we don't talk enough abt akutagawa's cough / lung disease (chronic&terminal) yet it has so much angst potential?? anywayy
after the current arc, atsushi knows akutagawa is actively dying and he's the only one who does bc akutagawa didn't tell anyone else abt it. (altho, in all honesty, the amount this man coughs should at least hint at it. i'm honestly amazed not more ppl in the story are concerned abt it)
so, the next mission they have together, akutagawa coughs and atsushi is now aware what it really means, so he wonders out loud with nonchalance masking his concern: "hey, so like, do you think yosano's ability would help with your cough and all? would it go away then?"
akutagawa, wiping his mouth, slightly annoyed: "how would i now? i'm not well-acquainted with your coworkers, weretiger, therefore it's none of my concern. and even then, i wouldn't trust any ada members with my issues, nor my life."
atsushi finds his words a bit sus bc 'u do trust me tho', but doesn't say it out loud and they leave it at that.
somehow, it becomes a regular thing. every time they have a mission together and atsushi hears his partner cough, he presents more ideas of how they could cure a terminal lung disease, and they vary in absurdity as he runs out of inspiration.
his ideas range from mere "have you tried going to a doctor?" (<- at which akutagawa stares in disbelief: "you either think i'm an idiot, or you are the idiot. which one is it?" and atsushi pouts bc 'ok yeah, fair... but also, rude') to insanities like "maybe witchcraft would help! i could look up witches in the area and see if black magic or something has any luck." (<- at which akutagawa is so done he doesn't even entertain the idea and just keeps walking)
they never follow through with any idea tho, bc akutagawa stubbornly refuses to waste time on trying to find a cure when his time on earth already is very limited.
it should also be noted that each time the cough gets worse; louder, rougher, more persistent and even bloody, which only makes atsushi more and more worried.
so one time, akutagawa's particularly annoyed by atsushi's insane and stupid ideas. he turns to him and point-blank asks: "why do even care so much whether i succumb to my illness or not? surely, my death should only leave you overjoyed to see the world be rid of one more evil."
that makes atsushi think bc 'why? why does he care whether akutagawa lives or dies? he's right, a bad person like a mafioso dying should be a good thing.'
after lengthy contemplation he comes to the conclusion that he simply cannot have his sworn enemy/rival/partner die from something as pathetic as a disease. someone as strong as akutagawa has to die in a more memorable way - not alone, in a bed, coughing, with nothing more to be remembered by. if anything he'd have to die fighting atsushi or something. yeah that's it. that's why. (<- it's not, but they're not quite there yet)
so atsushi tells him as much. akutagawa accepts it bc 'yeah, makes sense. what else could the reason be?'
the whole routine of coughing and brainstorming a solution in vain continues as the ideas get even more insane, the cough even worse and atsushi more concerned than ever.
the next time akutagawa is annoyed enough to pose the question again, atsushi is close to tears from anxiety as he holds up akutagawa who collapsed and can't seem to subdue his cough properly.
atsushi struggles to get out the water bottle and cough drops he'd started carrying around on their missions together. he's so scared bc he's never seen akutagawa look so sick and frail before (but not weak. never weak. akutagawa could never be weak in atsushi's eyes. it's impossible, bc akutagawa being strong is a simple, unchangeable fact, constant in any possible universe).
what would he do if akutagawa actually died there? in his arms? on a mission? which would probably get cancelled. would the pm think atsushi killed him? does he bring back the body or just bury it somewhere? pretend he got killed on the mission and not by his own body that had turned on him years ago and was in reality a long time coming? he couldn't even bear to think abt it.
"why tf do u care so much??" akutagawa yells with a scratchy voice before his cough continue despite his best efforts to stop.
atsushi can barely breathe anymore. "because i don't want you to die, you idiot! we're a team! you're my partner. who will i be left with if you go?" tears stream down his face, mainly from how overwhelming his anxiety feels. or maybe bc he really doesn't want his partner to die? nah, it's the anxiety. definitely the anxiety. (<- #denial)
akutagawa, at first embarrassed how his collapse derailed their mission bc goddammit he's supposed to be a professional and not let his issues interfere with his job, pauses when he sees atsushi crying... for him? because of him? ???
he's very confused bc he's pretty sure his rival/enemy/partner should not be so concerned abt his health and impending death, but something abt atsushi's expression and that whole situation makes him rethink his outlook on life.
that's when akutagawa starts taking his health more seriously and actively looks for possible, feasible ways to cure his disease, even if there's only a small chance it'll actually work. bc seeing atsushi like that made him realize there are a handful of people who care abt him and would mourn him if he died; more than just his sister and higuchi.
it made him realize his life had a bigger impact on others than he'd previously thought, not all of it bad.
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Was Nie Mingjue qi deviating when he insulted JGY's mom, pushed him down the stairs, and tried to cut off his head? Bc those do not seem like the actions of a reasonable and just man in his right mind, but I've seen some people defending that bit recently and I wanted to check (I don't own the book, otherwise I would have looked myself lol)
- yunmeng-jiang
i'm really glad i haven't seen the posts defending nmj's conduct on the staircase lol. man. okay:
nmj is not qi deviating during that scene in the novel, no. jgy doesn't begin playing turmoil for nie mingjue until after the confrontation on the staircase (and i am not interested in relitigating this discourse again, anyone else who may see this and feel inclined to argue with me). so while i definitely feel that nmj's continued cultivation with baxia has influenced and more deeply entrenched his hatred and distrust of jgy, he is not qi deviating in that moment. his qi deviation happens at the martial conference about two to three months later, if i recall the timeline as laid out in the empathy flashback + wangxian's conversation with lan xichen.
which makes it worse in some respects, doesn't it. 😕
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i hear the rocks and the stones (echoing our song)
juke | ao3 | 4,856 words |complete
“Alright, boss?” Luke asks, voice low and soft as his thumb rubs over her knuckles and looks down at her. Or maybe he’d already been looking at her, Julie doesn’t know.
“Mhm,” she hums, trying for a smile but knowing it probably looks as forced as it feels, “Just thinking about how every time I’ve been on this elevator it’s led to a fight.”
Luke chuckles lightly and the smile on his lips makes her own start to feel more real, like an instinct that she just can’t fight, something that grows stronger when he seems to echo her own thoughts, “Aye well, at least we know darling Maleficent won't be waiting down there for us.”
aka the once upon a time-esque juke au that's taken up residence in my head for the last week. based on s5 ep20 where emma and hook try to find ambrosia that will let him come back to life.
(i come crawling out of the depths of my own kind of hell to give you all ✨this✨. don't need to have watched ouat to understand, it's pretty straight forwards!)
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I am here to ignore ✨Star Wars✨ and instead bug you with my thoughts of mandalorian Bakugo and a jedi reader who are forced to work together and everyone is kinda amused at how the two of you at first argue and bicker like the ancient enemies your kind have been for years.
But this fierce grumpy mandalorian with the black green and orange beskar armor sees how patient you are healing all his wounds. And you see how soft he is with the foundlings and how he always takes the time to show them different defense moves. And soon enough he becomes the first one to shield you with his actual armored body when you are caught off guard. And he’s the only one who calls you “shitty jedi,” is the only one allowed to call you that, because it’s the same thing he yells at when you’re wounded as he rushes to be the first by your side.
Your lightsaber, his ancient armor, a clash of two worlds you know has caught you in the middle as the force playfully tickles the back of your neck as if to say I know what’s going in. Because you know in the deepest caverns of your heart that you long for more than anything to see what color his eyes are.
(I’m sorry please swat at me with a newspaper)
we should tell him he’s probably only wearing that helmet because he’s UGLY!!!! (and we’re right, because he IS!!!). also i vote that we bonk him in the head (helmet) with the butt of our lightsaber to get his attention. BONK!
are we gonna turn evil tho? 🥺 aren’t jedis not allowed to be in love or something bc they turn evil? 🥺 i don’t want to turn evil……………….. mmmm, well, maybe, but ur gonna have to sell the idea to me. 🤨
(if u are a mandalorian/starwars fan who also likes cowboys, then have you have the chance to read Keddie’s cowboy!din writings? they’re very good 😌 highly recommend)
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