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#hogwarts humor
niabridges · 2 months
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Lowkey cringing. Brainrot.
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zetadraconis11 · 3 months
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HL Incorrect Quote #53
*after Potions class*
*group surrounding a broken jar of dragon scales*
Prof. Sharp: So... who broke it? I'm not mad. I just want to know.
MC: I did. I broke-
Sharp: No, no you didn't. Mr. Gaunt?
Ominis: Don't look at me. Look at Garreth.
Garreth: What? I didn't break it.
Ominis: Huh. That's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Garreth: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Ominis, squinting: Suspicious.
Garreth: No, it's not!
Sebastian: If it matters, probably not, but Poppy was the last one to use it.
Poppy: Liar! I don't even brew that crap!
Sebastian: Oh, really? Then what were you doing by the inventory earlier?
Poppy: I use the weighing scales to measure out beast feed; everyone knows that, Sebastian!
MC: Ok, ok! Let’s not fight! I broke it, let me pay for it, Professor!
Sharp: No! Who broke it?
Garreth, leaning in: ...Professor... Natty's been awfully quiet.
Natty: REALLY?
Garreth: Yeah! Really.
Natty: For Merlin's sake!
*group starts arguing*
Sharp, to the faculty: I broke it. My leg bumped into the shelf, and it fell. I predict ten minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with war paint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. 
*looks back at the group that continues to argue*
Sharp: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.
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overheard-at-hogwarts · 11 months
Conversation
Sirius: [to the Marauders] What can I say, I like making memories! Sometimes I do crazy shit around you guys just so you can tell other people I did it.
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feistyfox47 · 1 month
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Mattheo: I truly hate it here <3 Theodore: Now replace “it” with “women”. Not so funny now, is it? Lorenzo: Now replace “it” with “women”. Not so funny now, is women? Draco: Now replace “funny” with “women”. Not so women now, is funny? Pansy: I’m having a fucking stroke. Lorenzo: Now replace “stroke” with “baby”. Congratulations!
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troythecatfish · 9 months
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fanartandfanfiction · 10 months
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OMINIS AND DUNCAN ARE THE NEW MICHAEL AND TOBY TELL ME I’M WRONG
Also please enjoy my crappy quick photoshops
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ephemerasnape · 2 months
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Accompany your favorite Hogwarts Legacy characters on a journey to the arctic circle.
...But do be careful - unimaginable horrors await you in the deepest recesses of the ocean!
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Above Left: The HMS Warlock departs Hogwarts for the arctic circle; Above Right: Full image of the Sexual Obsession Iceberg.
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sweetiebean00 · 3 days
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Of Nifflers and Magic
"Excuse me? Ominis?"  
Ominis lifted his wand from where it had been skimming the pages of one of his homework assignments. The quill dropped carefully beside the sheet as he tilted his head up to the voice that spoke. It was soft, quiet and rather meek. But not unrecognizable. Breathing in the scent of parchments and ink, he played the notes of the voice over. Coming to a stop to the new fifth year Sebastian had taken under his wing, the last time he spoke to her had been when Ominis found her coming out of the Undercroft. She had spoken quick, sharp even, a protective surge probably welling inside her to save Sebastian from his wrath. She was a Hufflepuff, loyalty was strong in them.
"Yes?"
"I- I am sorry for attempting to lie to you, about the Undercroft, but I had made a promise and am not keen on breaking my word on anything." He blinked, that was not what he was expecting. Before he could speak, she continued on. "I am also sorry for taking so long to come to you and say that properly or formally, however I have also come because I know not who else would be able to help."
"You have Sebastian at your side, could you not ask him?"
It wasn't sharp, it wasn't meant to be rude. The sound of shifting fabric filled the silence, and he got the impression she was shifting on her feet. Sebastian was an excellent wizard, if he hadn't been a Slytherin, Ominis would've had him pegged as a Ravenclaw.
"I- well, I can't." She swallowed, his brows raised but before he could question she was speaking in a rush. Her voice raising in pitch. "I can't ask him this and I can't really explain it, but it is about Sebastian, and well, you are really smart, and I was wondering if you could pretty please help me?"
"Are you wanting to court him?" 
It wouldn’t be the first time one of the many girls in their school had sought out Ominis to help with courting, confessions, and other such things. Unlike Anne who would either scare them off or use them to prank Sebastian, he didn’t help nor hinder them. Merely suggesting they go and talk to him themselves. Even if it always ended the same way, usually with Sebastian enjoying some time with them before one or both of them moved on.
His question earned a snort so loud it earned a very harsh shush from Madam Scribner. Ominis had no doubt the old librarian was scowling and keeping a watchful eye on them in the corner of her precious library. He waited, the silence thick as they waited for the librarian to go back to whatever it was she had been up to originally. Despite the stares he could feel gathered from the other students around them that had chosen to hide away in the library for Merlin knew what reasons.
If Ominis hadn’t known better, he’d think she was intimidated by him. That his reputation, his last name, had scared the socks off her feet. Except, he had felt the strength of her glare that night outside the Undercroft. He hadn’t needed sight to see the ferocious gleam of daggers that she sent his way, that if looks could kill he’d long since been dead. He felt it, the animosity, the protective way she had stepped between him and that damn door to send words so sharp they could’ve cut him to bits to protect his best friend. The bite to her voice, the cold timbre of apathy? He didn’t know her well, but he knew one thing for certain. There was no chance she was scared of him.
"Merlin no, he's just one of my first friends and is very protective. He figures hanging around me helps deter some unwanted peers." She breathed a laugh, before swallowing thickly. "It is about him, but uh, I can't ask him either. And before you think it's part of that… thing -it's not that either."
Ominis released a breath through his nose, his gut twisting the more she rambled. He had never thought the bright, walking ray of wild sunshine to be a nervous rambler. He could hear her fidgeting the longer he went without responding, the soft scruff and tap of her shoes against the hardwood. Her tie tapping against her chest as she no doubt pulled at the collar of her shirt, the soft thud of her braid hitting her back. He wouldn't be getting any answers to explain here, that much was clear. And despite everything, that was still his best friend. This is a... new student surrounded by peers who have already made their friends and grown up together, a person his best friend had taken in under his arm much like Sebastian had done for Ominis with Anne once. Slowly, as her words never once stopped, Ominis had gathered everything. Vanishing it all with a flick of his wand to be summoned later when he had the time to focus on his History of Magic homework.
"I will help, lead the way." Ominis paused, mind racing as a rock sank into his stomach. What... What was her name? Did he ever actually get it? Did he ever actually introduce himself?
She grinned, the rambling cut off with a breath of relief. At least he hoped it of was relief. She seemed to wait until his wand was out, the tip lighting up to help guide him through the castle. The walk was quiet, tense, and he was not expecting her to be quiet the entirety of the walk. How often he hears her voice as he wanders the halls, she was always doing something. Talking with her friends, to the portraits, humming to herself or just making some general noise if she wasn't getting up to something she wasn't. Although he hadn't witnessed her being sneaky as a secondhand person, but to be fair, she stood no chance of hiding from him that night outside the Undercroft. He remembers Sebastian earning a detention with Scribner for sneaking in with the girl, but had always assumed his friend had been his chivalric and self-sacrificing type because she had attracted Peeves attention. Now he was wondering what had really happened that night. 
"I don't believe we ever properly met each other," Ominis said after a moment, hearing her steps stumble as she tripped on her own foot. In the blink of an eye, he had her arm in his hand. Catching her in time to keep her upright. "I'm Ominis, Ominis Gaunt."
"Sebastian talks of you often," She said, her tone lighter. Soft, and he had a feeling she was smiling. "I'm Claudia, Claudia Clyde."
"Tis a pleasure, now," He breathed a heavy sigh, earning a giggle from his traveling companion as they traversed the stairs. "What exactly has Sebastian gotten himself into this time?"
"Oh! That!" The sound of fabric rustled once more as the silence seemed to stretch. "Well, you see, it's actually rather interesting, but-"
"You're stalling, and rambling again." He snorted at her squeak, "Not that I mind, but I would rather know what I am going to be walking into."
"Yeah that-that's fair." She sighed, her steps slowing beside him as they climbed the last step. "Okay, we were dueling. I had learned a new spell and I'm rather ruddy with... this type of magic, and had been practicing it on barrels and other things. Sebastian however, said the best way to improve was to duel and use it."
Ominis could feel the start of a migraine with the way this was going, because of fucking course that was Sebastian's idea. With his free hand, he pinched the bridge of his nose. Breathing in deeply only to sigh. 
“Of course he did, that idiot, I swear all he thinks about is dueling, finding a cure, and researching.”
She snorted a laugh that sounded more tense than amused, but she got points in his book for trying. 
"Yes well, it was this or he was going to hunt down a couple of students it would be best he didn't hunt down."
"Hunt down?" Ominis reiterated, "Just what would cause such a thing?"
"It's... a long story, for another time." She huffed a breath, tugging on his sleeve as they walked the hall to stop in front of a blank wall. "We dueled, it worked, except now... well, this is where you come in."
The sound of stone crumbling and moving filled the hallway, and he lifted his wand to get a better picture in his mind as the completely blank and empty wall in Hogwarts... turned into a door. He blinked, but then she was walking to the door and pushing it open. The hold on his sleeve guiding him in before the door shut behind him. The Room of Requirements, no wonder she was never found in the Undercroft, Sebastian had been pitchin a fit for weeks now. Claiming Ominis had scared her off, but he wouldn't go there either if he had a sentient room.
"Because we are stuck with this otherwise, and I’d rather not." 
He frowned, about to question what she had been talking about when he heard the highest, squeakist chirp-like grumble in his entire life. He grimaced, it was almost as if someone was trying to strangle or step on a cat. Or a rat was trying to sing, but was wailing instead. The sound pierced his ears, a migraine forming behind his eyes.
"Sebastian!" At the sound of her voice, it went silent. Only for furious chirping and grumbling to respond, "You put that down right now! You are not dying! Ominis is here to help-!"
More chirping.
"Is Sebastian-?"
"A niffler?" Claudia huffed, the sound of struggle growing louder before she was stomping about the room. "Yes. I'm rather shite at transfiguration magic, and he wanted to try- ow! You don't need a wiggenweld!"
"So let me see if I understand correctly." Ominis pointed his wand at Sebastian, the image in his mind showing the silhouette of Claudia’s short figure snatching Sebastian out of her potion's cauldron. "You've transfigured Sebastian into a niffler. And... can't turn him back?"
Furious chirping was followed by a heavy sigh, "Not particularly, no. I tried but he wouldn't stop chirping and well-"
She was interrupted by yet more chirping as the sound of water splashing made him snort at her long-suffering sigh. Despite the dire situation, he couldn't the grin on his lips. This was one way for Sebastian to actually learn more about dueling, and it did teach him a lesson. Dueling wasn't the answer to every spell-casting related problem. Walking from the doorway, Ominis hummed in thought. While he could transfigure Sebastian back, this was a learning moment for her. What better way to learn than try again?
"Maybe your intent wasn't clear?" She was silent, even Sebastian went silent at the question. Allowing himself to be snatched out of the cauldron once more as she carried him to the center of the room to meet Omnis in the middle. "Here, Sebastian, behave. Claudia, set him down and really mean the spell to turn him into his true form. If it doesn't work, I'll take care of him and we can give you proper practice that won't lead to... this."
"You want me... to try again?" 
Ominis nodded, only for the silence to be broken by Sebastian throwing the most dramatic tantrum Ominis had seen of a niffler or Sebastian in general. He was grumbling and chirping up a storm. Ominis rolled his eyes, snatching Sebastian from her careful hands and placing him on the floor. He held him by the scruff of his neck, voice steady and calm.
"Don't move or I will cast arresto momentum and leave you like that for a few more days." Sebastian released an indignant chirp, but when Ominis released him he didn't move. "There, try again."
Claudia took a breath and held it, he could practically feel her nerves. He heard the air whooshing around her wand, heard her mutter the words clearly under her breath. Then she was casting, and the last thing he heard was terrified chirping. A moment of silence, then all Ominis could hear was the sound of hair ruffling, and a long, low hum. A very unhappy, low hum.
"Oh no."
"Did you just turn him-"
"-into a puffskein? Yep." She popped the p, and he snorted. Earning a nervous chuckle from her. "Well, at least we know I won the duel since he can't fight back, right?"
Ominis couldn't help it, laughing so hard his stomach hurt as her own giggles joined him in the room of requirement. All the while that low hum remained and Ominis could almost hear Sebastian's cursing, his whines as he begged Ominis to please just help him. For them to stop laughing. With the flick of his wand, Ominis transfigured Sebastian back into himself. 
"Oh, thank Merlin, I thought I was going to have to live in your vivariums for a moment there!"
Claudia laughed harder, and while Ominis wasn't sure what a vivarium was, it did amuse him further. He couldn't hear Sebastian over their laughter, but when his loud and boisterous laugh joined in. Ominis felt peace, felt ease for the first time since Anne got cursed and Sebastian started looking for a cure on his own. Mayhaps, the new fifth year wasn't walking trouble like he had thought.
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girl-named-matty · 7 months
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MC: So you mean only descendants of Salazar Slytherin can speak parseltongue? Ominis: *nods* Mhm. It's awful really. It's almost all that's spoken at my home between my parents and siblings. MC: Ohhh yeah *nods head* MC: *realizes he said PARENTS instead of Parent* MC: Now wait just a minute-
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stabby-apologist · 1 year
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That's dark af!
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But why did I laugh??
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gaunt-sallow · 1 year
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Thank you for 50 followers, always a pleasure :)
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thesongthesoulsings · 9 months
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I wanted to, so I did.
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hogwartslegacypics · 9 months
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solomon “i am protecting you” sallow
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feistyfox47 · 1 month
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y/n: For self defense reasons, I'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely. Mattheo, Tom, & Pansy: Okay. y/n: If you don't want to die, give me all your money. Mattheo: Bold of you to assume I have money. Tom: Bold of you to assume I don't want to die. Pansy: Bold of you to assume I can die.
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troythecatfish · 9 months
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fanartandfanfiction · 11 months
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Hogwarts Legacy modern AU texting
Fig: Aesop, I need your help. I’d ask MC, but it’s quite embarrassing. I’d appreciate your discretion.
Sharp: What is it?
Fig: I’ve been quite lonely since Miriam passed, so I thought I’d join one of those new fangled dating websites.
Sharp: Oh God.
Fig: I’ve met a lovely woman from Croatia. She’s expressed interest in meeting me, but she can’t afford the airfare. Can you help me purchase her a ticket?
Sharp -screenshots and sends to MC-
Sharp: I should give you detention for showing Fig how to use the internet.
MC: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
MC: Don’t let him do it though.
Sharp: Obviously not.
MC: OH MY GOD I FOUND HIS PROFILE
Sharp:….Show it to me.
MC: -attached image-
Sharp: Dear God
Sharp: Why is he not wearing a shirt?
Sharp: Why did you send me this? I didn’t need to see this! You didn’t need to see this!
MC: SHUT UP I JUST FOUND YOURS
Sharp: Detention. A week.
MC: I swiped right. Are you going to swipe back? 🥺
Sharp: I’ll extend it to a month.
MC: You didn’t answer the question. I’m hurt.
MC: Omg you need help with your profile. You can’t put “not applicable” for your best feature .
Sharp: That’s it. A month.
MC: To work on your profile, right? I’m willing to help you.
MC: You still didn’t answer 😢
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