#holy inquiry batman

[petite-phthora]

Take care...

[DP x DC fic]

[Love at first... murder? - part 11]

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Part 1

Ao3

---

Their first stop was a small café near Robinson Park; Alysia's Boba Bar & Café. After each of them had placed their order, with Jason paying, saying it was ‘his treat’ and that ‘he had promised he’d be the one paying earlier’, they took their food outside.

They did get some stares from the customers and employees, mainly aimed at Jason who’s wearing his Red Hood gear, but they just ignored them minus some intimidation from Jason from afar.

Though, Jason wasn’t quite sure if Danny actually ignored them or just blatantly didn’t even notice them.

Either way, they were currently sitting on a bench in the park. Jason had taken his helmet off and put it next to him so that he could eat, still wearing his domino mask anyway. He’s also still wearing the watch Danny had gifted him.

And he’s never taking that off, holy shit he loves it so much.

Danny is sipping on the leftovers of his boba, having already scarfed down his sandwich. Jason starts his tour, telling him about Robinson Park and pointing out Gotham Zoo right next to it.

After they’re both done with their food, Jason puts his helmet back on and they get back onto his motorcycle so he can point out important landmarks while driving around.

Jason and Danny proceed to chat a bit during the ride as well, just some basic stuff to get to know one another; favorite color, favorite food, how they would disarm someone with a gun and de-escalate the situation, opinions on otters and how they hold onto each other so they don’t drift away, favorite movies, etc.

And Jason is desperately trying to focus on driving instead of Danny’s arms wrapped around his waist from behind.

---

"Over there is the Iceberg lounge."

Danny’s gaze follows where Jason is pointing, falling on a big two-story building with a sign on the outside reading ‘Iceberg Lounge’.

"It's a nightclub owned by the Penguin, one of Batman’s rogues. It’s mainly just a front for his criminal activities, but the nightclub itself is actually pretty good to be fair. Bit posh though"

---

"See that big tower in the middle there? That's Wayne Tower. It's basically the office building of Wayne Enterprises, the company owned by Gotham’s very own multi-millionaire Bruce Wayne." Red Hood says, sarcasm dripping off of his words at the end.

Danny lets out a small non-committal hum.

“You don’t sound too fond of him” Danny inquiries curiously.

“I’m not“ Red Hood states, not elaborating in the slightest.

Danny tries to lighten the mood a little “Well, as long as he doesn’t try to adopt me I guess he’s still better than another millionaire I know.”

Danny smiles as he hears Red Hood laugh.

---

"Over there’s Gotham City Public Library. It’s one of my favorite places in the city. I tend to go there at least once a week. They’ve got a ton of books and are willing to order any they don’t have at request. There’s also some computers there that are free for public use."

"You like reading?" Danny asks curiously.

"Mhmm. I'm mainly in the classics like Charles Dickens, Lewis Carroll, Jane Austen, Mary Shelley, etc."

“Oh, nice. I don’t usually read much. English was basically my worst subject at school, but the teacher was pretty good. Kind of ended up being one of the only ones in my corner and he really tried his best, y’know?”

“He sounds pretty nice. Is there a reason you haven’t read much, like lack of interest or…?” Jason trails off questioningly.

Danny shrugs “I guess I never really had the time as a teenager, with an added lack of motivation on top. And now… I guess I don’t really know what kind of books I’d like or where I should start.”

“I could recommend you some? If you want me to?”

“Sure, that’d be nice”

---

"The large building over there is Arkham Asylum. It's basically a psychiatric hospital. Batman dumps all of his rogues here, though they keep breaking out."

"Oh yeah, I’ve heard of this place. My older sister applied to work here"

"Dr. Jasmine Fenton?" Jason questions, even if he was already pretty sure who Danny was referring to.

"Mhmm,” Danny nods, “she recently gained her doctorate and wants to be a psychiatrist at Arkham"

"... I wish her good luck" Is the response Jason decides on.

"I’m sure she can do it" Danny proclaims, somehow embodying the :D smiley face.

Jason considers the possibility of her having similar meta powers to her brother and decides that if she does she'll probably be fine.

Not to mention she has Danny in her corner… And Red Hood now as well.

---

"What's that building over there?" Danny asks as they're driving on one of the roads on the outskirts of the main part of the city.

Jason looks at where he's pointing, spotting the manor.

"That's Wayne Manor. Do you remember that millionaire I mentioned earlier? The one that owns Wayne Tower and WE? That's where he lives."

Danny sounds a little surprised as he asks "He lives in that huge building? All by himself?"

"Well, not really. He has some kids, most of whom are adopted though you wouldn’t believe the field day the press had when it was found out he had a biological son. Besides them, he also has a butler that lives at the manor”

Once again, it seems Danny has noticed Jason’s standoffish attitude at Wayne, as he tries to lighten the mood a little.

"That manor is still way too big for all of them. Like what are they doing with all of that space? Are they hiding something? I bet they have a huge secret basement underneath the manor with some kind of laboratory and some shit. Millionaires seem to love those."

Jason lets out a surprised laugh at how on-the-nose Danny is, making Danny grin at his successful attempt to lighten the mood a little. Though it makes him question for a little bit…

He doesn’t know, right? Or does he…

"You know, I think the manor is actually missing something" Danny speaks up again.

"Oh? And what’s that?" Jason asks with humor in his tone.

"It would look way better TPed" Danny states confidently, bearing a mischievous grin.

Jason barks out a laugh, a sharp grin on his face.

"Let's save that for the next date, Doll"

Danny lets out a slightly giddy laugh, his cheeks red and heart beating just a little faster at both the 'next date‘ part and the unexpected, but not unwelcome, nickname.

---

“And this,” Jason says, as he gestures proudly towards the streets around them, “is Crime Alley, which is my turf in this city. I’m the one protecting this place.”

Jason had brought Danny to Crime Alley as the last stop on their date.

“Oh yeah!” Danny speaks up. “I was wondering about that!”

Jason turns to him questioningly and Danny takes it as a sign to continue.

“Yeah so, why is it called crime alley?” he asks curiously with a tilt of his head.

Say what now?

Jason takes a deep breath.

“Are you serious?” Jason asks genuinely curious, gesturing at the drug deal taking place behind them, the mugger that’s running past, and towards the right where gunshots can clearly be heard.

To his credit, Danny doesn’t falter at all, giving Jason a smile and continuing.

“Yeah, I thought it was called Park Row or something like that. Did it get renamed?”

Jason closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose before letting out a strained “Something like that…”

He takes another deep breath before looking back at Danny, who’s still looking at him with a bright smile.

“Is there really no reason you can think of why this place would get nicknamed crime alley? Not one reason at all? None?”

A small explosion sounds and some metal shrapnel falls in little pieces around them. A car tire rolls past. Danny and Jason don’t look away from one another.

Danny ‘grew up with mad scientist parents, an OSHA-violating lab in the basement, fighting ghosts, causing property damage, evading ghost police, fighting a king, is pretty certain his parents have been committing some kind of tax evasion for their research funding, etc., etc. though none of that was really an excuse as his friends and sister didn’t turn out quite as blind to danger as him.’ Fenton thinks about it for barely a second before shrugging.

“No, not really. Why?”

“This is where the Joker attacked you.” Jason tries pointing out, causing Danny to take a good look around them.

“Oh, that’s right! I was wondering why this place looked so familiar! I gotta say, it looks different in the daylight. But I mean, that attack could’ve happened anywhere, couldn’t it? What’s so special about this place?”

God, how can he be so smart yet so stupid?

Now is really not the time to kiss him, Jason.

“It’s… just a nickname, given to the district by the Gothamites. Poverty runs rampant and the crime rates here are… above average, let’s say, when compared to the rest of Gotham. Only old rich folks still call it Park Row” Is what Jason decides to say.

“So yeah, it’s probably best if you try to avoid this place, especially at night. Though God knows you can handle yourself, considering the way you went at the Joker” Danny snorts at the innuendo.

“It’s still better to be safe than sorry and keep away from this place, unless you’re with me. The people around here know better than to mess with me and the people I’m with, so there’s no need to worry.”

“Hmmm, are you sure the crime rates are higher here?”

On their left, a guy dressed in a gray hoodie with suspicious dark red stains on it runs at a car, gets in, and drives off as fast as he can with the car alarm still going off.

“Yes.”

“Oh, okay! I’ll try to keep that in mind then”

God have mercy.

---

Red Hood had driven them back to Danny’s apartment after their date in order to drop him off. Meanwhile, Danny is still not quite over the fact that he can actually call it a date!

After they both get off of the motorcycle, Red Hood walks him the few feet to the front door of his apartment building, and it’s time for them to say goodbye again.

Do they kiss now? Or should he wait till the next date?

Danny really wants to kiss him right now.

But he’s wearing his helmet so it would be awkward as fuck.

Especially if he had to ask Red Hood to take it off.

No, Danny can’t do that. Just no, he’d have his second death, this time of embarrassment instead of electricity. It’s some variation at least?

“See you later, —”

Danny cuts himself off with a not-so-subtle fake cough, cheeks heating up in embarrassment at what he was about to say. He had almost let out another cringy animal-themed goodbye, just like last time.

Great going, Fenton. Despite not going for the kiss, he still managed to almost fuck it up.

It’s like he’s digging himself a bigger hole by the minute.

Red Hood stops walking and pauses. Seeing this, Danny lowers his head to stare at the ground, his body stiff.

---

Jason can’t quite believe he’s doing this, and if any of the bats heard him, he’d never hear the end of it. But… to put Danny at ease…

“Take Care, Polar Bear”

The sentence makes Danny snap his head back up immediately. His mouth is slightly open, as though he’s trying to come up with something to say and failing.

Not waiting for Danny to answer him, Jason starts moving towards his motorcycle again.

Danny, with his cheeks still slightly red, stares at the leaving figure of Red Hood. His gaze is full of adoration, as he just falls a little deeper for the helmed vigilante.

Jason is thankful the helmet obscures Danny’s view of his blushing face as he gets on his motorcycle. He gives one last wave to Danny before revving the engine and leaving for his apartment.

---

Taglist:

@i-always-say-yea   @uraniumwizard    @why-must-i-be-like-this   @griffinthing

#dp x dc #dp x dc fic #dpxdc #dcxdp #dc x dp #dp x dc crossover #dead on main #dead on main ship #ah the cringy animal goodbyes #it’s becoming their thing ^-^ #also #the crimes that are happening around them are a bit of an exaggeration #and usually there wouldn't be this much happening in the daylight and with Red Hood around #plus normally Jason would've probably done something about at least some of it #but i wanted to add this stuff in for the comedic sense of the scene #oh and I know I usually try to keep chapter length consistency #and like i know this chapter is longer than the rest #but I just really wanted to include that last part into this chapter #and I didn't feel like cuttin9 the chapter in half #so yeah #like I've had the last part of this chapter written since like chapter 6 #but I just kept adding in more in between scenes to make the story flow a bit better #while writing this chap i was really unsure if it was date-y enough #so let's hope i managed it :)

[ask-shutter-ghost]

Rose Moon: Are you really going to be heading into a dangerous place alone? What if more than one being is there that could harm you?

Whirlwind Flux: Bolts at the ready!

Narrator Doe: Um . . . Hello? Is there something I can help you with? Is everything alright? . . . How are you in my mirror?

Lucia the Vampire: Come join us in our castle in Everfree Forest . . .

Indigo Skies: I’m here to help!

Caffeine Hazard: Need some coffee for energy?

Sageling Phoenix: Greetings, my child. What is the issue?

Inquiry: Wouldn’t it be exciting if lightning were to strike right now?

JetStream: Shutter, what happened? Can I help at all?

Twisted Gravekeeper: Here to grant your wishes.

Dream Baker: Aaaugh!!!

Shutter Ghost: Great, they can hear us. Could you explain what’s going on? You tell it better. 

Rapid Stream: I’ll try. So I was foalknapped a long time ago, by a place called Workhorse Industries . . . I remember . . . s - something about making “the ultimate equine,” a pony stronger than alicorns or Discord . . . And I remember I was a failed experiment. They injected me with some kind of raw magic. Eventually I met Shutter - that’s another story - but I still keep tabs on Workhorse Industries. They just foalknapped another pony. I think . . . I think they’re ready to try the experiment again. This would be their fifth try.

---

Mod Mittens: Holy frames, Batman! Finally got all the animation for this part done! :D

Don’t worry if you didn’t have a chance to appear in this! Your character will still be able to interact in future pages of the comic :)

Horse Anatomy Reference by iStock Photo

Animation by Animated GIF Maker

First | Previous | Next | End

#Workhorse Industries #horror #needles #needle #Part 5 #Rose Moon #Whirlwind Flux #askshutter #Rapid Stream #Narrator Doe #Lucia the Vampire #Indigo Skies #Caffeine Hazard #Sageling Phoenix #Inquiry #JetStream #Twisted Gravekeeper #Dream Baker

[not-close-to-straight]

You Give Love a Bad Name (WinterWidow)(One)

Welcome to the story! A WinterWidow Mr. and Mrs. Smith AU ft. our fave assassins being equally parts exasperated and horny for each other. 

MASTERLIST HERE

************

Chapter One: Somewhere Hot and Humid and Miserable

“I have visual on the Winter Soldier.” 

Bucky swore when the comm in his ear crackled to life with SHIELD operatives coming after him. Stealing the piece from a downed agent had been an excellent idea, but good gravy it was doing terrible things to his blood pressure to hear how close they were getting to him. 

It was bad enough there were SHIELD agents here anyway. This was supposed to be a clean job-- into a building, plant something that went Ka-Boom snatch some files and make a movie worthy get away before anything detonated. Easy. Bucky could plant and detonate a bomb in his sleep but this time SHIELD had somehow caught wind of his mission and came to intercept, so now he was running for his life in what amounted to fifty pounds of tactical gear and pants that admittedly made his ass look great but also made his ass sweat and yeesh not much was worse than butt crack sweat, it only led to chafing and that led to all sorts of unfortunate issues. 

Could be worse. It could have been that bitch the Black Widow who had intercepted him instead of some goon in thermal goggles who had screamed a little when Bucky came around the corner.

Amateurs. 

They just didn’t make hired goons like they used to, honestly it was embarrassing. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Bucky caught sight of sand and water and darted to the left to duck into the trees lining the back end of the ocean-side market place. Shopping meant lots of people, lots of noise and lots of opportunities to blend in, so while he ran Bucky just started stripping, tossing his gear willy-nilly until he looked like just another tourist out for a stroll.

Swoosh there went his tactical vest under a table and Bucky was instantly several pounds lighter. He’d already stashed his bag of weapons before SHIELD interfered so at least he didn’t have to sacrifice his favorite knives for the chase. 

Yeet a trash can got his face mask and dark hat. No one knew the Winter Soldier had shoulder length, shampoo commercial worthy hair so that was a disguise all in itself. 

Quick quick quick into the back end of a vendors tent and Bucky grabbed at his knife to shred the laces of his boots, kicking them off and tossing socks back into the bushes so now he was barefoot. 

Yoink, a pair of sunglasses to cover his eyes. 

Scccrtch, all the guys had laughed when Bucky had insisted on tear away combat pants, but who was laughing now that he was just in underwear instead of hopping around trying to get his foot out of full length pants. 

Jingle Jangle as he tossed some change in the tip jar and stole a drink right out of a baristas hand and abracadabra the fearsome Winter Soldier was no more. Now it was just Bucky Barnes strolling down the boardwalk barefoot and damn near bare assed because his skivvies were more of a European cut, sipping an iced espresso and watching with barely concealed amusement as three different SHIELD agents pushed and shouted and wrestled through the crowd trying to follow what they thought was his trail. 

“Lost visuals but still pursuing.” came the voice in his stolen comm and Bucky lowered his voice to a Winter Soldier growl to sneer, “ty ne mozhesh' nayti prizrak. You cannot find a ghost.”

A chorus of surprised curses over the comms as the agents realized they were compromised, then all lines went dead and Bucky grinned to himself and crushed the piece between his fingers before tossing it in the trash and stepping off the boardwalk to get to the sand. 

He would have to lay low until the agents gave up the chase and since his rendezvous with a handler wasn’t until tomorrow morning, he had at least twelve hours to kill. This being the beach and all, there was a pretty obvious way to accomplish both staying busy and blending in-- a way that usually started with a shot of tequila and hopefully ended with someone pretty, so Bucky started off down the sand scanning the lines of sunbathers for anyone who looked both alone and also maybe potentially welcoming... 

Oh my oh my, who was this?

“Alejandro, my love.” She was tiny and gorgeous, standing up on the cutest tippy toes in the world to point to whichever alcohol she wanted in her drink. “When I said tequila, I meant several shots of it and when I said several shots, I meant of the good stuff. Don’t give me the watered down swill you feed the tourists, I’d like my hair to be standing on end when I’m done.” 

The bartender only blinked at her, and the little redhead grinned half viciously,” Don’t be scared, darling. Simply start pouring and I’ll tell you when to stop.” 

“You’ll tell him when to stop, huh?” Bucky couldn’t have stopped himself from butting in if his life depended on it, far too intrigued by her attitude and feral little grin to keep it to himself. “Babydoll, you’re practically shot sized yourself. Too much of that mess and you’ll end up passed out and missing what’s sure to be a real pretty sunset.” 

“Oh do you think so?” she turned absolutely lethal green eyes in Bucky’s direction, tipping her head back far to meet his gaze and baring a whole lot of creamy skin and - gulp-- a very tiny white bikini that didn’t leave much of nothin’ to the imagination. “Do you think I’ll end up passed out? How touching to receive such concern from a perfect stranger.” 

Bucky’s mouth twitched up into a smile at the blatant sarcasm. Fuckin’ sassy. “I wouldn’t say m’concerned about you. But I am concerned bout that little white bikini you’re wearing. I’d hate to see it get all sandy and dirty if you end up passed out from too much tequila. Before you start taking shots, maybe you should change into something safer.” 

“Safer.” The redhead tried and failed to hide a smile. “And what do you think would be safer than my own clothes?” 

“You could wear my clothes.” Bucky suggested. “Those sure are safe.” 

“Your clothes.” She looked Bucky over slow and thorough, lingering at the breadth of his shoulders and size of his biceps, hmm-ing in interest at the cut of his abdomen, unfairly plump lips parting suggestively when she got to his skivvies and pink tongue making an appearance as she checked out his thighs. 

“It would seem….” she dragged the word out as she lifted her eyes back to his. “...That you barely have enough clothes to make yourself safe, much less me. Surely you aren’t suggesting we share? I hardly think there’d be room for li’l ol’ me with the way you’re filling out those rather skimpy briefs.” 

“Oh.” Bucky wheezed in shock, torn between laughing out loud at the sheer audacity of the little minx and wanting to grab a towel to cover his crotch before things got more filled out. “Ho ho holy crap, Batman. Warn a fella before you go all Jessica Rabbit on him.” 

“Jessica Rabbit.” Bright green eyes sparkled like she was trying hard not to laugh. “Don’t tell me you believe she’s wicked? She wasn't bad, darling. She was only drawn that way.” 

“Yeah?” Bucky wet his lips and shifted his weight forward, folded his arms over his chest and tamped down the urge to growl in approval when her gaze automatically dropped down to watch. “What about you? Wicked, or just drawn that way?” 

“Who’s asking?” she wanted to know and Bucky literally couldn’t help himself-- “The FBI. Female Bikini Inspector. This is a purely professional inquiry ma’am, I’m honestly worried about your current attire.” 

“Professional.” A giggle finally escaped, sounding like fairy bells and tinkling chimes and all that other sort of bullshit Bucky had never thought laughs could ever sound like. “My my, I feel so much safer knowing I’m in the hands of a professional.” 

“Not quite in my hands yet.” Bucky countered. “Feel like the tequila would help with that, though. Speed up the process and all that.” 

“Hmmm.” Such a fuckin’ interesting noise coming from the hottest woman he’d ever seen, and Bucky wheezed all over again when she reached for a shot of tequila and tossed it back, never once breaking eye contact as she swallowed, then pursed her lips over the worlds luckiest lime wedge. “I feel like the tequila will help with that too.”

“You got plans tonight?” Bucky raised his eyebrows hopefully. “Beyond you know, ending up in the wet dreams of every male in a three mile radius?” 

“That’s completely offensive.” she picked up another shot and pushed it into Bucky’s palm. “I like to think I’ll be in the wet dreams of most women in a three mile radius too.” 

“Fuckin’ cheers, doll.” Bucky lifted the shot glass and pounded it real quick then wiped his mouth. “So. Plans?” 

“I have to make a phone call.” Money appeared from the beaded purse on the bar top and she handed it over to the bartender. “Keep the shots coming and I’ll be right back.” 

“Gotta tell your husband you’re staying out tonight?” Bucky joked, and she scrunched her nose at him, “Of course. Wouldn’t want him to worry.” 

Bucky was still laughing as she picked her way down the beach a few yards for privacy. “The name’s Bucky, by the way!” he called. “In case he asks!” 

“That’s a terrible name!” she called back. “I’ll tell him you have a real name instead, thanks!” 

“You got a name I can tell my husband?” Bucky wanted to know, and the prettiest smile he’d ever seen crossed her face before the reply came, “My name’s Natasha.”

-- “Widow.” 

The phone clicked on and Natasha immediately lowered her voice. “Status on the Winter Soldier?” 

“We lost track of him as we passed the boardwalk, then found a potential suspect several blocks south. Same build and even though he wasn’t wearing the tactical gear, he was the only one wandering around in full length pants and boots.” 

“Stay posted outside his hotel all night, make sure he doesn’t move before dawn.” Natasha pinched the bridge of her nose and groaned. “How did our intel fail us so badly that we had no idea the Winter Soldier was on our trail?” 

“No clue, ma’am. Still a go for the morning?” 

“Yes.” she decided. “I will be off comms until 0500 hours, then will meet at the rendezvous point.” 

“Off comms?” 

“That’s what I said.” 

“Sorry ma’am, it’s just that you’ve never been off comms once.” 

“There’s a first time for everything.” Natasha looked back over at the absolute beefcake named Bucky who had so inadvertently crashed her session of frustrated botched mission drinking. “0500 hours. Don’t bother me before that unless the world’s coming to an end.” 

“Yes ma’am.” 

Natasha turned her phone off and tucked it back into her little purse, adjusted the fall of her bikini so it accentuated all the best parts of her...personality…and made her way towards the bar again. 

“So tell me.” Giving in to the urge that presented itself the literal second Bucky had opened his mouth, Natasha skated her hand over the front of his abs, biting her lip to quiet a thrill when the muscles shifted and twitched beneath her palm. “How does a man end up with the name Bucky?” 

“Y’know if we’re being honest, Ms. Tasha.” Bucky caught her hand and brought it up to his mouth for a kiss. “Bucky ain’t even my real name.” 

“You don’t say.” Natasha reached for a lime wedge and held it up while Bucky took another shot, tapping it against the corner of her mouth as she asked, “And what would your real name be?” 

Emboldened by the welcome in her posture, in the smirk curving full lips and the clear challenge in those green eyes, Bucky bent down low and drew his tongue along the line of her lips, licking the tart lime juice from her mouth and rumbling, “Nothin’ that matters. But you wanna find out why all the pretty girls get to call me Bronco?” 

Jesus fuck Bronco was a stupid name, but Natasha couldn’t deny the moniker made sense. Bronco indeed when he pushed her up against the wall of his hotel room and snapped the strings of her barely there bikini and fit thick fingers up inside where she was sopping wet. 

Bronco indeed when he sucked a bruise onto her neck and growled more when she gasped and cut her nails down his back as she came all over his cock. 

Bronco indeed when she kicked off the wall and shoved him onto the bed and did it herself, one hand in her hair, the other firmly planted on her clit as she rode him until she was done and done and done and only then did Bucky flip her onto all fours and get what he needed while mouthing kisses down her back and panting about how gorgeous she was, how perfect she was, how she made him bat shit crazy. 

Bronco, indeed. 

What a stupid, well deserved name. 

She was sore in the morning. 

The tequila had gone done shot after shot, lime wedges shared and salt licked off various body parts until Natasha had been drunk and giggly and Bucky had been slurring his words in a low Brooklyn drawl that had no business being quite so sexy. There was karaoke after the sex for some reason, Bucky dragging her back down to the beach at one in the morning and they sang a duet to ‘You Give Love a Bad Name’ while she wore a shirt and a spare pair of bikini bottoms and Bucky pew-pew’ed finger guns at her and Natasha laughed and laughed land laughed and laughed harder than she’d laughed maybe ever.  

“You live in New York too?” Bucky had asked at close to two thirty am, lifting his head from where it had been buried between her thighs, wet on his chin and smeared across his lips and he was so so sexy and so so funny that Natasha couldn’t even be mad that he’d stopped eating her out to exclaim, “Me too! We should be Big Apple Buddies!” 

“Let’s talk about being buddies after you finish what you’re doing.” Natasha instructed, tightened her legs at his neck and flipped him over without even trying, throwing back her head and crying out when Bucky’s giant hands clamped down at her thighs and squeezed like maybe he was going to break the hold--- or maybe he was just keeping her right there over his face. 

Oh yeah, Bronco was a stupid fucking name but that didn’t stop Natasha from riding his tongue until Bucky was groaning and digging at her ass to hold her down so he could taste all of her. 

Her throat was sore the next morning too. From screaming, from trying to deep throat a Bronco, whatever the reason. 

Sore. 

But that didn’t erase the smile on her face even as she pressed a lipstick kiss to a napkin and left it on the pillow next to her still sleeping and currently snoring lover.  

It was twenty minutes down the beach to her hotel, she needed to get into her clothes and out to the rendezvous point and sure the Black Widow prided herself on never needing to sleep on a mission but she’d also never been given the ride of her life and then expected to be punctual and lethal only a few hours later. 

Ugh. 

“Word on the suspected Winter Soldier?” she asked into their new comms since the ones yesterday had been compromised. “Or any action otherwise?” 

“A quick sweep of the building proved what we thought yesterday-- the Soldier had been in the vicinity and left a bomb behind.” 

“Time left?” 

“Sixty seven minutes.” 

Natasha muttered a curse. “The bastard was going to get in, take those files, and then blow up any evidence of the theft. That’s my plan!” 

“How do you want to proceed?” 

She thought for a minute, tapping at her lip, then wincing because Bucky had bit her hard last night and she was still tender. “We can’t risk going in earlier, it will blow the op. Too late and the Soldier will get out with our information.” 

Another minute of thought and finally she said, “Alright. Here’s the plan.” 

************

Bucky wasn’t sure if he was disappointed Natasha had snuck out before he woke up , or relieved the gorgeous redhead had disappeared before he had to politely toss her out on her perfect ass so he could get ready for his mission. 

Easy in and out, snatch some files, blow it all to shit, run the hell away. Even if the SHIELD agents were looking for him today, he’d be able to stroll in as a civilian, then mask up and get what he needed before his little Ka-boom present did the thing, and he’d be back on a plane to New York by nightfall. 

Then it would be beers with Brock and decompressing after the mission and since he was still tasting Natasha on his goddamn tongue, some alone time to work out the last of the post mission jitters. 

Easy in and out, snatch some files, blow it all to shit--

“Shit.” Bucky had only barely made it out of the office before a SHIELD agent dropped out of nowhere and drop kicked him back through the door. Then another, which wasn’t really a big deal because Bucky could put through both into the wall and out into traffic with a solid punch but fuck fuck fuck there wasn’t supposed to be anyone here and there was only a few minutes flex time on that bomb before everything came down around his ears. 

He did not have time to fuck around with SHEILD. 

One of the men dented the elevator door when Bucky kicked him, several ribs and at least one of his arms broken. Another went through a window and wa-a-a-a-a-y down to the ground below and when a third jumped him at the corner, Bucky grunted in frustration and grabbed the closest thing he could rip off the wall and chucked it. 

Not many people could walk away from being hit with a filing cabinet, and unfortunately for SHIELD operative number three, he was not one of the few. 

“Jesus.” Natasha swore and swore again when she saw yet another one of her men go down, the onslaught of the Winter Soldier not slowed down in the least by the presence of unexpected enemies. “Okay. Blow it now. Take the Soldier down with the building.” 

“Ma’am?” 

“Blow the bomb now. I’d rather lose those files than have them out there with the Winter Soldier.” she said grimly. “Blow it now.” 

The building blew, spectacular in the way all explosions were, deafening and ground rattling and Natasha watched through her binoculars as one after another of the still-empty-before-work floors crumbled to dust until there was hardly anything left. 

“Stay on it.” she ordered her lieutenant. “I’ve seen the Soldier come back from things that would kill anyone else. Wouldn’t put it past him to survive a bomb. You are not to leave from this place until we know he isn’t coming out.” 

“Roger that.” 

Natasha went to do damage control, listening through the comms as reports came in from all over the city and after hours of waiting, the final confirmation that four bodies had been found in the rubble-- three SHIELD agents, and one unidentified body wearing tactical gear and carrying far too many weapons to be a civilian. 

“Congratulations.” Director Fury patched in later that night. “All reports say the Black Widow has finally successfully taken out the Winter Soldier. Congratulations.” 

“Any idea who he is?” Natasha asked as she jogged across the landing strip to get to the jet. “All these years following him and we’ve never been able to get a positive ID on the Soldier.” 

“We’ll run all the appropriate tests, but I guarantee Hydra would have erased this guy from any database out there.” Fury denied. “We’ll never have a name, but for right now we have a body and that’s enough. You’re to report into base immediately when you land, it’s time for you to lay low for a while so we can see how Hydra is going to retaliate.” 

“See you soon.” Natasha strapped herself into the seat just as the jet engines were warming up, and as it rocketed down the runway and took the sky, she couldn’t help looking down at the rapidly disappearing beach and wondering just how bad it would have been to stay maybe one more night. 

She was due for a vacation, right? Maybe when Fury said it was time to lay low, he wouldn’t mind if she laid low on the beach with a hot Bronco at her side…

.... Down below in the rubble of the destroyed building, Bucky bit his lip raw trying not to scream with pain as footsteps sounded around and on top of the elevator car he’d managed to hide in when he heard the initial detonation. The elevator shaft had collapsed under the force of the explosion but the walls had shielded him from the heat and when the building had come thundering down, the elevator car had dented and crumpled as it fell--

--then landed on support struts that punctured through the walls and nearly severed his left arm from his body in one blindingly painful cut. 

The worst thing about being Hydra’s pet steroid project was the pain tolerance-- anyone else would have passed out from the pain or at least had the decency to bleed out and die but super soldiers didn’t have either of those luxuries. Bucky couldn’t even scream it out, not yet, not when he couldn’t be sure the SHIELD agents were done combing through the wreckage for him. 

“Soldier.” Just barely, over his comms and Bucky hissed in a quiet breath and whispered, “Here.” 

“They found a fourth body in tactical gear, assuming it’s you.” 

“Decoy body.” Bucky managed. “Set up yesterday just in case.” 

“Good work. What’s your status?” 

“Hurt as fuck.” 

“ETA for extraction, four hours.” 

Four hours, so Bucky leaned his head back against the elevator wall and forced himself to breathe, forced away a wiggle of fear. 

They wouldn’t be able to save his arm, most likely they wouldn’t even try and Bucky might be the type to joke about everything, but the way Pierce had been experimenting with robotic pieces and body modification on the less successful operatives was no joking matter, and frankly, Bucky was terrified. 

But it was going to be four hours so he closed his eyes and quit thinking about what they’d do to his arm and thought about the night before instead, about Natasha and how she’d lit up his life like a goddamn star for those few hours. 

Meeting her had been like meeting an angel, and sleeping with her had been like tangling with a succubus. Intense and smoldering and hilarious... hell, Bucky never thought he’d settle down, but he could sure as hell settle for a while with her. 

Besides, he was due for an actual vacation soon, right? Maybe Hydra would just cut him loose and he could find vacation on the beach with a pretty redhead at his side...

“The Director wants to see you in the medical bay when you get back stateside.” 

Ah hell. 

Well, a fella could dream. 

***********

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[lilhemmo]

More Creamer Please || l.h.

Summary: Luke is a famous CEO and you work for a magazine that makes money off of his late nights and poor decisions. You try your hardest to keep him out of the bad spotlight, but your boss has other ideas. 

Rated: T+ (language, i believe, and also a relatively sensual situation but NO smut) Word Count: 14.2k (holy schmokes batman!!!) MASTERLIST | WATTPAD | ASK BOX

October

The scent of freshly brewed coffee and hot ink are the status quo at Explicit Critique Weekly.

You landed an internship at Explicit Critique six years ago, straight out of high school. Back then you were just a local journalist for your school newspaper, but your aunt pulled some strings and managed to work you into the mix at the magazine.

The sound of your heels against the tile floor brings everyone’s attention. You smile and hand out the assignments, taking your own and plopping it on your desk.

The wheels of your chair squeak as you turn to look at your assistant-slash-intern, “Arielle, I’m going to go get myself a cup of coffee, would you like for me to grab you one?”

She looks at you nervous, tucking her dark curls behind her ear, “A-Aren’t I supposed to be the one getting you coffee?”

You snort and shake your head, standing back to your feet, “I want you to learn to write, not be shoved into a stereotype.” You push your chair in and walk to the coffee bar, shouting over your shoulder, “But I better hear those keys clacking!”

Arielle ducks her head back into her computer screen, fingertips flying across the keys. You chuckle to yourself as you walk to the coffee bar and pour the two of you each a cup.

Pouring creamer in your cup is interrupted by a certain someone speaking a little too profoundly about their newest topic.

“I got Mitchell to grab a few shots of him last night,” Kyle grins, showing the photos to whoever it is standing next to him. “The piece is going to expose him to filth, I swear.”

“As if the last five ‘exposés’ you did on Luke Hemmings weren’t going to ‘expose him to filth’,” you snort, stirring the creamer into your coffee. You chuckle and shake your head, “Kyle, you really should find another Forbes playboy to focus on. This whole Hemmings crap is just getting old.”

“That’s not what my followers are saying,” Kyle smirks as he drops his left eye in a wink. He shrugs, “You’re just the business section, honey, what do you know about gossip?”

You roll your eyes, “I know most of it is a load of crap.”

“Hemmings is just as bad as I make him out to be,” Kyle sighs, “and you know it.”

“I actually-”

“Whatever,” he holds his hand up in your direction. “Go back to your numbers.”

You sigh and shake your head, looking over at the intern standing next to Kyle, “Dylan, don’t let him taint you, sweetheart.”

Kyle scoffs and pulls the intern toward his office, murmuring something about Luke Hemmings. You turn and walk back to your desk with the coffee cups in your hands, ready to face the day with a double shot of caffeine and a smile.

January

“Excuse me?” you look up to see your editor standing in the doorway of your office.

You smile, pushing your glasses on top of your head. You put the cup of coffee you hold delicately in your hands down to rest against your desk, “Hey, Laura.” You nod at the paperwork in her hands, “I see you got to read my article.”

“Yes,” she sighs, shaking her head as she thumbs through the pages. She makes eye contact with you, “And I’m not publishing it.”

“Why not?” you stand to your feet. “It’s a good piece! You know I wouldn’t give it to you if I didn’t think it was worth publishing.”

“It’s not that,” Laura sighs and steps toward your desk. She lays the paperwork on top of your keyboard, “The gossip column is writing about his spiraling social life and the fashion page is discussing how the leopard print shirt and painted nails absolutely do not work in his favor.”

“So?” you tilt your head in confusion. You cross your arms over your chest and lean your hip into your desk, “I don’t see the problem.”

“I don’t want Explicit to have conflicting views, darling,” she explains as if you’re a simpleton. “If you’re talking about how charitable and giving Luke Hemmings is being, it’s going to seem contradictory to what Kyle and Sabrina are saying.”

“So, Hemmings can’t be an eccentrically dressed philanthropist?” You laugh, covering your mouth after the sound escapes. “You guys didn’t drag Jeff Goldblum through the mud, and I swear I saw Sabrina praising Harry Styles for painting his fingernails that one time.”

Laura sighs and drums her fingers against her forearm, looking anywhere but at you. You groan, rubbing your hands over your eyes, “I just don’t understand the personal vendetta this magazine has for Luke Hemmings.”

“Oh honey, it has nothing to do with a ‘vendetta’,” she smiles and pushes her hair out of her face. “Luke Hemmings is creating his own scandals, I don’t even have to fabricate anything - and it’s making us money. Subscription numbers spike every time we plaster him drunk on the cover, and single sales are through the roof any time he’s with another girl.”

“This is why I couldn’t stand that week you made me write the gossip column in an attempt to ‘culture me’.”” You run your fingers through your hair. There’s a sour feeling in your stomach and you know its origin. You look across at Laura, “It’s a good piece, Laura. He’s doing a good thing for the community.”

“Talk about it another week, after this recent redhead fling dies down, okay?” She winks at you before turning and walking out of your office, clearly leaving you no choice in the matter.

“Okay,” you sigh, sitting back down in your chair and kicking up your feet. You look down at the words on your paper, “Last minute topic about Dave Ramsey, here we go.”

March

The panel goes much smoother than you ever imagined. Arielle is taking perfect notes and you are ready for the questioning part to come up so you can ask about the recent foundation set up for the minority students in struggling neighborhoods.

“All right,” Ben Hemmings smiles, taking his seat with his brothers, “we’ll take your questions now.”

Every hand in the room shoots straight up and you bide your time, knowing that you’ll catch them in the middle of something and ask your own questions in due time.

“Ashley?” Ben nods, leaning against the arm of his chair.

The mocha-skinned reporter from your rival Pretty People Magazine stands to her feet and rattles a question off from her notepad. You notice the way the youngest of the brothers curls his lip at the inquiry, shifting in his seat.

Another few questions are asked and you recognize Kyle’s name called. You roll your eyes and look down the aisle as he rattles off his question: “So, Luke, is it true that you’ve spent half of your interest and distribution in the company on your new house in Beverly Hills?”

You can’t help it as it slips out: “If you knew anything you’d know where most of that interest went.”

Luke seems to pick up on your comment, his light brow quirking as he stares at you. You can’t tell if his focus is cold or just calculating. He sits forward, lacing his hands together as he leans toward the microphone in front of him.

“What does that mean?”

He’s fighting a smirk and you can tell. You take a deep breath and your skin crawls as you realize everyone is watching you closely.

“I’m referencing the A Child Succeeds When We Meet Their Needs foundation you recently, well, founded,” you chuckle, tapping your pen against the notepad in your hands. You try your hardest not to kick over the thermos filled to the brim with caramel coffee. You bite your lip, “That was actually what I was going to ask you about.”

Luke raises a brow and leans back in his chair, crossing one leg over the other and looking relatively amused. He chuckles, “Ask away.”

April

“You’re all the same!” he blurts, pushing a camera out of his way. His middle finger raises and you sigh at the sight; you can practically smell the liquor on his breath from feet away.

The humanity in you wants to leave him alone, but the reporter in you wants to ask him a million questions. You let the reporter win out, and you step forward.

“Luke?” you call out to him, hoping he hears your voice over the other rambunctious journalists and paparazzi. “Hey, uh, can I talk to you?”

He rolls his eyes and pushes past you, the lights blinding his eyes as he makes his way out of the club.

“Hey!” you shout at him, trying to keep your strides in line with his own. “I was trying to talk to you.”

“Yeah,” he turns on his heel and you get a glimpse of his irises behind the sunglasses. His blue eyes are rimmed in red and the whites are bloodshot. “Everyone is talking at me,” he pushes his fingertip into your collarbone, “but I ain’t talkin’ back to ‘em.”

With that, he turns and leaves.

The next day, there’s a photo with him in your face, hand near your throat, the caption titling: Luke Hemmings, Millionaire Menace?

You sigh, reading the headline of your own magazine.

In the lower corner, a bright yellow star is filled with white text: “Get the exclusive from our very own reporter!”

There’s not enough caffeine and creamer to fix this.

You’re not sure what brought you to the Hemmings Co. building so late that night.

“Thank you,” you turn and hand some cash to the taxi driver. “Keep the change.”

He thanks you and drives away, the yellow car blending into the streets easily. You sigh and force yourself up the steps, holding onto the railing to steady yourself. If you weren’t a seasoned journalist, you wouldn’t have noticed the various paparazzi stationed in random locations on the lawn and in their vehicles.

“Hello,” a front desk agent greets you. “Can I help you?”

“Yes,” you nod, trying to formulate some sort of lie in your head to tell this woman. You cough, covering your mouth with your hand, as you clutch your cold coffee in the other, “I, uh, I have a meeting with Luke.”

The way her brow cocks upward would make you laugh if you weren’t so disheveled. You take a deep breath and she turns her attention to her computer, clicking and tapping away.

“Well, I don’t see an appointment on his calendar,” she forces her lips into a smile. Her eyes lock with yours and you swear she can see right through you, “I can get in touch with Mr. Hemmings if you would like and reschedule?”

“No, no,” you shake your head, leaning up on the countertop. “See, I wanted to apologize for what the Explicit said in our last article and he told me to come here. I just figured he’d put it on his calendar.”

The secretary stares at you blankly and after a moment she speaks up again, “Okay. Let me just get in touch with Mr. Hemmings and let him know you’re here.”

You nod to her but your heart is racing because you know as soon as she calls Luke, he’ll tell her the truth and you’ll be pushed away. The lie you told her was a partial truth – you did come here to apologize.

Your eyes skim the room as she picks up her phone and dials an extension, waiting on the rings to go through. You manage to find the legend to the levels of the building, noting that the CEO office is on level twelve.

As the secretary’s back is turned to you, you pluck yourself away from the counter and rush to an elevator. You watch her eyes connect with yours as the elevator doors shut and the number twelve flashes at the top of your lift.

The ride up to his floor is excruciatingly slow. Your palms are sweating and you pray that your blazer hides your armpits long enough for you to get in and get out.

The elevator opens and you come face-to-face with Luke Hemmings.

“Oh, God,” he groans, stepping back and running a hand through his hair. “What the fu-Why are you here?!”

You bite your lip, trying your best not to cower away from him. You sigh, taking a step forward, “Look, I just want to apologize for the other day, all right?”

“A-Apo-apologize?” he wheezes, covering his mouth. “After that exposé your stupid magazine did on me, I’ll be lucky if my brothers ever want me to have a seat at the table again.”

“That’s what I’m here about!” you edge into the conversation, stepping out of the elevator before it closes you back inside. You grunt, tugging on your hair, “I didn’t give them any of those quotes, and they ran it without checking with me first.”

Luke rolls his eyes, “I don’t know how you work for them.”

He tuts, adding before you can butt in, “And I don’t know how you are always drinking coffee. Stuff is s’bitter.”

“I-I, uh,” you’re taken aback by his comment about your caffeine addiction. You recover, “I’ve been there for a long time,” you shrug, crossing your arms. “Laura means well.”

“Means well?” he spits, throwing his head back in laughter. You feel a pang on your heart but you try to push it to the side. He snorts, “People who mean well don’t talk about the ‘floozies’ that I bring home from the bar.”

“I-I,” you swallow and he chuckles again. Luke nods at you, crossing his arms over his chest, “Exactly. No words for me, huh? That’s a first for you, isn’t it darling?”

“Look,” you find your confidence, taking a step forward so you’re close to him now. “I came here to apologize, not be verbally assaulted. I’m-”

“That’s ironic coming from you, princess,” Luke raises a brow, tilting his body downward so he’s standing over you. “I walk out those doors and I’m verbally assaulted. Doesn’t feel so great, does it?”

“I’m sorry,” you repeat, frustration building up like smoke in your lungs. “That’s all I came here to say.”

Silence stretches between the two of you, both staring one another down with your arms crossed over your bodies.

“Then you can leave,” he breaks the quiet, his jaw muscle quivering with tension.

You grit your teeth together, “You’re not going to accept my apology?”

“Apology pending,” his nostrils flare.

Luke leans forward and for some reason you’re wondering if he’s going to kiss you. His hand brushes by your elbow and just as you swear he’s going to grip you and push you against the elevator, kissing the apologies straight out of your lungs, he presses the button to call for the elevator.

You find your eyes unable to focus on any one part of his body and the cologne in the air is making you dizzy.

He snaps his fingers and your cheeks turn cherry red, “Like what you see, darling?”

“Pig,” you scoff, rolling your eyes.

“Hey, you’re the one checking me out,” he throws his hands in the air in defense. “I was just the one noticing things. Kind of like a journalist. Except,” he tilts his head downward for dramatic effect, “I only tell the truth.”

You feel the heat of tears pressing against the backs of your eyelids, and so you turn around and avoid making eye contact at all costs. The elevator makes a sound as the doors slide open and you force yourself to walk away without making an even bigger fool of yourself.

“I’m sorry,” you repeat one final time, hoping that your words make it through his thick skull.

There’s something in his crystalline eyes that you can’t quite make out as anything other than puzzlement.

You don’t have time to ask him as the elevator doors close between your bodies, separating you once again.

May

The first thing you wanted to do was to get even, to act on your feelings.

You wanted to write your very own expose about how Luke Hemmings is exactly who everyone thinks he is.

And then you find out he donated half a million dollars to cancer research, and your heart softens.

You stick steady on your course, reporting about the Hemmings Co. charitable foundations and donations. You talk about the stock prices and the business meetings. You discuss other things too, of course, such as Apple and Samsung. You make sure to keep the rumors that you’re practically drooling over Luke Hemmings at bay.

You would never drool over Luke.

You’re not sure where your obvious overall care for the man comes from. Surely it’s because he’s a good person and he gives people houses and money and jobs. There’s no chance that it’s because he has nice hair and pretty eyes and full lips.

Never.

The summer passes and you go to concerts with your friends and you attend lectures with your coworkers. You throw a barbecue at your house and your family and friends all come. You go watch baseball games with Arielle and eat your weight in soft pretzels.

You’re still standing up for Luke in your own way, whether it’s battling Kyle at the coffee station or slipping in a snide comment as Laura turns out of your office. You make sure that enough gets published that ensures his entire public relationship isn’t tarnished.

Things are finally getting normal again when you’re sent on a mission to a familiar address.

October

When Luke answers the door to his office after closing time, he surely doesn’t expect to see you there.

“Hi,” you choke out the word, anxiety eating you alive as you step forward into his office.

He grits his teeth, “And tell me why I shouldn’t just kick you out?”

“Because you’re a nice person?” you muse, smiling as you run your fingertip over his mahogany countertop.

And for some reason Luke comes to the realization that you do genuinely believe he’s a nice person.

Luke’s fingertips leave the door handle and he muses over the fact that you’re here, months after the first incident where you crawled your way up to his floor.

You’re bundled up in a sweater and a scarf, the beanie atop your head ruffling your hair in a way that he actually thinks is cute. You look so warm and soft and he tears his mind away from examining your outfit to glare into your eyes.

“Why are you here?” he questions, chewing on his lower lip as he walks around to sit at his desk.

You take a deep breath, “Uh, well, Laura wants me to do a segment on you and your brothers, how it is working with family and all that.”

“You couldn’t have spoken with the Robertson twins?” he snorts, picking up some sort of trinket and passing it back and forth between his hands. “They’re women, wouldn’t it be more interesting to write about them?”

“Yes,” you answer honestly. “But Laura, you know, is just so smitten with you three.”

“Pretty sure she tried to seduce Jack at our last Christmas party,” Luke muses, chewing on the inside skin of his lip.

You can’t help but snort at the mention of Laura and the word seduce in the same sentence.

“Look,” you put your hands up, “I know you’re not my biggest fan. I’m sorry for all of that, but I’m strictly here on business. No apologies, no nonsense, no trying to trap you in an elevator.”

“I don’t know what it is about you that just sets me on edge,” he murmurs, running a hand through his hair as he stands back to his feet. Luke paces between his desk and the doorway, his fingertips aching to twist the door handle and throw you out.

You notice how uncomfortable he is, and no matter how badly you want to get this story for Laura, you find yourself standing to your feet.

“Tell your assistant I’m sorry for messing with her again,” you pull on the inside of your cheek with your teeth. You take a step toward the door, clutching your thermos to your chest like a lifeline.

Luke smiles sadly down at you, “Thank you for understanding. I-I just don’t-“

He grunts, looking down at his hand.

“Wh-What?” you ask.

Luke groans, leaning his back against the door as he slides down to sit on the floor, “Not again.”

“’Not again’, what?” you question him, anxiety blooming in your chest. You reach forward and snatch the door handle only to be met with resistance by the handle itself. “Luke Hemmings, you better not be-”

“Trust me, princess,” he chuckles, “I don’t want to be stuck alone in a room with you.”

“Then what is this?”

Luke sighs, “The cleaning ladies will come by on Fridays and sometimes they’ll lock me in.”

You rub your free hand over your face, your other still holding onto your coffee thermos tightly. You grunt, “Well, this is just great. Here I was, trying to leave so I didn’t make you uncomfortable, and the universe is laughing at me.”

“The universe keeps pushing us together,” he laughs, kicking his feet against the rug. He looks up at you, a childlike quality in his blue eyes, “So, I guess since we’re here you should ask me your questions.”

You bite on your lip because the idea sounds so tempting, but something else also sounds kind of tempting.

“You keep whiskey in that locker back there?” you ask him, tiptoeing around to the back of his desk.

“Is that your first question?” he jokes, standing to his full height.

You shake your head, leaning your hip against his desk. “No, but I don’t want to be a journalist right now.”

“Oh really?” Luke chuffs, picking up his keys off of his desk and plucking a small silver one from the mix. “You’re seriously not going to take advantage of having me literally locked in a room with you to ask me questions?”

You shake your head, pursing your lips. He laughs again, shoving the key into the safe and pulling out an expensive-looking bottle of whiskey.

“I call them truth shots,” you explain, sitting cross-legged on his rug, the fancy chairs pushed out of the way.

Luke leans his lanky body against the front edge of the desk, his legs sprawled out in front of him. You have two shot glasses stationed in front of your bodies, both full with whiskey.

“Truth shots?” he raises a brow, running his fingertip over the rim of the glass. “Explain.”

“One person asks the other a question,” you nod, careful to watch for his expressions. “And if the person doesn’t want to answer, they take a shot instead.”

“You try’na get me drunk, darling?” he asks you, picking up the glass. “Because I know how to hold my liquor.”

You roll your eyes and pick up your glass too, “Oh, Hemmings, you have met your match.”

“I’ll ask the first question,” Luke nods, sitting up a little straighter. “Why did you become a journalist?”

“Easy,” you huff through your nose, rubbing your thumb around the shot glass. “I was lied to my whole life. My dad was cheating on my mom, my aunt was hiding the fact that she was an alcoholic, my little sister was depressed and never told me…You name it, I went through it. I was tired of being lied to, I just wanted to find the truth.”

“Wow,” he breathes the word.

You shrug, looking down into the amber liquid in your glass, “My turn. Who do you consider to be your hero?”

“My mom,” he doesn’t hesitate.

“When she was growing up, my mom didn’t have a lot. She met my dad and got lucky she married a billionaire, but she never lets me and my brothers forget her roots.” Luke smiles reminiscently, his gaze in a far-off place. “She drove us through the neighborhood where she grew up and it was rough. There were bullet holes in people’s doors and bars over people’s windows.”

Luke sighs, looking up at you. There’s a vulnerability in his gaze that you didn’t think you would see bared so soon.

You volley questions back and forth. Easy ones, of course, like favorite color and favorite singer. You take a shot once because you don’t want to tell him you had a Justin Bieber phase, and he takes a shot because he doesn’t want to admit that he wants to get his nose pierced.

Eventually, the both of you are buzzed just enough that you don’t realize how close to one another you’re sitting, your alcohol-ridden breath mingling as you laugh alongside one another.

“Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” he asks, turning to look at you.

Without hesitation, you tip the glass back to your lips, guzzling the shot before you have time to think.

“No, no, seriously,” he laughs, nudging you with his shoulder. Luke’s speech is slurred as he smiles at you, “You’re telling me you haven’t had a boyfriend before?”

“I have,” You manage. You grab the bottle of whiskey and pour yourself another shot. “I was with him in college. Then I wasn’t.”

You plunge the whiskey down your throat, wishing it would hit your veins first and make you forget about this conversation.

Luke reaches over and grasps you by the wrist, his fingers warm to the touch as he grips your skin. He looks at you and it’s like a little heartbreak is captured in his blue irises,” Was he a douche? Oh my God, did he touch you?”

You laugh, shaking your head, “No, no, but he touched someone else.”

It slipped too quickly past your loose lips, the alcohol dimming your sense of privacy.

“I’m sorry,” Luke goes quiet.

You can’t help it when you look up at him, holding his gaze with your own. He’s so captivating with his freckles and tanned skin. You want to reach up and push a blonde curl out of his eyes so you can look at him completely.

“Just another lie,” you shrug, “by then I was used to them. But I wasn’t going to let it happen again.”

“Men are pigs,” he swallows, picking up his own glass and tipping the shot backward.

“My turn,” you pick at your jeans. You force yourself to keep your eyes off of him because he has this electricity that is pulling you in and it’s frightening. “If you could pick a different career, what would you choose?”

“I’d be in a band,” he answers immediately, slamming his palm down on the rug. “I’d want to travel the world and sing and not have the responsibilities like I do now.”

You cock your eyebrow and stand to your feet, digging in your pocket for your phone. Thankfully you’d charged it while you were at work, so it’s almost at full battery. You pull up your music app and start up a playlist.

“What are you doing?” he laughs at an octave higher than his normal voice. It’s almost a giggle, really.

You smirk, “We’re gonna sing!”

“You’re crazy,” Luke mutters as he shakes his head. “You’re absolutely nuts.”

“C’mon,” you prod him, “have a little fun! There’s no one watching us.”

“That’s what you think,” he murmurs as he studies the whiskey left in his shot glass. Luke rolls his eyes, tipping the cup back, “Ah, what the hell.”

You giggle and grab him by the hand, yanking him up to dance with you to some crazy song that comes on the station.

You two dance and sing along to pop hits and oldies songs. You find out that he’s a fan of Blink-182 and Forever the Sickest Kids. He finds out that you know every word to Stacey’s Mom and Living On A Prayer.

After an ad plays, a slow song comes on and there’s a settling of awkward tension that lays over the top of you like a suffocating blanket.

You stutter, but he’s swift to grab you up in a gentle hold, pulling you close as the music continues. Luke pulls on your arms so you are wrapped around his neck, your thumbs brushing against the curls at the nape of his neck. His hands settle on your waist and in order to keep from looking at him too many times, you duck your head under his chin to rest on his pectoral.

It’s all so serene as Luke hums the words to the song, his cheek against your temple as you feel the vibrato of his voice in his chest. The night sky is settling outside, pitch black save for the stars glistening in the distance. You wonder if maybe this was fate, that this was supposed to happen. Maybe you were always going to get drunk and slow dance with Luke Hemmings in his corporate office.

Fate is a fickle thing, you know.

“You’re not what I expected,” he blurts, his thumbs brushing gently over your hip bones.

You can’t look at him because you know you’ll break down into tears or kiss him, so instead you respond with your head still tucked against his chest. “What do you mean?”

“I just mean that I wanted to hate you so badly from day one just because you were a nosy reporter,” he explains quietly, careful not to break the moment. Luke sighs and you feel it rustle your hair at the crown of your head, “Yet here you are, being this endearing, caring little annoyance and I can’t help it when I think that you’re smart and kind and generous. I’ve read your articles, I know you’re not as terrible as the people you work for and with.”

Luke holds you tighter and you can hear the song coming to an end but it doesn’t matter because he’s still talking. “I expected you to be some nosy person who wanted to get into my pants and my personal life, but you’re not like that at all. You’re genuine, I dunno.”

The song ends and something must be wrong with you because you lean back to look him in the eyes, your hands withdrawing and pressing against his neck. You smile and look all over his face, taking in his freckles and the red on his cheeks and the blue of his eyes.

“You’re not what I expected either,” you bite your lip, pushing his hair out of his face. “Here I thought you were some billionaire playboy but really you’re just a kindhearted philanthropist whose been taken advantage of one too many times.”

“God, you’re not making this easy on me,” he mutters, his eyes fluttering all over your face. “I’m drunk and you’re drunk and I really wan’to kiss your pretty mouth.”

“Are you going soft on me, Hemmings?” you ask him as he pulls you tighter against his body, your chests aligned with one another as you watch him fight the instincts in his body.

He noses your cheek, breathing out gently over your skin and sending a shuddering of goosebumps over your flesh. He makes it to the juncture where your jaw meets your neck just under your ear and you hear his gravelly voice whisper, “It’s Luke, honey. You can call me Lu.”

The first kiss he graces you with isn’t on your mouth, but on your neck instead. It’s open-mouthed and hot and you can’t help it when your legs shake

Your grip on his hair tightens and you swear he lets out a sound of his own at the sensation. His name comes tumbling from your lips because you just can’t help it as his mouth travels back up your jaw to your chin. He presses a sweet, gentle kiss there before hesitating over your mouth.

If it didn’t feel like the moment was so delicate, you would shatter it and kiss him square on the lips right then. Instead, you let him guide you with his hands around your waist and his scent in your nose. You feel his soul touching yours and it’s like the stardust outside has reached in and grabbed the two of you.

“I dunno know what it is about you,” he whispers, his mouth ghosting over your own, “but I wanna kiss you until I can’t breathe.”

You smirk and go to say something smart, but it’s lost in your chest as he claims your lips with his. It’s a forceful but gentle kiss, his assertion obvious but also his kindness apparent. Your hands roam from his hair to his chest to his shoulders, trying your hardest to take all of him in.

Luke’s hands slip under your sweater and the heat from his fingers is unbearable to the point you swear he’s searing himself into you. Your teeth are clashing and your lips are bruising as he kisses you fiercely. You’re thankful you kicked off your shoes hours ago, or else you’d be throwing them across the room right now as he leads you back to the couch.

He leans you back and breaks the kiss long enough to look in your eyes and see the fear that is settled far back but still there.

Luke shakes his head, “No, no, darlin’. ‘m not gonna do that to you. I jus’ wanna kiss you.”

“Okay,” you nod, gripping his cheeks again to bring him down on top of you.

And just like that, you’re pinned beneath Luke Hemmings with your bodies entangled as the stars set the perfect scene above you.

He pulls away from you after moments, his chest heaving, “I got extra clothes if you wanna change.”

Minutes later and you’re changed into a pair of Luke’s sweats and an old Stanford long sleeve. It dwarfs you, thanks to his size, but you find comfort in the oasis of his fabric. You wrap your hands up in the sleeves and notice he changed into something else too.

“Couch pulls out into a bed, if you want to sleep,” he nods. “I got snacks, we can eat something, but it’s like past midnight.”

All of a sudden you’re yawning, covering it up with your palms. You laugh at yourself, embarrassed and trying to hide the obvious blush on your cheeks.

“S’cute,” you hear him mumble as he pulls on a stray lock of your hair endearingly. “Can’t believe I wanted to hate your guts.”

“Can’t believe you thought you could,” you joke with him, tugging him back down with your hand in his hair to kiss him on the mouth one more time. It lasts longer than you thought, and you can feel his hands wrap around your thighs.

You squeak as he picks you up, wrapping you around his torso. He’s smiling against your mouth as he walks you back to the couch-turned-bed, trying his hardest to place you down gently.

You both get situated and it’s fascinating how he wants to rest his head on your chest and have your hands in his hair. You love the way his arm wraps around your waist and his lips part for lyrics and melodies.

And then you wake up.

At first you’re confused, the events of last night unable to be recalled at such an early time in the morning with such a terrible headache.

You want to grunt and stand to your feet, but you can’t.

You’re currently trapped in a pair of arms too lanky to untangle on your own. Your cheek is pressed into his chest, his leg traipsed over you and his chin digging into the top of your head.

“Shh,” he groans, burying his nose into your neck as he resituates himself. “Not yet.”

“Lu,” you sigh, hating the smell of your morning breath already. “It’s morning.”

“Yeah, I know sweet’art,” he grumbles, his voice gravelly with sleep. If you weren’t so worried about what was going to happen next, you’d revel in the delicious sound and ask him to sing you back to sleep. He huffs, “Don’t wanna get up yet. Hungover.”

“So am I, you lump,” you push on him, your emotions and insecurities getting the better of you.

You manage to untangle yourself from him and stand to your feet, the shirt and sweats even bigger on you now that the fabric has stretched while you were rolling around in your sleep.

When Luke sits up, rubbing on his eyes, you swear your heart skips a beat and you forget how to breathe.

In the morning, with his hair ruffled from sleep and his cheeks puffy from where he was squished under you, he looks so childlike and innocent. It’s hard to believe that this man was walking home a redhead just the other night from a bar.

“I’ll walk you out,” he mumbles, pulling his hair back into a bun as he grabs his jacket and your neatly folded clothes off the top of his counter.

You shake your head, “A-Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

Luke laughs, “There’s a back way, I’ll make sure no one sees you.”

Promises are nice, you think, but the truth isn’t.

The front page of Explicit Critique Weekly the next day is the two of you standing too close together and laughing like no one is watching.

“Laura!” you snap, slamming her door shut.

“Excuse me,” she stands to her feet, hands on her desk.

Your knuckles are pale as you clutch onto the paper with your face plastered across the front. Tears threaten to collect in your eyes but you refuse, your anger overwhelming your betrayal.

“I can’t believe you tossed out my heartfelt piece about Luke’s new foundation to do this,” you seethe, slamming the magazine down on her desk.

She tuts, “I’m well aware of what the headlines read, darling.”

“You’ve gone way too far this time, Laura,” you tell her, shaking your head. You know your cheeks are dark with humiliation, the heat is settling into your stomach. You grind your teeth together and you feel the muscles in your jaw twitch with the tension. “He was being kind to me and walking me out to my car after I practically snuck into his office.”

“Well, if only I had known it was a clandestine affair,” Laura smirks, tapping a bright red nail against her chin. “That would’ve been even more juicy of a read.”

“I can’t believe you!” you shout, throwing your hands up in the air.

She rolls her eyes, turning her expression much more serious, “I can’t believe you,” she sneers. “No wonder you try to glorify that bastard. You’re always defending him and talking about all the good he’s done. It’s because you’re his slut on the side.”

“No, Laura, it’s because no one else will!” you argue, feeling your eyes bulge in their sockets.

“Because it doesn’t make money,” Laura scoffs. She takes a deep breath and exhales, “The only way this magazine makes money is through scandal and gossip. Even the fashion column talks about how one person looks better than another.”

She steps around from behind her desk and tucks a piece of stray hair behind your ear, “The quicker you realize doting on billionaire playboys won’t make money, or help you with your pathetic love life, please come talk to me again.”

A tear slips over the top of your lash line, dripping down your cheek. Laura goes so far as to catch it with her thumb, a sinister smile on her face as she pulls her hand away from you.

Something in her words catches you, though, and you can’t help wondering if maybe it was just the whiskey that made Luke kiss you and hold you. Maybe he never really meant it, and it was only out of happenstance that he managed to put up with you for an extended period of time.

“Do you know what I could do to you, dear?” she asks you, tilting her head as if she’s some kind of therapist trying to get you to answer your own questions.

You feel your chest constrict as she leans closer to you, “I could run you through in one article, darling. I could take away your credibility, all your years of schooling and hard work. No one at any other paper or magazine would take you. You couldn’t even anonymously write the funny pages.”

She looks down at you with disgust, as if you are the ant under her boot, “I suggest you let this Luke Hemmings is a hero thing go to rest. Before you lose everything.”

The thought of having to move back home because you’re broke and unemployed scares you more than the thought of usurping Laura and posting something anyways.

So, instead of standing up and slapping her like you so desperately want to, you nod and your lip quivers when you answer, “Okay.”

“Okay!” she claps like a child who has gotten her way. Laura giggles, “Now, sweetheart, go write me a masterpiece.”

And so you turn, walking out of her office with disdain in your heart and the twinkle gone from your eye.

April

The next six months are torture.

You’re stuck writing about Apple and Google and Nike and Dick’s Sporting Goods. You’re told what to write and when to write it, and you swear it isn’t even that good. You still receive your salary, so at least your home life doesn’t change, but you’re no longer offering to get Arielle coffee and donuts. You don’t even say anything to Kyle as he traipses through the office slamming Luke Hemmings’ name.

Luke doesn’t try to contact you either. You know he has your phone number, and he knows where you work. If he really wanted to talk, he would have by now. You’ve come to the terrifying conclusion that what the two of you shared was a brief moment out of desperation. Nothing more, nothing less.

The realization that you shared bits and pieces of your personal life with that man makes you hate him even more. How could he let you bare your soul like that and then let you sit and rot while you wait for him to make the next move?

“Are you okay?” Arielle asks you one day, pushing a cup of coffee toward your desk.

You nod, looking up from your piece. You force a smile, “Yes, I’m fine. How’s your article coming?”

“Stock prices,” she grimaces, “so exciting.”

You purse your lips and turn back to your computer screen. Arielle looks at you for a moment, trying her hardest to understand what’s going on, but mimics your actions and returns to her work.

It’s Friday and normally you would be worried all weekend over what you were going to write next, but you just honestly don’t care.

Instead of calling for a cab, you walk home and find yourself distracted by the neon lights of a bar up the streets. Alcohol usually isn’t your coping mechanism, but tonight it may as well be.

You step into the doors and watch as guys gather around a pool table and girls sit at the bar, joking with the bartender. You sigh and find your way to the tabletop bar, knocking your fist against it to get the bartender’s attention.

He’s tall, rather handsome with his tanned skin and dark hair. He’s got tattoos running up and down his arms and a few on his hands. He smirks at you, “Looks like it’s been a long week. What can I get you?”

“Whatever you feel like making,” you respond, twisting yourself in the bar stool.

He nods and turns around to the bar and pours you a shot of something. You reach around and hold the shot glass between your fingers, tipping it back against your lips and downing it without hesitation.

“Open a tab,” you put your credit card down on the counter and push it with your empty glass towards him. You gulp, tasting the alcohol at the back of your throat, “And I’ll take another one of those.”

He nods, smiling down at you sadly. He pours you another shot and slides your credit card under the table, “I guess if you’re going to be here for a while I may as well introduce myself.” He puts his hand out to shake yours, but you’re too busy downing the drink.

You slam the glass back down on the table and smile lazily across the bar at him. You shake his hand and he’s warm and inviting in a way a bartender shouldn’t be, “My name is Calum.”

You respond with your name and he takes the empty shot glass back from you to pour you another. You rest your head against your arms as he attends to the other people at the bar.

The alcohol rushes to your head, making you slightly dizzy. Even so, you’d rather feel dizzy than whatever the mixture of regret and betrayal are swirling around in your belly. The alcohol mixes with your blood and you look up at the television to try and take your mind off of the disdain you feel.

“Hey!” you hear Calum shout. You don’t look away from the music video playing on the television to pay attention to whoever he’s talking to.

The seat next to you squeaks and you see Calum coming your way so you tap the bar again. He chuckles and goes to pull the bottle of alcohol out from behind the counter when the person next to you offers to buy your shot.

“Thanks, man,” you shake your head, running a hand through your hair. You’re so thankful it was casual Friday at work because you look a lot less stuffy than normal in your jeans and flowy shirt. “Best part of my week.”

“Sounds like it,” he responds and something about his dialect sounds familiar so you look up just as Calum puts two drinks in front of you.

“U-uh, I,” you stutter, putting your hands over your eyes.

Luke chuckles, picking up his drink and downing some of it. He purses his lips and sucks in a breath through his teeth, “Hadn’t heard from you in a while. Fancy you’re in here. I thought you only drank coffee.”

“Y-yeah,” you bite down on your lip and you wonder if he’s feeling the same anxious bubbles in his stomach that you are.

Something spirits in you and you sit up straight, “Wait, wait, wait – hadn’t heard from me in a while?!”

Luke’s laugh echoes in the bar and you find yourself embarrassed, but push through it anyway because you can’t let him win.

“Yeah, that’s what I said,” he tips his drink back and casually takes a sip.

You grit your teeth and look him directly in the eyes, “Uh, you had just as many chances as I did to reach out to me, and you didn’t take it.”

“Touché,” he raises a brow, “because you could’ve reached out to me too, princess, but you didn’t.”

Your mouth goes dry because you want to fire back something sassy, but you’re unable to because he’s right.

“Yeah,” he smirks, finishing off his drink and passing it across the bar as a silent request to Calum to fill up his cup. “But it’s okay, I get it.”

“Get what?” you ask in return.

Luke licks his lips and it takes him a moment to respond, but he turns in his seat to face you, lounging back with his legs spread, “It was just another interview for you, I get it. You got your bit, your piece, and then you were done.”

“Hey,” your voice is obviously displaying how offended you are. You reach out and grab him by the bicep as he tries to swivel away so he doesn’t have to look at you anymore.

Luke yanks his arm away from you, “No, you’re not going to exploit me and expect me not to get upset.”

“Luke.” You force yourself to keep the emotion from spilling out on your cheeks. Your voice is thick, “That’s not what that was.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” he spits, his eyes hard as he looks across the bar at you.

You tilt your head back to hold the tears in your ducts. You lick your lips and take a deep breath before facing him again, “I was afraid, okay? I was scared that you were just acting all vulnerable because you were drunk.”

You sigh and run your hands over your face, desperately wishing you were somewhere else where you didn’t have to confront your feelings, “I know I’m just a reporter to you, I didn’t want to kid myself.”

Moments pass and you know he’s looking at you because you can see him in your peripherals, but you can’t find it within you to keep on speaking. Why should you make a fool out of yourself while he looks on and judges you?

“A nosy reporter, you mean.”

His tone is serious but you can hear the smirk in his voice. You want to reach across the bar and slap him, but something about his annoying sense of humor is endearing and instead you catch yourself smiling.

Luke’s hand reaches across the space between you and he presses his palm to your knee. The warmth from his touch is intoxicating and you’re brought back to all those months ago when you were pressed against his body with your mouth on his.

“Just because I was drunk doesn’t mean I wasn’t honest,” Luke smiles sheepishly at you. He leans back in his seat, retracting his hand from you, “All right, so what’s up?”

It takes you a moment, but then you’re comfortable and you pick your drink back up, sipping on the liquor.

“Yeah, I’m at an all time low you could say,” you swallow, touching the rim of your glass. The heat on your cheeks is embarrassing, and you can feel a thickness settling in the back of your throat as you think about the last few months. “When one trades vanilla creamer out for vodka, I guess it’s noticeable.”

“I’m listening,” he leans back in his seat, tipping back the drink against his lips.

“Cal has been keeping me stocked,” you laugh nervously, trying your hardest to ignore the warm way his gaze feels on your skin. “So it may not be the most cognitive rant you’ve ever heard.”

Luke smiles at you and it is soft, his golden curls and bright blue eyes inviting. “Drunk words, sober thoughts.”

“Truth,” you hiccup, picking up your shot glass. In order to talk to him, you’re going to have to have a little bigger of a buzz than you already feel in your veins.

He looks at you as you throw the shot back and swallow it in one gulp. His eyes are alight with amusement and he can’t help it when he laughs under his breath at you.

And then, you’re spilling your guts.

You tell him about how you’ve clawed your way up serving coffee to your superiors and writing paragraphs when you were allowed to. You tell him how you put in endless hours of overtime and begged Laura to give you a column in the paper. You tell him how you put yourself through school and classes and it still feels like it hasn’t paid off.

You toss another two shots back before you finally tell him about Laura.

“I’ve been trying so hard to write these pieces about the Hemmings Foundation and the donations you have made,” you wave your hands around in front of your body. You shake your head, swallowing so you don’t start crying as all the emotions pile up in your soul. “And instead of taking what I’ve written and rolling with it, she twists it or tosses it because it isn’t scandalous enough.”

Calum brings you a glass of water and you sip on it, thankful that Luke made you eat an appetizer about a half hour ago. The alcohol swirls in your stomach, mixing with your emotions and making you sick.

“And then she turns my apology to you into some stupid story about how we were secretly having sex behind the bushes,” you tip the water glass back. You wonder if you could drown yourself in it.

Your finger runs over the rim of your cup, “I confronted her about it, you know,” you chuckle drily. “I shouted at her and reamed her up and down about how terrible she’s treated you, exploiting your personal life for dimes.”

You look up at him, finally brave enough to look him in the eyes. You purse your lips, “She told me she’d fire me if I kept writing. She told me she’d ruin my reputation and make it so no one would hire me.”

Luke’s forehead is creased, his tanned skin wrinkled between his brows. His blue eyes are crystal clear, hand stationary on the glass on the countertop. He’s focused on you intently, his eyes never leaving your face as you speak.

There’s a long silence and you feel as if you’ve overstayed your welcome, complaining about your life to the point where he doesn’t want to listen anymore.

“I’d hire you,” he blurts, breaking the silence.

“Wh-What?” you stutter, leaning forward to be sure you heard him correctly.

He shrugs, leaning back in his seat. Running his hands through his hair causes the curls to separate and you wonder what it would feel like to touch his hair for a fleeting moment.

“I’d hire you,” Luke repeats, his tone serious. He reaches out and puts his free hand against your fingers resting on the back of your chair. “You obviously care about what you do, and you’re good at it. I’ve read your stuff. Somehow you make general business-related topics seem at least a little more interesting than normal.”

You can’t find words to speak, your throat closing up. Luke chuckles at the obvious surprise in your eyes, “I’m being serious. We’re looking at expanding Hemmings Co. to include a news section, both paper and electronic. We want to converge into social media and whatnot. I think you’d be perfect to head the department.”

“I’m working at the paper that slanders you,” you look up at him in distrust and confusion, “and you want to hire me to be on your team?”

“That’s what I said,” he laughs, tugging on your thumb. “You obviously don’t want to drag my name through the mud.”

“No,” you shake your head, emotions running high, sticking in your throat. You swallow and look up at him, tears in your eyes. “I think you can be a bit of a playboy, but I don’t care about that.”

“You don’t?” he questions.

Luke’s hand is suddenly hot on yours, the pads of his fingertips searing into your skin. His smile hurts your soul, seeing it this close and so genuine.

“N-No,” you manage to stutter out. “It’s your personal life.”

He smirks, pulling his lip into the bite of his teeth as his eyes graze over your body. He settles back on your eyes, holding contact so tense you feel a literal rope between the two of you.

“Most of the time I just end up walking out of a place with a girl at the same time,” he tells you, leaning back and retracting his touch. Suddenly you feel cold.

Luke picks at the knee of his jeans, a light tint of pink on the apples of his cheeks. “Sometimes I get ambushed by someone on the way out of wherever I’m going. I usually don’t even know who they are.”

Something in your heart pulls and you find yourself biting your lip to keep the words you want to say tucked into your chest.

“Pretty sure my brothers hate me,” he chuckles but it’s hollow. “I’m always making a mess for the company. Public scandals that aren’t really anything and fashion disasters.”

You rest your palm on his knee, “Hey, not everyone feels that way about you.”

“Yeah,” his throat bobs as he looks at you. There’s a distant warmth in his eyes, shrouded by a cold exterior. “There’s a small percentage that don’t.”

“I’m going to fix that,” you tell him, sitting up straighter in your seat. “I’ll take that job offer. Let me turn in my notice and then I’m all yours.”

“All mine?” he echoes with a laugh. “I like the sound of that.”

May

As you pack up your things at your desk, you hear Laura’s voice screeching through the office. You’re pretty sure you hear your name somewhere in the mix.

“Yes?” you ask innocently, looking up at her from your seat.

You’ve never seen Laura so heated, but this is probably the first time her magazine has been exploited.

“You know what,” she seethes, her cheeks bright red in anger and embarrassment. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“I was thinking it’s time to tell the truth, Laura,” you tell her, putting the top on your box. You shut down your computer and stand to your feet, “I’m sick and tired of you getting to dictate other people’s lives for the benefit of your wallet. A benefit you don’t even share with your hardworking employees.”

You put your box on the countertop, looking down at the copy of this week’s magazine laid out on your desk.

The headline reads: Laura Jennings – The Truth Behind The Lies

“How did you do this?” she asks, spitting the words through her teeth.

You lean back against your desk, picking up the copy to thumb through it. You laugh to yourself, the sound wry as it splits your lips, “I, uh, I stayed late last night like I always do. I waited until everything was finalized and then I re-finalized it, with the truth this time.”

You stand to your full height, your nose close to her forehead, “I’m sick and tired of you bullying people to better your bank account. You don’t get to control me anymore, Laura. I finally got to post my truth, and now I’m leaving.”

“Of course you’re leaving!” she shouts, shoving the issue into your arms. “As if anyone will ever hire you ever again, you ignorant child!”

“I actually already have a job,” your smile is smug as you think about the blonde who is going to change your life. You pick up the box of your things and hold it securely in your grasp, “And I wouldn’t be worried about me, Laura. I might start worrying about you.”

Instead of sitting around and continuing to argue with your now ex-boss, you kick your rolling chair under your desk and start toward the elevator. Your heels clack against the tile and its such a satisfying sound as you walk away.

“Who is it?” she asks, her voice carrying across the suite.

You hit the elevator button as she bellows the question again.

As you step into the elevator, you look her dead in the eyes, clutching your beloved thermos, “Hemmings Corporation. Head of the news branch.”

“Head of the-”

The last thing you see as the elevator doors close is the bewildered expression on Laura’s face as she tries to lunge after you, and it gives you such a sense of satisfaction it should be a sin.

As you’re on the way out of the building, you pull your phone out of your pocket and text the one person you thought you’d never even have the privilege to have their number.

i did it!!!

You fidget on the way to your car, the parking lot a walk away from the front doors. You’re surprised when your phone buzzes moments after.

that was quick lol

You’re trying to type out a response when another message buzzes your phone.

it’s still kind of early. you want to grab breakfast?

You can’t help the smile that tugs on your lips as you type out: of course!!! where at?

He texts you the address of a quaint diner in the downtown area and you find yourself there about twenty minutes later. You brush off the front of your skirt, trying to busy your hands as this new reality that is your life settles in like a rock in the pit of your stomach.

You push open the doors and Luke’s frame is tall in the bench seat. The whole diner is a throwback, a stereotypical movie diner finished off with checkered linoleum and cherry red booths. The bar advertises for milkshakes and pie and you feel like you’ve been sent through a time machine.

“Wow,” you manage as you sit down, bouncing a little in the booth. You laugh, “This place is great!”

“I know, right?” he smirks over his cup of coffee. He pushes another cup toward you, creamer and sugar crowded next to the porcelain cup. “Figured you’d already have the jitters, so I got you decaf.”

“I figured you’d take me somewhere that they drink champagne for breakfast,” you jest, trying to brush off the fact that he ordered you something and understands you. “A-And eat those little pastry things that make you look dainty when you eat them,” you joke, settling into the seat.

He shakes his head, his curls bouncing as he does so. He nods towards the man behind the counter, “Yeah, I figured I may as well show this place some love.”

“Why’s that?” you ask as the waiter steps forward, flipping his book over.

“Oh,” Luke grins, “’Cause I own it.”

You’re left feeling a little embarrassed but mostly surprised as Luke orders his breakfast. The waiter nods and addresses him by his first name, so it’s obvious that Luke frequents here.

You order a waffle and a side of fruit. The waiter nods in your direction and thanks Luke before walking back to the kitchen to put your order in with the cook.

Before too long you have him snorting into his cup of coffee, “You what?!”

“Yeah,” you laugh, sitting back in satisfaction.

“No way,” he shakes his head, steadying his cup on the table. “There’s no way you hacked the Explicit. Are you kidding me?”

“No,” you laugh again, falling forward to the tabletop. You can’t help the stitches in your side as you giggle at the expression his face is tugged into.

“Yeah, I’m totally glad you’re working for me now,” he smirks as the waiter brings the food to the table. “Laura wasn’t using you to your full potential anyway. Always figured you could do better.”

“Really?” you ask, interested. You raise your brows, “What makes you think that?”

He stabs his food and starts stuffing it into his mouth very un-CEO-like and you can’t help but smile. Sometimes you forget that he’s a normal person too, what with the way the media paints him. You figured you’d meet him here and he’d be wearing a stuffy suit and tie, but instead he’s surprised you in a flowy shirt and black skinny jeans.

“You’re always so well-articulated and you ask intelligent questions, I dunno,” he backs himself up, shying away from you. He puts his cup to his mouth to try and distract from the sudden fondness in his tone.

“W-Was that a,” you cup your hand around the shell of your ear, “compliment?”

Luke sneers and kicks your shin under the table, “Shuddup.”

Things just start there.

January

Eight months later and you’ve been with Hemmings Co. for long enough to get their social media branch up and running and their news page updated daily with stock information and Luke makes sure there’s a section in the Hemmings Edition magazine for your business column.

You’re running around in a pencil skirt and pumps when you almost bump into someone.

“Jennifer, honey, please make sure to send your article off to Samantha for proofreading before posting this time, okay? And Jake, ple-oof!”

The papers in your hands go flying everywhere and you’re glad you have digital copies of literally everything because there’s no way you’ll ever get that back in order.

“I’m sorry, I’m looking for, uh,” and he spits out your name in a laugh and you can’t help yourself as smack him on the arm.

“Lu,” you grunt, stuffing your papers back against your chest. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, seriously,” he laughs as he helps you retrieve your work, “I figured I’d see how you were doing. Maybe you wanted to get lunch? Grab a cup of coffee? It’s only twelve, I know you haven’t hit your limit for the day.”

And it seems that the two of you are always spending time together now, and people are starting to take notice.

Of course, the Explicit has been trying to spin the two of you ever since your big blow up at the magazine. Their following has died down after your expose on Laura and you can’t lie and say you don’t get at least a little satisfaction from it.

Luke is always surprising you in the office, claiming he wants to make sure everything is going as good as you promised him it would be. He laughs every time he sees you clutching a cup of coffee. He swears that caffeine runs in your veins instead of O-negative.

Every time you show up to work the next morning, no matter what time, the fridge is stocked with every type of creamer you’ve ever admitted to liking. French vanilla, caramel, mocha.

One time when you’re at his house, you’re getting ready for a company party when you notice he takes an interest in one of your many makeup bags.

“You like it?” you ask him, blending out your foundation down your neck.

“What is it?” he asks, cocking his head as he tilts the bottle of liquid eyeshadow up into the light. He inspects it dutifully, “It’s all glittery.”

“Yeah,” you chuckle, powdering your face. You nod at him, “You can swatch it.”

“Swatch?” Luke responds incredulously. He chuckles, “Darlin’, I don’t even know what that means.”

“I can tell.” You reach across and pluck the little bottle from his hands, unscrewing it and swiping the applicator across the inside of his wrists. It’s a pastel purple color with micro-glitters of blue and pink running throughout it.

“You ever use it?” he asks, marveling at the color as he shifts his hand back and forth under the light.

You’re swiping on the rest of your powder products as you answer him, “Not often, no. I don’t go to a lot of events where I would need it.”

“What do you use it for?”

You want to look at him as if to ask if he’s serious, but the tone in his voice tells you that he’s nothing but.

“You put it on your eyes,” you answer him. Luke unscrews the bottle himself this time, swiping a little more onto his fingertip and he rubs it back and forth against his index and thumb. He chuckles, “That’s weird.”

“You wanna try it?” you question, biting your lip as you glance at him in the mirror.

Luke looks up at you with hesitance obvious in his irises, the blue there turning almost gray in color. Instead of letting him continue to revel in the question, you grab the little tube of eyeshadow from his palm and lean down, cradling his neck in your hands.

You can’t get a good angle on his face and so you settle down so you’re sitting forward-facing on his lap, your knees on either side of his hips. You run your thumb over his cheek and rest it against his temple, holding him steady as you run the applicator over his eyelid.

The tension between the two of you isn’t palpable until you pull away from him, your face a mere few inches from his. You swear you see his throat bob as his breathing hitches.

The sudden revelation that you’re straddling your boss hits you like a wave and you pull yourself away from him, standing to your feet.

“There,” you grin, swallowing thickly.

You look down at him, the glitter from the shadow hardly showing up until he steps in the light. He’s blushing, you swear, but you’re not going to say anything as he examines himself in the mirror.

The two of you attend the party together but you end up separated before the night grows dark.

You find him later at the bar with what looks like claw marks on his temples and a bruise across the line of his jaw bone. He’s tipping back what looks to be like whiskey and he flinches when you grab his bicep to get his attention.

“Shi-Warn a guy!” he snaps at you, pulling his arm away from you.

“Lu,” you call out gently to him, pushing his hair back from his temple to get a good look at the marks on his face. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” he mutters, turning his face so you can’t see him directly anymore and he downs the rest of his glass. He taps the bar and the man behind the counter pours him another glass over melting ice cubes.

Luke chuffs, “Go enjoy your party, honey, we’re here because of you.”

“Hey,” you tug on his bar stool so he’s facing you. “We’re not-”

“Yeah we are,” he interrupts you with a cold expression hiding something. He snorts, “This party is literally thrown because of your department, so go have fun.”

“I’m not leaving you,” you tell him, your voice quiet. You try your hardest to look him in the eyes, but he’s not paying you any mind. “Will you please tell me what’s wrong?”

“I could just fire you for being annoying,” Luke retorts. His words alone shake you to the core but it’s the fact that Luke is the one saying them that brings tears to your eyes. He snorts, “Never liked reporters.”

“Journalist,” you mutter, wiping under your eyes.

“Whatever.” Luke rolls his eyes and touches the glass to his lips.

You turn to go back with your coworkers when you see a group of bigger guys standing off in the distance looking between the two of you and laughing. You look down and see one of them with what looks like dirt under his fingernails when you make the connection.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” you seethe, looking back and forth between Luke and the men about twenty feet away.

Instead of listening to Luke’s self-loathing projected as sarcastic jabs, you stomp toward the men and poke your index finger right in the middle of the biggest one’s chest.

“Listen here, you archaic bigot,” you plunge your fingernail further into the plane of his pectorals, “I don’t care how many hours a day you spend at the gym or how many people you’re going to take home from this party. It’s 2018 for crying out loud, woman up and quit being a bully.”

“Woman up?” he mocks you, grabbing you by the wrist. “Listen, miss, I’ll be nice since you seem to be with the fairy sitting at the bar, bu-”

The resounding sound of a slap echoes in the room.

“You listen to me,” you grab him by his collar, restraining yourself enough not to gouge his eyes out right here, right now. “That man at the bar has more understanding of what it means to be respectful and caring and honest than you ever will – which are all traits that make up a man if you ask me.”

You release him and shake your head, “So, as far as I can see, he’s more man than you’ll ever be. But, just in case, I can check for you.”

Before he can ask you what you mean, you jerk your ankle skyward and kick him between the legs.

He squeals and topples to the ground, his friends leaning over his shoulder as he curses at you. You smile, crossing your arms over your chest, “Well, that answers that. Have a nice night.”

You pass the bar and grab Luke by the arm, snatching him up out of his seat and bringing him outside to wait for an Uber.

You don’t talk until you get back to Luke’s house.

Your lips part in the promise of speech when you hear the first whimper fall from his mouth.

“Hey,” you call out to him, rushing over to his side. Your hands cradle his head as he sinks down to the floor. You fall with him, steadier and guiding. His cheek presses into your stomach and you feel his tears seep into the fabric of your dress.

“Shh,” you hush him, running your hands through his hair.

Luke’s hands clasp around your body, his frame quivering as he cries into your clothes. You whisper into his ear and hold him tight, waiting for him to stitch himself back together.

“It doesn’t matter what I do,” he whispers, voice broken, “I’m not good enough for anybody.”

“Don’t say that,” you press your cheek against the top of his head.

Luke sniffles, rubbing his thumbs over the backs of your calves, “I’m not emotional enough for the paparazzi, I’m too emotional for everyone else, I’m not organized enough for Ben and Jack, and I’m not a good enough leader for the company. I’m either too much, or not enough, I don’t know how to be in between.”

“Hey,” you repeat, softer this time. You gently tug on his chin with your thumb and index finger, forcing him to face you.

Your hands drift to his hair, “You are so kind and so strong, Lu. You help families in need and put on a brave face at work. You help people find their passion – look what you did for me!”

“Coincidence,” he sniffs, rubbing under his nose.

“I don’t believe in coincidences,” you snap, brushing your thumbs over his cheeks to collect the tears. “You allowed me to explore my heart and I found a good place for it to take root. You do that for people every day. You provide them with the resources to do what they’ve always wanted.”

You chuckle, “You’re a good person with a bad publicity rating. You just get caught at the wrong times, that’s all.”

“I’m sorry,” he shakes his head, standing to his feet and pushing away from you. “I shouldn’t be unloading all my life drama on you.”

“No, no, no, hey, I’m here for you,” you reach up to press your hand to his pectoral, needing to feel him for some reason. You need to know that you’re still connected by the soul. “Just because you like to wear glitter and paint your nails doesn’t mean you’re less of a man. You’re just being honest with yourself and who you truly are.”

“You’re the only person who sees it that way,” he lets his hand cover yours against his chest, his lungs expanding as he takes in a deep breath. He blows it out, a curl flopping against his forehead.

“I’m not,” you insist, shaking your head with a grin on your face. You shake your head and hold him tight, trying to piece him back together if he’ll let you.

You tilt your head up, looking him in the eyes as your hands find purchase on his shoulder blades, “I know you. And I know how wonderful you really are.”

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” he whispers, his eyes swimming around your face, unable to concentrate. He pushes a lock of your hair away from your face, framing your cheek with his palm.

“It’s not about deserve, Luke,” you smile, leaning into his touch.

He chuckles, leaning down and nudging your nose with his in a way that makes your heart bruise your chest, “I guess I should be happy then, because I know I won’t ever do enough to deserve you in my life.”

And with that, he kisses you.

Luke holds you tight, his teeth grazing over your lip as he grips your hips with his fingers. The moan he elicits from you shakes your throat and he grunts in response, his forehead knocking into yours as he tries to get closer.

“C’mere,” he mutters, grabbing at your thighs.

You push yourself up and he hoists you into his arms, wrapping you around his torso as he walks you to wherever he wants. You really don’t care at this point, the only thing you’re focused on is the way his hands feel on your body and how his lips capture yours.

“God, you’re perfect,” Luke whispers when he finally gets you to his bedroom. He’s laid you back, touching your cheeks as he straddles your waist.

You reach up and brush your thumb over his eyebrow, collecting some of the stray glitter from earlier. You smile and gently graze the scratches on his temples. You shake your head, tears welling up in your eyes from the memory of the guys at the bar.

“I think you’re beautiful,” you find yourself mumbling, your cheeks bright red from the admission. Your rub your thumb over his lower lip, and he catches it between his teeth. Luke bites it playfully before releasing it, running his nose over your jugular.

He smirks against your skin, his body heating yours as he murmurs, “Tried to look pretty for ya’, sweetheart.”

Before you can retort with something smart, he’s sunk his teeth into your shoulder, pulling on the skin with his mouth. You gasp, gripping his shoulders with a ferocity you didn’t know you had.

Somehow you push the loose button up off of his shoulders so you can feel him for real now, and it’s lovely getting to touch his skin like this. Luke is warm and muscled, the planes of his back and chest easy to explore as you touch the dips in his muscles and the freckles on his skin.

“Shh,” he mumbles as another sound emits from your throat. Luke nudges his nose over the spot that is pulsing bright red on your shoulder. He playfully flicks his tongue against it, causing your body to convulse at the feeling.

You groan and roll your head back, your legs aching as he slowly runs his thumb over your bottom lip. He kisses up your jaw to your mouth, and you can’t stand it as he plays with your lips, nipping and licking them.

“C’mere,” you almost growl, tugging him by the hair and holding him close. You can’t help it when you suck his bottom lip between your teeth and press your tongue against his teeth. Your every sense is filled to the brim with Luke, and you’re not sure you want it to end.

And it doesn’t end.

February

You and Luke are together for fourteen months when he asks you on another coffee date.

“Coffee isn’t the only thing I like, you know,” you tell him, holding onto his hand as he walks you down the sidewalk. It’s freezing cold in the February air, snow on the sidewalks as you kick it out of your way. You’re careful not to slip on the ice.

“I know,” he kisses your temple, his hand warm in your grasp. “But this one is special.”

“Oh my God,” you groan, “Did I forget a date or something? It’s not our anniversary. I know it isn’t your mom’s birthday, and it’s not Petunia’s-”

“So instead of bringing up my birthday, you bring up both my mother and my dog?” he asks you incredulously, staring down at you. His breath clouds like a fog around his lips.

You nod, “They’re the two most important people in your life.”

“Next to you,” he doesn’t hesitate.

You roll your eyes and lean your head against his bicep, “Cheeseball.”

It takes another ten minutes and you swear you can’t feel your nose but Luke is so excited to visit this new coffee joint that you don’t make a fuss out of it.

“All right, we’re here!” he smiles, taking a deep breath. “I really hope you like it.”

You look up at the coffee shop on a corner block, the deep wooden exterior nothing if not inviting. The lighting inside looks warm, and there are benches on the outside that are lined with people.

“Luke, we’re never going to get in,” you find yourself whining. You pout, “We can just go to Starbucks.”

“Oh, they’ll let us in,” he smirks.

You kick up a brow, “You’re not going to pull the Luke Hemmings, CEO card, are you?”

“No, not necessarily,” he shrugs, but there’s still an underlying grin and you suddenly feel like you’re left out of a rather big joke.

“Not necessarily?” you ask, your forehead crinkling.

Luke chuckles and you watch as his hands fidget in his pockets as he turns to face you. He points up at the sign hanging on the side of the building, lit up with pale lights. He grins, “Read it.”

“MORE CREAMER PLEASE,” you do as you’re told. You squint your eyes because there’s something else under the title. “A Luke Hemmings and…oh my God.”

Your name is on the sign.

Luke bites his lip before taking a step toward you. There are people pushing around him, desperately trying to get into the coffee shop or around to their destination. There are cars on the street, honking loudly and dismissing passersby. There are horns honking and store bells ringing.

Somehow, the only thing you can focus on is Luke.

“I know I’m not great at telling you how I feel.” He’s obviously nervous as he fidgets with his hands in front of him. “But I want you to know that I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you because you’re simultaneously the most amazing and most annoying person I know.”

You go to open your mouth, but he stops you, “You’re only annoying because you’re the farthest thing from what I should have, but you’re the only one I want. You’re a damn journalist for crying out loud. Your very existence gets on my nerves, but here I am, loving you anyway.”

“Lu,” you whisper, breathing his name through the thick emotions that cloud your vision.

“Honey, you’re all I’ve ever wanted,” he reaches out and grabs your hands. “I want what we have to be eternal, whether that means we get married and have a million babies and travel the world, or that we stay just the two of us cooped up in our house in each other’s company.”

Luke chuckles and catches a tear as it glistens down your cheek, “I want this to be the start of the rest of our lives.”

“Luke, I don’t even know how to run a coffee shop,” you blurt, laughing after you realize what you’ve said.

“Is that the only thing you took from that big, long confession?” he rolls his eyes, but the fondness shines through. Luke shakes his head anyway, “Don’t worry, it’s just your name on the sign. I have a manager in place, but you have final say on anything you want or don’t want.”

You’re laughing together and he pulls you forward to kiss you on the lips. Your hands wind into his hair underneath his beanie and you can’t stop smiling as you’re kissing him.

“I know it’s no shiny ring,” he kisses the corner of your mouth, “but I figure it’s a start.”

“Much better than a shiny ring,” you grin, looking up at the store that has your names on it. It’s like an omen, that you’ll be working together on whatever life throws at you. You laugh, “You know how much I love coffee.”

You lean up to kiss his cheek, the scent of freshly brewed coffee filtering through the air, “Lu,” you call gently, pulling his attention back to you, “I love you too, by the way.”

“Oh, good,” he breathes out the apprehension building up in his chest. You watch as he fidgets with his hands, “I was worried there for a minute. You know, I have this shiny ring here and I just figured that maybe you didn’t want it, you know, since you said you loved coffee so much-”

You look down at his hands, shocked at the velvet box he’s holding in his shaky hands.

And then you’re kissing again, regardless of who is watching.

Spoiler alert: the shiny ring is nice.

a/n: i hope you guys loves it!!!!

tag list: @calumurrica @bananashemmo @cxddlyash @morningfears @hamleggs @rexorangecounty @just-another-photo-filter @youto-believein @cakeslolita @h0tsos @lukeskisses @calummix @teasedalou @hiorheybitch @lukes-curls @lukesbaby @theh3aven @cucumberinmyass @lolmemequeen @sweetcherryharry @sugarcoatedlu @cal-king @lavieenbananabread @fakebech @cherryp-ie @5sos-ficssmut @happiestluke @casanovacal @lmao5sosimagines @hemmomfg

#5sos #luke hemmings #luke hemmings x reader #luke hemmings one shot #luke hemmings blurb #luke hemmings imagine #luke hemmings imagines #luke hemmings writing #luke hemmings writings #luke hemmings au #5sos one shot #5sos fanfic #5sos fanfiction #5sos imagine #5sos blurb #my writing

[theliberaltony]

via Politics – FiveThirtyEight

Pretend I’m the owner of a polling company that surveys political races. I prominently advertise my results: According to a Walt Hickey Polling Inc. survey of 600 likely voters, John Doe is beating Jane Doe 58 percent to 40 percent — John Doe will likely win the election. (Let’s say it’s a race for the U.S. Senate.)

But then you keep reading and you notice that the sample on which my poll is based consists of 400 men and 200 women. You can’t really tell whether I’m adjusting the numbers, and if so, how. Would you trust that number? Unless there’s some state I don’t know about where men outnumber women 2-to-1, you shouldn’t.

So why aren’t we more skeptical of movie ratings that do the same thing?

It’s a worthwhile question, and lately it’s made it pretty hard for us to take the ratings provided on IMDb, the largest and most popular movie site on the internet, at face value. The Academy Awards rightly get criticized for reflecting the preferences of a small, unrepresentative sample of the population, but online ratings have the same problem. Even the vaunted IMDb Top 250 — nominally the best-liked films ever — is worth taking with 250 grains of salt. Women accounted for 52 percent of moviegoers in the U.S. and Canada in 2016, according to the most recent annual study by the Motion Picture Association of America. But on the internet, and on ratings sites, they’re a much smaller percentage.

“If you see any number that is a rating number or a number with a percentage sign, it may be compelling or meaningful and it may not be,” said Gary Langer, the president of Langer Research Associates, the polling firm that has long conducted surveys for ABC News. “And what we need to do rather than be seduced by the number is to subject it to meaningful inquiry as to how it was obtained.”

OK, but how skeptical should we be? To figure that out, I wanted to see how strong the male skew of raters is on IMDb and how big an effect that skew has on movies’ scores.

We’ll start with every film that’s eligible for IMDb’s Top 250 list. A film needs 25,000 ratings from regular IMDb voters to qualify for the list. As of Feb. 14, that was 4,377 titles. Of those movies, only 97 had more ratings from women than men. The other 4,280 films were mostly rated by men, and it wasn’t even close for all but a few films. In 3,942 cases (90 percent of all eligible films), the men outnumbered the women by at least 2-to-1. In 2,212 cases (51 percent), men outnumbered women more than 5-to-1. And in 513 cases (12 percent), the men outnumbered the women by at least 10-to-1.

Looking strictly at IMDb’s weighted average — IMDb adjusts the raw ratings it gets “in order to eliminate and reduce attempts at vote stuffing,” but it does not disclose how — the male skew of raters has a pretty significant effect. In 17 percent of cases, the weighted average of the male and female voters was equal, and in another 26 percent of cases, the votes of the men and women were within 0.1 points of one another. But when there was bigger disagreement — i.e. men and women rated a movie differently by 0.2 points or more, on average — the overall score overwhelmingly broke closer to the men’s rating than the women’s rating. The score was closer to the men’s rating more than 48 percent of the time and closer to the women’s rating less than 9 percent of the time, meaning that when there was disagreement, the male preference won out about 85 percent of the time.

That male skew of raters is also apparent in the 250 movies that make IMDb’s top list, which we pulled on Feb. 16:

So, what’s the issue here? If IMDb is content with its ratings being intended almost solely for men, then there isn’t one. (We reached out to IMDb for comment and for more information on how the site adjusts its ratings, but we received no response. So we don’t know, for example, if IMDb is already doing something to the data that accounts for the gender disparity in raters.) But if IMDb seeks to reflect the opinions of the actual movie-going population, the situation is grave.

Can we fix that? Langer is skeptical. Mainly, besides how simple it is for a dedicated individual or group to “manufacture” results, online data from a self-selected group of people is so inherently dubious that any reweighting of that data is also inherently dubious. You can’t just adjust troublesome data to make it reflect the world, he said.

“The notion that you can take bad data and weight it to be OK is … hazardous to your health,” Langer cautioned.

That said, since the scores of the most popular movie site on the internet are already being calculated based on an entirely self-selected sample, would it destroy the IMDb Top 250 to try to mimic actual movie audiences more? I don’t really think so. As a thought experiment, I used everything we know about IMDb’s rating adjustments — which is far from the full picture — and ran them on the ratings of the 4,377 eligible films after I adjusted the raw ratings to weight men’s and women’s views equally.

We can’t do an adjustment that allows us to perfectly replicate the top 250 — again, we don’t know what’s in the black box, so we can’t re-create it — but to approximate it, I excluded any film that didn’t either a) make the IMDb top 1,000 movies list or b) have a rating from the site’s top 1,000 users within 0.87 points1 of the rating from its users overall. This allows us to sidestep films that would have made the top 250 through vote-stuffing.

My main point is that overall, the naive reweighting didn’t destroy the general look of the 250, and if anything, it elevated films that may have been overlooked because one gender is vastly outnumbered.2

What if IMDb adjusted ratings toward gender parity?

Estimated highest-ranking films on IMDb if the men’s and women’s ratings were weighted toward 50-50 vs. IMDb’s actual rank as of Feb. 16, 2018

Rankings Year▲▼ Film▲▼ Actual▲▼ Women only▲▼ Men only▲▼ Gender- weighted▲▼ 1994 The Shawshank Redemption 1 1 1 1 1972 The Godfather 2 10 2 2 2008 The Dark Knight 4 3 3 3 2003 The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King 8 2 4 4 1993 Schindler’s List 6 6 11 5 1999 Fight Club 10 5 8 6 2001 The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring 11 7 10 7 1957 12 Angry Men 5 27 7 8 1974 The Godfather: Part II 3 22 5 9 2010 Inception 14 8 6 10 1994 Forrest Gump 12 9 13 11 2002 The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers 15 11 14 12 1994 The Lion King 47 4 29 13 1994 Pulp Fiction 7 15 9 14 2014 Interstellar 30 25 15 15 1999 The Green Mile 32 12 28 16 1975 One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest 16 24 19 17 1966 The Good, the Bad and the Ugly 9 115 12 18 2006 The Prestige 48 26 16 19 1998 American History X 31 17 27 20 2012 The Dark Knight Rises 65 23 22 21 1997 Life Is Beautiful 25 16 41 22 1980 Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back 13 41 17 23 1994 Leon: The Professional 27 21 37 24 2002 City of God 21 64 20 25 1995 Se7en 22 28 23 26 2001 Spirited Away 28 13 56 27 1991 The Silence of the Lambs 23 20 33 28 2006 The Departed 40 35 26 29 1990 Goodfellas 17 71 18 30 2011 The Intouchables 37 19 52 31 2014 Whiplash 45 54 30 32 2000 Gladiator 46 44 24 33 2012 Django Unchained 60 29 31 34 2002 The Pianist 39 31 53 35 1946 It’s a Wonderful Life 24 56 51 36 1960 Psycho 34 55 40 37 1977 Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope 20 48 32 38 2009 Inglourious Basterds 97 32 43 39 1998 Saving Private Ryan 29 70 25 40 1995 The Usual Suspects 26 58 36 41 1999 The Matrix 18 62 21 42 2000 Memento 49 57 34 43 1942 Casablanca 36 73 42 44 1999 American Beauty 63 51 35 45 1985 Back to the Future 44 49 46 46 2001 A Beautiful Mind 144 34 68 47 1954 Rear Window 43 80 60 48 2000 Requiem for a Dream 80 50 49 49 2011 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 218 14 126 50 2006 The Lives of Others 58 86 78 51 2010 Shutter Island 177 39 59 52 2008 WALL-E 62 42 62 53 2004 Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 87 38 66 54 1980 The Shining 61 61 47 55 1997 Good Will Hunting 102 60 48 56 1971 A Clockwork Orange 84 79 50 57 2001 Amelie 82 30 90 58 1954 Seven Samurai 19 336 39 59 1983 Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi 76 87 63 60 1992 Reservoir Dogs 77 94 64 61 2017 Coco 51 209 166 62 1988 Cinema Paradiso 54 165 97 63 1979 Apocalypse Now 50 219 38 64 1940 The Great Dictator 53 262 101 65 1950 Sunset Boulevard 55 190 108 66 1931 City Lights 35 294 92 67 1997 Princess Mononoke 64 118 100 68 2015 Room 143 82 139 69 2003 Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl > 250 36 113 70 2004 Howl’s Moving Castle 137 43 216 71 1962 To Kill a Mockingbird 89 102 135 72 2009 Up 115 37 117 73 2014 Gone Girl 179 81 70 74 2010 Toy Story 3 98 66 82 75 1936 Modern Times 38 248 96 76 1988 Grave of the Fireflies 57 159 133 77 2006 Pan’s Labyrinth 130 74 91 78 2016 Hacksaw Ridge 175 161 124 79 1968 2001: A Space Odyssey 91 195 54 80 2007 Into the Wild 181 84 95 81 1958 Vertigo 72 154 87 82 2015 Inside Out 140 78 107 83 2005 Batman Begins 116 106 58 84 1975 Monty Python and the Holy Grail 103 123 104 85 2009 3 Idiots 93 203 93 86 2003 Oldeuboi 67 171 73 87 1964 Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb 56 236 57 88 1991 Terminator 2 42 178 44 89 1959 North by Northwest 74 205 99 90 1968 Once Upon a Time in the West 33 447 55 91 1981 Raiders of the Lost Ark 41 131 65 92 1995 Toy Story 94 85 80 93 1952 Singin’ in the Rain 90 110 170 94 2016 La La Land 207 122 86 95 1979 Alien 52 151 67 96 1941 Citizen Kane 71 188 74 97 2002 Catch Me if You Can 219 97 81 98 1983 Scarface 105 181 69 99 1976 Taxi Driver 88 164 71 100 2014 The Grand Budapest Hotel 194 65 128 101 1987 Full Metal Jacket 92 177 83 102 2010 How to Train Your Dragon 176 47 165 103 1984 Amadeus 83 128 121 104 2007 There Will Be Blood 165 212 72 105 2012 The Avengers > 250 52 144 106 1984 Once Upon a Time in America 69 337 88 107 2013 The Wolf of Wall Street 150 158 45 108 2005 V for Vendetta 151 76 112 109 1939 Gone With the Wind 157 46 279 110 2003 Kill Bill: Vol. 1 174 89 114 111 1995 Braveheart 75 141 61 112 2003 Finding Nemo 166 53 151 113 1999 The Sixth Sense 160 75 116 114 2011 The Help 241 33 245 115 2015 Star Wars: The Force Awakens > 250 92 154 116 2015 Mad Max: Fury Road 204 135 79 117 2000 Snatch 100 144 76 118 2016 Dangal 73 649 195 119 2016 Zootopia > 250 95 187 120 2001 Donnie Darko 226 91 122 121 2008 Gran Torino 158 121 120 122 1989 Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade 112 156 84 123 2012 Jagten 101 183 141 124 1988 My Neighbor Totoro 132 112 183 125 1996 Trainspotting 156 107 127 126 2013 12 Years a Slave 201 100 131 127 1959 Some Like It Hot 118 124 186 128 1973 The Sting 95 284 143 129 2013 Prisoners 215 148 98 130 2017 Logan 202 193 103 131 2016 Your Name 79 399 190 132 2007 Taare Zameen Par 81 448 138 133 2011 A Separation 109 242 125 134 1997 Titanic > 250 45 188 135 2011 Warrior 154 213 134 136 2017 Dunkirk 236 192 145 137 2015 Spotlight 205 155 152 138 1986 Stand by Me 192 125 184 139 2014 X-Men: Days of Future Past > 250 113 159 140 2004 Kill Bill: Vol. 2 > 250 116 157 141 2014 The Imitation Game > 250 69 209 142 2010 The King’s Speech > 250 59 206 143 1986 Aliens 68 217 85 144 2004 Downfall 121 288 115 145 1998 Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels 142 199 130 146 1997 L.A. Confidential 106 225 94 147 2016 Arrival > 250 169 137 148 1957 Paths of Glory 59 704 109 149 2017 Blade Runner 2049 147 368 102 150 1991 Beauty and the Beast 247 40 379 151 2014 Guardians of the Galaxy > 250 111 147 152 1962 Lawrence of Arabia 85 396 105 153 1993 Jurassic Park 198 150 118 154 1927 Metropolis 108 331 182 155 2016 Deadpool > 250 126 155 156 2012 The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey > 250 90 192 157 2001 Monsters, Inc. 224 77 196 158 1988 Die Hard 122 220 77 159 1989 Dead Poets Society 238 103 239 160 2010 Black Swan > 250 98 161 161 2015 The Martian > 250 134 160 162 1957 Witness for the Prosecution 66 476 229 163 2004 Hotel Rwanda 190 176 181 164 2009 Star Trek > 250 117 199 165 2013 The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug > 250 109 205 166 2009 Hachi: A Dog’s Tale 212 127 288 167 2017 Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri 111 351 204 168 1981 Das Boot 70 603 111 169 1995 Heat 123 332 89 170 1978 The Deer Hunter 159 346 153 171 1980 The Elephant Man 148 261 177 172 1931 M 78 465 167 173 1950 All About Eve 114 227 302 174 1921 The Kid 99 459 249 175 1944 Double Indemnity 86 433 169 176 2013 Her > 250 194 106 177 2009 Mary and Max 178 175 274 178 2017 Thor: Ragnarok > 250 200 260 179 2013 Dallas Buyers Club > 250 146 175 180 1960 The Apartment 107 322 189 181 2008 In Bruges > 250 239 140 182 1998 The Truman Show 206 132 149 183 2010 Incendies 131 300 253 184 1939 The Wizard of Oz 232 119 241 185 2008 Slumdog Millionaire > 250 99 191 186 2007 No Country for Old Men 162 244 75 187 1999 The Boondock Saints > 250 254 250 188 2009 The Secret in Their Eyes 135 265 198 189 2016 Lion > 250 170 332 190 2017 Baahubali 2: The Conclusion > 250 1170 343 191 2015 The Revenant > 250 214 129 192 2004 Million Dollar Baby 203 163 162 193 2005 Babam ve Oglum 117 526 291 194 1963 The Great Escape 126 479 174 195 1948 Bicycle Thieves 96 458 202 196 2004 Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban > 250 72 339 197 2006 Blood Diamond > 250 172 212 198 1993 The Nightmare Before Christmas > 250 105 318 199 1974 Chinatown 129 360 158 200 2012 The Perks of Being a Wallflower > 250 108 232 201 1990 Edward Scissorhands > 250 67 357 202 1949 The Third Man 127 484 224 203 2003 Big Fish > 250 133 226 204 2013 Rush 193 252 172 205 1954 Dial M for Murder 155 352 233 206 1995 Before Sunrise 211 179 228 207 1940 Rebecca 173 250 350 208 1992 Unforgiven 120 543 110 209 1979 Life of Brian 183 266 179 210 1998 The Big Lebowski 167 256 123 211 1992 Aladdin > 250 120 308 212 2000 Amores Perros 209 260 225 213 2007 The Bourne Ultimatum 234 235 156 214 2007 Ratatouille > 250 138 211 215 1996 Fargo 161 230 164 216 1995 Twelve Monkeys 245 238 163 217 1965 For a Few Dollars More 104 792 142 218 1980 Raging Bull 124 599 119 219 2005 Serenity > 250 208 295 220 1967 Cool Hand Luke 172 539 215 221 1969 Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid 210 421 231 222 1957 The Bridge on the River Kwai 138 581 180 223 1988 Rain Man > 250 182 217 224 1965 The Sound of Music > 250 101 516 225 1957 The Seventh Seal 141 462 223 226 1993 In the Name of the Father 188 408 268 227 2014 Wild Tales 185 323 282 228 1939 Mr. Smith Goes to Washington 145 466 297 229 2006 The Pursuit of Happyness > 250 185 220 230 1995 Casino 146 419 136 231 1987 The Princess Bride 214 136 298 232 1950 Rashomon 110 626 185 233 2008 Iron Man > 250 140 244 234 1975 Dog Day Afternoon > 250 417 252 235 2014 PK > 250 646 246 236 2005 Sin City > 250 231 148 237 1954 On the Waterfront 139 546 237 238 1982 Gandhi 227 370 221 239 2017 Call Me by Your Name 186 347 528 240 2011 X: First Class > 250 157 248 241 1948 The Treasure of the Sierra Madre 119 786 230 242 2014 Kingsman: The Secret Service > 250 174 259 243 2012 Life of Pi > 250 152 257 244 2016 Captain America: Civil War > 250 215 265 245 2005 Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire > 250 96 431 246 2004 The Notebook > 250 63 452 247 1976 Rocky 220 442 132 248 2013 About Time > 250 189 269 249 1977 Annie Hall 233 289 218 250 2003 Mystic River > 250 245 219 251 2011 The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo > 250 216 222 252 1992 Scent of a Woman > 250 276 255 253 2007 Atonement > 250 139 366 254 2011 The Artist > 250 197 325 255 2014 Big Hero 6 > 250 129 462 256 1986 Platoon 187 490 176 257 1984 Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind 213 378 301 258 1973 The Exorcist > 250 309 178 259 1925 The Gold Rush 136 684 306 260 1953 Roman Holiday > 250 206 426 261 1982 The Thing 163 528 146 262 1984 The Terminator 229 318 150 263 1985 The Breakfast Club > 250 137 391 264 2007 Persepolis > 250 291 477 265 2004 Before Sunset > 250 263 240 266 1959 Ben-Hur 195 481 227 267 1961 Judgment at Nuremberg 134 752 375 268 2013 The Hunger Games: Catching Fire > 250 83 525 269 2004 The Incredibles > 250 222 208 270 2000 Remember the Titans > 250 312 346 271 2001 Shrek > 250 143 323 272 1934 It Happened One Night 184 366 424 273 2001 Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone > 250 88 530 274 2006 Casino Royale > 250 282 200 275 2014 Edge of Tomorrow > 250 293 203 276 2014 How to Train Your Dragon 2 > 250 186 395 277 1941 The Maltese Falcon 216 541 271 278 2014 Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) > 250 299 168 279 1974 Young Frankenstein > 250 443 334 280 1957 Wild Strawberries 152 609 329 281 2001 Ocean’s Eleven > 250 221 262 282 2004 Shaun of the Dead > 250 233 261 283 1967 The Graduate > 250 285 254 284 2006 The Fall > 250 223 594 285 1995 La Haine 231 561 276 286 2006 Little Miss Sunshine > 250 149 349 287 2003 Dogville > 250 328 365 288 2015 The Hateful Eight > 250 411 171 289 2005 Pride & Prejudice > 250 68 754 290 2014 Nightcrawler > 250 380 173 291 1990 Dances With Wolves > 250 375 264 292 1986 Castle in the Sky 250 379 310 293 2010 Tangled > 250 93 599 294 1999 The Iron Giant > 250 418 312 295 2000 In the Mood for Love 240 358 423 296 2016 Hidden Figures > 250 180 651 297 2008 Yip Man > 250 744 214 298 1951 Strangers on a Train > 250 478 371 299 1948 Rope > 250 503 369 300 2009 Moon > 250 350 284 301 2016 Manchester by the Sea > 250 427 243 302 1951 A Streetcar Named Desire > 250 348 448 303 1986 Ferris Bueller’s Day Off > 250 255 303 304 2001 Mulholland Drive > 250 349 242 305 2014 Captain America: The Winter Soldier > 250 204 316 306 2009 District 9 > 250 324 193 307 1982 Blade Runner 149 341 197 308 1999 Magnolia > 250 444 194 309 1985 Brazil > 250 554 287 310 2002 The Bourne Identity > 250 298 256 311 2002 Hero > 250 492 355 312 2005 Cinderella Man > 250 495 286 313 2000 Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon > 250 354 313 314 1999 Toy Story 2 > 250 249 266 315 2013 Star Trek: Into Darkness > 250 191 417 316 1968 Rosemary’s Baby > 250 343 304 317 1946 Notorious > 250 500 450 318 1976 Network 191 720 273 319 2016 Rogue One > 250 283 337 320 1997 Children of Heaven 128 678 519 321 2007 Hot Fuzz > 250 259 331 322 1983 A Christmas Story > 250 415 377 323 2004 Crash > 250 226 336 324 2010 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 > 250 104 696 325 1995 Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge > 250 902 437 326 2013 Captain Phillips > 250 270 340 327 2005 Walk the Line > 250 224 418 328 2017 Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 > 250 241 446 329 2007 Elite Squad > 250 974 307 330 1982 E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial > 250 246 370 331 2000 Dancer in the Dark > 250 400 447 332 1966 Persona 196 548 400 333 2009 The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo > 250 269 412 334 2008 Let the Right One In > 250 384 270 335 2014 Boyhood > 250 335 238 336 2012 Barfi! > 250 877 440 337 2009 Mr. Nobody > 250 253 434 338 1993 True Romance > 250 557 280 339 2010 My Name Is Khan > 250 535 517 340 2009 The Hangover > 250 258 247 341 1926 The General 153 891 381 342 2012 Moonrise Kingdom > 250 232 386 343 2012 Les Miserables > 250 168 499 344 1979 Stalker 197 767 347 345 2017 Baby Driver > 250 389 305 346 2012 Silver Linings Playbook > 250 237 251 347 2016 Contratiempo > 250 589 561 348 2004 The Sea Inside > 250 428 507 349 2006 Apocalypto > 250 364 373 350 1959 The 400 Blows 200 637 374 351 2017 Get Out > 250 344 314 352 1988 Akira > 250 882 267 353 1964 Fistful of Dollars > 250 950 278 354 2009 The Blind Side > 250 198 488 355 2008 Taken > 250 257 315 356 2008 The Curious Case of Benjamin Button > 250 211 320 357 2007 The Diving Bell and the Butterfly > 250 432 397 358 2011 Drive > 250 361 207 359 2003 Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter… and Spring > 250 572 416 360 1987 The Untouchables > 250 604 300 361 1944 Arsenic and Old Lace > 250 464 617 362 1996 Sling Blade > 250 715 464 363 2008 The Boy in the Striped Pajamas > 250 207 601 364 2002 Talk to Her > 250 394 430 365 1979 Manhattan > 250 508 359 366 2013 Short Term 12 > 250 474 529 367 2015 Straight Outta Compton > 250 513 459 368 2010 Despicable Me > 250 145 543 369 2000 Almost Famous > 250 320 322 370 1982 Pink Floyd: The Wall > 250 656 510 371 2006 Children of Men > 250 355 263 372 2014 Ex Machina > 250 362 272 373 1997 Boogie Nights > 250 660 213 374 2013 Queen > 250 1005 484 375 1973 Papillon > 250 831 354 376 2010 Elite Squad: The Enemy Within > 250 1116 352 377 2014 The Theory of Everything > 250 173 591 378 1940 The Philadelphia Story > 250 393 766 379 1940 The Grapes of Wrath 221 728 403 380 1971 Harold and Maude > 250 436 685 381 2016 Captain Fantastic > 250 363 505 382 1993 What’s Eating Gilbert Grape > 250 202 574 383 2003 Memories of Murder 199 916 330 384 2009 Avatar > 250 228 296 385 2002 Infernal Affairs 243 875 292 386 1994 Three Colors: Red > 250 644 415 387 1976 All the President’s Men > 250 755 420 388 2016 The Handmaiden 246 595 549 389 1955 The Night of the Hunter > 250 737 471 390 1995 Underground > 250 751 541 391 1990 The Godfather: Part III > 250 440 358 392 1984 Paris, Texas 244 736 455 393 2010 The Fighter > 250 452 283 394 1966 Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? > 250 537 565 395 2014 The Fault in Our Stars > 250 187 513 396 2005 Brokeback Mountain > 250 162 611 397 2007 Chak de! India > 250 1278 317 398 2006 Lucky Number Slevin > 250 416 363 399 1991 JFK > 250 847 324 400 1998 The Legend of 1900 242 608 607 401 2017 The Greatest Showman > 250 272 972 402 2000 O Brother, Where Art Thou? > 250 401 387 403 2010 The Social Network > 250 414 201 404 1997 Gattaca > 250 356 390 405 2012 Argo > 250 243 409 406 1993 Groundhog Day 230 457 210 407 1962 The Manchurian Candidate > 250 849 506 408 1984 This Is Spinal Tap > 250 762 348 409 2013 Frozen > 250 130 692 410 1990 Misery > 250 402 466 411 2007 The Man From Earth > 250 764 290 412 1968 Planet of the Apes > 250 789 294 413 2000 Cast Away > 250 314 328 414 1998 Black Cat, White Cat > 250 676 605 415 1971 Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory > 250 333 496 416 1985 Ran 133 1207 234 417 2008 Changeling > 250 296 405 418 2006 Rang De Basanti 180 1218 236 419 1989 Glory > 250 768 427 420 1989 Back to the Future Part II > 250 374 338 421 2004 The Bourne Supremacy > 250 413 333 422 2006 Letters From Iwo Jima > 250 791 364 423 1952 High Noon > 250 890 407 424 1997 The Fifth Element > 250 247 546 425 2017 Wonder Woman > 250 196 706 426 1995 Ghost in the Shell > 250 917 361 427 1961 Yojimbo 113 1281 235 428 2015 Bahubali: The Beginning > 250 1491 393 429 2007 Zodiac > 250 435 275 430 1990 Awakenings > 250 467 559 431 1993 Three Colors: Blue > 250 552 603 432 1950 Harvey > 250 645 680 433 2014 Fury > 250 449 341 434 1993 Philadelphia > 250 277 644 435 1998 The Celebration > 250 785 404 436 1946 The Big Sleep > 250 750 489 437 1987 Wings of Desire > 250 622 638 438 2016 Hunt for the Wilderpeople > 250 605 701 439 1994 Chungking Express > 250 712 600 440 2012 Kahaani > 250 1212 478 441 1958 Touch of Evil 228 1008 356 442 2004 Finding Neverland > 250 240 570 443 2004 The Machinist > 250 330 438 444 1987 Empire of the Sun > 250 530 668 445 2012 Wreck-It Ralph > 250 281 458 446 1968 Night of the Living Dead > 250 837 385 447 1993 Carlito’s Way > 250 876 326 448 1996 The Bandit 171 1181 362 449 1997 The Game > 250 441 367 450 1946 The Best Years of Our Lives 239 772 604 451 2004 Man on Fire > 250 406 444 452 2014 The Lego Movie > 250 397 380 453 1964 Mary Poppins > 250 234 806 454 1959 Anatomy of a Murder > 250 864 515 455 1999 Being John Malkovich > 250 392 383 456 2015 The Big Short > 250 515 299 457 2008 The Wrestler > 250 621 289 458 1954 La Strada > 250 748 623 459 1999 All About My Mother > 250 405 712 460 2007 3:10 to Yuma > 250 511 456 461 1975 Barry Lyndon 225 991 281 462 2009 Fantastic Mr. Fox > 250 423 445 463 1922 Nosferatu > 250 716 468 464 2017 Wonder > 250 577 862 465 2006 The Last King of Scotland > 250 455 535 466 1980 The Blues Brothers > 250 687 372 467 2012 Skyfall > 250 295 401 468 1997 As Good as It Gets > 250 367 396 469 1955 Diabolique 223 910 534 470 2016 Kubo and the Two Strings > 250 600 616 471 1972 Solaris > 250 996 429 472 2013 Before Midnight > 250 453 449 473 1989 Kiki’s Delivery Service > 250 357 674 474 1994 Ed Wood > 250 545 384 475 1960 La Dolce Vita > 250 793 512 476 1993 The Fugitive > 250 569 392 477 1967 Bonnie and Clyde > 250 648 501 478 1996 Primal Fear > 250 426 578 479 2002 Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets > 250 142 831 480 1999 The Insider > 250 863 378 481 2004 3-Iron > 250 651 719 482 1965 Doctor Zhivago > 250 714 577 483 1927 Sunrise 164 995 633 484 2009 Zombieland > 250 329 414 485 2001 Lagaan: Once Upon a Time in India 249 1190 293 486 1993 Tombstone > 250 794 526 487 2008 Departures > 250 731 613 488 2009 (500) Days of Summer > 250 310 345 489 1969 Midnight Cowboy > 250 818 502 490 1961 Breakfast at Tiffany’s > 250 210 802 491 2007 Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix > 250 147 837 492 2004 The Butterfly Effect > 250 303 428 493 2003 21 Grams > 250 410 500 494 2016 Doctor Strange > 250 287 556 495 2009 Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince > 250 160 846 496 1953 Stalag 17 > 250 1059 642 497 1962 What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? > 250 585 793 498 2007 Once > 250 463 487 499 2013 Mandariinid > 250 666 865 500

IMDb makes adjustments to its raw ratings but does not disclose its methodology. Therefore, these rankings — which start with the raw ratings — may not match a gender-weighted version of a list made by IMDb itself because we can’t re-create the site’s adjustments.

Source: IMDb

The top 100 largely includes films from the original list of 250, and the additions to the list — there are a lot of best picture winners among the newbies — appear mainly in the back half of the 250.

Attempting to reflect a target population is a common practice in many fields that use surveys. It’s not clear to me why movie rating sites don’t do it — or, at the least, why they don’t indicate that their scores are almost all based mostly on the opinions of male users.

#IFTTT #Politics – FiveThirtyEight #politics #538 #Walt Hickey

[laberintos-espinas]

The Only Review You'll Ever Need of Blade: The Series (Part 2 of 5)

Sharp edge: The Series opens with the official valet from Spago or Planet Hollywood running down the "unending channels" set of an old Doctor Who scene as Urkel is pursuing him on a leased bike. On the off chance that you don't trust me, freeze the casing and take a gander at the tag on the bicycle - the plate spread says, "Lease the easy route with Avis."

This pursuit scene goes on so long that we're compelled to make up our own story. The main consistent explanation I can envision for Blade to pursue a valet through the labyrinth of endless channels is ensure he appropriately tipped said valet before heading out to battle wrongdoing or whatever else Blade does in his extra time. All things considered, anything less is ungentlemanly. In the end the fearless Blade does surely figure out how to pursue down the valet and get him to quit running. In any case, those Spike TV essayists sure are precarious. Rather than Blade conveying the normal tip, they start a gazing challenge. You can tell Blade from the valet in this scene of close-up eyeballs since Blade wears excessively cool shades in any event, when he is inside. At the point when the Valet squints and loses the gazing challenge Blade gets mistook and requests a little content assistance from his kindred on-screen character. "Do you realize what occurs straightaway?" he inquires.

This is the place everything gets somewhat fluffy. I'm certain that the Screen Actors Guild (SAG) has some quite extreme principles about enrollment and retaining your lines and stuff yet this Valet fella pays attention to it way as well and as opposed to being useful transforms into an absolute scoundrel by attempting to thoroughly demolish Blade WL Mobile Valeting. I realize that SAG won't let only anybody in after the Gigli Incident of 2004 yet wow! Sharp edge being excessively cool and sunglassed up effectively evades the Valet and they begin assaulting each other all Matrix-like aside from Spike can't manage the cost of the genuine embellishment so the scene looks similar to watching two alcoholic folks making their own YouTube video with Hasbro lightsabers. At long last, there must be one and the title of the show is "Sharp edge" not "Spago's Executive Valet" so the Valet gets the hatchet yet not before he uncovered a key plot component as the mystery expression "Walter Cronkite dozes at sunrise." Holy DaVinci Code what the hell is that expected to mean?

Sharp edge additionally hauls around a major sword, which is likewise called "cutting edge." In essayist's school that is called moral story which should mean profound things however in this setting it implies visit endeavors at a roundhouse kick since this is Spike TV and not some extravagant jeans school craftsmanship celebration.

Presently you need to stop now and give those Spike essayists the credit they are so lavishly due in light of the fact that they figured out how to set aside a huge amount of cash by utilizing the "splort" audio effects from the Spiderman pitch, the greater part of the Punisher outfit, Doctor Strange's enchantment bike and Nick Fury's extra parts. That resembles getting five Marvel saints in a single show and the genuine virtuoso is that they are just paying for one. I wager that made the bookkeeper need a 6-pack of Jergen's and seven days in the concentrated consideration consume unit after he made sense of that one.

While Blade gets some required rest, we switch an official of the law getting a woman of sketchy righteousness. We know it's faulty in light of the fact that the cop needs to pose her few inquiries about her prudence. He takes her to a high-class meatpacking foundation where she gets grabbed and pulled up into the roof by some arachnid people like in the Lord of the Rings yet without all that webbing and buckles and cool stuff like Frodo's blade and Frodo's shining face ointment bottle. Only for the record, Frodo's blade was named Sting yet the genuine Sting (the grappler not that excessively touchy socially cognizant vocalist) took steps to sue so they renamed it "sword" in the DVD discharge. Anyway, the faulty ideals woman shouts genuine great (one expect she got paid per shout) and we see the cop not focusing any longer since he has cop stuff to do like including the money in a dead hooker's wallet. The drawback for the cop is that hookers, as most comfort stores, don't convey more than $20 in the register and can't open the safe. Senseless cop, stunts are for kids.

In the interim, Blade has exchanged his rental bike for a tremendous 1970's model dark crapmobile and is driving it genuine quick down some abandoned hunk of abandoned street around evening time. It's the sort of vehicle that would make Batman ride a bike yet since its boisterous and has colored windows it compensates for the way that its a blazing bit of poop with a busted lifter arm. On second thought, the vehicle has shades as well. The vehicle must be unreasonably cool for different vehicles a similar way that Blade is unreasonably cool for every other person. That must be some a greater amount of that extravagant composing school stuff like onomottorrhea. It's been excessively since a long time ago something detonated. I can just envision how much better this show would have been if the vehicle talked. Darn you Anthony Daniels and your horrendous fixation on Turtle Wax.

Sharp edge sneaks into some distribution center/rave party central station to discover George Takei's nephew meandering around. We rapidly make sense of that he should be Blade's realtor and he's profoundly unamused in light of the fact that he's spent the entire day demonstrating Blade low-spending plan underground dens to frequent. Sharp edge at last chooses to move in before another person snatches the assortment of void cardboard boxes, barrels of detonating stuff and many mannequins hanging out creation the spot look all comfortable.

While Blade is setting up his sweet single man cushion, we are at long last rewarded to an injection of the trouble makers. You can tell that they are trouble makers since they are completely wearing dark however are unfathomably pale looking. The trouble makers likewise drive around in a procession. You can tell the lead trouble maker since he generally has at any rate one hot chick sticking around. Viola! The head trouble maker shoots some blockhead in the brow for being a bit excessively curious. Being a run of the mill trouble maker he stops to respect his marksmanship before withdrawing to his three vehicle motorcade and leaving.

As though this story didn't as of now have a greater number of strings than another arrangement of bed sheets, another person meanders on camera. It's some chick that is returning home from a type of broadened nonappearance or an unexpected gathering or something. Through the shrewdness utilization of flashback, slow movement and smoke machines we are informed that the new character is home from a removed desert war zone. Her folks are then promptly rewarded to a visit from the cops requesting that they distinguish a carcass. Carcass distinguishing proof used to be a most loved parlor game before the creation of Yahtzee however it is an under-appreciated skill now. A great many people don't understand exactly how well known cadaver distinguishing proof was. During the downturn, individuals would read for a considerable length of time to get an opportunity to test for the activity of janitor with the Corpse Identification Association. They got the opportunity to be so acceptable at their specific employment; they had the option to distinguish bodies before they were bodies. That is the reason they in the end went to work for the government. Heartbreakingly, the name needed to change, however the initials live on.

Before long we see seeing the dipstick that got shot before. Blessed poop this plot is authoritative up quicker than a pot of bean stew at a Shriner's show. An extra heart plug compensates your review persistence as the cop from Shelob's Lair is sticking around the funeral home. Obviously, the family dominates the match that night as they find that their child was the pleased beneficiary of .25 ounces of American lead directly between the eyes. There goes that Miss Scarlet in the library hypothesis I was chipping away at.

Somebody unquestionably got their full value out of their advanced degree as the content journalists venture down profound into our heartstrings and pluck them like an innate hick playing the banjo with his prehensile toes. We likewise discover that dipstick isn't just her family member yet her tragically deceased twin sibling. To make matters much progressively interesting we additionally observe a Sharpie tattoo on his neck. Additional unique dreadful music lined up to ensure we understand that the tattoo must be a significant and imperative hint.

[thismountainhastigers]

Thoughts on Contact (1997)

Before I forget them, anyway.

WOW. I thought he was kidding about it becoming someone’s favorite movie. (I mean it didn’t become mine, but I totally get it now.) Kind of wish I could have had my phone out so I could’ve taken notes.

(Also, does anyone want to talk about the irony of how I started this post with “wow”?)

Immediate thoughts:

Holy sexism Batman. (Looking at you, Drumlin.)

Not gonna lie, I was basically on the edge of my seat during the first “contact.” Does that stuff ever happen in biology or chemistry? It seems like it only happens in astrophysics.

I do not know how I feel about aliens “innocently” using Hitler footage as their primary communication. I’m going to settle with... bad.

Holy Fermi paradox Batman.

Kind of weird watching Neonazis in the year of our Lord 2018. Were they always as big of a problem as Contact makes them look?

I’d like to propose “don’t be a kissass” to the general Christian code of ethics. (Still looking at you, Drumlin, though I can’t blame Joss.)

As much as I’d like to believe that religious people wouldn’t blow stuff up in the name of preventing dangerous progress... abortion clinics. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Yeah... the wormhole scene is a bit of a stretch for me. Give Ellie what’s real, not what’s easy. (But overall necessary for the plot, so let’s leave it at that.)

I feel like assuming Hadden rigged the whole thing is actually less simple than aliens. But that’s just me.

That inquiry scene makes the whole movie. I was expecting the point to be how aliens would turn society upside down (and maybe how different religious groups would respond), not on the relationship between faith and science.

However, at least from a cinematography perspective, I would have preferred to have “reality” left more open-ended instead of all but outright telling people that Ellie was right. (But it was written by Carl Sagan, so I guess it makes sense.)

Wait... that’s the guy from Interstellar?

Matilda Christian 2.8.18

[thestaufferlife]

How To CLEAN Headlights - Car Detailing

How to clean headlights in todays car detailing episode on Stauffer Garage! Be sure to subscribe, like and leave a comment on what detailing video you would like to see next for a chance to with a $50 gift certificate to Autogeek.com. Headlight Restoration using a simple polish and DA polisher (random orbital polisher) from harbor freight. This video will show you how to clean and restore your headlights so they will never turn yellow headlights or hazy headlights again! You have seen videos on restoring headlights with bug spray, toothpaste, baking soda, and the kits you buy in the store, but all of these methods are temporary and eventually the haze and oxidation will come back. My method will first make your headlight clear by polishing and you will need to apply a wax or protectant to keep them from hazing up again over time. I will be doing another headlight restoration video in the next couple weeks where I show you how to restore your headlights permanently by wet sanding and applying a clear coat finish. My Other Auto Detailing and How To Videos: How To Clean Car Interior Detailing - The Mini Van... - https://youtu.be/0oOcLatly9c How To Clean Car Interior Like A Pro - https://youtu.be/o19fle7LCpk How To RESTORE Plastic Trim - https://youtu.be/OXiKDzOroms How To Performa A COMPRESSION TEST - https://youtu.be/0oURiak9C1U Links to Products Used: Chicago Electric Random Orbital Polisher - https://goo.gl/YnsLKz Optimum Polish II, 8 oz - https://goo.gl/otL2Yc Rupes 7 inch Blue Coarse Foam Pad - https://goo.gl/umUfDS Project Civic EK9 Hatchback Build: Episode 1: https://goo.gl/2ZWgT1 Episode 2: https://goo.gl/Uk23aC Episode 3: https://goo.gl/knN406 Episode 4: http://goo.gl/JsGwAv Episode 5: http://goo.gl/9S1XFn Episode 6: https://goo.gl/D3Bxfy Episode 7: https://goo.gl/Trz5xc Episode 8: https://goo.gl/26iosP Episode 9: https://goo.gl/u00iAI How To Compression Test: https://goo.gl/kqVwdi Swap Integra Seats into a Civic EK: https://goo.gl/HvuZ2r B18C Swap Parts || Civic Hatch How To : https://goo.gl/7eahQe Honda B18C Engine Swap Update and Pulls: https://goo.gl/21PGD5 Flipping Car Parts On Ebay And Craigslist: https://goo.gl/9VQpoN YONAKA EXHAUST CIVIC REVIEW - Project Civic Update - https://goo.gl/3dAu7z INTEGRA SHOCKS ON A CIVIC HATCHBACK EK9 || HOLY WHEEL GAP BATMAN! - Project Civic Update - https://goo.gl/bjXhNL How To RESTORE Faded Plastic Trim - Clean Car Detailing - Project Car - https://goo.gl/ReTNxt Welcome to Stauffer Garage! I am beginning an EK civic project car build and will be documenting the entire process vlog style along with tutorials and updates. I have picked up an Integra GSR for cheap and will be pulling the B18C and all other components that will fit and putting them onto my Civic. Goals for this car are to make it daily but it will be primarily a track day weapon! Boost might come into play along with other mayhem! Not a drift car build, but this will certainly be closer to a race car build when all is said and done for this little hatchback Be sure to subscribe to follow along with this build and the other projects that come along! Business Inquiries: [email protected]

[elmo08884130-blog]

When To Beginning Getting Baby Garments And Add-on.

The women egg is actually an X chromosome, the male sperm is either a y or an x chromosome. I vow that young boy educated me extra regarding generosity and also durability than a few of the greatest instructors on this world. The approximated $5 million budget the film produced around the world profits of $368 million, creating this the highest-grossing independent film from all time, and the the greatest earning flick never ever to have hit primary at the box workplace. Utilizing Pregnancy Magic you could get expectant in as low as 3-4 months entirely normally, with no surgical treatment and no medications as well as no damaging negative effects. Calvino's account and the incident from sobbing statuaries remind me from the girl Audrey Marie Santo in my house city from Worcester, MA which resided in a coma for 19 years prior to she passed away. His take in coincided as that which the woman in the 1st wonder ran into. All of us have to begin respecting each other, without that percentage of appreciation, he would certainly certainly never have taken the time to pay attention to me and also without that percentage from regard, our company will certainly never view a wonder occur again. Perceiving a child boy may turn up to be a normal outcome yet there is something that could be carried out to enhance the chance from receiving a boy. Our experts will sing Xmas carols and also papa will read through the Christmas time tale from the Holy Scriptures. A child which spent 6 weeks in Holy place Street Kid's Hospital after falling coming from the 6th floor of a resort has actually returned to creche for the very first time given that the terror case. Only 22 as well as recipient from the 1986 Nelson Algren Award, Benedict has published tales in the Chicago Tribune and also Ontario Review. The tiny child embodies our company as youngsters of God, the loaves and also fish exemplify what we offer to God, the good thing from the food items works with how The lord utilizes exactly what we provide, and also the faulty pieces stand for the bountiful, spiritual food He gives in return. Although there could be actually a token Roman soldier to stand for the political situation, a lot of producers choose to keep the story line in the manuscript a lot more easy. If you have any inquiries relating to where and ways to utilize mountains in scotland skiing (just click the up coming article), you could contact us at our web site. Warner Bros is actually intending to match the results of the Batman triumvirates along with an all new A super hero Motion picture Man From Steel". In recaping the tale from their son's recuperation despite practically specific fatality, João Batista and his partner Lucila Yurie could not keep back tears. This is a story that lights up every thing that is wrong about hate, bias, bigotry, ignorance, stupidity, lack of backbone and also absence from a center. You are applauding for life on its own as this is a miracle that offers you a sense from happiness and chance. A noninclusion in the book is actually that it might have discussed the magic of conception. Even though i heard you say to the Colleague story on phase a couple years ago- i had to go through. Guys would no uncertainty product line up for the wonder elixir if that was very easy to locate as well as cure the wounded child dropped within and also to deal with the rage. There have actually also been actually many urban myths that discuss ways to develop a young boy and a lot of girls will certainly advocate these pointers. So if you like to know effective ways to have a baby young boy it is mostly a concern from consuming meals that will certainly alkalize your body. This theme is fantastic as well as develops a lightweight environment and some really weird names. Lots of results tales have actually been discussed the natural penis development exercises as well as the upcoming magic tale can be yours. Nevertheless, I took the right, after hearing the facts as soon as, to increase and show the tale in my very own fashion. A SEVEN-YEAR-OLD magic kid is readied to return house to Scotland after pioneering treatment in Mexico began to eliminate his tumour. You won't have the ability to accomplish miracle pregnancy after 40 quickly if you do certainly not exercise the most effective opportunity to sleep around. An additional wonder concerns a guard which was out in the rainforest, tending his group. He comes to be immersed along with Miracle Young boy and also along with his aged footwears enduring as well as swaying off the electrical cords up above. I merely don't forget the child-like faith from a little child which strongly believed with his whole center, unable of doubting just what his mommy had actually informed him to carry out. After awhile, my swollen, drenched eyes gazed upwards to observe that occur. Planned months in advance, she specified this time around aside to comply with the wee boy that shook his way right into her center. Utilizing Maternity Magic you could receive expecting in just 3-4 months fully naturally, without any surgery and no drugs and also no dangerous adverse effects. Calvino's tale as well as the event of leaking sculptures advise me from the young women Audrey Marie Santo in my house city from Worcester, MA which resided in a coma for 19 years before she passed away. His take in was the same as that which the girl in the initial miracle encountered. After doing a significant volume from research on effective ways to acquire expectant along with a boy a lot relies on the setting of performing sex posture need to be such that the semen goes straight to the area where it has to be actually, given that an inappropriate placement of the sperm are going to result in the weakening of the sperm, so suggested settings would be back entry postures. In the film, The Hidden," there's a scene where, after envisioning a new bicycle, a younger boy opens the door and, like magic, it is there. Our experts experience a wonderful happiness considering that this is the miracle that results in their canonization, yet especially we really feel the great thing of the relationship of these two children which assisted our kid as well as which now assist our loved ones," Batista claimed. Once our team recognize that the wonderful I am dwells in each physical bodies, we can easily find that this by itself is actually the best wonder. The nonfiction goes to times as hard-edged and also craggy as the West Virginia hills, wh Pinckney Benedict's Magic Young boy and also various other Stories is actually an assortment that is difficult to outline due to its own particular as well as stylistic wide array. Many individuals have resorted to this diet to burn fat as well as to boost their general amount from health and wellness The pH miracle diet regimen is extremely reliable at clearing away extra body weight. In this age of instant gratification, suffering, programs, anger and also brainwashing, the magics occurring around our company are actually out a massive scale, but been available in the form of an innocent six-year-old young boy and nine-year old bag claiming please and thanks to the cashier when they check a thing as well as provide it back to all of them. He after that did work in repertory theater, off-Broadway and also drove 2 from his very own theatre companies, generating lots of tv and also flick credit histories. The tale is from a small gal that heads to a playground as well as makes up a friendship with another tiny female. The adhering to baby labels are actually not merely one-of-a-kind, but they possess unique meanings perfect for your wonder infant. The holy bible is full of recommendations to these sorts of miracles Paul Tillich, a well-known Protestant Theologian claimed:" A genuine magic wases initially of all an occasion which is surprising, unusual, drinking, without contradicting the sensible structure from fact. The boy who gave his lunch from buns and also fishes in our Gospel reading possibly also knew that so as for The lord to feed the crowd mentally, He needed to nourish all of them physically, for without the resource referred to as bodily meals, the crowd might certainly not acquire the metaphysical food items.

[vagabondretired]

Holy Moley, Batman! Special Counsel Robert Mueller has impaneled a grand jury in Washington to investigate Russia’s interference in the 2016 elections, a sign that his inquiry is growing in intensity and entering a new phase, according to two people familiar with the matter. The grand jury, which began its work in recent weeks, is a sign that Mr. Mueller’s inquiry is ramping up and that it will likely continue for months. Mr. Mueller is investigating Russia’s efforts to influence the 2016 election and whether President Donald Trump’s campaign or associates colluded with the Kremlin as part of that effort. A spokesman for Mr. Mueller, Joshua Stueve, declined to comment. Moscow has denied seeking to influence the election, and Mr. Trump has vigorously disputed allegations of collusion. The president has called Mr. Mueller’s inquiry a “witch hunt.” Ty Cobb, special counsel to the president, said he wasn’t aware that Mr. Mueller had started using a new grand jury. “Grand jury matters are typically secret,” Mr. Cobb said. “The White House favors anything that accelerates the conclusion of his work fairly.…The White House is committed to fully cooperating with Mr. Mueller.” Think it's time to light the vigil candles for Bob.

[thestaufferlife]

Car Detailing - How To Clean Car Interior || FULL DETAIL

Car detailing - How to clean car interior in today's episode on Stauffer Garage! This was all done on our family car, a 2014 Honda Odyssey.  Using 303 Aerospace protectant and product on your interior and seals has been something I have done for years to repel dust, remove dirt and grime and also protect your interior from UV rays and fading without leaving a greasy finish like other products. I love the versatility of this product and used it when I had my detailing business. Be sure to try this method on a tester patch that is hidden to make sure that it doesn't damage your plastic before starting on any visible areas. This method can be used on most of the plastic trims on your car that aren't painted such as mirrors, bumpers, wheel arch covers trim, molding, rubber seals and window trim. This is just the start of my Summer 2017 Auto detailing series! Links to 303 Products Used: 303 Aerospace Protectant - https://goo.gl/g4gkDt 303 Aerospace Cleaner - https://goo.gl/KewT5v Project Civic update has some other things in store for you guys upcoming now that the Integra is stripped, out of the garage and scrapped. I have multiple items that I need to swap over and todays video I start on the first part of that process. Integra suspension swap onto a Civic hatchback. The plan is to swap over all of the integra suspension, knuckles, brakes and subframe (utilize GSR sway, steering rack converted to manual and the T-bracket) which will work perfectly if I can get the PIC bushing set. I'll be restoring the suspension components with those bushings, fresh coat of paint prior to reinstalling so they are just like new when they go on the civic hatch. I've heard multiple responses on the necessity but I need some advice on rebuilding the GSR calipers or just buying new from Rockauto and sending the old ones in as cores. Thoughts? Also, the brake master cylinder, booster will need to be swapped over and I am curious if the distribution block from the civic DX will work or the GSR... The 96 Acura Integra GSR DC2 organ donor car that will be stripped for parts to pay for the project along with having the heart and suspension transplanted onto the civic. Project Civic EK9 Hatchback Build: Episode 1: https://goo.gl/2ZWgT1 Episode 2: https://goo.gl/Uk23aC Episode 3: https://goo.gl/knN406 Episode 4: http://goo.gl/JsGwAv Episode 5: http://goo.gl/9S1XFn Episode 6: https://goo.gl/D3Bxfy Episode 7: https://goo.gl/Trz5xc Episode 8: https://goo.gl/26iosP Episode 9: https://goo.gl/u00iAI How To Compression Test: https://goo.gl/kqVwdi Swap Integra Seats into a Civic EK: https://goo.gl/HvuZ2r B18C Swap Parts || Civic Hatch How To : https://goo.gl/7eahQe Honda B18C Engine Swap Update and Pulls: https://goo.gl/21PGD5 Flipping Car Parts On Ebay And Craigslist: https://goo.gl/9VQpoN YONAKA EXHAUST CIVIC REVIEW - Project Civic Update - https://goo.gl/3dAu7z INTEGRA SHOCKS ON A CIVIC HATCHBACK EK9 || HOLY WHEEL GAP BATMAN! - Project Civic Update - https://goo.gl/bjXhNL How To RESTORE Faded Plastic Trim - Clean Car Detailing - Project Car - https://goo.gl/ReTNxt Welcome to Stauffer Garage! I am beginning an EK civic project car build and will be documenting the entire process vlog style along with tutorials and updates. I have picked up an Integra GSR for cheap and will be pulling the B18C and all other components that will fit and putting them onto my Civic. Goals for this car are to make it daily but it will be primarily a track day weapon! Boost might come into play along with other mayhem! Not a drift car build, but this will certainly be closer to a race car build when all is said and done for this little hatchback Be sure to subscribe to follow along with this build and the other projects that come along! Business Inquiries: [email protected] Song: Disfigure - Blank Music provided by NoCopyrightSounds. Follow Disfigure: http://www.youtube.com/user/Disfigure... Video Link: https://youtu.be/p7ZsBPK656s Song: Phantom Sage - When I’m Gone [NCS Release] Music provided by NoCopyrightSounds. [Phantom Sage] • https://youtube.com/c/phantomsage Video Link: https://youtu.be/tAAUoLcf05k Song: Disfigure - Blank Music provided by NoCopyrightSounds. Dropouts ➞ SoundCloud https://soundcloud.com/dropoutsmusic Aloma Steele (vocalist) ➞ YouTube https://www.youtube.com/user/LomaTherapy Video Link: Dropouts - Unity (feat. Aloma Steele) [NCS Release]

[thestaufferlife]

HOW TO FIX AN EXHAUST LEAK - LOUD EXHAUST REPAIR!

Todays video I will show you how to fix an exhaust leak the right way! There is only 1 real way to repair a loud exhaust or leak and it requires welding the exhaust. A local shop will be able to repair your exhaust system fast and cheaply if you account for the time and effort involved in you doing it yourself. For an exhaust leak or broken exhaust to be welded you will spend less than $50 and that includes piping depending on the length.

NSX Review and Test Drive Video: https://youtu.be/WdQ-UvuaSSA Project Civic EK9 Hatchback Build: Episode 1: https://goo.gl/2ZWgT1 Episode 2: https://goo.gl/Uk23aC Episode 3: https://goo.gl/knN406 Episode 4: http://goo.gl/JsGwAv Episode 5: http://goo.gl/9S1XFn Episode 6: https://goo.gl/D3Bxfy Episode 7: https://goo.gl/Trz5xc Episode 8: https://goo.gl/26iosP Episode 9: https://goo.gl/u00iAI How To Compression Test: https://goo.gl/kqVwdi Swap Integra Seats into a Civic EK: https://goo.gl/HvuZ2r B18C Swap Parts || Civic Hatch How To : https://goo.gl/7eahQe Honda B18C Engine Swap Update and Pulls: https://goo.gl/21PGD5 Flipping Car Parts On Ebay And Craigslist: https://goo.gl/9VQpoN YONAKA EXHAUST CIVIC REVIEW - Project Civic Update - https://goo.gl/3dAu7z INTEGRA SHOCKS ON A CIVIC HATCHBACK EK9 || HOLY WHEEL GAP BATMAN! - Project Civic Update - https://goo.gl/bjXhNL How To RESTORE Faded Plastic Trim - Clean Car Detailing - Project Car - https://goo.gl/ReTNxt How To Clean Car Interior - Car Detailing Series - https://goo.gl/qgFzDW Turbo HONDA Civic Build Update Plans - EK9 Car Vlog - https://youtu.be/rvLTHzx34W0

Welcome to Stauffer Garage! I am beginning an EK civic project car build and will be documenting the entire process vlog style along with tutorials and updates. I have picked up an Integra GSR for cheap and will be pulling the B18C and all other components that will fit and putting them onto my Civic. Goals for this car are to make it daily but it will be primarily a track day weapon! Boost might come into play along with other mayhem! Not a drift car build, but this will certainly be closer to a race car build when all is said and done for this little hatchback. I also do car detailing and cleaning videos and my favorite so far is beginning to review new cars and do automotive reviews.

Be sure to subscribe to follow along with this build and the other projects that come along!

Business Inquiries: [email protected]

[thestaufferlife]

2017 ACURA NSX Car Review - A Masterpiece In Honda Engineering

Today's video is a very special one... A 2017 Acura NSX Car Review. I had the opportunity to ride in the new 2017 Acura NSX (2017 Honda NSX) and I wanted to share my  personal experience of the amazing engineering put in by those at Honda. The 2017 NSX is truly something special that deserves a better reputation than it has received by the press. Its visual presence from afar is unmistakeable and up close the styling is truly a thing of beauty. With the press of a button, the car roars to life and the acura nsx exhaust and acura nsx engine sound compliments the cars styling and nature perfectly. This supercar is to not be messed with and a launch from a standstill will make your heart pound out of your chest with its rate of acceleration from 0-60 and beyond. As with all modern hybrid supercars out today, you have on tap a V6 twin turbo motor and an electric motor in the rear powertrain along with 2 additional electric motors at each wheel up front.

Project Civic EK9 Hatchback Build: Episode 1: https://goo.gl/2ZWgT1 Episode 2: https://goo.gl/Uk23aC Episode 3: https://goo.gl/knN406 Episode 4: http://goo.gl/JsGwAv Episode 5: http://goo.gl/9S1XFn Episode 6: https://goo.gl/D3Bxfy Episode 7: https://goo.gl/Trz5xc Episode 8: https://goo.gl/26iosP Episode 9: https://goo.gl/u00iAI How To Compression Test: https://goo.gl/kqVwdi Swap Integra Seats into a Civic EK: https://goo.gl/HvuZ2r B18C Swap Parts || Civic Hatch How To : https://goo.gl/7eahQe Honda B18C Engine Swap Update and Pulls: https://goo.gl/21PGD5 Flipping Car Parts On Ebay And Craigslist: https://goo.gl/9VQpoN YONAKA EXHAUST CIVIC REVIEW - Project Civic Update - https://goo.gl/3dAu7z INTEGRA SHOCKS ON A CIVIC HATCHBACK EK9 || HOLY WHEEL GAP BATMAN! - Project Civic Update - https://goo.gl/bjXhNL How To RESTORE Faded Plastic Trim - Clean Car Detailing - Project Car - https://goo.gl/ReTNxt How To Clean Car Interior - Car Detailing Series - https://goo.gl/qgFzDW Turbo HONDA Civic Build Update Plans - EK9 Car Vlog - https://youtu.be/rvLTHzx34W0

Welcome to Stauffer Garage! I am beginning an EK civic project car build and will be documenting the entire process vlog style along with tutorials and updates. I have picked up an Integra GSR for cheap and will be pulling the B18C and all other components that will fit and putting them onto my Civic. Goals for this car are to make it daily but it will be primarily a track day weapon! Boost might come into play along with other mayhem! Not a drift car build, but this will certainly be closer to a race car build when all is said and done for this little hatchback. I also do car detailing and cleaning videos and my favorite so far is beginning to review new cars and do automotive reviews.

Be sure to subscribe to follow along with this build and the other projects that come along!

Business Inquiries: [email protected]

[thestaufferlife]

HONDA Civic Build Update - Turbo Honda Plans Car Vlog

Bringing to you a Honda Build Update on my EK Civic Hatch car vlog style! Got some pulls, discuss build plans, turbo honda goals and where I am taking the build with these vlogs.

Project Civic update has some other things in store for you guys upcoming now that the Integra is stripped, out of the garage and scrapped. I have multiple items that I need to swap over and todays video I start on the first part of that process. Integra suspension swap onto a Civic hatchback.

The plan is to swap over all of the integra suspension, knuckles, brakes and subframe (utilize GSR sway, steering rack converted to manual and the T-bracket) which will work perfectly if I can get the PIC bushing set. I'll be restoring the suspension components with those bushings, fresh coat of paint prior to reinstalling so they are just like new when they go on the civic hatch.

I've heard multiple responses on the necessity but I need some advice on rebuilding the GSR calipers or just buying new from Rockauto and sending the old ones in as cores. Thoughts? Also, the brake master cylinder, booster will need to be swapped over and I am curious if the distribution block from the civic DX will work or the GSR...

The 96 Acura Integra GSR DC2 organ donor car that will be stripped for parts to pay for the project along with having the heart and suspension transplanted onto the civic.

Project Civic EK9 Hatchback Build: Episode 1: https://goo.gl/2ZWgT1 Episode 2: https://goo.gl/Uk23aC Episode 3: https://goo.gl/knN406 Episode 4: http://goo.gl/JsGwAv Episode 5: http://goo.gl/9S1XFn Episode 6: https://goo.gl/D3Bxfy Episode 7: https://goo.gl/Trz5xc Episode 8: https://goo.gl/26iosP Episode 9: https://goo.gl/u00iAI How To Compression Test: https://goo.gl/kqVwdi Swap Integra Seats into a Civic EK: https://goo.gl/HvuZ2r B18C Swap Parts || Civic Hatch How To : https://goo.gl/7eahQe Honda B18C Engine Swap Update and Pulls: https://goo.gl/21PGD5 Flipping Car Parts On Ebay And Craigslist: https://goo.gl/9VQpoN YONAKA EXHAUST CIVIC REVIEW - Project Civic Update - https://goo.gl/3dAu7z INTEGRA SHOCKS ON A CIVIC HATCHBACK EK9 || HOLY WHEEL GAP BATMAN! - Project Civic Update - https://goo.gl/bjXhNL How To RESTORE Faded Plastic Trim - Clean Car Detailing - Project Car - https://goo.gl/ReTNxt How To Clean Car Interior - Car Detailing Series - https://goo.gl/qgFzDW

Welcome to Stauffer Garage! I am beginning an EK civic project car build and will be documenting the entire process vlog style along with tutorials and updates. I have picked up an Integra GSR for cheap and will be pulling the B18C and all other components that will fit and putting them onto my Civic. Goals for this car are to make it daily but it will be primarily a track day weapon! Boost might come into play along with other mayhem! Not a drift car build, but this will certainly be closer to a race car build when all is said and done for this little hatchback

Be sure to subscribe to follow along with this build and the other projects that come along!

Business Inquiries: [email protected]

#civic #turbo #boost #vlog

[thestaufferlife]

How To Clean Your Car Interior Like A Pro || Summer Car Detailing Series

How to clean your car interior like a pro in todays episode of my Summer Car Detailing Series! This was all done on my Project car restoration Civic EK9. Using 303 Aerospace protectant and product on your interior and seals has been something I have done for years to repel dust, remove dirt and grime and also protect your interior from UV rays and fading without leaving a greasy finish like other products. I love the versatility of this product and used it when I had my detailing business. Be sure to try this method on a tester patch that is hidden to make sure that it doesn't damage your plastic before starting on any visible areas. This method can be used on most of the plastic trims on your car that aren't painted such as mirrors, bumpers, wheel arch covers trim, molding, rubber seals and window trim. This is just the start of my Summer 2017 Auto detailing series!

Links to 303 Products Used: 303 Aerospace Protectant - https://goo.gl/g4gkDt 303 Aerospace Cleaner - https://goo.gl/KewT5v

Project Civic update has some other things in store for you guys upcoming now that the Integra is stripped, out of the garage and scrapped. I have multiple items that I need to swap over and todays video I start on the first part of that process. Integra suspension swap onto a Civic hatchback.

The plan is to swap over all of the integra suspension, knuckles, brakes and subframe (utilize GSR sway, steering rack converted to manual and the T-bracket) which will work perfectly if I can get the PIC bushing set. I'll be restoring the suspension components with those bushings, fresh coat of paint prior to reinstalling so they are just like new when they go on the civic hatch.

I've heard multiple responses on the necessity but I need some advice on rebuilding the GSR calipers or just buying new from Rockauto and sending the old ones in as cores. Thoughts? Also, the brake master cylinder, booster will need to be swapped over and I am curious if the distribution block from the civic DX will work or the GSR...

The 96 Acura Integra GSR DC2 organ donor car that will be stripped for parts to pay for the project along with having the heart and suspension transplanted onto the civic.

Project Civic EK9 Hatchback Build: Episode 1: https://goo.gl/2ZWgT1 Episode 2: https://goo.gl/Uk23aC Episode 3: https://goo.gl/knN406 Episode 4: http://goo.gl/JsGwAv Episode 5: http://goo.gl/9S1XFn Episode 6: https://goo.gl/D3Bxfy Episode 7: https://goo.gl/Trz5xc Episode 8: https://goo.gl/26iosP Episode 9: https://goo.gl/u00iAI How To Compression Test: https://goo.gl/kqVwdi Swap Integra Seats into a Civic EK: https://goo.gl/HvuZ2r B18C Swap Parts || Civic Hatch How To : https://goo.gl/7eahQe Honda B18C Engine Swap Update and Pulls: https://goo.gl/21PGD5 Flipping Car Parts On Ebay And Craigslist: https://goo.gl/9VQpoN YONAKA EXHAUST CIVIC REVIEW - Project Civic Update - https://goo.gl/3dAu7z INTEGRA SHOCKS ON A CIVIC HATCHBACK EK9 || HOLY WHEEL GAP BATMAN! - Project Civic Update - https://goo.gl/bjXhNL How To RESTORE Faded Plastic Trim - Clean Car Detailing - Project Car - https://goo.gl/ReTNxt

Welcome to Stauffer Garage! I am beginning an EK civic project car build and will be documenting the entire process vlog style along with tutorials and updates. I have picked up an Integra GSR for cheap and will be pulling the B18C and all other components that will fit and putting them onto my Civic. Goals for this car are to make it daily but it will be primarily a track day weapon! Boost might come into play along with other mayhem! Not a drift car build, but this will certainly be closer to a race car build when all is said and done for this little hatchback

Be sure to subscribe to follow along with this build and the other projects that come along!

Business Inquiries: [email protected]

[thestaufferlife]

Plastic Trim Restore How To - Autp Detailing Series - Project Car EK9 Civic! This was all done on my Project car restoration Civic EK9. This is how you can bring most faded plastics back to life on your car. Be sure to try this method on a tester patch that is hidden to make sure that it doesn't damage your plastic before starting on any visible areas. This method can be used on most of the plastic trims on your car that aren't painted such as mirrors, bumpers, wheel arch covers trim, molding, rubber seals and window trim. This is just the start of my Summer 2017 Auto detailing series!Mothers 06112 Back-to-Black Plastic and Trim Restorer - 12 oz. - https://goo.gl/UXirYF 303 (30313-CSR) UV Protectant Spray - https://goo.gl/azy0OtProject Civic update has some other things in store for you guys upcoming now that the Integra is stripped, out of the garage and scrapped. I have multiple items that I need to swap over and todays video I start on the first part of that process. Integra suspension swap onto a Civic hatchback. The plan is to swap over all of the integra suspension, knuckles, brakes and subframe (utilize GSR sway, steering rack converted to manual and the T-bracket) which will work perfectly if I can get the PIC bushing set. I'll be restoring the suspension components with those bushings, fresh coat of paint prior to reinstalling so they are just like new when they go on the civic hatch. I've heard multiple responses on the necessity but I need some advice on rebuilding the GSR calipers or just buying new from Rockauto and sending the old ones in as cores. Thoughts? Also, the brake master cylinder, booster will need to be swapped over and I am curious if the distribution block from the civic DX will work or the GSR...The 96 Acura Integra GSR DC2 organ donor car that will be stripped for parts to pay for the project along with having the heart and suspension transplanted onto the civic. Project Civic EK9 Hatchback Build: Episode 1: https://goo.gl/2ZWgT1 Episode 2: https://goo.gl/Uk23aC Episode 3: https://goo.gl/knN406 Episode 4: http://goo.gl/JsGwAv Episode 5: http://goo.gl/9S1XFn Episode 6: https://goo.gl/D3Bxfy Episode 7: https://goo.gl/Trz5xc Episode 8: https://goo.gl/26iosP Episode 9: https://goo.gl/u00iAI How To Compression Test: https://goo.gl/kqVwdi Swap Integra Seats into a Civic EK: https://goo.gl/HvuZ2r B18C Swap Parts || Civic Hatch How To : https://goo.gl/7eahQe Honda B18C Engine Swap Update and Pulls: https://goo.gl/21PGD5 Flipping Car Parts On Ebay And Craigslist: https://goo.gl/9VQpoN YONAKA EXHAUST CIVIC REVIEW - Project Civic Update - https://goo.gl/3dAu7z INTEGRA SHOCKS ON A CIVIC HATCHBACK EK9 || HOLY WHEEL GAP BATMAN! - Project Civic Update - https://goo.gl/bjXhNLWelcome to Stauffer Garage! I am beginning an EK civic project car build and will be documenting the entire process vlog style along with tutorials and updates. I have picked up an Integra GSR for cheap and will be pulling the B18C and all other components that will fit and putting them onto my Civic. Goals for this car are to make it daily but it will be primarily a track day weapon! Boost might come into play along with other mayhem! Not a drift car build, but this will certainly be closer to a race car build when all is said and done for this little hatchbackBe sure to subscribe to follow along with this build and the other projects that come along!Business Inquiries: [email protected] Trim Restore How To - Auto Detailing Series - Project Car EK9 Civic

#ek9 #jdm #civic #honda #restore #plastic #detailing #detail #auto #cars #car