#hhh im so f t

[euaphoric]

・ ゜ ʚɞ ゜ ・ ゜

✩‧₊˚ pairing — jungkook x f!reader (established relationship) ✩‧₊˚ warnings — fluff, very suggestive but no actual sm*t in this, cute kissing & cuddling hhh, oc is called “little girl” like once

another 4 am post, im on a roll w these hehe >:3 but i just wanted something to post for my bday (even tho this nothing to do w birthdays?? LMAO) and i can’t get this damn live out of my head like he’s fckung inssne sffdsgsh n e ways this is lowk corny but enjoy lol.

the faint sounds of birds chirping awoke you from your nightly slumber, eyes fluttering open to your wide awake boyfriend scrolling on his phone. he seemed to be very focused on whatever he was watching, wondering how long he’s been awake for. you prop yourself up slowly on your elbows, barely able to move a muscle from feeling sore by last night’s events. you two can go at it for hours at a time - you forgot how much of a real workout it is being on top. it’s impossible so hard to resist him though, you love that jungkook has just as much of an insanely high libido as you, literal match made in heaven.

waking up to him everyday already felt like a blessing in itself honestly. he was the epitome of perfection; in only a pair of boxers, staring at his chiseled figure, toned biceps, those muscles?? yeah you were beyond down bad for him. but he was just as down bad (debatably more) for you too. your raging hormones were really getting the best of you. your first thoughts were to violently make out with him but instead you settle for some sweet cuddles right now, coming closer to nuzzle in his bare chest. “g’mornin’ sleepyhead.” jungkook mumbles, averting his attention to you instead of the screen. “took you long enough to wake up!” his arms went to cage around your form. “what time is it babe?” you ask, a slight yawn slips out, still feeling groggy.

“7 am.” “wait- really?!” you were so confused, you weren’t expecting it to be this early since usually you don’t wake up until around 10 or 11. “yeah, i didn’t get much sleep though.” his soothing touch runs down your back, pressing delicate kisses to your forehead. this was home to you; feeling his warmth against you, listening to his hums as he cradles you, never wanting to leave his embrace. you were living rent free in your boyfriend’s arms 24/7.“hmm, what should we do today?” you ask, peeking your head out a bit. “dunno… why don’t we just stay in and watch some anime?” his lips proceed to attack your face, pecking kisses all over until you’re physically sick of it. unable to utter a single word out from all the smothering, you just let him do as he pleases.

“but we do that everyday already koob.” you finally get to say once he comes up for air. “and? i see no objection here.” god he can be so stubborn at times… “c’monn, we should go do something today..” you pout, feeling bratty over his unwillingness to be social. you love staying in bed and binge watching shows with him but for some unknown reason you wanted to be adventurous today. “actually, i know what i wanna do today.” he smirks, biting his lip at you. of course, he only wants to stay inside because he’s horny-_-

you let out a tiny scoff, “ugh, perv!” nothing he says should ever surprise you anymore but it’s still fun to tease him. “only for you though.” he chuckled, pulling you back in but this time plants a wet kiss to your lips, “truthfully i just want you all for myself.” his hand brings your leg over to wrap around his waist. “such a selfish boy.” you tease some more, combing the disheveled strands of his silky hair. “mhm mhmm, that’s me.” he proudly admits, he acts very territorial over what’s his and would def gatekeep you from everyone if he could, no one deserves to see his precious bb but him:( “i’m still hella sore from yesterday, i don’t know if i feel like doing anything right now.” you timidly reply, butterflies forming in your tummy as he casually traces circles to your thigh. his eyebrows furrowed, “who said you had to do anything?”

he catches you off guard when suddenly his body shifts underneath, positioning you to be below him while hovering over you. when leaning in he stops midway to stare and admire your pretty lips, wanting so badly for them to be on his. he closes the distance to finally kiss you, giving you a million more butterflies as your body sinks into the mattress. you can sense all the passion and longing from just kissing him, it’s desperate yet filled with fervor, you feel his love immensely. when he gnaws your lower lip as entry, it becomes more heated - a full-on make out sesh occurs. fingers all tangled up in his locks while he caresses your upper body, lips moving perfectly in sync with one another. soon as you wrapped your legs around him a switch goes off in his brain, he needs you, like expeditiously. jungkook sneaks his hands up to your arms when he breaks away, pinning them above your head, you don’t know why but your first reaction was to giggle which puzzles him. “what’s so funny hm? keep thinking i’m playing little girl, i’ll have you begging we stay in.” he remarks, eyes shading darker as he doesn’t find any of this to be a laughing matter. “koo i-” he quickly cuts you off with another breathless kiss.

“shh, just lay back and relax pretty, let me do all the work for you.”

#jungkook fluff #jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x reader #jungkook smut #jungkook drabbles #jungkook imagines #bts fluff #bts smut #jungkook fanfic

[miutonium]

I can't sleep because i am lowkey nervous about tomorrow but also I just want to show yall basically my art progress (in terms of rendering) in the spam of 1 year contracting Utonium brainrot hhhh it's so surreal to see how different both of them looked like ahaha

(for guide, first pic to last, 1st week july 2021>3rd week july 2021>21st Nov 2021>9th Apr 2022)

Also witness me talking about each journey of my progress undercut lol

I cAN TOTALLY EXPLAIN THE FIRST 2 PICS. The first one is exactly from a year ago when my brainrot just started and I was like "well fuck I guess I have a new f/o now". If you ever see or feel familiar about the first art even though you prooooobably never see it,

its because it was an original picture for this redraw a few months AFTER that pic

Also if you notice, the art style for that one is totally different from others and shhh the reason it was like that is because initially I want to draw them in my actual artstyle around that time and I dont want it to follow the same artstyle like in the show. My friend said Utonium kinda reminds them of that guy from clo.udy wi th a ch.ance of meatb.alls and im like "oH SHITTT". There's more drawings of Utonium pre-brainrot era with this kind of artstyle in my folder but I don't think the world is ready for that yet lol

Anyway as I progresses to the 2nd pic, I changed my mind and was like "wait I actually WANT them to look like they're in PPG and not my own artstyle" so I slowly draw both of them to look more like the ppg style if you understand what I mean??? Althoughhhh in the 2nd pic I still want him to look a bit like my own style with my own touch and despite how much I don't like the reboot, I actually like his gray hair on his sideburns??? So if yall remember that phase and followed me from way way in the early days of this blog, I used to draw Utonium with those streaks before I gradually stopped doing that because of.... actually idk why I stopped??? I should totally add the grays back because I love it actually lol but anywayyyyyy the 2nd pic was also around july too me think? So there's probably like a few weeks gap between the actual totally real not clickbait picture of Chloe and Utonium 'together'.

That was how my render looked like for a few months until november (the 3rd pic).

So in the 3rd pic, I discovered this very magical spectacular magnificent function on CSP called t E xt U r e and holy fuck, let me tell you, I feel like I am a changed person. I was never the cringe person with mediocre render like I was, this legit marked a cultural shift in me, I just feel like I've been blessed by god himself. I spammed the fUCK OUTTA THOSE TEXTURES like it was MY BUSINESS. i pAID CSP FOR FULL PRICE I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO USE IT TO ITS FULL CAPABILITIES AND SQUEEZE IT OUT OF ALL IT'S WORTH. Although I must say, my render time after that significantly increases. By standard I used to render around 3 hours? Now this bitch took 6 fuckin hours to completely. It wasn't a daijobu era ngl 😔😔😔

And holy fuck do I have a fuckin field day with it. You think I was a changed man back then? I have ascended, I am now r e b o r n. My friends feared my, my peers stared at me, my teachers are baffled by the amount of brainrot I drew at that time. How am I real?

I rendered like that for around 4 months until I discovered something even more cooler:

B L E N D I N G M O D E

Okay jk but hhh anyway for my current render; it's kinda more like an accidental discovery? I wanted to look for ways to cut render time because it was really tiring for me to render with a fuckton of texture layers and I also wanted to emulate my fav artist's render style soooo bad (it was luoman if anyone asked) and I kinda figured out how they did it? I mean they still do it better but like I was really inspired to be like them and lemme tell you, I cried for 3 days 3 nights unpaid vacation time when I figured it out. I wasn't kidding when I say I feel like I am a new person. I am quite pessimistic tbh, I'm insecure about my art but like this is the first time in like 3 years ever I feel like I did a major progress and I feel really good.

Why did I made this post? I actually dont feel good about myself, maybe because I am nervous about my test tomorrow and I just need a quick mood boost from myself. I don't believe I did any progress. But now, after typing all of my thoughts at 3 am, after I just put art phases of my braunrot together, kinda believe I actually did progress and I am proud of myself ;w;

#i didnt do any spell check because its 3 fuckin am #so im going to correct that the next day lol #but also i feel better after writing all of those haha #maybe sometimes I just need to sit down and not make myself feel bad for a second #and acknowledge my own achievement ;w; #asuka speaks #selfshipping community #selfship #selfshipping #selfship art #oc x canon #self insert #self insert oc #ppg professor #professor utonium #asukart

[stitchthesewords]

Have I already screamed at you on discord? Yes, yes I have. Will that stop me from screaming here, too? No, no it shall not. Anyway. AAAAAAAAAAA??? YOU UPDATED TWO CHAPTERS WHILE I WAS AT WORK AND NOW I GOT TO READ THEM <3

Grian's guilt about killing someone. Haha moral dilemma <3

Grian looking at the sun, rookie mistake honey. It's okay, tho, we all do it once <3 ALSO SHOPPING TRIP SHOPPING TRIP YESSSS "you look terrible in Mumbo's clothes" FAMOUS LAST WORDS OF A FOOL. A FOOL. Also just. Grian running into Scar multiple times. Why do I get the feeling it's a good thing Mumbo wasn't there LMAO

The skirt. <3 That is all.

Scar making the way to his personal spaces the most difficult to reach place as possible, hjfglksdghjkfdkl magic and wings will come in handy lmao-

Mumbo popping in just to find Grian asleep LMAO he doesn't trust the birb </3 yet. Hmm hmmmm-

May I just reiterate that I LOVE that you gave Scar a tree house. A literal tree house. I love it <3 Season 9 references my beloved <3 AND THE VAULT. MUMBO IS BUILDING THE VAULT. HE'S GONNA MOVE INTO THE VAULT AND THEY'RE BOTH GONNA FEEL BETTER BECAUSE HE'LL BE SAFE AND STILL HAVE ACCESS TO SCAR"S TREE I'M-

Ren my beloved. That is all. <3

Hmhmm "hasn't done anything because it hasn't hurt him yet" I wonder if that's foRESHADOWING HUH. Also I didn't mention this before but I love the reference to the king's claims LMAO-

HJFDLKKJFSDJKFSJK the feeding scene, I still LOVE the imagery of that anjflkdsfghjds boYS YOU'RE IN LOVE "too intimate and enticing" Mumbo you are literally two fangs away from kissing Scar's palm you are knEELING in front of him hOLDING HIS HAND and I'm so, they're so hhh <3 and the fact they've done this SO MANY TIMES I'M SO I'm so normal about this I am just. So normal <3 Mildly wrecked but so normal <3

LMAO Mumbo is so worried I love them- I s2g I'm just so hjfjkdjkdf and I FORGOT TO MENTION HOW Scar just changed his desk into a chair for Mumbo and Mumbo didn't even BLINK I am. Hhhh OOOO SCAR rejuvenating his magic I see I see 👀👀

Anyway of course amazing way to end my night thank you so much for writing <3 AND GOOD LUCK ON THE FRIENDS' GIFTSSSS

ASDFGHJK Discord is discord and the tumblr Askbox is in another dimENSION-

I WROTE 5K TODAY I AM - Hnngh its a good thing im taking a break EVEN IF i wanna keep writing

Cant wait to get Grian alone with his thoughts and feelings when he isnt exhausted TBFH that man is going THROUGH IT you dont even KNOW

I want you to know the E N T I R E time I was writing that I kept thinking about Grian getting ditracted by fairy lights in midnight like 'well what is the sun if not a giant, eye damaging fairy light' AND SHOPPING TRIP YES I mightve. maybe. made myself fall in love w my shopping district im. WHERE IS MY HAND TAILORED CLOTHING. Also like. Scar you FOOL! YOU NUMSKULL!!! I AM GOING TO MAKE YOU RUE THE DAY YOU LITTLE ELVEN MAN its fine im fine we're fine asdfghj Also YES bc what is bumping into someone if not an excuse to try to pickpocket them if you're. ya know. a paranoid weirdo like Mumbo.

THE SKIRT MY BELOVED i want that skirt. Academia vibes

Scar accidentally forgetting that hes fucking disabled and just being like "HA WOOOO give me a sec i think im dying *wheezes at the top of the stairs* im so cool and intimidating are you intimidated grian" and Grian is half bent over with just like a thumbs up lmaooooooo

Scar: Okay fine you can show up and check in if it'll make you feel better Mumbo: i will and it can. I didn't need your permission anyway

ASDFGHJK I AM SO EXCITED FOR THE VAULT I NEED TO WATCH MUMBOS VIDEOS SO I CAN FIGURE OUT WTF HE'S ACTUALLY DOING WITH IT AND MORPH IT TO MY NEEDS AND WHIMS And also yeeees the tree is my beloved leave it to scar to build a mega base for a starter and then run off to build disneyland of COURSE i had to sneak it in

Ren <3

HM. HM HM HM. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Also yes I was trying to figure out "how do i put ren's head on this building bc he cant just detach it for funsies rn"

I am so very normal about how Mumbo feeds. I love how Mumbo is like both a Cartoon vampire [cant see his feet because it blends into shadow, he melts away into the night] and like a sexy vampire [literally staring into the eyes of the man he loves while he drinks his blood in a way that's like one step off from me having to mark the story as fucking explicit lmao] and Scar is also just sitting there like "I am Totally Normal About This and have No Feelings Whatsoever" WERE ARE AND WILL BE GAY!!!!! PLEASE!!!! I KNOW I DID THIS TO MYSELF BUT JUST KISS HIM and pull his hair a lil

IMAGINE IF YOU WILL FOR A MOMENT YOU ARE MUMBO! Yesterday you found a strange man inside your completely sealed off vault of important records and documents which, i should mention, includes BOTH of your and scar's equivalent to BIRTH CERTIFICATES AND SOCIAL SECURITY CARDS [we'll get there] and Scar is just like "Seems legit, love a good mystery, im keeping him." And you just have to sit there because hes your BOSS and he BAAAAAAAAAARELY has any power over you but theres JUST THAT SMIDGEN. JUST THE SMIDGEN RIGHT THERE - ALSO YES!!!!!!!!!! SCAR JUST!!!! MOVING HIS HOUSE AROUND! REDECORATING so your vampire can sit down I am already deeply in love w scar's magic and i havent even really DONE anything with it I am so-

<3 <3 <# THANKS MY HANDS ARE GONNA FALL OFF

#Mumscarian #Mumscarian Rift AU #hermitshipping #Ask #Rift Asks

[logan-sanders-is-my-binch]

[CLICK FOR BETTER IMG]

Patton stans and kinnies/ moxiety shippers, get your juice,

Just felt like drawing a soft patton, might go on a fluff run,

#patton sanders #sympathetic patton #ts patton #ts patton sanders #morality sanders #sanders sides #ts sides #implied moxiety #moxiety #yes hes wearing his sweater #hhh im so f t #fluff! #melodraws #💚 #melome

[mister-lady]

Man summer sucks

#i do not like summer #especially becaus where i live it gets really hot at some points where u can only wear shorts and a t-shirt and its hard to look androgynous #or masc or somethin and idk why but itd really comforting if i wear long sleeve stuff so i normallu hav a jacket or hoodie with me #but i rarely can caus its so hot an hhh #a lot of my good sesnory stuff is long sleeves and such #so im glad school at least takes place a majority of the cold season for me #i miss wearing my hoodies so much #i got this really baggy purple hoodie that is verie verie too big on me and reminds me of a few of mu f/os #and a lot of people say i didnt look that good in it so i stopped wearing it in public #but im trying to get better at not caring what others say #if other peoppe can look cute in baggy hoodies then im sure i can as well tyvm

[poke-poke-poke]

hop and wooloo are the best duo - you can’t change my mind >:-)

(you may be wondering - ‘what is hop holding?’ - it’s a pokeball, i just,,, forgot to colour it,,, and i deleted the sai file so i cant fix that--,,, hah,,,)

#pokemon swsh #pokemon sword and shield #trainer hop #wooloo #art #poke's doodles #if this has many errors - it's 'cause im sick haha #these two are nice so it's a comfort doodle i guess www #what are they doing? dunno? jumping - falling - anything you want really-- #also my first time drawing these two! #i f o r g o t to colour the pokeball.. #hh h h #if i get better i'll try and find a way to fix that hhh

[suitwcrthy]

.

#✳ s o f t c r y p t i d ‘ o o c. #(HHH I wish i could just #(write quickly?? #(i take so so long and its frustrating lol #(i wanna write and interact so so bad but then i sit there trying so #(hard to come up with something i literally #(idk thank y'all who follow me for bein patient #(i know its not super fun to like write with someone who takes literal days to fukin write #(it doesnt help that weekdays im busy for 5 hours of the day :/ #(anyway angry grumbles over for now cuz i gotta sleep lol

[ribbonbonny]

Tfw u actually feel like a functioning human being and getting shit done and not tired and!!! Good things!!!!!!!!

#hhh every month or so i have one day where i just feel good #n those are rare but!!! i shall appriciate them when they happen~ #like studying is going well i slept well i ate things #i made an appointment to get a haircut tomorrow which is long overdue so f inally #im actually wearing not sweatpants (granted only bcus they were all in the washing machine but s t ill) #corpses dont speak

[derekgoffard]

If you are comfortable with it ( and ONLY if you're comfortable DO NOT do anything you DON'T want to do) but 😶 can we get nsfw alphabet for Colin maybe????? Mayhaps

(Again if you're not comfy DELETE THIS ASK no one will know 🤫)

UHAUHS Thank u for ur ask aguuhs!! This was such a nice way to word this I'm- 🥺🥺 thank u for being so nice about this ask this is honestly so sweet 🥺😭😭😭❤️❤️

ALSO Im very very un-practiced in writing nsft stuff so this is more jot notes then atcual writing lol,, ( nsft under cut , tw drugging ) Gvvyvh gghh

NSFW Alphabet:

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Hes pretty good!, if he's not too exhausted himself he'll run around his apartment grabbing blankets and pillows for his partner lol! He'd ideally love to cuddle up with them after sex and watch a movie or smth but he will do whatever they want generally lol, he probably doesn't wanna leave them alone tho- hes real clingy afterwards 😔

B = Body Part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He will tell them their hands if they ask BUT THATS A LIE LOL his favorite area of their body is probably their waist lol,,,,( if his partner has breasts it might be them too😤) his favorite part about himself is probably his hands; hes not a suppper confident guy but he likes how his hands are shaped and he loves how his fake nails give his fingers a longer look lol.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Very average, probably cums a little less then most people LOLGYD

D = Dirty Secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

HE SECRETLY WANTS TO SLIP THEM AN APHRODISIAC OR SMTH H H H HH he would never do that ESPECIALLY if he's built an atcually genuine relationship with them BUT. The idea just gets him goin vvf hhh he also probably would want to record it too, like one of those pov blowjob kinda things HHHHHH vhubbu

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

HES A VIRGIN 😭😭😭😭😭 hes had alot of practice on toys and he's watched alot of porn but with irl experience,,,he got none 😔

F = Favorite Position (this goes without saying)

Ye old doggy style and pretzel dip... He'd prefer to be on top but he's a true switch at heart,, he's also into cowgirl ( bottom ) if his partner is smaller and cowgirl (top) if his partner is bigger/has a dick/strap on

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He's not serious at all lol! He might get kinda ? Creepy tho?? As in he might go real quiet and feel them up a bit but in general he's super nervous abt it so he appreciates a partner who makes light of the whole thing! It'll make him feel better 🥺

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He trims often!, He has a tuff of hair down there but in general he's pretty well groomed, he would never have the balls to try and bleach anywhere near his dick so it's his og hair color ( brown )

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He can get pretty intimate/romantic if his partner is! For him to even have sex he would probably need a good relationship with his partner; he's been lonely for so long and for him to finally have someone who he can be romantic with makes him very emotional lol!! If he gets romantic during sex he'll go really slow and probably would want to hold their hand during it lol

J = Jack Off (masturbation headcanon)

Jacks off a moderate amount; at least once a day;....he watches alot of hentai and cosplay pornos,, he also reads alot of smut lol

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

He's pretty kinky in general but his big ones are cosplay , bondage and overstimulation 😔😔😔 ideally he would like to do them all at the same time LOL. he's really into overstimulation with toys in particular 😡😔 he definitely has a thing for leaving his partner tied up the whole day on a vibrator while their in some skimpy outfit or smth hvqvyq H H😔😔 when he gets back he might wanna take a picture of them all exhausted to jerk off to later ygyvvggggg 😔😔😔😔😞😞😞

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Da bedroom..., he's pretty nervous and insecure abt this kinda stuff ( especially in the beginning) so he'd feel best somewhere secure and private; ...he's secretly got a thing for a blowjob in a public area or smth tho lol

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Colin is a simple man at heart; skimpy/sexy outfits turn him on alot, especially if it's smth he made/picked out for them 😞 showing sexual interest in him will turn him on too, aka just flirt with him LOL

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

degradation of any kind; he might be able to degrade someone if they asked for it but in no circumstances will he ever want that for himself lol,, it completely shuts him down

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

FFFFFF HAS A THING FOR FACE FUCKING LOL he would give his right arm for someone to give him oral 😭 it's a super big turn on for him and he probably fantasizes abt it alot😔 I imagine him being really into trying to give oral too; his braces will probably fuck it up alot tho 😔😔

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

His pace really depends on his mood lol; if he's feeling romantic he'll go slower and won't use any toys or anything; however 90% of the time he's gonna spend most of the duration on foreplay which gets him all riled up so when he atcually stars da fuckin he'll be pretty pent up and desperate about it😔 so on average he's going pretty fast hhh

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Likes them in concept but not in practice; he fantasizes alot about a quickie some public space like a bathroom or smth but in reality he could never do smth like that HA😔

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He doesn't take any TRUE risks, he's open to try basically anything but he won't do anything where someone could catch them in the act

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He can last for a while! He has a bit more stamina then an average person I'd say, however he crashes hard after pushing himself that far lol,,

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

HAS A LOT OF TOYS LOL, he has at least one of any toy that's on the market basically LOL😭😭, he bought them all in the cutest colors they were available in so they still fit his asthetic lol; at first he only bought a few ones for himself but owning so many made him feel really cool so he just kept going LOL

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Likes to tease alot; really into the whole bondage, vibrator torture, orgasm denial thing lol,,,hes not really into being teased himself tho😠 ( he is selfish 😠😠😠)

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He's atcually pretty quiet! He yelps a bit mabye ;

W = Wild Card (a random headcanon for the character)

He can space off sometimes during sex and will start doing weird creepy shit lol, (especially if their wearing an outfit) he might start drawing his fingers up their chest or leg or smth 🤮😔

X = X-Ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

It's a bit skinny but it's average! About 5.2in

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

He can be flustered/turned on pretty easily but with no influence his sex drive is on the higher side;

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

That depends on how far he exerted himself ; if he didint go too far he'll have a good amount of energy left, but if he really exerted himself he will be sleeping before his head hits the pillow LOL

#nsft #I FEEL SO SHY ABT POSTING THIS LOL AGAIN- LIKE IM NOT IN THE BTD COMMUNITY LOL WHVHSHB #i have absolutely no writing ability rip lol jbsbu #tw drugging mention #kinda?? #lol ..... #uhshsuh #THANK U AGAIN FOR UR ASK JBSBJSJB #colin #oc stuff #ask #colin midland

[radramblog]

Rating the letters of the alphabet

I feel like part of my style of comedy is just rambling about shit and making loose connections between things as part of an overall bit. I think. I’m no expert on myself, unfortunately.

The inspiration for the following absolute load of shite is trying to search Tiermaker for nothing. Like, no characters in the search bar. Didn’t come up with anything. Did a search for just a space. No dice. What about just a? Surely that’ll bring up everything with an A in the title. But it didn’t, and I was somewhat disappointed.

Then my head started writing bits about letters and that’s how we got here. This is probably really stupid, but maybe it’ll at least be fun. Wordplay is cool, though maybe not my strong suit? Anyway.

A: A is one of the two letters that’s also just a word, as you’ve just seen, giving it a necessary promotion in rank. Not a lot of things get to double up like that, though with the “an” ligature maybe it’s actually a double or nothing. But because of the confusing common connection crossing contexts for the character, it gets somewhat awkward to talk about the letter in conversation. An A, in my opinion, A does not get. 4/5.

B: B is also just a word letter but unlike A when you write it out you have to stick a few extra letters on to make it work, making it not as good. But B’s association with bees isn’t enough, because in the year of our lord, like, 2019 or something, it would become inextrixably linked with shite memes as the B emoji became king. And I just don’t respect that. It’s otherwise a fine letter, dragged down by its company. 2/5.

C: Oh come on now, the word doesn’t even have a C in it anymore! You can sea the see without any of our tertiary letter’s involvement whatsoever. Not to mention how its two main sounds are just copies from other letters wholesale. C must be confusing to non-english speakers, I’d imagine. C as a grade gets what C as a grade typically entails for many a schoolchild. 3/5.

D: It would be remiss of me not to give a sterling grade to the D. Why, none of us would be here without it. While many a youth may find the D to be quite a humourous subject, I assure you I’m taking it with the gravest of sincerity when I say the D has got to be one of the best letters of all.

And by D I mean deity, of course. Wait, what did you think I meant? 5/5.

E: The absolute absurdity that is the E meme elevates E efficiently enough to excel beyond many another vowel. However, it is also the single most common letter in the English language, going so far as to open the damn name. It’s to the point where someone made a point of writing an entire book without using it, and I think Gadsby is cool but mayhaps avoiding fifth uncial was a bit showy. I can’t help but mark it down for the sake of hipster cred. 3/5.

F: F is for Fuck. I like the word Fuck. F is for paying respects. I think the military-industrial complex has poisoned our cultural landscape to the point that a reference to one of its most prized productions’ awkward moments has become one of the most colloquially used meme letters in existence, And That’s Terrible. 3/5, I’m conflicted.

G: Man literally who the fuck cares about G. What is it even good for. Just an absolute waste of a letter, total shithouse. It’s NATO equivalent is Golf, the Worst Sport, too. Who asked for any of this? Just use a J instead, it’s cooler. 1/5.

H: I’ve seen “Hhh” used enough times in written forms of pornography to not consider it a Horny Letter. That and it, being short for Hentai, is often used to denote adult material in Japan. Basically what im saying is, I think this gets worse the less sex-positive you are. 6/9.

I: I think I’ve said enough about letter words already, but I is another high-tier one because like A I is just it’s own thing. It can also, however, be a bit confusing, looking just like an l a lot of the time, and having to constantly capitalise it is a pain in the ass. I also don’t have a particularly high opinion of myself, so a high opinion of I seems disingenuous. 3/5.

J: Clearly the best letter, hands down. I’m definitely not biased. There are so few letters as underappreciated by J- a fact many a person who’s had to do that “assign yourself an alliterative adjective” icebreaker game has had to reckon with. Because it appears to be a lot more popular with names than with words, and that just kind of sucks. 6/5.

K: K has in some circles managed to bump off its partner to become yet another letter word, though in a very informal abbreviated sense. However, when you’re looking into scientific fields, eventually said partner returns, having lost some weight on the trip down to absolute zero. This all makes complete sense in my head, and I’m sure is a lot less funny to anyone who doesn’t live there. 4/5.

L: I’d argue that L doesn’t cop its namesake. It’s a really useful letter, loads of words use it, especially in pairs, and my ADHD-brain thought it was fun to just say LLLLLLLLLLL for a bit while I was thinking about this so I guess that’s staying in now. Put me down as an L Lobbyist. 4/5.

M: Mmmmmm. M&Ms. But also it’s kind of a pain to write. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. 3/5.

N: I’d like to fight whoever decided we should have two letters that sound so similar right bloody next to each other in the alphabet. Actually, who the fuck even decided the alphabet’s order to begin with? Maybe it should go M to N, that’ll bloody show you. 2/5.

O: Our fourth vowel, and perhaps one of the underappreciated ones. O is similarly a letter word, but a much more common one considering its use as an interjection. It’s also one half of a very powerful letter combo, as we’ll see. 4/5.

P: There’s the other half. Many a joke involves OP as a phrase, whether it mean overpowered or original poster, and the letters’ adjacency is a lovely bit of serendipity. Whenever I say P out loud, on its own, I have to resist the urge to do some incredibly shitty beatboxing, which may or may not be a good sign. 4/5.

Q: I was going to write some very harsh words about Q, and its dependency on U, but then I realised that that is probably hate speech against the disabled. It still sucks, though. 0/5.

R: R is the one I am most struggling to think of things to say about. R is another letter that’s just kinda there. I’m sure the Roberts and Rachels of the world would disagree with me, though. It’s also the name of a program that I know has traumatised a lot of young biologist wannabes, slapping us with a whole pile of maths and statistics when we just wanted to look at cool plants and shit. Or in my case, cool cells and shit. 2/5.

S: The most overrated consonant, but also the thing that makes plurals not a pain in the ass. However I’m going to lean towards giving S a positive rating, if only because it’s associated with snakesssss (and serpentine characters who can talk) and I like those. 3/5.

T: I don’t think T gets enough credit as one of the pillars of the English language. A lot of very common words feature it, and yet it feels like it never gets the same level of credit as big shots like S or half of the vowels. T is like the character actor of the alphabet, is basically what I’m saying. 4/5.

U: Ah, the letter Americans hate for some reason. I think this is actually commentary on the history of American politics. Because throughout history, America has been extremely selfish and self-centered, while attempting to present a positive image that people are finally seeing past. They only entered WWI and WWII when it was convenient for them, they started wars and initiated coups in even their allies for petty ideological reasons, and they’ve gone to war with several countries and funded wars with several others seeming just for shits and giggles. Because apparently if you’re not an American, then you’re not one of them, and that means they hate U. 4/5.

V: I actually think V is underrated. It’s a fun sound. That’s it, no joke here. It’s neat, I like it. 4/5.

W: This may come as a shock to you, but double-u over here is actually two Vs! unless you’re writing in cursive, but fuck cursive. The French actually have it right on this one, naming it double-v (pronounced doobleh-vay). Add in the fact that it’s literally just M upside down, and you’ve got a pretty shite letter. 1/5.

X: There’s a reason literally every “A is for Apple” thing you see made for kids uses Xylophone for X, and that’s because there are no commonly used words that start with it. Seriously, it’s all just scientific terms- I’d argue X-Ray is more common than Xylophone in common parlance, but also, who wants to explain imaging to a kid. It doesn’t even get a second page of words on Dictionary.com. X also has implications as a letter word, that I’d rather avoid at the moment. 2/5.

Y: Ah, Ygreck, everyone’s favourite “what the fuck, France?” moment. Between that and being sorta kinda not really a vowel, Y prompts its own question more often than I’d care to admit. 2/5.

Z: As a (technical) member of the generation associated with this letter- on the one hand, I’m sorry, on the other, y’all have it coming. The final letter of the alphabet, one of the other ones worth 10 in scrabble (and yet X isn’t???), and one we probably got pretty sick of in the early 00s when it was everywhere- ironically, when most of the generation was getting born. 2/5.

And that’s the lot of them. I hope this didn’t alienate any non-English speakers too hard. It’s probably fine.

Join me for more bullshit next time I have another stupid idea. I mean, tomorrow.

#ramble #nonce shit tbh #remember when I made good content? yeah me neither

[biseckuals]

hey uhhh wlwoc? *blows u a kiss* i love y’all so much and every single one of you is beautiful. im so proud of all of you, and proud of us as a community, and its so incredible to see y’all embracing both ur culture and ur love for other women all while being a complete badass! we’re all so motherfuckin’ powerful and radiant and our neverending ability to love one another makes my heart melt. our love is not dirty or predatory, it is sweet and delicate and empowering! i wish every single one of y’all a beautiful year and hope you know that you’re loved. (and psst, i hope u get to kiss a pretty girl!) ❀

this goes double for fat, disabled, trans, neurodivergent and religious wlw by the way!

#i was scrolling thru the wlwoc tag and it just filled my heart with so much love + white ppl can rb but dont add stupid shit! #wlwoc #wlwoc positivity #qwoc #qwoc positivity #wlw positivity #bi positivity #lesbian positivity #poc positivity #sapphic positivity #sapphic #sapphic post #lesbiansafe #bi wlw #bi pride #bi unite #bi tumblr #bi post #lgbt positivity #lgbt pride #lgbtq positivity #queer positivity #queer poc #qpoc #hijabi wlw #original #100

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 97

[Date: 19/03, 05:26 AM GMT - 19/03, 06:01 AM GMT]

[CW: Gun mention]

Little-K1ng: “alright yall, just got home, did maxwell and marcus stop fighting?? i kinda dipped to head to work when they started up...

maxwell? marcus? you guys still up? ....is fetch home yet?”

Maxwell: “Uhhhh....”

Little-K1ng: “oh hi max !!”

Maxwell: “I’m up Marcus is asleep again and fetch got stuck

He said some guys started chasing him and threatened him so he ran and hid in a gas station....”

Little-K1ng: “OH NO

is he okay???

does he need picked up???? is that why he mentioned a gun earlier?????

where is he???????????”

Maxwell: “Yeah we checked he said he’s only got a couple scraps”

Little-K1ng: “oh good okay phew alright

ill catch my breath in a second, as long as hes alright”

Maxwell: “He only said he was at a gas station and the lady there helped him, they’re letting him stay the night...”

Little-K1ng: “letting him stay the night.... okay

good

hes got somewhere warm with food, thats nice”

Maxwell: “Uh...some stuff happened when you left...”

Little-K1ng: “that puts me at ease

oh?

i know you guys were fighting”

Maxwell: “It...might be best to wake up Marcus to help explain...”

Little-K1ng: “oh. okay i can. i can get him up”

Maxwell: “Oh yeah also one thing”

Little-K1ng: “?”

Maxwell: “Before you do it”

Little-K1ng: “yes?”

Maxwell: “Dont...don’t mind the flowers”

Little-K1ng: “th- hhhhhh

hhhuhhh,,,the uh

the flowers

uh

is that

what i think

you mean”

Maxwell: “Yeeeeeah.....”

Little-K1ng: “o-ookay, , ,, ill uh. ill keep calm about it

i wont make a fuss i wont worry him about it

marcus? hey? wake up buddy

Marcus. hey”

Maxwell: “Wake up shithead /lh”

Marcus: “...huh?”

Little-K1ng: “hey wake up, im home”

Marcus: “oh, welcome h..ome”

Little-K1ng: “hey marcus..... morning haha... at uh. the middle of the night

heard theres some stuff you guys wanted to talk about?”

Maxwell: “You doing okay man? You feel asleep not long after....she left”

Marcus: “..wha..?

oh

..oh”

Little-K1ng: “after i left? wow you werent up for long”

Maxwell: “....I’ll get the ice water it’ll wake em up”

Marcus: “no nonono I’m awake”

[Little-K1ng: “after i left? wow you werent up for long”]

Maxwell: “No no...not you”

Little-K1ng: “n..not me?”

Maxwell: “Uh baroness literally walked into the house”

Marcus: “....

..yeah”

Little-K1ng: “shheeeeee WHAt”

Marcus: “ow”

Little-K1ng: “sorry”

Marcus: “Loud noises, just woke up

mona please”

Maxwell: “me and marcus were talking after we made up and she just walked in”

Little-K1ng: “why would she....”

Marcus: “.....to talk to us

About uhh

Taking care of the flowers? Or something”

Maxwell: “yeah cause we cut mine”

Little-K1ng: “ah, to comment on the uh..

yeah those

hm”

Maxwell: “yeah....also she kept calling us viscount and page”

Marcus: “...”

Little-K1ng: “oh, of course. she sees you as family

and targets”

Maxwell: “I threatened to bite her

and punch her”

Little-K1ng: “oh nice one !!

...dont actually though”

Maxwell: “i didnt...”

Marcus: “..you definitely wanted to”

Little-K1ng: “so uh.... how did that fight sort out between you two? what was it about?”

Maxwell: “but uh marcus started blooming during our argument...before baroness came in and after you left”

Marcus: “........”

Little-K1ng: “if... if you dont mind me asking

oh no”

[Maxwell: “but uh marcus started blooming during our argument...before baroness came in and after you left”]

Little-K1ng: “max, you saw it?”

Marcus: “i-it’s fine Mona”

Little-K1ng: “marcus, are you okay? do you need anything to numb it?”

Marcus: “It doesn’t even hurt”

Little-K1ng: “it-... it doesnt hurt?”

Marcus: “I honestly didn’t know it happened until Max...”

Little-K1ng: “dont lie to me”

Marcus: “I’m not! I wouldn’t!”

Maxwell: “thats the thing, even baroness said it shouldn't hurt”

Little-K1ng: “i really dont want you to lie to me, marcus. i dont know if i could handle that

she said that?”

Maxwell: “or rather it wouldn't hurt if we accepted it....”

Marcus: “...”

Little-K1ng: “she of all people, ha

if it

oh

oh”

Marcus: “.....”

Little-K1ng: “oh... oh marcus..”

Maxwell: “it would make sense....as to why it hurts me and fetch so much and why...it didnt hurt marcus...”

Marcus: “...I don’t like being sad”

Little-K1ng: “i understand, marcus. i dont begrudge you”

Maxwell: “yeah we....talked and uh cried...a lot, there were many tears”

Marcus: “...thanks Mona”

Little-K1ng: “oh no...... do you feel better?

crying helps

i..... i dont know what to say...

all that.... because she just.... walked in, huh”

Marcus: “We”

Maxwell: “it was before she came in”

Marcus: “We were fighting before she got here”

Maxwell: “after you left

she came in once we stopped crying”

Little-K1ng: “oh i know, i left when it started i just......i didnt think she would just... i... uh.. nevermind”

Marcus: “We made up before she got here”

[Little-K1ng: “oh i know, i left when it started i just......i didnt think she would just... i... uh.. nevermind”]

Marcus: “..huh?

Little-K1ng: “well i just...

i.... i thought about...

i dont know how to put this”

Marcus: “..Mona

Spit it out”

Maxwell: “marcus....”

Marcus: “What?”

Little-K1ng: “i uh..... knew she kind of would........ do something like that?? in... a way?? i suppose i.... i..”

Marcus: “She’s keeping something from us!

You what”

Little-K1ng: “i had... i had a feeling

but i!! look, i...”

Maxwell: “yo calm down marcus!”

Little-K1ng: “i thought she would at least be subtle”

Marcus: “I am calm”

Maxwell: “no you aint”

Marcus: “Mona”

Little-K1ng: “yknow, prowling around in the night going through my sock drawer or something.... not like.... not like that”

Marcus: “You left max vulnerable to her

at night??”

Maxwell: “it's not your fault mona”

Little-K1ng: “look. i!!! i just !!!”

Maxwell: “Marcus”

Marcus: “Did you leave the door unlocked overnight?”

Little-K1ng: “no i...!! i just... i

i didnt want... i”

Maxwell: “if she did it was for fetch!”

Marcus: “he knows how to knock”

[Maxwell: “if she did it was for fetch!”]

Little-K1ng: “hhh... y hhyeah .. ..”

[Marcus: “he knows how to knock”]

Maxwell: “not f we're all asleep

Little-K1ng: “i was.... hhh.. i was worried if he.. if he came home late,, and i didnt hear him,,”

Marcus: “He can knock loudly”

Little-K1ng: “he wouldnt come back

i didnt think ...”

Maxwell: “actually dont think i havent noticed you havent been sleeping at night marcus

everytime i wake up youre awake”

Marcus: “....”

Maxwell: “i go to sleep you're awake

I WAKE UP FROM A NIGHTMARE AND YOU'RE AWAKE”

Little-K1ng: “but.... hes not? hes always asleep when i see him...”

Maxwell: “during the day

you dont sleep at night do you....”

Marcus: “...no, I don’t

Mona

If you thought I was asleep at night

You left the door unlocked knowing that Crown and Baroness were staking us out”

Little-K1ng: “i........

Marcus: “with no one to stop them

...to your knowledge”

Little-K1ng: “i... i didnt think....”

Marcus: “I can see that”

Little-K1ng: “i just thought she would........ do what she was just... already... already doing.....

she was already finding her way in....... snooping through my important stashes...

i really... i rr ea lll y... didnt t hhi nk it wouldd have.e..

been that .... big of a dde a l”

Maxwell: “marcus it isn't her fucking fault”

Marcus: “....no nonono Mona wait no

No nonono please don’t cry

I didn’t

I’m sorry”

Little-K1ng: “i caan nt... i can t beliv e... it wwa ss my f a u lt....”

Maxwell: “....oh no....”

Marcus: “no Mona no”

Little-K1ng: “no no non ono non o no you're right you're right you're right”

Maxwell: “no no no mona hes not”

Marcus: “No I’m wrong Mona I’m wrong

mona please”

Little-K1ng: “it was my fault it was all my fault i ll e f t the ufck ing DOOR UNLOCKED what was i THINKING

I DID IT ON PURPOSE OH MY GOD.....”

Marcus: “-!

Maxwell: “It's not your fault”

Marcus: “mona Im so sorry I didn’t mean it I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry”

Little-K1ng: “no i did i didnt even give it a second thought i-... i knew she would come in, i could even see her outside watching me leave it unlocked

i just.... didnt care. i forgot to care”

Marcus: “I was just upsetthisiswhyihatenegativeemotionsalltheyeverdoishurtpeople”

Little-K1ng: “i fucking DIDNT CARE im so sorry....

i ,.....”

Marcus: “mona Im sorry”

Little-K1ng: “no... i ..... marcus.... your laurel.. would it have... would it have sprouted if i hadnt...?”

Marcus: “...it would have”

Little-K1ng: “i left you two alone in the middle of a fight.... and did nothing”

Marcus: “It didn’t sprout because of Baroness

Mona im so sorry”

Little-K1ng: “i left you two unguarded all night........ and didnt care

no no dont apologize i did this i did it on my own im just....”

Marcus: “we were guarded Mona it’s okay”

Little-K1ng: “you WERENT”

Marcus: “I stay up all night

....I guess

I guess I’m not the best guard though, all things considered”

Little-K1ng: “i didnt know that!!!! i was FULLY PREPARED to leave you both to THE COURT”

Maxwell: “humans arent supposed to be nocturnal”

Marcus: “Heh”

Little-K1ng: “for fuckin DOGBOY TANTRUM ASS

and....[hic] and.... the worst paart??”

Maxwell: “you were worried about fetch i honestly would have done the same”

Little-K1ng: “i.... im not ss oorry .. i dont ffe el like i dd id anytyhing wr ong”

Marcus: “You didnt do anything wrong

I’m so sorry for implying otherwise”

Little-K1ng: “i DID. dont LIE TO ME MARCUS.

but!!! i just!!!!”

Marcus: “I-”

Little-K1ng: “i would do it again. with no hesitation

Marcus: “.....im not lying....”

Little-K1ng: “i was planning to do it again TONIGHT marcus!!!”

Marcus: “..im sorry”

Maxwell: “look some times people do bad things I've done bad shit”

Marcus: “I promise I’m not lying please im sorry”

[Maxwell: “look some times people do bad things I've done bad shit”]

Little-K1ng: “MAXWELL. WHERE AM I RIGHT NOW

IM HERE. AT HOME. IM NOT CURRENT;LY DRIVING TO THE GAS STATION. TO PICK UP FETCH

THE GUY I LEFT YOU TO DIE FOR”

Maxwell: “he wouldnt want you to”

Marcus: “you didn’t leave us to die”

Maxwell: “we can defend ourselves”

Marcus: “...”

Little-K1ng: “the way i know you? the way i know the court? you may as well be dead when you're them”

Marcus: “..oh

...I see”

Little-K1ng: “i have until tomorrow with you and i dont even have the honest guarantee that ill be left here to grieve, or forced to join you”

Marcus: “...”

Little-K1ng: “....whats that face for?”

Marcus: “...I’m sorry that my preferred self isn’t good enough for you”

Maxwell: “god how i wish marigolds could help mental wounds”

Little-K1ng: “..........i........

.....marcus...

wait... i...

what... am i doing?

why am i yelling?

i dont do that

i just... im so used to running away from my problems. why am i so angry?

who am i even angry at?

its not even you. its not even me, i dont really feel bad

im not mad at fetch, im rarely mad at crown

what the fuck”

Marcus: “...”

#on:discord #by:maxwell #by:marcus #if the crown fits

[kuroopaisen]

MISS ROWAN THAT WAS F A S T IM—

-yuki

HELLO MISS YUKI the kita and osamu icons are Stunning your use of colour is so Good and your shading is subtle but adds such Depth i’m HHH these were the serotonin i needed :’)

#yuki 🌸 #rowan replies

[jackals-ships]

one of you needs to take away my ability to write

GHB/Dog, cyber paleness

CW: uh. it's not like. sexual but some parts could be read as suggestive maybe? listen quadrants are a liil weird and im jus doing what the brain worms say 2

Dog: so update: i miss you >:c

Dog: remind me who's idea you wandering all the FUCK way off was?

Ghb: aww fuck best bud i miss you too

Ghb: BUT YOU UP AN KNOW I GOTTA DO HER IMPERIOUS'S BIDDING

Dog: bluhhhhhhhhhhh. bluh. bluh!!!!

Ghb: you gonna just spend all day bluhhin at me doll?

Dog: ….probably. maybe

Dog: anyway! hows your jobb goin?

Ghb: FUCKIN BORING HONESTLY. BUNCH OF FISH BITCHES TALKING ABOUT BULLSHIT I DONT RIGHTLY CARE ABOUT

Ghb: an guess. take a fucking guess who's here

Dog: OHHH let me guess hmmm. a certain drama queen fishy bastard?

Ghb: MOTHERFUCKIN. DUALSCAR. I SWEAR TO THE MESSIAHS I'M GONNA THROW HIM OUT THE AIRLOCK ONE OF THESE DAYS

Dog: no!!!! >:0 im the one that gets to murder him

Ghb: fine but i get to watch

Dog: pfft yeah okay deal babes, but you have to come back first >:/ i miss you??

Ghb: DONT YOU WORRY LIL BROTHER ILL BE BACK SOON. HOWVE YOU BEEN AT THE HIVE BY YOUR LONESOME? I KNOW SOMETIMES YOUR PAN UP AN RUNS AWAY FROM YA

Fg: aslfhsjo. listen,,,,,,

Ghb: im listenin :0) you know i always am <>

Dog: 1st off i hate you <>

Dog: 2nd off: i hate you! <><><>

Dog: 3rd off:

Ghb: HMMMM?

Dog: t h i r d off there's a v small tiniest of chances that a buoy has been struggling as it were

Dog: B O Y GOD DAMN IT THE BASTARD IS IN MY BRAIN

Ghb: awww best friend :0( you wanna glub about it?

Dog: FIRST OFF I LITERALLY HATE YOU

Dog: second again I'm. listen. i would not like,,,object to a feelings jam and or a pile abt it because my brain has been really dumb

Dog: BUT LIKE

Dog: I KNOW YOU'RE BUSY SO ITS FINE!!! no more typing im fine!!!!

Dog: you put those fingers down >:0 im f i n e

Ghb: HEY NOW BEST BUDDY, DEEP BREATH

Ghb: deeep breath for me most miraculous buddy of mine

Ghb: I CAN DUCK OUT OF HERE EARLY :0)

Ghb: her imperious condescension and her boytoy can just up and fucking deal

Ghb: JUST GIVE ME A FEW MINS ALRIGHTY BEST BUD?

Dog: akdhhsksl,,,,,,okay,,,,

-----

Ghb: honk honk honk :0)

Dog: ughh you're horrible i changed my mind go back,

Ghb: AWW YOU LOVE ME THOUGH ;0) <>

Dog: LIES AN SLANDER???

Dog: <><><><>

Ghb: so how you feelin lil bro? your pan still up an botherin you?

Dog: im! fine akdgk dw im okay my mini melt down was dumb bc i am jus a lil dumb,

Ghb: >:0( HEY NOW DONT YOU GO AN TALK ABOUT YOURSELF LIKE THAT

Ghb: youre not dumb, your pan just sometimes likes to scurry away without you an you know better than to say that nonsense about your fine self

Ghb: BEST BE UP AN GETTING YOUR APOLOGY ON

Dog: you come in my messaging,,,,you make me be nice to my me,,,,i hate you. but fine @ myself im sorry for being mean to my me Again

Ghb: thank you miraculous bro! that was a mighty fine apology :0) apology accepted?

Dog: akdhsk yes apology accepted an junk if it'll make you be quiet

Ghb: NOPE! :0)

Ghb: where you at best lil diamond mine? curled up on the pile?

Dog: there is a non zero chance i am yes,,,an i uh. added to it a lil

Ghb: OH?

Dog: i hate youuuuu

Dog: i uh. stole one a your jackets,,,,im cuddled up in it. i look like im in a pale porno GOD

Ghb: SHIT BROTHER THAT IS

Ghb: absolutely the cutest fuckin thing i've heard today :0)

Dog: shut!!!!

Dog: what uh. what about you?

Ghb: IM ALL LAYING ON A COMFY ASS PILE MYSELF, STOLE SOME EXTRA BLANKETS FROM SOME EMPTY ROOMS

Ghb: wish you were here though so i could warm a brother up ;0)

Dog: jfhjffk o..oh?

Dog: wh. how would you start?

Ghb: FIRST ID GET ALL COMFY NEXT TO YA, ALL CURLED UP AROUND YOUR TINY LIL SELF

Ghb: you're always so fuckin cold all the time, colder than the fish even

Dog: my body is simply a Bastard tbh. hfjk that sounds so nice tho,,,

Ghb: YEAH? WHY DONT YOU CUDDLE DOWN IN THE BLANKETS FOR ME, GET YOURSELF NICE AN TOASTY

Dog: mmmm,,,,,,yeah okay that's. that's good

Ghb: IT IS ISN'T IT? FEELS SO GOOD TO BE WARM

Ghb: you deserve to feel good lil bro, an id make you feel even better if i was there, rub your arms an get some of that good good heat in there, maybe even work out some of the knots in your shoulders, i know you keep a lot of tension there. it's like a couple a rocks in there

Dog: hhh y,,yeah i do huh?

Dog: id uh. id want to squirm around eventually so i can kiss at your jawline an neck. an maybe bite a lil? its. it's fun

Dog: not like ROUGH bites like i do with crofish but uh, lil nips. on, on your earfins too if that's okay

Ghb: ITS SO FUCKIN CUTE, YOU GOT THOSE LIL BABY FANGS IT FEELS LIKE A LIL PURR BEAST NIPPIN AT ME

Ghb: and it tickles something fierce when you get at my fins! id have to get you back in the ribs >:0)

Dog: jhdjfkf NO RUDE!! i changed my mind id bite you So Hard

Ghb: AWW YOURE SO MEAN TO ME WHEN IM TRYING TO TREAT YOU SWEET

Ghb: now a question for you: how do you want me to wind you down my most wonderful lil buddy?

Dog: maybe uh. fuck, damn

Ghb: SHH TAKE YOUR TIME SWEET THING YOU CAN DO IT

Dog: i uh. i like it when you pet me. an talk all sweet to me, but like that kinda mean sweet? s. smean,,,

Ghb: aww fuck i can certainly do that sweet thing :0)

Ghb: here im even gonna get all quiet for you, you like it when i talk soft with you huh? you get all blushy when i do with that miracle red on your cheeks

Ghb: why don't you touch yourself for me, real gentle. spread your hand out on your stomach an press down jus a lil bit

Ghb: i could break you right in half if i wanted on account of you being so little

Ghb: but i won't because im so pale for you sweetling

Dog: hhhhhfjgk shit

Ghb: aww look at you, that's my good boy

Ghb: you get flustered so easy, you never really let anyone treat you kind like you deserve huh?

Dog: noo,,,,it feels. weird hhf

Ghb: we'll were gonna have to change that aren't we? im just gonna have to treat you real soft til you learn it's safe

Ghb: fuck you're such a pitiable lil thing aren't you. why don't you trace your hand up your chest for me, just a lil bit of claw

Ghb: and then cup your cheek real soft

Dog: o. oh,,hm

Ghb: i wanna hold your face lil diamond, nuzzle up in your neck and tell you how precious you are to me

Ghb: just let yourself relax now okay? let me do the work for once <>

Ghb: you're such a pitiable lil doll, every time i look at you i feel like my blood pusher is about to stop. and you don't even know it? you don't even know what a sweetly pathetic lil thing you are? like a teeny lil purrbeast

Ghb: and you trust me so much, you shouldn't do that my lil diamond. you've seen the kind of things i can do. and yet i put my hand on your head and you melt like you ain't ever been touched gentle once in your whole life

Ghb: fuck i love to see that, i love you. im gonna keep telling you that til it gets in your pan proper

Ghb: i love you, i love you. im gonna take care of you always you hear me? you're always gonna be safe with me, im not gonna let a single damn person lay a hand on you without your permission

Ghb: you're probably starting to get a lil tired, i know you get all worked up and crash so fast. you gonna rest now lil diamond mine?

Dog: hhh y. yeah,,

Dog: m pale for you <>

Ghb: pale for you too lil lamb <> pale as bones and stardust :0)

Ghb: just a few more days and ill be home to pile with you proper

#jackals barks #self ship #okay 2 rb but again Dont Be Weirr #*weird

[mister-lady]

*hands you my gloves* January

Hmmmbgn,,.,,, th-thank you babey, but I do hope you realize you're not getting these back u///////////////u

#ghmhmghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #i jus..t.. #godjfgmvv.. #an i havent even gotten started on the fact that u did the nickcknnmaaammeeee #hhhh #🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😫😫😫💘💘💘❤❤❤❤💘❤💘💕💘❤💘💘💘❤💘💘❤❤💘💘🥺💘🥺💘💘💘❤❤❤❤💘❤💘❤❤🥰🥰 #igngkg... #i ju.s...t #hhh #cant grt over the fact #dat somehow one of yall memprized at least one of the nicknames for one of my f/os #cause that post was super duper long ago #and was fun to make dont get me wrong- #but i didnt think anyone would actually use it so i just... hhgmg im a puddle right now🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭

[zontiky]

Five gets killed at Griddy’s AU? Blease?

you angsty motherfucker i like the way you think

aight so. five comes back to 2019 like canon, just prances in and starts being an asshole. i’ll drink to that

he goes to griddy’s alone, for some coffee of course, what else would one go to griddy’s for?

the assassins come up behind him, he’s a sassy little sassmaster, you know. canon. but when the fight breaks out, he’s just short of fast enough.

he dies

whoops?

five wakes up (can you call it that?) and is immediately like oh shit because what the fuck he just DIED that’s not cool, not cool at all

he has a breakdown because what the fuck he dedicated his entire life to saving his siblings and getting back home, protecting the world and for that he needed to keep himself ALIVE and guess who fucking goes through walls now?

THIS GUY

*disney princess sobbing*

but five calms down, eventually, and by the time he makes it back home everything has kiiiiiiiiiind of gone to shit

nobody can find him. he just came back, he was here LITERALLY YESTERDAY, and now nobody cam find him. he’s gone again. five left again.

but he didn’t! not on purpose! he can’t tell them that, though. he goes to find klaus.

he finds ben instead

ben is bitching at klaus like he usually does, berating him about his shitty life choices and habits etc, when he feels somebody touch his arm. he looks down, and behold! a five

ben voice: WHAT THE FUCK??!?!?!?!1!!?!

five: not a single fucking word. not. a. word.

ben: you couldn’t keep yourself alive for a single fucking WEEK? are you shitting me

five: I SAID NO WORDS

so they have a fun reunion! ben gets to punch somebody way earlier than in canon, and five gets to be punched! hooray! klaus is asleep rn for the sake of five&ben bonding

OH MY GOD FIVE MIGHT BE STUCK IN THE SCHOOLBOY SHORTS FOREVERRRRRRRR AKJHKFHSDKFSD

no that was a joke i refuse to believe that’s how klaus’ powers work because LOOK AT BEN, DRESSED IN AN EMO HOODIE THERE IS NO WAY HE OWNED ALIVE, LOOKING LIKE AN A D U L T M O T H E R F U C K E R

so anyway. five gets a cool outfit upgrade when klaus wakes up. no suit. i wanna say. fujckign. kHAKIS AKJHSFDKF SOMEBODY DRAW THIS IM DYING OH MY GOD

so klaus wakes up. freaks out. freaks out more. WTF YOU WERE JUST HERE HOW ARE YOU DEAD

“shut UP fucking CHRIST”

‘yeah lmao that’s what I SAID’

“SHUT UP BEN. KLAUS. BOTH OF YOU”

so yeah this is where some sibling bonding fun times happen, obviously.

except no because klaus is a stubborn bastard who REFUSES to tell the others he can after all these years, finally see five, because five FINALLY fucking D I E D

lmao

so anyway

five forces klaus into helping him with the end of the world. it is… a struggle.

because five is already dead hazel and chacha don’t get sent to kill five, so vietnam doesn’t happen (rip klave) so uhhh lots of things don’t happen actually

luther doesn’t reveal he’s a monkey bc no chandelier falls on him

agnes is lonely and also lacking a doughnut shop

hazel is lonely. chacha is drinking her murderer juice. hhh eyeballs! right

eyeball factory is still standing, is what i would say, if i didn’t want the sheer chaos of klaus breaking in after (unsuccessfully) interrogating lance and realizing the eye doesn’t vibe, and burning down meritech just because he can. and spite. out of spite, too. 

ben cheers him on. five sobs in the corner because why is THIS the idiot he ended up with why ME why couldn’t i be working with LUTHER OR LITERALLY ANYBODY ELSE, WHY

so yeah. life is fun

i say they manage to save the world just because klaus is being klaus and helping people, and five is immediately like “leonard… never trust somebody named leonard” so they trail him and what’s this? dead bodies? weird cult murder shrines? sound suspicious HELLO POLICE

so uh yeah apocalypse averted! which is lucky for them because,, well it’s not like five could really teleport them away if hes dead

well, he could, probably, if klaus got sober and summoned him but like?? idk man i just work here

this is probably way less angsty that you expected but trust me if i was writing a full fic you would be sobbing by now. trust me on that ok

yeah this is rad if anybody wants to write this uhhh DO but also link me and give proper credit, cheers

#tua #asks #ftag #death at griddy's au #aus #hcs #rambles #five hargreeves #ren