#hinatalks

[unravelling-the-world]

What would you know about it? Do you think it was easy to WANT not to see anyone? To accept that my life is gone, that i'll never get it back, that it's never gonna be as it was? Do you think it didn't hurt? That i didn't suffer? To be left behind once again, to see the world keep going without me, to see the world I wanted for when I died, but being alive...Why would I go through that pain again, just to conform to a society that will never accept me? I've had enough pain. I will not do this again. I've given up.

#hinatalks

[agustx]

wowie if in 2016 you had told me that in 2020 i would be streaming agust d`s first mixtape again and feeling the exact same way i felt when i listened in that long bus ride i would not have believed it

the feeling of knowing you´re not physically alone, that you do have a place where you ``belong´´ but not really feeling like you belong...the mortifying ordeal of being known....feeling like a stranger in your own head.... feel like kaneki in that scene where he was in shibuya crossing (?) and he was surrounded by people (who all were just passing by and ignoring him) but he broke down and was thinking they were all looking at him and stuff bc he had just turned ghoul....that´s the exact feeling. i remember that bus ride very vividly...it´s definetely the same feeling. bittersweet. both good and bad, black and white. long story short i still like this url lmao but deleting everything was a pain in the ass. will keep from my new blog and probably use this one for my pc :P idk if ill reblog this to my main its kinda cringe haha havin feelings. kinda cringe

#hinatalks

[hinayee]

I'm working on a lot of merch right now - won't say which fandoms but there's a big range this time!! I hope you guys will like them! ^ v ^ )/ Might be a little while before I release them though.

#hinayee #hinatalks #hinashop

[meaty607]

TO MY INSTAGRAM PEOPLE

my phone got stolen lol enjoy hell now that im gone 

#hinatalks

[unravelling-the-world]

For a while i've felt like i'm living in a dying world. Everything i once knew, hoped for or cherished has been destroyed or taken away from me. The early 2000's. The future i hoped for, but everything had changed for when I became a teenager. Phones, Technology developed too fast. We went from flip-phones to smartphones in less than 10 years. The fast advancement of smartphones was also a drasting change. Same for PCs, game software. Everything else became obsolete. The places I loved no longer exist. Places that became important to me, places that I'd loved. I thought they'd be the same forever. I took everything for granted. Shibuya became so important to me. But it feels like I was there in a dying shibuya. everything is the same yet somehow so different. I feel like before, it hadn't changed that much. Shibuya became dear to me in 2017. If i look at images from 2007, they resemble more the Shibuya that I knew than images from 2020. I met a dying Shibuya. I was dying as well, I just didn't know it. It all changed, so many things changed in Shibuya. I feel like it was reborn,but I wasn't. I just died, and now i'm living dead. The Shibuya I know is gone. The World I know is gone. There is no future for a vision of the past like me. There's nothing here for me. Yet i can't die, because I am a coward. Because i'm stupid, an idiot who can't do anything on his own, who can't take the wheel of his own life. There's nothing for someone like me in a world like this.

#hinatalks

[unravelling-the-world]

ok hiiii i havent rly talked bc what am i meant to say when ososan is over so idk just a random thought bc im finally playing the world ends with you after procrastinating it for abt ten years 😳😳 [storytime : ok so in this drawing app i used called spraycan (i used it around 2009-2015?) i once saw one of the top ten popular artists (emi) draw fanart of neku(the protag) and i thought it was sooooo cool (all of emi's art was super cool, and now i know it was mostly fanart but at age 10 i didnt know so whenever she posted id go :Oooo not just w her tho ok i was obsessed w this app sorry thing is in the comment section someone said it was fanart of a game and i was like WHATTTT and i saie obviously "i gotta play it wtf!!!" then looked it up and said yeah ill play it soon! then i forgot about it for years lmao] ok anyways back to the story thing is i wonder if i would have been as obsessed/hooked as i am now if i had played it back then? bc honestly most of the things i liked at 10 were casual or seem kinda cringe to me now? bc i know if i'd played it in 2014 i'd still be a big fan bc 2014 was THE year ok but i KNOW i saw that post before 2014 bc i never got to draw tokyo ghoul on that app so yeah! And like these years feel like (2014-2015) 2: electric boogaloo bc back then i was going through some shit and found comfort in media and now once again im Going through some shit and finding comfort in media (i have like 4 brainrots at once) but also i wonder how it would've been bc rn whenever i open my ds i end up playing for like 3 hours straight bc i can't stop but i can't always play ALL day bc i have other matters to attend to and i also have other games/hobbies i have to do and i rly have to study, but back when i was 10 i literally never studied AT ALL and i wouldn't really play anything that needed "daily farming/maintenance" as a hobby so HMMMMM pros and cons idk well im playing it now though. but i just wonder. how would it have been if i had played it at age 10/11? But maybe i'd still like it also bc i still like vocaloid HMMMM Big Thoughts......also i rly like it i think its gonna mark my life in unchangeable ways bc sometimes i think nothing can change my life like the stuff i got into pre 2016 but i only watched eva in 2019 and its core part of my personality now so yeah

#hinatalks

[unravelling-the-world]

thinking bout every surgery id have to pay for and tbh been super suicidal lately lol

death is the only escape bruh i just dont wanna hurt anyone else i dont know if i have the guts to do it :( but there's rly no other choice is there?

#hinatalks

[unravelling-the-world]

damn i rly be like im mean im evil but in 2015/6 i had my friends ranked by how much i loved them

like yeah now the lines feel more blurred. like if i had to do it idk if i could properly rank all of them like obv im closed to some than others but its like. at least 6 ppl in #1 back then this shit was clear as fuck

i still tend to rank everything though. so i guess i just have formed strong relationships w many people??

#hinatalks #yeah anyways when todomatsu said he ranked his brothers i believe him #ik he never told the true list but its absolutely possible he does have it in his head lol

[unravelling-the-world]

after ep11 i can say karamatsu go apeshit challenge

go off sir.....that was so hot...step on me

and ep 12 sure was something thats all

#hinatalks

[unravelling-the-world]

hmm i went out for the first time in a year w my dad today. now im quite sure. i don't want to do it again. i suffered and longed for so long, yet now it's just impossible for me to go back. it felt like a weird lucid dream. I didn't like it.

I don't want to go out again. And honestly I've come to terms with the fact that my friendships have become broken. I don't really wanna see anyone again irl anymore. I don't want anyone to see me again. Honestly just casually talking has become fine...overwhelming at times. idk what will happen, but everyday I am less capable of interacting with people. I don't want to do it again...

#hinatalks

[unravelling-the-world]

been thinking abt writing self insert fanfics wtf...........even if i do its too embarrassing to post tbh. but yeah may do it ngl im at rock bottom

and im in a "isolate myself" mood so i dont wanna continue my self insert comic rn :( bc i self inserted a lot of ppl in that comic lol

(i love all of them btw!! im just. feeling in a lonly mood rn)

#hinatalks

[unravelling-the-world]

dad asked some stuff i ended up telling him its too late even if we go back to normality (we wont) and lmao yeah my life's destroyed either way. he told me things changed but yeah change wouldve been different than just never seeing anyone again. butchered realtionships. lol. also sucks bc he said stuff abt how his friendships changed/ended and then he formed a family but for me friendships were all i had bc im not going to form a family (i dont want children) and i probably also wont ever be loved or find a s/o (which ive come to terms with but i always tried to keep my other relationships in a good state instead)

heh. only games can fill the void now

#hinatalks

[unravelling-the-world]

once a friend told me what she missed most from her younger years was the hope that things would get better and damn she got it. i miss feeling like i'll be somewhere in life by age 20

i ended up becoming a failure huh

#hinatalks

[unravelling-the-world]

heh ok dumb time but some days ago i was convinced one of my best friends hated me now bc we kinda stopped talking and she stopped liking my memes so i just assumed she hated me and listened to very dramatic music and got over it bc id been mentally preparing myself for this moment since even before i met her. she was just busy lol

#hinatalks

[unravelling-the-world]

playing competitive games with toxic fandoms is fun when you have literally no idea whats going on. like ok insult me in your weird word butterscotch ass i have no idea what any of that means its just fun

#hinatalks #number 1 victory royale

[unravelling-the-world]

You’re a good friend and I apprecied your exsistence and I hope you have a nice day uwu

Seize the day, King 👑٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶👑

thank you my friend, this message lifted my spirits up just when i needed it :-)

#hinatalks #ive been doing okay and im mostly ok now but a bit ago i cried out of nowhere when listening to music lmao #i got a lot of stuff bottled up so im bound to explode once in a while