ok im waffling on about fallout instead of having breakfast but i saw a criticism of how the prisoners were treated that's stuck with me.
spoilers!
so i think the criticism wasn't incorrect, per se: it condemned the way the show portrayed the vault dweller's naive intention to rehabilitate their murderous captives. it found fault with a common, and horrible, message that tv shows like to say, which is that carcerial violence and even the death penalty is the only effective way to deal with criminals, who are a fundamentally Bad category of human. im sick of that message too! but i think that wasn't what was going on here, actually.
so like, the vault dwellers had only ever experienced violent loss the once, and didn't really know how to cope other than denial and repression of the ordeal. but they were all hopeful and enthusiastic that their prisoners, the invaders that came to kill them all and take their stuff, could be eventually welcomed into the community as their comrades. the champions of this cause were nebbishy dorks and painfully out of touch academics. this is pretty normal for how prison reformers are portrayed, if extremely fucking annoying for those of us who ARE in favor of prison reform.
but so of course when the son of the former overseer, Norm, speaks up and suggests killing the prisoners, because why should they share resources with invaders who explicitly wanted to keep hurting them? why should they show mercy to their attackers? everyone is appalled by this suggestion. because they had to reinvent the whole concept of vengeance right then and there, because grudges and cycles of violence are anathema to a bottle society like theirs. they have been raised all their lives to forgive and forget and now, put to the test, they're recommitting to this ethos: get along, let the past go, look towards the future, believe the best of everyone.
but the prisoners die, anyway. the prisoners are killed with rat poison. and the thing is that Norm who suggested it didn't do it himself. and the prison guard who's blamed for it, even though she privately agreed with Norm that the prisoners are dangerous and unforgiveable, she didn't do it either. it's not a moment of triumphant, cathartic vengeance and it doesn't prove that there's no way to negotiate with terrorists and invaders but kill them like vermin because that's not what the message is meant to be.
the message is that norm stands there in the middle of these inconvenient prisoners, these corpses dressed in his own people's uniforms, and he looks at the new overseer. and he knows that she killed them, and she knows that he knows. she wanted him to know. this is her message and he's reading her loud and clear. and he doesn't look like a guy who's just been backed up by authority, who's just been validated in his desire for the ultimate control over those who have wronged him.
he's scared and pale and the music is ominous as fuck. and he's inside the cell, he's directly in the middle of it.
because what just happened is that he realized his entire society is being held prisoner, and the overseer is the one with the rat poison. and that he doesn't know, anymore, what freedom and safety and justice actually mean, just that he doesn't have them and he doesn't know where to find them.
that's what that scene meant. not that rehabilitative justice is a pathetic delusion of people who have no idea how to make hard choices.
but that before you advocate for killing prisoners, you might want to see how big that prison is, first.
and which side of the bars you're standing on.
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Hazbin Hotel Characters React to You Asking for a Hug (PART 2)
Buckle in bitches, its time for some COMFORT
Lucifer
Guys he’s SO nervous
“Oh really? You, uh, you want a hug from me? Are you sure?”
Nervous laughter 100
Takes a hot minute for him to adjust, but DOES give good hugs
WING HUGS. Y’ALL KNOW HOW I GET ABOUT WING HUGS.
Y’all gotta remember he’s a dad
So good, firm dad hug
His hands are clammy af, but don’t mention that pls
Gives you the opportunity to talk out whatever’s going through your head
Actually has really insightful advice
Like his daughter, honestly so honoured you chose to come to him
Lute
“Must I?”
Begrudging as FUCK
But she’ll do it
If she has to
Stiff, awkward hugs that last for 5 seconds tops
No wing hugs :(
“Human souls are weird”
Tries to teach you how to fight so you can use sparring as a “normal” coping mechanism
Adam
As much as I hate him, would give BANGIN hugs
“Fuck, you wan’ a hug? Fuck yeah bitch, get over here!”
Super enthusiastic about it????
Like, gives you shit, but its still one of the tightest and most excited hugs you’ve ever received
Very very warm
You will probably overheat if you stay there too long
WING HUGS!!!!!!!
Will be extra touchy with you from here on out
Arm around the shoulder, etc
Carmilla
Is she mom, or mommy? Jury’s still out on that one.
Will never ever refuse you if you need a hug
Will, however, try to pull you aside and make it a private moment
Not a big fan on PDA, but your wellbeing takes priority
Makes you rest your head against her chest, no matter how tall you are
If you tell her what’s going on, will fix it
You don’t even need to ask.
She’s gonna check up on you after at LEAST twice
Rosie
Is she mom or mommy part 2: electric boogaloo
Drops EVERYTHING
Ushers you into a sunroom and brews you a pot of tea to share
And grabs snacks, of course
Definitely forgets if cannibalism makes you queasy
Holds you hand from across the table and encourages you to talk it out with her
A lil bit pushy about it, but its from a place of love
But if you need it, will definitely hug you
Another one with bone shattering hugs
Her hands are cold af tho, so beware
Vox
Tbh doesn’t hear you the first time, he’s super focused on whatever else he’s doing
Once he hears you/it registers to him, he’s pretty confused
“Why do you need a hug?”
Only hugs you if y’all are really close
Generally not a touchy person
He won’t stop whatever he’s doing though
Most likely will just sit you in his lap, so he can cuddle And work
Multitasking, bitch
Don’t do it while he’s actively broadcasting though
Super against PDA (bc he’s embarrassed) and will probably snap at you if you break this boundary
Velvette
“Wot. Why?”
Also confused
Like Vox, usually to busy to properly hug you
But will let you stick around and lay all over her while she works
Anyone who questions it dies Very quickly, and Very grotesquely
Very protective
“Babes, do I need to hurt someone? Coz you Know I’ll do it”
Probs takes selfies of you hanging off of her bc she thinks its cute
Will dress you up to try and make you feel better
Valentino
Seek psychological help 💕
I know he’s got a sexy voice, but you know I’m right
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The journey to recovery begins now.
Heres the next part! ✌🏼
Let me know what you think? I have a lot of time on my hands currently unable to move much, so this is the result!
Credit to @alotofpockets for giving me the courage to continue to write!
Pairings: beth mead x teen reader, vivianne miedema x teen reader, arsenal wfc x teen reader
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5
You never truly appreciated how much you took your knees for granted until it was too late, leaving you to confront the stark reality of their absence during the grueling weeks that followed after your surgery.
The initial stages of your rehabilitation post-surgery, each day felt like an uphill battle against the constraints of limited mobility. Every single step was a painful reminder of your body’s fragility, which left you teetering on the edge of frustration.
The simple tasks you once took for granted now felt like insurmountable challenges, even the thought of walking a few steps sent a wave of discomfort radiating through your knee, serving as a constant reminder of your newfound vulnerability.
Reflecting on the moment that led to this predicament, you can’t help but regret it as your knee injury could have been avoided. Perhaps if you had chosen a different path that fateful night, the outcome would have been drastically different.
“Where are you off to?” Viv’s concerned voice broke through your thoughts, she had virtually been watching over you like a hawk since your return from the hospital.
“I’m just going to the toilet” You muttered, struggling to get up from the sofa but you were just too stubborn to ask for any sort of help.
Vulnerability was something you’d never dealt well with, it was a trait that was deemed unacceptable in your previous harsh upbringing. Weakness was a luxury that you couldn’t afford, it was a lesson that had been ingrained in you from childhood.
You could practically hear the stern cold voice of your biological father as if he were standing directly behind you, whispering into your ear.
“Do you need a hand?” Beth’s offer was laced with genuine concern, finding it difficult to watch you struggle unwillingly.
“No” You snapped, the frustration bubbling to the surface; You hadn’t meant to be so horrible, it was just sometimes easier to revert back to a defensive coping mechanism that you had been conditioned to over the years as you grew up.
“Just know I’m here if you need me” Beth’s reassurance hung in the air, a lifeline amidst the uncertainty.
“Just shout for us if you need anything, okay?” Viv chipped in, reminding you as she watched you limp off in the direction of the bathroom, although there was a weight of worry lingering incase you somehow hurt yourself in there.
Beth noted her girlfriends’ vigilant gaze and softened her expression, “She’ll be alright, Viv. She’s only gone to the loo, remember?” she joked, amusedly.
“I know, I am just worried in case she aggravates her knee or something” Viv admitted her concern, anxiously biting her bottom lip, “She really needs to be cautious” she added.
“It’s okay to be worried, but we have to let her do things for herself” Beth replied, offering comfort to alleviate her girlfriend's anxiety about you, “If needs help then she’ll shout, remember?” she reminded her.
Viv folded her arms, still visibly worried for you as she tried to listen out in case there’s a sudden slip in the bathroom, “I just can’t help but feel anxious, Beth. What if she hurts herself in there?” she repeats her worries.
“I understand, liefje” Beth placed a comforting hand on Viv’s shoulder, “But we have to let her have some independence too. We can’t smother her with our concerns” she explained to the Dutch woman.
“You’re right, I just need to remind myself of that– I just hate that she is going through this. It’s not fair” Viv mumbled, shaking her head.
Beth gently took a hold of Viv’s hand and squeezed it, “It really isn’t fair, but we’re going to do all that we can to support her, every step of the way, no matter what” she declared.
Deep down, you knew your injury wasn’t anyone’s fault, yet your reflex was to just continuously push your loved ones away once more.
Despite your attempts, it seemed futile, especially with surprise visits becoming a regular occurance.
Apparently, today was no exception.
Unable to start your rehab anytime soon, you found yourself wrapped up in self-pity on your bed, cocooned in blankets and lost in a Netflix TV show that you had zero interest in but since your remote has gone AWOL, it left you with no choice but watch it, but at least Myle was there for company.
“Y/N/N/! We’re here!” Kyra’s unmistakable voice cut through the air, announcing her arrival.
“Kyra, she might be asleep” Alessia’s voice followed through, a touch of caution in her tone.
“Well, she might not be” Kyra retorted, barging into your room with her usual typical energy to find you awake, “See, Less? Told you that she wouldn’t be asleep!” she grinned back at the blonde.
“Wouldn’t have much chance with the way you’re shouting” You mumbled, acknowledging both of their presence.
Alessia offered an apologetic smile, “Hey, Y/N/N. We just wanted to come and see how you’re doing” she explained.
“Oh, you know? I’m fantastic” You words are laced with sarcasm.
“Well, we brought snacks” The blonde attempted to lift your dampened mood, gesturing to the bag of the treats that they had brought you.
“Wonderful” You barely entertain the idea of the sugary treats as you keep your gaze fixed on the ceiling, disinterested.
“I can tell she’s definitely excited about that” Kyra mocked your enthusiasm, taking hold of the bag from Alessia’s hands.
Alessia shot Kyra a warning look before turning back to you, concern etched on her face, “Hey, Y/N/N, are you okay? Truthfully?” she questioned.
“Just fuckin’ peachy” You sighed dramatically, still refusing to meet their gazes, dismissing them with a wave, “How’d you guys get in, anyway?” you asked, changing the subject.
“Beth let us in before she left” Kyra explained, perching on the end of the bed.
“Oh” You mumbled in agreement.
“Someone’s feeling grumpy today” Kyra teased, her tone dripping with sarcasm as she started to delve through the bag and pull out a packet of sweets.
You snatched the packet away, tearing it open with unnecessary force, “Wouldn’t you be if you couldn’t walk with out assistance?” The frustration was evident in your tone of voice.
Kyra raised her hands in mock surrender although the mischief still sparkled in her eyes, “Noted. I’ll steer clear of touchy subjects” she quipped, exchanging a glance with Alessia.
Undeterred, Alessia took a seat beside you, mindful of your injury, “I get it that you’re frustrated, Y/N/N” she said softly, attempting to connect with you.
You rolled your eyes with the irritation simmering, “Well, excuse me for not being in the mood for a pep talk” you remark, your tone sharp.
“Come on, lighten up, mate” Kyra interjected, reclining against the bed’s end with a playful grin.
Ignoring her, you continued to sulk, stuffing more sweets into your mouth with unnecessary force, not in the mood for conversation.
Alessia sighed as her concern deepend, “I just… I thought maybe you could use someone to talk to. We know what you’re going through is difficult right now” she ventured cautiously.
“I don’t want to talk about it” You snapped, your frustration boiling over, “I just want to talk, that’s all I want. I want to be able to get out of this damn bed and feel normal again!”
“Well if you’re looking for a miracle, I think you’re in the wrong place” Kyra couldn’t resist a quip to wind you up.
“Kyra” Alessia’s reprimand was gentle but firm, signaling an end to the teasing.
A tense silence settled over your room, broken only by the sound of your frustrated sighs and the crinkle of the sweet packet that Kyra continued to help herself too.
“Listen, Y/N/N, we’re here for you, okay?” Alessia told you with a gentle voice, “Whatever you need, whether it's someone to talk to or just in silence together, we’re here” she stated, determinedly.
You met her gaze, your eyes reflecting a mix of frustration and gratitude, even if you were sometimes way too stubborn to admit it, “Thanks, Alessia” you muttered, the harshness of your voice starting to dull as you realised that it wasn’t any good to take your anger out on your team mates, who only wanted to help you.
Sensing the shift in atmosphere, Kyra leaned forward as her playful demeanour was replaced with genuine concern, “Seriously mate” she said, her voice uncharacteristically serious, “We hate seeing you like this. Is there anything we can do to help?” she asked.
You hesitated to answer, you were torn between your desire for independence and the comfort of having your friends by your side, “I don’t know” you admitted finally, your voice wavering slightly, “I just… I just hate feeling so helpless, you know?”
Alessia reached out, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder as she gently pulled you into her embrace, “It’s okay to feel that way” she said softly, “But you’re not alone in this. We’ll all help you get through it together” she promised you.
For a moment, the weight of your injury felt a little lighter, the burden now shared amongst your friends who refused to let you face it alone.
“Thanks, Lessi. Thanks, Kyra” You mumbled, burying your head in her chest as you allowed yourself to lean on them for their support, knowing no matter how tough the road ahead might be, you wouldn’t have to walk in alone, “Could one of you please pass me the remote? I don’t know what I’m watchin’ but it’s so boring” you muttered, complaining which made the two of them laugh.
© scribblesofagoonerr
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pizza date ! 🍕
*translated italian!!
The last few days haven't been easy, dealing with the end of a 3-year relationship is something no one wants to go through. And what's the best way to cope with that? Pizza.
I make my way to "La ricetta di Giovanni," a calm and tranquil pizzeria in the beautiful city of Positano, and from a distance, I can smell the delightful aroma of tomato sauce.
Upon entering the establishment, which is composed of bricks painted in a brown hue, dim yellow lights, small plants scattered around, tables with classic red and white tablecloths, ambient music, I feel a huge sense of peace and joy. Some people, mostly couples, are scattered around the tables engaged in long conversations, and the sound of cutlery on plates fills the air.
"Buona notte, bellissima! Qual è il piano per la serata?" ("Good evening, beautiful! What's the plan for tonight?") the voice of Martina, the best bartender in town, reaches my ears.
"Come sta Tina? Come al solito! E un bicchiere di vino, per favore!" ("How's Tina? The usual! And a glass of wine, please!") I reply, heading towards a table in the somewhat empty corner of the restaurant, with a beautiful view of the quiet streets.
The view is lovely and all, but what I can't help but notice the most is the beauty of the man sitting in front of me, a few tables away. My myopia doesn't help, but I notice his tousled brown hair and handsome face.
He seems to be in the same situation as me, alone and waiting for his order, and I wished he really was alone. Without a girlfriend.
Noticing more and more, his light gray shirt with a few buttons emphasizes his muscles which are crossed on his chest, he looks like a god.
I could analyze him all night long, until he slowly turns his head towards me, realizing my fixed gaze on him. I try to look away, but he smiles and shows his dimples, making me blush deeply.
God bless Filippo, the waiter who arrives with my wine and glass just in time before the man would see me redder than the wine itself.
I thank him and see that the man calls him to his table, I try to look curiously, but unfortunately, the waiter ends up blocking my view.
I pick up the wine and pour it into the beautiful glass I drink from, exchanging a few more glances with the man, now that Filippo has left.
A few moments later, the one who had just left returns with a new glass of wine and places it on my table, without saying anything. I try to understand what was happening, until I see a figure approaching me, wearing the same clothes I noticed before.
And when I least expect it, the handsome man is in front of me.
"Posso unirmi a voi?" ("Can I join you?") He asks me politely. "Sì, certo che sì" ("Yes, of course") I reply nervously, but with a smile on my face, adjusting my green dress.
He pulls the chair in front of me gently and sits down, resting his elbows on the table and analyzing me with a smile, making me smile back.
"Posso sapere il nome di questa bella signora seduta di fronte a me?" ("Can I know the name of this beautiful lady sitting in front of me?") His voice is like music to my ears. I notice his round glasses that perfectly match his face. "Giorgia. And yours, my dear?" I reply.
"Charles." He says and I let out a slight laugh through my nose. "What's wrong?" He asks with a little smile on his face. Oh, those dimples. "Charles..." I stop and think for a moment. "Sounds like a spoiled name." I add and we laugh in sync.
"But do I look spoiled?" He analyzes me more and I only see perfection. Green eyes, a beard grown but not long, the smell of expensive perfume...
"A little bit, but I'm not sure about your character." I stare into his deep eyes, the ones that could drive me crazy in a few seconds.
"Well, you can find out now." He says leaning in more over the table. "What brings you here?"
"I live here." I say looking around. "I recently ended a relationship, I needed to clear my head."
"Then I think it's important for us to get to know each other more tonight, huh?" Charles tells me with a smile, well... provocative. And I do nothing but the same.
Let's see what happens.
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hey, i was wondering if you'd be able to write smth with Spencer in a relationship with someone with bpd? it's totally okay if you're not comfy with that, but I've just been suspecting i may have it, and ppl with bpd are always portrayed so negatively in relationships. it would be just rly nice to read ur take on how Spencer would handle that and just see some positive representation! (my mental health has also been shit so it would be p comforting lol) thank u 🫶
hi love 🫶 i don't know a ton about bpd, so i hope i did this justice! i researched the diagnosis and how healthy relationships help with regulation and in what ways they do (both accounts from experts and from those who are diagnosed). and i hope you feel better soon <3 it sucks when your mind fights against you.
PROMISES • S. REID X READER
reader has bpd (written by an author without, ideally will be comforting rather than hurtful. please let me know if it is offensive in any way); gn!reader; spencer has to break a small promise but makes others; talks of therapy; teasing; fluff; ~500 words
“Hey, sweetheart,” Spencer whispers into the phone, voice a little strained. “I’m really, really sorry, but I can’t make lunch today. We’re on the way to a case in Omaha. It’s a really bad one.”
Your heart sinks. “Oh.”
“You know I want to be there more than anything, right?” He’s shuffling papers in the background, and you know they’re in the middle of getting ready on the jet and that he’s still making time for you, but it still makes your mind race with worry and upset. “I’ve been looking forward to it all week. And I promise I’ll take you out as soon as we’re back.”
You frown, fiddling with the promise ring on your finger. “Will you still talk to me?”
Spencer chuckles. “I think I go insane when I go too long without hearing your voice. As long as you don’t mind calls when it’s two a.m. there, I’m calling before bed every night I have enough time.”
You sigh.
“I know, honey. When’s your next meeting with your therapist?”
“Tomorrow,” you mumble, gnawing on your lip.
“Well, you have permission to talk about how much I suck,” Spencer teases lightly. “As long as you know it’s not by choice that I’m being a bad boyfriend.”
“You’re not a bad boyfriend.”
“Yeah?” You can hear the smile in his voice.
“You’re the best boyfriend. You understand me.” He does. He’s looked into BPD extensively — he knows even more than you do, rattling off statistics, assumed causes and connections, coping methods, everything. He knows how to break you out of the spirals and to calm your impulsivities.
“You have other boyfriends?” Spencer sighs dramatically, and you laugh.
“Why would I have them? You’re more than enough.”
Spencer hums. “I am, aren’t I?”
You groan.
“I’m messing with you,” his voice is fond and soft. “I gotta hang up, everyone’s coming and we need all our focus on this case. Message me if you need anything. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t.”
“You don’t do anything,” you know you’re exaggerating, but it’s hard to stop the words.
“I do, just nothing out of our normal,” he’s nudging you gently, reminding you to think things through before acting impulsively. “I give you permission to watch our show without me if it’ll keep you entertained.”
You laugh. “Okay, okay. Fine. I’ll be good,” you draw it out.
Spencer snorts. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Spence.”
A beat.
“I’m not actually going to talk shit about you to my therapist, just so you know. I do talk about you though.”
And then you hang up.
He sends you a ‘???’ and a ‘I wanted to say something still.’ right after. When you tell him to say it, he sends a ‘Do what you need to feel regulated. I don’t take it to heart, you know I don’t.’
And he doesn’t. He’s so sweet, so achingly perfect, understanding of when your moods swing, or when you feel empty, or whenever anything changes and you can’t tell why.
And he always helps you down, kissing scars and tears and whispering praise as he gets you to feel right again.
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I Don’t Just Like You - Trevor Zegras x Hughes!Reader
Hockey Masterlist
Warnings: swearing, tension/fighting, jealousy, Dixie lmao
Words: 2161
Summary: Tension builds with Trevor over his new partnership until the two of you confess your feelings.
A/n: Y'all I am so not doing well rn. I am processing a break up and questioning my social circle and im so lonely that I needed to write some angst to cope with it all. Hope yall like this one and maybe it'll get a smut part two depending on whether or not I can handle writing that rn lol. Enjoy!
Moose: call me ASAP
Me: sorry Luke. can’t rn
Moose: Awesome 😎
My hands quake with anxiety as I fiddle with the tarnished silver ring adorning my pointer finger. The moisture of my skin eases the movement of turning the ring around my finger. I hiss when the gemstone catches on the skin of my middle finger and immediately drop my hands.
Currently, I’m staring down at the risky text I just sent Trevor. About an hour ago he had messaged me:
Trev: hey sorry can’t swing tn after all
Trev: rain check?
My jaw tightens with contempt and I huff out a sigh as my bottom lip trembles. I feel pathetic for just how impacted I am by his every word. I angrily hit the digital keys of my phone’s keyboard as I type my reply.
Me: really?
Me: again??
Trev: don’t be like that
I’m not the most confrontational person. On any given day some might say I’m the furthest thing from confrontational. To put it rather plainly, I just don’t like it. I hate the way I get anxiety butterflies in my stomach. I hate absorbing the emotions of the other person, especially when rejection is involved. I hate what projections I’m opening myself up to receiving from the other person. There are too many pitfalls and not enough landing pads. Which is why it’s so out of character for me to press him on this.
Me: like what Trev?
This is the third time in a row Trevor has cancelled plans on me. I don’t know if he’s aware of that. I don’t even know what he’s been up to lately. He’s refused to tell me what he’s been doing instead, which didn’t raise my suspicions by any means until mom sent me an article. She knows about how my crush on Trevor has had roots in our childhoods.
Trev: you know what I’m talking about
After I stopped playing hockey with my brothers, I was still always around to notice Trevor’s presence in our home. When I moved to California for college, I wanted to chase my music dreams but I didn’t realize it would come at the expense of my support system. Being long distance with my family put me in a hard spot, but having a familiar face to rely on made the adjustment easier. As we spent more time together independent of my brothers, Trevor and I became close friends. The problem was my crush has been growing ever since we became friends, hence why mom sent me an article called, “Did Dixie D’Amelio admit to dating Trevor Zegras?”.
Me: at least say it with your chest
Sent. Delivered. I wait. Trevor’s response bubble appears for a second. It disappears, then reappears, then disappears again. I’m about ready to toss my phone across the room when his message delivers.
Trev: call me
I groan out in frustration and this time actually end up chucking my phone onto my bed. I run my hands through my hair, along the warm expanse of my scalp. A self-soothing gesture by all means. I pace to one side of my room before using the momentum of my steps to start back towards my phone. Just as I have it in my hand, Trevor’s contact picture covers the screen and illuminates in my grasp. I scoff out a sort of half groan and then answer.
“What, Trevor?”
“Hey, Y/n I’m great. Thanks for asking! How are you?” He responds sardonically to my cold greeting. I bite my tongue, torn between tearing into him and the stronger desire to laugh through my rage. He takes my exhale as a cue to continue. “What’s going on, Hughesy?”
In a single moment, my anger dissolves. The tenderness of that nickname, which was once reserved solely for my brothers, now belongs to me. In this moment, I find myself thinking about how grateful I am that Trevor was there for me as I transitioned into college. But the looming threat of a smile quickly vanishes as I remember how that care is nullified by Trevor’s abundantly active dating life.
“Y/nnnn?” Trevor hums into the phone.
“What?” I respond dryly.
“What��s wrong?”
“What’s wrong is you cancelling on me for the third time in a row.”
“Is it really the third time in a row?” He asks under his breath, indicating he may not have intended to say it out loud at all. I roll my eyes, still actively fighting the urge to just lay into him.
“Yes, Trevor, it is!” I can practically hear him wince through the phone at the fact that I’m calling him Trevor instead of the default nickname permanently programmed into my phone.
“Who’s that?” I hear softly over the phone. My heart flutters like a coal mine parakeet in a cage and I bite my lip, willing myself not to cry if it turns out Dixie is on the other side. Trevor whispers back,
“It’s Y/n.”
“Hey, Y/n!” Mason’s on the other end.
“Not a good time,” Trevor tells him. Mason curses and then apologizes before retreating from Trevor’s general area. “Sorry, you were saying?” Trevor tells me at regular volume.
“You were cancelling on me again.”
“Oh. Right. I…” he switches the phone to the other ear, “I…don’t know what you want me to say.” Hello?! Could he be any more oblivious?!
“I want you to tell me what is going on!” I whine into the phone, “What is it you’re so busy with doing that you can’t see me for a week, huh? I get that you’re a professional athlete and you have a busy schedule. But I know your schedule and I know you still have a decent amount of free time. So what have you been doing?” Trevor breathes, in, then out and says,
“I’ve been seeing someone lately…” I feel my heart shatter into the tiniest fractals of what it once was and I cover my mouth to choke back the growing lump in my throat.
“I can’t do this right now,” I say with the utmost hurt lacing my voice, pulling the phone away from my ear to abruptly hang up on Trevor. I toss my phone on my bed once more, ignoring how the screen lights up with Trevor’s contact picture. It’s a new breed of psychological torture to sit here and ignore the calls, so I leave my phone in my bedroom as I go to splash cold water on my face.
When I reenter my bedroom, I ignore the buzzing device to put on a comfortable pair of pajamas. He’s called once, twice, a fourth, and a fifth before finally giving up. Despite my phone being silent, I don’t trust it enough to take it with me and leave it to charge on my bed. I settle on the couch to open my new pint of Ben and Jerry’s, putting on my favorite show in the hopes of laughing through the pain.
Somewhere between first and second episode, I had dozed off after returning the ice cream to the freezer. I’m not sure what it is about crying that knocks me on my ass like that, all I know is that it works.
I’m abruptly pulled from my sleep when I hear the harsh banging on my front door. I jump up from the couch, the spike in adrenaline carrying me out of my sleepy haze. When I get to the front door, some of the tiredness catches up with me again and I groggily open the front door. Behind it stands Trevor, with sad puppy eyes and a sheepish expression. I can’t help the scowl that comes to rest on my face when I see him, but he doesn’t falter. Instead, he pushes past me to come into the apartment and sits on the couch expectantly. Since there’s no way to physically remove him from my space, I bargain, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch, as far from Trevor as I can manage. He doesn’t let the cold gesture phase him, and scooches obliviously into the center of the couch.
“What’s going on Hughsey?” I scoff at the nickname and Trevor cringes in frustration. “What is this?”
“I don’t know what you’re referring to.”
“Why are you icing me out all of a sudden?”
“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” I ask, spiteful, with malice.
“Clearly not since I’m here spending time with you.”
“Was that so hard for you to do? I mean, with your busy schedule and all?”
“What are you-” Trevor pauses for a split second. “Wait, are you… jealous? Y/n?”
I want to protest. I want to scream and rant and bite back, how he could be so conceited to think I’d be jealous of a relationship that I previously thought was rumored? But I can’t.
Because he’s right.
I bite my tongue. There’s nothing else I can do. Not unless I want to make an even bigger fool of myself than I already have.
“Oh my god, that’s totally it. You’re jealous.” Trevor says, complete with a laugh and a sigh. The shame of actually being jealous of a girl I’ve never met, the disappointment of finding out Trevor is dating someone, and the exhaustion from already having cried earlier comes collapsing down on me at once. Hot tears well on the lining of my lashes and I stare at the ground, afraid to draw attention to myself. Upon seeing me cry, Trevor’s smile immediately vanishes and he scoots closer once more.
“Hey, shhh, it’s okay.” He envelops me in a hug that I’m too overwhelmed to reciprocate. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry.”
I merely shake my head, unaware of what I could even say in this moment.
“I was… I was just laughing ‘cause I should’ve known.”
“Should’ve known what?”
“That you’d be jealous.” I wriggle out of the hug and look at Trevor sincerely.
“How would you have known?”
“You know, for as long as I can remember, your brothers have talked about you having a crush on me.” I cower in humiliation, my face glowing hotter than the surface of the sun.
“I wish they wouldn’t have.”
“No?” Trevor asks, genuinely.
“It’s embarrassing,” I confess, fully recoiling from the physical contact he had initiated before.
“It’s cute.” Trevor earnestly admits as he takes my hand in his. I scoff instinctively but don’t pull my hand away again.
“I don’t need your pity, Trev.” I say so softly he nearly misses the sentiment. Once he processes my worlds, I feel him physically relax next to me at the sound of his familiar nickname.
“Well, what do you need? I’m here now.”
“I honestly don’t know.” I finally dare to meet his eyes. He’s looking at me so sweetly, earnestly. As if I hadn’t just chewed him out two minutes earlier. Then, I look away before I can say what I’m about to say next. “I don’t just like you.” Trevor’s face lifts ever so slightly. The extent of which, one might miss had they not known him a lifetime the way I have.
“You know… the only reason I started seeing her was to get over you.”
“What?” I ask, sharply whipping my head to stare at Trevor, as if awaiting the reveal that this was just some elaborate prank from the start.
“Yeah. I started dating Dixie because I thought dating someone different would distract me. You know, it’s not a good look to have a crush on your best friend’s little sister.”
My heartrate picks up with his confession. This feels too good to be true. As if real life is waiting for us right outside the front door. The real life that doesn’t see me and Trevor together ever in our lifetimes. Terrified of the change that would occur from letting him walk away, I reach up and hold his face in my hands, kissing him passionately. Trevor wraps his hand around my wrist and kisses me back with twice as much fervor.
We break apart, out of breath and full of smiles. Trevor looks at me for guidance and we fizzle into a nervous laughter. I reach up and brush my thumb tenderly across his cheekbone. He grabs my hand and turns his head, placing a sweet kiss on my palm. I then reach up and break the moment by ruffling my hand through his hair to mess it up.
“Hey!” He yells, grabbing waist to dig his hands into my sides. I screech with laughter as I try to escape. Trevor eventually yields and slips his hands from my sides to interlace with one another and pull me closer. I scoot in to sit against him, sitting half on top of him as our breathing falls in sync.
“I don’t just like you, too, Hughesy.” I smile.
“...You should probably call Dixie.”
“Oh shit.”
***
A/N: not my best work but not my worst either!
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[“put that down! you’ll hurt yourself with that.” / “you’re so pretty when you smile.”]
•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅• •❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•
ೃ⁀➷: summary: idia bought a new multiplayer game, and he wants to play it with his player one, you.
ೃ⁀➷: word count: 2.3k (2334)
ೃ⁀➷: reference/Inspiration: playlist
ೃ⁀➷: event: [200 followers event]
[author's note:] JDJDKD MORE IDIA CONTENT WOOHOOO this was supposed to be his belated birthday gift from me but uhh cough cough writer block hit me like a bitch soo.. didn't finish before new years, and it's now like- 4 months late??? anyways, thank you anon for requesting idia with dialogue #3 and #7!! my last yandere idia work had him a little creepy so i made him cute this time loll i hope it's to your satisfaction anon!
[warnings:] lowercase, yandere behavior, more fluff than yandere, established relationship, reader is a gamer, cuddling, kisses, reader is ticklish, poor explanation of game mechanics, mentions of fear for judgement, reader is portrayed as a crybaby, one paragraph mentions idia being a creep, game is a rip-off of minecraft (fantasy version), toxic teammates.
[note:] If there is anything else triggering here that I didn’t list in the warnings section, please tell me. i don’t condone this type of behavior, this is merely just for entertaining purposes and some sort of coping mechanism for me. if you continue to read beyond this point, ignoring my warnings, i am not responsible for your actions from here on out.
[GN reader]
IDIA SHROUD seemed to be in a good mood today, at least according to what you've seen so far. probably because his latest purchase is the cause of his being in such an upbeat mood. not that you're complaining; it was rather cute seeing him all excited and giddy when he found a new game to play. it's like a whole new, different side of him comes out whenever he starts to ramble about the features of the game and why he should absolutely play it right now. of course, as his player one, you're automatically going to be the first person he's going to play with. not that you mind, really. playing with idia was always a fun experience; it reminded you a lot of how you would spend your free time back in your world.
(those days of laziness, those days of unproductivity where you did nothing but lay down on your bed and do nothing—no school work to do, no club activities to do, no studying for an upcoming exam—just pure idleness. then when you're bored, you could just use your phone, PC, or iPad to entertain you as the day goes by, playing nonstop until late hours in the evening. god, you miss those days.)
you often wondered what genre of video games this new world had to offer. you knew that it wouldn't be so different from your own world, but you weren't sure just how many of your friends were affiliated with gaming entertainment. out of fear that judgement would be placed upon you if you shared this interest of yours, your love for video games has been hidden—so to find someone else (with that someone else being idia) that likes video games and is very well versed in them is a dream come true. it was a long process to get him to play with you, let alone consider you a friend and not try to avoid you every 2 seconds—still, it was a feat you were proud of because now you get to experience many, many different sides of idia that you would have never known 9 months ago.
(you once heard idia curse like at least twenty times in one breathe when one of his teammates was being shitty and a prick, he sounded so angry and scary that you backed into a corner to avoid getting burnt by his scorching, bright red hair that grew the more angrier he got. the only reason he stopped was when he heard quiet sobs in the corner of his room and turned around away from his computer to see you huddled in the corner of his room. quickly he went over there, completely abandoning his game and comforting you. he hates seeing his cute prefect cry, especially because of him, he's not the great at comforting but when he hugged you so tightly, your quiet sobs turned into silence. right then and there he swore to never be the reason you're crying and when you do, he'll be right there with you.)
you are currently cross-sitting in his very comfy bed, watching as idia set up two controllers and plugged in the PCs to turn them on (you're still surprised he's got more than 2 PCs, which, if you really think about it, his family background makes it make sense). after waiting for the PCs to turn on, he then connects the controllers to the PCs and opens up the game on both screens. you would insist on helping him set up, but due to you literally being isekai'd into this unknown world of twisted wonderland, you aren't too familiar with many things besides the whole magic stuff—plus, you aren't too keen on breaking any of idia's stuff because of your lack of knowledge on how to do technology.
(technology in general is so extremely confusing, you would argue wholeheartedly all day and all night, and idia would agree with you and low-key flex on how knowledgeable he is in the field of technology, just to impress you and show how reliable he is. secretly, he likes it when he's useful to you.)
"sorry! it took a while to set up..." in slightly shaking hands, he hands over the controller to you while holding the other in his free hand. he looked rather nervous when he faced you to give the controller, like he's worried he wasted your time waiting for him. it reminded you of a puppy looking up to its owner apologetically when they did something wrong, so cute, you thought, adorable even, you added.
"haha! it's okay! you didn't take that long anyway." you gave him a reassuring look, a soft smile, and bright eyes, showing him that you weren't bothered by having to wait a bit as he set up for you two to play.
both screens show the in-game loading screen, and the bar quickly fills up due to the fast internet speed (one you're quite envious of). slowly it fades to the starting screen, where a big text is bouncing 'tap to start' in both of your faces. Idia presses to start immediately, wanting to get into gameplay as fast as he can while you take a moment to admire the visual aspects and effects of the game in silent awe. you always had a thing for the visual stuff that was shown in-game. by slowly pressing the button on your control, you enter the game and begin a fantastical journey with idia.
“put that down! you’ll hurt yourself with that.” he says worriedly as he watches you damage your avatar's HP bar this early in gameplay. usually he gets really annoyed when he plays with noobs and normies; they stink at comprehending basic knowledge, do dumb things in-game, ask too many questions, and ruin the whole gameplay experience for him. 'ugh, how annoying.' is his usual reaction to such—of course he wouldn't think of that towards you! never ever would he ever think this way towards you; even if you do things noobs and normies usually do, he can't bring himself to be annoyed—you were too cute in his eyes. he would never admit this to your face, though, and he still gets red just at the thought of him thinking you are cute. It's true though; don't get him wrong, but... the embarrassment that comes with thinking about these thoughts is just too much for his poor little heart! honestly, he's for sure that one day you'll be the death of him, does he care though? not really; in fact, he would probably love that.
(he blushes so hard whenever he thinks of you in his clothes; it's the way your natural scent clings onto his shirts, the way his shirts made you even cuter than you already are—one of the only reasons he doesn't wash his clothes immediately because he wants to savor your smell to memory. he's a creep, yes, but he's one devoted creep.)
"whoops! sorry didn't see that, haha..." nervously laughing at your mistake, you eat whatever consumable you have in your inventory to try and restore as much health as you lost. as your avatar munches on the food in its hand, from the corner of your screen, you can see idia's avatar walking towards you. once it's near enough to your avatar, you can see the animation of a bunch of items being dropped and your inventory picking up due to the proximity between the items and your avatar. you opened your inventory, curious about what he just gave you since it looked like quite a lot of items, and confused about why he was giving you so many items in the first place. your eyes widen in shock as the items he's given you are one stack of steak, every weapon in-game (sword, axe, pickaxe, shovel, hoe), but in steel, and a full set of steel armor.
your mouth continues to gape open as you put on the armor set on your avatar. how did he get so much stuff this fast? it hasn't even been an hour yet! "where.. did you get so much stuff!?" you ask naively, following idia around as you don't want to get lost, die, and lose all your stuff. "stole half of those from villages, some from mining, and a few from trading" he says so casually as he continues to walk in an unknown direction, like this was a regular thing for him, not to mention this was a hard difficulty! he's playing this game like it's not easy mode! "could've gotten more if it weren't for those stingy mobs..." furrowing his eyebrows, he let out a small huff of frustration, pressing slightly harder on the buttons on his controller, not noticing how your mouth dropped down even further at his passing comment. as she presses on, walking in an unknown direction, you're hit with the hundredth reminder that he's on a whole other level than you when it comes to gaming.
three hours in, and you guys decided to play on public servers, where you'll get to play different game modes other than the usual story and survival modes. once the two of you picked a game to play, the room quickly filled with laughter, shouting, incoherent grumbling, screams of terror, and many more in between. you two decided to save a team game as last since idia wasn't enthusiastic about playing together with other players because he just wanted to play with you, and there was an underlying fear that you would encounter toxic teammates. but since you were practically begging him to just try it at least once, he couldn't help but give in to your pleas.
it was fun, he supposed. it wasn't as annoying or infuriating as he thought it would be, but he still had to keep up not making really snarky remarks when certain players were interacting with you. he'd hate to have you see such a mean, ugly, and disgusting side of him. other than that, it was an okay experience. he thinks it would've been better if it was just him and you on a team; wouldn't it be kind of romantic? you and him against everyone else?
then what he feared most would happen actually happened. suddenly some fucking jerk is screaming insults at you for not being good enough, and before that teammate got two more words in, he exploded on them. curses upon curses spit out his mouth in rapid speed, and the voices of that said teammate slowly but surely die down as their ego and pride go down with them. in the midst of anger and chaos between him and the teammate, you could feel tears building up inside you; everything around you started to blur, and the sounds that filled your ears were starting to get tuned out. you couldn't even hear that idia stopped screaming curses, turned off both PCs, and went to take the controller from your hand, lift you up into his lap, and slowly wrap his arms around you.
once he had you fully in his grasp, he tightened his grip, making sure not to let you get away from him. he wasn't good at words, especially when trying to comfort someone, but seeing you cry was making him cry too. he did, after all, swear to always be with you when you cry. raising one of his hands, he placed it at the back of your head and gently pushed towards his neck. then his hand went down to rub your back, up and down, up and down, at a slow pace. letting you cry it all out in peace while also letting you know he's there with you.
a few minutes have passed, and your sobs have gone silent. your eyes have become droopy and sleepy, and it feels almost impossible to keep them open. suddenly, a hand lifts your chin, and you feel a pair of lips come into contact with your forehead. it wasn't like a quick kiss; no, the kiss lasted for at least a few seconds before pulling away. even then, upon pulling away, you feel another kiss on your cheek, this time a little quicker than the forehead kiss. then another kiss on your other cheek, then another on your nose, another on your jawline, another on your earlobes, and finally, his lips hovered over your own lips.
you could feel the hesitation when he let out a nervous breath; the thought of your lips on his always sends him into an electrifying and drunken daze. he can't think straight when he's this close to you, but even then, it gives him an unusual feeling of contentment and confidence. the luck he has to be able to snag such an adorable, cute, amazing, and beautiful person like you in his life. he almost can't believe it. swallowing his own nervousness for your comfort, he presses against your soft lips delicately. soon after making physical contact with your lips, he feels a smile form on your face—a small smile, yet it was enough for him. any smile from you is enough for him, because seeing you happy is the best view he could ever lay his eyes on.
feeling out of breath, he's the first to let go but also the first to frown at the loss of touch. i want to stay like this forever, he thought as he watched you emit a giggle after the kiss. fire burns brightly in his heart, and he starts to wonder if you being the death of him will really come true. his cheeks burn that ever-warm red that he knows you've seen many, many times before, but he can't help it. when you pull him into a world through rose-tinted glasses, no way could he be immune to such an effect.
"i really can’t take it when you cry like that… smile for me, alright? you’re so pretty when you smile."
•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅• •❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•
PLEASE DO NOT COPY, REPOST, SHARE, TRANSLATE OR REUPLOAD ANY OF MY WORKS TO OTHER SITES WITHOUT MY PERMISSION + REBLOGS AND COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED.
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thoughts on how buck and bucky would end up kissing and/or hooking up for the first time? what would lead up to it, who would make the first move etc <3
I feel like it would have to be either after a rough mission, or a successful one.
First one could be that the grief and loss has worn everyone down, John and Gale are trying to understand their place in it all, to cope with the fact it could be one of them next.
Gale is more reserved about his anxiety, doesn’t show it publicly, has to be a leader for everyone. John is more likely to get physically antsy, tries to find the positives in it all because he’s still got Gale.
It feeds off on everyone, able to find hope despite their fears.
Gale’s never been more relieved at John’s glass half full type of energy, feeling less burdened by the weight of pressure.
But John confronts him one night, he’s a little more drunk than he should be, but it’s the only way to find his strength.
He crowds Gale against a wall, his lips pulled tight, pressing his forehead to their shoulder, bottom lip jutted out and trembling.
Gale feels it then, what he’s been hiding, brings his hand to John’s shoulder and tries to rub him there reassuringly.
John voices his fears, lifts his head, Gale sees how wet they’ve grown.
“It’s gonna be alright,” Gale murmurs, and he tries to smile, ducking his head slightly. “We’re gonna be alright.”
John swallows, feels a lot of things in the moment, isn’t sure what any of them are.
Not until he brings his hand up, cupping it again Gale’s cheek, surging forward to press their lips together in something that’s too messy, teeth clacking against one another, almost bumping noses.
But Gale doesn’t run from it, just stands there shocked, feels his eyes widen before John pulls away from him.
“You shouldn’t have done that,” he whispers, but there’s no menace to his tone, no real rejection to back up his words.
John catches it, and he steps back, nodding his head.
“Yeah, I shouldn’t have… Too bad I’m about to do it again anyways.”
Right well I should probably say now it wasn’t supposed to turn into that but, I’d feel bad ridding y’all of the extra content so I’ll let it stay.
The other option is much more cheerier!
They’re probably together in the hall, music’s blasting, people are dancing, John and Gale are at each other’s sides as always.
John’s especially taken by the thrill of it all, can’t stop smiling, finding ways to chime in with singing, or patting his comrades on the back whenever they walk back.
Gale’s just smiling, sometimes he grins a little more with teeth, feels the world sweep away from him.
It might just be one night, but they’re making it his, they’re taking the victory and using it as means to inspire how successful the future could be.
After all their hard work they deserve it.
John probably saunters back, hooks his arm around Gale, leans real close.
“Come with me?”
“You need an escort now?”
“I might, you don’t want me wandering off on my own tonight, do you?”
Even though he tries to hold meaning to the theat, the smile spilling over his cheeks shows he’s just trying to get his way.
Gale gives into him anyways, follows him outside, lets him smoke his cigar and leans his head back against the wall to take in the stars.
The world feels at peace for a little while, no fights or fires above, just laughter and joy and beer.
John catches his gaze, follows it with a grin, nudges his arm into him.
“Don’t get too lost in the clouds, Gale. I need you down here with me.”
“I’m always down here with you.”
John laughs at that, thinks it’s the funniest, sighs and leans his head back to join Gale’s observations.
“I don’t plan on letting you go anywhere anytime soon, you can count on that.”
Gale laughs too, something easy and sweet.
John tilts his head towards the blond, leans close to murmur something, and Gale turns in time to catch their lips almost touching.
It stops them both, John’s lips parted and ready to usher words, Gale’s closed and ready to listen - but they split apart when they notice how close John is.
“I don’t plan on going anywhere,” Gale whispers, thinks it’ll spark them both back to normalcy.
It doesn’t, if anything it halts John further in his tracks, and then his eyes dip.
Gale doesn’t have time to warn him not to be too hasty, to tell him he should move in case someone comes out and sees them so close.
John’s lips on his force him into silence, everything else falls away, and his cheeks warm under the attention before he gently prods John back.
“Someone could have seen,” he warns, and something about it makes John smile.
Gale’s slightly appalled at his lack of consideration or care regarding the matter until John continues.
“Next time I’ll be more careful.”
Fuck. I ended up yapping again. Okay so I could honestly see it going different ways but I wound up writing two very specific scenarios, sorry bout that one. If you want different like perspectives in the future lemme know.
And, uh, hope you enjoyed??
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Headcanons about Khan?
I just think he's neat-
OH BOY DO I HAVE SO MANY FOR YOU. I'm so glad you asked me about one of the characters I'm genuinely so autism about you have NO IDEA
Khan Doorman Headcanons
Bro does not sleep
Used to be more of a fighter before Nori’s death, hense his knowledge of what to do immediately after J blew up the landing pod (this actually has evidence to back it up now let’s gooo)
His obsession with doors is a coping mechanism
The sort of "confidence" he shows around other worker drones is a front he puts up. The worker drones see him as an idol since he's the guy who led them to safety; he can't show weakness
He loves Uzi a lot actually, he's just really shit at showing it
That "how to parent" guide is actually really helpful
Rarely listens to music, but when he does, it's either blues or rock and there is no in between
His psyche is so fucked up and traumatized that he has a permanent stress line under either eye (And, as of episode 7, his stress has doubled tenfold due to his missing daughter and everything with the Dissassembly Drones that he has two stress lines under each eye)
Cannot flirt worth his life, he has no idea how or why Nori fell in love with him but he's glad she did. Also yes, she did most of the flirting, and yes, he would absolutely melt. I'm not immune to this representation of their relationship and you aren't either
Originally kept all of Nori's kooky crazy insane stuff to cling to the memory of her, but recently realized she was right about everything going on and looked at them again to see if there was further instructions on what to do against whatever threats were coming. He just wishes he could apologize for not believing her.
Probably has PTSD
Was absolutely stressing and panicking when Uzi dissapeared, because the last time he saw her she was with N and V and they were leaving the Doorman hab in a rush after Doll came by and literally threw him into a wall, and she also left in a rush, and he remembers her from prom and the way she and Uzi fought and
Probably has some scars from the past. Nori liked to trace them with the tips of her fingers
He added the wrinkles on his forehead because he thought it would make him more intimidating
He and Ron are old friends and one of the only drones he'll open up to
After Nori's death - and after he'd completed the doors to keep them safe - he retreated into his hab for a solid 2 months and got Ron to babysit Uzi, who was still just a pill baby
He was also friends with Doll's parents and got along with them well, though it was rocky with Yeva at first since she was slightly protective over Nori
When Nori died, he relied on Yeva and Misha and they would grieve together (i headcanon that Nori and Yeva are sisters.) And when those two died? ...Yeah, you can imagine he wasn't okay.
After Yeva and Misha's deaths came another solid month of Khan retreating into his room, which only made his neglect toward Uzi worse
Usually really smart. He acts stupid on purpose as a coping mechanism. And it also kind of has to do with the, y'know. Sleep deprivation
SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!!! HOPE YOU ENJOY!! Also sorry a lot of these are Khori, I think about them a lot
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Man... I received so much hate for my last Aventurine incest fic.... Should I quit..? (Read under the keep reading for u haters and non-dark content likers on my blog)
Just kidding! Anyways I've properly put incest warning on the trigger warning and you still had to go and comment shit. I deleted them all cuz no hate comments telling people what to do on my blog! <3
Can't you guys read for yourself? INCEST, this means that you don't need to read it if you don't like it—the fact that only because of one people commented against it then the others are finally brave enough to comment against it.
I know that incest is not wincest and believe me in properly educated about that. But this is just how my mind works and I have been actively fighting my hypersexuality towards other people and even to my own family.
Sometimes I even think of that towards my brother and of course I was like "ew, what was I thinking" because I can't control that thought.
The only way I can cope through this is by writing fics because I've found out that many people experience these problem as well so I was grateful for it.
And just remember, I do not condone these acts such as rape, incest or things. I just actively think about it as other people do. Cinnamonest (my fav creator) made a post about this. Why do women have rape fantasies?
And I saw a comment that I erased his personality or something, or he could never do this! I don't know I didn't read it all.
First of all, I'd like to address that I'm not good at catching people's personalities. I only make a based answer of their personalities, and my perception of them.
They are not 100% canon because shit I'm not hoyoverse guys.
Secondly, I am a new blog writer if you can't notice. I've only had a few works posted before so I APOLOGIZE if I made many mistakes on the character.
Thirdly, no. My personality isn't based on Kangel so I won't start writing like Kangel. It's only for the sake of my blogs theme but sometimes I will roleplay her because I am fond of her.
So now not do I only have to put a tw on dark content since these people cannot read. I have to put dldr as well... Sigh
Was thinking of making another fic for aventurine but fully consensual based in an anon's ask but ya'll have been behaving badly. Bad cuties.
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Subtle JJ things I noticed that keep me up at night:
1. The way they changed the styling of his clothes from season 1 to season 2. Season one he's already pretty ripped but he mostly wears these loose-fitting tshirts and cutoffs that make him look cute, lanky, and unthreatening. Season 2 he mostly wears tight-fitting tshirts that make him look CONSIDERABLY beefier and generally is seen wearing more layers- it's technically Fall but he covers up more than other characters do and it has the effect of him seeming more closed off and isolated than the others, which he is. Season three his style is somewhere in between, not super tight but not lanky and loose either, like he's found a better balance.
2. His drinking. Season 1 he's partying a lot with beer and frankly, high most of the time. Season 2 he starts carrying around the flask- presumably liquor, not beer- and drinking non-socially. Before school. At John B's "funeral". That night they're stranded with Kie and Pope on the way to Charleston. The others aren't drinking at all, nor does he offer them some, then he seemingly (to Kie) falls asleep with the open flask in hand... Like he's been drinking himself to sleep, and this has probably become a habit. This is clearly because he's depressed, and though I think John B's "death" is the catalyst, it's clearly not the only reason as it continues through season 2, for example the aforementioned Charleston trip. I think John B's death, going no-contact with his dad, living alone at the chateau, Pope and Kie's relationship, have all led him to feel extremely isolated and he's clearly coping with substances even worse than before. Not to mention he's free of his dad for the first time, completely after he leaves OBX, which means for the first time in his life he's probably processing his trauma, which is what tends to happen once you find yourself no longer in a continually traumatizing situation. That would also account for his moodiness and increasing dependence on substances. I think it's also interesting we see him smoking weed less, but drinking more heavily. I think they did this to show a marked change in his already concerning substance use from season 1 from "bad coping mechanism, gets him through the day in relatively good spirits" to genuinely concerning and potentially volatile, over-using a substance his biological was known to be addicted to. Note this abruptly ends at the end of season 2 with being stranded on the island with all the Pogues. There are zero substances on the island, but it's clear it's the happiest he's ever been. A lot goes down after they get off the island but he seems to minimally fall back into old patterns in season 3. Apart from hanging out and partying a socially acceptable amount with his friends, the only time I remember him using is when he's drinking beers alone at his house- when he gets home and everyone's reuniting with their families and when he's fighting with Kiara because of their moment. When he feels alone and scared. I'm curious to see his development in season 4.
3. His lack of fear/loss of fear in death. Bro, nobody talks about how differently he reacts to danger between seasons 1 and 2. All throughout season 1, JJ is an anxious wreck and his response to being threatened is always submission, fear, and an instinct to run. When there's guns on him he gets the fuck down. He puts his hands up. He looks visibly terrified. Multiple times you can see him VISIBLY shaking. When the thugs are attacking Miss Lana, he's trembling with his eyes closed and trying not to make a sound. He begs John B to leave while it's happening and after when he sees her reaction. Even when Barry tries to rob them, furious though he is, he follows Barry's demands and doesn't fight back until John B starts it and makes an opportunity. As Kiara so aptly puts it, "he has the survival instincts of a cockroach." He does! But everything changes when he tries to grab the money and run from his dad. Again, he doesn't want a fight. But he gets one, and he's finally tired of it. He's been beat up and threatened and stolen from one time too many, and the threat of death is no longer a more powerful motivator than his wants. So he attacks his dad back and puts him in his place. He once again puts his hands up when Barry and Rafe come for him at the Phantom, but he doesn't look as scared. John B's "death" may be the final nail in the coffin, because starting season 2? He's not scared anymore when he should be. Despite the fact that he appears to be having panic attacks and worse anxiety than ever, every gun that's pointed at him or fight that breaks out he just rolls with. One of the only times I can see his survival instincts crop up in season 2 is when Kiara yells "murderer" at Ward seconds after he straight up killed someone with a gun, which is a normal human reaction and may have had more to do with protecting his friends. He just seems numb to most of the danger. Then again, season 3, he almost seems to find a balance. He's still doing some reckless things, and no longer cowering in the face of enemies, but he also knows who the dangerous people are, and when to wheel and deal or turn away and come fight another day.
Anyway, I'm very curious to see how he evolves in season 4, now that he's establishing his own life, financially secure, on good terms with all his friends and (hopefully) in a committed relationship. Let me know if I missed any other interesting character changes patterns for JJ or any other characters from the show! I would love to read/hear what you noticed and your own in-depth character analysis. JJ's my favorite character and a super rich text, so I tend to hyperfocus on him. Also if you want to request me to make one of these on one of the other characters let me know! I would love to zero in on them and see what I missed on my next watch-through.
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(in)dependent
wc: 1.4k
tw: angst, mentions of intercourse, hardships, mentions of self-harm, miscommunication, crying, boyfriend!mark x fem!reader
a/n: not proofread. sorryy
not everything works.
some things can't be salvaged.
that's what mark told himself. what he's felt for the past year of how this relationship of yours wasn't his fault neither yours, that it had to come to an end. mark missed you. the week break the students were given was getting closer to the day you'd all have to return.
mark knocked upon the wooden door, which was immediately met by a giddy you, engulfing your boyfriend. mark of course smiled as he breathed in your scent. mark stepped inside your dorm, removing his shoes and placing his bag down. "what's got you so happy today? we have to go back tomorrow?" he questioned.
you laughed pulling him by the wrist to sit him onto your bed. you climbed on top of his lap kissing against his neck and jawline, beginning to speak, "nothing, i just missed. . . you. i was thinking we could—" mark then cut you off.
"no, no yn i think. . . we – we need to talk." he stated trying to push you off of him. it's like you were obsessed. not that there's a problem with that, he's your boyfriend after all but you were too obsessed. overzealously craving him.
mark was serious, you attempted to nip at his neck more, whining softly. but mark only pushed you completely off of him now standing in front of you. "don't do this mark, don't—baby don't leave me." you cried pulling at his shirt. "i need you close to me."
frustrated, mark put his hands up to his face to block his emotions. if without context, it'd seem like you were a creepy, fanatical person over your lover. but deep down you were just someone who wasn't given attention as an adolescent and now had someone to cling to, to grasp that attention from. you felt as if you needed to please mark, he was your boyfriend if you wanted him to stay, that would get the job done.
you thought that sex could be the glue to all your problems, make it seem like you were more appealing to love, just to show how devoted you were to mark. you'd hope in that case, mark would reciprocate. "no. what do we need to talk about? are you hurt? is something wrong?" if there was something wrong with your boyfriend that'd only make it 10 times worse for you.
mark sat down next to you, placing his hands on your thighs to soothe you. "baby, im fine i just need you to talk to me in this moment. okay?" mark circled his thumb against your exposed skin, bringing himself closer to you. "i just wonder." he trailed off, hesitant to ask. "have you ever thought of other ways to display your affection?"
your heart skipped a beat. "what do you not like when we —" your words frantically spilling out.
"no, no, no that's not it yn. its just." mark sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose "i-i just need some space you know? there's just a lot of the time where we — i don't want to be pleased in that way?" he said, pressing his lips in a thin line to reject his emotions.
"so no more. . ." you quietly asked, voice breaking. mark let his head slightly fall, "no yn im not saying no more. but a break wouldn't hurt... you know." he finished, you wrapped your arms around him, placing your head into the crook of his neck.
"i just love you so much. i-i need you, you're so perfect and i don't want you to leave me. i just want to show you how much you mean to me." you confessed. mark sighed it didn't seem like you were one-hundredly getting the message.
"im not going to leave you yn, im not going anywhere." mark reassured you, rubbing your tears away with his thumbs. "you- we just need to find a healthier way to cope with your needs towards me. okay?" tears continued to fall down your cheeks as mark continued. though he didn't completely intend for it to come off as you were being obsessive, he needed you to know that.
you shook your head trying to prevent more tears from falling, but it only intensified. "it's just.. mark~ i can't help it. it makes my skin itch i just want to touch you, even if we're out with friends. i just hate standing there not being able to let everyone see how much i love you. how much i appreciate you. mark i love you. i really do." you pleaded, biting the dead skin off your lips. mark cupped your chin bringing your gaze towards his.
"babe i know. . i know you hate it, but sometimes it can be too much for me. you don't have to please me in sexual ways to show that you love me. . ." your tears flowed like a river, constantly pouring down your face as you tried to understand where your lover was coming from.
"but, but i don't get to see you that often, especially with our dorms being split by gender. and we don't have any classes together, so i just want to make you feel good. i feel closer to you when we do." you explained, hoping he'd get where you were coming from. you thought maybe he brought this up because you'd been two had been at your friends alot more recently due to something they'd been going through.
"we've been sleeping in the same bed for a few nights now at karina's. yn promise me we're close." mark placed a kiss upon your forehead.
you brought your face slightly back up, kissing mark's neck, but he jerked back. "yn, stop." he places his hands on your shoulders to restrain you. he hates that he had to be this stern with you, seeing how easily it broke you down. but the conversation you just had telling you not to do that exact thing. he needed to tell you.
"why?"
"because. because yn i just kindly asked for you to give me some space! i love you yn i really do but i need the space. im so fucking exhausted you don't get it..." mark finally raised his voice out you for the first time ever.
he didn't like what he'd done but it had to been done. of course he'd know it wouldn't end well, you were too sensitive to be spoken to in that tone, but the action you were partaking in had to be addressed sooner or later.
you sat up and immediately got off of your boyfriend, feeling nauseous. it might've seemed dramatic but you detested the way it felt when people raised their voice to you. especially, when this was the one person you loved and adored most.
mark ran after you, unfortunately not quick enough before he was met with a slammed door. he'd never seen you react this quick to a situation like this and it brought panic to himself. mark knocked at the door, "yn, don't do this. . ." all that could be heard was your soft cries on the opposite side.
"yn. please i didn't mean to upset you like this.."
"go away mark!" you yelled back.
"no. im not going away til you open this door."
"i thought. . . you wanted your space. well look now you've gotten it. all the fucking space you could ever want." you spewed out, through tears and a broken voice. "baby..." silence was returned. mark called once more but only was met with the same silence.
"don't hurt yourself. please don't tell me you're hurting yourself..." mark cried, this whole situation seemed completely fucked.
"im not. mark just leave me be please."
"yn don't do this again, i'm here for you, i love you. i love the affection you give me, it's a bit excessive but i still love you. and i will no matter what. it was wrong of me to shove you off me like that and raise my voice...please don't hurt yourself." he pleaded, the last thing he need was you hurting yourself in any way.
"i'm not."
"good. can you come out then?"
"no! i want you, i just don't want to talk" you slowly opened the door and as per usual you clung onto him right away. "just hold me, i'm sorry for pushing you to do things, but please let me be close."
mark guided you over to your bed and lied down with you still in his arms. "i can do that, it's alright"
"just please don't yell at me again" you mumbled.
although the problem was never resolved, it had it one step closer to being fixed. that being realization of the problem. mark could fix you. he would fix you.
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my friends tease me for loving manosphere stuff, which is true, but they always find it kind of baffling and I guess I did too until I realized the manosphere men admired the men in these shows. obviously we all wish we could monologue in beautifully paced and well articulated philosophy, that's not what I'm saying, but the men who like this story seem incapable of viewing rust cohle as someone who is expressing beliefs that create ironic tension in his own narrative, same as marty.
it's not quite as bull in a china shop as marty saying "a man needs boundaries" in monologue while we watch him break down the door of the twenty something woman he's cheating on his wife with. but from the moment rust brings up "encouraging the capacity for illusion" it becomes glaringly obvious rust's mainlining of the secrets of the universe -- as well as the bulk of his philosophies outcropped from grief -- are exactly that same encouragement of illusion. "the world needs bad men" and "it was never supposed to work, the whole man-woman thing" is hitting you over the head in the context of the show; rust is ducking and hiding. it's intolerable, how grief irrevocably changed him as a person, the marriage that crumbled from that grief ("we turned on each other"), and the resentment it bore, and not because nature programmed it to end but because it all just did.
but that belief, that nature programmed it to end, is an extension of his idea of time as a flat circle. if you will be reborn into the life you've always been born into, than none of these choices are really yours to begin with. none of what happens has anything to do with you, which is how it feels when you lose everything to an accident on some regular day. so if you believe you're wrought through every motion in repetition, then in this repetition you're exponentially separated from anything resembling agency. but still, nature's programming is You, somewhere at some point in imperceptible time; You at one point lived the life for the first time, then over and over and over, it's Your programming, Your design. the marriage ended who knows how many times. it was never meant to work. your kid died who knows how many times because she was always going to, and you have to continue even though it feels like you're trapped inside a predetermined motion, predetermined not by a benevolent power, or even a malignant one, but by You. everything you ever did or everything done to you happens over and over, there is no such thing as once. which is just true within our lifetimes, we still live inside our decisions, our trajectories, and the trajectories of other people worn on us.
but I'd be surprised if rust believed in a "first time" like that. it's like if you roll a marble on a looping track; an elastic collision got it going, but it's already on a loop. you're born without preexistence, but does this mean that first life is a byproduct of your decisions? in the same way gravity dictated you'd move kinetic, a certain shape, slowing and speeding up at this part and that part, can the same be said for how time dictates you move through your life?
but this is what it feels like when your life is completely devastated by something random. it's the aimless inattention of a couple people at the same time; it's positions in space and speed and impact, gravity; it's an accident. you can't cope with the scope of that. you'll lose everything, but of course the world doesn't change, and the giant devouring mystery is no closer to sated or understood or whatever you believe it seeks. it's in the same way a pandemic wipes through your life and leaves you injured and ill. a plague doesn't really care about anything but living, it was never about you; lives in you but doesn't know what You are, in the same way you don't know what massive devouring mystery you live inside.
even in the murder of dora lang and marie fontenot, murders that are actually committed by men with malice and forethought, there's this thing looming above these women and children as though they're likewise devoured by something too large, incapable of seeing them. this is why it's important that dora lang and marie fontenot are easy targets, "chum in the water". it's impersonal, the accumulation of hundreds of other things that made it easy to pick them off. for some of them it was hurricanes. I love the use of hurricanes in true detective, great use of massive destroying mystery. anyway, it's why marie fontenot's disappearance is paired with the "cerebral event" that paralyzes her uncle. all of these are acts of horror too large to perceive, and why this horror is cosmic depends on where you are in the narrative. is it because evil is a design of nature (or god)? is it because you were propelled into this motion, and gravity will bring you back here, to the moment you're devoured? is it because the only closeness to this mystery is in it's silence around you, incapable of speaking to something like you, so small it could never know you were there at all? that one comes at our half way point with joel theriot -- "all my life I wanted to be nearer to god. the only nearness, silence."
the men doing the killing believe they're feeding this cosmic mystery, that it's a mouth and gut and gets hungry for the people they already view as consumable. they make it into a god that demands sacrifices. rust seems to believe it doesn't need to be fed, it will always eat. his relationship to it is hard to pin down, it clearly guides him, but when he speaks of it it's more like it's coming for him. "it's like something's got your name on it, like a bullet or a long nail in the road."
I do relate to this instinct to embrace "there was never another version". whatever I've lost to encephalitis and it's autoimmune consequences, I have this feeling in my gut there's no version of life where it doesn't happen. there's no trajectory for the me before this except becoming the me in this and after this. I think that's why rust's version of grief does resonate so much, because there's nothing he can do about how random it is, so he turns it into a bullet with his name on it. what he embraces here is the morbid version of "it was fate".
so he's mystified his experience of grief, rightfully so, because grief is inherently mysterious, and that is quite literally the process of engaging your capacity for illusion. and ultimately the story isn't telling you what's eating you, it's saying you'd know it much better by it's silence than by anything definable, present.
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i can't stop thinking about how was will's life with molly like. i feel like so much of will's affection for abigail was tied with his need to be normal and feel normal for once, and he finally got this when he married molly. i wish i could take all those three years they had been married and scrutinize under a microscope, was he wearing his own person suit of the sweet man 100% of the time? was he having nightmares about mizumono's events? he told bedelia that molly was aware enough about his and hannibal's relationship, but what exactly did he tell her? did he ever get conscious about the gender swap (molly/hannibal and wally/abigail) and got lost in the similarities or in how different they were from each other? will is a really introspective person, so how did he manage to balance this part of him with the fact that now he was living with two more people under the same roof? did he think about hannibal every single day even tho he'd avidly try to forget about him now that he finally had what he should want? idk ive read your post about will and bervely's "friendship" and his relationship with his dogs too and it really got me into a spiral because we as viewers are obviously going to empathize with him and see the good parts about him (and im not saying he doesn't have them) but it makes us forget how disconnected (?) he is from humanity and its concepts of how someone should act/feel/behave, so it really got me curious about how it was those three years for him trying every single day to "stay in character"
Omg yes, I wish we could see it and the worse part is that I'm pretty sure we would've seen it in season 4, in flashbacks :(.
I think, based in omitted dialogue from the script, that Molly saw a bit of his true self because she mentions dreams and things like that. And to her, he used dogs as a coping mechanism, because she tells Jack that he was "worrying about dogs all the time" and then he started getting a little bit better and was just caring for them (not just worrying). Hence why people who say Will caring about his dogs proves his humanity annoys me, because it is such a sad, shallow and stupid take, when it's canon they mean so much more than that and serve such a complex symbolic purpose.
But yes, I do believe he had to wear his person suit in a way he never had before. He wanted the complete opposite of what he experienced with Hannibal, as an attempt to further bury those feelings and experiences, so Molly served that role. And because they mirrored her calling him a sweet man to Reba calling Francis a sweet man, there's this notion that yes, Will has the ability for this trait, he can be a sweet man, but there's also a beast hidden within him, and just as Francis was afraid of his vulnerability with Reba, and how that was threatening to destroy/overcome the Dragon, we have to interpret the same for Will, since they were direct parallels. So Will fearing his affection for Hannibal and Hannibal being the only one capable of perceiving Will's beast as something beautiful (hence the tiger scene) and the only one who isn't afraid of that, contrasts with Molly, who calls him sweet for his care of dogs, and is unable to see him for who he truly is. When he says I'm sorry and leaves, he's leaving for good. He knew he wasn't coming back (dead or alive).
The fact that he projected Francis' killings into him killing Molly says a lot too. This was in his subconscious, and the amount of repression he faced during those 3 years was probably reaching a critical point, that's why it takes so little for him to completely break.
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OKAY CAUSE LISTEN. (till character analysis let’s go) (apologies in advance this is LONGG)
if till is actually in love with mizi then there is literally no outcome in which him and ivan are happy.
because 1) he’ll never love ivan as long as mizi is alive, and 2) even if he thinks mizi is dead, ivan will only ever be a rebound, the second choice he turned to when mizi wasn’t an option.
however, i would like for you to consider that maybe, instead, the problem is that till doesn’t know how to properly process or identify his feelings. i would like to propose that maybe he misinterpreted his feelings for mizi as love when in actuality he views her as some unattainable idol to covet but not actually connect with (like parasocial relationships).
meanwhile, ivan was always there for him and slowly became a support system till didn’t even know he had. because even if he didnt feel LOVE for ivan, they definitely had a REAL relationship—arguably more real than anything he ever had with mizi. all of their interactions are just like. much more RAW than anything till ever had with mizi if that makes sense. because all we’ve ever seen him doing with her is admiring from afar and sacrificing things for her in secret that she never asked for, nor wanted from him. while with ivan they actually hung out with absolutely no expectations of anything between them (on till’s side at least. it wasn’t a performative relationship to be this self sacrificing person for ivan like it would’ve been if he were talking to mizi. which is ironically a much more healthy basis for a relationship. to fully see the person as being equal to you without putting them on a pedestal)
i think till’s way of coping with everything was finding someone else outside himself to live for and idolize. his entire life was built around mizi, every choice he made committed with her in mind (like when he chose to stay in the garden rather than escaping for her sake). and once she’s ripped away, he’s left feeling empty and aimless—the center of his very world is no longer there.
HOWEVER.
this is shaken by ivan’s death. even though mizi was always his center, he can’t exactly not be affected by someone who’s been at his side for YEARS. and, unlike with mizi, their bond was definitely real and very much tangible for BOTH sides (despite meaning different things for each of them). but when ivan died FOR him, till felt something that was very real and very confusing which was very much a mixture of raw emotions he wasn't prepared to face feeling from anyone apart from mizi. because while mizi is his ideal, i think his feelings about her were always accompanied by a sense of disconnect because they didnt have any actual basis for this bond beyond till simply yearning for her. but with ivan. they were friends. they trusted each other by this point, and ivan has shown that he cares for till REPEATEDLY throughout them knowing each other. and.
i think till subconsciously acknowledged that ivan was important to him, even if just as a background support in his life. someone he hung out with without thinking about it too much. and i think that sense of care came very gradually too. because ivan is a weird mf but he still managed to worm his way into till’s world, and now he’s a staple there, even if till himself isn’t aware of that.
mainly just my vibe here is that his feelings surrounding ivan are very messy and complicated (as real life emotions tend to be) and that wasn’t what till was looking for when he was younger. he needed something stable, something he could look at and idolize from afar. something he could dedicate his messed up life to without having to worry about other complicated feelings. and that was what mizi was to him. a purpose to live that was unchanging because no matter what till himself did or what happened to him, it didn’t affect HER. and that was comforting. but ivan existed outside of his little ideal. and he was a real person who (unfortunately :/ ) made till feel real things that were outside of his control. which wasnt what he needed when he was younger—he needed stability. but i think in the end he had the most chance of an actual developed, healthy, and consistent relationship with ivan.
that is, if bro wasnt dead 🙏🙏🕊🕊
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Do you think some people misunderstand Killua's intelligence? I've seen some people that blame him completely for the communication issues that he and Gon had during the CAA, while they excuse Gon for still being a child and his naivety, since Killua is supposed to be the smart one, and the "mature" one they expect him to be the one to fix all their issues, I believe they both have their own part to blame, but I do think some people confuses Killua's smarts, that to me is more like he knows more than Gon about how some things around the world work, and his is overall more strategic than Gon, but they also think that Killua being smart means that he also his emotional intelligence should be better than Gon's, but based on how they were raised, in my opinion, and considering their are both still kids, Gon should know more about relationships and better general understanding of how to treat people, since he was raised by a loving mother figure, where as Killua's value as person to his family has always been linked to how useful or skillful he can be to his family, and not at all about who he is as a person, the few relationships he had where his potential wasn't the most important aspect for how he was treated were cut out of his life for different reasons, like with Alluka and Canary, I think it is unfair to put the blame more on Killua or Gon about their fall out during the CAA, I just find it curious how some people think Killua should know more about relationships than Gon, when in reality they both were pretty clueless on how to deal with the traumatic experiences the went through during the CAA.
Hello!
I'm actually surprised you've seen people blaming Killua entirely for his lack of communication. I've seen plenty of people blaming Gon for what happened between them, but I've only ever seen people assigning partial blame to Killua at the most. Like you said, I don't think either should be "blamed" for what happened, after all they're both young and they were in a horrible situation that they both didn't have the emotional maturity to cope with. I do think both of their own issues and trauma contributed to what happened between them, however, and putting it on only one side or the other isn't fair.
I agree with your more general point about Killua's emotional maturity, however--I do think people sometimes look at his character and expect more from him than they should with his age and life experiences, or try to present him in a more mature light than he actually is--especially since he and Gon are the same age. He's obviously a brilliant strategist and knowledgeable about a broad range of subjects--he's undeniably very smart--but, as one might expect from his upbringing, he does lack some of the social skills we can see in Gon. He struggles to communicate his feelings directly, he tends to be distrustful of others, he can be somewhat volatile and petty, and he hides things based on his own judgment.
Having his siblings and Gotoh and Canary, etc., means he didn't completely lack in social connections, but certainly the connections he had were all massively affected by the culture and expectations in his family. He's been a victim of severe physical and emotional abuse his whole life. His character growth has been remarkable considering that, but expecting him to fix everything on his own is unreasonable.
Gon did have a stable family life by comparison, but he's still inexperienced in having close friendships with peers. He's more socially savvy than Killua (in his own unusual way), but the close bond he has with Killua is still uncharted territory for him, too.
Ultimately, I think it's important to remember how young both of these boys are and how ill-equipped they were to handle what happened to them. Going deep into territory of what they "should have done differently" or blaming them misses the point of what the series is trying to say. They were doing the best they could with their maturity levels and respective traumas and difficulties, and, in the circumstances, it just wasn't enough to prevent horrible things from happening. One of the great strengths of HxH is is that it portrays the characters in such a human and nuanced way--if they acted "perfectly" rather than as flawed human beings, it would take away so much of what makes HxH deeply moving and emotionally resonant.
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