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Let’s find the True yourself!

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                 His name is Arie, he’s a young man with a big, and somehow scary dream. What’s that dream you might ask? Well, it’s to move to another country. But why? you might add, well, that’s because Arie doesn’t like his country –it’s a third-world country with third-world people. Arie is, or should I say, was a hopeful person. But, just like a glass of wine, his hope runs out as well. Arie totally gets that some days are just not good days, but he has started to see patterns of bad days. Those bad days include the following: Self-hatred, hopelessness and just wishing that he wasn’t him –wishing that he had been born rich, in a successful country. He is studying Computer Science, hoping that his future will be bright.

                I’m Arie, and to be honest I just want to get out of here. I have no one to talk to about what I’m feeling right now, I feel isolated even though there are people around me. I don’t want to stay in this state of place, and state of mind. I know my problem is not as bad as other people’s, but, it somehow affects my mental health. I thought I was mentally strong, but holy fucking flying shit. I just want to get out of here, I would lick the street in New York City just to be able to go there. Thanks for reading my thoughts, I hope you get better, too.

                                                                                                                                    - That one weird kid in class,  Arie

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Bejeweled butterfly ornamenting

My hair you liked long but assured

Looked good any length

When I cut it considerably

The bauble chosen for the occasion 

Then a striking monarch floating in

Seemingly from out of nowhere

Over the newly broken ground

Being wrenchingly filled in again

Hovering long enough to be seen

By the few looking to the sky

Before taking off maybe to

Bring a flutter of peace to another

Group gathered in dark clothes

With grave faces at such a site

Next a gift from a dear friend

You often asked about

Favorite flower–unaware then

Of the significance–a card attached

Illustrating one of the glorious soarers

In full splendor bearing resemblance

To the buckeye butterfly

Found battered and brought in

While your fight was on the wane

The grounded guest still hanging on

All of these winged signs serve

As timely reminders to say that

Though you’ve metamorphosed

To a better, brighter plane

We can rest assured your flight

Was successful and safe

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This evening, my body doesn’t feel like mine. I was doing my assignment. Suddenly I felt something wrong and I tried to relax. I tried to get up from my chair and suddenly I was crying. For no reason. My body started shaking. So I try to hide it from my sister who was beside me. I went to an empty room. I tried to text my friend but it was too late I cried so hard and I felt hurt. I don’t know where the hurt was or why I was crying. My body was shaking too much. I can’t even handle it and then I started to stop my breathing. I felt like I was being tortured by myself. It took me about 20mins to stop the attack. I don’t even know why my body was suddenly being like that.

This is the first attack in 2020. Last attack was in 2019 which was the year I had a big examination so my body was aching for like months. I cried many times and was shaking heavily. But this time, it came with it being hard to breathe. I’ve never told my family because they won’t believe me. They may think that I just being clingy and making up problems.

I’m afraid of this situation repeating and getting worse 😔

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I’ve been waiting to jump through a hoop for a week now

After years of struggling, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, disordered eating and a whole host of other symptoms and countless attempts at counseling I’m finally trying to enter the mental health system

I’m waiting for a 30 minute phone conversation where they’ll tell me I’m too complex for their therapy and I’ll have to go back to my GP and get actual help

I don’t know when they’ll have the time to tell me they don’t have the resources

So I just have to wait

This is the raw stuff, being a Christian isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, although I have loved and served Jesus through all the pain, that doesn’t mean I should have to suffer just because I have survived this far, God works through medication and therapy too

It’s not something to be ashamed of, it’s all part of making sure I’m healthy enough to exercise my ministry well and be the best version of who God has called me to be

It’s okay to have Jesus and a therapist

Guilt, shame and unworthiness died along with Jesus on that fateful Friday

We are a Sunday people, and that means we’re loved and worthy and chosen and even when we’re on the floor

You are so loved and if you’re like me and waiting for help or getting help and are on the road to recovery - Jesus is with you, remember we’re a Sunday people and remember to not give up, He has the most incredible plan for you ♥️

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!!!!!!! TALL LOTTIE !!!!!!!

lottie has always been super tall (for a girl) in my mind like 5’8 minimum but closer to 5’9. hope is tall in my mind too, 5’9/5’10!!

also it made me soft that u remembered i always make them specificity the half NDNDJDJDJ short king shit

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Yep I’m #sober #straightedge talking others off the ledge

It’s all about that #soberlife #wedorecover #grateful brothers

I’m in #recovery because #soberissexy

Hashtag #soberdad encouraging others to start #rehab

#drugfree because #sobrietyrocks we believe in #serenity and the #schoolofhardknocks

Giving #alcoholfree #motivation and #selfhelp with #dailyinspiration

All #hope #nodope #positivevibes #feelsoalive

#onedayatatime and #justfortoday A #discipleofchrist walking #godsway

(at Coeur d'Alene, Idaho)
https://www.instagram.com/p/CG43xW_JtEH/?igshid=i7zab4v5yl9s

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Yep I’m #sober #straightedge talking others off the ledge

It’s all about that #soberlife #wedorecover #grateful brothers

I’m in #recovery because #soberissexy

Hashtag #soberdad encouraging others to start #rehab

#drugfree because #sobrietyrocks we believe in #serenity and the #schoolofhardknocks

Giving #alcoholfree #motivation and #selfhelp with #dailyinspiration

All #hope #nodope #positivevibes #feelsoalive

#onedayatatime and #justfortoday A #discipleofchrist walking #godsway

(at Coeur d'Alene, Idaho)
https://www.instagram.com/p/CG43ZtEpR0f/?igshid=1n46tqmzb29um

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You know #dubai #streetphotography #photography #pictures #love #miss #cheflife #dubaistyle #globalvillage #jordan #me #more #pictures #uae🇦🇪 #words #modeling #nise #lifestyle #healthylifestyle #bestfriends #hope #challenge #happiness #bestfriends #behappy #dontgiveup #stayhome #chef #you 😉😉😉 (at Global Village)
https://www.instagram.com/p/CG41uF1A0vx/?igshid=ieng90stkexq

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