#hokushiko
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Okay, so my thoughts are; in school their both faking themselves.
Kashiko fakes being a Ganguro so she can be popular and not be bullied for her darker skin tone anymore, which she doesn’t even know why she has since her mother refuses to say anything about her father, and her insecurities and identity crisis causes her to bully other people instead.
Hokuto chooses the opposite, to be unapproachable, by picking the the delinquent look and demeanor. Why he was bullied is unknown, but is likely for looking like an easy target as he looked weak and slightly feminine with his long hair. Also opposite, in being bullied he refuses to be a bully himself.
Once out of school, they both feel like they can be themselves again. But ‘themselves’ has change.
Kashiko is now comfortable with her skin, and has since learn what her other half is. She starts to embrace both, while also being as fashionable as her ganguro self was. She neither bleaches nor straightens her hair anymore and lets it be natural. She also still talks similarly to the way she did while in school.
Hokuto decides to stop bleaching his hair and let it grow out, but found he liked a lot of the delinquent aesthetic he had in school and as such still shaves his sides. He also gets a tattoo on his neck that he design in school. (I’ve been imagining it on the opposite side, but you couldn’t see it if I put it there, so :p) He also gets a few more ear piercings.
(The clothes, I just slapped on since it was rushed, so no thoughts there other than something along those lines at least.)
In regards to a relationship.
While Hokuto doesn’t like bullies, he does like drama. 'oh what would the neighborhood say if they found out the 'nice’ popular girl was dating a delinquent. how scandalous!’ The idea of it thrilled him. But he wasn’t the type of guy to force or trick her into a relationship. At this point, he doesn’t even know who 'her’ is. It’s just an idea. A what if. But one day he finds himself alone with one of them. So he hangs around. Just to see what happens. Maybe she’d just ignore him. Maybe she’ll break character and tell him to fuck himself.
Kashiko’s having a day. She found Hoshiko’s post about her and Gema. Hoshiko’s the worst! She didn’t even like the guy! She thinks. Love was always complicated. She snuck to the back of the school for a smoke. Great, one of those delinquents where there. Whatever. Long as he wasn’t bothering her, she’d just pretend he wasn’t there. A delinquent wouldn’t tattle on her for smoking. Beside she hates being alone.
Hokuto watches her from the corner of his eyes. He’s only half surprised to find out she smokes. She seemed to be struggling to find her lighter though. He waits a moment before offering her his.
Kashiko is startled by the lighter offering but takes it silently. For a while they just spend multiple days, on and off, in silence, occasionally needing a light for her cigarette. One day Kashiko starts to open up. She doesn’t expect him to understand or even listen, but she needed to talk. At first he doesn’t respond, he just listens.
After a few weeks, as Kashiko’s venting, she reaches for Hokuto’s hand without realizing, looking for a more intimate form of comfort. She’s startled when she feels the touch and pulls away. She apologizes, a little afraid of what his reaction might be.
Hokuto looks at her for a moment, surprised that she actually started to initiate something, even if it wasn’t intentional. He had been content in just listening. She was interesting to him, and maybe if she could let her feelings out, maybe she’s stop being that kind of person. He doesn’t show much emotion on his face, but tells her it’s okay.
Kashiko relaxes and puts her hand back down. This time, Hokuto reached her hand. She tenses a little and looks up at him. He’s looking at her with a small smile. Kashiko starts to cry and thanks him.
About a week later, Kashiko starts venting about how her 'friends’ are 'too busy’ to celebrate her birthday, even Kokoro who she thought was genuinely nice unlike the rest. Hokuto suggests they celebrate together. Kashiko thinks he’s joking, but when she realizes he’s not she asks why. He explains he was free that day, and no one should be alone on their birthdays anyways.
Hokuto shows up at her place, and even got her a gift. A sliver ring with an expensive purple gem in it. Kashiko’s in awe because it was expensive even for rich families. Kashiko’s asks 'aren’t your parents going to kill you’. Hokuto who hates his family just shrugs. 'Purple suits you.’
They spend all day together, getting to know each other. They find out they actually have a lot of the same interests. Her mother was at work all day, but had gotten her a cake, which they shared. It was late when Hokuto decided he should probably go. Kashiko fiddles with the ring he gave her, now on her finger, and thanks him and gives him a kiss on the check.
Hokuto stood there taken aback as a smiling kashiko said goodbye and closed the door. He felt his face. It was hot. Did he actually like her. Like like her? He heads home feeling confused.
When together at school the two of them start talking more evenly. No more of just Kashiko venting, but now they both started talking about their interests and dreams for the future. Teasing Kashiko a little he asks her what type of boy she likes. She huffed and deflected.
Though they were getting along great in private, they were still pretending to hate each other in public. They’d call each other names in front of their friends, then tease each other in private about said names ’That’s what you came up with?’
They’re friend groups weren’t always together 24/7 even before the two started hanging out, so neither’s group really suspected much when they weren’t hanging out with them. Both sides however did think it was strange that it seemed more more like they were starting to sound like they were flirting with each other rather than being genuinely mean. Both sides questioned them about it, and both denied being anywhere close to friendly with the other. Most completely dropped it. Except Hoshiko who was always looking for some juicy gossip too spread on her blog.
Hoshiko started spreading rumors about the two of them. Kashiko was furious. She bitched Hoshiko out and ran off to where she and Hokuto usually meet up. Hokuto find her there sobbing. She explains what happen. When she finishes, he looks at her tear stained face for a moment, then gently touches his fingers to her chin and tilts her head up. 'they don’t have to just be rumors’ and he kisses her softly.
After they part, he continues 'what do you think?’ Kashiko stares at him trying to process, but instead of answering, she kisses him back, and holding onto him.
They part again and Kashiko apologizes, face red. Hokuto asks. 'was that a yes then?’ Kashiko hesitates, then says 'it’s a maybe’. Hokuto’s amused. 'If that’s a maybe, what’s a yes?’ Kashiko hesitates again. 'If you come over later, we can talk about it.’ Hokuto agrees to met her later.
He shows up, not sure what to expect. Did she legitimately just want to discuss the possibility in private and a guarantee no one with find out? Or did 'yes’ mean going all the way immediately for her? Maybe both?
He knocks. No answer. Again. No answer. Did she forget she asked him to come? He tried to the door. It was unlocked. He called out to her. Nothing. He walks in and looks around, still calling for her. Finally he finds her in the kitchen, curled up, back against a wall, crying.
'Kashiko?’
He finally got her attention. 'oh’ she wipes her eyes and stands 'you’re here.’
'yeah, you invited me over then didn’t answer. I was actually starting to get worried something happened to you.’
'oh….sorry’
'and you’re crying. did something else happen?’
'no..no, it’s just.’ Sigh. 'did you really mean it? You really want to be with me? As a couple?’
'well, yeah.’
'why though?’
'why? why not? you’re cute. funny. we share a lot of the same interests. You’re actually kinda nice when you aren’t hanging around your 'friends’. and we’ve been spending all that time together anyways.’
Kashiko blushed. 'cute? ….Well, I do feel the same way, but…’
'but?’
'if we do this, I have to confess something first…’
'okay…?’
'you know how I’ve been faking a lot of things in front of other people. my personality, my hair etc….’
'yeah?’
'one thing isn’t actually fake’
'you’ve lost me.’
Kashiko took a deep breath. 'I don’t actually tan my skin. That’s natural.’ She braced herself for his response. but all he said was.
'that’s it? Okay.’
'what do you mean 'okay’?’
'I mean, 'okay’. Why’d you think I’d care if your skins actually dark?’
'Because everyone else does!’
The sudden volume and emotion in her voice threw him.
'Everyday since I was born I’m been abused and berated just because I’m just a little darker than everyone else. I don’t even look like my own mother! I obviously got this from my father, but she refuses to say a word about him. Pretends he doesn’t exists. Sometimes I think she tries to pretend I don’t exist either.’ She wiped way new falling tears. 'You know…despite a lot of people thinking I’m just a slutty bimbo, I’m still treated with more respect now than I was when people knew I was actually dark skinned.’
'Kashiko…Damn…I…I’m sorry. I’ve never cared about that kind of stuff. People were just people to me. What mattered was people’s actions, not stuff they had no control over….I’ve had my share of problems, but that’s not something I’ve ever had to deal with, so I forgot there where people who did care about that stuff.’
Kashiko doesn’t say anything, tears still falling.
Hokuto continued. 'So, I don’t know much about dealing with that, but what I do know is; those people are assholes, and you’re still cute.’
Kashiko still took a moment to respond, fiddling with her ring again. 'You…really mean that?’
'Yup. I also know that, if you say yes, then I’m your boyfriend. And if I’m you’re boyfriend, then it’s my job to hurt anyone that said anything bad about you from now one. And I’ve been working out, so it’ll really hurt.’
Kashiko let out a giggle and Hokuto smiled. 'You’d really do all that for me? And just because I’m me.’
Hokuto smirks, teasing her a little. 'i don’t know, you have to say yes first.’
Kashiko rolls her eyes and smirks back. 'you already know my answer.’ She walks up to him and puts her arms around. 'it’s a yes.’ and kisses him.
They get on the kitchen counter and start making out, but due to I being late and Kashiko exhausting herself from her tears, they both pass out before either could even think about going any further.
They’re woken up in the morning by her mother, accusing them of having sex on the counter. They deny the claim but she doesn’t believe them and forces Hokuto to leave.
An exasperated Kashiko argues with her mother then follows Hokuto outside to find him outside, still putting his shoes back on. Kashiko apologizes and they say good bye.
They date in secret, and figure the best way to deal with Hoshiko was to just act like was crazy instead of getting angry. She eventually drops it, no longer getting enjoyment out of it.
Things are going fine until a little bit after Kashiko graduates. She had already stated to shed for ganguro stuff minus the stuff she actually liked. Meanwhile, Hokuto starts to feel weird about everything. Seeing her act like her real self in front of others made her feel faker than ever, and that frustrated him. Would he never be able to not associate her with her click and the bad things they’ve done? He was afraid he wouldn’t, especially after what happened to him his first year. Even though she and her friends weren’t one of the culprits, he nearly took his life because of people like her.
He decided that, he couldn’t shake this feeling before he graduated himself next year, they’d break it off.
And break up they did.
It was hard on him. He genuinely loved her. He didn’t want to make her sad. But even after all this time, he couldn’t shake it. He thought this be fun. A little drama, that’s all. No one would get hurt. He figured she’s get tired of him soon or not even consider it in the first place. Just a fling or less. He didn’t think he’d actually fall in love with someone who was more or less his enemy.
She didn’t take it well. She’d finally started to accept herself. They had shared their first everything together. And now they were nothing.
And what’s worse, he didn’t even say it to her face. A week after Hokuto’s graduation, he sent her a letter telling her goodbye.
Distraught, she calls up Kokoro, who she was still in contact with, and asks her to come over.
Kokoro’s shocked. 'You were actually dating him? I thought Hoshiko was just being mean!’
Kashiko sighs. “both.’
'Why though?’
'Well, he’s cute isn’t he?’
'well, yeah, I guess, but that’s it? He’s a delinquent.’
'that’s one of the reasons. you know how bad boys are. and…he listened to me…and made me feel pretty…like, really pretty, for the first time….he was also the only one he paid attention to me on my birthday,’ Kashiko added with a side glare.
'I said I was sorry! I really really couldn’t go! I had a family thing, they would had killed me if I skipped out!’
Kashiko signed. 'I know…’ she fiddles with her ring. Kokoro notices.
'He gave you that, didn’t he?’
'yeah. surprised his parents didn’t kill him’
’…Is it real?’
'Kokoro! I’m already having a bad day! I don’t need to question the authenticity of my jewelry!’
'Sorry, sorry, you’re right! my bad’
Nearly a year has past and Kashiko still thinks about him, but is trying to move on. She’s unrolled to a college and is about to start soon. She moves into the dorm and decides to look around town after she finished unpacking.
She finds herself in a large area with a few people around, but far from crowded. As she looked around, she noticed a few guys not to far away, and one looked oddly familiar. It couldn’t be him right? She didn’t accidentally apply to the exact same college as her ex did she?
If she called his name, that man wouldn’t look her way, right? "Hok-’ The name caught in her throat as she got a shock. The man she thought must had been Hokuto kissed the guy he was with before parting.
'o-oh.’ Well, that’s embarrassing. He couldn’t be Hokuto if the man she was looking at was gay, right? Unless….
The man came closer in her direction, smiling until her noticed her. He looked surprised to see her.
Kashiko started to panic. Those were his scars on his cheek. Her assumption had to be right.
'Kashiko?’ he question, not sure if he was seeing her.
Shit. She turned and ran.
'Wait! Kashiko!’ He caught up to her quickly and grabbed her by the wrist. 'Please. I don’t know why you’re here but, since you are…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t had ended things like that. It wasn’t right. I was scared, and I couldn’t see you cry. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I am sorry.’
She stared as he apologized. 'oh…no, I understand now…You realized you were gay and didn’t know how to tell me. It’s fine, I’m fine.’ She felt like she was going to faint.
'I…Wh…Huh?’
'You don’t have to hide it. I saw you kissing your boyfriend before you came this way’
'My boy…boyfriend? Oh! No no, I understand the confusion, but that’s not my boyfriend.’
'Hokuto, I just saw you kiss a dude. You’re gay, it’s okay’
'Kashiko, I’m serious. I’m not dating that guy. I’m a little close with my friends here, yes, but there’s nothing serious going on. And no, I’m not straight, but I’m not gay either. I’m bisexual.’
She looked at him confused. 'You’re….attracted to bikes?’
'omg’ Hokuto buried his face in his hands. He then took a deep breath and continued. 'Bisexual. It’s when someone is attached to multiple genders. So, yes, I do like guys. But I still like girls. And I still like you.’
That only confused her more. 'then why did you break up with me? Didn’t I mean anything to you?’ she started to cry.
'You do mean something to me. And that was the problem. It wasn’t suppose to go like this.’
'What do you mean?’
He sighed. 'Look. I thought that we doomed to fail. Either you’d lose interest and break up with me yourself after a month or so, or you just wouldn’t be interested in the first place. I was a delinquent and you were one of the popular girls. Relationships like that only work out in fiction. And…you and those friends of yours…who bully people relentlessly. The same kind of people who drove me to almost kill myself…No matter how much I got to know you, or know why you did those things, that thought wouldn’t leave the back of my mind. And once you graduated, there wasn’t the 'oh will people find out about us for real’ to distract me from it anymore.’
'But I never told anyone to kill themselves! Hoshiko was the only one who’d go that far! You don’t know how many times we’ve told her to chill.’
Hokuto shook his head. 'You never know what the final straw is Kashiko. It can be the smallest thing. Besides, you know what it feels like, don’t you?’ He brushed his fingers against her cheek softly.
'I….’ She hung her head in shame and cried. He was right. She had no excuses.
Hokuto pulled her into a hug and rubbed her back. 'I don’t believe you ever intended to be a bad person. And I know you’ve been hurt so much. But you have to realize how much you’ve hurt people as well.’
'I’m, I’m sorry!’ she sobbed into him. 'I-I can change!’
'You have a lot already.’ He kisses the top of her head. 'I’d like it if we could still be friends’.
Kashiko sniffed and pulled away. 'Friends?’ He nods. ’…Can I still get kisses?’
He laughs. 'We’ll see about that.’
'You sure you’re not dating that guy?’
'Kashiko.’
'hey, if you 'smooch your friends’ but I don’t get smooches, you’re definitely dating’
'nope’
'so are’
'if you say so’
and now they’re friends and may or may not end up back together
If they wind up having a kid
They’d have a daughter.
When Kashiko finds out she’s pregnant she’s hesitant to tell Hokuto. What if he ditched her like her father did her mother? When she finally tells him, he’s relieved because they way she was acting made it seems like something legitimately bad happened. Hokuto tells her, he doesn’t know about marriage, but he can promise to be there for her and their kid, and gives her one of his rings to seal the promise.
Kashiko, though she’s accepted herself, she’s afraid of her daughter going through what she did. Hokuto tells their daughter if anyone picks on her for any reason, not just her skin color, tell them they have to deal with him.
#yandere simulator#hokuto furukizu#kashiko murasaki#shipping#hokushiko#weary talks#text#weary art#doodle
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