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#honestly this all comes back to Faith Lehane
lodessa · 1 year
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✨ 2022 Writing Year In Review ✨
Thanks to @feeisamarshmallow​ for tagging me! Sorry it took me a while to get to it!
1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 10
2. Word count posted for the year: 37,228
3. Fandoms I wrote for: Stranger Things, Star Trek: Voyager ( and a hint of Prodigy), Revolution, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Battlestar Galactica.
4. Pairings: Chrissy Cunningham/Eddie Munson, Kathryn Janeway/Chakotay Charlie Matheson/Miles Matheson, Faith Lehane/Buffy Summers, Lee "Apollo" Adama/Kara "Starbuck" Thrace"
5. Story with the most:
Kudos: Five Times No One Saw Eddie and Chrissy Together (No Make That Four) 303 Kudos on my entry into a new fandom.
Bookmarks: (See most kudos above) 47 Bookmarks
Comments: (Same) 20 Comment Threads.
6. Work I’m most proud of (and why):
"Don't Leave Me Dry" I think. There's something about writing a fic you know is going "bomb" but you just want to write it so much you do it anyway. I knew going into it that once again I was writing a problematic ship in a dead fandom, that would probably be commented on by @romeorevoarchive and one other person, but I was struck with one little moment, that kind of inspiration that usually gets trapped in the shower or car, and I went for it anyway and do you know what: I love the immediacy, the way I ended up using music to frame it, the characterization, the physicality, the rawness and tenderness that feels so quintessentially Miles and Charlie.
7. Work I’m least proud of (and why):. . .
This is maybe going to sound weird (or entitled and bratty) and also sound contradictory to what I said in the prior response, but. . . 23K of the 37k words I wrote were my three part More Normal Things series and part of me wishes I had just left that whole thing with the first part. While the hit count didn't drop that much between them, every other metric (kudos, comments, bookmarks) took a nose and it just makes me feel like I should have quit while I was ahead. Maybe I should have written the more flashy concept Hellcheer AUs I had instead of continuing to just explore their dynamic. Maybe I should have just been pleased with the amazing welcome to the fandom I got on that first fic and moved on after that positive little moment. There are things I really liked about those second two parts, but it is obvious that readers felt diminishing returns, and that makes me wish I had updated any of my other series or WIPs instead.
8. Share or describe a favorite review you received:
Is it cheating to choose a whole series of comments I received / comment conversation I had in response to Salvation and Rapture For the Lonely? They started with this gem
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and only got better from there. When I finally posted my Martha/Nine epic in 2018, I knew that it was ten years late and a super niche pairing to begin with, but it was my hope that at least one person out there would stumble upon it and be really excited for the same reasons that most people would not be interested at all, and in the last four years that is exactly what has happened a handful of times. This wonderful human left effusive, detailed, comments on every chapter and then responded to my rambling replies in a way that gave me that high of finding someone who just GETS IT.
9. A time when writing was really, really hard:
Most of the year, honestly. I really struggled to write anything most of the time (pretty much the only time writing was really flowing was August).
10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: 
I definitely didn't see Hellcheer as a ship (or writing anything for Stranger Things) coming. If you had told me that my new ship in 2022 would be some freshly introduced high school kids from a single episode of the show, I would have been skeptical.
11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:
From "Whispered" :
“Going to take more than that to get rid of me, Summers.” Faith feels herself smile, mostly because it hurts to move her face that much.
“Good,” Buffy smiles back, doing that lip biting thing that is a suggestion and a protestation of innocence at the same time. Perfect. Humanizing. Prudish. Primal. The reluctant hero. The girl who knows or doesn’t know she’s hot. “We still have a First Evil to defeat.”
We. When was the last time either of them actually believed that even existed? Had Buffy ever? Or was it only Faith who even wanted that to be true? No. Buffy just wanted everyone to play by her rules, not the other way around. Sometimes, Faith even wished she could do that, be relegated to a sidekick instead of a problem. If there’s one constant in the world it is me being a disruption, a wrinkle in someone’s perfect life… No. She reminds herself. I don’t have to be. I can be different.
Buffy is looking at her, really looking at her, and Faith wonders what she sees. She must look like shit. Feeling superior as usual, B? she thinks, but that’s not really what she sees in her expression. If I’m vulnerable, so are you. That it? She’s not sure that’s quite right either, but no more comforting thought is coming to mind, so she looks away.
12. How did you grow as a writer this year: 
Honestly 2022 was pretty much a fallow year for me as a writer. I suspect I won't see what changed in my writing until I am looking back on it from the perspective of what I write in 2023.
13. How do you hope to grow next year:
I would really like to get better at being able to push through and get words typed more consistently even when they are not flowing.
14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): 
@romeorevoarchive who held my hand through everything I wrote or didn't write this year and even read some fic for a fandom she doesn't care about. Also special shout out to @anverli for the visual inspiration for (Don't Leave Me Dry) and many people but especially @phoenixwrites for the enthusiastic welcome to Hellcheer.
15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:
Probably the most personal work I wrote this year was Exhausted Midas. I've been feeling really overwhelmed and burnt out, both like I need and want to do more and like I need to cut back on my commitments. I've been dropping a lot of balls. It is hard not to feel like this is who I am now, and I feel like that's a lot of what I was exploring with this character study of Janeway, pre-Prodigy.
16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:
This isn't new but here are a few reminders for myself and others:
Just because you are struggling to write right now doesn't mean you will never write again. Try to relax. Read. Trust that inspiration and focus will come together again someday.
Learn to scale down the scope of a writing project, just because "what happens" is big, doesn't mean you need to show it all: skip to the most interesting part, do abrupt transitions if you need to, add flashbacks if you need context instead of writing thousands of words to get to that critical detail
Find a buddy you can talk through the process with while writing, someone who you can send snippets to, someone you can bounce ideas off of, someone to make you feel less alone and in your own head.
Sit down and do flash fiction based on any prompt. There's something about just finding a way to make some constraint work and typing out whatever you can in what sitting before setting it loose on the world.
17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:
Last week, I came across a list from two years ago with 20 things on it. I had actually written and posted 1, which means who knows what will happen but right now:
I would really like to update (and possibly even finish) one of my major partly posted WIPS: k'war'ma'khon (my Georgiou!lives Discovery AU) and Dragon Marked (my soulmarks, reincarnation, modern with some magic Dany/Jorah epic).
I would like to complete my long planned sequels for The Smallest Twine (my Janeway and Chakotay meet before the end of the Cardassian War and that changes EVERYTHING AU . . . though it makes me sad to think about how Laura inspired it all and she's not here to enjoy the rest of it now) and the next installment of Balancing Act (my Logan/Veronica/Weevil threesome + series)
I would like to finally finish and post some of the in progress fics that have been languishing in my Google Drive for years, including but not limited to: the Veronica Mars Season 3 AU I started in 2014, the Greek Myth AU Janeway/Chakotay fic, my Jaime/Brienne, Sansa/Aegon, Davos/Jon Connington ASOIAF solution.
Some fic ideas I have not actually written, including but not limited to: Miles gets swapped with an alternate timeline version of himself Revo fic, Hellcheer Room With a View AU, that BtVS/Punisher crossover fic with Faith/Billy Russo (okay that pairing actually the whole idea), my inevitable Elendil/Mirael fic.
18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.
Let's go with: @clarasimone, @liminal-zone, @janiedean, and @lilalbatross but anyone who wants to do this, should
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aardvaark · 1 year
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silly little post of me explaining what main song i associate with each of the following characters i like or relate to :) feel free to tell me if you have a song for one of them or someone else!!
/disclaimer: this doesn’t really reflect my music taste or every character i like, it’s just for fun and i amn. so so sensitive. be kind i beg/
characters: dr "bones" brennan, emily prentiss, camille preaker, sarah reese, root (poi), faith lehane, dr lisa cuddy, parker (leverage)
dr temperance "bones" brennan (bones): literally so hard for me to pick a song for her for some reason. she’s just not a person who can be described in a song, idk. people watching by conan gray would cover her whole relationship with booth. a pearl by mitski, too. easy on me by adele is a lot about her feelings. foreigners god by hozier really reminds me of her too. first love/late spring by mitski is kind of her life just before she and booth were together, "please hurry leave me, i can’t breathe/please don’t say you love me".
emily prentiss (criminal minds): okay there’s two for prentiss that i feel very strongly about. firstly, brand new city by mitski. especially during the doyle arc, the lines "i think my fate is losing its patience/i think the ground is pulling me down" are so relevant. but mainly because prentiss does indeed run away and "move to a brand new city" whenever she’s cornered. from interpol to the bau, from the bau to france, from france to the bau again, the bau to interpol (england?) again, back to the bau. and then she starts packing her house up when she gets in trouble again, and spencer has to talk her down. so the words "i should move to a brand new city/and teach myself how to die" is just… so her. secondly, bad things by cults. "bad things happen to the people you love/and you find yourself praying up to heaven above/but honestly i’ve never had much sympathy/cause those bad things? i always saw them coming for me"… do i even need to explain further? she def feels doomed in her early seasons, and then the "bad things" being all the cases, and "praying up to heaven above" reminds me of her religious trauma.
camille preaker (sharp objects): dollhouse by melanie martinez. for uh. the obvious reason, if you’ve read sharp objects or seen the mini series adaptation lol. her sister loves that dollhouse. but also because the dollhouse in the story and the dollhouse metaphor in the song are very similar. the idea of a picture-perfect family being fake or "plastic", in a beautiful house that really contains so many years of suffering for her, "everyone thinks that we’re perfect/please don’t let them look through the curtains". and of course "no one ever listens" and "i see things that nobody else sees… the town sees her mother’s facade of perfection, but she sees the horrific things that went down behind the scenes.
dr sarah reese (chicago med): i am not a robot by marina. literally just the sentiment of "i am not a robot"… they all treat her like she’s just a medicine machine and/or a thing that needs to be fixed. i wish she was on the show long enough to resolve that. i wish she had yelled at them not to treat her like that.
root (person of interest): gasoline by halsey. literally just her life. "you are part of a machine" literally… she’s the interface of The Machine. lol. but also arms tonite by mother mother… she would say all that to shaw without blinking. "don’t you think it’s kind of cute/that i died right inside your arms tonight" like tell me that she wouldn’t say that to shaw!! but THE root x shaw song is like real people do by hozier.
faith lehane (buffy thé vampire slayer): the archer by taylor swift. not a "swiftie" or whatever they call it, but this song does fit faith. "i ride off alone/i never grew up/it’s getting so old" cause she literally has no one tbh, and she just drags buffy down but she can’t help it. "and all of my heroes die all alone" being the Slayer seems to mean being alone, means dying young. a heroic death, but a death nonetheless. it’s her fate. what a horrible thing for a teenage girl to already know. "cause all of my enemies started out friends" well yeah the scooby gang. "i’m ready for combat/i say i don’t want that but what if i do?" her Big Problem was always really that she liked the fight too much. and then obviously "i’ve been the archer/and i’ve been the prey" cause she’s always stuck between being this incredible hero who kills vampires and being a scared child who was thrown into a war, between being supported by her fellow Slayer and being the enemy. i imagine her being the narrator and the "you" in the song being buffy.
dr lisa cuddy (house md): my alcoholic friends by the dresden dolls. the friends being house obviously. i feel like the vagueness and confusing sorta lyrics represent how we don’t actually know all that much about her past so it can be ambiguously interpreted. but the last verse is what makes it her song. "should i choose a noble occupation?" shes a doctor. "if i did, i’d only show up late and/sick and they would stare at me with hatred" she often feels clearly overwhelmed with her work, with the decisions she’s forced to make, with working in a place of so much death… the doctors talk about her, obviously especially house. they do stare at her in one scene and that always comes to mind but explaining that would be spoiling things lol. "my only natural talent’s wasted/on my alcoholic friends" her natural talent of being the only person to even be able to remotely rein in house, and she wastes her time dealing with his problems so much. in the earlier seasons especially, she really doesn’t get to have a life - she is too well suited to working in her role and dealing with house, and she basically has to babysit house all the time.
parker (leverage): i haven’t finished this show, in fact i’ve only recently started it, so i don’t know exactly. but i’m obsessed with parker, she’s so me!! rn i would say that some songs fitting her would be - hermit the frog by marina (vibes), bubble gum by clairo (her and hardison/sad vibe when ppl tell her she’s weird or needs to stop talking), treehouse by alex g (vibes), my ordinary life by the living tombstone (she’d listen to it while stealing), boy in the bubble by alec benjamin (her youth), liability by lorde (ppl say she’s crazy and a liability), a mask of my own face by lemon demon ("who’s alice white?"), i need to be alone by girl in red (she always likes being alone lol), this is home by cavetown (her youth), and are you bored yet? by wallows + clairo (vibes).
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juurensha · 2 years
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Hi...if you don't mind me asking, who are your favorite romantic relationship's couples in books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series (can be canon or non-canon)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before...... Thanks....
Ohohoho, I do love this question! I will try to list out my top 10 ships (although if you’re interested in more detail, check out my ship meme tag! I really need to start writing some of those again....)
1. Dabi/Hawks (BNHA)
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This should come as no surprise to anyone hahahaha. I’ve written 30+ fics about them at this point, and I still love them! They’re foils, and no matter what happens in canon, they’ve got some foe-yay chemistry going on there!
2. Li Jinglong/Kong Hongjun (Tianbao)
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Tianbao is my favorite danmei novel hands down, and these guys are a big reason why! They start off just flirty, get a little tragic when you realize they were childhood friends in the past who forgot each other, and they both grow together!
3. Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru (Haikyuu)
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Bickering childhood friends! The best trope, and I love all their interactions together!
4. Mei Changsu/Xiao Jingyan (Nirvana in Fire)
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Also childhood friends (are you seeing a running theme here, sorry, I love the trope), although currently Prince Jing thinks that his best friend Lin Shu is DEAD AND HE MUST HONOR HIS MEMORY AND CLEAR HIS NAME. Unknown to him however, Lin Shu is alive, and has changed his appearance into Mei Changsu, Prince Jing’s main advisor, all to clear his family name and make Jingyan emperor. There is TRAGEDY EVERYWHERE in this drama, but it’s beautiful, and the only thing I’m mad about is EVERYONE GASLIGHTING JINGYAN INTO THINKING MEI CHANGSU ISN’T LIN SHU and the fact that MEI CHANGSHU SHOULD HUG JINGYAN GDI.
5. Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham (Hannibal)
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The top mind game ship and the most messed up relationship possibly on this list, but I DEVOURED every episode of Hannibal when it was coming out, and it was so much fun to watch the game between these two. I don’t even need a season 4, I was really happy where it ended for season 3.
6. Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes (Captain America)
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Yet another childhood friends relationship, and yet another one where one person thinks the other is dead, but in this case of course, Bucky comes back as a brainwashed super-assassin. There’s a lot of snark here, and yes, I know Marvel was too much of a coward to make it canon, or even to really let them be friends after the Winter Soldier movie, but that’s what fic is for.
7. Quan Yizhen/Yin Yu (Tian Guan Ci Fu)
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Technically, I guess this could also count as childhood friends, but really, they’re a shixiong/shidi relationship, and in this case, with the shixiong completely jealous of how awesome the shidi has become, and how much he has replaced him, but loving him anyway despite himself. I like to think that the two of the made up after the novel!
8. Faith Lehane/Buffy Summers (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
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Foe-yay tastic with former allies turned enemies turned reluctant allies again, Buffy is the Chosen One, until her near death experience means that there’s now a Chosen Two. I will always root for Faith over Buffy’s other love interests because Faith gets the entire slayer thing and has an edgy bad-girl vibe without being a vampire! (Buffy, you need to stop dating vampires, it seems to always end badly)
9. Anne Elliot/Captain Wentworth (Persuasion)
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Former sweethearts, now awkwardly meeting again after nearly a decade! Wentworth so badly wanting Anne to see that he’s DOING FINE DOING GREAT ACTUALLY HE’S A CAPTAIN NOW AND EVERYTHING, while Anne is just sad about the entire thing. Thankfully, Wentworth sees how competent Anne is, and also that them splitting up 10 years ago was probably right, but they manage to find their way to each other again!
10. Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
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Yes, you’ll note how I’m using the old Jeremy Brett version and not the BBC Sherlock version, because honestly, Sherlock doesn’t have the same characterization of the original books, besides not knowing how to resolve a plotline. Anyway, the original detective and assistant duo! Got to love them and how long they’ve endured through the years.
Honorable Mentions: Batman/Catwoman (Dc Comics), Jason Todd/Dick Grayson (DC Comics), Harrowhark Nonagesimus/Gideon Nav (Locked Tomb series),  Homura/Madoka (Madoka Magica), Kashima Yuu/Hori Masayuki (Gekkan Shojo Nozaki Kun), Gu Jianshen/Shen Qingxian (Want to Ascend, then fall in love), Sam Vimes/Havelock Vetinari (Discworld novels), Shen Jiu/Yue Qingyuan (Scum Villain Self-Saving System), and Xiang Cheng/Chi Xiaoduo (Mingwang, part of Feitian’s Exorcist novels).
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shittinggold · 3 years
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Sightly random but I'm thinking about the parallels between Anne Bonny and Sandor Clegane. Angry unwashed killers in serious need of therapy who've made scowling in the corner into an art. Who loudly insist that they don't care about anyone even as they do some of the bravest things in their respective series. Who've cultivated this image of a vicious monster in response to awful trauma they experienced as a child, and don't really know who they are outside of that. Who turn immediately to violence when they experience something they can't handle. Who have exactly one (1) person that they allow to be soft with them (though Anne eventually doubles that number). Who even both have a scene where they hold a knife to their love interest's throat, and are eventually broken down by their tenderness and kindness.
And then I get annoyed at my predictability because of course I get attached to the sad murder one.
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timeladyjamie · 3 years
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I started watching BTVS & Angel back in 2012 and throughout the years, my opinions have changed and grown with me regarding certain things about the show. Now, these are just my personal opinions that don’t reflect how I feel towards anyone else with different ones. 
I used to be a Spuffy (Spike x Buffy) shipper because I liked how Spike went the extra limit to get his soul to make amends with Buffy for all he did to her, and to be the better man. I also liked how even as a vampire, despite some bad things he did, he was at least better about it than Angelus. 
However, recently, since like 2019, that ship has sailed for me because of the fact that I think Buffy is better off alone by herself. She doesn’t need Angel and she doesn’t need Spike, who are usually her main love interests. Like she’s said herself, “I’m Cookie Dough. I’m not done baking. I’m not finished becoming who ever the hell it is I’m gonna turn out to be. I’ll make it through this, and the next thing, and the next thing, and maybe one day, I turn around and realize I’m ready. I’m cookies.” It’s honestly one of my favorite quotes and something that helped me out a lot in the past, even now. Buffy doesn’t need a man, she needs someone who will support her, understands her, and will be there when she needs them, something Angel and Spike haven’t quite lived up to although they try. 
This leads me to another slayer similar to Buffy herself, her foil, Faith Lehane. For Faith, I insanely shipped her with Angel (Fangel, Faith x Angel) after Season 1 of the show, whether it was romantic or just friendship, because he was the one trying to help save her and help her on her road to redemption after everyone had given up on her. He understood EXACTLY what she was going through and was going to be that one person for her that he needed when he lost himself in a similar fashion. In fact, I still ship them as both romantic or friendship, but when it comes down to it, Faith is just like Buffy here. 
Which takes me to the topic of Fuffy (Faith x Buffy) and why it is my most favorite thing for both Buffy and Faith. Like, if someone was to ask me about my favorite ship for the show now, despite liking Fangel, I’d probably choose this one. Why? Because these girls understand each other perfectly. Not only because of sharing that slayer bond, but especially because of EVERYTHING they’ve been through from friends, to enemies, to leaders, to literally everything! They understand each other in a way others could never fully grasp, and because of that reason they are perfect either as friends or romantic interests. They help support each other, understand one another, and are always there in some way. In other words, they are my ultimate OTP because they helped each other grow and blossom to become better people from the negative and toxic things that use to cloud them, and that’s exactly as it should be! There is just something different for Buffy regarding Faith then there is for her relationships with Angel and Spike and this is the only way I can describe it. Ya know? Faith and Buffy are literally each other’s other halves! Different sides of the same coin! 
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gothamstreetcat · 2 years
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Hi! I can't send this from my Buffyverse sideblog (because-nothing-is-inevitable) but wanted to challenge a few fellow BtVS/AtS fans :) 1. Your 3-5 favorite canon romances? 2. Three ships that weren't romantic in canon but you wish had been? (You once posted something that has me thinking about Gwen/Gunn!) 3. Your five or six favorite friendships? (A few of mine are Buffy/Giles, Wesley/Gunn when I pretend nothing tore them apart, Cordy/Wesley, Faith/Angel, Buffy/Willow, etc!) 4. Your five most rewatchable episodes of AtS and five most rewatchable episodes of BtVS? 5. Your ten favorite Buffyverse characters? (It doesn't have to be in order---that's probably too hard!) 6. How would you rank the seven seasons of BtVS from your favorite to least favorite? 7. How would you rank the five seasons of AtS from your favorite to least favorite? 8. Three unpopular opinions---i.e., a character/ship/episode that most fans love which you dislike or that most fans dislike which you love :) I can't wait to read your answers. Have fun!
aw!! thank you!! so... admittedly i have not officially watched buffy yet, i keep meaning too but haven't made the time. i am probably going to finish angel first and then watch buffy--you know? so i can go back to when everyone was so young and had their whole lives ahead of them. i really only watched 'bad girls' so i could see when wes was introduced. you do the math on that one, lol.
but thank you so much for sending this, i am so happy!
1. three-five cannon romances?
this is tough since i don't really get really stuck on a lot of ships i feel, but if i had to pick i would most definitely say wesley & lilah since they are literally all i care about. fred & gunn is the most healthy and well written out-- i wish i could have enjoyed them more. and i honestly don't think i have a third but i'm gonna make one up and say lorne & music.
2. three ships that weren't romantic in cannon but wish had been?
this is honestly such a hard one! i think i'm usually good with thinking that sort of thing but i don't believe i have any i wish had happened in angel.
3. your fav five or six friendships?
in no particular order:
wesley & cordelia
wesley & gunn
wesley & faith (i guess as frienamies? but also i watched the show at first when i was really young so i only really remembered season four when was and faith were five by five--imagine how i felt now seeing my favs in season one. wow)
cordelia & wesley & gunn
lorne and the crew of angel inc.
welp... that pretty much sums up everyone, lol
4. your five most watched episodes of buffy the vampire slayer and angel?
1.09 hero
2.04 untouched
3.06 billy
3.10 dad
4.04 slouching towards bethlehem
honestly, not sure if any of these are most watched, but just some of my faves. also, there was a point i was really re-watching all the weslah scenes and analyzing them--so yeah, a bunch of season four
5. ten favorite buffyverse characters? in no particular order (okay, maybe when it comes to wesley)
wesley wyndam-price
lilah morgan
faith lehane
cordelia chase
lorne
charles gunn
allen frances doyle
darla
drusilla
harmony
6. how would you rank the seven season of buffy the vampire slayer from favorite to least favorite?
7. how would you rank the five seasons of angel from favorite to least favorite?
this is honestly so hard and i've always wanted to be asked this question. i wrestle with season three, four, and five being my least fav and one and two being on top because they were solid season for me. i'd like to rank seasons one and two as my favs because they were consistently good--always had a different episode, doyle and wesley were great. the show was finding it's footing in the beginning and i always like when shows are new. so really, the first season will always be my favorite no matter what. for third place, i'd probably put season four--mainly for all the wesley and lilah content. that's literally why it's going in third place. even as the writers were pissing me off when the entire gunn/fred/wes love triangle, there were still bits where lilah came into play and after she was killed, it was deeply clear how much wesley was grieving for her so that made everything a little easier to handle. for fourth place, i'm putting season three because it's kinda when the show started to nosedive for me. i feel like they were writing wesley poorly at certain points, and i didn't like how they had angel so focused on cordelia in the mits of being a dad--because when he was 100% mr. dad it was literally the best part of the season. so it was a little weird to have that romance wedged in the middle--also i think this was the beginning of cordelia's character's downfall both on and off screen which is very sad. so for last place i'm putting season five a. because i haven't finshed and have to take a little break after watching lineage, and b. because the season feels a little off to me. it's not the same and it's not the same seeing lilah or cordelia. it still has it's good parts--like the humor and wesley and gunn being a little more friendly in the beginning (cause you know last season they could barley stand to look at each other). season five also has some good episodes.
8. three unpopular opinions?
okay... here we go:
i understand why people felt the way they did about wesley from buffy, i do. but i think much of why wesley was the way he was, was because of his dad. wesley mentions his father several times in the show and never once does anyone confront or console him--it pains me. and i think much of wesley's life was living in fear and doing whatever he could to gain his father's approval. with taking angel's son, i think wesley did what he felt was best. i don't think he ever planned to give the baby to holtz but things went badly and wesley had his fucking throat cut--he went through a traumatic experience and i just feel for him. he was worried about his family, he wasn't sleeping, and the only person he probably felt closest to at the time was gone. he was doing everything he could to disprove this 'prophecy' and was even going to let it go until he felt it was starting to come true. he was tricked and i really think the gang should have shown him a little more compassion. we all make mistakes and conner was literally beginning to smell like food to angel for days and he told no one. i get that angel has a soul now and is doing the best he can, but he's literally the reason holtz was after him--he did that. it sucks but it's the way things happened. maybe i'm wrong but i've been typing so much everything is just gonna blend together.
i don't really think lilah is that evil. i think she's done some really bad things--two of which i almost can't forgive, but i still think deep down she can be redeemed just as much as faith. call me insane (really) but we've seen plenty of moments where lilah was not this tough bitch she presents herself as, and she's also mentioned some of what she does has to do with her mother. that her 'game face' is something she became years ago--but it's just that. a face. and even when angel asks her why she did such an unspeakable thing she just very coldly response: it's my job. because honestly, it is just a job to lilah and she is loyal to a fault. and lets be real, lilah is a much better character without the law firm because to them she was always seen as someone who was expendable. an escape goat and on many occasions they either wanted to or made threats to kill her. lilah isn't even that fucking good at her job, lol. she's loyal. i think wes brought out a lot of lilah she tried to put away, which is also what i remember most from my childhood, which is why i am probably not making sense and defending her but i just don't think lilah is really that bad.
the entire show is not tragic because it is good. it's good because it is tragic.
thank you for coming to my ted talk
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jennycalendar · 3 years
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my top ten calendiles fics (that i wrote)
this rec list took me a solid chunk of time to compile, because my fics are my babies and i honestly wanna throw quite a few of them up here. but EVENTUALLY i stopped being indecisive and finally managed to get this sorted, so here goes! if you wanna read some of my stuff, this is the stuff that i am the most proud of/in love with/would cry if someone asked me leading questions about it + drew me fanart of it. these are not ranked except for the top two, because the first one is my baby and the second one is still very beloved to me.
under the cut, because i have loving commentary!
1. as day follows night (multi-chapter)
Looking for a safe place to stay after her accidental murder of the Deputy Mayor, Faith Lehane allies herself with a mysteriously powerful witch—and stumbles into a fairytale mystery that's bigger than anything she could have anticipated.
(this fic is my goddamn baby. this fic is my C H I L D. this fic is the fic that i took extensive notes for and spent most of my freshman year of college thinking about and ended up as this terrifying love letter to fairy tales and jenny calendar and the complexity of the way she chooses to love people. i love this fic with every fiber of my being and always will.)
2. i still want to be your girl (multi-chapter)
Five years ago, Jenny Calendar ran from Sunnydale and didn't come back. Now, with the First threatening Sunnydale and the Slayer line, she's returned to help stop the apocalypse--but Rupert Giles isn't the man she remembers, and he isn't exactly delighted to have her back in his life again.
(i have a very persistent soft spot for later-seasons giles, but this was one of the few fics where i went “okay but what about battle-hardened jenny” and i’m very proud of the result. it was really fun to think about what might have changed about jenny over the course of five years, and now that i’m thinking about it, i might be really interested in writing a giles pov of this fic at some point? that’s totally a concept to come back to at some point. anyway.)
3. kind of like hydrogen peroxide
Here was the problem: Ripper had no idea how to talk to Jenny without somehow managing to make her want to kill him.
(i do NOT deserve rights if a fic from the ripper au doesn’t make its way onto this list, and this one is my very favorite. i love thinking about dumb teenage giles who pretends to be a rebel but is actually very very soft and very very in love with his equally dumb and genuinely rebellious girlfriend.)
4. spirit-touched
“Thank you, Buffy,” Giles said, “but I would prefer to conduct this research on my own. I’ll be looking into some rather…” He felt himself blushing, and resented it. “Some rather intimate details of ghost-human relations.”
“What does that—oh god, you want to figure out how to have sex with Ms. Calendar,” said Buffy.
(making this the first smutfic i posted was still the most cursed power move i have ever pulled off. anyway that influx of asks in 2016 about ghost jenny and human giles and their sex life inspired this and it ended up being SO funny and SO sweet and i am SO proud of it.)
5. very really married
Giles and Jenny's flights to Sunnydale both stop over in Las Vegas. On the same day. Naturally, a chance encounter leads to a drunken marriage, one that they mutually agree to keep up for appearances.
Which is to say: Giles is going to have to figure out how to hide his fake marriage from his new Slayer (and everyone else) while also hiding his new Slayer from his fake wife (and everyone else). And his complex feelings for Jenny aren't helping anything.
(EVEN NOW, THIS FIC MAKES ME GIGGLE TO THINK ABOUT. i am saving my reread of this particular gem for a rainy day, because it was my love letter to season one and my daydreamy fantasy re: what it would look like if giles and jenny had silly odd-couple energy that really just came from them being fake married and badly hiding it as they fall very deeply in love.)
6. days in goodness spent
This feeling—whatever Giles is feeling—this is bone-deep. He’s never felt it before. He’s been in love before, he’s admired someone before, he’s respected someone before, but this feels like all of those three things held together by something else he can’t quite name. He searches, desperately, for the words that will tell Jenny this, but nothing that has been written can describe the way it feels to be held by her right now.
(In which Rupert Giles gets the chance to fall in love all the way, and it changes him just a little.)
(this one didn’t immediately come to mind when i was drawing up the list, but my brief rereads led me to conclude that it is an underappreciated gem! i’ve written a lot of different takes on giles and jenny’s relationship, but i particularly love calling giles out for idealizing jenny. also i like that this is more abstract than some of my other older pieces, where i really get into the nuts and bolts of wanting to depict Every Single Part of giles and jenny’s relationship trajectory. this one has more fun with the flow of the story.)
7. no one else could heal my pain
“Friday,” Giles echoed.
“Yeah. As an overnight weekend trip to hunt down some books I need.” Ms. Calendar smiled playfully at him. “Isn’t that the kind of thing you’d do for fun anyway?”
(this one was SO recent and SO fun! it’s kind of my love letter to the standalone longfics i consumed voraciously when i was fourteen, because there are some really great older calendiles fics that are just long and winding adventure-y narratives about the two of them goofing off and falling in love. i wanted to echo that here a little bit and it was a delight to write.)
8. myosotis latifolia
Years and years ago, the truth would spill out, and Rupert—in his endless romanticism—would take her hands and tell her she only needed him by her side to feel welcome and loved. But it’s been over a decade since they’ve been that close, and those years have created a distance between them just as insurmountable as the distance between them, now, on the steps leading into his lavish gardens.
(Rupert Giles is an esteemed member of the Watchers' Council, as well as a happily married father. Jenny Calendar knows that that's never been what he wanted.)
(ahaha this one is a big ouch moment but i really love it regardless? i think that giles and jenny are kinda fundamentally incompatible in a lot of ways, and part of the intrigue of their relationship is watching them try and figure out how to compromise and adjust after years of being rigid and inflexible individuals -- giles intellectually, jenny emotionally. so this fic is a lot about that.)
9. the grieving process
After Buffy's death, Giles makes his way to Jenny in LA.
(i don’t know why this one still sticks with me! it just! does! it holds up and i love it and if you wanna read about giles and jenny falling in love in a way that is healthy and authentic without any secrets -- but also obviously very sad -- definitely pick this one up.)
10. decently clothed
“Jenny, are you selecting my wardrobe based solely on what is and isn’t easy to divest me of?”
“…no,” said Jenny.
“That’s not even remotely convincing.”
(i wrote this one during a particularly difficult time in my life, and it was a really special moment for me, because i’d just come out of a period where it had been difficult for me to find the time or emotional energy to write. whenever i return to it, this fic is suffused in that warm and hopeful joy i felt when i posted it and realized that i had not, in fact, lost my touch. so it’s always gonna mean the world to me.
plus it is very silly and sweet! my specialties.)
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lesbian-fabray · 4 years
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because i’ve talked a lot about similarities between wynnona earp and buffy i decided to make
wynnona earp characters and their buffy counterparts + which character i prefer
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wynnona earp and faith lehane: i think the first instinct would be to say wynnona is buffy, but the two are nothing alike. wynnona is a lot closer to faiths personality. they are two women with rough pasts who are unfortunately stuck with a responsibility to kill demons. they both kind of tiptoe on the line between moral and immoral (let’s be real, faith sprints over the line and then crawls her way back to it in a squiggle pattern). they both kind of have their own way of talking that is different from the rest of the group. i prefer faith, because i feel that she is a lot more interesting from a psychological approach, and i’m not the biggest fan of wynnona as a character to begin with. it also doesn’t hurt that faith is my second favorite fictional character of all time
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waverly earp and willow rosenberg: i have kind of gone into this one a bit in my post about wayhaught and tillow being super similar. they are both insanely powerful and crazy smart. both of them have knowledge of tons of languages. they both would go and have gone as far as they have to avenge the death of the person they love, even if it is temporary (waverly with margo (i think that’s her name) in 4x06 and willow with warren in 6x20). they both serve as the brains of their respective operations. i prefer waverly because she is honestly just a better person than willow. i do love willow a lot, but she is selfish, reckless, and manipulative. and most of my time watching buffy is spent saying “god dammit willow” and i’ve only had that sentiment for waverly in like one episode.
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nicole haught and tara maclay: both nicole and tara are fiercely loyal and are initially brought into the group the girlfriend of the smart one in the group. they also both prove themselves to be fantastic friends to the rest of the group, especially the protagonist. they are both kind of seen as outsiders by their groups until there is an event where it is proven what they mean to the group. when it comes to these two, there is not one character i prefer over the other, as they are honestly just forces of positivity throughout their respective shows and are equally interesting.
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doc holliday and angel: both of these guys are super old broody vampires who are the love interest of the protagonist. they both kind of have this “i’m horrible, i’m a monster, don’t look at me” mentality. they both have the same type of boring relationship drama with the protagonist in this kind of “we love each other but shouldn’t be together kind of way”. i can’t stand either of these characters, so i don’t prefer one or the other.
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jeremy chetri and xander harris: i considered putting jeremy here as a second willow, but i think that what he contributes to the group dynamic is more similar to xander. they are both the comic relief and pop-culture reference guy on the team. that being said, jeremy is a MUCH better person than xander. i prefer jeremy because he doesn’t make me feel like i’m watching a bad person. xander is kind of selfish and vindictive and he holds grudges, and that is just not who jeremy is, which makes me happy.
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xavier dolls and rupert giles: their main similarity is they serve as the boss of the group who has all the access to information about what events they’re facing. they also have to deal the protagonist’s personality, which clashes with their own. they also both only go by their last name. that being said, dolls is wynnona’s friend/lover thing (it was confusing to me honestly but that’s besides the point) and giles was like a father figure for buffy, so that’s a HUGE difference. i prefer giles because i think he fits better into the dynamic of his group and i honestly just can’t stand dolls, so it wasn’t going to take much for giles to win.
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randy nedley and joyce summers: they both kind of serve this role of a disapproving but supportive parental figure to their groups. they are the kind of people that the whole group would do anything to protect. i prefer nedley, but only because joyce sometimes feels like the kind of mom you only find in a PTA meeting
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ofclaires · 4 years
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⌠ MAYA HAWKE, 21, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, CLAIRE WALSH! according to their records, they’re a FOURTH year, specializing in THREAT ELIMINATION; and they DID go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (chipped black nail polish, a leather jacket with boxing gloves slung over the shoulder, bandaged knuckles, and a wicked smirk). when it’s the (aries)’s birthday on 3/31/99, they always request MAC & CHEESE from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. ⌿ kati 22, she/her, est ⍀
STATS / PINTEREST / CONNECTIONS / CLASSES
INSPIRATION.
Rosa Diaz - Brooklyn 99
Kat Stratford - 10 Things I Hate About You
Faith Lehane - Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Mandy Milkovich - Shameless
Akane Owari – Danganronpa
Arya Stark – Game of Thrones
Kim Kelly – Freaks and Geeks
Kyo Sohma – Fruits Basket
BACKGROUND + CLICK FOR BIO.
pre-gallagher.
her parents were young as hell when they had her so she was raised by her grandma in her earlier years ! claire gets a lot of her values from her grandma, mainly her biting sarcasm and devil-may-care sort of attitude. she tells claire stories of her grandfather, who was a champion boxer and it ignites claire’s interest in the sport from a young age. she grows up without a tv and plays outside a lot.  
her grandma dies when claire’s about eight years old and she goes to live with her mom, who spends the money from the will about as fast as it lands in her pocket. her mom dates a lot of unsavory dudes. 
she and her mom actually grow quite close over the years, but a lot of times it’s claire taking care of her mom and not the other way around. the entrance to their trailer is like a revolving door for shady dudes and her mother drinks too much and sort of acts like an overgrown teenager, never ready to let go of her youth. claire learns a lot of responsibility and independence as a result of this. 
her mom finally lands a dude that seems like a genuinely nice guy that makes her want to settle down and become a housewife. claire likes seeing her mom starting to act like an adult, and their lives start to turn around. he’s rich and they wind up moving in with him after the wedding, but things change shortly after, and he reveals a darker, more manipulative and abusive side of himself. 
he takes claire out of her passion, boxing, because it’s not ladylike enough, and he starts talking to claire’s mom about boarding school. it’s then that he starts fighting your mom more physically as they disagree.
the climax of the drama is when he hits claire ( she’s sneaking around and still boxing ) , but claire knows how to hit back hard. claire’s mom gets caught in the fray, it’s a huge fight, and claire nearly kills the guy ( tbi for sure. ) 
as a result of the incident, claire is recruited to a spy prep school in new york at age 16, her sophomore of high school. claire’s angry and closed off, and has a difficult time making friends in high school. but she does go through a lot of anger management and such. 
gallagher academy.
YEAR ONE: claire gets adjusted to school at gallagher academy, determined to prove herself among some of the world’s best. she quickly gains a reputation for her prowess in combat and spends long hours in the gym training. she slowly starts to open herself up to the idea of making friends. 
YEAR TWO: even though claire’s made friends, she still keeps secrets about her past, keeping her guard up. she receives letters from her mom about a new guy she’s seeing, and an invitation to her mother’s wedding. she ignores it. she and her mom still haven’t spoken since she was sixteen. near the end of the year, she gets a postcard that her mom is moving to iceland, but she does nothing about it. 
YEAR THREE: ( where our story started ) 
boys come to campus and claire feels like she has to fight harder for her reputation as THE BEST, isn’t pleased with their presence due to a longstanding distrust when it comes to men. 
claire’s ego is boosted after she’s been chosen for a MISSION, to explore the abandoned boys’ school, blackthorne academy. there, she and mary sakamoto discover that it was a school for assassins. explains why claire keeps getting her ass kicked – these boys have been trained to kill. 
witness protection kids come to campus, resulting in the death of one of them and gallagher student, amelia taylor. claire feels helpless as a result, always thinking of herself as a protector and gallagher has always been her stronghold, her safe place, and it all feels threatened. 
claire has a falling out with a friend and feels super alone with all this shit going on and winds out reaching out to her mom. i wrote a self-para here, but her mom invites her to come stay for the summer. 
when a brotherhood member is discovered on campus, she teams up with a group of...unlikely allies, and sneaks into the sublevels to kick his ass. his current status is unknown, and he’s quite possibly dead. either way, as far as she knows, they were never caught. 
claire visits her mom in iceland for the summer (details here) and they sort of mend things. she meets her moms new husband and actually likes him. 
PERSONALITY.
DETERMINED – when claire sets her mind to something, she will stop at nothing to accomplish it. she’d probably even risk death to accomplish her goals, she simply can’t accept failure.
HARD-WORKING – claire can pretty much always be found in the gym, trying to make herself better. it’s honestly a running joke how often claire is working out, but there’s a basis in it. honestly, claire thinks her only value is her muscle, so if that’s what she’s good at, she’s going to be the best. she’s that kid in your gym class that’s going way too hard for no fucking reason like calm down. 
BRAVE – there’s little that claire fears, and even her fears don’t generally stop her from accomplishing her goals. you could chalk up some of her bravery to determination, but she’s been through enough that she doesn’t really stop to consider what she’s going to lose. so maybe it’s also stupidity!
LOYAL – it’s really challenging for claire to form connections, but when she does, she latches on. when she cares for someone, she really cares for them, and she’s pretty ride or die. this sort of loyalty can be a burden for some of her friends, because she can be somewhat overbearing. 
ANGRY – claire’s probably best known for her anger, it’s like she walks around with a fuse waiting to be lit at the slightest inconvenience. funnily enough, her training has made her better at controlling it, but she’s still known to snap. 
RECKLESS – claire often acts impulsively, says the first thought in her mind, does the first thing she can think to do in order to solve a problem. act first, ask questions later is usually her mantra, and sometimes it saves her ass – and sometimes it comes back to bite her in it. 
DISTANT – claire finds it hard to open up or form connections with people, not often readily sharing her feels with people. she’s really averse to personal questions but she’s gotten better about sharing things about herself since making more friends at gallagher. still, she’s somewhat hard to get to know. i will refer you to this musing. 
BRASH – she’s pretty cocky to a point that often comes off as rude, but the positive spin on it is that you’ll always know where you stand with claire. whether it’s good or bad, she’s up front, but most people she trains with are probably sick of her arrogance. 
HEADCANONS/RANDOM FACTS.
can usually be found exercising. she’s really into sports and fitness and prior to the berlin internship, she used to spend her summers working at summer camps for athletes-in-training. she’s a pretty good coach, and tutors some of the other students that need help with their athletic prowess, although she’s described as a bit intense.
identified as bisexual until fairly recently, realizing that she doesn’t care or have much interest in romantic relationships with men ! so, now she identifies as a lesbian. 
cannot sit through a movie to save her life, claire’s easily distracted and bored, always needing something to do. she didn’t grow up with a television set in her home either, so she hasn’t seen many movies and is a little out of touch with all things pop culture. 
takes pictures like a mom, if you ask her to take a photo of you it’ll probably a) be a little blurry, b) have her thumb in it, or c) both.
really likes podcasts! she listens to them a lot during her workouts, while she runs the track, or anything else. claire’s not exactly known for her intelligence ( among the astronomical iqs of other gallagher students at least ) but she can spout some knowledge on things you wouldn’t expect. 
generally a hard-ass but she’s a softie around animals, particularly dogs or cats, but catch her cooing and talking in a baby voice around puppies, she’s like a completely different person, pretty much. 
drink of choice is whiskey, neat. 
despite her preference for hand to hand combat, threat elimination has given her a multitude of skills. she keeps two knives on her at all times and sometimes wears a bulletproof vest for kicks. she’s prepared for anything.
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The Good Slayer
Summary: @mummybear asked: Hiya there my lovely!😊 I had an idea for your follower celebration if that's okay! congratulations by the way you completely deserve it!! But would Dean and our girl Faith be okay please with the gif I mentioned you know which gif lol I can't get the stupid thing to go on the ask though much love 😘😘❤
Words: 843
Rating: explicit, clothed sex, talking during sex
Characters: Dean Winchester x Faith Lehane
Author’s note: this is a peek at the sequel to Pretty Reckless. The Buffy timeline in this universe is askew from canon, where Faith did not become as a Slayer until Willow activated all Potentials. In this flashfic and in the PR sequel (to come), Faith Lehane is a Slayer. 
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They get inside their motel room for the night and Dean yanks at his tie, glaring at her, albeit playfully. “You’re like a toddler, you know that?”
Today was research, interviews, and Dean trying to keep Faith from showing him all her nifty new powers in public. Not that he isn’t impressed, he was just avoiding any unwanted attention. In fact, he’s all the way turned on – not unlike any other time he’s been around Faith.
“Oooh, am I in trouble, Daddy?” her voice is sickly sweet and edged with a tease, as she settles back on her elbows where she sits on the edge of the bed and crosses her legs at the knee.
Ever since she and her sister-slayer Buffy showed up to help them with their archangel problem two days ago, Faith and Dean haven’t so much as been in the same room alone. Now she’s sitting there, stilettoed foot bouncing casually while her pinstriped pencil skirt hikes further and further up to reveal those smooth, muscular legs of hers.
Dean tosses his tie aside and turns on her, stalks toward her.
“This submissive little girl act is… cute,” he says, smirking darkly down at her, slowly removing his suit jacket as she watches, not even flinching at his close proximity.
Even without the Mark and their previous magical connection, there’s an intense spark between them. She keeps a closed-mouth but very full smirk in place, watching him cuff the sleeves of his white dress shirt.
Then he leans forward, fisting into the mattress at the side of one of her hips. He tips her chin with his thumb and crooked finger, and she licks at his thumb.
“I missed you,” he murmurs, watching her tongue disappear back between her full lips then dragging his eyes up to meet hers.
She is so beautiful – smooth, porcelain skin, honey eyes, waves and waves of silken hair, and that smile.
“You wanna play?” she asks with a twinkle in her eye and running one toe of her shiny, patent leather shoe up the inside of his calf.
“Honestly?” he asks, and she nods. “I just wanna be inside you.”
He holds her gaze and watches the vulnerability that he so appreciated, nurtured, and adored fill her eyes. That’s the Faith he remembers.
“Me too,” she says, honest and bare, sliding a hand around his neck and pulling him in for a kiss.
“You wanna be inside me?” he says around chuckles and lips and tongues.
Faith kicks her shoes off and scoots backward, dragging him with her by the collar of his shirt, kissing and reacquainting herself with him.
“Now, there’s an idea,” she says, settling her elbows into the pillows and working his pants open. “You did like it a whole lot when I put my finger in your ass and sucked your cock.”
Dean groans and pushes her skirt up over her hips, tearing the seams at the bottom.
“Fuck yeah, I did,” he breathes, kneeing between her thighs, pushing them open wide and pulling the crotch of her panties to the side to run his knuckles through her slick. “But, right now, I just wanna fuck you.”
Faith laughs and tosses her head back, shaking her hair over her shoulders. “Shit, yeah,” she says, lifting her head again to look him in the eye. “Do it.
Dean pushes inside her without any further discussion or foreplay. The entirety of the last 48-hours has been agonizing foreplay; they don’t need more.
“’Spose we should’ve talked about a condom,” Dean gasps, grinding against her and kissing her as he hovers over her, his eyes threatening to close.
She shakes her head. “No need,” she says. “I’ll explain later.”
Then she flips them and he’s on his back, eyes wide open and smiling. Faith jerks his shirt open and helps him get it off. “Damn, you weren’t kiddin’ about this wicked scar, baby,” she says, caressing his shoulder with care as she swivels her hips and groans at the solid slide of him.
Dean hums and slides his hands up her thighs. “I want you naked,” he says, not wanting to talk about Michael or monsters or superpowers or demons. “I wanna look at you, taste you, touch you.” He picks at the buttons of her blouse and she tears it off the rest of the way, including her bra.
Faith arches over him, pressing their bare torsos together, for a kiss. Then she sets a rhythm they both know so well, pulling up and falling down onto him.
Dean buries his hand in the back of her hair and pulls until he’s sitting up and she’s straddling his hips, until he can get his hands and mouth on her breasts. She holds onto his shoulders and rides him hard – both of them grunting and panting.
“Come with me,” she whispers, forehead pressed to his. “Come inside me.”
The world falls away around them as he does just that, breathing her name and feeling her for the first time in way too long.
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ofstormsandwolves · 4 years
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The Delinquents
Buffy/Faith, Giles/Joyce, Gwendolyn Post, Snyder
Modern AU
Part of Sunnydale 2019
Read on AO3
When Buffy and Faith get caught skipping classes, Snyder turns out to be the least of their problems when their parents are called in.
Rupert Giles knew one thing for certain working as he did at Sunnydale High; if Principal Snyder requested your presence in his office in the middle of the day, it was never for a good reason.
But what the reason was, he had no idea. With the ill-tempered, easily annoyed principal it could be anything; from overhearing a rumour from a pupil in a corridor, to an impending apocalypse. Of course, the second one was rather unlikely, but Snyder seemed to treat every issue like it spelled out certain doom so the possibility did cross Giles’s mind.
When he arrived at the principal’s office, however, the sight that greeted him was one he had not been anticipating. And it seemed much worse than an apocalypse.
Looking more than a little guilty, Faith and Buffy were sat side by side in the uncomfortable chairs Snyder always had facing his desk. Said principal was sat behind said desk with a smug look on his face that made Giles’s stomach churn. Standing beside Faith’s chair, dressed in a blouse and skirt, and wearing a fearsome frown was Gwendolyn Post, Faith’s adopted mother. Giles moved to stand beside Buffy’s chair.
“Glad you could join us, Mr Giles,” Snyder said with an arched eyebrow, as though he had requested Giles’s presence hours ago rather than the mere five minutes it had actually been.
“Yes,” Giles responded shortly, “here I am. What seems to be the problem?”
Despite his outwardly polite tone, Giles already wanted to throttle the smug-looking man. But it would likely cost him his job, and would be rather difficult to explain to Joyce, so he refrained.
Before Snyder could speak, however, Gwen Post turned to face Giles. “It seems the girls have been skipping class again,” she said in a tone that suggested Giles should have already known this detail. “This is the fourth time in as many weeks that they have failed to show up to classes.”
Giles frowned at that, looking down at Buffy. She responded by sliding further down in her seat, biting her lip and avoiding his gaze.
“Normally this would be a matter for the parents,” Snyder said to Giles, eyes glinting nastily as he said the word ‘parents’, “but Mrs Giles wasn’t answering her phone, and this issue needs to be resolved.”
“I see,” Giles responded tightly. “You do realise that as Buffy’s step-father, and with her biological father out of the picture, I essentially am her parent?”
If Snyder were more sensible, he perhaps would have sensed the threat in his voice. Buffy and Faith certainly did. Even without looking, Giles knew they were staring up at him. Buffy was wide-eyed and worried, while Faith seemed a little more amused with the situation. It was well-known that Snyder and Giles didn’t get on, and Giles couldn’t help but wonder if Faith was hoping for a fight.
“‘Essentially’,” Snyder echoed with an annoying smirk, “isn’t exactly the same as being Buffy’s parent, though. Still, you’ll do for now. I’ll be phoning your wife later to speak with her about the matter.”
Giles wanted to make a remark, but he instead bit his tongue. Besides, he could see that Gwen was getting just as frustrated with Snyder as he was, so he decided to let her deal with matters. After all, she wouldn’t lose her job if she snapped at him.
“What exactly will you be telling Joyce?” Gwen asked, arching her eyebrow. “You haven’t yet told me what you plan to do with the girls.”
Snyder had a particularly smug look on his face then, and Giles saw Buffy stiffen. “Well, seeing as this is, as you so kindly reminded me, the fourth time in four weeks that Miss Summers and Miss Lehane have failed to show up for second period, I think it’s only right that I suspend the pair of them.”
Giles couldn’t quite stop an outburst then. “Oh, for god’s sake,” he growled. “You’re suspending them? Your response to them skipping a class is to make them miss more classes by not allowing them on school grounds? I am aware of the school’s disciplinary measures, you know, and suspension certainly does not come before a detention!”
Beside Faith, Gwen was looking equally angry. “It certainly doesn’t,” she agreed, tone sharp. “I may not work here like Mr Giles, but I am fully up to date with the school’s procedures for such matters, and this is not the correct way to handle it!”
Inexplicably though, Snyder still looked smug. “I don’t know how you do things at your schools in England,” he stated, giving both adults a pointed look, “but here in California we don’t like having students in the school who disrupt the learning of others. As principal, it is my decision how to deal with the troublemakers. If I decide that a detention isn’t a good enough deterrent for certain delinquents,” he looked to Buffy and Faith, “I can simply move to the next stage. And that’s suspension.” He fixed everyone in the room with a smug smile. “They’re suspended for five and a half days. Effective immediately. We’ll count this as the half day, and I don’t expect to see them back in my school until a week Monday.”
Clearly there was nothing else to say after that, and Buffy and Faith slowly got to their feet. Neither of them really wanted to look at the respective parents, so they grabbed their bags and headed out the office.
 “Hey, B, look on the bright side,” Faith smirked once they were out in the corridor. “Long weekend!”
“I think not,” Gwen’s irritated voice came from behind them before Buffy could respond. “You’re not getting out of schoolwork just because Principal Snyder refuses to let you on school grounds.”
Faith pouted at that news. “What? Not even after you agreed Snyder was out of line suspending us?”
Gwen rolled her eyes. “I disagree with his methods, yes,” she responded, “but you still skipped class and as a result I’m grounding you. No Bronze, no video games, no friends round.” The last was said with a pointed look towards Buffy. “And don’t even think about sneaking out.”
Knowing it was pointless arguing with her adopted mother, Faith just growled and stomped off towards her locker to retrieve her books. With an eye roll, Gwen followed her.
“How mad are you?” Buffy asked Giles as Gwen disappeared around the corner.
He arched an eyebrow at her. “Do I have to answer that, or should I just glare?”
Buffy bit her lip. “I’m sorry. I just... I hate my history class this year, ok? I spent all last year finally getting my grades up, and it was all for nothing. Nothing I’m learning is going in, and it just makes me feel stupid to even try!”
She was almost in tears, and Giles sighed. “Buffy, you should have spoken to me or your mother about it, rather than simply skipping class. We would have helped.”
Buffy gave her a tearful, slightly incredulous look then, suggesting she didn’t really believe him. He fought the urge to roll his eyes.
“Honestly, Buffy,” Giles said in vague annoyance. “I have a history degree from Oxford, I worked at the British Museum for a decade before moving to Los Angeles, and then I worked for several years in the Natural History Museum. I think I know enough about history to help with your homework.”
Buffy sniffled and lowered her gaze. “I guess so.”
With another sigh, Giles nudged her down the corridor. “Go get your books from your locker. I’ll give your mother a ring.”
 To say that Joyce was displeased about having to pick Buffy up from school in the middle of the day would have been an understatement. The drive home was awkward and tense, and Buffy was almost too scared to speak for fear she’d set her mother off on a rant. She’d been dealing with a client at the gallery when Snyder had phoned, and had picked up when Giles had phoned her just over fifteen minutes later. Buffy didn’t know how much her step-father had divulged over the phone, but it was enough for Joyce to be giving her the silent treatment.
When they finally pulled up outside 1630 Revello Drive, Buffy was surprised when her mother cut the engine and slipped out the car with her.
“Don’t you have to get back to work?” Buffy asked before she could stop herself.
Joyce fixed her daughter with a look. “I’ve got Maria covering,” came the tense reply. “I’m having to pay her overtime.”
Buffy swallowed. “I’d be fine here by myself if you need to get back to the gallery,” she said. Immediately she knew it was the wrong thing to say.
“Buffy,” Joyce said with a sigh, “I’m not leaving you here alone. Not after several weeks of you skipping classes. I clearly can’t trust you to stay here and do school work unless I watch you, so you’re going to have to put up with me.”
Jaw clenched, Buffy grabbed her school supplies from the backseat and stomped up the porch.
 Giles came home at just before five. Buffy was in her room, having been banished there by Joyce the moment she’d finished her homework. Apparently skipping class meant no television. Her phone had been confiscated too.
But despite being shut away upstairs, Buffy could just faintly make out her parents’ voices. Opening her door slightly, she slid down to the ground to listen in. It wasn’t like she’d left her room or anything, so she wasn’t breaking any rules.
“-about her history grades?” Giles was saying gently. “She’s really struggling, Joyce.”
Joyce sighed. “Well maybe if she actually went to class...”
“It’s making her feel stupid,” Giles responded calmly. “She was nearly in tears when she spoke with me about it. This isn’t just her not going to class because she doesn’t feel like it. She’s skipping lessons because she’d rather get in trouble with Snyder than feel inadequate in class.”
Buffy swallowed then. Trust Giles to figure that out.
“Snyder said Faith was skipping classes too,” Joyce said softly. “I’m guessing Gwen wasn’t pleased?”
“I didn’t have time to talk to her,” Giles admitted, “but she didn’t seem pleased, no.”
Joyce sighed again. “What are we going to do?”
The tone of her mother’s voice nearly brought tears to Buffy’s eyes. Her mother sounded so forlorn, so worried. She hadn’t meant to worry her parents. She and Faith had just thought it would be more fun to skip class and hang out together than feel like idiots in classes they didn’t understand.
“I’ve already spoken to her a little about helping her out, but maybe we need to look at getting her a tutor,” Giles said. “I’m not sure myself or Willow would be the best option for Buffy. I know some of the college students do tutoring on the side; it might be a good idea to look into it.”
And then there were footsteps, and her parents moved away from the stairs so Buffy couldn’t hear them any longer. With a sigh, she got to her feet and shut her door.
 “I don’t see what the big deal is,” Faith grumbled as she picked at her dinner.
Gwen fixed her with a look across the dining table. “You know full well what ‘the big deal’ is, Faith. You cannot skip class. Especially one as important as math.”
But Faith simply shrugged. “I have a calculator on my phone, if I need to do math I just use that.”
Unsurprisingly, that wasn’t what her mother wanted to hear. “Faith, if you keep on like this then Principal Snyder may very well exclude you entirely. And then what will you do with your life?”
Faith could feel Gwen’s gaze on her, and she shifted uncomfortably. In all honesty, she’d not stopped to consider what would happen if she pushed Snyder too far. He was fun to wind up, but the problem with Snyder was that you couldn’t always tell when he was going to blow. It was funny when he blew things out of proportion when you weren’t in the firing line, but somehow Faith doubted it would be that funny if he was aiming directly at you.
Gwen’s gaze was still on her, and Faith had no answer to her question. Suddenly not feeling very hungry, she pushed her plate away and excused herself to head to her room.
 “Buffy, honey, Rupert and I were talking earlier and we think we might need to look into getting you a tutor for history.”
Buffy swallowed the mouthful of food and looked at her parents. “Right,” she said, not really knowing what else to say.
“Just for a little while,” Joyce continued, “to help you with some of your classes.”
“I know that some of the students at UC Sunnydale offer tutoring,” Giles chipped in with a reassuring smile. “I happen to know one of the history professors, and I thought perhaps I could contact him to see if he could recommend a student.”
Buffy swallowed, before shrugging. “I guess so.” She really didn’t want to talk about it.
Joyce sighed at her daughter’s response. “Buffy, this is really for the best. You’re struggling so much that you’re skipping class, and it isn’t acceptable. You wouldn’t come to either me or Rupert for help, and while Willow has been able to help in the past, I think this might be a bit beyond her.”
At her mother’s words, Buffy shifted uncomfortably in her chair. “It’s not that bad,” she mumbled, cheeks flushing.
“Yes it is,” Giles countered gently before Joyce could say anything. “You admitted yourself that you feel inadequate in class and that you skipped class as a result.” He paused, setting down his cutlery and moving his hand across the table to rest over Buffy’s. “This isn’t a punishment, you know. Neither I nor your mother like seeing you this upset, especially over a class. A tutor will mean that you can learn here, without fear of others judging you if you need to ask questions. You’re not a stupid girl, Buffy. In fact, you’re a lot cleverer than you think. You just need to believe in yourself more and accept a little help every now and then.”
Buffy flushed at Giles’s words. She hadn’t felt clever in history class for a very long time. She had never done particularly well in the subject, even at Hemery, but she also hadn’t done too badly. Until this year, and Mrs Dalton. Maybe Mrs Dalton hated her and was deliberately making the class even more difficult. Maybe everyone was in on it. Even Snyder. It wouldn’t surprise her.
But the more she thought about it, the more a tutor didn’t sound quite so scary. Like Giles said, they could tutor her at home. There would be no classroom full of people to laugh at her for asking a silly question. Nobody to sneer at her for messing up dates, or names. She wouldn’t have to be scared of being mocked, or of seeing the sympathetic looks Willow cast her way when Buffy met up with her after class.
“I suppose so,” she said at last, giving her step-father a small smile.
Both Giles and Joyce beamed back.
“Good,” Giles said, withdrawing his hand and picking up his cutlery again. “I’ll give Mr Wyndam-Pryce a call tomorrow.”
 “A tutor? Man, that sucks, B,” Faith said, wrinkling her nose up.
“Maybe it won’t be that bad,” Buffy responded with a shrug, but her tone suggested she was far from convinced. “How angry was Gwen?”
Faith snorted and picked at a loose thread on her shirt. “I’m grounded. No phone or TV.”
“Same,” Buffy told her girlfriend. Then she thought. “So how much trouble will you be in if Gwen finds out you sneaked out?”
At that, Faith gave a wicked grin. “Dunno, B,” she shrugged. “How much trouble will you be in?”
Buffy fixed Faith with a haughty look at that. “I’m not the one breaking rules,” she responded. “Look, I’m still in my room.” She gestured around her. “It’s not my fault my delinquent girlfriend climbed up onto my roof.”
Faith grinned from her position outside Buffy’s bedroom window, and reached through to pull Buffy closer. “So I go through all this trouble to come see you and I don’t even get a kiss?”
“Hmm, maybe I do owe you a quick kiss from risking Gwen’s wrath...”
Buffy had barely finished speaking before Faith’s lips were pressed against hers. The kiss lasted several seconds before they heard Joyce’s voice distantly calling for Buffy and the two girls jerked away from one another.
“I’d better go,” Faith said reluctantly. “Before Gwen catches on.”
And then she slid down the roof and leapt down into the grass. As Joyce’s footsteps sounded outside the bedroom, Buffy quickly slid the window shut and crossed to her bed.
 By Saturday lunchtime, Mr Wyndam-Pryce and Giles had apparently compiled a list of potential new tutors for Buffy. From what Buffy understood, Mr Wyndam-Pryce had gone to the same posh boarding school Giles had, and while their paths hadn’t crossed there, their fathers knew each other. Apparently Giles wasn’t the only displaced Brit in Sunnydale.
“I’ll see about emailing them this afternoon,” Giles said over lunch. “I explained to Mr Wyndam-Pryce what we were looking for, and everyone he suggested sounded very promising, but it will depend on their schedule, I suppose.”
“Why do you keep calling him ‘Mr Wyndam-Pryce’, anyway?” Buffy asked, scrunching her nose up in confusion. “I thought you said you knew him?”
Giles shrugged, looking a little embarrassed. “Knowing him isn’t the same as being friends with him, Buffy. And although our fathers knew each other, they weren’t friends either. At best, the Wyndam-Pryces and the Gileses are acquaintances.”
Buffy arched an eyebrow at that. “So you don’t even like this guy?” she asked. “Why do you talk to him then? Didn’t you say you were in contact with him a lot?”
“Buffy,” Joyce warned, fixing her daughter with a pointed look. “You’re already grounded. If you don’t stop harassing Rupert, you’ll be grounded even longer.”
Buffy huffed, and resumed picking at her sandwich.
“If you must know,” Giles said with a slightly amused tone, “I contact him because, though I’m loathe to admit it, he is a very clever man, and sometimes he lends me books for my research.”
“Only you would read history books for fun, Giles,” Buffy mumbled, but there was a teasing quality to her voice.
Joyce rolled her eyes. “Anyway,” she stated pointedly, trying to steer the conversation back on track, “like Rupert said, we’ll be emailing some of the tutors this afternoon. We won’t pick anyone without speaking to you first, but you can’t just refuse everyone we suggest, am I clear?”
Buffy pouted at that, but nodded reluctantly. “Just don’t pick anyone weird,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “And nobody too... Bossy.”
Joyce said nothing at that, and Buffy dejectedly turned back to her lunch.
 It was early Saturday evening when Buffy heard a knock on her bedroom door. She’d been banished back to her room after lunch, and had been lounging on her bed staring at the ceiling.
“Buffy?” Giles called through the door. “May I come in?”
She sighed, and called out the affirmative, pushing herself into a sitting position just as the door opened. Giles slipped into the room with a slight smile, a sheaf of papers in hand.
“Thought I’d bring these up,” he said, holding the papers up and taking a seat on the edge of the bed. “It’s a list of potential tutors and a short biography each. Your mother and I want you to take a look through and pick out two or three that you like the sound of, and then we can contact them about scheduling some sessions.”
“Two or three?” Buffy asked, wrinkling her nose. “Are my grades really that bad?”
At her bewildered look, Giles couldn’t help giving her a fond, amused smile. “You only need the one tutor, Buffy. But it would help your mother and I if you picked a couple out so that we can arrange a taster session, if you will. If you pick one and you change your mind after your first session, we already have another tutor we can try.”
Buffy nodded slowly at the explanation, taking a moment to thumb through the pieces of paper. “There are a lot of names here,” she said after a moment, wide-eyed.
Giles sighed. “Just please don’t rush this,” he told her seriously. “It might be tempting to simply pick the first three, but part of the reason why UC Sunnydale has each of the student tutors include a biography is so that you can pick people you’ll actually get on with. So please take time to actually read through it all.” He stood then, and surveyed Buffy for a moment. “Your mother said to tell you dinner will be in an hour.”
“Which one are you gonna pick?” Faith asked as she scanned the list of tutors.
“Don’t know,” Buffy admitted with a shrug. “Giles wants me to pick a couple. You know, so we’ve got a couple of back-ups.”
Faith nodded. “Sounds good. Don’t wanna get stuck with a complete bore; they’ve gotta be able to hold your interest, you know?”
Buffy snorted. “Coming from the girl who encouraged me to skip class in the first place.”
At that, Faith held her hands up in surrender. “Hey, I didn’t like to see my girlfriend upset, so sue me. I thought you could do with getting out of there for a bit, having some fun.”
“I know,” Buffy sighed, looking apologetic. “I’m sorry, Faith. I just... I hate this whole thing, you know? Mom and Giles have convinced me that a tutor wouldn’t be a bad idea, and I agree, but I’ll still have to sit through history class...”
“Can’t you ask to switch classes?” Faith asked with a frown. “Come on, B, your step-dad literally works at the school. Why can’t you have him pull some strings and get you a different teacher?”
“Like Snyder would agree to that,” Buffy complained. “I’ll probably just have to suck it up and deal.”
Faith let out a loud sigh then, and clambered through the window to pull Buffy in for a hug. “We might not be able to get you a history teacher that doesn’t make you feel like crap, but at least we can find you an awesome tutor, right?”
Buffy hummed in agreement, settling into her girlfriend’s embrace. They stayed like that for a minute or so before reluctantly pulling away to sit on the bed.
“Have you looked through this yet?” Faith asked as she spread out the list of possible tutors.
“A bit,” Buffy nodded. “I looked through it before dinner, but I don’t really know what I’m looking for. They’re all history students; some professor friend of Giles gave him the list.”
Faith frowned as she surveyed the list of names. “Anya Jenkins,” she read aloud, before glancing up at Buffy. “Isn’t she the one who works at the Bronze?”
“I think so,” Buffy admitted. “I’m not sure whether to put her down. She seems a bit... Bossy.”
Faith tilted her head to one side as she considered that. “I get that,” she said after a moment. “But she might also be a good tutor. I mean, she helped you out at the Bronze after that guy was pestering you, and I get the impression she’s pretty smart.”
Buffy let out a sigh. “I suppose it’s worth a shot,” she murmured slowly. “But I still need to find at least another one or two tutors.”
Faith scanned a few of the other names on the list. “Hey, there’s someone called Angel on here, too. Angel O’Connor.” She grinned, looking up at her girlfriend. “Reckon that’s the guy from that awful band?”
Buffy frowned, and then shrugged. “I mean, how many people called Angel can there be in Sunnydale?” she pointed out.
“Well, we can put him on the list,” Faith said, reaching over to the bedside table for a pen to circle both Angel’s and Anya’s names. “He seemed nice enough. I just hope his tutoring is more successful than his band.”
At Faith’s smirk, Buffy let out a laugh. As Faith joined in with the laughter, neither of them heard the approaching footsteps outside the bedroom.
“Buffy?” The door suddenly swung open to reveal a confused Joyce. “You’re supposed to be in bed...”
Joyce trailed off at the sight of Buffy and Faith side by side on the bed. Both girls went wide-eyed, and Faith let out one last snigger.
“Uh, hi Joyce,” she managed, trying to school her facial expression.
“Faith,” Joyce greeted tensely. Her eyes darted to the open bedroom window as she realised how Faith had got into the house.
Buffy was still wide-eyed and regarding her mother in silence as more footsteps approached and Giles appeared behind Joyce’s shoulder.
“Joyce, what-” Giles asked, before trailing off at the sight in Buffy’s room. “Oh.”
As Joyce folded her arms across her chest, Faith leapt from the bed.
“I should really be going now,” she said quickly. “I’ll see you later, B.” She darted forward to kiss Buffy’s cheek before heading for the window.
“Faith,” Joyce spoke up with a sigh, “please use the door.”
One leg already out the door, Faith froze, blinked, and sheepishly pulled her leg back into the room. “Right. I’ll see you all later.”
As Faith hurried from the room, Buffy grimaced and reluctantly turned her attention back to her parents.
“So,” she began cautiously. “Just how much trouble am I in?”
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I just rewatched a vide that has both Tru Davies and Faith Lehane in it (Tru not giving a damn about faith, because clearly fate doesn’t “give a damn about her”--as she ignores the rule of the Calling and tries to save her deceased boyfriend on a rewind day, even though he didn’t ask her for help, which would have resulted in him coming back without his soul and becoming a serial killer... And Faith after she’s already had her downward spiral and become a killer herself--and is torturing Wesley--but really she doesn’t want this anymore, but doesn’t know how to break out of it, and is trying to provoke Angel into killing her, before deciding to try and do the hard thing of turning over a new leaf).
And honestly... one could easily do a Tru Calling and Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel the Series AU, where Faith was Tru first... but all the trauma she went through because of her power, the Calling (all the people that she lost, all the backstabbing by even her own family, etc.), led to her losing it and becoming a murderer herself... before she tried to find herself again.
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buffster · 5 years
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Sanctuary (ATS 1.19)
This is part of my ongoing Buffyverse Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the shows. You can find the BTVS list here and the ATS list here. Gifs are not mine.
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Sanctuary marks the episode where Wesley climbed to my favorite characters list. 
A strange way to begin an episode so focused on Faith, I know, but we really got to see who Wesley is here and I just adore him. The opening scene is of Cordelia and Wesley meeting in the office both looking like they--well, were beaten and tortured.
Angel: Doughnuts?
Wesley: Developed a sweet fang, have you?
Angel: You got jelly?
Cordelia: Whole selection.
Wesley: Won't she find it difficult enjoying delicious, jelly-filled doughnuts, if she is - one assumes - bound and gagged?
Angel: Wesley, we went through all this last night.
Wesley: Yes, you were right. The police would be ill equipped to hold a Slayer against her will. I understand why you chose not to turn her over to them. I do not, however, understand why the woman who brutally tortured me last night- this morning- gets pastries! 
Angel: I don't really have anything else downstairs. What do you want to do, Wesley? Let her starve?
Wesley: Certainly not. There are far more humane ways to deal with a rabid animal.
Angel: She is not an animal.
Wesley: No?
Angel: She's a person. In case you've forgotten, we're not in the business of giving up on people.
Wesley: Don't you dare take the moral high ground with me after what she did. I believe in helping people. I do not believe in coddling murderers!
Angel: It wasn't too long ago that you were the one making the case for her rehabilitation.
Wesley: It wasn't too long ago I had full feeling in my right arm!
Angel: She wants to change.
Wesley: There is evil in that girl, Angel. It doesn't matter what she wants, or says she wants - you set her free - she'll kill again.
I loved the moral dilemma taking place in this exchange. I completely understand where Wesley is coming from, and it’s not easy to know who’s in the right here without foreknowledge of later events. Faith is a loose especially murderous cannon and we do see her almost take off in a few hours. Angel is attempting to help her and (I think) knows tying her up would trigger a flight-or-fight or response. The best chance for her rehabilitation is to take things easy and let her make the right choice, but the best chance for the rest of humanity is to tie her up. Faith’s rehabilitation is extremely flimsy throughout, and I honestly don’t believe she could have kept to the path without a long time out in jail. So Wesley and Angel both have good points here. 
Cordelia, as ever, is simply practical.
Cordelia: Like I'm gonna stick around while psycho case is roaming lose downstairs with three tons of medieval weaponry? Not! Oh - and I'm thinking - sugar high? Maybe not a great idea. 
Angel really has it coming at him from all sides here as his team leaves, Buffy shows up looking for revenge, Wolfram & Hart are out to kill, and the Watcher’s Council arrives to capture Faith. Oh, and let’s not forget that Faith isn’t exactly 100% on board with her redemption here.
Angel: Where are you gonna go? Back out in that darkness? I once told you that you didn't have to go out in that darkness. Remember? That it was your choice. Well, you chose. You thought that you could just touch it. That you'd be okay.  -  5x5, right, Faith? But it swallowed you whole. So tell me - how did you like it?
It’s moments like these--and the whole knife holding thing--that show how tenuous Faith’s hold on sanity is. Angel is definitely taking a risk.
Meanwhile, Wesley has been approached by The Watcher’s Council. He’s offered the ultimate temptation; airfare home, a spot back on the Council, and potentially the chance to win back his father’s approval. But Wesley has “done more good” working with Angel than he ever felt he did on the Council, and he’s learned his lesson about some of their methods. Wesley actually cares about the mission, not just the power and the show. It was a big step for Wesley to turn his back on the Council like this. He’s thrown his lot in with Angel and rejected returning to a sense of belonging that he so craved. Side note: I have to admit I’m pretty curious about the methods of rehabilitation they were planning to use on Faith.
Lee: This is getting ridiculous. The first assassin kills the second assassin - sent to kill the first assassin, - who didn't assassinate anyone until we hired the second assassin to assassinate her.
Lindsey realizes they don’t win using hard power and resorts back to his soft power techniques. Unfortunately, those also fail.
Faith: So, how does this - work?
Angel: There is no real simple answer to that. I won't lie to you and tell you that it'll be easy because it won't be. Just because you've decided to change doesn't mean that the world is ready for you to. The truth is, no matter how much you suffer, no matter how many good deeds you do to try to make up for the past - you may never balance out the cosmic scale. The only thing I can promise you is that you'll probably be haunted and may be for the rest of your life.
Faith has to slay a demon and the blood on her hands triggers a PTSD-style meltdown. I really think she needed the break from real life that was prison. Some type of mental health retreat might have served as well, but that wouldn’t satisfy the law or anyone else that wants her. Unfortunately, Angel’s attempt to comfort her is when Buffy shows up. 
Buffy’s appearance here didn’t say many good things about her character for me. This is the worst sides of Buffy on display. Angel is 100% right that she came for revenge, and then rather than own up to that she attempts to hide behind sympathetic concern for Angel’s well-being. Then she hits Angel and plays shocked and hurt when he fights back (even though, as he points out, she’s stronger than he is). 
Buffy: She's playing you. She tried to kill you!
Angel: That was just - that was just a cry for help.
Buffy: A cry for help is when you say 'help' in a loud voice.
Angel: I know Faith did some bad things to you.
Buffy: You can't possibly know.
Angel: And you can't possibly know what she's going through.
Buffy: And of course, you do? I'm sorry. I can't be in your club. I never murdered anybody.
Now, don’t take this to mean I don’t understand her feelings toward Faith. She’s been unfairly targeted out of pure jealousy and it’s been awful for her. It’s her treatment of Angel I take issue with. Especially because Angel doesn’t really see what’s motivating this. In my opinion, she couldn’t help but guiltily think that Angel never would have been fooled by Faith!Buffy. When she arrives and sees Angel has also been taken in by her it’s a double whammy. But I don’t like the way she speaks to Angel later and taunts him with her new, fantastic relationship. It’s petty and mean, especially when--as Angel says--he isn’t able to move on the way she has. 
Buffy: I gave you every chance! I tried so hard to help you, and you spat on me.  My life was just something for you to play with. Angel - Riley - anything that you could take from me - you took. I've lost battles before - but nobody else has -ever- made me a victim.
Faith: And you can't stand that. You're all about control. You have no idea what it's like on the other side! Where nothing's in control, nothing makes sense! There is just pain and hate and nothing you do means anything. You can't even..
Buffy: Shut up!
Faith and Buffy get a chance to hash it out, and I think the Buffy-Angel combo is what pushed Faith to confess and deal with her punishment. They had a real good cop bad cop thing going on, with Angel being understanding and Buffy pointing out she’s planning to leave Angel to clean up her mess. 
For some reason Angel feels guilty for being honest with Buffy and decides to head to Sunnydale to talk to her. Rather than just...I don’t know...running down the steps and catching her? It’s a flimsy excuse to get him on Buffy, but that’s where we’re headed.
Character Notes:
Faith Lehane: Her favorite doughnuts are jelly-filled, but she doesn’t particularly like them that much. Popcorn is one of her favorites. 
Kate Lockley: She’s begun investigating cases where there’s a rumor supernatural elements are involved and people have noticed. A fellow officer calls her Scully, but she points out that Scully is the skeptic and she’s a believer. I was honestly pretty shocked she threatened to lock Angel in a cell and let daylight have him.
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ettadunham · 5 years
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A Buffy rewatch 4x16 Who Are You?
aka ACTING
Welcome to this dailyish text post series where I will rewatch an episode of Buffy and go on an impromptu rant about it for an hour. Is it about one hyperspecific thing or twenty observations? 10 or 3k words? You don’t know! I don’t know!!! In this house we don’t know things.
And you already know that today’s episode is amazing, but let’s talk a bit about the ugly, the bisexual disaster that Faith Lehane is, and how Who Are You? builds on the character arc from This Year’s Girl (that would then go on to continue over at Angel the series).
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Let’s start with the fun though, before moving onto the heavy stuff. Like how Tara and Faith essentially gaydar each other - and only one of those is in a metaphorical context.
Well, alright, Tara “sensing” that Buffy is not Buffy is not a perfect fit for this metaphor, but the connection is still there. Tara seems very intuitive, and she previously also “sensed” that Willow had magic - a much more clear use of the metaphor in this context -, so her being aware of Faith has the same association.
Not to mention that we’re pairing this with Faith textually clocking Tara and Willow’s relationship as romantic / sexual just by a few interactions. And you know what, let’s talk a bit about Willow and Tara.
I’m usually listing New Moon Rising as the first episode where the show makes that relationship explicit, but I’m starting to think that that’s not very accurate of me. And I’ll talk about what that episode does when we get there, but the truth is, Who Are You? isn’t doing a lot of hiding behind subtext anymore either.
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For one, the interaction with Faith is very explicit in its own. There is no question for the audience about what Faith is inferring between the two, and it’s certainly not played as some funny misunderstanding. We are being told in every conceivable way that Faith made the correct observation - and she’s being a dick about it.
The intimacy and the explicitness of the interactions between Willow and Tara is also dialed up to an impossible degree. There’s the knee touching and the hand holding, and the “I am you know.” “What?” “Yours.”… But then you also have to have them perform a spell that’s so blatantly sexual, that it instantly blows out of the water all of the show’s previous ridiculous sex metaphors (of which there were many).
So yeah, no wonder that Faith immediately picks up on it. She’s there at the Bronze having the time of her life anyway, riling up Spike, and dancing with all the boys and girls around.
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It’s the part where she decides to have some more fun outside of the Bronze, that ends up being less fun…
And yes, we’ve got to the ugly section of this post.
Patriarchy and rape culture are kind of big themes on Buffy, as they’re often what the vampires and monsters Buffy’s fighting represent. Outside of that though, we’ve also got three prominent storylines with rape elements.
One is a very explicit rape attempt, and the other two use magical elements to remove informed consent. Faith sleeping with Riley is one of the latter.
I would also argue, that in some ways, this will become perhaps the most problematic of these storylines, as it fails to acknowledge Riley as a victim in the situation. He’ll even be made to feel guilty about it, as Buffy inadvertently blames him for what happened; even as she’s on a conscious level aware of how it’s not fair to him.
So… big old yikes on that.
I’m honestly not sure how to navigate that with Faith’s trauma either, that the scene chooses the focus on instead. But I guess this is one of the things that drew me to this rewatch in the first palce - the idea of having complex discussions about subjects that in the last couple of years, we’ve tried to put objective and absolute stamps on.
And don’t get me wrong - there’s value in that. It draws attention to issues and stigmatizes harmful ideas. But it also removes context, nuance and can lead to dehumanization, that’s helpful to no one. There’s power in refusing to engage with media, characters and people who’s done awful shit, but ignoring the context and circumstances, and leaving those unexamined will likely lead to the same pattern repeating itself in some other shape or form again and again.
…And with that tangent, let’s talk about Faith’s aversion to intimacy and affection.
There are two scenes that best demonstrate this. One is where Joyce hugs Buffy!Faith, and Faith’s face screams pure confusion before she makes a beeline to put some distance between them.
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Then there’s the infamous Riley scene.
Faith may be there to use Riley to hurt Buffy, but she’s not ready for the intimacy of the act. We’ve seen before how Faith uses sex often to just let out some steam, and there’s nothing wrong with that between two consenting adults… But physical and emotional intimacy requires trust, and that’s just out of the question with Faith.
So when Riley tells her that he loves her, it becomes too much. She asks Riley who he is, and what he wants from Buffy in such a desperate, broken voice, that it breaks my heart, despite the circumstances of the scene.
You certainly get the sense that Faith doesn’t believe in unconditional love. We know that she didn’t receive any love at home, and that everyone she relied on is either gone or ended up betraying her trust. And that also explains her relationship with the Mayor. He showed her care and affection, sure, but also subscribed to Faith’s idea of how the world works, with the way he always asked something in return.
The Mayor’s love for Faith was conditional on her getting the job done for her and following his orders and instructions. It was something she was able understand.
Someone showing honest affection without any caveat just makes Faith suspicious. Who are they? What do they want from her?
Faith’s biggest issue however, remains to be her self-hatred throughout this episode. As she’s had her wishes from Enemies finally fulfilled, and she now has everything that was Buffy’s, she’s starting to distance herself from her own persona.
It’s an interesting progression too. At first, Faith mostly mocks Buffy from her own body, in a way that’s almost deconstructing Buffy’s character. But then… she slowly starts to disappear in the role. The scene where she first fantasizes about stabbing Willow, and then tells her that she would never let Faith hurt her feels somehow both ironic and genuine for instance.
The way she talks about herself however is consistent throughout. She starts off by making some awful jokes about prison life and then throwing away the lipstick she as Faith previously used, telling Joyce to “burn it”. That self-hatred is there the whole time, and it boils over in the climax of the episode, as she keeps pummeling her own face, calling herself “disgusting” and a “murderous bitch”.
It’s… a lot. And it brings me back to Faith’s dreams in This Year’s Girl, re-affirming my interpretation that the murderous Buffy Faith sees there is actually a reflection of herself in her subconscious.
So it’s no surprise that Faith instead chooses to be someone else, while in Buffy’s body. And it’s it’s intriguing to watch her come to a place where she takes on that responsibility too, going to the church to deal with the vamps instead of running away. It’s a big moment, because as much as Faith is supposedly playing the Buffy role, who she’s truly acting like then is the person she wishes to be. And Buffy represents and inspires that.
Also, Sarah Michelle Gellar and Eliza Dushku are fucking nailing each others parts. It’s amazing to watch them both, even if I’ve seen them play these types outside of the show since. (Please watch Tru Calling you guys and cry about its early cancellation with me.)
Brb, I’m off to watch Five by Five and Sanctuary to complete my Faith saga, even if I have no intention adding Angel to this rewatch cycle.
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thesydneyfeminists · 5 years
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6 Kick-Ass Women on International Women’s Day
March 8th is International Women’s Day, and what better way to celebrate than to share a few of my favourite women in pop culture? Fictional and non-fictional, because the heart wants what it wants. This is not an exhaustive list by any means, because there are millions of kick-ass women out there doing their thing, but these are some of the first women who spring to mind for me.
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Image Description: A photo of a white, wooden block calendar set on a light pink and white floral fabric background. A longer, rectangular block with the word “March” written in all capital letters in dark grey is on the bottom. A larger, square block with the number “8″ written in the same dark grey is on the top.
 Cristina Yang (Grey’s Anatomy)
I grew up in a time where there weren’t many prominent Asian characters in TV shows or movies. If they were there, they were relegated to background extras or secondary characters that are supposed to be a passing joke or a harmful stereotype. And truth be told, Cristina does sometimes fall into the overachieving Asian trope. But the way Sandra Oh played the character made her likeable and not an over-the-top, offensive stereotype that we’ve seen countless times before. Seeing Cristina on Grey’s was so new, so fresh - she was a character I could look at and go “oh hey, someone who’s written for me”. Not to mention, I hadn’t really seen too many Korean characters before, especially one played by a Korean-Canadian actress, which is a bonus. So, here was someone who looked a little like me, and was smart, sassy, and real. She was funny for the right reasons, not at the expense of herself, but because she was quick and witty (it also helped Sandra Oh’s comic timing is impeccable). Cristina also had some pretty excellent advice (regardless of some of the storylines, Cristina Yang is ride or die, and I won’t hear anything else) some of which are summed up nicely here: https://www.theodysseyonline.com/11-times-cristina-yang-gave-best-advice. Sandra Oh’s portrayal of her character came at a time when I desperately needed to see representation, and Cristina definitely left her mark on my life.
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Image Description: A photo of Korean-American actress, Sandra Oh, with her hands in her pockets. She is in costume as her character on Grey’s Anatomy, Cristina Yang, with dark blue scrubs and a white lab coat. She is looking directly at the camera with a slight, closed-mouth smile.
Veronica Mars (Veronica Mars)
Honestly, I don’t know many people who have finished watching Veronica Mars without thinking Veronica is cool as hell. She’s this badass, teenage girl who went through some traumatic experiences but came away from them tough, strong and ready to fight back. Which, admittedly, viewed through a 2019 lens comes across a little clichéd and tired. But, back in 2004, I hadn’t yet learned about the trope that’s far too common when men try to write female characters. Lazy or not, I think what makes Veronica one of my favourite characters is that even though the whole situation is unrealistic (she’s a teenage private detective), the way she reacts to her circumstances is realistic. She makes mistakes. Oh boy, she makes a tonne of mistakes. But Veronica has a good heart and, if I had to sum her up, I’d say “she’s trying her best”, a saying I always strongly related to. And, listen, the girl has a taser and isn’t afraid to use it. I respect that.
Faith Lehane (Buffy the Vampire Slayer / Angel)
Anyone who knows me in real life can attest I will go down swinging when it comes to defending Faith. Right from the moment she stepped her biker boots into Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I was a fan. Faith was the slayer from the “wrong side of the tracks”, less fortunate in life than the show’s heroine. She was the “dark/evil slayer” and she was the best character that ever happened to that show. I think my pattern of favourite characters is becoming clearer … if you’re rough on the outside with a soft interior, that’s apparently my jam. Faith had a tough childhood and then made mistakes when she was 16, mistakes Buffy and her friends punished her for. She was so deeply unhappy with the path she’d taken but thought that was all she was good for. She even begs Angel to kill her because she’s “evil”. That scene is still my favourite scene in the whole BtVS universe, not going to lie, and Faith’s redemption arc is beautiful. At any given time, she proved she could’ve broken out of prison. But she stayed because she was trying to atone and be better than she was. Honestly, Faith is a blessing.
Anna Akana (YouTube)
I found Anna fairly late in the game - she had already been making videos for a few years when a friend linked me to her video Why Guys Like Asian Girls. I thought it was hilarious, relatable, and summed up everything I’ve ever thought about dating and my experiences as an Asian woman. From that one video, I was hooked. As I watched more and more, I learnt about her life. Her videos play out as comedy sketches where she plays different roles. Through them, she tackles every day advice and shares stories about her life. When Anna was a teenager, her younger sister committed suicide. Since then, Anna has been a strong advocate for suicide prevention. She’s talked about it in various videos, as well as in her books. She is upfront and honest about the aftermath of the suicide and her reactions. More than just a “YouTuber”/content creator, Anna is a wearer of many hats. She writes, produces, acts, directs (not only in her own YouTube videos, but in external projects too). And she’s written two books. One was a series of journal entries she wrote after her sister died, and the other was a memoir /guide to life that she wrote as a series of letters to her younger sister. There’s no doubt what happened in her family influences the way she views the world and has made Anna who she is today: an upfront and honest woman with a big heart and the gift to make people laugh.  
Jenna Marbles / Mourey (YouTube)
Apparently, all I do is watch TV or YouTube, because one of my other favourite women is Jenna Mourey (more commonly known by her YouTube alias Jenna Marbles). Although she is one of the “OGs” of YouTube and found her success after going viral, Jenna’s video style has changed over the years. What I’ve always loved about Jenna is she’s undeniably herself. Especially lately, she’s taken to making videos she jokingly refers to as “me time”, which include things like painting herself to look like her armchair, covering herself in green paint to blend into her green screen or gluing rhinestones all over her face, just to name a few! She credits her success to being genuine, to being herself, and to releasing content that makes her laugh. In my opinion, she succeeds. Jenna’s been one of my favourite YouTube creators since the beginning, and I was lucky enough to meet her a few years back. She’s every bit as humble, sweet and funny as she comes across in her videos.
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Image Description: A photo of Jenna Marbles’ head and shoulders against an off-white background. Marbles is a white woman with brown hair pulled up in a ponytail. She is wearing a neon pink, snakeskin-patterned shirt and has silver rhinestones glued to the bottom of her face in the shape of a beard. She is looking just beneath the camera lens and her mouth is slightly ajar.
Tee Linden (Writer)
This one may be cheating a little, but I couldn’t in good conscience write a list of my favourite women and not include my best friend/platonic life partner and soul mate. Tee scrapes into the pop culture theme on a technicality by being a talented poet and writer, able to create whole universes within a few sentences. We’ve known each other for 25+ years now and have gone through the many ups and downs of life together. Tee makes me laugh in a way no one else does - the kind of laughter that physically hurts because there’s so much of it. The smartest, fiercest and most supportive woman I know, she makes everything she does look easy. In that way, and many others, we’re complete opposites. I feel as though I struggle through everything and that it shows. But our differences have always made our friendship stronger. When everyone else lets me down, I know I can rely on Tee to pick up a conversation we had five years ago and continue on as though no time has passed and nothing has changed at all.
Honestly, I could go on forever and list so many more women. But these are the ones that immediately came to mind when I tasked myself with coming up with women who inspire me. I have countless women in my life who I’m so incredibly blessed to know and even more that I’m yet to meet. So, this International Women’s Day, take a moment to acknowledge the women who shaped your life, who you admire and look up to. The ones who fought for us before we could, the ones who are still fighting and the ones who are paving the way for a better future. Support your sisters, not just your cis-ters, and remember women are magic. When we get together, we change the world.
By: Vee H
Disclaimer: The views expressed in this piece do not necessarily reflect the views of the Sydney Feminists. Our Blogger and Tumblr serve as platforms for a diverse array of women to put forth their ideas and explore topics. To learn more about the philosophy behind TSF’s Blogger/ Tumblr, please read our statement here: https://www.sydneyfeminists.org/a
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tpvsey · 6 years
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                                         💀 fallon r. jacobs
aesthetic / bruises and skinned knees. leather jackets worn soft. bass so loud it defeans. shots that feel like fire down your throat. cigerattes tucked in to back pockets. waking up in guilt. self medicating. party all night, sleep all day. warm smiles and distant eyes. friendly touches. couches stained and well loved. parallels / faith lehane. eleanor henstridge. jane margolis. indentifiers / leo, water rooster, slytherin, sanguine, chaotic good 
fallon was born of two high profile ppl that really shouldn’t have gotten together. they really like sobered up long enough to realize they weren’t working and split ways. she is the literally definition of an accident. so she became independent and angsty and bratty and cool and fun. and also really into partying. she wasn’t really a child star?? more like a barely there socialite that got in places due to her name. when her parent’s career’s died down her’s began?? she got cast in something fun and uplifting as a young twenty-something and her career skyrocketed. but all the fame kinda thrust her bad habits into the spotlight with her so she’s kinda always in the media?? like maybe one week she punched a pap. and the next she’s come out of a club clearly high af. dui rumors and how many of your favorite musicians she’s fucked?? she’s not shy about anything. she’s honestly just hurting inside?? like feeling really empty. and isolated. and honestly she’s depressed af, but she can’t show weakness so instead she goes clubbing and makes out with everyone she can.
needs / okay so i really want her ex who was like probably the light of her life or something. and she was into it, but it was probably a lil messed up and she was probably the worst but she loved him. and i’m thinking he cheated and it broke her. and she like torched his car and it was on tmz for like a solid month. and like everyone freaked out about how good she looked in her mug shot. also i need like projects because i am the worst and this kinda shit. and all of the friends!!!
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