#hes so fucking funny i cant stop laughing

[avalikesf19]

A Day at quadrant: LN4 (Part 2)

Author note: I don’t even know how to post anything on this and never wrote a fic but I hope this is good but I think it’s pretty shit and I haven’t finished it yet and if any writers want to use this idea you can for sure just @ me please oh and if you have feedback please let me know thanks xx

Also i tried to change my like writing style thing cause i feel like it was shit last time but yeah idk

Lando x quadrant fem reader

Blurb: reader is a member of quadrant, she games most of the time but also likes f1 along with her best friend Ria bish. She is friends with all members at quadrant and finds it a good laugh with all her mates, but maybe her view of someone in particular is more than a mate..

Warnings: sexualising, swearing, mention of a gun, leaked tape, sad distraught reader, friends to maybe lovers if I make it a series? Smut-ish? If I missed any let me know (I don’t know how to do warnings sorry x)

Well wasn't last week a fucking eventful week. You still cant stop thinking about Lando right next to you comforting you about what happened. You're starting to feel better about the whole issue and get some support from people online and all the other members of quadrant, but fuck that was just shit. You haven't been in any quadrant videos since, but you're in a better place now and probably need to start participating in them more.

Lando and ethan make the idea of quadrant meeting up at landos apartment and trying to train like him for a day. You aren't exactly looking foward to it but oh well, at least Ria is going. You text your gc back and tell them that you will do it too. Then, you get a message.

Lando: are you 100% sure ur okay to come back and film already? you dont have to if you dont want to.

Y/n: yep. I need to get in more videos and im feeling better anyways, thanks for asking.

Lando: all good

Well that was polite and unexpected of Lando to reach out, but whats more unexpected is for your panties to be soaked right now over 2 text messages. well fuck, oopsies.

That night all you can think of is Lando, it's a bit embarrassing to admit, but he was circling around your head like it was an f1 race. You decide to get your head out of it and call Ria to come over and have a chat, since she is your best friend after all. Shortly she pulls up to your apartment in Monaco, funning in bursting of excitement to see you.

"RIAAAAAAA!" you shout when you open the door for her. "Y/NNNN" she replied back. You give her a hug and make her a cup of coffee just how she likes it. You guys sit and chat about the f1 grand prix in Bahrain coming up, and how you hope Lando continues to have a good season with Oscar this year. "Did you see the chat about the new yt vid we doing" You ask Ria. "omg yes and they are bringing angry ginge in I heard" Ria replies back.

"STOP IT" you yell back laughing. You love ginge and his videos, who wouldn't? he's a very very funny bloke. "OMG i''m definitely coming tomorrow then to the recording are you kidding?".

Unfortunately time goes by when you're having fun, and Ria was the most fun, so she had to go a few hours later which felt like minutes. Besides you both need sleep for the youtube vid you're filming tmr at Lando's. You go to bed and try to sleep as much as you can, which didnt happen lol.

rise and shine love. It's already 6am and time to go to Lando's place to film. Normally you don't have to wakeup early as fuck but for the purpose of the video and "being Lando Norris" you had no choice. You get to his apartment after parking at the front and knock on the door, to which he opens. "hi y/n" he says nicely and gives you a hug. "So good to see you Lando, where is everyone?".

"first here mate" he says almost excitedly. "so what are we actually doing today like playing video games or some shit" you say. "haha your funny mate, we are lifting weights, eating what i eat, using the sim, and neck strengthening" he says laughing at you. "fuck r u taking the piss" you say laughing. "oh my days Landoooo do I look like an f1 driver" you also reply with. "well yeah thats the whole point of the video ya dumb fuck" he replied jokingly.

"hahaha get fucked lando nowins" you snap back. he laughs as you proceed to miss the chair you went to lean on making you flinch and stumble looking like an idiot. he is still laughing which makes you laugh too. "Lando norizz" u reply. "haha you think I have no rizz, funny" he replies egotistically. "yeah i do actually" you don't at all, in fact he hasn't even tried yet he has rizzed you up. "wanna bet?" he snaps out.

you don't have time to think before he pins you against the wall and just looks at you with those hot eyes of his. you can already feel your cheeks burning and your thong getting wet. "you say I have no rizz yet your cheeks are burning, and I bet those panties are more soaked than that porridge you tipped over the counter when you stumbled at my gaze, huh?" he grunts out.

what the fuck just happened, first how did he know and secondly did he just pin you against the wall. not the first time you want that to happen. you know what fuck it if we wants to be like that then he may as well be uncomfortable the whole video.

"how did you know about my tight, black lacy thong i'm wearing over my tight pussy hey? not your first time thinking about it aye?" you tease him, but whole walking over to him you see him looking uneasy.

why? because ginge was at the fucking door and heard that, and can see Lando's boner from a mile away. "well bonjour" ginge says laughing. "bonjour mate" lando says as he daps up ginge covering his boner and trying to ignore what just happened.

You already know this video is gonna be the longest set of your life..

sorry its a short one x

#lando norris #formula 1 #quadrant #ln4 #f1 fanfic #ln4 x reader #lando fic

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Perhaps even,,, pink LaughingStock,,,,? 👀👀👀

ough....yeab....

#in my mind they're barely even dancing theyre basically just Standing There #both cause every time they try to actually dance howdy trips the both of them #hes got too many legs for such close proximity action... #also they get too caught up in Talking methinks #theyre just standing in the middle of the dance floor chatting away. cracking jokes. being Soft. #or rather barnaby keeps being Funny bc howdy keeps laughing and its really cute and he cant stop bc then howdy would stop- #ohhhhhhghhhh im unwell Im Unwell #scribble garnish #laughingstock #welcome home #howdy x barnaby #barnaby x howdy #it took so many sketches and several hours to get to this #and its the simplest fucking slow dance pose ever lmfao #i couldnt make anything else work!!! #and i even cropped this bc the full was Not Great #i wanted them to be like.... visibly going in opposite directions?? like turning in a circle yk yk #i need to practice more #THIS GOT SO OUT OF HAND IMMEDIATELY THOUGH #i saw 'pink laughingstock' and blacked out #i instantly resigned myself to fully lining and coloring #didnt shade tho! held back on that thank fuck!!! #kept periodically making dying animal noises while sketching #the serotonin they bring me is too much. i cant handle it #who will win: my brain's chemical imbalance or Two Gay Puppets #hint: not the imbalance #anyway im gonna go stare at a wall and feel Choked Up from the emotions i have over them

[azoosepted]

its 10 pm and im cackling like an idiot at erlking heathcliff love nikki dressup queen how did i get here

#anzu says shit #canto vi spoilers #project moon #limbus company #i cang stop laughing he looks so sTUPID? #HE LOOKS LIKE A TWINK. WAILING. #maybe the midnight prisoner dst makeup is the only male dst makeup we truly need #the idea of thsi came from my friend thoubh. #tbh im so glad they came up with that idea its so fucking funny and i cant stop laughing at our seperate versions of love nikki erlking #especially the post with my everycathy it is physicslly ending me at the moment

[gobstoppr]

mspaint fanart of this fucked up xuppu plush i found on google

#i dragged my discord server into watching all of miraculous and god its jsut. such a show #the show is infinitely entertaining bc theres so much enjoyment i get laughing at how much of a mess it is #and theres still enough actual good stuff where its like yea im here for a reason #the jarring tonal shifts #the occasional janky animation #the infinite refusal to change the status quo too much (that is changing some this season but its still funny to me) #the show is clumsy. thats how id describe it. #i dont hate it. i fucking love it. i love it cuz its sometimes shit. i love it cuz it shows promise for a few seconds and then does a 180 #anyways i got distracted. point is that in our server weve decided to roleplay.as the kwamis. as a bit #they dont really have personalities but they DO have a bunch of absolute beasts of plushies n stuff online for pfps #we cant stop laughing at the fuckign xuppu one. why he look like that. look at him. #im not gonna actually tag this as miraculous bc i dont want people to bash me for my takes here in the tags. #if u like the show thats epic more power to you #i just am infinitely fascinated by it #and i have a very low bar for what gets me to laugh when im with my friends . this show is unintentionally the funniest shit ever #art #text #xuppu

[aceyanaheim]

it’s baked into my understanding of kakashi hatake that he has absolutely no clue how children work and thats just part of team 7s dysfunction listen.

#this man was all of 14 when his only support system died and hten went to work for Black Ops With Masks #like do you think that man knows Anything about how to human he was on the field while he still had milk teeth #when Minato got him he was legit 'this child the size of half my arm' #i cannot speify enough how much that warps what 'being a functioning peson' is #team sevens lucky he had dogs he went 'okay feed positive reinforcement make sure they dont trip over their own ambition to walk' and just #Went From There #like he'll show up with vegetables for naruto but also 'i was on my own by 8 bc my dad yknow Died so hes probably??? #fine??' #this man looks at Sasuke and thinks back when he was 12 and his best friend had just died and he saw his eye in the mirror nad lowkey the #dogs were taking care of Him and goes 'hn he's probably good right? I'll just teach him something i always cried less when i learned #something ' #'how am i supposed to know how kids work i dont even know how 'I' work doesnt even begin to fucking cover it Why Is This So Funny #everyone: poor kakashi he got the biggest gremlim kids with more issues than vogue #babes kakashi was the og he and the kids are just one big ball of what pray tell the fuck lilke hes Part of it he needs an adult #preferably one that didnt need a booster seat for his own chunnin exam #okay im done #just..its unhinged theyre All unhinged i love it #wtf i cant stop laughing #honestly Everything makes so much more sense

[chaos-storm]

Few things piss me off more than people who cannot comprehend that just because they told a joke, does not mean I have to think it's funny

#and this is coming from the guy who laughs at everything I think is funny #i just remembered the argument I had last year with my family memberd where my dad said a joka #i told him I didnt like it #my sister yelled at me to stop being so sensitive #i had to leave the room cause I got so angry at their reactions #my dad came out to yell at me for all kinds of things he dislikes about me #then later when I tried to explain myself to my mother she said ''Well #you have to understand that it was just a joke'x #joke''* #and I had to explain to her that just because my dad tells a joke does not mean I have to like it or find it funny #and I cant remember if I explained this but ffs if someone tells a joke and the respose is ''that made me uncomfortable'' #then the reaction should be ''oh I'm sorry I'll be more mindful of that in the future'' #not fucking ''Jesus christ you need to learn to take a joke you're so fucking sensitive'' #WHICH IS WHAT MY ABUSER WOULD ALWAYS SAY #like ffs why cant my family understand that I never contact them because I dont like talking to them #cause talking to them puts me at risk of situations like these!!! #negative

[priestfrommidnightmass]

i was in the theatre with only one other old man and when paul mescal and andrew scott started fucking i saw him shifting in his seat and then he WALKED OUT. i can’t stop giggling i didn’t know people actually did that

#if i didn’t know better i’d say i saw him shivering #as he walked out #it’s so fucking funny i cant stop laughing ag it

[luckyemocode]

i always forget naegi/togami is like... a popular ship i guess so theres ppl who think like Deeply about togami and i just wha

#just saw a post that was like 'is byakuya smart? absolutely' and i cant stop laughing and being like ?????????? what #bc 1. whos thinking about togami enough to be like Oh Yea Hes Smart 2. hes Not????????????/ he has like financial knowledge but how is that #a measure of intelligence esp in the context of danganronpa universe (+ esp in the context of like dr1 killing game) #like how do u finish the second chapter of dr1 being like Yes This Guy Is A Thinker HOW #and 3. really out of all the characters in dr who the fuck is thinking abt togami #-> and the answer is just idk basic main male character x 2nd most relevant male character shipping I GUESS #also the post this was in was criticizing the black+white view ppl have with 'smart' vs 'dumb' characters so no ill will there or anything #will queue it in a bit #just funny bc like I Do Not think abt togami much let alone think of him as the Smart One of anything #like tbh naegi is probably 'smarter' but i have a feeling his optimism makes him have like the stupid label between them w.e #(which in turn makes togami the smart one i guess?) #so yea just a moment of someone being like 'heres an issue in the fandom' and me being like 'mhm agree' but that example being like what #bc its something i dont really see/never seek out/not how i think of the character/dont interact w fanon for this character etc #lol anyways time to fill my queue up sorry it ran out on the weekend but i only like to reblog stuff when im at work lmao #time theft my beloved <3

[daydadahlias]

no snoopy stop you’ll kill them LMFAO jess i know i keep saying this but you’re actually so funny shdhdhsjd

im really so glad that we can both agree "no snoopy stop you'll kill them" is hilarious

#just seeing it again i started crying #why do i think that's so funny #like it was the first thing i said out loud when i saw cal's ask and i just about lost my fucking mind #thank you so much i so appreciate it #keep saying it <3 #u feed my little enormous ego #i literally cant stop laughing like i am just in a giggly little mood #pigeon #anon #snoopy could kill a man if he wanted to

[todayisafridaynight]

im so sorry to my boy mitsu but getting his shit kicked in for just standing there still makes me laugh

#snap chats #ESP AFTER JO GIVES HIM THAT 'attaboy' PAT AND SMILE STOP THATS HEINOUS #i cant believe i never made a post about this before the fuck is wrong with me #ive been laughing about this for nine months i couldve had a BABY in that time BUT NO PLEAAAASE #like i get being pissed at ichi and jo hitting him but my bro was just there for the ride HEEEELP #fine its arguable that since mitsu is ichi's partner that he couldve been responsible for ichi but STILL #its so fucking funnyyyyy im sorry my sense of humor is slapstick ITS NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY IT JUST ISSS #mitsu's only crime was being born im sorry king. but also lol #im procrastinating so hard hey everyone. i finished the second ep of kyouen today <- said he was gonna finish the series that morning #sorry i was too despondent to do anything so i just laid in bed all day after my morning routine. terrible but oh well #kyouen gettin so good tho bruh im going insane its only six eps long im SCARED #ok pleaaaaasse actually draw something now bye bye everyone pray for me

[cantstopkillingtime]

idk how to do the ai voices thing but

a photoshopped picture of ben shapiro dressed like a little kid would dress as a fairy princess and he is like

trying to play fairies with his friend at his birthday, but he is like, no im immune to everything cause im the fairy princess, and princesses are immune to everything, and

the other attendants are like, idk, tucker carlson dressed as princess aurora crying and calling his mom cause he came dressed as a princess and not a fairy and everyone made fun of him

#shut up i cant stop thinking about the fucking #hey #hey man #i got old #THAT #it made me laugh so fucking hard like genuinely i couldnt stop for bit #anyway i think this is funny #also to any #gotchyas! #im not laughing at the concept of ben shapiro dress like a little girl in a fairy costume #live your life #im laughing cause if he was an 8 year old girl at her birthday party trying to play pretend #he would be that mean kid saying he is immune to fire damage and lasers and ice damage and clouds

[floorpancakes]

just got the dumbest thought

imagine if adayume went through more moments and 🐣 had to watch back all of his gay cringe compilation like they strapped him down like a sleep experiment creepypasta and made him watch every time he blushed and stuttered like a dumb stupid idiot or did something deeply deeply embarrassing

and also the kabedon . he has to watch the kabedon

#see hed start off like oh haha very funny this is so sweet and then #hed get to the point where he cant stop squirming bc thats the appropriate reaction to getting teen flashbacks #i would also react like this i already do #listen if i constantly get random flashbacks to every cringe thing i ever did from like the age of 6 to now #then he has to as well #also itd be funny #point and laugh but he cant point or lauh bc hes experiencing TRUE PAIN #I basically just want tanuki to suffer #the pain of witnessing years worth of pure embarassment #i like the idea of it going from a wistful look down memory lane to DEEP DEEP DEEP KUROREKISHI #🐣 grabbing his scalp and twisting in his chair like HE REMEMBERS???? HE FUCKING REMEMBERS???? FATE IS CRUEL HES NOT ALLOWED TO REMEMBER #this is inspired by all the things i remember that my friends remember about all the cringe ive ever unleashed #how come other people are allowed to remember that should be illegal #in this version of the episode he gets to repair the relationship because he deserves release from cringe hell

[nimomo-mo]

Vent

#but who in their right mind would say that his traumas are on the same level as mine #theyre worlds apart and i didnt mean it like a “ha ha my life is better than yours” but more of a “i shouldnt complain” #which is wrong too ofc you cant compare things like that! a broken thing is broken no matter what broke it #and we both are mentally fucked to the point that we are actually disabled #but we both cope and bond with gallows humor and joke about our horrible traumas #because at some point it stops being a horrible story that you gotta be serious about. and turns into a story so horrible its funny #you know what i mean?? #like how would anyone be able to keep a straight face when told that i was beaten and bullied to the tune of peppa pig hfhskjshg #“greta gris nöffnöff” while kicking me hfbskjfhs like making someone oink in tune to the song is hilarious #its horrible but hilarious #its the same with his stories where he had his fucked up family stories that we just laughed about because it was so horrible #but this time i went overboard with my half joke half concern comments #and it turned awkward and i hurt him and now im here venting after weve already made up #im sorry ted i love you youre a great friend and i hope you get therapy soon #we botj are mental wrecks and you desperately need meds hahah #i hope to see where you end up in the future and i hope you get to see me finish engineering school #i hope we stat friends for a long time and keep up with eachother even when far apart and doing our own thing #im gonna be horrible with contact tho i always am lmao #also i hope yours and noahs marriage goes well i love you two youre great #also i hope noah get their fucking mental health cyecked too god damn theyre an autistic trigger wreckage #i cant talk about traumas with anyone else because the worst thing on earth is when someone pities me. or feels sorry for me #stop it! im not weak! im not pathetic like that! dont pity me! its disgusting! #ugh. unfortunately us making fun of eachothers trauma leads to a guilty partypooper feeling when trying to get help #cant really reach out to ted without feeling awkward or guilty or like a killjoy making things worse #i love him but damn. i hate hate hate hate having panic attacks in front of people and even more someone that normally jokes w me #idk

[babsaros]

currently going to hell because i can’t stop falling into hysteric laughter watching this guy on twitch playing beamng and pretending to get into car accidents

#its soooooo funny #the way he says sorry to the other ppl in the car as they go off a cliff #and then he ‘slams’ into the windshield and ragdolls out of his chair #its so fucked and i cant stop laughing

[luna0713hunter]

"Um,Ryo,wh-whats this exactly?"

When Sukuna places an odd looking mug of dark red liquid in front of you,you feel yourself sweating slightly.

Sukuna merely groans, "right,i forgot."

And then drops three marshmallows in your mug,just the way you like it. You dont know to be touched by how he remembers the way you like your hot chocolate,or be scared of what the suspicious red liquid is made of.

"no i-" you smile awkwardly, "thank you,but that wasn't what i meant."

"you want more?"

"no!" You sniff the mug slightly and frown, "what is this,Ryo?"

Sukuna sips his own drink without much care in the world,and takes a sit across yours.

"blood,what else?"

When he sees the color drain from your face, suddenly,he starts cackling like a maniac.

"oh shit- you should see the look on your face!"

"WHAT THE HELL IS IN THIS DRINK RYO!?"

He doesnt stop his cackling,only wiping tears away from his eyes as he looks at you with mirth.

"taste it, you'll figure it out."

You give him a face, "heck no!"

"babe,its not blood-"

"how the fucking can i trust you!!!"

Sukuna just laughs and drinks his streaming, whatever,and shrugs.

"then you'll never know."

When you watch the small marshmallows starting to melt in your own drink,you give it one more sniff before taking the smallest sip you could.

And when the sweet taste of chocolate burst on your tongue,you let out a surprised sound and glare at Sukuna.

"Red velvet chocolate? seriously?"

"what?you expected it to really be blood? seriously?what am i,a demon or something?"

You snort and drink your hot chocolate happily.

"nah, you're a curse. The king of them actually."

"yeah yeah,funny."

And when you watch the snow fall from outside your window,you smile and turn toward your boyfriend with an innocent grin.

"so,can i have another mug?"

And when Sukuna places your second mug in front of you with four marshmallows on top this time,you cant help but to think that its the best hot chocolate you've ever drank in your entire life.

#ryomen sukuna x reader #sukuna x reader #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader

[pandorxxx]

Another man’s treasure

Neteyam x omatikayan fem reader (all aged up)

Warnings: cursing, oral (reader receiving), p in v, multiple orgasms, neteyam having a size kink, neteyam being “Mr. Steal yo girl” kinda, creampie, marking, scenting.

Listen to Mr. Steal yo girl by Trey Songz for the best experience 😊

Synopsis: You wanted lo’ak, and it was no secret. However, you were scared to talk to him. When you went to Neteyam for help, he made it known that lo’ak wouldn’t be interested in you because of your abnormal (among navi) size. But you soon realized, that what one brother didn’t like, the other one loved…

🔞mdni🔞

“Cant you find something else to do? I don’t have time for this today.” Neteyam chuckled, pushing leaves out of his path as he went to fulfill his duties. This was becoming an everyday thing almost. You’d follow Neteyam into the forest as he did his daily chores just to bug him about the same old shit.

You had a huge crush on lo’ak, and since you and Neteyam were…somewhat friends, you decided that the only way to get in good with lo’ak was with the help of Neteyam. Although he wasn’t much help.

“Neteyam come onnnn. I’ll leave you alone if you talk to lo’ak for me.” You whined, running behind him to keep up with his long strides. You were alittle younger than both of them, but that didn’t stop you from trying. Also, you were alittle smaller than the average female Navi, so you got made fun of sometimes. But you had a “Fuck you” mentality when it came to bullies, you couldn’t care less.

“Why don’t you talk to him, huh? Why are you bugging me about it? I’ve got shit to do y/n.” He spoke calmly, making sure to hold the leaves down for you to walk through. He was such a gentlemen without even trying.

“You know him better than I do. I just figured you could help me out…TEYAM!” You shouted his name, making him halt in his tracks with an irritated sigh. He turn to you, walking alittle closer.

“Y/n please. I don’t have time to get in the middle of this shit. And plus, I personally don’t think that lo’ak would go for this.” Neteyam confessed.

“And why do you think that? I’m pretty, no?” You asked with a hint of aggression, eyebrow cocked as you awaited an answer. He chuckled, crossing his arms.

“You’re very pretty. But you know that’s not what I meant.” He shook his head. Your eyes narrowed, picking up on what he was insinuating.

“Well what DID you mean, Neteyam?” You asked, anger radiating off of your skin. He eyed your small frame up and down in curiosity.

“Fuck, don’t make me say it. It’s very obvious.” He ran his hand through his braids with a loud chuckle. You were now visibly angry, tail swaying high in defense as you clutched your bow. Although you were smaller, you were one of the best warriors here. Some would even say better than the mighty warrior himself, so he knew you meant business.

With a loud sigh, he finally fessed up. “Y/n…you’re tiny as fuck.” He nodded with a sarcastic grin.

“Neteyam, what does that have to do with anything? Huh?” You asked with heavy aggression, shifting your body weight to one hip.

“If I were lo’ak. I wouldn’t even wanna touch you. Might break your little ass.” He joked, however you didn’t find it funny whatsoever.

“Fuck you. I can take any male in this clan, you and lo’ak INCLUDED. Size means NOTHING!” You snapped, poking his chest angrily as you peered up at him. He let out a loud laugh, placing his large hands on your shoulders.

“I promise you, and I mean this in the most humble way possible. You cannot take me, y/n.” He spoke passive aggressively, his tone becoming alittle serious.

“Neteyam, check my fucking stats. I’d have you crying when I’m done.” You growled, smacking his hands off of your shoulders. It was no secret that you’d been with other males before, what girl hadn’t? Though small, you knew exactly how to please a man. And men just like Neteyam would underestimate you all the time…until they got their feel.

“Oh y/n, please. I’ve heard about you, trust me. But I’m a REAL man. Those little boys you’ve been with have NOTHING on me. You hear me? NOTHING!” He growled, jaw clenching in restraint. You laughed in his face, taking a step back to scan his body from head to toe.

“Oh, ok there big boy. Calm down. Did lil ole’ me get under the mighty warriors skin?” You mocked. Neteyam was a man of great restraint, but you were really pressing his buttons today. He let out a deep sigh, before chuckling to himself.

“Don’t make me ruin you for lo’ak.” Was all he said, in that deep tone of his. The one that meant business. The one that created a pool of your own slick in your loincloth. The one that made you shift back and forth experimentally, trying to find some sort of friction.

“A lot of open ended sentences today. Tell me what that’s supposed to mean.” You commanded, arms crossed as you took a step forward.

“You know what it means, don’t act so innocent y/n. And DONT challenge me. I’ll snap you like a twig.” He trailed off, eyeing you up and down. You laughed in his face again, at his sudden sexual advances. It was always lo’ak for you, but Neteyam was just as hot, if not hotter. He was stronger, taller, sexier, and a lot more mature.

“So do it. You have nothing but space and opportunity to show me. If I’m being honest, this sounds like a bunch of bs. I can’t take you seriously in this light, Neteyam. You’re always so uptight.” You teased, hoping that it would make him angry enough to take you, right here…right now. But he quickly caught on to your antics. He stepped closer, until your plump breast met his stomach. Peering down at you with a crooked grin.

“Oh, I don’t know y/n. You’re too small to ride this ride. I don’t wanna hurt you. You’re better off finding lo’ak. He’s more your speed.” He nodded.

“But the things I’d do to you…it’s unspeakable.” He whispered, running his large hand down your torso, all the way to the band of your loincloth. You bit your lip, directing your attention to the scene.

“Tell me about it, I’m all ears.” You spoke sensually, eyes meeting his once again. “Well first…I’d rip this fucking loincloth off of your hips.” He spoke, simultaneously ripping your cloth off. You gasped, finding your balance again from the unexpected force.

“Then…I’d turn you around, and bend you over.” He spoke. His tone low and full of lust as he spun you around, bending you over into a 90 degree angle. Your hands immediately finding refuge on the bark of the tree infront of you. You let out a little giggle as you turned your head to look back at him, waiting for his next move.

“Mmmhm.” he groaned, smacking your ass as he watched your arousal leak out of you like a stream. You let out a small whimper at the impact, so desperate for more.

He kneeled down behind you, coming face to face with your dripping cunt. He licked his lips before diving in. His calloused hands holding your cheeks opened as he devoured you whole.

“G-God, Neteyam!” You whimpered, digging your nails into the bark. He didn’t say anything else to you, didn’t even bother coming up for air. All you could hear was nasally gulps, and squelching sounds followed by low hums of satisfaction from him.

You could feel his tongue flicking, sucking, and gnawing on your sensitive clit before licking all the way up to your ass, giving it a small peck. And then he would go back to work on you. Your legs were starting to shake as your whines increased in volume.

“I-Im sooo close.” You spoke in exhaustion from holding yourself up. He hummed in response, wiggling his head as you used the flat of his tongue to taste you completely. This in turn, sending you over the edge. Without much warning, you released into his mouth. You tried to wiggle out of his grasp, but his strong hands held you in place as he lapped up your juices. All of your essence dripping down his jaw and neck.

“This pussy tastes like heaven, baby.” He chuckled, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before standing to his full height behind you.

“I want you to stay juuust like this for me. Think you can do that?” He asked as he untied his loincloth from around his his gently. You nodded in response, feeling his tip graze past your slit on the way up to slap his stomach.

He grabbed his cock, using the tip to play with your clit. “Mmm…” You hum, leaning your cheek against the bark as you watched him with desperate eyes.

With little to no warning, just a devilish smirk, he slide into you slowly. His cock was stretching you out more than you’d ever been, yet it felt like the perfect fit once he bottomed out. You let out a series of loud whimpers once you felt his tip probing at your cervix. That was a feeling you’d never had before.

“I know, baby. I know…” he moaned, thrusting into you slowly to get you used to his size. His large hands trailed all the way up your back, giving it a light rub before finding their way to the back of your neck.

“You’re s-sooo big!” You whined, knuckles turning white from the grip you had on the bark infront of you. He didn’t know what it was about your cries that turned him on so much. Maybe it was the fact that you were a tough girl, and seeing you so helpless at the hands of him made his head spin.

And as much as he loved to make fun of how small you were, he secretly loved it. The comparison of you to him had him aroused from the start. He was a relatively big guy, very strong, and muscular from his endless training. And although you were a warrior too, you simply didn’t look like one. You were very fragile…delicate to him. And he loved that he could have his way with you.

“Mhm, keep talking.” He growled, now picking up the pace. His warm sack smacking against your sensitive clit, creating the right amount of friction. On top of the constant pounding to your sweet-spot. You couldn’t even form a complete thought at this point. The pleasure was consuming you. And at that point, you realized that you’d never had sex like this. Neteyam had proven to you why he was the better choice.

“I-I can’t even….I-I d-don’t- FUUUCK!” You rambled. So flustered that you couldn’t even form a coherent sentence. He let out a breathily chuckle, rutting into you like he’d never see you again.

“Ok! ok! ok! I-I can’t take this shit. y-you’re killing me, Teyam!” You whined, eyes rolling to the back of your head. You were on the verge of such an intense orgasm, unlike anything you’d felt before. It was becoming too much for you to handle.

“But you’re so fucking close, baby. I can feel the way you’re squeezing me, sucking me in. I thought you could take me?” He spoke in a condescending tone, the same devilish grin plastered across his face as he watched your plump ass ripple with every thrust.

“I-I can’t take you! I CANT!” You whimpered, tears blurring your vision. He slowed down for you, just alittle, but not nearly as much as you needed. You began to gnaw at the bark in desperation, just trying to find some relief from your incoming orgasm.

“And why can’t you take me? I wanna hear this shit.” He spoke in a low tone, shifting his hands to your hips for more leverage. He began to thrust into you slow and deep, nearly knocking the wind out of you with every stroke.

Oh, how he loved this. He knew why you couldn’t, he just wanted to hear you say it. Hear you tell him how strong, and how big he was. It was an ego boost for him, and to have you completely drunk off of his cock was a huge turn on.

“Mmm t-oooo big. Way t-too big!” You spoke deliriously, legs beginning to shake as that knot in your stomach started to unravel. Your walls clenched around him before releasing your essence. You let out a series of loud moans, just like music to his ears.

“Thaaats right, baby. Cum on this big dick.” He moaned, smacking your ass with his bottom lip in between his teeth. His cock began to twitch Inside of you, signaling that he was about to cum. So instead, he pulled out of you quickly with a loud groan. He held your hips in place so that you wouldn’t fall as he caught his breath.

“Fuck.” He whispered under his breath. You managed to turn around in his embrace, leaning your back against the bark of the tree lazily.

“Y-You didn’t-“ you began, before he lifted his finger to silence you. “Don’t worry about me. I just wanted to give you alittle taste. I don’t wanna hurt you.” He confessed, planting a soft kiss on your forehead.

“What if I want you to hurt me?” You spat, bringing him flush to you by his hips. He cocked an eyebrow in confusion, but mostly curiosity.

“Give me your all, Neteyam. Give me everything, please. Even if we have to go at it all fucking night. I want more than a taste.” You spoke sensually, wrapping your arms around his waist before planting a kiss on his chest.

“Fuck, don’t talk like that. Please.” He chuckled, rubbing your arms lovingly as he stared down into your desperate eyes.

“And what about lo’ak, huh? I thought you had a thing for him an hour ago.” He asked playfully, already knowing that lo’ak was the farthest thing from your mind at this point.

“I want you now. Is that a crime?” You asked, not even letting him answer the question before you stood on your tippy toes, engaging in a passionate kiss with him. His hand found the back of your head, gripping your hair to deepen the kiss. The other hand snaking around to lift you up, pinning you to the tree behind you. You immediately wrapped your legs around his waist, and your arms around his neck.

“Mmm, take this off.” He spoke between kisses, referring to your top. You backed away from him slightly, leaning all the way back on the bark. He watched you intently, as you began to untie your revealing top. It popped open with the last knot, revealing your plump breasts. And just like a man, he licked his lips as his eyes locked to your chest.

“Fuuuck me.” He groaned before attacking your nipples. Gently gnawing at them to create love bites, and running his warm tongue around your areola. He nuzzled his head in your chest with low groans of satisfaction as he scented you. Everyone would know who you belonged to from here on out.

Without warning, he lifted you up by your ass, and slammed you down on his cock. You both moaning in unison. He immediately set a merciless rhythm, impaling you over and over again roughly.

“Oh great mother, yessss!” You praised, squeezing your eyes shut as your voice rippled through the forest due to his unbearable pace.

“Mmm, keep screaming like that.” He demanded, thrusting into you harder, knocking the air out of your lungs with every stroke. There wasn’t much else you could say, you were completely silenced.

“I-I..” you stuttered, eyes rolling to the back of your head. You let your head find refuge on the bark behind you, revealing your unscathed neck to Neteyam…big mistake for such a territorial male like himself.

He bent down to your neck, taking a deep breath before flashing his fangs. He grazed your skin, sending shivers down your spine. Without anymore hesitation, he bit down on your neck gently. Still hard enough to leave a mark.

“Oh my-“ you started, your head going completely limp on the bark behind you. You could feel another orgasm building deep in your stomach.

“B-Baby, Im so close. Sooo so close!” He moaned, watching your breast bounce from his hard thrusts. He was slowly loosing it, and he couldn’t contain himself much longer. He could feel his stomach muscles tense repeatedly, which is something that’s never happened to him. Beads of sweat began to roll off of his frowned forehead. His mouth was slightly agape, low whimpers falling from his lips. And at that moment, he realized he’d never had sex like this.

“FUCK!” He growled, his hand slapping against the bark behind you as he bounced you on his cock quickly.

“Give it to me, pleaseeee!” You screamed, wrapping your arms around his neck tightly, leaning your head on his shoulder. Your body began to tremble in his arms as your toes curled. You couldn’t hold it anymore. Your peak was nearing quickly.

“Ladies first. Cum on this dick again, baby.” He whispered in your ear, kissing the lobe gently. The act alone sending you over the edge. Your eyes rolled back, jaw slack as you released on him for the second time. Loud squelching sounds filling the forest as his cream coated cock slid in and out of you. He could feel your walls contracting around him, and he just couldn’t hold it any longer. “Ohhh, shit! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” He chanted, releasing his seed deep into your empty womb with a loud groan.

“Don’t be sorry, I-I wanted it. Juuust like that!” You whined, rolling your hips into his to bury his seed deeper into your tight cunt. You both took a few minutes to catch your breaths before he pulled out slowly.

“Mmmhm…” He hummed, watching his excess cum drip to the ground beneath you. For a moment, you two stared at each other in awe, completely whipped by one another.

He had his mind made up, and it seemed as though you had changed yours. Neteyam was the only man you wanted from now on….

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