RHODES POST-GAZETTE
MARCH 15, 1989
In a long-abandoned manor located deep within the swamps of Bayou Nwa, one amateur historian made a remarkable discovery. Underneath the floorboards, a satchel with a faded HM monogrammed into the leather was discovered. While a few items of interest were found, the photographs are perhaps the most important discovery. These images are believed to be photographs of the infamous Van der Linde gang shortly before their dissolution.
“If these pictures are indeed of the Van der Linde gang, they paint a picture of the gang’s day-to-day life,” historian Josephine Chǎtaney noted, “Oftentimes, we get so caught up in the infamy of the group that we forget that they, too, were in fact real people.”
The gang’s exploits were recorded in the firsthand account of John (Jack) Marston’s 1927 novel American Venom and later popularized by the 1959 film Red Dead Redemption starring John Wayne.
”I really think these pictures are of Dutch’s boys. I mean, these guys are legends. Honestly, I can’t believe I got lucky enough to find these.” the amateur historian — a man by the name of Ricky De Santa — went on to say.
The photos are currently under the care of the Blackwater Historical Society, undergoing restoration to be displayed in the Blackwater Museum.
John (Jack) Marston declined to comment on the photographs.
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in honor of my recent disney trip:
rdr2 walt disney world modern au headcanons
(this accidentally got posted to my lesbian sex account so if you saw that…no you didn’t 🤠🥸)
-dutch is mad that the trip got booked in the first place. he is not a large crowd disney guy. he’s a “i need to sit with my back against the wall and plan our escape route” man. he is very angry that weapons are not allowed. it’s too expensive and he’s mad that they used the camp funds to pay for it.
-hosea is the disney dad. backpack full of snacks, sunscreen, cooling rags, the handheld fans that spray water, the batteries to replace the old ones in the handheld fans. you need tylenol? he’s got it. you’re lost and need to find the way to tomorrowland? he’s got the disney magic experience app up and ready for you. he has the itinerary written out perfectly and everyone has a copy. he has all the routes mapped out and he bought one of those “disneys best kept secrets” books. he used dutch’s credit card
-charles only ever wants to be in animal kingdom. he has the best luck with all of the animals; his calm presence always brings out everyone from their hiding spots. he knows all the fun facts about the animals and all the little kids think he works there, so he answers everyone’s questions. some disney parents want to give him a cast member compliment/shout out on the app but he just shrugs and says he doesn’t work there
-arthur is the head counter. he didn’t really want to go because he thought it was silly, but he is the one who is watching out for everyone. he assigned everyone a number in his head and he’s making sure they are all accounted for. when jack gets tired he throws him up onto his shoulders, and always has a cold water bottle available for any of the girls when they get too hot or thirsty
-john is all for the lightening lanes and scouring the app for the best rides. he forgets to add other people until abigail reminds him, but basically he has been booking himself on the big rides like tron, rockin roller coaster, tower of terror, etc. when he mentioned that he got the rides, arthur asked how many people he got them for and john only said he got a lightening lane for himself. abigail took his phone and john wasn’t allowed to use the app anymore
-javier is enamored with the princesses. he sees them all and isn’t creepy about them, but he thinks they’re all beautiful. jack isn’t interested in meeting the princesses at all so javier just sees them from afar and waves. he did walk by jasmine and he spoke spanish to her and made her swoon a little.
-in all the parks they have cooling stations where it’s just a giant machine that blows out cold misty water to cool down children. bill commandeered it. cast members have kicked him out but he manages to sneak back after shift change
-sean has been making sure that he takes jack to meet all the characters. he says he really wanted jack to meet timone from lion king, but in all honestly he and kieran made a bet to see if sean talked enough smack if timone would punch him in the face or not
-trelawny cries every time at the happily ever after fireworks in magic kingdom. he gets so many emotions and feels overwhelming joy at even the small parades (no i’m not projecting my own feelings onto trelawny rn 🙃)
-gaston flirts with ms grimshaw and it actually makes her blush. dutch feels rage and jealously almost immediately
“oh dutch he’s just playing a character!”
“susan, i don’t like the way he is speaking to you!!”
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RDR2 Incorrect Quotes pt. 17
Dutch, giving one of his speeches: Are you an AmeriCAN, or an AmeriCANNOT?!?!
Josiah: Dutch, I’m English.
Molly: I’m Irish.
Javier: Mexican.
Strauss: Austrian.
Sean: Also Irish.
Dutch: How dumb do Hosea and Arthur think we are?
John: Sometimes they leave me pictures of food instead of a shopping list.
Dutch: So what’s your type?
Hosea: Ambitious, dark haired, dumb, good sense of humor.
Dutch: That sounds kind of like me. Too bad I’m not a woman.
Hosea: . . . Did I mention dumb?
Dutch: Yeah.
Hosea: Okay, just making sure.
Hosea: What a long day. I need a drink. Something to take the edge off.
Arthur, a sad boi w/ dark humor: Arsenic.
Hosea:
Hosea: Arthur, do we need to talk?
John: You’ve been giving Charles a lot of attention lately.
Arthur: He was injured in a robbery.
John: I was injured in that robbery too.
Arthur: Then go to a doctor.
Dutch: This is bothering me.
Hosea: Well, you ARE digging up a corpse.
Dutch: No, not that. That’s, uh, pretty par for the course, actually.
Arthur: I kidnapped your pet snake and won’t give it back ‘til you give me all your money.
Stranger: I . . . don’t have a pet snake.
Arthur: Oh. Well in that case, I broke into your house and removed a snake.
Stranger: Thanks, mister.
Arthur: . . . You’re welcome.
*Honor goes up by 1 point*
Young Dutch: I have high standards.
Young Hosea: *robs him*
Young Dutch: Oh shit, he’s meeting all of my standards.
Arthur: *patting his chest* I’ll keep all my emotions right here
Arthur: and then one day, I’ll die.
John: What’s going on?
Arthur: Dutch thinks “homophobic” means “scared of gay people”.
Dutch: *standing in the middle of the Saint Denis streets w/ Hosea* If I don’t have one million dollars in my funds box in an HOUR I swear I will KISS THIS MAN on the MOUTH in front of your children!
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