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#how can stans eat up this manipulation of the text
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Can someone please explain
HOW THIS
My brows rose. Tamlin turned away but whirled back a moment later, his teeth bared. “It was a mistake from the start. I can’t stomach it, not after what my father did to their kind, to their lands. I won’t follow in his footsteps—won’t be that sort of person. So back off.”
“Back off? Back off while you seal our fates and ruin everything? I stayed with you out of hope, not to watch you stumble. For someone with a heart of stone, yours is certainly soft these days. The Bogge was on our lands—the Bogge, Tamlin! The barriers between courts have vanished, and even our woods are teeming with filth like the puca. Are you just going to start living out there, slaughtering every bit of vermin that slinks in?”
TURNS INTO THIS
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Why like why would she say that ??????
The whole of book 1 Lucien is constantly trying to set up Feyre and Tamlin because he wants her to break the curse sooner. Tamlin tells him to stop meddling or "back off" because he feels guilty about seducing a human like that. WHY WOULD HE FEAR HER FALLING FOR LUCIEN WHEN HE DOESN'T EVEN WANT TO SEDUCE HER IN THE FIRST PLACE??? Does feyre think everyone she meets loves her and flirts with her??? Like in the same scene Feyre asks Lucien to take her out instead of Tamlin but he legit refuses!!!!
HOW IS THAT FLIRTING????!?? 😭😭😭😭
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kojinnie · 3 years
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Attack On Titan characters as K-Pop stars I’ve worked with…
Based on my personal and my co-workers’ experience working for k-pop agency for three years. All in good fun!! K-pop stans, don’t come at me, I fear you.
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☁ ARMIN In his group, he is amongst the least popular member because he doesn’t stand out in all performance aspects. But the guy has a huge creative vision. Is a better creative director than most of actual creative directors I’ve worked with. Ended up directing a lot of k-pop groups’ concerts.
He’d like to come over and make small talks with the staffs, seemingly very interested with us personally. Asking how long have we worked in the company, where did we go to school, and how’s the industry nowadays from our perspectives. All in all, a very amicable figure. He deserves more love than he gets from his own fandom.
☁ EREN The ace and face of the group that’s oftentimes alienated by his own members. Wasn’t born talented but worked his ass off during trainee years. Now one of the best dancers around. Tries to motivate his members “We gotta work harder!” in unnecessary times and places, resulting in a lot of eyerolls from his members.
In backstage, likes to kill time by trying to fish the staff’s attention, because he doesn’t get along well with the members. Sitting around at staffs’ lounge (although he’s got his own huge ass lounge), poking at staffs doing their job (“Hey, what are you working on?”) or make weird ass noises, or do some questionable things (like chasing bugs?). Would be encouraged if we laugh or giggle to his odd antics.
☁ REINER The gentle giant. Looks intimidating at first for his buff and stoic look. All the new staffs would try to steer clear off him at first. But when we set up things for shooting, he’d unexpectedly help around. If he sees a female staff picking up heavy utilities he’d immediately intervene and help carrying it. Would open the door for you even though he is the artist. Does not talk a lot, but his kind actions replace all words needed. Days after your schedule with him, you may expect fancy chocolates for you and the rest of the team, with note: Thank you for the hard work. Best, Reiner Braun.
☁ ERWIN Master manipulator that is not just handsome, but extremely smart and calculative. Would catch you by surprise the first time you hear his actual voice, because it’s entirely different that the deep voice he dons in front of the camera.
Would ask to go to the airport early so he can bully you for the things you did not do in the waiting lounge. Would later realize that you have close connection with client, and be suspiciously nice to you the next time you work with him again. Invite you to take photo with him and the other members after the concert because he thought he was doing you a favor. Would invite you and your team for a dinner at the fanciest restaurant in town, you’d think of how generous he is. Later your boss tells you that he billed it on the company’s account.
☁ LEVI The all-rounder talented artist who is sick of the k-pop industry. Very quiet and wants to be taken seriously. Loathes the industry’s fan cultures that often infantilize the artists. Would only do aegyo once encouraged by his members. Very polite to the staffs and incredibly professional. Enormously successful in both music and acting. In interviews, does not look at script as he’d like to answer all the questions truthfully, would study the questions a day before. But he will not take shit if he knows he is being mistreated, looking at him uttering his disagreement is one of the scariest things because this man is otherwise so nice and kind.
☁ PORCO Actually a very stiff and conservative guy, does not have even one funny bone in him. Knows that his fans make meme of him and realizes that’s how you make it to trending topic these days. Would text you at 2 AM in the morning and ask to make a funny joke that he can tweet in the morning. You’d pretend not to see the text. The morning you wake up, he’d have unsent the message and tweeted a template joke he found from google search. Does not make it to trending topic.
☁ CONNIE Would take an hour shitting and smoking in the toilet despite tight on schedule. After multiple effort of banging on his door, he’d go out, see everyone packed because it’s already an hour away from a 12-hour flight he’s supposed to take, he’d be like, “HEHE, sorry guys.”
Would be uncharacteristically quite during the ride to the airport that is 30km away because he’s feeling guilty and nervous about missing the flight.
☁ COLT The golden voice who is overtly polite to the staffs. Quite awkward too. Would profusely apologize if he eats snacks and does not have spare ones to share with the staffs. His downside is he can be quite inattentive, takes selfie at odd times and places. One time he takes selfie where he manages to have your butt captured from very unflattering angle in it. Uploads it to Instagram of several millions followers without realizing the error, only beginning to notice once the comment section is filled with “lmao look at the staffs’ butt”, would feel extremely guilty to you and choose to avoid you during the entire overseas trip.
☁ ZEKE Charming as fuck, the first time you ever feel weak on knees over an idol despite working in the industry for years. Painfully aware that he is handsome, tall and sexy – would intentionally stare at you while you’re doing your work, and immediately throw his gaze away once you become aware. He wants you to gush over him.
When you have your team dinner with him, he’d say that you remind him of certain manager at the company. Turns out he used to date the manager – makes you daydream about him days on end, thinking, “What if…?”. Would look at you directly in the eyes as you brief him his storyboard, and pat your head or poke you with his script bundle occasionally. Makes you live the dream for approximately 12 hours. Would definitely forget you entirely the next week you have schedule again with him.
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rantswithhannah · 2 years
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Fresh (2022)
So - I watched Fresh. Welcome to another ramble while I dump my thoughts onto a page.
Spoilers for fresh (2022) will follow.
Overall thoughts:
The ending fell a little short of the nuance the first two-thirds of the movie had, kind of turning into a typical slasher film. However, the first two thirds are definitely a 10/10 for me. The movie plays well into its genre change - equipped with a well-placed title sequence around half an hour into the movie to signify this change. The acting from both Daisy and Sebastan is phenomenal and you really see the strength behind Noa as a character.
First third:
I like the balance of rom-com and dark thriller that this movie creates - the first party is perfectly played like a rom-com: you see Noa’s life, her relationship with her best friend, the ups and downs of dating online, and the reality of a common single woman’s life. Sebastian Stan plays Steve so well - he’s the right balance of charming and slightly off when he first meets Noa. Even if you know what the movie is going to turn into, you still see him as some sort of sympathetic character at first, he seems so nice and funny and sweet.
The twist:
The twist mid-way is amazing. You see the true cold calculating-ness of Steve’s character, played perfectly alongside the disbelief, hysteria and denial of Noa - I could almost feel exactly what she was feeling in the scene where she wakes up chained to the floor. (Also, the way this scene was shot, with the audience at first thinking she’s simply in a bed, to the pan of her being cuffed to a wall, and laying on the floor, is amazing). The cinematography throughout the movie was great - you get creepy shots of meat that would, in other circumstances, be perfectly normal; in this movie, however, they come across as downright terrifying. The color palette - of all the reds - is present throughout and really adds to the feeling of gore and blood and meat.
Feminism?
I think that the film should’ve leaned a bit more into the feminism aspect of this movie. I felt like it was trying to say something about how the dating scene is definitely a danger for women - in terms of there being a constant danger of men lurking to take advantage of you. And then obviously, this becomes a bigger aspect of rich, nameless businessmen literally killing women to eat them, with Steve capitalizing on their personalities and women-ness to “sell” young girls to these old men. I’m sure that this commentary was heading somewhere - perhaps a take on how men think they can own women, how they see women as objects, as things to control and to consume, regardless of the women’s feelings - but for me, it didn’t quite land that. I liked the idea, as well, of Noa being able to talk to her fellow captives (I think  this deserved more scenes), and how, in the end, it was Noa’s own ability to manipulate and take advantage of Steve’s feelings (flipping the narrative at the start), that enabled her to rescue herself and the other women. The addition of the note in the magazine from another woman steve captured was great - it gave Noa hope, and the courage to do what she had to do to escape.
Noa and Mollie:
This plays into another aspect of feminism - the ever-rare strong female friendships in Hollywod movies! This has to be one of my favorite parts of this movie. There is no instance of them passing the Bechdel test (not that I can remember, at least), but despite that, you could really see their love and support for one another. And also - I believe that, although the movie didn’t outright say anything, Mollie is bi! And representation is always good. Mollie is played as the logical character from the start - she sees through steve’s shadiness, she obviously tries to protect her friend whilst also giving her the benefit of the doubt, she’s smart and instantly picks up on something wrong when Noa’s texts start to sound weird, and she manages to figure out a way to catch Steve. Until it leads to her downfall. Side note: why was Steve carrying Noa’s phone around with him? That didn’t really make sense to me. (I think she should’ve brought Paul to the house, by the way, as a safety mechanism. And also - what was the point of her sharing her location with Paul if he didn’t really do anything in the end?). But yes, Mollie was badass and she ends up being able to smash Ann’s face in!
The key:
I liked the call back to Noa gripping her keys in the dark parking lot, when she sees a man following her - to her using the keys to stab Ann in the neck. That’s it for that point. It was just cool.
Ann:
I don’t know how I feel about Ann. At first, she’s played as a victim - does Steve have a whole life she doesn’t know about? Then, she seems to be a co-conspirator, part of his whole operation and willing to help him kidnap girls. Then, you see that she’s missing part of her leg - did she used to be a victim? And you get a scene of her seemingly freaking out over having helped Steve kill Mollie - is she regretting her decisions? Then, in the end, she calmly speaks about freezing Steve’s dead body, knowingly manipulates Noa to try to kill her, and then ends up dead. I’m not sure what the point of her character was. “Women can be cannibals, too!” Or is she supposed to represent all the women that capitalize on other women’s suffering for their own gain, by establishing themselves into the patriarchal system? Maybe. Maybe. I still want to know the significance of her being an amputee.
Steve:
Steve is a great character - you see the easy way he manipulates Noa, and then you realize he’s done this to dozens of other girls. He seems to easily fall under the label of psychopath - eating people would do that to you - except the movie gives him a bit more depth. He seems to think he’s sane - he talks to Noa and explains his cannibal origins calmly, as if he’s talking about discovering his love for cheese - and he has a wife and kids and a sister and niece, all of whom he seems to treat with nothing but respect. We see him go on runs, stress out about work, and then also chop pieces of meat off a human leg. He’s the perfect representation of people who aren’t all what they seem. He’s too good to be true. Lastly, I like the fact that he falls for the exact same tactic Noa fell for at the start. Which bring us to…
Lastly, Noa:
The protagonist of this movie! I really liked Noa - she’s not as outwardly strong-willed as Mollie seems to be (who practically owns every scene she’s in) but she has a sense of perseverance and determinedness about her. We meet her at a state of not exactly desperation, but tiredness of the dating world, and so we understand why she falls for Steve so quickly. Noa is charming, and funny, and sweet - and instantly, this sets her up as a character foil for Steve. She turns exactly what he did to her against him. The last act of the movie is basically Noa tricking Steve into thinking she’s into him again. She plays up the fascination of cannibalism (wow, we have so much in common!) and the confusion of fear versus attraction, and this gets Steve become complacent. I was so scared for Noa the entire movie - it really plays the tension up - but I also had this sense of security since she herself was so determined to get out that I believed her.
Conclusions:
So, overall, I give Fresh an 8/10. Very good first two-thirds, filled with tension and great acting and cinematography and MUSIC (i forgot to mention how good the music was) and it touches on themes that are thought-provoking and relevant. The last third was basically the end of every other horror movie - with people stabbing and punching each other, and a gun being brought out (it seemed kind of rushed to me). But nonetheless, it was satisfying to see three abused girls beating up a bloodied Sebastian Stan. (I’m not sure why Ann had to be there, other than to see Mollie smash her face in with a shovel). This will definitely make me reconsider going to visit any of my friends who live in the distant suburbs for a very long time.
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waywardnewcomer · 4 years
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We’ll Always Be More Than a Cast
A/N: I was watching Lemonade Mouth earlier while I was coughing my lungs out with corona and this was born. It’s cheesy but I honestly don’t care. There’s a lot of ideas in my fever dream head that I’m writing down, but I would also love some requests for marvel fics or supernatural. Both RPF and characters, an update of BIBF will be coming soon. Marvel tags anyone?
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Summary: Y/N is struggling, and the cast sing her a song at karaoke to cheer her up.
Warnings: Mentions of death, some sadness and a whole lot of fluff.
Pairings: Reader x Platonic!Marvel Cast
Song: We’ll Always Be More Than a Band by Lemonade Mouth.
Word Count: 1.7k
Masterlist
You had only been in one MCU movie so far, and it was such a minor role you were extremely surprised when they asked you back for Civil War and that they wanted it to be a bigger role. You felt a bit intimidated being around people like Robert Downey Jr and Jeremy Renner who you looked up to immensely. It took you 2 months to get used to your castmates on The Winter Soldier, and during the press tour, you became fast friends with them all.
Being back on set and having everyone talking about how they missed their family really bummed you out. Your parents had died almost 3 years ago, and you had no other family. You were alone in the world and it was hard. You often excused yourself from conversations, went back to your trailer and cried. Being around your parent’s death anniversary things were always hard but it wasn’t something you talked about, you kept it all bottled up.
It wasn’t until Chris mentioned his nephew and Scarlett mentioned her daughter and Sebastian mentioned his parents and how they had spent their Christmas and New Year that you got upset. It made you remember your sad lonely Christmas in your apartment eating frozen pizza for dinner and drinking a lot of wine, singing carols to yourself. New years didn’t go much different. Everyone was in their own homes with their own family and friends. You kept yourself to yourself and didn’t have many friends as you had moved to New York recently.
“Sorry I left something in my trailer, I’ll meet you guys on set.” You gave a small smile and ducked from the conversation and headed to your trailer.
As soon as the door shut behind you, you let the tears flow and flopped on the couch looking at the picture of your parents on the side table. Fuck, you needed to get a hold on yourself if you were going to get through this movie.
“Well that was weird,” Scarlett commented as you left them stood outside of the craft tent, making Chris nod with a concerned look on his face.
“I’ll go speak to her, maybe something happened over Christmas?” Seb suggested quietly.
“No, you two have a fight scene to prepare for, I’ll go, I’ll text you if I need you,” Scarlett smiled at them softly and headed over to your trailer.
When she reached for your door to knock, she heard soft whimpering coming from inside your trailer. It shocked her, you’d always seemed so happy go lucky and none of them had ever seen you cry. Fuck it she thought as she grabbed your door handle and opened it, rushing into your trailer without warning.
“Oh hon,” Scarlett whispered to you as she saw your red, puffy face looking up at her in shock. “I’m here now, try to calm down.”
Scarlett took you in her arms and rubbed her hand up and down your back as you hiccupped through your sobs. You were completely embarrassed she had to see you this way.
“I’m sorry, I don’t want to be a burden for you. Please leave if you’re uncomfortable.” You mumbled to her, looking at her through your eyelashes apologetically.
“Y/N, you would never be a burden to any of us. What’s wrong? Did something happen over Christmas? Was it your family?”
“I don’t have a family,” You mumbled, more tears running down your cheeks as you looked at her shocked face.
“What do you mean? Where did you go for Christmas? New Years?” She asked almost frightened of the answer.
“My parents died almost 3 years ago, and I have no other family. Only children, their parents are dead. I’m alone. I spent it in my apartment,” You smiled sadly at her sad face.
“Y/N you should have said something, you could have come to any of our houses! You’re always welcome,” Scarlett muttered hugging you once more. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“You’re all big famous actors and I’m a nobody. I’m new to the whole business, I needed to navigate it myself. I’m always going to be alone in this world I need to get used to it.” You mumbled, tearing your eyes away from hers and looking at the picture of your parents.
“Y/N were still humans, and most importantly we’re still your friends, and now we’re a big family. You’re never going to be alone again I promise.”
“You don’t have to do that for me,” You mumbled softly.
“I know, but I want to. We care about you, obviously I can’t speak for the whole cast, but I can definitely speak for Evans, Stan and Mackie. Everyone else will be the exact same once you get to know them, we’re all a big happy dysfunctional family.” Scarlett smiled at you.
“Thank you, you’ll never know how much it means to me.” You whispered softly.
“Now we need to get you cheered up girly,” Scarlett smiled at you, changing the conversation which you were glad for. “Get changed, we’re having a night on the town.”
“But we have scenes to film, it’s meant to be a late one.” You said confused, knowing your call sheet ended at 2am and it was only 7:30pm.
“I’ll take care of that one. Like you said I’m a big famous actress, I can easily manipulate producers.” She smirked at you and winked making you laugh. “Get ready, I’ll be back for you in an hour.”
Once you’d had a shower, put some makeup on and into a party dress and heels you felt a lot more like yourself. You needed a night out to let loose, spend time with some friends and get to know your cast members and new friends.
“You ready?” You heard Scarlett call from around your trailer door.
You grabbed your bag and went to meet her, seeing Chris, Seb and Anthony stood at the bottom of your trailer steps.
“What are you doing here?” You asked softly smiling.
“We heard you needed cheering up, and Mackie is one of the funniest guys we know.” Chris laughed and pulled you into a hug.
“You guys didn’t have to do this you know.” You smiled as you hugged Seb and Anthony.
“But we wanted to, we all need a night out. The Russo’s can worry about scenes and that shit later,” Mackie laughed and squeezed your shoulder.
“Where are we going?” You asked them as they all smirked at you. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Karaoke time baby!” Seb shouted making you laugh as you were dragged into the car.
“I hope you all know I will not be singing until I get very very drunk.” You laughed softly, taking a sip of your cocktail you had been handed by Scarlett when you got in.
“That’s fine we have a song prepared first.” Chris smirked and smiled at you making you cock an eyebrow.
“You mean you’re having a band performance without me? Leaving me to sit here all alone?” You asked feigning shock.
“Well not all alone.” You heard a voice say behind you making you turn to face Jeremy Renner, RDJ and Paul Rudd.
“What are you guys doing here?” You asked hugging them all, clearly partly tipsy.
“We heard one of our family members needed us. It’s about time we got to know you properly.” Robert smiled at you, making you gush.
“That’s our queue,” You heard Seb say as the music changed and jumped up with Chris, Anthony and Scarlett onto the stage next to your table.
“This one’s for Y/N to prove to her she’ll always have a family with us.” Scarlett smiled at you making you tear up as you realised what song it was.
----------------- Scarlett, One of the boys, All of them, Y/N.----------------------
“I can’t pretend to know you feel, but know that I’m here and know that I’m real
Say what you want or don’t talk at all
I’m not gonna let you fall.” Scarlett and Sebastian sang.
“Reach for my hand ‘cause it’s held out for you. My shoulders are small, but you can cry on them too.
Everything changes but one thing is true, understand
We’ll always be more than a cast.” Scarlett and Chris sang with the others joining in for the last line of the chorus.
“You used to brave the world all on your own
Now we won’t let you go, go it alone
Be who you wanna be, always stand tall. I’m not gonna let you fall.” Mackie started the verse, the others joined in and Scarlett lead it into the chorus making you tear up.
“Reach for my hand ‘cause it’s held out for you. My shoulders are small, but you can cry on them too.
Everything changes but one thing is true, understand
We’ll always be more than a cast.” They sang once again, pointing at you and Chris reached his hand out for you to take.
“I never knew you could take me so far. I’ve always wanted the home that you are. The ones I need.” You sang taking Chris’ outstretched hand and stepping onto the stage, the other men behind you following suit as you all sang the last chorus with tears in your eyes.
“Reach for my hand ‘cause it’s held out for you. My shoulders are small, but you can cry on them too.
Everything changes but one thing is true, understand
We’ll always be more than a cast.” You all sang together.
“Reach for my hand ‘cause it’s held out for you. My shoulders are small, but you can cry on them too.
Everything changes but one thing is true, understand
We’ll always be more than a cast.” Scarlett sang softly, taking you into a side hug and swaying with you. She looked into your eyes during the last line and at the tears dripping down your face, wiping them softly.
You hugged all of your cast mates in a group hug as people cheered around you in the club.
“I’m so lucky to have all of you,” You mumbled into the circle, embracing the warmth it gave you. You finally had a family once more.
Marvel Tags????
Forever Tags (people who have asked, let me know if you want adding) @creativedogs​  @a-magey  @natashacamillaus @platonic-plots  @captainsherlockwinchester110283 @sleepylunarwolf @claitynroberts @theshortegg @casiskween @robfangirl @fanficwithasideofcanon @jaremish @mlovesstories @lauren-novak @hi-my-name-is-riley @spn-tw-37 @supernatural-teamfreewillpage @spnrelatedurl @phonegalhelp @springholland @the-hufflepuff-hunter @chonisberonica @coralphantomninja @therealmrshale
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You messed with my heart too long
A/N: I posted this anonymously on ao3, but I’m really proud of writing this so decided to post it on here as well. Please, please let me know what you think, it would mean the world to me. 
Summary: When Richie accidentally burns his food right at the same time as Eddie arrives home, he fears he's in for a verbal beat down. He's used to that thank to his ex-boyfriend, who mentally and emotionally abused him before Richie realized what he was doing to him. Once Eddie works out what is happening, he is quick to assure Richie he would never treat him in the same manner.
Warnings!: mental abuse, mentions of physical abuse and Bev’s abusive ex, Richie thinks Eddie going to react badly (he doesn’t but he still thinks about it) 
read on AO3
Richie, in all fairness, has never had any confidence in any way, shape or form. He’s not sure why that is. His mom and dad were good, loving parents that indulged into his secret little hobby’s, and when Richie at age 24, a fresh college drop-out, told his parents he was going to take a gamble and try to make it as a comedian, they supported him wholeheartedly. Of course, they were a little disappointed that he never got a degree in case things in the comedy field didn’t work out, but they were convinced of Richie’s talent. They were truly the best parents anyone could ever wish for, at least in Richie’s mind.
The losers were also nothing if not supportive towards him, though they had been long gone before Richie turned 24. They made fun of him sometimes, on the occasions where a joke ran too far or failed miserably, but they also made sure that Richie knew how much they adored him in reality.
Beside from getting scolded at every now and again by Eddie or Stan, about his hygiene or lack of self-awareness, they also never tried to change him to fit their wants. For some unknown, nonsensical reason, they liked Richie with his flaws and all.
Truly, Richie has no inkling as to where his insecurities came from, but he does know that he never let them stop him from doing anything when he was still friends with the losers. Quite the opposite even, if he got nervous about performing in front of his class, he would loudly ask to go first, laughing boisterously and slouching against the teachers desks, pretending like the activity wasn’t even a blip on his radar. When Henry’s taunt would hit a particular soft spot, and Richie felt the urge to sulk or mope, he’d double down on the thing Henry found annoying, and get a bloody nose for his troubles.
He fought hard to be ready to perform in front of people that weren’t the losers or his parents, and the losers departing from Derry just made that worse. With the losers, he felt confident enough to try and be himself, without them, he saw himself as useless in every sense. His very first live performance sucked, and in retrospect he’s really glad none of the losers were present because within five minutes of walking on the stage, he had forgotten his lines and threw up in full sight of the audience.
If his mother hadn’t persuaded him into trying again a few months later, and that one actually working out, Richie ‘Trashmouth’ Tozier would have been buried before it began.
But that was before all the progress Richie made in all the years he’s been doing comedy. Despite having the occasional setback, he mostly outgrew throwing up before an act, and he could objectively look at himself in the mirror and conclude that he wasn’t the most hideous person the world had ever had the displeasure of seeing.
In fact, according to people on his twitter page, he was being described as hot and possessing a form of appeal that drew people in. He didn’t find himself good looking by any means, but there was a huge difference between hating everything about himself, and accepting that he was not as hideous as the beast from the Disney fairy tales he was a big fan of as a kid.
And then, in the prime of his mental health, he had met David, and every ounce of self-worth faltered like snow under the burning scorch of the sun. It only took five weeks for David to absolutely destroy the very thing Richie had toiled at for over twenty years.
David was his first boyfriend, who he met just shortly before his thirtieth birthday, and he took more than advantage of that. The first night they first laid eyes on each other, after one of Richie’s shows, David had walked up to him at a bar and promptly declared his show was absolute shit.
Normally Richie would feel hurt by these comments and would pretend to brush them off as if they were never uttered, but something about the way he said it caused Richie to laugh so hard he snorted part of his beer through his nose. It wasn’t until he saw Eddie with Bill and Mike at Jade the Orient ten years later, that his quarter fell. In the beginning, David had reminded him of Eddie. It wasn’t until much later that it became clear David’s intentions were not as innocents as Eddie’s.
Richie assumed the guy was pulling his pants, because who would dedicate their time to flat out insult someone they had never met, and so he had greeted him and bought him another beer. David wasn’t particularly funny, and he never laughed at Richie’s jokes throughout the night either, but he was very eloquent and could keep up with Richie’s conversation topics, though he always seemed to be able to turn and twist the subject so that it gave away another one of his qualities.
By the end of the night Richie never expected to hear from him again, and he was okay with that. His conversation partner had been interesting, but not to the point where Richie wanted to know everything about him or see him again.
David felt otherwise, as thanks to a mutual friend of theirs, he’d found Richie’s number, and when he texted him to ask him on a date, Richie had been too thrilled that someone was interested in him to containplat if he even wanted to go.
That same day the date took place, David had granted himself the title of boyfriend, and Richie went right along with him. They never officially verbally agreed to date, but they held hands and David slept over most nights then not, and his mother got so happy that she saw him with someone that things progressed naturally.
At first, Richie didn’t notice that David was influencing him in a negative way. He only had one close friend, Steve, who was simultaneously also his manager, and he constantly praised David for making Richie a changed man. Because Steve saw it as something positive, so did Richie.
His voice got progressively stiller, as David would ream at him multiple times a day that he was annoying everyone around them with his booming voice, and that he was an attention-seeker who would do anything to get the limelight on him. Richie practiced his voices less and less when David started to critic every aspect of them every time he would overhear him. It got worse once they started living together full time.
‘Hey Rich, no voices? Come on I want to know if you’ve improved over the years, let us hear it.’
He cut off all fatty foods when David glanced at his plate and grimaced, asking if he was really going to eat everything on the plate. He didn’t say it in so many words, but Richie could connect the dots that led him to believe David found him too fat. Lying became a sort of second nature to Richie, as he dared to eat a small pack of chips when David was away, and deluded him the next day by stating he hadn’t eaten any. Sometimes, at times where David thought Richie was away, he would observe him going through their trash to catch Richie in the lie. He’d fight tooth and nail to deny the accusation, and never admitted to it.
David complained just about everything Richie did, including the way he held his towel whilst drying the dishes, ‘For god sake Richie don’t rumple up, hold it in your palm and open it up so you can get to the surface more.’ When Richie tried to joke that David’s way didn’t necessarily mean the best way, he’d yelled that Richie was an ungrateful bastard and that if he had to do it his way because the way he was doing it was useless.
Useless, that was a word Richie learned to associate with himself as whatever he did would get dragged down by David, until there was barely any Richie left. Once again Richie began getting stage fright, worse than when he was a child, and on one evening David witnessed his total bomb of a show, and told Richie he had pretended he didn’t know him to the people watching. That hit so hard, the fact that someone was disgusted to be linked to him, that he stopped writing his own comedy and hired someone to do it for him.
There was so much negativity surrounding him and David, but when Richie tried to address his problems, David would make him seem like he was the one that was crazy. Like he was seeing things that were not there. David rolled his eyes and waved off any of Richie’s attempts to defend himself, but then denied doing it after the fact.
‘You’re a loser Richie, I can’t believe you’d be so stupid to take my ribs seriously. Aren’t you supposed to be a ‘comedian’? You’d think you’d know what’s a joke and what isn’t.’
A can of coke being set down too hard on their dinner table was enough to get David off of the couch, where he’d been watching football and ordering him around, and into the kitchen, striking a tirade that Richie was ruining their furniture with his fumbling. Richie was constantly on edge that he was doing something wrong - and he was according to David -. He avoided David as much as he could, but the latter would find something to fault him on regardless. Life had transformed into a prison cell.
Later Richie would scold himself for not leaving, but how could he? David manipulated him to the point Richie truly believed he was doing all of those things wrong, to the point where he was the one crying and begging for David’s forgiveness. He was gaslighted, manipulated and blackmailed at the same time, with gifts that weren’t a one-off after Dacid crossed a line too far, and they often contained a very expensive item that Richie had eagerly awaited for a long time. Richie felt like he owed it to David to stay, if only for all the money he had spent on him.
There were days Richie would get so furious he was prepared to scream back at David, to let his anger be set free and unleashed upon the one person who deserved it, but then David would show up with a gift out of the blue, or would grant him a loving caress, and Richie was gone for him again.
Not to mention that Richie’s self-esteem had sunk so low, he wasn’t ready to face a world without having David there to guide him along with things.
Barely five months before Mike’s earth shattering phone call, Richie ran out of all mental capacity to deal with the torment a moment longer, and packed his things, disappearing on a cold blistering night. David called him, of course, but Richie was a coward, and never answered the phone.
He only sent David one text to tell him it was over, and then promptly blocked his number without waiting for a response. He heard from gossip that David spread lies about him, and told other people about how much of a terrible boyfriend he had been, but Richie never objected to the claims. He agreed with him anyway.
Mike’s call had been, for a large proportion anyway, a saving grace. Reconnecting with his best friends and destroying the thing that loomed over him for so long was liberating, and Richie viciously wished that Pennywise had come back sooner, so that his tortures road would have been that much shorter.
There was no lingering bitterness inside of Richie because of this though, not when his life was finally in the best possible place it could be. Eddie and him got their heads out of their asses, or more like Eddie got out of his and decided to yet again be the brave one out of the two of them, and they started dating almost immediately after defeating Pennywise. In only a week's time, Eddie made the move from New York to Los Angeles, and with him he had brought the happiness Richie had long forgotten he could ever possess.
His marriage with Myra had been just as much a scam as the relationship between Richie and David, and his divorce was swift - no surprise there with the way Eddie always prepared for every possible scenario-, but Eddie almost always avoided talking about it. In a way, Richie was disheartened by that.
It was no secret Eddie married a woman that was basically a mirror image of his mom, and at times Richie caught himself wondering if Eddie had realized how smothering she was or if he had been so hunkering for the normality of life as a straight, married man that he never paid her enough attention too. He wonders if he was the only one stupid enough to not realize the gravity of what was happening to him.
Richie has debated on flat out asking Eddie about it, but, and there’s always a but, that would mean he would have to tell Eddie about David, and he is overcome with a rare form of anxiety, something deeply ashamed nestling in the place where his trust is supposed to be at the mere idea.
Swearing on the holy turtle god that managed to save them from Pennywise’s claws, Richie was originally planning on confessing the whole thing to Eddie on day one of their relationship. He truly was, and he had even conjured up humorous escape alternatives to duck his way under a fire load of questions Eddie was surely about to ask him after.
He even prepared himself to tell Eddie in Derry, right after overhearing Eddie’s phone call to his wife, feeling empowered that Eddie would come to understand. Bev interrupted before he could, perhaps a blessing in disguise. Before Eddie fully put down his phone, Bev had sweeped in the room, requesting a meeting downstairs to talk. Richie had been helpless to follow and listen intently, and if he was being honest with himself – he wasn’t – he felt a tiny bit of relief that he wouldn’t be subjected to any negative attention. Until Bev started to confess how her life had been before Mike called them.
All at once, a sickening hatred from himself overwhelmed Richie. He was so angry that he had dared to feel sorry about himself, and here Bev was, with a situation that was incomparably worse. The more details Bev entrusted them with – Richie may have promised to never kill anyone again, but he an exception could be made - the more Richie’s food from a few hours before threatened to choke him, and not even Eddie’s cream smoothed hand holding his distracted him.
Near the end, after they’d progressed from such an melancholically topic and began drinking away the booze in their hotel, Richie had drawn Bev’s attention with a call of her name, to either make her smile or to assure her that she wasn’t alone, Stan send him a withering look, as if to warn him not to open his mouth. Stan’s assumption was fair, it was in Richie’s nature to find humor in places there shouldn’t be, and he had no idea about Richie’s past to think otherwise. Still, every time Richie considered telling Eddie, the look flashed in his mind and sewed his mouth shut.
Not telling Eddie hasn’t impacted things the way Richie had predicted it would. Really, Richie was doing fine. Eddie chastised Richie on certain things, but Richie didn’t freak out or experience any sort of flashback. He would be given a peck on his forehead, or a hand running through his hair, and he’d know that Eddie was never mad at him. It was the littlest details that had Richie out of his mind with love, that highlighted just how different Eddie and David were.
By now, Richie had decided he was fine with not telling Eddie anything about David, and the extra weight of keeping something a secret was his boyfriend was just another fee to carry around with him. But life always throws a curveball Richie Tozier’s way when he has finally made plans.
This curve ball comes in the form of soup. A horrendous chicken soup that Eddie cooked up two days in advance, an experiment of different herbs that clashed into a symphony of flavors all competing to be the primary flavor. There are two things to know about Eddie as a cook. Number one is that he is not an impressive cook – and it’s not for the lack of trying - but Richie doesn’t mind. Eating food that doesn’t please his taste buds but getting Eddie in return for it is a fair deal in Richie’s books.
The second thing to note is that Eddie is a lazy cook. He turns the kitchen into a battlefield of different sauces, with jars a million different pots and pans skewed across the stove and no more room to place anything else left. It’s gotten to the point that whenever Eddie is in charge of cooking, they will not even put their dinner on a plate anymore, but instead leave it in whatever it’s made in, because it eliminates dishes to wash. That’s what starts the mess that day in first place.
Richie isn’t an idiot. Yes, he can be dense at times, and when it comes to loving Eddie he’s more than a bit moronic, but he’s not stupid. He’s had to survive on his own – and with someone who didn’t lift a finger - for a long time, thus there was no other way. He’s aware of the danger of putting a metal bowl in the microwave, and how it can cause the metal to heat up and start a fire, and therefor has never been stupid enough to try it. But today, Richie is stressed.
Steve has been calling him all day to try and persuade him into doing an interview for a magazine, and no matter how many times, how loud or agitated Richie says no, Steve still insists. Richie paces annoyed towards his fridge phone locked between his shoulder and ear, so he can take out the metal bowl of soup with his hands, and place it in their microwave without a second thought.
‘Steve I don’t care how much publicity you think it will get me, I don’t want to do it,’ Richie mutters, turning around with his back towards the warming soup. The consistent arguing with Steve has his teeth grinding, his shoulders tense and his anxiety sparked.
Eddie is still out for work, but it’s closing at five pm, the time he ensures he’s at home, and Richie thinks he can hear his car driving up into the gravel parking lot. The absence of his boyfriend is about to be filled, and Steve is yapping away in his ear, not content to admit defeat just yet, it’s maddening.
‘Steve… Steve listen to me, don’t get your panties up in a twist, I have to go. Don’t book the interview. I won’t take any part in it.’ His denial doesn’t put a stop to Steve’s yapping, but at that point Richie is over his nagging. He pinches the bridge of his nose and utters; ’Okay nice chat’, and hangs up without waiting for a response back.
He lets the phone clatter on top of their kitchen surface and says that Steve got the message, if only for the rest of the day. His phone doesn’t vibrate again, leading Richie to assume he has won this round. He can’t help but lean forward so far his head rests against the cold tiles of the kitchen counter, just sighing for one long, extended breath. A night in on the couch with Eddie spooning him has never allured him so much. His back cracks with a satisfying pop as he readjusts his body, and he groans in gratifications.
Their alarm dings loudly in the open concept kitchen, a warning that someone has just entered their driveway. Richie doesn’t need to go look to know that it’s Eddie and his large, black suv, but he wants to anyway. He’s about to walk towards the front door to greet Eddie like he’s a pet that has been waiting anxiously for its owners return – and some would describe him in the same manner - when the air fills with smoke and a rancid smell. It’s barely detectable at first, nothing more but an insentient odor that is unpleasant but not resolute and easy to ignore. But then actual smoke begins to wash it’s way around Richie, and he has a split second of blissful unknowingness left, until the problem dawns on him.
Richie follows the smoke trail, and is shocked to find their microwave steaming and actually crackling, like it’s on the verge of exploding. It probably is. Still, it’s nothing compared to the cluster bomb of fumes that spread throughout the room when Richie actually opens the microwave door and gets slapped in the face with the enormity. It’s a surprise that their smoke detector has yet to erupt.
Instantly, his airways fill up smoke, prickling his cough reflection so tremendously he doubles over in extortion. The coughs rattle his body in a painful manner, his chest and back start to hurt from the brutal movements and the fact that he can’t grasp fresh air no matter how wide he opens his mouth. Objectively, Richie should understand it can get a lot worse - their smoke detector hasn’t gone off, and there are no flames to accompany the smoke and therefore turn their house into a major safety hazard - but a panic he hasn’t felt since David has shut down his logical thinking skills.
A key is slotted into their keyhole, and it turns a first time to leave. Eddie is about to open the door, in give or take in about a minute – it always drags out because despite living here for give or take two years, Eddie still can’t remember this lock unlatches via the left side and not the right – and walk in on an absolute shit show that Richie’s engendered.
So far there was indication, no sign that hinted to Richie he still had leftover, undealt trauma left from his time hanging around David, but now, his only thought revolving around how mad Eddie is going to be, how much trouble he’ll be in once Eddie sees everything, he starting to realize he might not be as over things as he originally believed.
He ignores the way his lung burn, and reaches forward to grab the pot – with fogged over glasses rendering him blind - protection less, not even grabbing the oven mitts to provide some shelter for the warmth. He can’t comprehend how dangerous that is, can only focus on the red lights blaring in his mind, telling him he needs to get rid of the evidence before Eddie gets here and unleashes hell upon him.
Unfortunately, he’s too late. A door unlocks and Eddie enters the house. His feet pad on their wooden floor, brazen and fast, like he’s been waiting for a shot at grilling Richie and he can sense his opportunity to do so has arrived – the motion is so un-Eddie Richie dismissed it as absurd then and there, but a seed of doubt remains -.
With time, Richie comes to learn how to listen to the different footsteps, and he can now recognize who’s walking towards him and in what kind of mood they find themselves in, without taking one look at the person's face.
Eddie’s footsteps, after every work day, drag across their floor, as if a thousand pound weight has been added to his back. The bottom of his shoes wear out a lot faster than Richie’s do, and it drives Eddie nuts because out of the two of them, he’s the one that treats his material objects neater than Richie.
Richie’s always delighted to notice how light his footsteps get after just a few minutes spent with him or the losers.
Now, he is too scared to pick up on such little details. His palms tingle unpleasantly, the boiling liquid burning them more with each second he hangs on. He stands in the middle of their kitchen like a fool, turning his body every which way and letting his eyes dart out an escape plan. The smoke is nowhere near gone, and there’s too much of it for Richie to open a window and it to be blown away. Eddie’s going to notice, there’s no way he can’t.
‘Richie, you won’t believe what this imbecile Josh did at work today. I swear, I don’t understand how some people can get fucking hired sometimes.’
Eddie trudges into the kitchen, his suit wrinkled from a long day of frantically working on a report that should have been finished by some other incompetent coworker. The groves in his face are more prominent today, acquired by the years of unhappiness he experienced with Myra, the ages of his life cut off by the shock of Pennywise's return and the occasional busy work day his job supplies him with.
A nausea craters in Richie's stomach, filled with guilt for turning Eddie’s night off into a stressful event that requires a ton of clean up. Eddie stops dead in his tracks when he notices the mess, his mouth slips shut, the word dying on his tongue.
He’s waiting for Eddie’s frown to deepen, for his lips to cresting into a fury. He’s waiting for the waterfall of insults that will be hurled at his head, each one meaner than the last, honing in on his deepest insecurities and having them exploited because Eddie’s so angry he’ll do anything to strike a verbal blow. And it’ll be worse now, because it’s Eddie. It’s the love of his life doing it now, the one’s approval he seeks most.
Eddie’s the person that knows him inside and out and knows exactly what boundaries to push and prod out to crack Richie open from head to toe. He waits for all that, with his hand still clamped around the bowl of burning hot soup, scorching his palms – by this point, Richie is sure there will be blisters by the time he finally unclasps his grip.
Eddie’s frown does deepen, but it’s not out of anger. ‘Rich, be careful you’ll hurt yourself.’ Richie doesn’t let go, but holds onto the sides of the bowl tighter. Part of him wants him to experience the pain, to let what he did sink in like David’s words always did.
‘Richie’, Eddie says startlingly firm. He’s not trying to approach Richie or the bowl, but he’s capturing Richie’s attention just by his firm voice. ‘Put it down.’
Richie drops the bowl of soup, watching helplessly as it splatters all over their freshly painted walls and the ground. Out of the corner of his eye a flat glob of liquid drips down the wall, dirtying a whole line down to the floor. Richie cringes, his heart beating so fast he could swear it’s about to jump out of his chest, and his mind a mantra of ‘look what you did, look what you did, look what you did.’
‘Fuck Richie, did you burn it?’
And Richie knows he’s caught. He was, up to two seconds ago, holding the evidence right in his hands, but he’s so petrified logic is not operating in his brain at the moment. The only thing he can focus on with great clarity, is that he’s willing to try anything to get him out of a verbal tear down.
‘No..’, he tapers off at the end, leaving his statement much more alike a question than he would have preferred. Eddie raises one eyebrow suspiciously, pointily averting his gaze towards the smoke floating around them.
‘No?’ He asks back equally confused, head tilted to the side. Richie can feel his throat closing up in panic, bracing himself for an onslaught. He doesn’t foresee Eddie’s nurturing and concerned approach. ‘Let me take a look at your hands’, Eddie murmurs tenderly.
It’s technically nothing new, the way Eddie treats him. After Neibolt and Richie’s big coming out, Eddie commenced all his vacation days and flew Richie all the way to Hawaii, for the pure intention of getting him away from any and all consequences. He’d allowed Richie to eat what he desired - within reason of course, there was no way Eddie was allowing Richie to eat pizza at 8 am-, waisted their days sitting by the pool and indulged in Richie unchancy pranks - one of which ended up with Eddie scrubbing out blue glitter out of his hair. Eddie had been kind then, so it shouldn’t be surprising he is in this situation.
It doesn’t take away the fear Richie is left with. David had good days too, days that he was the perfect boyfriend, but that would never last long, and Richie is left to speculate if it’ll be the same thing with Eddie.
Maybe it’ll be hidden in a secret message, maybe Eddie is busy hatching a plan that will utterly deploy Richie from the inside out. Eddie’s hands are gently skimming over Richie’s palms, inspecting the damage without irritating the skin even more. ‘It doesn’t seem like it’s bad. It hurts right?’
‘Yeah’, Richie croaks when he figures out the question isn’t rhetorical. He isn’t sure at the moment why that’s supposed to be good.
Eddie tips forward, stretching up higher so he can kiss Richie’s forehead tenderly. Against his skin he explains. ‘That means the burn isn’t too deep, but hold it under the water still.’
‘No but you know what does go deep?’
‘Nothing if you don’t treat your burns,’ Eddie teases with a smirk. He gently ushers Richie closer to their faucet, and holds his own palm under the stream of water, twiddling with the different temperature taps until he finds one that he deems just lukewarm enough to allow Richie’s hand under it.
The smoke in the air remains unspoken about. It’s almost as if Richie is more important than a potential house fire to Eddie, but that’s absurd. Not only because this is the house that both of them felt was the right one, and subsequently paid a lot of money for, but also because Richie isn’t that special. He’s not even trying to be condensing towards himself, because he truly believes that.
‘How did you manage to do this huh? Idiot.’ Eddie jokes while guiding his hand under the water at the correct angle, his salutation gets smoothed over by a hand ruffling his hair. Coincidentally, or perhaps the exact opposite, a part of the stress Richie accumulated falls away when Eddie calls him an idiot. It helps to underline why exactly Eddie will never be like David, why the two aren’t in the same league of each other even.
When Eddie says idiot, it’s a nickname, it’s a middle school jab when Richie runs too fast and trips over his own feet, it’s the symbolic soothing pat on the back he receives after he can get all of the losers to laugh at his humor. It’s their love langue no one understands, It’s Eddie’s way of hiding how deep his adoration goes with a job that’s unusual to others.
David’s condescending tone alone tipped Richie into the deep end, into a cave that echoed his deepest flaws and slammed it into the cavity in his chest every time something didn’t go according to plan. Idiot for David did not mean the same things. For David, idiot was shoving aside Richie’s concerns, it was disinterested in all his quirks and his passive attitude. He meant what he said without sarcasm.
A first tear tracks down Richie’s cheek. ‘Rich?’ Eddie inquires startled. His hand previously stroking Richie’s curls slides towards his elbow in a smooth motion.
Richie tries to tell him it’s okay, that he needs a minute to regroup but that he’s fine, but instead of that he sobs, more tears spilling over with no regards to him uneasy Richie is to cry in front of someone.
‘Richie shit I’m sorry. Does it hurt that bad? Do we need to go to a hospital? We’ll go right now.’
‘No, no hospital,’ Richie waves him off with his injured hands. Eddie leads his hand back without response, tracking his face to see if he gives away anything. Richie had forgotten his hand hurted in the first place, so he definitely didn’t require any treatment beyond what he was doing already. His tears are the result of being overwhelmed by his emotions, and his default response to that is to cry.
‘If you don’t want me to do that, that’s okay you know?’
Because his hand is incapacitated, he wipes his nose on the corner of his shirt, watching as Eddie’s wrinkles his nose at that. Still, even with the disgusting move on Richie’s part, Eddie leans in closer, molding Richie so he fits in the fold between Eddie’s neck and shoulder. There, he resumes his path of caressing Richie’s hair, and kissing his temple. Richie fists one of his hands in the back of Eddie’s shirt, pressing them as intimate as he can.
‘Hey sweetheart, it’s okay. What’s wrong?’
Richie sobs harder, not particularly keen on telling Eddie why he’s this upset. It’s a difficult topic to talk to anyone about, Eddie and the losers included. There were days that Richie twisted his mind to convince himself that it was all in his head. That David was the best boyfriend anyone could ever wish for, and that the tirades he had to endure was just the cost of that. He was afraid he added things in his mind that hadn’t actually taken place and he created his own narrative.
Apprehension held Richie back, dreading what Eddie’s response might be. He could exclaim Richie to be a complainer that should have praised himself lucky to get the abuse he got, or he could say that Richie was a sourpuss, turning a fly into an elephant.
‘Shouldn’t we get rid of the smoke first?’, Richie questions to stall.
‘Later’, Eddie soothes with another kiss to his temple. ‘Talk to me. Please Rich.’
‘There was this guy I used to date, David.’
Eddie’s head shoots up in bewilderment, his brow furrowed. ‘You never told me about him.’
‘Yeah well we never talk about your wife either and I thought that would mean we wouldn’t disclose our previous hang ups.’
‘Ex-wife. Remember Rich? She’s my ex-wife. There’s nobody in the world I would rather be with then with you.’
‘Stop it you bastard,’ Richie sniffles pathetically. ‘You know I can’t deny you anything when you sweet talk me.’
‘That’s the plan.’
Eddie thumbs underneath Richie’s eye socket, brushing in a hypnotic rhythm that ankers him to reality. If Richie nuzzles into Eddie’s palm, then no one else but then needs to know.
Talking about something that brings forth a lot of anxiety goes smoother with closed eyes, Richie’s come to find, so he does that before revealing what he should have revealed a long time ago.
‘He was.. not so kind’, he chuckles humorless. ‘He really thrived when he pointed out everything I did wrong, liked yelling too.’
‘Rich?’
‘Wait let me finish. If I don’t say it now I’ll never get the courage to again.’ He opens his eyes only to see Eddie nod in agreement, and his face starting to tang a bit red.
‘Sometimes I couldn’t even walk right without him being all up in my ass about it. At parties he would gladly tell everyone embarrassing things I did, or he would pretend like he did all the work at home while really he was the one that did nothing. And the way he spoke to me.. like I was a child and he was a teacher or something. And he had this way of saying things so I’d know I was a breath away from being yelled at, but so that he could still claim he never once raised his voice at me. I guess I was scared you were going to do the same thing after seeing what a major fuck up I am. . He kept insisting I didn’t do things good enough, but I was really trying my best. I fucking swear Eds. I can’t help that my best isn’t good enough.’
The repetitive motion that Eddie kept up during his long monologue abruptly ends, and Eddie instead balls his hands up into two fist, pulling away from Richie to lean on the counter. He bounces on his heels, unable to stand still any longer as he is now the one to squeeze his eyes shut.
‘Eddie?’ Richie implores, the panic from before quickly flooding through his bloodstream and entering every part of his body.
Eddie opens his eyes, and something on Richie’s face must give away what he’s experiencing, because he’s quick to assure Richie did nothing wrong. ‘No, shit Richie it’s not you sweetheart. I love you, you did nothing, nothing wrong.’
He pecks Richie on the lips twice, very softly and barely noticeable, almost a goad to get Richie to cram their lips together tighter. For a long moment, they don’t move. Their lips stay hovering just out of reach, and one of Eddie’s palms slide down Richie’s chest down to his belly and up again. It’s an effort for Eddie to try and generate as much love towards Richie as he possibly can, before his resolve breaks and he has to let his resentment for David out in some way.
‘I’m going to kill him.’ Eddie turns away from Richie, but his hand remains on Richie’s stomach, a connection so they don’t separate. His chest puffs up, almost like he’s gearing up to go fight David right now. He would if he got the chance.
‘Spagheddie you don’t have to do that for me. I don’t even own his number anymore.’
‘I don’t care Rich,’ Eddie’s voice trembles but is laced with a deadly amount of venom. ‘He should have never done those things to you. If I ever see him I’ll fucking strangle him with my bare hands.’
‘It’s fine Eds, it wasn’t that bad.’ The denial burns in his chest. He wondered for a long time if he could qualify what he went through as abuse, not because he was actively hoping to label himself as an abuse victim, but because he questioned if what happened to him was worth being this upset over. In conclusion, Richie decreed it wasn’t. Eddie's eyes snap up, burning behind a sheen layer of glass.
‘He never hit me like Bev’s husband did to her.’
‘That doesn’t fucking matter. What happened to Bev is terrible, but that doesn’t make what happened to you any less dire. Both of you were victims of abuse, save for a different kind.’
Are they comparable? If they were talking about another person Richie would say yes, that both leave lasting scars, but because he’s the subject of the question, he can’t say for sure. He’s not lenient enough with himself to allow such a statement to be made. Bev can suffer from the consequences of her abuse, but from Richie’s perspective, he should be over it by now.
‘Oh fuck,’ Eddie curses explicitly, ‘and I called you an idiot. Richie I’m so sorry.’
Eddie’s little crease that only appears when he’s discontent about something appears again, and he avoids eye contact with Richie. There’s no need for any of that. Richie hadn’t even taken that big of a notice about the word. He was reassured Eddie would never use it as a true insult, and even if he wasn’t convinced of that, the tender way Eddie reacts towards him otherwise would be enough to convince him.
‘No Eddie. I don’t mind, really. I don’t want things to change between us because I told you this. I like our banter.’
He finally takes his hand from under the lukewarm water stream, and dries it on his pants -the water, come Eddie’s prediction, has eased the aflame skin -. With both hands now free, Richie cuddles up closer to Eddie, using his arms to tug him closer. Eddie is still dressed in his suit from work - and it might deem handsome, but it is not very comfortable - but has not mentioned getting changed once, too enraptured with taking care of Richie.
‘They won’t if you don’t want to, but we’re making a deal. If I do something that hurts you, you need to tell me, so I can apologize and tell you I didn’t mean any of it. Are we clear?’
‘Aye aye captain. Shall we pinky promise on it?’
‘No, I’d rather kiss on it.’
They do, and this time the kiss progresses further than just a simple peck. Eddie cups Richie’s face in between his palms, a soft, sentimental smile ruining it a little. It doesn’t matter, Richie still greedily savors the moment as it comes.
‘All those times that you went on stage and rocked that whole performance I was already infinitely proud, but shit Richie, now that you’ve told me I’m even prouder. He tore you down but you spit in his face and said fuck no, I’m still going to be my own person. I’ll never let him treat you badly again. More importantly, you’ll never let him do it again. You’re so strong sweetheart.’
Richie sniffs, ‘why the hell are you still being so sappy? I told you everything already, there’s no need to spawn me further.’ He giggles, and Eddie can’t help but chuckle at the sight too, then he turns serious again.
‘Okay, now let me take care of you. I’m going to clean up, hush I am and you’re not going to lift a single finger, and then we’ll order in, watch tv from the bed and cuddle. That sounds good? We can talk about the heavy things in the morning.’ Richie has been through enough for one day.
‘That sounds perfect Eds.’
They let go of each other, but not before Eddie sneaks in a kiss on his forehead, cheek and jaw.
While dating David, Richie never used the word love. He knew, with manipulated affection and all, that he did not love David. Love isn’t supposed to change us, it’s supposed to accept us, makes us laugh and cry at appropriate times, and cocoon us in her warmth. Love doesn’t change us, but it adds something more to the previous person we were yesterday. Eddie adds something more to Richie every single day, be it by teaching him or standing by his side when he messes up. Richie loves Eddie, and he gets loved back equally as fierce.
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harley-sunday · 3 years
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The Draw [16]
Summary: The whirlwind starts at the 2018 ACE Comic Con in Phoenix but you’re not sure where it will end…
Pairing: Sebastian Stan x reader (unnamed OFC)
Warnings: Language. 
Word count: 5k
AN: I just can’t seem to quit this story - I keep adding parts... But. BUT. We are closer to end. There’s not much more I can say without giving anything away, except that this chapter seems to consist of mostly phone calls... 🤷🏻‍♀️ I hope you like it, please let me know what you think - I’d love to read your thoughts :) ♥
Masterlist
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“I don’t know, Brad,” you try your hardest not to sound as frustrated as you feel, “last week you told me that you understood the process, so I don’t really get why we are missing all this inventory right now.” You rub your temples, trying to get rid of the headache that started when you got to the office this morning, quietly cursing the jetlag that has been bothering you ever since you got back from Greece on Saturday, although you know Brad’s fuck-up also has something to do with it. Inventory is not that difficult. 
Brad, who’s been interning at the San Francisco office for a grand total of three weeks and yet somehow thinks he’s God’s gift to this company, just shrugs, “I’m sorry?”
You just stare at him and shake your head, “No. Go over it one more time, ok? I’m keeping these here,” you tap the stack of papers on your desk, “so really start at zero again and report back to me tomorrow morning.” You watch him roll his eyes before he nods and turns around to leave. “Brad?” You no longer try to hide the annoyance in your voice, “Close the door on your way out, will you?”
When he does you let out a frustrated groan and lean back in your chair, quietly shaking your head and wondering if you were ever this cocky when you first started working here. Probably not, Deb would have never allowed it. As if on cue your phone rings and when you see who’s calling you answer with a smile, “Hi, Deb.”
“How you holding up, kid?”
“Just told an intern to start over on inventory,” you offer, “so I’m sure he’s telling the other interns what a bitch I am right about now.”
You hear Deb chuckle, “Good for you.” There are some muffled sounds on the other end of the line then and you can just imagine her getting up and walking to the kitchen to get another cup of coffee because the woman seems to run on double espressos and cigarettes. “Listen, I want to run something by you.”  
Weird. This is weird. Usually she just informs you after whatever it is she has decided, but her wanting to 'run something by you' tells you she actually wants your opinion. You sit up in your chair, curious to hear what she has to say, “Sure.”
“Technically I’ve found someone to take over the San Francisco office from you,” she says, “and on short notice too, because I know you’ve already been out there longer than you’d like.”
“Ok,” you draw out, not sure where she’s going with this.
You hear her sigh and then she mutters something about biting the bullet before she says, “It’s Mark.”
“Oh.” Your heart drops and your throat goes dry, the lump that suddenly has appeared hard to swallow. There’s a million things running through your head all at the same time, some good, most of them bad, and an involuntary shiver runs down your spine. You don’t really know what else to say and so you stay quiet, waiting for Deb to give you something more to go on.
“I know,” her voice is unusually kind, reserved only for the really shitty situations and it tells you she hates this as much as you do. She clears her throat then, “I’ll be honest with you, kid, I contacted him. I know he wasn’t happy when I shipped him off to the London office after you-” she hesitates and clears her throat again, “After what happened. Thing is, he has done some great work there, out of all our overseas offices, this one’s giving us the best turnover.”
You only half-listen to her listing off why this is a good idea, your mind drifting to when you first met Mark. There was talk of a new guy coming in to maybe take over from Deb in a few years, supposedly the best in the business although some called him an asshole who would stop at nothing to get to the top and so by default you had decided you probably wouldn't like him, but then all of a sudden there he was, all six foot two of him, full of ambition and good looks  and sweeping you off your feet almost instantly. You told yourself, and him, you didn’t do office romance, that you would never date a colleague, but all it took was one night of overtime and some celebratory drinks after to make you forget your so-called rule. 
And the first six months were good, really good. Or at least that’s what you thought. In the end there were warning signs all along, but you just choose to ignore them. And even now you’re not sure what triggered him but something changed after those six months and Mark became manipulative, obsessive, and abusive, and at first you told yourself it was just stress from work, even though deep down you knew better. Still, you always believed you’d be the one to make him change his ways, if only you did what he wanted. Problem was, you were never sure what that was. 
He’d want you to wear a tight dress and high heels one day, and the next he would tell you you looked like a whore and what were you thinking leaving the house looking like that? It took you too long to understand you could never make him happy, no matter what you did, and that he would always find things to obsess over. When you finally realized your relationship had turned toxic it still took you another two years to quit him, and that was only after you learned he’d cheated on you with a girl from accounting. When Deb found out what Mark did she immediately took your side and made it look like his sudden move to the London office had been planned all along even though you know she had to pull quite a few strings. 
She still doesn’t know about the verbal abuse and the threats and the mind games, you realize then. Maybe if she did she wouldn’t have offered him to come back. 
“You still there?” Her voice interrupts your thoughts. 
“Yeah.” 
She sighs and you can just imagine her pinching the bridge of her nose, “Thing is, with the experience he has, you’d only need a day, two at most, to bring him up to speed.” She hesitates, “If we bring in someone new-”
“It’ll take at least four weeks,” you offer with a nod even though she can’t see you. 
“Yes.” 
“Yes,” you echo. You roll your lip between your teeth, trying to decide whether or not you should tell her the full story. Would it matter? And if it did, would it mean you’d be stuck out here longer?
“Listen, take the day to think about it,” she offers then, “get back to me tomorrow and let me know, ok?” 
“Ok.”
“Alright.” 
Before you get a chance to say goodbye she has disconnected the call and so you’re left with your own thoughts. Tapping your phone against your chin you’re trying to decide what to do, but it seems like too big of a decision to make on your own. You pull up your texting app and send Lauren a quick message:
You free tonight? 
Her reply comes not much later and surprises you:
Sorry, can’t tonight. Going on a date :)
You type a reply almost immediately:
?? Why didn’t you tell me? But also, YASSS! Go get it, girl! Call me tomorrow?
You lean back in your chair while you wait for her reply, a little upset that she didn’t tell you, and you can’t help but wonder why. 
Her reply doesn’t really make you feel any better:
You were busy, babe. Talk to you tomorrow.
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You kick off your shoes the moment you step into the apartment you refuse to call home, and head straight to the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of wine, before you open the takeout container and put some of the fried rice and egg rolls you got from your favourite restaurant on a plate. It’s still nice outside and so you end up on the tiny balcony, now bare feet propped up on the railing as you eat your dinner. 
The thought of having to work with Mark again, if only for a short while, takes up most of your headspace and you hate how indecisive you are about it. Part of you wants nothing to do with him ever again, but part of you knows he really is the best man for the job. Say what you will about the asshole, but he knows how to run a company. Having Mark at the San Francisco office would probably mean neither you nor Deb would have to step in ever again and, you reason, he could probably manage Seattle and Phoenix from here too. 
You really just want to talk to somebody about this, because putting your thoughts into words has always helped you, and so you call your brother.
The call goes straight to voicemail although a message follows soon after:
At Jake's science fair, or did you forget that was today?
You let out a frustrated groan, because yes, you totally forgot. 
It does nothing to help your mood and you're starting to feel so bad about missing out on so much that's happening in Charlotte right now, what with Jake’s science fair and Lauren apparently dating someone, that it's actually making you homesick. You decide to pour yourself another glass of wine, because fuck it. 
When you close the fridge your eyes fall on a picture of you and Sebastian you've put up there and you figure maybe you should just call him. A quick glance at the clock, however, tells you it's early morning in Greece and so you forego that idea because you don't really want to wake him up with the news your ex is about to make a comeback into your life.
You are having a very ‘Woo is me’ moment and hate how alone you feel right now. You know the wine is not helping and so you dump what’s left in the glass in the kitchen sink and put the kettle on for a cup of tea instead. While the water boiling you set out to find a notebook, hoping that putting your thoughts on paper will help you figure out what it is you can do about this situation and maybe make some decisions.
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You call Deb the moment you’re at your desk and she answers on the first ring.
“Tell me,” 
Never one to beat around the bush, you think, although in this case you appreciate it. “Have Mark take over San Francisco,” you tell her, “but I need him to do his homework in advance because two days is my absolute max.”
“Noted,” Deb agrees easily, “but?”
You take a deep breath, trying to calm your nerves, “I want to be able to divide my time between Charlotte and New York as I see fit, with Charlotte as my home base, at least for now. If I ever decide to move to New York I want it to be an option to turn that arrangement around-” 
“Give me two weeks once Mark has settled in-”
“-and I’d like to take four weeks of unpaid leave in August,” you add quickly, before you lose momentum. 
She sucks in her breath, “I don’t know if I can do that, kid.” 
“It’s only four weeks, Deb,” you counter, “and it’s unpaid. I still have enough days left to make it a paid vacation if that’s what you prefer.” You close your eyes and scrunch up your nose, anxious about her reply, because you’ve never really talked back to her like this before. 
Turns out there was nothing to worry about when she tells you, “Look who finally put on her big-girl panties, standing up to her boss.” She lets out a laugh, “I’m proud of ya, kid.” 
“Will you let me know when to expect Mark? I’ll make sure everything’s ready by then.”
“Yes, ma’am.” 
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“It’s just,” Lauren hesitates, and you want to tell her it’s ok, that you know you haven’t been there for her as much as you should have, but she continues then, “it’s weird not having you around, not knowing what you’re up to. Not knowing if, when I call you, I’m bothering you.”
“Hey,” you counter quickly, “you are one of the few people who never have to worry about that and I’m a little shocked you would even think that. You can call me day or night, Laur, always.” 
“I know.” She sighs then, “It’s just- I feel like- I don’t know, ok? It’s just different with you being so far away for so long. I miss you.” 
“I know,” you try to smile even though she can’t see you, “I’m sorry for not being the best bestest friend these past few weeks. I miss you too, babe.” You get up from the couch and make your way onto the balcony where you lean against the railing, “Let’s just hope Mark can make it out of London soon so I can get back to Charlotte and get back to annoying you twenty-four seven.” 
She laughs, “You’re going to have to share me now, though.”
You’re relieved she seems to have accepted your apology and so you decide to tease her a little more, “You do realize the first thing I’m doing when I get back is give Matt the same stern talking-to as you did Sebastian?” 
“Oh shit,” she whispers. A little louder then, “Please don’t, I really like him.” 
“Well you better tell him then that your best friend is not above kicking his ass if he ever hurts you.”
“Will do.” She clears her throat then, “So, are you going to tell Sebastian about Mark?” 
“That was the most abrupt change of subject ever,” you scoff with a grin, “what the hell, Laur?”
“I just think you should tell him.”
“I know,” you pinch the bridge of your nose, “I will. I just want to wait until I know when Mark gets here, you know?”
“Yeah.” She lets out a yawn and laughs, “Sorry.”
“Alright, alright,” you smile, “I get the hint.” 
She laughs, “I’m sorry, babe, it’s been a long day. Listen,” another yawn, although you’re sure this one was on purpose, “let me know once you know more about Mark and when you’re getting back, ok?”
“Yup, will do.” You have to stifle your own yawn then, “Talk to you soon, babe.” 
“Love you.”
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It isn’t until Friday afternoon that there’s an email from Deb, informing you Mark will take a flight from London next Wednesday so that you have all of Thursday and Friday to get him settled in. She’s included a list of subjects he wants to discuss but you decide that’s for later, before you close all active connections and shut your laptop off. You grab your phone off your desk and send a quick message to Lauren:
Coming home next weekend :)
Her reply comes when you’re at the elevator bay:
Yay! Let me know how when you land and I’ll pick you up! Xx
Your next message is to Sebastian:
Missing you something fierce, Stan! Call me when you can? X
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The sound of your phone wakes you from a deep sleep early on Sunday morning, but you can’t help but smile when you see ‘Mr Smooth’ flashing on your screen and so you answer with a quiet, “Hey you.”
“God, it’s good to hear your voice again,” he whispers. “Hi, sweetheart.” 
“Hi,” 
“You ok?”
“Yeah,” you smile, “I have some news though.” There’s a knot starting to form in your stomach and so you figured it’s better to bite the bullet right away. 
“Tell me,”
“Promise you’ll let me finish before you say anything?”
“That bad?”
“Not really- I don’t know,” you push the covers off and swing your legs over the edge of the bed. You take a deep breath before you continue, “Remember when I told you about my ex, Mark?” 
“Hmm,” he replies, and you take that as your cue to continue.
“What I didn’t tell you then- And maybe I should have- We used to work together in Charlotte.” You clear your throat, “And when we broke up Deb moved him to the London office, but now she wants him to take over San Francisco from me.” You wait for a reply from him, but then remember you told him to wait and so you continue, “He starts on Thursday and we’ve scheduled two days for me to bring him up to speed, so I’m going to have to spend some time together with him and I don’t know, I just thought you should know.” You push yourself off the bed and make your way to the kitchen, “The good news though, is that I got Deb to agree to let me divide my time between Charlotte and New York from now on, and that I have four weeks off in August.”
He stays quiet for a little too long and so you’re preparing for the worst when he finally replies. But then he just says, “How do you feel about seeing him again?” and you feel a wave of relief washing over you.
“I don’t know,” you answer honestly. “I mean, I know he’s right for the job and it’s always easier to bring in someone who has experience and knows the company, but I- There’s a lot of history there and I just hope he realizes I’m not the same person anymore.” You lean against the counter and let out a sigh, “I guess I just want to get this over with and go back to Charlotte.”
“So nothing for me to worry about?” His voice is soft.
“No,” you’re quick to reassure him. 
“Good.”
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Mark is, well, he’s still an asshole, you realize when he walks into your office and tries to greet you with a hug. You offer him a hand and a curt, “Hello,” and have to hide your smile when you see the disappointment in his eyes. You’ve been feeling nervous all morning, hell, all week, because somehow you knew he would try to act like nothing ever happened. 
“So this is how it’s  going to be, huh?” He says while he puts his briefcase down on one of the visitors’ chairs on the other side of your desk. 
“Yes, Mark,” you nod and sit down in your own chair, “this is exactly how it’s going to be.” You watch as he unbuttons the jacket of his three piece suit before he sits down and leans back in his chair and you hand him a folder, “Read this first, it’s an overview of the last five years and should give you a fairly good impression of how things are run here.”
He thumbs through the papers, seemingly resigned to the fact that it’s solely a business relationship between you two from now on, and you see his eyebrows go up when he comes to the financial statements, “How on earth-”
“I know,” you hand him another folder, “this is Paul Kroeger’s file. Or at least everything that I’ve managed to uncover in the few weeks I’ve been here. I really urge you to keep digging, because I’m sure more shit will come up.” 
“Why didn’t Deb step in sooner?”
“You’ll have to ask Deb that,” you offer with a shrug. Another folder then, “This is everything you need to know about the rest of the staff here. I don’t think anyone else was in on it, but again, you might want to keep digging.”
He nods, “Ok.” Taking all three folders, he puts them in his briefcase before he looks back at you, squinting a little as if he’s trying to read you. There’s a hint of a smile playing on his lips when he says, “You’ve changed.” 
And you haven’t, you want to bite back, but don’t because you want to at least try to keep things civil. Instead you simply agree, “I have.” You try to steer the conversation back to work, “We have a meeting with Finance in ten minutes, then lunch with the board, and a meeting with Sales in the afternoon. After that I figured we could take a quick tour of the building, so you can meet everyone, and then I’ll send out the official message to all of our partners.”
He just nods.
“I’ll make sure to have this office empty by the end of the day so you can get settled in,” you continue, “and then I’ll be available all day tomorrow should you have any further questions.” 
“You forgot one thing,”
You don’t say anything and just look at him with a raised eyebrow. 
A cocky smile flashes across his face when he says, “You forgot to mention we’ll be having dinner tonight so we-”
“We’re not having dinner tonight, Mark,” you say, effectively cutting him off. It makes you feel good to tell him no and so you have to try your hardest to hide your smile when you see his face drop. 
“You really have changed,” he says again, but this time there’s a hint of dismay in his voice.
You smile widely now, because fuck him, “Yes. I really have.”
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Blame it on the red-eye flight and thus having to get up extremely early this morning, or simply on the fact that it’s been five weeks since you last saw her, but you find yourself actually tearing up when you walk out of exit E and see Lauren waiting there for you. 
She holds out her arms as you walk up to her and then envelopes you in a tight hug, “Don’t cry, silly.” 
“I just really missed you,” you sniffle while you wrap your arms around her. “And it’s that time of the month, so you know,” you chuckle through your tears, “double the fun.” When you pull back you see her eyes are glossed over as well and so you just stick out your tongue at her, “Let’s go home.” 
“Alright,” she says once you’re in her car, “start talking, babe. I want to know everything that’s happened since I last saw you.”
You’ve just finished telling her about your parents’ visit to San Francisco and your trip to Greece when she pulls up on your driveway and so all of a sudden you’re home again after almost two months. The garden looks absolutely immaculate and you know you have your parents to thank for that, reminding yourself to call them later today. Grabbing your suitcases out the trunk you let Lauren take one from your as you follow her to your house.
She turns around rather dramatically when you get to the front door, “Ok. So. Please don’t be mad, but-” she pulls a face, “-that plant in your dining room?” 
“Felicity?”
“Sure, yeah,” she scoffs, “name your plants. What’s next? Naming your electrical appliances?”
“You’re just stalling because Felicity the Fiddle Leaf Fig is obviously no longer with us and you’re just too afraid to admit you killed her,” you counter, trying to keep a straight face.
“I didn’t-” Lauren hesitates then and seems to realize you’re just messing with her, “but yes. Felicity has gone to plant heaven. It was all very sad. I buried her in the backyard if you want to pay your respects.” 
You let out a laugh, “I’d rather you just open the front door for me so we can have a drink and gossip about Mark.”
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“You really said that?” 
“I really did,” you admit with a smile, thinking back to when you told Mark to have a nice life when you left the office Friday afternoon. You grab the bottle of wine from off the floor next to you and top of her glass before you fill yours, “I don’t know. In a way those two days gave me some sort of closure, I guess.”
“Hmm,” she agrees, taking a sip of her wine. “So what’s next?”
“Well first you’re going to introduce me to Matt sometime this week-”
“Babe.”
“Babe,” you echo. “You’ve been dating for almost a month, do I need to remind you that you met Sebastian before we even were officially dating?”
“Yeah, ok,” she agrees, “I guess you could both come over for dinner next weekend.” She sits up a little, “So you’re going to be here for a while, right?”
You nod, “Sort of. I go back to work on Monday and then Sebastian’s scheduled to fly back on the third and that’s the same weekend I start my four-week leave-”
“That’s only two more weeks.”
“It is,” you smile. “I don’t know if he wants to celebrate his birthday here or if he wants to go to New York, and I think he said something about maybe taking a short holiday somewhere, but his next project starts in September so I’ll come back to Charlotte then and probably stay here while he’s away.” 
“Ugh,” Lauren rolls her eyes and shakes her head but smiles, “to be the girlfriend of an international superstar.” 
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“Tante!” Jake exclaims when he opens the front door. He all but jumps in your arms to give you a hug.
“Uh, excuse me, sir,” you tease, resisting the hug, “who are you and what did you do with my nephew?” You laugh when he pulls a face, “You are getting too big, kiddo, slow it down a little, will you?” 
Jake giggles and hugs you even tighter. 
“Ah, there she is,” Nathan says from the doorway, arms crossed in front of his chest, “my long-lost sister. So glad you're finally gracing us with your presence after coming back home a week ago.” 
“So dramatic,” you counter with a grin, although he has a point. You should have gone to see them sooner, but as always work got in the way, what with Deb doubling your workload before you take your leave in another two weeks. Jake jumps out of your arms then and so you get to hug your brother for the first time in what feels like forever, ‘“ Hi, Nate.”
“Hi, loser,” he says from somewhere over your shoulder, but the way he holds you tight tells you he’s missed you too. 
“How you holding up?”
“Good,” he pulls back and smiles, “still some headaches every now and then, but not as much as two months ago-”
“That’s good,” you agree. You follow them through the house and out into the backyard, where Jake excitedly shows you the inflatable swimming pool he and Nathan put up yesterday. Sitting down on one of the chairs you watch him as he takes off his shirt and jumps in without hesitation. 
Nathan re-emerges from the kitchen with some iced tea and hands you a glass before he sits down somewhere next to you. He flicks your upper arm, “You good?”
You nod, “Yeah.” 
“Truth?”
“Truth,” you reply with a nod. “Why?”
“I don’t know,” he shrugs, “a lot has happened in a short time, I guess.” 
This is new, you think, this out-in-the-open caring side of your brother. You decide you like it and so you try not to make a smart remark but instead reassure him, “I’m good.”
“You sure?”
“Nate, what are you getting at?” You’re confused now, because why is he pressing this? 
He hangs his head and lets out a sigh, “I guess you haven’t seen it yet, have you?”
“I’m not-” you watch him as he gets his phone and pulls up something that has his jaw set in a way that tells you whatever it is, it’s not good. He hands you his phone then and you let out a quiet, “Oh,” when you see the pictures.
“I figured that’s why you were here,” he says with a nod towards his phone.
"When?"
"Saw them this morning," he offers.
You scroll further down and feel your throat go dry when you see picture after picture of Sebastian and some girl, her hand on his arm as she seems to whisper something in his ear. He’s laughing in some of the pictures and if you didn’t know any better you’d think they were on a date. 
“Is that his co-star?” Nate asks quietly, knowing that if it is the pictures could have been taken on set and it wouldn’t be as bad. 
Not trusting your voice right now you just shake your head because no. No, it isn’t. 
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“I’m sure it’s nothing, babe,” Lauren tries again, but she sounds a little less confident now that she’s seen the pictures and read the accompanying article about Sebastian’s new mystery woman where they claim she’s a Greek local he fell for while filming ‘Monday’.
You drove straight to her house when you left Nathan’s in a hurry, but only after you promised him you wouldn’t do anything reckless, and now you’re on her balcony, trying to make sense of all of this over some hard liquor because you both deemed wine wasn’t going to cut it. 
She says something else then, but you’re not really listening and so you just continue to stare into the distance. She nudges you with her foot, “Call him.” 
You shake your head, “I don’t want to.” 
“Why not?”
You look at her with tears in your eyes, your voice barely above a whisper, “What if it’s true?”
39 notes · View notes
lizallanapologist · 4 years
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The problematic behavior of Tomdaya stans; a thread
Some of you might not be aware of the stalkerish problematic stuff tomdaya stans have done with Tom and Zendaya’s life but it’s gotten to the point where Tom’s own brothers protect with big scrutiny every single female in Tom’s life because they fear they’re going to get bullied or harassed. This is not OK and this has to stop so we’re exposing their toxic behavior. 
This is only to bring awareness and we do not condom any hate or death threats, don’t send hate to tomdaya accounts, either block them or report them but don’t bully them. Many of them might need professional help dealing with the fact that Tom and Z are not together due to the fact that they created an illusion in their heads for a long time but that doesn’t mean some of them aren’t plenty manipulative and love to get away with bullying and harassment. 
If you don’t know, Tom was recently seen with another woman on his instagram, not going to say the name and please don’t try to find out about her, the relevant information is in this post and all of the private information regarding her is being protected for the same reasons. Many stans decided to apply the same treatment to her as they did to Olivia. If you don’t know what happened last year, all information is here. The fact that this kind of bullying and harassment got overlooked is horrifying. 
This specific behavior doesn’t apply to all of the stans but the vast majority is on the same page. 
A big thanks to all the blogs who contributed with information and their writing in this post.
STALKING 
1. Tomdaya stans have made an entire thread/timeline of events in Tom and Zendaya's life that they manipulated so it can be seen as proof of them dating. They stalk every single part of their lives, from paying stalkerish apps to review their instagram activities daily to having a constant GPS to know their exact locations everyday. They ask twitter accs, owners of restaurants/stores, people close to them information about their whereabouts/the things they buy or eat/who they were with, etc.
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They order their ‘’interactions’’ with specific dates and they even know information you shouldn’t know about them. 
They pay for apps that helps them stalk their every move. That’s right, they take every like as proof of them being together. 
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They hide behind the pretext that they're celebrities and this is what they've signed up for but neither Tom nor Zendaya have signed up for constant daily harassment of their partners in life. 
HARASSMENT OF PARTNERS
Tom was seen last year with a blonde girl called Olivia, everyone speculated that was his girlfriend and that was something everyone should’ve respected since it’s Tom’s life and he’s in control of it, instead, many fans including Tom H. crazy fans and tomdaya stans, decided to stalk and harass Olivia to the point she had to make her account private. They started bullying her by publicly calling her names like ‘’Olive Oil’’, ‘’Ugly old woman’’, ‘’Ugly fake bitch’’ among other names. They continuously compare her with Zendaya and write on her friends and family members’ social media and ask them to tell Olivia nasty things. You really think this is ok? 
Same is happening with the girl Tom was seen with. Tom’s own brothers asked several people to take down and delete the video because they were disrupting her privacy. Many stans didn’t care and started all over again harassing the girl. (I’m not posting images or the identity of this new girl in hopes that this helps maintain a little big of privacy for her.) 
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However here are some examples of them harassing Olivia:
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’’I saw a troubling post on twitter about this fan dming another fan saying that they’d kill her (Olivia). That they’d find a way. So that “the fans can have him all to ourselves” - source
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MANIPULATING THE NARRATIVE
Tomdaya stans and some Tom Holland crazy stans love to harass Tom Holland to the point that they tag family members and friends only because he decided to go out in public with Olivia. They call him cheater, manipulator, a dumbass, made fun of him because Tom is dyslexic calling him an illiterate, mocked him and tried to cancel him in every opportunity given by manipulating everyone into thinking some of these ‘’facts’’ are true. 
Many fans don’t know better and go to social media to frame Tom as a scumbag because many tomdaya stans have convinced the public of this.
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This same issue occurs with Zendaya. Her known boyfriend; Jacob Elordi, is frequently called a cheater and is being investigated every five seconds on every social media, candid, interaction ever. Many fans are already calling him cheater, telling everyone Zendaya’s changed her behavior thanks to Jacob and that she needs help. 
Source
BULLYING
The definition of cyberbullying according to Stopbullying.gov:
“Cyberbullying is bullying that takes place over digital devices like cell phones, computers, and tablets. Cyberbullying can occur through SMS, Text, and apps, or online in social media, forums, or gaming where people can view, participate in, or share content. Cyberbullying includes sending, posting, or sharing negative, harmful, false, or mean content about someone else. It can include sharing personal or private information about someone else causing embarrassment or humiliation. Some cyberbullying crosses the line into unlawful or criminal behavior. “
Examples of cyberbullying on Tumblr from good ole Toutdesuite360:
https://toutdesuite360.tumblr.com/post/190572803098/faces-haha-ive-heard-this-has-been-memed-when
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Making fun of Jacob Elordi’s wealth… but that isn’t that only thing that the Tomdaya stans have done.
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She basically implied that Olivia looked like an elderly lady, and she permitted her followers to humiliate her.
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Funny, that a middle aged woman who has never revealed her face on her blog is bullying a young woman.
(She may have deleted the link to save her a** on the post with the Cher pictures, but thankfully @crazypeopleonfandom​ took screenshots of this post; I got most of my photos from them)
The next aren’t pertaining to the ‘innocent’ Toutdesuite360, just some random jerks from Twitter/Instagram. If you have the time, you can read through them.
See the pictures above and below for reference.
Labelling Zendya, Jacob E., Tom, and Olivia as cheaters, when there was no confirmed relationship between Tom and Z, and Jacob broke up with Cari already is plain disrespectful. These are type of claims are considered slander, and I’m surprised that the people who own these accounts haven’t been rightfully sued.
And remember when I talked about the repetition of people tagging Tom and Z’s family for their ‘thoughts’? Why are you tagging Nikki in your post?
Calling Olivia, once again, a vulgar word that shouldn’t be used for any woman.
This person and many other tomdayas are harassing Zendaya and Tom by tagging them repeatedly. Now we know why Tom stopped using Twitter, and why he may be taking breaks from social media.
And, as pointed out in another point on the thread: Tom has dyslexia! I easily ignore the posts that tease him about his lips, but when it comes to his disability, that crosses the line. It is unacceptable to bully someone just because your fantasy relationship doesn’t seem so real now.
Before I finish this point, I just want to remind people that celebrities are humans too. Everyone has feelings, and even if they haven’t seen these posts, it is still harmful to post this kind of information on your account. Fans who are young (or naive) may see these posts, thus making them believe that Tom actually cheated on Z, and that Z is really with Jacob as ‘payback’ to Tom. Bullying is still an ongoing issue, and maybe you should stop harassing/humiliating people on your platform.
DEATH THREATS
Olivia, Tom and his family, friends, Zendaya, Jacob Elordi, etc. They were sent death threats as a result of a fictional ship. This is truly upsetting and we’ve shown some proof of that above and it’s truly sickening how many of them really want to attack Olivia in public only because of a few photographs. 
DEBUNKING EVIDENCE
While we don’t know anything for sure, we need to trust and respect what Tom and Zendaya have said several times: they were never together and they were just friends. This is a topic that makes them feel uncomfortable and tomdaya stans decide to twist their words every time they want to clarify the situation, saying they’re hiding their relationship and that they’ve been hiding it for over 3 years. 
Stop believing everything SpideyParker on YouTube says, that person desperately wants them together so they’ll do anything in their power to make it seem like that they’re ’’still together’’. All of their evidence is also nothing but scraps. I can also make a video cropping out certain individuals from the frame to make it look like Tom is with someone or I can also investigate every tiny detail to a borderline degree to make it seem like Zendaya is dating someone. It’s really easy to manipulate the truth, so don’t fall for these things so easily. Check with the real sources, Tom and Zendaya. Trust and respect what they say it’s not your job to investigate and figure their lives out.
Their evidence of the relationship is ridiculous, stuff like them wearing the same clothes,
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because obviously there’s no way this jacket is in any random store in the world...This is a unique jacket, made by Tom and Z specifically...And it’s not even the same jacket. If we’re going by their logic, then
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More, more, more and more.
Source
Robert Downey Jr. and Tom have been in a relationship for a long time...
Angourie, Remy and Tom wearing the same jacket.
I have no idea what’s going on with the freaking necklace you swear with blood that Zendaya gave him but that’s hardly something special:
Matching necklace with Olivia.
Avengers necklace.
He likes necklaces, nothing special here.
'’Tom only goes to Zendaya’s home, and only goes out with her!’’
Tom Holland went to RDJ's house to watch Black Panther with him.
Tom and RDJ facetime daily.
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Obviously, his only friend is Zendaya...
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Look at him and Zendaya there, wow.
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‘‘Tom looks at her with heart eyes and in a very special way!’‘
Excuse me, what is he supposed to do? Ignore Zendaya and look somewhere else every time she talks?  
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MORE
He literally looks at everyone the same way.
‘‘He only does Spider-Man because he wants to be the Peter Parker to his Mary Jane, one of the most romantic comic book couples!’‘
I can’t believe I once read this as proof but I haven’t forgotten about it.
Interview with Tom and Laura:
“Is Zendaya’s character Mary Jane Watson?’’
Tom Holland: “No, no! This is one of those rumours, that like, we’ve all said it’s not true.
Laura Harrier: It’s not true!
Tom Holland: Like, we keep on… You guys keep building yourselves up for disappointment.
Laura Harrier: Unless we don’t know how this started? Because you guys are gonna see this movie and be like “…Ugh.” She’s Michelle!
Tom Holland: She’s a character called Michelle.
Laura Harrier: She’s playing Michelle.
Tom Holland: 100%. Hands down. Her character’s called Michelle. And she’s sort of this weird, quirky one in the friendship group that Peter has. She’s funny, but she’s super strange.
Laura Harrier: Yeah, super dry humour.
Tom Holland: She’s 100% not Mary Jane. It’s funny, everyone’s like “Is she Mary Jane?” and I’m like NO, I’M TELLING YOU! SHE’S NOT MARY JANE!
Source
‘‘He did the Will Smith thing with her, he loves her!’‘
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‘’He only ever talks about her! He only praises her!’’
Angourie Rice.
Robert Downey Jr, 2, 3
Laura Harrier, 2
Elizabeth Olsen.
Jacob Batalon.
Chris Hemsworth.
Jake Gyllenhaal.
And the list goes on and on.
‘‘He always goes to her special events only! He only goes to her parties! He only goes to hospitals with her! He was on the set of Euphoria with her!’‘
How about, he goes out with her and everyone else in group and individually? He goes out with Harrison alone, with Jacob alone, with Laura alone, etc. I love how many of them love to leave out certain people to make everyone believe it’s only the two of them. And he doesn’t only goes to hospitals with her, he’s gone with many other people and he does it because he’s a good person, not because he’s on a date with Zendaya. 
Tom AND Jacob visit Zendaya on the set of the Greatest Showman.
Tom and friends celebrating Harrison’s birthday party.
Tom on a double date.
Tom going to Joe Russo’s restaurant to get an exclusive cooking lesson from Jessica Largey.
Tom on birthday parties.
Tom, Laura, Harrison and Harry out for dinner in Brazil.
Tom, Brie Larson, Tessa Thompson, and Zachary Levi in a club in Brazil.
Tom, Laura, Jacob, Harrison in a pool party.
RDJ & Tom Holland visit Jon’s restaurant and participate on his show.
Tom Holland visits Doctor Strange’s set.
Tom Holland, Ciara Bravo, Joe Russo visit haunted attraction.
He’s a good person and loves supporting his friends.
‘‘He only has chemistry with her!’‘
Tom and RDJ’s extraordinary chemistry.
Tom and Jake’s chemistry.
Tom and Jacob’s chemistry.
Tom and Laura’s chemistry.
Tom and Daisy’s chemistry.
Tom and Chris Pratt’s chemistry.
Also Will Smith, Chris Hemsworth, etc. 
Look below for Ciara and Tom’s chemistry.
Like I said before, maybe he’s a good actor and that’s it? 
‘‘Their FFH kiss was too real and magical!’‘
Spoiler alert for Cherry
Fan about witnessing Tom’s kiss with Ciara Bravo:
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His reaction about kissing Laura Harrier:
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‘‘He LOVES touching her’‘
I’m sorry, is he supposed to be scared of touching people?
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This is it. This is the big touch they always talk about and the only times they’ve ever held hands is in manips or in FFH, but that doesn’t count, those are fictional characters. Well...
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Maybe he’s a touchy person. Consider that.
’’She’s the only one that knows him well!’’
How well do Zendaya, Jacob, & Laura know Tom?
I’m sure Harrison, RDJ, his friends and others know him pretty well too. 
And only because he knows she likes ice cream doesn't mean she’s his ultimate soulmate or something blown out of proportion.
‘‘He’s only a gentleman with her!’‘
Tom saves Gina Rodriguez
Tom rescues fan
Karen Gillan
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‘‘He looked way too in love with MJ to be fake’‘
Nope.
Nope 2
Nope 3
It’s called acting, pretty sure you guys know by now he’s good.
‘’They’re inseparable!’‘
Jacob, Tom and Harrison 
Also, why is it that every female in his life is his cousin, aunt, close childhood friend or ‘’he probably hates her’’ for you? 
They’ve said this multiple times but:
In an interview with Elle, Tom said he is not involved with anyone at the moment but is "definitely a relationship person." And when addressing the rumors, he says it’s uncomfortable and annoying when people ship him and Zendaya together. 
Zendaya also denied the claims, telling Variety Magazine that she and Tom were simply ‘just friends’. 
You can ship them if you want, as a bromance or cute chemistry, but not at the expense of someone else. Not when you violate their privacy, their lives and specially not when you bully, harass and stalk every detail of their lives.
Zendaya is clearly very happy with Jacob Elordi:
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Let her have that. No, she doesn’t look miserable with him, no, he didn’t change her style or her personality. No, she doesn’t dress differently because of him. She is the same as always, she looks even happier. Let her be. This is good for her. She has every right to go out in public with her boyfriend. And for the love of god, stop commenting on her instagram posts ‘’warning’’ her that Jacob is going to cheat on her. Hopefully that won’t happen ever. 
And no, they’re not going to magically ’’get back together’’ when Spider-Man 3 starts filming, stop wishing bad luck on Zendaya and Jacob’s relationship. Tom is not going to magically realize how ‘’wrong’’ he was for ‘’leaving’’ Zendaya. He never left her, he’s her friend. 
All of this have gotten to the point where Tom can’t have a friendship with a female and he has to ‘’protect’’ them every time he wants to interact with them. Do you guys seriously think this is ok? Are you really a fan of his if this is how you want him to live? Controlling him all the time? 
Do you realize how wrong and unfair it is for the other partner every time you comment in every single picture on instagram, twitter, etc about how ‘’cute’’ Tom and Zendaya are? About how ‘’ugly’’ Olivia is? How about when you compare Zendaya and Olivia, or every single female in Tom’s life? Or when you comment on Zendaya’s instagram telling her she is different now and that you don’t like her now because she’s changed for Jacob? Telling her that Jacob is going to cheat on her? Stop sending death threats to the partners, stop tagging their families in your ‘’evidence/proof’’ posts/tweets. Just because they don’t voice these things doesn’t mean they don’t read them. 
Being sincere, if you all, as a collective; really, genuinely cared about Tom, this is the last thing you would wanna pull. In your endless obsession with thinking you have a right to dictate the life of a man simply because he's famous; actually stopped once to consider how this is possibly making Tom and Zendaya feel?? You are basically sending the message that nobody is enough, that him being happy isn't enough, that he won't ever be allowed to be happy until he gets with the person YOU think is best for him. Fucking abhorrent, how they don't have a choice on who they choose to fucking love. This is how you make a celebrity jaded. THIS is how you make a celebrity hate you. And he will, unless you stop your bullshit, and treat him; and whoever he decides to be with, like human beings.
When you focus only on two people it’s easy to believe anything, try and see the bigger picture. Allow Zendaya and Tom to enjoy their lives without harassing them and their partners.
250 notes · View notes
vividaway · 3 years
Note
Maybe instead of focusing on Joey and Daniel calling Gabbie out (which is their right. If Gabbie can call out them for what she perceives as bad working conditions, than they have every right to refute her claims), you and the rest of the stans should address the latest information about Bianca that has been brought to light as well as the fact that Gabbie stalked someone online who happened to be underaged.
PLEASE CONSIDER SIGNING TO MAKE BIANCA'S LAW REAL. https://www.change.org/p/bianca-s-law-stop-the-spread-of-violent-and-graphic-images-on-the-internet
BEFORE ALL OF THIS LET ME SAY: your use of Bianca Devins in this disgusting manipulative way is exactly that-- disgusting and manipulative. my twitter messages are open, so to not only track down my tumblr, but ANONYMOUSLY LEAVE A MESSAGE TRYING TO USE BIANCA'S NAME LIKE THIS? DIS-FUCKING-GUSTING.
___
Alright, here's a concept.
It's not Joey and Daniels place to refute Gabbie's claims. Their main point in all of this was "She never filled out the form! It's all her fault!" which is actually irrelevant to the story, seeing as she had told them PERSONALLY. in a FACE TO FACE INTERACTION.
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the fact of the matter is, as the showrunner, and literal creator of the show, it is your responsibility to ensure the safety of ALL of your cast and crew. and yes, this does include the mental well-being (of the rest of the cast)--
-- and on that note, i also need to say that them not communicating to Gabbie that she were to be killed off, to me, is just unprofessional. it would have made filming a lot better. like honestly, do you think Gabbie would have been as pissed if she knew she wasn't going to be there again?
and another thing-- if Gabbie acted SO horribly, why did they stay her friend? Collab on her channel? if Gabbie acted SO BADLY during SEASON TWO... why did they invite her back? and if Tana was an issue, why invite HER back? I'm very glad that tana had a better time during season 4, but the fact that they knew BOTH OF THEM were bad on set, yet invited them back? they're literally setting up every other person around them for a toxic work-place experience. I've said it once and it's my next point, too, its un. pro. fessional.
ignoring all of that. literally every single piece of information i've stated above. THERE ARE TWO SOLE REASONS I STAND WITH GABBIE.
1. Joey and Daniel, no matter how horrible Gabbie may have acted, had no right to play out Gabbie's voice memo's where she was expressing that she was EXTREMELY UPSET. that she was dealing with multiple things in her life. They had NO right. Trisha Paytas, of all people, has even heard that voice memo enough to MOCK, AND MAKE FUN OF GABBIE'S EATING DISORDER, PUBLICLY, MULTIPLE TIMES, REFERENCING THE VOICE MEMO. to have the people you WORKED FOR, DO THAT? how could anyone in their cast ever trust them again? who's to say you wont send them a genuinely confidential voice memo, and they STILL decide to share it with people?
2. BECAUSE GABBIE'S MENTAL HEALTH ISNT A CRUTCH, IT ISNT AN EXCUSE, AND IT SURE AS HELL ISNT A JOKE. Gabbie Hanna was on the brink of suicide, she was struggling with an eating disorder, had undiagnosed, unmedicated ADHD, was dealing with immense c-ptsd, and it is ALL. FUCKING. VALID.
for YEARS. I've been told to stop using my Bipolar as a crutch. that i was in therapy for it, and that i needed to use coping mechanisms. i was later diagnosed with BPD-- and suddenly i didn't need to cope anymore. my anger was suddenly understandable. people finally believed me.
you DO NOT. HAVE TO HAVE. A FUCKING GOD DAMN PERSONALITY DISORDER TO BE FUCKING BELIEVED.
ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING?
my BPD WASN'T THE ISSUE.
IT WAS MY ADHD.
its literally wired into our brains, and WE. CANNOT. CONTROL. IT. the ONLY THING WE CAN DO, IS TREAT IT.
to continue to NOT LISTEN TO PEOPLE WHEN THEY ARE CLEARLY EXPRESSING THEIR LIMITS is the reason mental health is in its infancy today. we know when something is too much, and we know when our conditions are causing us to have outbursts, because its something we dont do EVERY SINGLE DAY. we need to realize that ALL. MENTAL. ILLNESSES. EVERY SINGLE ONE.
IS JUST AS IMPORTANT. JUST AS DIFFICULT. AND JUST AS UNIQUE, AS ANY OTHER MENTAL ILLNESS.
with the amount of genetical defects, the amount of nationalities that exist, the amount of co-morbidities, EVERY. SINGLE. THING. THAT MAKES ME DIFFERENT FROM YOU? you GENUINELY expect there to be a person in the world with the EXACT SAME THOUGHT PROCESS, exact same conditions, exact same life circumstances, as me? as Gabbie? as YOU?
there is a reason people with mental illness have a common symptom, no matter the condition. that symptom is the thought that no one in the world can possibly have the same thought process as you. its the symptom that i essentially expressed a paragraph before this one. and its because we realize that THERE ISNT. that it isnt a symptom, but a fact, to us. because you cant thing the way i can. my brain will only ever process the way MY. BRAIN. PROCESSES.
that. is why i stand by Gabbie.
____________________________________________
So, the new information about Bianca Devins? Alright, lets talk about it.
Kim Devins, Bianca's mom, has called for all drama channels to apologize to Gabbie Hanna for the way they treated her in regards to her commenting on Bianca's shirts.
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youtube
I know you want me to say that it turns out Gabbie is actually manipulating the mother, and Gabbie actually WAS exploiting Bianca---
NO.
KIM DEVINS IS A GROWN WOMAN. KIM DEVINS HAS SAID PUBLICLY, ON HER OWN, PUBLIC TWITTER ACCOUNT, THAT GABBIE HANNA DESERVES AN APOLOGY. KIM DEVINS HAS STATED THAT EVERYTHING GABBIE HAS SAID WAS IN FACT-- THE TRUTH. TO SAY GABBIE IS LYING, IS TO SAY THE MOTHER IS LYING, AS THE MOTHER HAS NOT ONLY APPROVED OF, BUT ENDORSED THE VIDEO.
i know i linked this before everything, but if you haven't already, PLEASE. FUCKING. SIGN.
https://www.change.org/p/bianca-s-law-stop-the-spread-of-violent-and-graphic-images-on-the-internet
_____________________________________________
Yeah uhh..so first off, Gabbie never doxxed ANYONE. as someone who's had their literal home IP leaked-- you shouldn't just throw that term around lightly. its genuinely traumatic for people to be doxxed.
Gabbie did however, grab the IP of someone. she did this, because she was worried it was someone SHE FULLY KNEW, was a danger to minors.
Second off, this was talked about quite awhile ago, in april or may-- she actually did that WELL OVER a year ago. we only know because she talked about it on Marco Polo (an app where you can group video chat and text. it was a perk of one of the tiers of her patreon) and it was leaked recently. so i don't really get your point in that.
Gabbie only did that because of all the minor fans that people were SCREAMING for Gabbie to protect last summer. They blamed Gabbie for certain fans that were getting bullies by anti's, all because Gabbie herself didn't tell people not to. so OF FUCKING COURSE she is going to do anything she can to protect her fans if she FULLY KNOWS a PROPER P*DO is trying to imitate a fan account, and she thinks she found it.
When the IP didn't match with where she knew the gross ass guy lived, she completely discarded it. Honestly, if you're upset with this, you might at well be upset with THIS, too. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JaJqBug10MQ
--------------------------------------------------------
ALL OF THIS TO SAY:
THIS IS A THOMAS SANDERS BLOG
PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT GABBIE HANNA.
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iheartsunset · 4 years
Text
Papa Louie Prudence HCs
(Nobody asked for these, but I gotta show love to my 8 year long favorite character)
Edit 9/23/20: Sorry I didn’t realize Pickles was a girl, last time I’ll ever listen to the forum lmao anyways I’m about to fail a test tomorrow even though I’ve studied nonstop, but that’s probably just how science goes
-Prudence Carmichael-Wagner is 22 years old and lives in a fabulously rose colored loft in Tastyville. She doesn’t plan to leave her job at the Pancakeria any time soon, but she is studying hard to become a veterinarian. She is the half sister of the famous Rudy Diamond; the daughter of Arugula Bank’s owner, Anselm Wagner; and his ex-wife, Lola Carmichael, the headmaster of Eclair Academy. Prudence has a strained relationship with her emotionally manipulative parents who care more about her achievements than her wellbeing and tried to avoid them whenever she can. Prudence’s mother loves dropping by her loft unannounced, which makes Prudence upset and anxious.
-Prudence can mostly be described as a kindhearted socialite with a strange obsession with the color pink. She is very hospitable and doting on everyone around her, making her seem like more of a mother/older sister figure. She also carries assorted sweets and mints in her purse for both emergency consumption and to cheer up anyone who’s sad. Prudence does also have a habit of panicking at first under pressure, but has learned to adapt very quickly. Prudence also loves to volunteer and help those less fortunate than her. But call her a dumb blonde and we’ll see how many teeth you have left afterwards (as a result of either her purse or Rudy’s fist).
-Her and Rudy were born on the same day only a few hours apart. Many people joked that the two were twins due to their shared birthday, blonde hair, blue eyes, and close relationship. However, she didn’t know that her father and Rudy’s mother, Carla, (his chief financial officer) had an affair that led to Rudy being born. After this was found out by Lola, Carla’s reputation was ruined and she relocated with Rudy to Powder Point, much to Prudence’s dismay. After reuniting years later when the Cheeseria opened, the two found out about the affair and realized they were siblings. They share a close bond now, but still have terrible relationships with their parents.
-As previously stated in Cooper’s headcanons, she is in a polyamorous relationship with him and Taylor. She met Taylor at their shared night school and met Cooper at their shared workplace. While her feelings for either of them weren’t very strong, Taylor’s heartfelt confession made her fall for both of them hard, thus starting the third most wholesome relationships in Flipline’s history (Penny and Alberto have the top spot filled and second place is definitely Olga and Edoardo). She loves to buy them roses or chocolates and see how flustered they both get when they’re delivered. Prudence’s parents definitely don’t approve of this relationship, but she actually doesn’t care this time.
-She and Trishna’s parents were very close in business growing up, so they both quickly became best friends, along with Rudy. She is three years younger than them and is still stuck attending high school. While Trishna isn’t too close to Rudy anymore, she and Prudence still hang out and text all the time. If Trishna is somewhere, then Prudence is probably nearby or at least on the phone with her. Trishna also offers Prudence discounts at Fashion Flambé, but Prudence always declines saying that it feels weird to not pay the full price if she didn’t have any coupons.
-Prudence was given Pickles as a gift from her father. However, he said that she could only keep the dog if she would have good grades and continued with being a debutante, meaning most of her effort was for Pickles’ sake. When she earned a C on a test, Pickles was almost taken to the pound, but she quickly entered them in a dog show to make up for her “mistakes”. The dog show started out as sort of survival, but Prudence continued doing it since she and Pickles actually enjoyed it.
-She and Trishna both attended Croquembouche Preparatory Academy along with Alberto, Penny, Joy, Roy, and Mindy. Prudence was notably crowned prom queen her junior year, all around tennis and cheer star, student body president her senior year, and salutatorian. She also joined multiple clubs. Unbeknownst to her classmates, having to keep up with these high expectations from her family and teachers almost broke her from the stress. However, a pep talk from Vicky allowed Prudence to drop many clubs and sports and take it easier in school, much to her parents’ dismay.
-Allan has thought that Prudence would play a very good Sandy, but Prudence can’t really sing well. She would, however, make for a good Elle Woods (as in the movie version) or any kickass Barbie protagonist (which is all of them, I stan Barbie). Prudence can dance amazingly, but she just doesn’t fit Cha Cha’s sassiness and overall nastiness. She’s a great cheerleader, so she’s a good fit for Patty Simcox, but then again Patty also sucks, so looks like Prudence is just a background dancer.
-She thinks of Johnny as her father, Hank as he other father, and Vicky as her mother. She also considers Trishna, Scarlett, Utah, Clover, Nevada, and Mindy her sisters. Chuck, Marty, and Greg are her brother figures. Rudy is also thought of as her brother, but he’s also her actual brother, so it’s actually very accurate.
-If you smell pickles on the bus, it’s because Prudence opened her big ass jar of them and started eating it. I personally hate pickles, especially when people eat them on some sort of vehicle. Sure you can eat pickles ain’t nothing wrong with that, but I’m not tryna smell pickles when I’m trying to get to school.
-Prudence is a master at fashion and makeup. However, she mostly wears simple cropped shirts and jeans everywhere for comfort. Her only standout accessories are her purse (since she carried Pickles in it) and her bow (she had to find some way to be twinsies with pickles, and she wasn’t wearing no dang collar).
-She and Maggie are both queens and often converse about how to maximize their joint slay. They also love finding examples to disprove the dumb blonde stereotype.
-She likes to get the good dog food for Pickles, but she sometimes gives her some pickles or vanilla ice cream. Cooper and Taylor spoil her with other types of human food when she’s away, though. Not chocolate or any of that kinda stuff though.
-Prudence likes to sit in the stands and drunkenly cheer really loudly for Cooper and Taylor, which actually encourages them even more. Dang they’re just all so cute together like aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
-She basically lives at the mall and salon, earning her closer relationships with their workers. She and Kaleb like to drink tangerine pop together and she always gossips with either Mindy or Vicky. Sometimes she takes Cooper and Taylor to get their nails done together. Taylor prefers his nails in ultramarine with white flowers while Cooper likes a classic French manicure better.
-Rudy can’t dress for shit and neither can Johnny, so she tries to help them both out together outfits better. They’re very close to her, but none of them take her advice and she is very sad. She hates flannel, but whatever makes him happy, she guesses.
-My favorite girl and has been for most of my life. I love her so much.
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flodaya · 4 years
Note
What is your honest opinion on skam esp s3?
I went into skam españa expecting something completely different, I expected another noora season with lots of time line changes and some improvements of noora/alejandro relationship and overall clips/dialogues
but skam españa went a completely different route and I honestly applaud them, they must have known they are alienating diehard noorhelm stans by blatantly giving the “villain” of the story obvious william traits and parallels
I will split my review up into different parts
1. characters/acting
before the season I wasn’t the biggest nora fan tbh, I liked her well enough but she didn’t really stand out to me too much, but she has grown on me a lot and I was actually able to relate to her a lot more than any other nora
nicole wallace is a good actress imo, I always have a hard time rating the acting of actors/actresses that speak a language I don’t know very well, often I can only tell if it’s really bad or really outstandingly good, in my opinion nicole falls definitely closer to the good end of the spectrum
the girls squad as always was simply perfect, I felt like they were absent for a big part of the story but it served a purpose, meaning we saw how nora was more and more manipulated to isolate herself and spend all her time with miquel
miquel that absolute creep, the actor really captured that vibe perfectly and I am sorry that I will have to actively remind myself that the actor is a really nice guy
I missed alejandro a lot, but I’m also glad he didn’t get any of the toxic william traits, and I happily take his absence if it means he stays my favourite william
2. plot/pacing
eskam showing the development of a toxic relationship has some balls, I don’t have any experience with toxic romantic relationships but I feel like this season has taught me a lot about all the red flags to look out for and imo that is more powerful and important than showing another slightly improved copy of noorhelm
but I would be lying if I said the whole season didn’t feel very slow and at times repetitive, sure in a way the repetition served a purpose, showing toxic and abusive patterns but watching it live dragged on at times
one big criticism I have is breaking up nora/alejandro in the very first clip, they have “established” nora/alejandro were starting to date between the seasons on social media and imo that is not enough to show them as a couple, they could have just as easily given us one episode more and shown us a happy nora/alejandro week before breaking them up (or maybe I’m just a slut for norando)
I really loved the last episode though, nora was such a strong person, in a subtle way that portrayed her struggling: she was making the hard decision, she stood her ground, although it wasn’t easy for her. it was really really beautifully written and directed and acted, all around a really good episode
3. social media
seriously, there is absolutely nothing to criticize with eskam’s social media, they really know how to use it, their posts are absolutely in character, they know who should and shouldn’t be following each other, their text messages are in character, it’s just all perfect
4. viri’s “season”
my biggest complaint of the whole season is viri’s plot tbh, they could explored much more about her home life and her own mental health (eg. her eating disorder)
the love triangle between viri/hugo/dilan was… a choice? and in the end it wasn’t even really a big deal anyway
in general I have to say, considering I have watched eskam more times than any other skam version I have to say it doesn’t look well that I didn’t know dilan’s name before s3, he is the least developed character in eskam by far….. he isn’t ever an important figure in the story and often is only there for comedic relief, I really feel bad for him
that said viri and hugo are a very good match and one of the only two magnus/vilde relationships that are good examples of relationships, don’t gross me out, and that are going to last imo
I am still praying viri gets her very own season, a full season just about her
TL;DR I really love skam españa, I still think skam españa has managed to do something new and powerful with noora’s season with a really strong message that will resonate with a lot of teenagers
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deanismysavior · 4 years
Text
This is my story
Trigger warnings for manipulation, ptsd, anxiety, mental illness, paranoia, possible stalking, toxic relationships
Words included but not pertaining to the actual story: rape, assault, abuse
1. 
In my freshman year of college, all I wanted to do was make friends. It was the sole purpose I moved from my small town in Connecticut to New York for college. I wanted to meet new people, and fine, I’ll say it, I was naive. Growing up around the same people your entire life can affect your expectations of people, and as someone who was generally pretty optimistic about most things, I had a tendency of giving people the benefit of the doubt. I never should have done that. 
My freshman year of college was the first time I ever felt something as close to what I can only describe as post-traumatic stress, but I guess I should start from the beginning. There was a boy in my Art History class who approached me on the second day of our class. I’ll call him Stan. He told me that he’d gotten his schedule mixed up and that he’d missed the first class. Seeing my opportunity to make a new friend, I offered to send him my notes from the first class, and we exchanged phone numbers. I was so relieved I had found someone in my class to exchange numbers with since that was what every orientation leader and RA I’d talked to had suggested to do on the first day of classes. That day, he walked me back to my dorm (on the opposite side of the residential campus to his own). At the time, I didn’t think much of it. I thought he was just being friendly and nice. Once we’d reached my dorm, he stopped me. 
“Come here. Give me a hug,” he said.
Now, I’m not someone who’s in the habit of hugging strangers or even acquaintances. The request made me feel off, but I couldn’t quite place why I felt that way. Not knowing what else to do, and not wanting to be rude to who I hoped would become my new friend, I hugged him. It felt wrong. I can’t describe the feeling, but it wasn’t how a hug was supposed to feel. A hug is supposed to make you feel warm. I walked to my dorm feeling completely cold. 
Now I wasn’t stupid, I considered that this interaction may have been the boy’s showing romantic interest, but I didn’t have much experience with that sort of attention coming from boys at the time, and I didn’t want to overthink it. 
Things were okay with Stan for a little while. He walked me back to my dorm again the next class, but it was about a few weeks into the semester when things started to change. After not showing up to class one day, Stan texted me. 
Hey, would you be able to do me a favor and sign my name on the attendance sheet today? I don’t want it to count against me, and I don’t know how many absences I get. I just really couldn’t come today.
I was not a rule-breaker, and I’m still not. I expressed my discomfort at the situation. If I got caught, I didn’t know what the repercussions of that action would be, but I didn’t know what to do. He told me I didn’t have to, but that it would be really helpful if I did. I didn’t want to let down someone I had just made friends with. I didn’t recognize how this behavior was manipulative at the time. He told me how awesome I was and how much he appreciated me. 
I thought that this was a one-time occurance, but sure enough, a couple weeks later, he texted me about it again. I told him he should really start coming to class.
After that, Stan stopped walking me back to my dorm. On the days he did show up to class, he showed up halfway through, just to sign his name on the attendance sheet I was sure. He didn’t bring a notebook. Sometimes he would do homework for other classes when he sat there. It began to frustrate me how little he cared. I started ignoring his texts. 
When the midterm came around, he texted me again. He told me that he didn’t have a copy of the textbook and asked if he could borrow mine. I told him I was busy with my other midterms and that I needed to use my textbook to study from. I was even more annoyed now. How had he gone halfway through the semester without the textbook?
I decided then that I wanted to distance myself from Stan. He didn’t seem to have much interest in being my friend anymore anyway. Maybe he never did. He’d just seen some eager freshman at the start of her college career and decided she would be an easy target. 
After the midterm, he texted me again. He said he didn’t do as well as he’d hoped.
Maybe we can study together. I know you know your stuff.
I know my stuff because I go to class, I replied. 
He told me he was really going to apply himself in the second half of the semester and that he wanted to bring his grade up. He said he was going to be better about coming to class. Like a fool, I believed him.
It only took him a week to start asking me to sign his name on the attendance sheet again. This time, I stopped replying for good. I realized that he hadn’t changed, and that he had no intention to. I was disappointed, but I wasn’t surprised.
It had been a few weeks since I’d talked to Stan. He would leave directly after class had ended, so I thought I’d shaken him off. I was relieved. Then, one day as I was walking back to my dorm, taking the walkway that went directly from the academic side of campus to the freshman dorm buildings, I ran into Stan, my lemonade and my lunch from our campus Au Bon Pain in my hand. I felt myself freeze.
He smiled at me and said hi, then he stopped me. 
“Hey, so I was thinking, would you want to get lunch sometime?” 
I felt the pit of my stomach sink, but Stan was close to six foot five inches, and he’d never technically done anything to me, right? I mean, maybe he didn’t even realize. I said sure, mostly so that the interaction would end and I could go back to my dorm and eat my lunch in peace.
I walked away, my heart racing. I had been alone in this enclosed walkway with this boy I barely knew, this boy who was older than I was, and much larger. I didn’t feel the tightness in my chest subside until I was safe on the other side of the turnstile into my dorm building. My mind started cycling through all of the possibilities. Was he asking me to lunch as a friend? But that didn’t make sense. He’d barely talked to me at all outside of texting me to help him out in class and he didn’t wait to talk to me after class anymore. Was he asking me to lunch to study? This was more plausible since it seemed like everything that he’d talked to me about all semester had been about his attendance or wanting help with notes or study materials. Was he asking me to lunch because he liked me? This was perhaps the most troubling option for me. He’d never once made me feel safe.
It was then that everything clicked for me. All the red flags I’d been ignoring. I realized how taken advantage of I’d been feeling the whole time, how one-sided this relationship had become. How one-sided I’d let it become. 
The next morning I told him I couldn’t make our lunch plans. He said that maybe we could reschedule. I said maybe some other time, but I knew that I didn’t mean it. 
In the following weeks, I started seeing Stan even more. I’d begun to notice that he started using the walkway to the freshman dorms more often, even though he wasn’t a freshman himself and on a couple occasions, I even saw him in the freshman dining hall. Why was an upperclassmen constantly hanging around an all-freshman dorm by himself? Maybe all of it was coincidence, but I began to feel paranoid, like he was purposely showing up in the places he knew I would be. It made my skin crawl. I ended up changing the way I walked home to my dorm, even though it took longer. The main walkway was far more crowded, so even if I did see him, I  would have backup if things turned south. It got to the point where I felt anxious in class, wondering if he would show up that day, and when he did, it became hard for me to concentrate, but more than that, I was afraid of going anywhere on campus by myself. I wouldn’t feel safe until I had the swipe-access-only turnstile of my dorm building between myself and the rest of the campus.
After I had taken some time avoiding Stan to the best of my abilities and ignoring his requests for me to sign him into class, he contacted me again, asking if I wanted to do the Museum Project with him. Our Art History professor had assigned us a paper that required us to travel into New York City to visit the Metropolitan Museum of Art and write about one of the art pieces there. Luckily, I had already made plans to go with a few of my friends, and I told him as much. Traveling into one of the biggest cities in the United States with a guy I barely knew? I couldn’t even imagine what that would have been like.
After telling him no to the museum project and a few more failed attempts at asking me to sign the attendance sheet for him, I thought I had made it pretty clear where I stood with Stan, but by the time finals rolled around, he contacted me again asking me to study, and at this point, I’d had enough. I’m not proud of everything I said, but I am proud that I stood up for myself. I told him that at the beginning I’d wanted to help him because I thought we were friends, but that clearly he didn’t actually care about me and that he was only using me for help in class. I told him no, that I wasn’t there to save his ass. 
He came back at me, saying that he had tried to get to know me better when he’d asked me to lunch and to do the project, that he had gotten the book and been studying, and that he didn’t need anyone to save his grade in the class. His words made me second guess everything I’d been feeling. Did I even have any right to feel violated by him? I didn’t know. 
I decided to reach out to a friend and ask him what he thought of the situation. Was I overreacting? Was I being too cruel or too paranoid? 
“No, he knows he fucked up and now he’s trying to do damage control. Look at the way he’s taken every issue you brought up and pinned it back on you. He’s not taking any accountability for himself. If he’d really cared about preserving a friendship here, he would have apologized instead of blaming you. Don’t fall for it. He’s only trying to make you feel bad so that you apologize and he can feel better for his own shitty behavior.”
I’m glad I reached out. If I hadn’t, I probably would have caved. 
When I showed up for the final, I sat in the seat I always did, all the way over to the right in the first row. When Stan walked into the final, he sat down two rows from me, and about two minutes later, got up from his seat, and switched to the seat directly behind me. I can’t be sure of his intention, but my best guess was that he was trying to shake me, trying to get me back for not helping him; either that, or he was attempting to cheat off me. I want you all to know that I got an A on that final exam.
Though it’s gotten much better since my first semester of my freshman year ended, I still flinch whenever I see someone that reminds me of him. My heart still quickens its pace, and I still feel that nervousness in the pit of my stomach that makes me want to sweat. 
The worst part is that I don’t know if my actions were warranted. I knew that Stan certainly wasn’t the type of person I wanted to be friends with, but I didn’t know whether or not he was actually dangerous. A part of me still feels like maybe I overreacted, that maybe I should never have been scared in the first place, that maybe he’s actually a great guy, and I just didn’t give him enough of a chance. These are all things I tell myself constantly, but the truth is that I’ll never know. 
In September of 2018, I had the first day of my Greek and Roman History class. Stan was in that class. It was still difficult for me to be around him. I still didn’t feel safe, but this had been a class I had been looking forward to for months. I had to sit with the choice that I either had to drop the class that I loved, or I had to stay in it with this constant reminder of my trauma sitting halfway across the room. I convinced myself that I was strong and that I wouldn’t let him win. I stayed. 
Stan didn’t talk to me at all that semester. 
2. 
In the second half of my sophomore year, I started dating my first girlfriend. We were best friends before we had started dating, and though some of our mutual friends found it hard to adjust to our being together initially, they were, for the most part, supportive. I thought that because we had always gotten along and communicated well as friends that it would be the same when we were together, but it wasn’t. 
Now I won’t get into personal details about her, because I still want to respect her privacy, but there were problems I knew that we would face going into things. I just didn’t know how severe these issues would be. I thought I knew what to expect and that I could handle it, but that wasn’t how things turned out. 
Things were okay for a little while and I was happy exploring these new experiences, but it became clear pretty quickly that we weren’t on the same page. She needed to take things slow, which I was okay with. I made a conscious effort to respect her boundaries and I always tried to make sure that she felt comfortable and safe. She told me she wasn’t much for PDA. Again, I had figured that this would be fine with me since we wanted to keep things under the radar to begin with. We ran in a lot of the same circles and were involved in the same clubs, so we had both agreed that we didn’t want this relationship to affect our professionalism. She told me that she needed space sometimes. Being a natural introvert, I understood this need and tried my best to be mindful of her time.
It soon became apparent that these needs were much more confusing and complicated than I had at first envisioned. Her need to take things slow had morphed into a need to essentially never develop much of a physical relationship at all. Any time it seemed that I wanted to be close to her, she seemed cold toward the idea. Though I am not outwardly the most touchy-feely person, when it comes to the people I am close to, physical affection, as simple as just hugging or hand-holding is important to my bond with them. Her rejection of these things led me to experience these feelings of being unwanted. It was something that was important to me, but I respected her boundaries, and I wanted to make it work, so I compromised. 
Though she had said she wasn’t into PDA, it seemed like the only times that she would ever be physically affectionate were when we were out with our friends, and myself, starved for this attention, took it where I could get it. This left me feeling confused as to where her boundary was. She’d made it pretty clear at the outset that she didn’t want to be coupley in public, but then did the exact opposite thing. She would snuggle up to me and act protective if anyone else tried to sit next to me instead. She began telling people outside of our friend group about our relationship. It wasn’t that I was embarrassed of her or that I didn’t want her to tell her friends, but it was something that we had mutually agreed upon, and here she was, going back on her word. She hadn’t even had the decency to talk to me about it beforehand or renegotiate the terms we had set. Soon, there were people I didn’t even know who now knew that I was queer when I wasn’t even out to my family yet. I was frustrated. When I tried to bring it up to her, she made me feel guilty for trying to hide our relationship. I talked about it to one of our mutual friends and she told me that my girlfriend just wanted to show me off because she was proud to be with me and that I was making a bigger deal out of it than it was. They both made me feel like I was unwarranted in my frustration, and so I let it slide. I found myself again sacrificing my own needs and sense of comfort for what she wanted. 
At first the space didn’t bother me so much. I had my own friends and my own work to do, but it got to the point where it seemed like the only time she wanted to spend with me was when we were around other people. She’d be perfectly content to invite me out with all of her friends, but when I suggested we spend time together alone, she’d tell me she was exhausted or tired or stressed and that she needed space. I would have understood if it didn’t feel like she made time for everyone except me. When it came to her priorities, I always seemed to come in dead last. 
It didn’t get really bad until the summer. We didn’t live in the same state, so naturally we didn’t get to see each other too often, but I did make two trips up to see her. When I suggested that she come down to see me, she told me that she didn’t have the money or the means to transport herself (she couldn’t drive and she was always broke). That same summer, she took a bus to New Jersey to go to Bookcon and she traveled all the way into New York City just for a job interview. Throughout the summer though, I texted her a lot. I would tell her how much I missed her and I would always be the one who was reaching out. She would go days without replying to me, sometimes even weeks. Her excuse was always that she was busy working. It felt like I was begging her for attention. That past year, I had grown my confidence so much, but I’d never felt as worthless as I did that summer.
When she got back to school that year, she didn’t even tell me. I had to find out from a friend that she was back on campus. She apologized to me, but after that day, I barely saw her for the next few weeks. I got so sick of it, I confronted her about it. I told her that if she wanted to stay together that I had to be a priority to her. When I said this, she looked at her calendar sheepishly and told me that she could make time to go out with me a week out from then. 
I’d like to say that the reason we broke up is that I finally stood up for myself and realized that I’d had enough, but I can’t say that. That wasn’t the reason at all. I won’t get into the details here, because that isn’t the world’s business, but I told her that I didn’t see a point in continuing a relationship where that was never on the table. It was unceremonious. Like I said, she was my best friend, so at the time, I was devastated. A few days after that, we met up again to talk about it, and I ended things more finally that time. I guess it hadn’t sunk in for her that we were really breaking up. 
We tried to be friends for a little while after that, but it proved difficult for me. The more time I spent away from the situation, the more I realized that there were parts of this relationship that were completely not okay, but I’d let it slide because I cared about her. I had never thought my best friend would be capable of hurting me like that. In fact, it hadn’t been until a few weeks prior, before our breakup, when a few of our mutual friends had sat me down and talked to me about it that I even allowed myself to acknowledge how toxic that relationship had become. They told me that what happened in the relationship I had with her wasn’t normal. It was my first relationship and I hadn’t known any different. 
Things didn’t really come to a head until I snapped. At that time, I was still hanging out with that group of friends and I was walking back to my dorm with them. For a month, my ex had been making snarky, passive aggressive comments about our book club, a club that I was on the executive board of, because we had to make decisions about the club and how to run it that didn’t align with what she had apparently wanted out of this club. It had annoyed me at the time, but I had a lot of other things going on then and I didn’t want to create more problems, so I didn’t say anything, but that day, I was talking excitedly about the club and how I’d suggested this new book that I really wanted to read. I was explaining the premise to her and why I thought it would be a great pick for the month of October (it was The Institute by Stephen King), and she told me that she didn’t really want to read another book written by a white male author. Out of context, this might not have bothered me so much, but with the breakup and all of the negative things that she had already said about the club that I was really excited to be a part of (it had just started running the previous spring and so I was elected to their first official eboard), it just felt like another way in which she was trying to undervalue my own opinions and put the attention back on herself. I told her that I didn’t think the club was all about her. She did not take that well. That was the moment I think that I realized I had all of this unresolved anger and frustration towards the situation and I really started to realize how much it felt like she always made whatever I had to say feel less important than what she wanted to say. 
She texted me later to say that she didn’t appreciate the hostility and that I was being “really mean.” I was frustrated, and I told her that I wanted some space, but she kept digging at how mean I was being, and so I tried to explain my side of things. I told her that I felt like I was finally standing up for myself and that the things she was saying were really hurtful too. I told her how she did these kinds of things all the time and she never seemed to realize the way that her words affected people. I guess saying all of that at once was too much. 
Later, a couple of my friends called me to tell me that my ex had had a lapse in her mental health. Again, I don’t want to get into specifics here because that’s not my business to tell, but they told me that I shouldn’t have laid into her so hard and that I couldn’t talk to her like that. I had finally felt like I had given a voice to the feelings I’d been suppressing for months, and now I was being told to be quiet. It seemed like I was being blamed for the decline in her mental health when all I was trying to do was express my own frustrations. Now, I just felt even less heard and even more frustrated. 
I acknowledge that the way I handled things here was probably not the best, but as I said before, I was frustrated. I had felt like when I’d tried to address problems like this in the past, my ex had ignored me or explained away the problems I was having. I’m not here to say that you shouldn’t be sensitive to someone’s mental health, but I hadn’t known the extent of things. If I had, I might have acted differently. That being said, even if someone is struggling with their mental health, it isn’t an excuse not to take accountability, and it’s definitely not fair to blame it on someone else either. 
About a month after our breakup, the day after my birthday, my ex-girlfriend called me and told me that she was outside my dorm and asked if I could come down. She said she had something for me. I thought it was odd, but I wanted to make sure she was okay, so I went. She handed me a package she had wrapped in newspaper and told me, “Happy Birthday.” 
I hadn’t spoken to her much in the past few weeks and I felt uncomfortable accepting the gift, but I couldn’t just refuse it when she was standing there, tears streaming down her face, so I took it back up to my dorm room, where slowly, I tore back the newspaper wrapping. Inside was a copy of Paulo Coehlo’s “The Alchemist,” a book we had to read for our Popular Literature course, but she had written over the title. Inside, she had made blackout poetry, inserted her own typed-out poems, pasted pictures of us, and had drawn inside the book. At the end was an emotional letter saying how much she had messed up and that she hadn’t realized what she had until she’d lost me. She said she wanted to try to make things work again.
I didn’t know what to make of this. Maybe this would have been cute if it was something she’d done while we were together, but it just ended up feeling like a mockery. In the six months we were together, she had never once done anything for me. She only wanted to put the effort in when she realized that she had to in order to keep me. 
 I knew that I didn’t want to get back together, but now I had to close a door I thought was already shut. I texted her the following day that we should probably meet and talk about this. Going into that meeting, I wanted to make it clear that I didn’t want to get back together, that I was hurt and that I was still healing. When I arrived at her dorm that day, I sat down and took a breath.
“I don’t think that I should be with anyone right now,” I told her. “I lost a lot of myself in this relationship and I’m still trying to get myself back again. It’s going to take time for me to get back to a place where I’m feeling okay again and I’m probably going to need some space.”
I tried my best to get my point across without making her feel like shit. She had just poured her heart out to me on the page after all, and I didn’t want to be a complete asshole, but she took my words and twisted them, like she always seemed to do. She told me how she had prepared a whole speech for me about how she was going to try more and communicate better and how she was ready to change everything for me.
“But that’s all moot now,” she said with tears in her eyes.
I was trying not to actively roll my eyes at this. You’re not supposed to let on that you don’t believe someone, not even for a second when they say something like that. She kept trying to tell me that all of the things she had said when we first broke up weren’t really true and that she’d worked through them during her time back home (which was all of a matter of five days). She said she’d realized that those things were never really a problem for her but that she’d used them as an excuse to blame the failing of the relationship on that instead of on herself. I think this was only probably half true.
“But it’s okay,” she said, “because you’re still not ready.” I don’t think she understood how condescending she sounded. Somehow, it was still because of me that the relationship was ending. 
 She then started congratulating herself on how selfless she was being, about how good it felt to put me before her. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh or if I was utterly repulsed by that statement.
At the end of everything, she seemed to come to the conclusion that I just wasn’t ready yet. She said she was going to wait for me. I knew then that she had never heard me, and that she’d never seen me either. 
The next weekend, she texted me while she was drunk at a party. I told her she shouldn’t be texting me. 
A month later, I get a text from her. She tells me she wants to give me back the bottle I’d left in her dorm room and I say okay and that I need to give her her sweatshirt back anyway. We meet halfway between our dorms. “Just so you know,” she says, “I started seeing someone.”
I honestly didn’t know why she told me. I didn’t want to know. It felt like apathy. It also felt like a punch to the gut. I told her I was happy for her, because that’s what you’re supposed to do. I wasn’t. I was angry. I was so goddamn angry. 
For months, she had been trying to construct ways to get me back, and now she was trying to make me jealous. I just wanted it to be over. That was the day I decided to stop talking to her completely. 
The following month, I decided that I wanted to post something on Instagram about the summation of my year. I wanted to talk about how hard that year had been for me, but that I was proud that I had made it out on top and that things were looking up for me. As I was scrolling through my feed the following day, I saw that my ex-girlfriend had posted something too. This post seemed to be in direct response to mine, about how she had really messed up this year and that she had lost people that were important to her. The only reason I could think that she would have posted something like that was to get other people to flock to her and give her attention and to get my attention. Four months after we had broken up, and it still seemed like she was hell-bent on dragging me back into her drama. I muted her on all of my social media. 
It felt like every time I was trying to make progress towards getting over the situation, she would try to find some kind of way to come back into my life and make me miss her and care about her again. I would have maybe understood if it actually seemed like she cared about how I was feeling at all, but she didn’t. As always, the language and the tactics she used were all about her. 
Things were quiet for a few months, and I was feeling really good, probably the best I’d felt in years. I finally felt like I had re-built a support system at school (a lot of my friends were mutual friends with my ex and most of them had elected to stay in her friend group), and I was feeling like I was coming down off of some of my anger. I guess my ex thought that it was only a matter of time before my walls would wear down, because she tried speaking with me again. When I was standing and waiting for a friend in the student center, she asked me if I was waiting to have dinner with someone, and I replied saying, “Yes.” It struck me as odd because outside of professional situations, I hadn’t spoken to her in months, and even then I’d tried my best to avoid engaging with her directly as much as possible. I think she was trying to invite me to lunch with my old friend group, but I shook it off and continued to carry on. A few weeks later, she tried to start up a conversation with me like nothing had ever happened. I couldn’t leave without looking rude, and maybe I let my guard down a little bit, but I think she mistook my being polite for my forgiving her behavior over the past few months. 
In mid April, after the self-isolation started, I got a text from her saying that she was “checking in” and that she hoped that my family wasn’t driving me too crazy right now. I chose to ignore it.
In early May, she reached out to me again, this time with a much longer message. She said that she was tired of being angry about “relationship stuff.” She said, “I miss my best friend, and I would like her back.” She said she was looking at old pictures of us and that she “started sobbing.” She said that she “wanted to make the first move” in case I had been hesitant to do so. I’m not sure if she was really that delusional about the reality of the situation or if she was just making one more desperate grab at getting me back. Maybe it was both. 
There was a time when I might have thought this was sweet, but I know better now. I’ve learned to recognize that she tries to use my emotions against me and that she’s been doing it the entire time, whether she was conscious of it or not. She would only show me affection when she saw I was paying more attention to someone else than I was to her. This was no different. Now she was trying to tell me how sad she was so that I’d feel bad for being angry and resentful towards her, but there was nowhere in her message that she wanted to own up to any of her behaviors and all of her purposes in wanting to “reignite” our friendship seemed to be entirely self-serving. I don’t know, maybe I was too disillusioned by that point to care. I chose to ignore that text too. 
3.
I’m not trying to say that I played the right cards in all of these instances. In fact, I think there are a lot of ways I could have probably dealt with these situations better, but these situations took a lot out of me, and I only had so much bandwidth with which to deal with them. 
We talk a lot in our society about rape, about abuse, about harassment, but what about the stories that don’t quite fit in those categories, the ones that fall through the cracks? Why don’t we ever talk about manipulative behavior and how it can cause just as much trauma. I’m not trying to equate any of these things, because I’ll never understand what another person’s experience would be like, but I can speak to the lasting effects these situations have had on me. 
I still experience anxiety and a physical reaction any time I see a taller male figure wearing a baseball cap. Some days it’s better than others, but there are times that I get completely taken off guard and I jump. It’s hard to explain to my friends why I pause and go quiet on the walkway sometimes.
As much as I don’t like the fact, my relationship with my ex still affects my everyday life too. As I tried to enter a new relationship not too long ago, I realized that the emotional trauma I was carrying from the poor communication of that relationship negatively affected the way that I interacted with this new person. I was nervous that it would be the same thing all over again. 
With this situation, the lasting effects are certainly worse. I was much closer to my ex than I was to Stan, so moving on from the situation has been a much more arduous, drawn out process. It also doesn’t help that I’m still forced to, at least in some capacity, keep contact with her. Up until recently, she was in two of my classes. She’s still friends with a lot of my friends, which has forced me to become more distant from them as a result, but nonetheless, I still end up seeing her more often because of it. She is currently a part of the same club I am on eboard for, so blocking her number from my phone isn’t really an option I have. This constant exposure has definitely had a negative impact on me, as it affects the way that I perform in that group setting. It makes it hard to be present sometimes in a club that used to feel like a safe space to me. It makes me sad that I lost that feeling, but the club is too important for me to give up.
Most recently though, the lasting impact of the relationship affected my eboard position in a way I wasn’t expecting. I am in charge of the Public Relations for this club, and so I maintain and oversee everything that happens with our social media. One of the girls from the club approached me with the idea that we should make a TikTok account for our club, and I had to go through the very uncomfortable process of explaining that one of the most popular social media apps right now was one of my biggest triggers. When I would get to spend time alone with my ex, I wanted it to be quality time and I wanted to talk to her, but she always seemed uncomfortable with silence and needed a way to fill it. Even though I didn’t particularly care for them, she’d always start watching TikTok videos when we were alone together, which frustrated me immensely. Now, any time I see them, it takes me back to that feeling of being unwanted and not being a priority. This made my job as the chair of Public Relations extremely difficult, as I didn’t want to prevent my club from the publicity that jumping on a trend like TikTok could garner us. I decided it was in my best interest to delegate this. I told the girl that while I think it would be a good idea for the club, I couldn’t be the person to run it. 
In situations like these, there is no real way to get the kind of physical distance that one needs in order to fully heal, and it’s hard to find support when there are not a lot of resources being offered for students when their cases aren’t severe enough to require university intervention. Counseling is always a good option, and I was actually scheduled to begin seeing a counselor when the pandemic hit. I had to cancel that appointment, however, because I am an out-of-state student and I can’t travel to the school in order to make the appointments. As of right now, the university has only adapted its health services to a phone triage system, meaning that there are no formal counseling  services available to all students whilst we’ve seen the highest uptick in mental-health related crises in years. Even during a normal semester though, counseling can only work internally; it can help me to work through my emotional baggage, but it can’t act as a prevention to situations like this occurring again. It is only doing damage control. 
I will say here that I am now fairing with these situations much better, and I am actively seeking help to unlearn my own behaviors and better process these emotions, but my point still stands. 
My point is that we are not taught how to read these red flags. We’re not really ever told about when a friend is asking too much from you or how to recognize if a relationship is becoming toxic without it becoming abusive. Too often I think we seem to conflate these as the same thing, that being taken advantage of automatically means that an assault occurred or that toxicity in a relationship only rears its head when there is constant fighting. These are misconceptions. I wish that someone had told me enough to be able to recognize when I needed to get help, but we are not able to learn about these things from school or friends or the media. Too often, the only way we learn to recognize these red flags is from experience. 
In Paolo Freire’s Pedagogy of the Oppressed, Freire says, “Concern for humanization leads at once to the recognition of dehumanization, not only as an ontological possibility but as an historical reality” (Freire 43). I’d argue that’s exactly what is happening here, an allowance for dehumanization to occur. In not addressing manipulative behaviors as detrimental and writing them off as products of a person’s personality or their primary motivations (oh, maybe he’s just into you) (that’s just how she is) (they can’t help it, it’s a product of their mental illness), it not only enables these behaviors to persist, it also acts in speaking over the voices of the people who are affected by these behaviors and attempts to minimize the weight of their experiences. It’s not a mistake when people who have been manipulated say that they feel “used.” It is in this very act of using someone else that that person no longer becomes a person to you, but an object, and a means at attaining your own goals. People that show cycles of manipulative behavior dehumanize the people around them to serve their own purposes, but in ignoring these actions, we too become bystanders in this act of dehumanization. 
Works Cited
Freire, Paulo, et al. Pedagogy of the Oppressed. Bloomsbury Academic, 2018.
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rantswithhannah · 2 years
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Fresh (2022)
So - I watched Fresh. Welcome to another ramble while I dump my thoughts onto a page.
Spoilers for fresh (2022) will follow.
Overall thoughts:
The ending fell a little short of the nuance the first two-thirds of the movie had, kind of turning into a typical slasher film. However, the first two thirds are definitely a 10/10 for me. The movie plays well into its genre change - equipped with a well-placed title sequence around half an hour into the movie to signify this change. The acting from both Daisy and Sebastan is phenomenal and you really see the strength behind Noa as a character.
First third:
I like the balance of rom-com and dark thriller that this movie creates - the first party is perfectly played like a rom-com: you see Noa’s life, her relationship with her best friend, the ups and downs of dating online, and the reality of a common single woman’s life. Sebastian Stan plays Steve so well - he’s the right balance of charming and slightly off when he first meets Noa. Even if you know what the movie is going to turn into, you still see him as some sort of sympathetic character at first, he seems so nice and funny and sweet.
The twist:
The twist mid-way is amazing. You see the true cold calculating-ness of Steve’s character, played perfectly alongside the disbelief, hysteria and denial of Noa - I could almost feel exactly what she was feeling in the scene where she wakes up chained to the floor. (Also, the way this scene was shot, with the audience at first thinking she’s simply in a bed, to the pan of her being cuffed to a wall, and laying on the floor, is amazing). The cinematography throughout the movie was great - you get creepy shots of meat that would, in other circumstances, be perfectly normal; in this movie, however, they come across as downright terrifying. The color palette - of all the reds - is present throughout and really adds to the feeling of gore and blood and meat.
Feminism?
I think that the film should’ve leaned a bit more into the feminism aspect of this movie. I felt like it was trying to say something about how the dating scene is definitely a danger for women - in terms of there being a constant danger of men lurking to take advantage of you. And then obviously, this becomes a bigger aspect of rich, nameless businessmen literally killing women to eat them, with Steve capitalizing on their personalities and women-ness to “sell” young girls to these old men. I’m sure that this commentary was heading somewhere - perhaps a take on how men think they can own women, how they see women as objects, as things to control and to consume, regardless of the women’s feelings - but for me, it didn’t quite land that. I liked the idea, as well, of Noa being able to talk to her fellow captives (I think  this deserved more scenes), and how, in the end, it was Noa’s own ability to manipulate and take advantage of Steve’s feelings (flipping the narrative at the start), that enabled her to rescue herself and the other women. The addition of the note in the magazine from another woman steve captured was great - it gave Noa hope, and the courage to do what she had to do to escape.
Noa and Mollie:
This plays into another aspect of feminism - the ever-rare strong female friendships in Hollywod movies! This has to be one of my favorite parts of this movie. There is no instance of them passing the Bechdel test (not that I can remember, at least), but despite that, you could really see their love and support for one another. And also - I believe that, although the movie didn’t outright say anything, Mollie is bi! And representation is always good. Mollie is played as the logical character from the start - she sees through steve’s shadiness, she obviously tries to protect her friend whilst also giving her the benefit of the doubt, she’s smart and instantly picks up on something wrong when Noa’s texts start to sound weird, and she manages to figure out a way to catch Steve. Until it leads to her downfall. Side note: why was Steve carrying Noa’s phone around with him? That didn’t really make sense to me. (I think she should’ve brought Paul to the house, by the way, as a safety mechanism. And also - what was the point of her sharing her location with Paul if he didn’t really do anything in the end?). But yes, Mollie was badass and she ends up being able to smash Ann’s face in!
The key:
I liked the call back to Noa gripping her keys in the dark parking lot, when she sees a man following her - to her using the keys to stab Ann in the neck. That’s it for that point. It was just cool.
Ann:
I don’t know how I feel about Ann. At first, she’s played as a victim - does Steve have a whole life she doesn’t know about? Then, she seems to be a co-conspirator, part of his whole operation and willing to help him kidnap girls. Then, you see that she’s missing part of her leg - did she used to be a victim? And you get a scene of her seemingly freaking out over having helped Steve kill Mollie - is she regretting her decisions? Then, in the end, she calmly speaks about freezing Steve’s dead body, knowingly manipulates Noa to try to kill her, and then ends up dead. I’m not sure what the point of her character was. “Women can be cannibals, too!” Or is she supposed to represent all the women that capitalize on other women’s suffering for their own gain, by establishing themselves into the patriarchal system? Maybe. Maybe. I still want to know the significance of her being an amputee.
Steve:
Steve is a great character - you see the easy way he manipulates Noa, and then you realize he’s done this to dozens of other girls. He seems to easily fall under the label of psychopath - eating people would do that to you - except the movie gives him a bit more depth. He seems to think he’s sane - he talks to Noa and explains his cannibal origins calmly, as if he’s talking about discovering his love for cheese - and he has a wife and kids and a sister and niece, all of whom he seems to treat with nothing but respect. We see him go on runs, stress out about work, and then also chop pieces of meat off a human leg. He’s the perfect representation of people who aren’t all what they seem. He’s too good to be true. Lastly, I like the fact that he falls for the exact same tactic Noa fell for at the start. Which bring us to…
Lastly, Noa:
The protagonist of this movie! I really liked Noa - she’s not as outwardly strong-willed as Mollie seems to be (who practically owns every scene she’s in) but she has a sense of perseverance and determinedness about her. We meet her at a state of not exactly desperation, but tiredness of the dating world, and so we understand why she falls for Steve so quickly. Noa is charming, and funny, and sweet - and instantly, this sets her up as a character foil for Steve. She turns exactly what he did to her against him. The last act of the movie is basically Noa tricking Steve into thinking she’s into him again. She plays up the fascination of cannibalism (wow, we have so much in common!) and the confusion of fear versus attraction, and this gets Steve become complacent. I was so scared for Noa the entire movie - it really plays the tension up - but I also had this sense of security since she herself was so determined to get out that I believed her.
Conclusions:
So, overall, I give Fresh an 8/10. Very good first two-thirds, filled with tension and great acting and cinematography and MUSIC (i forgot to mention how good the music was) and it touches on themes that are thought-provoking and relevant. The last third was basically the end of every other horror movie - with people stabbing and punching each other, and a gun being brought out (it seemed kind of rushed to me). But nonetheless, it was satisfying to see three abused girls beating up a bloodied Sebastian Stan. (I’m not sure why Ann had to be there, other than to see Mollie smash her face in with a shovel). This will definitely make me reconsider going to visit any of my friends who live in the distant suburbs for a very long time.
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daylicate · 4 years
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From New Age Deceit to Jesus - Boy, I Did NOT Expect This To Happen...Trust Me.
Hi, guys! So when I left this blog rather abruptly, it was mainly because I had a major realization in my life that I truly did not know how to explain without sounding absolutely insane. For many, what I’m about to share is going to be controversial, but I hope you understand that the reason I’m writing this is because I truly care about Taylor and her fans. If this can resonate with at least one person, maybe a halfway believer, then I’m happy with that. I’m also not trying to convert anyone or cast judgement or persuade anyone to stop what they’re doing! All love here! If God has taught me one thing, it’s that life is your own personal journey, and you can decide if and when to see a sign and make a turn. 
I’m probably going to start this around the time I became a huge Taylor fan again. It started around April of last year right before ME! came out. At that time, and for most of my life really, I always felt rather lost - as if there was a void in my heart that needed filling. When I started getting back into her music and her Easter Egg adventures, it was as if that void was filled...except not really, because I was never satisfied and was ultimately waiting for the NEXT thing Taylor was going to share with us to uncover. I guess you could say, the void got DEEPER. I was idolizing her so much so that, I unknowingly was treating her like she was God. At the end of the day, that’s what “stan” culture is - blindly worshipping false idols. If you were to look back in history, our culture parallels so much with the times of Ancient Egypt, Ancient Rome and Ancient Greece, except we have way more advanced technology and cultural distractions.
In becoming a Taylor fan, the world around me began to shift, because she made me realize how deceptive the media can be. Her whole career had me questioning everything I ever consumed from Hollywood that was PR-related. I got deeper into celebrity culture and blind gossip, which then led me to discover how corrupt things in Hollywood, and in this world, really are. Then, I found out about the Epstein stuff around July of last year, and boy did that affect me. I became SO disillusioned and disheartened that it slowly began to eat away at me. I really don’t know how else to describe it other than it feeling like the dementors from Harry Potter were legitimately sucking the life and soul out of me. I was not taking care of myself while consuming this information, and my faith was nowhere to be found. Around Fall of last year, I dropped out of my semester at college and entered intensive therapy. The biggest thing I learned in my time there was gratitude. I’ve had to deal with some trauma in the past, but through that pain I am able to connect and empathize with so many others. During that time, I learned to let go of the pain and see them as lessons that made me a stronger person.
Alright, so the New Age. Here’s a list of things that are New Age: metaphysics, past lives, numerology, twin flames, astrology, parallel realities, dimensions, crystals, sage, incense, tarot cards, meditating to reach enlightenment, chakra cleansing, rituals, channeling, reiki, energy frequencies, law of attraction, manifestation, psychedelics, aliens (starseeds, light workers, etc.), and SO much more. The best way to describe it would be like a huge buffet - you get to pick and choose your own personalized religion. Now, what I’ve come to realize is that the end goal of this stuff is to become...almost...Godlike. You’re basically training your mind to worship yourself. I worry about this gaining momentum because I see a LOT of celebrities pushing these ideas.
This is where it gets spooky. From April - June I was practicing this stuff intensely, and I would wake up every morning with intense joint pain and nausea, going HOURS without eating. My depression, anxiety, fear, paranoia increased TENFOLD whenever the news was on or when I would watch films/shows with my family. Again, it felt like dementors were sucking the life and soul out of me. Growing up, my mom would call me her “little bird”, and one day I stepped outside and found a dead baby bird right outside my parent’s home. When all this started occurring, I was NOT connecting it to the fact that it was happening because I was researching more about the darkness of Hollywood and practicing some New Age, or occult, stuff (tarot, crystals, astrology, meditating, law of attraction, numerology, energy manipulation, twin flames). From what I was reading online, I legitimately thought the pain and nausea were signs of my “consciousness increasing”.........again, it sounds insane, but once you fall down the rabbit hole, you try to find reasoning from “spiritual people” for why your body is reacting the way that it is. 
When I got back to my apartment, I still had so many questions about all this stuff I was researching. Again, you THINK the void would be filled, but it just gets deeper and deeper, because you want to find out MORE. While on Twitter, I saw someone reply to a tweet that said that the idea of focusing on love frequencies was Luciferian, and at first I was like, uh excuse me, what now?! It does not feel that way, sir! This stuff is all about love and peace! You’re lying! Well, the dude was right, because the devil is one big master of deceit. When it hit me that what I was practicing did not have my best interest at heart, phew, I got down on my knees, PRAYED, and repented. Then, the BEST and most humble feeling came over me. I don’t know how to describe it in text without it sounding wild but, it reminded me of the lyrics to Amazing Grace? “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I was once was lost, but now am found, was blind but now I see.”
Our entire culture is focused on self-indulgence, and during COVID I’ve realized just how self-centered and dark our society is. Since so much evil is finally coming to light, that means there has to be good. Because we have all this time to rest and think, basically little to no distractions, God’s voice (our conscious) is speaking directly to us, and we’re finally listening and acting on it! It’s just that, we’re not acknowledging that it’s God fueling this passion in us. We’re fighting injustice, trying to free the oppressed, exposing cruelty, redistributing our wealth to those in need, etc. Through our actions, we’re bringing light into our darkness, healing and righteousness. The sad part is, spiritual warfare is at play, so because we’re trying to do so much good, evil is finding ways to be more insidious.
Jesus is so real, and I’m so glad he saved me. If at any point you experienced anxiety while reading this, earnestly call out to Jesus to help you. I promise you that void you’ve been feeling your entire life will finally be filled. I’m so much more at peace now, and when I feel evil trying to creep back in, I’m just like, Jesus SOS! He’s the best and He loves you. When my mom used to talk about God, my body would physically cringe and reject her, and my thoughts would turn hateful. Now when I talk about God, I am so happy and free!
If this resonates, awesome! If you read this and thought, meh no thank you, I totally get it. Again, I don’t want to come off as THAT person trying to force God on you, because God doesn’t want that. He wants it come naturally and from a place of love (and fear - you gotta love and fear God) - it’s why we have free will! You have to be ready for it, because your life is going to do a complete 180. 
The best way I can describe it is that, I stepped into the daylight and let all of my demons finally...go. Don’t let the devils roll the dice no longer, my dudes! Sending love to you all, and please feel free to message me if you have any questions. I certainly can’t be the one to give you the answers, but I’d be happy to guide you! Discernment and not becoming easily deceived is key when you make this shift.
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hellyeahomeland · 4 years
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“Fucker Shot Me”: an HYH recap
A day after Haqqani turns himself over to the Americans, the Americans are turning him over to G’ulom. Saul and Haqqani pull up to Ghazi Stadium, where G’ulom has been holding the Taliban fighters.
G’ulom is standing outside, in a cape, like he’s Andre Leon Fucking Talley (to be clear, we stan). Haqqani says he’s ready and Saul gets out of the car to give another speech that G’ulom is definitely not listening to about Justice and Due Process and Integrity. G’ulom fulfills his end of the bargain, releasing the prisoners, who all make a beeline for Haqqani because, well, he’s the Emir! Saul warns G’ulom that if he doesn’t treat Haqqani with respect, “your world will explode.” So that’s coming. 
Saul goes back to Kabul station and Mike and Jenna have something to tell him.
Jenna: Remember how yesterday I had one job, which was to get Carrie on the plane to Germany? Saul: Yeah… Jenna: Well, I fucked that up. Mike: Carrie was photographed at the airport getting in a car with everyone’s favorite Russian hunk. Yevgeny Gromov! Can you believe it? Saul: Yes. I mean, no! How surprising. Mike: They could be halfway to Moscow by now. Saul: First, chill. Second, doubtful. Carrie is all about saving her friend Max. She’s probably somewhere in Pakistan. Mike: This is an outrage. Rules! I must follow them! I’m referring this to the FBI. Saul: Whatever. Send me a text or something when you find her ok byeeeeee
Carrie and Yevgeny are somewhere in Pakistan, it turns out. They’re listening to the radio, which is such a quaint thing for two lovers frenemies to do together. The radio report is about Haqqani turning himself in, and they get to talking about the CIA’s working theory that Carrie is a traitor who told her Russian handler—Yevgeny—about the president’s helicopter so that he could alert Haqqani who could fire an RPG! Phew. That’s a lot. They’re both like “yeah that didn’t happen” but also realize the, like, component of weirdness of the situation since they’re off on this road trip together and look extra double super suspicious now. “Ironic,” Carrie says while gazing out the window.
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They pull up to a checkpoint. Yevgeny gets out of the car because he is In Charge. He approaches two guys, who are actually his homies, inquiring about where “the American” (Max) is. They have a line on him.
Carrie and Yevgeny’s next stop is a small Pakistani village. Again Yevgeny gets out of the car and instructs Carrie to stay. But we all know (and he should too by now!) that if you tell Carrie not to do something, she turns into a four-year-old child who instantly must do that thing. Plus her spidey senses are tingling. Maybe she recognizes some of these structures? She hops out of the car and ends up at a gravesite. Rows upon rows of graves with the year “2014” etched across the bottom. Uh oh. A few split-second flashbacks later and… yep, these are the graves of the people she dropped a bomb on in “The Drone Queen.”
Carrie: Quit fucking with me. Yevgeny: Heh? Carrie: Quit 👏 fucking 👏 with 👏 me  Yevgeny: I’m not fucking with you. Carrie: Coolio, so we just happened to end up at the village I decimated four years ago in the event that probably more than any other haunts my waking nights? Yevgeny: What do you think happens after you decimate a village with a bomb, Carrie? We come in, help them rebuild the mosque, and develop contacts. It’s not a coincidence we’re here. But I’m not fucking with you. Carrie: I’m changing the subject now. What did the imam say? Yevgeny: He knows where Max is. Come on.
Saul, resident hottie Scott Ryan, and Not Martha Boyd are gathered around a conference table in Kabul station, talking to Linus and his homies back at the White House. They’re all very concerned that Haqqani’s trial will be a sham, he’ll be put up against a wall and shot, and that will mean more violence and more instability, and certainly not an end to “The Forever War.” Not Martha mentions that the lead judge is a woman she knows from some embassy events and she’s fair and independent so they can probably influence her (umm… what?)! Their meeting is interrupted by Hayes, who’s apparently just wandering the halls of the West Wing searching for something to do. He’s generally displeased this is all taking place behind his back, but no one thinks he can do anything, so it’s understandable. He flatly denies Saul’s request to declassify some intelligence that could prove Haqqani is innocent, asks again for the “action plan” to kill more brown people, and storms out.
Back in Carrie/Yevgeny land, Yevgeny continues to pry about the drone strike. He says again he didn’t put two and two together, then proceeds to ask actual personal questions like, “so is that why you left the CIA?” Carrie explains her mental state in season four, which is not something she’s ever done, but it’s interesting nonetheless. She catches herself at the end again questioning whether he’s being truthful or not, because if he is, she doesn’t know why. Poor Carrie has no concept of a personal relationship that’s not transactional.
They eventually arrive at the house where Max is being kept. Again, Yevgeny does all the talking. Carrie storms in to find Max, sprawled out on a mattress, one arm still handcuffed to the bed frame. Immediately she springs into nurturing, concerned Carrie, which is not a hat she wears often (side note: when will Carrie wear another hat?). Max says he’s fine but the narsty wound they show in close-up confirms otherwise. He explains that he doesn’t have the flight recorder anymore but he didn’t want to make a big deal about it, lest it suggest the flight recorder was not just some random red boxy thing. “You did good,” Carrie assures him.
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Unfortunately, their touching moment ends right there because a few trucks full of Taliban soldiers pull up to the house. They uncuff Max and then cart him off. Yevgeny looks on helpless. Carrie tells Max she will find him. Then she goes off on the dude who let them in. Yevgeny has to physically restrain her. He looks in her eyes, tells her he’ll take care of this while Carrie attempts to calm her breathing. Did anyone else get the indication he has definitely done this before? He was too effective for that to be a rookie attempt. Anyhoozles, Yevgeny finally gets the location where they took Max, so it’s off to stop #3.
At Dover Air Force Base, Hayes is asking Linus for his unconditional loyalty, which is always something you want a president to be asking for. He’s really miffed that people are going behind his back but Linus says something like “we gotta be in the information flow, man.” Hayes repeats the phrase back, and you definitely get the indication he’s the type of person who uses words and phrases wrong all the time without realizing. Again, he’s the president! Don’t you feel safe?
Oh, the reason they’re at the base is because Hayes had an empty casket shipped back on Air Force One for a photo op. And surprise, surprise! G’ulom came over too. I’m sure they’ll have tons to talk about.
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Elsewhere in Pakistan, Saul is grasping at straws and goes to Bunny’s home. Tasneem is there, because they have no secrets between them. Saul pleads for their help coming up with a way to help Haqqani. If they don’t, there will be another war, right at their border, and that’s not great for America, but they’re 7000 miles away. It’s really not great for Pakistan, because it’ll be right on their doorstep. Bunny is having none of it. The Americans play hot and cold with Pakistan, asking for their help whenever it suits them and in the interim killing their citizens, withholding aid, and generally being massive dicks. Enough already!
Saul sees himself out, but Tasneem surprisingly comes knocking on his car window. She’ll help him. Why? She doesn’t want to watch the world burn. This is a surprise because I thought that was Tasneem’s defining quality.
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Carrie and Yevgeny arrive at stop #3, which is a field just above where Max is being kept. Carrie scopes out the house. It’s barely being guarded, but who knows how long that’ll last. She decides to phone a friend, but Saul never answers his damn phone. So she decides to phone a Single White Female.
Jenna: Carrie? What the hell? You made me look like an idiot. Carrie: Made you? Lol ok. Anyway, please listen. Mike: What are you doing, Carrie? Carrie: Oh, great, you again. I found Max. Y’know, that thing you guys were doing anything in your power to accomplish? I did it in like 12 hours. Mike: Who are you with? Carrie: ...Breezing by that question. Anyway, here are the coordinates. Will you call special ops? Max is in critical condition, I don’t know how much longer he can make it.  Mike: Do you have any idea how much trouble you’re in? Carrie: Do you have any idea how much I don’t give a fuck? Just call special ops. Bye. [click] Mike: You are now a fugitive, your case is with the FBI, Carrie…? CARRIE?
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In the Oval Office, Hayes and G’ulom meet for an “unofficial summit.” Hayes reads a headline on his iPad that declares “The Two Presidents,” which… is certainly a true thing about them. Hayes hems and haws about going back to war with the Taliban, and G’ulom says some manipulative stuff about the US being all-powerful fighters who could totally put them away in two to three weeks. Hayes doesn’t even know he’s being manipulated though and plays right into G’ulom’s hand. He eats this shit up! He loves hearing about American dominance and how he could be the steward of it. If it means murdering even more brown people, that’s just a bonus!
Saul and his new BFF Tasneem arrive at the home of the lead judge for Haqqani’s trial and plead with her that he’s innocent. She asks for literally any evidence and their response is “just trust us, two perfect strangers who barged into your house late at night.” She’s highly skeptical until Tasneem pulls up a news article about the RPG that hit one of the Taliban caravans back in episode two. That was meant for Haqqani, because he wanted peace and the ISI didn’t, and he still agreed to the peace deal. This is apparently enough to sway her, so she agrees to a continuance for one week while Saul and Tasneem figure out what to do.
Carrie is taking a light nap in the back seat of Yevgeny’s truck when he wakes her. Some more cars have arrived at the house where Max is. She peers through the binoculars to see Jalal Haqqani rolling up with his crew. Shit. Jalal enters the room where Max is being held and asks him who shot down the helicopters. “What helicopters?” Max cooly replies. Max 4 President!
Above, Carrie is panicked and phones Mike again. Mike admits that no, special ops isn’t coming. It’s too risky, they haven’t scouted the site, etc. Carrie, totally missing the point, offers to scout the site herself. The issue, of course, isn’t with the site, it’s with Carrie herself. She’s a rogue agent, calling from a Russian sat phone. Who else is even listening in on this call? Carrie says, verbatim, “I don’t underestimate the difficulty.” Whenever Carrie goes searching for euphemisms (“That is a mischaracterization!”) you know she’s in deep shit and that she knows she’s in deep shit. She pleads with Mike that Max is one of ours and we can’t just abandon him. He says they’re doing all they can, which is of course a lie. This must all feel eerily reminiscent of Brody and Tehran for her, a slow-motion car crash she’s powerless to stop.
In need of something, anything, to do, Carrie asks Yevgeny for his gun. She’s going to scout the site herself, at least see if Max is still alive. Yevgeny reluctantly agrees but vows to book it if she gets in trouble, which is also of course a lie.
In Kabul, Saul visits Haqqani in his cell, which is also eerily reminiscent of the cage they kept Brody in in season three. He tells him of the continuance he secured and Haqqani is like, “bro, why are you doing all this?” Saul says it’s because he’s innocent. Haqqani knows the truth though: after forty of years of war, none of them are still innocent.
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In the court room, one by one the judges file in. The last and presiding one, however, is not the woman Tasneem and Saul met the night prior. That’s right, G’ulom pulled the ol’ trial judge switcheroo! This new guy is definitely not ordering a continuance. He gives a speech about the pain and suffering Haqqani has inflicted on thousands of people. How he killed both presidents. He sentences him to death. Saul looks on horrified. He calls Linus, who informs him that Hayes has asked for new perspectives on Afghanistan, and John Zabel is in the Oval Office meeting with him as they speak. They are extremely disgusted, so we know John Zabel must suck. Outside the courthouse, crowds have gathered in celebration of the announcement of Haqqani’s inevitable execution.
In the Oval Office, Linus interrupts the meeting between Hayes and John Zab—oh my god, it’s Hugh Dancy! Ok, ok, we all knew it would be Hugh Dancy, but it’s still exciting! He has a terrible haircut, awful facial hair, and gives off general vibes of hot evilness. He makes a few incredibly racist remarks, praises Hayes’ quick action in avenging Beau Bridge’s death, and talks about next steps. Linus comes thisclose to doing a Jim Halpert on The Office impression.
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A few Taliban soldiers come into Max’s room and drag him up. He groans and yells. Outside, Carrie, gun in hand, makes her way to the perimeter of the house. They’ve carried Max into the courtyard and are pulling an orange jumpsuit on him. He screams in protest, doing everything he can to resist. Jalal stands in front, camera and tripod at the ready. Carrie watches in horror, beginning to put the pieces together. They pull Max’s glasses off and she pulls her pistol up, ready to shoot.
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Suddenly, Yevgeny grabs her from behind, his hand over her mouth, muzzling her cries. He puts her against a wall (why is this so sexual??) and stares into her eyes. “No,” he whipsers. For once, she listens.
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Text
Stone Cold - S.S.
Sebastian Stan x Reader
My first request!
Anon: "Hi! :') I loved "friend don't treat me like you do" so much and was wondering if I can request an angsty fic based on the song stone cold by demi lovato, but with maybe a happy ending? Thank you so much!!"
Genre: Angst, Fluff
Word count: 3,482
Warnings: -
A/N: You didn't explicitly said who you want it with, but I assumed Sebastian. Hope you like it! xx
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Your Friendship with Sebastian has been the best thing that happened to you. You got to know each other through your job since you were one of the people responsible for the props in some movies, Marvel ones as well. The both of you instantly had a connection, and you knew you weren't the only one who felt it when Sebastian visited you to talk to you during filming breaks, as you normally sat alone in one of corner of the set, just like he did that day.
"If Anthony makes me laugh one more time, I swear I'll punch him. He's responsible for me looking unprofessional." He chuckled, sipping on his coffee. You nodded, smiling. You've caught Anthony making faces at Sebastian a couple times already. "But you gotta admit, you did the same to him." - "Sure but that's different." - "How is it different?" - "Because it's him then!"
You rolled your eyes and grinned at his childish behavior. "I want to see one day on set where you don't try to manipulate each other." He just shook his head no at your remark. "Can't do. He started it." You laughed at that. Now he really sounded like a straight up child. "By the way, do you wanna go somewhere to eat this evening?" You looked at him, a little startled. He never invited you to go out before, and your friendship had been going on for about 4 month already. "Uhm, I guess." You answered, not 100% sure about his intentions. "As friends or are you asking me out?" He chuckled at your question, finishing his coffee. "As friends, obviously." You nodded. Of course. "So you in?" He asked again, his hopeful gaze lingering on your face. "Yeah." A smile crept it's way onto his way as he nodded. "Is 8 okay?" You nodded, just before a crew guy came around. "Stan, we need you on Set." Sebastian nodded, smiling at you before leaving. You watched as he made his way to his position.
You hated to admit it, but you were developing just the tiniest crush on the romanian actor. Since the first day you've met he has always been a gentleman towards you. He was the only one on set who actually wanted to spend time with you. Of course you had a couple of other friends along your co workers, but when they talked you often felt left out. It wasn't like that with Sebastian. He was sweet, always asking how you're holding up and trying to light up your mood when you felt down. Since you both stayed in the same hotel, you met there a couple times as well to hang out at the hotel bar with the other workers. You cared about each other, and the way he showed that to you had you wrapped around his finger. And you mentally cursed yourself for it. He was a well payed, famous actor while you were some backround person who carries fake weapons around the set. He wouldn't be interested in you. And he just confirmed that.
As the evening arrived you stood infront of your bed in your underwear, different pieces of clothing scattered over the sheets. You had no idea where Sebastian wanted to go since he didn't spend his last break with you (which was fine, he obviously had other friends on set who wanted to talk to him). So you didn't know how to dress. You didn't want to look too fancy nor too casual. You decided on a lacy tank top with a black skirt with some matchig black heels and a jeans jacket. You put on some basic make up and took in your appearance, satisfied with how you looked.
The knock on your door came just in time. You grabbed your back and opened it to find Sebastian smiling down at you. He was wearing a white shirt under a leather jacket and some black jeans. 'Casual.' You thought to yourself. "Hello there." He smiled, pulling you in for a hug. "You look great." He added, his eyes shamelessly flying over your figure, making you blush. "Thanks! You don't look too bad yourself." You chuckled, making him grin.
You two left the hotel to get into a cab outside. Sebastian told the driver the address and he started driving. "Wanna tell me where you're taking me?" You asked, turning to Sebastian. "It's a small Diner Chris and I found the other day." He answered, smiling. You soon arrived at your destination and you followed him into a small booth in a corner. He had good taste, you thought. The diner was nice indeed, it had a nice atmosphere, the soft background music calming you. You ordered food and drinks and started chatting, telling each other about stuff you didn't know yet.
"There's actually a reason I brought you here today." Sebastian suddenly said, making your heart stop for a second. "And what would that be?" You asked as you put another fry in your mouth. He took a breath. "So, you're a woman." You raised your eyebrows at his comment, making him chuckle. "You have amazing observation skills." You joked, smiling as he laughed. "I know, I know. I just...I need your advice." Your brows furrowed in confusion. "Advice with what?" - "There's this girl, she's one of the make up artists and I really don't know how to approach her." You pressed your lips in a tight line as your throat went dry. You took a sip of your Milkshake, trying to calm your nerves. You had no right to be jealous, you were friends, he said it himself.
"Don't tell me you've never approached a woman before." You joked, hiding how uncomfortable you were with the whole situation. He rolled your eyes at your remark, smiling. "Of course not. But I don't know, it's something about her that makes me all nervous, it's weird." He admitted, hitting your arm playfully as you shot him an amused look. "And how am I supposed to help?" - "Tell me how you'd like a guy to ask you out." You turned your gaze away from him, pretending to think. "He should be a real gentleman, show me that he's interested in me rather than saying it. After a while I'd just want him to ask me on a date. That's it." You hated how it sounded almost like your friendship with Seb. Apart from the him liking you part. Sebastian nodded at your description. "It's kinda basic, isn't it?" He asked, making you narrow your eyes. "Oh, you think I'm basic?" - "No not you, but your expectations for men." He grinned. You just shrugged. "No high hopes means less possible disappointment."
The rest of the evening went well. Sebastian seemed to accept your advice since he didn't pick up the topic again. You secretly thanked him for that. About two hours later you decided to leave. You payed and made your way back to hotel, hugging Sebastian goodbye as you arrived at your floor. You didn't know it yet, but working eith him would become a lot harder than it was.
It already started the next day. You haven't seen Sebastian at all, even though he had two breaks already. You tried to tell yourself that it wasn't important, that he probably spend his breaks with his co-workers. But when he finally came to you, a bright smile on his face, you couldn't help but feel your heart flutter. "Y/N, I have great news!" Oh no. "I did it! I talked to Amanda!" So that's her name. "She's really nice, i spend my breaks with her and we're really getting along." Your jaw clenched on it's own accord. The last time you've seen him this happy was when you suprised him with donuts. You forced a smile. "That's great news! I'm happy for you." He grinned, thanking you. He opened his mouth again to continue speaking as his phone vibrated. He took it out, smiling as his screen lit up. "That's her, I gotta go. But still thanks for your help!" He smiled at you before leaving, giving you no time to answer. You sighed, turning back to your coffee. So this was how it'll be.
The next days Sebastian never joined you during his breaks. You got a quick hug when you briefly met each other, and a smile here and there when you brought a prop on set. You forced yourself to hang out with your co-workers to not sit alone during breaks. But you regretted that decision as the topic changed to what's going on between Sebastian and the Make up lady. You rolled your eyes as you tried to keep your full attention to your phone in your hands. God you hated this. You really missed Sebastian.
When work day was over and you made your way off set, you heard someone calling your name. You stopped and turned around, nearly tumbling over as someone basically ran into you to hug you. "Y/N she said yes!" Sebastian almost screamed in your ear before pulling away, a bright smile on his face. "I asked her out and she said yes!" You could practically feel your heart breaking at his words, but smiled anyway. "That's great!" He nodded excitedly. "Thank you, really. Without you I probably wouldn't have spoken to her." You mentally slapped yourself. "No problem, bud." You smiled, padding his shoulder. "Good luck with her!" He thanked you once more before leaving. You let out a deep sigh, turning around to catch a cab to go to your hotel.
You spend the rest of your day in your hotel bed, watching TV with some chinese take-out. Suddenly your phone vibrated, Sebastian name appearing on it. You furrowed your brows, he barely texted you. You picked up your phone to read his message.
'Just wanted to inform you that the date was great! She's so sweet and even has good taste in food!'
You let the phone fell back on the bed as you stared at the ceiling. You hated to admit it but god did you want to be that girl. But it was his choice. And his choice was her.
You tried to avoid Sebastian the following days. You didn't want to hear about him and Amanda, so it was actually a good thing that he didn't visit you during his breaks anymore.
"Hey Y/N, you coming to that party everyone got invited to this Friday?" One of your co-workers, Marc, asked. You shrugged. "Maybe, i don't know. I'm not really a party person." - "Oh come on, you have to come." Jessica pouted. From all your co-workers, you were closest with her. You sighed, you could never turn her down. So you agreed, causing her to smile. You turned your attention back to your phone, checking your mails. A new email made yur jaw slack a little, an offering to work at another movie. You let your gaze drift across the set, debating whether to accept it or not. It would help to get away from Sebastian, and the payment would be better. You sighed, locking your phone again.
As Friday arrived, you forced yourself into a simple, but fancy black dress and some heels. You still haven't accepted the offer from the other movie, but the thought of it still lingered in your mind. Sebastian texted you yesterday that he and Amanda officially started dating, and you felt numb ever since. You've definitely fallen for him, and you hated to see him with someone who wasn't you. So accepting the job wouldn't be so bad.
You walked out of the hotel, taking a cab to the restaurant the managers booked for the whole crew. You sat at the table with some of the prop people, your eyes immediately scanning the room for Sebastian. You spotted him on the dance floor, Amanda in his arms as they talked to each other while swaying to the soft music. You frowned at the scene, taking your phone out. You opened the email about the job offering, taking a breath before typing an answer, accepting it.
As the evening went on, you tried to concentrate on the conversation between the people around you. When you got hungry you slowly made your way to the buffet, grabbing a plate to get yourself some shrimp. "There she is." An all to familiar voice suddenly called, making you jump in suprise. "God Sebastian, warn a girl." You mumbled, putting shrimps onto your plate. "I haven't seen you in a long time, how have you been?" He smiled, a little confused why you didn't react as happy as you normally would. You took a breath, turning to him. "I've been great, you?" - "Amazing! Amanda is a pure angel, I'm so glad to be with her." His eyes shined in pure Happiness and you had a hard time not getting lost in them. "Sounds nice, I'm happy for you." 'Happy to see you so cheerful, not that she's the reason' you mentally corrected yourself. Then you remembered your new job.
"Oh, by the way, I have some news." You added, a forced smile on your face. "I've got a job at a different movie. Their payment is better than here. So, I won't be on set anymore." His face fell at your words. "You're leaving?" You bit your lip nervously, nodding. He just sighed. "So this is goodbye i guess?" You nodded again, showing a sad smile as he hugged you once more. He wished you luck before going back to his girlfriend. You watched as he left, waiting for your eyes to get teary but there was nothing. You body felt numb, your heart stone cold. You took a breath before turning back to your shrimps, secretly wishing this evening would end soon.
When it did finally end you informed everyone that you were leaving and officially quitting your job. You packed your things and left the hotel the same night, taking a cab to the subway to your new job.
*About 2 month later*
The new job was great. The people around you were nice, you never had to spend a break alone. But everything couldn't keep Sebastian off your mind. You did miss him. You barely spoke to each other, a text here and there but nothing more. You wanted to talk to him so badly, but you assumed he was busy with Amanda. When the set of the movie you currently helped on was close to where Sebastian was currently, you actually considered to visit him, but your doubts made that impossible.
It was a late Saturday evening when he texted you again. You were in your current hotel room, watching some lame drama on TV.
Sebastian: 'Where are you right now?'
You got confused by this. He'd never asked that before.
You: 'In a hotel. Why?'
Sebastian: 'Can I come?'
You swore your heartbeat stopped for a second. Why did he want to visit you?
You: 'Of course, is there a specific reason?'
Sebastian: 'We'll talk then, just tell me'
He sounded kind of harsh, which left you even more suspicious. You told him where you were, which he didn't reply to. You turned the TV off, your fingers drumming nervously against the leather couch as you waited for him to arrive, your mind flooding with questions.
A knock at your door forced you out of trance. You walked up to it, noticing how your hands were shaking slightly as you unlocked it before opening it. You were met with a tired looking Sebastian, his hair a mess and beard full grown. Before you could say anything his arms where around you, pulling you into a tight hug. You were startled for a second before you hugged him back, taking in the scent of his cologne. Yes, you really had missed him. "Hi." He finally murmured, pulling back slowly. "Hey." You replied, stepping aside to let him enter your hotel room. He sat down at the couch, you joining him after closing the door.
You sat there in silence for a couple moments, waiting for him to start as he was the one who wanted to come. "I have news." He suddenly said, making you turn your gaze to him while he kept his on his hands. "Amanda and I broke up." Your face fell at his statement while your heart jumped a little. It hasn't gotten over the crush you had on him, even after month of not seeing him. "Sorry to hear that." You said sincere and he nodded. "What happened, if I may ask?" He took a deep breath before answering. "It was a mutual break up, so everythings fine. We kind of rushed into the relationship, it was a bad idea since both of us wanted someone else but kind of settled for each other. It was a dumb, I know that now." You bit your lip nervously as his words hit you. He wanted someone else.
"Weird situation." You remarked. "Who would that someone else be?" Sebastian chuckled lightly at that, making you smile. God you had missed him so much. "Well, in her case it was a camera guy. I've never talked to him so I don't know about him." You nodded, waiting for him to continue. "In my case...she's a close friend of mine. We talked a lot in the past but she never dropped any clues that she felt just as I did, so I looked for other possibilities and found Amanda." You felt your heart racing at his words, his eyes finally meeting yours. He couldn't be talking about you, could he? "But all the time i've spend with Amanda, I couldn't stop thinking of her. And Amanda couldn't stop thinking about that other guy, so both of us forced the other one to confess." He took another deep breath, his gaze still boring into yours. "That's why I'm here." You stopped breathing for a second. No way.
"You want me to help you again cause you don't know how to tell her?" You asked, half joking half serious. He chuckled at that, shaking his head. "No, that's not the reason." He got serious again, taking your hand in his. "I hope I'm not going to regret this, but I like you. You're amazing and beautiful and you understand me more than anyone ever could. And I'm so sorry that we didn't have much contact the last months, I really tried to forget you and be happy with Amanda but I couldn't. You're stuck in my head and it seems like there's no way to get you out." You couldn't help but stare at him in disbelief.
"You like me?" Sebastian furrowed his brows, but smiled. "That's all you heard?" - "God no, no i just-I didn't expect you to like me." His face suddenly fell at your words. "Does that mean you don't feel the same?" He asked carefully. Your eyes widened. "God, no, i mean, yes, I-ugh." You took a breath, slightly amused by Sebastian confused face. "I like you too. Always have." He let out a relieved sigh at that, smiling widely. "Thank god. I was actually scared I was gonna regret coming here." You chuckled before mirroring his smile. You watched as he slowly scooted closer, bringing the hand that wasn't still intertwined with yours to your face, setting it on your cheek. "I've been dreaming to do this." He smiled before he carefully covered your lips with his. The kiss started slow as you got addicted to his taste, a mixture of mint and just him. Your heart nearly busted out your chest, your mind going dizzy at the feeling of his lips against yours. The kiss got more passionate pretty quick as his hand moved to the back of neck while you ran yours through his short strands.
A couple minutes went by before Sebastian pulled away, panting lightly with the bright smile back on his lips. "Definitely should have done that earlier." He noted, making you grin. "Definitely." Your eyes find his as you just smile at each other, happy to finally be together. "I'm really sorry I didn't tell you earlier." He suddenly said, smiling sadly. You just shook your head. "No, don't worry. I could've said something myself, instead i left the job at Marvel to avoid you and Amanda." - "You left because of that?" he asked, amused by your confession. "Were you jealous?" - "Of course I was. I wanted to be in her spot." You pouted, making him chuckle. "Don't worry, you are now." He pecked your lips, making you giggle. "I'm gladly accepting." You captured his mouth into another kiss, feeling him smile against your lips. You were finally in your happy place, with the person you loved the most.
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softnorwegians · 6 years
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Some asks that I’m answering all together because I don’t have much to say and didn’t necessarily want to put them all on people’s dashes:
I just rewatched Season 2 and I‘m asking myself why I liked Noora that much. Besides the whole William thing. What he did to Vilde was so gross and he did not change. And let’s be hones, what happend to Noora when she was young was what William did to Vilde. Besides that. When she just directly shows Eva the tabs on Isaks Phone and talks about him and Sara in such a judgmental and mean way. And the whole Syria Crisis thing was so awkward, she didn’t really care. She just wanted to seem better 1\
2 than Eskild. And how she kissed Yousef even though she was so sure that Sana fancied him. And why? Because Sana did not tell her William had a new girlfriend. But in season 2 Noora doesn’t tell Eva about Jonas new girlfriend for a while. She tells her right before Eva and her go to the party where Jonas and his girlfriend are too. Ugh Noora in season 1 was awesome but they completely destroyed her character.
Yeah, tbh Noora was never one of my favorites? Maybe because I try to live-and-let-live and not get too judgmental so it’s extra painful to see someone failing at that. I think Noora is realistic and sometimes relatable but it can be a little hard to watch, hahaha.
I was always okay with Noora until s4 though! I absolutely got completely sick of her during s4, ajhksjf. I don’t hold kissing Yousef against her because I like to pretend that just didn’t happen but I was exhausted by how much we were seeing and hearing about her.
I’m confused as to why people are upset about William getting mad at Noora when he thought she slept with Nikolai?? Unless I’m remembering it wrong, he asked her “did you sleep with my brother” and she responded with “I don’t know” and he stormed off. That definitely doesn’t seem like an overreaction to me, just miscommunication as to what happened and what exactly Noora didn’t know (whether she was raped or not vs. whether she had consensual with him or not)
Well, “I don’t know” is an answer that doesn’t really make sense when related to the question of having sex so I think people felt like it was little ‘eh’ to not pick up on the undercurrent of what she was saying with it. But yeah, I’m not holding his initial reaction against him. It’s when he gets the texts that I’m like “...what”.
just saw this in the tag "blackmail? lol she doesn't have to go on the date. all she had to do was say "hell no" and then tell vilde what happened. it's not that serious". why did society teach us it's desirable for a man to never stop even if you say no to him, that if he just keeps pushing you'll see the light eventually. it's also funny that france leaked a key episode again to create hype. there's no way it isn't intential. i guess at least Italy will get s3 since they're in Oslo now *sighs*
I probably should have addressed more about Noora agreeing to the date but oh well. ...I have an allergic reaction to “s3” and “remake” in the same sentence. It’s making me not want to watch any of the remakes any farther, tbh.
one thing is also that he doesn't say it in a joking way, he sounds serious and it's very bad directed if that line was supposed to be a cute way of asking for consent.
Yeah, agreed, like I don’t get that at all from the line. It’s more what I figure it has to be.
If you look past how unnecessary annoying and obsessed Julie made Vilde (to a point some people probably thought it all was Vilde and not William), she also had a pattern with Norh*lm. His friends get beat up instead of him, he acts like 180, Noora doesn't owe him. He gets mad and hurt when she tells the truth, he walks away and she lays it out again but she kisses him. She doesn't know if she was assaulted but she has to get him back when he's been hurt. What a mess but boyfriend goalz!
I’m tired.
If it's hard to see how Wilhelm pressured Noora then switch it out to be about sex or coming out of the closet and add in how everything affects Vilde with her eating disorder and fragilness with her feelings then perhaps it's clear as a day.
Sorry, I’m not quite following this one! But I feel like I would support you. 😁
I don't see why peolke think william changes in s2? He gets points from his fans that he stops sleeping with girls, is gentle and soft (Vilde said he was that and that's why she fell back to her, NHs must really dislike Vilde in the 2.8 scene), doesn't pressure her with sex after she says she wants to wait, doesn't read her messages, finishes her essay while she's sleeping after a panic attack and GOSH doesn't leave his love in that state to party hard. Then ignores/levavs her when he finds out.
I’m still with Vilde, she deserved better than William and why isn’t that true for Noora too?
I would actually say literally nothing I hate about willhelm (besides not using a condom) is stuff heard via rumors and gossip and actually just through stuff he actually does onscreen lol. Also even if He never would've actually told Vilde about what happened threatening to do so isn't any better sorry
I just really hate in general that he’s leveraging something to get to Noora. I mean, she does agree to this date (offscreen) but even then, it was a bargain and not because she actually wanted to be there. What kind of “date” is that. I just hate seeing that in any context, a woman coerced into a “romantic” situation.
“Take Vilde, she reveals he was loyal, caring and gentle when they had sex beforehand we were made to believe the opposite was true”..Um and then he slept with every girl in school. I mean sleep with whoever you want, however many people you want but being gentle and nice in sex doesn’t mean your a good person. That is the opposite of loyal.... I don’t even hate William honestly think I hate Noora more but the pro side always reaches so hard only people who reach more are the Jonas haters.
Oh, yes, I didn’t comment on that but the “loyal” definitely doesn’t apply.
I agree we should have gotten way more Vilde and Even content and way less Noora and William drama. I hated the way Vilde was portrayed(the comments she made about Sana to the Pepsi max girls and just some stuff she did/said we’re not cool and I didn’t like that it was kinda brushed aside)and don’t get me started on the lack of Even. He was(I’m assuming)a big part of her life, he was best friends with her brother and was probably around a lot and we just didn’t get the storyline they deserved.
*pours one out for the s4 we imagined during the hiatus* 
Common trauma? Amazing how William knows Noora doesn't feel loved and left by her parents yet he shuts her out and leaves her after he's seen her having a panic attack when she can't breathe and says she feels as if she's going to die over something she isn't ready to share yet. And this is supposed to be a desirable relationship? At least they are attractive? But attractive white fuckboys have always gotten what they point at.
Yeahhhhhhhh, it really does make it harder to excuse what he does when he knows something is wrong and she’s actually pretty upfront with “there’s something I have to tell you but can’t yet”.
it's amazing how most 18/19 are decent at that age and you get to vote, drive and drink, but if you are a rich badboy you have a right to act however you want and people must forgive you in the end. since julie never made his bff chris be more than a second supporting character, why couldn't he be the huge asshole instead and wilhelm had to be torn with his loyalty? then I rmbr the blackmail date did so he missed defending his boys, tg s1 didn't say it was the date's fault he wasn't there! 😊
I don’t even mind that they started William out as an asshole, they just went too far with it imho and never pointed out “this behavior is wrong and we know it” and he never had to atone or redeem himself for what he did.
n8rhelm is supposed to be the classic hate to love story, there's a million movies but ive never seen one where the person is terrible to the love interest and manipulate them like this. also william is a really weak actor, don't know if that doesn't translate,all he have is his looks and glaring stares. he couldn't even deliver pretending to be a bad actor with niko there or when he tells nooea to be quick with the water. he has no timing or natrualness, only kisses and react n's great acting
I find Thomas Hayes to be... not a great actor but also not completely terrible? There’s some scenes I buy him (the marching band scene where he’s rolling his eyes I remember as good?) but he doesn’t bring a lot sometimes. idk.
thegirlnooneknows5 replied to your post “(1) ok I’m pro-noorhelm and arguing via ask is hard with a limit and I…”
And whenever Noora talks about his good qualities and whatnot, we never really get to see them. It’s all off screen. It would be easier to forgive him if we actually got to see his change, but ah well
☝ I think that would really improve things, tbh.
thegirlnooneknows5 replied to your post “the funniest argument to me used by noorh*lm stans in excusing his…”
It also perpetuates the idea that ‘no means convince me’ and that’s farked up
Ugh, yeah. That’s one of the more depressing undercurrents of s2.
daigina replied to your post “1)The truth is really in the eyes of the beholder , you guys don’t…”
I agree it’s a good move with William but it does nothing to resolve the major problem with him that season which is how he treated Noora with no discussion or explanation or apology at all. If that detail had been fitted into even a short discussion between the two over all of THAT in Williams clip that would have been soooo nice
Also that was such a tiny thing?? Like they didn’t even spare two seconds of dialogue on it, it’s barely there. If you need a magnifying glass to see character development, does it count?
Yeah, I liked that lawyer detail but it really was such a last minute, supplementary thing!
i still think julie had no idea what the fight was about in s4 or changed her mind when someone was coming back. we knew she rewrote and missed gullruten, several norwiegians reported on rumors at the time that she bearly had written the last episode when it was time for recording. she wrote the fan fave to have an unprovoked violent moments just in time to bring back the one who everyone complained had hit someone with a bottle. and how could yousef've been so wrong about what happened at bakka
oh god, let’s not even get started. it just makes me sad to think about how thrown together s4 wound up being.
Hi. Is it true that skam italia is using a white actress to play Sana, a muslim character?If so, it is wrong in so many levels, tbh!
I believe the actress is white and isn’t a muslim. And yeah, nagl. 
I feel like that with skam france they have the intention to do a season 3 and want it to start in autumn to align with the original series. I’m not saying I agree or like this tactic but it seems to make the most sense of why. Sure the time span is short between 1 and 2 but it’s not the most unrealistic. The director said he went on this project because of season 3 especially so I guess that’s why I think it’s like this. It would be more odd for Lucas to move in to the flat during the year.
Oh god... sorry, not you, I’m just at the point where I really don’t like being reminded that season three will ever be remade anywhere.
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