we stopped being consumers 24 hours a day.. stopped using our cars .. stayed in our houses .. simply stopped living the selfish life we had for just a couple months .. and we were forced by nature to give our earth a chance to breathe .. earth’s Ozone layer is healing .. the reduction of pollution gave us the chance to smell the actual spring for the first time in years for some people and for the first time ever for other.
our generation may ( hopefully ) experience a different spring for the first time.
Not being able to trust others or yourself is one of the biggest blocks that get in the way of being as open and vulnerable as you need to be in order to have the deepest connections your heart desires. If you’re afraid to be vulnerable with someone, it often means you don’t trust them to love you unconditionally or accepting to that vulnerable part of you that you want to share.
Write down some ways you know you have been struggling to trust yourself or others.
According tp am online dictionary, the word trust means: firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. An example is “relationships have to be built on trust.”
I couldn’t have picked a better example. So, it makes me think about when I don’t trust others and it is quite frankly disturbing. I struggle to trust:
- my instinct when it comes to knowing a person is toxic or not
- someone I’m in a relationship with who is toxic or narcissistic
- people who are genuinely there to help me
- myself to make the best choices for myself by putting myself first
- my belief in myself
When I don’t trust, then a lot of things can happen:
- I tend to push people away
- I have a hard time believing nice things that people say to me
- I tend to go for what the other wants before what I want
- I isolate myself
- I get depressed
- I feel sorry for myself
What could I do to bring more positive energy into my life so that I could learn to trust? I could listen to my heart, which will allow me to do what is right for me. I could also believe in myself and trust myself because I am a good person. I actually know what is right for me! Being at a higher level energy means that I will attract the same. I have already experienced this and I want it more often. To sum it up, I want a partner who exudes high positive and allows me to do the be as energetic.
If I truly trusted myself, how would I feel? Great question! My imagination kind of goes wild and I imagine that I would be like a queen who just won Rupaul’s Drag Race. On the top of the world, totally believing and trusting myself. There would be no need to doubt myself, sabotage myself, put myself down, or to NOT try. I would enjoy life to the fullest and not feel regret for what I’ve done in the past, are doing now or will do in the future. I will truly be happy and free!
So if I trusted my heart then I would:
- socialize more with high energy people
- take more risks and try new things to take myself to another level
- look at the total package in a man, not just one or two things. This is the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with, why would I settle for what I have settled in the past?
- Not play blame games that hold me back
- Be not accepting of others’ selfish desires that are abusive and hurtful to me. I would put myself first and love myself first. If the other person doesn’t love me for who I am, then I will have the trust and courage to move on and be happy for who I am.
If I can trust myself then I should have no problem meeting someone with whom I would want to spend the rest of my life. Also, I would live my life to its fullest and get out there and have a great time instead of holding back and sitting at home feeling sorry for myself.
It all sounds so easy. It is something that I must practice: trusting myself and others. Next time, I will talk about my inner critic and my fear of being alone.
It’s been 15 days of isolation at home.
Fifteen days of waiting / worrying / reading / watching movies / cleaning / asking myself questions / practicing yoga / running in the morning / playing with the cats / writing letters (…)
I am fuckin’ scared. As we all are. And it’s okay. I am so damn scared i forget how to breathe sometimes.
I miss you so much i can’t speak. We talk on the phone almost everyday.
I’ve been through anger, denial, panic attacks, crying under the shower, hating you, hating the universe for putting me here away from your arms.
There’s a pandemic messing with our lives. And a closed border between us.
I am scared.
Yesterday we talked on the phone and you finally made me feel like we matter. Like you’d be able to move for me. That we could build something together. And when the waves of fear go quiet, I have faith.
I have faith in you. When I told my best friend about you, 4 months ago, I told her “He will be the father of my children. I feel it in my very bones.”
I still do. I want a life with you. I want all of it. I want the climbing trips and the evenings at the climbing gym. I want the easy hikes in the mountains and the cozy bar where you always take me for a beer. I want your silence and the way you laugh. I want your voice on the phone and the way you touch me. I want a car and a nice house with a garden. I want to feel your body on mine and i want to taste your skin every single day. I want passionate brutal sex when you come back from work and i want to make love slowly on Sunday mornings. I want to watch you cook and I want to teach you yoga. I want you to help me with my handstands and I want to get to know your family. I want to go back to Greece with you and i want to fall asleep on a train together again. I want you to hold my hand when i’ll be pregnant and scared and moody. I want my first child to smile like you do. I want you to be happy.
This morning you were so cute you took my breath away. I had to sit down and breathe. Crying soflty on the floor.
I love you so much.
I love you so much.
Happy things to make your day nicer during curfew
- pile up your favorite books next to a comfy place and reread all of them
- Write someone a letter
- bake a cake/ cook something exclusive
- Video call some friends for coffee and each have your own mug at home
- catch up with someone you haven’t talked to in a while via video call
- watch your favorite series all day long
- start creative journaling
- learn an instrument
Just a reminder because I know I needed to hear this today: we will be ok. We will get through this.
“…to be a hopeful person means you rightly will want the world in which you find yourself to be a better one… But you’ll have to be patient, courageous, and imaginative for that hope to be more than a fantasy.”
- Stanley Hauerwas, On the virtue of Hope in, ‘The character of virtue’
I love to see her smile but it hurts that it’s not me she’s smiling at.
As a fatherless child all I could remember was dysfunction. If not from my mother then my adopted grandmother, or my siblings, or my mother’s random male friends. Every day, non stop fighting, drinking, arguing day in, and day out. The world saw my pain, my anguish and took advantage of my dismay.
After witnessing my mother abusing drugs, alcohol, and domestic violence, I followed her footsteps. I had become a weed head, an alcoholic, and addicted to domestic violence. I was codependent to drama. That was all I knew, but I wanted to know something else other than what I knew, but I didn’t know how to know.
My life was spiraling into the pit of hell, and I couldn’t stop it. There was a point in my life when I had insomnia. I had dark circles under my eyes so bad, people used to call me Coon. I had a skin condition called acne all over my entire body. My self esteem was low, I had no one to turn to, I was lost in life without a clue, without family, or friends. Just lost in this place called life.
Back in those days I had no sense of direction, no sense of trust for people or myself. Those who wanted to help me I would pushed them away, those who wanted to hurt me or take advantage of me I would invite. How backwards was that. To this day I still have trouble trusting people, loving people.
At the age that I am, I realize that I am deserving of good things, good people, and although no one person is perfect, we’re all from the Divine. That magnificent source that causes to become, to be. From the looks of it, it’s evident that my work in This Place called Life is undone, incomplete. I have much more to do. I’m hoping, some day, some way I could reach out to those in need and possibly give them something that was never given to me, motivation, trust, and love.
Because my passions are making their way back into my life. – Guest Submission
(Please don’t add negative comments to these posts.)
if everything you chase is a dream
what do you actually chase?