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system-of-a-feather · 10 months

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Vent

(TW: homicidal ideation, general vulgarity, and just general violence cause I need to vent this shit out. I'm not gonna do shit, but god fucking damn is this a day that makes me just scream.)

God I fucking hate this whole holiday so fucking much for so many rational reasons but really just solely because I fucking HATE having America shoved in my face cause I literally have this chronic fucking deep seeded hatred and pent up violence towards this shit that I very much try to release passively over time with sardonic snark, half joking shock humor that is 'joking' on the account that I know better than that so I won't do it and not joking in genuine fantasy and desire, and I literally ignore the deep deep deep seeded level in which I fucking hate that I live in this country - not that I think any other country is inherently better - but just that this fucking piece of shit hellhole is the place I was born in and that it's a bitch and a half to get out of here + I'd have to actually research other countries to move to to make sure I don't find a WORSE place so I probably am fucking STUCK here for a fucking hot minute and I fucking HATE it.

This holiday is literally the fucking god damn worst holiday AND it is just senseless noise and mass pollution and often a number of "oops we accidentally caught a habitat on fire" where all the fucking STUPIDEST ass mother fuckers get to sit there and jerk themselves off over the word "fReEdoM" without even spending 2 seconds to compare the state of our country and the values they hold and if that even fucking aligns like AT ALL with the very very basic OR complex definition of Freedom

And I just fucking want to bash the motherfucking faces of everyone who so much as has 2 ounces of American pride into the mother fucking ground I fucking HATE this country and more than anything else HATE the people who are unapologetically, unironically proud of it and the GOD damn restraint I have to exert to maintain a sense of PEACE and STABILITY for the system by NOT doing a violent crime on these asshats is SO fucking much I literally wish and fucking dream but I know it is not good for me in the long run and I have other parts in this brain I have to accommodate and be considerate of but god FUCKING damn it I really wish the Purge was fucking real right now cause I could REALLY use some catharsis god fucking damn it I look out the window and see at least 10 people that could permanently SHUT THE FUCK UP

I also fucking hate that they briefly make literal fucking explosives legal for a few days just like.... come the fuck on.

I literally hate people. Like on any other day, "no i don't literally hate EVERYONE" would be what I would say, but right now 95% of the people in the world around me look like iron clad American PaTRiOTs and while I know there is some wise mind rational mind shit that is like "oh its not black and white" my current mental place is "yeah literally everyone that is not my fiance and not my online friends are factually iron clad patriots" and I feel like a fucking caged feral dog cause I NEED to go outside and physically vent, but if I go outside Ill see STUPID fucking PatRIoTS and I'd have to keep myself from starting Fights that would get us a record

And I HATE this fucking holiday

^Literally for me while I write this

Look I know I just need to play my guitar to calm and stabilize a bit and then I need to go to the gym to get our body tired enough to not be as ready to keep me activated and ALSO take our meds which we havent

But god damn

I'm a fucking EP Trauma Holding Angry Alter TM and this fucking holiday tries me so fucking hard on trying to maintain an ANP focus every single fucking year.

#alter: xiv #vent #vent tw #homicidal ideation tw #violence tw #vulgar tw

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vixen-angel · 3 days

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purposely putting yourself in danger, or being visibly sad so maybe someone might ask if youre doin alright.. but then nobody bats an eye.

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s1lly-gh02tz · 1 month

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GUN AND SUI. IMPLIED TW⚠️😰😰😰😰😰

Sighs TikTok wouldn’t let me post this (I wonder why)

#I’ve seen so much worse on that godforsaken app in my defense #oh well☹️#jthm #johnny the homicidal maniac #nny jthm #jthm nny #Johnny c #Johnny jthm #jthm johnny #tw #tw gun #gun tw #fake body #tw sui ideation #cw sui ideation #sui mention #sui ment tw #sui ment cw #fanart

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iwillbreakyourfuckingskull · 2 months

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Kinda uhhh realising maybe it's not normal to masturbate while having daydreams about being violently abused to death when you're like 4 years old every night before bed. Maybe it is not normal that some of your earliest memories are of you lying still with your eyes open and holding your breath seeing how dead you can be in your bed after imaging yourself being murdered. Maybe it's not normal when strange men walk up to your mom after you did belly dancing for a school play when you were 7 to tell her how great you were at it and how you were so captivating. And for my mom to brag about me appealing to a strange father like that. And for her mom to brag about it too. How I was so charming and beautiful and smart and a natural performer. How I was groomed by my own grandma for her own sadistic pleasures of manipulating children into doing what she wanted. A little song bird in its cage. A puppy doing tricks for its family. A child wanting to be loved by being useful to their family. A sister wanting to take on the burden of being the perfect doll to protect her younger siblings without even understanding that that was what she was doing. A little girl acting without even thinking. Just going along as if she didn't have free will. Just like a robot doing what it was built to do when you press the button. Don't think. Just do. Don't think. Just. Do.

I am so overwhelmed. I am fatigued. I feel so isolated and lonely. I cant tell anyone I know. I dont have many clear memories. My body remembers, but what precisely it's reliving, I don't know. Im scared to know. I want her dead

#tw csa #tw inc*st #tw sa #csa victim #csa survivor #tw hypersexual #tw sui ideation #csa vent #tw homicidal ideation #levi.speaking #my.posts

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neuroticboyfriend · 1 year

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When we (system) were in the depths of psychosis - from age 12 to 17 - we weren't just suicidal. We were homicidal, too. Our delusions so heavily distorted our reality that our morality fell apart. It's hard to explain, since so much of our memory from this time is just gone. But one thing I remember is dissociating severely at the store. I looked at this man, this random man, and realized: I could just kill him. Because to me, this was all a simulation. It wouldn't be wrong to hurt him because he'd either just return to the "real world," unharmed, or he never even existed at all and was just AI. And reminder: I was a child.

I obviously didn't act on that "realization," otherwise I wouldn't be here telling the internet all this. But my point in sharing this is that yes. It would have been wrong, inexcusable, harmful, etc. for me to hurt him. It does take a degree of selfishness for me to think what I thought; but I saw the world the way you see videogames. Other people were NPCs to me. I was not experiencing the reality you all are, and calling me a monster and locking me up forever would not have helped me, or you. Prison and psych wards are not solutions; they just isolate people, and do nothing to change why things happened.

Also, I was severely unsupported at this time. I was being abused and neglected by almost everyone - at home, at school, at therapy. So I didn't tell anyone what I was going through. What I needed - and what I assume many violently mentally ill people need - is to be given real support by those able to give it to us. To be given space to be safe and heard, without demonization, without our rights being taken away. We need to be allowed to make choices in our care, our living space, our lives - otherwise, you're literally just throwing us and others in harms way. Violent bigotry against us does not help anyone.

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screahms · 3 months

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*puts axe in your hand*

why are you hitting yourself? why are you hitting yourself? why are you

#tw murder #tw mutilation #dark humour tw #dark humor #dark humour #cw: gore #tw g0re #mine #tw homicidal ideation #romantic homicide #homicidal ideation #screahms

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us-costco-official · 3 months

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i dont struggle with homicidal thoughts, no, i’d say im pretty good at those ! :)

#tw homicidal ideation #kind of #from the shelves of costco #this is ! joke ! guys #but i mean.#iykyk i suppose i’ve talked to some people about it lmao

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traumatizedjaguar · 2 years

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Until there’s nothing left.

#traumacore edit #angercore #tw trauma edits #tw abuse edits #paincore #ventcore #my trauma edits #traumatizedjaguar #tw bullying #tw bullies #actually bullied #tw #picture of little boy on top of another little boy beating his head in bc he was being bullied and needed to let out his homicidal rage #tw homicidal ideation #tw sui ideation

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caspersickfanfics · 26 days

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Trigger warnings: extreme angst! discussions of torture, homicidal/suicidal urges, death/murder, extreme violence (all in a fictional context)

I've been having some Thoughts about Tighnari getting kidnapped and tortured but like. It's not your typical torture set-up. He gets drugged with something that makes him want to hurt and kill anyone he comes into contact with, and it escalates with his emotional reaction to the person. So he's more cruel with people he's closer to.

The rest under the cut since this is out of my typical range and I'm sure not everyone will enjoy this kind of thing. If I actually wrote this fic I am sure I would include some emeto because I am me, after all, but it wouldn't be the focus unlike most of my stuff.

Basically: evil Tighnari

And then!! *rubs hands together evilly* Cyno/Kaveh/Alhaitham come to "save" him not knowing what's gone on. Cue them getting caught off guard, seriously wounded and still trying to fight him so that they can help him. But they're at a disadvantage because they're all reluctant to hurt him. Anyway this all culminates in Cyno having to one-on-one Tighnari because the other two are knocked out or getting help. Tighnari snaps out of it briefly and suddenly it's all worse because it's clear he's been fighting against it this whole time, and he's apologizing begging Cyno to kill him because he doesn't want to hurt anyone else. Cyno is exhausted and devastated and ultimately decides to go down with Tighnari, because he doesn't hve the energy for self-preservation when this is what's being asked of him, except something happens - Collei shows up and is in danger, maybe - and Cyno ends up fatally injuring Tighnari, entirely on instinct.

He's a mess for a handful of seconds, but then he realizes he can use his vision to jolt Tighnari back to life. And he does, but he was already severely wounded himself and it takes everything out of him. He pushes himself further anyway, because Tighnari still needs healing. Cyno needs to get him help. So he carries Tighnari to the Bimarstan. On the way, Tighnari wakes up in unimaginable amounts of pain and begs Cyno to take care of Collei. He passes out and Cyno thinks he might be dead but keeps going anyway out of sheer determination. They're both in really awful condition when someone finds them and actually gets them help.

Essentially just me torturing the entirety of the Sumeru gang, and especially CynoNari. They do get a happy ending though!!!

(If folks are interested in this, please let me know. I'm not sure if it will ever be written as a fic, since that would take me a significant amount of time and energy as it is so far out of my comfort zone, but the more I know that people want it, the more I will want to write it!)

#cas chats #tw homicidal ideation #tw suicidal ideation #tw angst #tw murder #tw death #tw torture #tw violence #to write #not sure if this is making sense i am /so/ sleep deprived #thinking about this got me through two long drives and now i'm stuck on it lol #i've never actually tried writing heavy angst before but #idk i might try...#cyno #tighnari #genshin impact #kaveh #alhaitham #collei

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lazykebabvagina · 4 months

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Lately I have more people I'd like to kill that I'd like to hug

#i hate everybody #negativity #tw death mention #homocidal thoughts #homicidal ideation #traitor #nemesis #anger #rage #traumacore

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pezpenser205 · 6 months

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i give psychotic/schizospec people a bad name because i Do actually want to murder people all the time.

not all of us are like this its just me seeing everything around me as a sign that im actually destined to become a killer of either other people or myself and hearing everything people around me say as some kind of meticulous jab against me crafted by the universe that controls the side characters in my life to make me specifically snap and kill people or myself. like the universe is Trying to Make Me a murderer and ruin my life forever or to force me to take my life from me. its like everything thats happening around me irl is Tailored to make me upset and agitated until it builds to the point i cant take it anymore.

im introspective and analytical enough to realize that all of the above is ridiculous but not logical or in control enough to not feel the emotions that would be associated with that situation and not consider my actions as if it were a real thing thats happening to me. like i specifically look for signs that its Not Real to ground myself but i just end up noticing proof that it is. idk i feel dangerous or like everybody around me is taunting me.

another big problem im having is the thought process "if its a delusion i wouldnt know im delusional so its not a delusion if im assuming it is so its actually happening rn" so is there a counter to that

#op #tw suicide mention #tw homicidal ideation #tw delusion #idk ask to tag

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rockydonetale · 3 months

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Post-DoneTale Frisk...

[Trigger warning! The follow image contains: healed cuts, scars, and visible bruises. Has text that mentions mental health issues and an ED, though nothing graphic about the image itself!]

LORE AND SCRIPT BENEATH CUT!

Rocky, the hunter of monsters...

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(TW for (only mentioned!) AFRID, C-PTSD, trauma, other mental health issues, starvation, injury, illness, dying!)

SCRIPT (Which is HEAVILY edited from what's on the actual picture!)

Older Frisk: Age 15.

Always wears oversized patchwork jacket. (Though I didn't draw them wearing it for design purposes.)

Weapon of choice: Red scissors.

Omnisexual. They/Them/He. Agender.

Autistic. Dyslexic.

Wounds never fully heal, scars always remain between resets. White scars from Magic injuries. Redish scars from Physical injuries. Bruises still healing.

Personality much closer to Chara's. (Ironically it's Chara normally keeping them from genocide route.)

Outfit reflects Frisk and Chara from Undertale, and the SOULS.

Struggling with C-PTSD, ARFID, and other mental health issues.

SOUL is... missing something?

Multiverse traveler. (Each Reset, rather just dying or full reset, sends them to a new AU.)

Still reckless, but now add unsolved trauma and a hatred for Monsters.

Always cold. (Due to lack of nutrition.)

Always tired, yet rarely sleeps. (Insomnia.)

Gets ill/Sick easily.

Normally wears leggings and gloves as well.

Genuinely cruel to monsters, as in their timeline, monsters are the root to all their suffering and pain and war.... so on.

Similar to most Frisk's in the world, Chara haunts him. However, Chara is like, "Dude, chill the F out..."

Soul has returned to it's actual self, DETERMINATION. But, the middle of it is gray, due to Frisk not being... complete.

Only 4'2 due to lack of nutrition. (Wears platform boots to be taller!)

Random facts about them!

Has canonically lost the game to starvation three times.

Has a pet rock named 'Rune' (reference to Runo, even if they technically didn't meet in this timeline)

Eyes were originally green, due to eyes being known as the 'Window to the soul.' And green is the opposite of red, basically saying that Frisk was the opposite of who they thought he was...

Rocks rocks, a lot.

Hey, he might be homicidal to all monsters, but they still have a specific interest in rocks! (Geology)

All stats maxed out. (100 HP, 100 DF, 100 ATK, etc!)

Always carries a sewing kit in their jacket!

(ALL OF THIS WAS DRAWN AND MOSTLY WRITTEN BY COAUTHOR @thelunarsystemwrites!)

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samaelsslave616 · 3 months

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thehomicidalbaby · 9 months

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#lovesick #obsessive love #yandere #actually yandere #homicidal ideation #stalking #obsessive yandere #yanderecore #actually obsessive #irl yandere #tw self destruction #tw unalive #tw sh implied

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actuallyverynormalbtw · 4 months

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yeah im a narcissistic transsexual pedophile with multiple personalities and homicidal ideation, bring on the torches and pitchforks im kinky like that

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naokoiam · 3 months

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Nvm, that feminine urge to kms

#ed not ed sheeran #self h@rm #tw depression #tw self destruction #4nor3xia #ed vent #ed disorder #tw sui ideation #tw sh related #homicidal ideation

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