#how are we in 2021 and im still looking for scraps like this

[landinrris]

*cracks knuckles*

i hope you're ready for some EARLY NORRIX LORE. and by early, i mean 2019-2020, and by lore, i mean small teeny scraps but it's still lore bc i said so.

so basically i just logged into my twitter for the first time since 2021 and went through my bookmarks and was SO SURPRISED to discover some clips of lando talking about martin!!! i was a huge fan of martin (still am tbh) and i was just about getting into f1 at that time too, so i saw lando playing martin's music and went omg he's a fan?? STAN. now looking back, it's nice to see how it may have all started and im so happy their relationship has progressed so much. 2020 me would have been over the moon.

timeline wise, we all know that they probably officially met in 2022, and i think that's just because their schedules just really didn't line up at all. martin played his first f1 show in singapore 2018, and attended a few other gps, but in 2019 he had a really bad fall and injured his foot, which pretty much took out most of his other shows during that year. from 2021 onwards though, he performed for quite a few gps so maybe they COULD'VE seen each other in passing?? i think it's quite safe to say they def knew of each other & were ig moots before they met irl in 2022.

anyways ive been yapping for quite a bit bc these boys just mean so much to me like that tweet just made me realize how full circle they came.

https://twitter.com/aufhebeen/status/1202303765363265537

https://twitter.com/GarrixInterview/status/1278985898495860736

I do love these two videos linked in these tweets, the first being from the 2019 Abu Dhabi Unboxed, and the second featuring Lando talking about his top 5 artists. Tiny little moments that illustrate Lando really does love that world like he's mentioned before.

I'm not sure when they followed each other on socials, but it's possible they knew of each other in relation to the paddock prior to August 2022 (or rather, Martin knew about Lando's existence). The only reason 2022 is likely when they did actually meet is because Lando mentioned this past September that they've known each other for one year.

#love these tiny moments #picture links don't work but the hyperlinked text does. smh #lando #norrix #ask

[a-sentient-horax]

Monday, January 22, 2023

So, we'll start off with the big one that's on my mind. My birthday is this weekend. Now, here's the thing. I moved in January of 2019 to a new state where I had no friends so I didn't have a birthday party, and that was fine. We all know what happened in 2020 okay. I actually tested positive for COVID on January 1 of 2020, so, no birthday party that year either. And I wasn't too bothered by it because like hey exigent circumstances. In 2021 COVID was still popping around so I didn't have a birthday party. In 2022 and 2023 I just wanted to go to dinner with my boyfriend. But I have been feeling pretty friendless lately. So I wanted to do something-SOMETHING for my birthday party. At first I though, ok, I'll get together maybe 5-6 people and we will all go to the arcade in the mall that I like. I'll pay for every one to have some money on some cards and it will be a blast. Well, I like about an hour away from all my friends, so they probably couldn't drink, or at least Ubers are totally out of the question. Plus, it isn't really a party if everyone is like, off on their own playing their own arcade games, so ok I scrapped that idea. Next idea: pick 2-3 friends and go to brunch with them. My two closest/longest known friends are friends with each other so that works. I figured I would invite them to brunch and it would be awesome and satisfying. Friend 1 said yes, Friend 2 I said "What are you doing Sunday" and he said "Im celebrating a friend's birthday all day."

And this is what I wanted to journal about because I felt so like, lonely and scared that I was actually like, friendless and annoying everyone-yeah I felt like I was annoying everyone in my life. So I told Friend 1 that I had forgotten about a doctors appointment that same day and apologized but said we should take a rain check. And that's like, kind of crazy. Why did I not just ask Friend 2 if he was free in the morning? I don't know why one person saying they had plans one day set me back so much and like, I immediately was like fuck it and cancelled on my other friend which is kind of a shitty thing to do as a friend I don't know. Anyway, I feel bad about it, and I want to change my behaviour. I've never like, identified this feeling before today but now that I have identified that I felt a certain way, hopefully next time I can identify that feeling and make a better choice.

So the better choices that I am trying to make. Today when I went on my on-campus I regaled some of this to a girl I work with who I have been slowly being closer friends with. At some point I admitted (truthfully) that I thought about inviting her but I didn't know if she would want to. So I looked at her and I said "would you want to go to brunch?" And she WINCED ya'll WINCED it is unDENIABLE how her face changed. And this has also sent me spiraling a little bit. Because there are two options in my mind: ONE She winced because she thinks im like pathetic or gross or somethingn and absolutely does not want to sacrifice a few hours on her weekend to like, pity hang out with me. Or TWO she winced because I made her feel like someone I only invited out because no one else wanted to go and that's like, horribler I think because I can take a little rejection, or like, I understand why I might be offputting, but if I made HER feel like, less significant or something ugh I just feel awful, and so that sucks. We were talking a little later though, and she said no one would go with her to yoga so you know what? We are going to start going to yogas mondays and wednesdays after class. or at least I am. I told her I would be there and goddammnit I will be. I really hope that this is like, better behavior and results in a genuine friend because I am really, really trying here.

#journal

[whatagirlwants]

It’s kinda hilarious how olivia stans on twitter try to re write history and make it seem like olivia is the biggest victim out of the DL 2021 drama… like if anything she got the best outcome out of the three and at the peak of the drama people were sending josh and sabrina death threats on HER behalf. I personally think they just hate the fact that the gp is starting to realize they way this teenage breakout got overdramatized was insane and both sabrina and joshua really didn’t have to go through all of that and they secretly hate it, i fear they want josh and sabrina to get hated on until they die 😵‍💫 goes to show how they were always the bitter ones and they can’t move on

honest thoughts:

i think all fandoms are dramatic. i hate how joshua fans to this day use his “problems” and “infection” (forgot what its called but the thing that happened to him) to this day to make him a saint and an angel. when he isnt and its okay.

Sabrina fans to this day will keep talking about the hate she received when the smart move is to move on and not TIE HER to the DL fiasco. theres a reason she doesnt sing Skin & its also cause she knows Joshua didnt deserve her & she got shit for a relationship that went to shit cause of him. like sabrina said abt skin she isnt in that place anymore.

Olivia fans want to make it all about her how she was 17/18 and had to deal with “narratives” made about her #1 hit song worldwide. when lets be honest like i wouldn’t give a fuck what anyone says if my fav already won the situation cause Olivia did. Like she was the winner and still is the winner so why care if some accounts said anything like her numbers are proving everyone wrong.

which is why i think is weird for some livies account making “troll” accounts to obsess over sabrina and spread fake rumors. like what will you or olivia gain ? does it really bother u to see Sabrina do well ? Olivia is already doing better than her so why try to sabotage someone else.

back to the plot, all fandoms are dramatic, i think everyone needs to move on in some ways.

but i will say i do also hate it when someone brings up an eics track or how joshua also treated Sabrina, theres always a joshua fan replying “its 2023 move on” maybe its cause i hate that when its Olivia everyone cared but if its about Sabrina its “move on”. its not like if someone points out Sabrina lyrics and how it relates to Joshua that it would start the “DL hate train” all over again. cause it cant and wont. it didnt reach the GP and the GP dgaf about joshua they only did when it was all “new” to them. anyways thats just a personal thing that pisses me off personally.

another thing i hate when most Joshua fans / Joshua + Sabrina fans say “we almost had we both know but the hate ruined it” NO. Joshua did not scrap it cause “people were hating on him and sabrina”. he scrapped it cause HE BROKE UP WITH HER. he wasnt gonna release a song with his ex. mind u Sabrina released Skin if anything shes much stronger than Joshua and would’ve not given a fuck what anyone thinks and would've released we both know *if they were together* but Joshua freaked out, pushed her away, brokeup with her over DL. and then lead her on most of 2021 until Sabrina realized this isnt fixable. cause she was writing songs like “tornado warnings” while also still posting “feel something” on her story to support him when they werent together. she commented on his post a 🤍 when she didnt have to cause they weren’t together anymore.

ok i made my point and listed fandom things i hate 😭 anyways some livies just need to move on but so do joshua and sabrina fans from the DL fiasco but (so i dont look biased when u read my posts here) that doesnt mean i wont call out Joshua on his relationship with Sabrina. i am not sending dts or supporting anyone who does im just analyzing the situation thats btwn him and sabrina (not dl &olivia) .cause to me thats not the same situation.

all fandoms will make it about their favs i guess but i agree with u in the part that she got the best outcome so why to rewrite history.

[hhawkeye]

not to comics post on main but god i wish midnighter could have a series where hes happily married and a dad but still a badass like... lmfao. i really am not asking for much and yet! here we are!

#read future state superman war whatever the fuck that midnighter is in and im just :| #he called apollo his huuuuuusbaaaaaaaaaand which did make me <3 <3 <3 but like. hello #how are we in 2021 and im still looking for scraps like this #like omg it is NOT difficult to write a happily married couple and keep them interesting?? #also the erasure of jenny quantum will always be unforgiveable to me. like the new 52 had MANY faults but that... that was a big one #like thats their DAUGHTER? AND YOU JUST GET RID OF HER? #UGH you know its bad when im longing for the days of midnighters first solo series #half of it was good but then . well. and yet somehow i enjoyed that more than this shit #actually no thats a lie. no i didnt #remembering the whole OH I DONT KNOW WHO I AM WITHOUT HIM I HAVE TO GO ~FIND MYSELF~ thing makes me soooooooooo mad #like firstly... fuck off and secondly ok there are ways to do that that dont involve literally abandoning ur entire family but its fine. #honestly all comics writers please come to me i want to fight you #ANYWAY. supermans sexy in this series if youre into that. hes all like chained up and bloody and fighting im like heyyyyyyy<3

[aangelinakii]

This is my first time requesting so im not sure if im doing this right- my apologies if it isnt! Can I ask for an imagine where connor (or any android of your choice!) confesses to the reader? It can also be just reactions/headcanons if that would be easier for you! I hope you have a wonderful day 💗

GREEN LIGHT

in which androids have been recognised as another form of life, and are living in harmony alongside humans. connor, a deviant android, is beginning to feel, and definitely fall, for you, an android.

character : connor rk800

song : green light , lorde

date : 16th october 2021

note : thank you so much for requesting !!! honestly, i can't thank you enough requests make me so happy ,, and you're def requesting right ! so if anyone else wants to request something, don't be shy ! <3

autumn had hit the city of detroit; orange leaves were already beginning to fall off branches and litter the sidewalks, and people and androids had began to cover themselves in warm layers as they roamed the streets.

almost a full year had passed since androids had been granted freedom and recognition as another life form. markus, the android who'd initiated it all, was still known as the leader, or at least someone who made the calls and was highly respected. connor had aided markus in a way, working his way into cyberlife and spreading deviance on to the new android models; that was how he met you, by going against what he'd been programmed to do and siding with the gone-deviant androids, which you'd also done.

whilst he was supposed to be on a mission to end jericho and deviancy, connor had met the masterminds behind each plan — one of them was you, an ax700 model who had turned to a new place to go after being mistreated by a group of teenagers, leaving you in scraps with nowhere to go; your older owners wouldn't want you coming back home in such a mess. that's when you'd stumbled upon jericho, and all the androids who inhabited it: north, simon and josh, along with others who'd yet to make names for themselves, and then markus came along and everything that had happened last winter had happened. honestly, no one thought it would work but it did.

you and connor sat on a wooden park bench, overlooking the oranges and burgundies autumn had to offer. in the playground ahead, children played around on the equipment, their androids, who were once slaves, watched over them with joyous smiles on their faces. you were glad for your collective impact on america, and how things would now change.

with a small chuckle you asked, "do you see that little girl?" you gestured towards her. "the one on the roundabout playing with her android." you glanced over at connor, who nodded. "without us, they wouldn't be there. maybe the girl, but that lady would just be standing there doing her job, not experiencing life like she is now. and i think that's amazing."

when you looked back over at connor, he was already looking down at you, a small smile evident on his face. his soft, brown puppy-dog eyes examined your features, taking in your happiness.

"it..." connor began, looking away abruptly. "it does feel good," he agreed. a soft chuckle escaped his lips as he looked up at the children playing around on the playground equipment. although there was a smile on connor's lips, something about him seemed conflicted. when he looked back at you, his eyes wandered elsewhere and he hesitated with his speech. "walk with me."

connor rose from the bench, you followed suit.

as the two of you walked, leaves crunched under your feet. further through the park and the laughs of children in the playground grew quieter, and conversations of people on benches passed by.

"this past year, a lot has happened for androids. we've been granted the right to vote, we're allowed to go to school and get jobs that any other human could have. we... we're doing a lot better — markus is doing a lot for us, working to let us do the things we want to do, the things we should be allowed to do."

"yeah..." you replied slowly, your pace slowing as well. "what's your point?"

"well... i don't know, i don't know really." this was unlike connor, stumbling over his words, hesitating and stopping.

eyebrows furrowing, you asked, "are you okay, con?"

connor stopped abruptly and turned to you. "my mind is cloudy. i'm experiencing emotions like never before; of course, now i feel emotions, but i don't think i've felt something like this." his eyes wavered, unable to stay trained on one place.

"like what?"

"like... like love. i think. i don't know for sure. i don't know what love is meant to feel like, but i think this is it, and i want to be."

"oh?" was all you could say in return. what were you meant to say? who was this love for? why was he telling you? "that's— that's great! i mean, is it? i don't really know what to say..."

the android opposite you scowled, trying to think of how to continue. "i guess what i mean is, it's you. you're the one i... love. and i don't know what to do about it. i remember last year at the eden club there were two androids, and they loved each other — they were in love. at the time, i didn't understand that, how or why it worked." finally, your eyes met. "but now, i think i do."

#newajgo #detroit become human #dbh #connor #connor rk800 #dbh connor #dbh x reader #dbh imagines #dbh imagine #dbh headcanons #connor x reader #connor rk800 x reader #connor rk800 imagines #connor dbh imagines #newajgo requests

[miss-choco-chips]

I posted 964 times in 2021

47 posts created (5%)

917 posts reblogged (95%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 19.5 posts.

I added 397 tags in 2021

#sk8 the infinity - 116 posts

#renga - 112 posts

#mcyt - 62 posts

#sk8 - 23 posts

#kyan reki - 19 posts

#hasegawa langa - 18 posts

#technoblade - 17 posts

#tim drake - 12 posts

#my writting - 11 posts

#bart allen - 7 posts

Longest Tag: 135 characters

#which implies there's multiple fan accoutns and he's gone through them all like a picky food critic before choosing which one to follow

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

What if the last scene of Sk8 is a family dinner at the Kyan household. Langa is staying over and Reki is very excited cause there's a family member that's been super busy with work that he can finally introduce him to.

They are hanging out at Reki's workshop being all lame and in love like usual, fixing Langa's board after his beef with Adam, which got interrupted by a Police raid again (Adam was convicted and is waiting for his sentence), when Reki's mom calls for them to come say hi.

Exuberant, happy sunshine boy runs ahead into the house and jumps into the newcomer's arms, Langa trailing just behind him.

"Langa!! This is my mom's sister, Aunt Kiriko! She's super cool, y'know, she's an inspector and//"

Reki babbles non-stop about her cool aunt and cool friend to each other. Langa introduces himself, speaking about how Kiriko's hair looks just like Reki's. They all smile, the boys all dopey and loving at each other, the cool aunt indulgent and soft in the face of young love.

They all have dinner together, the boys personally victimized by Adam and the Queen who put him away all sharing funny stories across the table, forever unknowing about the other.

203 notes • Posted 2021-03-30 01:45:27 GMT

#4

There’s two wolves fighting inside me. One wants Langa to completely demolish Adam in their beef as revenge for hurting Reki so fucking much during theirs; just, go for his neck. The other wants Langa to give zero (0) fucks and drop out of the competition alltogheter because ‘skating with you just isn’t exciting, thanks but no’ cause we know our boy is an adrenaline junkie and he only really feels it with Reki so what’s the point am i right?

Which one is going to win? The one the fanfic writers feed this week, let’s go my dudes, I’m waiting for you to fed them.

225 notes • Posted 2021-03-28 23:20:41 GMT

#3

I think it’s hilarious, how Reki is always telling Langa to not be reckless, tending to his wounds and the like, even though he barely gets scraps and bruises.

And then Reki walks off being beat up by a gang, ran over by a car and having suffered targeted attacks from a crazy bitch like it’s nothing.

And by hilarious I mean holy fuck someone please take this boy to the hospital, Langa what are you doing, this boy won’t survive long enough for you to marry him, get your shit togheter, I-

309 notes • Posted 2021-03-29 01:03:21 GMT

#2

I just want a fic where Langa and Reki don't see each other for like two days because some family members are visiting the Kyan household or something, and they decide to meet up again with the rest of the group at S once Reki is available again. And when Reki appears Miya is the first one to see him and thinks 'oh this is gonna murder Langa's gay ass isn't it?' Because Reki's visiting cousin was a make over artist or something and she played a Dress the Reki game and sent him off into the world with a brand new undercut (which he somehow rocks despite refusing to leave his head band behind), a still healing lip ring, blue nail polish and a crop top.

And when Miya and Reki join the rest of the group Langa is competing against Joe or something and he sees Reki from the corner of his eye and just. Skates into a wall. Full sped, maybe breaking his nose in the process. Thinks he's fainted and having a fever dream right until Worried Nurse Reki goes to see if he's got any booboos and then realizes this must be real world because not even in his wildest dreams would he be able to imagine Reki like this. Miya is recording everything in the background. Shadow laughs his ass off, refuses to explain to Reki how Langa's sudden clumsiness is fun. Cherry pretends he doesn't know them. Joe is the only sympathetic one, because he remembers eyeliner-lip piercing cherry from his youth and he feels Langa's gay panic in a personal level.

425 notes • Posted 2021-03-24 15:45:32 GMT

#1

The little :) after Ao3's "You have already left kudos here" is something that can feel so passive agressive.

472 notes • Posted 2021-04-29 22:13:01 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[disney8733]

finding our song draft

(the song mentioned are real songs that don't belong to me. also this story is not done so sorry for the miss spelling)

Ch1 Beggin you

The lights of the stage flashed on showing the band members on it. You could hear the hum of the lead starting the opening of the song “ Put your loving hand out, baby 'Cause I'm beggin'' The rest of the band starts to join in the song known as, Beggin’. From the right side of the stage you could see him as the main bass of the band Daichi Sawamura, A five foot nine well-built dark haired brown-eyed man with thighs so thick they could crush a watermelon in half. It was the beginning of the 2021 tour for junkyard scrap. The alternate punk rock band that everyone knew. They were known for being an attractive upcoming popular All Star Band. Their lead singer had an amazing voice that could go and reach the low notes of a song but sound smokey and sweet and loving. Their bass guitarist could play the strings of his bass like nobody else. Their lead guitarist could play any guitar ranging from electric to ukulele. And there was their drummer. He was the rhythm of their band and could make a beat out of a pencil tapping on a table. But that's not all the band had to offer oh no there is much more. At first glance junkyard scrap looks like a normal band but that's not all they had. Each one of the band members could do more than just what they were known for. junkyard scrap was nicknamed The Multiverse band, their lead singer Kōtarō Bokuto Also known as the owl was a Bombastic, friendly, energetic guy. Also known as The Moody one tending to sometimes in the middle of an interview going into a “emo mode” because he was sad. Bokuto could also play the drums, guitar and song right to a certain extent. Tetsurō Kuroo the lead guitarist, also known as rooster head due to the way his hair looks. Although he looked laid-back, he always seemed to be scheming for something and liked to provoke others' well-dishing outside remarks to them. But the truth of reality is that true kuroo is a kind surprisingly genius man both in music and somehow chemistry. The man could not only play electric guitar but also the bass, the acoustic, the ukulele, the piano, the trumpet and is an absolute god at writing love songs. Daichi Sawamura The bass guitarist of the group. Known as the dad of the group he's responsible, caring, understanding and patient. Except for when you piss him off then he becomes utterly terrifying and everybody seems to be attracted to that. He can also play the electric guitar. If and when he does sing it's a very low soft and sweet velvet voice. And lastly Hajime Iwaizumi on the drums. A stubborn yet reliable member of the band with a strong intimidating vibe. With a firm yet caring attitude towards the rest of his team everyone tends to respect him and all his fans see him as a bad boy. He can also sing very well. These four young men make up the group known as junk yard scrap. Clear their fan base they were gods that can play music like nobody else the hottest things on Earth. But to the four of them they were just a bunch of friends who decided to play at a concert one night with the rest is pretty much history. From the crowd you can hear the girls screaming their heads off for Daichi. Indicating that they were playing the song ashes which was sung by the drummer Iwaizum. “I fell in love with a boy I met in hell”. Is the concert continued The Stylist walked up to their manager kiyok.

“Are we going to do an outfit change” the stylist asked

“Not  that I know of unless Bo has other plans” She replies with a heavy sigh. Bo had a habit of taking his shirt off in a particular song known as Glory and throwing it in the crowd because according to him the song had just such a “vibe” and “he was so pumped he didn't know what he was doing”. The entire band called them out for just wanting to take his shirt off for no reason. And he did not deny or confirm this action. As the two were talking at that very moment You could hear Kuroo starting to play his electric guitar to the notes of none other than the song Glory. Kiyoko Turn to The Stylist rolling her eyes towards the stage saying “ well the answer to your question is yes suga,  we will be a athlete change in which Bokuto will need another shirt”

“ noted” he replied back quickly leaving her at the side of the stage to go get him a new shirt. At this point he wasn't surprised he had been with the band as their stylus for the past 6 months and he had gotten pretty much used to the clothes that he had either hand-picked or made himself for Bo, being thrown into the crowd. AT first yeah totally annoy the crap out of him.  But then the bass player of the band talked to him stating how typically they get the shirts back because most of the fans know but was not allowed to do that anymore even though he still does it. Daichi promised that he would talk to Bo after every concert and yell at him for doing so.  Now it wasn't that Suga would say that he was in love with Daichi. But he love the idea of having a strong Rockstar boyfriend. But it was never going to happen and he knew that and that was fine. What he didn't know is that Daicih himself had fallen head-over-heels Suga from the day that they met. As the concert ended you could hear the loud roaring of the crowd. The band thanked everybody for coming out and giving them a chance to start a brand new tour. 

As the band members came off the stage. They were talking and End the laughing in a way that made you feel at home 

“That was a good show” Kuroo stated “Even if  Bo took his shirt off again” the rooster continued

“ I told you guys every time you play the song. i just get this feeling that I just can't explain it I just got to be free it's glorious if you try it sometime” Bokuto  responded well laughing

“ You know Bokuto. First of all it's just weird and secondly you throw away all of Suga's hard work. You jerk” Daicih replied looking at suga

“Oh it’s ok. There just close

“No it’s not ok. It costs us money every time he does it. Right kiyoko” iwa said

“Sadly Iwaizumi is right” she said without even looking up from her notes.

“IM SORRY SUGA” Bo bowed his head. Suga just smiled.“Don't worry, let's go get the shirt back together this time ok” the beautiful silver hair boy stated. As they walked away Daichi couldn't help but stare at sugawara. To him sugawara was a beautiful 5' 8.7" slender built guy, with light grey hair, and hazel-brown eyes. Not menchon, a birthmark mole under his left eye that daichi just wanted to kiss. Kōshi Sugawara  had a soothing and gentle personality.he kind of acted as a pillar of support for the crew and the band. He was a kind and sweet man. Daichi was unsure of when he had fallen for the man, maybe it was when they first met. That was the start at least.

“You if you ask him out, no own would stop you and every own would approve” Kuroo said smiling as they walk to the dressing room. 

“I cant i have to Maintain appearance for the bands image” he s simply replied

“ you're joking right, In case you forgot I'm dating kenma. You know the guy who wright more then half are song” kuroo Side as he sat down in the chair taking his shoes off

“Thats different. You two were dating way before we came to fame” Daichi huffed out as he took his jacket off. Just then kenma walked while playing on his Game Boy.

“Kuroo” the short boy said not looking up

“Yes, kitten?” the roster replied

“I want cuddles and apple pie”

“Ok kitten, just let me get changed” Kuroo Hurry up getting out of the outfit he has on and into sweatpants and a sweatshirt then picked up his boyfriend and left the room to go get apple pie and cuddle. Leaving Daichi alone...

#kōtarō bokuto #kuroo #tetsurō kuroo #daichi sawamura #hajime iwaizumi #kozume kenma #kiyoko #daichi #bokuto #akaashi #haikyuu #kōshi sugawara #sugawara koushi

[comicalbunnessa]

I need to address some stuff.

I think at one point I had this in my DA bio.

But, I have severe anxiety. I often have to rethink about things ive done or drawn. I make mistakes like normal humans do and they break me down like water does to cotton candy.

I often either over explain (which makes it seem like im lying) out of fear i wont be believed or i over share. Once i start talking It’s hard to stop and then i end up feeling like im not liked or im being annoying. I love being to be nurturing to my friends but i feel like shit if i hurt them whether it be by accidental doing or unintentional. I always just wanted to fit in and over the years my life has not been easy. I have unspoken trauma that only close friends know and I will not share them here for personal reasons.

I try my best to keep my hardships out of my art and sometimes i try to convey messages through my comic that are relatable for some people and not just about my troubles.

BlackOut and my art are what mean the world to me and I’ve lost friends because of oversharing when i didn’t mean to push or be pushy. I’m trying my best through therapy (thank god) to stitch up my problems so that these things don’t keep happening cause it hurts me when people are hurt and I dont understand all the time. It bothers me when i can’t understand. It bothers me when no reason is given. It bothers me when i feel like someone is lying to me that something is not my fault when very clearly it probably or most likely is.

I delete things that are too personal but i will share them on tumblr because i feel like its less populated unless i openly share the link to it.

I think towards the middle of 2021 i deleted a small handful of comics of someones characters and my own because they were gifts and i thought we had become close. No matter how long it was we had been talking. I like to check up on people and make sure theyre ok and i get attached to people so easily. It makes it hard to let go in the end. I still struggle letting go. I deleted the pictures aside from one from the art trade we did that sort of sparked my interest in a friendship. I was just so sick of looking at them and it hurt me to look at them. Sometimes when their art pops up i crumble on the inside and it sucks it had to end this way. It makes me wish i wasnt a shitty person and that i had done better. But i know i cant change the past and can only move forward at this point.

I hold no offense to them or any one else that have stopped being my friend or paused the friendship between the two of us. I will not go into detail and i will not tell those who werent there what happened as it was private and it would be rude of me to talk on it. I don’t want anyone to be harrassed either for anything that could possibly be misinterpreted.

I am not going to say that all this is an excuse for my actions and if i could i would take them back and whole heartedly apologize any way i could/can. I hope that one day i can resalvage some of the friendships i probably destroyed. I understand that the world does not revolve around myself and people have conditions like me that could be worst or similar. I just try my best to hold back on things that could potentially hurt people.

I even scrapped a funny character idea i made on a whim because i had gotten attached and babbled way too much on it. Im not sure if it was a coping mechanism or something else but I refuse outside of private sketches to draw them or show them off anymore.

I’m sorry for the long post but this needed to be said. If this is rebloged please tag this appropriatly with a vent tag or important tag.

Have a good day/night everyone. I’m probably going to post some type of art to boost my motivation and mood.

-CB

#vent #important