'stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about' threat, punish us for not being able to suddenly stop being upset on command, and 'why are you crying, it wasn't that bad, I didn't abuse you, you aren't being abused' deflection when we'd be upset and unable to calm ourselves down seconds after getting punished.

Father refused to believe that anyone had a mental illness and that it was all jusy because people were raised to be soft, spoiled, or difficult. Mother told us we didn't have depression and was completely fine when we tried to talk to her about us thinking we were depressed after a school awareness program taught us what depression was. (This was the hardest time for us, we could've really used help, but we got through that period without the normal self-harming behaviors and suicide attempts because when the front would decide to try that there would be a quick unnoticed switch were someone would hide the stuff and the fronter would go for where the stuff was originally to find it missing and unsure where it would be. Later on the missing stuff would just turn back up where it was last remembered by fronter.)

#actually did #osdd #did #did osdd #osdd 1b #osdd1 #dissociative identity disorder #night owl tribe #katra night owl

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