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#how am I supposed to help others when i cant even help myself
silenthillbunni · 2 months
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🌧️🫧💭
#i shouldnt have fav mutuals bc i get sooo sad when they soft block me#which *always* happens like im not joking the day will come when they're just like nahhh bye#🥲🥲 nd i cant help but get sad#nd i dont even agree w that anon who said that 'no wonder everyone blocks u' bc im never mean to anyone#i think it's just bc im fundamentally unlikable and unlovable and the time will come when smth abt me#ticks them off nd nothing abt me is ever tolerated i always have to be perfect for everyone so then i just get cut off like dead weight lmao#also it shows that i get attached so easily but in reality ... ppl are not at all as attached to me 💀💀#like i care abt them but they dont care abt me nd it makes me feel so stupid#why do i so easily care for ppl?????? why do i have to care nd like ppl when it's always gonna end the same way#me being me is bad nd wrong and nobody could ever truly know me nd still like me#i have to live my life constantly hiding parts of myself and making sure im not too authentic or too open bc then i will make ppl dislike me#it rlly is that. im never mean. i never fight. ppl just see smth abt me nd go 'oh ewwwwww' nd then leave#nd if it hasnt already happened it will at some point nd im constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop#whenever i realize i say or did smth wrong im tense waiting for the moment where they'll leave me will arrive#ok this might sound silly bc i was like 'triggered' by smth small but like#all my life thats just how it's been. im not even mean or cruel. i just exist and ppl dont like me or who i am or what i think#i can never be truly myself anywhere. that is sure to result in being all alone 4ever. but i dont like hiding parts of myself#but i have to. but its hard when im trying to hide nd be lowkey but i still manage to make ppl dislike me T-T#idek what im supposed to do bc i just exist nd im not likable. i try to be that but im still not. idk what to do#anyway.. who cares.. j'appartiens seul#but yeah it is bc it's like this for me all the time nd ig that triggered me lmao#i mean just w my sisters.. their issue is just who i am. my personality. i havent been cruel to them. or bullied them. or put them down#they just get irritated from my personality nd who i am. thats what makes them mad. nd they kinda want me to just stop being me nd idk how#to do that and therefore we arent even talking. havent talked for a year#i wanna cry like????? what am i supposed to do??????? im so extremely fucking horrible that just by exisiting nd not being mean or cruel mak#es me unworthy of everything. idk idk like. omg i feel so stupid for being triggered by that#maybe if i had irl friends and a job and a life i wouldnt care but im a fucking loser failure worthless good for nothing idiot. ofc im this
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iwoulddieforienzo · 2 months
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Something that makes reading TOA so devastating is how fucking much Apollo feels about Everything. There’s so MUCH. Like I don’t even know how to describe it to you if you haven’t read the books yourself. He has so many complicated thoughts and emotions about just about everything and he cares about everything so much and there is just SO MUCH going on in his head. And yet none of it ever reaches his mouth!!
He almost never says what he’s feeling. What little comes out of his mouth about his thoughts barely even scratches the surface of what he actually means. Like he’ll be having a long ass monologue about how incredible someone is, showing a deep understanding of them as a person and empathizing with them so hard you’d almost think it’s projection but it’s not he’s legitimately just mind melding with this random person he met like a week ago and he’s thinking the softest, kindest thoughts about them like he knows they’re fucking incredible - and what comes out of his mouth is just like, “you’re a wonderful friend :)” AND ITS LIKE. THERES SO MUCH MORE UNDER THE SURFACE. the sheer admiration and adoration he has for everyone around him……… UGHHH!!! But he never VOICES ANY OF IT!!!!!! He never tells anyone about what Zeus did to him……. He never tells anyone except the reader about his realization that Zeus is abusive…. He never even tells commodus about how much he adored him, not then and not now… he refuses to tell anyone when he’s in pain or tries to justify the things he does when he actually had Decent Reasons for why he did something… I’m. I’M. AUGH. AHHHHH
HE DOESN’T EVEN TELL US ALL OF HIS THOUGHTS IS THE THING. THERES EVEN MORE THAT HE IS NOT TELLING US!!!!! THE FUCKING OCEAN OF FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS HE HAS ABOUT EVERYTHING IS THE CLIFF NOTES VERSION. I AM IN DISTRESS.
And YET…. Even what slips out of his mouth is so fucking devastating it is SO devastating. He’s so fucking kind and gentle with Harley and Meg and and other younger Demis and his kids… he’ll act like an obstinate idiot and then turn around say something that drags the core of the person he’s talking to into the light like nail on the fucking HEAD like he reached into their soul and gave them the words to express something that they were struggling to say aloud or that they didn’t even realize about themself. Around the 2nd book he starts putting voice to some of his feelings and thoughts about others and even that tiny fucking sliver is overwhelming to the people he’s talking to bc he’s SO. AUGHHHH
#this is why ‘reading the TOA books’ fics fucking slap btw. because as embarrassing as his thoughts can be#so many of them are just incoherent screaming about how he loves everyone around him. devastating#like imagine helping out ur loser deadbeat dad who you don’t really know much about bc he’s flighty and hard to read#and finding out ‘wow he cares about us a lot more than I thought’#bc he literally almost dies to save you/your siblings and keeps following you all around everywhere#but he’s still like. your weirdo absentee dad. u don’t know hardly anything new about him other than an apparent suicidal streak#and then u find out that the whole time he was whining about chicken nuggets or whatever he was internally sobbing abt how much he loves u#and every time u were nearby he was going ‘MY BEAUTIFUL PERFECT BABY… JUST AS INCREDIBLE AS THEIR MORTAL PARENT!!!! BEAUTIFUL LIKE THE SUN!#HOW DID I EVEN MAKE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL PERFECT BABY. UNREAL. THEY CANT BE MINE!? BUT THEY ARE!!! LOOK AT THEMMM!!?!!! IM SO PROUD……#my beautiful perfect angels… all of their parents best traits and none of our worst…. I am Barely restraining myself from sobbing#i would give u the WORLD if my father wouldn’t kill me for it :(‘#and it’s like. wow. okay dad. um. would have been nice to know that when we were all dying in The War#Please Hug Me Though.#imagine being a Random Ass Demigod who didn’t go on a big special quest or something like you are literally just Some Guy#and finding out that this weirdo loser god u gave a sandwhich to or something thinks you are so fucking cool#your own parent doesn’t know ur name but Apollo knows u on sight and read ur soul within the 2 seconds yall talked and he thinks you rock#how are you supposed to respond to that.#snack time#toa#longpost
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daiseukiis · 1 year
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hii how have you been?
i miss my family 🧍‍♀️
#my mom sent me a video about once your child leaves the mom also needs them#to like be there for them when their mom is stressed when their mom misses them#and i cried for a bit bc i argued with my mom a lot#we didnt see eye to eye but i really do think my mom still thinks of me as her little girl#bc despite not being as close i am to my mom compared to my dad i felt like i had so much burdens for being the eldest and girl#so sometimes i would get upset that my brother would get some special treatment from my mom#idk now i just rlly miss her cuz i miss actly waking up to have brekkie w her#i rlly missed cooking w her b4 i didnt like it bc i thought it was bothersome but now i miss it a lot and her cooking !!!#one of my roommates are husband and wife and i helped cut up the onions and garlic for her bc she started crying from the onions#and then i just completely rmbrd how many times my mom would ask me to help her cook and it makes me miss jmy family !!#i dont rlly get homesick often but i have been in a few arguments w my husband but its like those small quarrels where we're both#tired stressed n feeling defeated like there was no wrong but mentally tapped out#i feel hella lonely tbh ion have many friends outside from me talking to my roommates or my coworkers#and i go once a month to my friends thats an hour and half away but i never mind the travel bc their family treats me well#im supposed to go today but our plans got cancelled and since the travel is far i usually sleepover we were gonna watch a movie !!#we were gonna go watch the mario movie but i might go by myself w my teddy bear#or i'll ask my coworker maybe#but yeah other than that im just trying to survive xoxo im so tired#im also getting so much free cosmetics skincare and fragrances at work that i cant even use all of it#tha shit is displayed on my shelves just cuz#but so excited for my smau heheheheh#༊*·˚ koca has heard your wish#༊*·˚ a kiss of blessing#༊*·˚ a wish upon a goddess#༊*·˚ freddie <3
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blueslight · 1 year
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👎
#I domt think I made it clear enough to my now ex girlfriend that I broke up with her because she is absolutely unbearably clingy#and now.i feel guilty that she didnt get it cuz like until she realizes that all her relationships are gonna fail cuz any normal guy would#lose his fucking mind at her and anyone who WOULDNT would probably use her depedence to abuse her and like. I know that and i feel.bad for#evidently not making it clear enough to her#cause like also even now shes still being clingy with me ....and i find myself unable to set proper boundaries cause I dont wanna be mean#and them im morally unhappy with myself. but like then again i DO set boundaries she just doesnt respect them . and then I lose my#composure and get mean and thats even worse cuz i dont wanna be mean to someome as fragile as her but like. Shes suffocated me so much im#in the mindset of a cornered injured animal . and they bite#and it frustrates me that i cant react organically to her cause i always have to keep quiet and not protest even when she really crosses#my boundarjes cuz i dont wanna upset her#and she even said herself that even now im the omly.person she wants to talk to and i told her several.times to go talk to our other#friends cuz how am i supposed to comfort her about her breakup WHEN I DID THE FUCKING BREAKING UP..#plus I dont want that like i dont want the sole responsiblity for her social interactioms and emotional support just because shes#got unhealthy attachment behavior and refuses to get therapy ..#and like now its like well i domt wanna be mean or hurt her even more but also I dont wanna comfort my ex ABOUT *OUR* FUCKIMG BREAKUP that#is 1. fucked up EVEN THO we are still friends like id.comfort her about other stuff but how does she not realize that this wont. help#and 2. it gives me fuckin war flashbacks to my last relationship which just activates my injured animal instinct even further#and Idk why i cant set boundaries w her cuz i can do it well with other people but she just paralyzes me somehow w this stuff EVEN THO WE#GET ALONG WELL WHEN WERE LIKE NORMALLY PLATONICALLY INTERACRING#idk man i just need a fucking breather like i understand breakups hurt and i was anticipating giving her space until we can properly be#friends again (which we agreed on wanting) but like#Its not gonna get any better for her if shes constantly interacting w me#and on god her attachmenr to me isnt entirely healthy AND I DOMR WANNA SUPPORT HER UNHEALTHY BEHAVIORS but i also dont wanna be constantly#like acting on a meta level thinking whats besr for HER instead of just acting on instinct ...
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axelsagewrites · 4 months
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Robb Stark*Cant Catch a Break
Pairing: robb x f!reader
Word count: 1223
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Warnings: making out, sneaking around, almost oral, handjob, getting caught, slight begging, teasing, horny desperate robb, angry mother
Masterlist Here
a/n: i promise i'll have some requests up soon i just am struggling with one of them the now so its taking me a bit plus christmas etc but enjoy some horny robb i wrote at 2 am
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Ned and Catelyn had intrusted their eldest with the most important task ever. Babysitting the kids. As Robb waved goodbye to them as they drove out the driveway your headlights switched on a street back when you got the ‘they’re gone’ text. Hey, you had to seize the opportunity.
“Hey,” Robb grinned as he opened the door, deliberately leaning on the frame to show off his arms not that you were complaining.
“Hi,” you grinned back as you leaned up to kiss your boyfriend, ignoring the loud ew Arya gave as she walked past, “Do I not get to come in?” you pouted.
“I suppose you can,”
“Oh, you do?”
“Yeah,”
“On what conditions?”
“A kiss,”
“How about more than a kiss?” you teased as you kissed him again.
“You’re gonna be the death of me,” he mumbled against your lips.
“Whereas I’m going to kill myself if you two don’t get a room,” Jon grumbled as he walked down the stairs as Robb finally let you cross the threshold.
“Good idea Jon,” Robb smiled obnoxiously as he grabbed your hand, “You know where to find me. Now forget,” he said as he pulled you along up the stairs with him.
“Hey, you’re supposed to be babysitting!” Jon yelled.
“We’re not babies!” you heard Rickon yelling in the background as Robb pulled you into his room.
Usually in his snaps or video calls it was a mess but today it looked passable, “Oh you cleaned for me, how sweet,” you smiled as he closed the door, pushing your back against it as his lips dangled just above yours.
“What can I say? I’m a gentleman,”
You laughed as your hand snaked up to the back of his neck, “Its just a shame I don’t plan on acting very lady like,”
-
Usually, you loved Robbs siblings but if one more knocked on the goddamn door you may just combust. Sansa had come complaining about Arya hogging the tv which meant Arya then came to complain about Sansa being an ‘air head’ for watching reality tv which resulted in Robb going down to tell Jon to deal with it. Jon however had also been up about four times to ask dumb questions like where the batteries were or if you wanted any pizza put on or any other excuse, he could muster to ruins Robbs evening with a shit eating grin.
“Where were we?” Robb asked as he all but slammed the door after helping Jon figure out the oven.
He crossed the room to where you sat on the edge of his bed. His lips quickly found yours as he moved you to lay down on his bed. “This is better,” he teased as his lips moved to your jaw, kissing down your neck as his soft hands slipped under the thin fabric of your top which he’d tried to get off at least three times already.
As his hands cupped your tits, squeezing slightly making him groan against your skin there was a soft knock on the door. Robb groaned so pathetically you wondered if he’d cry, “What?” he called.
However, Rickon took this as come in which he did making Robb quickly shoot up to be kneeling over you as you fixed your top as Rickon pouted, “Its bedtime,”
“Goodnight little man. Close the door on your way out,”
“But story time,”
“Get Jon to do it,”
“But you always do it,”
“So, it’s his turn,”
“but you’re better at it,” Rickon whined, stamping his four-year-old foot with a pouted lip.
You sighed as you looked to Robb, “Cmon how long can it take?” you whispered.
Robb sighed as he looked down at you, “But we were gonna…you know,” your head turned to Rickon then back to Robb and the look you gave him was enough, “Okay fine, c’mon Rickie,”
“What were you doing on top of her?” Rickon asked as he padded out the room, Robb quickly behind him to tell him never to repeat what he saw with the promise of candy.
-
You were straddling his lap as his head rested against the headboard. you had finally ditched the t-shirt leaving you in a cute bra and skirt as you grinded against Robb’s painfully hard bulge through his strained sweatpants. Thankfully the sweatpants were the only thing left on him. His hands had moved under your skirt, grabbing your ass as you tugged on his curls making him moan into your mouth.
Your lips moved to his jaw, kissing down his neck, “What are you doing?” he half groaned as your hands roamed his abs as your lips moved to his chest, kissing all the way down his torso.
“Can’t say you haven’t earned it,” you grinned, shuffling back as your hand moved to palm him over the fabric of his trousers making his head roll back, “Unless you want me to stop,” you teased.
“Dear god don’t stop,” he groaned as your hands toyed with the hem of his waist band. “You wanna hear me beg? is that it?” he asked, his desperate eyes searching your teasing ones.
“Maybe, could be kinda hot,” you teased as your hand slipped under the fabric to take hold of his hard on making him moan softly. Your hand wrapped around it, stroking it softly, “I like it when you’re all desperate,”
“Fuck please baby. I really am desperate, so fucking desperate please,” he said as your hand sped up slightly.
You grinned as you leaned down, moving the fabric away painfully slow to reveal his hard cock already wet with precum. You leaned down to place a kiss to his tip, Robbs hand moving to rest on the back of your head as your tongue poked out to lick it when suddenly the door slammed open, banging off the wall as laughter rang out.
You shot up as Robb quickly pulled up his sweats and jumped out of bed, accidentally pushing you on your back in the process, “Bran I’m gonna fucking kill you!” Robb screamed as he chased his cackling brother down the hall as you scrambled to pull your top back on and run after him to stop murder.
As Bran bolted down the stairs, Robb soon after him, and you just reaching the top of the stairs the front door swung open to reveal a once happy looking Ned and Catelyn. Their faces first turned to shock as Bran ran into his mothers’ arms still grinning like a Cheshire Cat then to confusion, then you felt Catelyn’s eyes fall on you and then quickly turn to Robb in anger.
Meanwhile Ned put the pieces together slightly slower before muttering “poor kid,” under his breath as you quickly rushed down the stairs.
“I’m just gonna-“you said, pointing to the door which you were soon heading out of, “yeah. Bye Robb, bye guys,” Cat watched you leave with a fury and Ned with a sorry glance.
“Wait but-“ Robb said, trying to reach out but you gave him a sorry look as you left the house, hearing him sigh and go, “Aw man!” he said before muttering, “I can’t Catch a fucking break,” making Cat cross her arms and Robbs life suddenly flash before his eyes. One thing was for sure though. He was going to kill his brother.
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starillusion13 · 8 months
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Did you have fun?
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Pairing: Hongjoong × f!reader x Seonghwa
Genre: Mafia, Yandere(slight) , SMUT W.C: 3.1k Warnings: killing someone( not imp. he was disturbing me), blood, blindfold, vibrator, possessiveness, handcuffs, blind play(?), orgasm denial, overstimulation, oral(f rec.) [I dont think anything more needed]
Network: @cultofdionysusnet @k-vanity
Request from: @disneylover1998
[Reblogs and Reviews are always appreciated. Thank you for reading and have a nice day ahead. Please always take care of yourself everyone.]
I really don’t know what’s going in here.the person just texted me and helped my imaginations go wild and now am here with this fic💀
MINORS DONT INTERACT UNDER THE CUE! 🔞
*under the cue*
“Leave my hand.”
“Girl, let’s have fun. Why are you fighting against me? Just let it be easy and let’s go.”
You tried to pull your hand again but it’s all in vain when his iron grip on your wrist and also, he be pulling you towards the back exit. You are cursing yourself for the infinite time and as why you came to this club today. If you were at home then you might have been chilling and watching some drams on TV while waiting for your busy boys. But no. You have to be a rebellious and go against their rules and thought to sneak out of the house even when you know how much punishment you are going to get for such act. You love those punishments sometimes but never in a while you thought yourself being getting into such problem where you are currently into. If you were not drunk then atleast you would have tried to fight him, you mean a punch or a kick might be but your brain cant handle how to put the pieces together. Dumb you.
He has almost dragged you to the passage for the exit way and you are currently begging mentally for someone familiar to approach and rescue you from the situation, it really doesn’t matter if they inform to your boys afterwards, the main thing is to get away from this shithead who has got balls to touch you or even dared to drag you along with him. Tears flowing down your heavy mascara and eyeliner decorated eyes, it was supposed to highlight the eyes during the whole night not making a mess and make the tears more prominent in black.
“Haven’t you heard what she said, Leave her hand.”
Wait. Why this voice is familiar? I mean….Oh oh He is here. Don’t tell me if I turn around, I have to face a devil right now. You shut your eyes and take a heavy breath and then you noticed how the man holding your hand has stopped and annoyingly turns around. You are also turned around because of his harsh movements but you are not willing to open your eyes to face the reality. I mean you wanted to be saved but not by KIM HONGJOONG!
“Why does it matter to you mister? Go find another chick for the night. This one is for mine.”
And then that maniac laugh. The well damn laugh which he always shows to his enemies before he welcomes them to Hell of a ride and now this man is going to say Hello to the Living Devils.
“Chick?”
His gaze travels over your body and his jaw clenched on how revealing your dress is and you are wearing it when they are not around with you and moreover this dirty hag is holding your hand. HOLDING HIS GIRL’S HAND. You know this man is dead for sure but maybe you are equally dead.
“Yeah yeah. These girls are really fun to spend night with and who knows maybe keeping them to myself and then I can bring money through her and-“
You can hear the choking sound which makes your eyes flutter open when you can feel someone snatches you away from the grip but now you are under a familiar hold but honestly this hold is tighter and rough. The man is choking on his own blood as someone has slit his throat and then you can see who is holding you. Well, PARK SEONGHWA with fire in his eyes and a bloody sharp pocket knife in his other hand.
“He was talking too much.”
“Well done.”
Hm. Thanks. You wanted to say this but you just gulp on seeing the same raging eyes of hongjoong like the other. They both are furious and you are well aware of the fact that they don’t appreciate when someone else touch you other than them, they don’t appreciate their gang members also. Hongjoong called his men to clean the mess up and do everything possible to make the people shut up who has witnessed the scene. Now what about you!
“So, my dear Y/N. Can we know why are you here?”
“Hwa….I was…I just wanted to have fun.”
“Fun? Did you have that? Without us?”
No Hongjoong. Please stop asking me like this. With a god damn sinister smile resting on his face and eyes daring your trembling figure to speak more. You can confront seonghwa but not him, you don’t know why but he is always the one who can make anyone speak up the truth or make them agree with him even on a lie.
“n-no.”
“Of course you cant have fun without us, sweetheart.”
“I want to go home.”
“So do we.”
Well, a tensed atmosphere inside the whole car ride after Seonghwa literally dragged you outside from the club towards the car. His grip was harsh than that man and a thought came across your mind. Would have been better if that man took you with him? Maybe in the midway he would have become unconscious and you would have been freed. Atleast you wont have to be in the situation s you are currently in. You slapped yourself for this and they glanced at you for your weird behaviour. Not a single one spoke a word to you and you were thankful that you didn’t have to stutter anymore.
You are strong and you can fight for yourself but not when these two men are in their angry mode on. You literally fear them but also deep down like their clenched jaws, raging eyes and heavy breaths when pissed off. You smiled to yourself on this thought but quickly regained your composure. On reaching your house, you quickly got down the car and almost run towards the door. Entering the hall, you can see it empty because during the night, no maids and servants are allowed to the private portions of the mansion unless they are called. You took a turn towards the right for the stairs to quickly run towards the room and lock the door and wait for the next day to face them with a clear head.
“Where do you think you are going?”
My room. The only safe place that seems to protect me from both of you. I don’t want to die right now. Dumb you have to smile at them right now to which they raised their eyebrows.
“I need to take a quick shower as I spilled drink on myself previously.”
Saying this, you excused yourself from their intense gaze and as soon as you are behind the closed doors, you released a deep breath which you didn’t know was holding all these times. Slipping out of your mini body hugging dress, you went into the shower. You can feel the alcohol exhaustion leaving your body a bit and getting relaxed under the cold waters and your lavender shampoo scent. You spent inside the shower longer than usual because you can find yourself drifting into so many thoughts at the moment. Maybe you danced in the club a bit too hard that your body is so much exhausted. Cleaning yourself, you wrapped the towel around you before exiting the bathroom. Oh gosh! Why is it so dark? You are sure you left the lights on before going into the shower. Then maybe power supply cut off or a thief? But the windows are closed and the doors are closed? Thief coming from the door even that in a mafia’s mansion?
How ironic!
Your slow footsteps towards the door come to a halt when you feel arms wrapped around you from behind and you parted your mouth to shout when a palm pressed to your lips to make you shut. Your eyes went wide in horror.
“Do you want to call us baby?”
Damn. What are they doing in your room? Aren’t they supposed to be in their room and busy with their works and all and moreover aren’t they angry with you?
“J-joong?....What are you doing here?”
“Why? Were you planning to go somewhere again?” The voice from your front ask you.
“No no, I thought you were busy or something.”
“Do you want us to be busy so that you can think all the bullshits and then act on your own like always?”
“No.”
Atleast let me wear some clothes before scolding me. The view is becoming clear when seonghwa turns on the neon lights in the room. Now you can see both of them are in their tees and jeans atleast well covered unlike you who is fully exposed just covered with a towel.
You feel warm sloppy kisses all over your shoulders and neck and Hongjoong is smelling you in between and teasingly grazing his teeth over your soft skin. You moan against his hold and then when you noticed some familiar things kept on the bedside table. They are not thinking to do what you are guessing right?
Your view got blocked when seonghwa comes in front of you and holds your face in his hand, looking dangerously yet has a softness in them, just for you. Your toes curls under his touch and your knees feel weak under his gaze and also when the man behind you is kissing all over your exposed skin like a hungry creature. Seonghwa attach his lips to you, you can smell the alcohol as soon his lips pressed to you and your one hand holding Hongjoong’s hand holding the towel over your belly and the other one holding seonghwa’s hand caressing your cheeks. The kiss is more addictive and you are getting drunk more than a drink could make you feel it. Teeth biting down the lips to explore each other more, licking the teeth with tongue, exploring inside the mouth and your mind going in daze.
Retreating himself from you he went to the bed and roll over his tee exposing his abs which are always showcased for you. Hongjoong stops his abuse on your skin and pull you towards the foot of the bed. Your back of the knees hitting the bed and him standing in front of you, hands holding the secured knot of the towel. His other hand moved towards your chest and pushed you backwards. Your back hits the soft matress and then you can see your towel hanging in his raised hands. Alarmingly, your hands come closer to hide your exposed body but that was not to their liking as Seonghwa’s hands pulled your hands apart and you can feel metals clasped to your wrists and attached them to your head board. Handcuffs?
“What are you doing?”
“Nothing. Just you can see this towel was blocking my view and I don’t like when something becomes a restriction in the path of my desires.”
A warm hand caress your cheeks to get your attention and you can see the devilish smile painted on his face.
“You said you didn’t have fun so we should make it up right?”
“Uh oh that…no no…it’s okay…I did have fun…a little?”
 “A little?”
You pressed your feet on the bed to pressure down to lift up your body but Hongjoong pressed your knees down and settle himself between your legs. He also removes his shirt and then rest his palms over your knees. You can feel the tingling sensation in your lower belly but you know you are getting nothing if you behave like a brat right now as they are already pissed off with your earlier deeds. You can feel another set of hands moving across your chest and flicking the already hard nipples in between making your breath heavy and moan out his name.
“Seonghwa….”
“Hm? Do you need something?”
“Yes…I need you…I need both of you.”
“I don’t think so.”
“why? No no. I really need you.”
Seonghwa look towards Hongjoong and they silently communicate in between them and their nod indicates that they agreed on something. On what? Your anticipating eyes following their movements. Seonghwa grabs a cloth and damn that’s a blindfold. Before you can protest to it, he put over your eyes and let you to rely on your other senses from now. A hot breath tingling near your ear and lips gazing hovering it and licking the earlobe.
“Lets begin the fun now.”
You can feel hands lingering over your exposed thigh and your legs are moved more apart to stretch you out, hands gripping your inner knees. You can feel something cold touching your thighs and gliding up to your heat. You squirm under the touch but you are hold still by the strong grip. The cold thing stopped teasingly on your clit and it got pressed down there. A jolt spread across your body when the vibrator starts abusing your clit.
“Hongjoong..Joong”
Nobody answered you.
“Joong….Hwa…seonghwa…Hongjoong…”
“You need to guess who is this baby?”
Who? Isnt Hongjoong between your legs? You can feel someone teasing your entrance with the fingers, parting your folds and spreading your arousal around it. Another hand massaging the breast and pinching the nipples. You can feel shuffling in between your legs and when you tried to close your legs, it got stopped and stretched out more. You are already squirming under their touches. Mouths taking in the tits and covering it with their saliva and sucking it and biting around it and hands teasing your entrance. You can feel someone peppering kisses all over your inside thighs and sucking them in between and other sucking your chest and throat and jaw and licking them with juicy kisses. When you feel someone just licks a long strip of your arousal, your back arcs and then you can feel the knot building in your stomach which can burst down any moment.
“Ahhh!”
“Who is it baby?”
How am I supposed to know? Both of their voices are coming from the same place and you know they are making you to guess them but how are you supposed to guess when your whole body is shaking for it about to release.
“Joong?”
“Are you asking us?”
“no..no…It’s Joong…”
A harsh slap hit your folds which getting you the climax sooner. They can feel your movements and are sure that you are about to cum. The burning sensation indicating that you have answered it wrong.
“Hwa..Its you…”
“Where is the fun here? When its not Joong then its obvious that it will be Hwa unless you are thinking about someone else fucking you.”
“No. No. I’m sorry. Please.”
“Please what?”
“I need to cum. Please please.”
When you were just near to climax, the feelings got ripped away from your whole body as the vibrator stopped and you were forced still against the body so that you cant move anymore.
“No no no why?”
“Why?”
“I was going to-“
“cum? But we don’t want you to cum until you are guessing it right.”
“How am I supposed to guess when you literally fuck me the same way and you both are…rough.”
“Rough?”
“Please.”
They remove your blindfold and you your eyes squint from the releasing of the tight blinding fold and you see Seonghwa smirking down at you from between your legs and Hongjoong standing beside your head with blindfold in his hand which he soon throws it on the floor.
You don’t know what they are doing but you are excited to know their next moves. The vibrator turns on again and you close your eyes in the sensation as your body is reacting fast to get to the climax. Hongjoong leans down to kiss you and damn his kiss is rough and like a beast he is devouring on you, hands abusing your swollen breasts. You feel a slap on your thigh and then you can see the dark expression on the other man because of the lack of attention. Your eyes following how he bends down, his iron grip still on your thighs, leaving behind the marks. His muscles flexing while devouring your heat. The two men eating you out, one above and one down there. If they continue like this, they might suck out your life at this point. You are squirming under their hold. The familiar knot building up again and this time you are desperate for your release, your head thrown backward, body arching, giving more access to Hongjoong to leave his markings. Seonghwa still abusing your clit with his tongue and one added finger hitting your G-spot and you know you will fall apart soon. Whwn you tried to close your eyes, Hongjoong gripped your jaw and harshly made you face him.
“Eyes on him baby.”
Your moans getting lost in Hongjoong’s mouth and you cant think of anything else other than the desperation to release. You are just about to hit the high when again everything stops.
Every lingering touch, abusing, sucking and the damn vibrator was turned off. Tears roll down your eyes and you cry out, whimpering and trying to close your legs in the exhaustion of getting ripped away of the heat.
“whyyyyy?”
“Are you really asking this?” Seonghwa asks you as if he doesn’t know how irritated you are right now. Well he is lowkey liking the fact somehow.
“Okay Seonghwa lets see if she can hold her cum until we say her to let go. If she goes along with us then we can think to let her come. Yeah?”
“I think that’s something fun.”
Seonghwa’s hands start rubbing your heat with the vibrator setting in a low level and you can feel yourself overstimulated and these slow movements are making you more frustrated. You are trying to focus on the movements in your heat and giving deaf ear to everything in your surroundings.
“Eyes on me or I am going to stop here.”
You somewhat managed to make an eye contact with him but its getting too much and tears falling down your cheeks.
“Too much Hwa…please…its too much…”
“Should I stop? I think you had too much fun.”
“NO!” “Hwa. She is saying no, then what about now?”
“Did you have fun?” well this damn question.
“No no no no.”
“Hold it in or you are not going to cum.”
That’s how you know, its going to be a long night until they are satisfied with their punishment but that’s fine. You are again going to sneak out if these are going to be the punishment nights for you disobeying them.
______________________________________________________________
DONT PISS OFF MY DEVILS! HIHIHIHI HIHIHIHI!
______________________________________________________________
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Taglist: @mymoodwriting @justhere4kpop @vvshere @anyamaris @yeoobin @icchyi @jwnghyuns @piratequeen-queenofgames @dinonuguaegi @oreharuuu @eriny123
[perma taglist! open: dm/reply/send ask to be in it]
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fallenrain40 · 29 days
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gosh, figuring out i am aplspec (greyplatonic) and loveless is so amazing honestly, cause it helps me finally understand why certain phrases always bothered me so much. specfically, when aroaces would defensively say "I'm not loveless!" or "I'm not heartless!" like, yeah I get why they say those things. you wouldn't want to be seen as loveless or heartless if you aren't, especially not in a world where those things are often seen as literal insults. but yet, it still bothered me. why did they feel the need to emphasize so much that they "can still feel SOME things!!" ? why would it be an issue if they DIDN'T feel those things? why would it be an issue if they were loveless or heartless? just becuase you don't feel love for someone does NOT automatically mean you feel hatred for them, right? it doesn't even mean you dislike them. you can reject someone simply becuase you don't see them romantically, but you can still like them. why is it suddenly different when it comes to all feelings? sure, i don't feel much for others, but that doesn't mean i want harm to come upon them! why would i? i just don't feel anything. and, I do still CARE about people in GENERAL, like yeah i don't want people to get hurt because. that is wrong? but that doesn't mean i LOVE them. i really don't get how that's so difficult to understand. and there's a lot of other feelings besides love. there's respect, admiration, and care. there's so much... why is the focus always placed on love? and just moving your focus on love down a notch from romantic to platonic, isn't helping anything. i mean yeah, platonic love is pretty cool, friendships are cool, but we don't need to act like it's the sole meaning of life. you are still implying you need to love someone to live. you are still implying that everyone feels some form of love, which is so not true. srry this got kind of rambly haha. tbh i just think it's super cool that aplatonic and loveless are actual words and are things that other people can actually understand and relate to. i'm just like... there's other people who feel like i do?? really?? i always expected that if i told others "i don't really... feel much for other people. i dont care about them the way i think i'm supposed to." that i'd be called a bad person. it's just really really cool that there are accpeting people out there that WONT call be a bad person for this aspect of myself, and WONT try to make me change it (cause like. i cant change it. i cant make myself feel a feeling that i DONT HAVE). i just wish that the majority were more accepting of people like us.
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yeahyeahchloe · 7 months
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It Wasnt in my Head (4)
(a/n: pls lmk if u see any typos! )
Summary: Abby is the starting linebacker at UW and when her team starts to falter her coach decides to get the team into ballet, in order to teach them that grace and stability is important in football too. Abby is just as upset about her teammates about this, until she sees her pretty new ballet teacher...
dancer!reader x football!abby
!!ABBY IS STRAIGHT IN THE BEGINNING. READER IS HER GAY AWAKENING!!
˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖
The light of my slightly opened blinds shone through onto my eyes. The birds were chirping and the sky was a lovely light blue.
And I was pissed off and hung over.
I decided now that its 10 am I should probably pick up Dina's incessant calling and answer Ellies 'im sorry i got u fucked up' text.
My dimly lit kitchen smelled of lavender and burnt toast as I dialed Dina's number and listened to the tone ring.
Oh, so now she isn't going to pick up?
"Hey, D," I said when the ringing stopped.
"Ugh, finally!! I've been calling you all morning," Dina scolded me as if I wasn't so obviously hungover.
"Yeah believe it or not I know,"
"Ok, so, I called to ask you...something,"
This tone with Dina was never good.
This tone means Dina is up to something.
"Oh, jesus, ok what,"
"So, my master plan went perfect last night, and I saw you talking to our new favorite muscle mommy-"
I cut her off by saying "Oh, that was your master plan? It had nothing to do with leaving me to fend for myself so you can make out with Jesse on a couch?"
".....No?"
I let out a quick exhale through my nose, "So whats the question?"
"Obviously my question is: How did it go?"
I sighed and thought back to my interaction with Abby the previous night. "Good. No, bad. Well, good and bad. Gad,"
"What is that even supposed to mean?"
"You knowww, we like talked for a bit and got to know eachother, but the heartbreaking news, is that she is not a carpet muncher,"
"WHAT! NO WAY!"
"I KNOW. You should've heard me she was all: 'you're gay?' and I went: 'you aren't??'"
Dina snorted into the receiver as I laughed along with her.
"Well shoot. That's a bust," She said, still chuckling. "Hey, wanna go to Laverne's? I'm craving pancakes and french fries real bad,"
"Yes please, 'vernies is the best hangover cure"
"Kay, Ill be at your place in fifteen,"
I hung up the phone as my kettle began to whistle at me from the stove.
I walked over, grabbing a mug on the way and poured in the boiling water. I grabbed my favorite tea and walked into my bathroom to help myself to look slightly more presentable.
Jesus I looked like shit.
I began brushing my teeth before there was a knock at my door.
I rolled my eyes at Dina's overestimate of arriving in "fifteen".
"Dina you said fift-" I cut myself off as I swung open the door and was not met with Dina's face.
Are you fucking kidding me.
Abby fucking Anderson was standing at my front door (looking handsome as ever of fucking course) while I looked like I had just crawled out of the sewers.
"Hi" She awkwardly said with a half smile.
"Oh, hey Abby,"
There was a moment of awkward silence before Abby seemingly jolted in memory of why she was at my door to begin with.
"You, uh, left this on the chair you were sitting on last night, figured you might be looking for it," She said, pulling my pink hello kitty wallet out of her strangely large pocket.
"Oh, shit, thanks Abby," I answered before grabbing my wallet back. "I guess that's pretty important,"
Abby exhaled through her nose in a chuckle. "Yeah well I cant be your knight in shining armor every time. Last night hitting hard, huh?" She looked my slightly up and down teasingly and I suddenly felt very aware of my messy hair, thin sleep tank, and pajama pants.
"Yeah yeah I'll be more careful. Thank you again."
"Yeah no biggie. Um, I gotta run, but I'll see you?"
"For sure, see you Abby,"
We smiled at each other before I shut the door.
Oh my god that was so embarrassing.
I glanced at the time and realized I didn't have long before Dina actually got here.
After fixing myself up and being halfway dressed the real Dina knocked on my door. I shouted a "just a sec" before throwing on my jeans and getting my things and opening the door.
"Hi D,"
"Hey sweets, how ya feeling?" Dina teased with a smirk.
I gave her a playful eyeroll accompanied by a middle finger.
She threw her head back with a laugh and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. "I told you not to do that shit anymore,"
"Yeah well after my wakeup call this morning I won't,"
'You're welcome,"
I sighed before replying with "Not yours, although that one was miserable too,"
"Oh? What wakeup call are you referring to, then?" She asked, turning her head in my direction.
"Ugh I'll tell you at Laverne's,"
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The familiar diner smelled like coffee and pie as it welcomed my senses.
Dina and I made a beeline for the back of the restaurant, where our usual table resided right by the kitchen door.
We plopped down in out usual seats and told the waitress our orders before Dina shot me a look.
"...What?" I asked looking around.
"Helloooo, your 'other wakeup call'??" She said looking at me as if I was stupid.
"Oh! Right right, well I had gotten your call, right? And no kidding like two minutes after we hung up there was a knock at my door, so, obviously I thought it was you and answered the door looking like some sort of extraterrestrial and you will literally never guess who was at the door,"
"Was it...girl I don't know just tell me,"
"It was our favorite muscle mommy," I said laughing with embarrassment.
"WHAT?? You're telling me Abigail Anderson was at your fucking apartment this morning??" She asked, a little too loud.
"Jesus, D, keep your voice down. And yes, she was totally there, and looked totally smoking hot,"
"And what did she want?" Dina suggestively wiggled her brows.
"Ugh, unfortunately that's never gonna happen. She was bringing me my wallet, said I dropped it last night,"
"Wait, what? She already have a girlfriend or something?"
"Dina, she's straight, remember?"
"Psh, are you sure? She's like the gayest looking girl I've seen,"
"Dude, I asked. She's straight as a square,"
"Whatever more like a circle"
"Wh-"
I was interrupted by what I thought was the waitress coming in, but was actually Ellie sliding into the seat next to me.
"Hello gentleman" she said with a smirk.
"Hey Els," I greeted my friend.
"Hey Ellie is your f-" I cut off Dina's sabotage with a kick to the shin and my best "you better fucking not" stare before she embarrassed me further.
"What?" Ellie confusedly looked between the two of us.
I gave Dina another look, this time softer and more pleading and I saw her give in.
"Oh, nothing, not important,"
"Hey, liar. What were your gonna say?"
Before Dina could conjure one of her perfect excuses the actual waitress came to give Dina and I our orders, while Ellie made one of her own.
"Ordered a lot of food there, Williams," I teased with a smirk.
"Nah, not all for me," She brushed off my statement.
"Who the hell else would it be for?" I asked, as the answer to my question walked right through the door.
You have got to be kidding.
a/n: hey...hey...how yall doin....
im so sorry for being gone for so long pls forgive me!! Starting up uni again has been rough, especially moving back in for the year. but i promise i will try and update as much as i can.
p.s...it's prob not who u think walking into the diner :3
ok thats all i will say luv u bye
˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖
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l-michalska-writer · 7 months
Text
Bookplots from "Scars from your knives" pt.1
Perhaps i should phrase myself better. You. Wont. Lay. A. Single. Finger. On. Her.
Yes, we used to know each other. But now I am someone you dont even recognize.
I’m not gonna fall for this.
It’s not your fault I cant be what you need.
Loving you is a losing game.
Giving us up didnt take a lot I see.
There are certain things about you i chose to ignore.
Why am I still here and waiting for us to happen?
I know youre not listening.
I cant even look at you.
Its better to love you from a distance.
I knew that this was gonna happen.
You’ll bleed just to know youre alive.
What should we do with this pretty liar?
I bet shes just your type.
If i’m being honest, i no longer know what was true and what was a lie.
All you did was take.
How many drinks would it take to forget you?
Just tell me what’s on your mind.
You made your bed now in it you lay.
My past is past. Yours doesnt seem to be.
Dont let your past be an excuse for your present failures.
You cant be serious…
You asked me once if there was anything I could not forgive you. I guess we finally found out what it is.
Theres no going back, theres no undoing what you did.
Nobodys feeling sorry for you.
The silence between us is defeaning.
This pain is a big part pf who i am.
„Please, I need your help.” „you would have to make it worth my while.”
Just love me like you were supposed to.
I’m done carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Young people fall for the wrong people guess my one was you.
In the end theres no love.
I keep forgetting theres no love between us anymore.
I love you and I hate you at the same time.
I’m terrified by the price there is to pay.
„They say she’s gone too far this time.” „and they’re right.”
Im just gonna call you mine.
I see it in your eyes, you don't believe a word I say...
I hate him for what he did to you.
When did you get so deadly?
Suddenly it's hard to breathe...
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justcallmethatsimp · 1 year
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You’re not mine (big time angsty)
-unedited-
This was kind of inspired by the fanfiction Captive written by Abysscronica I read it on Wattpad—you should check it out the author just made the sequel-and the end of the corpse bride
I was standing on the deck leaning against the rails staring at the stars. I’ve been lost in thought for what felt like hours at this point. The reality of my situation with my captain is hitting hard. I was in love with him but he….he was in love with her.
I’ve been plagued with thoughts of leaving. Leaving the crew. Leaving this lifestyle. Leaving him. But then I have to leave my friends, my family I’ve made over the years we’ve been sailing together. I feel like I’m overreacting but how am I supposed to keep going on like this?
She came out of no where. And the she ended up joining in the crew. Following my captain everywhere. Stuck right on his heels. They spent almost every moment together and…you could hear it. But, he made the decision to leave her on an island. He decided it would be best for her to not be apart of our lifestyle. That it would be safer. That it would be better this way. I thought so too, but for my own reasons. I could finally get him back. But that was not the case.
He hasn’t talked to me since she left. It’s been 3 weeks. Well, he’s talked to me but it’s been orders or something about our plans coming up. But he hasn’t talked to me and it’s really getting—-
“Y/n” I was pulled out of my thoughts by a male voice. I turned around to see none other than my captain.
“What’s up, cap?” I replied as I turned back to the sky.
He walked over to me and mimicked my actions, “can we talk?”
I could tell by his tone this wasn’t a normal kind of talk for him and it took me by surprise “oh wow cap” I mused “didn’t take you for the talking type.”
He sighed at my reply and dropped his head. “You don’t have to keep it formal with me right now, y/n” he breathed out.
The moment the words left his mouth all of the composure I’ve been barley holding on to this entire time just slipped away. “Then what the fuck do want, Kid?” I spit. He wasn’t even phased by my anger.
“I’m sorry” was all he said
I laughed bitterly “oh so you do know how to apologize? Never thought I’d see the day.”
“Can you cut the shit, y/n? I’m trying here” he snapped back at me while turning his face to look at me. “Obviously he can only hold up the facade so long” I thought to myself while studying his face.
“Why?” I hissed “you’ve never tried before unless it was about her.”
I can see him physically trying to hold back his anger “because you deserve it” he said through his teeth “I’m trying to do the right thing for you”
I was about to reply when he added “despite how it looks I DO love you—“
“But you love her more” I added softly for him.
He furrowed his brow and looked away, he didn’t respond at first and we stood in silence, neither one of us wanting to break it until he finally spoke.
“I wanted it to be different, y/n. I really did” I could hear his voice breaking “but she-I cant-I don’t-“
“Yeah I get it” I replied shutting off all of my emotions. I can’t let him see this break me. I cannot give him that power. I turned and walked away from him but stoped after a couple of steps.
With my back to him I said “it’s okay. you’re not mine, Kid. It was always going to be her”
With that I kept walking letting the tears fall “y/n wait!” He called out I waved to him instead and kept walking in the opposite direction.
I pushed open the door that led to the hallway and then I let myself release the pain I felt in my chest. With my back agains the wall I slid down and began to cry.
“Y/n?” I heard a semi muffled voice say
I peeked up between my fingers to see Killer leaning out of his room. I couldn’t answer him. I couldn’t bring myself to speak. He noticed this and stepped out of his room over to me “alright, wanna stay with me tonight?”
I quickly nodded and he reached down to help me up “come on” he sighed, pulling me up from the ground and ushered me into his room.
He had always had to clean up his captains mess. And this time. The mess Kid left behind, was me.
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rinbowaman · 8 months
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Hey! Its my first time sending an ask hehe~ I just wanted to say that you’re such an amazing writer and your series are just sooooo good!!! 😍😍😍 I started getting into your account when I came across the smau for MRE and HHP and I gotta say, you got me hooked so bad onto Heethan that I end up loving all your Hee-leads so far! I’m so invested in HHP, SE7EN, DT and now TO! I’m honestly so excited to read a new chapter everytime you post hahaha! 🤭🤭
The main reason I wanted to send you this is cuz I’ve been having super stressful and bad days these past few days and its mainly cuz its my final year in college, final semester and final week actually 😅 and there’s just like sooo many final preparations needed to be done for my big final year project (having my big presentation today! soooo nervous) and its just been too much and too overwhelming for me and I didn’t wanna bother anyone with my anxiousness so I’ve been keeping it all to myself and having slight panic attacks and just started having random breakdowns as I complete my assignments. Reading your series, whether its new chapters or just rereading older ones have given me comfort, like I really felt alone but its like Heethan, Heelel and the Heebros have become my comfort characters. It’s just been so overwhelming for me and I didn’t wanna bother my family with it, I only have one other friend that I trust with my whole life but rarely see her, we’re all busy and I just felt like I’m falling behind in everything. Even though the Hee-leads might be like crazy obsessed with the reader, its like I really needed them in my life just to have someone to drop everything just to hold and comfort me anytime life becomes too much for me. I’m actually crying while writing this to you hahaha… it just feels like everyone around me is moving so fast and I’m stuck at the back picking myself up just because I feel so overwhelmed and anxious easily. Turning 20 this year is another thing that has me feeling afraid of adulthood, my mum is pressuring me into getting a job immediately once I graduate but I just feel like I’m not ready, or I’m just not ready to give up my teenage freedom and socialise professionally. Being such an introvert and shy and always thinking I’m just dumb and cant do work without help has been holding me back from wanting to grow and enjoy this new chapter in life.
So sorry for this long ass rant but i just really needed to let you know how much your stories, your Hee-leads have been keeping me going. Excited for the next chapters of your series! Hope you’re having a great day❣️
Omg so....I LOVE THIS.....this is so heartwarming and thank you for sharing it with me. Also, thank you for discovering my blog so you can write this to me, bc as you may have figured, receiving asks are just....its so nice. its a nice and wonderful surprise to hear from readers interesting in my work, wanting to know more about the characters and so forth. I am just beyond touched that heethan, heelel, and heebrows have made their way into your heart and to provide you comfort. in fact, reading your message had reminded me of a piece that i had started to draft (it was originally supposed to be a part of one of the HHP chapters but i never went through with it) but i still had it in my folders so after i finished reading your message, I decided to go back and actually finish it and format it specifically for you as y/n. I hope you like it. <3
Heeseung's Message.....
MDNI18+ content below the line.
Warnings: mentions of losing loved ones, fears and worries about the future, smut, car smut, unprotected smut, some....just some sadness....its a very heartwarming and touching piece.
"What's wrong baby?"
Noting how silent you were in the car, right after he picked you up, Heeseung rubbed your thigh, gently shifting your skirt upwards as he softly slid his hand up and down, enveloping you with warmth and comfort. "Something on your mind pretty baby?"
Placing your hand on his, you grabbed hold semi-tightly, keeping your gaze out at the window. You were hesitant at first, noting that Heeseung had a busy schedule of his own, was on his way of finishing his last year in college, aiding his professors, and of course, there was you....picking you up from classes, dropping you off every morning, taking you wherever you needed to go. You appreciated it but the man had completely devoted his time to everything else, you felt it selfish to bring any matters up to him....feeling that whatever time he did have left within the evening, he should at least have it for himself.
"It's nothing." You sighed out.
Glancing over to you, he furrowed his brows and quickly shifted the wheel, stirring the car over to a nearby parking lot on one of the campus buildings.
"What are you....?" raising up in your seat, you looked around before turning your gaze over to Heeseung, who steered the wheel with one hand and in a smooth motion, parked the car. Unbuckling his seatbelt, his gaze meets with yours before he reaches up and places his hand behind your head, softly grabbing onto your hair as he leans in and rests his forehead against yours.
"Whats wrong? Did something happen? Did someone hurt you? I wanna know. Tell me, y/n."
His eyes were wide and his expression was fierce with rage, however, before he further ventured off into a spiraling path of unhinged presumptions, you reached up and latched your fingers onto his collar, placing a dainty kiss on his lips. "Its not that....I promise nothing like that happened."
Raising his brows and tilting his head, he releases the gentle grip he had on your hair, and replaced it with a soft, petting motion. "Then why are you being so quiet? You seem upset, what is it?"
Looking down at the console for just a second, you raise your sights once more to meet his and began talking.
".....Are you ever scared about the future, Heeseung?"
His face was taken slightly aback as he raised both brows and looked at you with an intent look.
"Is that what this is about? Are you feeling overwhelmed about moving?"
Shaking your head, you looked down once more as you shyly clarified. "Nooo.....its not just that....its more..."
"Like what baby?"
"Like....after the moving.....finishing college, being in an unfamiliar country, not knowing anybody, making new friends, meeting your family, being apart from mine, learning a new language, finding a job after college, and what if I have to do more college? Or ...." pausing, you caught yourself drifting in verbal thought.
"Or....?" He draws out as he bids you to finish your statement.
"Or........what if....what if something happens and we........you know.....what if we just...."
Squinting his eyes slightly, his expression looked a little irked as he rolled his tongue in his mouth. "That's never going to happen y/n. You know that."
"Yeah but....."
"But what?" Slightly annoyed, he closed his eyes for a second, tilted his chin down, and lifted his lids to expose a rather stern and rather angry look. Yet the moment he saw that your eyes began to glisten, shining like diamonds as the tears started to build up, you looked down once more, unable to look him square in the eye as you felt the first tear break free and drip down on the leather padding of the console.
Watching as you faintly sobbed, he nearly felt his heart break into two. He gasped out a faint breath as he reached over with his other hand and cupped your face, no longer expressing a look of annoyance.
"Hey......why? What's making you think that way? Am I not showing you enough love? You know whatever it is you want, all you have to do is tell me and I'll make it happen."
"Its not that i just........there's just some things we can't predict about the future Heeseung......what if some day......what if you stop loving me......or worse.....what if something happens and I no longer have you? What if....just.......you never know.....is it wrong for me to hope for the best, but expect the worse? Because...you know that life can be so unfair some times....and I....I....I'm scared because....I dont even know....what I'm scared of sometimes. I wake up every single morning not even knowing how to live life because there's so many things that I think about....so many things that are thrown at me all at once and I just.....I feel like sometimes......I might fail......I feel like sometimes.....I will let you down.......I feel like its not the world, its me.........its me that's broken, not you or anyone else."
You gasped out tears and soft cries as you spoke straight from the heart. For the first time, Heeseung had sincerely considered if going to Korea was the best option, at least just for a second before he reminded himself of the future that he had waiting for him.....a future that would allow him to continue to keep you....safe....and with him.
Shifting his sights around on the floor bed of the car, his thumbs stroke your cheeks, wiping away the continuous flow of tears that were now coming down harder than before. Gulping down a hard swallow, he turns back to face you.
"Baby.........look at me....please look at me."
Looking up into his gaze, your eyes red, swollen, with eyelashes drenched and your face stained with wet trails of all your fears leaving their mark. With a soft smile, he calmly speaks.
"You're right.....that is tough. There's a lot that we can't control in the future....its precarious, and we're literally just pawns on the board of this silly game called life, where God and the universe are taking turns making each move. It can be cruel, unfair, and tormenting. Its something that we can either overcome with great strife and hard work."
"But what happens if we work so hard and it.....it just doesnt work out? What if everything just falls apart Heeseung?"
"We wont know unless it happens y/n......the thing about the future, as much as we want it here in the present, so we can see and view what it has in store for us, thats....just not the way it works. That's not the way we work....we're not designed to know those things. We didn't become strong because we cheated, we became strong and survived because we, as humans, learned....the hard way."
Looking into his eyes, your vision started to become blurry all over as the next set of tears built up. Smiling as he continued to wipe your tears away, he continues.
"Y/n....for thousands of years, people have fallen, lost, and suffered at the creativity of the universe. Yet we never gave up......people had an urge to survive. Which is why at times, even when the entire world was on fire, times where a soldier never comes home, a woman loses her child, or when a doctor just doesnt have a cure.....we keep moving....we get back up and learn how to walk again. I can't sit here and tell you that I know that everything is going to be great.....I dont know. But what I do know.....is this...."
Shifting his hands down to your waist, he lifts you with his core strength as his abdominal muscles flexed under his shirt. Bringing you over onto his lap, he sat you down in a princess style as he cradled you against his chest.
"No matter what happens....I'm going to be there. I'm going to be there and I'm going to help you, just like you're going to help me. I'll never let anything happen to you....and.....you never have to worry about me not loving you .....noooooooo pretty baby......that's never going to happen, not loving you would be the worst offense against Heaven and humanity. As far as if anything were to happen to me...."
The moment Heeseung touched on that part of the subject, you sobbed uncontrollably against his neck.
"Heeeeeey, come on now. Nothing's even happen, why are you acting like that's a for sure thing?" he chuckles out as he kisses your forehead. "Listen..." Taking your hand in his, he continues.
"I'm not going anywhere......I'm not. I know this because I know what is living for me......you. I will never abandon you. Even if something did happen, you know i'm always going to be with you. You know how?"
Shaking your head, he brushes your hair away from your face.
"Moments like this baby. Every time we talk, touch, feel each other, love, eat, sleep, kiss, and when I fuck your brains out...." gripping onto your waist tightly, he presses his forehead against your own once more. "All the things we do, they never leave. So.......if there is ever a time where I am not physically here......you're always going to remember how i feel..." gliding his hand from your waist, he reaches down and gently trails it upwards under your skirt, his fingers reaching into your panties.
"You're going to remember my touch..." kissing your neck, he latches his mouth onto your soft spot under your ear, and rings the tip of his tongue around in slow circular motions.
"You're going to remember my scent...." with his free hand, he reaches behind your head and gently pushes your face inward, causing your nose to become burrowed in his thatch of dark long, shaggy hair, inhaling the scent of his cool-mint cologne and his shampoo.
"You'll also remember what I taste like...." placing a soft peck on the spot he was sucking on, he tilts his head up slightly and brings your head down to kiss him.
"And best of all......pretty baby.......you're going to remember what it feels like when I fuck you......when I love you." Shifting your body to face forward, your back completely spooned by his chest and groin as you both remained seated in the drivers side, he spreads your legs open by pushing our inner thighs apart. You were so caught up with the sensual four play, you hadn't realized that he tore off your panties. Unbuttoning your blouse, exposing your breasts, he shifts you up as he levels his length to align with your slit, before proceeding to enter inside you. Feeling full of his flesh, you moaned out as the overwhelming sense of pleasure hits you........taking you away from the abysmal depths of your fears and worries.
Steadying you in a reverse cowgirl position, filing you, his cock melts inside you as he begins thrusting slow and steady, picking up the pace as your walls become more moist.
"You feel me pretty baby?"
"Y-yes!"
"Yeah? You gonna remember me forever?"
"Y-yes...yes! He-Heeseung!"
"You gonna remember what this feels like?"
"Yes!"
"What does it feel like baby? Tell me."
"F-f......fe-feels......ssss......goood......soo....soo.goood....ugh!"
"Harder or faster baby?"
"ugh! both! please both!"
Thrusting repeatedly, your body falls limp as he holds you upright, with one arm wrapped around your waist, and his other hand shifting a grip between your neck and your exposed breast, he muffles your moans and screams with his mouth as he swallows every single bit of your precious tones.
"Gonna cum for me?"
"Y-ye.....yes!...yes.......ugh! He-Heeseung!"
"Yeah? You gonna cum because you're a good girl?"
"Mmm!mmmmmm....mmmhmmm!....ugh!"
"You my good girl?"
"Y....yes!!"
"Yeah you are.......now fucking cum on me. Let me feel it."
Adding more depth to each thrust, you gasped out your screams of pleasure as he rams his cock deep inside, separating new found walls and extracting the moisture out of your body. Reaching orgasm and releasing all over his member, your thighs shake relentlessly.
"Good girl.....my turn."
Cupping your lower tummy, he pushes in and feels his thick length as it slides in and out, he found it amusing how your sensitive body could take him like this, especially feeling it inside you as he was doing right now. Jacking his member deep inside you at a rapid and hard momentum, he finally reaches his moment and with one last punctured thrust, he bucks his hips upward as he shoves you down, mashing your bodies together as he releases inside and fills your body up.
Pulling your head back as he latches his mouth on your neck yet again, suckling as your body bounces rigorously from the tenacity of his performance.
Feeling the pleasure of his tainted love, you somehow were to understand his message clearly, all due to Heeseung extracting you from your fears......which he had done before, back when Samuel sent you his email......back when you and Heeseung came together for the first time.....the start of your guys story. Just as he did back then, he helped you to understand, that the reality of what life gives, is never necessarily the ending to your story. The more he kept pumping into you, the more you were reminded of that clarity. Yea sure, you still felt scared, but knowing that if at first you dont succeed....reach happiness.....or if things just dont work out, you can and should always, try-try again. A lesson you were always reminded of, all thanks to Heethan.
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Authors note: Lol, sooooooo...yeah this original draft did have some smut....and i was going to take it out but it was too crucial for me to do so. I hope you dont mind that. But, this chapter was originally drafted, back a few months ago. I had this thought in my head, since I have only taken a few college courses, and am about to start back up on it, I was feeling so dreadful and felt too nervous about doing well. I want to succeed in reaching my educational goals....but what also kind of bugged me was....will i still find time to write? I love writing, truly do. Mainly because it brings other people joy and brings out their most inner feelings. I had so much on my mind that time that i had began drafting this, but as i was writing it, i left it unfinished bc honestly, when i drafted heethan's message.....literally its like his voice was telling me what to write....i felt better. like it was a nice little reminder....realistic...very rational....and honest...but still positive and holds truth. there's a lot of things we can't control, but we should never give up. Its okay to be scared and to worry, that's natural, and that is exactly why people such as myself are here, writing these chapters and stories for you all because i know that there is such a thing called 'life' and sometimes....we just need a break from it to refresh ourselves. I know you have alot on your plate, but dont worry because everything will be more than fine. We have to pace ourselves, work hard, but also rest, and play from time to time. Eat and drink well, and finish strong. finish college, work with your mother and teach her to work with you, if you dont get the job you really want, no big deal. no matter what job you get, if its one you dont want, nothing lasts forever. just think that whatever you do now, it is only making you more marketable for the dream goal you have. I hope you continue strong because while you do have alot on your plate, you've been slaying....you've been killing it! and that's a major accomplishment in itself, last of year of college? woohoo! finish strong!
So now i should apologize for responding with the longest post ever lol. but i really hope this makes you feel better. Reading your message had reminded me of this piece and i am so glad you sent it to me because....looking at it now...and actually finishing it......this was something that was meant to be published and shared. bc it holds an important message for all of us. <3
Enjoyed this piece? Show love and treat your girl to a cup of coffee. ♥️ 
☕ Ko-fi: ko-fi.com/reinbow
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chronicalfangirl · 18 days
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Tw vent
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No one will probably read this, but yeah, i just need to get it out, and hopefully someone will help me soon :)
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I need serious help ngl, its been two weeks since i attempted and i really am not okay at all, i feel angry at my mother for calling an ambulance and keeping me alive, but at the same time i understand because, of course she would want to save her only daughter, her first child, but i still cant help but to feel this anger towards her for keeping me alive against my will. I hate myself for feeling this way, and i hate myself for traumatizing my mom like this, how am i supposed to live like this, with this guilt?
I dont know how to live after all this bro, i can still remember so well how it felt, like it was yesterday, and time moves so fucking slow, when its been one week, it feels like two. I feel angry and i really hate myself so much rn. I need to talk to someone, but i dont have anyone other than my mom, and i dont want to worry her any more than i already have :/
I cant go a day without thinking about how to off myself, and ways to do it. I od’ed, but now because of that my mother has hid all the drugs and pills, so i cant really do it again… but i really feel like im not supposed to even be alive now, i was supposed to die.
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strawberrybabydog · 5 months
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i hate having an eating disorder because its an evil disorder that truly makes everyone in your life hate you
progressives view you as a failure because you succumbed to beauty standards, so you're a bad person for implying you would look ugly if you were fat
conservatives view you as a failure because not eating is a moral failing, and you cant be part of the sisterhood if you're too skinny, because women percieve you as a threat
and thats it. thats all they see. all anyone can see from me is a self-hating fatphobe or a threat to women. nobody understands that i cant sit up in the morning without shaking because of malnutrition. nobody wants to listen when i tell them over and over my stomach has literally shrunk and i am physically incapable of eating big meals, which makes recovery impossible. nobody wants to hear that i'm eating meal replacements every single day just to stay alive. nobody wants to hear the discoveries ive made about how yes, beauty standards really are unachievable, and please nobody else try, because this is suffering. nobody wants to understand that i dont want to look or feel like this, that i didnt ask for this, that i did everything i could in all of my teen years to love myself so i wouldnt ever have to go through this. everyone stares at my body as if it's a political statement they're supposed to compare themselves too, when i never asked for this, so i cant even hang out with friends because i KNOW they'll take MY ED personally and direct their anger at me
every person who shamed my former fatness, who pushed me into making these decisions, hates me even more for being thin. every single person, no matter how "tolerant" they self-identify as, thinks shaming me for being thin, and implying this body is ugly and i was only truly beautiful before, is what will cure me. the same people who couldnt stop asking me "really? you're having MORE food?"
i guess the trick to having an eating disorder is to not have a body that other people can see in the first place
i dont even know why im talking about this here. as a last resort? ive had an ED for a year now and i havent got to talk about it even one fucking time because of this ^^^. and i expect the same response if any too LOL. i need fucking help or im going to die from malnnutrition but the only thing anyone cares about is whether or not i'd be sexy as fat (still prioritizing their own gaze.)
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twigs-sprigs · 2 years
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the post seabound lloyd comic for the wip thing? 👀
okay. so this one is. i need to explain first before you read. i will say that the ninjago rewrite kai and me have in our heads is supposed to be a little more "mature" than the show. it contains some darker themes and some more realistic behaviors from certain characters. ( this post will contain themes of grief and addiction. trigger warning right here.) so, my friends and i have recently finished watching seabound (as one does!) and @shadesofvermillionvoid and i...well... we CANNOT stop having ideas about things that would happen in that year gap post seabound and pre-crystalized in our rewrite/headcanons i saw the first episode of crystalized, and i was like.. hm... i wonder why kai hasnt gone like.. full sad again like he went red shogun last time someone dear to him died.. like thats his sister.. whats up with that and i went to my friend kai, the one mentioned earlier in this post and i said... hey. what if... kai. actually got... therapy! what if, he had promised to himself. that he would NEVER go back to the pain that being the shogun had caused him. what he took a step back and looked at himself and said "i. i need help. this is too much and i need to talk to someone." so, kai does get therapy (good for him!) he gets a new job, that of training little kids, because kai loves taking care of kids! thats been apparent this whole time, so he takes up this job that makes him happy! and kai's.. getting better! he's handling nya's death as well as he can. he has his rough moments but he kept the promise he made to himself and to his family. meanwhile... lloyd... well. lloyd isnt getting better. at all. no, in fact, hes going downhill and he's going fast. he moves out of the monestary for the first time, he abandons his identity, that of the green ninja, he stops being a leader. he stops caring about the things he thinks define him. he stops caring about his family. he just...cleans windows now. he can't be responsible for anyone. ever. again.
so well, lloyd knows he needs help too. but hes a little bit more.. uh... sloppy. about getting said help. he starts taking anti-depressants, just. medicine. maybe... a little too much of it. and kai. doesnt know that yet. but he wants to be there for his little brother. they meet one day and he sees how disheveled lloyd looks. he sees how out of it he is and how different hes behaving. and... well, when kai says the words "Little brother" to this.. broken version of lloyd. Lloyd doesnt take it well. they have a fight, a fight that results in lloyd saying that he's not kai's "brother" but, kai still tries to be supportive he messages lloyd every day he tries so hard even if hes hurt he cant let lloyd destroy himself like he did one day he even gets an accidental call from lloyd, and helps him though panic before swiftly leaving the next morning. and he still texts lloyd every day hes still trying until...
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well until lloyd stops seeing his texts. ------ FUN FACT! i actually made this to show kai the IDEA i had of it. because as you can see i am HORRID at explaining and i just go on and ramble!! so i didnt wanna do that and this is my only other way of expressing myself. its not a GOOD comic and it was never made to be good. it was just made to show kai what i had in mind BDWJKWDW with lloyd breaking his phone specifically
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