#how can they fuck up my hours THIS MUCH

[inkskinned]

i know people are good because of this: the universe often assigns me side quests. in a circular strangeness; despite my inability to locate my-own-anything, i am almost-always finding someone else's lost things. dogs, coats, phones, cash, laptops. it happens so often it's almost tiring; suddenly being looped into a tiny amount of detective work.

but when i'm with other people who are not used to this: the response is almost invariably delight. yes, maybe they are simply thrilled by the mystery. it's just... they light up so much. i think maybe more... i think they like the opportunity to do something kind.

a few weeks ago, i was at a bar and i found a wallet as soon as we stepped outside. i felt nervous to ask for help, worried i would be holding up the night. i picked it up and said go on without me, i should help this get back to its home.

instead, three people pulled out their phones - to find him on facebook, to help cancel his credit cards. two people went back into the bar to tell the bartender, two others went calling down the street. group texts, facebook posts, instagram stories. people, without even seeing what happened, start offering help to me. fifteen minutes and: someone knows someone who knows the guy. the cheer that went up - just for finding him, just for this small thing. someone gets him on the phone. strangers dance around me, hopping on their feet - are you the girl that found that wallet? good for you, that's a good thing you're doing/same thing happened to me and somebody did what you're doing and i thank god everyday for people like you/i can't believe you found him so fast this is so exciting

i gave it back to him in a parking lot. i watched his shoulders sag with relief. there was cash in it still - he checked the pocket, and then sheepishly held the money out to me. i didn't take it. i held up my hands. "it's no problem, man. i know you'd do the same for me."

i don't know him, to be honest. i don't know if he is the same kind of person i am. but he nodded at me.

and i know people are good. i know people are good, because the way this story ends isn't surprising. we wave goodbye awkwardly. my friend loops their arm around me.

"i can't believe we got it back to him," they said. "i'm going to be riding that high for weeks."

#i lost my wallet in disney world once #and really thought i had beefed it bc i was 19 and alone #and a woman got it back to me within an hour #just like . a mom #i have no idea how she got my number or info #and i do think that since then karmatically god has been like. #ur about to be the same person in someone else's life #btw i like the side quests but they never happen at a good time #once saved 2 lost dogs while on the way to the airport. i already had my 70 pound dog in the back of my car #and had to chase 2 dogs down the street to wrastle into my passenger seat #(she ended up writing me the fucking nicest thank you card and sending me WAY #W A Y too much in target bucks as a thank-you) #i went 2 go see batman the other night and legit like. had already been running late #to go see a friend #and instead was like. sorry i have to step outside and use this person's phone to see if i can find them #i once found 250 dollars in cash lol #MEANWHILE IN MY PRIVATE LIFE #I LOSE FUCKING EVERYTHING #adhd will be like #: thou art so observant that it is distracting : #: BUT not observant towards items that are not novel to you : #: die mad about it : #: so it is written. so it must be : #: no nobody saw where you put the fucking car keys :

[front-facing-pokemon]

#demifiendcruithne this one is for you. i don't even know if this is your favorite pokémon but when i see it i think of you bc of your icon #lordy this blog is getting more and more difficult as time goes on. apparently we've exited the era of models Just Working for me and now #i have to spend hours tinkering with them just to get the eyes to show up and even then they don't look nearly as good as they used to #when they Just Worked #the alolan forms are kicking my ass. and i even tried to use the swsh models for these guys since i assumed those would work #but now i'm finding out that the Entirety of gen 8 is going to be even more difficult on me #dunno how much longer i can keep up This act unless i find some way to make this easier on me #alolan meowth #update from the future: incredible thanks to jodie-blend here on tumblr for her endless kindness in helping me figure out how to do #this at least a little bit easier. they'll still look a little bit different but at least this has me covered for gen 9 #but for cases like alolan rattata and raticate i'm still fucked. also gen 8 i'm still fucked #but. the complaining above is now a little bit more bearable

[stergeon]

> FERDINAND II.

And so your PLANT shall henceforth be known as FERDINAND II.

The thought of needing to inform FERDINAND I of his having a namesake makes you a bit ill, but you are already hard at work devising several plausible excuses for the gesture. Something about how you've named it after the one most invested in its naming, or how it is similarly prone to drooling. Yes. Yes, you will be able to deflect quite easily, should the need arise. It has nothing to do with your fondness for FERDINAND or your desire for a substitute in his imminent absence, no—again, you are not so prone to sentimentality. It's about the drool.

Well, anyway. Best to move on with your day and think about something else, lest you grow maudlin or cultivate further affection for the PLANT. May the GODDESS be merciful and never cause you to develop inclinations that could be described as paternal.

Now that your plant has received sufficient care, it is time for COFFEE. You set to making your morning brew. By CHANCE, there happens to be sufficient water remaining in the kettle for FERDINAND I to have TEA, should he wish it.

Per your TIMEPIECE, it is now a quarter to eight. You have made excellent progress on your PRE-BREAKFAST TO-DO LIST thus far: the only remaining task is to remove FERDINAND. You are starting to get rather peckish and would like to be rid of him quickly, but over the past week, you have found that extracting the man from YOUR QUARTERS is a more arduous task than it ought to be.

#007 | < | JOURNAL | HOW TO PLAY | SEE ALL POSTS

#fire emblem #hubert von vestra #fe16 #ferdibert #hpnd #sterge.pptx #fe3h #sorry this was late lol #late according to the update schedule i don't have #as the poll was wrapping i thought 'wouldn't it be fucked up to make a game where you make coffee.' #never mind that 1. i've barely made any games #2. i had no idea how to make a multi-part game #3. i wanted to turn it around in ~24 hours #i actually Did finish the game in about a day but i still had to write a post and draw the bg + the panel #if the game doesn't work: sorry #it Should work on mobile (android and ios) but it is pretty finicky #it works Better on desktop but that's not saying much #if you run into any showstopping issues: please lmk so i can fix it #did Some bug testing (aka made my friends do it for me) but not a lot lol. again: short turnaround time #i know there's a bug with the message/alert windows if you click through things too fast but idk what i did and i don't really care lol #maybe i'll fix that eventually #i'd like to also make it smoother and add some more animations but i kinda doubt i'll get around to it #pretty pleased as i did the entire game with pure css and no images except the fireplace #idk if that's cool to anybody else but it makes me happy

[polycrews]

ddcds. for u (hopefully ur day will b a bit better!)

had to take a second to respond to this because dear GOD this made me lose coherent thoughts. ahem

#asks #ddcd #i. i want to start up a good feral tag ramble but the only thing i can think of is to break down wailing /pos #my friend. beloved acquaintance of mine. you canNOT keep doing this one day you will fuckinf kill me of heart attack on the spot #i keep stepping away from this every couple minutes i haven’t felt this much emotions in eons. please have the courtesy to picture- #-my tone as that of soft awe. i am barely forming comprehensible sentences out here dear god #i’d also like to mention that i am in love with how you draw carapace. it all flows very smoothly and feels correct in an indescribable- #fuck the tumblr tag limit #-sort of manner. #your expressions are immaculate and manage to perfectly encapsulate these two #just. everything in general makes me even more fascinated with. well. [gestures abstractly] #please be ever so kind as to excuse me while i yell into a pillow for half an hour. i will be delivering you all of my money- #-as compensation for this on the morrow. thank you #fave

[alexcabotgf]

not to be true crime posting on main but i think i'm falling down the wm3 rabbit hole again

#xenia.txt #when i tell you this case keeps me up at night to this day #not even the murders themselves as much as the general public's reception to and opinions on the case 3 decades later like #i get why it;s always been so divisive especially after the pl docus came out (lots of opinions on those btw none of them are good #from the bottom of my heart fuck you joe berlinger and bruce sinofsky) #but it's truly baffling how no one is willing to do the research on what is arguably THE most well documented true crime case in recent #history like. everything that's ever been released to the general public is available online and i mean everything #you can find all the court files trial transcripts depositions interogation tapes aerial photos you name it it's out there for anyone with #internet connection to access at any and all hours of the day #and yet people are still foaming at the mouth fighting on reddit abt their innocence based off nothing but a couple of movies like #bffr with me right now!! almost every point the innocenters make can be easily debunked by scrolling through callahan for 15 minutes #'but they've been pushing for dna testing since their release so they can't be guilty' baby the case is closed! #it's been closed the second they took the plea. they can be striking under that courthouse and it still won't change a thing and they knowi #that's why they're pushing for it in the first place but that's just my opinion #^ and i say they but it's really only echols which makes a lot of sense to me personally #and if you want to talk abt dna testing let's talk abt the one that was done in 2011 and how the defense hurried to propose the plea as soo #as they got the results! let's talk abt those cause no one's ever seen them and i would very much like to #braga share the results the people want to know!! #makes me wonder which pieces of evidence they even submitted for that 2011 testing because if i'm remembering correctly #there was one that would've closed this case instantly and maybe that's why the results were never disclosed and the plea was rushed #but that's also just my opinion #and it's also interesting how the majority of people who have in fact deep dived into this case #(and i'm not talking abt big true crime youtubers as i'm very sceptical abt their research abilities) #all collectively lean towards guilty. much to think about #i was hoping someone would make another ~actually~ unbiased documentary for the 30th anniversary and go over all the case files #but i don't think that's even realistic at this point seeing as everyone and their mother has some sort of an opinion on this case #hbo deserves another lawsuit for this. they should've never won the first one in the first place #true crime tw

[jackroach-does-theories]

so we all agree that misha is almost certainly mikhail's grandson, yes?

they're probably gonna confirm that in 2.2 update, like there's no way he isn't, there's just too much there to ignore. But what if I take this a step further. what if i went a little insane over what might just be a tiny insignificant coincidence and created the craziest bullshit ever

i don't know how to explain this one but something something honkaiverse imaginary tree and stellarons are basically just star rail's version of honkai energy, welt keeps being haunted by ghosts of his past so why not einsla next, and also this is connected to genshin lore somehow idk how exactly but it is, maybe watchmaker is the second descender or something maybe teyvat is a dreamscape like penacony is idk idegaf nothing is real anymore . TLDR einstein is misha's mom (Real and not copium)

#roach.txt #i uhh had more thoughts on the genshin piece but then i forgor. was probably gonna make a seperate post anyway so w/e #i'll remember eventually and then i can make that post and we can all be happy yayyyy #i hope this image conveys the feeling of "having a lowkey mental breakdown and spiraling out of control'' #because that's how ive felt for the past two hours and that's how i think this train of thought is best communicated #weird bullshit that seems haphazardly thrown together but actually makes way too much sense but is hard to put into words is my brand anywa #oh anyway uhhh tags #honkai star rail #honkai impact 3rd #genshin impact #lieserl albert einstein #frederica nikola tesla #misha hsr #<- really fucked up that that;s the tag. Misha from homestar runner #mihoyo #hoyoverse

[mwagneto]

any time i remember time lord victorious arc i start shaking like a sick fucking dog

#having an extraordinarily hard time watching waters of mars rn literally episode of all fucking time #they dont make them like this anyMOOOOOOOOOORE OHHMY GODDDD #icould talk abt it for hours istg it's so. grips you shakes you shakes you shakes you shakes you sh #the WAYYDYDYDHDHDJDJDJDUJDJDHDJDUDJD THHHEEEE THE THE THE . HTHHEHEH #the way u can see glimpses of what's to come in all 4 seasons but especially in voyage of the #damned and then s4 onwards but u dont realise JUST how much he went insane until now #like there's echoes of this in votd but you might not even pick up on it if you dont Know #n here he's just fully gone it's sooo. IT'S SOOOOOOOOOOO. CHARACTER OF ALL TIME #man so profoundly tragic his entire story is abt speedrunning losing everything and #going insane and dying. and yet he still spends like 20 entire minutes crying and begging not to die. okay #i cant rank drs they're my best friends so idk who my fave dr is but 10's is easily my favourite story it's so. it's SOOO. #anyway sorry. stops shaking you and pats your arms down awkwardly. carry on #doctor who #dw lb #10th doctor #the waters of mars #time lord victorious #i was today years old when i learned there's apparently a whole audio series about it that #came out in the past few years. well i aint listenin to that. everything i need is on my screen already #also. the way most ppl havent even seen these specials coz they're impossible to find online.. #even tho waters of mars is like. not just extremely important but also yknow. extremely good

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

How the FUCK do you draw DRAGON FACES AND EYES

I can get the body and head down ya know? but its the damn FACE that fucks me up when drawing faces

So if its not to much of a burden, could you please give some tips on how to draw dragon faces?

oh boy i am the Wrong person to ask lmfao - when drawing dragon faces 90% of the time im confused and fucking it up 20 times before getting it right and the other 10% is just "wait how the fuck did i do that? nice! anyway"

i've been drawing dragons for so long that the drawing process is almost entirely subconscious! and i'm not entirely sure what you mean by Faces instead of heads! but i can still attempt to offer Some advice - specific references, that kinda thing

uh i think one thing that's good to keep in mind is that dragons (typically - dragons are a Wide range of shapes and sizes so this is technically subjective) have Binocular Vision. forward facing eyes! just like us, predator animals, birds of prey. personally i like to mainly study dinosaur skulls when working on how i draw dragons, especially raptors and tyrannosaurs. i think dinosaurs are a Really good reference since they're pretty much the closest thing we have to real life dragons. so the eyes are generally higher than the snout or level with the top of it. tldr: understanding that they have forward facing eyes helps shape and Place the eyes correctly.

i'm not sure if i can help with the Shape of eyes? i tend to draw eyes mostly the same no matter what i scribble. but Another thing i'd recommend using as a reference - specifically for the snout and how it bunches / how the muscles move - is look at pictures of wolves snarling / facially expressing. they are a Great base point.

with the eyebrows/eyeridges uh. i suppose they tend to be rectangular! or Oblong! just flexible little logs placed over the eyes. they tend to be level with where the top of the head is. again i will recommend looking up photos of Tyrannosaurus Rex Facing Forward, they have some great ridges

but yeah just! look around! play around with facial structure and what feels/looks right To You! look up those expression sheets/memes and use 'em for practice, they're great for that! and as i will always say - Dragons Dont Look Just One Way! Fuck Around And Find Out What's Dragon To You!

oh, and also look at anthro art. there's a lot of really good anthro art that can help show you how to place/move facial features on an animal with forward-facing eyes and much room for expression <3

#shoutout to furries for providing a lot of Stellar references #oh yeah and like yk watch dragon movies i guess! #httyd is always my first rec for studying dragons - their faces their bodies their wings their flight physics #but yeah it really depends on how You shape your dragons heads #there's so much room for variation and stylization... #rambles from the bog #but yeah sorry for the Less Than Great tips! #i do not really think when drawing dragons! #i just kinda start scribbling and then Boom dragon on screen #i draw a lot of different shapes and kinds so i dont have a solid Specific Way Of Drawing Faces #unfortunately my methods continue to be RANDOM BULLSHIT GO #and trust me i fuck up sooooo so so much #for every successful dragon face i post there is an hour of Agony behind it #and countless failed sketches... #in conclusion: i dont know! take my hand we can be confused Together <3

[pine-arten]

i spent all yesterday making a semi-realistic slugcat base. i used sphinx cats as a reference, so they’re pretty cat like here

 i imagine they hold themselves different than an actual cat though, plus more robust shoulders for bipedal-ism

this is the survivor btw :) i think i’ll do monk next

#pinemartart #rain world #rain world downpour #rw downpour #slugcat #rw survivor #rain world survivor #I SWEAR I'LL FINISH MY OTHER DRAWINGS I JUST. um. looks at my 21 hours in terraria this past week #i've been busy ahaha #also i can't draw everyday i think my arm would deadass fall off #or even every other day for that matter #btw cat legs are kind of fucked up looking #does anyone want my design traits for slugcats . i think about them and how they work #like they probably have some sort of throat pouch to hold things #plus they have 3 digits . which is interesting #they probably have a stiffer spine in comparison to actual cats. as it helps with being bipedal. i imagine they're still decently flexible #though since they can turn around in tunnels #they do have a collarbone . cats have like almost none. but slugcats have more. not as much as we do though #and they most likely have 6 breasts as they're mammals to me. they're cats #there is lots of loose skin around their limbs too btw. for flexability #helps them stretch . and cats too #cats have so much loose skin. and their skin is so thin #i imagine slugcats would have thicker skin #also their tail is pretty big compared to other things. so i imagine they use it for fat reserves and storage. like for hibernation #also i have thoughts about gourmond so i think i'll do them after monk #making a whole ass essay in here

[ctrl-lupin]

Yes, I would be very interested hearing your head canon (@tim-ribbert-56) (in response to this post)

I have decided for my personal entertainment that Clarisse de Cagliostro is related to Lupin III, and here's why.

-pulls out Arsène Lupin's Wikipedia page-

In the novel La Comtesse de Cagliostro, a young Arsène Lupin (at the time going by the name Raoul d'Andrésy) was courting Clarisse d'Etigues, a young lady of a well-to-do family, and trying to win her hand, despite her father's disapproval.

Throughout the course of the novel, Lupin meets and falls in love with Joséphine Balsamo, aka the Countess of Cagliostro, and abandons Clarisse in favour of her. To clarify, Joséphine is not actually countess of anything, she is (or claims to be) a descendant of Giuseppe Balsamo aka the Count of Cagliostro (who was also count of jack shit), a famous conman from the 18th century.

Shenanigans ensue, which I will not go into in details on, but oh my god I am insane about Raoul and Joséphine, I want to dissect them and study them under a microscope. It turns out Joséphine aka Cagliostro is evil as fuck, Raoul/Lupin realizes that and goes back to Clarisse (whom he had previously abandoned like an old sock, I fucking hate this guy), marries her, and a few years later has her kid.

Unfortunately Clarisse dies in childbirth, and Joséphine, who was still around and very very pissed at Lupin (and jealous as hell of Clarisse whom, may I mention, had never personally antagonized her in any way whatsoever, Joséphine is just fucking bonkers). Joséphine also kidnaps Lupin and Clarisse's son, Jean, and raises him as her own son. (I have not yet read the following novel The revenge of Cagliostro so I don't really know what Jean's deal is, I just know he's an antagonist).

The following is my headcanon, based on these events. In the universe of Lupin III, Joséphine Balsamo was actually countess of the small kingdom of Cagliostro (maybe Giuseppe was count, maybe he conned his way into becoming count, maybe he bought the land and built a fake kingdom with a fake history, who knows).

After the events of The revenge of Cagliostro, Jean settles down in the country of Cagliostro, gets married, has a child, and that child will later have a daughter of their own, who they name Clarisse, after their late grandmother. Clarisse de Cagliostro, of Lupin III: The Castle of Cagliostro fame, would thus be the great-grand-daughter of Arsène Lupin, making her Lupin III's cousin/niece/whatever you call this specific degree of separation.

I am choosing to make Clarisse de Cagliostro a great-granddaughter of Arsène Lupin, rather than a granddaughter, because Arsène Lupin was very young when the events I described unfolded: he is 20 years old when he meets Clarisse d'Etigues and the whole Cagliostro debacle happens, and 25 by the time Jean is born. I'm assuming he had Lupin II much later in his life. So Jean and Lupin II (half-brothers) would have a significant difference in age, and so Jean's hypothetical child (grandchild of Arsène Lupin, so of the same generation of Lupin III) would be much older than Lupin III. Clarisse de Cagliostro is younger than him, maybe around the same age if you stretch it, so she's have to be a great-grandchild.

Now I need to read The revenge of Cagliostro and study Arsène Lupin's wikipedia page in more detail to determine when exactly Lupin II was born and who his mother was. And also where Albert's family branched out, because the fact that he's called D'Andrésy should theoretically place him as a descendant of Arsène Lupin's mother but not of Arsène Lupin himself; but Jean was also going by that last name, so who fucking knows.

No I am not insane I promise, I am just a gigantic nerd.

#i have very mixed feelings about Papy Lupin Original Flavour #cuz you see in the first books he was pretty much like his grandson #a charming little bastard; smug as hell but also charming enough to make up for it #like. an ego the size of the eiffel tower but it's highly deserved #if he robbed me i would just thank him #you wanna punch him in the face but like. lovingly #then around The Hollow Needle he started acting weird #and after that his ego grew into a god complex the size of the eiffel tower and he just lost all the charm #like. just a huge dick honestly. #i thought that was a logical evolution after (SPOILER FOR THE HOLLOW NEEDLE) his wife got brutally murdered in front of his eyes #mere HOURS after they got married and he gave up his whole career as a thief for her #which would be an understandable evolution #but no he's also retroactively an asshole in The Countess of Cagliostro which is a prequel #i guess leblanc just decided 'lupin's a dick now' #which sucks #but on the other hand it's very funny to kinda hate-read The Countess of Cagliostro #i was honestly rooting for Joséphine for most of the book #she is fucking insane which is exactly what raoul/lupin deserve #you know that Mountain Goats song 'no children' ? #'hand in unloveable hand; i hope you die i hope with both die' #or that post that says 'i don't ship them they're too toxic / well i hope they kill each other mid-fuck' #well that's me with them #just reading on to see how many more life-ruining decisions raoul can bodily throw himself at #also leblanc did joséphine dirty!!!!!!!! #LET MY GIRL BE EVIL FOR GOD'S SAKE #none of that 'her fragile feminine nature' and fainting after murdering someone because deep down she can't bear her own cruelty #what the fuck #let her be genuinely unhinged!! let her bash raoul's head in with a meat hammer!!!! #(yes that is something that she tried to do) #anyway. justice for Joséphine Balsamo. god forbid women do anything

[b4kuch1n]

dedramatization

transcript

this is, indeed, fanart for @metanoia-blues! just straight up aped a whole scene from the latest episode (ep. 70) to draw into comic form lol. what a time I chose to join back in on the journey

#metanoia blues #willow jenkins #warfred bartosz #man. literally I have never felt this much rage about a fictional character. I need this bitch to die painfully On Screen #for folks without context here warfred (the guy with beard) and willow (guy with the robot mask) were in a question game #while warfred is a suspect in a murder like. two days ago #the question game is warfred's style which. speaks to the kind of person that he is. fuck that guy #willow's taken it upon themself (and so have their friends) to investigate the murder. which is why they're in his apartment on excuses #and they were coming to a draw on the question game. and willow laid down their ace which is a wound they knew warfred lied about #and instead of continue playing the game. well. you see #highly recommend reading the recaps and catching at least this episode btw. it was INSANE experiencing it live. it was Something Else #to give you an idea of how insane. right after that scene I plugged in my laptop to sketch and ink this comic. #and finished that in six hours. #this shit had me in a chokehold I'm not normal #actually first time an audio play actually managed to scare me! fucked up and evil!!! #you can find the recaps on the official blog I tagged #and the episodes are on youtube #search ''metanoia blues'' and it should come up! they're posting new episodes as they go #active call to people who like audio plays and dice improv. get into this with me. its so good

[jinstronaut]

this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh

#and i might do it again bc its just #a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc #which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow #it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag #people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just #so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what #like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao #and it never ever used to #but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly #or whatever the make believe rules are idk #this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus #bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community #and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit #bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were #i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year #but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad #once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care #ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control #i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile #and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be #a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion #so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao #why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things???? #i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just #ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand #so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time #but yeah anyways idk ! #be nice its so easy ! #tbd

[skrunksthatwunk]

ok so. kiwami 2. rooftop scene. the ending. it's a bit of a clusterfuck but i wanna talk about one detail, a problem they bring to your attention by Fucking. Talking About Her.

haruka is watching all of this unfold.

[this post is like 4.5k words long + pretty critical + has spoilers for kiwami and kiwami 2, and really minor/vague ones for a couple others. they're not that bad though, trust me (and i added a warning in the one place it is major)]

ALSO CONTENT WARNING i'm gonna talk about kiryu's passive suicidality a good amount in this one, so stay away from this if you think that might affect you negatively/you'd be better off skipping it. i'll also make a tl;dr (which i will highlight in red) at the very end if you really wanna know what my point is that will exclude those elements <3. i am also going to use a lot of choice-based language in regards to kiryu's contemplation of suicide because i think it's the lens through which the games treat the topic, but i personally don't find it a productive or realistic way to look at suicide or suicidal ideation at all. someone dying by suicide absolutely does not mean they don't care about their loved ones enough to fight on or whatever. i love you, and proceed with caution on this one.

(also i'm using the kiwamis as my point of reference because i uh. don't have a ps2? those are the games that i played, and though the differences are likely slight, i wanna be clear about that. also,, ignore the watermark on these screenshots,, i didn't notice them and i'm not retaking them. we're all gonna have to settle for youtube cutscene comps for now xoxo)

first, we have to talk about the ending of the first game.

[note: i am Really Really Confident kiryu has a conversation earlier in the game about his going to jail in nishiki's stead being him running away and choosing not to resist his two options (go to jail or let nishiki go to jail) and define his own path, fighting his way against fate to make it happen. part of why i'm so confident it exists is because it made such an impression on me at the time. it's pretty important to my interpretation of things but i also can't find it for the life of me, so uh. sorry ✌️ i really tried. this post's takes/analysis will be dependent on this scene existing, so keep that in mind. if anyone knows where to find the scene/screenshots of it, lmk and i'll add a follow-up with it]

kiwami stuff

so as she's dying, yumi tells haruka this:

that she may be dying (painfully, and right as she's getting everything she wanted), but she doesn't regret it, because at least she did something rather than running away from it all. that you shouldn't run away, ever.

shortly thereafter, when the police find kiryu and haruka, this exchange happens between him and date. here's the play by play:

date tells kiryu he can get him out of trouble with this, and that if he doesn't, he'll get life in prison; kiryu declines his help:

kiryu is so devastated (understandably) by the back to back losses of the three people closest to him that he resigns himself to life in prison, and the death-in-effect that would be. he would prefer to waste away rather than struggle through a life without them. prison was monotonous and isolating, but coming back after a decade was overwhelming, and coming back to everything being so warped and twisted, and then losing the corrupted scraps he had anyway, well. he wants to go back to sleep. he doesn't want to be in a world where everything's the same except he's on his own. better to return to safety, to die slowly in a hell he knows well than weather a new one where he has control and agency, and thus one where he has the ability to fail and to lose anything at any time. he explains to date that that loss is why he can accept his death:

date shakes him and asks him if there's really nothing left for him, no reason to keep living at all:

then echoes yumi's advice to haruka:

which makes an impression on kiryu:

date gives him a reason to live in the form of haruka, saying she'll be on her own again if he goes to jail. he hijacks kiryu's tragic protector complex to keep him alive, because she needs him, and because she's someone precious to him:

after the dust has cleared,

kiryu and date also have this exchange, where date tells him to stay away from the cops (and presumably arrest and a return to prison, the aforementioned fate akin to death), and kiryu cites haruka as his reason to stay away, one he holds to with no uncertainty (showing again that he's accepted date's logic, that his reason to keep living even when it's incredibly difficult is to care for the more vulnerable haruka). given the weight of the consequences, to me, it feels like date's telling him not to be alone with his thoughts or something. it's almost frightening:

so, what's our takeaway from kiwami?

kiryu lost everything and hit rock bottom, but he chose to fight, and to live life on his own terms, even when it got difficult. that's the narrative life lesson he had to learn to avoid repeating the events of 1995. he made that choice for haruka's sake. it's seen as growth.

and without him, haruka would've just returned to the orphanage (assuming she could make it back to sunflower at all) with no one who knew or understood what she had been through, no one to mourn with her, and no one to give her the attention, care, and protection she needs. kiryu knows what it's like to be an orphan with a limited parental figure who only checks in every so often (kazama, "aunt" yumi), and what someone will do for attention/affection from that person (via both himself and nishiki swearing up, climbing the ranks, etc. arguably haruka coming to kamurocho by herself to find "mizuki" is similar), and what it's like to lose them anyway (again, kazama, yumi). their situations parallel each others' somewhat, and that binds them further. and after losing everyone (which he blames himself for to some extent, as one can probably assume from this and 2, and something key to his arc in later games), he chooses to protect her. and this time, he won't fail. at least partially because failing would hurt him, too. he'd have nothing left again.

okay. now we get to kiwami 2.

if you forgot, the context is basically:

everybody's fighting on the roof of a building which i'm sure will not be a running theme or anything as the series goes on

there's a bomb that's about to go off and they don't know how to/can't defuse it

ryuji shot the twist villain to death, but took fatal hits to do so

sayama's like hey!! let's get out of here!!! and kiryu and ryuji are like nooo we have to settle this oughh it's punchin time and they stick her on an elevator and send her down so she doesn't have to watch

ryuji loses. sayama returns, they have a cute sibling heart to heart, and ryuji dies in her arms. sad

kiryu is in rough shape as well, and there's like 2 minutes left on the bomb's timer

here's the scene itself:

sayama tells kiryu they have to run, and kiryu says he can't. the gist is "let's run!" "you go without me" "i'm not leaving you!" "i'm in no condition to run" "i'll carry you then!!" sayama: *sees how fucked up kiryu is, realizes he's Going To Die Anyway* "ok, then i'm staying with you!" and then further bickering about that, before they give up and make out (as one does i guess)

date (he's here now) yells this at them from a helicopter:

before someone else in the helicopter tells date this:

we get this shot of haruka calling out to kiryu as the helicopter swerves away:

and kiryu and sayama have this exchange about haruka where they say they let her down, but that she'll understand:

then they hug and the bomb ticks to zero right when the credits hit. in post credits it's revealed that the twist villain defused the bomb when they weren't looking, betraying his co-villain for reasons i truthfully do not remember and am unwilling to look up. it's not about that right now.

so, how does this scene interact with the ending of the previous game?

the short answer is "badly <3" but here's the long answer:

it's about choices.

the thing about fiction is that anything you want to have happen, as a writer, can happen. it may not be effective, internally consistent, or logical, but you can write it regardless. audiences suspend their disbelief for the sake of engaging fully with your fiction, but everyone has a threshold past which they will stop being engaged in a story and either become uninvested or annoyed. writers usually have lines they're unwilling to cross as well. but in almost every story, there's at least a couple of places where they stretch reality a little to make the narrative they want happen. this is not a bad thing at all. that's how stories get told.

now, i'm gonna be real with you. i don't care about how feasible plots are like 95% of the time. it's not something i think about much, nor is it something i prioritize. i am a very character-centric media consumer, so if world building and/or plot are a bit stale or contrived, that doesn't really bother me much so long as i'm invested in the characters involved. some people can't stand plot holes or the ways musicals burst into song or whatever, and that's fine for them. but it's not something i tend to find that all that important.

this is all to say that i have a sorta affection for rgg's flavor of bullshit pulling. and it is a powerful flavor, maybe even an acquired taste, but i can and do rock with it so long as it doesn't damage the characters too much. this is why i'm not making a lengthy post howling into the void about joji kazama or the second joon-gi han or how many secret relatives there are. those things are silly and endearing and a clumsy yet heartfelt part of a series i care about very deeply. i'll joke about it, but i don't consider it much of a flaw. it's more like personality. flaws are texture, and they help a piece's identity. point is i am very, very willing and able to suspend my disbelief for these games in exchange for a good time, particularly via good characters.

(if you want another example of where i draw the line from within rgg, the answer's the YAKUZA 4 SPOILERS INCOMING rubber bullets twist, because i think 1) it's actively horrifically stupid (especially retconning a scene we SAW HAPPEN. WE SAW BLOOD ON EACH IMPACT, AND RUBBER BULLETS DON'T OFTEN BREAK SKIN THAT DEEPLY (THEIR DAMAGE IS MORE PERCUSSIVE THAN PENETRATIVE). THESE EVENTS HAPPEN IN THE SAME GAME YOU DON'T HAVE TO RETCON IT JUST REWRITE IT. OR DON'T SHOW THE HIT AT ALL SO THERE'S MORE PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY. DON'T DO THIS JUST TO HYPE UP YOUR SHITTY VILLAIN NO ONE CARES ABOUT. and 2) (a bit more importantly) i think it actively removes saejima's primary internal conflict for that game, that being his intense guilt over the 18 murders he thinks he committed, one i was invested and interested in. but this isn't a rubber bullets post.)

characters in this series walk off a lot of life threatening injuries. they survive miraculously, they escape in the nick of time, and they pull through in the end. kiryu still somehow hasn't killed anyone. almost every game in his saga ends with an "is kiryu gonna make it out this time?!?" shortly followed by a "yeah lol. lmao" postcredits reveal. kiryu fucking punches a marble statue into dust in the first game. having a story that asks you to suspend your disbelief so much and so often means that when a decision is made, it's not the writers saying, "well, this would have to happen so we are obligated/forced to write it happening" so much as "we wanted this to happen for some reason(s)," because you already know that they're not guided solely by logic. again, this is true of all writers, it's just amplified in stories like these because they've already given you so many hard mode suspension of disbelief moments (they've broken you in like leather, yeah? or like how obvious internet scams allow for self selection by being so obvious that only the most vulnerable people would fall for them. they curate an audience willing to play along with their bullshit flavor so they can tell a story that's more likely to satisfy that audience. in a good way, in a fun way! mass appeal is overrated). there is not much limit to what this series is willing to try and sell you.

so when ryuji takes lethal damage taking out the big bad, that's a choice. when he doesn't die immediately, that's a choice. when ryuji and kiryu send sayama away in the soon-to-be-forgotten elevator so they can settle this like men or whatever despite the literal actual bomb about to go off, that's a choice. when sayama comes back, that's a choice. when ryuji does die, that's a choice. when kiryu determines that he can't escape in time, that's a choice. when sayama is unwilling to leave him, that's a choice. when she says she'll carry him out and there's an elevator right fucking there and then she's like never mind i guess i won't anymore we're dying together right now kiryu like they're not gonna even try?? wouldn't distancing themselves from the blast give themselves a better shot, something that's super possible given the 2 minutes they have with that elevator??? sayama you met him like a week and a half ago why are you ready to die with him that's not a plot hole i just think that's kinda strange whatever anyway, that's a choice. when kiryu stops arguing with her so they can kiss (next to her brother's corpse), that's a choice. when date shows up, that's a choice. when the helicopter can't save them because the bomb was going to go off too soon, that's a choice. when they put haruka in that helicopter and take her away, let her only impact be reminding kiryu and sayama that they can't help her, that's a choice. when they spend their last moments talking as if they're already dead, then simply waiting, that's a choice.

they're all choices that the writers made for the characters, and we are asked to believe them for the sake of achieving the writers' vision, as with any story. the only problem is that the writers' vision here fucking blows.

i'm not saying it would be realistic for kiryu and sayama (and even ryuji) to make it out alive, but it wouldn't be out of character for the series in the slightest. kiryu is suddenly unable to power through here, and that's a choice. so, what is their vision?

put simply, i think they wanted a romantic last stand for kiryu and sayama, a tragic scene of doomed, devoted lovers. and i think they wanted an edge-of-your-seat fake out death. they wanted spectacle.

here's how some specific choices they made undermine all that shit we talked about earlier from the first game.

once again, kiryu is called by date to live, to pick himself up and keep going, no matter how impossible the odds are. he's even reminded by haruka's presence, his one anchor in keeping himself going. the growth he had in the parallel scene in the previous game is challenged, and he fails.

it's not enough this time. and that's a choice.

it's also one i can't think of a good reason for, and that's the real kicker.

characters can have developmental backslide just like people do, and if they're given good reason for it, it can be just as, if not far more compelling that purely linear growth (i am a chimera ant arc enjoyer, and that's all i'll say. sorry if you haven't seen hunter x hunter. uhh. i am also a zuko avatar enjoyer if that helps). but i can't think of anything that happened in that game that would cause this from a character perspective. if anything, kiryu should be less likely to do this intentionally. he's spent around a year raising haruka, and a year has passed since he lost his loved ones. at the very least, the pain should be more dull, though it is established through an early nightmare sequence that his ass is (justifiably) not over it yet. given that their deaths were the initial motivation for his willingness to rot forever, theoretically, he should be more motivated to stay alive than before now that he's got more investment and stability in his life outside of them, particularly when it comes to haruka, his reason for surviving. and if the ongoing nature of the trauma was the motivator for this, then they should've had it affect him more past that nightmare scene (it really serves more as a recap of the last game than anything else) so it didn't come out of nowhere. so the reminder of the lesson that saved his life and then guided it for at least a year afterwards, one that the whole resolution of the previous game relied on heavily falls flat for... some reason.

i think this is a good time to mention that, generally speaking, you don't write arbitrary choices into characters. sure, people in real life are often sporadic, but when analyzing fictional characters, every choice is filed into a portfolio of characterization that can and should be analyzed. going for pure realism can obfuscate their development, motivations, themes, etc. their choices and reactions may be unorthodox, but they must be internally consistent. this is very related to how i view plot contrivance as well. characters drive the plot, not the other way around. stories are about the ways characters affect their worlds/lives and vice versa, and they're the human face to the themes and ideas the writers are trying to explore and express. maybe my stance on this seems hypocritical. i don't know if it is. but to me, plot issues are usually a matter of engagement and investment, while character issues are a matter of substance.

i hope this doesn't feel patronizing explaining all of this, but i want you guys to know where i'm coming from in my analysis. starting at my base philosophy on writing is the easiest way to do that, i feel. defining the terms of the debate, and all that. anyway

and i mean, look. they survive because "it was defused the whole time we just didn't see it happen", so it's not like narrative tension or realism or whatever was THAT big of a priority overall. if it was gonna be a cop-out anyway, they should'nt have ruined kiryu's development too, yeah?. and sayama fucks off to america after this game anyway, so it's not like the doomed lovers thing had much payoff or meaning after this one (though you could argue that's more an issue with yakuza 3 than yk2, which has some merit to it). which means that they chose to sacrifice kiryu's prior development and internal logic for the sake of cheap tension for their finale that was both kinda illogical in and of itself (the elevator!! the elevator!!!) and a romantic climax that neither required nor really benefitted from this staging. (like. you coulda had them make out and then get saved by date, or kiss on the elevator in a "it's moving, but will we make it in time??" way or whatever. look i'm not saying those are great options either but they're SOMETHING okay. it would remove/reduce the amount of time wasted on characters sitting around with their thumbs up their asses for no reason in this finale).

instead the message of this finale is that, actually, sometimes it is impossible to change your circumstances and fight for your own way out of an awful situation. and what should you do about this unfortunate truth? uh. die! i guess. it's the exact opposite of the encouraging, optimistic message of the last game. zetsubou chou pride my ass.

note: i feel i should mention that when suicidality is brought up within the series (particularly in substories), it is always something someone has to overcome themselves through wanting it badly enough. they simply need the inspiration and the motivation to keep going. it's arguably treated as a moral obligation. frankly, the series is broadly very meritocratic (<- bad) when it comes to this topic (and others, but that's a Whole Other Thing. see akiyama's weird loan shark tests as well). sheer will and resolve is enough to conquer any problem, be it physical or mental/emotional, and it's irresponsible to act/feel otherwise. this is the logic the games operating under, and kiryu is often the mouthpiece for this bootstrap-pulling "tough love" sentiment. so when kiryu "chooses" to die, yet faces no emotional fallout from date, haruka, or anyone else, it feels very out of place. it's not just an odd choice; it's specifically, once again, an odd choice to make in context of the game/series/character it appears in.

kiryu's just like eh, haruka'll watch her only family die right as she gets some sense of tentative stability and lets her guard down after a devastating month the year prior (and a relatively dismal upbringing before that) that we trauma bonded over. sure, she likely came to view me as the one who would stay no matter what, who was too strong to be taken out, who she could always rely on, and so i know that dying would hurt her immensely, but she's smart enough to know it'd happen eventually. her eventual recovery means it's okay for me to do this (somehow, in a way it wasn't in the first game). it's an excuse within the narrative's logic, and one it is uncritical of simply because it's kiryu. he gets a pass.

and i think with the previously mentioned passive suicidality and general series-long mental health issues kiryu displays (i mean. yakuza 5's literally his depression arc), this could be retroactively seen as an interesting choice, like a piece in that particular narrative. i don't even dislike that viewing, especially in terms of fan approach. but (assuming this went down the same in yakuza 2), they likely didn't have that in mind. all they had then was the first game and the movie. and they took the first game's Entire Message and contradicted it for nothing but a scene they wanted to have happen because it'd be suspenseful and/or emotional (without actually doing the work to earn it). and they're not fans trying to analyze his character, they're the ones making choices for him. and they chose to massacre my boy. and if the subject of kiryu's mental health was a priority of theirs, why didn't they explore that? haruka and date's feelings on him not resisting and their words not being enough (whether that blame is justified by the narrative or not (it shouldn't be btw)), the uncomfortable drifting that resigning yourself to death and living afterwards anyway often brings, literally any conversation about it besides the minimal shit we get post credits of date being like "did you know about the bomb not having a fuse?" which like. bad answer either way (which is why they weren't straightforward about it, the cowards). you can't just be like "oh uh. idk he just gave up this time. yeah he was gonna die on purpose for some reason. good thing the bomb was fake lol" and then pack up and go home!! that's stupid!! any merit the idea of kiryu dying by suicide in this scene and in this way could have had from a character-based perspective loses its weight because 1. it didn't happen (for kinda stupid reasons), which makes it fall flat and 2. no one is really affected by the fact that it almost did, including him. they sacrificed his ass and replaced it with nothing, even when there could have been interesting outcomes to it.

so the narrative effectively chose to kill him by making the situation impossible, and this impossibility is ultimately arbitrary, given the series' usual approach to miraculous, illogical escapes. that, or the choice to stay was up to kiryu and sayama, one that 1. doesn't make sense and is actively regressive in context of kiryu's arc in the only other game in the series (as well as his whole saga in retrospect) and 2. one that contradicts how the series sees/treats resignation to death/death by suicide in all other contexts without being addressed, challenged, or condemned in ways it would in all other contexts. because they don't want you to think about it like that. they want you to think he (and the narrative) had no choice, that it made sense to do that. but it didn't. it doesn't.

and look, honestly? if i was bleeding out and had like 2 minutes to live, there's a non zero chance i'd say fuck it and kiss a girl too. i get it. but i am (and this is crucial) not a fucking yakuza character. and i'm certainly not kiryu kazuma.

tl;dr (basically just rephrasing the second to last main paragraph)

there are not sufficient character reasons for kiryu and sayama not trying to escape. additionally, because the narrative regularly facilitates even less likely escapes, it's not so constrained to logic and reality that it couldn't pull this one off. the choice to let their situation be impossible this one time was a cheap and arbitrary way of forcing a scene they thought would be cool and dramatic, and in doing so they chose to cannibalize a key emotional note of the previous finale (namely kiryu's mission to dedicate his life to protecting haruka) for hollow last minute stakes-upping in this one. it is then completely disregarded anyway. god damn.

#got so into this post that i used tumblr on my laptop for the first time to surpass mobile's image limit #i also added transcriptions in the alt text (which i should do more often) #actually thinking about it in the movie kiryu teaches haruka that lesson about stumbling on.. and she's the one to ask to follow him... hm. #just interesting given that the movie came out before 2. i don't think it makes much of a difference to the post it's just neat to me #one of my favorite parts of writing this was skimming through a bunch of yk1/yk2 cutscenes and noticing how often kiryu pats haruka's head #it happens a lot more than i remembered and it's very sweet to me. get bonked little one <3 #another good thing was realizing you can edit tags when you're not on mobile.... fucking life changing. i have lost hours to mobile tag #editing and i'm not even kidding about that #speaking of editing this one took like 6 hours.. my brother used “yakuza autism” (verb) for me earlier and it's so true. source: this post #i did have a short break to get food bc i hadn't eaten all day but that's mostly because i woke up at 3pm. anyway #also if you like kiwami 2's ending you're not even remotely alone. i looked at the comment sections of the scene comps and ppl love it #and more power to you!! i like it when people enjoy things. and tbh i DO have feelings that i'm supposed to about that ending #i just also have feelings you're not supposed to. like. anger. i guess. #rgg #ryu ga gotoku #skrunk meta #aww yeah it's a new tag babeyy #yakuza kiwami 2 #kiwami 2 #yakuza #like a dragon #yk2 #kiryu kazuma #sawamura haruka #sayama kaoru #maybe my thoughts'll change after replaying the games...? it's been like a year and a half since i beat yk2 so i am a bit fuzzy on it #yakuza kiwami spoilers #yakuza kiwami 2 spoilers

[munamania]

ok im a really chill and normal person and i get over things and am well adjusted but take a walk with me here. just give me my time to complain when im not in the absolute fucking trenches. and yes i believe i suffered more than those in trench warfare. it was literally a lesbian situationship with a bistraight girl come on. just. magenta choppy shag with the roots coming in. camo cargo pants black t shirt with red lettering and striped long sleeve (sign someone likes music. confirmed). lip ring big black stud earrings and nails. red docs. i think lesbians should be allowed to kill one dyke baiter in their lifetime idc

#and now we're gonna get into some quiet parts and youre just gonna let me have this #i. am so sick. first of all it was kinda funny how people ik ended up sorta surrounding her. felt good. but like we've shared a space #together since everything. i can like be in her presence it's seriously fine. that said. i do sometimes miss her #i say this after going through the really hating her guts period bc of her evil evil evil ways. and feeling like she's lame as hell bc she #s. but i mean it's me talking i have my problems too. i Hate the way we always so naturally act in sync. and i hate that we've both picked #each others' brains for hours so it's like. i knew you once and now we can't even look each other in the eye and that just really sucks #and i feel like. not that i strictly believe in these things. but we were sort of twin flames. i largely suffered for like. basically #falling in love w her. and i know i didn't leave as much of a mark. but i still hope it sucked a little for her #and i'll admit i think it'd be some sort of miracle if we could ever talk civilly. unfortunately we work in two ways #literally behaving in Ways and borderline fucking or not speaking. so. here we are #and i already humiliatingly tried to extend an olive branch this summer so im not gonna be fucking stupid. yk #but GOD how annoying. i did talk to situationship today and we were relatively normal so at least that's not deathly awkward #it's still. definitely um. stiff. but not terrible #i need to get to the club. pretend theres a cig emoji im on desktop rn #sorry for this. #film girl saga

[arsonist-chicken]

btw in absolutely unsurprising news I fucked up the exam of that class I'm taking for the third time badly again.

in very surprising news, apparently Something happened, idk if the dean said something to the professor or I looked like a distressed broken down wet rat enough or he just doesn't want to see me in his class again or idk, maybe it's not good for him if someone fails his class three times, but he actually offered that I could do a written exam on friday instead? which. is extremely surprising. good, because it gives me another afternoon to study and I can draw and go back to questions on a written exam, even if I have to shuffle around the other exams and papers now, just. very surprising.

#lol but next semester is the fucking seminar again with also the same professor #idk how you can teach such shitty classes regularly and never think hmmm maybe i should change something #with the amount of people having to take the classes at least twice #anyway good for me i'll keep crying over uni the rest of the week and the weekend too and then i'll do stuff next week #like i need to call my insurance and annoy them in person until they say yes to any therapist who will have me #and call the other thing #and oh i really need to find a different GP because i'm soundly back at the stage of where i can literally not think two sentences #after each other without trailing off or it taking up extremely much energy just to remember which store i wanted to go to #and i'm aware that stress and mental illness causes brain fog or whatever #but i've been stressed before but this only started last autumn and i need a different doctor to look at it #who won't just say oh it's just iron levels #there's something wrong with my brain and i need someone competent who actually cares to look at it and tell me #if therapy will fix this or if it's a physical problem #please let it be just brain fog htat therapy can fix i don't have time for this #i just want to sleep and cry until this bs is over but semester break starts next week but i still have exams then and a whle list of #stuff to do for uni still plus stuff otuside. like a doctor. and sleep a normal amount instead of in weird horu intervals on my desk and in #my clothes on my bed or floor or wherever i am at the moment my brain decides it's over now #also friends. i wanted to catch up. also a job. like. yeah i need a job even if idk how i'll do uni and a job with the way my brain is righ #now #huh. oh i have another exam in half an hour. send help i don't want to go to uni anymore #mine #still don't know what that class or the seminar next semester are about btw but we moce #*move #goddamn it I'm TIRED and not just in the physical sense #i'm so goddamn done with uni and insurances deciding about psychotherapy and the general state of the world and cost of living #and i miss my friends and i want to visit them but nither them nor me have time and travelling is expensive #and ijust want a goddamn fucking break but i don't see one comign anytime soon. not before summer #but probably not even then #and after that i'll start working so like #at least no goddamn seminars anymore but i still absolutely dread having to decide where i want to work a