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#hopefully context happens soon
midnight-in-town · 1 year
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Choujin X ch33.2 be like
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Azuma keeps on learning the hard way that he’s not the hero of Tokio’s story anymore
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“if I can’t have the power, then at least Tokio should get it”
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Bless Ely, this girl is the absolute soul of this story
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oh Tokio, my sweet, very sweet, summer child (poor boy can’t take on the heat of the hero trope)
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okay so yeah we definitely don’t stan a goddess cult leader who forces her “prophecies” on a whim onto people around her
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finally, i have my doubts about how long that trio of theirs can keep on working half decently without Azuma someone eventually leaving but…
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i do enjoy them, they’re cute xD
TL;DR
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(additional thoughts on the series overall under read more)
So by ch33 or so, we finally understand the premises of this manga. Slow built-up stories usually don’t bother me, but with the rather shallow depiction of worldbuilding so far, the Choujin X series really mostly has the cast holding the spotlight. And by that, I mean the main characters. So I hope it’ll pick up, because I don’t really understand how this series currently gets a full serialization?
Honestly, I really enjoy the rather strained dynamic between Azuma (who lacks self control) and Tokio (who can’t seem to give it his all) and, as a mirror, the more trusting and complementary dynamic between Tokio and Ely. The dynamic between Ely and Azuma revolves more around Tokio than either of them, but it’s slowly developing on its own terms, which creates a nice contrast between them. 
Ely is an absolute ray of sunshine, who seems more sure of her goals only because she lives with the bad example of her mother as a constant reminder of who she might become, whereas Tokio was sheltered so far by his sister and Azuma and has trouble deciding on how he should live his life. Azuma’s more in a blind corner, because he can’t seem to let go of his knight in shining armor role that he and Tokio bestowed upon him when they were kids: I’d say it’s Expectations™ that would eventually do the most damage on him, but he might still manage to change paths in time. :)
However, the rest of the cast isn’t particularly interesting or well written.
Kagomura’s tragic backstory and Momoma’s obvious kindness are too cliché and don’t cut it for me, though I’d say it’s interesting that Kagomura’s predicament doesn’t put him more at the center of the story. 
Sandek is boring as hell despite supposedly being some kind of mentor and leader figure. 
I enjoy Ichiro’s character, though it’s interesting that he’s not more morally ambiguous considering the emotional strain his choujin powers should put on him. 
As for the villains, the guy in the noh mask is creepy, but for now they’re all nothing more than cultists who believe in the “prophecies” of a mad woman, or mercenaries who get paid for the job. 
Biggest issue with this series and why, in my opinion, it doesn’t get a lot of hype is the lack of worldbuilding. While we now understand the first chapter of the series thanks to the latest released chapter, Choujin themselves and their related powers are still a huge question mark ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. This is most likely because the pace is slow and we have two or three worldbuilding elements which make barely any sense. Specifically, it’s an issue because, without worlbuilding, it’s impossible to replace everything that happens within context. 
If Sensei were to spend a little more thoughts on the worldbuilding, I don’t doubt that this series could become more interesting than it currently is. I don’t know how well it’s received by Japanese readers but, if I’m honest, Ishida-sensei’s previous success with TG is probably the reason why Choujin X has a continued serialization, because I find that on every aspects, aside from the main characters, Choujin X unfortunately doesn’t stand strongly. :/
Soooo, to be continued.
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looking at my kinger and ragatha doodles that I'm converting to digital lineart and I think I accidentally removed Kinger's anxiety
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ghostfacd · 5 months
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you’ll see my face in every place (but you can’t catch me now)
pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!capitol!reader
summary: you were finally dead, so why did you show up everyday in Coriolanus’s life?
warnings: coriolanus is a sick motherf, seriously sick. mentions of sex, mentions of killing & snakes, reader finally getting justice in end (sorta?)
part 1 | can be read off as standalone but recommend reading for context
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Coriolanus Snow was utterly and undeniably fucked. He absolutely was.
He was sure when he had gotten rid of Sejanus, Lucy Gray, and you—that that was the end of it, and no one would hear about it again. After all, the Plinths and Ciceros took in Coriolanus like a son, thanking them for taking such good care of their son and daughter when they couldn’t.
And it wasn’t like Coriolanus Snow was some idiot. He knew how to cover up his tracks, and he knew how to do it good. If there’s one thing about him, it’s that he believes if one truly wants to get rid of something, one should do all in his power to make it happen. And that’s what Coriolanus did. He erased every trace of Lucy Gray Baird and Sejanus, and hopefully, you.
Coriolanus woke up one morning in the Cicero estate feeling extremely cold. He looked outside to see snow, which made his lips quirk up in a sly smile. Your parents were devastated over your death, Mrs. Cicero automatically offering Coriolanus your bedroom because she couldn’t stand her only daughter being gone.
- - -
Coriolanus opens your closet, a walk-in closet that not even the whole District 1 would be able to afford. Gosh, he remembered the first time he was here and you were showing him a pretty short dress that covered nothing, and how he wanted to take you right then and there. He did minutes after, and that short dress was long discarded on the floor.
But now your presence was gone, just your clothes that were still there. Mr. Cicero refused for the maids to get rid of it; he said he wanted to remember his daughter for the lovely fashionable girl she was. Coriolanus looked through your sweaters, much were pink or white, but Corio found a dark blue one that was gender neutral that he liked.
Although it was just polyester, Coriolanus felt chills as he wore it. He swore he took in a whiff of your perfume. How could that have been possible? It was weeks after yours and Sejanus’s death, weeks after he went back to the Capitol with a fake sob story and bloodshot eyes. There was no way—just absolutely no way that your perfume could still be lingering on this old polyester sweater.
Snow gasps. A loud sound hits your window, a bird, he assumes. And as he gets closer, his suspicions are confirmed when he sees a unconscious bird on the floor, with snow melting around it.
Snow melting. Snow. Melting.
Coriolanus needed to get out of his own head. It wasn’t healthy.
He was now an apprentice to Dr. Gaul, a spot that brought him enormous pride. Soon, he’ll take over all of Panem, and make sure any remaining rebels would be expelled, or better yet, executed.
“Hey,”
Was Coriolanus going crazy? He was so sure he heard your voice in the trees, just right outside your estate. Mrs. Cicero, your mother, had expressed how much you liked planting, and it was evident from the amount of tall bark trees littering around the entire home.
In the lab, Dr. Gaul was teaching Coriolanus how to be gentle with the snakes so he wouldn’t get bitten like poor Clemensia had before the 10th Hunger Games even started. He thought she was long dead by now, but she had came to him a few weeks prior yelling about how she can’t believe he never visited her in the hospital. Coriolanus didn’t outright tell her—but he saw fading scales all over her neck. The turtleneck wasn’t doing her any good.
“Alright, here you go,” Dr. Gaul says gently, handing Coriolanus one of the longer snakes. He looked into its eyes, and was horrified to see your eyes stare back at him. He shrieked, flapping the snake into the air and blinking a few times to make sure he wasn’t going crazy.
“What is wrong with you Mr. Snow?!” Dr. Gaul asks, astonished by her star pupil’s behavior.
He only gulps, excusing himself home early that day.
- - -
“Oh Corio, I wanted you to have this,” Mr. Cicero approached him as he sat in front of your giant vanity. He was holding a few printed photographs of you and Coriolanus, huddled up together, looking as cute of a couple as ever. He remembered those moments, where you were smiling like crazy as you looked up at him with the doe eyes he seem to have been missing lately. “You know my daughter really loved you. And I’m not a man of many words—but I want to thank you for being there for her. She loved you so much she begged me to let her go to district 12 to be with you and Sejanus again. I hate the way things happened, but at least I know she was loved by you.”
And slowly, Snow starts to crack.
When the Ciceros had fallen asleep, he lit the fireplace, watching as the fire slowly get taller. He takes one good look at the photographs, then throws them in with the flames. He gave his blood, sweat, and tears for this moment. To finally be in a huge estate, to be with loving parents, to be an apprentice to the most important doctor in the Capitol. He deserved this. He did. He gave up his best friend, he gave up his own tribute, Lucy Gray—not that she mattered or anything because Coriolanus established a clear line in his head that she was simply just a district scum who was lucky enough to win because of him. And lastly, he gave up his girlfriend, Y/N Cicero, you, for this.
Coriolanus Snow was not going to let anything get in the way of his goal.
- - -
The next week, Coriolanus suggests the Ciceros throw a party to memorialize you. Coriolanus thinks of this big, grand, emotional speech. He’ll tell everyone how much of a sweetheart you were, how much you two were inlove. Then he’d get stern—saying that he’ll make sure your death won’t be forgotten, especially when he plans on running for president soon.
Everyone claps, so infatuated with the way he speaks. It’s cause he lies; straight from his mouth.
“I know what you did.”
The trees speak to Coriolanus in hushed violent murmurs, almost as if they were mad at him. They spoke in riddles, but sometimes they’d just outright say what Coriolanus had done.
“You killed them. You killed them all.”
“Blood is on your hands.”
“Snow bleeds red.”
And it frustrates Snow. It’s something, for once, that he can’t control. It sickens him that he’s unable to anything about the trees.
- - -
Mr. and Mrs. Cicero die a year later. Rebel bombing, they assumed. But only Coriolanus knew that it wasn’t—that it was him, and because he was like a son to them for the past year, he was under their will, meaning he got the entire estate.
He ran for president with the Cicero family name, and with their money too.
Coriolanus marries Livia Cardew. He doesn’t like her, much less tolerate her, but she was a good asset. Just a trophy hanging from his arm.
And Livia didn’t mind, she knew Snow was incapable of loving her, and she had an itching feeling it had something to do with you.
But Livia loved you when she was friends with you at the Academy, so she doesn’t bat an eye when Coriolanus mumbles out your name while they’re having sex. In fact, Coriolanus refused to touch or look at Livia unless he was under enormous pressure and needed someone—no something—to get his anger out on. Livia always took the blows, but she was still grateful that she hadn’t married Fetus, because that—that wouldn’t have been pretty.
The first thing Snow does as president is cut down the trees. The forests and woods? Well he burned them all. He didn’t like the cat and mouse chase that Lucy Gray had played on him in the woods, so he figured getting rid of them was like finally erasing you from his brain. No more Sejanus Plinth, no more Lucy Gray Baird, and fucking finally, finally!—no more Y/N Cicero.
But Coriolanus made a slight error. Because 64 years later, his ex lover comes back to haunt him, only this time, in the form of a girl from District 12, Katniss Everdeen.
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whorekneecentral · 4 months
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A New Term
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Professor!Mark Webber x Fem!Reader
Warnings: age gap (mark is in his 40s, reader is early 20s), taboo content!! - professor x college student, worried mark, sharing a cookie, suggestive behaviour from mark, oral (f!receiving), penetrative sex (p in v), bruising but in a sexual context, cum play, finger sucking.
Word Count: 2,379
Author's Note: mark always had professor vibes to me, he's so dilf.
merry smutmas series
--
You send your professor an email over the winter break and the man wonders why you’re still working, urging you to come out and relax like everyone else.
The end of semester assignment kept you up way past your bedtime, the one question kept you on your toes. Your hand passed through your hair while you searched through your email for your professor's email.
Instead of using your winter break to unwind like most of your classmates, you were cracking out assignment after assignment, trying to get as much done as possible - that way you can focus on the exams when you return from the winter break.
The tab open to send your physics professor an email.
Dear Professor Webber,
I hope you're having a nice winter break and I hope I'm not disturbing you.
I had a question regarding the final assignment you gave out prior to the break; the last part of the assignment doesn't line up with the rest.
I'm not sure if I'm misunderstanding something along the way but it doesn't seem to make any sense. Hopefully you can provide me with some clarification?
Hoping to hear from you soon and again, I do apologize if this was a disturbance to your break.
Thank you,
Y/n L/n.
You shut the tab, sitting there for a bit as you tried to go back over your notes and make sense of the assignment, hoping you could figure it out in case Professor Webber doesn't answer anytime soon.
There's a ping sound coming from your laptop, the screen lighting up as you get a response from your professor.
Dear Y/n,
You're never a bother, you know my email is always open to my students, especially one as sweet and smart as you.
I hope you're getting some rest during this break and not overworking yourself.
As for your question about the assignment, I've looked it over and I see that there are some errors, I will have to email the other students and let them know. Thank you for pointing it out but if you'd still like to go over the assignment, how about we meet up sometimes? Perhaps tomorrow around 4 if you're free? I'll be in town.
Let me know, please do get some rest at some point.
All the best,
Professor Mark Webber,
Department of Physics.
You feel your cheeks heat up at the praise, something that happens often in the presence of your favourite physics professor. You send him back a quick response.
Hi professor,
Thank you for the quick response, I promise I am getting some rest. I would like to finish up what I can over the break so I can focus on exams come January.
Tomorrow at 4 would be great, how about we meet at the coffee shop around the corner from campus?
Thanks,
Y/n.
---
Four o'clock had come and passed, you had been there since 3:30, working away on your assignment. You occupied a booth in the back, your laptop in front of you, backpack tossed next to you and your notes and textbooks scattered all over the table.
Your head was buried in your textbook, searching for a certain passage to quote in your essay. Mark had entered the coffee shop and spotted you in the back corner.
His hand reached over, gently prying the textbook out of your hand. The action startled you for a moment but you relaxed when you saw who was across from you.
"Hi professor," you smiled, closing the tab on your laptop. Mark smiles at you, "please, we're not in class, y/n. You can call me Mark."
You nod, "okay Mark." Your nose scrunched, making a face. "Yeah no, that seems weird," you giggled, watching as he shut your textbook and left it on the table.
Mark says, "have you slept?"
"What?" You asked him, confused.
"You look tired, I hope you're not overworking yourself."
"Oh no," you shook your head, "I'm fine."
Mark nods, "fine, if you say so. Let me buy you a coffee - or rather not, you seem to have already had your coffee fill for the day." He glances at the two empty mugs on the table.
There's a small smile on your face, "yeah perhaps coffee wouldn't be the smartest idea."
"Something else then?" He suggested and you hum, "maybe a chocolate chip cookie? oh and maybe apple juice?"
Mark chuckles, nodding as he slides out of his seat. You watch as he walks the counter, ordering what you wanted and  a coffee for himself before returning to the table.
You thank him, eating your cookie quietly as you searched for the pages you had written out with your assignment on it. You catch Mark staring at you, you figured it was just cause you looked frazzled or perhaps you had chocolate on your face.
You hadn't realized that the man was simply looking at you in adoration, you never thought that he'd see you in that way.
"What??" You asked, looking at him. You passed a hand over your lips, "is there something on my face?"
He shook his head, " no, you're perfect.. as always."
You smiled, cheeks flushed red. "Would you like a piece?" You held your cookie out to the man, assuming that he'd break a piece of it off but he leans over, taking a bite of the cookie.
Setting the cookie down, you take a sip of your juice and finally find the pages you were looking for. Mark listens as you explain your concerns to him, the man helping you sort through your issues with the assignment. Mark goes as far as to help you edit what you have so far.
"Is that all?" He asks, watching as you pack your things into your bag. "Yeah, that was it. Thank you so much for your help, professor."
"No trouble at all, sweetheart." He smiles, the two of you stand and head towards the exit. It wasn't until you got there that you realized the rain had come down.
You didn't live far from the coffee shop, about a 10 minute walk but you did happen to forget your umbrella at home that day.
"Are you walking?" Mark asks and you nod, "it's not that far."
"Please, it's pouring, y/n. Let me drive you home."
"I've imposed on your afternoon for long enough, you don't have to do that."
Mark shakes his head, "I cannot, in good conscience, leave you to walk in the rain. Let me drive you home, I'm offering so you're not imposing."
You give in, his hand on the small of your back as he leads you to his car. It's black inside and out, the leather matching the colour of the paint and the smell was beyond manly - exactly like your professor.
With your directions, he drives you back to your place. The rain pouring down on the car, the heavy rain drops make a sound as it hits the glass. "Thank you for the ride," you tell him, glancing over at him.
"Wait a moment, won't you? I'm sure the rain will settle in the moment. I don't want you to get your beg wet and ruin all your work," he says, the words coming out innocently enough.
You nod, watching as the rain drips down the windows. You feel something warm on your thigh, glancing down you see Mark's hand resting there. It takes you a moment to gather your thoughts, not noticing his hand slipping a bit higher.
"You know, you really should get some rest, sweetheart. Try and relax. You deserve it after all your hard work."
You nod, "I'll try."
He smiles, leaning into you as you look over at him. "Good girl."
The words hit you exactly where he expected them too, watching you shift in your seat. "Is something wrong, sweetheart?"
"N-no, sir."
He hums, a smirk playing on his lips as he moves closer; you can smell his cologne, the mint of his toothpaste, the coffee from not too long ago. Mark closes the gap between the two of you, his lips meeting yours.
As much as you enjoyed the feeling, you froze - your brain screaming no, big red letters flashing in your head but you ignored them.
Mark senses your hesitancy, pulling away from you. "I'm sorry."
"No, it's.." You pause for a moment, "it's fine. Do you want to come in?" You asked him, hoping he says yes otherwise you'd probably have to bury your head in shame.
Mark nods, the man following you up the stairs and into your apartment. "Sorry for the mess," you tell him as you unlock the door, stepping in to take your shoes off.
He looks around, confused as to where the mess would be. The place was spic and span, not a single thing out of place. Your apartment is decorated like one of those Hallmark movies, Christmas tree in the corner by the window, garland wrapped around whatever it could be, even the throw pillows on your couch were festive.
"Where's the mess, sweetheart?"
You nod towards the one singular mug that was on the coffee table, "I forgot it there last night."
Mark can't help but laugh. "That's a single cup, y/n. Most uni students live in shitty apartments with beer bottles and weed. This place is a palace compared to everywhere else."
You smile, walking further into your apartment. "Would you like something to drink?"
Mark senses your nervousness, resting his hands on your arms. "Relax, y/n. It's fine."
You visibly let out a breath, holding onto the man as he walks you to the couch. He sits you down, his hand now cupping your jaw when he leans down to kiss you.
"Will you let me help you relax?" He whispers against your lips and you nod, not having to think about it for once.
The clothes are tossed all over the living room, you’re leaning on the arm rest of the couch in your panties when Mark kisses you again.
The man drops down to his knees in front of you, your legs over his shoulder and he kisses down your calf, to your thigh before he gets to your pussy. You lift your hips, letting him take your panties off, tossing it along with the other clothes. 
His nose brushes against your clit, his tongue licking a stripe up your cunt. Your hips buck when you feel his tongue against your clit, your hand gripping on his hair. 
Mark’s hand on your hip rocks you back and forth slightly, just enough that he can hear his name fall from your lips. “Mark- fuck, there.” You pull on his hair, getting him to do what he did again. 
The sound of his name rolling off your tongue was enough to make his cock twitch.
He mimicked his actions again until he could feel your legs shake, your grip on his hair tighter than before, his name strung along with the explicits leaving your mouth. 
Mark glances up, your eyes shut and your head tossed back and he can't help but smile; he’s broken you down to nothing but a whimpering mess but he wasn’t done with you just yet. 
Your cheeks are red when you see him sit up, the lower half of his face glistening. You also can’t help yourself when you pull him down for a kiss, tasting yourself on him. 
You two shuffle around a bit, still on the couch when Mark flips you over; face down, ass up as he settles before you. Your back arches, the curve of your spine evident when he comes up behind you, pushing back against him as you feel the tip of his cock against your pussy. 
Mark’s hand grips your hips, pulling you back against him. Your moans are muffled by the couch when you feel him stretch you out. 
“God, please Mark, like that,” the words tumble out, begging him for more as he fucks you. His hands squeezing your hips, nails digging into your flesh. You can feel the pressure from his fingers, surely there were going to be bruises tomorrow. Your hand reaching under you, fingers barely reaching to rub your clit.
He pulls you up, his arm wrapped around your middle, your back pressed to his chest. His fingers dig into your side for a moment, squeezing you a bit. “Such a good girl for me, you take it so well.” He whispers to you, kissing under your ear. 
“Mhm hm,” you breathe, leaning back against him, your legs felt like jello under you. 
Between the angle you were at and his hand sliding down to rub on your clit, your head drops back onto his shoulder, begging him to let you cum.
“Mark, god- fuck, let me cum please,” you ramble out and Mark hums, kissing along your jaw, “mhm I'm not stopping you, sweetheart.”
He lets you drop back onto your arms, back arched for him once again. He feels you cum around him, the wetness covering his cock. It’s not long after, followed by a few sloppy thrusts, that Mark cums too. 
The tip of his cock brushing between your folds, spreading his cum all over your pussy.
He pulls away, smiling at the whimper he gets from you. His fingers replacing his cock, covered in his cum when you roll over, he sticks his fingers in your mouth and he doesn’t have to tell you what to do.
“Good girl,” he hums, watching as your tongue laps over his fingers. Mark pulls his fingers away, leaning down to kiss you. A mess of the two of you, not sure where one of you starts and the other ends. 
You lay there for a while, Mark on top of you, your leg tossed on his hip as his head rests on your sternum, one of his hands on your tit. 
"Next time you need some relaxing, you call me, okay?" He whispers, his finger dragging down your side.
You glance at the man, a raised eyebrow. "You just want to fuck me again, you dirty old man."
Mark laughs, "no, I mean yes but also no. I meant I'd take you to dinner or something, distract you from your work - but if you want to fuck, who am I to deny a beautiful woman like yourself?"
---
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rhys-writes-some-shit · 5 months
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Prompt: "Any time away from you is far too long."
Alastor x Reader (Queer-Platonic)
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No matter how much Alastor tried to persuade you, you refused to quit your job to take up a position at the hotel. Under the terms of your contract, you knew he had the power to force you to do as he asked, but he had yet to. You weren't sure if it was because he was biding his time or if he simply didn't want to, but you weren't going to ask.
You worked as a secretary for a small-time porn studio, your work mostly consisting of doing paperwork and writing spreadsheets. It wasn't much different than what you did when you were alive, which was why you stuck with the position for so long. Plus, it was a lot better than other jobs in Pride, if you excluded the fact that Valentino was always trying to take the studio over.
Very rarely did the studio ever ask you to do anything more than your job description. However, there was one time you were asked to make a trip outside of Pentagram City to pick up a lost package. No one else was available, and you'd had some free time on your hands. Without much argument, you agreed to get the package. That was the easy part. The hard part was getting Alastor to let you leave Pentagram City.
"Seriously, Al, I'll be fine," you insisted, pulling on a jacket. "It's just a quick drive over to Imp City, it's not that far."
Alastor's smile was becoming forced. "They can get someone else to do it. You don't have to leave."
"I already agreed to it." You buttoned up your jacket and brushed it off. "I promise, you won't even notice I'm missing."
There was a tense silence for a full minute before finally, eyes narrowed, Alastor stiffly conceded. "I'll hold you to that." He placed a gentle hand on your shoulder. "Be safe, darling."
If it had been any other context, Alastor telling you to be safe would've been sweet, but you could tell from his tone and the way he was gritting his teeth that it was a threat. To both you and anyone who tried to hurt you. If you didn't come back safe, he'd never let you leave the city without him again. And if someone hurt you... they would never be seen again.
Fortunately, the package pickup was quick and simple. The only eventful thing that happened was you having to take a small detour to avoid a shootout. The imps who'd held the package were nice, and your boss had stayed late to make sure you and the package were safely returned.
"Just a heads up, I don't know if my partner will ever let me do anything like that again," you warned your boss lightheartedly, chuckling a little. You never told them who exactly your partner was, but it was known throughout the studio that they were possessive and dangerous.
"Well, hopefully you won't have to," your boss remarked, obviously annoyed at the situation. "Thank you again, though. Let me know how much gas was so I can add it to your paycheck."
"Of course." After saying a quick goodbye, you ducked out the door to return to the hotel.
Alastor was waiting for you in the lobby. As soon as you walked in, he was at your side, taking your jacket off for you.
"I noticed," his voice was tense. He walked alongside you as you traveled up to your room.
"Figured you would," you shrugged, unsurprised, but grinning lightly anyway. "How long was I out of the city?"
"24 minutes and 17 seconds." Alastor's shadow quickly dashed ahead, opening and holding the door to your room open. You stopped right outside of it, looking up at Al's bright eyes.
"Not too long. Could've been longer." Taking your jacket back, you already started thinking of how nice it'll be to change out of your clothes. You'd put on something different for dinner, but after that, it was t-shirts and sweatpants, no matter what Alastor said.
A hand ran down your back, pulling you into his chest. He inhaled deeply, resting his cheek on the top of your head. "Any time away from you is far too long."
Your smile became soft and content, as you leaned deeper into Alastor's hug. He didn't usually hug you, so you were going to savor it. If he ended up hugging you every time you left the city, you might end up leaving more often...
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greenfiend · 8 days
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The Significance of Lover’s Lake and Byler (Theory) Part 2
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Sequel to this post
(Warning: mentions of sex and drugs)
Okay so first of all, if you haven’t seen my previous post on my theory involving Lovers Lake and Byler, please read it first. I go over my theory and predictions for Byler and the heart shaped lake. This is a secondary post to it, outlining some VERY interesting details involving the owner of the lakeside house, the lakeside house itself, and all the romantic and sexual elements present. I’m saving the best for last here.
Let’s start with the owner of the lakeside house.
Reefer Rick
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So I recently made a silly post arguing that the most queer coded character in Stranger Things is not Mike nor Will (nor Robin, Henry, Eddie etc), and I stand by this statement. The most queer coded character is: Reefer Rick. Now, I know we never see the guy, but literally all the information we have on him is either queer coding or drug references.
Synonyms of his name are literally f*g Dick, with a shared last name with the famous tea company founder who so happens to have been a homosexual: Lipton.
We know he doesn’t have a family, thus he’s a single man who occasionally has his buddy/fellow dealer Eddie stay over. Hm, not very heterosexual of him.
Then we have his movie list.
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Now, as many of us know, the movie “Fast Times” is used within Stranger Things as a way to gage if someone is attracted to women or not. We have Steve, Dustin, Lucas, and Vickie all confirmed to have enjoyed this movie… specifically for that shot at 53 minutes and 5 seconds. Sure, Reefer Rick rented the film, but why is it the only movie he rented that was returned on time? For context, he’s the only character who had films listed as “late” returns. So, he obviously enjoyed Cheech & Chong a lot more. Two guys doing drugs is more interesting to him than a sexy lady. Okay, noted.
Now, how is he perceived by the people of Hawkins?
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Oooof. Okay. He’s not well liked it seems. He apparently is causing some fear and anger amongst the Hawkins residents. Kind of similar of a reaction these people would have towards an openly gay man during the 1980s.
Also I have to include @/conflictofthemind ‘s excellent point that injectable drug use and unprotected sex (specifically between two men) were both commonly associated with HIV/AIDS… a major epidemic during the 80s and a major subtextual theme within the show.
Now, where’s this guy live while outside of jail?
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I don’t blame the guy for “hiding” when the town is not too fond of him. Of course he is a drug dealer so there’s that as well. But interesting they used the word “hide”, which has been associated with queerness within the show already (plus this line was said by Robin (featured in the middle of the shot!!!) who is queer herself).
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(Both of these screenshots are from 1x02 interestingly enough.)
Wouldn’t it make sense for these two “hiders” to hide out in “a perfect place to hide” together? Seeking refuge in a fellow gay man’s secluded house?
I will say it’s also worth noting that he does not have any women featured on the walls within his house. Also, he has a phallic shaped bong (we’ll get back to that soon).
Phew okay so that’s Reefer Rick. Are you still with me? Hopefully I didn’t bore any of you with this. I promise you this all leads back to Byler.
So, moving on to his house.
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So as @/therainscene kindly pointed out, this poster with the smiley face can be related to rave culture and ecstasy in the 1980s. So a drug reference, in a drug dealer’s house… shocker I know. But I gotta say, ecstasy is also a term often related to sex. I also have to add this little tidbit from one of our favourite directors of Stranger Things, Shawn Levy. Keep in mind, he knows what’ll happen in the next season… and he’s directing episodes after 3 and 4…
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Interesting word choice, no?
So, back to the symbolism within (and near) the house.
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Let’s talk about the phallic symbolism that appears in pairs in these shots. It’s a choice, isn’t it? With two males in each shot. We know the Duffers love details and foreshadowing… I doubt it’s a coincidence. Also, anyone else notice that phone in the background? Just had to mention it, since our boys are frequently associated with phones and calls.
Then, of course, I gotta bring back this shot.
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The bed. Blue meets yellow. You know it! We all heard it a thousand times by now. Let’s look at what else is in the shot. A closed closet. Another reference to our boys. To the right, you’ll see a toilet paper roll. Now, if you have a brother, you might see the same thing in his room. Sure it can be used as a tissue for your nose but let’s just say there’s usually another use for it. I’ll call it “self love”. So, basically, another sexual reference.
To sum up this house: lake/water, drugs, and ecstasy/smiley face. Now, let’s go back to a scene featuring our boys with all these elements in the background.
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Makes you wonder doesn’t it?
I must also point out the “Paris” poster in the background. City of love, anyone? Plus the fireworks. They’re really trying to tell us something here.
Also, @/foodiewithdahoodie pointed out how Paris specifically was one of the first places to decriminalize sodomy.
You know, I also wouldn’t rule out every aspect of Murray’s prediction here.
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Shout out to the Hylers out there!
Perhaps after a lot of stressful days of fighting interdimentional demons, these boys want to wind down and de-stress in their hiding spot. I can see Reefer Rick as a fellow Nintendo player, leaving his console behind, as well as his weed, for our boys to use. I also wouldn't be surprised if Eddie left a few of his beers behind. I mean… Murray has a pretty good track record for predictions. This would also really double down on the message that Mike and Will “aren’t kids anymore.”
Also, wouldn’t it be fun to look back at Murray’s predictions and realize that they’ve all come to be?
Okay, now let’s finally get to the romance elements!
First thing I want to start with is this shot:
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So… they had to show us a mailbox, didn’t they? With that name “Lipton” which as I mentioned in my previous post… is associated with Thomas Lipton who had a lover named William Love.
1 point for #lettergate
And…
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“Hope Our Love Lives/Lasts And Never Dies”
WWII solders used the acronym H.O.L.L.A.N.D. to convey a love message in a letter. The whole love letters association with Mike and Will never end, do they?
2 points for #lettergate!
As for the “2121”, I think it’s possible that it’s referencing multiple things… number references are tricky like that in my opinion. But I will say that @/thestrangestthing89 brought up the fact that “2121” could be a reference to “Twin Flames” which is yet another reference to romance.
Continuing on with the romance…
Let’s return back to the scene where Reefer Rick is first mentioned. After Max mentioned him, we are cut to Steve talking about a movie.
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A movie filled with action and romance, you say?
So… Doctor Zhivago.
Basically a tale of two people in love during a difficult time (Russian Revolution) being separated, with other people, then finally reunited. Not completely unlike our boys. Notice how the “adult” sign is noticeable in the background. Not kids anymore.
He mentions action, which I’m sure there will be some of as well at the famous lake.
Okay enough with the silly details, let’s stop and look at the bigger picture.
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Our beloved lake. Look how gorgeous it truly is. Plus the fact that it’s a literal heart? You can’t get more “on the nose” than that.
Now, who else is known as a heart? (Tough question I know…)
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This boy is, without a doubt, narratively tied to the lake. He is “the heart”… he is THE LAKE (symbolically).
Thank you to @/everaster for bringing attention to the fact that after Mike was pushed to deliver that monologue to El by Will, Max “died”, then the gates opened WIDE. One of those gates, as we know, is located within Lover’s Lake… known was “watergate” (term coined by Dustin).
So, as of now in this story… Lover’s Lake is literally broken in two. A broken heart in need of mending.
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Who better to accomplish that task than the boy who has known him for a decade and loves him completely and selflessly?
💌📬❤️‍🩹
Hope you enjoyed these posts as much as I enjoyed making them! It’s honestly so much fun looking for evidence and finding such interesting stuff. Some of it may be reaching, and that’s okay because it’s all in good fun! That’s what fandoms are all about.
The level of attention to detail in this show never ceases to amaze me! There’s so much depth and clues to look for and play around with. I hope to have sparked some inspiration and creativity for some people! 💛💙💚
As always, would love to know your thoughts!
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yuri-is-online · 3 months
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Love and Deepspace Timeline: Xavier
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This is all speculation and should not be taken as fact, I have made a previous post about Zayne, but as stated there I do not have the necessary cards to make one for Rafayel and will direct you to this post by u/joonmin on the love and deepspace subreddit. This post is being made before I have managed to complete the Myths date (as soon as I hit level 55 it is over for you hos) and will be updated at some point once I have finished it, but I think I have enough information to explain Xav's overall timeline and hopefully clear up a few things for people missing his cards.
I have included a TL;DR at the end of the post for people who don't want to get lost in the weeds of theorizing.
Some information from that post about Zayne will be re-hashed here to help provide context about the game's setting. SPOILERS FOR ALL IN GAME CONTENT UP TO CHAPTER 8, VARIOUS MOMENTS, AND ANECDOTES, PROCEED WITH CARE.
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Current Timeline
The current timeline where the main story of LAD takes place is set in the year 2048 in a place called Linkon City. We are told that the Deepspace Tunnel opened 14 years prior and that is when wanderers started invading earth. There is a lack of understanding about why this has happened, and it has sparked an interest in space exploration in the hopes of finding a solution.
The Hunters Association is sort of like an adventurers guild? It's supervised by the government, and is sort of split between Hunters like MC and researchers attempting to understand what makes the wanderers tick.
This includes researching protocores, currently the only thing the hunter's association knows for sure is that they contain a great deal of energy, and that they can cause disease in humans based off of which category the protocore falls into. This is confirmed the be what is wrong with MC, and appears to be a problem all versions of her share.
The events immediately following the opening of the Deepspace Tunnel are referred to as the Catastrophe due to the amount of destruction caused by the influx of wanderers. This is what birthed the N109 Zone. According to the in game Spacepedia, it is surrounded by various other "no-hunt" zones, which it further clarifies as being places with "a chaotic Protofield and frequent Wanderer appearances," i.e. really dangerous places for people to live let alone go to. Civilians are outright banned and hunters need special permission to enter because of just how dangerous these places are considered to be.
Unlike Zayne and Rafayel, Xavier does not have an alternate self yet. The versions of him in his myths card and all of his anecdotes are all the same person, just at various points in his long life. The technicality of this is addressed in one of the shareable posts: Immortality No Longer A Dream! The article goes into detail about how a new biotech company using protocores to regenerate the heart. You can share this article with each of the three boys, who have different types of reactions, but Xavier's is not one of surprise or skepticism, but of acceptance. The article itself talks about immortality as something everyone will one day be able to accomplish, but Xavier disagrees.
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Xavier's first two anecdotes, A Special Vacation and Passing By, both establish how exactly he has been living his life on earth since his arrival. We learn that he has been doing his best to keep a low profile by moving between various jobs and tries to avoid making friends. As mentioned by @exactlycleverpirate in the replies of this post (who has made their own timeline you can check out here) "Xavier says he has been on Earth for 214 years, and that this will be his last. That means he arrived in 1834. We also see in one of his Tender Moments, that he rented a book from the library 30 years ago. So he has definitely been on Earth longer than the Deepspace tunnel has been around." Chapter 8 ends tells us that soon Earth and Philos will be in alignment for the first time in billions of years, which is likely why Xavier says this year will be his last, but I am unclear about what exactly that will cause.
We learn that there are other immortals from the same place as Xavier living in Linkon City, and that some of the see him as a traitor. We can assume that many of these immortals are involved with Onychinus due to Xavier's knowledge of and interest in their organization.
It's not clear how or when Xavier chose to start working as a Deepspace Hunter, but the other jobs he's taken all seem to be related to the military/evol combat. He is also very keen on fighting wanderers, so being a hunter is a good way for him to hide in plain sight. Which is what he has been trying to do.
His Precious Bonfire date suggests he has been a hunter longer than MC and has a reputation of not participating in team events. He has the highest level of access to the Hunters Association database and seems to have a good working relationship with Jenna, who seems content to let him do his own thing. She also attempted to assign MC as his partner, in part seemingly because she wants to protect MC's evol.
There is of course also the concept of Lumiere, a legendary hunter who appears during the catastrophe caused by the Deepspace Tunnel and wreaked any wanderer he came across. He has a light evol, a giant bounty on his head, and looks exactly like Xavier when we see his wanted poster in Chapter 8. While MC might have her doubts, since we the reader know Xavier is immortal, it's not much of a jump to say these two hunters are the same person.
Chapter 8 gives us more detailed look at the exact dynamics these immortals have with each other, but I think it makes sense to talk about Xavier's origins first so we know where he is coming from.
Philos Timeline
As I said on my other post, all of the Myths cards take place on the planet of Philos. In the present timeline, Philos is no longer a planet, just a lonely core floating in deepspace at the other end of the deepspace tunnel. In Xavier's third anecdote, When Shooting Stars Fall, we finally learn what Philos is: it's Earth. An Earth that has been reborn by substituting the planet's old core with an artificial one and with a different name.
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Now this anecdote takes place in the year 214, which is explained to us as meaning 214 years has passed since Earth was destroyed and reborn as Philos. How does that make sense if we are currently on a very much alive earth with a very dead Philos on the other end of the Deepspace Tunnel? No clue, but I think that's going to be one of the main focuses of the story. Something had to happen to Earth to make it become Philos, and then something happened to Philos to make it uninhabitable. Given what we know, both are likely related to wanderers.
I also want to briefly mention that in Rafayel's myths card, it is mentioned that the sea is missing so the Lemurians have no home. Based off of MC's description of the weather and how "fragmented landmasses" are being held together, I wonder if the re-birth of Earth as Philos is what caused the seas to dry up? And if so what role did MC have in the creation of Philos if any?
This anecdote is from the pov of MC who is studying at a school she simply refers to as "The Academy." It is unclear if this is the same school as she and Xavier are attending in his Lightseeker cards, but based off the uniform he wears and the sword he carries I think this is likely meant to be a highschool of some sort, and the Astria Knyght Academy is a form of military school equivalent to a college.
Xavier's words about immortality being a privilege come into play here as we learn something about MC: she always seems to have heart problems, specifically she always seems to have Protocore Syndrome, the exact same disease she currently has. In this anecdote she explains it as being a birth defect that has only one cure, a special protocore. One that supposedly can cure any illness.
Protocore disease prevents the patient from living forever, something Xavier finds very hard to accept. He abandons MC for a month without telling her where he is going to try and find this Protocore that she needs to live, but comes back too late. By the time he finds her, the core can't save her and he holds her as she dies. She asks if he thinks they will meet in her next life and he promises to always wait for her.
We know current timeline MC has shards of an Aether core in her heart, and that her heart is currently stable. While the anecdote does not outright say that the cure to Protocore Syndrome is an Aether core, Xavier's knowledge of them and his emotions when MC brings them up to him makes me think it probably is. Currently we do not know how an Aether core can be obtained, other than (assuming that is what he brought MC) Xavier was injured getting one. The MC here says she is unable to live for more that a century, something that has changed in her next re-incarnation but we don't know why.
When MC re-incarnates she is brought under the tutelage of the Grandis Knight, the personal knight and retainer to the King of Philos. Xavier is the Crown Prince of Philos, and is also studying under swordplay under the Grandis Knight. She has no memories of Xaveir, who does not tell her about their shared past despite holding on to the gift she made for him: a star sword tassel. This doesn't seem to bother him as much as you might expect, he mostly just seems happy to have her alive again.
She is stupid jealous of that tassel because Xavier openly admits to being in love with the girl who gave it to him. But he also speaks about her and the MC in the same sentence if that makes any sense? He sees both versions of her as her, and just as he promised he intends to wait for her so they can be together.
Xavier is an interesting character (to me anyway) because he has a pretty clear arc to his attitude towards his relationship with MC as he ages. He starts off as being shy in the third anecdote, then he moves to being openly teasing and affectionate (outright asking to elope and saying things that make it sounds like they might have been betrothed) in his lightseeker cards, to how he is at the end of his myths date and currently with MC: restrained in his interactions with her but unable to completely keep himself away. Why he has become restrained, why he thinks he needs to distance himself from MC is unclear. What is clear is that he has no interest in taking the throne from his father, a man he actively hates and does not seem to see eye to eye with. While their relationship seems to have always been tense, the breaking point is during Xavier's Gladius Ceremony.
The Gladius Ceremony is a sort of coming of age ceremony where the heir proves their ability to ascend the throne by killing a wanderer with nothing but their lightblade. Something happened during that trial that Xavier does not want to talk about and MC mentions he has "changed" since then. Like he left part of himself behind????
As an interesting note this trial takes place in a forest, a sentient forest much like No-Hunt Zone 7 in chapter three.
Xavier says he cannot be the man his father wants. What his father wants is not clear, but I personally think it has something to do with what wanderers are as Xavier seems to have a degree of sympathy towards them if they show a degree of sentience. It also might have something to do with how Philos was made, as both MC and Xavier acknowledge that the planet is dying.
The MC mentions that Xavier leaves her a lot but always comes back within a specified time frame. He goes on expeditions into Deepspace, but never tells MC what he is looking for and we as a reader do not learn. He does, however, mention finding a newborn planet filled with flowers and offers to take MC there if she will give up on being a knight. She is confused, as her entire life's purpose has been to be his knight, and doesn't fully comprehend a world where Xavier isn't going to be king.
But the card story starts with MC being crowned Queen, with Xavier as her Grandis knight, so we know that's what will happen. So neither of them got what they wanted in the end.
The "Lightseeker" title of Xavier's card refers to a unit of knights that are commanded by the Crown Prince and answer only to the royal family. Their duty is to keep Philos safe from Wanderers, much like the modern day Hunter's Association. Both the MC and Xavier are training to become Lightseekers, and have a sort of rivalry for the spot. MC keeps beating Xavier when they spar but he seems to have the stronger Evol so they're quite equally matched. It's stupid cute how everyone but Jeremiah thinks they hate each other, speaking of which:
Jeremiah is a friend of MC's in the same class as her. He's also her wingman who keeps trying to help set her and Xavier up, something Xav doesn't seem fully aware of. He's stupid jealous of their friendship which Jeremiah seems to find really funny (he's the only one who knows how delulu they are for each other and seems to find a lot of enjoyment in teasing them.)
Jeremiah also ends up being a knight under MC's command after they graduate the academy. Xavier however... goes missing after a meeting with his father and does not reappear even after he dies. He is missing for a period of 200 years until MC finds him again in the same forest that his Galdius Ceremony took place in. He saves her from... something. An illusion? A cosmic vortex? Whatever it was Xavier has discovered something that affects the health of people's hearts. And he seems determined to not get close to MC or let MC get close to him because of it.
I think it might just be because she is about to die from her disease, which she doesn't seem aware she has but always does, and Xavier doesn't want to have to watch her die again. But I haven't finished the card yet so I don't know.
He also seems to be under the impression the whole world is going to end now, and not just Philos.
The last thing we need to take from all of this information about Philos is the existence of a group called the Backtrackers. Xavier was with them once, but he isn't anymore. MC was seemingly under their care and, according to his Passing By anecdote, traveled through the Deepspace Tunnel with them but was lost. I'll explain more about what I think about them now that we're ready to return to the present timeline, but just know that the Backtrackers are A) from the Philos timeline and B) likely immortal just like Xavier is.
Back to the Present
In Chapter 8 you are either introduced or re-introduced to Jeremiah, who now owns a flower shop called Philo, likely named after his home planet of Philos. He is a friend of Xavier's and they both share the same current goals, which includes protecting the MC. Jer's job in this chapter is to provide MC with a fake identity to use in the N109 zone, but he does provide us with some information to try and tie up some loose ends with Xavier's timeline.
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While the Nonintervention principal he refers to probably does have something to do with MC, it also likely just refers the fact that since both Xavier and Jeremiah are from Philos and therefore the future they are trying not to interfere with the timeline too much. Something that whoever blew up MC's house does not care about anymore, implying that if that was indeed Onychinus then we can assume they likely are also immortals from Philos who want MC and her Aether core for something.
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When MC finds Xavier again after his 200 year disappearing act he is leading a squad of Lightseekers from various units. I think these are probably the Backtrackers, and that there was a split in the group after the MC and the Aether core went missing during their journey into the Deepspace Tunnel. We know that at least Xavier has been here longer than the Deepspace Tunnel has been, but there is room for speculation around Jeremiah and the others. As Pirate again pointed out in the comments, whatever disaster during the travel the Backtrackers took into the Deepspace Tunnel likely caused them to arrive at a bunch of different points in time.
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While this confirms that Xavier and Jeremiah are not from this timeline it raises a lot of questions about MC. Her memory is constantly spotty, and I had wondered if that had something to do with the Aether core... but now.
With the way Xavier tries to limit his interactions with her and says he's the last person who should be trying to get close to her I wonder if Xavier is worried MC is being erased from time? Or if she belongs to this timeline so while he loves her, while he wants to be the one she chooses, he subconsciously knows he's from a doomed timeline and therefore unable to stay with her. This also raises questions about the other two love interests; we know MC has forgotten things about Rafayel and I theorized she has forgotten something about Zayne. Is this because they also don't belong? Does MC not belong? Or is it something related to the trauma MC experienced from being experimented on?
TL;DR
This was all pretty complicated so I thought I would sum up the basic points because I felt a bit incoherent.
Xavier is the Crown Prince of Philos, a future version of Earth that was created by replacing Earth's core with a fake one.
This fake core allowed the citizens of Philos to live forever unless they had the rare heart condition know as Protocore Syndrome, something the MC always has no matter how many times she is reborn.
The cure to Protocore Syndrome is a rare Protocore that Xavier tries to get for her but gets back with too late. He watches her die and while he was already shown dislike seeing her injured, this seems to turn it into a genuine trauma of his. He is shown to be deeply distraught seeing her gravely injured or sick in multiple moments/dates and is determined to take care of her. In a rare decision by the writers, this does not appear to manifest itself as a desire to not see her engage in combat as he trusts her ability to take care of herself, just maybe not her willingness.
MC is reborn and begins military training with Xavier intending to become his knight, but Xavier refuses to take the throne of Philos for reasons he does not share with MC. He also begins disappearing for long periods of time on journeys into space. On one of these journeys he finds a young planet filled with flowers and attempts to convince MC to elope with him and abandon her dreams of being a knight. He seems uncertain if MC's desire to be with him is just because she has been told she is to be his knight or if it is because she genuinely loves him; Xavier knows which one he wants it to be though.
After talking with his father he disappears for 200 years and founds a group of knights investigating a forest with an unstable Protofeild where killed Wanderers simply don't stay dead. It is my theory that these are the Backtrackers mentioned by past MC, Jeremiah, and Xavier.
Xavier arrives in this current timeline in year 1834. Other immortals from Philos begin to arrive in the current timeline at different points and agree upon something they call the Nonintervention Principal, likely to keep from destroying the spacetime continuum too much. What they are refusing to intervene in is unclear.
The Backtrackers made a journey through the Deepspace Tunnel with future past MC and an Aether core, but something goes wrong and she disappears. Xavier has been waiting to see her again ever since he got here, and intends to wait forever.
There are more immortals than just Xavier and Jeremiah living in Current Timeline Linkon City, some of which are very likely allied with Onychinus and searching for the MC. Why is related to the Aether core in her heart, but might also have something to do with her Evol.
It is my personal belief that many of these citizens of Philos used to be in the Backtrackers, but even if they didn't they see Xavier as a traitor to his people and more importantly to them. Why is unclear, but I imagine it might be because of their goals for the MC and her Aether core. In a broader sense it might be because they intend to do something to current earth to save their home, and Xavier disagrees with that but the two things do not seem mutually exclusive.
Earth and Philos are about to be in very close alignment, and both Xavier and Jeremiah expect something bad to happen around that time.
Final Thoughts
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I would be interested in knowing the direct Chinese translation of these particular lines from precious bonfire to see if there is any difference to them... but honestly this is one of the things that sold me on him. She dies and he follows the traces of her light until he finds her again, and he tries to keep her alive but he fails and so he follows her again.
I saw at least one post wondering of Xavier will betray MC and rip the Aether core out of her heart, and I want to clear that up here. I understand why people might think this if they haven't read any of his anecdotes but no, that's not going to happen unless it's the only way to save MC's life. Xavier very much wants to keep MC alive, his efforts to distance himself and withhold information from her are always done to serve that goal.
Rafayel is the one who has a pretty good reason to want to cut out MC's heart, not Xavier. And I do mean good reason I don't really hate him for it and am not trying to imply he's a bad character or a bad romance option for it.
One of Xavier's immortal friends is name Noah. There is always a chance that this is a coincidence, but there's a part of me that wonders if he shares the same name as Dr Noah because they are the same person. The anecdote he appears in involves Xavier getting him a new identity so I don't think they're likely to be related.
I actually really like MC , Xavier, and Jeremiah's friendship and sort of hope it gets some focus in some small way in the future. Jer and Xav had to have bonded over losing MC, not to mention Jeremiah spent 200 years fighting Wanderers with MC under her command. She talks about him as being her best friend!!! I want to see more of him!!! (if he doesn't have a partner and if I can't have Tara x Jenna I should be allowed Tara x Jeremiah)
I'm worried there might be a plot point that involves Xavier dying in the future and then maybe we get to meet a different timeline version of him and end up on the opposite side of the "can't tell this ghost wearing your face how I really feel" spectrum.
Speaking of which I like how Xav seems to respect MC's current life and doesn't expect her to be a carbon copy of her past selves. It's nice (stares at critically acclaimed mmorpg villain Emet Selch)
Anyway that's it. I'll update the post when I finish the Myths card, which I fully expect to make me cry like a baby. If anything confused you my askbox is open, just because I write for twst doesn't mean I am not open to talking about this if I made mistakes or if you feel like any of this was unclear.
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meanieinspace · 20 days
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I will probably regret posting this, too, and hopefully my brain can find sth more interesting to occupy itself with soon but like there seems to be this conflict between some transmasculine people still having some stake in the general abstract concept of womanhood on one hand and the queer-/feminist spaces they come out of that judge being transmasculine as a sort of betrayal on the other hand. And imo both of these positions actually do influence very much how both of these not really seperate parties treat trans women.
There is a sort of projection happening, not in a psychanalytic sense, but simply in the sense that many transmasculine people obviously assume that trans women still have a lingering emotional stake or attachment in/towards "manhood". An assumption that is mirrored by the sort of feminist-y concept of toxic masculinity, which is the great force that hurts our poor gay men, desensitizes the het bois and terrorizes trans women.
And it is hard to explain, maybe because it just always turns out in such a way that the people you have the least contact with are the ones you try the least to incorporate into your world, that it wasn't toxic masculinity that hurt me as a trans woman (what a string of words). It were normal, sometimes even healthy men. And it was having to pretend to be a healthy man. It feels really stupid to say this, because it is a sort of transsexualism 101, that if taken out of context can be weaponized against people that don't fit a particular type of trans womanhood - but it is still important to make clear that "but you were socialized male" and "trans women's childhood would be so much better if not for toxic masculinity" for whatever else these sentiments are trying to say or are actually saying, they also, at their core, deny the undeniable and, to me at least, defining relation between trans women and "manhood" that is constituted by the very simple fact that the desire to want to be a woman (or be like a woman) makes even the least "toxic" and most healthy "manhood" turn on you - a hostile place at best, for the very lucky, and a very easily wielded tool to break you, in any case.
I'm not interested in moralizing "manhood" or masculinity. I never had a problem being a masculine woman. For personal and hopefully obvious reasons (and also because they are annoying) my hatred for men runs very, very deep, and that does inform my worldview, but it doesn't make a political or social insight except for that: you can easily marginalize trans women by positing a world where wanting to be a woman is not at odds with the very essence of being a man or "manhood" or masculinity or whatever. And as people keep pointing out in the never ending discourse on this site the association between trans women and "manhood" that follows from this willful ignorance of trans 101 stuff does not make misandry, just as the weaponized association of a cis woman with "manhood" to hurt her does not stem from misandry.
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callsign-rogueone · 7 days
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older - b.s.
Brennan Sorrengail x younger!reader some thoughts about Bren + a sweet innocent younger partner!! [kinda requested] words: 1.9k 🏷: NSFW, descriptions of sex. no spoilers. afab “girl” reader who is younger than Bren. canonically, he’s 29-ish, and I’m implying the reader to be in her early 20s, and a scribe or healer, someone who isn’t combat-trained but is still part of the revolution. discussion of ethical concerns of a relationship like this, dom/sub dynamics in both sexual and non-sexual contexts, and traditional gender roles. I swear I’m a feminist woman in stem with career goals but it would be so nice to be his cute lil housewife 🥺 the daddy issues definitely came out here... oh well. that’s what the pseudo-anonymity of the internet is for, right?
Brennan can’t help but be drawn to you and your bright-eyed innocence, the genuine smile you give him every time you pass him by… the way you wear your uniform, playing things fast and loose + ditching the traditional robes for something more form-fitting and comfortable, especially during Tyrrendor’s hot summers… 
he struggles to stay composed every time you call him sir or Lieutenant Colonel — which is every time you speak to him, because you’re so sweet and respectful and eager to help him with whatever he needs, and it drives him absolutely insane because you don’t even seem to realize how captivated you have him. you’ve wrapped him around your manicured little finger without even trying. 
he resigns himself to suffering in silence because he knows this is wrong, that he’s your superior officer, that you’re closer to Violet’s age than to his, and there’s a clear maturity gap there — yes, you’re an adult, an officer in your own right, but a freshly graduated lieutenant who’s never seen combat and hopefully never will, and you clearly don’t have much relationship experience, either. 
he’s a good guy; he doesn’t want to take advantage of you in any way, especially because you’re so sweet and innocent… but he can’t live like this forever. it’s only a matter of time before he snaps, and snap he does. you do something incredibly stupid and dangerous — putting yourself at unnecessary risk, associating with someone who is only going to hurt you… whatever it is, as soon as he sees it, he’s forcibly removing you from the situation and ordering you into his office to give you a talking to, because he doesn’t want that happening again.
he’s stern with you, disciplining you how a Lieutenant Colonel should when something like this happens, but he’s especially upset because it’s you, because you put yourself in harm’s way. do you have any idea how dangerous that was? what could have happened to you, had he not intervened? 
he doesn’t realize how harsh he’s being until he sees that you’re crying. his heart breaks when you sniffle and nod and apologize with a quiet yes sir, those pretty eyes full of tears. he stops his lecturing to pull you into a warm embrace and apologizes for raising his voice at you, strokes your hair gently and promises that he’s only so stern because he cares about you, that this is for your own good, that he couldn’t bear to lose you or see you hurt.
you aren’t that close — this is the quite possibly the longest conversation you’ve ever had, because he can’t be around you for more than five minutes without needing to go splash some cold water on his face and give himself another lecture in the bathroom mirror about how wrong this is — but you already trust him so deeply, and believe his every word, you feel so warm and safe with him… you’d do whatever he asked.
it’s this kind of naïveté that landed you in that dangerous situation in the first place, but he’s not going to lecture you about it further, not when you’re this fragile, still hiding your face in his shoulder and sniffling quietly. he settles into his desk chair, sitting you in his lap and holding you for a while, murmuring soft assurances that you’re safe with him, and promises that he’ll take care of you. he’s so tender with you. dries your tears and mends any injuries you’d gotten, kisses your forehead… 
it’s clear that you need someone in your life to guide you and protect you from all the bad things in the world, to guard that sweet innocence. he’s happy to provide that for you, and you’re happy to be taken care of. but he’s still a little worried about taking advantage of you, because you’re not very experienced in the relationship department, and because you’ll have to keep this quiet for the sake of his reputation and yours. he doesn’t want anyone thinking he’s a sleaze or that you’re sleeping your way to a promotion etc. but of course, those thoughts had never even crossed your mind — why would they?
it starts slowly, just him dropping by the infirmary/archives more often than usual to check on you, taking your lunch breaks together, spending some time with him outside of your responsibilities with the revolution, maybe some secret hand-holding and more cheek/forehead kisses, you hanging out in his office and reading quietly while he does his paperwork, because you just want to be close to him… 
you meet Marbh, which is a little scary, because you’ve never been that close to a dragon before, but Brennan holds your hand and reassures you that he’s nice, and you believe him, because Brennan is so gentle and kind with you that his dragon must be nice too. (he definitely asks Marbh to keep an eye on you when he can’t, and even though Marbh is the aloof, distant type, he agrees and takes the task seriously, because he knows how deeply his rider cares for you.)
slowly, and then all at once. you’re just too hard to resist — he’s wanted you for months, and he finally has you exactly where he wants you; curled up in his lap like a cute little kitten, all sweet and cuddly. gentle kisses quickly turn into something more heated because it feels so good, so much better than you’ve ever felt before. you’re so needy, more than you ever have been in your life, whimpering into his mouth and grinding your hips down onto his thigh subconsciously, desperate for more but too shy to ask for it properly.
he pulls away and tilts your chin up with a gentle hand, makes you look at him, makes you use your words, because he needs verbal consent from you before this can go any farther. you manage to tell him what you want in a shy whisper, your cheeks burning with embarrassment, and he smiles at you, gives you one more soft kiss and then he’s leading you out of the office and up the stairs to your room because he’s not going to do this in his office — you deserve to be taken care of properly, in a nice, soft bed.
he shows you how a real man should treat you, pleasing you better than any idiot college boy your age ever could — gentle but thorough, no part of you left untouched or unkissed. he doesn’t even fuck you, just giving you his tongue and fingers, but it’s so good. the best sex you’ve ever had, without a doubt. he nearly busts right then and there when you tell him that, that you didn’t know it could feel this good, that nobody’s ever made you cum that hard, nobody’s ever gone down on you before… 
he spent another half hour eating you out after you told him that. he loves feeling your legs shake while he sucks on your clit, using a strong arm to hold your hips down against the mattress while you whimper and squirm. you taste so sweet and sound so pretty when you cum on his tongue… he just can’t get enough. 
of course, after he’s done, he’s scooping you into his lap for more cuddles and sweet kisses and reassuring words, telling you how good you were for him… you could have fallen asleep in his arms just like that, but he’s coaxing you up and out of bed to brush your teeth and put on real pajamas and get ready for bed before he tucks you in and kisses you goodnight, promising he’ll see you tomorrow at breakfast.
he’s unbearably horny at this point, and definitely has to sort things out himself in the shower before he falls asleep. baby steps, he tells himself. baby steps.
there’s no question that you’re both deeply attached to one another, and you make things official, even though it has to be kept secret for both of your reputations’ sake. you don’t call yourselves girlfriend and boyfriend, because he’s getting a little old for that, but also because this relationship is a little different than most — you’re just his and he’s yours, no need for labels.
you call him Bren in that cute, breathless voice as he eases into you for the first time, holding his hand tightly, and his heart just melts. that’s the ultimate reassurance for him, that in your head, behind closed doors, he’s no longer your superior officer, he’s just your Brennan. he’s so tender and gentle with you, nice and deep and slow — truly making love rather than fucking, because he wants you to feel safe and warm and fuzzy, wants you to know that you can trust him.
and you do trust him, one hundred percent. you let him set some rules for you, mostly about you taking care of yourself and staying out of harm’s way, not straying too far from the fortress without him and/or Marbh… etc. you’re happy to follow them, because you know it’s for your own good, that Bren cares for you deeply, and you just adore the praise and soft kisses he gives you for being such a good girl… 
you slowly move in together after a while, because his room is nicer, and you love being able to fall asleep next to him, all safe and warm in his arms, and it’s so nice for him to have a soft, pretty little thing to come home to after a long day of preparing for war, someone to melt all his worries away with sweet kisses and to take care of him — no one has done that before, doted on him and prioritized his comfort and treated him so kindly, made sure he’s not overworking himself, worked all of the tension out of his shoulders and helped him take his stress out, if you know what I mean 🤭 
he is so genuinely caring and nurturing and makes you feel safe. he loves you so, so much. however, comma, he won’t hesitate to teach you the lessons you need to learn, the hard way, if he has to — edging you until you cry and promise to not break his rules again, until he’s convinced you mean it. he’ll always take amazing care of you after, giving you what you need, wether that’s soft, slow, loving sex, a rough and thorough fucking, or something in between. 
your relationship becomes a very poorly-kept secret around the fortress, but nobody really cares, or if they do, they don’t dare say anything about it,  not when Brennan is literally one of the three most powerful people in the entire revolution. he does not give a single fuck what anyone thinks about your relationship -- you love and support each other, and that’s what matters most. however, if anyone is stupid enough to make any negative remarks about it to you, and if he hears about it, they’ll find themselves getting assigned overnight watch or the worst tasks that absolutely nobody wants to do, for a full week with no explanation. 
that’s all I’ve got for now, but you know I am always down to discuss my main man, so please don’t hesitate to share with the class if you have any more thoughts about this or literally anything for any of our beloved riders 💗 muah.
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ratlesshonret · 1 month
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Okay so. Limbus Theory Time. But I'd be lame if I did a theory about the soon-to-release (hopefully) Canto VI, so instead I'm doing Don Quixote Theory Hours.
Okay so, let me lay out my thought process. In the latest released piece of content for the main game, "Risk Levels and Classifications" I believe it's called, Don Quixote seems to recognize the name Moses. To me, this implies that she has either met or been in proximity to Moses in the past.
Furthermore, in Canto IV, Don is basically the first person to realize Dongrang is Distorting, and says something about it before even Faust can. This says to me that she has been involved in cases of Distortion in the past, since she recognizes the signs before anyone else. Before this point, supposedly none of the Sinners have seen someone Distort. There was Papa Bongy in Canto 3.5, but the group only arrived after he had Distorted.
If Don Quixote really has been involved in a Distortion case, then it'd make sense that she either knows of, or my theory, has met Moses, the Distortion Detective.
Going even further back, to Canto III, Don beats the shit out of Sinclair when he stabs a dead inquisitor repeatedly, and says that her friends had done similar to her in the past when she had been "overtaken by fervor."
What has, to this point in the game, been the most effective method of "curing" the Distortion? What method has worked on Papa Bongy, Dongrang, and Distorted Bamboo-Hatted Kim?
Beating them up.
It is my theory that, in the past, Don Quixote has Distorted. And she was saved from her Distortion by her old friends "beating some sense" into her.
Past this point is stuff I don't really have much evidence for, but want to talk about anyway. So here's your warning that we're going from "mildly substantiated speculation" to "complete spitballing."
I think that Don Quixote has not only Distorted once in the past, but potentially multiple times. The way Don speaks about when she's been beaten by her friends says to me that it has happened multiple times before. So I don't think this Distortion is juts a one-off thing. She either has Distorted, or been on the verge of Distorting, multiple times before.
Furthermore, I want to look at exactly when Don notices Dongrang's imminent Distortion.
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Don notices that Dongrang is about to Distort when he begins talking to somebody who isn't present. As we've seen in every Distortion victim and potential Distortion victim, from Philip, to Yan, to Xiao, to Vergilius, to Dongrang, they all speak with Carmen before they Distort. It's well-established at this point that Carmen is the one who causes people to Distort.
My theory is that Don has spoken with Carmen, perhaps many times, due to her past Distortion. This is why she recognized Dongrang's imminent Distortion, due to the context she knew he was speaking with Carmen. Don isn't stupid, she's been shown to be able to deduce things quite easily as long as she has the background knowledge to do so.
Not only has Don Distorted before, and not only has she spoken with Carmen in the course of it, and not only has she Distorted multiple times in the past, but I think she has some kind of "Recurring Distortion" caused by Carmen not being willing to let up on Don. And I also think that she is still at risk of Distorting, even as she rides on the bus with all of the other Sinners.
Don Quixote always acts like a hero of justice, a valiant knight who respects those who keep the peace and fights to stop injustice and villains all over the City. And yet, we know she doesn't really believe this delusion of grandeur she has. As far back as Canto II, in the scene with the mariachi gang, we've been able to see a side of Don that's much more grounded in reality. The gang even brought up the idea that Don is insincere.
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I believe the reason for Don's personality is that she's constantly battling Carmen. If Carmen is really trying to get Don to Distort, she may be attacking Don's sense of justice. Something along the lines of, "You can't really help people, injustice can't be eliminated by just one person." Possibly even telling Don that if she Distorts and accepts this fact, she can do more to combat injustice than she can right now.
I don't think Don's love of justice and hatred of villains is a lie, but I do think her old-timey speak and her sheer dedication aren't sincere. The sheer amount of trouble Don causes when she sees an injustice, and her lack of ability to restrain herself, I don't think can be put up to an act. So what is it?
As I said before, I think she's battling Carmen. Whether she's trying to prove she can serve justice all on her own, without Carmen's help, or whether she's trying to delude herself so hard that Carmen can't get in anymore, I don't know. But I think her act is all an attempt to stop her "Recurring Distortion" phenomenon.
If Limbus knows about her past Distorting, there's a chance they've had her talk with the LCD. If this is true, then it's another potential avenue through which Don has learned of Moses, if Moses and Don didn't meet in Moses' Distortion Detection.
If Don is also at constant risk of Distorting, then this could be involved with the "deal" that she's made with Vergilius. It's possible he sees her deranged behavior as a warning sign of Distortion.
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It's possible that Don saw an "injustice" and attempted to right it when she joined Limbus Company, and her being unable to do so caused her to Distort. The "deal" could have been that she wouldn't put herself at risk of Distorting. But this is all just wild speculation.
In short, I think Don is a constant Distortion risk. Carmen saw her emotional instability and intense desire for justice, and decided she could use that to get Don to Distort. Because she is a prime candidate for Distortion.
But there's one more thing I haven't brought up, and that's Don's "friends." The people who stopped her from fully Distorting in the past by beating sense into her. Who were these people?
I don't know. Not conclusively anyway. But I have an idea.
The Udjats.
To be transparent, I did not come up with this theory. But I think it makes at least a little sense. The Udjats, and their leader Dias, seem to be quite invested in Distortions. They would know what to do in the case of one of their own beginning to Distort. It's possible that Don joined the Udjats because she thought they were just, or through some other reason entirely. Again, I have no real evidence of this.
If Don was an Udjat at some point, or knew them in some way, then that'd be another potential route she knew Moses. Moses was once a relatively high rank in the Udjats, and continued being under Dias' thumb long afterwards, as shown by her still having to do work for Dias during the time of Distortion Detective.
All together, this is a bunch of barely-substantiated theories, but I think they make just enough sense to be put out there. "Don has Distorted in the past" is the one I'm most confident in, while, "Don was an Udjat at some point" is one I'm very much not super confident in. But I think it's food for thought.
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ruiniel · 2 months
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Sorry to hear you are not feeling well! Hopefully with plenty of rest you will get well soon 🩶
Here’s an HC ask if you feel up to it:
Adrian x Bold/Flirty Reader
- The twins never happened and reader just stumbled upon Alucard in the forest some day, stunned by his beauty and grace.
- Reader has an occupation that requires them to go into the forest from time to time, as kind as Adrian, he started to help them out.
- Reader developed a crush on him as they gradually got to know each other. Bold as they are, they decided to take the first move by… you guessed it, flirting. The kind that ends with his face tinged with the loveliest pink.
- Adrian is still mourning over loss over family and friends, and only sees reader as a friend (a close friend? And a pretty friend. He doesn’t even know anymore.)
- Reader’s tactics slowly working. He starts to crave your company like he does with Sypha and Trevor.
- He stares at your lips, sometimes your behind. Averts his eyes as dhampirely as possible when he catches your returning gaze and thinks you haven’t notice. You do.
- “Accidental” touches on his thigh when passing something over; warm, ticklish breath near his sensitive ear while you stand behind him when he sits and reads. He swears you are driving him crazy.
- He may just snap one day. And you hope it comes soon.
Thank you, I'm getting there slowly but surely. Going off about fictional people helps the morale, y'know?
Oh a pining HC, and bold characters are so fun!
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◈ It might be that your attitude in time could draw the other side of him to the surface... one he hasn't had the opportunity to explore much beyond nighttime ventures through the wilds, chasing the malevolent things lurking there: the thrill of the hunt. The side that goes "Let's find out..."
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Remember that?
◈ His instincts are just as sharp in his humanoid form as in his wolf form, and he feels it: the scent of your attraction growing stronger, the way you can't control the impulse to try and get closer.
◈ He's wary, at first. But there is honesty about you, too, and that has a scent of its own, comforting and achingly sweet. He knows he's taking a gamble by trusting you but let's face it, if his friends have been gone for a while now in this context, he's certainly more in need of someone to share his time with than even he can admit to himself.
◈ Besides, since your encounters in the woods become more frequent, you seem unperturbed by his nature, even after he's told you more of himself and some (not all) of what he's done.
◈ He still feels immensely guilty about how it all came to pass, and misses his family. It's a very confusing time in his life and he doesn't want to burden you with that.
◈ He's also afraid you'd want nothing to do with him any longer if he did tell you everything, all the moments he can't forget, the scenes that play in his mind's eye over and over.
◈ You don't seem to be deterred by anything though, and with admiration he takes his metaphorical heart between his teeth one day and sits you down one afternoon, under an ancient oak tree where you sometimes share your lunch.
It all goes pleasantly enough. At one point you try to reach for a bottle, propping your hand on his leather-clad knee for support as you lift yourself to grab a hold of the glass container.
When you try to remove your hand, he stops you, his own hand over yours. "Why do you do these things?"
Nothing gets past Alucard when it comes to danger and battle but navigating interpersonal relationships? Not his forte. He knows it, you know it.
And so, you swallow before you answer. "I Iike it. Touching you."
"Why?" His eyes are earnest, and you appear out of your element for a moment before his bluntness. But he really, really looks like he wants, no, expects an answer.
"Does it bother you?"
He ignores your question completely. "I wonder if your hand will still be here, after I share with you what I have to say." All easy manner is gone from his attitude.
You watch him, bemused, but your hand stays right where it is, on his warm, tense thigh. He's just told you in no uncertain terms: I know what you're doing. I know you want me. You're still processing that, but the words that leave your mouth are: "Let's... find out?"
He takes a sharp intake of breath at that, watching you strangely. "I never told you how I ended up alone, did I?"
You shake your head, and wait. And listen.
By the time he's done, you're staring at the patterns of the blanket, and he's regretting having broken the image you'd probably concocted of him in your head.
"People make mistakes."
Alucard raises his head. The warm hand on his thigh is still there. "What?"
"I said, people make mistakes. And people sometimes must make difficult choices for reasons beyond them."
When you smile at him, when you tuck a strand of errant hair behind his ear and suddenly hug him, Alucard stays perfectly still: with shock, with... relief? But his response is so fierce you sigh in surprise, arms winding around you and holding you there. "You're not running away screaming," he whispers in your ear, feeling the little shudder running through you. He likes holding you, he likes being held. He craves it.
"No, but you would, if you knew the shape of my thoughts when it... comes to you."
He'd love to pull your head back, to stare into your eyes as you say it. And so: he does. "My dear, dear friend... I want to know everything."
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That was a mix of HCs and a scene haha I take no responsibility *blames it on the meds*
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Note
Hi! First of all, I wanted to say that I love your blog 💕 reading your posts always cheer me up :D
So, I had an angsty thought about the big sis!reader ask, remember that part where shredder uses karai as hostage and accidentaly mutates her? How do you think things would go if reader was the one who got mutaded instead? It could be a snake or something else if you wish!
English is not my first language, but I think I made this understandable enough kdksjdk
Anyway, Have a lovely day/night 💕💕
I've actually had a few ideas about this before, just a little context, Reader is mutated into a humanoid spider.
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2012 BOYS WHEN THEIR BIG SISTER GETS MUTATED
A recon mission gone wrong.
That's how you ended up dangled over a giant vat of mutagen.
The rope was tight, and you heart was pumping.
One wrong move, and your whole life would be changed.
Hell, who knew what would happen if you came in contact with that much mutagen.
You just hoped the boys would get here in time,
And then you could all go home and laugh about this over some pizza gyoza.
When your brothers ran in, you let out a silent cheer, then you started trying to gain momentum to swing yourself to one of the catwalks.
To bad you were unaware of Shredders eyes on you.
The rope was cut before you knew what was happening, and then the fear set in.
You cried out as you came in contact with the slime like substance, and one thing you never expected was the pain.
You struggled for a moment, then pulled yourself out of the vat, a searing pain coursing through your entire body while you groaned.
"(NAME)!" The collective shout of your siblings barely reached your ears as the pain flared, you felt your body reshaping itself, and it hurt.
It hurt so much.
You collapsed to the ground, screaming in pain as your skin changed to a light shade of purple,
As your jaw reshaped itself along with your teeth,
As brain rewired itself to account for the new spider like appendages sprouted from your back.
It felt like your veins were made of fire, and you didn't seem to notice when your vision changed.
You didn't feel it when one of your brothers picked you off the ground.
You continued to stew in your own agony as your entire being shifted.
You didn't feel the softness of your own bed, or the gentle hand of your father resting on your forehead.
Then as soon as it started, the pain stopped.
Your body was sore, and even attempting to open your eyes hurt.
The low, painful whines went unnoticed by you, but not your father,
"Rest, my daughter. You need rest." He whispered, stroking your hair.
Rest...
That sounded nice.
Rest...
You drifted off, unaware of the turmoil amongst your family...
Donnie sighed as he examined your new appendages, you had grown something akin to spider legs along your back, and you were now sporting two new arms along your torso.
"She'll be fine..." he said, turning to his family, "It may take a while for her to get used to this though, she had a completely new set of eyes and arms to learn how to use. Hopefully I can finish that retromutagen soon.."
You woke around 2 hours later, you blinked open your eyes, and panicked.
What happened?
Everything looked so red.
Red.
Redredred.
You tried to stand, but you felt off balance, and you fell catching yourself before you hit the ground.
The sight of two extra hands greeted you.
Your heart began to pump louder,
So loud you could hear it beating.
Ba-dump, Ba-dump, Ba-dump-
"GUYS! KYOUDAI? OTOU-SAMA? DOKO NI IRU NO?"
You heard six pairs of feet rush to your side, but you struggled to see.
Everything was blurry and red.
"I can't see. I can't see. Otou-sama, Dōshite mienai no? D-dōshite mienai no?" your voice cracked, and Splinter pulled you into a hug.
The soft voice of April sounded through your own heavy breathing, but you didn't register, "What does that mean?"
Leo replied in a shaky tone, "She's asking why she can't see..."
"It's so loud." you whispered, "It's all so loud."
Splinter held you close, replying softly, "Hush, my dear. koko desu."
"Where are the boys?" you asked, quietly, "Are they ok? Please tell me they're ok."
Mikey whispered softly, "We're ok, Ane-chan. We're ok, I promise."
You pulled away from Splinter and shakily pulled them into your arms, and you felt tears fall onto your skin, "Naka naide kudasai. Please don't cry, kyoudai. Please..."
It took you accouple days to get used to your new body.
Your vision was your biggest problem.
You found yourself bumping and stubbling into things, and you took to just moving around as little as possible.
You cut your lip on your own teeth more than you should have, and couldn't wear any of your old clothes due to your new appendages.
April bought you some new ones with holes cut into them.
You were terrified to hug your family.
The last time you did was when you woke up, and one of your new spider arms cut Mikey's cheek,
After that, you stopped trusting yourself to touch them.
Donnie was working overtime on developing retro-mutagen, he hated seeing you so scared and lost.
All of them did.
You always knew what to do,
But not this time.
Splinter knew what you were going through,
The exact same thing happened to him,
He did his best, but you were so scared of yourself, he didn't know how to comfort you.
Mikey was the most noticably affected.
He tried so hard to help you get out of your horrible state of mind,
But you always pushed him away, scared you might accidentaly hurt him again.
Life was different,
Life was stressful, and the tone of the Lair was definitly alot less cheery.
Everyone was worried about you.
And you were so, so scared.
....................................
I know I said I was taking a break, but I swear I'm just finishing some drafts-
translations:
Kyoudai: Little brothers
Otou-sama: Father
Ane-chan: Big sister
Doko ni iru no: Where are you?
Koko desu: I'm here
Dōshite mienai no: Why can't I see?
Naka naide kudasai: Please don't cry
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dameronscopilot · 1 year
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illicit affair
Dad’s Best Friend!Santiago “Pope” Garcia x f!reader
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Summary: Following your intimate encounter with your dad’s best friend, Santiago, during your family’s Thanksgiving gathering, the two of you pick back up where you left off when you visit home again for Christmas—though your covert rendezvous doesn’t quite go as planned. 
Word Count: 3.3k
Rating: 18+ EXPLICIT
Content: NSFW, smut, minimal plot mainly filth, DBF!Santiago, implied age gap (reader is of age), masturbation, fingering, oral sex (f and m receiving), anal fingering, rimming, reference to anal sex, creampie, squirting, cum eating, spit kink, praise kink, choking kink, rough sex, dirty talk
A/N: This is a sequel to cut the brakes. If you want context on "what happened at Thanksgiving," read that first! This and all of my other spirals over DBF!Santi are forever dedicated to my beloved @welcometostayingawake.
While you’d anticipated sneaking away to see Santiago during your trip home to spend the holidays with your family…this turn of events certainly wasn’t in your itinerary. 
Initially, after the clamor of festivities at your dad’s house on Christmas, you’d had every intention of feigning plans with hometown friends for the days that followed—plans that would actually find you nestled up at Santi’s house, during which time he’d hopefully make good on all of the wanton promises he’d made over the phone following your Thanksgiving adventures. Your vibrator was nearly on its last leg after vigorous daily use at this point, the silicone finding a familiar home lodged deep inside of your wet cunt every evening as your phone screen lit up with videos of Santiago fisting his thick cock. 
Santi had found a reasonable excuse to politely decline your dad’s invite to Christmas dinner, if only because he could in no way promise that he’d be able to resist fucking you right there in your childhood bedroom while your family unknowingly mingled in the living room. The mere thought sent excitement racing down your spine, but you knew you had to play it safe if you wanted this to continue. He was your dad’s best goddamn friend, after all. God forbid your grandmother accidentally mistake your room for the bathroom and find the man balls deep inside of you. 
So yeah, you’d save your long-awaited fuck fest for the privacy of Santiago’s house. Where you could scream as loudly as you wanted to whilst he pounded you into the mattress.
…at least that’s what you thought. 
Until your dad invited you along for a Boxing Day visit to Santiago’s, in lieu of his absence from the prior evening’s celebrations. A visit which unfortunately coincided with a snowy morning that rapidly evolved into an outright blizzard by the afternoon, the hazardous road conditions therefore preventing you from leaving. 
Snowed in with your father and Santiago?
What could possibly go wrong?
You ran a hand over the sleek black comforter neatly tucked across Santiago’s large mattress, your mind spinning at the thought that you were about to sleep in his bed for the very first time with your father in the room just across the hall. And Santi wasn’t even there with you.
When it became clear that you wouldn’t be getting out the door anytime soon due the amount of snow that continued to accumulate in the streets with not a single plow in sight, Santiago had offered up his bedroom and his guest room to the two of you. Your father was quick to say he’d take the couch, but Santi insisted otherwise. And when he proceeded to head upstairs to clear out the abundant clutter in the spare bedroom, which he rarely used, your dad casually waved him off as he told him not to bother. He, personally, didn’t mind the mess, and you could just take Santi’s bedroom to make things easier.  You hadn’t dared even steal a glance over in his direction when your father said that, face burning with the downright irony of the situation at hand.
Sighing, you allowed yourself to collapse onto the bed, burying your face in the pillows and inhaling the warm scent of Santiago’s cologne. You rolled onto your side, your body pressing into the edges of a hard lump nestled beneath the covers. Curious, you pulled the blanket down, fingers closing around a rectangular box tied shut with a large, pink bow. You tugged at the silky material and opened the lid to find a lacy lingerie set with an index card placed on top of it.
Merry Christmas, cariño.
Breath hitching in your throat, you brushed your fingers over the material, a thrill running down your spine. Of fucking course he would do this. 
A few moments later, your clothes were left discarded on the floor as you slipped on Santiago’s gift, turning sideways to admire the way the lingerie looked on your body. Glancing back over at the soft, rumpled sheets on the bed, an idea occurred to you, prompting you to climb back onto the mattress.
Santiago may not have the opportunity to fuck you in this bed tonight, but you’d certainly be getting off one way or another. You ran a hand down your throat and over your breasts, teasing at your peaked nipples, which were nearly on full display through the sheer bra. Sliding your fingers inside of the material, you arched your back into your own touch, imagining that the sting of pleasure that pinching your nipples elicited was from Santiago’s teeth as he latched his mouth onto your tits. 
Your thighs fell open as you trailed your hand along your stomach, fingers flirting with the waistband of the panties that just barely covered your mound and your ass. But before allowing yourself unfettered access to your aching cunt, you reached toward the nightstand for your phone, opening up the camera.
You snapped several photos, including a shot of your breasts while you sucked on your fingers, your ass on full display with nothing but a thin strap of material running between your cheeks, and the sticky arousal that had already leaked through your panties, coating the inside of your thighs. Santiago had received plenty of suggestive photos of you recently, but the chance to shamelessly tease him while you were sprawled out across his mattress, knowing he couldn’t come upstairs and fuck you, was something you couldn’t pass up.
Swiping over to the video feature, you propped the phone up on a pillow for a full-frontal view of your leaking cunt as you hooked a finger in the fabric, pulling the panties aside and inserting your middle finger into your fluttering hole. You moaned as you realized just how wet you were already, the digit sliding through your tight walls with no resistance, and you quickly slid another finger in.
Downstairs, Santi shifted from where he was sprawled out on the couch, lifting up his phone and squinting in the darkness of the living room to glance at the bright screen. His mouth went dry as he swiped a finger to reveal the gallery of images you’d sent to him, showing off that you’d indeed found the gift he’d stashed under the covers for you.
He scrolled through the pictures, cock stiffening heavily in his sweatpants at the way the lingerie left little to the imagination, showing off the dips and curves of your nearly naked body. Groaning, his hand found its way into his boxers when he opened the video of you finger fucking yourself, and he gripped his shaft tightly at the slick, squelching noises that accompanied your needy moans. 
“Santi”
At the sound of you whimpering his name, he dropped the phone face down in his lap, biting down hard on his knuckles as he fisted his length, jerking his hips upward, mind wandering with the temptation of climbing the stairs two at a time and stuffing his cock inside of you without preamble.
He’d spent far too many nights jerking off to nothing but your text messages in the time since he’d seen you last—he’d even gone so far as to excuse himself from the table when he made the mistake of opening a particularly filthy photo of a dildo stuffed into your ass while he was out for lunch with your father last week, rushing to the bathroom to sloppily fuck his fist (while also sending you a photo of the way he’d accidentally splattered his cum all over the stall afterward). 
Santi was nearing the point of desperation now—he needed to feel the way your tight cunt choked down his fat cock as he slid inside of you. He needed to hear your broken sobs in his ear as he kept fucking you through your first orgasm and right into the next without stopping. He needed see the cock drunk expression on your face as he pumped you full of cum over and over. 
He was halfway through entertaining of the thought of how quickly he’d be able to escape the wrath of your father's fists if were to walk into the bedroom to find Santi fucking his daughter when he froze upon hearing a creaking sound up on the stairs. Hastily pulling his hand out of his pants, he sat up, only to be greeted by the side of you slinking your way across the room and over to the couch.
“Is that my shirt?”
You offered him a wry grin, doing a twirl for effect, the unbuttoned dress shirt fanning out to reveal the lingerie set you wore beneath. 
“Jesus Christ, baby,” he muttered, running a hand over his face, cock throbbing in his boxers. “Come here.”
He beckoned you toward him, and you swiftly climbed into his lap, immediately pressing down against the erection straining at the front of his pants. He slipped his hands inside of the shirt you’d pilfered from his closet, running them up your sides before scooping your breasts into his palms. You arched into his touch, rocking your hips against him. 
Leaning in, he ran his teeth over the shell of your ear, nipping at your earlobe. “Did you touch yourself in my bed?”
His breath was hot as it ghosted along the side of your neck, and you shivered as you admitted, “I...may have made a bit of a mess."
Santi snaked a hand between your bodies, cupping your mound to feel the wet, sticky remains of your orgasm. He pushed your panties aside just enough to dip a finger into your sensitive entrance, scooping up a glob of cum and licking it off. 
“Good girl,” he murmured, cupping the side of your face and leaning in to kiss you.
Your chest heaved as his lips finally slotted against yours, quickly engulfing your mouth as he loosely wrapped a hand around your throat.
Breaking the kiss momentarily, you asked, “Should we go upstairs?”
Santi chuckled against your lips, brushing a thumb along your bottom lip. “No, because I think you want me to fuck you right here on this couch. That’s why you came down here, isn’t it?”
Heat flared in your gut as his gaze burned into yours, knowing all too well that after your risky romp in your dad’s backyard, part of you wanted to chase that thrill again. And you knew that if you told him that’s what you wanted, he’d do it. 
So you nodded.
He reached up, sliding the shirt off of your shoulders and letting it fall to the ground as he leaned in, mouthing the space between your breasts.
“Get up, and bend yourself over the arm of the couch.”
His tone brokered no room for argument, so you clambered out of his lap, padding across the carpet and grabbing a throw pillow before folding your body over the side of the couch. 
But before he could get up to follow, you reached out and placed a hand on his wrist from where he was still seated. “Wait.”
You let your hand trail over his thighs, pressing the heel of your palm into his erection, and he quickly understood what exactly you were getting at. Santi shifted so that he was kneeling on the cushion in front of you, and he tugged his t-shirt up and out of the way as you pulled down his sweatpants and boxers, mouth watering at the sight of his thick cock as it sprang free. He sucked in a breath as you darted out your tongue to lap up the precum dribbling down the tip. 
Santi’s hand came to rest at the back of your head as your lips parted around his cock, slowly taking him into the wet heat of your mouth. You swirled your tongue around his length, swallowing him as deeply as you could and glancing up at him to make eye contact as you reached out to play with his balls. 
Santi groaned, fingertips pressing into your scalp. “Can’t believe you can take my whole cock in that pretty little mouth. If I didn’t want your pussy so bad right now, I’d fuck your throat till you were choking on my cum.”
Clenching your thighs together as a fresh wave of arousal trickled through your body, you continued to bob on his shaft, saliva running down your chin as your lips engulfed him. After a few moments, Santi pulled himself out of your mouth before you drove him over the edge, sliding off of the couch and coming to stand behind you.
He began to firmly massage the globes of your ass with both hands before pulling aside the material of the thong nestled between your cheeks and spreading them wide. You dug your fingers into the couch cushion below you at the sound of Santiago spitting, letting out a huff of air as the glob landed right on your exposed tight ring of muscle.
“I was out to eat with your dad when you sent me that photo of you fucking yourself in the ass with a dildo, sweetheart,” he casually stated as he ran a finger over your puckered rim.
“I know,” you gasped out.
He tutted. “Maybe I should take you to the same restaurant this week. I’ll show you the bathroom stall where I had to go jerk off, and I'll stuff my dick in your tight little hole right there. You can spend the rest of lunch feeling my cum dripping out of your ass.”
You whimpered as he slowly began to press his finger past the rim. “Please.”
“I’ll fuck your needy cunt in my truck after, too. And then you can go back to your dad’s house and act like both of your fucked out holes aren’t full of his best friend’s cum,” he gritted out, voice wavering slightly as he slipped his entire finger into your ass. 
Despite his initial reservations about your arrangement, Santiago had clearly reached the point of no return, prepared to embrace just how fucked up this entire situation was.
A sound of surprise left you at the feeling of him reaching down with his other hand to run his fingers through your folds before thrusting two of them into your entrance. You tugged the throw blanket down from where it was laying on the back of the couch, biting down hard on the edge of the material as Santi squeezed another digit into your ass, fingering both of your wet holes with fervor. 
“You like having both of your holes filled, don’t you?” he questioned, voice rough.
“Feels so fucking good, Santi,” you nearly sobbed.
He worked a third finger into your cunt and your ass, and it took all of your willpower not to shout.
“Come for me again before I fuck you, cariño.”
You didn’t need to be told twice. As he crooked a finger tightly inside of your pussy, the steady thrum of pleasure coiling deep in your gut unfurled rapidly, the ache between your thighs blooming white-hot as your climax gushed out of you—literally.
“Oh fuck,” Santi moaned appreciatively as clear liquid squirted out of your cunt, dripping down his arm. 
Cock throbbing painfully with need at the sight, he hastily tugged you back onto the couch, placing you so that you were kneeling on the cushions and facing the back of it. He unclasped your bra, greedily palming at your naked breasts before reaching down and tearing your panties in two.
“I liked those!” you protested, whispering loudly.
He leaned in, biting the side of your neck. “I’ll buy you more, if you’re good.”
You wiggled your ass against his cock, feeling it brush against your cheeks. “I’ll be whatever you want me to be.”
Santi smirked, gently grabbing your chin and turning your head to the side to face him while wrapping his other hand around your neck. “That’s my girl. Now open for me.”
Clearly, your late night pleas via text message for Santi to “make you his little slut and spit in your mouth” weren’t forgotten, because the moment you parted your lips for him, he tightened his grip around your throat as he spat a glob of saliva into the back of your throat. 
After you swallowed, he brought his lips to meet yours, kissing you hard as he reached down to line his cock up with your dripping entrance. You let your thighs spread further apart as he began to sink into your cunt, both of you groaning softly in unison at the feeling of him bottoming out inside of your slick walls. 
He slowly pulled out of you, taking his time to let you adjust to his girth, but he paused as you pleaded, “Be rough with me, Santi.”
Running a thumb along the curve of your jaw, he warned, “You have to be quiet though.”
“I’m sure you’ll figure out a way to shut me up,” you retorted, roughly pushing back against him and rapidly sheathing his length in the warmth of your cunt once more. 
He hummed thoughtfully, trailing two fingers along your cheek before swiping them across your lips. You darted your tongue out, licking the digits before taking them into your mouth. 
“That’s it,” he crooned, pushing his fingers further in, urging you to suck on them as he began to increase the pace of his thrusts, hips snapping against your own.
A wave of heat spread under your skin as you desperately sucked on Santiago’s fingers, saliva running down your chin while he pounded into you, massaging your inner walls with his thick shaft at a brutal pace. Your nerves were on fire, and it was all you could do to keep from moaning as he jackhammered into you, the couch groaning in protest with each vigorous thrust. 
He reached down with his free hand, and you gagged on the fingers lodged in your mouth as he slid two fingers back into your ass while he continued to roughly fuck you against the cushions. At that, you began to lose your composure, legs trembling and tears pricking at the corners of your eyes as you tried not to cry out. Feeling the telltale tightening of your muscles, Santi took his fingers back from where your lips were wrapped around them, instead clapping his hand firmly over your mouth to muffle the wail of pleasure bubbling up in your throat as your orgasm punched through you.
Hips stuttering, Santi plunged into you several more times before his own climax overtook him, and he left his pulsing cock stuffed inside of you, filling you to the brim with every last drop of cum that your cunt greedily milked from his shaft.
Once he was spent, he wrapped his arms around you, pressing a kiss to your shoulder blade as you both tried to catch your breath. When you eventually attempted to move, he shook his head, holding you in place as he pulled away from you, and you could feel as his cum began to leak from your hole, dripping down your thighs. Confused, you glanced back, only to catch a glimpse of the wink he tossed your way before leaning in, lapping broad strokes through your sensitive folds. You shivered at the overstimulation, the feeling of his tongue probing your entrance both too much and not enough all at once. 
Santi froze as a creaking sound echoed from the hallway upstairs, and he cursed, quickly climbing up onto the couch and pulling you down, trapping you between his body and the cushions as he covered you both with a blanket. Your breath caught in your throat at the sound of your father descending the stairs, and you dared not breathe as Santi gripped your hips tightly while footsteps could be heard in the kitchen. Obscured by the darkness of the living room and the thick blanket you were burrowed beneath, you thought you’d probably be fine...as long as you didn’t move until your dad went back to bed.
—but Santiago clearly couldn’t resist a challenge. 
He trailed a hand down your chest, cupping your mound, and you bit down on your bottom lip hard enough to draw blood in an attempt to hold back the whimper he almost drew out of you as he sunk two fingers back into your cunt.
“I want you to come for me one more time," he murmured.
Comments, reblogs, and/or asks are always appreciated!
» SANTIAGO GARCIA MASTERLIST » OSCAR ISAAC MASTERLIST
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fuwaprince · 10 months
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To the welcoming, the caring, the accepting,
To familiar friends,
To anybody willing to listen,
It's 12 in the afternoon and I'm writing to you from a new low in life. I'm sorry for being absent. Please listen.
I've been homeless and hurting for a while again- still trying to do things on my own. Hopping from place to place all over the state while carrying a heavy shield. My belongings are only getting more scattered/lost over the weeks. It's hot in the back of this car (not mine) that I've been sleeping in. I'm sad and sincerely sorry if this sounds like a lot of complaining... Solutions keep falling through. I'm strong but admit that I'm gross because finding a reliable place to shower is practically impossible... I lost weight from not being able to feed myself properly... A LOT went wrong and I'm having a very difficult time regaining any sort of footing. I keep falling flat on my face, keep landing in risky situations around people who abuse me then crying alone. Things are all wrong.
The mental battle is another difficult one but most days I come up on top. Being grateful for what's left and looking forward to any good that may come are the only things I'm holding onto. I don't want to survive off of the kindness and generosity of strangers or even friends forever. This isn't anybody else's burden to shoulder but mine... But I figured there's no harm in asking for a bit of help to survive momentarily? Please don't abandon me. I want to call my desperate yearning for support a need, but won't dare because my self worth is so low. There were times I would beg saying I needed SOMEBODY'S support and good people misperceived that I didn't. Once because I was smiling in spite of it all. In the middle of crying hysterically while explaining the horrific details of my life on the streets to someone who didn't care much... They said it was justification for why I'm actually fine and not in need- that I could still manage to smile. I've been coldly told to run to Jesus and told ONLY I can be the one to get myself out of this. Compassionate company is hard to come by. It's easy enough to shrug someone else's pain off..
I've dealt with so much assault these past two weeks that I have yet to even address. Sexual abuse. False imprisonment. Verbal attacks on my character. Exploitations. Manipulation. Guilt trips and weaponized shame. I'm exhausted. Reaching out to resources and working with a recruiter is hopefully going to help/pay off soon. I'm hoping it'll repair my self worth.
This post had lots of feelings and hardly any explanation, so I'm sorry context is limited. I'm struggling. I could really use some support from anyone willing to call themselves a friend, or any kind strangers who may or may not happen to read this. I've been battling demons and dragons the size of mountains on my own. This can't be my final destination so I have no choice but to carry on. I'm traveling this path to independence no matter what. I hope someone out there is nice... I hope miracles happen. I'm crying and feeling so lost. I have no place to be!
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diorsbrando · 4 months
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cw ━━ ! minors, ageless and blank blogs DO NOT INTERACT. this is a toji-centric fic (exclusively from his pov with third person narration) so it doesn’t truly have a reader, but the “woman” often being mentioned throughout is afab. loosely based on chapter 75 of the manga. contains heavy (ish) angst + and descriptions of angst. contains nsfw and descriptions of explicit scenarios, including penetrative sex (reflecting on it already happening) and masturbation (m. receiving, mentions of dried cum). metaphorical (sort of??) depictions of dark themes (i.e., nonexistent “voices”, bad coping skills, toji’s deep emotional and mental trauma, hints of dissociation, etc.). toji is emotionally stunted n constipated and therefore kinda rude. i’m trying to depict him as realistically as possible. lmk if i missed something ♡.
word count ━━ ! 2.0k
notes ━━ ! i posted this fic last night but i am reposting because it wasn’t showing up in the tags (sobs loudly) so i'm sorry for tagging everyone again. i hope you all enjoy this though. wanted highlight an important aspect of toji's life (after mamaguro's death) in a different way bc a lot of the fandom glosses it over w/ jokes. they can be funny or whatever but what this man has been through is actually sad and must have been difficult. since gege refuses to give more backstory on him, i wanted to try and verbalize a more somber, realistic version of toji and dissect him a bit. hopefully i did well characterizing him in this context. reblogs and commentary are very much appreciated!!!!
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TOJI'S RAGGED BREATHS SOON evened out after a few minutes. His strong, scarred chest resumed its normal pattern and pacing of its rises and falls. The tail end of his constrained groans of pleasure and expletives lingered in the air along with the stuffy aroma of sex.
With his head resting against the headboard of this woman's bed━ a woman whose name briefly escaped from his mind━ and his increasingly soft cock resting in his callous palms, Toji's eyes slowly pried themselves open and were motionlessly glued to the white ceiling.
He laid there in that position, unmoving, for at least five minutes. Silence swallowed up the space of the room, except for the distant sound of a shower running directly across the hall.
At present, all Toji had the energy for was to breathe and blink. He didn't even move to immediately rid himself of his own ropes of cum that were beginning to harden in his hand in spots on his inner thighs.
Like a spark of static electricity giving him a miniscule jolt of energy, Toji found it within himself to drag his dark, jade irises over to the bedroom door that was slightly ajar, and stared at it as he listened to the water from the showerhead rain on the woman bathing herself.
The events of the last couple of hours replayed throughout his mind's eye as he blankly stared at the entryway. He thought about how he met the woman at one of the establishments he preferred to gamble his money at and how her sugary smile sweetened his silver tongue. He pondered over how he somehow persuaded her to take him back to her very nice apartment, and how he in return gained a place to lay low and rest for the next week or so, by coaxing her with his words and his well-endowed cock.
A gruff, sardonic chuckle fell from his parted lips when he then started thinking about the intercourse he engaged in with this woman. Despite how good it was, despite how her cunt squeezed and fluttered around him, at the end of it all, he still had to resort to pumping his own length like a touch deprived teenager just to obtain that release that's been building up over the last few hours.
Mentally shaking away the lethargy that plagued every square inch of his brain and body, the former Zen'in lifted his head and directed his vision at his bare lap and the sheets that pooled around his knees. Allowing his head fall forward a bit, his inky black hair acted as curtains to conceal his scarred face━ and the other thoughts that lurked in the shadows of his mind that threatened to reveal themselves on his countenance.
If this is what post-nut clarity truly felt like, Toji would have preferred to remain in the state of blissful ignorance and perpetual 'arousal' forever.
He's never felt so blinded by his reality than he did in this moment.
As he thought over this, dark tendrils of smoke rose and slithered out from his repressed memories, suffocating his consciousness like a python squeezing the life out of its prey. He ignored the sensation and its whispers that told him that that wasn't true. He lent a deaf ear to its reminders that he had always been cognizant.
Toji had always been painfully aware of his feelings and the realities that were constantly handed to him. The reality of the life he ran away from, the reality that crumbled away and died with his wife, and of the fucking pathetic reality that stared at him in the face in the form of his dried seed and some stranger's bed. Deep down he unfortunately remembered and was aware of everything. He only became increasingly more conscious, as the months and years toiled by, that he didn't want to be. It was less of a pain that way.
But goddamn it, sometimes his mind was too sharp for its own good, his thoughts strayed too far that it would pierce his very heart and soul.
Toji's vacant gaze was no longer trained on his hands, but more like past them━ into the metaphysical void of space itself, and he was dragged deeper into thoughts he didn't like to revisit or linger on. Everything around him seemed to become muffled and faded into nonexistence.
Toji had previously believed that he didn't care how he lived anymore, as long as he got paid what he was owed and someone didn't try to assassinate him as he slept, then everything else was fine. He believed that going through life like this was no big deal, that this ephemeral living situation didn't bother him. He again ignored the tendrils that reminded him that it did.
A grimace of contempt formed on his face when he subconsciously compared his current behavior of jumping from woman to woman to that of some kind of male prostitute. It shouldn't have bothered him, really━ wasn't like he put a gun to any of their heads or something. It was their problem if they wanted to spread their legs for him, and he enjoyed sex, relatively free meals and some extra spending cash here and there. None of that was supposed to tug uncomfortably at his soul but it did.
And it made sense that it did, when memories of his late wife still flashed in his mind from time to time━ like at this very moment, for example. She appeared whenever his eyes fluttered shut for too long or when he was pulled so far underneath the surface of his own thoughts. Strangely enough, this wasn't exclusive to after having sex with another woman or mindless masturbating.
He was supposed to have gotten rid of that stupid self-respect, this dignity and its adjacent shame, that still lingered in the back of his chest.
He promised himself that he wouldn't live by such standards of pride anymore. He hasn't for a long time, and has been doing well but. . . . but why did the specters of doubt still haunt him so? Hasn't he suffered enough? Those remnants and emotions of an existence that slipped through the cracks and fell into the abyss, shouldn't be able to reach him all the way up here.
But they did.
Toji wasn't as foreign to doubt, to shame, to pride & to self-respect as he thought he was. He'd just been fooling himself. He had always been very persuasive.
None of those things had ever done him any good anyway. All they did was remind him that he was still human.
A useless sentiment. One that no longer mattered.
He shifted his head to the right, gaze hooded before he briefly closed his eyes━ as if he were trying to avert his attention away from something disturbing━ in a feeble attempt to extinguish the wispy embers of his thoughts and ignore its voice.
But Toji’s soul would always smolder with rejection, a characteristic of his that was so deeply ingrained into the fabric of his existence, it wouldn't dissipate no matter how much he wanted it to. His acceptance or refusal of this notion would always be apart of him━ it would always define who he was, whether he welcomed it or not.
But he didn’t care. Caring would make him feel, and reflect and remember too much, and he wasn't really itching to do any of those things anymore.
He only opened his eyes again by a few centimeters, his long dark lashes nearly obscuring his vision completely. His broad shoulders faintly slumped forward, and the fist he didn’t know was clenched into a fist relaxed itself. Like everything else, he ignored the dull ache his short finger nails caused, creating crescent shaped marks on his hand.
The large man hadn't realized the woman was finished with her shower until his ears picked up the sound of her feet on the hardwood floor. The padding noise that steadily increased in volume was enough to break Toji free of his torpid stupor, allowing him to swing his legs over the bed and finally stand up.
Stretching out his limbs and rolling his shoulders, his muscles flexed and shifted across the wide planes of his marred but statuesque body.
As he began looking around for his shirt and boxers, his phone vibrated on the bedside table. Toji picked up and answered without even bothering to check who it was, because there were only two people that had this particular number. And one of those people had an unfortunate "accident” during a previous job.
“What is it?” he answered, slightly startling himself with his own voice; it didn’t quite sound like it came from his mouth. It seemed a little raspier, rougher around the edges, and deeper than usual, like he hasn't spoken in long time.
“Now is that any way to greet the person who so generously hands you on a silver platter?” Shiu Kong’s equally deep but honey-smooth voice reverberated in Toji’s ear.
Toji’s eye roll was practically audible as Shiu chuckled mirthfully on the other line, already imagining the look on his client’s face.
Without having to turn around, he sensed the presence of the woman he was currently “staying” with enter the room. He couldn’t even be bothered to acknowledge her wrapping her arms around him from behind and kissing his upper back before floating off to her vanity and closet, which sat on the other side of the room closer to the door.
Still, even though he wasn’t next to her, Toji knew he couldn’t speak as freely as he would of liked now, which irritated him.
“Do you have something for me or not?”
“I wouldn’t be calling if I didn’t.”
After listening to what Shiu had to say, and agreeing to confirm the meeting spot via text, the phone call between them ended as swiftly as it started. Toji sighed.
Another job.
Another chance to earn money.
And although he didn’t wholly or immediately admit it to himself, it was his new distraction, and another chance to reject the wretched society that birthed him.
Toji had unknowingly zoned out trying not to think too hard about this, before the woman’s voice regained his attention by cutting through the air like a knife on a chopping board.
“Did you hear me? I was just asking who that was? . . . . Are you okay?”
The raven haired man remained still for a moment before directing his stare at the woman. He was nearly staring down his nose at her, confusion, concern and light curiosity laced in her own eyes.
The silence carried on for what felt like ages, Toji’s mostly unreadable but still intimidating expression scalded the space in between them.
But, as if his thoughts and whatever emotions it mirrored were never there to begin with, the corners of his mouth twitched upwards, and the scar that stretched across his lips curved with them in tandem. His smirk looked disarming— maybe even harmless, but something about it felt cold and wolfish, as if it weren’t genuine.
“I’m really sorry if this comes as a bit of a shock and disappointment to you, but if I'm not mistaken, I believe the phone call came through my phone. Not yours, and not ours. Thanks for the concern though, sweetheart.”
As he headed towards the door, still bare as the day he was born, Toji didn’t miss the opportunity to glide a heavy hand across the woman’s delicate shoulder blades, his grin widening by a fraction when she tried and failed to suppress a shudder.
“Oh, and um I made a little bit of a mess on the sheets after you left so, you might wanna clean that up. Probably already dried up by now. Sorry 'bout that,” his voice dipped low, utterly tantalizing as he whispered against the woman’s earlobe. The man didn’t even stick around to see her reaction, as he was already out the door and making his way to the bathroom for his own shower.
When the water warmed up to his liking, he didn’t waste any time stepping in and letting the droplets cascade down his body and relax his muscles.
Running his left hand through his hair to push it out of his face, he inhaled and exhaled deeply. Toji was able to silence and cool down the smoldering coal that burned at the bottom of his soul, the opaque tendrils retracting back to whence it came.
Just . . . . nearly.
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(#) @triangularz @stygianoir @valentineluvu @ramonathinks @valentineluvu @ryukenzz @gabzlovesu @luxesiren @honeybleed @blkjupiters @souyaszn @sxphyroth . let me know if you wanna join my tag list ♡. again i apologize for tagging folks twice, this is a repost of the original 💔
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luke-hughes43 · 4 months
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the proposal | Luke and Stella
for a little context: this is after Stella graduates college and her and Luke have lived together for the past year. this is gonna be wicked long btw. I also gave her a random generic middle name for the speech to add to the effect.
goes with: the proposal (insta edit)
July 27, 2025
3rd pov
it was the day of their 5 year anniversary. Luke was basically bouncing off the walls with excitement, having had this planned for months. Stella was suspicious when all of her immediate family were there and then all of their close friends too.
he was definitely awake before her but she convinces him to stay in bed longer, "too early. wanna stay in bed." he laughs softly and agrees, "just for a little bit. I have something planned for later. and you're going out with your mom, ava, and my mom. you guys have nail appointments at like 1 or something."
"I do?"
"yep. your mom and my mom did it and just told me to tell you."
"ok."
that adds to stella's suspicion but she ignores is and enjoys the extra 20 minutes she's getting with Luke. especially bc they're having a soft and sweet make out session, finally having alone time away from their families.
Stella is addicted to kissing him.
there's soft "I love you's" exchanged before they get ready for the day. there's a big lunch with everyone before the nail appointment. Stella had a good time having a girls afternoon with her mom, sister, and basically second mother.
Stella has a good time with her mom, sister, and Ellen having a girls afternoon but would've rather been with Luke. Luke was no where to be found when Stella got home.
he was out with jack and Quinn getting stuff for that night and making a reservation for dinner that night. he was bubbling with excitement the whole time and jack and Quinn were just as excited for him.
Luke and Stella decided to get their own house for the summer too and it happened to share a yard and dock with jack and Quinn. which is where griff and ava are staying along with their friends. trevor is staying at jack and quinn's instead. Stella gets back to her house disappointed that Luke wasn't there but covered it up.
she sneaks away from everyone and heads upstairs. trying to take a moment to herself as she misses Luke. she finds her favorite summer dress on their bed with a note on top of it. the note reads, "hey sweet girl. I know it's our 5 year anniversary and that I've disappeared. I promise there's a good reason. it's the plan I told you about this morning. I'll be back at 4 and you'll have me for the rest of the night. hopefully you'll wear your favorite dress because it's my favorite too. I'm taking you to dinner and then a surprise. I love you so much Stella. I'll see you soon pretty girl."
Stella smiles and then gets ready for her night out with Luke. she definitely wore the dress. once she's ready, she hangs out with her family downstairs and tortures trevor with the help of griff. she definitely misses him a lot.
when Luke finally get's home, he immediately kisses Stella. "hey pretty girl."
stella's pov
"hi Luke."
"ready for dinner?"
"yea."
Luke smiles and extends his hand out to me. I grab it softly and let him lead me out to the car. when we get to the car, he stops me before opening the door for me (because he refuses to let me open the door ever.) and grabs something out of the car.
he turns and it's a bouquet of flowers.
he has a big smile on his face and I feel myself smiling probably just as big. he hands them to me, "these are for you."
"thank you. they're beautiful."
"not as beautiful as you." he says with a cheeky smile. I blush and say back teasingly, "stop flirting and just open the damn door."
he laughs and opens the door for me, helping me into the car. his car is lifted and I'm in heels because my boyfriend is a fucking giant so I needed a little help. he then closes it and gets in the drivers seat. he never lets me drive, I think that's because he doesn't like my driving. anyways, he puts on our playlist and drives into town and to this really nice restaurant.
"Luke, this place is really nice."
"only the best for my best girl."
I blush and he opens the door, helping me out of his car. he leads me inside and says to the host, "hi. I have a reservation for 2. under Luke."
the host smiles, "right this way sir." she leads us to our table and we sit. we enjoy a nice dinner, just the two of us, and I love every second of it. this is what I wanted for today, just uninterrupted time with my favorite person in the whole world and the love of my life.
after dinner, (Luke obvi paid bc he refuses to let me put my card down for anything), Luke drives us back to our house. it's a nice peaceful drive as we enjoy the music coming from luke's phone.
Luke and I have similar music tastes, both of us really liking country music, so there's been any issues with us and having different music tastes. except for the fact that I'm utterly obsessed with Taylor Swift and am a certified swiftie but he is not. anyways, the drive back is quick but nice.
he pulls into our driveway opens the door for me once again helping me out, "let's go find a vase for those."
I nod and follow him into the house. it's surprisingly empty, everyone must be at jack and quinn's. we quickly find a vase for the flowers and after they are in water, Luke says, "hey. let's take a walk down to the dock."
I nod and let him lead me down to the dock. halfway onto the dock, there's candles lit on both sides. it looks so romantic. I see a bunch of our family and friends standing at the dock smiling. well, our parents are fighting back tears but everyone else is smiling. he looks down at me with a smile and I ask, "Luke, what's going on?"
"just trust me stel." he says. I nod and follow him.
at the end of the dock, past our friends and family, there's a bunch of candles in the shape of a heart and bunch fairy lights all around it. he leads me to the center of it and turns to face me.
I hear him say under his breath, "here goes nothing."
he then tucks a piece of hair behind my ear and says, "Stella Marie Zegras, we've been together for 5 years, since we were 17. now, we're 22 and I love you just as much now as I did back then when we had the whole world ahead of us."
knowing where he's going with this, I interrupt him, "yes."
"it feels fitting to do this in the same spot on the same day that I first asked you out all those years ago. we've been thought a lot together. from hiding our relationship from trevor for 8 months to moving from michigan to New Jersey together and countless injuries and bad games." he continues.
I interrupt again, "Luke, yes."
"you've always been a calm presence in my life Stella. you're strong, beautiful, and the best person I know. there's no one else."
"Luke, I'm saying yes." I interrupt again. I can hear jack and trevor giggling along with mom and ellen smacking them to shut them up.
“god damnit stella, let me finish and then you can say yes. i spent a month figuring this speech out just let me say it. anyways, you are the only woman for me Stella. I've had this ring since you told me you would come to jersey with me, that's how much I love you, and how long I've known that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. and only you. actually, I'm pretty sure I knew before you told me that you would come to jersey with me that I wanted to marry you but that's not really the point. this is only place that felt right to do this, with our closest friends and our family, this is our spot."
he pauses, dropping to a knee, "Stella Marie Zegras, will you marry me?"
I nod my head vigorously. "yes! a billion times yes!" I say through tears and a smile.
Luke smiles and puts the ring on my finger before picking me up and spinning me around. our friends and family clapping and cheering. Luke puts me down and leans in to kiss me.
after he pulls away, our family and friends come over and say they're congratulations. Luke and I get pulled into separate hugs by our parents and siblings. I think griff gives me the tightest hug out of everyone.
the rest of the night is just spent mainly with Luke enjoying the fact that we're engaged now and getting married.
griff, ava, and the rest of our friends stay at jack and Quinn's tonight to give us some privacy so they don't hear us having sex for half the night.
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