#hey useful tagrant though I think I did put my finger on it there

[elainemorisi]

urg, I could take or leave romance and definitely take or leave sex, but I’d really like to live with an adult who would like, decorate the mantlepiece and do landscaping with me

#and mutually commit to doing that indefinitely is why it's not just 'roommate' to be clear #I've said it before but not recently #the relationship I actively want is 'companion' #ambiguity fuckin' included in that term #which is what's now missing from it / why it is not a usable term in modern understanding #like I do not CARE if it's romantic or not #not in favor not opposed #doesn't MATTER #yeah yeah any specific person obviously it'd cease to be ambiguous that's not the ambiguity I'm whining about #I mean it's apparently a fucking incomprehensible idea that what I am looking for is entirely unrelated in EITHER direction #which makes it damn difficult to act on that looking let me tell you #(because I actively don't want a thing that starts as a traditional romantic relationship because sex + dating both no sir for a long time) #(but friendship as we know is not given the sort of weight necessary to hold this as a possibility until it's already happened #vs how dating is capable of containing the potential for marriage/whatever without committing to it before it should) #queerplatonic IS the closest term in modern language #(or it was ten years ago I'm not sure if it's been entirely subsumed by the 'you have bastardized that right back into normative' crowd yet) #but a) qp has to some extent been bastardized into both 'normal friendship' and 'romance but I'm not calling it that for some reason' #and b) even the unbastardized version takes a stance on romance #hey useful tagrant though I think I did put my finger on it there #it's not that 'what are you saying friendship is inadequate friendship is gr8!' #no shit #it's that friendships are not capable of handling POTENTIAL #they just have to flail and get lucky and never talk about it and it's weird as shit!