#hope you like my silly little ventfic which i morphed into kaishin drabble

[gingus-doon]

Something Like Moving On

—

The sound of his anger resurfaces in memory. It echoes so loudly in Shin's head that it reaches his ears and plays back as though the sound is fresh.

It was a voice so different from Kai's. Condescendingly suave, especially against Kai's smooth deep from which had only ever come good things.

Sometimes endearingly odd things. Sometimes aloof, or ambiguous. But never any "I'm still expecting an apology." or "What makes you think you can talk to me like that?" or "You're really crying over that? Ahaha, it's so cute when you cry, Shin. It's so funny, you're always so pathetic."

Always that smile, and that laugh. Shin swears he hears it echo in his own voice, at times. At those times, he wants to rip out his voice box. When he catches a glimpse of his smile in a window, it falters. He wonders if he looks like him. Aside from Sou Hiyori himself, nothing terrifies him more.

He has a little sister who deserves the world. He has a boyfriend, miraculously, who needs his support. So many good friends he doesn't deserve.

He can't be like him, if only for them.

...

Shin exhales shakily, laying his head down onto his keyboard.

"Have you been sleeping well, Shin?" His boyfriend's steady voice follows the sound of a door opening.

"As well as ever." Shin lifts his head to look at Kai. His eyebags feel particularly heavy at the moment, but Kai looks as put together as ever, even though he was just doing chores around the house.

"Shall I carry you to bed?"

Shin still can't discern whether or not this is a joke at this point in their relationship. It likely reflects poorly on him as a boyfriend, but a smile creeps onto his face anyway. A weary smile, but a smile nonetheless. He thinks he can make out the beginnings of a smile on the corners of Kai's lips too.

"I won't stop you," He shrugs.

"Bridal style, then," Was all Kai said before he picks up Shin like a feather. His eyes widen as he's lifted from his chair– Is Kai just stronger than he initially thought, or is he just that easy to carry?

As Kai promised, it was bridal style. Shin feels odd, being pressed against Kai's chest, but his arms are admirably secure and this is more than Sou would've ever done for him. More than Sou could've ever made him feel.

Kai places him down onto their bed, pressing a small kiss to his forehead. The warmth that spreads throughout his body soothes him like nothing else. It was as if Kai had literally kissed the worries from his mind.

'No, I won't think about him anymore tonight. I've got better things to think about.'

He exhales something reminiscent of relief. Or maybe, it's something more like moving on.

#your turn to die #shin tsukimi #kai satou #sou hiyori #yttd kaishin #tw abuse #kimi ga shine #literally all of my fanfiction is this melodramatic i just can't help it #i am but a fool resigned to my corner simply to write hurt / comfort #yttd fanfiction #oof i keep forgetting tags #hope you like my silly little ventfic which i morphed into kaishin drabble #i've been getting back into it lately like guys they're so perfect for each other 😭😭 #i cannot title things for the life of me so i hope that's good #kgs shin #kgs kai #kgs fanfiction #i really like to italicize things but it's hard sometimes because when i get started i start italicizing like a maniac #then the italicization loses it's impact bc like a whole 4 sentences are italicized 😔😔 #trying not to go to hard #OH AND WRITING IN PRESENT TENSE WAS A PAIN IN THE ASS!!! i default to past but there was a setence i liked better in present tense #so i changed the whole fic to present tense #i think it's better now but STILL it was weird lol #alternative title– shin has an identity crisis