#hovecraft povecraft lovecraft

[radioactivepeasant]

This Week's Prompt Poll:

#fic prompts #writing prompts #folklore friday #free day Thursday #jak and daxter au #prisoner exchange au #mistaken identity au #dadmas #hovecraft povecraft lovecraft #im gonna be dealing with some exhaustion for a couple weeks while my body readjusts to the new hours so bear with me

[lovelylovelyartist]

Why is it so hard to draw a cthulhu and not make it look like a big green vagina

#oh god oh no oh jesus #the artist complains #i guess cthulhu comes from Hovecraft Povecraft Lovecraft seeing a vagina and being like but still #but STILL #the artist has spoken

[meme-streets]

hovecraft povecraft lovecraft

[werewolfetone]

Jolkien Rolkien Rolkien Tolkien is hilarious of course but personally I think Hovecraft Povecraft Lovecraft is even better

#hp lovecraft #lovecraft #jolkien rolkien rolkien tolkien #jrr tolkien #tolkien

[sarcasticmudkip]

How'd you learn you had it all wrong and Hovecraft Povecraft Lovecraft wasnt a youtuber

….here.

#is this truly my legacy #Kip answers semi-coherently

[timthetiredtoasterstrudel]

Jolkien Rolkien Rolkien Tolkien.

Gartin Rartin Rartin Martin.

Jowling Kowling Rowling.

Cewis Sewis Lewis.

Hovecraft Povecraft Lovecraft.

Need I say more?

#writing #jrr tolkien #grr martin #jk rowling #cs lewis #hp lovecraft

[rabm]

Hi, stop being an Lovecraftian horror, please and thank you

hovecraft povecraft lovecraft isnt good enough at writing to write me

[markwing-davey]

web-weaver-z reblogged your post: i want to raise hp lovecraft from the dead for a...

Me writing bottom!Cthulhu x top!Reader slash at 1 a.m.: Yeah you like that Hovecraft Povecraft

excuse me

[nouru-vi]

Jolkien Rolkien Rolkien Tolkien Jowling Kowling Rowling George Reorge Rartin Martin Hovecraft Povecraft Lovecraft Hells Gells Wells Philip Khilip Dick/Philip Kick Dick Ralvatore Alvatore Salvatore

#i'm sorry this isn't my original joke but it's the pinnacle of comedy #and I felt the need to point that out #also why is it always fantasy/scifi authors that have this abbreviation thing going on #inb4 i know tolkien wasnt a fantasy writer in a strict sense #but he wrote mythical shit

[radioactivepeasant]

Fic Prompts: Ruining Lovecraft Part 1

The weather has been nicer lately. Not so much of that wretched heat gluing the air to us with sweat. In fact, if it weren't for that heavy fog drifting over from Innsmouth, I'd be tempted to conduct my case review with the window open tonight.

Fortunately for me, tonight's case is not another wild tale by Mr. Randolph Carter. (In fact, Mr. Carter has been banned from the premises after the events of [REDACTED]. I need to update Mrs. Heald and Mr. Jones, should he try to enter through the museum.) No, this case is that of...let's see...an undertaker who had a bit of a misadventure inside a tomb? Or a mausoleum? It's not particularly clear, the file is simply called In the Vault.

Now, it seems our anonymous doctor- If Randolph wrote this, I swear- is only telling this tale because the undertaker in question has passed on and presumably can't come and raise a stink about his business being spread around. Dead or not, this still smacks of a patient confidentiality violation. (Has anyone got the name of that doctor? Hm. Mrs. Heald might. I'd like to make a note of it and ensure that I do not make any appointments with him.)

The late George Birch, it seems, had a very sensible career change and avoided talking about the case in this file.

Well, that's just the disclaimer, and already this Mr. Birch seems to have more common sense than dear old Randolph. Terrible uncanny thing happens that causes you bodily injury? Go somewhere else! Don't keep looking for more terrible uncanny things that will cause bodily injury, Randolph! And for heavens' sakes, if you don't know how to describe the terrible uncanny things just say so, don't call everything you can't describe gelatinous, Randolph you ridiculous-

Ahem. Sorry about that, I got a little off-topic.

Where was I?

Ah, yes. Mr. Birch apparently got -- oh. Got locked by accident in a cemetery's receiving tomb for nine hours in the spring of 1880. I'm sorry, nine hours? In early April? Good heavens to murgatroyd, that is unpleasant. And certainly warrants a subsequent career change! But it hardly seems like the sort of case we deal with here at the Museum. Best to read further.

Mr. George Birch was the Peck Valley undertaker, and I use that term very loosely. He put bodies in boxes and buried them, but I'm really not at all sure the man was in the least bit qualified for the job. Our anonymous doctor reports that he was...unenthusiastic, shall we say, about the usual amount of effort put into the preservation and burial of people's loved ones. Seems Mr. Birch was in the habit of building flimsy coffins out of cheap wood, without measuring the intended occupant much, if at all. I think he assumed that he could shuttle the coffins into the dirt quickly enough that the Peck Valley folk wouldn't have time to realize grandpappy got packed away in the wrong grave.

Well if he was shorting his customers out of quality coffins and funeral services, where was the money going? It certainly wasn't going to the upkeep of the cemetery or his facility -- Birch let the mausoleum lock rust so badly the door needed some "persuasion" to open and close.

Once spring arrived, he started putting the corpses in the caskets, and the caskets in the designated graves. More or less. Apparently it was more along the lines of "bury the one whose grave is right in front of the tomb door, then take a break for three days because the horse didn't like the rain." When he did get around to going back to work, he was supposed to bury a Mr. Matthew Fenner. Allegedly somewhat inebriated at the time, Birch made the decision to put Fenner in the wrong coffin.

Yes, on purpose.

Mr. Fenner was apparently very nice to Mr. Birch, and Mr. Birch decided to repay the old man by burying him in his very nicest coffin, which happened to be a bit too large for him. It was, after all, intended for one Asaph Sawyer -- a notably foul-tempered and unpopular fellow. Only, Mr. Fenner died before Mr. Sawyer did, and Birch must have figured Sawyer would never find out that the coffin he'd paid in advance for was housing somebody else.

Of course, being April 15th during a week of rain, conditions weren't ideal for a burial. An entirely too convenient gust of wind slammed the tomb door shut. (Unless storms were afoot, in which case it wasn't too convenient after all.) The lock, of course, was stuck with rust.

Well, at least that solves the mystery of how he got locked in the tomb, I daresay. I-

Wh- Jones! Jones, why is there a rusty lock in the file? Blast the man, we don't take souvenirs from the interviewees! I'm going to have to quarantine this whole wing- Jones, where are you?!

I'm going to have to have a word with him later. In the meantime, I'll just...move the lock...somewhere. Not the Pickman portrait, no use taking unnecessary risks. The hearth will do for now. I'll have to burn this glove as it is. A pity, this pair came all the way from Dunwich.

We'll have to go through the rest of the file a little more carefully, I think. I'm sorry, I'll need to put the review on hold for the evening. I've got to take some precautionary measures before we proceed. And I'd better find Jones. It's not like him not to answer...

#explaining lovecraft badly #hovecraft povecraft lovecraft #fic prompts #writing prompts #trying something a little different #in the vault - lovecraft #hp lovecraft #spot the references to other Lovecraft stories #since my last two were written like Archive statements i decided to just build a frame narrative around it #the dunwich horror #pickman's model #shadow over innsmouth #lovecraft oc The Curator #to be continued

[radioactivepeasant]

Fic Prompts: Folklore Friday

Or more precisely, Eldritch Friday, the day when I deliberately retell a Lovecraft story badly.

He’s public domain, he’ll just have to deal with it.

Today’s story: The Unnameable. Let’s see, which unfortunate soul are we reading the statement of today? Annnnnd it’s Randolph Carter again.

Guy didn’t learn his lesson last time, apparently. Statement Begins:

Randolph is, once again, in a cemetery. By his own volition this time, instead of being conned by a “friend”. There’s an old creepy house and some trees nearby that he supposedly used as a setting for a story he wrote at some point. He stares at an old willow and starts waxing poetic about it drawing nutrients from the skeletons below, or some kind of “unnameable” horror. His buddy, Joel Manton, has been putting up with this kind of talk for a while now, evidently, as Carter has become a Weird Fiction author.

I smell a possible Lovecraft expy.

Manton gets on Lovecraft Carter’s case for overusing “unnameable” and “unmentionable” instead of, you know, actually describing your horror. He also bluntly informs Carter that nobody’s been buried there for a very long time -- presumably why nobody minds them chilling on the tombstones -- and the tree just sends its roots into regular old dirt.

Randolph has picked up a bit of an ego, apparently, since his last statement. He disputes Joel’s more Doylist approach to the supernatural, and writes off the admonition as “the futility of imaginative and metaphysical arguments against the complacency of an orthodox sun-dweller”. So of course he gets defensive of his apparently pretentious stories and starts insisting on the existence of the supernatural, despite already knowing that Joel believes in the supernatural. (He just doesn’t think it’s “unnameable” or makes for good penny dreadfuls). Mind you, Randolph is actually a skeptic at this time. He just likes writing about supernatural fiction. (Presumably his previous statement has finally dawned on him as incredibly fishy.)

“”Common sense” in reflecting on these subjects, I assured my friend with some warmth, is merely a stupid absence of imagination and mental flexibility.”

Gee Randolph, you must be fun at parties.

To his credit, Joel doesn’t back down. He’s a teacher, and he’s used to this kind of thing, apparently.

Carter whines about a story he’d published, complaining that it was retracted because of “silly milk-sops” who just didn’t get it, while his readers in New England are described as reading it and going “meh. Not biologically possible, but it’s a nice story.” Carter insists it was based on an account written by Cotton Mather -- historical side note: Cotton Mather was a Puritan minister in colonial America. Known for promoting inoculation, but also for being a strong influence on the creation of the Salem Witch Trials -- and repeated in an ancestor’s diary. Said ancestor claims to have been run down on the road by something with horns, hooves, and “anthropoid paws”. 

Now, this could be some kind of New England minotaur, as Carter claims by the bones he says he found in the attic of the old house and buried. But with Carter’s tendency to exaggerate scary things, for all we know his ancestor could’ve wandered straight into some poor ox-cart’s path in the middle of a dark road. Probably scared the snot out of that poor bull.

Joel Manton insists that supposing this creature had existed in Puritan days, it still wasn’t Unnameable because sooner or later somebody had to scientifically classify the thing. Side note I feel like Lovecraft would hate some of the names we give cryptids and that amuses me greatly. Yes we named him Mothman, Howard. No we won’t call him “The Thing” or “The Nameless Horror” or something like that. Carter gets more theatrical with his tale, and actually gets a reaction out of Manton. 

It also gets a reaction out of something else that presumably does not appreciate Carter’s storytelling.

Out of the house comes an ice cold wind and -- I kid you not -- the two get run over by a minotaur. They literally wake up in the hospital with hoofprints on their backs like Looney Tunes characters. Randolph “Make Up Stories About The Supernatural Because I’m A Skeptic” has taken a turn into Wile E. Coyote’s neighborhood, and one can hope he learns to stop clamboring around on people’s tombstones after this.

And just like his last statement by Mr. Carter, once again Mr. Lovecraft seems to have a very broad definition of what constitutes “gelatin”.

“It was everywhere -- a gelatin -- a slime; a vapor; -- yet it had shapes, a thousand shapes of horror beyond all memory.” 

Howard dear, gelatin and vapor are two very different consistencies. And gelatin doesn’t leave hoofprints on your back when it bowls you over like a semi truck. But I shouldn’t be surprised, considering this man also used “gelatinous” to describe a pack of rats. 

Randolph’s statement is, in my opinion, a bit unwieldy. He puts a lot of time into arguing for the spooky, eldritch side of the supernatural, and putting his “friend” down for having “common sense”, and yet he claims to be skeptical of such things. Which is it, Randolph? You certainly protest a lot for someone who thinks it’s all fiction. Sort of strikes me as Randolph making it up in his armchair, nursing a drink and imagining some variation of the debate where Joel experienced something that would make him capitulate to Randolph’s opinions.

But on the other hand, it’s a bit difficult to be skeptical once you’ve had The Incredible Cow Man use you as part of the pavement in the local cemetery, I suppose. We shall have to see what the resident minotaur has to say about the encounter, and whether their statement differs from Mr. Carter’s.

Statement ends.

#folklore friday #eldritch Friday i suppose #hovecraft povecraft lovecraft would view tumblr as one of the mind-breaking eldritch things #hovecraft povecraft lovecraft #hp lovecraft #randolph carter #fic prompts #writing prompts #because you can take Randolph Carter and chuck him into most any situation like a crash test dummy #retelling lovecraft badly

[radioactivepeasant]

Fic Prompts: Folklore Friday Saturday

Brace up, Howard Phillips Lovecraft. I'm about to arguably mangle one of your short stories in the retelling, for which I shall doubtless feel not the vaguest hint of remorse.

Warning: there will be spoilers if you've never read the story yourself.

The Statement of Randolph Carter

If you've listened to any of The Magnus Archives, you may imagine Jon Simms reading this. I'm sorry to inform you that the statements delivered to the Archives have more credibility to them than that of Mr. Carter. Bless whatever patient soul is taking his statement.

Statement Begins.

Carter is trying to explain why he and a guy named Warren were witnessed breaking into an old cemetery. His defense for most of it is "Warren made me do it!"

No really. He goes on for like a whole paragraph about how Warren is the friend who always bullied him and he was too scared to say no to helping in his research. Which appears to have been vaguely related to Frankenstein's.

Carter is extremely vague about this. He says something about like, Warren wanting to know why some bodies in ancient mausoleums weren't decaying. Idk dude, they were probably airtight until you got your grubby little hands in there.

So Warren drags Carter out to the cemetery with lanterns, shovels, and -- get this -- telephone wire and receivers. Which they're going to lower into the tomb. So they can talk to each other. Howard, I don't think that's how telephones work.

Warren makes this huge speech about how Carter is a scaredy-cat and a "bundle of nerves", and how he sees such horrible things in his tomb desecration trips that it would be a crime to chuck Carter in there. It sounded way too much like Tom Sawyer conning his friends into whitewashing the fence to take seriously. So apparently Randolph Carter is super gullible, because he takes that hook, line, and sinker.

So Warren goes down and, as I'd suspected he would, starts babbling on the telephone that inexplicably works about what ghastly things he's discovered. Does he describe them? No. But does Carter hear them?

Also no.

This whole time, we have nothing to rely on but the word of a guy Carter already told us is a bully. So when he starts whooping and hollering about how Carter needs to run for his life, and wailing about "I'm done for", it's...not terribly convincing.

Given Carter's temperament, however, he grows increasingly panicked. Especially when Warren screams and then goes silent. After a while, some voice he insists is "gelatinous" (omg Howard, what does that even mean? You overuse that word like a toddler with a jar of glitter!) The voice informs him that Warren is dead and Carter presumably runs screaming.

End Statement.

I can almost guarantee that this secretly ended with Warren climbing out of the tomb, laughing his butt off.

#folklore friday #folklore saturday i guess #hp lovecraft #hp can deal with it. he's public domain now. #fic prompts #writing prompts #the magnus archives #tma mention #statement of Randolph Carter #hovecraft povecraft lovecraft #explaining fairytales badly #radio explains fairytales badly #explaining lovecraft badly #although i just recently read it so it's not as garbled as it could've been #dear hp. i don't think you actually know what gelatinous means. #i literally just saw you use gelatinous to describe rats #you have no idea what gelatinous means Hovecraft Povecraft Lovecraft.

[radioactivepeasant]

This Week's Prompt Schedule:

Tuesday: Transformers Tuesday

Friday: Folklore Friday variant: picking one HP Lovecraft story to retell badly and without remorse

#Transformers Tuesday #Folklore Friday #hovecraft povecraft lovecraft would view tumblr as one of the mind-breaking eldritch things #he hated pretty much all the things #but luckily the person whose Actually responsible for the Cthulhu Mythos as we now know it is Mr. Derleth #a considerably less troubling figure from what I've been able to find #explaining fairytales badly #radio explains fairytales badly #hp lovecraft #hovecraft povecraft lovecraft #hp can deal with it. he's public domain now.

[radioactivepeasant]

This Week's Prompt Schedule:

Wednesday (afternoon): Radio vs Lovecraft, pt 1

Friday: Explaining Lovecraft badly, pt 2

#time to make Hovecraft Povecraft Lovecraft roll over in his grave again #deal with it Howard #explaining lovecraft badly #ruining Lovecraft #fic prompts #writing prompts #prompt schedule