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#how do i tell her
crystalkleure · an hour ago
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I have multiple broken teeth due to the fact that my wisdom teeth came in sideways and have progressively been pushing all of my other teeth together more and more until they crack due to a combination of the pressure and a fucked up dental procedure I had years ago [when I was a minor and had no say in whether or not it happened, my mom was the one who signed off on it and I STILL actually don’t even know exactly what the fuck they did to my fucking teeth] so I am in horrible pain but can’t afford to go to the dentist, and even if I could, my mother will not take me or even allow me to go myself if there is any way she can possibly stop me.
My coping tactic of choice today is going to be to think really hard about anime and shitpost on Tumblr dot com.
#There are just straight-up chunks missing out of several of my teeth. I have literally been spitting out Fragments Of Tooth.#One of my molars has been pushed completely sideways and is now burying itself in the floor of my mouth under my tongue#I think it's about to expose the root#And my mother has the fun and healthy tendency of going into Extreme and Aggressive Denial about Any Problem Whatsoever#Like she'll literally just vehemently gaslight everyone around her and insist that The Problem isn't even real#Other people are simply overreacting or deliberately trying to make her life harder don't you know!#There are rotting holes in the floor walls and ceiling of this house and she keeps just stacking furniture on them or painting over them#And then insisting They Don't Exist and Violently Shooting The Messenger when someone tries to tell her those problems aren't solved#This killed her cat. He was sick for months and I tried to tell her she needed to take him to the vet.#She refused; said he'd be fine; and then ripped into me about acting so ~holier than thou~ because I...was worried about him#She acted like I was shaming her and turned Not Taking Him To The Vet into a way to make some kind of point to me about how --#-- She Was Right And I Was Wrong and there is nothing wrong and I was just being a melodramatic little bitch.#That animal that I loved suffered for months and then died.#She's trying to make the same fucking thing happen to me. I say I want to go to the doctor because my horrible health is getting --#-- intolerable and I guess I'll just open a GoFundMe or something; and she won't even let me out of the house or let me use the phone.#Trying to prove to me that I'll be fine and I'm just being a hypochondriac who enjoys making life more difficult for her bc I'm evil.#Yeah I don't know what to do. I have visible gaping holes in my teeth. You can SEE the fucked up wisdom teeth and the sideways molar too.#I am in so much pain#.It speaks
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Talked to our mother about the pronouns issue. As to be expected she was incredibly angsty about it but she could’ve been much more defiant so that’s a positive at least! She said she’ll try to keep on it since now she doesn’t have the excuse of defaulting to ‘she’, but we told her that mistakes don’t matter as long as she keeps on it
But it did infuriate me loads when she claims that she has never called us ‘she’ to our face. Calling us ‘she’ to others? Understandable in a sense. But acting as if she has been nothing but a saint whilst literally misgendering us to our face yesterday? Not good, not good at all. So I’m making sure that she doesn’t get comfortable anymore with defaulting to that because like I said, she doesn’t have that anymore
We didn’t bring up the name issue, but eventually.... maybe.....
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snapperoni · 3 hours ago
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skin :)
#snap chats#i dont mean to be making ThOugHTfuL posts as of late but here we are#but i was in the bathroom earlier and yk As I Always Do With Reflective Objects i just looked at meself in the mirror right#usually i dont really notice anythin but The Usual and im like 'damn im hot haha ;)'#but i dunno for some reason i just kinda like. focussed on my skin- particularly me skin tone#of course i was Disgusted by the fact i didnt shower yet and i feel CRUSTY#ill shower soon babes dont worry me clothes are almost done <3#but idk. for a while ive kinda always been upset about my skin tone#when i was a baby i used to have particularly dark skin- like it looked like my mom's and her dad's#i actually looked filipino LMAO#and thats a thing with being filipino i think- just from what ive experienced#most people dont realize im asian unless i tell them and like. i dont know if its just my family#but if youre a light skinned filipino you dont really look it? like out the other asians right i feel like our eyes are the most round#or at least less almond shaped- which is funny since my sister sid i look the most asian out of all of us#Very Funny Jules but anyway like. having dark skin is really characteristic of being filipino#and ive always cherished being filipino so like i guess this is why this is kind of  like. noteworthy? to me#so thats why ive always been upset about how light skinned i was?? which is ironic since my mom like#she's always upset about how dark her skin is- which honestly isnt as dark as it could be like her dad's was#i dont have enough tags to talk about colorism in asian communities ESPECIALLY SEA nations impacted by the US#im almost out of tags fuck i ddint get to my point BUUUT LIKE despite the fact i wish my skin was a bit darker#i dunno. it has a kind of tan to it ? its not really noticeable but its noticeable enough to me and you know#its not much but it does make me look a bit more filipino i guess- i cant describe it Especially Since Im Running Out Of Tags FUCK#point is i think im like. i dunno. i guess im likin my skin more?? is that weird?? probably lmao#im a weird guy what can i say <:) i like making mountains out of molehills <3#anyways bye bye lets see what else i do :) will i think more who knows <3 might play heroes <3#ive been saying that for days And Ive Been Saying THAT For Days but we know me <3<3 cant stick to plans for meself <3
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pocketramblr · 7 hours ago
With her mechanist talent, Lian would be a game changer for the Gaang in certain situations. Like, "The Chase". As much as she'd be as pissed as Sokka is by Toph's remarks on their non-bending, she'd try to solve the problem of that big tank train, by "simply" sabotaging it from the inside (Infiltration time !) Katara discovers horrified that Lian is kinda going into self-sacrificing stuff (due to a certain low self-esteem in a way)
Yeah, I feel like Lian would only be alright with running for the brief time it takes to make sure they have some tools to infiltrate, but then, she's going in and they can't stop her so they gotta join her. Also feel like she'd be always kinda trying to lean to the side and see how Ty Lee does her bender blocking because oh does that give her ideas
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fletcher-renn · a day ago
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In some other news, you know that teacher training application I submitted? Yeah, it’s been rejected. Already.
#i don’t know if i should be offended by how fast they rejected me#it was literally 10 days after i sent it in/one week after the deadline. not even like business days. calendar days#my mom thinks they have enough people already & i shouldn’t have waited that long but idk#if you get that many applications that you have to automatically reject a ton of them without reading maybe make the deadline earlier??#i wasted several hours of my life on that for what#also yes this very much means i have no idea what the hell i’m doing after i graduate. thanks for reminding me#the whole time i was home over easter break my mom kept badgering me about it and i had to leave before i screamed#her idea was that i should do a pgce at the same sixth form college she’s a ta at & she basically said her boss WOULD hire me#but then i’d be stuck in my hometown teaching gcse english to bored teenagers#and i cannot tell you how much i categorically do not want that to be my life#maybe i’ll just do it for a year or two while i come up with a proposal for a phd thesis#i would be waving goodbye to my mental health but i mean. it’s not doing that great#i’m 25 and i have a tumblr like.. it’s safe to say i have problems#honestly what i want to do is write. and do a phd. and hear me out but i want to live in america#i know it’s a mess; believe me i know; i lived there for 9 months and i read the news. but i miss my friends#and i miss the food. the food is amazing you have no idea how lucky you are#i also miss being told my accent is cute like once per day but you didn’t hear that from me#literally i should’ve started responding with ‘marry me then and you can hear it everyday’#my kingdom for a green card.#personal#rant#OH you know what else i miss? being considered hot#for whatever reason british men don’t want to fuck me but american men do#women are equally disinterested in me regardless of nationality#i think it’s probably the accent but i do miss having actual romantic prospects
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gimopi · a day ago
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My husband is gonna be out of town for a week and I'm thinking abt how confused my dogs gonna be
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catboykenobii · 2 days ago
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y do parents gang up on u when u ask to go spend ur own money on a $2 notebook
#like i never go anywhere and ur going to the store can i just come with to get a freaking notebook#‘no i’ll get u one’ ok but u know i’m really picky about it and it has to be special#’dont u make journals’ i have like one and i physically cannot make myself use it ive tried#i don’t know what to do with it#i’m in online school so i really do never leave#and my mom is out getting her nails done going shopping dad is running around with his friends#i ask to tag along to get a notebook and suddenly i’ve just admitted to heinous crimes#like they know i have weird rules about stuff i buy#but they still don’t care????#‘yeah i agree u might be autistic’ ok then treat me like it#let me get tested#don’t make fun of me#don’t force me to do stuff i can’t handle#idk why it bothers my mom so much#maybe she wants it to look how she wants since she’s the one reading my journals#snooper#i just want a freaking notebook and suddenly i’m being spoiled and ungrateful and everyone has to jump in and tell me so#my mom literally stopped brushing her teeth midway to come out and butt in#like please stop????#ara rambles#vent#vent tw#vent cw#they will literally talk shit knowing i can hear them and it sets my anxiety off#talking shit about me because i want to spend my own money on a damn notebook#like what the hell#they know it sets my anxiety off too cause i tell them all the time#like at least text it if i’m right fucking there#gonna ducking order one on etsy or something
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traumacure · 2 days ago
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i wish she wouldn't try to be nice to me it's no good it's no good now it's too late she can't start trying to be a good mother now there's no way to bridge this gap between us because i can't tell her anything i can't tell her anything she'll deny my trauma she'll deny everything i went through she acts like she wants us to be close but we'll never be because she'll never acknowledge how deeply i've been hurt or how much of a part she's played in it. stop it stop trying to get close to me there's no way to salvage this just stay away i'm sick of getting hurt by you
#i'm not having a good time everything in my vision keeps stretching and there's a pressure in my skull and i can't stop crying#i wish she wouldn't try to talk to me i wish she wouldn't try to get close i pushed her away for a reason#it's because i kept getting hurt she kept hurting me she doesn't understand she never will#i'm an adult now but it still hurts like when i was a kid i'm still crying just like when i was a child and she didn't listen#it doesn't matter how many years pass it still hurts just as much it still hurts just like it did then she won't ever understand#there's a part of me that will never grow up it will always be crying just like when i was a kid my body grows but my mind can't move on#i was gonna shower and brush my hair but i can't now i can't stop crying i can't it's going to get more tangled i can't do anything#why can't she understand why can't she accept she wasn't what i needed her to be why can't she acknowledge my pain#we can't be close now it's too late it's too late stop trying it just makes me miserable because of everything i can't tell you#i can't go back to pretending you never hurt me i can't go back to relying on you again i can't i can't#just let me be don't lie that you want me around don't try to trick me again please please stop it just let me be#your actions and your words say completely different things and i'm sick of it i'm sick of getting hurt by you#please leave me alone please haven't you done enough i can't take it i can't take much more of this#i want to forgive you but i can't i can't i can't it still hurts it still hurts you don't even remember but i do#i wish we could be close but every time i let you in you just hurt me more i don't wanna get hurt again just leave me alone#please i can't tell you the truth so don't ask please it hurts to lie just don't ask please it hurts to pretend#vent#🩹#🚬#💙.txt
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alittleemo · 2 days ago
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had an interesting experience today in which i told some friends abt how i used to have hair down to my waist and they all went ‘:0 really? I can’t even imagine you with short hair’ and as someone who had such long hair for my entire pre-high school life it’s so strange to think people see me and don’t immediately associate me with that other version of me. very strange indeed.
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milo-achilles · 3 days ago
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That moment when all of your friends say your crush likes you back based off the screenshots you sent them but your rampant anxiety and fear of rejection and inability to read other people’s emotions through text makes you too afraid to speak to your crush about it.
My Friends: She literally likes you- she said she wants to cuddle you and sent you a bunch of hearts and she calls you things like “lovely” and “angel”.
Me: She’s just matching my energy 🙄🙄🙄
Like they want me to tell her but I’m almost like 99% that she genuinely just sees me as a close friend and I will embarass myself by telling her.
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