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#hope I didn't depress you with my personal life in essay form
sugolara · 1 year
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𝘼𝙣𝙙 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣 𝙨𝙚𝙚𝙢𝙨 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙛𝙪𝙡
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feat. izuku midoriya x fem! reader
cw: angst, comfort, alcohol, mentions death, implied drugs
˗ˏˋ+ ´ˎ˗ going to a party that izuku's friend hosted, in a dark state he meets the lovely, y/n.
❝we didn't make out or do anything i just remember i was lonely. ❞
+ i was all over her by salvia palth
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he stared at the other people on the dance floor, with a bottle in his hand izuku takes a small sip, griming from the taste of alcohol. he sneered at the couple who was next to him making out on the couch and grinding onto each other with no shame.
why did i even come, he asked himself. sitting on the couch, his eyes wondered as they found itself on a short brown-haired girl; ochaco.
their relationship wasn't steady. izuku was to bombarded with his essays to get the job of his dreams, that he forgot to give ochaco the love that she needed.
which was why he wasn't surprise when he found out that she had been cheating on him. as a matter of fact, he didn't mind, knowing that they would give her the love she deserved, and then wished her a very good life.
he was also in a very depressive state from losing his mother. he couldn't handle the death of his mother and he needed someone to reassure him that everything would be fine.
but ochaco couldn't stand the look on izuku's face when he came to visit her. his smile that she loved was gone, the sparkle in his eyes were also gone.
as he stared at her laughing with her friends, seeing she was much happier, izuku stood from the couch and left the room. he entered the backyard where it was peaceful and seated himself on a bench.
he stared at his full beer bottle, swirling it around. he felt the bench move, indicating someone sat next to him but he didn't look up. he thought it was someone else who was high off their marbles or was going to get high.
but all he heard was a sniffle. thinking that the person was crying, he lift his head and saw a (h/c) girl. she rubbed her nose and glanced at izuku feeling like someone was staring at her. she smiled, "cold night, huh."
izuku nodded and looked away not bothering to return the smile.
"you're, izuku midoriya, right?" she asked. izuku glanced at her, "do i know you?"
she waved her arms, "no, no! i'm y/n! my cousin, denki, has a picture of all his friends and i've pretty much everyone except, well, you."
izuku noticed how chirpy she was. she reminded him of who he used to be. seeing her smile, made him want to smile. he saw a little bit of him in her.
"yea, i'm izuku." he sheepishly rubbed his neck, "i didn't know you were denki's cousin, he never talks about his family."
she giggled, "well, denki's embarrassed about his family. he says we embarrass him to much."
hearing her laugh, izuku chuckled. he then heard y/n speak, "can i ask you something? and i hope you don't take offense."
y/n waited for him to nod and when he did she continued, "i heard about what happened. about your mother. the same thing happened to me. denki told me—and i know it wasn't any of his busy—but he was worried about you, saying how you weren't yourself anymore."
izuku sorrowfully looked at the ground, not wanting to hear about his mother. but he glanced up as she reached down to grab his hands, replacing the beer bottle with her soft hands.
"maybe, if someone was there for you when you needed it the most, you wouldn't have turned into someone who you're not." y/n watched as tears began to form in his eyes, "words won't bring her back, but i hope that help finds you and you keep those people who are still around, close to you."
smiled softly and wiped izuku's tears away with her thumbs. izuku returned the smile and thanked her. with their hands still intact, izuku couldn't help but stare at her beautiful features.
taking her words within his heart they watched the twinkling stars, knowing, after the party ends, they won't ever see each other again.
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Books - March 2024
This month I read some books that touched my heart:
"Notes on grief" - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
I love Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. She is an incredible novelist. But this book is an essay that she wrote after her father's death. It is deep, very heartfelt and personal. Devastating and human.
It made me think that as you put your life together little by little, that life also loses little pieces and sometimes those little pieces are people you love. It squeezes my heart.
“Never' has come to say. 'Never' feels so unfairly punitive. For the rest of my life, I will live with my hands outstretched for things that are no longer there.”
If Not, Winter: Fragments of Sappho - Sappho/Anne Carson
Anne Carson truly does an extraordinary job with everything she touches. Sappho's surviving writings reached the modern era in pieces, and Carson, in this edition, brings them to life in perfect form.
This book filled a space that I didn't know needed to be filled.
“for when i look at you, even a moment, no speaking is left in me no: tongue breaks and thin fire is racing under skin”
"Kitchen" - Banana Yoshimoto
This book made me cry a lot. I had this title on my list for a long time and it honestly did not disappoint.
I love the author's ability to turn everyday situations into something extraordinary. Again it is a story about grief. It is a about how death unites people, about how death paralyzes and disarms but also about how it opens up new situations, whether good or bad. It is also a book that addresses issues of family and the ties that unite us with those we love.
“There are many days when all the awful things that happen make you sick at heart, when the path before you is so steep you can’t bear to look. Not even love can rescue a person from that.”
"A Tale for the Time Being" - Ruth Ozeki
Ruth Ozeki has an immeasurable talent for writing stories that move you .This one in particular makes me want to hold it very close to my heart. It's sad and depressing but it fills you with hope at the same time.
It is a story that is told in two parts and brings two very different voices in a story that tries to tell three stories in the same book.
The narration is intelligent, funny, and the thread flows. The author is very inspired by Zen Buddhism, which I greatly appreciate in her work because it reflects personal experience. Ozeki is amazing. It never disappoints.
"A Tale for the Time Being" cries out for peace, to stop for a while to read calmly, to feel.
“The past is weird. I mean, does it really exist ? It feels like it exists, but where is it ? And if it did exists, but doesn’t now, then where did it go ?”
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gracelessimp · 3 years
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Hey, I was the anon asking about maid.
I’m so sorry to hear about that, I do wish you all the best it sounds like it’s incredibly tough right now.
Don’t burn yourself out writing fics! I just want you to know how lucky the fandom is to have such talented & dedicated writers like you :) it’s really a pleasure to read your stories & good luck with your original work!
Sending you love x
ps loved Inside
howdy anon,
thank you. I appreciate your kind words so much <33333
Really, I do. I definitely can be a bit spacey, so having someone remind me that my fics exist and that someone out there is enjoying them is enough to drag me out of my apathy and get me working. I opened a draft for chapter 7 of maid just for you!
again, thanks <33333333
Inside was so good. so good.
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theadalesofia · 3 years
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Blogpost 1
I have a little kinky eyes like a shark
Theadale Sofia R. Calibuso giving a spark
I'm sixteen years old, i live in a bario
Viewing the Mountain nor sea, A Great scenario
I love plants, i love tea, i love myself,
I love to spend and putting books on my shelf
I was born on April 1, 2004 yes
My parents told me that i have a lot of guest
They said that i'm not a cry baby, i choose to sleep
That was before, and now i value things and keep
Now i'm a teenager and i miss my daddy
I study hard, i cant fail, i cant disappoint my mommy
Here i will start blogging
Here me out and just please continue reading
I'm from a Broken Family well, skip that part
I'm not perfect, i enjoy playing with my dart
In this Blog i would like to express my identity
I'm contented of who I am today with dignity
I can go to the mall, restaurant, cinema alone
When i go out, i only have my money and phone
I love to play billiard and chess
I love challenging myself to bring out my best
I dont hate anybody to worry less
I'm extrovert, i avoid fight, i dont want a mess
I have two siblings and they are beautiful
When i strum my guitar they say i look cool
When i grab my flute
My two sisters say i should wear a suit
I know how to play also ukelele, and piano
I play set of drums, as i watch tutorials to follow
Yellow, gray, pink, red and green is my favorite
Fruits, veggies, just a less of meat is what i eat
I dont like soda, i didn't attempt to taste a alcohol
I only drink tea, water and milk to make me tall
I love making my family happy
When i make them my special soup recipe
Facts about me is that i'm a sad person
I try enough to be my best version
Though i'm just sad but i'm not depressed
Fashion lift my mood, prim and proper i dressed
I just wear what i'm comfortable with
Where i dont need to worry so, i can breath
Another wow fact is that i love languages
I literally love, i knew a lot of languanges
I'm familiar to chinese, spanish and french
I attend online schooling as i sit on a bench
Well that was before
I dont recall my self being bore
I'm more into making efforts than talking
I'm more on writing than speaking
I'm more on spending than saving
I'm more into dancing than singing
I enjoy being alone in the corner
When someone comes in my life, i put border
As i'm introducing myself in the form of poetry
I hope i'm sustaning my modesty
I dont like people who are self proclaim
I know like to be known and be fame
I always choose to stay lowkey
I always seek the nature as i sat with pure serendipity
I love greek mythology, i love Hades
How i wish all man would be like him, his loyalty doesn't fades
Because i love Hades, i collected some of his merchandize
As i seek and search i dont mind the prize
Bought less than five, i'm not happen to think twice
I really love everything about Hades, it wont changes till i dies
Am a proud student of Saint Paul University
A beautiful school in tuguegarao you can see
Am a product of Casambalangan National High school
Where i learned not to be fool
I always pretend to smile, as i used to do
I walk aways as people do, come and go
I was bullied back then
Thats the reason why i ended up grabbing a pen
I wrote my feelings, emotions and pain
I always search and seek simplicity, i'm plain
But i'm not your typical nerd, because i have a class
I may not speak that much but i can show some blast
Well to be clear i'm not boring person, thats what they say
I feel safe and secured in my true squad so i stay
male friends not female because i only have some few
I always want to bond with them
My type of weather is rainy days
I like it when the rain drops reach my face
In personal you can easily recognize me
I'm small, short haired, white you'll see
Approach me and i'll smile
Thank you for reading this for a while
I'm Theadale Sofia R. Calibuso saying have a nice day
Be happy, dont complain, life is beautiful in our own perspective way.
ANSWER THE FOLLOWING:
1. Where do i see myself 10 years from now? Is my learning in SPUP vital to where i'm leading to?
- i see myself being in a social group, a social group who unite to help the less fortunate people, i'm foreseeing myself inside the church 10 years from now, thanking Father God for who he made me in that day. Learning in SPUP let me encounter a lot, it improve me on my writing skills because there is a lot of essay and written outputs to do, and this is my sort of exercise because in the future i want to be a journalist.
2. Was HUMMS the best choice after all?
- for me its a yes, i wont say that because this is the strand where it will lead me to my major course in college because everybody used to say that, for me HUMMS is the best choice because in here i will exercise en enhance even more my writing skills
3. What course will you take in college and why?
- i want to take Law, because i want my family to have a lawyer, i want that no one will mess with my family
4. What topic would you like to learn more in this subject?
- i want to leaen codes
5. What the corona virus has taught you about life?
- corona taught me that no matter what happen, you should not depend on otheres because there is a danger everywhere. At the end of the day, you only have yourself thay you should reflect on your daily life so that in this pandemic you will be used to this kind of situation. Learn to adjust, about the quote " you only live once", in this pandemic i learn that we live everyday, we die once.
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can you rant about bloodraven? i didn't really care about him until i found your blog and aegor-bamfsteel
O-ho-ho boy, can I ever!
I was kind of pro-him until striking up a friendship with @aegor-bamfsteel​, save for what I felt was tricking Bran into coming north (”You will never walk again, but you will fly” - DICK MOVE). I think I got sucked in by the mystical crap and his speech about the things he missed in his life. I was also never super-comfortable about him (non-sexually) creeping on and grooming a 7-year-old boy through his dreams, and taking advantage of the event that made him disabled in order to sculpt himself a protege, especially Bran’s resulting depression. But truth be told, I don’t think I thought about it much.
My biggest issue with Bloodraven, apart from the cheesy-as-fuck chosen name, is the fact that he has absolutely no moral compass and fandom insists on twisting everything he does to suggest otherwise. If people said “Bloodraven is an amoral, power-hungry sociopath who’s a lot more like his father than he cares to admit, and I love it,” I could respect that. They’ve done that with characters like Daemon Targaryen, Original Flavor. But fandom’s perception of him is of a selfless ascetic whose actions were always directed towards The Good of the Realm(TM), and that...that’s just blatantly incorrect. (I know I use the trademark symbol a lot. I think it’s funny. :D)
(ETA: Tumblr apparently won’t let one do readmores. If you read the whole thing, I get nasty about BR and those who like him. You have been warned.)
These posts are a good place to start in terms of why I dislike Bloodraven, containing both my opinion and Aegor’s. I also ranted at length in another ask you sent me, which is linked here for anyone who’s reading this and doesn’t already have the details.
Basically: since Bloodraven’s conception, GRRM has warped the entire fabric of his narrative in ways that make it crystal-clear that BR is his self-insert. They also don’t make medical sense. I can buy that Brynden was born with albinism, since the condition tends to be autosomal recessive and one gene could have been carried down the Targaryen line without anyone manifesting it. Melissa Blackwood carried the corresponding gene, obviously. However, most RL people with albinism, due to UV light damage and a lack of pigment in the eye, are legally blind or close to it by the time they reach adulthood.
The red eyes thing is also dramatic as fuck, a trope that unfairly demonizes real-life people with albinism, and unrealistic besides; if anything, his eyes would more likely look very pale blue or purple, like his father’s. (You might want to check out the essays of lunaplath, who has albinism and is an ASOIAF fan, here on Tumblr. I’ve gotten some of this info from her blog. I’m not hotlinking her because we’ve never spoken and I don’t want to drag her into an argument she may dislike, but her blog is worth a look, definitely.) However, having said that - he’s a literal example of the Red Eyes Take Warning trope, and we’re not supposed to figure out that he’s evil???
I’ve already gone into why I dislike the Melissa Blackwood-Barba Bracken-Targaryen family narrative with regards to how Melissa is lifted up and practically canonized in the bits of text about her we’ve gotten. (Again: NAERYS WOULD NOT HAVE LIKED HER. She would have been horrified by her age, and then probably resentful and critical of Melissa herself, no matter how beloved she was by the court. I’ve read fic that has them bosom friends, at the “immodest” Barba’s expense, and I’m disgusted by it.) Brynden is another example of how that played out. He, unlike Aegor, was never quasi-disowned and forced to witness or at least hear about the murder of his family. Tell me, what disadvantages did this little fucker have?
Bloodraven is painted by fandom as Aegor’s foil, an obsequious Targaryen loyalist who - again - does everything For the Good of the Realm(TM), and possibly to fight the Others once his greenseeing powers kick in. BLOODRAVEN IS NOT LOYAL TO ANY CAUSE BUT HIS OWN. Every one of his actions comes across as performed specifically to kick Aegor in the nuts. The whole Shiera thing, for one (check out this awesome meta). Also: no matter how horrible Shiera was, Bloodraven should have left her the FUCK alone the first time she said no. Nice Guy much? Anyway. Major examples of his power-grabbing personality are embodied in his term as Aerys I’s hand. Unlike what the rest of fandom seems to think, he was not content to be the power behind the throne. If he was, he would have pushed Aerys into at least semi-competence and cultivated an image of himself as the wise, meek councilor. But no, every one of the brutal actions to come out of that regime had his stamp all over it; he wanted power and he wanted attention, and he WANTED to hurt people in doing it. (I dislike Cersei for the same reason. Sorry, I know you like her.)
But what strikes most deeply at the heart of my hatred for Bloodraven is the fact that he’s not only a kinslayer at least six times over (and arguably a kingslayer and a torturer, depending on what was done to Daemon II down in those dungeons), but a childslayer as well. The man killed children. Personally. On purpose. Possibly out of vengeance. No two ways about it. Whether it was him or one of his magic flunkeys on that ridge, the fact remains that he and his people shot “a rain of arrows” that killed two twelve-year-olds who were functioning in the protected role of standard-bearers. He also did the same thing to Daemon, when Daemon tried to protect his already-dead oldest son. Twelve is not the age of majority, either in ASOIAF or our world, no matter how Alyn Cockshaw editorializes them as “wretched witless bullies.” (Dude. That’s the war PTSD and retroactive reaction formation talking. Daemon himself never says a word about any of his brothers.) Aegon and Aemon didn’t deserve that. No child does. Bloodraven went ahead and did it anyway.
I’ve already ranted in the linked asks about how he got to go north WITH DARK SISTER AND AN HONOR GUARD THAT PROBABLY GOT HIM ELECTED LORD COMMANDER in the linked asks, so I don’t think I need to go into more detail about that. He was barely punished at all - bad form, Egg. Seriously, he should have been executed.
What really makes me rage, though, what really strikes at the heart of my hatred for him? Well, that has to do with the GOT finale (spoiler alert, obviously). This is kind of tinfoil hat territory, but I doubt that it’s something GRRM has thought of, so he can’t really refute the horrifying implications as of yet. It’s canon that dead greenseers go back into the trees and interact in that whole area, right? Well, King Bran is still connected to the weirwood network; in fact, that’s pretty much his only personality in the show. Which means that, essentially: Bloodraven, by proxy, ends the series as king. One among many, possibly, but for all his atrocious, sadistic, plain disgusting actions, he’s rewarded at the end. And he may have known about it for years - known that if he just stuck it out for a few decades after deserting, he would die (provided GRRM actually kills off this particular darling), but he’d also get all he ever wanted. Even thinking about it makes me feel sick.
So, yeah, I hate Bloodraven. He’s a fandom darling, and he doesn’t deserve it at all. (Another sickening bit of fic I read, from an author I can’t believe I once liked, has Maekar [on Baelor’s orders, no less] hunt down and kill Blackfyre supporters with a raven-warged Bloodraven providing greenseer input “on his shoulder.” Holy fucking shit.) He hurts and kills people of all ages on purpose, sometimes for no other reason than that they said something about him that he disliked. He’s an irredeemably evil Gary Stu of a character who I hope gets his comeuppance by the end of the series, and if he doesn’t...well, I think that’ll tell me where GRRM’s priorities really lie in terms of the message he’s sending. Gardener, my ass.
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