Startfall was big this year, the house of wind had never been so beautifully ready before, chandelier crystals twinkled, the fae lights floated around in perfect symphony and the champagne was plenty. All credit went to Nesta and the House itself - so extravagant yet tasteful, all done courtesy of Rhys’s pocket of course.
Nyx was mesmerised by the fae lights and kept reaching for them. The boy was handed around by friends and family and Feyre was constantly keeping an eye on where he was. He was such a social kid and he had everyone wrapped around his finger, particularly Rhys and Mor.
Nyx’s mind brushed hers, giving her the impression that he was wondering where she was. She went to take him over from Cass and tickled him. Her gaze suddenly went to Nesta, Mor, Gwyn and Emerie dancing together. Gwyn and Mor were breaking out their goofiest moves and Feyre couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight.
Nyx’s sudden “Da!” alerted her that her mate was now by her side.
He took Nyx in his arms, and placed the toddler on his shoulders. He gave Feyre, a peck on the cheek. “Go and have fun Feyre darling.”
“No its okay, this one is getting a bit too mischievous these days. I have to keep an eye on him.”
“I’ve got him, go dance - is Gwyn attempting a moonwalk there?”
Feyre let out a laugh at the sight. Sure enough Gwyn was doing that and she really really wanted to join her. She looked at Rhys and gave him a quick kiss. She motioned Rhys to bent down so she could kiss Nyx’s nose, “be good for dad.”
Rhys loved watching her, dancing without any qualms, enjoying with her friends. After a while, he decided to take Nyx up to the terrace where Feyre first drew again after the war, where she gave her exquisite smile to him for the very first time.
Nyx was busy playing with Rhys’s jacket collar until Rhys said,
“Look up there buddy, should be starting any minute now.”
Sure enough the sky illuminated and Nyx’s eyes were awestruck. He released a gasp of delight and Rhys couldn’t take his eyes off his son.
“There are my two favourite men”
Rhys turned suddenly and then low and behold something wet and gooey hit his face, just like it did that night. Nyx was laughing right alongside Feyre and he reached for his dad’s slobbered face. His little hands were now covered with glittery translucent green and he found that he needed to decorate his fathers jacket collar with it.
Feyre moved towards Rhys.
He had his son in one arm and Feyre in the other. She rested her head against his shoulder. She felt content and at peace being here. Watching the beautiful skyline with the two people she loved the most. She turned her face upwards towards Rhys and kissed him. Nyx looked at her and giggled because now his mother had all that goo on her nose as well.
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Feyre was a wolf in a cage that eventually found a way out.
Nesta was a wolf in a cage that did not believe there was a way out, imprisoned in a world that would never invite her in as if she had ever wanted in in the first place.
Elain was a wolf in a cage that felt safer in sheep’s clothing—an imposter that found shelter and acceptance, and so she took them because it was better than feeling lonely.
Elain does not growl, does not howl, and does not claw, not because she is now a gentle little sheep that loves to nuzzle and roll in the dewy grass. No, Elain just forgot what it was to do all the things that a wolf does, because to save herself and to find the comforts of the world that others seemed so easily to find, she left behind what kept her sisters from finding their own place in the human world.
Nesta growled and bared her teeth because she had never been given the chance to learn how to claw and fight. She was stripped of her claws, muzzled with fine jewels and gowns and dancing lessons. She was a wolf forced to lay with the sheep because there was no other option.
Feyre howled and sank her claws deep. She had escaped Elain’s FOMO and Nesta’s declawing by poverty and a couple of muggers that stole her father’s ability to walk. Thrown out into the woods without anything but her hide and her sharp, taloned paws, she made her way through the world knowing what it was to be a true wolf, always on the prowl, always fighting, and always looking for her pack.
The three sisters are the versions of themselves the others could never attain because of whatever circumstances lay before them when they walked their individual paths.
Hating on one is hating a woman for becoming what she had to. They are the epitome of female strength, of seeing the world before them and knowing that it will limit them, find ways to murder their hopes and curdle their dreams. No matter the person that writes them, no matter the ways their characters are many times misconstrued to fit faulty plots, I always remember this. The Archeron sisters are beautiful and wonderful and perfectly flawed and I love them each.
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The one thing that disappointed me about ACOSF was that we never got a real confrontation between Nesta and Feyre. So my imagination ran wild and I wrote a lil something. Its crappy but hey, something is better than nothing 🤷🏻♀️
Feyre and Nesta confrontation
“Nesta, I need to speak with you.”
Nesta kept on walking, one foot in front of the other. She couldn’t do this now, she didn’t think she could do this ever.
She could hear Feyre’s feet moving behind her. She was almost to the foyer, not long to go.
“Nesta, can you please just listen. I want to apologise for the measures we had to take but you have to realise I had little choice. I just want to apologise for my part in not helping you before.”
Nesta’s feet didn’t slow, she kept on going but she couldn’t help but snort, “ah holier than thou perfect Feyre makes an appearance again. I reiterate, I’m not interested in speaking to you.”
“For once in your life, will you stop walking away!”
At that Nesta’s feet stopped. The sudden fire rising within her, forging the barricade she always kept up. To feel would be to feel everything, to face everything and she couldn’t bear to do it.
Nesta turned with that very fire in her eyes, a part of her knew her eyes were now glowing.
Feyre looked uncertain but then Nesta saw a resolve enter her eyes. Feyre suddenly stood up straighter, her chin high and her gaze unfaltering. A high lady, nay a queen in her own right standing against an unknown power without any fear.
“You heard me. You and I need to have this out once and for all. You’re doing better, you seem happier and I’m relieved beyond belief. But you still continue to hate me and I don’t know the reason why, hell I haven’t ever known the reason why. I’ve had enough of it.”
“You’ve had enough of me? Finally?”
“No enough of this feud you seem to think we have between one another. Hate me Nesta, but you at least owe me the damn courtesy of telling me why.”
Nesta could feel her heartbeat rattle, her fingers shake with such intensity that she had to close her fists.
“I don’t need to give a reason as to why I can’t stand to look at you.” Nesta moved to turn away but a wall of darkness blocked her way. A wall formed by Feyre.
“Yes you do!” Feyre practically shouted.
Her shout or her feelings may have given Rhysand alarm because the next thing she saw was Rhys winnowing beside Feyre looking worried yet furious. Cassian, who was in Rhys’s office came running out and stopped short on the threshold of the foyer.
Guilt seeped into Nesta, for making her sister agitated while she was pregnant. Why couldn’t she help but strike out? She knew the answer but couldn’t begin to address her fucked up mind.
“We’re fine. You both should go back to the office.”
“Feyre why don’t -“
Feyre interrupted Rhys in a clipped tone.
“No. Nesta and I are having a conversation is all and we need to be alone.”
Rhys and Cassian shared a look and moved to leave but there was the high lords power pulsing around Feyre, probably making sure the shield was in place.
“You had to do everything Feyre, be everything didn’t you? Had to pick up the mantle that our shithole of a father should have been the bearer of”
“He’s dead Nesta, dead because he saved us and you continue to hold that against him? If I can forgive him for leaving us to the wolves then why can’t you?”
“Oh yes, the precious Feyre always wanting daddy’s approval, always being loved.”
“Loved? Loved?!, Nesta I had no one. Not him, not our mother, not you. You at least had her.”
“I did! And I lost her. I was useful to one person, one person who thought I had a purpose and she was gone. Suddenly there was nothing for me to do, something for me to be. But then you had to come in, had to do everything. Take away my purpose. The only thing I could do was take care of Elain, that became my only purpose.”
“What purpose did I take away Nesta? You were free to help us, free to do something but you didn’t.”
“It should have been him doing something! Not you, nor me. I regret that you had to do everything you did for us, i regret that I let you and I hate the fact that what you did makes me feel this way! Your face reminds me of all my wasted potential, of all my failures.”
Feyre had no response, just a silent tear tracking down her face.
“Nesta, what ever happened, I don’t hold it against you. I- I care for you and I understand that -“
Nesta couldn’t help but give out a sad laugh,
“Thats the worst of it though isn’t it? your quick forgiveness, your benevolence. It just makes it worse. For some reason all your actions and all my inactions have resulted in everything that has happened. Difference is , your actions consume me with guilt, consume me with anger and frustration. That, my dear sister is why I can’t stand to be around you.”
Feyre took a step forward with her arm reached out but Nesta scurried back shaking her head. She saw the hurt in her sisters eyes but couldn’t find it in her to care. Not when there was a hollowness consuming her.
“But Nesta, we can work through it together. We can build our relationship anew, we can stand together. You’re my sister.”
“No we can’t Feyre and you just have to make your peace with that.”
This time a wall of darkness did not stop her on the way out, she walked out and tried to breathe in the air, to feel something. Anything.
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