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#hogwarts house quotes

When Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff take an intensive math course.

Ravenclaw: Okay, my math sucks today.

Slytherin: Why do you say that?

Hufflepuff: She calculated 5-2 = 4….

Slytherin: LOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!! And you’re a Ravenclaw?

Ravenclaw: Hey! I’m a Ravenclaw not because I’m smart, but because I like to learn, nuance…

And also, because I’m weird.

Slytherin: Yep!

Hufflepuff: Because there’s nothing more painful than mathematics I have to be a Hufflepuff who likes to hurt herself.

Ravenclaw: Like most other Hufflepuffs, right?

Hufflepuff: …yeah, but I’m probably one of the worst cases ^^’

Ravenclaw: I hope so! Because if not, I pity the case worse than yours.

Hufflepuff: Honestly the worst case is probably not alive at this point whether it’s voluntary or not.

Ravenclaw and Slytherin: …………

Ravenclaw: Are you ok, do you need help!?!

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Ravenclaw: I have the wildest science headcanon but it’s dangerous to test it -

Gryffindor: I CAN TEST IT!

Ravenclaw: I calculated the percentage of success to be as low as -

Gryffindor: As long as it’s possible, I shall aim to be the minority

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Ravenclaw: When you think about it, Stark copied the idea of Plankton with Karen, in Spongebob to make Jarvis.

Slytherin: Raven come on it’s 6 in the morning.

Hufflepuff: I have not even had my coffee…

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gryffindor: Warriors by Imagine Dragons 

hufflepuff: Elastic heart by Sia

ravenclaw: Campus by Vampire Weekend

slytherin: Daddy issues by The Neighbourhood 

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hufflepuff: hey sly, i’m going to the mall. did you do your christmas list?

slytherin: cash, a cell phone, and to be left alone.

hufflepuff: okay, raven did you make your list for santa?

ravenclaw: what i really want this year is some answers. what’s the true meaning of christmas? are we here for a reason? what is the purpose of life?

hufflepuff: …how about a bike?

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Hufflepuff: Here’s a dating tip– hold the door for your date, and rip the door off the hinges. Then, use the door as a weapon to fight off other people so that you can establish your dominance. 

Ravenclaw: I’m beginning to see why you’re still single. 

Slytherin: Don’t listen to him, please continue. 

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Hufflepuff: We judge a person by what is inside and not by what they wear. 

Slytherin: Lucky for you, huh? 

Hufflepuff: *wrapping their multi-colored scarf around their neck* 

Hufflepuff: I have no idea what you mean. 

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Hufflepuff: That wasn’t funny. 

Slytherin: Well I thought it was pretty funny.

Hufflepuff: You don’t count. Once, you started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you thought of a meme you saw on facebook. 

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Hufflepuff: Do you ever get that feeling where you look at someone and your heart skips a beat? 

Slytherin: That’s called arrhythmia. 

Hufflepuff: I get that feeling every time I look at y– 

Slytherin: That’s serious, Hufflepuff. You can die from it. 

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Gryffindor: I’m going to do it

Ravenclaw: Have some self-control

G & R: ….

*burst into laughter*

Ravenclaw: I really don’t care

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Hufflepuff: words ending in ‘ie’ just sound so cut. Like 'cutie’.

Gryfindore:ay homie!!

Ravenclaw: but then there’s 'cootie’.

Slytherin: you’re forgetting 'die’

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hufflepuff: i already called the police

ravenclaw: you called the police before you called me?

hufflepuff: am i supposed to call you first when i find a dead body?


ravenclaw: Y E S!!

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Ravenclaw: can I get a 9 shot expresso, with almond milk and 3 sugars?

Griffindor: what the-

Hufflepuff: How about you sleep instead?

Griffindor: or do drugs

Slytherin: I second that, also *to the barista* make that a double I’m tired too

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I like to think that every years, the 7th year students from esch house have traditions as a way to say goodbye to Hogwarts. Only the 7th years are a part of them but it’s not a secret and many students (of each corresponding house) can watch them if they want to. They are not allowed to know the other houses’ traditions

Hufflepuff traditions would include:

- Karaoke night

- Bake off!

- Compliment battles / trying to sneak papers with compliments into eachother pockets (for each person that doesn’t realize who gave them a compliment they get a point)

- Secret santa except it’s not even Christmas they just wanted to give eachother gifts (they have to be meaningful, you can’t give someone a quill because theirs broke, you give them a quill because I know you want to be writter so write your first book with this quill, then everytime you think of the book you think of me or some bullshit like that).

- On their last week, the sorta claim the common room for a week-long sleepover.

Ravenclaw traditions would include:

- Trivia night. Luna Lovegood has the highest point score registered to date.

- Who can read faster? Race (they pick what book to read, it doesn’t matter if the books have different lenghts, when they are done the will calculate the word-amount to speed ratio)

- For a month straight they have to sneak random gibberish into the conversation, for each person that doesn’t notice they get a point (I legitimately play that w my friends)

- On their last week, they attempt to stay awake through it all. For that week you will see each and every Ravenclaw 7th year with coffee on their hand, caffeine is the only thing that is keeping them alive. The first person who ever got through the whole week was Flittwick, and when he became a teacher he sneaked a Muggle Expresso machine into the common room for the following generations of 7th years.

Griffindor traditions would include:

- Playing the ride the bull game (idk the name in English) where you try to stay on the mechanical bull but instead of a bull it’s the Whopping Willow. The record was 37 seconds.

- Blindfolded quidditch games (with extra patting gear on and mattresses lined along the field to prevent major injuries). Oliver Wood used to hold the record for most time on his broom without getting knocked over, until Ginny Weasley’s 7th year.

- A random 7th year gets a random item (like literally anything, for example a book) and every other 7th year has to try and steal it from them. Whoever has the item at the end of the year wins.

- They try to make Mcgonagall smile, the only registered time someone has succeed, it was Sirius Black.

- On their last week, they get into an intense game of Truth or Dare (nobody ever picks truth cause they already know everything about eachother, they grew up together). There are no limits, and if you backdown from a dare you get disqualified. The Weasley Twins have the record for most dares completed.

Slytherin traditions would include:

- Who can get the highest grade on a test without studying/revising for it. Pansy Parkinson has the highest grade registered, she got a 97% on a Charms exam.

- Poker night, cause you know they have good poker faces!

- They have fake arguments publicly just to add drama, for every 7th year (from the other 3 houses) that thinks the fight was real they get a point.

- They have a Pick-up line competition, dirty edition. Whoever makes someone else blush more times over the year wins. Blaise Zabini holds the record for making 23 different students blush, at least 5 times each, his most effective pick up line being: If you like how I Slytherin wait until you see me pull out

-They all make batches of polyjiuce potion and add hair from a random Slytherin. The others have to figure out who is who. Eventually they always figure it out, the only person known to have kept undercover the whole week is Narcissa Black (who disguised herself as Lucius Malfoy), who acted her way through all the questions she was asked without raising suspicion from her friends or teachers.

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