#how bad of a person you

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[blueskittlesart]

i hope everyone in nintendo’s management department dies and goes to hell no matter what and i’m not kidding

#WERE LOSING YUZU AND CITRA. I DONT KNOW IF YOU ALL UNDERSTAND HOW INSANE THIS IS #game emulation enables piracy yes but it’s also an INCREDIBLY powerful archival tool. #there are plenty of games out there that only exist in their original formats due to emulation. #this lawsuit has HORRIBLE implications for video game history. it makes it incredibly easy for companies to scorched earth their products #if they’re not profitable enough. ART IS GOING TO BE LOST BECAUSE OF THIS. GAMES PEOPLE WORKED INCREDIBLY HARD ON #it won’t just happen to bad games. it won’t just happen to old games. they will use this to keep their remake/virtual console model going #forever and you will never be able to play your favorite games in their true original forms ever again. #i am fucking INSANELY mad rn. capitalism is the death of art fr #personal

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

#good omens #´hello friends!! how are you!! #I hope you're doing well! ( ´ ▽ ` ) #I have a big cough but otherwise I am good! It's nothign bad I am just very slimey #usually I am not a cough person I am not sure where this is coming from #most of the time I just get a stuffy nose #has my nose gotten stronger #but there are good news too I have already found a VERY good chestnut to put into my pocket this autumn!! its very small! (❁´▽`❁) #it's been a very warm autumn in Germany so far so it has not really felt like fall yet #but yesterday it was all rainy and stormy and I had two new books and it was the best day possible to have a slimey cough (: #and now I feel SO much autumn I am close to buying a set of window colors #I do not know what I would to with the window colors I just have this strong urge in me to buy a window color set #the last time I did a window color was at the birtday of a class mate I think she turned 9 and I made a deer #but for some reason we did this craft 5 minutes before we all had to leave so we had to carry our window color deer home wet #unfortunatly for the deer and me I fell down the stairs of her house and smeared the deer all over me and i screamed the entire drive home #which wasn't very long but it probably felt very long for the mother who had a screaming child covered in window color deer inside her car

[locallibrarylover]

*by live theatre i mean plays, musicals, operas, ballets, concert versions of musicals, staged readings, & things of that nature. EDIT: YES this includes amateur, local, kids, high school, & community theatre. almost every show i've seen has been local

if you want, list the names of the shows you've seen in the tags!

#(if you saw this before no you didnt. i wanted to add more options) #anyways! very curious about how much live theatre people on here see. #personally i've 22 shows? those being: sleeping beauty (ballet). mary poppins. the lion king. the sound of music. once on this island. #little shop of horrors. mamma mia! chess. annie. music man jr. jesus christ superstar. joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat. #something rotten! sam's room. the blender. bad auditions by bad actors. the 10 worst breakups of all time. drugs are bad. fairy tale court. #peter and the starcatcher. a christmas carol. & robin hood! all of those have been local/community except lion king ^_^ #(yes i also redid this because i forgot about robin hood & sleeping beauty...) #musings

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 3: Enveloping Feelings.

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 4 (soon))

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #lan wangji #Yungmeng Jiang training arc AU #I wanted to try out a different paneling style for this one - sorry I'm a day late! (there will still be a post tomorrow to keep on track) #The original 3 panel comic idea was fine but the point of this new schedule was to take time to push myself a bit more. #I was taking a look back through some comic artists I felt inspired by #and I really loved how Lynda Barry fills her gutters with patterns and doodles! #Obviously I'm not going as absolutely wild with it as she does but it was a great exercise! #I truly think the gutters are the most important and most overlooked part of any comic. There's lots going on in that space. #It's the same with timeskips. The implied movement between moments that we don't see changes depending on how wide that gap is #You're here for the funny tags so here's some that ties this time talk together: #I think LWJ was thinking about that second note from day 2 but it took him 7 days of hazing to commit it to paper. #I think he sends it a day later and immediately regrets it. Chasing down the messenger and everything. #You know if something actually happened to his brother he would never ever forgive himself for putting the bad vibes out there. #Third time skip was the hardest because there was so many possible flavours of jokes here. Day 8/9 was a personal favourite. #day 14 was also funny (week by week). I think the debate on 'how long does lwj take to catch feelings' is more or less: #'how long does it take for him to arrive at a particular stage of grief and yearning (and awareness of it all) #This is a symphony. There is an act by act structure. Every day he is fighting to keep his old sensibilities. He is losing so badly. #(I'll be returning to the main comic soon but there is more of this AU to come!)

[tubbytarchia]

I don't know what this is all I know is that LimL Joel makes me really emotional

#I know he has a tendency to go deranged on his red lives but idk something about him beginning to lose it after Jimmy died and killing Grian #joel smallishbeans #smallishbeans fanart #trafficblr #Again its his red life shenanigans but... If only Jimmy had known how affected someone was by his death. I'm choosing to believe this #and him then going out like a sad pathetic wet cat even with Grian's sacrifice... He really deserves a win one of these days lmao please #Also I cant stop thinking about how Jimmy wouldn't have left him. Grian was sensible to and most players probs would have #Joel really does become a lost cause so its fair and Grian did still care (and went to say goodbye as well as sacrifice his time for him) #But Jimmy would have stuck by even if Joel were in this state (and they'd both get themselves killed pathetically but) #And Joel having shown such genuine care for Jimmy and concern over his limited time... man anything w Jimmy makes me so emotional lol #I love them so #oh Ig about the art itself. I dont like it but hey thats how it tends to go when you try smth new. And no shame in trying #but if one person likes this then yayy I will still feel accomplished and happy #Im looking at this again and hey its not that bad actually yay I love to approve of my own art. self love hell yea #tubby art

[jade-len]

please help i just had a dream where svsss was a dating sim. so, of course i tried pursuing shen qingqiu, but it ultimately backfired because suddenly he realized that he was in a dating visual novel?? and since i put myself as a guy, he just refused to show up to special in game events to avoid me interacting with him???

and obviously i was like "wtf why isn't he here?" when he didn't show up. then at some point i explored the area, and the screen suddenly zoomed in to show sqq talking to sqh (supposedly telling him all about the little situation). next thing i know, both of them are slowly turning their head to stare at the screen in pure and utter terror

also in some part of the dream, i think i did some liu qingge events or something and as his affection levels rose, he would continuously jump scare me by popping up out of nowhere and go, "its not like i like you or anything!!" while covered in blood and holding out a demonic beast head as if it were a box of treats

anyways, totally random question guys haha if i made an svsss visual novel dating sim would you guys play it. no reason in particular at all.

#im actually learning how to code right now #if i hyperfixate enough ill turn this to reality bc im kinda bad at writing fanfiction #no promises though #i prob had this dream bc i stayed up till 5 am last night playing a date with death #idk if dream liu qingge was accurate bc personally i see him more as just being like 'for you.' before leaving #but its a funny thought to have with liu qingge acting like that sporty emotionally constipated tsundere character lmao #anyways dw if i do make the game i would build a chaotic ass harem route jesus fucking christ that'd be hilarious #the scum villain's self saving system #svsss #mxtx svsss #shen qingqiu #shang qinghua #liu qingge #cumplane

[fleursdesmorts]

every year people get angry when ao3 requests donations but honestly in a world where almost all spaces online are slowly being eaten by corporations which censor the content on those sites, having a fan-run fan-sponsored place where people can create gay art without fear is great

#ao3 #i understand the frustration when donation posts are not getting funding #while ao3 does #but ultimately you can't control how people spend their money and having a space like this for #people to preserve writing even if its silly fanfiction is a good thing #archives are very useful and important and preserving a space of the internet for works created out of joy and passion #is not a bad thing #urging people do donate to any random donation post instead of ao3 is reckless when it's incredibly hard to verify #the source of the donation posts and whether its legit #unless of course you know the person in question

[egophiliac]

new chapter 7 installment dropped how we feelin????

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND

THAT'S HIS DAD

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 part 6 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 part 6 spoilers #BABY DRAGON BABY DRAGON BABY DRAGON #i will take three thank you #god. lilia really has no idea how incredibly loved he is huh. #meleanor: (dies to protect him and her son) #malleus: (is literally born having a huge destructive tantrum because he wants lilia back) #silver: (bases his entire life and personality around how much he loves his dad) #lilia: wow i just can't understand why everyone is so upset about me dying #(somehow sebek ended up being the most normal about him and there's the most unexpected part) #man i really gotta redo lilia's um poster. i wasn't super happy with it to begin with but now there's like. fun shapes and context! #me: ha ha why is his magic called that. that's so weird. #me later: o-oh. oh i see. #SPEAKING OF SEBEK THOUGH there he is! THERE HE IS! #i was so afraid the armor was going to be a bad thing but NO he earned it! #he shook out his hair and turned out to have been beautiful all along! #episode 7 is about two things and two things only: dads and significant hair moments #and also speaking of dads! #i am taking lilia mistaking malleus for revaan based on his voice #as one more tick in the 'if crowley is revaan then there's going to have to be a really good explanation' column #the dulcet tones of dire crowley... #on the other hand if crowley tears off his mask and immediately starts sounding like malleus that would be THE funniest way to do it #auuuggghhhhh it's only been out for hours and already i'm like next part when #we've been cliffhanger'd again lads #idia finally came back to us and they were like 'please wait for the next release :)' #ortho did...did you somehow hack your way into silver's dream palace

[inkskinned]

there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)

i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.

i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.

and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.

HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.

now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.

my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.

i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.

by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!

keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"

similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."

the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"

if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.

the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.

godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.

the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.

#this is objectively bad advice #don't listen to it protect yourself and do real work on yourself find one of the good posts i've made about this #but also. u know. if u want to have fun while u do the work of setting boundaries #.... it IS fun #i will say that my fear of him went SO down after i just started. fucking with him. #bc i used to get SO fucking upset #i'd spend WEEKS arguing with him. tearing my hair out. sick with anxiety and dread and anger about all of it #and now i just LITERALLY do not engage #instead i'm like '' haha :) mole people" and get the HELL out of any tense conversation #i kind of think some of these people are literally addicted to drama as a form of connection #they like the rush they get from arguing #but those arguments are incredibly damaging for me #so like..... i am in the process of literally rehabilitating this person to figure out how to find connection thru #NORMAL CONVERSATION #he doesn't get it yet #i also do talk to them like they're preschool kids lmafo . ''are you using a safe and kind voice right now?'' #'' do you need a snackie? you sound a little upset. let's have some hummus and come back to playtime when we feel ready''

[tomfrogisblue]

Big fan of whenever a creator from one of the other languages meets Bad for the first time and he tells them his name is BadBoyHalo and explains it to them

Then they fucking hit it off and later the creator explains to him that no, he is not a bad boy, he is a good boy, he is GoodBoyHalo

#then he stutters and exclaims that He Is A Bad Boy #like legit this has happened several times lmao #a non native english speaker will observe how lovely of a person Bad naturally is and just be like no you are not a bad boy #qsmp #qsmp badboyhalo #this immortal demon is literally one of the nicest guys ever but that's kinda normal here lmao #just ignore the people in his basement #had to laugh when it happened again today

[each-uisge-enthusiast]

the modern villainisation of demeter will never cease to enrage me bc it wasn’t ENOUGH to just take a story of a girl being torn from her home from everyone who loved her and dragged away to be forced into marriage and twist and corrupt it until it was a romance story about female empowerment that wasn’t ENOUGH they HAD to take the original hero of the story the mother who went to every length to find her daughter again to bring her home and demonise her character until she was this horrific overbearing unloving mother. overprotective controlling without love. they turn the story of her grief at her YOUNG daughter being torn from her without her knowledge into the story of a misunderstood bad boy and a horrible cruel mother who won’t give him a chance and i really find it sickening. it’s ironic, that the ever misogynist age of hellenistic greece, has a better grasp of how disgusting and horrifying this situation was that a modern, self proclaimed ‘feminist’ era.

#ovids version made me cry #imagine you’re just a nymph watching your friend torn away from you by the literal king of the dead #and despite knowing how powerless you are against him you still choose to stand up to him #to stand up for your friend #imagine being so torn apart by the grief of losing her you weep yourself to death #imagine turning that story into a good girl/bad boy romance #weird #anyway #the story of persephone is personal to me #bc i wish my mother loved me like that #demeter was a good mother #you all suck for portraying her as anything less #idc if you disagree #‘oh myth is open to interpretation and reinterpretation’ #okay. well i don’t care. #there’s such thing as bad interpretations #making demeter the villain is a bad one #making hades a misunderstood protagonist is also a bad one

[lazycranberrydoodles]

i think the barbie movie would have a profound psychological impact on hua cheng

prev comic / next comic / follow for still more hualian barbie movie content because i am not done

bonus angsty version 🎉 i hate love expressions just a couple tiny lines on the mouth and eyebrows and it goes from silly to sad

:(

#this is a haha hua cheng devoted joke but idk it’s nice to think about how much of his identity and self worth is placed on xie lian #obviously since he was 10 most of his major life choices were to serve the crown prince #but in the interval time he became one of the most dangerous men in the world and decided it was his responsibility to create a ghost haven #he works on artistic mastery and alternatively brokers deals with and evades assassination attempts by heaven #if asked i think he would say he only does good for dianxia’s sake (What Would Dianxia Do) and is actually a bad person #and similar stuff about his combat and art skills #theres a question here about how much of his success is due to being such a determined person and how much #of it is luck from ‘the savior’ reversing the star of solitude #how much hua cheng is left when you take away xie lian? #he would say nothing #xie lian would say a billionaire genius playboy philantrophist etc #tgcf looooooves to talk about destiny and free will and so do i #all this to say if it was in character for hua cheng to cry at a movie hed be sobbing #this can be read as pre or post confession btw #the poll decided which version of the comic was the ‘main version’ above the cut #tgcf #art #comic #hualian #hua cheng #xie lian #tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing #hob #mxtx #my art #barbie #barbie movie #tgcf meme #lmao

[papanowo]

Through out your posts you indicate that you head-canon Rex as gay, but who’s he got a crush on and or how’d he figure it out?

he likes anakin. hes not happy about it either lmao

#for years rex thinks codys a loser for being so down bad for his general that when he starts falling for anakin codys like OHH OKAY. #HOWS IT FEEL ASSHOLE #my art #star wars #tcw #clone wars #captain rex #commander cody #rexwalker #but yeah i mean since i hc the entire gar sans bly is fruity in some ways or other it was p normal for cadets to get crushes on the trainers #and so like. rex thought they were attractive but just didnt rlly care about romance or anything #so i feel like he always kinda knew but in like a passive way #even after he got deployed and got assigned to anakin he didnt rlly think much of him at first #but eventually his heart started fluttering everytime anakin stepped into his personal space and started smiling around him more #cody eventually had to sit him down and be like rex. vod. you are GAY

[robinwithay]

i think a lot of people in the fandom have a bad habit of acting as if aziraphale should know everything we, the audience, know about crowley, and that he should therefore be more sympathetic to feelings that aziraphale literally doesn't even know crowley has, because crowley hasn't told him.

#good omens #not to mention how aziraphale is autistic coded and as an autistic person i have been made to feel bad for not reading others' feelings #and acting accordingly when i literally could not and did not read them. #people expect you to “read between the lines” when you literally CAN'T #and put the onus on you to do that because they don't want to make the effort to communicate effectively with an autistic person #so you teach yourself to walk on eggshells around everyone and take notice of every little emotion they may or may not be showing #just to minimize the chances of upsetting anyone #sound familiar? congrats you may be autistic ❤️

[solitaryschizoid]

Why is it so hard for neurotypicals to understand that it's not safe to be formally diagnosed with a personality disorder when they literally paint us as abusers and evil monsters at every possible chance they get?

#not putting my life in danger cuz you think a psychiatrist is correct 100% of the time and never ableist or biased #if i got diagnosed it would be used against me by the government if i were ever in a bad situation & it would automatically become my fault #because of stigma and how yall think we are all evil #now we cant be honest because you mfs cant quit your ableism #actually npd #narcissistic personality disorder #npd safe #actually narcissistic #npd #narc abuse isn't real #npd abuse isnt real