drabble #2 - bedroom window
elijah mikaelson x reader
summary: sometimes you neglect to close your blinds before getting dressed, completely forgetting people can see through your window. this is one of those times.
tags: partial nudity, embarrassment, crushes, damon being damon
word count: 660
a/n: based on this tumblr post! ↓
You hum to yourself, looking for the perfect top to fit with your jeans. Three shirts are laid on your bed, but you’re not sure which will be best. You’re thinking to yourself, completely unaware of the people around you. Specifically, those outside your window.
“Look at that,” Damon snickers, nodding up.
It’s you he’s referring to. You, standing in the middle of your bedroom, with only a lace bra on to cover your top half. Sometimes you forget that people can see in from outside, so you don’t often close the blinds.
Curious, Elijah looks up, but only for a second as he realizes what’s caught Damon’s perverted eye. “Let’s knock on the door,” he suggests, wanting to bring the man onto the porch where he could no longer see you.
“Buzz kill,” the younger rolls his eyes. “It’s her fault for not closing the window.”
“I will not listen to you talk about women like that. It’s her house. You should not be looking in.”
“So grumpy.”
Elijah doesn’t answer. He rings the doorbell instead, keeping a watchful eye on the other.
“I’m coming!” You yell down to whoever rang the bell.
Damon, of course, lets out a chuckle.
“We can leave, if you’re going to be vulgar with her.”
“I’m not being vulgar. Chill out.”
“The only reason we’re here is to talk to the little witch. Ask her if she knows anything about Bonnie’s whereabouts. Then, we’re leaving.”
“Alright, fine! Jeez.”
A second later, you open the door. Your hair is tousled like you were throwing on a shirt on your way downstairs, and you probably were, but it makes Elijah smile. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t harbor a little crush on you.
“Hi,” you greet, then realize who it is. You make eye contact with Elijah and blush, but glare at the other vampire. “What brings you here?”
“Sorry to intrude, Y/N,” the original starts, “we were just wondering if you had any news on where Bonnie is. It seems she is still missing.”
Your face falls at his words. “No, I haven’t heard or seen her. I’ve been looking.”
Before Elijah can say anything, Damon interrupts. “Well look harder. We need her.”
“Damon, I swear to-”
“Do not talk to the young lady like that, Mr. Salvatore. I hear it again and we will no longer help each other out on this case. She deserves more respect than that. We know Y/N is looking for her, they are close friends.”
“Maybe she’s lying to you. She knows where Bonnie is.”
“I don’t!”
“Why would she lie about her friend’s disappearance? The girl could be in real trouble and you’re calling one of her closest friends a liar. She is telling the truth. I trust her.”
You smile to Elijah, “thank you.”
He returns it. “If I hear anything about your friend, I will tell you.”
You nod, and promise you’ll tell him, too.
“Well, thank you for your time, Y/N. Oh, and,” he steps closer to your ear, whispering, “you may want to close your window in the future, because some do not know the proper way to see a lady.”
Damon can hear every word, but he didn’t want to embarrass you by saying it out loud. Still, though, your face goes bright red. “Th-thanks, ‘Lijah.”
“We’ll be in touch, Y/N.”
“Okay.”
You just about die of embarrassment the minute you shut the door. Damon had certainly been looking at you, half nude, through your window, right before you came downstairs. The thought of that disturbs you to your core. However, if Damon saw you, Elijah must have, too. Only for a glance, because being the gentleman he is, he would’ve looked away instantly, but a glance is a glance. Your cheeks heat up with blush, and a thousand fake scenarios of how that encounter could’ve gone if Damon weren’t there start to flood your head.
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arcane starters
❝ i’m going. are you coming with me or not? ❞
❝ you see this look on my face? this will always mean it’s time to shut up. ❞
❝ you gonna get that door open any time soon? ❞
❝ yeah, well, can’t escape the past. right? ❞
❝ nothing feels impossible when i’m with you. ❞
❝ if you want to last in this world, you must learn to be both a fox and a wolf. ❞
❝ despite it all...i can tell you have a good heart. ❞
❝ there’s quite a lot about me you don’t know. ❞
❝ what matters is that we’re together. ❞
❝ i will give you the world, if you prove you can take it. ❞
❝ you don’t seem to grasp how serious this is. ❞
❝ i’ve seen this power in the wrong hands. it corrupts, consumes, lays waste to civilizations. ❞
❝ when did you get so comfortable living in someone else’s shadow? ❞
❝ my back is to the world that was smiling when i turned. ❞
❝ real power doesn’t come to those who were born strongest, or fastest, or smartest. it comes to those who will do anything to achieve it. ❞
❝ we can’t change what fate has in store for us, but we don’t have to face it alone. ❞
❝ we’ve all had bad days. but we learn. and we stick together. ❞
❝ you carry your chin so high, you fail to see the opportunity below. ❞
❝ oh, the misery. everybody wants to be my enemy. ❞
❝ listen, i’m sorry for disappearing last night. ❞
❝ i never thought i’d see you again. ❞
❝ you weren’t always the peacekeeper, were you? ❞
❝ when people look up to you, you don’t get to be selfish. ❞
❝ we are definitely not supposed to be here. ❞
❝ i couldn’t have done it without you. ❞
❝ you mistake arrogance for bravery. ❞
❝ you’re gonna have to lay low for a bit, understand? ❞
❝ what was that? what the hell happened back there? ❞
❝ we’re almost there. ❞
❝ i know you have your reservations about me, but this only works if we can trust each other. ❞
❝ i expect better from you than excuses. ❞
❝ go crawl back into whatever hole you came out of. ❞
❝ there’s this thing...in your head, and it’s raging. ❞
❝ everyone makes mistakes, right? what’s important is that we don’t repeat them. ❞
❝ there’s a monster inside all of us. ❞
❝ you have to believe me. i didn’t do this. ❞
❝ a little danger is worth the risk, don’t you think? ❞
❝ tell me your nightmares and fantasies. ❞
❝ all i see is a boy meddling with things he doesn’t understand. ❞
❝ one day...this city’s gonna respect us. ❞
❝ i ruined everything. i always do. ❞
❝ i feel like you and i get off on the wrong arm. ❞
❝ i can hear the sound of our hearts beat. ❞
❝ take a breath. you can do this. ❞
❝ you don’t know war. i do. ❞
❝ there must be something else we can do. some other way. we’ll make a new plan. ❞
❝ you got a good heart. don’t ever lose it, no matter how the world tries to break you. ❞
❝ nobody wins in war. ❞
❝ i think it’s time to say goodbye. ❞
❝ what makes you different makes you strong. always remember that. ❞
❝ is that why you came? to insult me? ❞
❝ this question lingers before you: have you had enough? ❞
❝ magic is far too dangerous in the wrong hands. ❞
❝ i pray our love will always stay. ❞
❝ how did you get in? there’s guards everywhere. ❞
❝ i’m just...not that man anymore. ❞
❝ the only way to defeat a superior enemy is to stop at nothing. to become what they fear. ❞
❝ i trusted you. and you betrayed me. ❞
❝ i want to fight. i can help. ❞
❝ you did what you had to do to survive. ❞
❝ i need to know that i can rely on you. ❞
❝ you’ll get people killed. for what? pride? ❞
❝ i’m proud of you. always have been. ❞
❝ your problem is never knowing when to shut up. ❞
❝ you’re the one who always says we have to earn our place in this world. ❞
❝ did you even stop to think about what could have happened to you? ❞
❝ i suppose that concludes our business, then. ❞
❝ when you’re going to change the world, don’t ask for permission. ❞
❝ we’re not gonna be caught. we’ll be in and out before anyone notices. ❞
❝ if you’re done beating yourself up, let’s go home. ❞
❝ listen, i don’t want any trouble, okay? ❞
❝ stop talking to me like i’m a child. ❞
❝ i thought we could walk together. ❞
❝ in what mad world would i trust someone like you? ❞
❝ you’re all i have left. i can’t lose you. ❞
❝ fear haunts us all. ❞
❝ you know what your problem is? you expect everyone to give you what you want. ❞
❝ i just...i just want her to be safe. ❞
❝ we’ve accomplished a lot together. and there is more yet to achieve. ❞
❝ you never did know when to walk away. ❞
❝ that pain that makes it feel like it’ll eat you from the inside out, can either break you or forge you into something greater. ❞
❝ it’s a sad truth that those who burn brightest often burn fastest. ❞
❝ we’re almost there. ❞
❝ sometimes death is a mercy. ❞
❝ do you ever say ‘thank you’? ❞
❝ loneliness is often the byproduct of a gifted mind. ❞
❝ you’re praying for my fall. ❞
❝ every time i think you can’t get dumber, you dig a new low. ❞
❝ i don’t even know your name. ❞
❝ no monster’s gonna get you when i’m here. ❞
❝ that place looks like it has bodies in the basement. ❞
❝ you failed. don’t disappoint me again. ❞
❝ i know it sounds impossible, but when have we ever let that stop us? ❞
❝ why? why would you risk this? ❞
❝ take your place at my side. it’s where you belong. ❞
❝ get ahold of yourself. i taught you better than that. ❞
❝ you’re just a little man in a little hole the world forgot to bury. ❞
❝ if dangerous ideas didn’t excite the imagination, we would never wander astray. ❞
❝ it’s all right. at least you’re okay. ❞
❝ i wish i could say it gets easier, but i’d be lying. ❞
❝ today’s screw-up will set us back weeks. ❞
❝ don’t be so concerned. i’m about to make your day. ❞
❝ you’re stronger than you think. ❞
❝ i’ve seen your face around here. ❞
❝ in the pursuit of greatness, we failed to do good. ❞
❝ i would set the world ablaze to protect our family. ❞
❝ i have to get home. it isn’t safe for me here. ❞
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Miu iruma who has a brother who is dating Kaede/Maki but personality wise they're almost the opposite of miu. They're kind and can be bubbly but unlike miu who is loud they're on the shy side unless provoked but are unaffected by Miu's loud mouth and vulgar comments and are usually around Miu. Miu also teases her brother about kaede/Maki and of coarse asks vulgar questions(she is weirdly obessed with kaedes chest) Thing is everyone just thought he was friends with Miu but they're shocked to find out they're sibling cause their last names are different. They find out cause Miu and her brother were acting close and they misinterpreted it as flirting but are dead wrong since Miu is like wtf he's my brother you weirdos and now all the interactions make sense.
Kaede and Maki with Miu Iruma’s Brother
Let us begin with you and Miu’s relationship
She’s very fond of you
You’re the only person she trusts enough to be vulnerable with
You know her weaknesses and she knows yours
You’ll tell people to be gentle and not to raise their voices at her, even if she deserved it
And as her sweet, innocent, precious bro, she ain’t letting nobody lay a finger on you
She’ll give your bullies a good talking-to and pull you away from the scene
And you can trust her to be vulnerable with her too
When you’re upset, she’ll wave you over to her and let you lean against her shoulder
You’ve done this ever since you were kids, and it’s just a really nice, warm feeling
And of course, Miu teases the shit out of you
She might pamper you, but you’re not safe from her teasing
Of course, you’re her sibling, so she’s a lot less weird about it
Imagine how ruthless she would be if she found out you were dating someone
Especially one of your classmates
Kaede Akamatsu 🎹
She was so shocked to find out you were her brother
You were literally nothing like her
She was loud, bold, perverted
While you were kind, shy and gentlemanly
She honestly thought you two were dating and Miu was so disgusted
“S-Sorry! It’s just that you two spend a lot of time together and-“
“Ew, what the hell?! He’s my brother, you sick bitch! We popped out of the same fuckin’ womb! Do you think Tenko and that weird magician girl are dating because Tenko’s a weird fuckin’ stalker?! Look up from your piano for once and get a fuckin’ life!”
Needless to say, Kaede was embarrassed
But you were still really kind to her
She actually liked you a lot
When you told your sister that you were dating, she laughed so hard
“Hah! You actually landed that bitch?! Man, that’s fucking hilarious!”
“Miu, I didn’t sleep with her-“
“So tell me, how big are those jugs of hers? Are they real? Is she chubby? And I bet she’s got a fat ass too-“
“MIU!”
Yeah, she’s gonna tease the shit out of you
And she’s gonna threaten Kaede and tell her to treat you good
Even though your sister is a lot to deal with, Kaede still loves you
And your sister will come to respect her eventually
Maki Harukawa 🔪
She doesn’t know why you would wanna hang around someone like Miu, but oh well
I mean, she’s so loud, and you’re so sweet and bubbly
One time, you happened to be in the same room, and she asked it
“Hey. Why do you and that Miu spend so much time together?”
“We’re siblings.”
“…Oh.”
She was not expecting to hear that
She honestly thought it was something completely different
“Something wrong?”
“No, it’s just… I had no idea. You have different last names and you’re nothing like her.”
“You thought we were dating, didn’t you? It’s okay, we get that surprisingly often.”
You chuckled and it made her blush
She was starting to like you
And eventually, she liked you so much that she decided to date you
When you told Miu, she kind of just gave you a weird look
“You mean that creepy chick with the pigtails? Damn, didn’t know she was your type!”
“Miu, please don’t call her creepy. She’s a great person and I love spending time with her.”
“Okay, okay, geez. Don’t get your dick in a twist, buddy. Now, I gotta know, is she buff? Like she does a ton of workouts and whatnot, so she’s gotta be fuckin’ ripped, right?! And how’s her ass? Big? Small? And I bet her chest is-“
“Okay, that’s enough!”
Maki finds her kind of annoying, and Miu thinks she’s a weird bitch, so there’s some awkwardness for a little while
Miu wants to make sure you have a partner who treats you right, and Maki doesn’t like that she scrutinizes her every move
But they’ll learn to tolerate each other in time
“Hey, funny thing, Miu. She thought we were dating at first!”
“Ewwww! He’s my brother, you fuckin’ sicko!”
“Do you wanna die?!”
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Okay another question for the story, What if Jack found out that MC's parents had been invading their privacy (Gaining their grades through forgery, or getting their contacts from their phone without them knowing) and MC knows that Jack can read minds and is strongly against it. How would he feel knowing that them invading their privacy is the reason they are so against him reading their mind. Would he still do it?
That's an excellent question. Hmm...
Given what he mentions in the "yes" route of the demo, Jack does seem aware that he's being shady.
Someday you’ll know why I’m doing this.
But for now. Trust me when I say that it’s all for you.
It's not necessarily guilt per say, but that phrasing definitely makes it seem like he knows he's doing something he shouldn't in order to stay with his sunshine. So we know he isn't afraid of crossing lines for the sake of MC and their relationship.
Of course we could already figure that out given the fact that Jack is a yandere and would be willing to kill people to keep MC, but I digress.
I think it's a pretty normal reaction for MC to distrust Jack if they knew that he could read their mind, regardless of any trust issues they may or may not have before that. Mindreading is a pretty deep invasion of trust on a fundamental level after all. Adding in real trauma towards such a violation of one's privacy and identity would no doubt make that distrust worse.
If nothing else, Jack might be feeling guilty in this scene because he can read MC's mind and they don't know. He's keeping a huge secret and and it's a violation of trust. However, he likely feels that he can't give up this ability or just abstain from using it since MC is holding back from depending on him or anyone else. He needs that insider knowledge in order to give them what they need and ensure that he keeps them.
Given that Jack can't do anything MC doesn't want him to do... I imagine that once they learn he can read their mind that most MCs would want him to not have that ability, even if they trust him. Since Jack can't even touch MC unless they consent to it, I doubt he can read their mind if they don't want him to.
I suspect that MC is unknowingly sort of giving Jack permission to read their mind. We all want to be understood by others after all, especially those close to us. This could lead to a feeling that Jack is, well, exploiting for his own gain.
So if Jack doesn't have permission, he would have to figure out other ways to find out what MC needs so he can give it to them... and he would need to earn back their trust, since most likely learning that he can do this will damage their relationship with him.
It's possible Jack does intend to let MC know about his mind reading ability once they are deeply bound by love and trust... or he could be planning to hide the secret. He could even make it seem like he just got the ability later on through lies of omission once they trust him to the point that they'd be fine with that idea, maybe even after he's softened them up on the idea first.
Jack can't and won't do anything his sunshine doesn't want him to do. So if MC doesn't want him to read their mind, he can't, and he won't force them either. Consent is a huge part of his character, and so is him convincing MC to give that consent.
So I imagine Jack would be focused heavily on earning MC's trust with the tools he has available. I mean Sunny Day Jack likely wasn't a character that could read minds, and it's doubtful Joseph had that ability before he died, so it's not like he would be necessarily hindered without it.
What Jack might focus on to earn that trust from MC is helping them take care of toxic influences in their life. What their parents are doing is wrong. He needs to put a stop to it.
Really, Jack might use the point that he's respecting MC's consent while their parents are not as another means of convincing them that he's the only one they need. They asked him to stop doing it and he stopped it. He cares about them and their needs after all. He loves them more than anyone else ever could.
After the parents are taken care of and are no longer an issue for MC - in whatever way that eventually resolves itself - then that's one less thing in his sunshine's life that's muting their beautiful, warm light. It's more reason why Jack would no doubt see himself as a positive factor in their life and why they need him.
Though I'm sure Jack wouldn't want to give up on the option to read MC's mind/feelings if he can help it. It's pretty handy after all, and it likely makes him feel even closer to them. He just has to earn their trust first, show that nothing bad would happen if they just let him in and trust him so very deeply. He can make them happy, happier than anyone after all.
The main priority though is MC and their relationship for Jack. He loves them so much and needs them to love him and never forget him. If he has to give up reading their mind in order for them to trust him, well, small price to pay, I'd imagine.
Of course, in fanfiction we're free to explore the characters and setting in more ways than just what's been hinted at in the demo and other official materials. Don't be afraid to explore things that you find interesting or to interpret the story the way that brings you the most joy. There's a lot of creativity in the fandom that read into this sneaky ghost(?) clown in lots of different ways with the few clues we have so far after all.
@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur
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A note I hope you read
Hello everyone! How are you doing? I have passed a little over 500 followers on here, I couldn’t be more grateful for all of you. Every lovely Billy fan out there, every kind mungrove lover who’s jumped into my inbox, who’s added notes on my posts, I could name you all individually, even those who know nothing of stranger things! I could shout out those special people who have influenced me in such a deep and impactful way, but I think you know who you are, trust that the gratitude I have expressed to you is genuine. There are many things I could share to celebrate 500 followers, like make a big art piece, or open up a poll, I could even try my hand at a giveaway, but those don’t feel like things I would do. I am, naturally, a very private person. I like to keep facts about myself to a minimum, I like to separate my online persona from my real life, and sometimes I think I may come across as a bit professional or insincere when I interact online with you all, but know that I only do that because it’s what makes me feel safe, and my affection for you is earnest. So, in celebration of what you have given me, I want to share a small part of myself with you.
Dear Billy, and truly mungrove, fandom,
Do not let someone tell you that you cannot ship something, or that you cannot love a character. Yes, I have indeed made my own posts and remarks about disliking certain dynamics or ships, but to truly hate someone for what they love isn’t in me. I’ve seen how horrible people can be about ships, about characters, and especially in the Billy and stranger things fandom there’s been such an intense amount of vitriol poured out, perhaps that is also why I like to keep my own details private. But whether you relate to Billy’s story, or to Max’s experience, or even if you just think Billy’s really damn attractive, I wish dearly that you know it is never necessary to explain yourself. I’ve been on tumblr for so long now, I have seen how much things change and I wish you know to never let something you love become something you hate because of others. You have all made my experience as a creator so very fulfilling, and I wish only to do the same for you.
A few months ago, I lost my own Billy, perhaps someday I will have the heart to sit at their grave and read my own letter. You never know who is affected by the things you write, the notes you post, or the comments you send. Be kind to those around you, be loving, and if all else feels impossible, simply be respectful. Some people may never understand what it’s like to resent someone so strongly and yet love them so dearly, to see how broken they are and still be cut by their shards. As I’ve said before, you can love characters for any number of mundane reasons, they are fictional; sometimes they are conduits for healing, sometimes objects of desire, sometimes they are simply intriguing.
I wish to be here for you all for a long time to come, and even if we someday go our separate ways, I wish you’ll take this as a fond memory. Thank you, for coming along with me this far, for in some way showing me that the small dream I saw as a child of doing something with my art was not impossible, and for allowing me to give the Billy in my own life some form of happiness they perhaps could never find.
All my love,
-PK
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I think I’m straight!
Hey,
So mental health is still kinda shit but I want to make this post. It does feel kinda cringy to come out as straight, but at the same time it has taken me a long time to figure out and like I think I finally have figured it out.
For those who’ve followed this blog for a while, you’ll know I’m a trans woman and when it comes to my sexuality I’ve never really had it down. I have had times where I thought I did, but it changes a lot.
For the past few years I have identified as demisexual and I think that comes down to the fact I’ve imagined I can have a relationship with a woman, but there would need to be a strong emotional bond for something more. But when I think about the potential of dating a guy, that need for a strong emotional bond doesn’t seem to be there.
Not sure if that really makes sense, but I guess if and when I imagine being with a woman in a relationship. My brain has to do a lot of extra steps and gymnastics to be like, “Yeah, that feels like it would be right.” Whereas if I imagine being with a man in a relationship, my brain is instantly like, “Yeah, I can see that happening.”
Like feels weird to say, “I don’t need a strong emotional bond with a guy”. Cos that kinda isn’t true in many respects. Like I need to be in a relationship with someone I trust and who I share interests with, etc. But of course, as we all know attraction doesn’t necessarily play by the rules of what would be ideal in a partner. You can find someone initially attractive and then their personality puts you off. And God, does that happen a lot. My one date with a dude and straight dude at that, he confessed that he’d love to meet a WWII NAZI in real life and I’m just like sat at the table in the coffee shop terrified going, “Riiiiight! Make no sudden moves. Just get through this and then never talk to this guy again.” Wasn’t the only red flag with that dude. He seemed to be one of those people who wanted to hear people out just because and it is like, “You don’t need to know the reasoning of what a NAZI is doing to know what they did is awful.”
Sorry, bit of a tangent there.
I have found this difficult to come to terms with though. Like when I was younger and I first remember experiencing any attraction it was to women. Like at 10 years old, I figured out I should be a woman but I also started experiencing attraction to women at the same time.
Someone pointed out yesterday though, that my attraction to women could have likely been envy. And I guess when I look back on it, that was very likely true. I think the huge issue I had between 10 to 16, is testosterone can really muddy the waters on attraction. Especially when you are trying desperately to understand yourself. And like I get confusion in your teen years especially is part of life, but I think testosterone and being a guy when that felt really wrong just caused the wrong kinds of confusion. Like I at least knew since 10 that transition was possible. I didn’t know what it entailed but I knew one day I could be a woman if that was how I really felt. Sadly that did not mean I had an accepting Mum, just that I had one who was honest when I curiously asked, “Mum, can people change sex?” in my clunky 10 year old vocabulary. I asked her that on the bus to my Grandma’s 😂 She said, “Yes.” Probably putting it down to childhood curiosity. I guess it took away some of the confusion. Like at 10 I figured out I should be a girl and I could at least latch onto that, not thinking it was totally impossible. But then there was still envy for my female classmates which my testosterone fuelled brain at the time clearly mistook for attraction.
And when it came to figuring out I like guys, my attraction was dampened for other reasons. Without going into details, events that took place during my childhood made me extremely fearful of men. I remember in primary (elementary) school, having a male supply (substitute) teacher and being utterly terrified of him. And like for a few years, social services was involved in my life, they used to pick me up from school every week. It was usually a woman who came to pick me up, but one week two men came to pick me up. I seriously was terrified as hell and I had it in my head these guys were kidnapping me. When I got to the centre I think I ended up telling my social worker how scared it made me being picked up by two men. Plus I spent a lot of my school years being called “gay” and bullied for being perceived as such. Like any desire to explore my attraction to men was dampened by fear and while weird to say, given the topic of this is me coming out as straight, internalised homophobia.
I mean while from 10 I knew I was a girl, from the outside I was a guy and exploring being a guy who likes guys was not something I wanted to explore. Being perceived as gay never really sat right with me though. Like I readily admit there was some internalised homophobia there, but I also despise misinformation about myself. Like, all I could think is “I’m not gay. I like women.” And I knew my classmates meant gay as in I was a guy who likes guys. And let’s imagine the fact, that they were half correct, I do like guys. I was not a guy who likes guys, I’m a girl who likes guys. But of course, without coming out, exploring my sexuality in any meaningful way at school would have given the wrong impression about me. It would have just backed up that idea I’m gay. Which not bad in anyway, but I didn’t want to be viewed as gay.
And look, I can safely say that was my brain hating misinformation. I kinda got outed at school, but the news didn’t reach everyone. I came out to one guy and he told enough people that by the next day most people at school knew. The news missed a few girls I hung out with though. I was dating a bisexual girl at the time and the reasoning they had assumed for me dating that girl was basically, “You’re a typical guy. Dating a bi girl for a threesome.”
Like I hated that so much and with already so many people in the school knowing I was trans anyway. I was just like, “Okay. Let’s stop this rumour before it even starts. The reason I’m dating a bi girl is cos I’m a girl.”
And that is likely another reason I didn’t explore my sexuality much at that age. When I finally came out as trans in school, I was in a relationship and one that lasted nearly the remainder of my time at school. Also super weird note, but you know that thing where it is said you are more attractive when in a relationship? Despite being outed to the entire school as trans, so many girls were interested in me and clearly expressed it during that time. There was one lass I had to watch out for in the corridors as she’d side swipe me with hugs from a run that made me nearly fall over. That was an interesting time.
If any guys expressed interest for me during that time though, I think it was safe to say I was oblivious to it. I did dance with a guy at my prom, but I feel safe in saying that was platonic. The song was “Mr Brightside” by The Killers though and it is still a memory I look back on fondly. Weirdly enough, the dance was with the guy who outed me. I think I’ve said before, he was hard to stay mad at during the time, as being outed actually caused a lot of bullying to stop for me. It was like my being trans took away a lot of the power my bullies had over me and then I had a girlfriend so calling me gay was a lil weak.
I do remember one of my bullies approaching me one day though and just going, “So all these years we were calling you gay. You’re a lesbian, so we were technically correct.” I think my response was something along the lines of, “Technically, yes.” And thinking internally, how he’d made me miserable along with the rest of my bullies so it was kinda beside the point.
I think I’m just rambling now though. Main take away was my head was filled with a lot of confusion and at times still is. I do think I finally have enough clarity on it all to say I’m straight though.
Enjoy my post!
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can i pls have fics that have arranged marriage plot?
sure, here you go x
Arranged Marriage
I wasn't sure you meant between them or one of them with the other people so I'm doing both
- between l/h:
Adore You by isthatyoularry
M, 66k
“We invited our new acquaintances from uptown. You’ve simply got to meet their oldest son!” said his mother with a flourish, and suddenly it became abundantly clear as to why his parents had so adamantly demanded he join them in Deansville for the entirety of the summer.
Against his wishes, Harry spends the holidays at his family’s summer estate, and is reluctantly pulled into a courtship he didn’t ask for. Harry doesn’t want to get married, but Louis does. They don’t fit, but then again they really, really do.
Vaguely set in the 1920’s. Headpieces, jazz, fashionable canes, and flapper dresses, and that.
Teenage Rebellion Never Worked Out So Well by panda_bear21
NR, 55k
Trust Me Tonight by 28sunflowers
“I’m an adult!” He glanced down at Harry, who seemed anything but at the moment, where he was definitely on the brink of a temper tantrum. “We’re both adults!”
Jay glanced to Anne again, before breathing out a heavy sigh. “Yes, but you’re both adults that do not have jobs and who live off of our money… Which means, you have to do what we say… or you’ll have to find a new place to live.”
“You wouldn’t do that.” Louis dared, hoping his glare was enough to guilt trip his mother into calling the whole thing off. Or to tell them that it had all just been a huge joke and they weren’t actually being forced into marrying a complete stranger.
“Oh, but we would.”
Or the super cliché arranged marriage fic where things escalate way too quickly.
E, 10k
After Harry’s eighteenth birthday, his father calls him into a meeting to say that he is to be married to Prince Louis of France in just over a week.
Harry is excited, of course. The arrangement is better than any he could’ve hoped for, with such a young, handsome and kind husband.
There is just one issue: Harry doesn’t know what happens on his nuptials, or how to get pregnant to give Louis the heir that he needs.
- l/h with other ppl:
Through Eerie Chaos by MediaWhore
G, 102k
For as long as anyone can remember, Old Hillsbridge Manor has always been believed to be haunted. Everyone in the village agrees and keeps a respectful, fearful, distance. New in town after a bad breakup and an internship that led to disappointment rather than a permanent job, Harry Styles figures taking pictures of the decrepit building could be a great new creative project. Or at least a much-needed distraction while he searches for a job and crashes at his parents’ new house. No one warned him about the apparitions though; about the music, the laughter, the people who flicker and vanish when you call after them, the echoes of a past that should be long gone… Harry has never believed in spirits but even he can admit that there’s something weird going on. What starts as mere curiosity evolves into a full-blown investigation and soon enough, Harry finds himself making friends with an aristocrat from the 1920s and struggling with finding the best way to tell him that he’s dead.
The Ghost Hunter AU where Niall lives to prove ghosts are real, Zayn is a skeptical librarian and Harry gets caught up in a century-old mystery and catches feeling in the process.
Sail Across Me by iwillpaintasongforlou
E, 21k
Harry is a prince that is about to be forced into marriage against his will and running away to sea seems like a much better option. Louis is the captain of the infamous pirate ship The Rogue and he has a thing for helping defenseless creatures. Especially when they're as pretty as this one.
Ever Since I Tried Your Way by flowercrownfemme
E, 25k
Harry had been kissed before, but never like this.
He’d shared sweet, curious kisses behind bleachers and in soda shop booths, one or two more daring ones in cars parked on dark suburban streets, but the girls he’d kissed had never filled him with the desperation that erupted from Louis’ touch. He parted his lips and pulled him closer, as though he could breathe Louis straight into his lungs, as if he could swallow him. He wanted to consume Louis the way he consumed the body and blood of Christ. He wanted to place Louis on his tongue and feel him dissolve into a frothy mess of starch and saliva. He wanted to gulp him down until his teeth were stained purple and he was drunk on him. He wanted him in some violent holy way that made his hands shake where they were twisted in Louis’ shirt.
In 1949 Harry left his bride at the altar, running away from the only life he'd known. When a kindhearted farmer offers him a ride in his truck and a place to sleep the two find themselves inexplicably drawn together. Isolated on Louis' farm with nobody but a field of dairy cows to intrude, the men are finally able to explore the parts of themselves they've spent their lives hiding away.
You Take Me Over, You're the Magic in My Veins by supernope
E, 36k
Louis can feel Harry’s eyes on him as he turns to head toward his seat. He tucks a secretive smile into the palm of his hand while he slides into place beside his sister, his mother’s seat still empty as it awaits the Queen’s entrance. He knows he should be behaving himself a bit more, should be focusing his attention on Gemma, rather than her brother. He’s working on borrowed time, is expected to announce his engagement to the Princess within the next few weeks, but he can’t seem to help himself. Gemma is lovely, kind and witty and beautiful, but he has no interest in being married to her, had no interest in marriage before her arrival, period.
Teeth sunk into his bottom lip to disguise his smile, Louis risks a quick glance toward Gemma and Harry’s usual seats, finds Harry already seated and staring steadily back at him. His hair is a mess from Louis’ fingers and his cheeks are still flushed, and Louis’ heart gives a heavy, delighted thud. No, he thinks, he has no desire to be betrothed to Princess Gemma, but he finds he wouldn’t mind being married after all, if it was Prince Harry he was promised to, instead.
Chasing Empty Spaces by Lis (domesticharry)
E, 79k
The year is 1934 and Harry Styles was to inherent the largest tobacco firm in the south. His parents have picked out the “perfect” girl for him to marry and he has the privilege of receiving the highest education possible. The problem was, Harry hadn’t realized he didn’t actually want any part of that future until he met a mechanic named, Louis Tomlinson.
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hi! firstly, sorry in advance for the long ask. your blog is very thought provoking! secondly, i wanna say i really appreciate all your writing on totk - i’ve kinda deliberately avoided looking at any critiques of the game because, quite frankly, i had a fun time in the moment while playing it and i didn’t want to sully that experience, but your posts have all been quality and have given me a lot to think about with respect to the narrative, its aims, and whether or not “pure, uncomplicated, escapist fiction” is actually a good thing
i digress though - the subject i wanted to ask about, which comes up both in your general “all the consequences were undone and therefore nothing mattered” stance, and more directly in your post about dondons/humanity/morality (specifically the part about “should we trust the bargainer statues that nothing matters? or should we actually care about light vs dark?”) is kind of the age old sentiment that the journey is more important than the destination, and how you think about this in the context of zelda as a narrative, as a defining game in the adventure genre, and now as a landmark in the open world style
in the case of the bargainer statue, i was thrown by you framing “trusting the statues about morality” vs “being moved by the struggle of light against dark” as an either/or - a grimly nihilistic view. in the game (and, i think, in real life), the message is that the ultimate futility of everything does not invalidate the reality of people living their lives in the present, and a positive nihilism challenges us to try and help people and do good in spite of that meaninglessness. this is why the bargainer statues feel so bizarre and un-zelda-like (or at the very least, un-hyrulian. not a bad thing!) - the universe of zelda has always at its core been about how helping other people is a noble endeavor and is its own reward (with gratitude in skyward sword actually manifesting this physically), and the bargainers’ ambivalence flies in the face of this. it’s obvious to us as the player that towns being destroyed and lives being torn apart is objectively bad, even if everyone ends up as a poe in the depths either way, and the bargainers reading as sinister and alien actually reinforces this more than it calls it into question. the quality of the time spent in life matters, even if the ending looks the same
as a game, i think zelda has always been at least as much about the stories and connections you experience on your quest to deal with the big bad as it is about that actual climactic fight. it’s always leaned into the adventure half of “action/adventure,” and in some ways i do think this is what “gameplay before story” originally meant. as you’ve noted, some of the brightest points of totk are the sidequests and characters for whom you can make a small but noticeable difference, and through which you’re driven to interrogate the world and maybe yourself too. and it’s because of these connections that reverting things at the end doesn’t make everything futile and pointless. link is our connection to hyrule, and if the adventure impacted us positively, then we can infer that it impacted link (and to a lesser extent, zelda) positively as well, and that’s worthwhile even if the external circumstances change
a last quick point is that i think the increasingly open world nature of the series also reinforces this - sure you can run naked straight to castle and beat ganondorf without engaging with the game in any way, and you’ll save the day the same as someone who put in 300 hours on the way there, but your takeaway will be completely different, because that journey is the entire point
anyways thanks again for your thoughtful posts and for reading this far if you did!
Heyy thank you so much for perusing my blog and leaving such a thoughtful ask, it's greatly appreciated! <3
That's interesting you took the Dondon post in that way, as it wasn't what I meant at all haha. But I do recognize it was worded in kind of a cryptic way, and left it up to interpretation perhaps a tad too much (see: the limits of subtext), so I can try and make myself a little more clear (and I also think you bring up really good points that completely deserve to be mentioned and that I personally do not mention nearly enough)
What I meant by the "either/or" isn't what we, as an audience should take away as what's important or meaningful, and completely discard the other part as useless. It's not what we experience ingame, and this contradiction is inherently interesting and sparks some degree of conflict (good! storytelling need those and totk is conflict anemic honestly)
What bothered me is that we are prompted, in the game, to see things in an extremely black and white way in spite of an argumentation that maybe, we shouldn't. It's not bad in itself, I even think it's great that we get to question the moral fabric of the world! It's one of the very rare (in my opinion) compelling things about the narrative weaved out for us. But the endgoal of the game still remains the same: find Zelda, and swear yourself/all of your friends to Rauru's ancestral kingdom by using his powers and his guiding hand. Link's role in restoring Hyrule is never even hinted as being a potential question mark, or something we should ponder upon (Twilight Princess did directly question Hyrule in more ways than one, WW is also there, etc). But moreso than in other games in my opinion: we are doing the bidding of a king's territorial war that happened a very long time ago, and the current state of Hyrule doesn't seem to indicate the need for pushing a unified kingdom back onto everybody, or at least it wouldn't be a problem if not for Ganondorf's presence (which in of itself is still arguable as an argument for royal unity, since people would have been willing to band together for the sake of their own communities regardless of whether or not there was a unifying realm --remove the Sage's vow, and I don't believe Link's friends would have let him handle his fight on his own even without having to swear their alliegeance to what is basically a dead kingdom by this point).
My problem isn't the statues; it's that this Light/Darkness framing is only ever questioned when close to them/the Monster Brothers, and the rest of the world is extremely rigid in what is the correct path --but without the added tragic weight that other Zelda games generally have about this aspect (the Sages in OoT being torn from their previous aspect/your own lost childhood, Skyward Sword's Hylia and the way she enacts her plan through people who never had a choice --and that's identified as something bittersweet, not to mention the infamous curse of Demise...)
I do adore what you mention, this sort of "positive nihilism" as a staple of the series. It's never as apparent as in Majora's Mask in my opinion, where getting people comfort and rest is ultimately without consequence as you constantly reset their minds, but it still feels meaningful to have helped. I think BotW did that really well too --where you help people rebuidling life and meaning in the middle of the desolation, making the post-apocalypse hopeful, a place for potential growth and change and resilience and experimentation. In TotK, however, I don't think your efforts are as centered around making sure these people get a future as they were in BotW (except maybe, as you mentioned, in a couple of sidequests --Lurelin's village being one of them, for example). Maybe it's because Ganondorf's threat is not as clear as the Calamity's was, maybe it's because what guides your adventure is to find Zelda first and foremost rather than defeating whatever threatens the peace (treated narratively as a hindrance more than the core problem, even if it is ultimately the core problem --again, the narration/quest design is pretty messy here and it doesn't help matters), or maybe it's because the endgoal is not for people to make their own way into the world, but mostly for the wayward folk of Hyrule to be ushered back onto the glorious trail of Hylian/Zonai's legacy --but to me, the game has a weird agenda regarding Link/the player's role into this world that is generally tangential to his role as a hero and a balancing force in other legends. Here, he starts the game as a knight. His duty is to Zelda, but it ends up overlapping to what Zelda represents in a far more abstract way than usual.
What I think works in TotK in terms of "positive nihilism" is actually Ultrahand, and this gimmick of "world as playground", which I believe is a very clever and engaging way to imagine an open world. There are a ton of little gameplay moments that are yours to shape and inject meaning into; manipulation for the sake of it, the joy of play, and experimentation being rewarded and never punished. To me, this feels the most like inhabiting the world, making it your own, and doing things because they matters to you --and this being enough. But narratively speaking, this is just not really the story being told to us: we are told, us and basically every other NPC, to conform to a plan laid out for us that doesn't ever need to be investigated or questioned --even though now, at crossroad of what the future could look like, would be the perfect moment to do so.
I think what I ultimately tried to point out in that Dondon post is how jarring this hint that, perhaps nothing you do In The Name of Light actually means anything, and this having zero impact on the rigidity of the pupose you are supposed to accomplish In The Name of Light --and the game never seemingly acknowledging that paradox, which made for a (I think, unplanned) pretty oppressive playing experience on my end.
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I don’t know if you’ll see this. I don’t really think it’s for you to see.
I don’t actually think of you much at all anymore, but I was scrolling through my old messages looking for a contact and I saw our messages.
Saw how we said goodbye.
Maybe saying I don’t think of you sounds defensive, but I saw your name and didn’t recognize it for a moment. It made me a bit sad.
I read all our messages back as if it were the first time,
I felt my mind go back through that time machine,
But this time I saw everything you didn’t know you said.
I’ve grown so much more in these years than I thought possible in two years.
To be honest, despite how sure I acted that I knew what I was doing, I wasn’t.
I wasn’t sure at all.
But that’s what I wanted. I was so tired of living my whole life based on the opinions of those around me, so sure they knew what and how to think, things I’d never know.
I wanted something for the first time in as long as I can remember. It was dangerous, and stupid, and possibly not even real, but I wanted it. So I took hold of them with every fiber of my being and refused to let go.
I wasn’t sure, but
If you don’t trust me how can you see me as an equal?
Very easily? I don't have to trust anyone with everything. Not trusting you doesn't mean I'm going to try control you. I trust you with my freindship, I trust you with secrets, I trust you with a lot. But I don't trust you to get your homework done, or that you will get a job, or that youll remember commitments, and you don't trust yourself with that either. I don't trust your judgment but I do respect it.
I have a chronic illness it turns out. I won’t heal, but I can think now, now that I have treatment. I can move. I can sleep. I can exist with manageable pain. I can work I can live, I do things.
It’s a strange I don’t miss you, but I mourn the faith I had in you.
But that’s what all our relationships with you were. You surrounded yourself with hurt people, and supported them, unless they actually gained confidence. Then you poke holes in their newborn ego.
Dont treat me like one of your abusive family members that you're realizing is toxic. If you can admit your judgment is sometimes incorrect (like idk, multiple abusive boyfriends?) then you can understand how I may not 100% trust your judgement. That is very different from controlling you or not respecting you
I don’t know
Maybe I’m wrong
Maybe I’m wrong
Or maybe-
I asked if I could make the caramelized carrots my dad never got to have on his last thanksgiving before he died, you told me no one would eat them so there’s no point. You took a knife out of my hand and said you didn’t trust me to cut vegetables. I told you my life and you used it like a weapon to make me doubt myself.
Maybe it doesn’t matter
My friend and I laugh as we cooked and drank together.
Maybe they like me
My housemate thanks me for setting up the system of jobs and chores for the household.
Maybe I’m good at some things
My boyfriend buzzes about how we could program the map and weather generator for my dnd world.
Maybe someone cares about my interests
My partner hugs me, and says they don’t know how they got so lucky.
Maybe I’m worthy of love
My father in law gushes about the ring set I chose, with a million year old meteorite embedded.
Maybe I can be
My child asks me to play before bed time as we discuss the dog we want to get in the next home. They come to me after they have a nightmare. I sit beside their bed and as their breathing slows I hear them mumble softly “I love you,” and I whisper back “I love you too sweetheart”
I am happy
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I know Meier celebration is closed but you can answer this as whenever you want to:
Can we get a blurb of Luca and Livs first real big fight?
Pick up the phone, Liv.
Liv stares at the blinking of her cursor in the text box. What does she say? It feels like there is nothing to say after what happened.
This morning, Liv had FaceTimed her boyfriend as they do every morning while she walks from her morning class to her afternoon one. But this morning, her boyfriend had unexpected company in the form of his ex-girlfriend, Morgan. The same ex-girlfriend that supposedly has a new boyfriend and loves Liv.
“Uh.” Liv had literally stopped walking. Someone bumped into her from behind. She is too stunned to apologize. “What is going on?”
“Oh.” Luca stands, walking to the door Morgan just walked out of with a wave and a thanks.He flips the lock. “Morgan was too drunk to drive home after the party last night, so she crashed at my place.”
“Um. I don’t think I’m okay with that.” Liv says immediately. Luca pauses, surprised.
“You don’t trust me?”
“Um. No. I do, but that doesn’t mean I am okay with that.”
“Okay I’m sorry.” Luca shrugs, looking entirely too unbothered as he walks to his fridge to grab a glass of orange juice.
“Luca.”
“What?”
“This is not okay with me.”
“Okay, babe. I hear ya. I won’t let her stay over again.”
“Wow.”
“What!?” Luca exclaims, slamming the juice on the counter. “What else do you want me to say? I’m sorry and I won’t do it again.” He is defensive. One of his nostrils starts to flare.
“You don’t even care about how I feel.”
“That is not true. I don’t see why we have to discuss this more.”
“You’re right. We don’t.”
Liv had hung up and bursted into sobs. She turned around, heading away from class towards home.
Presently, she settles on: I don’t want to talk right now.
Okay. I respect that. Please call when you’re ready. I love you 😘
It takes 34 hours before Luca sees Liv’s face pop-up on his phone screen. He is out with some teammates at a downtown bar after their win. He runs from the bar, shoving past people until he reaches the icy, winter air.
“Hey.” He is breathless, red cheeks and wild hair from the wind. Liv gives a lift of her lips in greeting. “Babe, I am so sorry.”
Liv nods.
“I… didn’t think that through.”
“No.” Liv acknowledges.
“She was really drunk and I… nothing happened. I slept on the couch.”
“I believe you.” And Liv does. But it doesn’t change the hurt she felt when Luca told her passively in the morning.
“I should have asked you.”
“No. It’s fine that you didn’t ask. It’s your place, you don’t need to ask me if it’s okay if someone stays over. It would have been nice if you told me that night though. Instead of the next morning as she was leaving.”
“I know. It looked so bad. I’m so sorry. I… feel like such a fucking idiot.” He shakes his head. “Not an excuse, but I love you so much, it never even occurred to me what it looked like. Like, I would never, ever cheat on you, so the concept of that looking sketchy didn’t connect.”
Liv nods again.
“I want us to be okay again. What can I do?”
“Communicate with me more.”
“Okay. I will. I’m out with the boys right now at this shitty bar with equally shitty live music.” Luca chuckles.
“That seems a lot more fun than economics.” Liv holds up her book for him.
“Oh! You need help?!” He asks excitedly. This is the area of his major after all.
“No. You’ll get too in depth and confuse me. This is Economics 101, baby.”
“Probably true.”
“Thank you for my flowers.” Liv says, showing him the gorgeous bouquets of roses, lillies, and other flowers Luca isn’t sure of. It was over $300 though, so he felt like that was expensive enough for his sincere apology.
“You like ‘em?”
“Yeah.”
“They’ll have to do until I get to you next month.” Luca kicks at a chunk of ice on the sidewalk. “I really miss you, Liv.” Luca’s brown eyes meet her blue ones. She smiles at him and his chest grows warm.
“Only 41 days and 1 hour until I see you.”
“985 hours.” Luca sighs. His cold breath swirls about his face.
“Yeah… In the meantime, go back inside before you get sick.”
“We are good?”
“The best.”
“Love you, pretty girl.”
“Love you too.”
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Do you have any legit reason for calling it a cult? Or do you just dislike them
Here I've basically answered this before but I do have a lot more to say so buckle in because you literally asked for it.
First, excerpts from private essays alters in here have written -
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"Many cults and fringe spiritual communities have sprouted from Western religious fundamentalism, based on the idea that symptoms of mental illness aren’t really mental illness, that medicine and psychology can’t be trusted, and that what mentally ill people need is to somehow ascend passed their illness.
We see this in Scientology for instance, which when you look at it, actually holds similar ideas to endogenic spirituality: symptoms of mental illness are attributed to alien ghosts plaguing the body, psychiatry is completely rejected, and the only way to treat mental illness is to ascend to higher consciousness.
Obviously, Scientology isn’t the only cult that believes such things, just the most recognisable. If you look through the history of Western cults and fundamentalism, you’ll find an on-going theme of rejecting psychiatry, rejecting medicine, and telling people their mental illness is either a gift from god or a curse they have to overcome.
Endogenics hold the exact same position: symptoms of a mental health issue (dissociation, identity disturbance, internal voices) aren’t symptoms of a mental health issue. They’re a natural part of you- in fact they make you a better person than if you were singlet. They treat “pluralty” as if it’s a higher state of being, and many of them come from faith backgrounds which most now reject, but have replaced by spiritualising mental health."
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"+ Link to a whole article denying DID systems personhood. They’re telling mentally ill people that to be considered worthy of personhood, they have to assimilate into this belief system. I also know many systems who have had this done to them when they were in “mixed origin” spaces, and have experienced this for myself. It’s even worse in private spaces, where they can’t be held accountable for their actions."
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Also to break this down / add to it:
They have a niche belief system that rejects our known understanding of the world while placing all their faith on an ideology with no proof behind it and no support from respected institutions, either spiritual or scientific.
They actively target mentally ill and vulnerable people to assimilate into their belief system and instil a fear in them towards seeking treatment or of being seen as mentally ill, as well as an overall distrust in the field of psychiatry as a whole. (Not just criticism towards the institution for its many disgraces during its development, but an outright rejection of it as an idea.)
They go as far as to spread guides on how you can force dissociation or hallucinations- this is literally cult programming.
They further other forms of cult programming, such as system hopping which is inherently a tactic of abuse and control.
Anyone who denounces the cult is othered using language that would be incomprehensible to someone not in the cult - traumascum, sysmed, etc.
They treat their ideology and "plurality" as a higher state of being and use that as a method of recruiting others, telling singlets it's just better to be plural, and constantly challenging DID systems that they may be endogenic.
Their ideology causes the same harm towards mentally ill and vulnerable people that other similar cults do. People deny themselves treatment and worsen their symptoms, either purposely or through that denial.
We used to be pro endo. We were surrounded by endogenic systems. The things we saw them say in private spaces are even worse than what they get away with in public. Alters with loose grasps on reality were told they can't be a real person because they're just a symptom, and that if they felt like they were a "real person", then they HAD to be a "endogenic headmate" or a "soulbond".
Anyway as you can probably guess, this led to a denial of trauma, a denial there was anything wrong with them, an increase in dissociation and I remember one of them insisted he was "actually tethered to the body, not inside it". Bizarrely enough it even led to a complete denial of the system in some instances. (???? boy was smoking that snoop dogg shit ig)
Obviously the consequences of all this to the system as a whole were not good even if I'm able to joke about it now.
It's almost as if I dislike endos because I've seen the ramifications of their belief system first hand or something. Weird.
And before someone goes "WELL YOU SHOULDN'T BE COMPARING IT TO A CULT ANYWAY BECAUSE YOU'RE INVALIDATING CULT SURVIVORS BY-" I'm a cult survivor. I was raised in a cult. The whole reason some alters were susceptible towards the endogenic thing was because they were already pre-programmed to be influenced by those things. Over the years all these experiences have led to us being good at recognising cult programming. Also shut up.
Actually actually- on a side note-note. I think a problem some people have with this is they can't comprehend that a cult can exist on the internet, but you just have to look around you. Q-Anon started on the internet. Anti-vaxx and Alex Jones were popularised by the internet. There's other lesser known cults that started on Facebook or internet forums. This isn't new.
And additionslly, another reason endos aren't seen as a cult is because they align themselves with the left and the LGBT+ community. Since we're misunderstood communities who are used to being invalidated, we don't like the idea of invalidating others. It's easy to convince a queer person that their MAGA-hat wearing drunken Q-Anon uncle is a member of a cult and obviously shouldn't be validated. It's a lot harder to convince them that their fellow queer or disabled person who is overall well-meaning towards people, could also fall victim to a cult and also shouldn't be validated.
But again if you look at how cults actually operate, this isn't new. They often latch onto already misunderstood communities because they're less scrutinised there. It's not even a conscious plan on their part, it's just "well these people also have beliefs and ideas that aren't accepted by normie society, so I'll hang out with them."
And finally for more examples of endos being culty you can look at my tag: endo cult, because I call things what they are.
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Hi. Hope your day is well. I’m unsure what you’ll think about this but I think I just need to get this off my chest to an older butch. I feel an incredibly deep core-of-my-being connection to butchness and butch culture but I’m not a lesbian at all, I’m a gay masc guy. It’s so hard to make sense of this feeling. I feel cripplingly insecure in calling myself butch since I am not a woman nor am I attracted to women, but it’s the only descriptor I’ve found that truly feels like home to me, and that’s a feeling I’m reluctant to rescind. Butch feels honest and warm and *right* in my soul, moreso than any other term I’ve tried on. The first time I considered using it as a term for myself it instantly, permanently clicked something inside me and I felt so much unexpected relief that I cried. I’ve done a lot of experimentation and soul searching, so I know it’s not gender dysphoria or a case of mistaken sexuality that drives this connection I have with butchness, but god do I wish it was. Every day I wish I was a lesbian so I could have something in common with the people I feel the deepest kinship with, so my adoption of this label could feel legitimate, so I would not be rejected from butchness. I feel completely alone, like I’m caught between separated worlds with no community to relate my experiences back to. It’s lonely.
My day is moving along. I am at my office job today but we are allowed to be on line and today is particularly quiet. Thank you for asking.
What I think is you sound like a person doing a lot of searching to find where you fit in life. I can make all kinds of assumptions about you but with Tumblr anons I might never know details and sometimes the depth of the answer is in those details.
You say you are a gay masc guy. So there you go. You know you aren't attracted to women and I believe you. Butch is a lesbian term used to describe lesbians who encounter certain biases and experiences due to how we are perceived in the world. As a masc guy attracted to only men you could not understand that. If you are consistently and reliably perceived as a man, or at least not a woman, you don't have the same social consequences as butches who are seen as "being a woman wrong" or "like a man" which we are neither.
Since you are not attracted to woman you have no claim to butch. As a masc guy you have your own experiences and I, with no doubts, believe you suffer from suppressions and limitations placed on you by society. But they are not the same as for butches. You don't have the same type of assumptions aimed at you.
I know some will see this as gatekeeping or word policing. I am okay with that. I am not going to lash out at people who feel they have the right to words that I think they don't. I can't change the actions of others but you asked my opinion and I am sharing with an honest answer.
You can't be rejected from butch because it was never for you to begin with. What you can do is find others like you to relate to. Find other masc guys or other men to befriend and share your experiences with. It also does not mean you can't be friends with butches. I have lots of friends who are masc, trans guys, straight guys and bi guys and every other kind of guy. One need not be a butch to befriend and respect butches. Just as I feel a kinship with my gay men friends, you can share a kinship with butch women. I think you will find using butch might cause some butches to feel less trusting of you.
Not being a lesbian is not a punishment. Each of us has the right to love who we are and embrace our sexuality. Please don't feel bad for being attracted to only men. It is normal and healthy.
My best advice would be to meet and befriend butch women in real life. This might help you understand the differences you have and also discover the similarities that draw you to the word and maybe give you some clarity about yourself.
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Please don't take this wrong, i'm not trying to be rude at all, it's just curiosity but how can someone love a book that romanticizes rape? Because Zade literally rapes her with a gun and the author confirmes that he did it. I know it's dark romance but rape is a real thing and there are so many victims of rape. They're struggling with it and sometimes it leads to suicide. I live in a country that women being murdered and raped nearly everyday and it's a scary topic for me.
Also I grew up with the stories of women who had to marry their rapists :/ Romanticizing something like that is just feels strange.
I'm not judging you or anyone. Judging is not my right to do, im just asking. Please pleeasse don't get me wrong <3
I’ve popped some trigger warnings on this, but please skip this answer or skip of these are sensitive topics for anyone seeing this!!
hi! so, I absolutely get what you’re saying, and I have to be honest, I had no idea just how dark it was and that those were prominent themes when I picked it up! I’d seen a very romanticised version of it on tiktok and I was so unprepared; which is why I stressed a build-up to it so much on my other ask about it!
I do recommend this book, though! firstly, while I do not excuse or condone any of the behaviour in this book, and I appreciate that the writer confirmed it, but it’s always read more like non-con and dub-con to me! now, I’m not saying a woman is ever ‘asking for it’, but Adeline toed a very dodgy line in the first book, she really played with fire, constantly pushing the limits with Zade to see just how far he would push back. she did not respond in the healthy way either. she tempted and pushed and let her curiosity get the better of her.
again, not saying that what happened is at all right, but the settings and features of this book aren’t at all as black and white as real life is. it’s very blurred here.
secondly, I think one of the underlying themes here that drives so many people crazy is the obsession part. Zade is absolutely obsession with her, wholly and completely, and some people crave that kind of dedication and adoration. Zade never had malicious intent behind his actions, and I think that’s the difference.
He used very very bad ways in an attempt to show her his love and to get her to love him back. He never wanted to hurt her, and that’s also a difference here. In the real world, these things happen because someone wants to take and hurt and abuse, in fiction, Zade is just a very dark man who wants to love and cherish and protect. He wants to take her for himself but not to harm.
Despite having very little boundaries with those kinds of things, and I know it sounds so ridiculous to say in the face of it, Zade is actually very respectful and caring. It sounds fucked up and out of place, I know, and without dissecting the whole plot to explain it you’ll just have to trust me on it, but the difference is that we (as readers) inherently understand that Zade is a good man, who just does that particularly bad thing, which is part of a grey zone.
it’s a very dark, very blurred book, and you can only really understand once you’ve read and thought about it.
however, I do not have your daily experiences and life, and so I cannot fully understand your perspective either. thank you so much for your kindness and respect in the face of something that must’ve been difficult for you to see, and it’s my bad for not trigger warning them, which I will do now, using the tag #tw: dark romance — which you’ll be able to blacklist.
I’m sorry for any upset I might’ve caused you, I hope this ask can at least explain a little of my POV, and I hope you’re happy & healthy & safe my lovely 🤍
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ToG Read-A-Long, Kingdom of Ash, Day 10
So - it’s come, today’s the day, in reality, the read-a-long is finished!
(But I’m still just barely starting part two - Gods and Gates)
I have no intention to stop now
It’s a delayed read-a-long, but I’ll keep reading
Ch 68
Dorian bird - to Dorian mouse! He’s really getting the hang of this shapeshifting thing
HE BURIED THE WYRDKEYS IN SHALE ROCK Dorian, baby, I love you, but what the fuck. If you weren’t gonna bring them with you, why didn’t you just leave them with Manon and the others?!?
(What if you die - literally - what are you going to do if you die)
(I swear to god if you die I’m going to throw this book at the wall)
Oh no. Maeve is here.
Ch 69
I still think Darrow is a piece of shit, and it’s kind of amazing that he has so little respect for Aelin after all that she’s managed to accomplish. I think Lysandra didn’t do her any favors pulling the shapeshifter decoy game, but she has a point. The army, the whole armada, and all of these warriors, are here to serve Aelin, not some dusty old man from a random court in her kingdom. He better learn soon to start affording her some respect. What more can she possibly do to prove herself?
Ch 70
Oh god damn it. I love how Maeve and Erawan knew Dorian was hiding there the whole time and STILL decided to have their casual conversation and catch him up on the plot. Now he knows Aelin is safe and that Chaol is probably safe - and all about Maeve and her valg heritage.
But also, uh oh, he was found
(Shit)
(Okay)
(You better learn fire power real quick)
(Unleash flames and fuck this Valg queen up)
Ch 71
Um? Uhhh.
Of the two evils, I would definitely describe Maeve as the lesser, since she spent centuries just playing Fae Queen, compared to Erawan who actually wants to take over the world - it’s possible that she could be bargained with and allowed to stay in this realm. They both do want the same things - in a way - to shut the doors and bar all other valg from ever entering. I find it very interesting that Dorian is willing to ally with her. But I do think offering her an alliance through marriage is a bit much, Lmao. If anything I’d let her help with the key quest, wield them to seal off the Valg realm and send Erawan back, and then tell her to fuck off back to her own continent, never to darken their doorway again.
Dorian’s really interesting right now. He’s right here in the thick of it. I don’t want the scene to change to another character but I get the feeling it’s going to real quick here.
Ch 72
Yep, lol
Aw, but that scene between Gavriel and Chaol was so sweet. Maybe you can let him father your kid; too. Or he can be like, sort of a grandfather. Since your kid probably won’t get to know their own grandfather.
Did the Ironteeth witches leave because Manon summoned every witch to her legion? Or are they still here to make life worse for everyone?
I mean - they’re not HERE - so, hopefully they’re doing the cool thing and joining forces with Manon.
But the air is stagnant, and maybe something horrible is about to happen.
Ch 73
MAEVE. I want to believe that you are our friend, that you just came from a spooky, shitty planet and you truly do like this world and want to stay here. I want to believe that after Erawan is destroyed, you’ll behave yourself, and won’t try to bring about the end of life as we know it. But I don’t trust you? You kind of tortured the main character - viscously - and you psychologically tortured Rowan by making him believe that his first mate died pregnant with their child. Like, listen, I think people can come back from the dark side, but you’re pretty deep in it, Maeve. You have got a LOT to atone for, and if you think befriending Dorian is gonna make up for everything then you’re fucking wrong.
Ch 74
Gross
Super uncomfy.
Good thing Erawan didn’t want it
I hated watching her shapeshift into Aelin. how dare you use her likeness - after what you did to her! You disgust me, Maeve
Ch 75
(You guys got this)
(Don’t give up)
100,000 is a lot but you guys got this
Ch 76
“Not all Valg are evil.”
This is so bizarre. Is this really the same book where Maeve was torturing Aelin? Are we really gonna brush that off? In theory - I love this idea - a villain redemption - sure - I’m stupid and I love that trope - but what the actual heck?
In the same book?
In the same book with Aelin over here suffering lingering trauma and wishing for it all to be over? Wishing herself dead?
I’m not saying I don’t believe in the ability for a person to change
It’s just!
Maeve?
It is so sudden? And it is so jarring?
Ch 77
Shit
So do we trust her, or is she just as bad as we remember?
(Ugh I’m so tangled up inside)
(I felt like she was trying to open up, trying to be his friend)
(If she cares about spiders she can care for the other creatures of this earth)
(Maeve - we don’t use dark mind control magic on our friends)
(So if you’re really friends….)
(Stop)
(Let him go)
Ch 78
Wow
Ok
Hell yeah
Not bad, Dorian. Holy shit. You actually did it. You actually got away. With your life, and all three keys.
And you didn’t kill Maeve, even though she tried to double cross you
Wow
Hell yeah
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You and your hateful, trashy ass Anons, and some of the ignorant fools who follow you need to get off your fat asses stuck behind your mobile devices and do something productive in your lives than to be total bitches. Lying and making accusations is your only game in town. Sam is doing good in the world and bringing joy to people’s lives while all of you are pathetic excuses for human beings. Stop making this fandom toxic! 🛑✋ Karma is a bitch and it will catch up to you someday. You just can’t stand Sam being respected, supported, and celebrated by the majority of the fandom. So, you have chosen to make it you’ll’s mission to destroy Sam any way you can and it’s sickening. Get a life and stop the embarrassment!
Did I hit a nerve Anon (I take it these are all of one and the same given the way of writing). You seem a little upset.
You call me (and my Anons and Followers) hateful?
You know what is hateful right? Calling someone stupid, a loser, a jilted ex lover (eek) , trashy, ignorant, fat... You are rather very prejudiced... it does look to me you are the one that is hateful, not me. And you haven’t got the slightest idea what I do or not do in a day, in my life and how ‘fat’ my ass is.
You know what creepy is? I say a 42 yo man openly following more and more scantily dressed women half his age on IG. But I don’t even want to go into that with this post.
But since you asked so nicely, let me just point out where my skepticism about his business, both businesses are about. Perhaps ask some (inconvenient) questions....
In the past I already wrote that a certain transparency in finances of a charity is an important detail for me in order to contribute or join in. I look for liability before I throw my money to any person or company. The same goes for businesses I purchase from. We all know how in these internet times we can not trust people on their blue eyes.
So the first thing you learn about MPC is that it is not a charity at all, it is a LLC, a company, making money and donating to charity partners. No more no less. Secondly you find out the company is based in the US and not in Scotland. I think it is a legitimate question to ask why? And when there is not much else than that it looks more like a cult club of people fanning an actor, trusting him on his blue eyes, my reaction is, to look more into it than just that surface. Him planting a couple of trees on a Saturday afternoon with a photographer and a bunch of cheering women around him all the time is not going to give the liability I look for.
So easiest step, look up the company in the The Open Database of the Corporate World to find out it is heavily intertwined with another LLC, selling whisky (from Scotland) but also based in the US. Same Directors/Officers, same jurisdiction (Nevada), same Agent and Agent address, same registration date. And we all know same cult club, fangirling base. Red flags to me!
Another thing you might do before doing business with a company is look up their address. Especially as we know that businesses in the US like to register in another (more tax friendly) state. That’s also why they are called ‘Foreign’ LLC’s. (it has nothing to do with people living in another country).
Another Red flag for me, on both websites (MPC and GGC) there is no physical address. Only when asking Google I can come up with 2 different addresses for their headquarters.
5455 WILSHIRE BLVD UNIT 702
LOS ANGELES
90036
United States
At that same address MPC was registered in 2018 but Google gives as MPC headquarters:
325 N. Larchmont Blvd. #173,
Los Angeles,
CA 90004
So who actually ‘owns’ these companies, the open database gives and agent and AN as managing member, but aren’t does companies owned by SH too? Again I have to ask Google as there is no real information about that on both websites (in fact the GGC website only has a 12 seconds video, nothing else to go by).
So I now have 2 addresses of headquarters in LA, for 2 companies owned or managed by one person, AN.
Okay, I know where (and how) one of the co-founders lives in Scotland but how about that co-owner and CEO? Okay, okay... bit inconvenient eh, and no I’m not the type that puts private home addresses out here for everyone to see. But it’s a quite simple question for Google. It will come up with basically 2 addresses, one seems to be a former and one current.
[Now it’s perhaps time to warn you here, it’s getting a little more inconvenient maybe. So stop reading if you don’t want that information if you rather choose to be oblivious.]
Okay the former address directs me to a ranch
according to this real estate website.
Going by AN’s IG there are pictures in the past that matches with that house.
The current address directs me to
Matches with AN’s at home post last year:
Hmmm, quite the house to live in as a CEO from 2 rather small-medium companies! But okay...
But wait, second page of the search, there’s more! What is that?!?!
Another address????
Uhm, where is that?!
Okay, gonna be a more honest, curiosity about another house already occurred when seeing these stories posted last summer by SH (think some will remember we discussed where this was). The first one receiving some gifts from podcast guys on another address then he recorded the podcast itself (that was an airbnb)
I also want to point out that I have this information now for quite a while. I chose not to publish it so far. No real need to put more red flags out there, and it’s not about sharing this as look at what I found out. But you, Anon, your not so kind messages, accusing me of all kind of hateful things, just got me over that threshold. So blame it to yourself.
And then end of August
Remember? It was end of August last year when SAS RN was added on Netflix and he proudly showed us each day that it was listed in the top 10 new releases of several countries (for about a week). His watch and bracelet on the cupboards indicating he stayed at that place.
My partner in crime @heyjuudee couldn’t really figure it out at first. No hotel, not the airbnb he stayed before... where is that?! And then connecting the dots and with the right search words in Google we finally found it. The next pictures only confirming we had the right location.
Used for promo of SW
And filming MPC promo
For a bottle of the award winning gold for the MPC coach...
So, this my dear Anon, has just red flags all over for me. How is a CEO and co-founder of 2 small-medium companies, of which one conveniently is named a charity in interviews, but in real isn’t, eve when they claim to have donated about 6M in 7 years (which I wont deny is a good thing), can afford to have over 3M in real estate? You want me to believe this is all earned by the whisky selling business, in less than 2 years? The one that sold one batch and the second batch is still not sold out? Now who do you call ignorant?
Oh and yes, go ahead throw your sh*t over me, telling me I waste my time looking into things that you rather don’t want to see the daylight. I can take the heat asking inconvenient questions. Go ahead, show me these are all lies, let me see your substantial evidence! I would like to see a bit more than planting a couple of trees on a Saturday afternoon. A bit more substance than a pair of blue angle eyes. I’ve shown you where my information is based on and what my reasons are to have my doubts. Now let’s see yours!
You’re only shooting the messenger that gives you the information that should, at the least trigger you to question yourself about your naive short-sightedness. Just go ahead throwing your money to them so they can live their fancy lives in their luxurious houses and travel all over the world staying at expensive 5 star hotels. Remember, they’re on a mission...
Oh and if the shit hits the fan, don’t come crying here. Don’t go saying you feel duped and you didn’t know, cause it is all out there for everyone to find. It’s all public information, not even a subscription needed to go look it up.
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STWG daily prompt 2/13/24: accidental confession
pairing: platonic stobin, robin/chrissy, steve/chrissy
wc: 866
“You what?”
Robin stared at Chrissy, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.
“I like you,” Chrissy repeated, cheeks flushed from where she hadn’t quite meant to say it. “Not like a friend.”
“You — but — but Steve!” Robin burst out, swiveling to turn her gaze on her best friend — and Chrissy’s boyfriend.
He gave her a shrug and an easy smile, like this was normal. “You heard her.”
Robin looked between them, brain failing to process what was happening. “But you’re — you’re dating.”
“Yes,” he confirmed.
“And you want to break up with him for me?” She asked Chrissy. It just didn’t make sense. Steve was like the platonic ideal of a man, kind and respectful and genuine. Why would Chrissy throw that away for disaster lesbian Robin Buckley?
“I didn’t say that,” Chrissy said, taking a step closer to her. “I said I like you. And him.”
“You want — both?” Robin asked.
“If you’ll have me,” Chrissy said, looking shy all of a sudden. “This wasn’t how I meant to ask, we had a whole plan, we were gonna take you out to dinner and a movie and give you the whole first date treatment, but I just… couldn’t help myself.” She looked up at her from under her bangs, and Robin had never felt so grateful to be taller than her.
“You were… you were gonna take me out on a date?” She repeated. She whipped her head towards Steve, realizing that Chrissy had said we. “And you were in on it?”
“Of course I was,” he said with a smile. “I’ve got insider info from best friend privileges. I had to help plan it.”
“And you’re not… it wouldn’t be weird? To date the same girl?” She asked, feeling vulnerable under their eyes.
“Robbie…” Steve drew closer and took her hand, a familiar squeeze. “We’re basically the same person anyway,” he said with a laugh. She let out a nervous giggle. “And I know you haven’t had the chance to do all the things you want to,” he added gently. “You deserve a real relationship, with a girl that likes you for you. Trust me, Chrissy’s a really good girlfriend.” The girl in question blushed as Robin tried to stop tears from welling up. What to even say to that? Not many people would consider sharing their girlfriend with their best friend like this.
Robin rocked forward and threw her arms around him. “I love you, dingus,” she said wetly into his neck. He chuckled and hugged her back, lifting her off the ground for a moment before they parted. She looked over at Chrissy. “Are you sure? You really want me?”
“You don’t have to ask me if I’m sure,” Chrissy said. She stepped closer and took her other hand, dainty and delicate in comparison to Steve’s thick fingers. “I was sure the moment I realized it was something I could want.”
Robin looked down at their hands, Chrissy’s pristine green nails and her own chipped blue one intertwined. “I”ve had a crush on you forever,” she confessed in a rush. “I just… never thought you’d ever want me back.”
Chrissy smiled. “Well, you’re in luck.” She stepped even closer, so that their shoes were almost touching. “I’m so gone on you,” she whispered, the words just for them.
In a daze, Robin raised her hand to cup Chrissy’s cheek, lowering her face to hover above her lips. “Can I?”
“Please,” Chrissy breathed, and Robin leaned all the way in.
She’d never expected her first kiss to be with Chrissy Cunningham, but goddamn was she happy it had turned out this way. Her lips were soft and tasted like strawberries, and Robin had a moment of worrying if her own lips were too chapped, if Chrissy decided she didn’t like it after all, but then she moved her lips and Robin moved back and they were kissing, really truly kissing, and she stopped worrying.
They pulled away, breathless, silly smiles painted across both their faces. A squeeze on her hand made her realize that she was still holding on to Steve, and she turned to face him. He had grabbed Chrissy’s hand so that they were connected in a triangle, boyfriend to girlfriend to best friend, and he was smiling just as much as they were.
“You guys still wanna go on that date?” He asked. “I think we can move it up to tonight.”
“I think I’m free,” Robin said. Even if she had had plans, they would be out the window at the prospect of her first real date with a girl. And her best friend, but he didn’t count. He was basically her.
“Perfect,” Chrissy said, bouncing on the balls of her feet. It was absolutely adorable. Robin caught Steve giving her the same lovestruck look she was. She’d have to get used to that. There was bound to be a lot of it in her future.
“Awesome,” Steve said with a grin. “My two favorite girls.” He squeezed both their hands, and Robin couldn’t help but crowd in for a group hug, Chrissy squishing in with her against Steve’s chest. It felt right. Robin couldn’t wait for more.
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