#how many times do i say that i absolutely suck at matching profile pictures

[ghcstao3]

By God, would it be possible for us to get more of soap and his tinder adventure with ghost.

I beg you from the bottom of my heart to grace the world with more because this is simply the best thing on earth.

Please please please.

(hope it’s still okay i’m using your ask for this haha)

not sure why it took me so long but finally! more of the tinder adventure :) this may go on ao3 later but i haven’t decided yet

tinder roulette

2.9k words

-

Tinder, in Soap’s opinion, is more of a fun pastime than anything else.

Of course, that isn’t to say he hasn’t used it for its intended purposes—hookups, if anyone is to be honest, it really isn’t a dating app—but it’s long since lost its novelty and has instead become something solely built for Soap’s entertainment.

And Gaz’s, too, apparently.

“I can’t believe how many men on here actually use those stupid fishing pictures on their profiles.”

Gaz has been hoarding Soap’s phone for the better part of an hour, now, liberally swiping left and right on others’ accounts as per routine when neither of them have anything to do. Only this time he’s essentially just been swiping left for a variety of reasons that are mostly beyond Soap.

“I don’t like how he’s holding his phone.”

“Then swipe left,” is usually Soap’s unhelpful and unheeded input.

“Already did,” is what Gaz will say.

Soap sighs as Gaz continues browsing. Normally it’s more fun for Soap than what it’s been that day, but something about the current selection feels… lacklustre. There hasn’t been much of anything funny or fascinating to pique his interest, so Gaz’s say has remained precedent.

It usually does. Just more so today, which Soap is completely fine with—at most he might chat with someone that matches with him (or, again, Gaz might chat with someone under the guise of being John, 28), and otherwise he’ll do absolutely nothing.

Until he hears Gaz suck in a sharp breath beside him. Which could be either a very good or very bad sign.

But by the way Gaz tenses, finger hovering over the screen like he’s afraid he’ll be electrocuted if he does anything, Soap takes it as a very bad thing.

Soap finally looks back at the screen after having been off in his own head for the past fifteen minutes.

At first glance, there isn’t anything that Soap sees that makes him think Gaz’s reaction was warranted. Then, and unfortunately, he starts connecting the different things he’s seeing across the profile—the glaring Simon, 32, the cheesy bio classified underneath it.

And the photos. God, the photos. Soap would hate himself for his immediate recognition coming from a set of bare, scarred and broad shoulders if he didn’t have the excuse of being familiar with the identifiable tattoo that stretches up Simon, 32’s forearm.

Gaz turns to Soap. “You don’t think…?”

“If I’m being honest, Gaz,” Soap says slowly, “I dinnae want to think about this at all.”

Gaz’s thumb inches closer to the screen, and Soap’s heart stops when he sees the hint of a mischievous grin begin to form on his fellow sergeant’s face.

“So then you wouldn’t mind if I…?”

“Gaz,” Soap warns.

“What? It’s probably just an old profile like yours. And besides,” Gaz huffs, and Soap really does not like where this is going, “aren’t you at least a little curious to see what happens? Given your…”

Soap scoffs. “No, because nothing will happen. So hand over my—“

He makes to grab for his phone but is unsuccessful when Gaz, with stupidly lightning reflexes, stretches his arm out of Soap’s reach, and, very much to Soap’s dismay, presses down his thumb and swipes right on their lieutenant’s profile.

“See? What’s the worst that could—oh.”

It’s glaring, that horrible, awful, eyesore of a pop-up that reads It’s a match!

Soap thinks he might die. This is when and where he lays to rest permanently. Because what the fuck?

Gaz winces, sheepishly handing the phone back to Soap. “That is… this is a good thing, innit? Means he likes you back, right? Right?”

Soap doesn’t take it right away, instead shrinking in on himself, desperately scrubbing at his face with the heels of his palms as if it’d erase the last minute of his life. As if it’d erase his entire existence. Because even if they matched—a fact in and of itself that Soap is still having a tough time processing—Soap will eventually have to face Ghost knowing that they had, whether or not the man has checked his own notifications, and that idea alone is mortifying.

Soap is going to kill Gaz.

“This is what I get for not listening to my Mam about goin’ to mass,” Soap groans, plucking the phone from Gaz’s hold. The first picture on Ghost’s profile stares back at him—a goddamn mirror selfie angled in a way that hides his face, but definitely not the definition of his arms thanks to lighting and a muscle tee Soap would have never thought his lieutenant to own—and he doesn’t so much as hesitate to exit out of the notification so he can forget this all happened as soon as possible.

Which would be never, in all honesty, but Soap’s an optimist.

Most days.

“You think I could get a transfer before I have to see him again?”

Gaz quirks an eyebrow. “A transfer by this afternoon? Ain’t gonna happen, mate. Not even the higher-ups could manage that.”

Soap frowns. “This after—what are you talking about?”

Gaz makes an affronted sound. “What am I…? Training, you idiot,” he snaps, smacking Soap upside the head. “You’re on duty with him later. Don’t tell me you forgot.”

“‘Course not.” Soap pauses. He tries to smile but all that forms is a grimace. “If I asked you to fill in for me…“

“Absolutely not,” Gaz says. “You’re facing this yourself, mate. Today. And then maybe after you and Ghost can snog, or something.”

Soap jabs his elbow into Gaz’s side. “You act like this isn’t your fault.”

“But it’s a yes to the snogging?”

As much as Soap might like to entertain the thought any other time, he just groans as he stands from the ratty couch kept in the common room with nothing more than the intention to hide away until facing his inevitable doom.

It’s great, the things he’s feeling at the moment. So great.

And of course that feeling stays all throughout what seems like no time at all before Soap is procrastinating his way to training, an extra weight on his shoulders and far too many thoughts swirling around his head that all cease the second he makes eye contact with Ghost.

A pissy Ghost.

“You’re late,” the lieutenant says.

“Sorry, sir,” Soap mutters. He keeps his gaze anywhere but on Ghost. “Got… caught up.”

Ghost grunts. “Right.”

The silence that follows is characteristic on Ghost’s end. Soap, however, can’t bring himself to say anything without the fear of it somehow leading to asking Ghost if he’s been on his phone at all since that morning without reason to justify the question.

But obviously Ghost picks up on his nerves, and given the man’s irritatingly blunt nature, it’s no surprise he’s confronting Soap about it the moment the recruits are busy and out of earshot.

“You tense, sergeant?” Ghost says. Never a question with him; always an accusation.

“No,” Soap lies. He can’t look over to his colleague without that stupid picture appearing in his mind. “Just…”

“Tense?” Ghost repeats.

Soap sighs. Concedes, “Aye. Tense.”

When Ghost says nothing, Soap finally risks a glance at his lieutenant only to be met with Ghost’s own gaze—too intense, too piercing. Soap hadn’t known brown eyes could look so cold until Ghost.

Soap can’t help but feel as if Ghost already knows. Because in all honesty, he probably does, and there had never been any use in trying to maintain what little remains of Soap’s own dignity.

If he had had any to begin with.

Ghost tilts his head. Scrutinizes Soap further with those eternally analytic pupils of his. “And for what reason, sergeant?”

Soap is going to throttle his superior officer. He’s going to wring the man’s neck, get discharged, and never have to worry about this ever again. Because Ghost is taunting him, clearly, and how unfair is that?

“I think you know, sir,” Soap grumbles through grit teeth, because he supposes he may as well face this head-on now as much as he fears the moment it’s said aloud.

But to his surprise, Ghost actually falls back just a bit, shifting his weight between feet in that awkward, stilted way he rarely does.

Like a kid caught with their hand shoved in the cookie jar.

“Well, don’t dwell on it too much, Johnny,” Ghost finally says—the words are quieter, softer this time. “Was an accident.”

Soap curses the crumbling feeling of hope in his chest that maybe, best case scenario, this whole incident would lead to a confession. But of course not—Ghost swiping right on Soap was an accident.

“Ah. Well.” Soap clears his throat, shying away from what’s become a much kinder gaze, “So was—for me too. Gaz had my phone.”

Ghost hums. Some look glasses over his eyes before he turns from Soap and marches away to continue barking orders at the rookies. Soap doesn’t know if it’s any better than having them both linger in a suffocating awkwardness.

An accident. Right. Why did Soap think it could ever be anything else?

The remainder of training is torturous, with the way Ghost doesn’t utter a word to Soap beyond anything work-related, or some professional-opinion bullshit—all the while was an accident rattles around Soap’s head as the day progresses at a snail’s pace.

He can’t decide if it all being an accident makes the situation any better. He can’t decide on a lot of things today.

And clearly, for Ghost, it doesn’t matter either way.

Soap is going to kill someone. He just hasn’t figured out who yet.

*

“He said it was an accident.”

Gaz hardly looks up from his tray as Soap slumps into a seat across from him. The mess hall is filled with the hushed buzz of chatter, sporadic and spaced out about the room. The open, public environment is the only reason he feels safe enough talking about it—it’s the only place he isn’t concerned about having Ghost suddenly appear in that eerie, ghostlike way of his.

“Told me not to worry about it,” Soap continues, “as if he hadn’t been making me more worried with his weird interrogation.”

“Remind me why you like him like him again,” Gaz mutters before shoving another forkful of food in his mouth. He chews and swallows unreasonably quickly. “Starting to seem like you don’t actually have feelings for him, mate.”

Soap huffs. “Only because it’s obvious the bastard doesnae feel the same. What’s the point, Gaz?”

Gaz stares at him. Blinks once, twice. “I don’t know,” he says. “You tell me.”

Soap groans loudly, sinking low in his seat. He wishes just one person could give him a straight answer to resolve this entire thing. A be-all-end-all solution to put him out of his misery—because even if Ghost says it was an accident, it still happened, and it still means Ghost is active on his own Tinder to some horrifying-to-think-about extent.

And Soap is horrified to think about it. Not to mention terribly conscious of the fact.

“That’s not even the worst part,” Soap grouses. Admits, “I just told him it was a mistake for me too.”

Soap has endured many looks from many people, and he doesn’t think anything compares to the incredulity on Gaz’s face at that moment.

“You know, I felt bad for getting you into this up until you said that,” Gaz tells him. “But hearing that shit is just unbelievable. You hear yourself, right?”

“Every fucking day,” Soap sighs. He buries his face in his hands, shoulders bunched as he grumbles nonsense into his palms. “What do I even do now?”

“Nothing,” Gaz says, then pauses, shrugs his shoulders. “Or tell him the truth. Maybe he also lied.”

Soap frowns, brows furrowing deeply behind the cover of his hands. The idea never occurred to him, because what would be the likelihood of Ghost ever lying about something as trivial as this? Near zero, Soap would think.

But the idea gives him just a piece of that crumbling hope back. And so does the tone of Gaz’s voice that hints he may know more about something than he lets on.

He always seems to. Soap doesn’t know whether or not he should be thankful.

Before he can decide, however, Gaz is continuing with his ever-so-sage counselling, “If you’re going with the latter, you’d better start looking for him now. ‘Cause if he was lying, he will be avoiding you at all costs.”

Soap huffs, finally letting his arms drop back to his sides as he begins to get up. Once standing, he says to Gaz, “I hate that you’re right.”

Gaz snorts. “Usually am.”

Despite his eye roll, Soap does plan on heeding his advice instead of arguing that no, Gaz is definitely not usually right. Because he isn’t. So what if he’s just on the nose today?

Soap sets off on his search.

*

It takes well over an hour to locate Ghost, after checking all of his usual spots and hiding places several times over, and asking just about everyone he saw if they knew about the lieutenant’s whereabouts.

The answer, of course, is always no idea, but it was worth a shot anyway—only considering he still manages to find Ghost on his own in the end.

Elusive bastard. Soap thinks if the disappearing act is kept up, he might start to be inclined to agree that Gaz was onto something about Ghost’s own dishonesty.

Maybe it’s a little unethical to be confronting him right out of the showers, though.

It’s a surprise Ghost doesn’t appear to be immediately alerted of Soap’s presence with the loud thud of the door swinging shut, his back remaining turned to Soap all the while the sergeant works up the courage to clear his throat.

And maybe admire the planes of his lieutenant’s back just a moment. He’s pulled on everything but a shirt already—even one of his gaiters has made it on before the hoodie that lies in a heap on a bench beside him as he dries his hair.

Again, though, Soap is more focused on the muscles that had him recognizing Ghost in those photos earlier that day.

“Can I help you, Soap?” Ghost grunts. He drops the towel he’d been using for his hair next to the hoodie he shortly pulls over his head—Soap is only allowed a brief glimpse at damp, tousled, blond hair before a hood is obscuring it.

Soap isn’t sure why he thought Ghost hadn’t noticed him enter.

“You lied to me before,” Soap says. He may as well bite the bullet now—to drag this out any longer than a day seems childish, really. He’s old enough to know that, but stupid enough to have let Gaz have access to his phone, and to still have a Tinder account in the first place.

Ghost tenses. His back stays to Soap as he freezes, and just barely Soap is able to make out the sharp intake of breath.

“Thought I told you not to dwell.”

Soap shrugs, though Ghost can’t see it. “You tell me a lot of things, sir.”

Ghost seems to consider this in the minute rise and fall of his shoulders as he breathes, in the echo of a distant, residual dripping and an overhead fan.

He finally ducks his head, the sound of fabric shifting as he shoves his hands deep into his hoodie pockets. “Maybe I did lie. Maybe I didn’t. S’pose it doesn’t matter either way, does it, Johnny?”

“Why not?” Soap cocks his head. “I mean, Gaz did have my phone, but he had a point about getting my head out of my arse.”

Ghost turns, then, eyes narrowed at Soap with something akin to skepticism. “And what point is that?”

And for what reason, sergeant?

“That I needed to grow a pair and tell you how I feel,” Soap confesses. “To just use this whole thing as an excuse to do that.”

Ghost blinks, those stupidly brown doe eyes of his widening. “Is that what this is?”

Soap chews the inside of his cheek. “If you were lying.” He attempts something playful, but it falls flat. Meek.

There’s still so much distance between them. Too much. And with the way Soap’s heart currently swells with hope, he’s praying that changes soon.

He just has to wait on Ghost.

“I didn’t think anything would happen,” Ghost says.

“Neither did Gaz,” Soap replies. “But I could forgive him.”

“Only if I was lying?”

Soap nods.

“Then you’re a better friend than I’d be, Johnny.”

It’s enough of a confession for Soap. It’s likely the closest thing he’d ever get to one from Ghost.

And that’s alright. Because it’s the best thing to be getting out of what (admittedly) mild fiasco he’d gotten into.

“I’m only so willing because it ended me here,” Soap says. He stalls a moment, almost unashamed in the way he properly looks Ghost over. “And I’d really like to compare those pictures to real life, if I’m honest.”

Ghost huffs. He grabs his towel and slings it over his shoulder before he’s moving toward the exit just behind Soap. Soap’s heart jumps as he gets closer, closing that distance, until Ghost is leaning down to Soap’s ear and murmuring, “I can make that happen.”

The lieutenant teases Soap’s hand, pretending to grab at it but stopping at a mere brush of fingers before he disappears out the door and leaves Soap to stand alone, dumbfounded.

But only for a moment. Because goddamnit if he isn’t immediately trailing Ghost to his quarters after that.

-

(taglist!! i didn’t forget i swear: @sketchscientist @crazy-phan-girl13 @crazies-unanimous @hanniballecterkinnie @lunainlove @lucibell-writes )

#ask #john soap mactavish #simon ghost riley #soapghost #ghostsoap #ghost x soap #ghoap #writing #fanfic #ghost mw2 #soap mw2

[beybladefanboy]

Top 5 Favourite Beyblade Characters

Random and unasked for but I figured I would talk about my favourite characters in the Beyblade Metal Saga.

#5 A tie between Chris and Hikaru

Chris

I’m putting these two in the same spot because I wanted both of them to be on this list and a “top 6” doesn’t have as good of a ring to it as a “top 5.” Anyways, the first time I watched Metal Fury, I didn’t care much about Chris. Now however, I find his arc of being stuck in a job that brings him no joy to be incredibly relatable. His lack of passion for Beyblade makes complete sense: the fun of the sport was completely sucked out when it became an obligation for him and he wasn’t allowed to fight for himself. He was completely obligated to his employer and had little choice in the matter. That would suck away anyone’s passion, trust me, I know. So seeing the light return to his eyes as he rediscovered his passion for Beyblading was incredibly satisfying.

Hikaru

A lot of the appeal of Hikaru is admittedly that she is a female blader, and yeah, it is great having a strong female character. (We need more of those) What’s great about Hikaru however is that she isn’t just a token girl character or a mary sue: she is treated the same as any other blader and is allowed to fail and feel emotions without being degraded. I like that we even see a bit of her backstory where we learn that she is driven to be the best blader because of her likely deceased mother’s words. It’s a shame that she quit Beyblade due to her trauma but I also think it’s understandable and that it was interesting to explore that trauma. The moment that broke my heart rewatching Metal Masters was when Hikaru sees Dark Tsubasa and is paralyzed by terror, clearly remembering what Ryuga did to her. Beyblade’s most powerful scenes to me are the ones that delve into a character’s mind and allows me to see their thoughts and feelings. It allows me to understand and be more attached to the character and we got a lot of that from Hikaru and Chris.

#4 Yuki

Yuki is kind of underrated in my opinion but then again, so is the entirety of Metal Fury. Yuki was a really fresh character for the series. Nearly every character is extremely reckless: acting first, thinking later so it was really refreshing to see a character who overthinks everything to the point of anxiety. I just relate more to a character that doubts himself and has to fight to overcome not just the great evil but his own self-doubt and fear as well. Also, I love that scene where he fights Ryuga. He probably knows he doesn’t stand a chance against a guy like him but he doesn’t care because he’s fighting for his friends. I can relate to that. When I’m just doing something for myself, I tend to doubt and question myself but when I’m standing up for my friends, I show no mercy. So yeah, Yuki is a really relatable character, as well as a pure cinnamon roll that needs more love.

#3 Kyoya

If you asked who my favourite Beyblade character was two and half years ago, I would’ve answered “Kyoya” without any hesitation. While I do still really like him, I think his character was kind of fumbled in Metal Fury. I’ll talk about that separately though because I want this to be a positive post. Still, Kyoya is a great character. I like how he develops from a villain to that one liner asshole friend of Gingka’s. While I do like him unironically, Kyoya is honestly just funny to me. He is so ridiculously arrogant about his own skills but he actually is as good as he says he is. He’s also a tsundere. He’s absolutely a tsundere. He’s always helping his friends with whatever bullshit they’re doing: helping them infiltrate the Dark Nebula, going to look for Gingka when he disappears, helping them infiltrate Hades city, going with them to look for the Legendary Bladers, and on two separate occasions, staying behind to fight someone so the others can go forward. Even his determination to beat Gingka feels more like friendly competition than actual malice. And yet he insists he doesn’t care about them with lines like, “It’s not like I came to save you or anything.” It’s honestly kind of majestic. He’s also a complete badass. He always gets back up after a loss and fights to the bitter end and, sometimes to the detriment of himself but never his Beyblade. When Leone was on the verge of breaking to pieces in The Fearsome Libra, he forfeited the match to stop that from happening, risking humiliation and accepting defeat to do the right thing. That is genuinely admirable. It takes courage to fight but even more courage to admit defeat. Also, his fight against Ryuga in Metal Fusion is insane. Kyoya nearly falls so many times but keeps himself on his feet and rises up again. It takes being stabbed in the heart by the dark power for Kyoya to be defeated. Out of everyone, Kyoya came the closest to defeating Ryuga through sheer will and determination alone. What a badass.

#2 Tsubasa

Similar to Yuki, Tsubasa is also a pretty unique character for this series. While he is passionate about fighting like all the others, Tsubasa is much more thoughtful and cool-headed, which is appealing especially among a cast of hot-headed crazy characters. When Tsubasa is first introduced, he’s kind of a mystery. We don’t know his true intentions or alignment until we learn that he was working for the WVBA, about 15 episodes after his initial introduction. This unpredictability made him interesting to watch in Metal Fusion as I didn’t know what he was going to do next. Then in Metal Masters, he becomes even more interesting. While it was emotionally intense to watch, I think the “Dark Tsubasa” arc is one of this series’ greatest achievements. It revealed a completely new layer of personality to Tsubasa and gave him so much development. 

While he was being somewhat controlled by the dark power, it is made clear through the dialogue that that side of him was always there and the dark power just enhanced and unmasked it. He did often hide his true emotions and intentions in Metal Fusion after all. The scenes where Tsubasa interacts with his dark self are very interesting and relatable to me because I often try to hide my negative emotions and avoid situations where they might come out until those feelings fester into madness, which is essentially what Tsubasa did. However, the resolution to this arc is what makes it so special to me. Tsubasa doesn’t drive out the darkness or continue to repress it: he accepts the darkness as part of who he is because everyone has darkness in them and the way to control it is to become one with it. And in the end, he becomes a stronger blader and person as a result of this arc. This is legitimately inspiring and helpful to me. It’s important to remember that we are not defined by our worst thoughts/feelings, we are defined by how we handle them and accepting ourselves, flaws and all, is important. So really that arc alone makes Tsubasa one of my favourite characters but he also has an appealing personality as well. It’s a shame he was kind of underused in Metal Fury but I love what we got from him.

#1 Ryuga

Yeah, okay, this was obvious. Take one look at my feed or even my profile picture and you could probably guess that I love Ryuga. Two and a half years ago, I hated him with a passion but after rewatching the show again, I realized I only really hated him because of what he did to Hikaru, Tsubasa, and Kyoya which yes was horrible and I don’t condone it in any way but he was under the influence of the dark power at that point and he never does anything quite that awful again. Anyways, onto the positives. Ryuga in Metal Fusion is the best villain the show ever had. He poses a significant threat and was the first person to legitimately defeat Gingka. He’s also a terrifying sadist that cackles at others’ pain. If Ryuga had stayed like that, I would probably still like him as a character but I certainly wouldn’t have developed a crush. Damn, that would’ve been nice. But alas, even in Metal Fusion, Ryuga is somewhat sympathetic when you remember that he is just a kid and was both used by Doji and not even in full control of himself because of the dark power. He is seen trying to resist its control in the final battle after all. It’s interesting to see a character who is literally corrupted by the power he sought out and actually does learn from his mistake. In Metal Masters, he realized that humans’ greed and hatred was what caused the dark power to be so harmful and decided to draw the power from its original source, before it was tainted by humans, and became super powerful. Even if you hate Ryuga, you have to admit that is awesome. And once he stopped being a sadistic villain, he became much more unpredictable as sometimes he would even help the main heroes in Metal Masters, albeit for selfish reasons. Ryuga sort of feels like a combination of traits I liked most in Tsubasa and Kyoya. He has the unpredictability and loner attitude of Tsubasa and the confidence and determination of Kyoya. Also, I don’t think I need to say that Ryuga is a badass. That’s not even an opinion: it’s something that we all know to be a fact. I mean, this is the guy who launched his Beyblade at a floating city, wrecking it enough to send it crashing into the water and causing a reactor meltdown that nearly destroyed the earth. That last part was unintentional and in all fairness, he did help stop the end of the world, but still, he is both powerful and reckless enough to do something like that. He was kind of frustrating in Metal Fury but I did like his friendship with Kenta and while his blind pursuit of power was annoying, I gotta admire the ambition. And… yeah, I cried at his death. I cried harder at that than anything else in this show at any other point I watched it, including when I was a kid even though I knew it was coming. Even though his motivations for fighting Nemesis were far from righteous, he still died trying to defeat the great evil and his final act was giving Kenta the star fragment to give the heroes the chance they needed to win. Ryuga died a hero, plain and simple. I wish he had lived so we could see him develop even more after that moment but either way, Ryuga is a great character. He’s the best villain in season one and I love his fiery personality and aesthetic in the following seasons.

#beyblade metal saga #chris #yuki mizusawa #hikaru hasama #kyoya tategami #tsubasa otori #ryuga #ryuga kishatu #yuki #hikaru #kyoya #tsubasa #metal fury is underrated #I have my problems with it #but it's just as good as the first two seasons in my opinion

[winterscaptain]

transfer request. part three.

read part one here and part two here

a/n: this one contains smut because im insufferable so if you’re not 18+, i love you but you gotta stick to part one :) i’m so happy i got the muse for another part to this. i have a request or two in my inbox that i’m working on, but feel free to drop some more!

AO3 | Masterlist | Requests Open!

+++

Y/N’s nerves settle as Aaron steps out of the assistant director’s office, closes the door behind him, and flashes her a soothing smile. He offers YN a hand. She takes it and rise, ready for her portion of the evaluation. 

“I’m going to get Jack from school, and we’ll be waiting for you when you get home.” 

She hums, and squeezes his hand. Her heart’s been racing all morning, and she’s barely been able to focus on the consults piling up on her desk. Didn’t people have better things to do than hurt women in their free time?

Sensing her anxiety, Aaron leans close to her ear and she suppresses a shiver. “I warmed them up for you. You’ll be great.”  He presses a quick, casual kiss to her temple. “It’s just a formality – they know everything they need to.” 

He releases her as their interim section chief opens the door. So much had happened in the four months between the transfer request and the hearing to address it. The most extreme of which were the death of Erin Strauss and their recent move to the newly-purchased house on the river between Quantico and D.C. It had been hectic, but they were happy to finally know whether Y/N would stay with their work family or not. 

When she steps in and sits down, the assistant director looks friendly, albeit tired. 

“Good afternoon, Agent.” The director flips a page on his legal pad, and she catches Aaron’s name among his notes. 

“Good afternoon, sir. Good afternoon, Chief Leon.” She acknowledges both men with a smile. The interim chief is new to Quantico, but comes well-recommended. 

“Thank you so much for coming in with your consult list so long. It is appreciated.” 

Not that I had a choice. “No problem, sir. I’m excited to get things settled after...everything.” 

“That makes two of us,” Chief Leon says. “Your fortitude and professionalism does not go unnoticed, and I’ve appreciated your welcome as I’ve settled into the interim role.” 

She’s not sure, but it sounds like he put a little too much emphasis on interim. Letting it go, she reminds herself that she’s not here to profile but rather to discuss a rapidly-approaching marriage to one Agent Aaron Hotchner. “I’m so glad, sir. I think I can speak for the team when I say the BAU is proud to be under your leadership, no matter how temporary or permanent.” 

The assistant director finally finds his footing in his notes and looks up. “Alright, to the situation at hand. How long have you been in a relationship with Agent Hotchner?” 

Over breakfast that morning, she and Aaron had bounced their answers off each other, just to make sure everything was lined up for the bureaucratic nightmare that was a formal hearing. “Just over two years, now.” 

“Did you disclose your relationship at the time of its inception?” 

“No, sir.” It hurt to admit the flagrant policy violation, but it seemed reasonable at the time. 

“You are aware that this is not bureau policy, especially seeing as Agent Hotchner is your unit chief.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

There’s a pause, and the two men look at each other. Interim Chief Leon takes over. “Because we have evidence that your conduct in the field remained unaffected, we have decided to overlook that policy violation. Your team has also advocated for you – Agent Morgan specifically remarking on your,” he checks his notes, “admirable dedication to the team and the support you offer to your unit and unit chief in high-intensity field operations. Agent Jareau spoke of your compassion and patience with the families of victims, and Dr. Reid emphasized the importance of your skillset with children and adolescent psychology. Agent Prentiss also complimented your cohesive work style and support of your unit chief, even in disagreements. Your team is very loyal, and you should be very proud.”

“Thank you, sir.” The tone and company in the room require short and simple answers, but she so wants to defend her decision to maintain the privacy of their relationship. She laces her hands in her lap to keep from fidgeting. 

“I am continually impressed with the results of the BAU’s fieldwork, and desire to disrupt the team as little as possible so you may continue your high-performance in the field.” The assistant director’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

“Thank you, sir.” 

“You are to remain on assignment with the BAU until the re-evaluation of your contract in...” He checks the copy of your contract underneath his legal pad. “three years and four months.” 

Remain on assignment? “Thank you, sir.”

Everyone stands, then, and she shakes hands with both men before leaving the assistant director’s office. 

If I’m staying, and Aaron didn’t say anything about leaving, then who’s flying the plane? 

+++

When she steps into the house, she can hear Aaron and Jack playing video games in the playroom. The sun had yet to set, and she revels in the rare opportunity to share daylight with her family. 

Y/N leans against the doorframe as Jack continues to slaughter Aaron in Mario Kart. They’re both sitting cross-legged on the floor, holding the same posture right down to the slight tilt of their heads to the left. 

They still don’t notice her after about ten minutes, so she flops down and stretches her torso across Aaron’s lap so her head falls into Jack’s. Jack’s little hands immediately fall into her hair, fingers tangling in whatever he can find.

Aaron lets the controller drop to the floor and stretches his hands to cover a broad swath of her abdomen. His fingers reach from her hip to just under the underwire of her bra.  

“What kind of trouble are you getting up to in here?” 

Jack giggles and she smiles up at him. He’s upside down from this angle, but he’s still the cutest boy in the world. 

“Daddy sucks at Mario Kart.”

Aaron’s hair flops into his eyes as he releases her and reaches over you to tickle Jack. “Hey!” 

Y/N laughs and rolls over onto the floor, snatching Jack away from his father by the waist. “C’mon Jack! Run!” 

Jack grabs her hands and they run down the hallway, Aaron hot on their heels. Both she and Jack are crying with laughter at this point, and she stumbles as they turn into the living room, slipping on the hardwood in her socks. 

Aaron takes advantage of her momentary weakness and pounces, caging her in his arms as he tackles her to the couch. Jack jumps on the both of them, and they rest there for a moment, Aaron half on-top of her with her head pillowed on his arm and Jack clinging to Aaron’s back. 

The huge couch was a good investment. 

“Hey, Y/N, wanna know something cool?” Jack’s little head tips up and she brushes some caramel hair out of his eyes. It seems to get darker by the day. He needs a haircut. “Always! You know how much I love cool stuff.” 

“Dad said he got a new job and that he doesn’t have to go away so much and he’ll pick me up from Aunt Jessica’s every night before dinner.” 

She raises her eyebrows and brings a hand to Aaron’s hair. His head is burrowed in her shoulder, absolutely hiding from her prying gaze. “Oh?” 

“He also said he and Uncle Dave would help coach my soccer team and I said you can do that now because you have a ring like the other moms.” 

That draws a smile from her, and she pulls both of her Hotchner boys close, squeezing them and kissing their heads. “Let’s get dinner on, my loves.” 

+++

When Aaron tucks Jack into bed that night, she hangs back at the door. There is nothing quite like watching Aaron with Jack. They’re like different-sized versions of the same person, though there is a good deal of Haley in him. His smile, especially – wide and friendly – reminds Y/N of her often. The framed photos around the house are the strongest recollections of her. Y/N's favorite sits on the mantle with a dried rose from the funeral. It was the first thing she and Aaron unpacked, and Aaron spent many minutes standing before it, barefoot, with her tucked under his arm. 

“Do you think she would be happy?” Y/N had asked. 

He nodded, wordlessly. “She told me she was when I coded in surgery last year.”

She looked up at him, swallowing thickly when she remembered how close they were to losing him. 

Aaron snorted, changing the tone. “She also told me I’d be a fool and an idiot to let you go. She wasn’t surprised when I told her I already knew that.” He adopts her countenance for a moment, imitating her. “Well of course you know, Aaron. Knowing and doing are two very different things.” 

Y/N greets that picture every time she walks into the house. Haley, Jack, and Aaron from a decade ago smile back at her. It was their first picture taken as a family: Jack was barely three months old. The newest family photo sits beside it, Y/N’s eight-week (and most recent) ultrasound photo stuck haphazardly into the frame. 

As Aaron leans up, she crosses to Jack’s bedside and kneels. The boy reaches for her, and she gathers him into a hug. “How much do I love you, my Jack?” 

“More than the whole world,” he says, rote. She had shared that exchange with him long before she and Aaron started seeing each other, and they found it silly to stop now. 

She breathes him in, kissing his temple and tucking him back in. 

When she and Aaron finally rise and turn the light off, Jack is nearly asleep. 

Safe within the confines of the bedroom they share, she raises her eyebrows at Aaron as she removes her shirt to change into pajamas. His eyes catch on her lace-clad chest and she takes the opportunity to change the subject. “New job?” 

He huffs and flops on the bed, his shirt only half-unbuttoned, belt in-hand and slacks unzipped. “I didn’t expect him to spring that on you.” 

She sits on the opposite edge of the bed and slips her pants off, leaving her only in your matching “I’m going into a scary meeting” set of underwear. Today may have been the last day she could wear them for a while. She leans back, landing next to him and carding her fingers through his hair.

“You didn’t answer my question.” 

“They offered me the section chief position,” he mumbles into the comforter. 

“Aaron! That’s huge!” She shoves at his shoulder and he groans, rolling on his side. She’s almost distracted by the adoring, soft look in his eyes. “Are you going to take it?” 

“I asked for the week to decide, but it was just a formality. It’s time, I think, to be home with Jack more.” He reaches up, taking her chin between his thumb and forefinger. “And I wanted to keep you on the team.” 

She rolls her eyes good-naturedly. 

“The pay increase certainly doesn’t hurt, either,” he adds with a laugh. 

She makes herself busy with the remaining buttons on his shirt, and ruck up the tails from his slacks. “Do you get to keep your office? Who’s the new unit chief?” 

He laughs again. So many questions. “No, Emily gets my office as the new unit chief under my recommendation. But I get to keep the furniture.” 

“Emily?!” Her rapid blush overrides the excitement for her friend. A smirk crosses her face. Aaron’s mirrors yours, and they’re both thinking of one particular late night on the desk a few weeks ago. “That’s good at least. I’d like to be able to sit at her desk and look her in the eye at the same time.” He kisses her soundly. “That would be useful.” 

She reaches for him and wiggles into the middle of the bed. “I’ll miss you.” She grins against his mouth. “I’ll miss you in that vest, too.” 

He rises fully then, removing the rest of his clothes. She lifts her arms above her head, reaching for him across the bed, looking at him upside-down. He roughly grabs her wrists and firmly tugs her closer to him. 

She finds herself quickly surrounded by him, not an inch of her skin left untouched by kisses and caresses. 

+++

When he’s finally inside her, and they breathe and kiss and laugh together, they can finally relax. She’s home, he’s home. The life they share together will be one marked with joy, with patience, with understanding. 

“I love you,” she says with a gasp as he pushes deep into her, her back arching under him. 

“There aren’t words, my love. None.” 

He pushes her to your climax with a thumb on her clit, buried deep within her. She sinks her teeth into his shoulder. He follows quickly with a few sloppy thrusts. He doesn’t move even after a few minutes, still completely blissed-out, and she laughs.  

She kisses his sweaty forehead, her fingers still tangled in his hair. “So do I get to call you Chief Hotchner when I’m mad at you now?” 

He laughs, but it’s cut short by his groan and her hitch in breath when he finally pulls out of her. He takes a moment to recover, pressing his forehead to her chest. “I think,” he says after a moment, “you can stick to Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Benjamin Hotchner, Juris Doctorate for occasions like those.”

At her giggle, he continues. 

“While a mouthful, it’s quite effective at getting my attention.” 

“I’m so glad to hear that. I would hate to know I’m losing my touch.”

They tuck themselves neatly under the covers, not bothering to clean up. It’s laundry day tomorrow, after all. When she curls against his chest, he covers her hand where it rests over his heart. 

tagging: @arganfics @quillvine @stxrry-ixn @ange-must-die

#aaron hotchner x reader #hotch x reader #criminal minds x reader #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner imagine #criminal minds fanfiction #hotch #tali writes fanfiction #updated june 20th

[datninjalyfe]

Not Without You, Chapter 1

Chapter 1: The Dream

The sound of a loud explosion echoed through the training room of U.A.  The students watched as an intense light detonated before them, igniting a fiery ball of yellows and oranges, billowing upwards into a large cloud of smoke that blocked their target.  A few screamed from the sound, covering their ears from the deafening sound and blocking their faces, awaiting the extreme and violent reaction that followed. The ground shook, breaking apart under their feet.  

Uraraka, despite the ringing in her ears, lifted her feet in the air, touching as many people as she could around her to lift them out of harm’s way.  She called out to Izuku, who had jumped into the air, levitating above the debris from the eruption.  He used black whip to catch a few students—Aoyama (who graciously thanked him by batting his eyelashes) and Mineta who was caught flying from the initial blast.  

“Shinsou, stop him!” Izuku yelled, but when Shinsou’s binds reappeared from the smoke, the ends were completely burned.  Shoto put up an ice wall to protect Mina, who had become slightly injured from the initial attack; Momo had made several grenades of her own, throwing them at the unseen, unmarked target.  The sounds of the grenades echoed across the training facility and for several seconds, it become completely silent.  Izuku landed his feet on the ground, looking into the large cloud of smoke with the rest of the class.  Concern itched across his face, but he didn’t move.  The classmates that Uraraka had lifted into the air were released, crashing down to the quaked floor.  

“Did—did I get him?” Momo said, panting with her gashed cheek beginning to bleed profusely.  

“Not quite.” growled a voice.  Katsuki Bakugou emerged from the smoke, his body completely untouched, completely unscathed by any of their counter attacks.  His clothes were rags that limply hung from his body.  In his hand, he held one of Momo’s grenades.  Looking shocked and angered she moved towards him, but he pulled the pin and crushed it before it discharged, but before it could do any real damage, he inhaled deeply the tiny pop through his fingers.  He slipped his hand into his pocket before smiling menacingly at his classmates.  

Aizawa emerged from the smoke as well.  “That,” he said in his monotoned voice, putting a hand on Katsuki’s shoulder. “—was an ultimate move.  Both offensive and defensive.  The rest of you could stand to learn something from that.  Good work, Bakugou.” He added under his breath, “You scary little shit.” but walked away as the smoke from the room cleared.  

“Damn, Bakugou!” Kirishima said, running up to his friend.  “That was awesome, you totally could have killed someone!”

Katsuki exhaled a hot breath.  His body was completely spent from that move—his quirk would need at least an hour or so to regenerate.  He shivered slightly, and Kirishima handed him his jacket that he had tied around his waist.  He covered himself, not used to the cold.  Still, he smiled: his hard work at his work study agency finally paid off.  

“It’s detrimental,” Katsuki was warned by his mentor.  “So be careful where and how you use it.”  

Katsuki studied incredibly hard, watched video after video of bombs, studying all of his notes on how they worked, even asking a few of the teachers countless questions to turn himself into one.  It finally paid off—in truth, he felt a little badly that some of his classmates had gotten hurt, but he had told them he was working on something, an ultimate move that would put him well-above the rest.  He watched Uraraka help Iida to his feet; he watched Tokoyami’s Dark Shadow discuss strategy with him; he watched Mineta try and sneak up on Hagakure and Jiro put him in place.  His eyes wandered around the room and shifted entirely when he saw a bit of green hair poke up from the rubble.  

Shit! he thought, No!  Don’t look! But it was too late.  Izuku’s hair was always a mess—the curls weaved themselves into a tight knot atop his head.  Izuku hopped up, Katsuki could see in his periphery that Izuku used a bit of float to leap himself up onto the platform.

Directly in front of Todoroki.

Anger flared inside of Katsuki.  He silently just watched from afar as Shoto’s arm had extended, touching a light scratch on Izuku’s forehead.  Katsuki was out of heat entirely after the training, but he could hear his heart pounding loudly in his ears as he watched Shoto’s mouth gently touch Izuku’s.

Fucking bastard, Katsuki thought, not sure who it was directed at, himself or Shoto.  The two pulled apart quickly and then chirped on about something Katsuki couldn’t hear.  Shoto looked in Katsuki’s direction like he could feel the intensity of Katsuki’s gaze in his periphery and smirked.  He wrapped an arm around Izuku and kissed his forehead again before lightly brushing his finger across Izuku’s nose and kissing him again.  

“If only I had killed him.” Katsuki whispered.  Kirishima gave him a knowing look and Katsuki was almost thankful to see Kaminari running up to both of them.  

“Way to go, man!” Kaminari forced Katsuki to avert his eyes.  “You looked like a real bomb, I thought you had blown yourself up, for sure!”

“That’s because you’re a moron.” Katsuki said.

“Get cleaned up, we’re doing Tokoyami’s ultimate move next.” Aizawa informed the class.  “Bakugou, sit this one out.” Katsuki opened his mouth to argue, but Aizawa just held up a hand and said, “I swear to God, if you say one fucking word, you’ll sleep outside.”

Katsuki shut his mouth, not sure if Aizawa fully had the authority to do so, but the short break gave him a moment for his quirk to return.  

And it also gave him an excuse to watch Izuku.  Uninterrupted.

Until his phone chimed. Another match?  he asked himself as he looked down at the notification: he’d downloaded quite a few dating apps, but really had no interest in pursuing another relationship after the failed attempt with Izuku a little over a year ago.  It didn’t matter really—most people knew these apps weren’t for dating.  Not that he’d want to date any of them.  Once he turned 18, there really was not stopping him. His taste varied from girl to girl (“Woah, you’re back to being a closeted gay?  Does it count as being closeted if everyone already knows?” “Shut the fuck up, Yoyo, just help me make a profile.  Aren’t you gays good at this sort of thing?” “You’re one of us, asshole!” *dodges attack from Katsuki* “ONE OF US! ONE OF US!”).

A pretty girl appeared on the screen: I T ’ S  A  M A T C H! Katsuki refreshed him memory of who she was, swiping through the pictures on his phone of her—a local girl who went to a college not far from where they were.  She had soft features and long hair that covered most of her face.  Her slim waist held an enormous rack, but he wouldn’t have matched with her because of that.  As he flipped through the pictures, he didn’t remember swiping right on her at all.

Until he got to the one picture where he could see her eyes.  They were a deep, forest color that stopped him in his tracks.  They were clearly contacts as he noticed her eyes in the other pictures were bluer.  But this picture—they were a bright, grassy earth tone.  

“Damn, she’s hot as fuck, where’d you find one like her?” Kaminari said, looking over his shoulder at his phone.  “Those can’t even be real!  What’s her name?”

“Don’t know.” Katsuki said, shooting her a quick message: Dtf?  “Don’t care.”

“You could at least act like being an adult is hard for you.” Kirishima said. “I’ve barely been an adult for a month and it honestly sucks ass—,”

A response from the girl: At least take me to dinner and a movie first! He rolled his eyes, but messaged her back with: Only if you wear those green contacts. He waited a few moments before he got a picture message.  The girl had one of her eyes closed, but the other wide-open and so perfectly green.  The contacts looked a little different in this lighting, not nearly as bright, but it would do.  Good enough for you?  He smirked and responded: it’ll do.

Kirishima and Kaminari exchanged looks before one of them told him, “Alright, man, I mean, as long as you’re staying out of trouble and you’re happy, then have fun I guess.”

Katsuki put his phone back in his pocket, ignoring his friends when Sero and Mina came over. Instead, he looked over at Shoto and Izuku.  Shoto’s arm was still wrapped around Izuku’s waist as Izuku punched the air and laughing in his little awkward way and Uraraka ran over to him, the two giving each other high fives and jumping in the air.  I’ll never be happy. Katsuki thought, a quick flashback crossed his mind—a clear image of Izuku looking out at a perfect beach sunrise.  His green, unkempt curls tousling in the wind, his freckles darkly splattered across his face.  As if in slow motion, Izuku’s body turned, showing Katsuki a smile that he would kill to see again.  

Now, over a year later, Izuku smiled for someone else.  

I’ll never be happy again.

---

Izuku crashed onto his mattress after the long day of combat training, completely spent.  Especially after that crazy attack from Kacchan—

NO! he warned himself.  It hurts, don’t think about it.  But it was hard not to admire the dedication of Katsuki to push his quirk like that.  It must’ve taken so long to learn it, let alone master it the way he had.  Katsuki was willing to go through all of it for the sake of pushing his quirk to the absolute limit.  

He was willing to go through so much for you, too.

After Izuku’s failed relationship with Katsuki, Izuku needed to take some time for himself.  He had thought about Katsuki often, even tried to see him outside of school hours just to talk, but Katsuki wanted nothing to do with him.  Frequently, the two would pass each other—Izuku could feel Katsuki’s heat of his quirk.  He’s still upset. He wanted to call out to him, to talk to him, but after several attempts to do so, he came to the realization that Katsuki had moved on from him.  He also left campus every Friday and rumor had it that he was meeting other people.  He tried to not listen to such things and focus on his current relationship, but his mind went back and forth until he finally rationalized the breakup: “I would have loved you had you been kinder, Kacchan.” Izuku knew he was intense, feeling things so deeply that at first Izuku mistook the intensity for passion—but the flame that held their relationship together didn’t hold for long enough.

“Dammit, stop!” he yelled into the pillow he placed over his face.  Izuku took his advice and to distract himself, he scrolled through his phone, rereading some of the more recent messages from Shoto.  It read things like: In a world full of darkness, you are my beacon of light.  It made Izuku smile at least, despite the text being as cliché as it was.  His relationship with the youngest in the Todoroki member was (using no other word for it) perfect.

Shoto was the ideal boyfriend.  He was insanely smart, extremely perceptive, not to mention incredibly handsome.  His body was slim, but toned, his muscles outlining his slender frame.  His duo-chromed eyes made Izuku weak at the knees, despite having an almost naturally nonchalant gaze to them.  He was gorgeous, split precisely down the middle.  The curtains also matched the drapes, which didn’t surprise Izuku too much, as his pubic hair was a deep green and tangled up like the madness that sat atop his head.  Shoto was sweet to him as they hardly ever argued.  And when the two did start exclusively dating, it didn’t take long for them to start exploring each other entirely.  They hadn’t had sex yet—Shoto said he wanted to at least wait until after graduation, which Izuku respected.  

The two spent the weekends together most of the time.  After seeing Shoto’s mother would head to his home, eat with his family and when they were alone, would kiss each other, touch each other a little, fooling around before falling asleep next to each other.  It was a routine and Izuku couldn’t help but feel that Shoto had penciled him into his mental schedule, sectioning off a piece of every Saturday for Izuku.  

Izuku’s eyes became heavy as he scrolled through more lyrical lines of clichéd poetry Shoto had sent him. Sleep pooled at his eyelids, dragging them down in slow blinks.  His breathing slowed, inhaling and exhaling deeply, soothing him with each rise and fall of his chest.  With each blink, he was entranced by a dream: arms lightly wrapped around him, soft breaths in his face and Izuku knew he was asleep too.  He…?  I’m alone.  There was a feeling of permanent warmth that surrounded Izuku.  His eyes would suddenly open and Izuku was alone, back in his room, but then doze off, back into his luxurious, comforted subconscious. Izuku was fully awake here, not feeling tired at all.  Strange…I know I’m dreaming…Izuku turned his body, and closed his eyes, kissing the forehead lightly of the man that held him.

“Hmmm?” a gentle response that echoed in Izuku’s thoughts.  It was a deep sound, but lazy and resonated through Izuku.  He couldn’t make out a voice, nor a real figure—just a shadow entity that encased around Izuku, overtaking his thoughts and feelings.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” Izuku heard himself say, being fully submerged underneath a hard weight, not being able to tell if it was physically or mentally heavy.  

“Sure you didn’t.” the voice said, a tone of sarcasm.  There was a light kiss from the shadows in the dark room that Izuku was brought to. Lips plump and wet, like kissing a misty cloud.  Izuku raised his hands above his head.  Pin me down…Izuku thought loudly and suddenly, two hands pushed him into the bed, holding on to his wrists in a bind.  Izuku gasped.  Can….can I control this dream?  

“Oh, you like that, huh?” the words seemed to ring in Izuku’s head when the man said it, but the kissing didn’t stop.  Izuku opened his mouth, their tongues slipping along one another.  

“Mmmm…” Izuku groaned loudly, running his hands through his rough hair before sliding his hands down the sides of the body that lay above him.  This feels so real.  Izuku panted hot breaths.  His heart pounded hard against his ribcage.  The two fooled around, explicitly exploring each other’s bodies.  

“Tell me you want me—,” he heard a voice growl at him.  

Is that….?  No, it can’t be…

“Deku.”

Izuku’s eyes opened instantly, sitting up straight up in his bed.  Beads of sweat dripped down his face, his temperature rising substantially throughout his body.  He frantically searched for his phone and once he had calmed himself, he did a couple minutes of research until he came across the words “lucid dream.”  

It was the first time he’d thought about Katsuki—really thought about him—in months.  No, not him.  Izuku thought.  Not him.  Not now.  Not after all this time.  But he couldn’t shake it.  

I need to have that again.

(next)(all)

#bakugou katsuki #izubaku #bakudeku #deku x bakugou #bakugou x midoriya #izukatsu #izuku midoriya #katsudeku #deku x kacchan #dekukacchan

[need-a-new-hobby]

Lucky

note: i hate what i’m about to write but it’s important for the plot. i hate this. pure angst and love for garcia // it is important to know i will not be focusing on the episode, just on the absolute ball of eccentric sunshine that is penelope freaking garcia 😍😍also a certain cute detective makes spencer subtly jealous.

Another sunny day. After receiving multiple good morning texts from Piper (who is an absolute goofball that should not be allowed near her phone at 5:30am) Penelope got up from her lavender scented sheets (a gift by Emily that kept on giving) and trudged her way to the shower. She grabbed her mug of the day and left for her favourite coffee shop down the street. She greeted Allison (who definitely works too much) and waited patiently for her bean juice until she heard mild swearing from behind her. A VERY handsome man slammed his fingers into his keyboard, cursing at his laptop. Allison’s outstretched hands shook her from the very dirty scene her imagination would have created. As she walked past, she halted behind the man hitting his keyboard. “I got a polo mallet in my trunk. Maybe you should give it a shot?” She joked before seeing the very grim face on the young man. “Sorry, none of my business.” As she made to leave, he started,

“3 hours.” Penelope stopped, turned and tilted her head. “Just froze up on me.”

“You didn’t save...Who has time to save these days with the kids and the rap music?” She approached the man and peered at his laptop, her cheek inches away from his. 

“You have a polo mallet in your trunk?” He asked the blonde examining his laptop.

“Small one.” She admitted. “May I?” The young man got up, allowing her the seat. “Oh, figures. Windows. Temperamental.” He watched her fingers flutter over his keyboard and chuckled as she exclaimed, “Et voila!” Penelope got up from the seat, grabbing her bags and wished him luck but as she left, he introduced himself.

“James, James Baylor. My friends call my Colby.”

“Penelope. Garcia. My friends call me wonderful. And Garcia.” He chuckled again. My God, he was beautiful. And then he did something that very rarely happened in her itty bitty life. He pulled out his card and offered her lunch. Penelope felt her face light up and she scribbled her own number on his paper napkin. 

She felt giddy as she walked into the BAU with her untouched cup of coffee. Derek glided behind her, as he did so irritatingly, saying, “Good morning, princess,” receiving only a curt good morning in return. “Pump. Your. Brakes,” said he in that smooth voice he had and beckoned her closer. “Every morning I say good morning. Every day you say I’ll show you a good morning hot stuff. Every day. Not today?”

“I hate profilers. You know that?”

“Spit it out.”

“Fine. I met a guy.”

“You did what?” Derek’s eyebrows reached outer space. “Where?”

“Coffee shop. Smoking hot. I fixed his computer and then he asked for my number.”

“And you just--”

“Gave it to him. Did I mention he was smoking hot?” Derek smiled at her.

“Yeah. Ok. It happens.” Derek made to leave, until Garcia continued.

“No it doesn’t. Not to me. Not like this.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not the girl men see across a smoky bar and write songs about. No-- I do just fine, it just takes a minute, you know.”

“Ok, so what's the problem? You think it's all happening a little too fast or something?”

“Yes. I--I don't know. Maybe. What do you think?” 

“I think you should always trust your gut, So sure, if he seems a little too smooth Or maybe even a little too smokin' hot, Then maybe you should walk the other way.” Before Garcia could reply, JJ marched past. 

“Hey, we got a bad one.”

“How bad?”

“Florida.” Derek sighed heavily. Piper slowly sunk into her chair, Spencer watching her carefully. Rossi and Hotch glanced through the file as Derek and JJ filed in. 

“Bridgewater, Florida. Local girl, Abbey Kelton, 19, Left her parents' home to go to the local junior college. She never came home. 3 days later, joggers found her-- Part of her-- In a nearby park.” Piper didn’t flinch as a mangled body flashed on the screen. 

“Jesus, the unsub did that?” Piper whispered.

“She was found in what the locals call Alligator Alley.”

“Forensic countermeasure? Leaving her to the alligators, letting them destroy the evidence for him?”

“Now I don’t feel so bad about my alligator wallet.” Emily murmured.

“Alligators didn't cut off her fingers, slit her throat, or carve this into her chest. An inverted pentagram,” Hotch remarked.

“Pentagrams were used symbolically in ancient Greece and Babylonia, and are used today as a symbol of faith by many Wiccans, but they’re notoriously linked to Satanism. Éliphas Lévi called it evil whenever the symbol appeared the other way up. Much like the swastika used by both Hindus and Nazis.”

“Was this a part of your history course?” Derek joked.

“Actually it was the only way my senior classes would pay attention to me. Parents didn’t like it.” She did that smile where she looked like a very polite cat.

“Some things never change.” Rossy grimaced.

“Killer satanic cults don't exist,” Emily informed him. “They were debunked as a suburban myth.” She just blinked as Rossi stared at her. “What?”

“Rossi’s the one that debunked them,” Spencer pointed out and Piper stifled a laugh behind her hand.

“Oh. Right. Well. Thanks.” He nodded at her before quickly continuing,

“Well, cult or not, the killing was highly ritualised.”

“That’s not the only bit to be worried about. These cuts are precise. This guy’s professional.”

“Okay, so satanic cults don’t exist, but satanic serial killers do.” 

Rossi simply made his exit, dramatically quoting, “Lasciate ogni speranza ch'entrate.”

“Thanks for clearing that up.” Piper laughed.

“He’s quoting Dante’s Inferno.” She got up from her chair, careful not to lean on her right hand, Spencer about to push off from his seat to help her. Matching Rossi’s intonations, she translated, “Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.”

“So that’s a yes.”

JJ, Rossi and Morgan went to see the family. Prentiss, Hotch and Reid went to see the body. Piper was alone, again, pinning up pictures of more victims. “Can’t believe somethin’ like this could happen in Bridgewater.” Piper whipped her head around to see the young detective looking at her.

“Trust me detective, the chances of this happening again are very low. And we have a very high success rate.”

“I hope so. How many victims you usually get before...” He trailed off, hanging his head. Piper flitted over, pressing a hand to his shoulder gently. 

“With cases that are called in this early, best case scenario is two.”

“And worst case?”

“Three. Detective, trust us. We’re good at our job.”

“If you’re so good, why are you in here pinning pictures?” The detective closed his eyes. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

“I got shot. In the line of duty. Bullet lodged in my shoulder. No exit wound so...” She cleared her throat. “I’m too stubborn to leave behind at HQ, but my boss is too stubborn to let me in the field. So I feel just about as useless as you do. But we’ll get him. We always do.”

“Listen, you need any help with this board?” Piper smiled at the detective and finally, she didn’t feel so alone.

She watched them discuss the most recent development. 10 fingers-- ugh. It was too gross to think about. Every time you think you’ve reached the peak, it just gets worse. "So we need to ID the new finger prints. I'll get Garcia on it." Her shoulder throbbed as she talked to Garcia, pain and guilt and self-hatred swirling up her throat. She flipped her cell shut and felt like vomiting.

"Here." The detective offered a bottle of painkillers. "My dad had a GSW to his leg, the painkillers helped."

"Thanks," she took the bottle. "I never caught your name."

"Andrew. Andrew Lisbon. My friends call me Drew."

"Piper." She extended a hand, smiling. "Piper Bishop. My team calls me Pipes."

Spencer watched the interaction between you and a fairly handsome detective intently, until Rossi pulled him out into consciousness.

^-^

Garcia tapped the answer button with the top of her pen."Hear ye, hear ye, the Honourable Penelope Garcia presiding. Speak and be heard."

"Uh, it's Colby. We met this morning. You fixed my laptop."

"Yeah. Uh, hi. H-How's it going?"

"Great. Thanks to you."

"Heh. Just happy to be of service."

"You know, I was wonderin' if you'd let me make that thank-you lunch a dinner."

"You really don't have to do that."

"I know, but I'd like to. I'm askin' you out, Garcia. Tomorrow night."

"Tomorrow night? Tomorrow night. Tomorrow night. You know, I would love to, But I am coming down with something."

"Are you ok?"

"Y-Yeah."

"Maybe some other time when you're feelin' up to it."

"Yeah. That-- I have your number."

"Feel better. "

"Thanks." Garcia's attention fixated on her screen as she tossed the number into her bin, watching the fingerprint recognition software working its magic, then with a practiced flourish, dialled Derek.

"Hey, what you got for me, girl?"

"I just sent you 10 separate IDs belonging to the 10 fingers found in Abbey Kelton's stomach. No 2 fingers belong to the same woman."

"10. And you ID'd them already?"

"Mm. 40-Plus prostitution arrests made it easy. They worked truck stops and rest areas In the counties surrounding Bridgewater."

"Well, the unsub knows the area well."

"Clearly. Gotta go. Bye."

"Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. What, no snappy rhetoric? What's goin' on?"

 "Not in the mood." 

"Penelope?"

"Uh, that guy from the coffee shop asked me out, and I took your advice, and I blew him off."

"Oh. Um... Well, good. Smart move. Something was definitely wrong with him."

"Wow. You are some profiler. You could tell how wrong he was from what little I told you."

"Garcia, I didn't mean to--"

"I wonder was it that he was too handsome Or too interested in me that tipped you off on how wrong he was?"

"Garcia, I--"

"Just 'cause you wouldn't cross a crowded room to hit on me does not mean that a more perceptive, less superficial guy wouldn't. Hey, Derek, you want snappy? You suck." She cut the line and Derek stared at his cell for a few minutes before he put it away. Penelope sniffled before turning to her pink dustbin, pulling out the card Colby gave her, starting to dial.

^-^

"I am getting sick of these walls. Garcia just sent these through." Piper slapped the files on the desk before furrowing her brows. "Hotch just checked them. We're calling families, you're briefing the locals with Rossi and Reid. You okay?"

"Hmm? Yeah, fine. I'll get started on the briefing."

^-^

Piper drummed her fingers on the dashboard next to Detective Lisbon. "Impatient, huh?"

"I've been cooped up in your police station for 3 days." He snorted.

"They're good people."

"Oh, no!" Piper panicked. "No- no, I didn't mean-- all I meant was--" He just chuckled.

"No, I get it. Inaction makes the brain go crazy."

"Yeah."

"You get nightmares?"

"In law enforcement, doesn't everyone?" She stared out the window. "I try to deal with it. Can't say therapy doesn't work, I used to encourage it."

"You know, I did a little research on you."

"Should I be nervous?"

"No, it's all good stuff. I just figured out why you do this gig."

"Enlighten me."

"I think you do what helps the most people. So, are you?"

"I think so." The car came to a halt and the two got out to join the others. "So we doing this search party or what?"

As Piper handed out bottles, Emily poked you with her pen. "So Detective Lisbon huh?"

"Don't be ridiculous."

"What? I didn't say anything." She smiled, winningly.

"We're not high school girls anymore. I understand subtext now. And nothing's happened."

"Yet." She whispered in a sing-song voice.

"Don't make me hurt you Emily."

"What, I'm not the only one. Spencer was basically boring holes into Lisbon's head yesterday."

"I was?" Reid popped up behind them.

"Yeah. Reid, c'mon convince her to ask him out."

"He lives in Florida Em, you know long-distance doesn't work out."

"Really, what about JJ?"

"JJ's different."

"What do you mean?"

"I-I don't even know the guy."

"That's the point of dating. C'mon Reid, what do you think?"

"If you ask me…"

"Just give Emily a statistic on the probabilities of it working out."

"I can't."

"Di--Did you say you can't give us a statistic, Reid are you okay?" Piper snorted. 

"Check if he has a fever."

"I can't say because you're an outlier, Piper."

"How am I an outlier, Spence?" Emily rolled her eyes, leaving them alone.

"Because you defy the odds. Every time. You were a history teacher. You became an FBI agent. You survived a gunshot wound. You defy the odds. And-" Piper's heart kept pounding. Just say no. Say no Spence, and I'll forget him. "And anyone would be lucky to go out with you." Piper stared at him as he asked for more signatures.

^-^

Piper pinned up the latest victim on the board. Kept for 9 months and somehow, Hotch figured out that the unsub was eating them. Her cell rang and she put Garcia on speaker, who informed them that the Hazelwood Mental Institute for the Criminally Insane had a fire months ago. Bishop and Reid headed out a few minutes later, the latter driving in silence. "So you like him?"

"He's nice, cute, offered me painkillers for my wound."

"So you're gonna go out with him?" She shifted in her seat and his voice was filled with concern. "Are you okay?"

"Fine. I don't know. I'm indifferent. If he gives me his number by the end, I'll give him a chance." Reid nodded, not making eye contact. "I'm sorry." She murmured, laying a hand on his thigh. Spencer's blood rushed. "I should've told you, but you were all so busy, and I was alone-"

"You shouldn't feel alone. Ever." Spencer looked at her with those warm honeyed eyes.

"Eyes on the road Spence."

"Right."

"Why shouldn't I feel alone? Spence, I wanna be a part of the team again, but everyone's always doing something and I'm constantly left behind."

"You'll recover, quicker than you know."

"Yeah, Spence, but I won't be the same. I haven't slept right since, I feel different and my shoulder hurts at the worst times." Reid was silent.

“You haven’t slept?” He asked quietly. “Wh- Why wouldn’t you tell me that?”

“Spence-”

“No, no, you probably just didn’t want me to know, I shouldn’t prod.” Piper sighed ad he closed off. Again.

“That’s not it.”

“Then what is?”

“I didn’t want to worry anyone. The last thing I need right now is someone breaking down my symptoms. Look, I’m going to therapy, I’m eating healthier, I’m taking my meds, and I’m going to be fine.” Spencer just sat there solemnly, trying to ignore the soft hand still on his thigh. 

They pulled up besides an old institution and Spencer raced to the other side to help Piper out. “Why do we always have to go to these places when it’s dark? I feel like I’m in a horror movie.” She heard Spencer chuckle besides her. “Don’t laugh,” she pushed him with her good arm, continuing,” I hate horror movies.”

“Okay, fine, fine. So what do you watch? Rom-coms?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“Oh, now you have to.”

“Look, it’s the doctor.” Piper sped forwards into the dark, Spencer following her.

The three of them made their way through the institution as the doctor explained their records had all suffered in the fire, with another doctor dying in it as he came back into the office when the fire alarm rang.

“Was there something his office that he felt was worth risking his life for?” She asked him

“Now that I think about it,” the doctor muttered. He pulled out a drawer and a partially burned notebook. “The grounds people found it in a tree just below his office. Jim, uh, must have thrown it out of his window Just before he...”

“Thank you, Dr Nash.” Piper clutched the book as the doctor continued. 

“I started reading. I had to s-stop. ‘The--" Uh, "the patient's symptoms go far beyond normal psychosexual, oral biting fixation of a typical 7-year-old boy.’”

“Thank you very much sir.” As Bishop and Reid left, the latter clutched a phone to his ear in the darkness.

“Rossi, we've got something.” 

“I need a name, Reid.” 

"Admitted after biting a large piece of flesh out of his 9-month-old sist-" 

:A name.” 

“Believes he is possessed by a flesh-eating demon." 

“Reid.“ Piper snatched the phone off of Reid before spitting out the name.

“Floyd Feylin Ferrell.” She snapped the cell shut.

“I was about to-”

“Sure, Spence.” Piper smiled softly at him in the darkness, clutching her shoulder gently, but the gesture wasn’t lost on him and his forehead crinkled.

^-^

She’d lasted a year before she had to throw up. Her hair was tied up, a bottle of water left on the floor next to the seat. She’d seen some creepy things, but this was the peak. As she hurled into the toilet seat, she flashed through the signs. She hadn’t even eaten the dishes at the volunteer search party and yet here she was. Hurling as though she’d eaten Tracey’s body like the rest of the search party. Having emptied her stomach, Piper gulped down the bottle of water and flushed. She heard a rap on the bathroom door. “Agent Bishop!” Gulping down more water, she opened the door.

“Detective Lisbon. I’m sorry, it just-”

“No, it’s, it’s fine. Here.” He offered her a mint. “I can’t believe that sick bastard would do something like this.” Piper popped the mint in her mouth before replying.

“I could have lived not knowing.”

“Well, at least you didn’t eat it.”

“That’s true,” she said solemnly.

“Piper,” the detective started, staring at his shoes.”How, uh... how long are you in Florida?”

“The jet leaves tonight. I’m sorry.”

“No, no. Don’t be- I just uh...” He stammered. Piper approached him, telling him to breathe and try again.

“Can I...I mean would you...like my number?” She chuckled, oblivious to Spencer and Derek watching them.

“Yes, I’d like that very much.” Piper picked up the card he offered with two fingers and popped it in her pocket.

“I’ll see you around?”

“Maybe.” She smiled at him before turning around to see Derek snickering alone. She slapped his arm with the back of his hand. As she turned over the card in the jet, Garcia was being dropped off by her date.

“I had fun tonight.” She said, turning to the handsome man dropping her off.

“Me too.” Colby said, shoving his hand into his right pocket. He stepped closer to Garcia, their faces inches apart as just as Garcia tilted her head forward, he hugged her, whispering a good night in her ear.

“Good night.” She walked away towards her door, turning back as he called her name.

“I’ve been wanting to do this all night.” He smiled before raising his gun and shooting her just above her breast. Garcia collapsed in the darkness, key in hand as the gunshot sounded out around the apartment complex.

To be continued.

#criminal minds #criminal minds x oc #criminal minds angst #bau #bau x oc #penelope garcia #agent garcia #dr piper bishop #spencer reid #spencer reid x oc #doctor spencer reid #dr spencer reid #derek morgan #agent derek morgan #chocolate thunder #jj #jennifer jareau #agent jareau #agent prentiss #emily prentiss #prentiss #agent hotchner #aaron hotch hotchner #aaron hotchner #rossi #agent rossi #david rossi #papa rossi

[kjmhj0429995486]

Perhaps a small winwin and kun college au?

okay this took me forever to get around to oops! hahahha this is honestly way too many words for nothing to really happen but I had fun writing it. would love to maybe continue this eventually!

tinder!au i guess??

kun despised the idea of dating apps. absolutely hated it. he always criticized the vanity and impermanence of meeting people online and stood by his ground that you could only find the perfect match in person. when kun created a tinder account under the influence of a few drinks and some very resilient friends on a friday night in, he still hated dating apps, but he’d admit now that maybe he was being a little early to judge.

kun wasn’t like his friends. ten lived for nights out and meeting new people and kissing boys he’d only just met. in a similar vein, lucas was always in a relationship, whether it being a fling that lasts a few weeks before he gets bored or one of his longer, more emotional engagements, kun has never known the man without someone on his arm. but kun was different. since they started college over three years ago now, he’d only kissed a handful of boys, maybe a girl or two in the beginning, and he’d only been in two relationships, both pretty long term relative to his friends. with the last one ending nearly a year ago, he couldn’t help but feel a little lonely; however, it wasn’t until the alcohol settled into his veins as he listened to stories of his friends’ most recent passionate endeavors during their guys’ night that he expressed this to anyone else.

“oh my god and then afterwards, he literally just, left me there. on the couch, naked. he didn’t even leave a blanket for me,” ten was a few shots in, speaking dramatically and drawing the most genuine reactions from his tipsy bestfriends as he spoke. “but oh my GOD did I even care after what that man had just done to me.”

kun never understood the hookup culture that his friends subscribed to, but he was happy for them; and they knew that, even if his snide remarks came off a little judgy. “i really can’t believe the situations you get yourself into sometimes,” kun laughed, shaking his head in disbelief. “like you really can’t tell me it was worth getting treated that way to have sex with someone you’ll never see again.”

“kun,” ten began, placing his hands on kun’s shoulders and looking him in the eye, feigning as much seriousness as he could muster in his current state. “you really really need to get laid already,” this made kun immediately roll his eyes and laugh softly in ten’s face. “actually you don’t even have to fuck him right away, but like you could really use a cute boy in your life, man,” he ended with a slight seriousness that hit home more than he would’ve expected. kun knew exactly why ten was saying what he was saying. obvious to his friends, he’d been really stressed lately with midterms and club activities and whatever else he managed to find to keep himself busy enough to not have time to worry about how he felt so incomplete; about how much better all the stressful things in his life would be if someone else was there to experience them with him.

“wait wait wait,” lucas intergected, his normal deep voice even more boisterous with the drinks in his system. “you should make a tinder.”

at this, ten’s eyes widened and he immediately perked up with the biggest smile on his face.

“absolutely not.” kun intended to shut this conversation down before the boys got any stupid ideas in their heads. he was a little late.

“kun pleaseeeee?” ten begged with full on puppy dog eyes. “you never know, the love of your life might be on there right now.”

kun pulled away from the grip ten still had on his shoulders and raised his eyebrows at his friends in an attempt to get his seriousness through their heads. “no way. you guys know how i feel about dating apps. i will happily wait a thousand years for the right man to meet me face to face if that’s what it takes.”

lucas was not convinced. “dude you haven’t had a boyfriend in months. literally all you do when you’re not with us is study. obviously that’s not making you any progress soulmate wise so like.. what’s the harm in giving it a go?”

neither was ten. “exactly. kun you deserve to find someone, you really do. worst case scenario you go on a couple of bad dates and we have something to laugh about, best case scenario you find someone you think you can fall in love with,” kun softens, just a bit, at the sincerity of ten’s words. for a second that is. “and yeah most of them suck but i promise there’s some high quality, top notch men on there if you look hard enough. trust me, i’ve found a couple myself,” he adds with a quick wink. when kun’s scowl returns to his face ten reverts to his previous tactic: puppy dog eyes. “pleassssse kun. you know we really just want the best for you.”

kun sighs, rolling his eyes begrudgingly at his defeat. “i can’t believe i’m saying this out loud but i guess i have been kind of lonely lately,” he begins, catching his friends’ hopeful attention. “not in like a sad kind of way but maybe in a ‘this would be better with someone else’ kind of way.”

that was enough for lucas to grab kun’s phone from its place on the coffee table and download the app before kun even had time to protest.

-

“awww he’s kinda cute.” ten said, clicking to view the full profile of a boy just a year younger than kun.

“he’s holding a dead fish.”

“you know what they say, the bigger the dead fish the bigger his...”

“literally no one has ever said that.”

“ugh fine. next.”

kun went to bed that night disappointed about to his expectations, if not a little more.

-

it wasn’t until three days later when kun was laying in bed after a busy school day that he even remembered he had downloaded the stupid app a few nights prior. after a brief battle between his strong opinions towards the dumb application sitting almost mockingly on his home screen and his skeptical curiosity, he unlocked his phone and opened the neglected app, the latter obviously winning out.

kun spent a few minutes swiping. he clicked each individual profile to get as solid of a read as he could on each guy before making his decision with a careful consideration, something he had definitely never seen either of friends apply to their tinder boy sprees. left. left. left. kun was growing ever more frustrated, none of the boys striking a chord with him. perhaps he was being a bit harsh with his standards but he really truly felt that he couldn’t see himself in a relationship with any of these men. left. left. left again. and that’s when he stopped. almost instinctively swiping on the next boy before a picture loaded before his eyes that made him rethink every criticism he had ever given his friends or their dumb app. this one was cute. more than cute. kun never really understood what the phrase “boyish charm” meant, but he knew this boy had it. he was beautiful in such an understated way. not aggressively attractive by conventional standards, but gorgeous and delicate and handsome in a way that kun thinks he could stare at for hours.

with a breath of fresh air, kun finally swiped right. he felt a brief wave of something akin to panic, or maybe excitement, wash over him when a screen he had yet to see appeared. “it’s a match! sicheng likes you too,” the screen read. kun couldn’t help the small smile that appeared on his face for a split second before he forced it into a scowl, unhappy that he had fallen into the trap of these dumb apps. soon after, kun put his phone down and went to bed. he hated the lingering curiosity about the boy that he knew nothing about, but let himself indulge in his own imagination for just a little while before falling asleep to the thought of having someone to call his.

-

the next day was busy for kun. between his four classes and studying for his upcoming midterms, he hadn’t even had a second to consider swiping mindlessly through tinder or messaging the single boy he had deemed worthy of his swipe. that was, until he was sat outside the dining hall, letting himself enjoy a few free minutes to eat dinner with ten and lucas. amidst lucas’ downward spiral into the stress of his classes and how much work he has to do, kun’s phone buzzes. he doesn’t want to be as distracted as he is from his friends’ problems by the notification his phone lights up with, but he can’t seem to fight the curiosity of what the tiny words that read “sicheng sent you a new message.” would reveal. kun decides to wait until he can give his full attention to the weird little crush that’s already begun brewing on the total stranger living in his phone. he locks his phone and puts it in his pocket before returning his attention to the people in his life he knows are actually real.

-

back in his dorm, kun immediately flops onto his bed. he scrolls aimlessly through twitter and instagram before finally landing back where he was last night. knowing that he has a ton of studying to do before bed, he clicks on the messages tab and indulges himself, maybe for a little longer than he means to.

kun: hmmm maybe if i deem you worthy

sicheng: and how do i obtain your approval oh great magician?

kun: well for starters

kun: you’re really cute so that gets your foot in the door

sicheng: 😳

kun: but it’s gonna take a little more than that unfortunately

sicheng: i can dance

sicheng: does that help?

sicheng: ooh and i have a dog

sicheng: but he lives with my parents :(

sicheng: or i can show you my anime figurine collection it’s pretty impressive

kun: haha honestly?

kun: i think you just might be worthy of two magic tricks😂

sicheng: you mean to tell me you know more than one magic trick????

sicheng: wait

sicheng: are you a wizard?

kun: not last i checked

kun: but i guess you’ll be happy to know that i actually know like

kun: 10 magic tricks

sicheng: whaaaaaat

sicheng: lol what point in your life did you not have any friends?

kun: middle school😔

kun: but it’s okay i came out stronger

sicheng: so now you have friends AND know magic?

sicheng: AND you’re hot??

sicheng: sounds kinda op to me

kun: well i’d say all of those are only kind of true

sicheng: i’m still impressed

kun: thank you

sicheng: ✌︎('ω'✌︎ )

kun absolutely hated the stupid smile that wouldn’t leave has face as he read back the boy’s replies. but, as he continued to slowly learn bits and pieces of the boy that didn’t exist to him until last night through conversation that came way more easily than he ever would’ve imagined, kun decides that maybe something special really could come from this after all.

#thank you for the request omg #winkun #winwin #dong sicheng #qian kun #kun #wayv #wayv drabbles #wayvfic #nct #tinder!au #me #college!au

[water--gang]

for now they are close here too!! I mean I can wait but you absolutely have to get your first one as soon as possible :') the choice of the studio is super important!! you have to make sure the tattoo artist has a style similar to the one you like and that they make you feel comfortable!! so think carefully <33

ooh sweetie it's totally fine to be scared!! but I don't think that I have a high pain tolerance either and I really felt nothing sjkghl (of course it's different for everyone!) and AAAH i wanted to ask you what are you gonna get!!(so please feel free to share all the tattoos you have in mind🤧) I'm so happy you're just as curious about tattoos as me lol okay so I have just 3 tattoos and they are all pretty small! the letter J (the initial of my brother), the word 'hesperus' from a poem I really like and the latin quote 'hic et nunc' (my favourite one so far but that's another story for another time fellas)

i don't actually know if they're closed here. I'm planning to message to one studio tomorrow to ask if they are open haha i don't really know... how to choose because I'm looking at everything online sjxnjs and the style... well. i have my own design and it's very very simple so i think any tattoo artist can do that? they have a couple people working in the studio, i looked thru the profiles on their site and based solely on that i liked this one lady. i also saw one of the tattoos she's done is like... just lines and not some intricate picture so yeaaa i prolly wanna go with her!

oooh those sound really nice! mine are a biT biGgEr ahhaha.

ahhhh I've loved tattoos for so long man, i can't wait to get my first one uwuwu

hmm well this first one is gonna be on my forearm, now i don't remember if that's where the pain is worst or okay sjdnjs I've looked at some many pain maps but i still don't remember smh

I'll put the tattoos under the line so people don't have to scroll so much to skip this djxndn

aight so

firstly. the one i wanna get first! also the first tattoo i came up with hehe i have pictures for like... 5/6 of them. i drew all of them on myself so they look scuffed but they'll give you the general idea yaknow

i drew this on myself like 2/3 years back. i included the second picture just cause i think it looks cool but yea the first one is the version I want. for now hehe i actually have plans for modifications i could get for this one :))

i also have recent pictures from like idk 5 days back but they include two more tattoos as well so I'll keep em for later

secondly. my finger tattoo! probably the second or third one I want to get. i say or third because I might get a matching tattoo with my best friend first. anyway here starts the theme of stars that carries over a couple of the tattoos sjdjjs

tiny and simple. but i love it! i love the stars and the moon which is why I want to have this one uwu also i love finger tattoos and this is the best I came up with jsnxn

this brings us to another one which i actually want to get at the same time as the finger one because it's gonna be on like... the thumb? it's a symbol! here I'll give a picture if the symbol only and later on I'll give pictures with it on the thumb. cause those are the ones that include the first one as well haha

these are on the left hand btw

moving on to the next one. this one is a text tattoo! a lyric tattoo if you call it that. from my favorite song uwu it will be on the right handy thumb to wrist area. i tried writing it on myself but I'm right-handed so you can see how that would go awfully sjdnns

so yea excuse the awful writing please sjnxns if you can't decipher it, it says Step out of them Voices. placed somewhere around that area, it was hard to really choose properly since I was writing with my left hand sjdnns

next up. a small one behind my ear. a lil star! yes. i love stars a lot sjxns was thinking i could get this one sometime without anyone knowing and waiting till someone notices it sjxnd i told have a picture for this one cause... yea it's behind the ear. or like you know somewhere behind there cause i just think those are cool

last but not least. the chest one! it's not like a big complex piece tho. just a sun and some stars. because. once again, i love stars sndnd and just the sky in general you know. I'm in love with the sky uwuwu which is why I have so many pictures of it on my phone from when I go on walks ahahhah

and here we have it. please excuse my awful skin jsndjd i don't expect to get all these tattoos anytime soon because of the price so I'm hoping my skin gets sorted till then you know xjdj

also apologies for how scuffed it looks jsnxnd ngl drawing on your chest is vErY hard. i drew the sun off of a reference i found but i was honestly rushing thru it cause it was... just difficult and i knew i wouldn't get it right anyway sjdnd

the placement isn't gonna be 100% like that cause once again, i drew it on myself sjxnd i want the sun on my sternum, I'd love to explain the exact place but uhh... i can't sjdjd and yea i want the eight stars around it. most likely more spaced out because I feel like this is... too close together, it would look better further away from each other. and the place for them would be like under my collarbones?? cause collarbones hurt a lot right?? ehh well I'll just have to handle it somehow. but yea! that's my six planned tattoos ahahha

now for the whole left arm. aka the three tattoos in one pictures

sorry about the even more scuffed sketch of the first tattoo jsbdns i did that during class cause I was bored and wasn't exactly trying to be precise ahhaha

but yea that's how my left arm should look after I get all of these uwu

andddd here are my plans for adding onto the first tattoo

in this picture the three lines just go all around BUT my plan isss... i want the lines to come together and intertwine on the other side of my forearm, i want them to come to one point where they're like knotted up andddd i want a flower to like rise from that point, i want it to go down to my hand, with it's end on my wrist probably, don't want to it to go all the way on the hand.

i have no idea if that was understandable enough. i suck at explaining sjdjsn but i think it would be pretty??? and i think it goes with the theme i gave it in my head pretty well

so... yea

those are my tattoo plans ahhaha i love talking about tattoos sjdjjs

sorry about the long ass post

— admin

#admin posts #i love tattoos #ask #anděl anon #cw scars #i feel like i should put that warning there just in case #they may not be that visible but they're still there so... yea just in case

[jlf23tumble]

Fic rec anon here, and I'm blanking in the moment! I know you have a lot of recs and I love them all. Maybe your favourite AUs? Broadly speaking? Seeing some of them might help jog me into more specific categories ! xx

Gotcha, sort of like my prison rec list, only I like to think of it more in terms of what would I have on my phone to read when I’m bored and traveling, lol. Obvs, this sort of list is super hard, but having it focused on AUs kinda helps? At any rate, this isn’t a deep dive, it’s just my top level, so hopefully it’ll spark you. These are in no particular order, so come back if you want more!

Tuxedo Dress-Up, by Blake (honestly, ANYTHING in this fandom by Blake, I file this one under hot and hilarious, but every line is just swooooon). Louis is an aspiring song writer by day, a makeup artist for drag queens by night, and masquerading as a full-time real estate agent for his third most famous (and first most handsome) client Harry Styles.Or, five times they fail to fuck in a closet, and one time they get it right.

Once Upon a Dream, by objectlesson (again, ANYTHING by Phoenix, and most of it is canon, but where to even start with her AUs, jesus god, I struggled to rec just one, so I went with the AU she gifted me, ilu!!!!). “M’not gonna half-ass our fake relationship,” Louis almost snaps, voice sharp with a defensive edge, like Harry wandered too close to a bruise with needy fingers. “Now kiss me again. We’re gonna make every shitty tourist here wish they had stayed in the Midwest. We’re gonna burn Disneyland down with our gay.” Or, a fake dating AU where everyone is lying and they happen to be at the Happiest Place on Earth.

knock knock, i love you, by @thelovejandles aka beautlouis (another one of my fave authors in this fandom, proof that wips DO finish, and they’re absolutely worth it). Harry and Louis get kicked out of a statistics exam for passing a knock knock joke note, and subsequently fall in love. Harry's a virgin, there's a cat, a hot cocoa date, a lot of sex, even more knock knock jokes, and everything is lovely and happy.

Tied Down, by @ham-palpert (the twists and turns here, my goddd, just masterful) The most interesting case in Liam and Niall's careers falls directly into their laps, courtesy of an epic fuck-up of one Harry Styles, partner to the almost-infamous drug dealer Louis Tomlinson. The investigation yields an unexpected yet satisfactory outcome for Liam and Niall. For Harry and Louis, however, things are far more complicated.

Alien Roadtrip! by @helloamhere (needs ao3 account; I love desert roadtrips, and this captures that vibe perfectly, plus it’s hilarious). For the first time in his life, Louis doesn’t know where he’s going. Harry doesn’t mind. Or, a roadtrip with desert feelings, too much snack food, and empty motels. Harry is definitely absolutely not an alien. That would be ridiculous.

Harry Styles Cooks..., by @magicalrocketships aka sunsetsmog (aka the very best wip on earth, I weep with joy whenever I get the notif). In which Louis Tomlinson can’t cook, there’s a very special shower curtain, and Harry Styles used to be a baker. Or Louis owns all of Harry Styles’ cookbooks, and he never intends to cook a single thing out of any of them.

just call me inspiration, by @hereforlou (in which I *am* Liam Payne, porn editor!) The truth is Louis knows he’s going to hell, if there is such a thing, but it isn’t because he writes erotic fiction for a living. If anything, it’s because his muse, the reason he’s inspired to write about people shagging in increasingly creative ways everyday, is the sweetest, loveliest, most genuine (and completely oblivious) future children-book illustrator in the world.

Buried Like Treasure, by @becomeawendybird aka quickedween (marcel marcel marcel!!!). Prince Harry Styles is very private. He chooses to keep himself out of the public eye but feels lonely and isolated while surrounded by people in his hectic royal life. When he finishes his dissertation, he decides to take a solo holiday to one of the royal family's properties in the Swiss Alps. Semi-retired thief Louis Tomlinson has been pulled in for one last job: steal a painting from an uninhabited mansion. Neither one of them expects a natural disaster.

into another serotonin overflow, by @mercutionotromeo (this story packs a LOT into a little, it helped inspire my sideblog with smaller fic recs, actually). Harry's the yearbook photographer who's been assigned to take pictures of Louis, the new captain of the football team. Harry's got a massive, obvious crush on Louis and somehow, Louis feels the same way.

Turning Page, by @daisyharry aka purpledaisy (pretty much every on-set picture I see of Harry these days just makes me tag it for this fic). “You wanna buy Harry a drink?” Louis lets his eyes drip back to Harry, to his wide eyes and the way his shoulders curve down. He really is pretty – Louis will be the first one to admit it and the last one to ever say it out loud. Louis almost smirks and his lips twitch as he tilts his head, “Not particularly, no.” An AU where Harry Styles tries to get lost in a place he’s never been. Louis Tomlinson has been perfecting the art of being lost for years. What they don’t expect to find is each other.

hush. by wankerville (this story is achingly evocative of just about every shitty small American town, but my god is it beautiful, the sweetness of how it ends). “I don't like you like that, Harry.” “See,” Harry starts, Louis can hear the smile in his voice, “that's where I think you're lying.” Or an AU where small towns suck, louis is losing it, and harry’s just too perfect.

Three French Hems, by @gloriaandrews and @100percentsassy (I wish I could pick just ONE of my top three from these two, but alas...do persimmons smell like come? discuss).  In which Louis is a designer at Burberry and Harry spends December wearing Lanvin… and Lanvin… and Lanvin.

Thought the Song Was Sung, by @gloriaandrews and @100percentsassy (see above, pretty much, and how happy I am that the tweets still show up! with Dame Julie Andrews even!!). Louis never auditioned for the X-Factor. Years later, Harry's just another gay ex-boybander who lives alone with his cat... until Niall decides to take matters into his own hands and set up a profile for Harry on a dating website.

Wild and Unruly, by @gloriaandrews and @100percentsassy (Iconic, even the abstract is iconic, everything still holds up. oh for cute, etc. etc.). Harry is a cowboy sitting on the biggest oil reservoir in Wyoming, and Louis is the paralegal assigned to pressure him into selling his land.

Are You Gonna Be My Girl? by loadedgunn (another one that inspired my sideblog dedicated to short fics! So much greatness packed in, Jesus, it’s in my top five for sure). Louis reenacts his first time, and Harry wants to be his good girl.

“burn this flame” by @rainbowninja aka rainbowninja167 (anytime I reread this, I smile...filed under hot and hilarious). When Harry gets invited to play in a celebrity charity match with Louis Tomlinson, Manchester United's star player, he's determined to impress him with brilliant football skills. The only flaw in Harry's otherwise foolproof plan? He has absolutely no football skills, brilliant or otherwise.

Challenging Nature: A Look into Male Lactation, by @jaerie (hands down, one of my fave kinks, handled fantastically well...and this isn’t the author’s only one!).  Even taking into account all the bizarre things Harry has subjected himself to in the past for the sake of an article, Harry has received his strangest assignment yet. It comes up as a random misunderstanding in a meeting and builds into a conversation — can men breastfeed? Internet searches reveal documented cases of male lactation popping up at different times throughout history, but are any of them true? Can a man will himself into lactating? Harry has two months to make it happen.

like how your hands feel me up and down, by ballsdeepinjesus (this author wrote a lot of my faves back in the day, I have so many ~thoughts about the amazing writers in this particular era). “It’s -- you’re tight,” Louis chokes. “It’s tight, I mean. It’s. Yes.” His hand is curved around his hip now, squeezing lightly. “Tight’s good, right?” Harry murmurs, batting his eyelashes. He almost can’t believe himself. “Very good,” Louis grunts. Or louis works in a halloween shop and harry needs a costume.

baby look what you've done to me, by ballsdeepinjesus (see above; even the username kills me). The next day kind of turns everything upside down, though. Louis gets another lingerie catalogue addressed to Harry. He’s about to toss it when he sees a personalized note stuck to the front; it thanks Harry for his previous purchases and offers him a complimentary six-month subscription to their magazine free of charge. Or louis moves into harry's old flat. harry gets a lot of mail.

Take Our Bodies Higher, by @littlelouishiccups (I’m something of a connoisseur of the phone sex trope, so the way this author flips it and makes *Harry* the operator plus what ensues? chef’s kiss!). Harry wasn’t often caught off guard at his job anymore. He called different men Sir, Master, or Daddy for work almost every week, but he’d never been told he was a good boy in a voice quite like that. In which Harry is a phone sex operator and Louis dials a wrong number.

Make a Dime Go One Hundred, by @screwstyles (I’d rec this for their jobs alone, but everything in it, just wow). “Do you think you could trust anyone enough to have full control over you?” he asks into the night, hoping his sentence won’t break their bubble. It doesn’t, if the way Harry’s eyes meet his is any indication.“What do you mean?” Harry’s voice is barely above a whisper, rough from the singing they had done earlier. Louis wants to keep this memory forever.“You know, if someone wanted to, uhm,” he coughs, “to tie you up, or blindfold you.” Or a friends to lovers AU where Harry volunteers to help Louis experiment with bondage. Things don’t go exactly to plan.

it ain't trickin' if ya got it, by sarcasticfluentry (needs ao3 account; I often stare at the wall and wonder what another installment in this universe would be, fuckkkkk, it’s so good, I only wish the social media was still in it). 28-year-old blockbuster actor Louis Tomlinson rushes home to give his 20-year-old model boyfriend Harry a good seeing-to after a particularly provocative Instagram post and, in his excitement, alerts the entire world. Featuring daddy kink, anal beads, and feelings.

If You Asked Me if I Love Him (I'd Lie), by allyasavedtheday (needs an ao3 account; it’s a sequel, but I reread it over and over vs. the first piece).  Or the one where Harry and Louis eloped but neglected to mention it to anyone. Meanwhile Lottie is getting married and the only way for them to not steal her thunder is by pretending they're just friends for the weekend. Featuring Harry and Louis as terrible liars who don't know the meaning of the word platonic and some Tomlinsons and Styleses who definitely don't believe them.

Damn, I could go on, but I’ll stop! My sideblog dedicated to short fics is @marathonficbreak, and it has some smaller ones, if this is too intimidating, lmao...hope some of them are new for you, enjoy!

#fic rec #long post #i do have deeper dives but this is a nice representation of my fave AUs #one direction

[a-collection-of-villainous-aus]

Coffee Au pt 2

PART 3 OF THREE

It was the end of the day, Acylius and Demencia wanted to do nothing more than just sink into one of the comfy seats and doze off but work still had to be done.

 As Flug was cleaning away mugs and other items he could still taste Black Hat on his tongue, lingering in its flavor the apple of Eden, he wanted to bite again, savor him anew but the demon was not exactly famous for being sweet so no doubt the next would be bitter…right?

 “Boy what a day, am I right or am I right tree man!”

 Acylius was silent as he looked over at Black Hat’s empty seat, he’d seen him leave, some work emergency no doubt, money had been left on the table but he’d found himself disappointed that the demon wasn’t still there demanding to be served after hours, crazy as the day had been it had actually been surprisingly fun to have him around.

 “It is strange... “

 “What that he digs you and not me? “

 Demencia teased gently nudging him.

 “Please be serious for one moment, you will not believe this, but I do feel as if I know him from some other life...there were things today that felt... so familiar.”

 Exasperation filling his voice as he walked off to pick up a latte glass that was half full, grumbling they should not order the large if they were not going to drink it all.

 “Oh, like what?”

 “Well, when we kissed after you suggested he could help...”

 Touching his lips as he looked over at the kitchen, whispering

 “It did not feel like the first time.”

 “Pffft seems I was right he wanted to lip lock and suck your soul right out of your-”

 “Demencia, that is enough!” Flug dropped the glass he was holding, it shattered across the floor spilling its cold contents, liquid started seeping through the floorboards, oh dear she realised perhaps she’d pushed a little too far as his eyes lit up and she was dragged forward Darth Vader style only without the throttling . His hand engulfed in cerulean flame, claws extended forward and with a flick she was off her feet hovering, snarling “I am trying to run a coffee shop, not a brothel while we are friends  I do not need you interfering with my love life.”

 In all her years she’d known Acylius, the lizard girl had never seen such a fire as this burning within him, damn Black Hat must have more of an effect than he was willing to admit, rolling her eyes she responded “You think you could put me down, also you old fart what love life, you’re like fifty and have boned like what …once and that was with someone who was for hire to play as Black Hat, I mean I’ve offered cause who doesn’t wanna climb that tree and sit on your branch, but you were as flustered as a sinner in church.”

(Remember demon so not like human 50 XD )

 “Woman…argh!” Acylius tried to keep a straight face, but honestly he could never stay mad at her, a chuckle left him as the demon shook his head and set her down

“You are hopeless.” “Yeah, yeah I know I’m a lost cause, but why is it so hard for you to believe he likes you?” She returned while straightening out her uniform. “Please, I do not think he would find a suitable partner in a barista who tortures people for information on the black market… holy…” Acylius went quiet and blinked looking at Demencia “Is that why the Black market is called that! My alternative profile is in that world...I need a drink ...am I working for him and not…know what no this is too much too soon, I am going downstairs, I am going to drink and torture that man until he is a bloody pile.” Demencia gave him a deadpanned expression in response “One: it is not for you to decide who he wants to bone and two: you seriously only just figured that out, you’re smart but sometimes really dumb.”

 Acylius sighed and just walked off hearing her call out after him saying “And what about this!” It was easy to imagine her gesturing towards the spilt coffee “You clean it up, ASSBUTT!” Demencia huffed; she should never have let him watch Supernatural, mocking his sentence in a whiny voice before getting to work and only smiling as she swore she could hear the muffled voice of him saying “I heard that!” Pffft of course he had, demon senses and all, it was no surprise and yes it probably wasn’t wise to try and interfere with her friends love life, especially when it left her to clean up duty instead of getting to play just how long  can we make our victim scream.

 Picking up the pieces of broken glass she paused looking out the window, wondering up on that high hill where Hat Manor sat, what the old demon was doing now, heh maybe he was even day dreaming of Acylius, that’d be pretty adorable.

 Hat manor stood silhouetted, painted on a sea of blue and purple, diamonds scattered over its surface, there was no moon tonight, though this is not what we are here to do though, while the night sky held its beauty the home held its secrets deep under the foundations. Down winding stair cases of stone, walls lined with torches that came alight as Black Hat passed them with bright emerald flames leading to a room, large extravagant, doors locked with spells reacting to his presence, opening out to show the pristine display with a red carpet. Glass cases that remained in a constant polished state appeared liquid with candle light reflecting off their surfaces, to many people these items would be considered odd in the sense they to anyone else held absolutely no value…but to Black Hat they were treasures and when each one was touched he could remember a small moment attached to each and every one of these things… Recalling how his Acylius had taught him to use a barbers blade for shaving, he himself did not grow stubble or the such unless he wanted to and he had suspected the same of his Doctor, who liked to do human things as simple as that.

It was not that he’d allowed Black Hat to shave his face that had made the memory but that he’d trusted him so close to his throat with a blade, it may not have killed him even if he’d wanted it to slit it.

Though that was the thing with anyone else he would have hacked them to pieces and laughed, in that moment he’d slowly brushed the razors edge along his flesh, intently focused on the task at hand, leaving him mesmerized at just how intimate a simple act could be and how it felt to be trusted by him.

The demon had not been down here in some time, that did not mean what was here had lost any meaning, no on the contrary  at times being here caused so much pain he could hardly bare it.

 Walking slowly through this world of past wonders, there were mannequins in neat rows wearing suits, everyday clothing to swim wear and pyjamas, some clothing items pressed into picture frames, stopping in front of one case in particular a small quirked at the corner of his lips, on a cushion sat an old tattered Bear, blue after some chemical accident when Acylius had been a child or so the doctor had told him. This was kept for more than one reason, one Acylius had loved it dearly and two even as a grown demon he’d found him sometimes napping with the damn thing tucked under his arm, apparently you could never be too old to enjoy a favored gift from the past, claws making soft tapping sounds on the glass.

“What an odd name for a child’s toy…Five o Five…then again there is that silly old bear named Winnie the Pooh…”

 He said to himself in passing thought.

Just being here already felt as if a hand had reached in around the void that passed for his heart and was slowly crushing it, glancing over at the beautiful cello he and Flug had played together, the intimacy of creating music on the same instrument so passionately had near rivaled their passion within the sheets…before you wonder yes Black Hat even had their four poster royal Georgian bed perfectly made as the doctor would have wanted it.

 Lab equipment that museums would beg to have, first edition books that could very well be the only remaining copies of the texts within some of them…yes he’d saved practically everything, did it perhaps make him obsessed…incapable of letting go, you might think so and yes it probably was the case.

He himself could not forget the way the barista had kissed him, it was a perfect match to the way his Acylius performed such affectionate acts, the same passion a memory so real and tactile rising to the surface and layering perfectly to match the movements of want. Thinking back on this afternoon as he’d sat there sipping his hot chocolate, listening at times to the inane conversation of others and hearing the name of the Café he’d failed to read the name of upon entry in favor of warmth than the cold weather. He stared at one dark oak closet a mannequin stood in there locked away, blood stained clothes, the salt of tears within the collar, even a beast could weep when its heart was broken, shoulders tensing just at the minor scent of iron and acid he adverted his gaze. Could that Barista really be Acylius Flug reborn, the man who’d lay dying in his arms , promising him he’d find him amongst the stars…rambling about artists who place their soul upon the canvas, full of hope and pain, madness full of splendid wonder and final words being of love until  there were none. Kisses upon lips that no longer held their warmth as a mournful cry left him whimpering like a child lost in the wilderness of the vast world.

 Acylius’s body no more than a limp doll that had lost its light and as with all demonic forms he turned to smoke and ash washed away with a tender breeze littered with embers while all he could do was watch.

 Even though he had barely understood what his lovers last message had been, for years he’d sought out painters who favoured the night skies, though none matched the pure emotion of which Flug had spoken until one Starry Night in France just outside the Ravoux Inn he came across such an artist. A rough looking creature really with a missing ear, in fact he’d nearly passed him until this man had grabbed his arm and Black Hat had at first thought him mad until he spoke of a spirit tall and pale, scars and ears not human and eyes so blue no matter the blend of colours he’d tried to use the ever changing hue had been impossible to match.

 Up the stairs of that humble place the artist called home he entered, moonlight pouring through an open window, curtains swaying ever so delicately behind the easel sat a canvas not long since painted on, just as promised in thick oil paints of swirling night time wonders, blacks, blues bright shining yellows in a myriad of hues there stood Acylius eyes closed within the heavens.

 “I have dreamt about this man yet I do not know what sins I have committed to bring devils and spirits at my door!” Black Hat given him a look before replying “Even Angels it would seem have mercy on a fallen devil.” He’d without second thought left a fortune upon the old bed in the artists room and taken what was rightfully his, news of his death had been reported not but a few days afterwards which even in the demons opinion was a great tragedy.

 Now on the wall here it hung still years later, framed in gold with a bench for him to rest upon, other pieces at either side by Flugs hand were portraits and sketches of Black Hat…but this one in the center had been a gift from the beyond , a promise that he was coming back.

That barista had to be him, had to be his Flug; the café was named after a painting no one but he and the painter knew about. Could it be, he’d finally truly found him amongst the stars.

(this is a poor version of the Artists work I was inspired by, especially if you figure out who I was talking about...but as my own work I like it XD)

#coffee au #paperhat #villainous au #villainous #acylius flug #Black hat

[allimariexf]

Something to Hold Onto

Happy birthday (again), @hope-for-olicity​ ! I was inspired to write you a birthday one-shot that got unexpectedly smutty 😂 This is for you. 

(Also, read on AO3) 

Oliver/Felicity, post-7x09 (loosely), rated M, FLUFF AND SMUT. 

Summary:  Oliver and Felicity may have a lot of things to talk about now that he's been released from Slabside, but three things are certain: 1) their love is as strong as ever, 2) the sex is better than ever, and 3) the hair could not grow back soon enough.

(also tagging a few others who care about The Hair @swordandarrow @babblingblondegenius @blondeeoneexox @jules85 and a whole bunch more; sorry if I forgot you or mistagged 😱)

__________________

Felicity’s loud moan brought Oliver into the living room at a run. “Felicity?”

Felicity heard the barely-contained panic, and she met his eyes from her position lying back on the carpet. “I’m okay.” She was surrounded by half-unpacked boxes.

His gaze traveled to the framed photo she was clutching to her chest. “What’s that?”

She flipped the picture over, revealing a candid shot taken at their wedding reception, of the two of them in profile looking at each other. It was an undeniably beautiful shot that managed to capture some of the intensity that always passed between them when their eyes met, but what Oliver loved most about the photo was the memory of when it was taken. After Felicity had thrown the bouquet, they had succeeded, somehow, in sneaking away to a quiet corner, just the two of them. Oliver remembered the way they had just looked at each other, taking the opportunity to really appreciate their love. Something about being surrounded by friends and family, people who knew them and loved them yet who would never come close to understanding what he and Felicity shared, what they had done and would always be willing to do for one another, had made them particularly aware of just how deep their love was. So as beautiful as the reception had been, that single moment alone with Felicity would always remain his favorite memory from that night.

Oliver crouched down next to his wife, meeting her eyes with a soft smile. “Happy anniversary. Again. Why’d you make that sound?”

Felicity scrunched her eyes and groaned again.

“Felicity?” He glanced around the room, looking for hidden threats, but everything seemed normal. Which only made him worry more. “Talk to me.” He reached down to take the photo out of her hands, but she held tightly onto it.

“No. Let me keep it.” Her tone was pouty, which went far toward easing Oliver’s mind.

“Okay. Why? Is everything all right?”

She unscrunched her eyes and looked at him seriously, releasing a long sigh. “Yeah.”

Oliver was not entirely convinced. “Felicity, I know this year hasn’t been…” he took a deep breath, hesitating on the inadequacy of words, “hasn’t been everything we would have liked it to be, but -”

“Oliver, no.” She reached out and laid her hand over his, effectively stopping his spiral. “It’s not that.” She was smiling gently at him with a mix of affection, amusement, and concern. But mostly affection.

He matched her smile automatically. “What, then?”

“Well now I just feel silly. I don’t want to tell you.”

She started to cover her face, but Oliver stilled her hands and leaned down into her space. “Felicity.”

His lips were suddenly distractingly close to hers, and her eyes traveled down to appreciate their nearness. “Mmmhmm?”

“Tell me.”

She bit her lip unconsciously as she watched him shape the words, her body responding to his closeness. It didn’t take much, lately, for the spark to ignite, and the way he was leaning over her, his heat warming her skin, his thumb brushing the back of her hand, his weight pressing her into the carpet, was enough to set her on fire. She met his dark gaze and her stomach flipped with the deep certainty that he wanted to fuck her on the living room floor, with the knowledge that she was absolutely going to let him. It was perfect. Except for one thing. She expelled a tiny breath of frustration, even as her eyes unreservedly said yes. She lifted her head to kiss him.

“Felicity.” He was holding himself, annoyingly, out of reach.

“Oliver, please.” She opened her eyes, hoping to convince him to drop everything and kiss her right now, but as turned on as he clearly was, he also looked stubborn. She sighed.

Oliver’s amused smirk deepened. “You are many things, Felicity,” his eyes traveled to her lips and lingered there meaningfully before he pinned her again with his intense gaze, “but ‘silly’ isn’t one of them. Just tell me. Were you thinking about our wedding?”

Felicity nodded automatically, distracted by the way his face was descending closer to hers, inch by inch.

“Were you thinking about our wedding night?” His lips just barely brushed over hers as he spoke, and then he paused, clearly waiting for a reply.

“Yes.” She nodded, taking the opportunity to seek his mouth.

He kissed her once, a soft, open-mouthed kiss with a hint of tongue that left her reaching for more. “Were you remembering how I took your dress off of you?” He began to trail kisses along her neck as he reached down with both hands to unbutton her jeans.

“Mmmm.” Felicity nodded, tilting her head back into the floor to give him better access.

“Or maybe you were thinking about before I took the dress off.”  He slipped his fingers into her waistband and she automatically raised her hips, letting him slide the jeans down her legs in a long-practiced move. “Do you remember?”

Felicity lifted her feet off the floor, letting him work her pants off completely, sighing at the memory. “Yeah.”

“Tell me. Tell me what I did.” He settled himself between her legs, taking the photo out of her hands.

“You had me against the hotel door.”

“Mmhmm.” He skimmed his hands up her body, under her sweater, brushing his thumbs over the thin fabric of her bra.

Felicity sucked in a breath at the contact and immediately sat up enough to undo the clasp at her back.

“What then?”

She opened her eyes and Oliver’s blue eyes were so close, so real, and she knew that no matter how many times they did this, it would never be enough. She discarded her bra and leaned forward to kiss him, wrapping her arms around his neck, forgetting everything for the moment but the need to draw him closer to her with each kiss.

When she eventually pulled back, gasping, her wild desperation was briefly echoed in his eyes, but she watched a steady calmness descend over his features. It was his turn to reassure her. I’m here. You’re safe. You’ll always have me. I’m not going anywhere.  

She nodded mutely, captivated, as always, by the way his eyes focused on her as if she were the entire universe.

He wet his lips, took a breath, signaling a return to their previous discussion. “What happened then? After I held you against the hotel door.”

Felicity nodded, heart beating fast, more than willing to remember, more than willing to be seduced. She looked into his eyes as she spoke, watching the simmering lust ignite with her words. “You had me against the door, and I wanted you, I needed you inside me, I was begging you to fuck me, but you wouldn’t.”

“I wouldn’t.” He was looking steadily back at her, his flared nostrils and dilated pupils the only indication that he wasn’t entirely in control. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Felicity licked her lips, caught by his gaze, knowing the answer, seeing it in his eyes. Knowing what she was in for. “Because you carried me to the desk.”

He nodded, not looking away. “Why?”

“Because you said you needed to taste your wife.”

“Yes.” The space between them was closing by the second.

“But Oliver?”

“Yes?” The word was a whisper against her lips.

“That’s the problem.”

Oliver drew back suddenly to look her in the eyes, worry descending over his features like a veil. “The problem?”

Felicity quirked her lips into a mild pout at the interrupted kiss, but she met his eyes with a smirk to reassure him of her joking intent. “The reason I made that sound that brought you running out here. Our wedding, the photo….”

Oliver furrowed his brow and turned his head toward the photo now lying on the floor. “I remember. So tell me then. What’s the problem?”

Felicity looked at him solemnly. “Your hair.”

“My...what?” He shook his head in utter confusion. “My hair?”

“Yes.”

Oliver’s expression was comically exasperated. “Felicity, I was about to go down on my wife, and I’d like to get back to it, if you don’t mind.”

Felicity laughed, caught off guard and aroused by his frank words. “I don’t mind. In fact I enthusiastically support the idea. Even without the hair. Just….” She pulled him forward by the chin, meeting his eyes to signify her seriousness. “Just let it grow fast, okay? A girl needs something to hold on to.”

She smirked and Oliver’s eyes widened as her meaning sank in, but before he could say anything, she was pushing him down, urging him to return to his original mission, and he was not going to argue with that.

#arrow #olicity #olicity fic #my fic #arrow fic

[cheollies]

Rent a Boyfriend!Mingyu

Kim Mingyu: the domestic boyfriend. perfect to introduce to your parents so they’ll get off your back for a while about finding the perfect husband. with his good looks and charm, he’ll definitely steal the hearts of your parents. extra services include him cooking a whole meal for a family dinner.

tall, handsome, cute smile, he’s practically perfect besides the fact that he ran into the wall because he was staring at his phone

very very popular because clients will see his profile and just choose him because dang that boy is beautiful

the most jobs he receives are more family centered, like dinners or more formal family events

He’s most popular around holidays because he’s deemed the ‘domestic boyfriend’, so he spends most of his time there answering thousands of questions from family members

and parents absolutely in love with him, they talk about him all night long

‘Did you see Mingyu, yep that’s definitely our son in law, he’s going to be our future son in law.’

Clients are usually clinging to his arm too and just nonstop showing off while Mingyu just stands there smiling and it just kinda looks like elevator music is playing in his head

has such a great time tbh

Like he’s just having the best time of his life conversing with random people and eating good food

Like YEAH OHH LOOK AT THIS HOT DOGS WRAPPED IN ROLL, OOHHH THIS CONVERSATION TOPIC IS SOO COOL, NO WAY THEY HAVE APPLE JUICE

and as cute as it may look, his clients are always like haha mingyu you’re supposed to be with me

Parents are so reluctant to let him go, by the time he leaves (cause the boy’s gotta go to another job) the parents are begging for him to stay and they make him promise to visit again

and he agrees but jokes on them, they’ll never see him again

anyway

when he’s not working, he’s messing around in the game room with the other boys

often challenges Wonwoo to a match of those one on one fighting games

but Mingyu doesn’t know any of the combinations so he ends up pressing different buttons and hopes for the best and no matter how many times Wonwoo teaches him the combos Mingyu ends up going ‘well suck it’ and just looks like he’s smashing the buttons

if you ask Mingyu how he got this job, he’ll tell you he got hired on the spot

because well he did, the interviewers took one look at him and they’re like ‘yes, everyone else can go home now, we hired our guy.’

you and Mingyu met through Wonwoo who you met through Jun, who met you through Minghao,who met you through Chan, who met you through his significant other, who met you through Jihoon, who met you through his significant other who met you in cosmetology school

yes, it went specifically in this order because this how it all went down

you were this big makeup artist, you worked for many celebrities and famous companies but you were getting kinda tired of always being on the road with the celebrities and really just wanted to settle down in a place

so when you ran into Jihoon’s significant other, you were excited to hear about an opening

Long story short, of course you got the job because the company was so excited to have hired someone so professional onto their team

and long story short once more, you were having lunch with Wonwoo since you worked mostly with Wonwoo and it just so happened that Mingyu was sooooooo hungry

Sooooo hungry meaning he saw Wonwoo from the the first floor having lunch with you at the cafe (yes not the ideal place but hey they have really good sandwiches)

and Mingyu just kinda butted in

Later when Mingyu and Wonwoo are alone, Mingyu asks if they are dating and Wonwoo says to him ‘no, why, you like them’

Mingyu just stares with the most puppy eyes literally melting inside, ‘yes’

and it’s so cute the way Mingyu talks to you, because he looks at you as if no one else in the room matters, you could be doing Wonwoo’s make up but all he cares about is you telling the story of the reason you don’t like broccoli

Wonwoo is just sitting there feeling like a third wheel

you two are in that phase where you two can’t decide whether or not there’s mutual feelings

but look, you get a call at like six in the morning before you’re going to work and you see it’s Mingyu so of course you’re answering and all you hear is a very scared, ‘I LIKE YOU’ and then there’s a click because he hung up

Yeah so that’s what happened

now you guys are this really annoyingly cute as heck couple

couple everything for days

Mingyu constantly asks Minghao to take pics of him and you

Selfies everywhere

Holds your hand and takes a picture

Really all these pictures are so he can post them on his instagram and do a couple aesthetic like Minghao has

Funny story time

It was really awkward meeting your parents because lo and behold it appears that they met Mingyu when he was acting as the boyfriend to their friend’s daughter

yes it was very awkward because now they’re looking at him skeptical because, ‘weren’t you dating them a few weeks ago’

cue awkward cough and nervous laugh

so it took a while for them to warm up to him since they were convinced he was either:

a) playing you

b) a bad influence

or c) cheating

Birthday time~~~~

yes, the precious puppy’s birthday was coming up

you weren’t at all worried about making it big and grand

you really just wanted it to be special to both him and you

soooooo you spent the entire day trying to cook him a meal

you weren’t bad or really good, you were just kinda average, but Mingyu on the other hand, he could make meals on the spot with no recipe needed like pls stop being such a perfect human being mingyu

but you decided to surprise him with a big meal, he was working during the day while you took off (said you were sick), and spent the entire morning cleaning and tidying up the place

you also spent the entire day figuring out the recipe, how to cook it, how to do everything, it was very tiring for you okay

as it neared time for him to come to your apartment, you decorated the place with flowers, and a small banner at the doorway so he knew once he walked in

but wow lucky you, you could hear the rowdiness of all thirteen boys, ALL THIRTEEN BOYS WERE COMING INTO YOUR HOME

they all just really wanted to spend time with the birthday boy

as soon as they walk in, they all get so hyped seeing the banner

‘YAY! BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!’

they all just invite themselves in

You’re standing in the kitchen with your hands on your hips and scowl cause ‘you boys aren’t supposed to be here’

But Mingyu is so happy, he doesn’t greet normally, he just ups and kisses you so quick. Thanking you in the midst of his pecks.

you hadn’t originally wanted a party, but here you were, watching all the food you made disappear into the stomachs of thirteen boys, they had even ordered take out since you had initially only made enough for probably four people

Mingyu sits next to you, his fingers slowly intertwining with yours while he happily uses his other hand to eat.

Maybe it wasn’t as grand as the other guys, but this sure was grand to him.

#happy birthday mingyu #svt #seventeen #svt scenarios #seventeen scenarios #mingyu #mingyu scenarios

[jhope-seok]

I have a lot of things to say about Tinder.

This is a personal rant about idiot boys on tinder. So if you’d like to read my CRAZY FUCKING ESCAPADES IN THE DATING WORLD. PLEASE. GO AHEAD. CLICK READ MORE. IT’LL BE INTERESTING. And fun. To watch me implode then explode.

Warnings: mentions of sex/sexting, lots of cursing, men being disgusting--potentially triggering, and one angry ass woman.

Warning part 2: this is A LOOOONG ASS POST, probably with a lot of grammatical errors. It’s 2am. (just so we’re all aware, it’s about 2.3k worth of ranting plus pictorial evidence)

So here’s the thing about me and tinder. I’ve been on the thing since I was in college, probably around junior year when I really came into the realization of my sexuality/being a pansexual person. Keep in mind this was like.....5 or 6 years ago now. I was interested in exploring my options, exhausted from going to countless frat parties and having random makeout sessions with boys who never asked for my number, and/or went on to makeout with the next girl they found at the party. Over the years I have collected an INFLUX of over 1,000 matches. I am not saying this number to brag, I am saying this number to give you an idea of how much of a credible fucking source I am when I present my case. And my case is as such.

ALL MEN ON TINDER ARE THE FUCKING. ABSOLUTE. WORST.

For perspective I have also dabbled in the following dating apps:

OKCupid (absolutely horrid. don’t do it. the shit i went through on this app....just. don’t get me started. I could make a whole other post about the atrocities of this site)

HER (really sad option for lesbian/bi/pan/women looking for other women)

Bumble (pretty successful but forcing the woman to speak first is annoying as hell and then giving a STRAIGHT MALE ONLY 24 HOURS TO RESPOND. Utter hell.)

Hinge (just...downright annoying)

CrossPaths (for christians. Honestly a good idea. Poorly executed. Poorly advertised).

Badoo (honestly...what the fuck)

Coffee Meets Bagel (good idea; too complicated)

Skout (nope)

The Game by Hot or Not (i don’t remember using this but my phone says it’s in my cloud)

And probably some others I can’t remember

What you should take away from this list is that

I’m a needy bitch

I was VERY DESPERATE at times

And i’ve tried a LOT OF OPTIONS.

therefore: don’t comment on this saying: well this worked, well that worked, try this, try that. No. Tinder is still one of the only options that actually works consistently and will continue to work because it is one of the least complicated among the dating apps.

Now. To my point that all men on tinder are the absolute fucking worst.

Time for some examples.

I will not be using these people’s real names, because that’s just mean. So I will present them to you in cases.

Case #1:

Me and this man matched about a year and a half ago, end of 2016. We were unable to meet up because I had a bunch of plans going on--at the time I worked in a law firm and my commute was hell so i only had time to go on dates on the weekends. And being that it was december I was busy every...single...weekend. Which he was fine with! (Awww what a kind gentlemen). No.

He had made it pretty clear from the beginning that he was really only in it for the sex. which for me at the time was fine. I let him know that I didn’t just fuck around on the first date. I lived--and still do live--with my mother and so he couldn’t just come over whenever and i couldn’t just leave whenever i wanted to spend the night at his place in D.C. He said that was fine. However, apparently he was not fine with that.

We talked for a month, lots of sexting, lots of naked snaps, whatever, whatever, we were basically waiting to jump each others bones. But I had also told him that I did not fuck on the first date. I had a rule. I would not break that rule. Again, he said he was fine with that.

On our first date--in a CROWDED RESTAURANT--for brunch, he kept whispering to me about how he wanted to push all of our plates off the table and fuck me in front of all those people. I politely told him to shut up because there were people sitting less than two feet away from us and that was inappropriate for sunday brunch to be talking like that (how proper of me....). Anyways, I let him walk me to my car in a garage, and as we approached it he came up behind me and forcefully turned me around to kiss him. I was like “ooh how hot. I like this.” Anyways, I drove him to his car, we made out a little, then we went on our separate ways. We had a second date not much longer after that, where we had agreed to go out to dinner BUT that first we were gonna fuck in his car. So we met up in a garage and we waited for the cars around us to leave and then we made out, and i sucked his dick. I did N O T let him have sex with me because I was annoyed that he was trying to push me to it--he had a daddy kink--and kept saying “ooh how hard do you want daddy to fuck you”. I said “You can only fuck me when I say you can, and I say no.” thank god he respected my boundaries. So I sucked him dry, then he “MAGICALLY” got a call from his work calling him in. I barely heard from him after that. Because he told me I should come over and spend the night so we could fuck. I said no. He ghosted me.

Case #2--Who knows:

Soooo many fucking men. Have ghosted me. For no reason. Like we’ll have a good few opening lines. And then....nothing. Forever. Where in the FUCK DID YOU GO?! Did you find someone better? Did you grow uninterested with our conversation?! Did you forget how to speak the English language? Did you decide you regretted swiping on me? The worst is when they don’t unmatch you and then it’s just left there....hanging.

Case #whatever:

The fucking men who ask if it’s okay to text. And then don’t text.

I don’t even remember this dude’s NAME in the first place to omit it, but we got into an argument because he supports the store brand cheese puff that is America’s president, and I matched him only so I could yell at him (yeah I know...whatever...I like to prove my dominance and tell boys why they’re wrong. Also because half of the time I use dating apps just to have conversations with people because I’m bored). Anyways. we got in this heated debate and he was like “I like your fire, you should text me here’s my number ____” blah. So I texted him cause i was interested enough in our debate to continue it. THE BITCH NEVER ANSWERED ME. LITERALLY....FOR MONTHS. PROBABLY OVER A YEAR. And then out of fucking nOWHERE he responds like “hey who is this again?” Dude...... NO.

Case #The Never Ending Message Senders:

These men are the worst. So I should explain myself first. I don’t really ever unmatch someone unless it’s for a good reason. Like they’re being disgusting, racist, homophobic, gross, call me fat, ugly, whatever. For the most part I don’t unmatch with someone because in the old days of tinder, unmatching would just PUT THE PERSON BACK IN YOUR CIRCUIT (good job tinder). I’m assuming they did this in case you deleted your tinder, or your app crashed and you had to restart, or you accidentally unmatched someone, whatever. So I don’t unmatch for the sole reason that I don’t want these jerks, who never took the time to respond to my hello or witty opening statement, back in my playing field. I don’t revisit my old matches, I don’t try to restart conversations with them.

If only men could learn the same fucking thing. I have so many men who CONSTANTLY message me. I’m talking like once in every blue moon. It’s like they let the conversation lie for a while, and then BAM another message. The ones I do actually unmatch are the ones that don’t wait a while. They just constantly message, hour after hour after hour until I either respond or unmatch. I don’t know a woman who WOULD respond after having gotten 10 messages of the same “Hello? You there?” “Member me?” (yes one dude has actually said “member me” to me. Not “remember me”...”member me”) etc. etc. in the course of a few hours. Take the hint dude. Please. I don’t enjoy being ghosted, but I know when to take a hint.

A perfect example of such case is the following!

(Context: I just updated the pictures in my tinder account today! So through tinder’s cool new facebook timeline! you can see when your matches update their profiles. to scroll through and judge them even further to see if they’ve gotten cuter or uglier through time).

Please take note of the dates attached to the message. For clarification, “today” is August 27th, 2018!

I have since unmatched him. Buddy. Please. Take the hint. (Also, how fucking creepy of him to say that I’ve gotten closer since a while back....like are you tracking my distance every time you message me? Please dear lord, no).

Case #THE IDIOTS WHO WAIT YEARS TO RESPOND.

This. THIS. THIIIIIS RIGHT HERE. IS WHAT HAS GOT MY BLOOD BOILED SO MUCH I NEEDED TO MAKE THIS POST. THE FUCKING IDIOTS WHO MATCH WITH ME. AND THEN CLAIM THAT THEY DELETED THEIR TINDER. OR THAT THEY LOST THEIR PHONE. JUST REDOWNLOADED. DIDN’T SEE MY MESSAGE. FOR FUCKING. YEARS.

OOOOOOOH BOY. You’ve gotta have some damn nerve to pull that shit. If you lost the app, deleted it, got a new phone, WHATEVER. Your profile would not continue to show up on the matching feed. People would not be able to swipe on your face to find that they matched with you. You would not exist in the eyes of tinder. You would be GONE from the system.

So don’t pull that shit with me. So many dudes have had the audacity to pull this shit with me, and when I call them out on it, most of the time I get either one of three responses: they say “oof yeah I’m sorry, I’m a dick can we move on?”, “Hahaha sorry” and then they continue to ghost me, or people who pull the shit I listed above.

These next photos are from THE SAME DAY AS THE PREVIOUS PHOTOS. Please take note of the date of the first message. (“today” in this sense is technically August 28, 2018 because it’s past midnight.)

Although I deleted his name, I gotta say. My insult was pretty on point. Anyways.

Like how the fuck can you live with yourself with that fucking lie?! Own up to that shit. Be like “yep oops sorry, didn’t think you were cute the first time but this snapchat filter making u look damn good” like don’t be a DOUCHE DUDE. Men are just honestly so fucking frustrating. And yes you better fucking believe I sent that reason for unmatching to tinder. You best fucking BELIEVEEEEEEE I did that. I’m so fucking mad at men. Like how in the hell.

I’ve HONESTLY had better luck matching with MARRIED COUPLES on tinder than I have had with straight men. Married couples at least know how to respect people. God damn.

YOUR MOTHERS DID NOT RAISE YOU TO BE LIKE THIS, MEN. LEARN HOW TO BE DECENT HUMAN BEINGS. JESUS CHRIST.

All in all, if you’ve ever toyed with the idea of downloading tinder: Don’t. Stay out of the fucking awful shit that is Tinder and dating apps for as long as you can. I have my settings set up to men in their 30s, and honestly older men do not mean more mature men. Just absolutely frustrating.

Also, as an addendum: 

Case #Don’t put my height in my bio/or do and say “Cause I guess it’s important/matters”

To all males on the planet earth: PUT. YOUR. FUCKING. HEIGHT. IN. YOUR. BIO. It fucking matters. As a tall as woman, it is so fucking annoying to match with a cute dude and then have them say “Hey I’m 5′2″ is that okay?” um....no. I’m sorry buddy. That is not okay. I have strict height limits for this ride and 5′2″ does not pass the riding restrictions.

We’re gonna call in a CELEBRITY SHOT for this story, I matched with this dude on bumble who didn’t have his height in his profile. (Context: my bumble profile says “5′10″ cause it doesn’t matter” <--a nice jab at all the straight dudes out there) and we go about having this great conversation, we’re clicking, he knows one of my friends from college, we bond, we go on a date. THE FIRST THING OUT OF THIS ASSHOLE’S MOUTH ON OUR DATE WAS “WOW. You’re taller than I expected.” BITCH HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CAN U READ. IT’S THE FIRST THING IN MY BIO.

Sub case: I once had a guy match with me, tell me he was shorter than me, then asked me if I would be okay owning him as my slave. I understand and respect everyone’s fetishes, considering I have a slight dominance fetish as well, but a hello would have been nice first.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

#rachel rambles #tinder #tinder stories #just absolutely god awful annoying humans

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

A very efficient guide to not wasting your time while online dating

In our Love App-tually series, Mashable shines a light into the foggy world of online dating. It is cuffing season after all. 

Let's be real: Ain't nobody got time to waste on online dating. Yet for busy single people, dating apps and websites feel like a necessary evil to meeting people. How else are you going to do it? 

But if you're not careful, finding suitable partners (whether for the long- or short-term) in an endless sea of digital fish can turn into a full-time job. And if you're already working a 9-5 (or worse), you'll quickly want to give up.

Take it from an accidental expert: There are plenty of tips and tricks to better navigate the potentially time-sucking world of online dating. 

Our advice comes with a caveat, though. Ultimately, there's no definitive rule book for online dating. Above all, it's about learning what works for you. Here are 10 ways you can start:

1. Know which app will fulfill your specific dating needs

Sounds basic, but this is essential stuff: There are so many options on the market right now, and each has a different vibe and purpose that attracts a different crowd — from DTF hookups on Tinder to the more longterm aspirations of OkCupid.

We won't go into the subcultures of each dating app here, especially since they often change over time. But do some research to determine which is best suited for what you want out of dating.

2. Don't put too much stock (or time or effort) into online chemistry

It's tempting to get your hopes up when you start chatting with a match and find a text-message-meet-cute straight out of a rom-com. But here's the cold, hard truth: Online chemistry often has zero correlation to IRL chemistry. 

There's a whole host of factors that lead you to be attracted to someone that you cannot gleam from text exchanges. You could waste days or even weeks getting to know someone online, then be devastated to realize within a minute of meeting IRL that the spark just isn't there. 

On top of all that, if you spend too much time getting to know each other before meeting up, you've likely built expectations and a concept of this person that can't live up to the real thing. 

Of course, you don't want to go in blind. So to actually see if an IRL date will be worth your time, we suggest you ...

Who even has time to keep texting someone they don't know?

Image: vicky leta / mashable 

3. Request a quick video chat before meeting up

I know, gross — actual human interaction? 

To millennials who have panic attacks at even the idea of a phone call (hi, it me), this sounds like an impossible task. But actually, an awkward three-minute video chat is much better than sinking hours into an awkward real-life date.

A lot of factors go into attraction that you can't pick up on through photos or even texting. So be bold; ask if they're up for a quick video chat to see if you're both into taking the IRL plunge.

SEE ALSO: Looking for love on campus: Best dating apps for college students

Don't be a creep about the way you ask, like suggesting it as a way to avoid getting catfished. Just acknowledge it may be a bit awk but — hey — you read online that it's a good first step! So why not give it a shot?

Also, if you're worried about giving out your actual phone number or Skype info to strangers, use apps like Kik or WhatsApp.

4. For icebreakers, try one of the famed 36 questions

Regardless of whether it happens on video or IRL, the pressure of trying to make meaningful conversation happen between two strangers is real. So why not start with one (or many) of these 36 questions scientifically designed to help strangers get to know each other quickly?

These questions come from a psychological study by Dr. Arthur Aron, made famous by the New York Times' Modern Love column. And wouldn't ya know, they actually kind of really work.

We know what you're thinking. Isn't it a little summer camp counselor to ask a list of getting to know you questions? It doesn't have to feel that way. If you have chemistry, the questions will only serve as jumping off points for more natural conversation. If you don't, well, better to find it out sooner rather than later.

Just float the idea casually. You can even use it as a way to acknowledge the inherent weirdness and awkwardness of first dates, so why not test this thing you read in the New York Times?

Worst case scenario, your date is impressed that you read the New York Times. Best case scenario, you get to know each other fast and learn whether or not you're a good match.

Repeat after us: Profiles are not people.

Image: vicky leta / Mashable

5. Many people who make bad profiles are actually awesome dates

There's a tendency to make quick judgements based on a person's profile, and that can feel like a time saver. But actually, your assumptions can lead you to miss out on matches that are worthwhile.

People aren't profiles. And profiles that come across as trying too hard, or seeming cheesy, or arrogant, or just not that interesting, can be indicative of someone who's simply new to online dating.

In reality, those who are bad at branding themselves for an online dating service can absolutely still make for great dates. If anything, you should be more suspect of someone with a perfectly curated online dating persona.

So be lenient when it comes to minor faux pas, like mirror selfies or the dreaded fish pic. It's most important to trust your gut and at least give 'em a chance to impress in other ways. There are better ways of determining if someone will be worth your time, like ...

6. Do your research

It can't hurt to know more about your date than what they are willing to put on their profile. So there's no shame in doing a quick Google search before committing any more of your time. 

A recent study found that 76 percent of people spend around 15 minutes on pre-date research. You might want to do a Google image search on their pictures to make sure they are who they say they are (or if their name is too common for a regular search). 

It's not creeping if it's about staying safe and knowing what you're getting into!

However, take most of what you learn with a grain of salt, because (again) the people we are online are often vastly different to who we are in person.

7. Don't be afraid to ask to meet up IRL early on

A lot of online dating interactions die on the vine of people being too scared to make the first move to suggest a next step, whether that's a video chat or real-life date.

If you're a person with limited time and energy to spend on the whole online dating thing, it's even more likely for conversation to peter out. What could've been a great date that'd save you from spending more time on these awful apps is instead a total waste of your already limited resources.

There are no set rules of engagement, so don't get stuck in that limbo. Just go for it when it feels appropriate. And if you're worried about seeming creepy or overeager, explain how you're bad at keeping up with the app and prefer to make concrete plans.

Usually your potential date will feel relieved that someone's taking charge in the uncertain world of online dating. Just make sure you don't frame the suggestion in a way that makes them feel pressured or rushed.  

Take online dating offline as soon as possible.

Image: bob al-greenE / Mashable

8. Pick a go-to spot near you for quick first meet-ups

Do not — I repeat, do not — commit to a full dinner date the first time you're meeting a stranger. 

For all the reasons listed above, it's pretty impossible to know whether someone you met online will work out, no matter how much you vet or research ahead of time. And, boy, there's nothing more painful than sitting through a full-course meal out of politeness.

Instead, have a streamlined process for quick IRL meet-and-greets. Pick a bar or coffee shop near you as a go-to first date suggestion. Aside from saving time, it's also comforting to meet a complete stranger on your turf.

Before meeting, you can even slip in the set up for an excuse to cut things short if it's going nowhere fast. We've found luck with claims of a busy work week, or a pet or friend who hasn't been feeling well. 

Make sure your go-to spot is conducive to getting to know each other: Choose bars that aren't too loud or have open tables. Certain places can even make for good ice breakers. A go-to with eclectic art decor, for example, is a perfect way to start a conversation about your date's taste.

9. Dating is not necessarily a numbers game, but practice helps

By now we're familiar with the cold calculation that dating (especially of the online variety) is a numbers game. You have a statistically better chance of finding what you want by going on as many dates as possible.

That's a double-edged sword, though, because going on a bunch of lousy dates will likely only lead to fatigue and an existential crisis. However, it is true that dating is a skill that takes practice.

So don't treat people like numbers. But do view every date as a potential learning experience. Sure, putting yourself out there more means a higher risk of bad dates. But that's exactly how you learn what you like and don't like, and how to avoid it next time.

Bad dates help you recognize dealbreakers. For example, you might find that people who describe themselves as "entrepreneurs" tend to use that as a fancy way of saying "unemployed and living off my parents' money." 

Next time, it's a hard swipe left. 

10. Be clear and upfront about what you're on the market for

This one applies to all dating, whether on- or offline. It's also one of the hardest rules to follow. 

We cannot stress enough how much time you save by establishing early on what you're looking for. That doesn't mean you have to declare you're on the hunt for a FWB or life partner (please don't do that). Just frame the subject in terms of mutual respect and open communication.

When you broach the subject, stress that you're bringing it up to make sure you're both on the same page, rather than trying to pressure them into committing or keeping it casual. Even choosing the right platform (see point #1) can help do a lot of this work for you.

WATCH: Why it's worth taking the leap and meeting your Tinder match IRL

#_author:Jess Joho #_uuid:8b0b5dd2-d5a4-33ac-98bf-3a069beee4c8 #_category:yct:001000002 #_lmsid:a0Vd000000DTrEpEAL #_revsp:news.mashable