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#high school humor

-The month of 4/20 begins today, enjoy the little things 

-my senior year is getting trashed so why can’t I?

-leave me on read bitch BUT I KNOW YOU GOT NOTHING BETTER TO DO 

-I’m so horny i’m crying can this quarantine please end

-Okay those of you who are quarantined with your friends —FUCK YOU 

-Literally what is the point of getting up anymore 

-Okay its not like i get kissed or fucked at school but depriving me of the possibility is bullshit

-My cats are sick of me it’s the end times 

-I’ve accepted the eternal loneliness at this point

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-the most productive thing i’ve done in weeks is taken an adderall

-alright fuck this, i’m selling feet pics

-it’s okay if it’s legally subscribed, right?

-okay the lion king soundtrack is simply orgasmic guys 

-money can buy happiness 

bullshit. give me an example

jet ski 

plastic surgery 

chipotle with guacamole 

-who else is getting drunk this fine wednesday afternoon because they hate being perceived?

-i need to stop driving like someone who wants to die because then i might kill someone and that’s a no bueno

-14 pounds of cake? Oh that’s baby shit I once did 20 

-my nails are long!

congrats? 

no!!!! that means i haven’t had sex in a while!

-self care is drowning yourself in fry sauce

-is that crunchy peanut butter?! ARE WE IN RUSSIA????

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-I will kiss you on the cheek. Don’t think I won’t. Full homo 

-smell the cabbage patch kid damnit 

-freshman year is like Sweden. Not good. Not bad. Just kinda there 

-never have I ever jacked off at school

Hey man, there’s just something about pencil shavings

-it’s okay I don’t have to go to my last two classes, I’m passing 

-it smells like raisin piss in here man 

-FUCK YEAH SPOTIFY I WANT A BREAK FROM THE ADS 

-who brings their porn to class? 

-If I flap my hands I’ll get to class on time 

-Point nine led?! GET THAT SHIT OUTTA HERE 

-80% of graphic design is trying to figure out why your work is ugly as shit 

-You smell like a soggy afro 

-wow I didn’t think I’d be here spitting gay bars on a train platform on a Friday. A Wednesday sure, but not a Friday 

-damn it’s ballsy to shit in school, good for you girl 

-How are your rights different at school?

You don’t have any

-you don’t wanna fuck with no rhino

-The definition of being in a frat is being good at everything and pissing everyone off 

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day: it is almost (US) thanksgiving

My friend (who’s a freshman), was asked by a junior if she was a junior. so it went like this:

junior: “are you a junior?”

my friend: “no,,, i’m a freshman, why?”

junior: “you’re a freshman??”

my friend: “yes, why?”

junior: “b-but you look so,,, sad??”

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The most terrifying experience in high school was walking through the halls before first period and all the sudden hearing ominous drums in the distance, followed by stomping feet. Then, you hear trumpets and remember-it’s a homecoming game and the entire school band is now storming through the hall and students frantically flee in terror of being trampled.

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I wish I could say I was original. Honestly, I wish I could say I lived some random life full of constant adventure but I can’t. I am just that girl that sits in the back of the class with her headphones in, or maybe I’m that girl who just for the life of herself stop laughing. Maybe I am just that try hard girl that hopes at the end of this shitty high school experience that Ill finally find something special about me. I could easily lie, turn this godforsaken ‘blog’ into something to actually read about but what fun is that if I am being honest. I mean its one in the morning and I’m sadly listening to 3 doors down while mumbling along trying to find something to say but in all reality, I am kinda just gonna bullshit this till I find my way. Blogs are actually really hard to start, did you know that my imaginary readers? They actually cost like a lot of money or something like that, I was tempted but a part of me doesn’t think ill actually keep up with this and like if I do then good for me I guess. I actually started to write this blog when I was listening to one direction and I started to think about my ex and how I am overall just a shitty person for leaving him. like I mean I was happy you know, like we had our problems and sometimes it just didn’t feel the same but like overall I was really happy. I know I made the right decision, like I truly believe that, but sadly my mind is a bitch and I just want to pick up the phone and call him and apologize, I mean that’s what you do right?

I am just a typical high school senior who is going to use social media as a comfort zone, as well as a safe place to vent. Yes, I will most likely be sad and stressed most days but who knows maybe at the end of this ill be a functioning girl. 

xoxo

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reg teachers: always raise your hand, here’s a ten step process to go to the bathroom, i do not accept late work under any circumstance

ap teachers: here’s my phone number if you have any questions, if you leave the room make sure you come back, you can retake a test cause it makes me look better, here use wikipedia as a source for this packet

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So I have a list of shit I’ve heard highschoolers say (because I’m in highschool), and I figured I’ll share it for the world to enjoy.

2018-2019

- I like Kentucky fried chicken, Halei likes Kentucky fried children

- There’s no more fruit snacks in my snack drawer, now I’m depressed

- Great I made to many fat jokes and now my dog is anorexic

- There are times I regret things. Like waking up.

- 2 student walking to the bus:

student 1: “I want to go home”

student 2: “but we’re literally on our way home”

student 1:“I knowwww, but I want to be there nowwww.”

- I have a legit rational fear of flipping papers over

-It’s Tuesday? I thought it was Friday

- Are you eating a pepper? *nods silently*

- I’ll push you down the stairs and then you grab onto me and pull me down with you

- If it makes you feel better my sister had nightmares from Dora

- If you were to eat me I’m sure I would taste like mint and unicorn tears

- We could totally take over the world on camels

- If your eye starts twitching again tell me, I want to watch it wiggle

- Those god damned hedge hogs

- *angrily* those old lady’s are the sweetest thing *slams fist down on table*

- That was the most sarcastic silence I’ve ever heard.

- He looks like Dora the explorer. Ethan where’s your map at! What kinda boat you got? A sail boat? A yacht? You can fit 10 girls on a yacht.

- Having a deformation is pretty cool

- “Your hurting my feelings” “no I’m not”

- *Writes Slience* “SCIENCE!… oh wait.”

- I’m not here to not match (teacher talking about his outfit)

- A group of hedgehogs is called a prickle! Yes! That’s so basic!

- Student: how do you do this one?

Math teacher: That’s a good question I have no idea *pause* just kidding

- Student: what happens if I open the drawer?

Teacher: I can cut your finger off

- Corpses don’t laugh, shut up

- “Oh tommy hunny. You’re not matching. Embarrassing.”

- “What’s the prom theme today?”

“Sadness”

- Teacher: “Are you doing illegal stuff?”

Student: “No way, Josè.”

- “I NEED TO CLEAN MY TIPS!”

-*looking at something on google* All these people look the same… oh wait that’s because they are all the same person just kidding.

- Teacher: The only negative thing she (the sub) said was that some people just didn’t… work. Which I mean, what’s the difference from when I’m here. So yeah thanks for the kids that were nice and… good… yeah.

- Stop petting my thumb

- Oh fuck bitch, I ain’t ever goin’ to great clips again.

- Cashier: *points to the taco salad I’m buying* This is a yum

- Student: “just like your ‘K’s are weird”

Teacher: “my ‘K’s are not weird, you’re weird. How about that?”

- Math Teacher: log that bad boy

- Student: I’m sick

Teacher: you are??? *holds up fingers in cross and backs up*

- “I told my mom I feel like a trash can”

“You mean you’re not?”

- “You’re Sherlock and I’m the other guy… Holmes or something…”

“Um no… that’s his full name. Sherlock Holmes.”

- (completely serious) So my hen just started crowing, she sounds like a dying animal so that’s cute

- Student 1: “I’m going to have diabetes”

Student 2: “at least you accept it”

- teacher: why don’t you make it your life goal to figure that out

- Band Teacher: Less reedy, More Horny- no! Ah um Hornish! Hornish!

- Teacher: hard versus soft targets. And I apologize if I say tacos because T and T, you know automatically I think TACOS!!

- We have our hours of talking, and you decided not to be a part of it.

- “Is that vodka?” “I WISH.”

- “Stop Madison, you’re making me depressed!” “Like you weren’t already!”

- “You went 85 through a school zone? There’s kids there!” “No. There was kids there.”

- I stop caring about my AP history students. I probably wouldn’t know if you were absent. All I would say was ‘hey it’s a little bit nicer in here today.’

- Why would anyone want to live in Russia? They have bears, Putin, and vodka

- (talking about why you shouldn’t put a tourniquet on someone’s neck) Hey your not breathing anymore but at least the bleeding stopped

- You know we’re heading in the right direction when the mass killings go from nuclear bombs to shootings. I see this as progress!

- How many red bulls would I have to drink in order to have a heart attack?

- Is it a bad thing that I would rather be homeless forever than finish this god damned test?

- He walks like he’s just pooped himself. He walks like he’s clenching his butt cheeks.

- Tomadocties are on the rise! But now they do more than eat, sleep, beep, and die.

- “I’m going to choke myself with this.” “Okay as long as your having fun.”

- (talking about what I’ll get on my AP History year) Me: “Negative 5”

My AP history teacher: “no they don’t do negatives. Yet. Maybe they’re reserving it for you.”

- This is how you get mango away from the skin. Unless you use a knife, but I don’t feel like maiming myself today.

- Asphalt? Think again fuckers


2019-2020

- Give me the shit!

- (My friend after running into a poll) “Are you okay?!?” “I don’t have nuts so I’m fine.”

- “Jokes on you guys I dipped the cookies in gasoline.” “Yay! I’m flammable now!”

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I thought I would humor y'all just a bit. Post something a bit different that my depressing love stuff. Here’s a little insight on my personality, hope y'all enjoy. Have a good day and survive school.

I’M WALKING THROUGH THE HALLS, WITH A LARGE AMOUNT OF STRESS… IM ALMOST TO MY CLASS, AND I HAVEN’T GOT A CLUE! THERE IS A TEST AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I STUDIED LAST NIGHT, YET I KNOW IM GOING TO FAIL. NOW IM STRESS OUT ALL THE WAY HEY!

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Yu all know guys about school 🥺

So my school will stars on Sept. 1 (Monday), aaaand be ready for… Kinda like a global problem. The BULLYING!

So I’m a bullied guy over 6 years. Yeah it’s a long time. I can’t do anything without thinking. I mean, I think over 200x times what a want. Most of time at speaking.

The “bullier” guys “telled” me, the most problem with me is: I have got a pretty high voice, might be high pitched. How I look like ( face body). And OFC (of course) you sexuality. (What coud be personal)

So you can bullied by your sexuality. Anything who you are you can be bullied!

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