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seokjinchuriki · 4 years

Text

Cherry Blossom | knj

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader

Word Count: 2198

Genre: I guess Angst? Fluff!

Summary: you can’t shake the feeling of loneliness and namjoon is there to try to help, sequel to Hit Deep

Warnings: hitting rockbottom, very brief mention of not wanting to be alive

a/n: writing this was a bit harder? since i’m still going through what happened in hit deep... i did go paint pottery and made a piggy bank for my sister, as well as visit the prairie dogs, and the conversation between you and joon in the car was basically the conversation i had with my aunt over text

Hit Deep Cherry Blossom

—

"I hate you. I hate the way you treat me like your mom. You treat me like shit and it's draining me, I am so tired. So tired to the point where I don't even want to be alive."

You were rehearsing. Looking at yourself in the mirror. You were drained. The bags under your eyes could tell you that much. Your face was sunken in and you looked like an older version of yourself.

Have you always been like this? Have you always been an empty shell?

No. You were usually an optimist. You were bright and carried a nice aura with you everywhere you went. You looked nothing like the youthful girl who was happy to just be able to wake up in the morning. Yet here you are, preparing your friendship break-up speech in the mirror. You weren't even sad, you just wanted it to be over with.

Namjoon told you that you shouldn't keep letting people step over you and he was right. It was hard to listen though, when your entire life is based on helping others, taking care of others who never thought once about taking care of you.

—

"Is it bad to say I hate her?" You asked Namjoon, who was driving, his eyes focused on the road, despite that, you knew he was listening to you. You were a bit distraught, with this heavy feeling in your chest that hasn't gone away in days.

"No, of course not, but is that really how you feel?" Namjoon gave a click glance over to you, making you smile at him, "do you really think you hate Soomin? Or do you hate the way she treats you?"

"I just... I guess I just really hate the way she makes me feel and there are days where I can't stand her. I just can't and I feel awful about it." You said, quite softly, but Namjoon heard you and he was trying to figure out a way to respond to you that would best help you, but he didn't know how. He didn't know the exact way you were feeling. He didn't know and he wants to give you the greatest advice he could.

"Blossom... You know, you don't have to take this all on your shoulders. It's not your responsibility to take on someone else, especially someone who is an adult like Soomin." The man beside you said, moving his hand from the gear shifter to hold your hand. Which was a very boyfriend thing to do, and it made your heart flutter, just like the nickname he gave to you did.

You and Namjoon were just friends, but you have always hoped for more. He doesn't depend on you like everyone else does and you're both independent, which makes the relationship lighter; fluffier. He listens to you and you listen to him. You give each other the support you both need, but in a mutual way.

"I just don't know what to do anymore, Joonie." You were beginning to cry, or at least you could feel it. Your cheeks burned and your eyes began to water. Things were finally starting to tumble down, but you were glad it was in front of Namjoon. The wonderful Namjoon, the boy with the biggest dimples and the thickest frames you could ever see for glasses.

"I know, sweetie. It's hard to be friends with someone when you're over-extending yourself and they don't reciprocate. You're a very kind and caring person, that's just who you are and people tend to take advantage of that. You're just going to start resenting her even more and I know you won't tell her how you feel, but I don't want you to blow up either." Namjoon had pulled the car over so he could talk to you better, to only focus on you without the dangers of a car accident, "you need to do things on your own and stop worrying about her, not entirely, of course, but you can't put all the focus on her. You have to take care of yourself, (y/n)."

He was looking at you now, his soft brown eyes giving you a supportive and loving look. You just wanted to kiss him, but you can't imagine how you look right now. With tears running down your cheeks and a red nose.

Namjoon thought you looked beautiful. You were always beautiful.

"Let... let me take care of you." He said, putting a hand on your cheek and wiping away your tears, "I know you're an independent woman," you giggled at his comment, "but let me take care of you. You deserve it. You deserve to get all the love and care that you give away to people, if not more."

You were silent for a bit, probably in a Namjoon-induced trance of some sort. Staring up at him with your watery, doe eyes.

You decided to do the unexpected, to be spontaneous for once in your life.

You kissed him.

And luckily for you, he kissed back. It was an innocent kiss, just two people in love. Namjoon was in love and so were you.

Now, you just stared at each other, which might look weird to other people from afar, but then again, what weirdo would stare into someone's car just to watch two people have an intimate, emotional moment? Oh yeah! A weirdo.

"I don't deserve you, Namjoon. You treat me so nicely and you help me with all of these stupid problems... I owe you so much." You managed to let out, hurriedly, as if this moment were to end and it'll be like nothing happened.

Namjoon looked at you with wide eyes, "Blossom... don't say that. Don't say you don't deserve any of this. You deserve the world. You deserve love. You don't owe me anything, okay? Just... just don't morph yourself to fit anyone's standards or to be the person they need because that's not you and that's how you lost who you are. I don't want to be someone who forces you into a mold. I want to be the person that helps you find who you are. The person who helps you become the person you were, or an even better version of that."

You were speechless, unbuckling your seatbelt and jumping out of your seat to give Namjoon the biggest, tightest hug.

"Thank you, Joonie... I- uh, I love you."

"I love you too, (y/n)."

—

Time's were a bit better, you were discovering yourself, finding the things you enjoyed and the things you didn't enjoy, and Namjoon was there to support you along the way.

You and Soomin don't really speak often anymore, since every time you come back to dorm she's always sleeping and you're always away, studying, working on your research, or just hanging out with Namjoon.

"Are you sure she'll like it?" You asked, looking at the piggy bank in front of you, covered in multiple pastel colors. You and Joon were currently at a 'paint your own pottery' place and you were currently painting a piggy bank for your sister, while he painted a plate.

"She's a baby, so I doubt she'll have a big opinion, but if she did, she would love it. She would love anything you give her. You're her big sister, (y/n)." Namjoon said, looking up from his intricate plate to give you a smile. You smiled back, of course.

The piggy bank in front of you was cute, and you put your whole heart into it, painting splotches of different colors on it, then outlining it with black. You wrote her name on it in big bold letters, and while it wasn't anything professional, it was cute and made with love.

"Blossom, what color do you like most?" Joon asked, he knows your favorite color, it was (f/c), but he wanted to ask you, because you always enjoy talking about the things you've come to enjoy in the last month. You answered him, rotating your neck to ease the pain you felt from leaning over and painting intricately, you looked so cute and you had a little paint on your nose. How? Neither of you had any clue, but you, yourself, were art.

When you looked up, you saw that Namjoon's giant handprint was on his plate, and you immediately understood why he wanted your favorite color, which he had at the ready beside him. Ready to pour out onto the plate so you could dip your hand in there and press it down onto the plate beside his.

With no words spoken, he poured the (f/c) paint onto the paper paint. You placed your hand on the splotch, covering the entirety of your palm, and he moved the plate to where it was pointed towards you and with a happy and at ease look on your face, you pressed your hand down in a place besides his handprint.

"I have (f/c) hands now." You just said, but Namjoon knew what was coming... and there it came, you pressed your hand into his cheek, softly, of course. You weren't slapping him.

He quickly did the same, and now you both looked a fool, but neither of you complained.

—

The next day, you and Namjoon decided to visit the Prairie Dog Town just along the way. Since you enjoyed looking at the cute little animals.

"Namjoon! Be careful! Don't drive over them... They may have a set space where they all live, but that doesn't mean they won't venture out!" You warned, watching as the little mammals ran across the dirt road right in front of your car. They were use to visitors which probably explains why they weren't so scared, but you worried nonetheless.

"How did you discover this place, Blossom?" Joon asked, parking the car in a designated parking zone. You immediately jumped out of the car, happy.

"During freshmen orientation! I wanted to see if there was anything to do and I discovered this gem with my aunt. Isn't it great? Look at all the cuties!" You exclaimed, watching as one of the prairie dogs went into his already dug hole as you approached. There were a bunch of them just sitting on their butts and eating, which made you giggle because of the cuteness of the entire picture.

"You know, they're cute. Just like you." Namjoon said, you heard the tell-tale sounds of a picture printing from one of those polaroid cameras, where did he pull one of those out? You have no clue, but he had just taken a picture of you staring happily, with the biggest smile on your face, at the cute little animals that roamed the area freely.

In the picture, anyone could tell how happy you were. You were content.

—

You weren't very happy for long.

Soomin was overbearing, tiring, and she was questioning why you never drove her around any more. Why you didn't offer to pay for her like you always did. Just questioning everything you used to do, but worked so hard not to.

You had only asked her how she was and how were her lectures for the day, like any regular friend would, but not everything can stay beautiful for long.

You haven't practiced your friendship break-up speech in so long. You didn't know what to say. Anything and everything you could say would make you feel bad and eat you alive. It was a lot easier in the mirror, when the only person who listened was your reflection.

The mason jar where you stored your feelings exploded, the shards coming out to pierce your heart. You told her all the things you told Namjoon. You weren't mean. You weren't harsh. You were vulnerable and tears rolled down your face. You couldn't do this, especially as Soomin yelled at you, telling you how bad of a friend you were. Belittling you with every word she spit at you, yet, you didn't hate her. You could never hate her. You put that in your speech, but it was never true.

You can hit rockbottom, and you can climb up, but once something knocks you down, you continue to fall until you reach the ground again. Each fall makes it harder for you to get back up.

You ran out, and to your surprise, adding to the cliche of your story, it was raining, but despite that, you ran. You ran until you reached the place you felt safest.

You stood outside his door, soaking wet, eyes puffy, and nose stuffy. You were shaking and sobbing, waiting for the man who made you feel like you were on cloud nine.

Namjoon opened the door, surprised to see you standing in front him, shaking like a leaf. You ran into his arms, and he let out a grunt, but embraced you nonetheless, petting your wet hair and telling you that it'll be okay and giving you sweet words that make the world around the both of you disappear.

Your life was a mess. You were a mess, but at least you had Namjoon.

And Namjoon was glad to have his Cherry Blossom.

—

a/n: i dunno about this ahhhh

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