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itsmebytch001 · 5 days

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Carmy's Kid: Pt 1

Sat down on a leathery dirty seat the bussesl of customers swallowing you up pondering on your testing math work, and the overhearing of your father screaming was certainly not helping in the mildest.

Carmy: "Cousin, Cousin?!" He bangs his pan onto the stove.

Richie: "What? What?!" He turns into the kitchen from the freezer.

Richie: "Corner" Sydney swerves around him.

Carmy: "Where is the fucking Borchetta?"

Richie: "Oh I don't know why don't you look for it, I don't what with maybe your eyes? You know those water things in your eyes?"

Carmy: "I'm doing a million things right now cousin can you please please tell me where the God damm Borchetta is?!"

Richie: "I DON'T KNOW!" He screamed, your Dad looks like he's about to snap.

Carmy: "Sydney, you see the Borchetta is?"

Sydney: "No Chef, Corner!"

Carmy: "Marcus?"

Marcus: "No Chef, behind!" he bellowed skimping behind his co-workers.

Carmy: "Dear God I know somebody's got the fucking Borchetta!"

Richie: "You know what cousin? maybe it grew legs and ran away, huh? Do ya think maybe that's happened baby?"

Carmy: "you know what? Go fuck yourself Richie"

Richie: "You kiss your daughter with that mouth?"

Carmy: "Don't talk bout my fucking kid Richie"

Richie: "See? See? he did it again! My God she's gonna be swearing like a sailor ain't she Sids?"

Sydney: "Shut up CORNER!"

Richie: "shut up? Shut up? are you for real?" He took a stride towards Sydney as she help a hot tray full of cooked beef.

Carmy: "Step off Richie"

Richie: "Shut up?" He loomed over like a mildly threatening swamp three.

Sydney: "Get out my face"

Richie: " sorry what was that sweetie?"

Sydney: "Get.Out.My.Face" her hands tensed over the hot tray, a hand reaches over Riche's shoulder.

Carmy: "Step the fuck off Richie, NOW HAS ANYBODY SEEN THE FUCKING BORCEHTTA?!"

Richie: "Look in the God Damm pantry, you retarded prick!"

Sydney: "You not supposed to say-"

Richie: "Oh Go fuck yourself Sydney"

Carmy:"Behind, behind, behind behind" he repeated snaking his way too the pantry, scanning over it to find no Borchetta.

Carmy: "It's not here cousin!"

Richie: "Look fucking harder!"

Carmy: "Fuck fuck fuck fuck " He's scrambling picking up soft cheese checking the lable and again and again and again where is it where is it where the Hell is it?

Carmy: "It IS NOT HERE COUSIN!"

Richie: "Dear God you blind dick, behind, behind, behind, behind"

He repeated following his path too the pantry, reaching for the top shelf, and picking up...the Borchetta.

Richie: "Here" he said practically throwing it at him.

Richie: "Next time don't be such a bitch about it, it's fucking cheese man"

Camry rubbed his eyes, the top shelf, the top fucking shelf maybe Richie put it up there just to push him, lanky ass dick, I should fire him. can I fire him? Did Mike leave me hire fire power? well I have hire power...it would be for the best...but how's he gonna pay his Child support? who care? No No that's cruel, he won't be able to see her any more if he can't pay, and imagine is you couldn't see Y/n? Imagine if Richie took Y/n then what would you do? I'd kill him? Obviously yeah and it's like you can run this joint if your fucking dead so shut up and don't fire Richie, m'kay? kay fine, jeez.

Camry rubbed his eyes, he's so tired.

Y/n.

Camry: "shiiiiit, Chefs! Eyes on Y/n!" Tina peers her head out the door to see you still, looking sadly onto your maths paper.

Tina: "Got her Chef, who's the guy?"

Carmy: "who's that what?"

Tina: "That guy? sittin across her?"

Camry: "What?" He said pacing quickly over looming behind her to see some dirty old hobo talking to you.

Carmy: "Ay AY what the fuck you think you doing?!" he yelled over at him.

Tina: "Chill man, he seem's harmless"

Richie: "Seem's, yeah."

Carmy lightly pushed past Tina out the kitchen and into the diner.

Carmy: "Get out, GET OUT!" He yelled at the man, who really had done nothing wrong, eating his sandwich.

"Whoah, Whoah I ain't done nothing man"

Carmy: "Fuck you doing sitting across my kid?" He grips the mans shirt and pulls him close.

"There aren't any more seats?" They are infacnt, no more seats.

Carmy looks around and confirms, there are no more seats.

Carmy: "I don't give a fuck, you eat outside!"

"Its snowing?!"

Carmy: " I don't care, get out GET OUT!"

You place your head on the counter and cover your ears, your Dad get's scary when he's like this. Your 'Uncle' Richie slips in behind pressing his hands in between Your Dad, and the homless guy.

Richie: "Chill man you gotta chill"

Camry:" Don't tell me what the fuck to do Cousin"

Richie: "Look around your scaring her you idiot"

Camry glances over to you, your forehead pressed against the table your ears covered.

fuck.

he released the man from his grasp, collecting himself in deep shaggred breaths as he scattred off.

Richie: "You gotta chill ma-"

Camry banged his fist onto the table.

Camry: "OKAY LISTEN UP, LADIES AND GENTELMEN THIS SEAT HERE!" He pointed at you "WITH THE LITTLE GIRL IN THE PURPLE COAT, IS RESEVRED, Mkay?! ANYONE ONE WHO SIT'S ON IT BANNED!" He pointed at the homless man rushing his way out.

Carmy: "BANNED!" He banged his fist on the table again, fishing his speech, causing you to tense and shudder Richie gestured to you, shaking still with your hands over your ears, Camy wiped his hand over his face, realsing how over board he had just gone. He leaned over the table and gave you a kiss on the head.

Carmy: "I'm sorry I yelled baby, I'm so sorry" He rubbed your hair and you lifted your head.

Carmy: "Tell you what, Tell you what? I'll help you when we get home if you want? yeah?"

Y/n: "Sure"

Carmy: "Okay, okay I love you" He said kissing again on your temple.

Y/n: "How long till closing?"

Carmy: "4 Hours baby"

Y/n: "Four!?"

Carmy: "That's just how it is baby, but we got a stack of books you could read yeah? Still working your way through Harry Potter"

Y/n: "Ugh, fine" You sank into your chair.

Camry: "Okay, okay well I gotta get back to work now baby"

Y/n: "I know"

Camry: "M'kay, RICHIE!" he yelled off into the kitchen.

Richie: "what?!"

Carmy:" Get Y/n her fucking books!"

Richie: "Which one?!"

Camry: "All of em!"

Richie rolled his eyes and collected the thick stack of books and plopped them onto 'your' table.

Richie: "Here you go Princess"

Y/n: "thanks"

As Carmy and Richie walked back into the kitchen, leaving you to your devices,

Richie: "Why don't you get her a Ipad? keep her entertained for hours no complaints"

Carmy: "I'd rather skin myself, now fuck off and get me some Borchetta, this is off"

pt 2? Need ideas.

#jeremy allen white #carmy berzatto #the bear #the bear x reader #carmy x reader #carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto x reader

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dentiststoothfairy · 7 months

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🎻 Violinon here!!! I will so happily gush about him with you, the more love the better!! ☺️ I hope you’re having a lovely day and getting time for yourself, you always deserve it!! ✨✨

This request is for The Pic-Squad (especially Nene!!) with a friend who loves taking them out places, treating them, baking for them.. The whole shabang!! They’re getting affectioned!! 🥺 (And this is as always whenever you feel up to it!! 🥹 You’ve done so many requests for me already!!!)

[𝚃𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝙷𝙰𝚂 𝙱𝙴𝙴𝙽 𝙳𝙴𝙻𝙴𝚃𝙴𝙳 𝙱𝚈 𝚃𝚄𝙼𝙱𝙻𝚁 𝚃𝚆𝙸𝙲𝙴.]

🔫💣🔪 𝐏𝐢𝐜𝐨'𝐬 𝐒𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐝 🔪💣🔫

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐜 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦!

🔪𝐍𝐞𝐧𝐞🔪

OH MY GOD?? SHE'S SO EXCITED.

NO NO I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND. SHE'S ECSTATIC.

It is HARD being the ONLY girl in this group. Like, these boys don't understand the BEAUTY of days out!! Like. They don't wanna get their hair done, don't wanna try on new clothes? It's like living with two broke hobos!!

So if you ever give her the opportunity to take her out? It'll genuinely be really fun, for the both of you.

Retail therapy is her favorite kind of therapy so expect to have a ton of new, expensive clothes.

You two get to chat, gossip and just have a nice day! Nene would spoil you as much as you spoil her. God a day out with Nene would be so much fun. Memories would last forever.

And if you're baking for her? She'll happily eat it BUT PLEASE. PLEASE. LET IT BE DAIRY FREE. SHE'S LACTOSE INTOLERANT AND YOU ACCIDENTALLY WILL KILL HER.

She wouldn't tell you that, though.. It's probably Darnell who does. Lucky you.

Bro, just give her that princess treatment and she'll love you forever.

𝐏𝐢𝐜𝐨

When you drag him shopping, he groaned so much. He's so used to carrying Nene's stuff, he expected you to do that to him too.

Not that he doesn't like spending time with her, or you. But.. It's just annoying. He could be spending this time getting high or something.

Wait.. You're getting something for him?

He looks at you like you're insane for a minute, just searching your face for any kind of sarcasm... What's the catch?

He feels pretty bad taking your money, he insists that something small will do. Again, he's used to Nene draining the ever loving FUCK out of his bank account. He has no idea how this kept happening.. How did she keep figuring out his information??

He ends up just getting lunch with you. He'd rather just spend the time chatting with you. He's not big for matrialistic things.

And he may be reluctant to take your money, but he absolutely will take your food. Good GOD your cooking is good.

Also, take him to a shooting range! That's where you'll get the most fun. Although, pico doesn't do the safety precautions and probably gets you kicked out-

𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐥

He also thinks you're dragging him to carry your stuff. What has Nene done to these poor men??

But, he also takes you clothes shopping, but unlike Nene doesn't prioritize things via expense. He is actually reliable. If it's comfortable and you feel nice in it? We're getting it.

Introduces you to some pretty neat designer companies though.

And, honestly? He'd bake with you. You two could chat recipes, he loves baking. Cooking too. Exchanging foods after you two both went nuts in the kitchen. Just uh.. Don't let him near the stove top. He gets a little trigger happy with the gas.

And his dream chill? Sitting in a park, setting fire to a tree and watching that shit burn. Hope you're chill with that!

And if you're looking for a little more thrill? You WILL be running from the cops afterwards! So!

#anon #anon ask #darnell picos school #fnf pico #nene picos school #pico imagines #picos school #pico x reader #pico #platonic

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bolontiku · 3 months

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Work things *siiiiiigh*

Long work shenanigans under cut

Gavin (work child #1) arrives, 5 minutes later... "Hey baker! Tell me if I am wrong, but I would rather suck man dick -"

Me "you are super pretty and I'm fairly certain you could make a lot of money sucking dick... be it man or otherwise."

"BAKeeeEEerrRrr!!"

"Right... right, just saying but go on..."

He sighs, "so... man dick or hairy pussy?"

Me blinking at him, "I'm old school, not like you youngins, I am from the old world where we wooed our women by singing soulful songs whilst splashing in the rain, hairy pussy is for no fool and I would still eat it."

He considers me a second "dick or... gross pussy?"

"Hobo gross? Yeah no, definitely dick, but grow up and learn that hairy pussy is still good you won't be pretty for the rest of your life" (tbh he's really pretty and likely to only grow prettier unless somebody throws acid or something insane like that)

Sebastian (work child #2) chatting with another coworker "yeah so we-"

Aggie, "Wait, this the same girl?"

Sebastian "naah, I broke up with the other one last month, this is the new gf, yeah, no BRO imma dawg!"

Me sighing heavily as I scrub my focaccia rings, she laughs "baker do you hear this?!

I shake my head as he visibly panics, "my work children out here being such HOES! My poor Victorian heart cannot take it, I feel faint, fetch me my fainting seat! I am disappointed and distraught!"

"Wait... Baker! I- we... were were only dating! It wasn't a real relationship- AND I broke up with her, like really! I didnt ghost her or anything! I did it to her face!"

Aggie laughing as he hurries over to me by the sink. I contain my chuckle, "so, you were a man about it?"

"Yes! TOTALLY! Like you said, I didn't just disappear! I promise!"

Me smil8ng "that's what DATING is, a time period to figure out whether you like the person to the point that you decide that you want to commit, and that's when it turns into a relationship. But that includes the commitment thing- which is gross, be a hoe."

He laughs.

Back to Gavin, he comes up as I'm speaking to a manager, "Baker, how do you tell your gf her mom is like... super hot?"

Me- 😮 manager 🤣🤣🤣

"Well the thing is- we did our workout and she tells me that her mom made us food and I like food-"

Me nodding "understandable"

"Then I walk into her home and her mom is cooking at the stove in like this nightgow thing! And my floor hit the fucking ground cause she is so hot! Like... RIDICULOUSLY HOT, not that my gf ISNT pretty, but her mom is so-"

Manager "waaaaiiiiiit! How old is her mom?!"

Gavin "not sure but she falls in my age range, which is like, 20yo to-" eyeballs the manager "...50...ish"

She laughs and I fistpump the air "I STILL FALL IN YOUR AGE RANGE IN MOT TOO OLD!!!" manager laughs as he smiles at me and nods "but your still too young for me and I'm so old my bones creak, but your valid for wanting the older chick bud, older women pull shit out of the hat that you never knew could be done and they just smirk at you after it's all done"

He nods enthusiastically, "spitting straight facts and I am legal now, 18 is legal"

Manager laughing"oh my gawd! You two are too much!"

Me dying as he stares at me and shoves him over "your legal enough to get in trouble for crimes and arson! Not old enough to drink asshat!" He cackles

Both boys "baker you're so cool"

Me 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ I'm too old for this shit. They gonna kill me hahaha

#chaos journal #tiku at work #my work boys #child 1 #child 2 #child reminds me of my godson in his little cocky attitude #child 2 reminds how false the sweet attitude can be #a bakers life for me

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atsadi-shenanigans · 2 months

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Feeding Alligators 34 - Fireside Chats

Y'all take a breather. Leaving you and Astarion on first watch.

Rated M for language and violence (once the sex stuff hits it'll go to E). Updates Saturdays and Wednesdays.

On AO3.

No one has the energy to march back out, and Gale is fresh out of mojo. None of y’all want to camp in the creepy fucking swamp lair, but the alternative is free range bog. You literally feel your White ancestors shushing you, it’ll be fine, the bad thing is gone, is that oakwood flooring?

Amongst all the shuffling and the “what the fuck was that noise”, Shadowheart finds a horde of herbs. A decent chunk of them is the mergrass Gale needs to brew dirt potion, thank fucking god.

You took the fewest injuries, and as Ethel’s dirt potion still works, you take the first watch with Astarion (creepy murder hag house needs two people, no splitting up, your Cherokee ancestors rejoice).

Dinner is cold cheese and slightly stale bread. No one complains; nobody wants to trust Ethel’s stove or fireplace. Probably some kind of murder pit waiting to be activated. Y’all don’t explore much, either. Even Astarion lingers closer to the tent huddle than usual (and they did all put up tents; it’s a psychological thing, you’re sure). He’s quieter, than usual, hands still and unmoving at his sides.

He’s actually too still, now that you look. Barely breathing, gaze shifting around and restless. But the rest of him is unmoving. The hag had been shouting insults at all y’all, and had said something to him about being leashed at one point.

“You alright?” you say, seating yourself nearby.

He blinks. Eyes track to you. “Oh yes, just fine, darling.”

It’s like dropping a quarter into one of them old mechanical pony rides stores used to have outside the front door. A chunk, and a pink unicorn—paint sun-faded and chipped—surges into movement. His face hitches up in a micro expression (smug, sass, all the usual). His breathing increases to what might almost be normal. Even his hands flutter back to life.

Huh.

“How’re you doing food-wise?” you say. “Or, y’know, blood-wise?”

“You’re awfully concerned about my health this evening, aren’t you?” His eyelids droop into that silly, flirtatious dip. “Offering me a snack?”

“Still too soon. And we just fought a hag, which everyone was right about her being a nightmare. So yeah, wanted to make sure you don’t got acid melting through your foot or nothing, sue me.”

“Mmm.” He settles his chin in his hand, one finger tracing up the side of his face. Regards you. “So, how’s the tethering potion working for you?”

Fucking blood potion. Nasty ass, fucking vile thing. The only benefit you feel is the kind of exhaustion has shifted (less depression monotony, more muscles crying in agony) and the chronic headache has, blessedly, fucked right off.

So maybe it’s worth it.

He notices all of this, of course. His smile widens. Vampire man must find this hilarious.

“What’s it taste like, to you?” you say. “Blood, I mean?”

His eyebrows lift. He looks up, thinking. “Animal blood is all plonk compared to—other things. But leagues better than the rats and bugs Cazador deigned to give me.”

Add another bullet point to your list of “reasons to kill that fuckface.”

“What do I taste like?” you say, right as Shadowheart emerges from her tent. She arches a solitary eyebrow and you can feel her judgment. “My blood! I meant my blood, not some kinda, uh, innuendo.”

She makes a “sure, Jan” face and proceeds to leave the circle for the door leading outside. Nature must be calling.

So obviously Astarion grins like a lecher. Bastard.

“Hmm, what do you taste like,” he says. To your surprise, he shifts past the leer and actually seems to consider the question. “Warmth, first and foremost. Salty and savory, but with a hint of spices, rather like a mulled wine.”

“Is that good or bad?”

“Oh, I quite enjoyed it.”

You ain’t blushing. You’re almost blushing? Why in the fuck would that make you blush? Bastard has two modes: flirt and murder hobo, and he only ever means the latter.

Things are so weird, here. The people are weird, the monsters are weird, and apparently it’s contagious.

“So blood is like booze for you?” you say because you gotta shift the tone here.

“Mmm. They are rather alike, aren’t they?”

Unfortunately, being in the middle of a hag house, y’all did not light a fire on her floor. So there ain’t no flames to distract you, and you both sit there for a good moment or two. Watch Shadowheart come back and she absolutely does not give you a “I see you two sitting together over there” glare.

“So,” Astarion says with a goddamn tone. “As a fellow blood drinker—”

“It’s a drop from each of you and it’s cooked with leaves and mushrooms and shit.”

“As a fellow blood drinker, who’s your favorite? I’ve only tasted you, darling, but you’ve sampled the full spread, as it were. Lucky thing.”

“All I taste is like licking an iron pipe.”

“What?” He sounds genuinely surprised. Then he clicks his tongue. “Such a waste.”

You shrug. “No vampire senses, I guess.”

He processes that. An odd look crosses his face and disappears again. And then he’s back to smarm. “So, in the spirit of theoretical questions, if you could taste anything besides that wretched description, which of our dearest companions would you take a mouthful of?”

…is that an innuendo? That sounds like an innuendo. Goddamn, the man never stops. No wonder he’s got a pile of lovers back in his hometown.

It also sounds like he’s actually asking your opinion on which one to nibble first.

“This is theoretical, right?”

He places a hand lightly over his heart, the wikipedia banner image of solemn. “Of course. I’ve wondered about Gale, myself. He strikes me as someone whose blood is rich, refined as a well-aged brandy.”

Gale is a wizard, and they’re probably snooty, yeah? Except Gale has more than a dash of awkwardness in there.

“And then there’s the gith,” he says. “What in the hells do you think she tastes like?

You know jack shit about alcohol. Try to think of some way to add to this conversation without revealing that (people get weird about it).

But he beats you to that non-alcoholic punch. Fake gasps and looks at you, all smugly scandalized. “Oh, but that’s right. You told our dearest Blade that you don’t drink.”

And the man casually leans in to pat your fucking cheek. You jerk back, swipe at him. But he’s already retreating out of range, and continuing on because he’s fucking horrible like that. “You poor, poor thing. That must be so boring, darling. How sheltered are you, exactly?”

Extremely, in some ways. And aggressively not in other ways on very, very purpose because your mother and her band of psychos can fuck right off into the sun, you’re a goddamn adult, fuck you very much.

“You eavesdrop on the regular?” you say.

He taps the pointed tip of his long ear. “Darling, when you have my hearing, you learn everything about everyone in camp.”

…good to know, holy shit.

“I bet Lae’zel is sour,” you say, shoving this conversation back on track. “Like, really sour. Maybe a gamy undertone.”

He pauses, opens his mouth. Shuts it and taps his finger to his chin. “Hmm. You might be right.”

“You, uh, you looking at other necks?”

His smirk morphs into a malicious sneer. “Oh, don’t worry, there’s enough of me to go around. I’m a man of tremendous appetites. Still this is just a little team bonding, eh? Good for morale and all?”

You…feel like he’s saying something else. You ain’t sure what, like hearing a voice in another room but unable to pick out a single word. And before you can try to work on that he changes the subject.

“So, you don’t like drinking? Surely the benefits outweigh the taste?” he says.

Honestly, that gets you more questions than almost anything else (the top contender is the lack of bed partners, because people get real weird about that so you don’t bring it up). They assume it’s a religious thing. And maybe that did keep you from developing a taste earlier in life, but you’d tried plenty ever since (out of spite) and they’re all horrifying.

“Not really,” you say, and stick out your tongue in what you hope is the universal “blurgh” face. “I can drink it in other stuff, sometimes, but I’d just rather not.”

“You dislike bitter things. Noted.”

Did…did he just turn that into some kinda innuendo? Because his tone suggests it is, but the words make no damn sense and you stare at him for a hot minute.

“You’re being real weird tonight,” you say. And immediately regret being so forward and the first twinge of panic uncurls beneath your lungs.

But he only grins and leans back on his hands. “We just murdered a hag, my dear, as you noted. Is it a crime to bask in our victory?”

Everyone and everything was so scared of her. Those still-living people below had been trapped so long. Even Gandrel, a professional monster hunter, was wary of her.

“Guess not,” you say.

“Thank you. And you never did answer my question, you know.” At your blank stare, “If you could properly sample anyone here, who would it be?”

Six tents, yours and his included. Nobody did their extra stuff today—no writing desk for Gale or practice dummies for Lae’zel. Just a closed tent and a bedroll within. You suspect y’all will be hoofing out the second y’all can in the morning, this entire place be damned. The tents are all, to your ears, quiet.

“I dunno,” you say. “Guess it depends on what makes blood taste different. You said it’s life force, right? So wouldn’t someone like, say, Wyll, be better than Gale? Just cause he’s younger? Or is it experience? Fitness? Is diet a factor? I mean, if somebody eats chocolate, it puts sugars and hormones into the bloodstream. Does that alter what you get outta it?”

Now it’s his turn to stare. To blink. “I don’t really know, darling. This is theoretical.”

“Do you want to know?” Because you do. Sweat smells different when the body processes alcohol. Urine smells different depending on vegetable consumption. “The human—er the body is basically a big, interwoven chemistry set. Whole thing is run on chemicals and hormones. So tweaking some a those ought to affect what you get out of it. Unless it’s all magical, vampire bullshit stuff. But we could experiment, maybe? If you wanted?”

And now a slight frown folds the skin between his brows. You’ve gone and overdone it again. Fuck.

“Wyll,” you blurt. “I’d try Wyll.”

He pauses, and then smooths back into that delighted grin. “Ah, I was thinking the same. All that self-righteous heroics. Honestly, that man.”

See? He flirts with everybody. Guy is just a flirty nut. But you two’ve established the foundations of a game, so you look at him. Hold that eye contact while keeping your face blank in the way most other people find intimidating (it’s not anything, you’re literally just holding still).

Astarion, shockingly, only rolls his eyes. “Yes, yes. I have no intention of snacking on our beloved teammates.” Sweeps his gaze to your neck. “Aside from one. When she permits me to end my agony.”

Good lord, this guy. He really is punch drunk off this fight.

“I honestly started feeling a lot better a lot quicker than when I donated back home,” you say. “I’ll ask how that all works in the morning when Gale potions me up. See if the healing juice speeds up red cell production. If it does, maybe you can tap in more often.”

Blood and dirt. What an exciting flavor profile. You almost fold into a groan.

“Really?” Astarion says. There’s the barest tremble to his voice. The lightest touch of what you could almost describe as incredulity.

Acknowledging something that skittish would only send it sprinting off. So you continue as if you hadn’t noticed. “Sure. If you want to?”

And then he leans in. Like, leans in, and his eyelids drop. “Oh darling, I will eat you right up.”

Oookay. You know he’s ridiculous, but the man is upping it to the nth degree. What an absolute goober.

He settles back before you can shove his head. You have to settle for a brushing motion with your fingers. “Yeah, yeah. Keep your fangs in your mouth please.”

The man full on simpers. Clucks his tongue, even. And in the most oozing, sleaziest tone imaginable, “Oh, you sweet, generous thing. I’ll be waiting.”

He’s just too much. You still feel yourself smile, though.

#feeding alligators fic #these two shitheads #bg3 fic #bg3 fanfic #astarion fic #tavstarion #astarion x tav #slow burn #plus size tav #demisexual tav #isekai #astarion is a dork #eleanor doesn't register actual flirting #she just thinks he's funny #funny as in weird

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torotoro0 · 2 years

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Enemies? Or...

Miles Fairchild x Reader {Chapter 7}

{Click for Chapters}

A/N: this took a long time of thinking of what I should write in this chapter hehe.

After the intense commotion, I can't help but think, why was Kate acting this way? The house is perfectly normal, except for how old it looks though, and how you feel like something is watching you, but those are only two things ugly about the house, nothing less, nothing more.

Kate seems to be crazy on her own, if the house was haunted or somewhat there something wrong with it, then Mrs. Grose and the two would've moved away, she wouldn't let the children in danger.

Looking out the window, the moonlight shines across the field, fireflies flying around, as I open the windows, a cold breeze touches my face, its as though it would rain sooner by now.

Miles

"Good night Miles" Flora bids her goodbyes and closes my door. Looking around, my room is a complete mess, cds everywhere, photos on the walls, mattress not fixed, If I would have lived elsewhere than the mansion, I could've been called a hobo.

I walked around thinking of what I should do tonight, Kate be damned, but I'm hella bored, Me and Y/N shook the shit out of her earlier, her face was plastered with the most horrified expression, she looks as if she just got out of the mental. I laugh at the thought.

The suddenly an idea hit me!

I was just getting ready for bed when Miles barged in my room. He was panting like a rabid dog on the loose, his hair was slightly bouncing, as his sweater was dangling down making me see his exposed breast area.

"Like the view?" He smirks, leaning on the door frame. "Actually no" I arch an eyebrow, "And what do you want with me now?" His face contorts to a big smile.

"Such a klutz, I'm hungry" patting his stomach, he invites himself in the room, "I didn't say you can ente-" Before I could mutter anything else, he grabs my wrist and leads me out of the room.

Quietly going downstairs, he looks back at me and smiles. "What are you smiling about there?" I frown, weeks ago, he was teasing and bullying me, now he acts like a saint to me, I guess he needs to go to mental rather than Kate.

Sneaking to the kitchen, he brings out marshmallows, crackers and chocolate. "Smores?" he hands me a barbeque stick and turns the stove on.

"Don't make it too hot, I hate burnt marshmallows" he chuckles at my remark, as he was busy cooking the smores, I can't help but look at him, his jawline was sharp and defined, the moon's light was shining on him, making his face glow, my eyes drops down to his pink, plump lips, he was saying something, but time seems to stop when you admire a person.

"Don't people tell you that you stare too much?" before I could answer he hands me his smore and throws mine in the bin. "It was burnt" He wipes his hands on his pants. "Next time, make sure you don't stare too much because I won't be there to give you a spare smore"

"I-.. Thanks" a small smile tugs its way unto my lips, "Well hurry up and eat it, wouldn't want Kate to scold us" he chuckles.

"Eugh" I groan as I opened my eyelids, last night's midnight snack was tiring as shit, after we ate smores, we went to my room and built a fort, then Miles brought up even more smores and additional candies, we sounded like reckless kids while playing last night, but because we were too loud, Mrs. Grose came to my room abruptly. Miles, in the process, hid behind the fort, then he almost blew our cover, by bringing that damn guitar of his and started playing it.

In short, we looked like drunk fuckers, but we didn't drink or do anything wrong, we ate and played, nothing more, nothing less.

Looking around, my room was a mess, it almost looked like Miles' room, but a more fragrant one, I sat up, but a hand snaked around my waist pulling me back, "Stay, I still wanna sleep" a raspy voice mutters behind me. "Shit shit shit shit-" I was a blushing mess, when did it even get to this?

"Keep it down, your so loud" he groans pulling me in tighter, his head rests on my shoulder, his curly brown locks and breath tickling my neck. "Keep it down, my ass, just- get- off me" I pry his hands off but it results to him pulling tighter again. "Fairchild!" my cheeks heat up as his breath increases its speed.

"Fine, no need to shout woman" He groans turning to his other side.

I rub my eyes; yawning, as I went down the steps, I was the greeted by a fresh smell of waffles and eggs, the sunlight was shining brightly across the foyer, making it look like a fairytale castle.

"Good Morning Y/N!" Flora peeks behind the entrance of the living room. "Your late! Good thing Miles isn't here to finish your portion yet!" she hurriedly pulls me in the room.

"Goodness!" Mrs. Grose stands up, "What on earth happened to you Y/N? You look like you got chased last night!" she ushered me to drink chamomile tea. Oh Mrs. Grose, if you just knew.

"By the way, there was loud sounds coming from your room last night, what were you doing Y/N?" Flora hands me a waffle. "Hm? Maybe its just your imagination, I was knocked out last night, didn't wake up even just a bit"

"Oh really?" A voice chimes in behind us,

it's Miles.

A smirk was plastered on his face as he walks to us. "Just kidding, Good morning everyone" Miles rubs his eyes and proceeds to sit down beside me. "Gosh, you look worse Miles!" Flora exclaims; laughing.

"At least I'm not looking like someone here" He chuckles, reaching for an egg. "Have you seen Kate? she looks like she's seen a ghost! I even had a sleepover at her room!" Flora giggles looking back and forth from me and Miles. "Oh I'm sure she's fine, maybe jut a little shaken out of her wits yesterday"

As miles ended his sentence, Kate walks in looking like a ghost, her hair was messy, dark bags under her eyes was so obvious, blood splats tainted her nails. "Good Morning Kate!" flora held Kate's wrists pulling her to sit in front of us. "Goodness, Kate.. what happened to you?" I arch an eyebrow, her lips twitches as she open her mouth to reply. "Just- tired is all"

"Or maybe, you've gone even crazier" Miles snickers making me hit his ribs.

a/n: my exams is going to be in the next 2 weeks >:(, btw, hope you enjoyed this chapter

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slashingdisneypasta · 1 year

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Ok ok... What other villains can you imagine pulling out from under your stove? I've already got Jim, but I need to know what other guys you can imagine XD

(For those of you who are looking at this wondering what I'm talking about. Slashing, it's your choice if you decide to give context XD)

I choose NOT to give context XDD Not that we have a whole lot to begin with 😂😂 OT is better this way XD

Characters you Pull Out from Under the Stove

XDD Okay so

Creepypasta:

BEN Drowned, Candy Pop, Clockwork, Eyeless Jack, Hobo Heart, the whole 'The Killer' crowd including Liu and Sully, Kagekao, Masky, Nathan the Nobody, Ticci Toby and Zalgo

Disney Villain:

Bill Cipher, Don Karnage, Dr Facilier, Goob, Greasy Weasel, McLeach, Negaduck, Psycho Weasel!, Scar, Shan Yu, Stupid Weasel, King Candy / Turbo, Wheezy Weasel and Yzma

Horror Villains:

Animal the Cannibal, Baby Firefly, Bo Sinclair, Chop Top Sawyer, Chucky, Drayton (and he has complaints about the state of your ovan's undercarriage too 😅😅), Foxy, Jason Voorhees, Jerry Dandridge, Leslie Vernon!! (He's in hiding XD and where does he decide to hide? Under your oven in your kitchen.), Lester Sinclair, Michael Myers (homeless man that he is), Midnight Man, Rocco the Clown, Stu Macher, the Djinn, The Huntress, and Vincent Sinclair.

Do you have any edits or additions? XD

#okay but this gave me wheezy idea-#he says he'll fix the oven so he lays sown there with his head inside #...he's there for a while...#even longer...#you come back and he's just been using the excuse to smoke unbothered dor hours #with- yes. laying on thw ground with his head in the oven 😅😅😅

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charlatron · 1 year

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Thirsty Thursday 'cause I'm absolutely parched for this old man

"What smells so good?" Olivia asked, hopping up onto the kitchen counter beside the stove where Hackett was busy preparing the final meal of their minibreak.

"Mushroom risotto," he answered, glancing indiscreetly at her long, bare legs before returning his attention to his cooking.

She watched him in silence, admiring the confidence he exuded in the kitchen… and the hard earned athletic build of his naked torso.

"That's very distracting," Hackett chastised, interrupting her quiet admiration.

"What did I do?" She innocently blinked.

"You're looking at me like I'm the meal."

Olivia stared back in silence, her gaze playful and expectant.

"Stir this for me," Hackett commanded, relinquishing his wooden spoon, "and don't stop."

He took her face in his hands and kissed her with such unbridled passion she immediately faltered.

"What did I tell you?" he spoke against her lips, and she was quick to resume her task so that he might continue his own.

She moaned as his hands traversed her curves, kneading her flesh until she was squirming against the hard surface of the counter in a futile bid for friction.

Hackett grinned approvingly as he smoothed his hand up the length of her thigh, finding her bare beneath his shirt.

She looked him in the eye, a silent exchange of consent passing between them as he slowly lowered himself into a crouch, trailing a teasing line of open-mouthed kisses along the smooth flesh of her inner-thigh.

"Fuck," she quietly sighed as he slowly dragged his tongue between her folds, his heady moan of indulgence making her feel so desired she almost climaxed from the sound alone.

Tagging @diccix @apraxvalith @starsandskies @alyssalenko @whiskynorocks @ashalle-art @hobo-apostate @fiannans @perhapsrampancy @schoute @pikapeppa @dismalzelenka @hollyand-writes @storybookhawke @dalish-rogue @catalystcrisis @catqueenofpluto @gaeadene @hanatsuki89 @kourvo @zuendwinkel @kittimau @jacklyn-flynn @kemvee and anyone else who has some thirsty WIPs to share <3

#admiral hackett #steven hackett #shackett #olivia shepard #mass effect #thirsty thursday

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shellswritesstuff · 1 year

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Prompt: what happened that night Ardyn stayed with the boys in the caravan.

THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE ASK! I'm gonna turn this one into a multi-part feel good comedy fic. Ignis just wants to cook. Ardyn has murder on his mind.. the dinner is the victim.

Roasted by the Roast [PART 1]

“We’re staying in a caravan, with Ardyn..”

The implications of an overnight stay with that guy? Prompto couldn’t bear to imagine what it’ll be like.. What if he wears one of those old timey nightgowns? He shuddered, almost failing to notice the man of the hour come closer. And I mean, closer.

“It’s a pleasure to share such..” A pause as Ardyn eyed the caravan. “..accommodations with His Highness.”

The awkward silence that followed was deafening. It was clear to the four, this was going to be quite the night. Thankfully, it was the caravan by Hammerhead. If anything was to go awry, Cid said he’d give the stranger a good lashing. Gladio caught Cindy up to speed with the whole, scarf-hobo situation, and she reached the same conclusion word for word.

“That’s him? In the scarf…” She leaned forward, trying to get a better look from the garage. “..scarves?”

Gladio let out a heavy sigh, he nodded. Even his questionable No-Shirt fashion was a tier above this. “Yep. It’s weird.” He further pushed back his own scarf phase. “Every time we hit a wall, he just happens to show up with a solution.” The word happens had extra emphasis, how did this guy know where to find them?

Back across the street, the night was getting on as well as you’d expect it to. Dinner was to be served, and five plates were set. Ignis made a mental note to sit between Ardyn and whomever was unlucky enough to get the spot by him.

“What’s on the menu, Specs?” Noctis came out of hiding. He’d found a cozy place far away from all the social awkwardness. He was going to seek an audience with Titan tomorrow, safe to say he was nervous. His voice shook, if you’ve known him as long as Ignis did, you’d be able to see Noct was a bit paler than usual. The weight of the world was on his shoulders, after all. With no way to see what tomorrow’s challenge will bring, the least Iggy could do was choose a dish without veggies.

“Come here, Noct. I’ll let you pick the dish.” Neglecting his place as royal advisor for the night, he chose to prioritize being the King’s friend. Noctis practically flew down the caravan’s rickety steps, excited to choose the food this evening.

This stranger couldn’t be all that bad, right? Sure, he came out of nowhere, led with creepy riddles.. Yeah. Just a night couldn’t be all that bad, right? One way or another, the King and his friends would find out.

…

“What’s cooking, boys?” Cindy walked up to the caravan, taking a seat at one of its plastic chairs. She hummed, the smell of Iggy’s cooking was quite the pleasant one.

Gladio came a few moments later after chatting up Cid. “Yessss..” He immediately recognized the ingredients set out.

Noct had picked a traditional Crown City roast. It’s a dish he’s had many times before, but not since he had departed home. Ignis had avoided making it, as not to stir up any past memories too early. He nodded as the King made his choice, knowing the comfort he may be seeking.

“Now how in the..” Ignis was on a mission to make the best roast there was, but an unstoppable force met an immovable object.

The caravan’s kitchen was a world away from the industry standard set up he’s been spoiled with in Insomnia. Though, he’s made more with worse. If he can make dinner with nothing but a pan, a campfire, and three idiots.. Then this was going to be a cakewalk.

Ignis tied on his apron, ready to cook. He reached for the stove's dial and..

KLANG.

It hit the floor.

"Oh my.. looks like you'll be needing a sous chef." Just the man he wanted to see. "Lucky for you, I happen to be the best repair man this side of Eos. Now, how do you turn this thing on?" Ardyn inflated his experience, you know.. like a liar.

Ignis didn't get paid enough for this. [To be continued!]

#iggy and ardyn try not to kill eachother challenge #ffxv #ffxv drabble #ffxv fanfic #final fantasy xv #final fantasy series #final fantasy 15 #noctis lucis caelum #gladiolus amiticia #ardyn izunia #prompto argentum #ignis scientia #cindy aurum

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kelleah-meah · 7 months

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My Fourth Mabon – Plans for My 2024 Autumnal Equinox Celebration

Once again, I’m making plans for next week’s Autumnal Equinox, but for some reason, this year feels different. I can’t quite articulate why or how it feels different, but let’s just say my spidey sense is tingling. Not in a “beware of danger” kind of way. But in a “you’re on the precipice of something significant” kind of way.

Edit: I've since learned why I feel my spidey sense tingling. It's because of the recent Nodal Shift into Aries/Libra. This is technically my reverse nodal return. My NN is in Libra and my SN is in Aries.

Anyway, until I can suss out the why of it all, I’ll just make plans for the equinox that feels in the spirit of what I’m sensing at the moment. Either way, I’m sure I’ll overdo it and put too much on my plate like I always do. 😏

Let’s dive in shall we …

Since the equinox falls on a Saturday (September 23rd) when I have to work, this is going to be a little different from years past. My plans will likely fall over 2 or 3 days because that’s just how I roll when it comes to celebrating the arrival of my favorite season, so that part is actually the same as years’ past.

Even though I have to work, it’s not all bad. It just so happens that I’ll be working outside at an arts & culture festival in the park, so it’s a chance to enjoy nature throughout most of the day (keeping my fingers crossed that it doesn’t rain though).

But once my work day is over, my plans look like this:

Note: The arts and culture festival has been cancelled due to a rainy forecast, so that changes my plans a little bit. Also, because we're behind at work, it looks like I'll have to work Monday and Tuesday next week. Oddly enough, I'm not too upset about that. 🙃 We have a lot going on that will finish off the year and kickoff the fall season like we haven't done before. A little extra work feels justified in order to pull it all together.

Friday (9/22) –

Prep & bake apple crisp dessert 🍎 ✅

Saturday (9/23) –

Meditation + Study of the Tao + a Tarot Spread for Mabon 🧘🏽 ✅

Work at the gallery 🖼️ ✅

Return home & cook Mabon dinner 🥘 ✅

Enjoy Mabon dinner 😋 ✅

Watch a movie from my Fall/Halloween theme list (probably Clue) 🎬 ✅

For dinner, here’s what I’m making:

- Hobo Meatball Stew (recipe found here, except I’m using ground turkey and adding tomato sauce, zucchini, corn, potatoes, carrots, garlic and paprika – and this year, instead of using the crockpot, I’m just going to cook it straight on the stove) ✅

- Cornbread (nothing fancy)

- Apple crisp topped with ice cream (for dessert, as a farewell to summer and hello to fall) ✅

I’ll probably have some hot chocolate later in the evening as a final hat tip to the beginning of autumn.

Sunday (9/24) –

Join my hiking group for a morning hike 🥾 [cancelled due to rainy forecast]

Sleep in! 🛌 ✅

Read my book 📕 ✅

Do light cleaning around the house 🧽 ✅

Stretch 🤸

Shoot TT vid 🎥

Paint and reflect on my journey 🎨

Write in my journal ✒️

Monday (9/25) –

Work at the gallery 🖼️ ✅

Return home and relax 🏡 ✅

Continue organizing home office 🗄️

Lift weights or stretch 🏋🏽‍♀️

Do confidence spell 🕯️

Tuesday (9/26) –

Work for gallery from home 🖼️

Go for a walk or ride bike in park 🚲

Continue organizing home office 🗄️ ✅

Write new blog post 🖥️

Promote new blog post 🎺

Also, since I had lofty plans to do this last year, but didn’t even get close to starting it, let’s see if I can actually give the Fall Photo Challenge a genuine try this year.

Here are the photo challenge prompts (forgive the blurry screenshot):

All in all, I’d say this is a reasonable plan for celebrating the spirit of the equinox and the start of my favorite season. I'm interested to see how it all turns out.

#mabon #autumnal equinox #fall equinox #witchblr #esoteric spirituality #photo challenge #the occult #autumn #autumn equinox #nodal shift #reverse nodal return

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