I’ve been finding it rather difficult to balance experiencing and recording, creating and resting. Still, this push to make content and to build a presence is really bringing back my will to be creative. It was almost like I had squashed these innate parts of my soul to fit into other people’s boxes for so long, I forgot how truly large they are.
Now that I have opened the gateway, I feel flooded with ideas and prospects. However, I feel like I focus so much what I want to do and how I want it done, I hit a posting deadline before I can truly put my soul into it. I’m proud of how far I have come and what I have learned in the past few months since I began this endeavor.
Still, looking at my prior posts from across my pages is eerily reminiscent of walking through a graveyard of half baked ideas. Each flaw haunts me, knowing if I had committed genuinely and procrastinated less, maybe I could have expressed myself more thoroughly. The art where my soul truly resides is never even brought to light. Forever to remain a glimmer in my eye of work so vulnerable it hurts. When did I become so afraid to share myself? When did I become the person to be surrounded by fractured reflections of other’s perceptions?
I guess I will start here. This was my last true safe space. I think it is time I returned.