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#horror is a love letter to humanity
filmnoirsbian · a day ago
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i don’t know if u did this already. but. it’s october. and i watched a lot of stupid horror movies and it is WNOUGH. can the queen of horror recommend good ones please?
and do you think they still make good horror films? cause the latest ones from this year are just terrible!
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This is the list I always give people who are trying to find something to watch this season, because it's got something for everyone. The asterisks note my absolute favorite and must watches, but I've only included movies I think are enjoyable. My top 5 halloween-specific watches are Over the Garden Wall, Trick R Treat, Halloween (1978), The Crow, and Hocus Pocus. My top 5 horror movies in general are Scream, Friday the 13th (1980), El Orfanato, Night of the Living Dead, and Alien.
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moldspottedcake · a year ago
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Remember this while you are out and about in the world, inattentively claiming and disowning bodies as you please— Many people are just not as strong as you are. Some are afraid. Others are like Glass and they will break.
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stilitana · a year ago
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im starting to read annihilation and one of these days after the years it takes me to formulate a thought, i am going to have something to say about how within the genre of ‘cosmic horror,’ works riffing on similar images & themes using the same tropes/mechanics (body horror, found fragments of firsthand accounts, etc) manage to convey extremely different messages. julia kristeva abjection goes here somewhere. which part of awe have you chosen to emphasize, the horror/repulsion or the adoration/attraction. (it’s always both, since works focusing on horror/repulsion often note that what makes the object so horrific is that it is somehow attractive/desirable, incorporates elements of beauty/the sacred/humanity and corrupts them, etc. a trope i hate and am entirely sick of seeing and have nothing to say about except for what it says about whoever created the image, whoever’s nightmare it is.) blah. if i was well read i would probably be aware of like several books that have already thought this through and could just read them lmao
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ggukkieland · 4 months ago
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Ongoing Series I Love ▪ BTS
I set up this blog, after being a silent (and tumblr-less) reader for years, so I can reblog fics I enjoyed reading. I also use it to create reading lists (which others have said they found useful 😁).
For my🎉 one-year blog anniversary 🎊 project, I thought of going through my archive to put all these well-cherished ongoing readings in a list (which I thought was a bright idea then, not knowing going through archive of posts will take weeks 😅🤭).
The fics are sectioned per member + OT7/Multi.
🖤Notes at the bottom of the page🖤
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📚 BTS Fic Reads - 2021 May Special Edition (BTS + OT7/multi)
↳ KEY
bf2l - best friends to lovers
cf2l - childhood friends to lovers
e2l - enemies to lovers
f2l - friends to lovers
i2l  - idiots to lovers
s2l - strangers to lovers
fwb - friends with benefits
※  A - angst | S - smut | F - fluff
※ The chapter indicated is the last one I’ve read, might not be the recent chapter  
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💼 CEO, Co-worker, Office AUs
He Loves Me - drabble series, CEO AU, sugar baby au | a, f, s | ch.5
Loose Ends - CEO AU, administrative assistant!oc, exes au, e2l | a, s | ch.3
Out of My League - unrequited crush, office au, comedy | a, s, f | ch.3
Prohibido - office au, brother’s best friend, coworker au | f, a, s | ch.7
Upside down - CEO au, arranged marriage, slow burn, slice of life | a, f | ch.3
⏳ Dystopian, Cyberpunk, Futuristic, Science Fiction, Apocalyptic Aus
Artificial Infatuation - android!namjoon, sci-fi | f, a, eventual s | ch.2
🔫 Gang, Mafia, Hitman AUs
Double Entendre - mafia au, mystery, thriller, slow burn | a, f | ch.8
Grace - mafia au, arranged marriage (part of the Mafia Series and also the last series) | a, f, s | ch.1
My Blood, Your Tears - fake dating au, mafia au, (fake dated Namjoon who is the rival of brother’s gang) | a,s, f | ch.5
The Silk Series - mafia au, arranged marriage, domestic au (ch 2) | a, f, s | ch.2
When The Chips Are Down - Mafia au, yandere themes, sequel to A Dangerous Game | a, f, | ch.11 (need to catch up) (to access full story + drabbles, go to author’s masterlist)
👑 Historical or Royalty AU
Equinox - royalty au, king!namjoon x princess!reader, arranged marriage | a, f,  | ch.4
🖼 Slice of Life (fluff, angst, smut)
Citrus - drabble series, s2l, college au, nerd!namjoon, slice of life | f, eventual s/a | ch.5
Playing Cupid - high school au, student council president!namjoon, overshadowed by older sister, popular!namjoon | f, a | ch.1
Promise - e2l, college au, i2l, roommates, slow burn | f, a, s | ch.7
Sincerely But No Longer Yours - exes au, love letters to ex!namjoon | a, s | ch.5
🔮 Supernatural, Fantasy AUs
Dangerous Pairing - supernatural au, fantasy,  e2l, soulmate au | a, s | ch.4
Deceiving the Moon - greek god au, god!namjoon x goddess!reader (hades/persephone) | f, a, s | ch.3
Ocean Waves - wizard namjoon x witch reader,  wizards look down on witches, Hurt/Comfort | a, f, | ch.2
Rebels of the Night - werewolf!namjoon, vampire!reader, e2l | a,s, f | ch.3 (need to catch up)
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💼 CEO, Co-worker, Office AUs
Effleurer - CEO AU, CFO!Seokjin with a secret, boss x employee, OC moonlighting as ??? 😉 | s, a, f | ch.16
Trophy Wife - coworker au, oc with a fiance (slowly realizing his true colors), slow burn | a, s, f | ch.8
💙Dad, Dilf!Seokjin
Cinnamon Bliss - single dad!seokjin, unrequited, cafe owner!oc | a, future s | ch.6
The Nanny -  lawyer!seokjin, nanny!reader, single dad au | a, s, f | ch.2 + drabbles
🖼 Slice of Life (fluff, angst, smut)
Admire - arranged marriage au, s2l, hurt/comfort, slow burn | a, f, future s? | ch.7
Looking Back At You - drabble series, rich!seokjin, pragmatic reader, inspired by Little Women (Laurie x Amy) | a, f | ch.4
The Money Project - fake marriage, marriage of convenience, rich kid!seokjin, e2l | a, s, f | ch.3 (need to catch up)
Too Good To Be True - college au, fake dating au, i2l, based on 10 Thing I Hate About You | f, a | ch.7
🎯 SPY AUs
Burn After Reading - drabble series, exes au, spy au, action | a (so far) | ch.2
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📱 SMAUs
Catching Feelings - smau, goblin!yoongi, crack | f, slight a | ch.25
Cyberslut -  jock au, fuckboy au, nerdy!reader, college au, tutor au | s | teaser
Nocturne - smau with written parts, s2l, unrequited (OC to Jimin), fake dating, crack | f | ch.43
The Sea Without You - smau, idol au, rapper au, amnesia au, established relationship | a | ch.2
🎯 Assassin, Hitman, Agent AU
Microwave - secret agent au, neighbor au | f, a, eventual s | ch.3
💔 Break-up, Divorce,  Exes AU
Away From You - divorce au | a, f, s | ch.16
I Feel You in my Heart - feat. Jungkook, divorce au, second chance, memory lapse | a, s, f? | ch.11
💼 CEO, Co-worker, Office AUs
Heart Holiday - fake dating, e2l, coworker au, creative manager!yoongi, PA!reader | f, a  | ch.2
The Tenth Floor - CEO au, temperamental yoongi, assistant!reader | a, f, implied s | ch.22 (also one of the fics I started reading way back and I was thrilled with the recent update 🤩)
Third Wheeling - CEO au, unplanned pregnancy, infidelity | a, s, f | ch.21 (I need to catch up; series just recently completed)
🎓 College (or School) AUs
Fear and Dumplings - underground rapper!yoongi, college au | a, f, s | ch.17
First Love - college au, tattoo artist au | a, f | ch.15 (need to catch up)
Maybe So - fake dating, humor, college  | f | ch.1 (paused)
Miss Dial - college au, frat au, slow burn | s, f | ch.8 (hiatus)
You Among the Others - College AU, e2l | f, a, s | ch.10
What a Heavenly Way to Die - music au, college au, rival to music internship | f, future s, a | ch.1
⏳ Dystopian, Cyberpunk, Futuristic, Science Fiction, Time Travel
Daechwita - dystopian au, gang au, cf2l | a, f, s | ch.2
Dig Deep - alien au, space au, crack | s, f | ch.3
Poetica - dystopian au, robot-repairer yoongi | a, f, s | ch.6
Reflection of You - idol!suga, king!yoongi, time travel au, historical au | a, f | ch.4
👑 Historical
Daechwita - period drama, peasant to king!yoongi | a, s | ch.2 (author deactivated and opened another account but not sure if they’ll repost)
The Emperor’s Dagger - emperor yoongi, concubine!reader  | s, f, a | ch.4
Moonlit Throne - historical au, daechwita-inspired, royalty, drabble series | a, s | ch.30
Until All the Monsters Are Dead - historical, royalty, fantasy, spy au, cf2l, ex-friends, e2l | a | ch.3 (I need to catch up)
🔫 Gang, Mafia AUs
The Agreement - mafia au, arranged marriage, exes au, crime/thriller, espionage | s, f, a | ch.1
Fractured - mafia au, feat OT7 | a, f, eventual s | ch.3.5
Struggle - gang au, action | a, s | ch.5
🖼 Slice of Life
Eleven Months - slice of life, slow burn, s2l | f, eventual s | ch2
Bad Friends - f2l to e2l, fwb au, 90s au, college au, neighbor, comfort | a, f, s | ch.1
Birthday Girl - noona au, one night stand | f, s, a | ch.6 (need to catch up)
The Dinner Party - post grad au, relationship au | a, f, s | ch.11
The Equation of Love - professor min yoongi! ❤🔥, s2l, forbidden (student x teacher) | s, f, a | ch.10 (this is special to me, one of the first I’ve read when I started on fanfics years ago 🥺)
Just Like a Dream - rapper!yoongi, hollywood au, slow burn | a, f, eventual s | ch.2 (to catch up
The Lesson/Min Boy - bad boy, dom-sub, e2l, brat!reader | s,a,f | ch.6
Pictures of You - ex-friends, f2l, slow burn | a, f | ch.4
Silent Dreams - bf2l, sleep-talker!oc | s, f | ch.1
Somebody Else - feat Taehyung, best friend au, unrequited love | a, f | ch.2
Sutures - soulmate au, slight e2l, i2l | a, f, implied s | ch.9 (need to catch up)
🔮 Supernatural, Fantasy AUs
Black Water Lillies - witch!yoongi, detective!reader, supernatural, magic | a, f | ch.2
Of Fire and Love - fantasy, dragon!yoongi, healer!reader | s, a, f | ch.7
In The Arms of Morpheus - greek god morpheus!yoongi, villager!reader | a, f, eventual s | ch.1
Shadow’s Birthright - historical au, fantasy, magic, drama, daechwita-inspired (I think) | a, s, f | ch.6
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📱 SMAUs
Invisible String - smau, soulmate au | f | ch.13 (hiatus?)
Heartbeat - smau with written parts,  stoner!hoseok, cheerleader!reader | f, a  | (series just ended!)
🔫 Gang, Mafia, Hitman AUs
Heartbeat - gang au, bad boy!hoseok, s2l | a, s | ch.9 
Play Me Like a Toy - mafia heiress!reader, ex-mafia director!hoseok, arranged marriage, office au | a, s | ch.1
The Serendipity of Things - mafia au, soulmate au | a, s | ch.13
Stygian Forbidding Blackness - hitman au, f2l, crime/thriller, action | a, s | ch.1 (I need to catch up)
Unfaithful Trust - mafia au, arranged marriage, hoseok in love with someone else  | f, s | ch.17
🐇 Hybrid, Shifter AUs
Outro Love is Not Over - Daycare Teacher!Hoseok, Single Parent!Reader, Hybrid AU, Teacher AU | f, a | ch.13 (but series just recently completed)
🖼 Slice of Life (fluff, angst, smut)
Bygones of the Sun - dance captain!hoseok, bad boy au, college au | a, f, s | ch.10
Chemistry - college au, fwb au | s | ch.3
Dagger to the Heart - tattoo artist!hoseok, f2l, slow burn | a, f, s | ch.13 (need to catch up)
Flourish - college au, f2l, slice of life | ch.17
Painkiller - s2l, pregnancy au, single parent au, slice of life | a, f, s | ch.3 (need to catch up)
Spotless Minds + Eternal Sunshine (teaser) - past lovers, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, memory lapse au | a, s, f | ch.1
The Price of a Wish - idol au, chaebol!reader, slow burn, unrequited love, f2l | f | ch.3
🔮 Supernatural, Fantasy AUs
Jamais Vu - vampire au, forbidden love, human!reader | s, a | ch.1
Kitsune - demon hunter au, action, romance, e2l | a | ch.4
Lost and Found - peter pan!hoseok, captain hook!reader, fantasy, e2l, action adventure | s, f, a | ch.6
Vulgar and Divine - elf!hoseok au, e2l, arranged marriage,  fantasy au, horror, suspense | a, s | ch.1
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📱 SMAUs
You Broke Me First - feat Jungkook, smau, fake dating au, love triangle | a, f
💼 CEO, Co-worker, Office AUs
Bare Yourself - CEO au, s2l, boss x employee relationship | s, a, f | ch.2
Silk and Lace - royalty au, prince!jimin, ceo au, ex-betrothed, camgirl!au | s, f | ch.9
Midnight Love - superhero au, cf2l, bf2l, playboy!jimin, billionaire philanthropist, CEO au | a, f, eventual s | ch.2
⏳ Dystopian, Cyberpunk, Futuristic, Science Fiction, Apocalyptic Aus
Even If We Survive - hunger games au, e2l | a, s, tiny f | ch.2
🔫 Gang, Mafia AUs
Labyrinth - gang au, high school au | ch.22 (check author’s masterlist for the chapters)
👑 Historical or Royalty AU
Induratize - royalty au, rival kingdoms, arranged marriage | a, future s | ch.5
🐇 Hybrid, Shifter AUs
Inferiority Complex - hybrid au | a,s, f | ch.10
🖼 Slice of Life (fluff, angst, smut)
Bitter and Beloved - s2l, slice of life | a, f | ch.5
A Heart Doesn’t Break Even - drabble series, e2l, fwb au, football player!jimin x cheerleader!oc, crack | a, s, f | ch.4
Black Swan - e2l, fake dating, figure skating, professional dancer au | s, f, a |  ch.3 (semi-hiatus)
Ether - love triangle (feat jungkook), unrequited love (over jungkook), rich!jimin  | a, s | ch.3
Future Hearts  - punk!jimin, feat jungkook, band au, love triangle, s2l (jimin), ex!jungkook | a, s | ch.7
Novocaine - part of the Rewind series, 90s au, punk!jimin, exes au | a, s | ch.3
💕 Soulmate AUs
About Time (feat Jungkook) - time travel au, soulmate au | a,f, s | ch.21
Umbra - demon!jimin x angel!oc, soulmate au, s2l, fantasy | a, f | ch.1
🔮 Supernatural, Fantasy AUs
15 Seconds - assassin au | a | ch.1
Banished - s2l, supernatural au, reaper!jimin, exorcist!reader, feat ot6 | a, f |
Bite Me - Vampire AU | a, s, f | ch.1
Blood Moon Rising - supernatural au, vampire!jimin, werewolf!reader | a, s, f | ch.21
Half Bitten - vampire au, supernatural au | s, a | ch.4
Hello Again - demon au, boss x employee, reincarnation au | a, f,eventual s | ch.1
Pecattiphilia - angel au, forbidden love | a, future f/s | prologue
Realm of Enchantment - fae!jimin, fantasy, folklore, yandere themes | future s | ch.1 (need to catch up)
The Alpha - werewolf au, alpha!jimin x omega!reader, a/b/o dynamics, fantasy | s, f, a | ch.3 (I need to catch up)
Unorthodox - guardian demon!jimin, slow burn, romance | f, a | ch.27 (go to author’s masterlist for the chapters)
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📱 SMAUs
Belong - smau with written parts, heir au, artist!taehyung, e2l, roommates au | f, a, s? | ch.23
Cursed - smau with written parts, witch!taehyung, florist!oc, cursed au, crack, past life (parts) | f, a, s | ch.14
Best Man - smau with written parts, e2l | a, f, s | ch.6
Bring It - smau, neighbor au, e2l, crack | f, a | ch.9 (hiatus?)
Vante’s Body - smau, hacker au, hacker!taehyung, mystery, eventual psychological thriller | a, s | ch.5
💔 Break-up,Divorce,  Exes AU
Begin Again - break up au, slife of life, domestic, exes au, slow burn, parents au | a, f, s | ch.4
If You Need Me - drabble series, exes au, actor!taehyung, lingerie model!reader, pining | a, s | ch. 11 (author deactivated 😭)
Madeira - estranged, husband!taehyung, bartender!oc, brother’s best friend au  | a | ch.1
💼 CEO, Co-worker, Office AUs
Flavours  - e2l, office au, fuckboy au | s, a | ch.1
Beyond Desire - BDSM, best friend au, fifty shades au, ceo!taehyung | a, s | ch.3 (discontinued)
Love Lies - CEO AU, prostitution au, s2l, e2l | s, f, a | ch.1
I Hate You, I Love You - arranged marriage, ceo au (ceo!taehyung x ceo!reader), e2l (strong hate) | a, s, f | ch.3
Maybe I Do - CEO AU, arranged marriage au, s2l | f, s, a | ch.9 (need to catch up)
👮‍♀️ Detectives, Police, Action, Crime, Secret Agents, Mystery
Butterfly Effect  - crime fiction, thriller | a | ch.1 (author deactivated 😭)
Mars - military au, war au, captain!taehyung, yandere themes | a, s, f | ch.4
7 Rings - rich kid!taehyung, blackmailer!reader, infiltration au | s, a | ch.3 (hiatus?)
💞 Established Relationship AU
Dilf!Tae - drabbles, dilf!tae, dad!taehung, mom!oc | s, f | drabble:4
Perfectly Wrong (complete) + Restart (complete) + Cloud Nine (ongoing)- fuckboy au, college au turned post grad au, established au (fiance!taehyung) turned marriage au, husband au | s, f, a | (ch 4, Cloud Nine)
👑 Historical or Royalty AU
Royal Blood - royalty, magic au, supernatural, fanstasy (mages, wizards, demons, familiars) | f, a | ch.1
The King’s Consult - ice queen!oc, marriage consult!oc, royalty au, crown prince!taehyung, e2l | a, f?, s? | ch.1
🐇 Hybrid, Shifter AUs
4 o’clock - hybrid au, coffee shop au, single dad!taehyung | F | ch.3
From Me to You - hybrid au, detective!reader, romance | f, a | ch.7
Hell[L]ing - Chimera!Taehyung, Empath!Reader, sci-fi, horror | s, f, a | ch.5
Gossamer - hybrid au, human experimentation | a, s | ch.5
Wabi-sabi - hybrid au, blind!reader | f, a |  ch.14 (need to catch up)
🔫 Gang, Mafia AUs
Across the Board - mafia au, 1920s, e2l | a, future s | ch.1
Devil’s Garden - private investigator!taehyung, crime/criminal au, mafia au | a, s | ch. 4
Not Your Typical Flower Shop - flower shop owner!taehyung, college au, gang but not gang au (accdg to Taehyung 😅), feat all-black Yoongi on a bike 🥵,  | a, f | ch.5 (indefinite hiatus)
Queen Cobra - mafia au, undercover agent!reader, arranged marriage, e2l, crime, thriller | s, f, a | ch.8
Vegas, Baby - mafia au, accidental marriage | s, a, f | ch.6 (okay I cheated, I read this on ao3 but I still need to catch up)
🖼 Slice of Life (fluff, angst, smut)
Bicker - e2l, with common friends (friend Jungkook and OC’s best friend are dating), but they bicker a lot, yes I love e2l Tae | a, s | ch.4
Confetti - drabble series, f2l, pregnancy au, bf2l | f, eventual s | ch.1
Enemy - e2l, fuckboy au, fwb au, feat. fwb!hoseok | a, s, f | ch.4
Heliotrope - s2l, drabble series, porn actor au (erotica actor!taehyung) | s, f | ch.7
Hush, Yeah? - brother's best friend au , music festival au | s, a | ch.2
Somebody to Love - owaw!taehyung, film historian!reader, museum curator!reader, e2l, coworkers au, humor | a (so far), future s | prologue
Sweet Temptations - neighbor au, college au, slow burn, long-term crush on Taehyung, OC has an IT!girl sister  | a, f, s | ch.3
The Night We Met - bodyguard!reader, single parent!taehyung, idol au | a, f, s | ch. 7 (epilogue left)
💕Soulmate AUs
All of Our Lifetimes - reincarnation au, boyfriend!taehyung, husband!taehyung, s2l, lovers to strangers, soulmate au, crime-ish (past life) | f, a | ch.8
As Fate Would Have It - idol au, past life au | a, f | ch.1
Only You - tsundere!taehyung, soulmate au, slow burn, lowkey thriller in the beginning, supernatural? (soul tethered to a painting) | a, s | ch.1
Saudade - soulmate au, supernatural au, slow burn | a, future s | ch.1
🔮 Supernatural, Fantasy AUs
Bloodlust - investigative journalist!taehyung, witch!reader, horror, thriller, s2l, 1990s | a | ch.1 (author removed from masterlist)
Lost in the Sea Foam - greek god au, poseidon!taehyung, marine biologist!reader | f, s, a | ch.6 (paused?)
Seasons Crossed - god au, god!taehyung, god!reader, fantasy | a | prologue
Tempting (rewritten ver) - demon au, angel!oc, fantasy | a, s | ch.1 (author reposted)
The Storm - witch reader, human!taehyung, fantasy, dark au, royal knight!taehyung, soulmate themes | a (so far), eventual s | ch.1
To Hell and Back - demon au, check tags for warnings | a | ch.8
V - captain!taehyung (human), vampire!reader, fantasy, e2l, crack | s, f, a | ch.1
Velvet Burgundy - supernatural, vampire!taehyung, human!oc, client x supplier relationship | s, a | ch.1
Wolfsbane: Bloodlust [Book 2] - werewolf au, supernatural au, action, drama | a, f | ch.1
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Jungkook gets a separate page due to the bulk of fics under him.
There are Jungkook fics in this list under OT7/Multi/Poly
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💜 OT7 💜
Abundance - Hybrid!BTS, e2l, s2l | a, f, s | ch.16
Between the Bloodshed (completed) + Book 2: Everything Between Us (ongoing) - Mafia AU, Doctor!Reader, Gangster!BTS | a, f  | ch.27 + teaser to Book 2
Before I Leave You - omegaverse, mafia au, hurt/comfort, Beta! Yoongi, Omega! Reader, Omega! Jungkook, Omega! Seokjin, Alpha! Namjoon, Alpha! Hoseok, Alpha! Taehyung, Alpha! Jimin| a, f, s | ch.6
Eternal - The Old Guard AU, Fantasy, Historical, Action | a, f | ch.5
Ethereal Orbit - alien au, space au, poly au, slow burn | a, f, s | ch.12
Eunoia -  Hybrid AU, Director!OC, hurt/comfort | a, f, s | ch.16
Physcom - physical companion!oc, poly au, sex worker au, complicated feelings |  s, f, a | ch.7
Playmates - idol au, s2l, hired as a playmate, sex worker au | s | ch.2
Return of an Empress - isekai, Empress!Reader, Advisor!Jin, Advisor!Yoongi, General!Hoseok, Advisor!Namjoon, Assassin!Jimin, Knight!Taehyung, Knight!Jungkook | a, f, eventual s | ch.8
Restitution - hybrid au, mystery, romance, hurt/comfort, inheritance (includes the hybrids) | ch.7
Seven Sins - historical au, prince!bts, concubine!reader | s, f, a | ch.8
Sh. - poly au, wilderness au, roommates au, f2l | s, a, f | ch.5
The Unholy - supernatural au, holy vs the unholy, princess reader, vampire Jin, hybrid Namjoon, Hybrid Yoong, vampire Hoseok, vampire Jimin, hybrid Taehyung, hybrid Jungkook | a | ch.5
VOID - space au, sci-fi, space mission | s, a | ch.7
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🐱🐰Yoongi x Reader x Jungkook
Punctuation Series - Tattoo Artist!Jungkook, Heir!Yoongi, BDSM, dom!yoong, dom!jungkook, sub!oc | s | ch.5 semicolon ; | exclamation mark ! | period . | comma , | question mark ?
Not Allowed - based on real time, idol au | s, f, a | part:6 prelude | part i: jjk only | part ii | part iii | part iv | part v: myg only | part vi
🐰🐥Jungkook x Reader x Jimin
Cybersex - jungkook x reader x jimin | camgirl!reader, camboy!jimin, rich kid!jungkook, neighbor au | s | ch.1
🐰🌰Jungkook x Reader x Hoseok
Falling Again - exes au (jjk), fake marriage (jhs), gang au | a, f, implied s | ch.5
🐯🐥Taehyung x Reader x Jimin
Luce in Altis - royalty au, fantasy, two feuding kingdoms and one is a wicked king | a | ch.10
🐰🐯Jungkook x Reader x Taehyung
Madam Cupcake - sugarbaby au, idol!jungkook, idol!taehyung, dom!reader, sub!oc, some MxM | s, f | ch.10
Just Kidding - nympho!oc, crack | s, f | ch.3 + specials art i: jjk | part ii: kth + jjk | car ride: kth + jjk christmas eve: red+white, gold light
🐰🐯🐥Maknae Line
Holy Trinity - fwb au (yes all three of them), best friend!jungkook, infidelity themes, rockband au, drummer!jungkook | ch.3
🐹🐰🐱 Reader x YoonJinKook (not foursome)
The King’s Guard  - royalty au, historical au, husband!seokjin, King!Seokjin, Captain!Jungkook, King!Yoongi, pining!koo | a, s, f | ch.7
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📝 Note:
If you happen to encounter this post and decided to check these great fics, welcome! Just a few important reminders:
The list may seem a lot, but not all of these are updated at the same time
Some fics have been updated only once or twice within the year. PLEASE do not pressure the authors to update.  Just go with the flow, enjoy what’s there, and discover new fics.
There are more series I’ve been monitoring over the years but I only put the ones that have been updated within the year (or ones I re-read)
Note that these are ongoing series, so they’re not complete. BUT! I don’t really wait until the series is over to read it. I read whenever there is an update.
Some of the fics are being re-written/re-booted (the links will lead to my reblog instead)
Most fics are (M) mature
This doesn’t include pure AO3 fics
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Going through these fics was nostalgic to me. There are fics that I read months/years ago and for some reason I still remember my condition at that time (whether I was happy or sad) and the effects of the specific fic to me (it made me cry or comforted me or made me laugh). I hope you all realize how powerful your stories are. Planning, writing, and sharing your stories takes a lot of time, energy, and emotions. I really appreciate all your efforts and your generosity to share all these 😭. I can’t thank you enough!  
These different worlds, characters, and stories are just precious gifts I will not take for granted. I wish everyone a more stress-free experience and thank you for making this community a delightful place just with your presence too 💜💙
🌹 love, rosie
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@adventuresinwonderlust​ @agustdakasuga​ @alpacaparkaseok @angelicyoongie @aroseforyoongi @arrianna21 @aspaceformyselffics09 @audreonne @bananxjin @bangtann-bangdamn @bangtanfancamp @bangtan-madi @bangtoes @bgyulix @bloomsuga @borathae​ @bratkook @bratzkoo @btsarmy9593​ @btsmakesmehappy @btssavedmylifeblr @btssmutgalore​ @btstxt-alpacat @can-i-go-back-to-sleep @chaoticneutralwriter​ @chaoticpuff17 @chateautae @cheeky-kookie @chimcess @cloudteawrites @craztextae @cutechim @ddaenysus @dylanxmin @erotikkook @eureka-its-zico @fantasybangtan @farfromsugafanfic @flurrys-creativity​ @fortunexkookie @gguksgalaxy @golden-yoongi​ @heartbeatan​ @heejinnien @helenazbmrskai @hobeemin @hobidreams @hobiwonder @hollyhomburg @hollyxqx @honeiibeehobi @hongism​ @hueseok @imyourhobiii​ @inkedtae @inkofyoongi​ @iridescentjin @ironicarmy @jeonqukie @jessikahathaway @jimins-filter​ @jincherie @jinings (deactivated, moved blogs) @jjkpls @jjungkookislife​ @jkeuphoriadreamland @joheunsaram @johobi​ @joonary @joonbird​ @joonclouds @jooniesrose @joon-ipersgirl @joontier @jungblue​ @just-another-author-i-guess​ @jvnghxope​ @katebacks @kiirokero  @kimnjss @kimvvantae​  @kinktae​ @kithtaehyung​ @kittae​ @kookiestarlight​​ @kookingtae​​  @koyalov​ @kpopisthereasonihavenolife​ @krreader​ @ktheist​​ @ladyartemesia​​ @lamourche​  @leftonraed​​ @lunar-jimin​​ @minbbyy​ @minloop​ @minsprings(deactivated 😥) @namjin-fangirling-again​ @namjoonchronicles​​ @na-na-na-nanna​​ @neonlights92​  @nomseok​ @notsoguiltykpop​ @nottojay​ @nymphigeon​ @oh-so-scenarios​ @oshbluepacific​ @ot7always​ @out-of-jams​​ @papillonsgf​ @pars-ley​​ @personasintro​​ @pjmsgalaxy​ @ppersonna​ @pradaksj​ @purpletaecup​ @saladejin​ @scribblemetae​ @scriptaed​ @se0kie​ @secretbangtnn​​ @selfproducingfanfictionauthor​ @seoulnotes​​ @softlyjiminie​​ @softyoongiionly​ @sopebubbles​​​ @springbean​​ @starlightauroras-writes​​ @strwberrytae​ @sugaurora​ @sunkissedjk​​ @sunshyngal​ @taehyungs-perm​ @taephilia​ @taesinferno​​ @taetaesbaebaepsae​ @tataswish​ @teawithkpop​ @thebiasrekkers​ @thisisval​ @to-star-lake​ @triviafics​ @ttttaehyungie​​ @ughcore​ @untaemedqueen​ @vanaera​​ @versigny​ @v-hope​ @vyduan​ @whatifyoulivelikethat​ @wishesunderthestars​ @worldwidebt7​ @wwilloww​ @xmint-conditionx​ @yeoldontknow​ @yoonia​ @yoonieper​ @yoonjinkooked​ @yoonsshadow​ @yoontaethings
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🥕 posted: 2021 May 25 🥕 updated: 🥕 link to other reading lists | ​​ 🌹   I love to read so feel free to message me about fics! =)
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1K notes · View notes
blckjeon · 2 months ago
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#blckjeonfanficrecs
Everything boxy smile guy that u need to read ♡ KTH
s : smut, f : fluff, a : angst, c : comedy, v : violence, y : yandere, sm : social media
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▸ random aus ◂
☾ @latetaektalk
Unspoken rules series (a, f) | fwb!tae
☾ @personasintro
Cheater (a, s, infidelity) | boyfriend!tae
bad word (f, c, s) | dilf!tae
☾ @/gukslut
Cheap skate (f, c, s) | boyfriend!tae
Fun & games (c, s) | boyfriend!tae
☾ @/littlemisskookie
Push your buttons (a, v) | coraline!au
☾ @rosaetae
With love (a, slice of life) | bestfriend!tae
☾ @jimlingss
Love so shallow series (f, c) | bestfriend!tae
Maybe baby retreat (f, s) | husband!tae
Blackwaltz (f, a) | personal butler!tae
☾ @taesthetic
The universe of us (a, c, f) ft Jungkook | boyfriend!tae, boyfriend!jk
☾ @/inktae
First light (a, f) | spirit!jk, bestfriend!tae
☾ @/jamaisjoons
Picking flowers (a, f, s) | florist!tae
☾ @jingabitch
Dont ask dont tell series (s, f) | hybrid!tae
Let love be enough (a, s, infidelity) | ex-husband!tae
☾ @v-hope
Scenery (f, s) | boyfriend!tae
☾ @/xpeachesandcrean
Tae impreg kink drabble (s) | husband!tae
☾ @taehyungs-perm
Strawberry girl series (f, a) | childhood friend!tae
☾ @/prolixitae
I’ll break you in (s, c, f) | boyfriend!tae
Fate & fearless: what comes first (a, f, s, 50k be careful mobile user) (prequel) | biker!tae
Fate of the fast & furious (s, f, c) | babysitter!biker!tae
☾ @jeonggukingdom
Across a lifetime (s, a) ft Jungkook | time-travel!au
☾ @krreader
Aurora (a, f) ft Jungkook | idol!tae, idol!jk
☾ @hueseok
Kingdom come (f, s, a) | bodyguard!tae
Love is not over (a, c, s) ft Namjoon | ex-husband!tae
☾ @fantasybangtan
Queen cobra series (s, v, a) discontinued but still worth reading | mafia!tae
☾ @kpopfanfictrash
The holi-date (c, f, a, s) | neighbor!tae
☾ @taendrils
Fame & surrender (s) ft Jimin | idol!tae
☾ @sunkoos
Venom (s) | venom!tae
☾ @kookscrescent
The check up (s, f, c) | doctor!tae
☾ @/nitaescence
akrasia (s, infidelity) | stranger!tae
☾ @threeletterslife
the exam (a, f) | friend!tae
☾ @gashinabts
Philophobia (a, s, f) | bi!tae
☾ @/fortunexkookie
Too long: Didn’t read (c, s, f) | classmate!tae
☾ @snackhobi
A human touch (s, f, a) | robot!tae
☾ @ttttaehyungie
home: bday (f) | dad!tae
☾ @jjkthclub
And so it goes (a, s) | fwb!tae
☾ @justimajin
Locked & loaded (c, f, a, action) | secret agent!tae
Catching a case of the doctor blues series (f, c, a) | doctor!tae
☾ @/bratkook
Tear you apart (s, horror) | incubus!tae
☾ @btsmakesmehappy
Palate cleanser series (a, f, s) | agent!tae
☾ @ughseoks
Tequila (f, a, s) | stranger!tae
☾ @/untaemedqueen
In bloom (s, c, f) | tattooartist!husband!tae
☾ @lavishedinjimin
Muse (s) | classmate!senior!tae
☾ @jimidol
Boy with luv (s, f, a) | boyfriend!idol!tae
Birthday surprise (s, f) | boyfriend!tae
☾ @namjoonchronicles
Outnumbered (f, c) ft Jimin | husband!tae, assistant!jimin
☾ @suga-kookiemonster
Good girl (s) | coworker!tae
Hoe chronicles (s) | frat!tae
☾ @/ppersona
Higher (s, f) | stranger!tae
☾ @scriptaed
Between us and infinity (a, f) | streetperformer!tae
☾ @moononthejoon
About the boy series (s, f, c) | neighbor!tae
Mcdreamy (s, c, f) | doctor!tae
☾ @ropeseok
Dimple (a, f) | friend!tae
☾ @noteguk
Just a taste (s) | werewolf!tae
Pretty in pink (s) | husband!tae
☾ @borathae
i hate you, i love you series (s, f, a) | CEO!tae
☾ @/btsinned
Stawberry shortcake (a, f, infidelity) ft Jungkook | childhood friend!tae, boyfriend!jk
☾ @sketchguk
10 muses (s, f) | photographer!tae
☾ @strawberrynamjoon
Farmer boy, i love you (s, c, f) | neighbor!tae
☾ @artaefact
A letter in roses (f) | husband!tae
☾ @aiimaginesbts
House of Cards series (s, a, infidelity) ft Jungkook | ex-boyfriend!tae, roommate!jk
☾ @avveh
Princess (s) | idol!tae
☾ @whatifyoulivelikethat
Aquarium (a, infidelity) one, two ft Jungkook | landlord!tae, boyfriend!jk
☾ @koorara
Love, loss and legacy (f, a, s) | bookstore owner!tae
☾ @joonsgalore
Imitation of Art (s, f) | bestfriend!tae
☾ @arckook
Anima meaology series (a, f) ft Jungkook | bestfried!tae
☾ @/junqkook
Buzzed one, two (s) | bestfriend!tae
☾ @inkedtae
Only you (f, a, s) | artist!ta
☾ @/jjungkookislife
A matter of shyness series (s, f, a) | camboy!tae
Four months (s, f) | model!boyfriend!tae
☾ @ktheist
Why we got married (a, s) | chairman!tae
☾ @/httpjeon
Sehebon (s, a, f) | alien!tae
Hot bot (s) | android!tae
Work of art (s) | pornstar!tae
☾ @/taexual
The dying of the light (a, horror) | boyfriend!tae
☾ @taegularities
Definition of love (s, f, c) | classmate!tae
Dirty (s) | boyfriend!tae
Long rails (s) | dilf!tae
☾ @floralseokjin
Slowdance on the inside (a, f, s)| bestfriend!tae
☾ Univsa (AO3)
Across the stars (a) | soulmate!tae
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▸ u can stop scrolling if youre not comfortable with yandere themes ◂
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⚠️noncon/dubcon/manipulation/kidnapping/stalking/gore/violence/dark⚠️
Yandere
☾ @/taequois
Reputation (s, v, a) | studentpresident!tae
The devil’s patience (v, s, a) | boss!tae
☾ @/kosmosguk
Bloody artisty (s, v) ft Jungkook | idol!tae, anonymous!jk
Deceptively angelic (s) | angel!tae
☾ @99liners
Enouement (s, a, manipulation) | doctor!husband!tae
☾ @jooniyah
Poison apple series, (s, v, a) | mafia!tae
☾ @/sluttyyandere
Cause you want more, why? ft Jimin (s) | rich!tae, rich!jimin
☾ @/yandere-society
reincarnate (v) | vampire!tae
Moonlight (s, v) | werewolf!tae
See No Evil (a, v) | ghost!tae
☾ @nomseok
anything for you (s, a) | butler!tae
☾ @/cosmostae
everything is good, check out the masterlist
☾ @/worldwidemochiguy
Made for each other series (s, a, f) | kidnapper!bf!tae
☾ @voidswan
Little lamb, tainted and full of sin (s) | stepbro!tae
☾ @yumtete
Anthropophagite (v, s, horror) | stalker!tae
☾ Kpopyandere (AO3)
Snapped (s, a, infidelity) | twins!tae
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❥ I will update more soon
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back to the master page
777 notes · View notes
cosmostae · 8 months ago
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Lovesick
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Summary: Your deceased sister’s ex-boyfriend, Taehyung, moves from the city to your rural village and starts working at your school. When you’re hurt and confused, you let Taehyung take care of you. But, you didn’t have a single clue of all the twisted things he wanted to do to you.
Pairing: Fem! Reader x Yandere Kim Taehyung
Warnings: murder, somnophilia (outercourse, groping), manipulation, filming and taking photos without permission, yandere behavior,  taehyung being a creep 
Word Count: 4.1K
A/N: reposted from my old blog, originally written for tae’s birthday ♡
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Your scraped knees stung like they’d been pierced by bees. It was spring and you could hear the laughter of students as their scuffed sneakers scuffled on the grass. Kicking a ball around was a familiar pastime for kids raised in rural idyll. Surrounded by mountains rather than skyscrapers, the air was clean and life was simple. However, matters of the heart were never quite so peaceful. 
People say fights strengthened friendships to which you’ve been in many fights with your best friend. On a door frame in your house was pencil-marked height measurements of the two of you growing up side-by-side. She was like your sister to which sibling fights were even more common. If the countryside was where your roots were then your roots were intertwined with hers. 
Perhaps it’s why your wires crossed so frequently. The two of you were just too close.
You’ve fought with her countless times over countless things. Deep inside the memory box under your bed was an apology letter written in colourful scribbles from her as a toddler. At the end of the day, whether it’s candy, toys or boys, nothing could compare to the two of you being in each other’s lives. 
But this was the first time she ever pushed you off a flight of stairs. 
It was an accident, really, although the push was intentional. Falling down, knowing nothing would catch your fall, was the scariest. You wonder if she had seen the betrayal in your eyes like you had seen in hers when you told her you’ll move to the city after graduation. The world had spiralled around you and when you landed, shaken and aching all over, you saw darkness then her horror-stricken face. 
You were instantly filled with relief, thankful that it didn’t result in an immediate concussion. Your shoes had stumbled on a few steps of the short stairway and you only ended up with a few cuts and bruises. Dark shadows danced on your best friend’s face as her eyes shined with tears - an apology on the tip of her tongue and her hands desperately wanting to reach out to you. 
You looked away because although you didn’t hold it against her, you couldn’t stand her being near you yet. But you were glad that nobody else had been there since the situation could have easily been misconstrued. You didn’t want your best friend to get in trouble, knowing she had to take care of her ill grandmother which meant she couldn’t leave this place - meaning you’d be leaving her behind. You forgave her even when she ran away, not looking back even once. You were both lost and knew there were no directions that would lead the two of you to each other. 
 Now, you sat on a bed in the school infirmary with the school doctor on his knees before you. Your own knees were bleeding, droplets of blood on your skin glistening like honey under the afternoon rays. Honey and blood are very much similar in composition but tasted nothing alike as you sipped on a cup of honey and lemon tea. 
Perhaps, if you weren’t distracted by the warm ceramic in your palms and the noise outside, you would’ve realised that Kim Taehyung had a perfect view of your underwear. 
Taehyung was the new school doctor, having only moved here several weeks ago but he was already the talk of the village. It wasn’t simply because new faces were like a blue moon here. It was more to do with the fact that he was effortlessly beautiful. Intelligent too as he worked night shifts at the hospital. But the first time you met him was actually through a video call on your 18th birthday with your sister, who was a university student in Seoul. 
Taehyung was your sister’s boyfriend. Until their break up, that is. 
But before that happened, Taehyung and you video-called quite often. He’d offer to help you with your homework, ask you to tell him about yourself and even offered to send you gifts. He encouraged you to call him, “Tae Tae,” which you’d say with a giggle. He even offered to buy you a phone so the two of you could talk more easily rather than having to use the computer in the library. But your parents wouldn’t allow it. 
You thought your sister was so lucky to be with Taehyung until she called you, crying, saying that they’re over. She blocked him on the online account she made for you to talk to her. You were deeply upset but you couldn’t be upset with her for long when she passed away two months later in a car accident. 
You never expected to see Taehyung or actually ever meet him in real life but there he was, working at your school. Fate worked in funny ways. Although you shouldn’t, you saw Taehyung like a big brother because it was your dream once that he’d become your brother in law. 
You sat still as he tended to you. You didn’t pay him any mind because nothing hurt as much as your heart did. It was like a phantom pain, as your best friend was a part of you and you were losing her. 
Until he moved much closer, so close that his clothes brushed your skin. 
“You smell like strawberries,” you said, placing down the tea cup. 
Taehyung looked up at you, surprised to hear your voice after you had been quiet for so long. He was so gentle with you, you barely felt a thing even when he was dabbing on the disinfectant. 
He smiled, “Is that so?” You nodded. “Well, I do love strawberries.”
Your eyes lit up. “Do you wear strawberry perfume?” 
Taehyung shook his head with a chuckle. “No, sweetheart.” 
Tilting your head, you looked at the soft hair on the top of his head. “Strawberry scented shampoo?”
Taehyung playfully hummed, leaving you buzzing with anticipation for his answer but eventually said, “Nope.” 
You huffed in frustration but didn’t understand why you felt that way. Perhaps, it was wanting to distract yourself with lighthearted things. Also, people didn’t naturally smell like strawberries - do they? 
“Hm, strawberry body lotion? I love using that myself!” 
Taehyung cocked his brow. “Is that so? But I can’t quite smell it on you, darling.” He leaned in closer, so close that his nose could brush your stomach although he’d already smelled the lotion on your thighs. It was on the very tips of his fingers after they danced upon your arms and legs. It was all over you and he wanted you to be all over him. 
He wanted his fingers so deep in your pussy that they smelled like you for days.  
“You smell like vanilla,” Taehyung answered. It had taken him a while to say because his bright yet depraved mind couldn’t help but imagine the sight of you right after a shower. Soft and dripping wet, spread out on your bed with your fingers, slick with lotion, fucking yourself silly. It was made even easier by the droplets of water that remained on your skin after cleansing your cuts. 
Taehyung bit his lip, chastising himself for not having brought along hidden spy cameras to the middle of nowhere. A long road trip was due on the weekend and maybe, you’d even be eager to join him.
“You have quite the nose on you, Tae,” you chuckled, “Or maybe I just have too much of it on.” 
Taehyung tapped his nose and for a moment, he felt pleasure rush through his body from your scent being so close to his nostrils. He yearned to trail his lips over every inch of your body until you infiltrated every cell of his being. 
One day, he’d tell you that but for now, he said, “I do have a pretty good nose, darlin’. Do you know that humans are able to smell tumors?” 
Your lips parted in awe, “Wow, really? And here I am, not even being able to tell why you smell like strawberries!” 
His hands didn’t move away from your legs, even when they’d already placed Hello Kitty bandaids on your knees. He curled his large palms around your thigh inwards. 
You gasped when he suddenly yanked you closer to him until your butt was on the edge of the bed. He was able to feel the hem of your pleated skirt on his neck and it would’ve been so easy, to just bury his head in between your legs. He could already smell your pussy and was dying to taste it.  
But your hand curled around his wrist, preventing all further movement. 
“What are you doing, Tae Tae?” you asked.
His voice dipped into a conspiratorial tone, low and rumbly. “Do you really want to know, sweetheart?” 
You tilted your head in confusion. 
Taehyung’s lips curled. “The reason I smell like strawberries” 
Ah. You nodded. 
“Promise me you’ll be a good girl and not tell anyone else about it.” 
You nodded once more but Taehyung tutted. He raised his hand to curl it into your hair, his fingertips on your thrumming scalp. “With your words, darling.” 
“I promise I’ll be a good girl and won’t tell anyone else about it.”
Taehyung hummed in satisfaction whilst stroking your hair. “That’s my girl. Now, close your eyes for me.”
You frowned, confused but ultimately trusted Taehyung. You fluttered your eyes shut which allowed Taehyung’s eyes to freely roam your face. He moved closer, desperately holding his breath so you’d not feel it hit your lips. It wouldn’t have been too difficult, seeing as you take his breath away like magic but he wanted to groan at the very thought of kissing you. 
You couldn’t hear a single noise. Light slipped through the edges of your lids but you couldn’t see or hear him move. You waited with bated breath to which you gasped when you felt something hard and cool sliding all over your lips. You slowly stuck out your tongue and instantly opened your eyes when you tasted strawberry. 
Taehyung looked down at you with a smile and you allowed him to slip the lollipop further into your mouth. Your fingers brushed his as you took hold of the stick. 
You pushed the lollipop to the right side of your mouth, bulging against your cheek, so you could speak. “Is that the secret to why you smell like strawberries?” 
“Yes,” Taehyung flashed you his boxy grin, “I’m addicted and the kids keep on asking for them but I hide ‘em,” he winked, “Wouldn’t want them getting cavities.” 
You laughed while swinging your legs. The sudden movement caused your injuries to sting once more and you hissed in pain. Taehyung placed a hand on your cheek, coercing you to look into his eyes. “Are you okay? You can’t move too much, darling.” 
You nodded pitifully whilst sucking on the lollipop for sweet comfort. “Is it possible for me to take a painkiller?” 
Denying you of anything would be a sin, Taehyung thought. He nodded, “Of course, darling. You should lie down and rest. The day’s almost over. Once I finish up, I’ll drive you home, okay?” 
You made a noise of affirmation. You were physically and mentally exhausted to the point of tears that you were desperating holding back. You weren’t strong enough to show how weak you were and didn’t have the strength to deal with your emotions either. You kept on sucking on the hard candy to distract yourself but whined when Taehyung abruptly pulled it out of your mouth and placed it on his desk. 
Taehyung smiled softly. “You can’t take this with a busy mouth, honey.” He held out a white-coated pill in his open palm whilst holding a water bottle in his other hand. You gratefully took both, swallowing it down with a gulp of water. 
Taehyung stepped towards you, his leg in between your thighs and took your face into his hands. You blinked at him confusedly before he moved your head to rest against his chest. 
You heard and felt his heartbeat on your cheek. He handled you so delicately like you were something fragile to which you were truly on the verge of breaking. 
“You can tell me anything,” Taehyung whispered, so quietly that only your hearts could hear it, “you know that, right?” 
“Yes,” you exhaled like a confession. 
“Good,” he murmured. Taehyung placed his hands on your shoulders and pushed, encouraging you to fall back onto the bed. 
You rested your head on the pillow and stared at the peeling paint on the ceiling. Taehyung shielded you from the outside world by pulling on the blue dividing curtains around the bed. He returned to his desk and you made yourself comfortable. 
You took a breath and closed your eyes. 
Through the open window, you heard the spring breeze rustling the leaves of trees and the exhausted murmurs of children after a class of P.E. Taehyung was flipping through some pages while the nib of his pen scratched paper every now and then. It was comforting, how the Earth continued to spin on its axis and life went on despite whatever it is we are going through. 
It wouldn’t be the end of the world even if it was the end of your friendship. 
Your body easily sank into a deep sleep, knowing you were safe and sound, with Taehyung there. 
Taehyung kept on glancing at his wristwatch, well aware that it shouldn’t take long for the sleeping pill to kick in. It wasn’t deceitful of him, not at all, when he knew a simple painkiller wouldn’t give you the rest you needed. 
Taehyung reminded himself to not be impatient. He strained his ears to focus on the pattern of your breathing. After fifteen minutes had passed, he allowed himself to place the water bottle you wrapped your lips around into his leather briefcase. Taehyung’s hand shook as he picked up the lollipop you sucked on, breathless as he twirled it in the light and saw it glisten with your drying spit. 
He tentatively took a lick and shuddered at the sweetness melting on his tongue. Taehyung carefully placed the lollipop in a ziploc bag to preserve it. It’d be there to satisfy him until the day he could taste you to his heart’s content. 
When you arrived at the infirmary, he had taken your backpack off your shoulders and placed it beside his desk. He quietly unzipped your bag and was beyond excited because he couldn’t have access to it when he visited your house. 
You were always there, chattering away so sweetly in front of him, which didn’t give him the opportunity to go through your things. You had slipped away for a few minutes to make him tea and Taehyung did his very best to snap a few photos of your bedroom and place his face on your pillow. Your childhood pillow which would undoubtedly have had the privilege to soak up your drool, sweat and tears. 
The door to the infirmary was locked and since it was nearing the end of the day, he prayed that no one would interrupt. Taehyung touched each and every one of your items. He took a photo of the lip balm you used, hoping to get one for himself so he could regularly apply it to his lips. 
As much as he’d love to get a swipe out of it right away, just like wanting to suck on your lollipop like a baby - he didn’t want to contaminate the experience of finally getting his hands and mouth on you in a few minutes. 
Taehyung lovingly flipped through your notebook and grinned at your doodling on the margins. He pressed his nose to your menstrual pads and inhaled the fresh scent. He got a photo of your deodorant on his phone as well so he could spray it in his house. 
Unfortunately, you didn’t own a modern phone since it only served the purpose of making and receiving calls from your parents. He wondered if you’d take nudes of yourself if you could. But it was alright, he’d enjoy the candid footage of you changing your clothes with some hidden cameras and shall take lewd photos of you himself. 
Photos that’d undoubtedly make the whole village call you a whore. 
Nobody else could appreciate you like he did. What they considered to be filth was art to him. People were inherently selfish and if they weren’t so self-absorbed or concerned with inconsequential things, they’d be able to see the angels hidden among us. The angel that is you. He worshipped you unconditionally and because you were his pretty little angel, he knew you’d forgive him for this. 
Taehyung walked towards your bed with his heart pounding in his chest. Angels can’t inflict punishment but your body can very well take him to heaven. He carefully pulled back the dividing curtain. Your breathing was quiet and your features were relaxed. 
Taehyung’s hands hovered over your face and clapped loudly. 
He was pleased to see no reaction from you. The bed creaked as he crawled onto the bed on all fours. Taehyung leaned in to lick a long stripe up your vulnerable neck before pressing kisses along your jaw. 
His eyes wandered all over your body to which he was hypnotised by the steady rise and fall of your chest, the sliver of your exposed stomach and how innocent you looked in your sleep. 
You were like Sleeping Beauty but he’d want you to be conscious for your first kiss with him. Perhaps, he could do what the King originally did in the tale yet he needed to hear your fucked out voice as he fucks you until you cry. 
Taehyung’s finger delicately traced your collarbones before sliding towards the dip of your shirt. He slowly unbuttoned it, drinking in every inch of exposed skin until he reached the underband of your white bra. Taehyung got his phone out of the pocket in his slacks and took a photo. 
He pushed up the cups and revelled in the sight of your breasts. A moan slipped out from his lips just at that. Taehyung hotly kissed all over your breasts and sighed with pleasure at the softness beneath his lips. 
He quickly snapped a picture of your tits as they were before he impatiently latched his mouth on one of your nipples and then the other. He groaned as he sucked and made the most lewd noises like your milk would spill into his mouth. His tongue flicked and swirled around your stiff buds to which he also playfully rolled them between his teeth. He loved how swollen they became and took a photo of them like that as well although any image of you would forever be burned into his memory. 
As much as he wanted to take his time, Taehyung knew the clock was ticking. You won’t be waking up for a few more hours and he needed to carry you to his car before students got released from their classes. 
Taehyung pushed your skirt up before sliding his hands up and down your thighs. He squeezed them whilst he stared at your white cotton panties. It was crazy how you looked like an angel yet tempted him like a devil. His cock was so hard, it hurt. When he looked down, he saw his pre-cum staining the front of his slacks. 
“Fuck.”
With shaky hands, he took a photo of you in your underwear. He tugged your panties down your thighs and swore he could’ve cum right then and there just by looking at your perfect pussy. He knew he’d kill just to be inside you. 
In your underwear was your natural discharge and Taehyung bent down to lick it. He then moved forward to press his nose on your clit. You were overwhelming all of his senses and he let out a shaky breath before allowing his tongue to tentatively slide in between your folds. It got him leaking even more in his pants because you tasted like ambrosia. 
Your hips were his altar and the wetness dripping out of your cunt was the holy grail of his existence. Taehyung kept on lapping at your pussy like a dog for God knows how long. The lower half of his face was entirely wet and your pussy shined so beautifully with his saliva. He couldn’t help but spit on you and used his fingers to rub it in. It was so aesthetically pleasing for the senses and his cock. 
Taehyung unzipped himself and pulled his heavy and aching cock out. He slapped it several times against your pussy with a grunt. He slid his cockhead up and down your folds before deciding to hold up both of your legs so he could slide the length of his cock along your sopping cunt. 
He knew he was being noisy. The bed springs kept on creaking and the headboard threatened to bang the wall with how frantic his movements were. He tried his very best to bite back his moans so the entire school wouldn’t hear. 
He was chasing his release through desperate thrusts of his hips. You were getting wet despite being asleep and coated every inch of his veiny shaft. You were always perfect for him. So warm, so wet and so beautiful. His balls began throbbing hard and Taehyung knew he was precariously close.
Taehyung dropped your legs and quickly crawled up your sleeping figure. He placed his thighs on the sides of your face which he couldn’t look away from as he pumped his cock hard and fast. He imagined your lips wrapped around his cock, his cock buried deep in your pussy and hitting your cervix with every thrust until you bruise. He pictured you waking up at that very moment, brows furrowed and mouth open in shock which he’d cum into right away and you’d just have to lie there and take it. 
With that, Taehyung whimpered your name as he spilled all over your face. His hot cum landed on your lashes, nose and lips. He smeared more of it all over your cheeks with his cock. Although he’d have to clean it up, he wanted you to smell him on you. 
Once his breathing calmed down, he took photos of your cum-covered face. His fingers couldn’t stop taking more. It was perfect. 
You were perfect. Taehyung knew he’d stop at nothing to get you. He already killed your sister and faked his credentials just to be here after all. 
Nothing can get in his way. 
You anxiously stood in the hallway of the hospital. It was midnight when you had gotten out of bed to run all the way to the hospital without your parents’ permission. They wanted you to be safe, told you to not worry and to wait for more news especially since Taehyung had brought you home and said you fainted at school. But how could you act rationally when you’d just gotten news that your best friend got hit by a car? 
Apparently, she had been walking her dog in the evening. A large, fluffy dog with a gold coat that you were very much familiar with as the two of you walked him often. Nobody had been around when she crossed an unused highway except for the car that wouldn’t stop when it saw her. 
It was a hit and run. Her parents went looking for her after she took too long to return home and found her bloody and unconscious on the road. The dog had disappeared.
You waited alongside them while she was being operated on. The three of you immediately stood up when Taehyung left the surgery room. 
“Doctor! Please, will my daughter be alright?” her mother sobbed. 
Taehyung said, “She suffered a traumatic brain injury and the nerve in her spinal cord is severely damaged. We’re doing our very best to get her through this-” 
Taehyung continued speaking to her parents but you knew that unlike your fall down the stairs, your best friend won’t be getting out of this with just scrapes and bruises. The trauma to her brain could result in a coma and the spinal cord injury can lead to paralysis. 
You couldn’t understand. Visitors to a rural village like the one you lived in was rare. The people who owned cars were primarily teachers, hospital staff and those who came from elsewhere. But they rarely used their cars since most places were in walking distance. 
Your best friend didn’t deserve this. She was a kind person. Her pushing you off the stairs was just an accident. An accident that nobody else should have witnessed. You were torn and frustrated as to how something like this could happen. You would’ve broken down into tears right then and there if it wasn’t for something catching your eye. 
On Taehyung’s collar was a strand of gold fur. 
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angelamajiki · 8 months ago
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[ peace treaty - kiribaku ]
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AN: this is a fantasy au piece, enjoy! :)
CW: yandere, dubcon, arranged marriage, stalking, coercion, dragon/animal anatomy, fantasy au, afab terms, predator/prey dynamics, size difference, facesitting
“A mate, huh?” Katsuki chuckled as he stroked his companion’s horns, looking into the horizon thoughtfully.
“Think about it! We need hatchlings to lead the future generations of the Bakugo clan.” Eijirou pleaded with his mate. “Don't you ever miss the company of a woman? I know I do.”
Adding a woman to their pack would certainly bring its advantages. It would undoubtedly strengthen their positions as clan rulers if they were to have a wife and children to carry on both men’s legacy.
“Fine,” Katsuki conceded. “Let’s go find a mate then.”
The pair returned to their respective forms, wolf and dragon, as they began their hunt through the wild countryside for their new mate. Days of running down the mountainous forests away from their clan, they settled on resting at the edge of the woods, looking at a clearing just over a shimmering river that separated the two territories. Beyond the meadow was a small fortress surrounded by the community that they presumably controlled—a perfect place to start their search after some well-needed sleep.
Katsuki was the first to awaken from his slumber at the sound of a woman’s voice. And a heavenly voice it was, signing an alluring melody. Peaking his head over the bushes, the young prince saw the enchanting woman bathing alone in the stream. The other man had awoken as well, just as equally entranced by the naked dancing woman.
“A vixen...” Katsuki murmured, twisting to look at his mate. It was clear to both men that she was the mate they were looking for. Independent, vexing, sweet. She was perfect.
“Let’s snatch her up now while she’s distracted, ” Eijirou grumbled impatiently, eager to take her back to their den at once.
“Patience, Ei. I want her too, but now is not the moment to strike. Let's watch her a bit more; she needs to be more than a pretty face, you know that.”
Katsuki did not doubt that she wasn’t their perfect match, but he is a predator to her before he’s a man to her at this moment.
The blissfully unaware maiden that you were, you went on with bathing peacefully in the warm, summer day. Your attendants had followed you from the castle, watching from afar as they knew you valued your time alone in the stream. After some time, one of them called for you back to the castle for supper. Dried and dressed, the group of you departed from the meadow by horse as the sunset.
“So, she’s a princess, Katsuki.” Eijirou’s tail trashed with excitement. “If we marry her, we’ll get this territory too! Oh, I wonder if she likes to travel..” The red-haired man went off on a tangent about his many fantasies for you while the blonde thought deeply. This was almost too perfect; he had just the plan to corner and ensnare their lovely little prey.
The men stayed at the edge of their territory, for the time being, glad to notice that you had returned to the riverbank almost daily. Sometimes you took your handmaidens; sometimes, you came alone while they trailed back.
They learned that you liked to flip through many a book while basking in the sunlight. A library would be a perfect wedding present for you-they intended to spoil you thoroughly with the dragon’s hoard.
Five days had proven to be enough time for the men to watch you and returned to their clan to make the necessary preparations for your place as their lovely spoiled mate.
---
A fortnight later, a letter from the young prince arrived at your doorstep, addressed to your father, the king.
“An alliance? With the barbarian tribe, that’s unheard of, father. Are you sure it’s not some trick?” You doubted, finding it difficult to understand his request. The barbarian clan was...mysterious, to say the least. Living up in the mountains beyond the river, they were a solitary bunch who were ruthless and never exhibited mercy towards their foes. Not much was know about them because they simply never made alliances or held diplomacy with other clans or kingdoms.
“Perhaps they wish to make allies with the next closest kingdom, my dear.” Your father spoke quietly, his voice wavering as he avoided your eyes. “You’ll go up the mountains to discuss the terms with young Bakugo. An older gentleman like me is not suited for those kinds of traveling conditions.”
Nodding solemnly, preparations were made for your immediate departure. All of your belongings were brought to your carriage, something that struck you as rather odd. Although father did say something about the uncertainty of the amount of time you would spend with the barbarians for the sake of discussion.
With that in mind, you set off into the forest just as the sunset.
---
The journey had taken nearly five days through the rain and snow, your small carriage trudging up the mountainside to the den of the barbarians. As your carriage came to a stop, two men helped you out and down, both possessing a tenderness that didn’t seem possible for them. The blond was bare-chested, even in the snow! He stood at about six feet and had a body that seemed the gods themselves sculpted it.
“Welcome to my clan, your majesty.”
His smirk was wolf-like, eyes bearing down on you like a predator who has caught his unwitting prey. “Come, let’s get you inside to warmth and comfort. I'm sure you’ve had a long journey. Eijirou here will help with your belongings and join us after you rest.”
The prince held out his arm for you to take as the red-head beside you gave a toothy grin before setting off to work. He...he was something more than a man, he had to be! Standing at well over six and a half feet, he was much more muscular than the blonde; Eijirou airs about him more than human. It was inexplicable.
Katsuki gave a gentle tug to your arm before ushering you to the massive tent that stood in the middle of the community of barbarians who looked onto you with glowing pride. What an odd bunch of people, but you couldn't very well judge them now, could you? They simply had a different culture, another way of life.
The tent seemed larger than life on the inside and was impossibly warm. It had had a large bed adorned with piles of pelts and furs near a roaring fireplace. Many bookshelves lined the walls, as well as prized kills and weaponry were displayed. Katsuki led you to a table near the warmth of the fire. How-
“Magic, princess. I am fortunate enough to possess it, as well as many of my clansmen.” Katsuki boasted, clearly prideful of his abilities. He could only hope it impressed you, which it certainly did. “It keeps us warm up here in the dead of winter, which is soon approaching. It protects us, provides for us, all of which it will do for you too.”
Your smile could hardly be contained as you gazed upon the handsome man with wonder. For you, too? Would this he be so kind as to lend you its strength while you struck a deal with them? The barbarians were indeed nothing like the fairytales you had heard about them.
“I thank you for your hospitality, Sir Bakugo. I am truly humbled to be here with you.”
“Call me Katsuki, little one. We should grow familiar with each other before our wedding.”
His wolfish smirk grew wider as he saw the look on your face. Ah, he so loved that look of feeble innocence and confusion on your expression.
“Oh, did your father not tell you?” he chuckled, taking a sip from his cup. “This is an alliance through our union. Suppose you’ll have us, of course. Otherwise, we might have to resort to other means down the mountain.”
Us? Oh, he means-
“Ei, don’t be shy and stand in the doorway. Come greet your bride properly.”
Thundering footsteps came from behind your seated form as Eijirou towered over your much smaller frame.
“Please, tell me you agree to us, my love. We've waited so long for your arrival, won't you let us have you?” A scarred but gentle hand enveloped yours as the dragon shifter kissed it tenderly. “There’s no need to be frightened; we intend to treat you like our queen and spoil you rotten with all the world’s riches. Grant us your blessing.”
How could you deny them? Your kingdom was in danger, yet these men, they lulled you into such a state of comfort and safety. Perhaps it was the magic at work?
“Please, may I think on it?” Your heart battered against your ribcage with fear and excitement. Two men, both for husbands. What a strange culture indeed.
“Only if you let us have you tonight. Give us a chance to prove our worth as not only husbands but as men to you.”
Blood rushed to your face, heating your cheeks as you felt aflame with shame, and to your horror, arousal. They are seasoned men. Indeed they’ll treat you as gently as they have been the whole time?
“O-Only if you are gentle with me. I am...inexperienced.”
That was all the approval they needed. Eijirou, still behind you, swept you up in his arms and onto the bed. Wanting to show some display of his true strength, he ripped your gown clean off your body. Whimpering, your hand flew to grip his forearm fearfully. “Gentle, please, gentle.”
Eijirou shushed you softly, placing a sweet kiss on your trembling lips, hands beginning to wander to down your sides and to your sex. Stroking your clit in small circles, the men relished in your little whines and moans.
“I think I should give you a taste, huh? I haven't eaten all day.” He purred as he dipped down to press kisses to your lips before diving in with his hot tongue, lapping your clit.
Katsuki’s searing kiss swallowed wanton moans and cries. Eijriou’s hands kept your squirming hips firmly in place, positioning you to sit on his face while the blond continued to lay passionate kisses on your lips, neck, and chest.
Teeth sunk into your neck as the prince wasted no time in marking up his newfound territory. Your cries heightened in pitch as you gripped red hair, calling out Eijirou’s name as you came from his overwhelming sucking and slurping of your juices.
“N-no more! Please, that's enough!” Whining, you began to shake when his tongue barely came to half after your cries. Panting and writhing, you peeled off his tongue and laid on the furs next to Katsuki.
“I think that’s enough for this evening; poor thing is already exhausted.” Katsuki chuckled as he dabbed the sweat off your brow and cleaned in between your legs.
“We’ll build up your stamina and be sure to stretch you gently daily.” Eijirou quipped as he took his place next to your side. Up close, you could see how different he really was. Red iridescent scales trailed on his sideburns and h
shoulders. Absentmindedly, you stroke them and wondered if there were more.
“After all, it’s customary to lose your virginity on the wedding night, so need to rush you in right now. Have you made your decision, given Ei’s stellar performance?”
Letting sleep overtake you, your head nodded gently as he rested on Eijirou’s shoulder. The hunt was over and the men could not be more happy with their choice.
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willowrose99 · 6 months ago
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Morning Reluctance | Spencer Reid
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Summary: Spencer loved mornings waking up to you beside him, but when he's forced to leave for work, he can't help but feel guilty about all the time the two of you miss together.
Genre: Fluffy, angsty, bittersweet
A/N: So, this did not turn out as planned, but since it's already 2 am, I decided to roll with it so I could at least have something up tonight. Hope you enjoy!
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Spencer was not a deep sleeper, that was something he learnt early in his life. He couldn’t sleep when the television or radio was on, needed all the windows closed to block out the noise of the window, and he tried to avoid falling asleep near people because he didn’t want them to wake him up.
But now, while his body ached for sleep and his mind stuttered from exhaustion, with you curled up next to him on the bed, bundled up in the blankets that you stole from the lanky man and using his chest as a pillow, he couldn’t help but feel wide awake. He couldn’t stop watching you, thumb stroking over your cheek and his gaze glued to your face, taking in every perfect feature, from the way you scrunched your nose when you buried yourself further into the covers, to how your lips quirked up in a sweet smile when you slept.
Spencer Reid, a man not often impressed or awed or amazed, was purely transfixed by your beauty, and even though it was already way past seven-thirty, and he was supposed to be at work in half an hour, the doctor could not leave the bed.
But then his phone rang, and that peaceful silence that once filled the room was shattered and Spencer was muttering profanities, reaching an arm out blindly for his phone as you wriggled against him, already waking up much to Spencer’s displeasure.
“Hello? Hotch?” Spencer pushed the phone to his ear, trying to listen to his boss’ words as Hotch told him they had a case and wheels up would be in half an hour, but all Spencer could do was watch you; watch as you stretched slightly against him and let your mouth hang open in a long yawn, brushing the hair from your eyes before looking right at Spencer.
A surprised look flickered over your face, confusion spreading as to why your husband was still in bed when he should have been out the door at least an hour ago, and Spencer just sent you a quick smile as he nodded in response to what Hotch was telling him.
“Okay, I’ll be at the airport in half an hour. Can I be briefed on the plane?” Spencer’s hand was moving up and down your bare arm, drawing little circles and squiggles and random letters that made goosebumps rise up on your skin and shiver against his naked chest. After a couple more moments of speaking, Spencer hung up, and let out a deep sigh, one filled with frustration and annoyance and sadness.
“We’ve got a case, all the way in California. Hotch wants me at the airport in half an hour.” Spencer turned to you, a hand coming up to cup your cheek as his arm wound itself around your waist, pulling you in closer so that your naked chests touched and he could press his forehead against yours, pouting dramatically.
‘Well, sounds like it’s time for you to get out of bed, baby.” You pressed a kiss to his lips, aiming for it to be short and sweet before you pulled away and left the bed, but your husband had other ideas, and tangled his hand in your hair, deepening the kiss and making you sigh into his mouth.
“Can’t I just stay here? Spend today with you?” He spoke between kisses, littering your face with the gentle touches and letting his hands wander a trail down your back and waist and stomach, fingertips gliding against soft and warm skin.
“You could, Spence. But I’d rather not repeat what happened last time you slept in and woke up late for work.” You sent him a look, full of adoration and love as you finally pull yourself away from the frowning man and out of the bed, letting the blankets drop down to the floor. And, even as Spencer gazed at your naked body that wandered around the bedroom, he knew he definitely didn’t want a repeat of last time. Because last time, much to Spencer’s and your horror, was Derek and Emily breaking the door down to your apartment, finding the two of you very much busy…in bed…and doing things no friend or co-worker wants to see.
So, Spencer sighed and finally got up, a hand swiping over his face to wipe the last of the sleep out of his eyes and searching for some clean clothing before jumping in the shower.
“You know, sometimes I hate days like this…” You were in the kitchen when Spencer spoke, voice muffled by the shower being turned on, but you heard him clearly enough that you could tell he hadn’t stopped frowning. Stepping into the bathroom, you watched as Spencer fiddled with the taps until he got the water to the right temperature and stepped into the shower, hair soaking wet in a couple of seconds.
“I know you do, Spencer. But it’s part of the job. Sometimes, you have to sacrifice nice things to go and get the bad guys, baby.” Spencer huffed, adding more hot air to the already steaming room because he knew you were right, and the both of you knew that he would never trade his job in for something that was more 9-5, didn’t have him away on weekends or chasing down people with a gun. Even if it meant coming home to you every night and being able to wake up beside you.
“I just…wish we had more time.” By then, Spencer had finished the shower and was wrapping a towel around his body as you picked up an old shirt of his and put it on, guarding your body against the chill that came from having none of the heaters on in the apartment. He stepped closer, taking a towel to rub at his head, but you quickly took it from him and watched as he bent over, a silent understanding for you to dry his hair, as he relaxed into your touch and sighed again. “We should go on a vacation.” Words muffled by the towel, Spencer put his hands on your waist as you smiled, pressing your lips together when he looked down at you, the towel now gone, and hair dry enough that it wouldn’t soak the collar of the button down you tossed at him.
“A vacation, huh? Okay then, pretty boy, where would we go?” He knows you’re teasing, knows that neither of you could actually take time off for a proper vacation, but he still thinks about it as he pulls on a pair of pants and does up his belt, leaning in to kiss you when he’s dressed.
“We could go anywhere, Melbourne, London, Paris, Rome. Just the two of us, being normal for once.” His voice was filled with emotion, steeped in longing and a deep desire to actually escape from your real lives for a bit, but as you handed him a reusable cup of coffee that you had made earlier, and his satchel with a cherry danish inside, Spencer took them with a sigh. “I guess I have to go to California instead, and you have to stay here…” His voice dropped off to a whisper as you wrapped yourself around them, a last-minute heart-clenching hug that poured so much love and want and need over Spencer he thought he might drown.
“You, my love, are needed elsewhere. And that’s okay with me, Spencer, because you’re doing good work. You’re helping people, saving lives, ridding the world of another monster.” You pressed your face into his shirt and hummed when his hand ran through your hair and he kissed the top of your head. “And then, when everything is over and the bastard is behind bars, you’ll come home to me, like you always do, and I’ll be waiting here like I always am, like I promised you on our wedding day.”
Spencer kissed you then and put down his coffee cup to take your waist in his hands and pull you impossibly closer, trying to soak up the last minutes of bliss until he was thrust out into the world of murderers and violent crimes and sleepless nights where he missed you more than ever.
“I’ve got to go.” Spencer reluctantly pulled away then as his phone buzzed in his pocket and kissed you once more before he was walking towards the front door, picking up his go-bag and stopping for a moment to look back at you. “I promise I’ll come back.”
“You better, Spencer Reid. Now go, before Derek and Emily come to break our door down again. And stay safe, darling, please.” He nodded, watching as your face turned serious and stern as you spoke those last words, and then he was out the door, letting it shut softly behind him.
Spencer Reid longed for mornings when he woke up with you in his arms, and you longed for long vacations away, but at the end of the day, the both of you knew nothing was going to change, and as much as you loved those little luxuries, loved the time you got together, you knew that every he left with his go-bag in his hand and a final kiss on his lips, Spencer was out there saving people. And that was good enough for you.
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bibliocratic · 6 months ago
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clear the area jonmartin, post-MAG200 content warnings in the tags
They earn their ending. A happy-ever-after beyond the gaze of any eyes.
Jon endures his abdication. This world has no Archivists, has need of none, the thankless crown of Knowing finally unburdened from his shoulders. The blood washes off Martin’s hands with soap and scrubbing and scalding water. They live.
The end. In conclusion. Fin.
-
Jon’s new scar, the packaging of his skin split ragged from collarbone to sternum, fades like sun-caught paint. A maw of red pursing to a gummy primrose pink, settling into a rough cartography of white.
The first few months are hard. Brimstone flare-up silences and ice-pick shouting, open-handed forgiveness and closed-fist weeping. They drain themselves to husks with anger and worry and grief until there is enough space for better things to grow there in their stead. Jon’s nightmares were a nightly stormfront to bear, sweated sheets and dawn fanfares of panic and dread, but he is learning now, with the space for his ribs to expand, that it is ok for them to breathe here.
Jon digs up the garden with a rusty trowel until it is a bumpy canvas of mulch and soil, dirt tucked under his fingernails and decorated with smudges up to his elbows. He hums while he irons their shirts in front of the television, thoughtless and senseless with tune.
Martin has tried to, but the sound goes down the wrong way.
-
Martin is happy.
-
It isn’t the sight as such, that might sit as a film over his vision to tinge his waking sepia. The reddest thing they own is a terracotta plant plot brimming with raggedy thyme that lives a precarious cliff-top existence on the kitchen windowsill. He observes Jon’s face in all its variations, even pained – when he snags splinters in his fingers, when he stubs his toe on the stone front step and swears damnation – and his response is sympathy tempered by admonishment.
It’s not the sensation, not really, that might tremble on his skin. Martin’s palms tend to dryness inside their homely bubble of creaky central heating, hemmed in by boisterous coastal winds. He handles bread knives and butter knives and steak knives and carving knives without the muscle memory of other blades, and he thinks he might be getting pretty handy with his oven experimentation.
It’s the sound. It wakes him, the noise lingering like the echo of a slap.
The slick punch of metal into muscle. A tooth-bared, tense-jawed gasp.
Resurfacing to shocked consciousness, he would be seized by a frenzy, to know, to check. His scattering hand scrabbling for the lamp with such force he hit it off the nightstand to roll in a giddy clatter, throwing off the covers to rapidly pollute both of them with the outside air. Jon would be rocked from sleep, groggy, panicked, and Martin’s words would not come, a train of thought trying to race full steam where no one had laid tracks, so it would be just the two of them, exhausted and upset and amping the other up in misery.
Now, upon his rousing, Martin knows not to turn on the light. He does not check. The aftermath of punch-gasp curls in his ear, and he inhale-exhale-inhales with the ferocity of mantra, and clamps the threatened tears in the clench of his teeth.
He does not wake Jon.
-
“How did you sleep?”
“Oh, you know me. Like a log.”
-
He is happy. He is. Why wouldn’t he be?
--
Jon rumbles like a rusty mechanism with snoring whenever he drops off on his back, and he mumbles accusatory when Martin coaxes him to his side. Martin finds black hairs on his pillowcase, in the shower plug. Jon is a vista of experience since the Eye left him, who gets hungry and tired and grumpy and drunk and silly and fed-up and giggly. Jon searches him out with the surety of magnets, and loves him, loves him, loves him. He seals kisses to Martin’s new landscape of extensive scars. Their disagreements, when they surface, are as meaningful and lasting as stones skipped on water.
Martin wanted this. He wants this. The rhythms of domesticity fading to foam on an untroubled shore.
He is out of practise with happiness, that’s all. It doesn’t come to him like breathing. He needs to till the earth of it, shelter its seeds from a thousand circling crows until it bears harvest.
He just has to try harder.
-
Night-time.
An episode or two of something simple, Jon nodding off like a capsizing ship before the credits. Encouraging him up in grousing, unwilling increments, rubbing out the nettle sting of pins and needles up his own arm. Check the locks, the light switches. Brush teeth. Pyjamas. Put his phone to charge, read until Jon succumbs to sleep. Click the light off, pushing Jon onto his side so his mouth doesn’t dry. Jon squirming around like a fastidious octopus until he has at least half his limbs hooked over Martin.
The dark creating shadow play. In the absence, Martin colouring in the gaps with lurid shades of disaster.
A creak – the rattle of a door downstairs, an intruder unfastening the back door, transferring their weight upon the staircase. A unfamiliar scent – the recollection of smoke-stench in his nostrils, the acrid promise of gas, the ferrous pungency of blood. The rain will flood their house to drown them. The wind will blow their roof in. Jon hooks his leg around Martin, the skin void of hair where Daisy’s mouth had almost torn it off, and all he can envision is the ways this could be destroyed as he watches.
Bundle Jon close. Ignore the rain, the itch at the bottom of his stomach, the queasy roil of his fear. Drift into unkind sleep populated with its garden of earthly terrors.
-
Martin is… not happy. Not exactly. And that’s fine. It’s fine.
-
Jon is happy.
-
Jon, rubbing at the compression lines around his hips, the accusatory splay of the top button refusing to budge closed:
“I can’t fit into my jeans.”
Martin enfolds him from behind, planting his palms over the slight paunch of Jon’s stomach, filled out through sensible eating and small indulgences and a hunger that will never be ravenous but has restored its human qualities.
“Hmm. It’s a good look on you. Healthier.”
“Or it’s middle age.”
“Or it’s eating things that aren’t tea and meal-deal sandwiches.”
“Or other people’s terror.”
“Oh yes, you’re right, I completely forgot about your subsistence diet of eldritch and unbidden horrors in a luscious wholegrain wrap, forgive me.”
Jon laughs at that. The sound has not yet lost its novelty for either of them.
He shifts, turns, his arms a buoy around Martin’s stomach.
“You’ve lost weight.”
“Must be all the clean air,” Martin quips. “All that healthy living.”
-
Punch. Gasp. Exhale.
Martin wakes up.
When his heart has wound down from the pace of its gallop, he extricates himself from Jon’s grip. It is a laborious task to find the places where they’ve joined in the night and pull them apart, like separating fabric snagged on rosebushes.
He gets some water from the cold tap in the kitchen. Sits heavily on the sofa, the room cossetted by the gloom.
Punch. Gasp. Exhale.
His hands shake.
He doesn’t go back to bed.
-
He isn’t happy, but he could grow to be. He could. He could. He just isn’t trying hard enough.
-
Some days, he feels like he’s waiting for the ice to give under them.
Check the passers-by as they walk. Anyone familiar, any teeth filed too sharp, anything animal or blood-shot, any eyes that glance too deep.
Check the oven. The gas knobs are angled to off but a leak is not impossible in a house this old, their alarm might malfunction, they might fall asleep and some spark from a plug socket could catch and incite a conflagration.  
Check the window latches. The opening wide enough for a body to squirm through, the claws of a Hunter marring the sill. Wriggling infestations that invade through the letter box, the keyhole, the gap under the door where the wind can whistle through.
Check. Check. Check.
-
Jon is happy. Jon has a job, work friends, a hundred small luxuries that he has struggled to earn. Jon is happy, so why can’t he be? He went through so much less, the blood washed off easily with soap, what the fuck does he have to cry over –
-
Martin has always crafted his masks from scrap, tongue out in concentration, piecing things together in low light, a make-do-and-mend of his own devising. His early efforts, the paper mâché and glue easily cracked before he learned to shore up his constructions. He has a small collection garnered over years.
The quiet-voiced, muffled-stepped, muted-smiled creation of a Good Son.
The zipped-mouth, no-refusals-no-complaints-yes-of-course-how-high earnestness of the Good Employee, the desperation sanded off the edges so no one could see.
The I’ll-get-the-first-round friendliness, the open-handed, open-hearted, too-naïve Good Colleague.
This new mask forms in increments, in the same way a rising mound of dirt marks the extent of a grave being dug.
He doesn’t mean to. It’s just he’s better at not talking about things. He always has been. And it is an ugly, easy comfort, to slip back into bad habits.
And Jon is happy.
All the things Martin does not wish to permit the light to touch he compresses inside like shaken soda. The rot in him deepens structural, the places where he papers over moulds and fungal speckles with the distraction of their new life. His smile parades simple, contented, cheeky, teasing, and there is a meticulous artistry in each. He sketches interest, paints joy, manufactures irritation out of the clay of nothingness that he allows himself to feel instead of the overwhelming rush of everything else.
I love you, his mouth murmurs, laughs, sighs, groans, and that at least is always true.
The mask of a Good Partner slips on tailor-made.
-
They find their nine-to-fives. Jon’s job is uneventful, boring, and nowhere near an Archive. He works in a registry office for the council, filing and organising and he’s cheerfully lied on his CV in order to get it. He gets the bus and texts Martin grumpy faces and GIFs summarising his mood when he gets suck in the commute or some idiot parks in a bus lane, he has a couple of colleagues he likes and a greater number that he tolerates, he gets a hot chocolate from this universe’s overpriced multinational chain on his lunch hour. When he gets home, he complains with delight at the mundanity of his dissatisfactions, regales Martin with tales of meagre drama.
Martin gets a cleaning job at a school. It is monotonous, dull and safe. Martin loses track of the time easily, quagmired in his musings. The children are wary of him and his visible scarring but it doesn’t bother him as much as he thought it would. The teachers are friendly enough, as well as the other cleaning staff, but he does not make friends. They’ll have to move anyway, if anything finds them here, if the Fears emerge again.
Martin tries not to feel like he’s waiting.
-
He wants to have a good night’s sleep.
-
“I’ll have breakfast at the school, don’t worry.”
“There were some leftovers from the canteen, so I’m kind of full.”
“It was one of the teacher’s birthdays, you know, Denise? Heh, might have had a bit too much cake. I’ll pop this in the fridge for later though, it’ll keep till tomorrow.”
“I’m just not that hungry tonight, Jon.”
-
He feels sharper when he doesn’t eat. It is uncomfortable, a scratched-out, hollowing sensation, but things focus more. He can control nothing else but this, and it feels good, to have this mastery over himself when so much is beyond him.
He drops down notches on his belt and tells Jon it’s all the walking he’s doing.
-
The world continues to happen to them. He goes to the cinema with Jon and picks at popcorn and encourages Jon’s outraged opinion. He meets Jon’s mildly interesting work friends and plays nice and excels at small talk, and he drinks half a cider that he nurses over the evening because it’s making his head fuggy. His body communicates its sharpness to him and he gains grim satisfaction from ignoring it. He goes to work and goes home and doesn’t sleep and goes to work and goes home and doesn’t sleep.
Martin does his best at living, and his mask doesn’t slip.
-
“You seem tired,” Jon pries his words out carefully, picking them out of his teeth as one would scraps. “Is… is everything ok?”
“Yeah, sure it is. Why?”
“…  you seem a bit down today. Recently. Is anything… is there anything you want to talk about?”
“I’ve just been working too hard. Been a while since I had to do double-shifts, heh, I’m not as young as I used to be.”
“If you’re sure?”
Jon shifts to a different position where he’s sat on the sofa, his legs tucking up under him. Martin endures his questioning gaze with practise.
“Yeah, I’m all good.”
Martin delivers a hand-crafted smile that’s gilded heavily with guilelessness and reassurance. He watches as Jon believes him and hates himself.
-
“You know… You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but you can – you know you can talk to me, Martin?”
Martin’s eyes focus on Jon’s chest at the point where a knife once sunk in, and doesn’t reply.
-
Punch. Gasp. Exhale.
Martin wakes up.
Jon has twisted over onto his back again, rattling like a chain-smoker’s cough with his snoring. They were quiet that evening, tangled up in their own thoughts, but there is none of that distance in sleep. During the night, Jon’s wormed himself out of the covers with a single-minded determination, his restless legs squashing the duvet to the bottom of the bed on his side, encouraging Martin’s to follow suit.
He’s shirtless, his top chucked off to pile unceremoniously on the floor. The temperature is ripe with a burgeoning summer heat, and Jon tosses and complains if he’s overwarm, and Martin didn’t think he’d get to feel the drudgery of another lived summer. He’s shirtless, and the room is palled in sweltering dark that softens the vague shapes of the wardrobe, the chest of drawers, the knickknacks of the life they’re building together. He’s shirtless, and Martin cannot see where the scar is, the only scar of Jon’s he has ever thought ugly, but he knows it is there. That he put it there. That he could just as easily be waking up alone.
His body pains him to live in it. His stomach tight and bottomed out empty.
He is so so tired.
Martin’s heartbeat does not slow down. His chest constricting, and he swallows, a sharp sound hiccupping in his throat. He stifles it with a forceful sniff but more come as a painful spasming wave, and he has to sit up if any air is to dribble into his lungs.
He should get up. He has to get up, do this in the bathroom, doubled-over the sink, stifling his weakness where it cannot be witnessed. He cannot do this here.
Punch. Gasp.
His burning face is soaked as he bunches up his sleeves against his reddening eyes. A calming exhale drains out shaky, moulds itself into another loud sob. He plants his hands over his mouth, screwing his eyes closed, and this will pass, he’s fine, this will pass…
“Martin?”
I’m sorry to wake you, he thinks to say. It’s nothing, go back to sleep, stop looking at me Jon, I’m fine, I’m fine, it’s nothing, it’s nothing…
His shoulders start to shake.
“Martin?” Jon repeats slowly. And the ice creaks and cracks and Martin gasps and then it breaks, and the force of his damned-up grief is tidal, catastrophic and he sobs into his hands.
“It’s… it’s alright – it’s… it was a nightmare, that’s all, ‘s alright…”
“It’s not!” Martin bubbles out, the words mashed to a wail in his hands. “It’s not, it’s not, it’ll ruin this…”
“Hey.” Jon brings his arm around Martin and he buries his head in the bony crook of his shoulder because he does not want to meet Jon’s eyes. “What do you mean? Martin?”
Jon rubs at his back. Martin’s body betrays him in a hundred ways as it collapses around him. His weeping wrings him out, dry-mouthed and headachy and trembling when he subsides into shivery breaths.
“Talk to me,” Jon says. “Please.”
“You’re so happy,” Martin sniffs out. “I-I want you to be happy, god, o-of course I do. Things are, they’re good, they’re good and we won, s-s-so why does it feel like I’m still holding my breath? I-I go to bed and I’m frightened of every noise, and I wake up and I’m terrified that someone somehow could take this all away, and I can’t sleep, and I-I’m tired, Jon, I’m tired of holding my breath, and it’s all – it’s all so much a-a-a-and I can’t – ”
“Oh, Martin – ”
His words fail him then. Jon holds him up and his arms do not loosen.
“We-we’re going to fix this,” Jon says after a long while. “I promise you, together, we’ll – we’ll talk to someone. You aren’t alone in this. Together, alright, we’ll do this together. We’ve survived – everything else, we can get through this too.”
“I don’t know if I can believe you,” Martin says, too drained to avoid honesty.
“…Maybe not yet,” Jon says after a pause. “That’s OK. I can wait.”
I’m sorry, Martin attempts to say but Jon presses a kiss to his forehead.
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Jon says. He strokes Martin’s sweat-soaked hair.
“… Can we talk? Tomorrow? You don’t have to tell me everything, but… I’d like to be there for you, if you want me. If you’ll let me.”
Martin nods because he doesn’t trust his gummed-up throat. Jon takes that as an answer.
Dawn comes in slowly enough but they see it in together.
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makingqueerhistory · 6 months ago
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Heyyy so I've scrolled through your book club lists and book recommendations but I'm really curious about what your absolute favorite queer centric books are, whether history, autobiographical, or fiction? If you have a list, I'd love to see it! Thanks so much, and sorry if this has been asked before. Sending love and wishing you and yours safety!
Can I give you my top three for nonfiction, then fiction, or is that too much? I am going to do it.
Nonfiction:
The New Queer Conscience: This book really got me thinking about what the “community” part of queer community means to me. It really packs a punch for such a short book, and I need to get my hands on a physical copy.
The Trauma Cleaner: This might be a bit more of a controversial pick, and it might not be in my top books of all time, but I think about it a lot and just want to include it here. If you are up for a messy (in all possible ways) book, this is for you. I think it has a fantastic exploration of what loneliness does to people. Following this transgender woman through her life really made me feel like I was sitting down with her for a long emotional chat in a coffee shop.
Double Cross The True Story of D-Day Spies: In a time when there is a worrying rise in neo-nazis, this book is so important to me. It reminded me of something I think our culture has forgotten. I think in our attempt to glorify the efforts of people fighting Nazis, we have mythologized the Nazis themselves, and this book looked me straight in the eye and said, “Nazis lost for a reason.” It includes many great stories, but it is also a fantastic reminder that Nazis were and are humans. The most impressive thing about them is generally how pathetic they are when you strip away the propaganda and grand-standing.
Fiction:
Beyond the Pale: there is this amazing poem written by tatiana de la tierra “lesbian texts are passed from hand to hand and mouth to mouth
between lesbians. they are located on the skin, in the look, in
the geography of the palms of the hands.
lesbian literature exists in pieces: in flyers, newsletters,
magazines, chapbooks, bathroom stalls, notes, novels, e-mails,
love letters, on tiny scraps of paper.”
and every time I talk about this book, I think of that poem, both because of the themes within it and because a lesbian woman let me borrow this book in the first place. I don’t cry a lot when reading, but I sobbed with this book. If you are looking for a fun happy-ending read, this won't be the one for you, but if you a looking for a book that hits you right to your bones, pick this one up, please. (Also please check out trigger warnings first)
Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: This book captured my experience within the queer community more thoroughly and authentically than any other book before or since. Lighter than the last one, but by no means light, this book means so much to me. 
Into the Drowning Deep: This is a horror novel, and I just love it. It might be a bit less deep than the others, but I love it so much. If you read Jurassic park and thought: “this should be queerer, also why does this book seem to hate fat people so much?” this is the book for you.
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Text
Cutie Pi
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summary: spencer reid’s second favorite holiday isn’t really a holiday, but it’s sure a day that he’ll never forget
pairing: spencer reid x fem! reader 
warnings: none (fluff) 
word count: 1484 (it’s a shortie) 
Cutie Pi
Spencer Reid usually prides himself on not being surprised by the unexpected. Maybe he chalks it up to being exceptionally observant or just being used to not having someone to go to the lengths to surprise him. He prefers the former to the latter, if he’s being honest with himself. 
But there isn’t anything that could prepare him for the small treat that sits on his desk. Spencer looks around, trying to see if he can figure out who would leave him a treat, tied up in the most perfect wrapping. Spencer drops his bag to the floor, not caring that the germs from the floor would invade his property. There’s a piece of paper attached to the package and he grabs to read the contents.
To My Genius, 
My love for you is like pi- irrational and endless! 
Enjoy this treat cutie pi
Spencer’s cheeks feel warm as he reads the letter. He puts it down on his desk and draws his attention to the sweet treat on his desk. 
Part of him thinks that this must be a trick, but another part of him clings to the hope that out of the billions of people on this planet, someone out there finds him tolerable enough to do something like this. He unties the ribbon, decorated in the first hundred numbers of pi. The small attention to detail brings a small smile to his face. The plastic wrap comes undone and a sweet smelling cherry pie sits in a glass pie plate. 
“Whatcha got over there, kid,” Derek says, walking on over with a swagger that Spencer only hopes he can muster one day. It must be so easy for Derek to get phone numbers or dates or even a text back. 
“It’s uh,” Spencer stammers, trying to come up with an answer that does not reveal to Derek that he either has a secret admirer or someone with a sick sense of humor. For all he knows, an unsub can be out to get him, praying on his weakness for clever math pick up lines and sweets. 
“Look at this, Pretty Boy, looks like you got yourself a secret lover,” Derek says, in a sickly sweet tone. 
Derek reads the note and Spencer reaches to grab it from Derek’s clutches. 
“Hey, man! That’s mine,” Spencer shouts, getting the attention of Y/N and Emily who walk from the conference room into the bullpen. 
“Honestly, Y/N this is the reason I don’t date men,” Emily says, rolling her eyes at Derek, who holds the letter above Spencer’s head and Spencer, who’s leaping in an attempt to rip the letter from Derek’s grasp. 
“Among other things, Emily,” Y/N jokes. 
The two women watch as Spencer continues jumping for the letter, until Y/N realizes what Derek has in his hands. 
“Derek!,” she says, nervously. 
The pair of them look towards their partner, whose voice is laced with anxiety and apprehension. They stop their horseplay and stare at Y/N with an expectation for her to continue. 
“Give back Spencer his letter, please,” she tells him. 
Derek raises his eyebrows with a suspicious expression on his face. It’s almost like he knows, but he can’t possibly know. However, he concedes, more interested in how this will play out if he does not intervene. 
“Here, man” Derek says, handing Spencer back his letter. He folds up the letter carefully, and puts it away safely in his wallet. 
Spencer sits back down at his desk, as JJ and Hotch come in carrying a large pile of cases that need to be reviewed and processed. He replays the last couple of minutes in his mind, while Hotch gives them their assignments for the day. From his glee at the thought of someone making a pie for and using a glass plate, which must mean that they want him to return it to them, or even the letter that burns a hole in his wallet, Spencer can hardly focus on the horrors of the cases that sit before him. 
However, there’s a new development that burns a bigger hole, but this time in his heart. Y/N knew that the piece of paper that Derek lorded above his head was a letter. And the only way he’d know that it’s a letter is if she was the one who wrote it. He sneaks a quick glance her way. Y/N’s desk is catty corner to his. It’s positioned in such a way that the sunlight drips in between the cracks from the blinds.  She buries her mind in the mountain of paperwork that sits piled on her desk. 
How is he going to tell her that he knows she’s the one who gave him the pie and letter? Spencer wishes that he was confident enough to just waltz up to her desk, spin her around in her chair and loudly declare his love for her. But he doubts that she’d even like a big spectacle like that. He finds himself staring for what might be a minute or two too long. Spencer’s nearly perpetual blush deepens as Y/N notices his staring and gives him a shy smile and a wink that Spencer hopes it means more than just a friend teasing a friend while they are swamped with paperwork. 
Time seems to go by slowly that day. Spencer finishes his cases up before the rest of the team even gets through the first 5. When Y/N is not looking or when she goes to take a stretch break in Penelope’s batcave, Spencer reaches over and grabs two or three to finish and quickly returns them to the “DONE” pile on JJ’s desk. 
“Uh, Reid? Can I get some help in the evidence room? I, uh need to review something for something?” Y/N says unconvincingly. 
Noticing her discomfort, Spencer nods in agreement and lets Y/N lead him to the evidence room, far away from prying eyes. 
“So uh Pi Day, huh?” Spencer says, testing the waters to her response. 
Spencer may be an expert in human behavior, but when it comes to Y/N he’s treading water in a shark cage. 
“Oh, yeah. I guess it is?” 
“It is,” Spencer says, as he flicks through the files in the cabinet. 
“Spencer I-”
“Y/N-”
Spencer looks down at Y/N, who gives him a very shy smile. He’s not used to girls being nervous around him, he’s wondering if he’s doing something wrong. The last thing he’d want to do is make Y/N feel uncomfortable. 
“You go first, Y/N” Spencer tells her. 
“Um, do you know where I can find the evidence report from the Timber case?” She asks. 
“Probably right here,” Spencer says, pointing to the files where Y/N was already looking. He moves behind her, almost like he’s wrapping his arms around her. Almost like he’s able to hold her as close as he’d want too. Almost like they are not shifting through files of ballistics and blood samples. 
Y/N can feel Spencer’s breath on the back of her neck. It’s warm and smells like coffee and mint in a surprising mix of smells. Or maybe the warm and spicy scent is his cologne. It’s woodsy and suits him perfectly. She can feel the soft material of his cardigan against her bare arms as he moves his arms up her sides to look through the files. She watches as his ridiculously long fingers practically dance across the pages and pages of manila file folders, only attempting to go as fast as his brain is moving. 
She tries not to think that she could just lean her head against Spencer’s chest and she’d be able to fit perfectly under his chin. He’s standing so close that she’s not sure if it’s her heart beating or if it’s his. It’s not like it even matters, because her heart only beats for him 
“Spencer,” she sounds almost scared to Spencer. 
“Y/N, I know that there’s no Timber case,” Spencer tells her. Y/N turns around, half shocked that he figured her out and half terrified of rejection. 
“You did,” 
“Yeah, Y/N. I’m your genius, after all,” Spencer jokes. 
“How’d you know, Spence, I swore that you could not have seen me-”
“When you told Derek to give me back the letter, you knew that it was a letter. How else would you know that it was a letter if you didn’t write the letter,” Spencer reasons.
“I’m sorry-”
“Hey, hey, no apologizing, Y/N. I’m glad it’s you, I’m thrilled it’s you, if I’m honest with myself, I wouldn’t want it to be anyone, but you” Spencer tells her, pushing a stray piece of hair behind ear. 
“Honestly, Spence?” 
“Hmm, I’ll love you longer than pi, Y/N” 
“That’s good Spencer, because I really want you to kiss me now.”
author’s note: thank you for reading :)
tags: @dr-omalley​
if anyone would like to be tagged, you can comment and i’ll add you
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kuroosweakness · 10 months ago
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can you do a headcanon in which the boys you mentioned in "toxic things haikyuu boys do" end up realizing that they hurt their s / o badly and apologize for fear of breaking up with them?
haikyuu boys apologizing for the toxic things they did 
a/n: :’) yes...the point of those hcs was so our feelings can be hurt. and i was hurt. so time to recover. i thought of these on the spot, i hope they’re not too bad! 
original toxic things they might do hcs 
atsumu: when you broke down in front him after he told your embarrassing story to his friends, his brain finally started to register how hurt you must’ve been. does he care that he hurted you? yes, a lot. he loves you a lot more than he would admit. but those stories have already been told, he can’t take them back. but he can’t just ignore his ignorant actions, he has to own up to them and apologize before he loses you. in which he does, face-to-face and bought you a small bouquet of flowers. from now on, he constantly goes around bragging about every good aspect of your life 
akaashi: it wasn’t until you used one of his insecurities in an argument where he realized how much it hurts when someone you trusted uses information against you. to realize that he was doing it that to you this whole time, did you feel as hurt as he just did? the horror he felt when he realized how much he has been hurting you this whole time. will you even accept his apology and forgive him? he didn’t even feel like he can possibly forgive himself. as an apology, he’ll write you a letter and give it to you face-to-face and won’t leave until you finish reading it. inside the letter, he lists every single one of your insecurities, telling you how beautiful, strong, unique, and loved you are 
oikawa: once he saw you hug a guy friend of yours and for some reason, it just didn’t sit right with him. he felt...betrayed? jealous? was this how you felt whenever he spent more time with his fans than you? how did you put up with him this whole time? he knew he needed to apologize for everything he’s done before you leave him for someone better. his way of apologizing will be to surprise with a fancy date and spend the whole day with you. all of his attention is on you. he doesn’t talk about anyone during the date or even check his phone. his eyes will be on you the whole time, admiring the view. this attentive behavior won’t last for just a day....it’ll last for as long as you love him and he loves you 
suna: he’s seen the panic on your face everytime he threatened to take something away. and at first, he didn’t really care. until he realized he was the whole reason why you’re not smiling anymore. he’s the reason your face doesn’t light up anymore every time you receive a gift. he knows an object would never make up for what he did to you, but as an apology, he’ll give you a handmade bracelet with your initials together. he’ll write a message aside that says, “i’ll never take this away from you, it’s yours. just like the way my heart is yours” along with a long, long apology paragraph 
kita: he never understood how you were lacking in so many categories...until he met more and more people he saw as “imperfect”. there are so many categories he lacked in. it wasn’t fair for him to be so hard on you. his view of “perfect” slowly began to change. he’ll start to become more accepting of you. when you make little mistakes, he’ll reassure you instead of scolding you. the first time you heard “it’s okay” and “take your time” come out of his mouth, it was a surprise. a nice surprise for a change. kita will slowly gain the courage to apologize to you, knowing how emotionally abusive he was toward you. there’s no way he can make it up to you, but he can only hope you’ll forgive him and continue to love him the way he loves you 
tsukishima: jokes are just jokes, right? apparently not. and he learned it the hard way; when you stopped laughing at them it broke him inside. there weren’t even hints of a smile on your face anymore. why is y/n not laughing? i think they’re funny. does y/n not have feelings for me anymore? and that’s when the panic started to sink in, you mean a lot more to him then those jokes. one day, you’ll both be sitting down to eat and apologetic words will just fumble out of tsukki’s mouth. it’s been haunting him, he can’t hold in his guilt anymore. will you forgive him? that’s up to you 
iwaizumi: after multiple arguments about how overprotective he is, he finally realized that you are a grown human being too. you don’t need him, you want him. he was so caught up in making sure he wasn’t going to lose you, to the point where he didn’t realize he was the main reason you were drifting away. slowly, he starts to give you more time to yourself...and begins to encourage you hanging out with friends. as for his apology, he’ll start his sentence with, “y/n, i know i’ve been wrong...” and acknowledge his controlling behavior. he knows that if he doesn’t change, you’ll end up even more hurt than before. he can’t possibly let someone he loves get hurt...
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shelbsatans · 9 months ago
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take a chance or three on me - nolan patrick
Your friends think it’s a good idea to make you a dating website - fear of goats and hatred of true love written in bold letters across the top. You were expecting a disaster, nothing short of failure. But then Philadelphia Flyers’ star Nolan Patrick is tossed into the mix and suddenly you’ve got a catastrophe and the desire for something real on your hands.
pairing: nolan patrick x reader
word count: 16.9k
warnings: mentions of kids, alcohol, smidge of enemies to lovers?, carter hart*
authors: @babytkachuks & @bricksatlandyswindow
*disclaimer: this was written prior to carter hart showing his ass, so please don’t come into our ask about him being so involved in this fic. thank you.
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"Wow, look who finally showed up for girl's night!" You roll your eyes as you shuffle into your best friend's apartment more than a few hours late. The girls are all looking at you with large grins, wine glasses in hand and the Bachelor playing on TV.
"What can I say, my thirty children needed me more," you sigh, shrugging off your coat and tossing it on the coat rack just inside the door. It was true, you had stayed late at the school running a volleyball practice for your U15 junior girls and then had some grading to do before you could head to Clare's house for wine and shitty reality tv.
You ignore their chirps as you hop over the back of the couch and settle with your legs underneath you, smiling gratefully when a wine glass is pressed into your hands.  A glass and a half of red and more snacks than what was probably healthy later, you find yourself groaning at the tv. "This shit is so unrealistic, this guy's good looking but he's not ‘thirty girls falling in love at first sight’ hot." Your friends share a knowing glance and you roll your eyes. "What?"
“Oh, nothing,” Lilly pipes up, a sly grin on her face. “Just not surprised your hatred for true love jumped out. I expected it earlier, honestly.”
“I don’t hate true love,” you say, scoffing into your wine glass. “I’m just a realist.”
"Uh huh," Clare downs the remaining wine from her glass, leaning messily forward to refill it, "and when's the last time you went out on a date."
You go silent as you try to remember. There had been that guy, Jack? Jake? Oh God it was so long ago and the date so terrible that you didn't even remember his name.
"Better yet," Lilly's grin is downright terrifying as she moves a little closer to you, "When was the last time you got laid?"
That has you sputtering, trying to come up with a cohesive answer. Truthfully, it had been even longer than your date with John or Jared or whatever his stupid name was. "I don't think that's any of your business-"
"Y/n!" Clare cuts you off, "you're our best friend of course it's our business, we want you to be happy."
"I am happy," you protest, and you're not lying. You love your job, love the assistant teacher assigned to your room. You love your cat Marshmallow and your cozy apartment that's close enough you can walk to work. You even love being the coach of the junior volleyball team, even though they haven't won a single game all year.
Clare is typing away suspiciously on her phone then, giggling a little as Olivia looks over her phone and nods. Lilly just looks at you, a challenging look on her face as she says, "we're going to help you."
"I don't need any help," you protest, "what are you guys doing?"
Clara just giggles, "nothing, don't worry about it."
Well, if there was ever a phrase that made you go - no, yep now I'm worrying, that would be it. You make a split second decision to lunge toward the two of them, ignoring the offended noise Olivia makes as the wine sloshes out of her cup.
Somehow, despite the extra wine she’d drank before you’d even arrived, Clare’s reflexes are quicker and she shoves her phone in her bra. “I said don’t worry about it!”
Your suspicions don’t subside, but you let it go in favor of mocking the show on tv, getting progressively tipsier as the night goes on. Your friends don’t stop their giggling and shady behavior but you let it go - what’s the worst thing they could be doing? Making you another tinder account? You’d given up on the app after two shitty dates and too many unsolicited pictures to count. If only you had known the consequences of their actions would be bigger than you thought and who exactly they would be inviting into your life.
The rest of your night is spent ignoring the sly looks and giggles your friends send your way. You’re almost entirely positive the Bachelor is a hoax and no one’s genuinely found true love, but your phone vibrating in your lap stops you from ranting to your friends. 
Clare: https://www.datey/n.com 
Your face pales as you read the link once then twice, shaky fingers tapping in rush to get the link open. 
“No way,” you snap in disbelief, voice watery and thin. No way your friends created an entire website for you, practically begging some guy to date you for their own sake. 
There it is, though, in all its glory. Your face - pink cheeks, red lips, button nose - smiling back at you with the caption “Our best friend y/n is looking to fall in love with a human male who enjoys wine, sarcasm, and dealing with her firm aversion to love.”
There’s more pictures of you from nights out and charity events and even volleyball games from your school. Captions about your favorite things - hayrides in the fall, horror movies, and sour patch kids - your schooling, your profession, your favorite kind of wine litter the website. 
You look up, mouth wide open and cheeks blazing red. “What the fuck is wrong with you guys?” you all but shout. 
-
On the other side of town, Carter stumbles across the link in his twitter replies, a stupid grin sliding on his face as he elbows Travis and then Kevin, showing them his screen. 
There’s a girl who’s their age on it, smiling brightly with rosy cheeks and pretty eyes. She seems - from the description - well rounded and wholesome. 
“How is a girl like that single?” Giroux asks, whistling low when he catches a glimpse of her as he passes by the back of the couch. 
“She hates love, apparently,” Kevin says, his smile growing wider. “Sounds a little like someone we know, doesn’t it?” 
All eyes move to where Nolan is sitting between Morgan and Joel, a concentrated look on his face as he curses left and right at the game they're playing. Nolan had managed to stay depressingly single throughout the past few years, never getting past a first date. He blamed it on the girl at first; she was too weird, too rude, too annoying. It trickled into him blaming love, something about how cupid wasn’t on his side. 
“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Giroux says, patting Carter’s back before moving to see what Oskar and Philippe were up to in the kitchen. 
Travis has Carter’s phone in his hand, gleeful smile on his face as he taps away at the entry box below.
Carter tries to wrestle his phone back without success. "Hey, you can't put his real name, they'll think it's a joke."
Travis is holding the phone while holding Carter back with his foot and looks back at him. "Oh shit, yeah that makes sense," he says, hitting backspace on the phone and fixing it to be Patty's first and middle name only. "How do we describe him without exposing who he really is?"
The three of them are silent for a moment before Kevin's face lights up, "he plays hockey and travels for work."
TK shrugs and types it in, "okay where would they go on the first date?"
"It says she really likes wine, what about that place downtown with the wine bar?" Carter asks. 
"Oh, Rischiare." Travis says. Noting the looks on his teammates faces he explains, "What? Karly wants to go there." The boys shrug, it makes sense that TK's girlfriend would be into that kind of thing. He keeps answering questions, asking input when needed, especially when it comes to a question about the person applying feelings towards goats. 
"Very bad," Kevin states with a grin. The website said you were terrified of them.
"On a scale of one to ten, how likely are you to want to date y/n?" Trav reads outloud before answering his own question, "Solid ten out of ten."
"Put my phone number down, Teeks," Carter instructs, knowing he's probably the best option out of the three for contacting your friends.
"And.... sent," Travis smirks, and all three boys look over at Nolan who has no idea what they've just done.
It takes a few days for your friends to respond, during which time Teeks won’t stop texting Carter things like “dude, have they answered yet?” and “Carter, bro, if they decline this application because of you we’re fighting” and “sushi or pizza for when Nol has a breakdown when he finds out?” 
“Definitely pizza. And whiskey,” Carter says.
-
It's not that your friends don't expect a response to their website - although it had been half a joke - it had also been partially a real attempt at finding you someone and they wouldn't have actually posted the page on the internet if they hadn't wanted to attract attention - however, they hadn't expected it to explode. Before they knew it, it was the top post on reddit on the r/philadelphia sub and being tweeted at professional athletes. The website hadn't used your name or included any of your social media, but that didn't stop it from going around your other friends and family. You, of course, were incredibly embarrassed and honestly a little worried there would be repercussions at work. You had almost lost it when your principal and friend Joanne had called you into her office, only to laugh at you and say she thought it was a 'great idea'. 
Before they knew it, there were hundreds of applications to sort through. A good chunk of them were jokes, including checking options such as "murderer" under hobbies, and "i'm a goat" under the are you a human male question. In the remaining results however, there were a few duds - those who checked off that their mother was their primary mode of transportation, or who had boring answers to the tell me about yourself question. One application stood out in particular from a guy the same age as you.
Name: Nolan James
Age: 22
About Yourself: I play hockey and travel for work
Why are you interested in y/n: I am also a cynic when it comes to love, maybe we can convince each other
What are you most proud of: I'll tell you on our first date
If you were accepted, where would you take y/n for a first date: the italian restaurant near Rittenhouse Square with the wine bar
How do you feel about goats: awful / bad / very bad
Where did you hear about this application? The internet
On a scale of 1 to 10 how likely are you to want to date y/n? Solid ten out of ten
Clare had called you all over to her apartment, gleefully reminding you that you'd told the group chat you'd finished marking your exams early and wouldn't be able to say no to the invite. Grumbling, you're the last to arrive again, finding your friends looking at you with satisfied grins on their faces.
"We think we found the one, y/n." Olivia looks like she just won the lottery, which, given the odds of finding someone for you isn't exactly a wrong expression.
"Oh my god," you groan, intending on walking out of the apartment before you said something you would regret. 
"No, listen. He likes hockey, you like hockey." Clare states like that should mean you drive down to Vegas and get hitched tomorrow or something. While it's true you're a huge hockey fan and try to catch every Flyers game you can, you hardly think that's good enough to warrant claiming they'd found your soulmate.
And so you tell them sarcastically, "Oh yeah? Sounds like we're soulmates." 
Lilly smirks, "Sure does. He also hates goats, has a car, and he said he would take you to Rischiare." 
That has you pausing thoughtfully. Rischiare is one of those bucket list places for you, you certainly can't afford it on a public school teacher's salary but you've always wanted to go. Housemade pasta and wine flights? Sounds like your ideal date. Your friends all grin at each other with self-satisfied looks on their faces, knowing they have you.
You sigh dramatically, "What's his name and how old is he?" 
Your friends bombard you with glee, Clare grabbing you and shaking you side to side in a strongly gripped hug. "You're not going to regret this babe, I can feel it, this is the one!"
You're not so sure, but how bad can one date really be?
-
Carter gets a text from a number in the area, a gleeful shout passing his lips when he reads it in full. He screenshots it to and sends it to the group chat labeled ‘operation get nolpat a wife’.
267-123-1231: hey. this is clare. i’m one of y/n’s friends and we got your application to take her on a date. she’s willing to give it a try so long as no goats are discussed. Rischiare on saturday at 7pm?
The group chat is thrown into chaos then. 
Haysey: holy shit. HOLY SHIT. how are we going to get him there?
Fara🐝: drag him by his greasy hair?
Giroux: play nice.
Teeks: he’ll agree once we show him what a smoke show she is
Giroux: classy, TK.
Provolone: get together at Hartsy house tomorrow? we’ll get drunk off some whiskey and hype him up.
That’s how Nolan finds himself surrounded by his teammates, each of them looking more guilty than the last as they slurp down lo mein and dumplings in the middle of Provorov’s living room. 
“Is there something going on?” Nolan asks eventually, his expression uncomfortable. “You’re all looking at me weird.”
“We did a thing,” Teeks all but shouts, his eyes wide with excitement. 
“Really, we did you a favor,” Carter adds, tugging his phone from his pocket. “You remember that link that everyone kept tweeting at the team?” 
“The one about the single girl who needed a date?” Nolan asks, eyes narrowing a bit. They would never, right?
“We got to looking,” Joel says, looking anywhere but at Nolan. 
“She’s hot dude,” Teeks interrupts, earning a slap from Claude. “Right, not classy.”
“We put in an application for you and she agreed to a date. Saturday at 7 at Rischiere!” Kevin finally shouts, hands up in the air. “Are you excited?” 
Nolan stares at his teammates in disbelief. He can’t decide if he’s more embarrassed that they felt the need to do this or pissed that they did it without his consent. 
“You fucking-“ he starts, standing up abruptly with clenched fists. 
“Wait!” Claude says, hands out in surrender. “Show him what she looks like, Carter.” 
Carter all but throws his phone at Nolan, hands shaking when Nolan sends him a scathing look. You can’t possibly be as gorgeous as they’re making you out to be. Nolan loves his friends, really, but sometimes their intentions are misplaced. 
He looks down at Carter’s phone, fully prepared to be disappointed. He sucks in a sharp breath when the website loads. 
The first thing he sees is your smiling face, bright and soft like you could cure the world of all evil with it. Long lashes frame your pretty, round eyes, settling over pink cheeks. Your lips are supple and smooth, curled up in a saccharine smile that has Nolan sitting back down slowly. 
Holy shit.
-
Saturday comes quickly, much to your chagrin. The girls have come over to your apartment to 'assist' you in getting ready. You're sitting in the kitchen on a barstool as Olivia does your hair and Lilly and Clare are tag teaming your makeup. Of course, you're complaining the whole time, crinkling eyebrows and pouted lips and flinching away when Clare comes at you with an eyeshadow brush. 
"Can you at least pretend you're excited, y/n?" Lilly snaps when you try opening your eyes to glare at her midway through the eyeliner flick.
"Wow, I am just so gosh darn excited for my date with a stranger who found my photo on the internet," you speak sarcastically, every word sickly sweet. 
"C'mon what's the worst that can happen? You get a free meal and never see the guy again?" Clare asks, handing you a tissue and indicating you blot the lipstick she's just applied. 
You roll your eyes and comply, before speaking. "You've set me up with some creep on the internet, what if he's a serial killer?"
"Well, he didn't check the 'murder' option under what do you do for fun so he can't be." Clare replies with a grin, apparently very satisfied with their work. 
"What murderer would ever admit to it, Clare?" you roll your eyes again.
At the end of it, though you're loath to admit it, you look pretty hot. After sharing your location with your friends - just in case - and slipping on your peacoat, they send you off to your uber with a slap on your ass and a "go get 'em tiger."
Nolan, against his better judgment, lets Carter, Travis, and Kevin help him get ready. It's ridiculous really, the three of them buzzing around his apartment like school girls giggling and rifling through his closet. It eases some of his nerves, loosens the knot in his chest a bit as he pictures you over and over in his mind.
"Do you think the blue shirt or the black one?" Carter asks, holding up two shirts at his sides, eyes flickering between the two. 
"Black," Teeks says at the same time Kevin says, "Blue."
Carter blinks once then twice, turning away from all of them in favor of picking up his phone and facetiming Claude. Nolan can hear his soft tone, Ryanne chipping in every once in a while before Carter is turning around, a crisp blue button up in his hands. "Ryanne says we're hopeless," he says, shrugging a bit. 
And, well, yeah, Nolan could have told any of them that. Travis has been with Karly long enough to not have to worry about what shirt he wears because he knows her. Carter was living the bachelor life, more or less worried about who he was taking home than what he was wearing. And Kevin, well, he was just a mess.
You're nervous when you leave the uber, hands shaking a little as you give your blind date's name to the maître d and are led to a table in the back corner. You think it's interesting how secluded it is, but don't pay much mind. You're ten minutes early, and try to relax your nerves. Fifteen minutes pass and you're still sitting alone. Strike one, you think to yourself. Half your job is marking thirteen and fourteen year olds as late or absent, and as a result you really value punctuality. If your kids can get to class on time, your date can too. You're considering just up and leaving when he's approaching fifteen minutes late, resolving to leave at the twenty minute mark so as to not embarrass yourself any further.
Just before you're about to get up, your blind date shows up and holy shit - Nolan isn't just a guy who plays hockey and travels for work, he's a fucking Flyer and he's Nolan Patrick. Suddenly, you're not as mad about the lateness. Instead you're trying not to freak out. This is fine, you're fine, don't be embarrassing. Sure, he was a second overall draft pick for your favorite team, but he was also just a guy with a car and who didn't check off 'murder' as a past time. 
"Sorry," he mumbles, bright red cheeks on display. You can't help but admire the light blue shirt he's chosen. It fits him well and has the added bonus of making his eyes pop. "Was running a little late and then the traffic was bad, and well I didn't have your number just your friend's so." 
What he doesn't say is that the boys made him late, and that he doesn't even have your friend's number, Carter is the one who had set this thing up.
"It's nice to meet you Nolan, I'm y/n," you smile a little apprehensively. He seems a little shocked that you're not fawning over him, or reassuring him that his tardiness was okay. He shakes your hand, and you can't help but notice the way your hand seems to fit perfectly folded in his. Mentally shaking your head, you scold yourself. This isn't reality tv land, romantic cliches have no business running through your mind.
Nolan’s got half a mind to sit down finally, rubbing his hands along his slacks to ease some of his nerves. You’re even more beautiful in person, your lips soft and curling into a nervous smile that makes him want to hold your hand longer. Your cheeks are dusted with pink, your lashes brushing against the top of them slowly. Nolan’s mesmerized by you for a moment, your soft beauty and supple curves a stark difference to the acclaimed goat hater the website had said. 
“So, how are you doing?” he asks, voice thick and strained and fuck, does he sound like an absolute idiot. 
By the scrunch of your nose and how awkwardly you shift, Nolan call tell it was a stupid question. You don’t relax at all, the tension in shoulders coiling sharply as they wound you up more and more. 
“I’m fine,” you say slowly, sending him a tight smile. “Do you want to order wine, maybe?” 
Nolan’s mind whirs and sputters then, the website fuzzy in his mind as he tries to remember what kind you like. Was it white? Riesling, maybe? Carter had commented on how much he loved it, but Nolan hadn’t been paying attention. 
“Sure, yeah, if you want,” he says, picking up his menu and thumbing over the wine tab. “Red’s your favorite, right?” 
He doesn’t look up to see you wince, strike two crossing your mind in big red letters.
The date is not going well, you're anxious and he appears deeply uninterested - the lack of eye contact, the mumbling, the complete disinterest you feel from him anytime you try to talk about your job or your family or your friends. He barely even laughs when you explain the goat thing - a field trip gone wrong that left you scarred and a few dents on the roof of your car (apparently goats like to climb on top of cars, who knew?)
Just when you think the date cannot get any worse, he appears to loosen up a bit - maybe it's the wine, who knows? - and starts talking. At the beginning, you had thought maybe him opening up a little would salvage the date, but you had been terribly and completely wrong. Because Nolan's topic of choice is his past dates and all the things wrong with the women he went out with before.
Nolan loosens a bit as the date goes, your presence enough to make a grown man cry. You lead him into a conversation, let him have the floor and Nolan doesn’t know if it’s the wine talking or if maybe he’s just completely lost it, but he manages to make matters worse. 
“I’ve been on dates before,” he says, shaking his head as he sets his wine glass down. “Nothing ever works out. The girls are shallow and rude and only ever care about my money. It’s a waste, you know? It’s all a waste and-“ 
You cut him off, eyes narrowing as you lean back in your seat. “What’s a waste, Nolan?” 
The way you say his name is enough to send him over the edge. He takes a huge swallow of his wine and says, “My friends set me up for this, you know? It’s a waste to do these kinds of things. Nothing ends well.”
It’s a slap in the face and a dagger to the heart for you. Sure, you were never the first choice when it came to guys you liked but this was Nolan Patrick!
You never thought you would ever be on a date with Nolan Patrick of all people, but even if you had, you never could have predicted just how bad the date would be. With your heart heavy knowing this had in fact been a waste of time, you decide there is no point being polite anymore or holding back how you feel. "Well let me know how you really feel," you snap. His head lifts in surprise to look you in the eye for the first time in several minutes and you can't help the scowl and glare that grace your face as you continue, "So what if your friends put you up to this? Clearly mine did too but I'm trying to put my best foot forward here. And they say I'm a cynic when it comes to relationships."
Nolan had a feeling the date wasn't going well, that he was stuffing his foot in his own mouth as he talked about his ass and railroaded you every time you tried to speak. The poor girl probably didn't even like hockey, but he couldn't stop talking out of his ass about it, as if being a pro athlete was the only interesting thing about him. He didn't even let out the belly laugh that threatened to escape when you'd described why you had such a strong aversion to goats. But fuck you were just so pretty, he couldn't get his thoughts together - tripping and stumbling over his words. From the second he saw you and that little dress he knew it was over for him.
"I-wait, I didn't mean-" he struggles to respond to your admittedly fair assessment, wanting nothing more than to tell you that you just made him nervous, but the words don't come out right.
You level him with a truly disgusted glare now, grab your wine glass and slam back the remainder of your cab sav before standing up abruptly. Before you can stop yourself, you let your resentment towards your friends, this evening, and him bubble together, until the words spill out of your mouth. "You know, I used to be a die hard Flyers fan, but I think I'll be tossing my Giroux jersey in the trash and picking up a Crosby one after this date." 
Nolan's mouth falls open, and the letters w, t and f are practically written on his forehead as you stalk past him, pausing only for a moment to speak over your shoulder. "And for the record, I'm pretty sure the reason all your dates haven't worked out is you."
He definitely cringes at that, scowls at your retreating form and texts Carter. 
NolPat: she uh, didn’t like me. at all. can you stop fucking around with my love life now?
There's a lump in your throat and you feel like a fucking idiot. Of course this whole thing was a stupid idea, it's not like you hadn't tried the dating thing. It's just that every guy is the same - none of them are willing to give you the respect you feel you're deserved. Why should you settle for less than you're worth, even for the likes of Nolan Patrick? You order an uber and text the group chat - 
y/n: Take the fucking website down or I'm blocking all of you and moving my ass to Alaska.
y/n: Also you better be out of my apartment by the time I get back, I've got a date with a bottle of red, netflix and my bed and I do not want to be interrupted.
-
Clare can’t entirely figure out where your date went wrong, the permanent scowl on your face deterring her from asking all of the questions she wanted to. She should’ve dropped it, really, you were pissed and teetering on the edge of punching her in the throat, but she couldn’t help it. 
She tugs her phone from her purse, eyes scanning the coffee shop she’s in to see if Lilly has arrived yet. When she doesn’t see the redhead anywhere, she pulls up the phone number that had confirmed your date merely a few days ago. 
267-123-1231: dude, I have no idea what you did to my friend but fuck you. if you really didn’t want to take her out why did you reply? you’ve made it thirty times harder to get her to date. so thanks, douchebag.
Carter looks down at his phone quickly, Teeks screaming in his ear to not fuck the mission up this time making it a bit difficult to focus. His eyes nearly pop out of his head when he sees the number he had texted nights ago flash across his screen. 
“Harsty, dude!” Joel shouts. “What the fuck are you doing?” 
“Bro, that number we texted for Nolan just texted me,” Carter says, abandoning his controller in favor of snatching his phone up. 
“Yo, what?” Teeks shouts obnoxiously. “Dude, fuck — Joel move! Didn’t Nol say she hated him?” 
Carter reads off the text in disbelief, eyebrows scrunching as he thinks of what to say. Joel and Teeks screaming in his ears doesn’t help, so he disconnects, knowing damn well one of them will either call him in ten seconds or burst through his door in fifteen. 
Douchebag Flyer: Hey, this is actually Nolan’s friend Carter. We wanted to set him up because he’s shit at love and Y/n seemed perfect for him. I’m sorry he fucked it up, but we had good intentions. Promise.
Clare blinks slowly, her eyebrows furrowing in disbelief. What were the odds that Nolan Patrick’s friends had the same idea that yours did? Clare is still reeling from the text when Lilly comes barreling in, slamming her coffee cup down on the table with a wild look in her eyes. 
“Y/n kicked me out all because I said she got three new applicants,” she complains, unraveling her scarf and fluffing her hair. “Why do you look like that?” 
Clare can’t find the right words to explain, so she simply shows Lilly the open text messages from who she now knows is not Nolan himself, but one of his friends. “Oh my God, answer him! Tell him about the jersey thing!” It was one of the only things they had been able to coax out of you in your very brief explanation of the three strikes and you’re outta here date. Clare nods, quickly typing out a response and hitting send, biting at the nail of her thumb while waiting for a reply.
goat girl’s friend - please don’t take this the wrong way, but fuck your good intentions! my best friend has been a flyers fan her entire life, and it was so bad she threatened to burn her jersey and become a pens fan... a pens fan!
Douchebag Flyer: oh ouch your friend really is cutthroat
Clare scoffs, showing Lilly her phone once again. “Can you believe this guy?” Lilly says disbelievingly, going off into a rant about how idiotic men are.
goat girl’s friend: oh ya? your friends a real asshole - who shows up late, makes zero eye contact, shows 0 interest and then shits on all the girls he’s gone on dates with??
Douchebag Flyer: wait what? He did what?
Douchebag Flyer: Nol said she hated him? What did... he... ah, shit
That text makes no sense so Clare just tells Lilly to shut up and calls him, a surprised smile on her face when a deep voice answers. “Hello?”
“What exactly did your friend say about their date? Because y/n gave a very detailed breakdown of how badly he fucked it up and now she said she’s moving to Alaska.”
Carter groans. “He didn’t say much. He said he couldn’t make eye contact with her because she was, and I quote, ‘the prettiest girl on the east coast and how the fuck do I make her think I’m worthy of a date?’ and then he said he blacked out for half of it. Dude’s fucked, really.”
Clare looks over at Lilly with wide eyes. "You mean to tell me that my best friend had a date so bad that she cried all because your friend's a moron?"
Well that makes Carter feel like shit. "She cried?" he asks, regretting ever bringing the website up at all to his friends.
Clare sighs, "well it was more like tears of frustration, but still. Seriously he wasn't trying to be the worst date ever? And he thought she was cute? I mean duh she's a total smoke show but you wouldn't know that by the way she talks about herself-" Honestly Clare is just rambling at this point, it's one of the things you love about her and yet hate so much too.
Carter chuckles a bit, Clare’s voice calming the raging storm inside of his mind. So, Nolan was an idiot and you were, well, guarded. 
“Hey, you know, I get he fucked up, really, but -“ Carter stops, hesitating for a moment. Clare hums though, urging him to continue. “I think he really liked her. Do you think there’s a chance we could get them together still?” 
It’s a long shot, Carter knows that, but he can tell Nolan’s bothered by it. Usually, he could brush his failed dates off and keep going, but Carter can see that sadness in his eyes when he thinks no one is looking.
“Tell you what,” Clare states suddenly bold, “take me to dinner and let’s see if we can figure out a way to get our idiot friends together.”
Lilly’s eyes bug out of her head at Clare’s words, but all Clare can focus on is the deep laugh at the other end of the phone. 
“You got yourself a date,” he says finally, voice gentle. “Mind giving me your name?”
"Well, I guess it's only fair since I know your name and jersey number. I'm Clare and you can pick me up at six." Her tone is slightly teasing and she bites down on her lip and stares at Lilly with excited eyes as she waits for him to respond. 
The doorbell above the cafe rings as Olivia shows up fashionably late. She's about to open her mouth when Lilly shushes her and wildly gestures towards the phone.
“Alright, Clare,” Carter says, his tone softening around her name. He likes the way it sounds coming from his lips. “Text me your address and I’ll take you out for some of the best greek food in town.”
"See you then," she manages to respond, holding onto her excitement long enough to hang up the phone. 
"Oh my God!" Lilly shouts, uncaring of the other customers in the cafe, of whom several glare at the trio. 
"What the hell did I just walk into?" Olivia asks, sitting down in front of the now cold cup of coffee that had been ordered for her.
"That was bad date’s friend Carter, we're going to dinner and then we're going to plot on how to get our idiot friends together." Clare responds with a sly smile. Her heart is racing and she has to consciously flex her fingers to keep them from shaking.
"Carter... as in Carter Hart?" Olivia is actually shocked. Like face gone pale, mouth wide open, hand frozen in midair where it had been reaching for the ceramic mug. Clare can only nod in response before taking a huge sip of her drink, hiding behind the cup.
-
Carter is true to his word, utterly punctual, maintains eye contact the entire date and makes Clare feel like she's the only girl in all of Philly, not just the restaurant. He compliments her dress despite having had the breath knocked out of him at the sight of her opening her apartment door. The boy even brought her a small bouquet of flowers - daisies mixed with wildflowers. The food is amazing and the conversation just flows. Neither Clare nor Carter can remember a first date going this well. They laugh at their friends' misery and misfortune, and try to think up a way to get the two of them to see reason.
"Alright fine," Clare says softly, looking up at Carter through her lashes. They're on her doorstep, standing close as the wind whips around them mercilessly. "This really was the best greek food in the city."
Carter beams at her, all but taking her breath away as he leans in. "If you let me take you out again, I'll show you the best thai food in the city. I have a knack for takeout," he says sheepishly, running his fingers over her knuckles. 
"Deal," Clare says easily. She sighs after a second, looking back up at him with a frown. "How do we get y/n and Nolan to stop being idiots?" 
Carter groans. He hadn't been thinking of Nolan - not since he laid eyes on Clare. It's ironic, really, how amazing his date had gone with her when Nolan's had been so shitty. "We have to get her to see he's not a terrible person," he says thoughtfully, looking down at her. "What does she like?"
"Flowers, the kids she works with," Clare says immediately, thinking for a moment. "Wine and men who aren't idiots."
"We can deliver three out of four of those things. I think most men are idiots," he says teasingly, moving so he's almost chest to chest with her. "Only most, though."
"Oh, is that so?" she asks gently, butterflies breaking free in her stomach at how close he is. "Are you one of the few who aren't?" 
Carter dips down and presses his lips to hers. The kiss is slow and sweet like molasses as he tugs her closer, his left hand settling on her hip while his right holds the back of her neck gently. Clare melts into him completely, knowing damn well she's a complete goner for him. 
They pull apart slowly, Carter resting his forehead against hers. "No way. Definitely did something smart tonight," he whispers.
"You might have done a few things that were smart tonight," Clare agrees, tilting her head up to press her lips to his again. Pulling back abruptly, she speaks quickly "alright, I'll work on softening up y/n, you work on helping Nolan relax a little. She won't bite him...probably."
"Okay," he agrees easily, chasing her lips one more time. "We can talk about our progress on the next date."
Clare can't fight the grin no matter how hard she tries to hide it by biting her lip. "Next date huh? You think you're getting another one?"
He can tell by the tone of her voice and the way her eyes keep flickering to his lips that she's only teasing. "What can I say? I'm an optimist. I'll message you tomorrow." Squeezing her hip and kissing her one last time, he lets her walk into her apartment before leaving.
All on her own now, she does a stupid little happy dance and checks her phone, where predictably Lilly and Olivia have been freaking out.
Lilly: and?????
Liv: stop keeping us in suspense, spill!
Clare: probably the best date i've ever been on, and we've got a plan of attack. operation idiots is a go
-
Carter and Clare's relationship moves quickly - second dates become fifth dates and soon they're hanging out at each other's apartments and cooking each other dinner. Neither tells you or Nolan about it until a few weeks have passed and Clare is begging you to come to a team event with her. You're blindsided, you had no idea Clare had continued to talk with him after the disaster that was your date with Nolan and here she was asking you to willingly be around him once again. 
"No," you stated simply, glaring at her over your lunch. She had picked you up at work, knowing you had a prep period after lunch and wanting to bribe you with a free lunch before asking a favor of you.
"C'mon, y/n, please. You're my best friend and I need you there." She pouted at you, big doe eyes heavy under scrunched eyebrows.
"No way, ask Olivia or Lilly. I'm not going anywhere near the Flyers ever again." She might have a killer puppy dog face, but you were stubborn as hell.
"Y/n please, you're my very best friend and I don't want to be on my own for this." She could tell she was breaking you slowly, based on the way the corner of your lips quirked upwards as she spoke. 
You sighed, certain you were going to regret this, but if there was one fundamental thing about you, it was that you were a loyal friend. "Alright, but you owe me big time."
"Thank you, thank you, thank you. Anything you want, it's yours babe!" She cheered, skewering a tomato on her fork and popping it in her mouth. "So anyway, this shindig is tonight at the Giroux's."
You gasped. For one, that was not enough time for you to mentally prepare to see the gorgeous centerman who had so rudely interacted with you on your date, and for another you were going to be inside of Claude Giroux's house? You had grown up a diehard Flyers fan thanks to your dad, and their captain was quite possibly your favorite player to wear the C on his jersey. Shaking your head at Clare you could only groan. This friendship was going to be the death of you.
-
Walking into Claude Giroux’s house feels like a fever dream. There’s string lights hung up on the patio outside with cornhole set up and furniture spread around. People are milling about inside, drinks in hand and easy smiles on their faces. 
Carter spots you first, shouting out a greeting before jogging over. “Hey! Glad you could make it y/n,” he says warmly, tugging you into his side. 
“Thanks for the invite,” you say, giving him somewhat of a sharp look. You didn’t know if you forgave him fully yet for getting with Clare and keeping it from you.
“Hi, baby,” he murmurs. He grabs onto Clare like he hasn’t seen her in years, pushing her backwards as she giggles. 
“Hey! Y/n, right?” a voice tugs your attention to the left, a small groan passing your lips at the sight of Travis Konecny and Nolan making their way towards you. 
Nolan looks like he’d rather be anywhere but here, his feet dragging and his eyes darting all over the place. You want to walk away, want to leave Nolan and his stupid attitude behind in favor of sucking down a white claw. But then Claude Giroux himself is making his way over to you and, well, you can only take so much humiliation in one go.
"That's me," you say more than a little awkwardly. You haven't felt this out of place since your first day solo teaching after graduating and that had only been a group of seventh graders. This was your favorite hockey team, not even mentioning the poor foot you'd started off with Nolan. You weren't stupid, you knew that all the small remarks and sly comments about Nolan these past few weeks - and this very invite - were all further attempts on your friends' behalf to butter you up to give him a second chance. But looking at him now, you were more convinced than ever that the so-called 'perfect match' your friends had dreamed up was just thought - a silly daydream. Maybe you should let them put the website back up, maybe they would get off your back about Nolan.
Your thoughts are interrupted by Claude stepping up beside you and speaking, "You must be the infamous y/n!" 
You throw a confused and embarrassed and downright angry look at Clare at that. What exactly was being said about you in the Flyers locker room?
You're not sure if it's an attempt to break the tension, but Travis Konecny, resident pest, decides to open his mouth.
“Heard your date with Patty here was so bad you went and threw out your Giroux jersey,” Travis laughs, throwing an arm around Nolan’s shoulders. Your jaw drops, gaze wildly flicking between him, Nolan and their captain himself.
“I would be offended but I heard he fucked up pretty bad,” Giroux says, sending you a grin. 
An arm wraps around your shoulder before you can say anything, your cheeks blazing red. You look up just as Joel tugs you into his side, a sly grin on his face. “Hey, if you don’t wanna give Patty a second chance, how about you give me one? I hate goats, too,” he says teasingly, rubbing your arm up and down.
You take the opportunity to lessen the tension and your own inner turmoil. “Wow, a man who also hates goats? After my own heart,” you giggle, smiling at him and leaning into his side a little. Turning to Claude you try to backtrack. “I was just being dramatic. I wouldn’t be caught dead in a pens jersey,” you shudder dramatically. That brings a round of laughter out of everyone except Nolan who has his eyes on where Joel’s hand is touching your bare skin.
Joel wiggles his eyebrows at Nolan before peeling himself off of you, leaning down to whisper, “If Nol fucks up again, my offer stands.” 
And while Joel isn’t one to mess around with his friends like that, he doesn’t think he could truly let Nolan get away with letting a dime like you go. 
“Nice to see you again,” Nolan says awkwardly, voice too tight to be normal. You blink at him, nodding a bit despite the annoyance that rushes through you. He ducks out from under Travis’ arm and dips completely, not looking back at you.
“Is he always that much of a dick?” you can’t stop yourself from asking. Kevin chokes a bit at your question, eyes flickering from you to where Clare is walking up, a disappointed look on her face. 
“Never, actually,” Giroux says, moving past you towards his wife. “Pretty girls bring out the worst in him.”
Your eyebrows raise high then, your cheeks reddening when Joel walks by once more, winking at you before disappearing down the hallway.
Clare finally reaches you, her hand gripping your upper arm so hard it actually hurts a little. Focusing your attention on her, you remark sarcastically, “well hello Clare, nice to see you again. Where have you been? Did you get lost in Carter’s eyes?” 
She tightens her grip and begins dragging you away, presumably to have a more private conversation. Finally stopping, she lets you go and crosses her arms over her chest. “y/n...” 
You roll your eyes and mirror her posture. “What? Why do you keep insisting on dragging me to these things? And you keep ditching me for Carter which is whatever, but you left me alone looking like an idiot and then let me make a fool of myself in front of my literal hockey hero? It’s one thing to date his teammate but you have to let this whole Nolan thing go. He is painfully uninterested in me, he hardly ever says two words to me before he’s exiting the conversation as quickly as possible!”
You don’t have to tell her that you’re so attracted to him it’s kind of painful sometimes. Like when he has the nerve to tuck his hair behind his ear, your breath catches in your throat like some pathetic protagonist in a coming of age romantic comedy. You don’t need to explain that hating him is a defense mechanism because of that attraction and the knowledge that he doesn’t like you. Your prickly personality can also be attributed to the fact that deep down you just want to be loved, but no one has ever stuck around long enough to. That your high standards are like a tall fence, intended to keep yourself from being hurt by men who don’t deserve you. There’s only so many ways and so many times you can tell yourself that you’re fine, that you don’t need a man to complete you.
You don't have to tell her but she hears it all the same.
Clare softens a bit at your words but she still rolls her eyes. “You were blatantly flirting with Farabee. Did you really think he was going to try anything after that?” she says flatly. 
You grumble a bit because, sure, she has a point, but Nolan was the one who didn’t want anything to do with you. Why was it your job to make it easy on him?
“Okay and what if I wanted Joel to ask me out?” you say stubbornly, crossing your arms over your chest. 
“Sure,” Clare says, scoffing at you. She gives you a flat look, one that’s equal parts unamused and annoyed. “If you genuinely want to date Joel and see Nolan every single day without ever knowing what could have been, then go for it.”
"You're forgetting that I do know what could have been, because I've already tried it! I went on a date with the guy and all I got out of it was unnecessarily expensive gnocchi and self-esteem issues," you grumble.
She sighs again, you know your best friend well enough to know that she's losing what little patience she possesses. "What would it take for you to forget about the shitty first date and give the poor guy a second chance?"
You laugh at that. "Uhm, the only thing that could get me to forget would be a literal time machine where it never happened at all. Let it go Clare, the guy is not interested in me!" Your last words are louder than you thought, as several heads snap towards you. You flush in embarrassment and shake your head, mumbling, "Alaska is looking really good right about now."
She calls your name as you walk away, but you just ignore her, slipping out onto the balcony for some fresh air.
You’re not alone for long, the door creaking open and then clicking shut. You don’t look up, your eyes staying focused on the city lights as you try to calm your frayed nerves. 
Someone settles beside you, a sigh passing their lips. Nolan’s voice shocks you, causing your head to jerk to the left, eyebrows furrowing when you realize he’s already looking at you, a pained look on your face. 
“I — I am interested. I didn’t — I’m not good at dating or feelings. And you don’t deserve that so I... I’ll leave you be. I know I lost my chance. But —“ he cuts himself off and takes a deep breath. His eyes flutter shut for a moment, lashes brushing the tops of his pink cheeks and for a split moment, you want to reach out and run your knuckles over his skin. You don’t, though, panic and your stubbornness keeps you rooted to the spot. “I am interested. Every guy in the building is.” 
His voice is soft and gentle, eyes sincere as they lock with yours. He reaches out and brushes his fingers against your arm, a small smile making home on his lips. 
He turns and leaves you on the balcony then, the skin where his fingers touched burning.
And well that's interesting, if not a little frustrating. To know that Clare and the girls had been right in their attempts to persuade you that the failed date didn't have to mean every terrible thing you told yourself. That you had spent the past few weeks stewing and feeling bad about yourself because you couldn't seem to shake off your growing attraction toward a guy that literally couldn't even look you in the eyes and then proceeded to make you feel like the most insignificant thing he'd ever dealt with. To realize that he was in fact interested in you despite managing to hit every single one of your first date pet peeves... maybe he was just an idiot who deserved another chance.
You don't tell Clare right away about the conversation with Nolan. It's more fun to find her standing beside Carter and wrap your arms around her in a quick hug, before making the excuse that you had to prepare a lesson plan and mark some projects for Monday and asking Carter if he'd make sure she got home okay. No, you wait until Saturday to tell her that maybe he wasn't the worst, and that maybe he deserved another shot.
Nolan doesn’t tell anyone he talked to you because, well, he’s managed to fuck things up more than once now and he wants some fucking peace. He’s tired of Teeks chirping him and the glint in Joel’s eyes whenever someone mentions you. It’s frustrating and exhausting and all Nolan wants is you. 
Your gentle eyes and angelic smile. He wants to hear your voice talk for hours. He doesn’t care what you say, doesn’t worry about what words are coming from your lips because your voice is smooth and sweet like honey and it makes his toes curl.
-
"Carter, you'll never guess what y/n just told me!" are the first words Carter hears when he enters Clare's apartment. She's got an apron on and she's up to her elbows in what looks like cookie dough, her kitchen mixer noisily stirring and the distinct warmth of the oven preheating behind her.
"Hello to you too," he remarks, kicking off his shoes and crossing into the kitchen before pressing a sweet kiss to her cheek.
"Yes, yes, hello." She replies hurriedly, tossing the dough onto the island and grabbing her rolling pin. "She said and I quote uhm, well. Something something maybe he's not so bad, something something idiot. I don't know, doesn't matter. The point is she said that he wasn't that bad and maybe he did deserve a second chance!"
Carter grins a little at how ridiculous she looks, eyes frantic and an excited smile on her lips. She’s more focused on her words than the cookie dough, rolling pin waving around hazardously with her words. 
“That’s good, baby,” he says, nodding slowly. “Should we be meddling anymore if she’s coming to the terms on her own?”
She drops the rolling pin at that, suddenly very serious. "Carter, your friend is quite possibly the biggest idiot I've ever met and almost completely helpless in the romantic department. Of course we should continue to meddle!"
“Baby, your friend is one of the scariest people I have ever met. If she finds out we meddled at all, heads will roll!” he all but whisper shouts, his eyes wide.
She rolls her eyes at that. Her boyfriend literally doesn't flinch when six feet tall, two hundred plus pound men come racing at him on skates and shoot pucks at his face, but you, her sweet middle school teaching, volleyball coaching best friend is intimidating? "I don't know where that rumor started, but y/n is literally the sweetest and kindest person I know. She volunteers at an animal shelter on top of volunteering her time with the volleyball team even though they kind of suck. Don't tell her I told you that though, she loves those kids." She resumes rolling out the dough before pressing shaped cookie cutters into it and transferring the shapes to a cookie sheet. "Besides, we'll just make sure she never finds out and we'll never have to feel her wrath."
“Y/n threw a basketball full force at Teeks face the other day and I’m supposed to believe she’s a sweet angel?” he asks teasingly, avoiding the spray of flour she sends in his direction. “No offense, baby, but you have a big mouth. But if you want to keep helping Patty out, we can.” 
Clare rolls her eyes, cheeks flushing a bit at Carter’s words. It’s weird having someone who knew her so well and looked at her so fondly. He didn’t seem fazed at all by the endless mounds of cookie dough littering her counter space. She was a stress baker and unlike the guys she dated in the past, Carter just rolled with it, helping her make space in her fridge for the dough. He had even bought her a new set of tupperware when she had to borrow a set from you. 
“Does her team need any help with volunteering?” he asks suddenly, cutting off the emotions rising in her chest for him. “We could like, donate something in Nolan’s name. What are they hurting for?”
"Uhm, well honestly they're kinda hurting for everything. y/n's always complaining about the school board and how there's no funding. Did you know that she pays out of pocket for things like new balls and nets? Not to mention she literally bought one of her kids court shoes and knee pads because her mom couldn't afford them." Clare's a little wistful as she thinks about how you're just genuinely such a good person, how when someone says you wouldn't hesitate to give someone the shirt off your back - it's not a platitude or an exaggeration.
Carter softens a bit at the idea of you. He could see there was more to you than the fiery front you put on. It was the reason Nolan was so helpless. 
“We can donate a bunch of stuff under Patty’s name,” Carter says, moving to swipe a chocolate chip from the bowl in front of him. Clare squawks and smacks his hand away. “I’ll tell him tomorrow.”
"Hands off Hart!" she grumbles, but there's an easy smile on her face. She leans up on her tiptoes to kiss him sweetly, pulling back to speak quietly, "thank you."
-
There's a huge smile on your face when you finally see why Joanne has called you into her office. Despite being several years removed from secondary school at this point, you always feel a little nervous walking into the principal's office. That feeling quickly fades when you spot a pile of equipment by the door. 
“What’s this?” You ask, shock written all over your face. “Did the school board find extra room in the budget finally?”
“Nope,” Joanne replies gleefully, causing a confused look to slip over the shock. If not the school board finally listening to your proposal for funding, then where did this all come from? Certainly not Joanne herself, right?
“Then who?” You ask. She doesn’t reply verbally, though her grin widens as she hands you a small card. It’s completely non-descript, just a plain piece of white cardstock paper folded in half.
Heard your team could use some new equipment, hope this helps
-NP
Well, he was certainly trying, you had to give him that. It made your chest feel warm to know he had in fact been listening on your date as you talked about your team, even if he couldn’t meet your eyes. Your mouth falls into a small o, as Joanne can’t help but tease you a little, “So who was it? One of your website suitors?”
You groan, she’s right but she doesn’t need to know that. “I don’t wanna talk about it,” you mumble, turning to walk away. 
“Make sure you say thank you!” is Joanne’s cheerful response to your retreating form. 
You sigh, knowing she’s right. You’re a big girl, you can say thank you and show your gratitude when it’s earned. Your kids all ‘ooh’ as you re-enter the classroom, but you just shush them, reminding them that they have a quiz tomorrow that they would be better off focusing on than yourself. Making sure no one is watching you, you slip your phone out of your bag and text under your desk just like you were the eighth grader instead of the educator. 
y/n: Can you please tell Nolan I said thank you?
Clare: for what? and text him yourself 
You grumble a little under your breath, and look up to make sure your students are still working through problems and not watching you. Biting on your lip, you consider what exactly you should say, starting and deleting the message four times before finally settling on something neutral. 
y/n: Hi, this is y/n. I just wanted to thank you for the equipment, the girls are going to be really excited.
It’s not exactly professional to sit and wait for a reply that might never come, so you toss your phone back in your bag and try to remain engaged for the rest of the afternoon that drags by slowly until the final bell rings.
And if the sight of Nolan’s name alongside a sweet message is enough to cause a grin to spread across your face, it’s no one’s business but your own.
-
You’re somehow roped into spending game night at Travis’ house. You growl a bit at the sight of only couples there, your cheeks reddening when Nolan sends you a wayward smile that has you propelling yourself to sit beside him. 
Clare and Carter are squished into one loveseat, Travis in the other. Karly is focused on getting the music to lower in front of the tv, ‘More’ by Usher pulsing through the speakers and really, it’s a Wednesday night and it so doesn’t fit the vibe. 
“They’re disgusting,” Nolan says softly, clicking his tongue as he leans in a little closer to you. “They’ve been like that since they got here.”
You scoff a little. “I’m not surprised. The honeymoon phase hasn’t ended for them,” you grumble a bit, picking at a pull in your sweater. 
“I made a bet with Hayesy to see how long they’d be able to keep from whispering to one another the other day at the bar. He bet ten minutes, I bet five. Guess how long it took?” he says, a slight hint of teasing in his voice as he looks at you fully now. His eyes are glinting and a smile is dancing along his lips. You inhale sharply at the sight, never having been fully prepared for it to be directed at you. 
“Five seconds?” you ask jokingly, raising an eyebrow at him. 
“Ten,” Nolan says, smile widening at the sound of your laugh. 
“I think we need to do one more thing to really get Nolan in her good graces,” Clare whispers. Carter and Travis both lean in, stupid grins on their faces as they nod along. 
“He should send her flowers. Karly loves that shit,” Travis says, nodding a bit in the direction of his girlfriend. She’s struggling to turn the music off entirely, a hand on her hip and foot tapping impatiently. 
“She’d probably love it if you helped her,” Carter teases, wrapping an arm out Clare’s shoulders. “We’ll send her flowers on Friday.”
-
Some days you wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Today, you felt as though you had woken up on the wrong side of the universe by how terribly things had gone. Your phone had died in the middle of the night as a result of poor placement on the wireless charger and as a result you woke up right around the time you needed to leave. You’d jumped around your apartment and gotten ready quicker than you ever had before - hopping on one foot and falling all over the place, even spraying a little dry shampoo in your eyes despite the fact you definitely should have showered. Noting the time on your stove, you’d sprinted to school, bypassing the cafe you usually frequented for a latte each morning. Luckily your assistant teacher was a literal godsend and Kelsey had no problem holding down the fort for the ten minutes that you were late. You slid into your classroom just as the morning announcements were finishing up, trying and failing to catch your breath.
“Miss y/l/n is your shirt on inside out?” Camille, one of your favorite students though you’d never admit it outloud, asks You look down in horror to realize she was right, the stitching of your blouse evident. 
Shoulders sagging, you tell the class to ‘listen to Miss Evans’ and you would be right back. You fix your shirt and smooth your hair and return to the class. Finally, you notice the small and understated floral arrangement on your desk and can’t stop the small smile from gracing your face. Kelsey shot you a teasing look but you just ignore her, crossing the room to drop unceremoniously in your chair. 
Thirty sets of eyes stared back at you and you scrambled to think of something to keep them busy for a few moments. You’d originally planned to have a small discussion on the themes of the novel you were studying, but you didn’t think you could stand long enough to do so. “Alright everyone please read the next chapter of To Kill a Mockingbird and we’ll have a small discussion on how prejudice and racism are present in the novel.”
Confident they were all distracted with the book, you pulled the small note from between two stems. 
A little bird said these were your favorite
-NP
You probably shouldn’t have been shocked, Nolan had been steadily knocking down your walls and proving your first impressions terribly wrong. You messaged sometimes, and he wasn’t completely unbearable in social situations that Clare dragged you to. Plus the girls had been very excited when you’d shown them all the new equipment and you had to be very grateful for the smiles on their faces. Biting your lip, you sent him a message back - once again hiding your phone under the desk like a teenager. You decided to err a little more on the side of flirty teasing this time rather than as formal as the first time you’d messaged him. 
y/n: Thanks for the flowers, Nolan. Clare helped you out, huh?
And shit that has Nolan panicking. Did you figure out that Carter and Clare had been helping him out this whole time? Were you mad? Did he blow his second shot? Then he remembered the message he’d left on pink card stock. 
Nolan: maybe a little, do you like them?
He cursed himself after hitting send. Do you like them? What a stupid thing to send. Surely you would be turned off by his lack of social skills and-
y/n: I love them. Too bad you didn’t include a snack with the flowers. I was so late this morning I forgot my lunch.
Well shit, Carter and Clare weren’t around to help, but that sounded like an opportunity if he ever heard one. 
Nolan: sorry, no snacks but I could pick you up for lunch?
He resists the urge to throw his phone like a child, instead staring at it in his hands until he almost drops it when it vibrates. 
y/n: I don’t really have time to leave the campus today
Well, shit. That wasn’t quite the reaction he was hoping for. Anxiety flooded him - had he been too forward? But then his phone buzzes again and this time he does drop it. He scowls at the device as he picks it up from the floor noting the small crack on the bottom right of the screen. The scowl quickly transforms into a small smile at your second message. 
y/n: Although, I wouldn’t say no if you brought some gyros from that Greek place Clare won’t shut up about. We can eat in my classroom.
Nolan comes exactly at your lunch break, hands laden with a bag of food and two delicious looking smoothies. You smile at him shyly, a bit apprehensive that he's here in your classroom and it's just you two. Having Clare and Carter around could be annoying, but they also served as buffers to the awkward silence that seemed to be attached to Nolan.
"Hey," he says gently, grabbing a chair and sliding it over to your desk. "I didn't know if you liked the kind of smoothie I picked so I got you water and some sort of tea they were selling." His cheeks are bright red as he sets out your lunch in front of you, sliding the three drinks along with it. Your heart swells a bit at the sight, your own cheeks flushing. 
"This is sweet, Nolan, thank you," you say softly, brushing your fingers over his knuckles. You unwrap your food, watching Nolan as he sucks down a bit of his smoothie. "What were you up to before this?" 
"Had morning skate and then Teeks and I spent some time at a coffee shop downtown. Best scones in Pennsylvania, I swear," he says, shaking his head with a dreamy look in his eyes. "I think I'm being spoiled now with the best greek food in town. Nice pick."
"You can thank Carter for that," you say, grinning a little. Your heart swells a bit at the sight of Nolan relaxing back into a small chair in your classroom. You had never seen Nolan relaxed in general, almost never even seeing a true expression on his face. Now, though, he was chewing away happily, eyes flickering to you with an easy smile. 
"How are the kids doing?" Nolan asks softly. "Clare was telling us you were a bit stressed recently."
You smile, the thought of your best friend and Nolan talking about you when you weren’t around causing a funny feeling to blossom in your chest. “You talk about me often?” you can’t help but tease a little, loving the way his rosy cheeks reddened even further. Discussing his cheeks may have been off limits, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t admire them silently.
You decide to put him out of his misery, ignoring the fact that he hadn’t answered your question as you accidentally launch into a long rant about school boards and standardized testing and the unnecessary pressures and stress it all puts on your kids. Ten minutes pass by spiritedly, and you don’t take a single bite of your food, far too preoccupied with waving your hands about as you speak. Nolan takes it all in stride, eyes focused on you in a way that they simply hadn’t been on your date. It’s like his entire attention is on you, and you preen under it all before you realize that you’ve spent a quarter of your lunch break babbling without letting him get a word in.  
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to talk about me the whole time,” you say sheepishly, placing your hands down on your lap briefly before remembering the fact that you’re starving and Clare had raved about the gyros for weeks after her date. 
“I don’t mind,” is all he says. And he truly doesn’t. If he’s honest, he would probably listen to you recite the dictionary. It’s such a difference from the guys you’d tried dating in the past, even such a difference from the Nolan you had met weeks ago, that you find yourself disappointed when the warning bell rings and you have to shoo him out of your classroom before you end up with thirty distracted eight graders. 
“I’ll see you later,” he mumbles, tentatively wrapping his arms around you in a chaste hug. You can only smile shyly as you escort him out the door, promising to text him.
-
When you next volunteer at the animal shelter, you’re greeted by the coordinator who is excitedly running at you the moment you step in the door. “I don’t know what you did, but thank you,” is what she says, handing you a donation receipt with more zeros on it than you’re used to - the average donation you usually see is more in the $20 or $50 range - and Nolan’s name at the bottom. What sets your heart racing is the name placed in the dedication blank - your own. 
You should have recognized Clare’s terrible acting when you burst into her apartment to find her and Carter eating takeout on the couch as the Bachelor plays in the background. You don’t even feel the need to chirp the remaining contestants or make a comment about the unrealistic program. Really, you should have recognized it every time you came to her with the latest thing Nolan had done in an attempt to break down your walls. 
Maybe it wouldn’t have hurt so bad when you found out that it wasn’t really him behind it at all. 
-
It’s an accident that you find it all out. A serious case of wrong place, wrong time as you walk into Travis’ kitchen to find him, Kevin, Carter and Clare standing around discussing their attempts at helping ‘poor Nolan’ break through to your icy heart. It’s almost comical that TK is the one who notices you standing there with rage beginning to brew in your chest and your mouth open in a shocked grimace. 
“What the fuck,” you say simply, Clare’s head snapping up to look at you. There’s panic in her face as she begins to rush at you, but you just shake your head and take a few steps backwards. 
“Don’t even,” you warn, a shaky finger coming up to point at her as you continue moving backwards away from it all. “It was one thing, to make that stupid website, and to fall in love with Carter and keep bringing me around here. It was one thing to pester me and try to get me to give Nolan another shot. It’s an entirely different thing to be manufacturing the entire relationship behind my back and without my knowledge or consent. Don’t follow me.” 
You don’t get very far, maybe a few feet before Nolan’s hot on your heels, “What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong?” The anger explodes out of you, eerily reminiscent of the volcano science experiment that Carlos had brought to the science fair only last month. “What’s wrong is that you and everyone we know have been lying to me.”
His face falls as he immediately clues into what you’re referring to. He might have been an idiot in love when it came to you, but even he wasn’t that oblivious. “Oh,” he says stupidly.
“Oh? That’s all you have to say for yourself? Oh?” You’re dumbfounded, absolutely perplexed as you stare at him like you never knew him at all. And maybe you don’t. Maybe even his personality was packaged with a ribbon and tailored to your preferences. It’s probably not a fair assessment, but you feel so betrayed by people you thought you could trust. You shake your head, “Whatever, don’t talk to me ever again.” And yeah, it’s definitely overdramatic, but you’re going to need a minute to be dramatic before you can think about the next steps to move forward here. 
It hurts so much because you really like Nolan, awful first date and all. These past few weeks of near constant communication - texts and calls, flowers and lunch dates - have softened your heart considerably. You were even considering asking him on a second first date, a chance to get it right this time. Now? You can barely look at him.
That’s why it’s so surprising when suddenly he’s up in your face, exasperated and frustrated as he begins to yell back. “No! You don’t get to keep yelling at everyone for wanting something good for you! Yeah, okay, they helped me get on your good side! So what? I know I fucked our first date up and I'm sorry I did! But you’re intimidating and beautiful and have such a good heart. How was I supposed to live up to that? You made me nervous in ways other girls couldn’t! So, fuck, for the love of god stop projecting your fear of never finding love and just let me in so I can show you that maybe I’m the one you’re meant to be with!”
You don’t think he’s getting it as you shake your head once again, continuing the argument: “Those things didn’t mean something because they were the correct things to do, they meant something because I thought they came from you! I thought it was you showing me that you were interested and that you did listen to me. Finding out it was our friends behind it all along felt like you didn’t care at all.”
“I do care! I’m sorry they did it for me but you hated me, okay? I needed all the help I could get. I care about you everyday. Like, fuck, y/n I wake up and hope you had your favorite latte before work. I go throughout my day wondering if I should send you lunch or dinner because you don’t always get off work when you’re supposed to. I’m just an idiot, okay? It’s like nothing I do is right for you!” It’s so frustrating to hear him say the right things even as he goes about it in the wrong way.
“Then just say that!” Your hand is in your hair, whether it’s through exasperation or frustration you can’t say. “Text me in the morning to ask me about my latte, message me to remind me to eat, let me know you’re thinking about me! I’m not asking for grand gestures or a fucking sky writer. I just want to know you think about me as much as I think about you. There’s no perfect set of things for you to do or say, I just want them to come from you!”
Nolan softens a bit, shoulders falling and a sigh leaving him. He moves closer to you then, slowly moving his hands until they’ve captured yours. He presses them to his chest, his eyes gentle as he drinks you in. 
“I’m sorry. Will you give me another chance even though you really kind of owe Joel a date with how many times I’ve fucked up?” his voice teasing, but expression serious.
“I don’t want Joel,” you mumble, eyes locked on your joined hands. “I want you.”
A stupid, huge grin finds its way on Nolan’s face and you don’t think you’ve ever seen something so pretty in your life. He tugs you into his chest then, his forehead resting against yours. 
“I want you, too,” he whispers.
-
The gentle feeling of betrayal still sits in your chest for a few days, but you don’t use it as an excuse or a crutch, choosing to accept his words at face value - that it had all come from a place of good intentions, regardless of the way it appeared. Weeks later, you accept Nolan’s invitation for you and Clare to attend a game. Even if you hadn’t been on the road to forgiveness already, you probably would have still accepted the tickets - they were center ice, right behind the Flyers bench and you had only ever dreamed of sitting in seats like these. There are two tickets waiting at will call for you and Clare just like he’d said. Clare is excitedly bouncing in her seat, clad in a 79 jersey with a beer in each of her hands. You’ve got your trusty Giroux jersey on, despite earlier threats otherwise, you had not in fact burnt it and traded it in for a Crosby jersey. 
Good thing, too, because the game is against the Pens and you don’t want to think about how much messier it would have gotten if Nolan had looked up into the stands to spot you wearing the opposing team’s C on your chest.
It’s a tough game, ends up in overtime where Clare’s boyfriend blocks two out of three shots on net. Say what you want about Crosby - and believe me, you’ve said a lot about Crosby - the man’s talented as he’s the only one who manages to sneak one by. Teeks puts one in over Jarry’s shoulder, followed by a close save on Joel’s shot. Finally, you sit on the edge of your seat as Nolan rockets to the crease, winds up and slips one in between the pads. 
You and Clare lose it, shouting excitedly as you jump up and throw your arms around each other. 
The goodwill continues as you follow her through the winding maze that is the Wells Fargo Center, her every move effortless as if she was following muscle memory alone. You’d tried to get out of following her to the locker room, but she’d just rolled her eyes and grabbed you by the sleeve.
You’re not waiting long when the first of the team begin to trickle out of the locker room, freshly showered and suited up. Even though you’re prepared for the chirps, you still roll your eyes as someone tells you they’re “glad to see you didn’t throw the jersey out.”
You just chirp right back, telling them that you can’t afford another $200 jersey on a teacher’s salary. Clare goes running from her spot beside you when Carter takes three steps out of the locker room, launching herself at him with glee, peppering kisses to his skin and whispering something about how proud she was of him.
You turn away with a little grimace, not noticing Claude making his way over to you, Nolan hot on his trail probably worried about whatever he was going to say. “Nice jersey,” he says simply and you cross your arms, preparing for something stupid to come out of the captain’s mouth. “As long as Patty doesn’t fuck up again, guess I can count on you to be my biggest fan.”
You roll your eyes, “I was a fan before I ever met you, and yet for some reason I’m still a fan after.” 
He laughs at that, not at all offended which is a little annoying if you’re honest. You don’t think there’s a single thing that you could say to Claude Giroux that would phase him. Except, maybe, if it involved Sidney Crosby - you’d seen the videos where they used to go at each other. You’d even been sitting in the stands with your dad when Claude had rocked Crosby’s shit so many years ago.
As much as Nolan enjoys seeing you in his team’s colors and his team’s logo across your chest and on your sleeve, there’s a bit of jealousy that burns in his heart that the name and number you wear aren’t his own. Despite not owing him a damn thing, there’s the slightest bit of possessiveness that he feels in his chest that has him wanting to shove a new jersey in your hands. “I think it’s time you let me get you a number 19 jersey, don’t you think?” he settles on asking.
“I wouldn’t be caught dead in any other jersey,” you reply seriously. And if Nolan didn’t know any better, he would think you were genuine. Except you’ve gotten closer, you’ve gotten coffee and lunch more than a few times, you gravitate toward him in social situations, and he knows you’re joking. Claude pats you on your back and heads over to his wife and son, leaving you alone with Nolan.
“Not even your boyfriend’s?” he whispers, without missing a beat - eyes dark and a small smile dancing across his lips.
“Don’t know, don’t have one,” you shrug, gentle teasing moving towards something a little more flirtatious. Your relationship has been heading in this direction for months, but something feels different here standing outside the locker room. 
“Hmm,” he looks down at you, eyes narrowed as his hands move to your hips. “And if you did?” 
Smirking up at him you sassily question, “Are you askin’? Cause you haven’t even asked me on a second first date yet.” 
“How about this.” He leans closer to you, hips pressing yours back as his lips graze over your ear. “You let me take you on a second first date and then let me know.”
The way your breath hitches is an involuntary reaction, and you know he notices by the way his lips curve against your ear. Realizing he was expecting an answer, you stutter out a “yeah, okay,” and unclench your hands that are littered with crescent shaped marks from how tightly you had been clenching your fists in anticipation. 
He presses a kiss behind your ear, fingers running up and down your sides. “Thank god you said yes. Farabee’s been circling like a hawk,” he whispers. 
You laugh, your whole body tingling with just how right it feels to have his hands on your hips and his lips on your neck. “Well if Joel’s available...” you tease, craning your neck as if to look for him. 
Nolan growls a bit, lips pressing into your neck as he tugs you closer to him. His hands flex against your hips, a shiver running down your spine. “Is that what you really want?” he whispers. 
“No,” you admit with a sigh, resting your hands on his shoulders and tilting your head ever so slightly to the side. 
His smile is blinding, eyes bright as he leans in and presses a chaste kiss to your lips. “Good,” he murmurs. “I’d hate to have to beat up my own teammate.” 
“Wouldn’t want that,” you agree, hiding your resulting smile by pulling your bottom lip between your teeth. One of your hands slides to curl around the back of his neck, tangling in his hair. 
“Get a room!” Travis shouts from somewhere behind Nolan. Nolan just grins down at you, dipping his head down to press another kiss to your lips, this one slower and more passionate.
You have half a mind to flip Travis the middle finger, but your hands are otherwise occupied and Nolan’s lips are so soft. You’re struck again by how right it all feels, a small noise of contentment coming from the back of your throat as the kiss deepens. 
Carter gags a bit as he and Clare slip by, his hand tightening on her hip as he says, “Is that what we look like?” 
And sure, Nolan probably should tell them to fuck off, but the feeling of your lips against his is nothing short of amazing. He doesn’t really care that everyone is whistling and shouting at him, doesn’t care that he’s got you pressed against the wall and everyone can see. 
He’s pretty sure he’s in love with you, so really, what’s wrong with showing it off? 
The need to breathe finally pulls ahead of the desire you feel for him as you pull back from the kiss, dizzy headed and lips swollen. “I’d say take me home,” you whisper, “but I don’t put out until at least the first second date.”
He grins widely at your words, cheeks rosy and lips swollen. His hands slide up and curl around your waist. It’s innocent and gentle and everything you had ever wanted. You slot against him perfectly, fit in his arms like you were made for him. 
“Okay fine, you can take me home but no funny business mister.” It’s funny the way you briefly wonder what it would be like to be taken home by him every night. To come home to him on your couch or in your kitchen, to have him be the first and last face you see every day and night. You hadn’t even gone on a real date (the first one didn’t count, you’d decided a long time ago somewhere between his well intentioned but ultimately poor attempt at redemption, your fight over his collaborators and the gentle way he had worked his way into your heart through it all) but you felt like you could love him, could see a future with him. 
“If I make hot chocolate and cuddle you while we watch Moana, will that make up for the fact that I’m breaking your rules?” he asks gently, his face softening. 
He tugs you into his side, pressing a kiss to your head. You hum a little, grinning up at him at the suggestion. “You know the way to my heart, huh?” you ask gently. 
Nolan grins again, his cheeks reddening as you walk past Claude and Ryanne, the two of them wiggling their eyebrows at your jersey. You duck your head and smile sheepishly. “I think I’ll take that new jersey,” you say softly. 
-
Nolan takes you wine tasting for your second first date. You’re a bundle of nerves, hands shaking as you pace the length of your living room restlessly. Clare thinks you’re going to wear a hole in the floor but Carter stops her from intervening. 
“We’ve done enough, baby,” he whispers into her hair, hands rubbing up and down her arms. “Let’s give Patty a chance.”
You ignore them in favor of smoothing your dress out once more. It’s cute, more fall than winter but you don’t really care at this rate. The doorbell rings before you can start pacing again, and suddenly you’re panicking for a whole different reason. 
Nolan’s wearing slacks and a nice button shirt that brings out his eyes. He’s grinning down at you like an idiot, making you melt a bit. “Hey,” you say softly. 
Nolan tugs you into him then, hands on your hips as he dips down and presses a soft kiss to your cheek. “Hey, gorgeous. Ready to go?” he asks, ignoring the looks from Clare and Carter behind you. 
The drive to the winery is full of you both singing loudly to today’s top hits. You aren’t huge on Ariana Grande, but when Nolan belts out the first line to ‘God is a woman’ you’re right behind him, using his hand as a microphone halfway through. 
You spend most of your time at the winery with Nolan holding you somehow. Whether his arm was around your waist or hand resting on your hip, he kept you close. He wasn’t huge on wine, that much you could tell. 
“What’s this one again?” he whispers, frowning down at the red wine in his glass. “It’s disgusting.”
“Nol, it’s a 1990 cabernet sauvignon imported from Sonoma Valley,” you whisper teasingly, stifling a giggle when he shoots you an unimpressed look. 
“I drink five dollar bottles of wine unless Teeks brings it,” he deadpans, swirling the wine around in his cup. “This is too much for me.” 
You end up finishing his wine, a little tipsier than you planned on being because of it. He orders you a tuscan flatbread pizza that’s overpriced but so good after all of the wine you’ve consumed. 
He’s sitting across from you, a soft smile on his face that makes your heart slam away in your chest. “Thank you for letting me fix things,” he says finally, reaching across to run his thumb over your cheekbone. “I don’t think I would’ve ever gotten over you if I lost my chance.”
Your cheeks blaze red then, a grin breaking out across your face. “You’re just saying that because you didn’t want to have to see me with Joel,” you tease, laughing loudly when he sends you a death glare.
-
Nolan falls head over heels in love with you when you finally open up to him, guard completely down as you curl around him on the couch.
 He thinks it’s funny that you have a ritual on Sundays. You’re all soft blankets and faded t-shirts as you meal prep and watch reruns of criminal minds. 
He thinks it’s cute that you buy your students gifts for every holiday, staying up until ungodly hours tying bows and writing inspiring quotes in curly handwriting. He helps you grade papers and is good company when you make up lesson plans, giving input when needed. He even promises to listen to your lectures when you’re a little nervous about them. 
He thinks you’re the most gorgeous when you’re slumped half awake into his side, eyelids drooping and voice soft as you grumble about how gross Clare and Carter are. The irony not lost on him that only hours ago you were the gross couple, hands on hips and stolen kisses and being completely lost in each other.
He thinks he wants to spend forever with you when you’re vulnerable and tell him about all of the hurt you’ve been through before, a slight wobble in your voice. He wants to promise that he’ll protect you from any future hurt the world tries to throw at you, despite knowing that’s not realistic. What he promises instead is that he’ll weather every storm, and be there for you when the world tries to bring you down. 
Maybe his favorite thing about you is the way you interact with his best friend. 
TK thinks you’re a little angry gnome. He calls you that cause you’re short and always mad when he sees you which isn’t charming at all. Joel adopts it, but always jokes he’s still down if you ever get sick of Nolan.
“I wouldn’t be so mad all the time if men weren’t idiots,” you sigh exasperatedly at TK as he pisses you off for the millionth time that day. If you weren’t careful, he was going to give you grey hairs before you even hit 25.
“Preach!” Karly shouts from somewhere in the house, Ryanne shouting her agreement from a few feet away, too.
“But I’m your idiot right?” Nolan mumbles in your ear, wrapping his arms around your waist. 
“Don’t push it, Patrick,” you reply, but you don’t push him away. You do the opposite in fact, gripping his forearms. 
“I’ll help you mark your pop quizzes tomorrow,” he bargains, smiling into your hair. 
“I’m listening...”
“If you hate marking so much, why even give pop quizzes?” TK asks annoyingly, causing you to whip your head in his direction with a deadly glare. 
“He’s not worth it,” Nolan groans, tightening his grip when he feels you pulling away. 
“You just don’t want me to murder your best friend,” you reply, trying to peel his arms off your waist.
Travis just wiggles his eyebrows at you, challenging you to dive at him the way you want to. 
“Hey now, I don’t want any blood spilled in my backyard,” Claude calls. “Take it to the front, please.”
“Hey!” Travis squawks. 
“Don’t encourage her!” Nolan shouts, tugging you into his chest despite your struggling. He loves the way you don’t take TK’s shit, the way you’re not afraid to chirp him back, the fiery way your eyes light up and even the way you’re struggling in his arms right now. 
Really, Nolan just thinks he loves you.
-
“You’re so fuckin’ out of my league babe,” Nolan mumbles into the skin of your neck. He’s got you pressed into the wall of the bar in a back corner, his hips holding your body in place. Your hands are on his shoulders and his are gripping your waist. You let out a small noise of disagreement, but he only shakes his head against your skin. Skimming his hands slowly up your waist he keeps speaking, “S’not fair you look this good, while having this good a heart.”  One hand slides up between your breasts, resting just to the left over your rapidly beating heart.
You can only hum, words failing you as you look up at him through your eyelashes. He drags the hand on your chest to lightly wrap around your throat, eyes darkening as he takes in your flushed appearance and the way your chest subtly presses against his.  
“Kiss me,” you whisper and so he does. You can taste the beer on his tongue as it slips in your mouth when you gasp, his hand squeezing your waist just so. You’re thankful you’re in a corner away from his teammates because you don’t think you could handle the teasing right now, don’t think you can do anything but be kissed by this man over and over. You let him take you home at the end of the night, let him kiss his way up your body. And when it’s over, you curl into his chest and fall asleep to the soothing sound of his heartbeat and the way his hands tangle in your hair.
-
A year and a half later, he proposes when you’re all at Claude and Ryanne’s lake house. You’re in a sundress, skin tan and soft from your shower and hair falling in waves down your back. You’re talking to Clare about the sunburn on your nose, champagne glass hanging loosely from your hand as the sun sets behind you. 
You’ve never looked more beautiful to Nolan than you did in that moment - all soft edges and smooth skin. The moments he spent with you flash through his mind like a slideshow; you at the winery, tipsy and leaning into him with bright eyes and a smile that said you were going to stick around a while. The first game you wore his jersey, the teasing look on your face worth the warmth that spread throughout him when he saw you. The first time you slept together, your fingers tangled in his hair, cheeks flushed as he bottomed out inside of you. The first time he woke up next to you, your mouth slightly open, your head on his chest. 
Clare walks away in search of another beer then, leaving you to watch the sun set the world on fire around you. You don’t notice the buzz of conversation taper off, don’t notice that Nolan’s behind you now, his life with you flashing before his eyes. 
He gets down on one knee behind you and whispers softly, “Baby.”
It’s all cliche after that, the way your hand flies to your mouth and tears gather in your eyes. The ring is sparkly and perfect but all you see is Nolan, rosy cheeked and stuttering about how amazing you are. And maybe it’s early, but fuck, does it ever feel right as you nod your head yes, tears falling down your face.
Because the peanut gallery has never once kept their mouths shut in their entire lives, they have a lot to say about it all. 
Clare just cries, hand shaking as she covers her mouth before flinging herself at you. Carter’s right there alongside her, pulling you both into a hug and congratulating you.
Teeks is annoying as ever as he cackles gleefully, shouting something about you being stuck with him forever. Ivan laughing loudly beside him as he promises to try and wrangle his teammate in some. 
Claude and Ryanne are supportive and sweet - the older brother and sister you didn’t know you were missing.
“I’m going to object,” Joel states before taking off running as Nolan rushes at him. 
You just giggle and take it all in, staring at the ring now adorning your left ring finger. Nolan lets up on Joel, finding you again as he pulls you into him and smiles down at you with a stupid grin on his face, before kissing you sweetly. 
Teeks gags and tells him, “grow a pair, patty,” but you just smile and kiss Nolan again, before turning back to Travis.
“The things Karly has told me? I’d keep your mouth shut Konecny.” In true Travis fashion, he predictably does not keep his mouth shut, instead choosing to run it a little more. You let him get a few chirps in before raising an eyebrow and threatening him, “Don’t make me do it pumpkin.” For the first time in Travis’ adult life probably, he actually, genuinely shuts his mouth for longer than a second. 
Nolan knows he made the right choice as you grin up at him softly, and the only sounds he hears is the lake water crashing into the dock.
-
“Good morning everyone! I’m looking forward to a great year and getting to know everyone! You can call me Mrs. Patrick, welcome to eighth grade!”
You grin to yourself as your matching wedding set sparkles on your finger while you write your married name for the first time on the board in white chalk. Spinning around you take in thirty smiling faces, some of which definitely look a little shell shocked, others with no idea the implications of the seven letters of your last name. 
You can tell they're going to be distracted all day, so you flash them a wide grin. “Alright, let’s hear 'em,” you motion with your arms indicating that you’re opening the floor for questions. 
The room explodes then. 
“Ms. y/l/n-“
“it’s Mrs. Patrick now!!!”
“- When did you get married?”
“Is it to Nolan? The hot hockey player?” 
“Anna, you can’t just say that!”
“What? It’s true!”
“Will he teach us to skate?”
“Did you get married yesterday?”
“Did he meet your mom?” 
“Mrs. Patrick, can we see pictures?”
You laugh and take each question one at a time, ending finally by pulling up a wedding photo on the smartboard. The sun is setting in the background, a picturesque scene of you in a long white dress, smile all teeth and head thrown back while Nolan looks at you like you single handedly put every star in the night sky. 
There’s a bouquet of flowers on your desk that calls back to when Clare and Carter were pulling the strings on his redemption tour. Instead of the salty sting of betrayal and residual anger, the memory puts a smile on your face and makes you very glad that your idiot friends thought it would be a good idea to make a website that showcased how pathetically single you were and poke fun at your (totally rational!) fear of goats.
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pearls-andsapphic · 4 days ago
Text
What's the trick...
I love ♡ Lady Dimitrescu and I had time to write so... I took advantage of my creative mind for not very pure ideas, anyway... I haven't reviewed it so reveal any errors 😅🌹
Synopsis -> Where Lady Dimitrescu and Lady Y/n are forced to work together even though they don't have the best of relationships there.
Lady Dimitrescu hated the meetings of the Lords, which in your eyes was a reason for great delight, because Alcina is truly insufferable. She does everything to please Mother Miranda, as the exemplary student always wanting to show service. You are very close to Lady Beneviento that despite being practically motionless in the corner of the old church, you knew she had a roguish smile on her face. The typical quiet girl who leaves and likes the circus on fire. Moreau is somewhat... dreamy. Do you watch movies every Friday and you and Heisenberg? Pure fun, you are a couple of chaos, sometimes Miranda is a little clueless and leaves your veins burning with anger, crazy. So you and Heisenberg teamed up to give a little... joy in this situation.
Angie was making fun of the lycans who let that disgusting drool to the floor, her sickly yellow eyes waiting for approval, a simple order to finish the doll.
- Y/n...? Y/n!!!! - Miranda's acidic tone took you out of your ramblings to leave a bitter taste in your mouth the woman looked at you instead of her face contorted in fury she had a smile full of teeth that looked like fangs, you moved in the chair to disguise the shiver that has taken over your body.
- Mother... Did you said something? - You smiled wryly; One hand over the other on your lap - I was lost thinking about the improvements to be made.
- That's exactly what I was talking about my child - Her eyes, cold as ice had an insane glint - Always so good to me. You and Alcina will work together, so don't worry too much.
- Pardon me, Mother!? - You almost screamed with wide eyes seeing the proud and horror mixing in Alcina Dimitrescu yellow eyes. - This is not even a bit necessary.
- Show some respect Lady Y/n, adults are talking. - Lady Dimitrescu hissed in your direction. You get up from your chair with your hands in fists and your eyebrows furrowed, snorting as your heels hit the stone floor. Alcina arches an eyebrow, measuring you from head to toe with disdain, but then smiling when she sees how red your face was. Inside your anger was burning, who does she think she is? Always thinking herself the favourite, one more lackey like everyone else.
- I think you should hold your fangs, little bat or maybe I will cut your wings. - You countered loud and clear, eliciting laughter from Heisenberg and Angie who bent over from laughing so hard. Moreau sighed wearily, repeating to stop fighting. Alcina growled with your answer squeezing one of the chair arms with such force that it cracked and the other she tried not to damage her precious holder.
- Careful little one, this devilish tongue of yours will do you no good. - She whispered just for you to hear over the hungry roars of the lycans.
- It's enough! - Mother Miranda scolded, her voice hoarse overflowing with displeasure in every letter. - You two will be duly punished where it hurts the most if you don't get out of my way now and only come back when you have a decent advance.
Alcina seemed to have been thrown far away from the pedestal as for a few seconds she pouted and her eyes were bright almost to the point of tears but of course she would turn again with the focus on you and like a dragon ready to unleash the flames looked at you like you were the scum of humanity, and after meeting Miranda maybe you really were.
- Yes... Mother Miranda. - The Countess got to her feet and in fluid movements started to head out of the old church, you looked around and Heisenberg and Angie no longer laughed now had an expression of curiosity and concern coming and going like waves of electricity. Mother Miranda spread her beautiful wings, feathers dark as oil and should have been soft to the touch but the golden claws were raised towards you; One last warning.
- Yes, Mother Miranda. - You said through clenched teeth.
Heisenberg approached you slowly, put his arm around you and adjusted the angle to whisper in your ear with a wry smile - Now sit down, puppy.
You rolled your eyes giving him a sharp elbow and he moaned softly in pain as he curled up.
---
- Glad you came, Lady Y/n. - The noble's tone didn't have an ounce of joy, the contempt came like electrifying waves through her golden eyes.
She motioned for you to take a seat on the sofa beside the castle matriarch's chair. A middle-aged maid set the table with various sweets and freshly baked snacks that filled the senses, jasmine tea perfumed the place, but the poor woman's trembling fingers and shallow breathing did not go unnoticed.
- I must say that the last renovation left the place stunning, Countess. - You sat crossing your legs and taking a china cup in your hands. - And where are your daughters?
The Lady of the castle looked at you with a predatory look, the air seemed heavier than the maid after making a short curtsy came out through the golden double doors and closed it. The woman's crimson lips pulled back in a sneer.
- We met long enough, dear, to know that it is not necessary to have a label in turbulent waters like the one you navigate now, being in my domain. - She whispers in a provocative tone, you take a small sip of tea feeling the hot liquid bring some comfort in the midst of this tiring situation with the eldest.
- Should I take this threat to heart, my dear Alcina? - You put the cup aside, raising an eyebrow in the woman's direction - I'll make it easy for you then, I'll take care of the planning and research while you take the practical part since your family feels so... comfortable with these matters.
For a few seconds the matriarch is expressionless, this was the most irritating part about Alcina, her anger was palpable but now the rest was deep water, impossible to distinguish the beginning and the end of her intentions. Pausing to look at the woman more closely amid the judgment of the other, the lines of expression across her face, the silky and neat strands, the flowers that were reminders of her love for her daughters, the dress always clean and neat, outlining the stunning curves ... wait, what!? You looked back at her pretty features, and she was staring at you with a toothy grin. You crossed your arms, urging the woman to say something to get rid of the tension. She made a tsk sound shaking her head slightly.
- Tell me dear, who do you think you are? Come on my land giving orders? - She got to her feet slowly with her eyes riveted on you - I'll have... - She took two steps bending her knees to look at you better, your breathing a little faster, her eyes reflecting yours, a deceiving perfume, lush, the heart came and went with strength, the pupils widen - To teach you good manners my little mouse?
Your lips parted as the beautiful (and unbearable) woman exerted dominance by turning her head to the side and running her lips slowly and lightly over the skin of your neck, letting her tongue slip out to outline your pulse point. You moan inwardly, the hands covered by leather gloves caressed up and down your legs covered by the fancy dress. One of your hands went up from the hand, before the arm and grabbing the shoulder of the woman bringing her close, the tips of your fingers made invisible patterns over the fabric. The wet kisses on your neck moved up to your jaw and up to the ear where she carefully wrapped her lips and sucked.
- Where's the boss pose now dear? Did the lion lose its roar? - She held your face with her index finger and thumb and pulled back a little to look at you better, seeing the blush that took over your cheeks, she heard your heart and delighted that it surrendered you like a slaughtered animal waiting for mercy, you wouldn't find any there, - Today I'll make you what you only aspire to be, a lion, I want you to roar so that everyone hears that even if you deny it... everything is better beside me, - She looked at your lips if losing a little in them while you thought of several arduous phrases to put the woman's ego in its place but it's just so nice her presence, that Mother Miranda would forgive her but wish the Countess had power over her just to take and finish her , ruining her makeup, her clothes, her body, her senses - Will you roar to me tonight, Y/n?
You gave the woman's shoulder a brief squeeze before wrapping her hand with yours noting the difference and wrapping her fingers, bringing the thumb that was on your chin to your lips, running the leather slowly over the flesh, your eyes met with hers and it was magnificent to observe the concentration that the woman tried to force not to look down and consume you in flames; With a brief smirk you wrapped the Countess's finger and sucked it, her crimson lips parted and she let out a deep, delicious growl that made you moan feeling the heat in the lower part of your stomach and down to your center, you brought it her legs close and squeezed them to get some friction. You then proceeded to lick the leather, with lazy, circular motions.
- How can you look like an angel and have such a dirty devil inside you at the same time? How curious you are to me, pet.
You took the Countess's hand away and gave a little sly smile and shook your head.
- Your fault my dear, - You stood up watching to give a little distance - It's underestimating everyone around you.
Alcina giggled turning to walk around with fluid movements. - Are you finding yourself too much perhaps, dear Y/n? What is there to underestimate in you? Your emotions always give you away.
You started following her through the halls of the place until you reached the woman's private wing. A coffee table with a basket of fruit that looked rotten, bruised with something grotesque, red as blood. On one of the benches, a piece of black lace that left little to the imagination, a blush spread across your cheeks, the woman should have been tempting wearing this.
She bent down to open a double door in white color with gold accents and went through it soon you were already entering the room. The woman's chamber is splendid, the intoxicating perfume everywhere, the crackling of the fireplace, the candles giving a little light in this immensity, everything was a larger size to accommodate the needs of the noblewoman. Alcina sat up in bed gracefully as you closed the door. After the click you took a deep breath to get the courage, now you were in her area and no one could save you from what the woman planned.
- What do you think so much? I hope I'm not wasting my time, darling. - She asked in a husky voice in a tone of indifference.
You rolled your eyes, turning to face her properly - It will be difficult for us to have any results if you are not inclined to descend from your pedestal, Your Majesty. - You added the nickname full of irony seeing the woman take one glove at a time with some aggressiveness.
- Want to work things out then, Lady Y/n? - She opened a brilliant smile but the provocative tone of the elder did not go unnoticed. - Come here, -  She motioned with her hand for the woman to stand in front of her. - You can help me with something.
You walked towards her, each step weighing more than the last. Alcina had a gleam in her eyes, you could almost see the possibilities she was figuring out where this was going, but given the smile that insisted on being on the woman's face, you knew she would win. What hate Alcina! You crossed your arms facing the Countess with a face of few friends seeing her leaning on her hands leaning back a little.
- I've heard from some speaking languages ​​that your interests are more... diversified than the ladies who grow up in the village. A soft secret, hmm? - She spoke everything softly with caution, the words like a spell, your eyes caught in the movements of the red lips.
- I never took you, Countess, as a woman who lets herself be indulged in cheap gossip.
- I don't believe they are things thrown in the wind, I listen to your heart. - She turned her head a little to the side letting out a mischievous giggle - And I can feel other things too, - She closed her eyes and took a deep breath delighting, as if it was the best of perfumes and then the golden eyes focused on yours. - It's adorable how easy your body denounces you, dear.
With mastery, the Countess took the white silky fabric and began to lower it, leaving her milky shoulder to show. Eyes riveted on your reactions, but your eyes are focused on imagining the smoothness of her skin, she removed the first sleeve and then with the same care the other, the dress began to be lowered showing the woman's beautiful breasts, adorned by marks stretching, wonderful, you bit your lip discreetly shifting your weight from one foot to the other.
The waist was covered by a beige corset, she lifted a little to continue down the dress until it passed over her knees and fell at her feet. The beautiful pair of legs covered by pale thigh high socks attached to the belt garter parted and the air caught in your chest, she was without panties and you could see that the area was shiny, thirsty. A growing heat took over your body. The chest rose and fell, your hands gripped the skirt of your dress and slowly you looked at it again with uncertainty.
- But what is this, Alcina!? - The question came out in a shaky whisper.
- The best gift you could ever dream of getting. - She hummed. - Honey, we'll do it like this, you help me with this and I accept your ideas and I leave you responsible for our... partnership and we won't talk about what will happen here, what do you think?
- And what's the trick, Countess?
Alcina grimaced, showing her confusion, then making a gesture with her hands. - There is no trick, but I'm out of patience, will you accept, Lady Y/n?
You watch the woman in front of you slowly pass one of her hands through the valley between her breasts and snake down her stomach and reach her center, running her fingertips over her labia and up to her clitoris, which she slowly circled with agonized murmurs.
- Damn it, of course I accept, Alcina. - You started to loosen the dress feeling the cold hit your skin as the fabric hit the floor.
Getting down on your knees in front of that woman was something that at the same time slaughtered your ego also left a wonderful feeling of possession, for now the dreaded noble was yours. You put your hands on the woman's knees taking one last look at those glowing eyes, Alcina had her lips locked with her teeth. Marvelous woman. Closing your eyes you ran your tongue along the length of the older woman's pussy listening to her breathing get lighter, her musicians squeezed a little under the touch of your hands that ventured down her soft legs. Your tongue rose and fell slowly enjoying the wonderful taste. Your tongue passed through the larger lips, and then entered, hearing the Countess's low murmurs of pleasure.
- Such an exquisite taste, Alcina... - You purred softly licking your lips. You took the woman's clitoris between your lips, giving a light suck listening to her gasp.
- Who would have thought dear... The size of your skill, ah. - Alcina squeezed one of her breasts tightly, your tongue circling the delicate pearl.
- Tell me, since we're just the two of us here, Countess... - You said smack between licks and exchange of erotic looks, - Who are you going to cry for today hm? - You looked at her innocently passing two fingers to capture the liquid of the woman's pleasure and then after a deep sigh of her you put both at once seeing her eyes widen and roll, so hot, her lips partially parted, - I will fuck all your superior attitude out of you, you are the one who needs discipline.
Your fingers came and went with sinful noises, your tongue caressed the bud of nerves. Alcina's moans were getting louder, her leg tightening around her lover's head. You squinted your eyelids as you felt the woman's liquid on your chin, her heady scent, by God...
- Come to me Alcina... You have no idea how beautiful you are, - You bit the area with a little hair feeling the woman's legs tremble a little and she say your name in a lazy whisper. You place a kiss on her inner thigh, increasing the speed of your fingers and bringing your other hand to stimulate her clitoris. The castle matriarch's head fell back and she moaned out loud, repeating your name like a mantra, the inner walls of her vagina closing around your fingers.
The Countess was feeling immense pleasure, a pressure in her lower belly, if she had known that the woman could use that ungrateful tongue for more profitable things she would have suggested the visit before even Mother Miranda thought it necessary. How much time wasted... that would be properly recovered.
- Don't you dare to stop, Y/n, - She said in a sultry tone, - I'm coming so good for you, darling.
Your heartbeats getting louder like a lullaby for the Lady of the castle. Alcina then fixed her attention on your face, eyes closed, devouring everything. So so good. Alcina opened her lips in a silent scream, her legs trembling and the cum being swallowed with pleasure by the Lady on her knees in front of her.
You rose to your feet, letting the woman catch her breath while their gazes were connected like magnets, a dive. Not too deep but enough to bring a small smile to both of their faces, it would repeat between them, fuck the regrets.
The Countess started to crawl to the middle of the bed and then lie down, leaning her head against the pile of fluffy pillows and beckoning you with a gesture of her finger.
- You was so good to me that you deserves an reward, pet. - She said with a smirk.
You approached the bed and "climbed" the big bed, going against the woman who parted her legs and from one of the huge and shining claws hands reached out imposingly, tearing your intimate part making you jump in fright and look at the woman with flushed cheeks, she chuckled softly and nodded her head for you to get into position.
You sat on the intimacy of the woman who was already wet again. She approached, staring at you deeply before going to your neck placing tender kisses, running a hand over your back to take away the nervousness. Your eyes closed with a delighted sigh feeling the woman begin to move leaving your skin marked with a kick near the heart. Your moans mingled in a delightful harmony, aching sighs, intimacies touching. A knot forming in your stomach, everything so wonderful, Alcina whispered indecencies in your ear, scratched your back while you held her in her arms so that the soul would not separate from the body.
- Come for me dear, I'm here to take care of you hm, - She placed a chaste kiss on your cheek, your eyes revived and the castle heard the name of the matriarch. Your head rested on the woman's chest as the rain poured down outside the walls of the dark castle. Alcina stroked your hair gently until your breathing returned to normal. Your eyes were heavy and a silly smile adorned your face. - From your expression I suppose we had a good time together.
You gave a nod of your head, settling yourself better in the arms of the woman who lay with you on her body, which was now warm with the heat you shared.
- Is this the moment we go back to swearing at each other? - You give a yawn. Adjusting your head to look at the beautiful features of the woman who, to your surprise, was looking at you with a certain affection.
- No darling... - She brought a hand to your face caressing your cheek with gentle movements leaving a quick peck on your lips, - I want you to stay here tonight, I'm enjoying this we're having here. - She segregated before giving a sly smile. Such a sweet devil she is.
- Me too, dear... Me too.
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princessfanonanona · 4 months ago
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How to Human
Part 5 of College Shenanigans, read parts 1, 2, 3, and 4
Special shoutout to @strawberrycamel for helping me bust this out of the nether in like 2 hours(??????) and then helping with edits aaaaaa you are wonderful thank you. Also shoutout to @typo-art for you know giving me enough ear worms to fill up an entire page of timeline notes (including the idea for this fic)
Summary: Several members of the Astronomy Club express concerns over Danny's inability to behave as a normal human and sit him down for a discussion. Danny is touched, honestly.
---
“What are you doing? School is over, I’m supposed to be going home,” Danny whines as Miles drags him by the arm through the school building.
“Because we have made the collective agreement that you are failing, and probably forgot, what it means being human and need some reminders,” Miles says, without looking back.
“How can I forget how to human?” Danny asks.
“What's the safest height a human can fall without dying?” Miles asks instead of answering.
“Uhh, 90 feet?” Danny looks unsure.
“Nope,” Miles answers, “Six feet.”
“Oh,” Danny blinks.
“‘Oh’ is right, you need a refresher course.” 
“Can’t we do this later?”
“Nope,” Miles shakes his head, tugging him into the classroom. “We need to start this now so that you don't end up outing yourself by accident.”
“Outing myself how?” Danny frowns at him.
“You’re liminal, right? That's the term?” Jessica asks from a seat in front of Kat.
“Yeah?” Danny agrees.
“Well," Jessica continues, "You can’t go showing off those weird tricks you just naturally do on the reg outside of here or your hometown, 'cause someone is going to start asking questions. And then the wrong sort of people are going to come looking for answers.”
“Okay that's fair.” Danny acquiesces. “So what do I have to do?”
“We were thinking  that we should get a baseline of what you think is normal for people and we can go from there?” Jessica offers.
“That seems smart.” Danny says, taking a seat beside Miles and turning sideways to face the girls.
"Let's also be clear and record this properly," Miles says, heading to the whiteboard and unpopping a marker. He writes, in big letters, ‘What Danny needs to be corrected about’ and ‘What Danny is actually correct about.’
“Well, we know he thinks falling height livability is wrong,” Miles writes down.
“Hey Danny, how high can the average human jump from a dead standstill?” Kat asks.
“Uh...15 feet?”
“Nope,” Miles marks that down. “Next?”
“Wait, am I not going to get an answer?”
“Not yet,” Kat shifts to sit cross legged. “How about how long it takes a sprained ankle to heal?”
“Five,” Danny answers without hesitation. “Where’s Anje? I'm surprised they're not here.”
“They already packed up and headed home two days ago ‘cause their last class was canceled.” Jessica answers. " Five what?”
“Hours,” Danny says as if that was obvious.
“Danny, no,” Kat pales in horror.
“Oh my lord, we have so much to cover don’t we?” Jessica whines.
“What’s the average weight a person can lift?” Miles pulls out his phone.
“200 pounds?” Danny guesses.
“Nope, what's the recommended average hours you need to sleep?” Miles marks that down and scrolls on his phone.
“Four?”
“Nope, how many calories is it recommended you intake a day?” Kat cuts in with her own phone in hand.
“Oh Ancients, I haven't a clue.” Danny shakes his head
“Great, at least you're not off there.” Miles snarks.
“Wow, feeling the love guys.” Danny fights to roll his eyes.
“We’re doing this because we love you.” Jessica says.
“Gee. Thanks.” Danny does eye roll this time.
“Anyways, what's the recommended maximum amount of caffeine you can ingest without going into cardiac arrest?” Kat continues.
“That's a thing?” Danny’s eyebrows furrow.
“Yes, it very much is a thing, what did you think would happen?” Kat looks up from her phone.
“All I ever got was a mild buzz from drinking so much!” Danny throws his hands out, palms up.
“Speaking of, what's the blood alcohol limit before alcohol poisoning?” Miles asks with a frown.
“Oh shit, I don't know. Was never relevant for me," Danny glances over, and winces at the growing list.
“How is that not relevant?” Kat asks, slightly perturbed.
“Higher metabolism, human alcohol doesn't really do much for me.” Danny glances back at the older girl.
“Human alcohol?” Miles half screeches.
“Uh yeah, ghost alcohol is so much more potent and actually affects the ectoplasm in my system, otherwise I'd have to, like, chug a bottle of vodka straight in order to get anywhere near drunk.” Danny says, drumming his fingers on the chair arm. "And even then it just burns through my system."
“That, unfortunately, explains so much,” Jessica comments idly.
“I would like to study you,” Kat leans forward on her desk.
“Please don’t, I have nightmares about my parents doing that already, thanks.” Danny leans back in his chair, hands up. 
The trio blinks.
“Should we be concerned, Danny?” Miles asks, the previous ire gone.
“Oh no, it’s fine, I've been hiding the liminal thing from them for years.” Danny shakes his head in a small no.
“Why? Would they hurt you?” Kat presses, half standing and bracing herself on the tabletop.
“No no, they’ve never hurt me!” Danny shakes his hands and head emphatically. “It's just, I’ve seen what they do to weaker ghosts and I know that in alternate timelines they’d be fine with it.”
“Then why don’t you tell them?” Jessica asks gently.
“It's been almost five years since the accident and I just don't want to admit to lying to them that long?” Danny rubs the back of his neck.
“Danny, you do realize I was joking about studying you, right?” Kat’s voice is soft and her eyes, imploring. Miles, unseen by Danny, makes a note in his phone.
“Yeah, yeah, I know, sorry my joke missed.” Danny looks down at his hands. He doesn't see the look the trio shares over his head. 
“Okay, so moving on,” Miles clears his throat rather pointedly. “What's the...hottest temperature a human can survive?”
“Uh, 140 degrees?” Danny asks.
“Close, but not quite. Coldest temperature?” Miles asks.
“Negative 300,” Danny says without missing a beat.
“Wait wait wait, are you thinking fahrenheit or celsius?” Jessica asks.
“Oh!” Danny looks sideways and up. “I guess 140° fahrenheit? Definitely negative 300° celsius.”
“That's…” Jessica trails off.
“Danny no…” Kat comments.
“Well temperature gauges are definitely going to be looked at!” Miles announces loudly as he makes a note on the white board. “Why did you switch systems though?”
“Cause that was relevant to where I was?” Danny reveals his palms with a face of ‘what do you want from me’.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, for the heat... I remember looking at the thermometer last summer on a really hot day. Personally, I felt like I was dying but seeing a lot of other people in Amity being fine.” Danny shrugs. “And the latter was when I was in the Far Frozen and looking at their thermometer and personally being fine in a light sweater, so...”
“Wait, where's the Far Frozen?” Jessica frowns.
“Oh the home of the yetis I took Professor Birchshoo to meet,” Danny says with a smile. “Frostbite and her got on like a house on fire, it was terrifying.”
“Should we be concerned?” Jessica frowns harder.
“Nah, they’re both yelling at me to eat better so if anything you should poke Birschoo if you have questions about ghosts and liminals when I'm not around.”
“We might just do that, yeah,” she agrees easily. Miles makes another note in his phone.
“Great!” Kat slaps the table for emphasis. “Because I have more questions!”
“Shoot,” Danny says, getting comfortable himself, “This is actually kind of fun?”
“How is this fun,” Jessica asks. 
“I’m learning that I'm an idiot but you're not making me feel like an idiot.”
“Danny,” Jessica gets up to sit beside him and places a hand on his arm. “You are probably the second smartest person in the room.
“Second smartest?” Danny frowns at her.
“Miles is probably smarter than you only because of technicality,” Kat shrugs.
“I’m not sure if I should be offended or honored,” Miles frowns at the pair.
“You are both very smart in your respective fields, however, you both can be somewhat dumb.” Jessica gives the boys a teasing, fond smile.
“Yep, I’m offended now,” Miles crosses his arms.
“I am also offended!” Danny huffs.
“What? It’s true,” Kat laughs, “It’s not like you’re an omnipotent god, everyone is smart about their thing and dumb about something unrelated.”
“Yeah, sure, then what are you so smart about?” Miles asks.
“The history of color dyes, textile making, and how certain colors are associated with symbology, history, familial lineage, and religion,” Jessica tosses her hair over her shoulder. “Also the linguistic growth of a language and how it correlates and affects a developing region's culture, history, the sciences, and politics of a nation; and, in turn, how those aspects themselves also change and evolve the language.”
The boys blink at her. Kat sits back to watch her girlfriend with hearts in her eyes.
“Well, okay then,” Danny says looking at Miles. “Did you understand any of that?”
“Maybe half,” Miles shakes his head.
Danny turns back to Jessica, "I know you were speaking English and I know those words on their own, but what."
"It was part of my graduating thesis," Jessica smiles. "Understanding and breaking down the relationship of color on the language of a developing nation and how that relationship reflects, interacts with and grows with the cultural focus of said developing nation.
"Basically how color, the symbolism of it and terminology associated with it, affects a developing nations language and culture and in turn changes and reflects the symbolism and terminology of the color itself."
"That is not something I ever really thought about," Danny admits.
"Exactly," Kat says. "You're both incredibly smart people, just dumb in other topics because those topics are irrelevant for you to know."
Miles shakes his head, “We are way off topic again."
“Point,” Kat says, leaning forward again. “I had questions.”
“Yeah, shoot,” Danny says.
“What do you consider a correctly balanced diet?” Kat continues.
“Uh ectoplasm, carbs, caffeine, starch, protein?” Danny lists. He pauses for a moment and winces slightly, "Not in that order though."
“I'm pretty sure you’ve mentioned you’re not supposed to be eating ectoplasm," Miles frowns.
“Yeah, you can’t cause it’ll really mess you up,” Danny rolls his eyes. “For the ecto-contaminated, we need it to survive after a certain point. Which, y’know, just contaminates us further, but the alternative is dying a very long drawn out death of starvation, so.” He shrugs in a 'what can you do.'
“Well that’s not horrifying or anything.”
“Turns out, a lot of my exhaustion this semester was from not getting enough ectoplasm, who knew?” Danny smiles ruefully.
“You did get that fixed, right?” Jessica asks, worried.
“Oh yeah, of course, that was actually the main reason I had Birchshoo and Frostbite meet, so that Birschoo can stay on top of me better than I was doing.” Danny acknowledges. “I mean she basically strong-armed me into bringing her there.”
“Yeah that’s fair, she’s terrifying.” Kat nods.
“Oh Ancients, when she punched an Observant in the eye, it was by far the best thing I have ever seen,” Danny says excitedly.
“What’s an Observant?” Jessica asks.
“The ghosts that make me do all that ridiculous paperwork,” Danny groans. "They're like the bureaucratic enforcers of the Realms."
“That’s who does that?” Miles frowns.
“Wait, what paperwork?” Jessica asks.
“You know that stack of tinged green paper Danny sometimes came to the club with?” Kat says. “The ones he had that really fancy gel pen he had to use to fill out?”
“Oh, that,” Jessica nods. “Wait, why do you have to fill out ghost paperwork?”
“Because the Observants hate me and want to make my life as complicated as possible.” Danny bemoans, slumping further into his chair.
“Well that sucks,” Kat says.
“What'd you do to piss them off so bad?” Miles asks.
“Apparently an evil, alternate timeline of myself caused the apocalypse and they’re still salty that Clockwork gave me the chance to redeem myself and not go evil,” Danny says miserably.
“Good lord what did you do growing up?” Jessica says.
“Fight and run from ghosts mostly. You had to learn to survive somehow.” Danny answers.
“That doesn't answer anything,” Jessica frowns at him.
“I have more questions.” Kat says, raising a hand halfway.
“Shoot.”
“How fast can a human run?” she asks.
“I dunno,” Danny shrugs, “I only ever measured flight speed.”
“You can fly?!” Miles chokes on air.
“In the Infinite Realms, yeah,” Danny looks over his shoulder at the older boy. “I mean you have to fly to get anywhere over there, it's not like here where there's ground everywhere.”
“How fast can you fly?” Kat asks.
“Uh, last time I measured was a little over a year and a half ago and I think it was 120 miles per hour, if I remember correctly,” Danny looks up and to the right with a frown. “Hold on, I think Tuck still has the stats from the last measurement.” Danny pulls out his phone to shoot off a text.
“That's kind of insane,” Miles whistles, impressed.
Danny’s phone pings, “Nope 210 miles per hour.”
“Holy fuck man,” Miles says.
“That’s insane,” Kat comments.
“Can you take me flying with you next time?” Jessica asks.
“Jessica!?” Kat exclaims.
“What? I’ve always wanted to know how it felt to fly.” Jessica defends.
“Well I certainly can’t, not without serious body armour anyways. Flying through the Real with me would make you like me,” Danny shakes his head.
"Wait, so why was Birchshoo okay?" Miles asks.
"To be completely honest with you?" Danny turns to look at Miles. "She's too old for the ectoplasm to contaminate her."
"Age is relevant to contamination?" Miles blinks.
“If you can't, then can you ask Coffee Ghost to take me flying?” Jessica asks.
“Jessica!” Kat near screeches.
“What? It’s a valid question.” Jessica defends again.
"So you're just gonna ask any guy to carry you in his arms?" Kat frowns.
"Any guy who can fly," Jessica crosses her arms back, "I'd also ask a girl if she could fly too."
Kat face-desks with a groan.
“I cannot believe I am hearing this,” Miles snickers.
“I can’t believe I have to sit and be a part of this,” Danny frowns.
“I have a question,” Miles says, still snickering, “How are ghost babies formed?”
“No,” Danny frowns at the boy.
Miles outright laughs, “Why not?”
“No, no, no,” Danny shakes his head, “An ocean of no with a side of nope sauce, no. I am not getting into that at all.”
“Aww,” Miles pouts at him.
“Okay, but is it really that mucked up?” Jessica asks.
“Very much in the 'wow that is the most horrifying image I have ever seen' and I have seen shit,” Danny shakes his head again.
“Okay new question” Kat starts, “What's the normal human reaction to something gross?”
“Uh, depends on how gross?” Danny cocks his head to the side. “I guess for moderately gross stuff, make fun of it, actually gross stuff, insult it, and supremely gross stuff, just walk away annoyed?”
“No Danny, that's not, no,” Jessica looks moderately affronted.
“Okay but what do you think is moderately gross?” Miles asks with a frown.
“Uhh ectoplasm splatter after a ghost fight? It's basically ghost blood so the green equivalent to, I guess, a Saw movie scene?”
“No Danny, that’s the stuff of horrors and nightmares,” Jessica says.
Danny frowns at her, “A nightmare is something that terrifies you though? And ectoplasm splatter is just gross.”
“What do you consider nightmare fuel then?” Miles asks.
“Watching everyone you love die horrifically and being unable to save them,” Danny says without hesitation.
The trio stare at him for a moment. Danny blinks and ducks his head, pallor paling a drop.
“Is that how that evil you formed?” Jessica prompts gently.
“Yeah,” Danny tugs at the bottom hem of his shirt. “But, I’ve gotten better about it, cause my sister is awesome and likes to play therapist for me.”
“How old is she?” Miles asks, voice quiet.
“Three years older than me, so that's...22 now?” Danny tilts his head. “Yeah, her birthday was last week.”
“And she’s been playing therapist?” Jessica asks.
“Well yeah, cause the two actual therapists I saw tried to eat our misery and gave the entire school depression and made us all suicidal.” Danny shrugs. “It’s fine she’s in school for it and she’s been taking AP courses since like sophomore year of high school so she knows what she's doing.”
“Well if you think she’s been helpful,” Kat frowns at him.
Danny looks up with a weak but genuine smile, "She's honestly the best, I don't know where I would be without her."
“Somehow I feel like the more we ask these questions, the more concerned I am for you,” Jessica says, “This was supposed to be like a fun thing.”
“I think it’s fun!” Danny turns to her. “I mean I don’t really like talking about certain things but you’re right, if i don’t want to end up getting caught by people with questionable intentions I need to know better right?"
The girls exchange a look and turn to Miles who makes a face in return. The trio steel themselves with quiet determination.
“We will make you pass for human if it's the only thing we can do for you as your friend,” Jessica lays a hand on Danny’s arm again. “I mean, we care about you immensely and you deserve happiness and safety. If this helps you, what you share with us, we will take it to our graves. Nothing you say will ever leave this room."
Danny looks around the small group, eyes glistening, “You don’t- that’s- oh Ancients, why?”
“Because we like you?” Kat offers, moving to sit on Danny’s other side on the desk. “Because you're a good person, a bit weird but a good person.”
“And nobody deserves, in any aspect, to live in fear of their own parents, no matter how unfounded,” Miles crosses his arms. “And if it makes your life that much easier, we’ll do it.”
“You guys,” Danny tugs Jessica and Kat into an awkward hug. “You guys are way too nice, who let you be this sweet?”
“Common decency,” Miles huffs, moving closer to ruffle Danny’s hair. “Now before this becomes too much of an emotional mess, shall we continue asking questions?”
“Yeah, go for it,” Danny releases the girls who both give him affectionate hair ruffles.
“Semi serious question” Jessica starts, hand resting in Danny’s hair, “Can I keep playing with your hair?”
“Sure?” Danny glances at her with a shrug.
She lets out a tiny squeal, burying both hands into his locks and starting a very in depth massage.
Danny hums in mild bliss. “Ancients, are you magic?”
“No?” Jessica giggles. “Your hair is just really soft. How is it so soft?”
“Ectoplasm is a wonderful conditioner if you process it right,” Danny hums, eyes drifting closed. “Hey Kat, I’m marrying your girlfriend so I can have epic head massages from now on.”
“Excuse you!” Kat gasps, “That’s my personal head masseuse!”
“I’m free to share,” Jessica giggles again. “More serious question, how often do you think humans need to have personal hygiene habits?”
“Uh? Teeth at least twice a day,” Danny starts and receives noises of approval. “Shower any time you get soaked in ectoplasm?”
“That not, okay yes you should, but if you don’t get soaked in ectoplasm,” Miles rephrases the question.
“I guess like once a week unless you worked out?” Danny offers.
“Okay yep, personal hygiene going on the board.” Miles announces. Danny cracks an eye open to look at him.
“How was that wrong?”
“You should shower like at least every other day,” Kat says. “Body is recommended everyday but your hair can technically go a week without washing, but that's not really recommended.”
“Actually, depending on hair type and bio-oils you naturally produce, typical activity level, amongst several other factors,” Jessica states, hands moving into a strange tugging pattern that was just as relaxing. “You need to wash your hair anywhere between every day to once every week and a half. Danny here, probably could go with a hair wash every day considering how often he deals with ectoplasm but also hair length.”
“Okay, that’s fair,” Danny concedes. “What are you doing to it anyways?”
“I'm braiding it.” Jessica announces.
“You can do that?” Danny asks.
“What, like it's hard?” Jessica huffs.
“But it's not that long?!” Danny opens his eyes to try and look at her.
“Don’t move!” Jessica chides. “And it’s long enough.”
“I have the weirdest friends,” Danny sighs.
“Coming from you, that sounds derogatory,” Kat nudges Danny in the shoulder with her shoe.
“Say’s the girl who put rhinestones on my face,” Danny huffs.
“Okay point, but still, you definitely have us beat on the weirdness level.”
“I mean, alright,” Danny concedes. “Considering the point of this whole group.”
“Exactly, babe, switch with me?” Jessica asks.
“Sure,” Kat shrugs and they switch places so Jessica can braid the other side of Danny’s hair.
“Right, was there anything else on the list?” Miles asks, pulling his phone out again.
“Wait, you had a list?” Danny startles, pulling against the strands that Jessica had in her hands.
“Oh jeez!” Jessica rubs the spot of where she pulled. “I’m sorry, are you okay?”
“Huh what?” Danny blinks, slightly disoriented. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I just accidentally yanked your hair!” Jessica exclaims.
“Oh, I didn’t feel it,” Danny waves her off to look at Miles, “What do you mean you had a list?”
“Okay in order,” Miles holds up a hand and marks ‘pain tolerance’ on the white board. “We have a list to make sure we covered everything that we thought was relevant. Follow up, what is your pain tolerance like?”
“Uh, what?” Danny blinks at that.
Miles partially rolls his eyes before sighing. “Would you say it’s higher than average, lower than average, and of either, by how much? Honest scale, where do you think you rank compared to the average person?”
“Oh, higher than average, definitely,” Danny answers. “I guess moderately higher? But I’m clearly overestimating normal non-Amity people so probably much higher than average pain tolerance.”
“That’s probably the most correct statement so far,” Miles smiles, marking the other side of the board.
“I feel like there's a but coming,” Danny frowns. Kat snorts so he gives her a light shove on the knee.
“You would be correct,” Miles shakes his head at them. “Mostly that we need to figure out how high your pain tolerance is and then get you to either avoid public injury or react appropriately.”
“I feel like avoiding injury will be easier of the two,” Danny says.
“Usually,” Jessica says as she finishes off the second braid. “Except you have never met a master drama expert.” 
“Who's the drama expert?” Danny asks.
“Me!” Kat raises her hand in a dramatic flourish. “I used to be a child actor so you know I can train you in no time.”
“Wait really?” Danny looks up at where she's sitting on the desk. “That’s awesome! How come you never talked about it before?”
“Wasn’t relevant,” Kat shrugs.
“They were also Canadian movies,” Jessica stage whispers into Danny’s ear.
“Hey!” Kat whines. “That was supposed to be a secret.”
“Ah yes, the horrors of Canadian cinema,” Miles rolls his eyes. “Whatever will we do with this information?”
“I don't know,” Kat whines louder, “Take over the world with the cursed knowledge that my movies carry?”
“Done that,” Danny waves a hand with a scoff. “So not the thing to do, way too much paperwork.”
“When did you take over the world?” Jessica asks.
“Alternate timeline, not a fun one,” Danny answers.
“At this point, I honestly cannot tell if you are bullshitting us or are being dead serious,” Miles frowns.
“Oh I'm always dead serious,” Danny says with a smirk. A green sticky note appears on his forehead, covering half his face.
“Oh my gosh,” Jessica giggles, “What is that?”
Danny pulls it off his face with a frown. He blinks at it, expression clearing. “Oh, speaking of alternate timelines, apparently I’m needed to help with this one.”
“Seriously?” Kat asks, leaning over to look at the post-it. It has a bunch of indecipherable scribbles written on it in glowing blue ink. “That’s not English.”
“Obviously,” Danny rolls his eyes, standing up with a stretch. “Well this was fun but I have to go now. I guess text me for actual lessons?”
“Wait!” Kat lunges forward to grab onto Danny’s arm as he opens a portal in the air in front of himself.
“What?” Danny jerks, turning at the sudden tug on his arm. “What’s wrong?”
“First rule of being human,” Kat glares at him, “No more noping out of conversations with a portal to alternate dimensions.
“This one is technically an alternate timeline so it doesn't count, right?” Danny points to the blue ringed portal.
“No portalling out the room where you can be seen or caught on camera!” Miles rephrases.
“Oh, okay,” Danny nods. “Well, I broke the camera in this room when I first joined the club so that's fine still.”
“Let him go, Kat,” Jessica buries her face in her hands.
Kat mutters under her breath and lets go. Danny salutes the group.
“You guys are awesome and I will make it up to you, promise!” Danny waves one last time before disappearing into the blue and green vortex.
“Why did we do this?” Jessica looks up at the group. “Training him how to act normal is going to be the hardest thing on the planet.”
“We can’t give up now,” Miles shrugs as he takes photos of the whiteboard. “Besides, I’m pretty sure this will eventually pay off in the end.”
Jessica yelps in surprise, falling out of her chair.
There’s a green sticky note on her forehead.
“Clockwork!” Kat shouts at the ceiling, “Don’t give my girlfriend an early death!”
A second sticky note appears on Kat’s forehead.
Miles facepalms, before walking over to the pair. “What do they say?”
“Thank you,” Jessica reads off. “In probably the fanciest handwriting I have ever seen.” She turns the note around to show off the graceful loops and sparkling ink.
“Mine says, ‘Sorry about that,’” Kat reads. “Also in the most bougie handwriting.” She also turns her note around to show off the calligraphy. A second note appears on Kat’s face.
“I can see why Danny likes the guy so much,” Miles tugs the note off his red faced friend. “It just has scribbles on it.”
“Oh, that’s upside down.” Jessica says before turning pink and barking a laugh.
Miles blinks at her before turning the note over. It reads, in the most fanciful, swirly calligraphy in the shiniest, glittering metallic blue, 'Bitch.'
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geraskierficrecs · 3 months ago
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Modern AU Stories
when midnights break their sleep by SummerFrost
The first Snapchat that anyone ever sends Geralt is a picture of his own irritated face.
shrike_princess: can u believe this dumbass finally got a snapchat bc a cute boy asked him nicely
"It wasn't even that nicely," Geralt says flatly.
AKA: The one where Geralt is a bartender and Jaskier sings karaoke.
(This is one of my favorite stories in the fandom.  I love it so much!!)
Give Me Nothing, Give Me You by dis
Ciri's kindergarten letter comes in the mail on a Tuesday. Geralt opens it, skims it, and frowns at the class his daughter has been assigned.
Dandelions.
Or: A modern AU with Dad!Geralt and Teacher!Jaskier.
Chopsticks by thisgirlsays22
“Yennefer sent me a check for eight lessons for you,” Jaskier said the following weekend, wearing a beige button-down with--
“Does your shirt have owls on it?” Geralt asked, caught somewhere between amusement and horror.
Jaskier looked down and tugged on the front of his shirt as if he had to remind himself what was on it. He beamed at Geralt. “Yeah! Do you like it?”
“Not particularly.”
The smile swiftly disappeared.
“It’s not terrible,” he amended, stepping back to let Jaskier inside the apartment. Then Jaskier’s initial words sank in. “Wait. Yen did what?”
Hanging up on Yennefer was always a mistake.
New Monster Stories by kathkin
“So do you have a name?”
“Yeah.” The man who had saved his life less than an hour ago – the white-haired, absurdly buff, weirdly sexy man Jaskier might have called taciturn if he was feeling charitable and surly if he was feeling less so – dug into his second burger.
Jaskier waited. “Are… you going to tell me what it is?”
The man paused mid-bite, and looked at him reproachfully as if to say how dare you. How dare you interrupt me. Can’t you see I’m enjoying my cheeseburger. Can’t you see this cheeseburger is the most important thing in my life right at the moment. He swallowed, and said, “Geralt.”
It turns out almost getting eaten by a werewolf can make your whole life go careening off in a new, terrifying, wondrous, artistically flourishing direction. Who knew?
Where There’s a Witcher by ghostinthelibrary
Jaskier is a twentysomething recently unemployed journalist and amateur musician looking for his big break. So when he’s saved from the jaws of a wyvern by the infamous Butcher of Blaviken, Geralt of Rivia, he comes up with a brilliant idea: he’ll follow the Witcher around and sing about their exploits. He’ll gain fame and fortune and Geralt will get a much needed image rehab. Everyone wins. Unless Jaskier goes and falls in love like an idiot.
Only Human Series by ghostintxelibrary
It’s a Tuesday, so someone is threatening to kill Jaskier.
Geralt doesn’t know why he’s surprised anymore.
Geralt moonlights as a superpowered vigilante called the Witcher, but his cover identity is the mild-mannered Geralt Rivia, reporter at The Continental Press. Jaskier is an entertainment writer at the Press and Geralt’s ex-boyfriend. He's obsessed with the Witcher, the vigilante who has saved his life multiple times. When Geralt is blackmailed by a powerful sorcerer into pursuing the Shrike, a serial killer who’s been targeting abusive men, Jaskier gets involved, despite Geralt’s best efforts.
(Seriously, all of her stuff is amazing.  Read it all.)
Thieves and Riches
Geralt is just trying to do a favor for an old friend when he finds himself tied up and shoved into a storage closet by a group of robbers. There he meets Jaskier, an enigmatic cat burglar who is a little too good at teasing a reaction of the normally stoic detective.
I’ll Never Be Free From Your Smile by whisperedstory
Geralt isn't sure how he got here, standing in his kitchen in black gym shorts and a baby pink—baby fucking pink—shirt that stretches too tightly over his muscles and has Toss a Coin written in sparkling gold letters across his chest while Jaskier is aiming a camera at his face.
Or: Jaskier is a YouTuber and Geralt is his best friend and roommate.
Next to You by Bean_Writes
Moving to a new town is one thing. Moving to a new town, becoming best friends with his neighbor and falling head over heels for her dad is something entirely different.
In his second year of college, Jaskier struggles with his undying crush on Geralt, Ciri's dad. It also doesn't help that the man's job involves him looking like an absolute wet dream come true, emerging from beneath a car, muscles flexing, slick with sweat and grease.
He's really fucked.
The Tale of Jaskier's Grudge Against Historians (and how they gave him his happy ending anyway) by notebooksandlaptops
[Text Sent From Ciri] Is there a reason why a love letter to Yen and Geralt is in the British Museum signed from you?? -C
[Text Sent to Ciri] Because Historians are nosey pricks. Do NOT tell your parents. -J
[Text Sent From Ciri] ;) – C
The winking face of a semicolon and a bracket stared up at him, composed of unforgiving pixels. She wouldn’t, would she? No. No. She couldn’t. She wouldn’t.
She wouldn’t.
-///-
Or, an exploration of the reason (immortal) Jaskier hates historians (hint: it's because they keep stealing his shit and putting it on display)
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minetteskvareninova · 5 months ago
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Watching Shadow And Bone as a Slav be like
- I am sorry, I try to take the magic system here seriously, but “grisha”?! M’dudes, that’s the russian equivalent of calling your magic users “johnnies”. Which is fine as a nickname, but incredibly silly as an official name. Like, wow, it must’ve been like a Potemkin level Grigory for it to stick. And now the entire universe is basically called Georgeverse, THANKS LEIGH BARDUGO.
- The names in general fall into four categories: a) possible in real Russia b) possible in fantasy!Russia c) riddiculous in any universe, not just in the local equivalent of Russia, but just everywhere; you could ask local eldrich horrors from the deep whose language is impossible to pronounce by a human being and they would tell you that name is stupid d) foreign, I think?
- Alexander Morozov would be a very cool name for an evil wizard. Unfortunately, his real name is Alexander Morozova. We love an accidentally genderqueer king. It’s also super confusing when you have a gal named Alina Starkov. Like, it’s fine if you don’t use gender specific surname endings, but either do or don’t, and if you do, DON’T END A MALE ONE WITH THE LETTER “A”, FOR FUCK’S SAKE.
- I can’t remember Mal’s surname; for some reason I associated him with the name Zaytsev. I don’t know why, he just looks like a Zaytsev.
- Also, no patronymics. And I mean, this is fantasy!Russia, so it doesn’t have to be exactly like normal Russia, and native english speakers that wrote this series would fuck up the patronymics anyway, but still. “First name + patronymic” is such an iconic system of adressing someone that I, personally, would’ve kept it. Like, imagine Darkling calling his gurl “Alina Petrovna” in the most stuck-up tone, like this is some kind of Pushkin novel, the ovaries and meme factories would explode.
- Is the Shadow Fold some kind of metaphor for Siberia?
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deviliciousdev · 4 months ago
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✨appreciation post for the types✨
- from your local intp🖤
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✨The Intuitives ✨
entj (the commander)
Where to even start, as an intp i have a special place in my heart for entjs and that place is my whole heart. Your ambitious nature makes you charming and intriguing, but the fact that you're secretly a nerd and love learning new things no matter what the topic (and are a whole baby✨ aka the little spoon) is the reason you're simultaneously the intp's best friend and soul mate. 💖
p.s you're not mean, you're hilarious, and i love that you're the best out of all the types at roasting people.
entp (the debater)
ah yes the other half to the "nerds of chaos" dynamic duo. your determination and open mind, provide for some of the best times. if two types were ever the most similar to the point of twins, it would be the entp x intp best friend dynamic. truly there is no one i trust more to tell literally anything to. you're someone who will never belittle or judge in high horse way. but still be honest and leave nothing out. if you feel a way you say it, with no guessing or game playing. and your humor and pet peeves are the exact same as the intp's and as i'm sure you'll agree. being able to hate the same things and laugh at little kids eating shit (even though we're not suppose to 💀) is the pinochle of best friend twinning. (at least for xntps lol)
intj (the architect)
ohhhh, you, you little minx. and i know you hate being called that, which is why it would be your contact in my phone. your lowest points are probably the thing intp's (unlike everyone else), like the most. you know what i mean... don't pretend you don't... *whispers* your lil melt downs, when ya get real serial killery... *snorts with laughter* oh don't worry you're still the superior being. 😏 in all honesty what would the intp be without you... that was rhetorical! stop listing things! anyway, your organized methodical approach is so satisfying. and your smooth intellectual burns that go over most people's heads, brings true peace to all NTs souls. thank you for your service. 🙏
enfj (the protagonist)
you're the main character. and i mean really. when you're at your best, at a large scale, you can lead generations, save those in need, do some seriously rob stark from game of thrones type shit (the most beloved stark by the people and the best leader tbh) on a small scale, you motivate those around you to charge into battle even when we literally just live in the city and are trying to get through college and the corporate world. 💀 even the rogue, pride themselves on being individuals intps, would follow you into the fire. and it's not just because of your charisma either, you actually think in big terms and care about things and people. keep being the king/queen in north (what they called rob stark when he fought for the North's independence)
enfp (the campaigner)
ok not gonna lie, i was so excited to get to yours... you are so incredibly enthusiastic and confident and some how self deprecating at the same time. you are genuinely fun. like the definition of fun. if you were a dog you'd be a golden retriever. no matter how bad things get, you are the one that can make someone smile. your laugh is infectious and no one and i mean no one, can make an intp laugh soooo hard like you can. you can make anything interesting. your idealistic humor has had me crying laughing in the canned foods isle of a grocery store, while you held onto the cart holding a can of bean sprouts, even though we were there getting ingredients for waffles and french toast... like how did we even get on that isle?? why were you holding a can of bean sprouts?? who's to know when you're both intuitive perceivers. ilysm, never ever change. 🖤
infj (the advocate)
you're the best person to go to for advice. genuinely. no matter what you think about yourself (that day lol). you see things in people that they don't even see in themselves. you care about those around you so much to the point you don't like talk about your own troubles. it takes time for you to open up, but when you do, you can be just as weird and hilarious as intps and sometimes more so. we always have fun doing seemingly mundane things like watching crappy horror movies or making frozen pizza. you plan THEE most incredible parties and activities. like seriously some of the best holiday/travel memories i have came from your mind and your company. you bring a gentle order to the chaos of life. my thanks for your being and your infj services transcends words. so i'll just say fannnkksss 😁.
infp (the mediator)
the most opposite and simultaneously most similar to the intp. you are thhheeeee bessttt. you make everyone around you feel comfortable. i can always come to you when i feel like i'm losing my fucking mind and you always know how to explain emotions and human interactions to me. not to mention giving some real slap in the face advice that is much needed! so helpful, one of the best wingmen/match makers, and probably the funniest type when drunk (next to entj). you can chill and watch movies all day or go out to a winery and have a great time. i swear no one is more quotable. we still say hilarious words or sayings you've said years ago and has now been developed into our everyday vernacular. people seriously underestimate you and you do the most and never look for praise or self-aggrandizing ass kissing. you are the LAST person to be a teacher's pet and are one of the most selfless people i know. keep doin you boo 👻
*stay tuned for a letter to the sensors✨*
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