#honestly it's been cathartic

[marley-manson]

the topic is Trapper and the army as foils, you have three hours, go

In no small part the satire of Mash, particularly in the first half of the show, is tied up with gender performance.

The army represents traditional, stifling and violent masculinity. This is shown through everything from freudian jokes about guns (eg Frank and Margaret's flirtations in The Sniper or The Gun), to Margaret trying to cajole Hawkeye into performing a more traditional standard of masculinity while treating him like a soldier in Comrades in Arms Part 2, to many jokes and comments about (usually) Hawkeye not being a real man in contrast to army standards and various specific army personnel (eg Lyle in Springtime, Flagg in White Gold), to Frank and Margaret's worship of the masculinity of the army ("He's twice the man you'll ever be," re: Flagg and Hawkeye, Margaret's lust for MacArthur, Frank pursuing the sniper in The Sniper in an attempt to be a "real man" in Margaret's eyes, etc) to many jokes positioning the military as a sexually aggressive man pursuing Hawkeye ("Sure, the sun the moon the stars, your high school letterman jacket. Same deal I promised nurse Baker." "A receipt please, and promise you'll go out with other doctors," etc.)

In contrast, the main characters all fail to perform traditional gender in some way, from crossdressing to immaturity to indecisiveness to peacefulness to Margaret's masculinity and Frank's pathetic failure to live up to his own masculine ideals, to just about everything about Hawkeye. His cowardliness, his jokes about not being a real man, his jokes about taking the feminine role in sexual encounters with men and women, even multiple double entendres about his average at best penis size.

Trapper is the most traditionally masculine of the main cast. He still subverts masculinity in some subtle ways here and there, such as the occasional feminizing joke and mentions of not being in great shape, but overall he's the more butch counterpart to Hawkeye's fem. He plays the role of boxer while Hawkeye plays the role of diva in their respective manager/star roleplaying episodes. He's broader and buffer and plays football, often seen playing catch with someone while walking around the compound, while Hawkeye disdains sports and doesn't participate. He reads Field and Stream which Hawkeye derides in Alcoholics Unanimous while making a wry comment about shaving his armpits. A past lover nicknamed him Big John.

And there are many, many jokes about Hawkeye and Trapper being sexual partners. The recurring Uncle Trapper and Aunt Hawkeye gag, if my father sees this you'll have to marry me, for me? only if you put those on, your father and I will tell you what we did to have you, that's when I fell in love with him, etc etc etc. It's constant. In these jokes Hawkeye usually takes the feminine role, though not strictly every time ("Me and the missus," is one exception in As You Were, the dance in Yankee Doodle Doctor is another).

Trapper's masculinity is differentiated from traditional military masculinity in a few ways. Most obviously, Trapper abhors the military's violence. He never uses guns and mocks Frank's obsession with them, he's a healer rather than a soldier, and he's disgusted by the results of military violence on the men on his operating table.

He's also secure in himself. The military's brand of masculinity is strongly characterized by insecurity and overcompensation. Frank is the main representative of this military insecurity - a coward who insists he's brave (The Army Navy Game), a man who clings to a phallic gun to compensate for his sexual and gendered inadequacies (a main theme of The Sniper, perfectly mirrored when the army itself comes in with a vastly disproprotionately powerful automatic machine gun on a helicopter to shoot down one sixteen year old), a homophobe repressing his own attraction to men (As You Were, the original script of George), etc. We also see this in Flagg, who implicitly sublimates sexual urges into violence (seen when he suggestively caresses his gun while describing how he wants to torture a boy in Officer of the Day).

Trapper doesn't need to overcompensate. He's well-endowed physically, he's portrayed as a competent and considerate lover, he's a brave man who doesn't mind being seen as a coward, and he may or may not be attracted to men but either way he's not a homophobe (George) and he doesn't express his sexuality through violence. When Margaret proves herself stronger than him, his response is to be impressed rather than offended (Bombed). When he dances with Hawkeye for a gag, he doesn't mind letting Hawkeye lead.

He's also differentiated in terms of tradition, with the mliitary representing a more propagandic 50s traditionalism, and Trapper representing a 70s, countercultural freedom from tradition. We see this in the way Trapper has plenty of sex despite being married, while adultery is a court-martial offense in the military. It's notable that he's open and carefree about it, while Frank and Margaret are surreptitious and hypocritical in their affair. This lack of traditionalism is also shown in his disrespect for authority, often in direct contrast to Frank and Margaret's worship of it, and his allyship to George who the military would persecute for his sexuality.

So ultimately we can see that while Trapper and the military are both examples of masculine performance, Trapper's masculinity differs from the military's in being more flexible, less violent, less traditional, and more secure. The military's masculinity is far more toxic than Trapper's, particularly in the context of 70s counterculture media, which aligns womanizing with sexual liberation rather than a lack of respect for women, accurately or not.

This contributes to their respective dynamics with Hawkeye.

Hawkeye, we've established, is usually more feminine, and there are a myriad of jokes characterizing Trapper as his sexual partner, as well as the military as a sexual pursuer.

The jokes Hawkeye and Trapper make about their relationship tend towards cozy domesticity. They're Radar's "aunt and uncle," they directly roleplay marriage ("Martha, we're going to have to move, the people upstairs are impossible,") and less directly behave as though married (the bickering in Alcoholics Unanimous, the discussion about naming their pony in Life With Father). Occasionally they're treated as a healthy couple in contrast to Frank and Margaret's toxicity ("While I'm gone, promise you'll go out with other doctors," vs "Touch anyone else and I'll cut off your hands" in Aid Station).

In some instances the jokes lean towards predatory - "If you're trying to get me drunk, it'll work," or "Who is this man in bed with me?" "I followed you home from the movies," but they're always playful, always fond. If Hawkeye takes on a submissive or victimized role in these jokes, it's one he has fun with and discards just as easily in the context of the rest of his relationship with Trapper.

So, it's important to note that Hawkeye and Trapper support each other and look after each other in an equal, enthusiastic friendship. From Trapper ensuring Hawkeye gets to sleep in Doctor Pierce and Mr. Hyde, to Hawkeye supporting Trapper when he wants to adopt a child, to Trapper right at Hawkeye's side as they attempt to procure an incubator, they are there for each other every step of the way. If their relationship is a marriage in some ways, it's a healthy, strong, and non-traditional marriage, an equal and open partnership free of jealousy and insecurities.

Compare that to the military's relationship with Hawkeye. In jokes it's characterized as powerful and predatory, far from an equal partnership. Sometimes it approaches positive - in Carry on Hawkeye, much of the humour is derived from Hawkeye and Margaret's gendered role reversal as she assumes military command of the unit. Hawkeye playfully calls her sir, seductively lies on her desk like a secretary in a porn film, and most notably treats an immunization shot as sexual penetration in a prolonged gag about sexual role reversal. Hawkeye has fun playing a sexually submissive role to a representative of military authority in this episode, but it is a submissive role.

Several of the one-off jokes have a similar sensibility, such as the double entendre of "My bellybutton's been puckering and unpuckering all day," in response to a representative of MacArthur assuming their excitement over the general's arrival to the unit, or Hawkeye's "Okay, take me, I'm yours," to Colonel Flagg. They demonstrate a willingness to play the receptive role on Hawkeye's part, but they also, pointedly, disturb the object of the jokes.

When Hawkeye makes these jokes that sexualize military authority, he's attempting to be provocative as well as defiantly drawing disruptive attention to his own powerlessness as a drafted surgeon. The power dynamic between Hawkeye and the authority of the military only goes one way, and Hawkeye gets a kick out of pointing it out in ways that perturb the representatives of that authority, but it's a power dynamic that takes its toll on him.

Many of Mash's plotlines revolve around Hawkeye rebelling and attempting to seize some scrap of agency back from the military. Adam's Ribs, for example, in which he starts a mild riot over the food he's being fed and spends the episode attempting to procure barbecue ribs from Chicago (which Trapper procures for him), or Back Pay where he tries to charge the military for his forced labour. A particularly notable example is Some 38th Parallels, in which Hawkeye complains about being paid the equivalent of a nickel per operation, and his frustration manifests in impotency until he can perform a gesture of rebellion against the military.

One unfortunate consistency of these episodes is that the army ultimately retains its power. When Hawkeye achieves his goals, it's only in small ways that do little more than satisfy his own need to assert his sense of self. Often, Hawkeye doesn't achieve his goal at all, but is thwarted by the army, such as in For Want of a Boot. In every instance he remains powerless in comparison to the authority of the military.

So the context in which Hawkeye makes these sexualized jokes about the military literally fucking him is one of abject helplessness. In a sense, all he's capable of is pointing out what the military is doing and putting it in his own, audacious terms. He's not capable of preventing it. His jokes usually have an edge of bitterness to them in delivery, and when they don't, that tone is imparted anyway by the greater context.

With Trapper, Hawkeye can play-act a marriage or an assault, but in either case he's an enthusiastically consenting, equal partner. Trapper's performance of masculinity allows for Hawkeye to take any role from victim to wife to husband, and enables Trapper to respond in kind from a position of equality and respect. The military, in its insecure, domineering performance of masculinity, is a dictatorial authority, never allowing Hawkeye perform any role but a feminized, victimized one, and only ever giving him the choice of whether to perform with a wry smile or a sneer.

In short, Trapper is the cool, considerate service top to the military's insecure domineering boyfriend.

I'm tagging everyone who enabled this lol, share the blame. @beansterpie @majorbaby @professormcguire @rescue-ram

#mash #this was dumb but writing it was somehow cathartic for me lol #i should've done this with frank and hawkeye as foils wrt subverting masculinity bc i think that would've been much easier #but i got caught up in this honestly. it's incredibly fun to write this kind of shit #maybe i'll post a round 2 sometime #marley on mash #ship ht #mash gs #and like... it's a little bit parodic but also sincere to an extent lol. this is absolutely one way of reading all the freudian #undercurrents in the show. it's definitely silly to contrast trapper and the military to make a point about how the show depicts #masculinity especially for like 1800 words lmao but it's a very fun angle #trapper mash #hawkeye mash #long post

[mrghostrat]

i just saw a post about your aus and i didn’t know the abt the cheater one. could you tell us a bit about it? is it bad? im having thoughts and im curious to know what exactly this au is about :))

also, i *love* your art! you’re extremely talented!

ohhhh it's So bad anon (also thank you!!!)

i'm basically wanting to write a fic that's stuffed with so many feelings you can't tell if you're happy or upset while reading it. i want to feel conflicted about cheering on the otp, wanting them to win despite their actions being so villainous. i want you to be able to side with any of the characters at any given time, and hate how much you enjoy it

in terms of the story, it's pretty simple: just waiter/server/bartender!crowley falling in love with married!aziraphale, and how they navigate the relationship and justify it to themselves. maybe 50k total

@eviebane has been reacting to chapters as i write them, and so far it sounds like we're on track 😂

#ask a rat #this is the official flawless trailer #thank u meg i love u to death #flawless au #it's not gonna be everyone's cup of tea but i'm very very happy with the writing and honestly #it's been extremely cathartic to write #ratwips

[vvienne]

I literally woke up in the middle of the night like God will dark rise is so fucking screwed. The line that’s like. “Everyone wanted to kill the Dark King.” What’s the part where he looks at Violet helplessly, haunted, almost pleading for mercy? But of course he reveals nothing of substance to anyone. Elizabeth is too young to understand but the reader knows what “Her relationship with that boy was…unnatural” can mean. Tying him to bedposts? Failing to strangle him? What else? Never not even once seeing beyond a mythological identity Will himself didn’t know he had? What did he think was the reason? That he was just intrinsically hateful? Of course he says nothing. Of course Violet can’t trust him- he’s given her nothing as painfully real as what she’s given him. So he gives her the sword hoping at least he can die at the hands of someone he loved, but even that doesn’t work out - she gives the sword to a Visander still furious at SARCEAN. The pattern continues; no one looks at Will, who vomits when he realizes what’s happened to James, Will who is much of a liar and killer and sneak as Elizabeth accuses but nonetheless wants to be different. Even when he doesn’t remember his own past. There’s no way out for him that doesn’t hurt. Hope this obsession passes soon given the one and a half years of waiting required for book 3

#dark rise series #dark heir #rarely does a cliffhanger pain me so much #bc rarely am I ever THAT invested in a plot I am sad to say #nona the ninth was so cathartic in of itself I’m content marinating before alecto #BUT PACAT ONLY EVER GIVES EMOTIONAL CRUMBS #have any of these bitches ever known peace fr #maybe this is what reading princes gambit and not immediately having the follow up might’ve been like #honestly it’s possibly damen and Lauren just generally had less problems tho #more than his relationship even with James. will/Violet is perhaps the genuine source of like. I WISH HED GIVEN HER A REASON. #the narration that describes Violet as Will’s star in the night…….. like fuck fine #will can’t reach any level of genuine intimacy with James bc the mess of fraught noncon dynamics is this massive unspoken horrible thing #wills identity is personal w James in a way it is with no one else but James is so fucking oblivious of undercurrents it comes unbalanced #and will knows it. but (as far as we know) violet isn’t reborn has no history with sarcean the dark king she’s literallt just Some Guy #and that almost makes it worse???????? that they are so loyal to each other even as he’s keeping a massive secret? #they weren’t dated or destined to entangle the way will is w characters like James and Katherine #and I think that makes his rship with Violet possibly the realest and truest experience of trust and love will has ever had #like it’s nothing bro. truly she knows nothing about him other than his lies of omission and her faith in him goodness which may or may not #beiltimately justified. but that was probably as honest and close will ever got to anyone. and him to her.

[asgardian--angels]

I honestly just think it's funny that so many people have been watching ofmd as a 'comfort show' lmao like I'm over here specifically watching for the angst. I crave pain and suffering. As soon as High On A Rocky Ledge played in the pilot I was hooked because I knew I was in for intense emotional turmoil. Red Flags is now my favorite episode of the entire series. I honestly didn't expect Izzy to survive as long as he did. His fucked up relationship with Blackbeard has fed me so well.

Of course I adore the love story, and the fact that Ed and Stede's love is an absolute, an immutable fact, of the show's premise allows me to enjoy the angst all the more. But I feel like some people need to be reminded: David Jenkins never promised you fluff. He never promised no deaths, no tragedy, no violence, no difficult topics. Personally I think including a fair deal of all of those makes the hope, the love, and the comedy shine all the brighter and have more meaning. You don't have to agree, but you can't assign expectations to a show that never made such promises. There was never false advertising. David set out to tell the story of two troubled, complicated adults navigating love and a long-term relationship in an often harsh and unfair world, finding community and making meaningful gains in self-actualization along the way. Ultimately it is a 'feel good' story but it's a rocky and winding road meant to mirror the messiness of our real world. Maybe you need to step back and re-evaluate where canon ends and your headcanons begin, and what the 'goals' of the show actually are that may differ from what you're looking for in media, and not blame Jenkins et al. for 'betraying you' when they're just telling their story the way they set out to.

#ofmd #ofmd s2 spoilers #our flag means death #actually this is a comfort show to me but our definitions of comfort differ i feel #like literally Seinfeld is the only show i watch when i want nothing bad to happen ever #this show causes me so much emotional distress but in a fun and good and cathartic way #it in no way bleeds over to my actual life or affects my mental state in any lasting way #and if you have built up a version of the show in your head that is so incongruent to how the plot ended up going #that you think you know the characters better than the creator (in season 2 of a show no less...we're not talking supernatural season 15) #or that your mental health spirals when a character dies because you 'trusted' djenks not to hurt any characters in the PIRATE SHOW #please seek professional help i mean it #i do honestly wonder if some of the people being the most drastic are teenagers because #i literally have not been this affected by a fictional character's death since i was like 15

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

the beach conversation is insane actually im always being so mean to 13 for how closed off she is but it's insane what she does here like "ive never been able to", "it's what my life is", "not because i dont want to"

shes like sorry yaz i cant give you much but lets play doctors and students and reenact the anatomy lesson dr nicolaes tulp you be the doctor and the students and i'll be the body hang on let me hold up a lamp so you can see what we're doing

shes like sorry yaz i cant give you much i locked my hearts in this rusty vault and lost the keys but if i had a spare i would give you it i swear i promise i know thats not enough but i'd give it to you

"i cant fix myself" is how she starts. "i'll be fine, in the end, hopefully" she says like an hour after regenerating after describing just how much it fucks her up and how scary it is and how painful and how much of a gamble, really, how much of a leap of faith and hoping for the best, hoping for that net to appear because if it doesnt......... theres no backup

are you alright, doctor? are you okay? yaz has asked a hundred times without getting an answer. and now she finally does and it seems to recontextualise every dodge that has come before. stop asking, it's not the end yet, theres still time, a little more patience, i will figure it out, i will be able to give you a yes eventually im sure of it.

but now it is the end, regeneration looms again, time is running out, and this endlessly delayed answer sounds like a resignation. i cant do it. not in time. maybe not ever. but definitely not before the plane crashes and i take you down with me. i broke the universe and i cant fix it. it's too late. i dawdled too much.

and what this could have been, but isnt, because neither of them take it this way, think of it this way, because theyre too much alike, and not like this at all, but what this could have been, in intention and reception, is a request for help. i give up, i cant figure this out, but can you? the doctor doesnt mean this, and yaz has always been too attentive to the limits, too respectful of the doctor's boundaries (from "who, me? no. never doubted. don't know what you mean" in ghost monument to "can we just live in the present") to misinterpret it this way. so theyre on the same page. a page, as always, decided on by the doctor. but it does make the perfect set up for the finale

because i do think, sort of, that yaz fixed it. not you know the millennia of trauma but the specific inability of 13 to trust people. the clara/river/missy/bill my-friends-die-or-are-not-what-they-seem-or-both cant-hold-anyones-hand-but-my-own inability to trust her friends are her friends and they will not like explode into gore and viscera if she touches them (which now that ive said it i bet is what she has nightmares about. perfect match with what i think yaz has nightmares about which is the doctor exploding into gore and viscera and not being able to do anything abt it. actually the best idea i think ive ever written abt what yaz has nightmares about is "or you take off your coat and youre wearing dynamite", but i digress) that, i think yaz sort of fixes when she saves the doctor and saves the world and i think if 13 had lived she'd have trusted yaz after that in a way she couldnt before and maybe even that realisation of "you saved my life" in that weird malleable state of post-pseudoregeneration might have had a hand in why 14 is the way he is

#anyway #Them #sonya voice: i still think abt it #can you believe its been 2 years since sea devils???what the fuck #woughhhhhhhhhh #i miss them #i miss writing thasmin in like................that space #i love writing yaz/14 it's very cathartic #like hello lets Talk About Things #yesterday i wrote 14 saying 'it's new! i love new. new is great' which was so nice #my 14 is a lot more 13 than 10. theres no 10 at all honestly i dont care abt him #yaz/14 is just.........thasmin Continued #but anyway i do miss writing them all.............never saying anything #that got tiring after 2 years and its nice to like catharse all that tension now with yaz/14 but #doesnt mean that tension isnt an interesting place you know? #but anyway change is part of love #its fun giving them new problems too fhgkghgjhjh

[softpine]

oh god i'm spiraling thinking about how this is going to make elaine feel after she hears asa did this as soon as she dropped him off! and beth and cara? danny and casper? stevie maybe being the one to find him?? IM LOSING IT

seriously i feel so bad for elaine, she has the least context of anyone in this situation. all she knows is that asa was acting weirder than normal and very secretive, then she takes him home and within hours he takes his life. she'll be rethinking everything he told her that day, i mean he literally said “If I can’t help anyone, then… I don’t know why I’m even here. I don’t know how much longer I can stand to be so useless.” she's going to feel so guilty :(

beth, who has been battling with herself over whether she should let asa be a normal kid with privacy and agency, and who only just convinced caroline to ease up on him a little. and cara??? this is quite literally her worst fear:

danny and casper, who both chose to pursue something for themselves instead of putting their family first like they always have in the past, who are terrified of being far away when their family needs them.

stevie, who convinced asa to look for finn in the first place, and who already has guilt over the way she froze up and watched a woman die because she couldn't jump into action quickly enough. stevie, who will have to be the one to intercept asa's parents at the door if the paramedics haven't gotten there yet.

jada, who we aren't sure how much she saw or knows yet, but the sheer amount of guilt she has weighing her down is already so so heavy. i can't even imagine how responsible she would feel for potentially being unable to save her best friend since the literal day he was born.

and finn??? the real kicker for me is that finn would/will be horrified when he finds out what asa put his family through, all for him. he got upset when asa did something as innocuous as burning family pictures, because asa's family loves him so much and he hates that asa has put such a strain on their relationship because of finn.

but i hope i've made it clear enough that this isn't really about finn. asa hasn't been cycling through antidepressants and seeing countless doctors since he was 12 for no reason; he genuinely does struggle with severe depression, losing finn was just the last straw. asa's ability to see ghosts has caused him so much pain over the years, but finn alone made it worth the heartache. without him, he feels entirely helpless. he's surrounded by people every moment of every day, but he can't connect with a single one of them. so while his motivation here may not have been to die and stay dead, i also can't say that he had a clear enough mind to be worried about the emotional impact this would have on the people around him. he knows that if caroline found his body, she would never recover from that, but even that is only a short-term consequence – he's not thinking about how his loved ones will feel in a week or a year or the rest of their lives. i can't really fault him for that. but the whole thing is fucking tragic :(

#personal vent incoming: #i wrote this whole story arc in my notes while i was in a good place mentally #but for the past month i've been.. not good lol #so talking about this is a little bit difficult but it's also cathartic? and eye opening #when you're that deep in depression it's honestly impossible to care about the future consequences of your actions #it's hard to explain but it feels like there IS NO future for anyone. there's only this moment right this second #it really feels like you're fighting for your life in your own mind and it's all happening RIGHT NOW. not tomorrow. not next week. #so... this was the perfect time for me to be reminded that people do care and there WILL be a tomorrow #and sometimes i need a little bit of tough love #someone once told me that suicide is like multiplying your pain and handing it out to everyone you love. that has always stuck with me #so if i sound like i'm going too hard on asa (or too soft idk) it's only because i've been there #asks #anonymous #nonsims #brandi answers #suicide tw

[itspileofgoodthings]

that Bobby Bones interview with Taylor where he claims that the cookies she gave him made him sick and she tells him to stop lying is my Roman Empire because I can’t stop thinking about how, while keeping it still lighthearted enough for interview etiquette, she unequivocally shuts down his gaslighting and despicable toad behavior.

#it’s that part of Taylor that’s just a steel wall #and it’s why women love her so much #because a LOT of women would have taken it. would have felt forced to. to apologize or concede or play into his little mind games #not all. But honestly. A lot and so watching her NOT do it is so healing. #she just absolutely refuses to budge. there is a part of her that looks bad behavior right in the eye and says fuck you #but calmly. and it’s the fact that she’s that but also the glitter and the love of winter/baking/etc. and the extreme girliness #like I just. it’s soooooooooooo healing/cathartic/EVERYTHING. #in her actual interview she also called him out for calling himself a nice guy and then denying he ever said that which was also iconic #also I hate him so much I want to fight him in a denny’s parking lot and then force him to do hours of community service #Bobby bones is what I mean when I say men need to be forced to till the land #like. This is a kind of man who will not learn until he has been broken and then re-moulded by honest physical toil #instead he has a podcast oh I am going to be sick

[sofiaruelle]

Sooooo ya gurl collaborated with super talented Reanne Borela and the amazing Production 55 for Reanne's newest song Play Pretend!!!!

Go check it out yall!!!!

YALL I AM KICKING AND SCREAMINGGGGGGGGG

#video #lyric video #Reanne Borela #Play Pretend #Reanne Borela Play Pretend #Production 55 #YALL YALL YAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL #Its been rough couple of months mentally and this project is the highlight of my year honestly #I’m forever grateful for the opportunity to collab with these amazing human beings #especially with Production 55 #I used to work with them under a different company and it was great to see and collab with them again #the song honestly came to me at the right time cause whew she was going through the ringer #and the song honestly spoke to me #and not this is lip service #but i do 10000% relate to the experience of the discarded doll Reanne sings about #so in a round about way this was really cathartic #i should ask if i’m allowed to post a digital versions of some of the images i made for them #hahahaha #aaaaaaaaa #i still cant believe i did this #we did this #we created this #Youtube #also now that my full (a lil bit misspelled) govt name is out there #please dont doxx me *CRIE*

[urlocallesbiab]

sorry to everyone who's been missing me/waiting for something from me, i've been slipping in and out of depressive fog for a week or two (and in general have experienced significantly worse depression than normal for a couple years, but that’s another story)

i long to get back, too; a lot of things to read and ideas to write and people to talk to. love y'all, take care

#signed: vika's ghost #also i've caught a cold so there's that too #terribly sorry for being overdramatic i'm just... tired of being tired and i wanted to talk about it a little bit #it's very important for me to talk about everything that's wrong with me. i tend to avoid that but now i'm trying to learn and to make peace #creative drive and ability to hold thought-out conversations keep slipping out of my graps and it kinda hurts more #— in a good cathartic sort of way but painful nonetheless — to remember what they felt like at all #i miss wanting to work on my wip and i miss having the attention span to write out headcanon and i miss having headcanons #and i miss talking to my fandom friends #(i did it just last week but i already miss it. it's one of the things i'd like to be able to do every day) #and i miss the ability to connect with art and i miss the ability to focus on written word and i miss commenting #and i miss discussing ideas and i miss interacting and i miss having fun. god i just miss having fun. #kp my apologies for not making much progress on bb&b; myself my apologies for not writing any of my other wips or outlines or posts; #da gc gang my apologies for not following up on any of the things; every fic writer whose work ended up in my to-read pile IM SORRY #jack & kp specifically i love your stuff #also jack my apologies for taking a While; & the rd gc apologies for never writing out any of the cool au thoughts i'd had after some point #really，i've been meaning to. everything requires way too much effort. everyone is so fun and i miss having fun #take care，remember me fondly，i'll be back，please stand by #if tomorrow morning i find this embarrassing i'll chalk it up to a fever or something. #idc i'm allowed to have it. world won't blow up if i'm embarrassing on the internet once or twice or honestly even forever #vikarambles #vent

[jacks347]

Y'all know I love making fandom content but honestly...I can't remember the last time I wrote something just for me so fuck it

Meet Mars and Ollie

Ollie didn’t sleep much. Mars had noticed that from the very beginning but hadn’t known what to think of it. Hey, he was stressed with a moderate to severe case of Gifted Kid Syndrome, the stress probably kept him awake. Or at least, that’s what he thought. How Mars wished that’d been it. This was so so much worse.

“Insomnia? So you can’t sleep?”

“It’s not just insomnia, Mars. Fatal Familial Insomnia is chronic sleep deprivation until it kills you. I won’t live to see my thirties.”

No…no. This wasn’t right. Ollie was the sweetheart who ran the flower shop across the street, the clumsy dork who tripped over his own feet so many times he had to switch to iced coffee at risk of burning himself anymore and causing serious damage, the man he loved. And he was…dying?

He wasn’t processing this correctly. His heart had turned to ice-cold lead inside his chest, freezing the very air in his lungs along with it.

He would watch the man he loved die. And there was nothing he could do about it.

Mars had once controlled the stars, the very cosmos themselves, and yet he was helpless to do anything but watch the stars in his lover's eyes die one by one.

Time had meant so little to him before. Now each second was a blessing. Each second sat next to Ollie's hospital bed, each minute he explained their love story again as Ollie's mind began to leave him, each hour he watched Ollie trace over the tattoos on Mars's arms while he still had the strength, each day he prayed for the gods to grant him one more.

"I've tried to stop calling him mine. The blank confusion on his face whenever I do is like another knife through my heart. But it's so hard. I can't bear to spend a single second not giving him every ounce of love I can manage. I don't think I ever will. I'd rather tell him our love story every day than settle for being a stranger."

Decades of faces and personalities all blurred together but Mars could remember every detail about Ollie.

His name was Oleander. He was 22. His favorite flower was marigolds. He couldn't handle spicy foods. He was terrified of Final Destination but always watched it cause he knew it was Mars's favorite. He loved to read. He learned Turkish from his grandmother. He'd loved Mars for two years.

"He's not there. I don't know when he stopped being there but I know he's gone now. He's been gone for a while but this feeble heart of mine didn't want to believe it. It still doesn't. I still don't. My Ollie, my beautiful flower, my eternal starlight, why of all the places you could go did you have to pick the one where I can't follow?"

What a beautiful twist of fate, for an immortal to fall so deeply in love with a mortal such as this. What a cruel path of destiny, to be forced to watch that love die as time stole him away.

#this was honestly really cathartic #these two are the product of ten years of writing #no seriously #ive been writing since i was nine #i only got into the online writing space in middle school #and now im here #and i love what i do #oh and trust me #im not done talking about these two #stay tuned #writeblr #writers on tumblr #writing #angst #angst writing #writerscommunity #ao3 writer

[lux-scriptum]

You know sometimes using my own writing for discount therapy and processing is cool and sometimes. I hurt my feelings.

#i had joked once #that cadoc was my anger #but i think i put that anger #in a lot more than him #ive never been allowed to be angry #to be properly mad and irritable and get it out of my system #and now I write about characters who are so angry #and so wild with their anger #characters like cin and amara and aryleigh who get to let their grief become rage become grief again #kinda cathartic honestly #lux.txt #character rambles #in the tags at least

[robbyykeene]

Something something the warring emotions of wanting to love the wish fulfillment of seeing Daniel Larusso beat the shit out of his childhood abuser (even if it was corny and dumb because the karate kid has always been corny and dumb) vs absolutely loathing the way this season shit all over the themes of the original movies and went all in on the idea all conflict should, actually, be resolved through violence.

#i would say as a whole my feeling are overwhelmingly (if not wholly ) negative towards this season #but like. daniels arc specifically. i just have so MANY mixed emotions there #i think if as a whole the season had been drastically different #if chozen and johnny (and barnes i guess) hadnt technically won that house fight #if miguel and robby hadnt duked it out instead of like. having an actual conversation #if daniel vs silver had been the ONLY fight where the good guys were narratively rewarded for senseless acts of violence #then i would have liked it #because sometimes yeah. you should get to beat the shit out of your abuser #but i guess because of the rest of the season it just. it didn’t feel as emotionally cathartic as it should have #and ive seen people complain that it was a cheesy way to end the giant dojo brawl with like. yes it definitely was #but i dont MIND cheesy #s1 was the cheesiest this show has ever been #and the movies are some of the corniest ive seen in my life #thats part of what makes them endearing #what did bother me was like. literally everything else lol #s5 spoilers #cobra kai #ck negativity #sort of #being more negative in the tags honestly

[clansunsharp]

six years. six years. its been six years. and im back on the dragon petsite.

#honestly its been really cathartic #and really helpful for my impulse spending bc its all fake money #i dont have the kind of funds for retail therapy i used to #quitting your government job has its downsides (no money) #but i think the benefits (not having to work for the government) outweigh that a lot #pin talks

[hamsterwalled]

I love Shou so much and I understand why he couldn't defeat his dad but I really wanted to see him deck the shit out of Toichirou

#mp100 #i think that would have been funny #and im sure it would have been cathartic for him #all funnyness aside i think there's something to be said about how Toichirou doesnt hesitate very much (if at all) #before like beating the fuck out of his son #i wish i could write oufh i would have a field day writing Shou and his father post CLAW arc #and honestly i want to know how their relationship would develop and heal post confession arc #there are NOT enough fics or canon things with Shou in them #GIVE ME HAMSTER STORIES #GIVE ME ANYTHING #BEGGING FOR SCRAPS #im looking back at these tags and #funnyness?? #HILARITY #I COULD HAVE JUST WRITTEN HILARITY #UGH #EW

[aqua-dan]

This months really been the double hit combo of queerbait for Garth :/ there’s no way dc don’t know what they’re doing with that solicit and the brother eternity thing at the same time.

FOR REAL THO. Anon, you are sadly so right. They really pulled a fast one on all of us Garth fans, and I'm pretty upset about it tbh. They were leading us to expect certain things (I mean HELLO. You guys LITERALLY said he was going to open up about his fluid sexuality and then didn't deliver), and then threw out all of the buildup and absolutely queer baited us.

Like god, I should know better than to trust solicits and DC editorial/writers in general since they are often trying to mislead people a little but for drama, but this honestly pushing it.

#Dan Says Shit #Anon thank you for messaging me about this I have been needing to rant and that was honestly sorta cathartic #Also like... I was trying not to get my hopes up about Garth/Brother Eternity stuff but last issue definitely got me pumped for more #And then.... nothing

[insecateur]

for the record i really think that. chasing after in-characterness(?) or however you define "as close to canonical as possible" in general but ALSO especially in a sprawling canon where 1) characters have like 50 lines of dialogue on average when they're "important" to the "story" (which contain 2 grams of backstory at most, if you're lucky) 2) there are like 3 canonical universes divided by media types that all contradict themselves and 3) the entire timeline AND some of the translation choices (like, to name a random one, deciding that team rocket is the italian mafia and not the yakuza) wreak total havoc into trying to make something coherent out of it without compromising at least a little but mostly a lot,

is kind of pointless, to be frank

do i think some portrayals of lysandre are "out-of-character"? i mean, i'd be lying if i said i didn't, but also, it ultimately doesn't matter to me because worst case scenario i can just avert my eyes (and that's not even getting into the fact that i'd argue that, say, animeverse lysandre is out-of-character based on his gameverse portrayal)

i like sharing meta and things like deep dives into translation etc because it's interesting and contributes to how i write him but i don't think that you have to like. know how french lysandre talks in order to understand his character or whatever. if it helps people take on new perspectives about him that's good!! i'm glad!! i want to inspire people and make them think about who lysandre is. but i don't think my posts about him are Advice people need to follow or whatever. he's just my silly little scrunkly blorbo meow meow and i want to talk about him and i'm just grateful anybody is even willing to listen tbh

#samtxt #i've wanted to make a post like this before bc i worry sometimes that i might come off as like. more abrasive than i actually mean to #this is my space so i have my fun and open my big mouth and ramble ramble and share my opinions #(which i had stopped doing for a long time and i think it's been very cathartic for me to be doing it again here honestly) #but i am not trying to uhhhh. lay down the law or whatever #please keep vibing. this is what matters most to me these days. that we all vibe along with whatever pokémon xy has provided us