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contac · 2 years

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#HORRORSCOPE #976-EVIL 2 #976-EVIL II #vhs #1991

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icarusthelunarguard · 1 year

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This Week’s Horrible-Scopes

It’s time for this week’s Horrible-Scopes! So for those of you that know your Astrological Signs, cool! If not, just pick one, roll a D12, or just make it up as you go along. It really doesn’t matter.

This week we’re drawing inspiration from @jokingluna on Tumblr. Because if there’s one thing we know, it’s that Bad Jokes are always in season.

Aries

How does one know when a minotaur is about to charge? Because it will send you an invoice first. This week try not to use your credit card. You’re just wearing out the mag-stripe. Unless you have one of those new-fangled NFC ones.

Taurus

More financial humour for you. Why was the mullet audited? Because it did not declare its business up front. This week pay for a proper haircut - some places still offer “Mullet Correction” cuts for $15.

Gemini

We realize you’re having a hard time seeing how these jokes work, so this illuminating one’s for you. What happens to bad rainbows? They get sent to prism. This week stop groaning; you could have asked for something nicer but you didn’t bother. So you got what you paid for.

Cancer Moon-Child

Do you know how many birds it takes to change a lightbulb? Tucan do it. This week buy some spare light bulbs and rechargeable flashlights. With storm season coming up you might need them.

Leo

Why do you make sheep anxious at night? First off, NO, that’s not why! It’s because they know how much you’re always counting on them. This week try to be a little more self reliant… Or just stop drinking coffee an hour before bed.

Virgo

When you were born the doctor said that you might grow between five and six feet. Look at you now - such a disappointment. You’ve still only got two. This week we’re going to up our standards while hoping you’ll up yours too.

Libra

Do you know… The Muffin Man? Do you know what he sleeps under at night? A cookie sheet. This week buy some frozen cookie dough and try not to eat it raw for a change. Unless you’re adding it to ice cream!

Scorpio

Do you remember the original Ghostbusters movie? The team had their first capture in the Sedgewick Hotel. Would that make Slimer an Inn-Spector? This week don’t be a Peck…. No, there’s no “-er” at the end of “Peck” in this case.

Sagittarius

Did you know that a collection of beehives is called an Apiary? Do you know what you call a beehive without any bees? An “EE-hive”. This week find your crystalized honey container and float it in some hot water to reconstitute it.

Capricorn

What medicine is best if you have an allergy to snakes? Anti-hissss-tamines. This week stock up on them since pollen season is just around the corner.

Aquarius

Speaking of which: Hey Aquarius? When’s the best time to use a trampoline? Spring Time. This week make sure yours is in full working order and not going to split the first time you bounce on the canvas.

Pisces

For the last joke, we have one submitted by Maude Pie!

I once took my sister, Limestone, to my joke-telling club. As soon as we sat down at a table somepony stood up and loudly said, “Number Twenty-Seven!” Everypony laughed. Somepony else stood up and called out, “Number One-Forty-Five!” We all laughed again. Limestone was confused and asked what was happening. I explained that we’d all heard so many jokes before that we just keep a list of them and say the number to save time. Limestone looked at the collection on our table, picked a joke, stood up and called, “Number Seventy-Eight!” The room went silent and looked at her as she sat down. She asked me why nopony laughed. I had to explain, “The joke is a classic, but you need to work on your delivery.”

This week, stop ordering from online retailers and deliver your own groceries yourself.

And THOSE are your Horrible-Scopes for this week! Remember if you liked what you got, we’re obviously not working hard enough at these. BUT! If you want a better or nastier one for your own sign or someone else’s, all you need to do to bribe me is just Let Me Know! These will be posted online at the end of each week via Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook and Discord.

#horrorscope #horoscope #humor #funny #parody #JokingLuna is a TREASURE #Thank you for all the groans

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buckyrogers-stevenbarnes · 4 months

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Mayday, mayday! Officer down 🤕

#zodiac #horrorscope #horoscope today #sebastian stan #chris evans #steve rogers #bucky barnes

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k-i-l-l-e-r-b-e-e-6-9 · 5 months

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ℭ𝔥𝔦𝔫𝔠𝔥𝔦𝔩𝔩𝔞 - 𝔎𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔉𝔬𝔯 𝔄 𝔇𝔞𝔶

#Chinchilla #Horrorscope #King For A Day #Release date: May 21st 1997 #Full-length #Genre: Power Metal #Lyrical themes: Society Politics Literature #Germany

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rastronomicals · 2 months

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11:12 PM EST February 19, 2024:

Overkill - "Nice Day… For A Funeral" From the album Horrorscope (September 3, 1991)

Last song scrobbled from iTunes at Last.fm

File under: Speedmetal

#Overkill #Horrorscope #Nice Day… For A Funeral

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metalcultbrigade · 8 months

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Overkill - Horrorscope 03/09/1991

#metalcultbrigade #metal #thrash metal #thrash #overkill #horrorscope

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crepuscularpete · 3 months

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Saturday morning thrash vibes.

#overkill #horrorscope #1991 #thrash metal #thrash #heavy metal #metal #speed metal #coffee #metal music #metalhead #thrasher #headbanger #music #cd collection

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dark-ethereal-visions · 5 months

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Let's hear it for the Capricorns!

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kidpix-album-covers · 1 year

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Overkill - Horrorscope (1991)

#overkill #horrorscope #metal #thrash metal #1990s #1991

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letzoespoilyoucreates · 2 years

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The Horrorscope!

Credit to Nique le Brun for editing and the commissioned background.

Available soon on Redbubble - https://www.redbubble.com/people/LetZoeSpoilYou/shop

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icarusthelunarguard · 4 months

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This Week’s Horrible-Scopes

It’s time for this week’s Horrible-Scopes! So for those of you that know your Astrological Signs, cool! If not, just pick one, roll a D12, or just make it up as you go along. It really doesn’t matter. Better yet! Check out “Heart of the Game, Fredonia” and see if they can sell you those D12’s with the symbols on them. Tell them “Shujin Tribble” sentcha. And “Hail, Hail, Fredonia!” Home of the Blue Devil!

Sooooo…. Theme, right? (*Sigh*) Ok, ok. So once again a theme has been suggested, and I seriously considered how to twist this one around on the requester. So you know what? Santa’s already done his thing and I’m SAFE! That’s exactly what I’m about to do. So with no further ado, here are New Year’s Resolutions no one wants to do.

Aries

You get to set the stage presence here with something known as “Film Academy 2×”. It’s a format specifying an aspect ratio of 1.37:1 that was laid out in the 1930’s because no one could agree on a motion picture technical spec. These days it’s a digital resolution of 1828 × 1332, which is better than any monitor you’ve got right now. So This Week… watch some old Buster Keeton films… and remember, he was the ORIGINAL Jackie Chan for performing stunts!

Taurus

Swinging over the pond and into true weirdness for Television Broadcasting we get to your resolution system: “Undecoded PALplus”. It was a re-do of the PAL broadcast system that brought 16:9 Widescreen broadcasts, but still supported traditional PAL receivers. So This Week… Learn how to add onto your existing knowledge base without breaking what you had already… meaning just read a damned book for a change, would you?

Gemini

A true digital system for once, you’re getting “SVCD” aka the “Super Video CD”. It was a digital movie file, encoded in MPEG-2, and came in one of two varieties: 480i (or 480 pixels square), or 576i (or 480 x 576 pixels). The system came out in 1998 and honestly it’s best use was in early shoot-em-up CD games with video cutscenes to them. So This Week… find your collection of old games and play some again. We’re pretty sure Cookie from You Don’t Know Jack misses you.

Cancer Moon-Child

Another Disk, another digital format. This time it’s the most prolific media adoption in history: the DVD. Bet most of you didn’t know “DVD” stands for “Digital Versatile Disk”. With a MINIMUM storage capacity of over 4 and-a-half Gigs of data, you could backup most computers completely to one of those puppies. But as a movie disk you’re relegated to the venerable standards of NTSC at 480 lines tall, or PAL’s at 576. The system came out in 1996, and these days it’s impossible to find a movie or TV show NOT on this format. So This Week… Just admit that “DVD 3D” is a Dead Format. You bought all that super expensive stuff and now it’s just not worth it. Get over yourself.

Leo

Look at you, Leo! Scammin’ off the pack! More laser disk goodness, but this time you get the “CVD”. That’s not a typo; CVD stands for “China Video Disk” and that’s exactly what it sounds like. It was a way of making video disks without needing to go through the whole SVCD standard. It was close, but lacking in resolution. So This Week… Your ability to run under the Patent Lawyers' radars is impressive. Keep up the good work, but don’t get caught.

Virgo

We know you think you’re superior to everyone else, but that doesn’t mean you’ll succeed in all areas. Your format is “Betacam”, which we’re guessing some of you already kinda know what’s coming. Yes it was as-good or better than VHS for the home market, but for the professionals, it was GREAT! Get a short-play cassette at home, but the Long Play version in the studio, and it was basically The Same Cassette! Sad it got shanked in the end, but sometimes that happens. So This Week… Take some pride in knowing your format may have come out in 1982, but it’s STILL got Technical Support through this past year! 40 Years of Active Duty for a supposedly Failed Format’s pretty damned good in our book!

Libra

Just when we thought the Analogue Film Industry was an anachronism and lost its relevance… just like Michael Corleone they’re pulling us back in again. This time it’s the “Film 8K” format. We’re not dealing with 1.85:1 any more, but with a resolution of 7992 × 4320… and really, WHY?!?! The only reason this is important is if you’re watching this on a freekin’ MASSIVE projection screen! So, good luck with all that on a computer: VLC will CHOKE to death if you’re running a 1440 monitor and a GTX-1660 Super! So This Week… LOSE SOME WEIGHT!

Scorpio

We’re just gunna call it right now. You! ARE! BASIC! White-Bread Toast, generic as hell NTSC. The format that swept North America because 60Hz power signals are just a wonderful way to make sure everyone’s receiver works right. Your format supports both Black and White and Colour receivers without breaking anyone’s machine. So you've got that going for you. So This Week… Try replacing your mayonnaise with Caesar Salad Dressing for a new kick.

Sagittarius

Your format cannot be overstated in how great it was! And, sadly, yes.. “Was”. You need to look up what “Laserdisk” looks like, because, holy HELL, that’s a gorgeous disk. And the output was better than standard NTSC and PAL or SECAM and testing proves this. So This Week… check out Linus Tech Tips on YouTube and see the side-by-side comparison between VHS and Laserdisk, and weep at what we were denied.

Capricorn

You’ve just GOT to be the Odd One Out, huh? Your format is literally called “405-line”. And the fun part about this is it ISN’T 405 scan-lines in format! Nope! It’s KINDA 503 × 377, give or take a little smearing. It’s a monochrome television broadcasting system introduced with the BBC Television Service in 1936, so it’s done well for itself for a while. BUT! In the United States, the FCC had briefly approved a 405-line color television standard in October 1950, which was developed by CBS… only to find out that it was incompatible with existing black-and-white receivers. So This Week… Don’t think of it as “Conforming to the Norm” so much as “Making sure you don’t destroy everyone with your awesomeness.”

Aquarius

Going fully to the WebCam, or PervCam, systems, you’re getting the Video Conference System “CIF”, aka the “Common Interchange Format”. Developed for company teleconferencing it was a low-rez 352 × 288 pixel image, and if you want to know what that looked like, you’ll have to watch a fair adaptation of a great book. So This Week… watch the movie “Contact”. The teleconference windows are JUST what it used to look like.

Pisces

You just HAD to be the personification of annoying A-Hole Cat, huh? Take your pick: VHS, Betamax, or Video8. They all had just CRAP picture quality. About 320 × 486 scans in NTSC, or kinda 310 × 576 in PAL or SECAM, they were all just a cluster of sub-optimal tech sold as just this GREAT stuff, and it really wasn’t. So This Week… Learn what the Sunk Cost Fallacy is and stop falling for all the Wiz-Bang-Shiny-New sales pitches.

And THOSE are your Horrible-Scopes for this week! Remember if you liked what you got, we’re obviously not working hard enough at these. BUT! If you want a better or nastier one for your own sign or someone else’s, all you need to do to bribe me is just Let Me Know - or check out the Ko-Fi page ( https://ko-fi.com/icarusthelunarguard )! These will be posted online at the end of each week via Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, Discord and BLUESKY.

#parody #horrorscope #funny #horoscope #humor #comedy #nye #new years resolution #happy new year #ball drop #new year #holiday #you don't know jack

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ilostmycheryl · 11 months

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NOOOO I MISSED MY FAVORITE FICTIONAL CHARACTER'S BIRTHDAY BECAUSE OF SCHOOL From here on out, I will do something special/draw my favorite, bottle-blonde every March 31st!!!

Of course Heather's a fucking Aries, it makes too much sense -- also I love that choice since a ram is seen in tandem with cult imagery Done a goober oh my lmao I swear I will do better, miss Cheryl "Heather" Mason