#how many times were y'all here for my emotional breakdowns | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

miitarashi · 1 year

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Note: i've been writing alot just about Leo,so let's make some changes in here. I give to y'all some of my headcanons! Or a situation that involves the headcanon,idk.

Note²: and again, if they are out of character,sorry cuz i don't really know about they manerism,but believe me when i say,i tried 😔✊🏽.

Warnings: forgot to put this. A lot of swearing, misspelling words (cuz i'm a inattentive bitch) and probably i'm gonna redo.

Prompt: you have the same insecure as them.

✨Headcanons✨

Raphael:

Her body.

Mostly because i headcanon her as a trans girl. She wants to be more feminine,more cute and fragile but when she sees herself in a mirror,she sees anything but feminine and you were the same.

In your case,your body aways looked more like a boy or sometimes,not even that.

You wanted a middle size breast.

More feminine features.

Beautiful waist.

Long and curly hair...

But all you got is a mini breast,waist kinda in form of a square and a terrible straight hair,you not even straight God dammit!

And one day,you breakdown. Looking for your figure in the mirror for more than you can handle,texting Raphaela who's right away showed up in your house. Coming to your room,seeing you on the floor crying and sobbing hugging yourself.

She rushed picking you from the floor and putting you on her lap caressing your back gently for some comfort.

"[name],what happen?" - she asked quietly, sounds like if she talk a little more loud you would run away. When you didn't respond,she knew why.

"...crisis again?" - you nodded - "my beautiful cupcake,you know how perfect ya is? If you don't,lemme tell ya,i mean...wanna hear it?" - another nod - "ight,where do Raphaela starts? Hmm...oh! Your body! They are so cutie! It's good to squeeze cuz you have skin and meat enough to be soft and smooth like a marshmallow"

You laugh a little,cleaning the tear remain in silence to hear just her voice.

"lemme see more...your hair? I love it, it's easy to deal with and he match perfect with you! And because you treat him really well,your hair is soft and soo good to smell. Last but not least" - she hold carefully your face, lifting up to her see better smiling at you - "your beautiful face that makes my heart beat faster whatever i see you because of how pretty they are"

The tears coming again,but this time, it's tears of relief and happiness. You hug her, whispering "thank you" several times,she chuckle a bit hugging back,you could hear her heart racing probably because what she said still blushing.

"again, thank you for it Raphaela. This words coming from a girl so beautiful and precious like you...really makes me feel better. I love you" - she looked surprised. She? Beautiful with this body? She tigh the hug more, hidding her face in your neck and quickly you feel something wet knewing right away.

"what? You really don't think yourself is pretty teddybear?"

"n-no i..."

"well,now it's my time to spoil you" - you pull away a little cleaning her tears caressing the cheeks admiring she for a few seconds with a almost dorky smile - "i could keep admiring you all day long,you know that?"

"me too [name],me too"

With a quick peck on the lips,you spoil her all day with a girls day,you two were really needing it.

Donatello:

His insecure is so many,but i think that is his leck of sympathy,i know the why behind this,but even so i can see he struggle with it.

And you was almost like that. Raised in a house where was no reason to cry if you had everything in your hands. When you opened up to your parents, you only received complaints and fights, the kinda of thing that makes you grow up not knowing how to understand both your emotions and those of others.

But you met him.

He didn't need to have his emotion undestand,he already knew,hungry,sleep,hot and cold but there are sometimes that isn't just hot or cold.

Sometimes,he breaks.

And you should be there for him right?

You was in the kitchen,preparing some sandwiches and snacks for Donnie,he was in his lab for a long time and didn't get any food or drink than coffee. When you finished,walk to the lab and open the door,you hear a loud grunt coming from him.

"D? Are you ok?" - making your way to his table,you ask concerned.

"ok? If everything will be ok?? No [name] nothing in this is ok!" - he was screaming, angrily screaming at you,you did nothing...right?

"the system itself is simple compared to the rest, which should make it easier, however, those damn segments are short! Swap for another one, they're not compatible, swap for another one, it doesn't fit, and it's become a cycle where I can't find a clear answer no matter how much I reanalyze! You think that's ok [name]?!"

"no Donatello,it's not" - from the habit acquired years ago, you swallow the tears and keep your calm posture - "but not just with the system, with you too,if you want something to vent your rage,make it to the wall,cuz i'm not gonna be standing here taking it. Have a nice night, Donatello"

You leave the food above something near you and leave a long steps trying to get away from him asap being followed by Donnie almost instantly.

"wait [name],i'm sorry,i was just-"

"anger. I know Donatello and it's ok,i just not gonna be by your side from now"

"what- no,why?"

"why Donatello?" - stopping and turnning around to look at him that was visibly worried, but to you, that didn't seem genuine, you had no way of really knowing, in fact even what you felt didn't seem valid - "i already told you about my past life didn't i? About how much i heard this same tone that you screamed at me,how it hurted and that's the only why i'm still calm enough to talk,i don't know what or how i should feel or react but i know that i'm not deserve to be treat like this by the one that i love,sorry" - turnning around to make your way out. He stop you.

"i'm the one who should be sorry and you right,i was bein a bad boyfriend to you..." - he seemed sad? - "it's just...that's something new to me. Even when the two of us have a terrible sense of sympathy,mostly me,you make me feel so welcomed in your life,your patience,your calmness and...and...-"

You give a little chuckle looking at him struggling to continue thinking in what to say. You probably look like him doing the same thing.

"i really can't with you,you know that Don?" - you approache him,offering some soft pats in his shoulders making him relax by this minimum contact - "do it again,and i gonna make your life a living hell,ok?"

You tell with a emotionless smile looking at him,who just give a little laugh turnning his face,chalenging you.

"oh really? More than my life's already is? And how you gonna make this devilish thing,my dear?"

"i know your code to auto destroy everything. the new one. Connecting my phone to your computer and typing in the code takes less than a minute, do you wanna test, my love?~"

He looked surpresed and terrified at this threat as you say in a devil's singing voice.

"you wouldn't-"

"yes. I. Would" - givin a little peck in his cheek,you walk back to the lab dragging a flushed Donnie with you - "come on,the sandwiches,snacks and drinks are waiting and you gonna eat all of them because i don't remenber the last time i see you walk out the lab to eat,no complains"

"ok, but I would like to suggest one condition. You have to help me after I finish eating. Deal?"

"deal"

Michelangelo:

I think his insecure would be emotional dependence. But he is Dr.Feelings????

Yeah,that's exactly the point. He is the psychologist of the group,and since I'm also my friends' psychologist i kinda know how it feels.

The fear to tell anyone about what you feel and be just a burden in the person's life,bein emotional making people aways thinking that you fragile and can't do things by yourself (flashback of mikey going to grab the Lou Jitsu game episode).

So yeah,you and him are basicaly mutuals.

When some of your "friends" call again just to vent and go away without trying to ask if you were ok,mikey would be always by your side like you do to him.

"and then,she said that i didn't even deserve to be alive [name]! I loved her so much and for what?!" - again,one of your friends called you to talk about that one girl,you aways tell him to get away,but he insisted and insisted and insisted and now,he was crying over the phone in call with you.

"look bubby,i not gonna say 'i told you',your faith in her was real,you are a good person and no one really want your death. Believe me,who lose something good was her,don't push yourself trow it ok?" - your voice was forced to sound gently,it wasn't a good day but you have to do it.

"y'know what? You right! Yeah you right! Thanks [name]!"

"your welcom-" - he hung up before you could end - "it's ok [name],mikey's gonna come anytime,it's gonna be ok" - you comfort yourself bringing a smile to your face.

A few minutes later,the orange turtle knock on your window as you happly go open for him to jump inside. He give you a quick peck on your forehead and hung out for a while until you notice some signs similar to yours when you was in your limit. He was more distracted than usual, you ended up having to repeat what said because he didn't hear as if he had been disconnected for a moment, even his smile seemed forced.

Givin a deep breath,when the movie ended you turn to the side were he was,took his hand in yours and smiled.

"you wanna tell me or i'm gonna make you open up?"

"wha? What you talking about?"

"mikey"

"i'm ok!"

"no,you don't" - you copped his face making him look only to you - "you can't hide it from me,like i can't hide it from you. Please,tell me whats wrong for me to help"

He sigh grabing your hands,making you squeeze his soft cheeks.

"it's Rapha, she's not the problem of course,i love my big sister but,this week was something. Rapha, Leo and Donnie again with Sheldon, don't get me wrong,i love helpping my family but... sometimes i just wanna-"

"be the one who is heard and understood?"

"yeah! This!"

"i know how it feels,so why don't you use me for it? I told you to come up to me whenever you needed,i can hear and help with it" - you said caressing his cheek with your thumb.

"thank you for it [name] but,i can see that you needed it too so...why we don't make a session of Dr.Feelinge where both of us are the Dr.Feelings???"

"oh"

"pretty genius right??"

"totally"

"ok! Let's settle things up then!" - he grab your hand putting you on his lap resting his chin in your neck making himself comfortable in your arms letting out a sound of relief - "muuuch better"

"ok so, who's gonna start?"

"you of course! Let it out baby!"

"are you sure?"

"uhum,I will only pay attention to you I promise" - he gives you a quick kiss on your neck making you chuckle - "no matter how tempting it is to want to tickle you for that giggle there"

"ok ok,i'm gonna start"

"Go on sunshine!"

And the rest of the night was with you two Dr.Feelings each other,making a note to make this at least one in a week for the sake of yours mental healthiness.

Leonardo:

Leo is kinda obvious,out of the part of bein leader.

He's bigger insecure is. Almost like Donnie. Not bein useful or good enough for the team,for his brother or everyone that's important to him.

While donnie have his genius brain, Rapha with her strenght,mikey with his creativity,all he have (think he have) is his pretty face and charm,that's when he's not feeling down cuz i know this man have some self esteem problems.

And you? Well,although you aways bein see as a confident person bein the leader of your friend's group,you had the same problems. Probably that's why you two come along pretty well.

Today was particularly good,your science work goes pretty well, everything was ok to say the least but the universe was feeling goofy so out of nowhere,you look at yourself in the mirror and don't like what you see. You have some extra skins here and there,ok,nothing much alright? No. It was much. Your hair was really good? Did you present a work like this??? Shit,you feeling ugly. But even like this you go to the lair,your favorite place to be,they wouldn't care about your apparence...right? When you arrived, the red and orange ones welcomed you.

"hey there buddy, how's your day was?"

"kinda good actualy,we do a..." - you make a double check to see if Donnie was around,this little word could transform your life in a living hell. Making sure he wasn't around you sigh relieved - "science work in school and i got a good grade for it"

"really?? Good job [name]!" - mikey says happly for you givin a side hug.

"i'm not surprised,i knew ya could do it from the start" - she reach your head givin little pats with a proud smirk.

"thank you guys. Wheres Leo?"

"he's in his room. While you're on your way there, can you call him for dinner? It's almost done, today I feel like I've overcome myself!"

"course! I can't wait to see what the big and adorable chef has prepared this time"

"i not gonna let you down, believe me!"

With a excited smile,you nod your head and make your way to Leo's room,thankfuly they didn't notice your ugly state and with this same believe,you knock on the wall.

"L-e-o-! Can i come in comrade?" - you call him playfuly waiting to his response in the same tone.

"no i...uh...i coming in a little while,it's for dinner right?" - that's is not his normal tone.

"yes but,i was hopping to have a little talk before we eat,and now,i feel like you really need this,don't you?" - in a softer voice, you ask receiving a brief silence cut by a 'come in'

You enter in his room,seeing your friend shrunken in the corner of the bed lifting his head just enough to see you.

"i..." - he tried to say something but feeling the tears coming back,he just hide his head from you.

"wanna say to me whats wrong?"

"you gonna laugh at it"

"wha- the audacity!" - you fake a hurtful reaction givin a little chuckle walking and sitting on his bed - "of course not,you really think that i'm that type of people? Me??? The Neon Leon biggest fan? I'm offended,sir!" - now he laugh a bit cleaning the rest of the tears,turn around to you seeing his puffy eyes and red beak.

"SoOoO?"

"ok ok,i tell you. You big goofy"

"look who's talking"

"you right,i'm the best,sorry"

"you little shit-"

The two of you laugh more,your little plan worked but Leo was the first to stop looking down with a sad smile.

"[name] i...you really think that i...uh...good...?"

"what?"

"i don't know just,look at me,this red strips and all it's...ugly...i'm ug-"

"don't you dare to say it about yourself" - you copped his face in a slap making him look at you - "Leo,you are handsome"

"i don't think-"

"well but i do. Sometimes i wanna be you!"

"you what?"

"yeah! Like,you so handsome, inteligent, funny,pretty, affectionate, beautiful and precious and,i already said handsome??" - he chuckle a bit - "and your cute strips? I love 'em! That one,and that one,and that another one"

You lean on top of him kissing his strips making Leo laugh trying to get out off your grip.

"ok ok,i get it [name]! Get off!"

"glad you understood" - with a victorious smile you sat up in bed - "when you feel like that just compare yourself to me,you will be better in no time like,look at this" - you point to yourself with a little smile - "it's easy when you have a uglyer friend and i'm here for it"

You laugh it off,even if hurt to make,if this makes Leo feel better is enough but,you are the only one laughing. Looking at him,he seemed concerned.

"hey,come on, don't leave me-"

"don't do this,please" - he grab your hand givin a reassuring squeeze - "you are feeling the same, aren't you?"

"i-...kinda of...but that's ok!"

"no it isn't" - his other hand make her way to your cheek caressing gently the place - "you don't need to wanna be like me,you already is a wonderful person [name],much more than me, that's what i like in you so, don't make this kinda of joke about yourself,ok?"

Your brain stopped for a second. He really said that? That he likes you?? Even when you feeling and looking the worst today? Your heart going crazy in your chest,cheeks getting hot and red by the realization still looking at him who. Like you. Just realized what he said.

"w-well,i'm very thankfull for my biggest fan effort to make me feel better soo,let's get dinner???"

He looked as nervous as he was desperate trying to change the subject,but you decided to not leave that chance slide. You start to get close to him, slowing reach his face looking for Leo's eyes shifting to lips and back to eyes in a silent request for permission fully granted as he also get closer ending the distance between you two with a kiss. One of his hands copped yours and the other hold your face with care,when you parted the contact he give his usual cocky smile without taking his eyes off you.

"someone with this pretty face shouldn't be calling yourself ugly mi vida~"

"again,look who's talking guapo"

He's smug face was replaced by a surprised one making you giggle at his reaction.

"since when???"

"since we literally learn it on school??"

"then,why you never said anything?"

"i wasn't much confident about my pronounce"

"but that was perfect!"

"because i practiced. Now" - you get up from bed giving a few steps to the entrance - "let's go mi campeón~,your brother make something real good for dinner"

The turtle's face was more red than his sisters mask and the strips on his face,he rushed to you givin a big hug extremaly happy for his new pet name and both of you go to the kitchen for dinner.

#tmnt #tmnt leo x reader #rottmnt #rise leo #rise of the turtles #rottmnt leo #rottmnt leo x reader #rottmnt fanfiction #rottmnt x reader #rottmnt 2018 #rottmnt raph x reader #rottmnt leonardo x reader #rottmnt donnie x reader #rottmnt mikey x reader #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles

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roadtodeltarune · 4 months

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Earthbound Start!

Howdy, y'all! I'm back with another week's update! Though, this is more like a day 1 update.

For the past week, I've been relaxing, fighting a cold, and working. But how far have I gone with the project? Not far. I decided to spend this week watching retrospectives on Mother 1, learning more about its creation, impact, and interpretations. I've also been letting my thoughts on Mother 1 settle into something more concrete. In short: I stand by my earlier thoughts, and you can see those in my other posts.

Today, I have big news! I started Earthbound! Yesterday, I couldn't help myself and decided to start up the game. I stayed up playing it for a long time. I almost got sucked back in this morning but pulled myself out to give the week's update.

As promised, we're doing a fruit theme, matching the veggie theme from last time. A few things about their names: I regret not naming Ness "Strawb" instead, but "Straw" has grown on me. Plus with his dog, it's team StrawBerry. "Bana" is obviously named after a banana, but I like pronouncing it the same as "Launa". "Apple" I named 'cause of his apple-green suit. I had no clue that there was an inventor kid in this game also named Apple. Maybe they're brothers or cousins? Lastly, Grape, I was running out of fruit ideas. I was tempted to name him "Cherry" after the shape of his head, but most of my internet handles are "CherryKeri" or something similar, so I went for Grape. No particular reason, but I do like grapes.

Now for the elephant in the room: Giygas is back. Y'know, I figured he'd be in this game, but he got here faster than I thought. After making him have an emotional breakdown from hearing the song of his dead mom, I wonder how he's doing and what made him think it would be a good idea to come back.

As for Pokey, I had hopes for him at first. He's a bit of a jerk, but I could see a change arc for him in the future. Maybe... He kinda sucks, especially after he kidnapped Bana and said his honest apology was a lie. I wanna hit him with my baseball bat, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

When Buzz Buzz died, I felt so many emotions. Anger and sadness obviously, laughter at the funny dialogue, a sense of purpose and bravery to continue my journey, and confusion at how that all happened so fast and from the mix of feelings.

Speaking of the dialogue, this game is hilarious. The tombstone ad in the hospital had me cracking up, and there are a bunch of little things like that all over the game! It really helps to make me want to explore and read every sign.

After Buzz Buzz told me about how Giygas returned and it was my destiny to find some friends and kick his butt, I set out for Onett.

The city was fun, but I kept noticing these trucks. It's funny how they used to be a serious enemy and now they're normal. A weird thing about them: I think they have set spawn locations. I was running around a lot and kept seeing them flicker on the edge of the screen. It's a very minor thing, my ADHD just kept focusing on it.

While I was in Onett, I also found out a bunch of new features that are a huge improvement over Mother 1. First off, when I find items in the wild, it lets me have the option of dropping an item from my bag; in the first game, the random encounters would just not drop things if my bag was full. Second, when I buy armor or weapons and equip them at the store, it instantly gives me the option to sell my old items. It's such a small thing, but it makes the whole game smoother and faster pace.

A difference that I wish they kept is the run button, walking is a bit too slow for me. I think I'm getting used to it, but the run button made backtracking a lot better.

Since I was in town, I decided to defeat an evil gang. They had a key needed to get the first melody, and they were causing trouble for everyone. So I fought Franky and his Battle Franky Mark II. It was actually not too bad of a fight; I two-shot him with a SMASH and a regular bash.

Going into the caves, I unlocked my signature move: PSI Juice! I didn't think this was how they'd use my "Favorite Thing" but I think it fits pretty well! I like to imagine I'm hitting them with so much power, that I'm wringing the juice out of them, like in a Tom and Jerry cartoon. I mostly used the move for big hits and for crowd control.

First Melody nabbed, and I think I'll mention it now. The plot of this game, so far, is very similar to Mother 1. Mother 1: Collect the melodies and some friends to defeat Giygas. Mother 2: Collect the melodies and some friends to defeat Giygas. It's the same, except the details were changed. Mother 1: Queen Mary lost her memory and only the melodies can restore it, but the melodies are being used by aliens to do evil deeds like restoring the dead. By making friends and doing good deeds, you gain the magic music of love, and with this, you restore Queen Mary's memories and then face the one behind it all: Giygas. So far, there is no Queen Mary in this game. In Mother 2: Giygas has returned and Buzz Buzz goes back in time to stop him before it's too late. He asks for your help and you go out to make friends and collect the melodies, the magic music that can defeat Giygas. The only things that are similar in these plots are the melodies and Giygas being the big baddie, but I think that makes sense. Only love can defeat evil. Though, I am curious about one thing: how are the melodies here? Is it the same song?

Anyway, back on the road. I got more funny dialogue with the cops and man, these guys suck. I know this game is from Japan and made in the 90s, but I can't tell if this is pro-cop or anti-cop. I wanna say anti-cop, cause they fight you and everything, but the game doesn't treat them like full-blown antagonists.

On my way to Twoson, I got mushroomed. It was fine at first cause I didn't have any party members to accidentally hit, but then my controls got weird. Luckily, I was in town already when that started, so it became a fun little challenge to get to the hospital.

Hey so quick question: What's with the blue guys? No, not the cult, the guys that attack you in cities? Are they zombies? Drunks? Crazy people? All of the above? They're really weird. I kinda wish they weren't here, cause it makes the cities, a plan of safety in the first game, not so safe anymore.

As for those other blue guys, I don't like them. They kidnapped Bana to sacrifice? Wtf? I got geared up and went over there- I got stopped by a pencil... Well, I went back and got a Hint. I love these by the way, I think I'll be using hints when I get stuck from now on. In Mother 1, I had to use a walkthrough, but they risked spoiling me or making it too easy.

Okay, so the hint told me about the inventor kids. Other people told me about them, but I didn't think they were important and their inventions seemed expensive. I bit the bullet and donated 400 dollars and a cookie to them. Orange gave me his item and I went back- It didn't work...

When I got back through the cave, Red Apple called me and told me to meet with him. I don't know if it was a timed event after paying him, or if I accidently did the right thing by going to the pencil and trying Orange's bomb. Either way, I ran to Red Apple and got the Eraser. NOW, I made the trek.

This area was scary, with all sorts of dangerous enemies, colds, and twists and turns. Somehow, I made my way through even though the Blue Cult broke the first bridge.

In Happy Village, I fixed up my gear and did a little leveling up. This town is a little weird though. I mean in how they treat you at first, it's kind of the perfect representation of a cult. Most members are welcoming and subtly trying to make you join. The more extreme members notice you're a stranger who doesn't want to join, so they attack you. It's creepy. There's paint in their river, and even the cow was convinced!

Worse yet, I was getting homesick. That status condition wasn't in Mother 1, so it's brand new to me. It's very annoying, but I guess I just gotta call Mom regularly now? I thought it was cause there was something in the paint, but I think it's just a timed thing.

What a SHOCKING fight! It was actually pretty fun! Most of his attacks didn't hurt me much, so I just wailed at him with Bashes and Juices. A small detail upped the creepy factor though: the statue. Earlier in the game, I went to X. Agerate's house and he took me to the statue he found. I think this might be the same one! How did it get here? These people know it's dangerous now, but it's not destroyed, so what'll happen to it? I want to break it to bits just to be safe!

Two gangs down and I rescued Bana! She had been sending messages in my dreams. The people of Twoson missed her so much, but the cult had treated her horribly. Of course, I had to save her after all that! It's clear to me that she'll be like Potato(Ana) from Mother 1, but I wonder if her Bashes will be stronger or if she'll get even greater spells. Her learning set and how much damage her spells do are different from Potato, so I have some learning and training to do.

I thought I'd go through the cave while I was there, so I used it as a place to level up Bana. She's now level 15 while Straw is level 21, so the gap is shrinking! Her Teddy Bear helped a lot, it's a great tool for training! I also learned a neat change from Mother 1 that I love!

Say you were fighting two Mega Borg in Mother 1 and you target everyone on the first, leaving the second free from damage on that turn. You'd do that because they're tough so you know you need to take it down with multiple hits. But surprised! Someone landed a SMASH, so it goes down easy. Now your party is wasting PP and time just attacking the air while the second Mega Borg is completely fine! Quite the hypothetical, but it happened to me a lot in Mother 1. Well, they fixed that! Now, if an enemy fails, your characters will instantly target the other one. This is a feature that Pokemon also has. It's very convenient and makes the fights faster-paced.

We'll end this week's update with the Second Melody! I'm not sure what this is supposed to be, a Hat Trail?

So far, I'm loving this game! I had a great time with Mother 1 and this is so much better! I can't forget to mention the amazing music and sprite art, a huge improvement that many might not notice right away. I found myself a few times just walking around, looking at how pretty everything is.

I'm shocked at how much I've done in just a day! This was all last night! All I did this morning before stopping to make this post was leave Happy Village and get back to Twoson. Next, we'll be going to Threed. I'm not sure what my journey has in store, but I'll see you down the road.

#toby fox #earthbound #deltarune #undertale #mother

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jesstinsource · 4 years

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Ok, what's with this sudden wave of pessimism here? We literally know nothing about about s4, we can't piece together a storyline from a few seconds of a trailer

its not JUST the trailer, it;s the rumours and leaks from filming. also i’d rather be pleasantly surprised when justin doesn't die in the last episode than completely heartbroken because i had convinced myself he was gonna live. #selfcare

#ask #anon #ask: s4 #im a pessimist #come on #how many times were y'all here for my emotional breakdowns #over them and this show #there were a lot

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liinos · 3 years

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so 🥴 how I was literally crying bc my dad poked a mildly more than surface level subject and he asked me if I wanted to talk to someone and I said no

#he asked me why and I was just like I don't need to! like oh baby <3 you probably do <3 but what was I supposed to do?#admit I can't do vulnerability that I will Cry if I talk about anything more than superficial stuff that i'm also wayyy to shy to talk to #a stranger about my life? the thought of doing that alone... Fear. some of us are cripplingly shy #i cried doing one of those anonymous vent things in school like. it's DARK for me opening up to a real person #I know I vent on tumblr a lot but <3 that's not to any one person and also I cry doing that so you know #this is more of me ranting into the void than anything #if you see my breakdowns no you don't <3 #the mood is just 'hope I am not a person to you guys but a concept' you know #omg... thinking about how we used to do those like activities or whatever in school and they wanted us to share how we felt about stuff #and I straight up never went to school when I knew we were doing it and just wouldn't participate if they sprung it on us #bc I knew I would probably cry if I had to talk about anything remotely personal so I said <3 you all will not know me like that #i literally do not know as much shame ever as when I cry in front of some like <3 die <3 #cried in math once and then it carried over to my next class and thank god no one said anything bc I would have melted into the floor on #the spot but y'all... people SAW THAT I HATE IT HERE #and then that party where my friends saw me cry bc I was having suchhhh a bad time mentally <3 and then my parents seeing me cry entirely #too many times for my liking :| I literally hate it here people shouldn't be allowed to know me like that #did it sting when people in hs told me they were surprised I laughed bc I seemed very much like a robot sometimes? yes but god what #I would give to go back to those days...#if you see me cry you absolutely did not and we may never speak of it #(the me not being very emotional thing is unrelated to my dislike of vulnerability people in my family are all very muted esp me apparently #but beside the point) the way apparently I've never liked crying in front of people not even my parents... fat L for me <3

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angieloveshua · 2 years

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“My five stars danmei novels.” | Short maybe not that short reasons why I like them.

🎋 —Xiao Mogu.

carrd.

One of the best sci-fi novels I've read in my life, and for the moment, my absolute favourite. The world-building was mind-blowing. The author makes the reader feel the horror of living in an apocalyptic society. PS. If you want to feel more horrified, the end of the world starts in 2020.

An Zhe, a tiny little mushroom, turns into a human. The way he slowly starts to understand human emotions is precious. And Lu Feng, oh, my coronel... 🤧 Their love story will make you cry.

I'll add this quote that symbolises the novel pretty well:

Do not go into that gentle night.

🎋 —Mo Du.

carrd.

This is one of the best crime novels I've read in my life. I think I was wasted all of my braincells understanding the plot. [sighs] If only I was this intelligent with chemistry... Anyways, who cares about chemistry? We're here to talk about Mo Du.

What I love the most about this book is the way everything is connected at the end. You go, “Wow” when you finish it.

The couple dynamic is rivals-to-lovers (chef's kiss). When they start flirting with each other, ho, ho. 👀 And, guys, they have two cats sons!!!

🎋 —Fake Slackers.

carrd.

Fake Slackers has such a happy vibe. ~ I was genuinely happy reading it. If you know me, you know, I'm, cough, a masochist and not that fond of fluff, but this one is one of those exceptions. ♡

I love He Zhao and Xie Yu soooooo much, and the whole classroom too. There were moments they made me laughed a lot.

If you're still in high school, go and read this novel; it will give you good advice. If you want to reminisce your days in school, read it too!

🎋 —MDZS.

carrd.

Ah, my first danmei novel. 🤧 I'm nostalgic. I remember I was so sad when I finished it because I thought I would never find a novel like this.

What can I say? This is a classic. The plot is incredible and so are the characters and the world-building. Lan Wangji remembered me what is like to fall in love with a fictional character. Lan-er-gege, I love you.

And Wei Wuxian, ah, I identified with him in a lot of things. HE'S FUCKING YILING LAZOU. MAD RESPECT. EVERYBODY KNEEL.

Wangxian is still one of my favourite couples, even after all this time.

I have to say that I didn't cry reading the novel, but I was torn down. But then, hahaha, I cried with every single adaptation. It's Xiao Xingchen's fault —I'm weak for the Yi City arc. The crying starts there.

🎋 —Liu Yao.

carrd.

I have two words to say: MY CHILDREN. [breakdowns]

I cried, I have to say, I cried with this one. BUT HOW COULD I NOT?

Fuyao Sect members are my protégé, especially Yan Zhengming. My handsome and narcissistic da-shixiong, I would put my hands on fire for you. He's simply my favourite.

Oh, this novel is such a ride. There are so many feelings. It questions “What is cultivation?,” “What is ascension?,” “How is ascension different from death?” Philosophical, isn't it? As expected from Priest.

Also! The quote that is on bio comes from this novel, and it's simply supreme and when you read that part... [sobbing]

Here is it! Part two of “My five stars danmei novels,” y'all! There are still a lot of novels I love, there will be a part three, don't worry. ~

Read them and suffer (actually, there's not angst in Fake Slackers, so you won't suffer with that one) with me!

#angie recs #danmei #mdzs #liu yao #fake slackers #xiao mogu #mo du #read them please #i crashed into a wall while writing this #danmei recs

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extasiswings · 2 years

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you last post, yeah, exactly. i cannot tell you how many times i saw people complaining about the "lack" of eddie dealing with his trauma or how the show is ignoring it (which for anyone who can observe and notice things it's clear that's not the cause, he's clearly getting worse and worse and close to a breaking point, people just think that trauma can only be show as one single thing, that a person reacting and dealing with their trauma is always in the same specific way) and god it's so frustrating, like, can't you wait? just wait? if not for 5a to be over, then to s5 to be over, or the show to be over, so you can say with certain and with facts that you were right and pat yourself on the back? it's very annoying and that's why i'm mostly on here when it comes to the show, it's way more positive and the experience that i'm curating has being really great and fun. and i would like to thank you because you make things really clear with you galaxy brain. it's a joy being in this part of the fandom, with you and everyone, y'all are lovely!

Oh my god, exactly. I genuinely want to ask people sometimes if we’re watching the same show because come on.

Eddie Diaz has been repressing shit for 30 years. He “doesn’t panic”, he “picks himself up and keeps moving forward.” “Warzones are [his] thing.” This is a man who felt like his only outlet for the guilt and shame and grief and anger he felt after his wife died was to join a secret street fighting club because he wasn’t allowed to just feel those feelings and talk about them and process them in a normal, healthy way. This is a man who thinks that in order to be a good parent, he has to have his shit together and be in control 100% of the time so having panic attacks? Actually acknowledging or processing his trauma? Lol no, he’s not gonna do that.

What we saw at the beginning of the season was Eddie having panic attacks that were clearly about both Ana AND the shooting (the scene of Eddie freezing on the air traffic control call, my beloved), but Eddie insisting they were exclusively about Ana. And Ana was the easiest thing he could deal with—he broke up with her and it was slapping a bandaid on a bullet hole (no pun intended). He stopped having panic attacks, he was able to reset his walls and defenses a little bit.

But yeah, he’s absolutely breaking down. He was exhausted and fraying in the hospital in Home and Away. He kept it together during the hostage situation but started to snap near the end after Mitchell shot himself and then distanced himself from everyone and ended the episode once again exhausted and fraying climbing into Christopher’s bed. He came as close to having a public breakdown as we’ve arguably ever seen from him in Defend in Place (because again THIS IS NOT A MAN WHO HAS PUBLIC BREAKDOWNS! HE BARELY EVEN HAS PRIVATE BREAKDOWNS!).

Eddie is not okay! And they have been twisting the knife and turning up the tension by throwing him into situation after situation with injured/dying/dead children no less. And they have simultaneously let the will and the shooting hang out there over everything in this agonizing silence of “Things Buck and Eddie Are Not Talking About”. And now we’re getting Christmas and an emotional/upset Christopher? Hello????

Anyway…yeah, they’re not ignoring his trauma, they’re not ignoring the shooting or the will, but there are 9 episodes left in the season and Eddie’s long-held coping mechanisms of repression and “I will keep all my feelings right here and then one day I’ll die” are not going to go quietly into that good night. And if you expected them to, idk what to say other than maybe rewatch S2-4 again.

(I’m so glad I can contribute to making a positive space for you! Thanks!)

#chapel talks #ask #pearwson

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redspiderling · 3 years

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MCU Breakdown: Black Widow, Part 1

I can’t believe this is happening 😭

First of all, congratulations to all of you who’ve been here all these years. We got it. We begged for years, and it’s finally here.

For once I wasn't dreading revisiting this film to write down what I got from it. I felt more like I might not do it justice. This film is so special to me, but here it is, the MCU Breakdown of Black Widow, part 1 (of who knows how many).

I remember back when I started running this blog and talking about a hypothetical Black Widow movie that had never been announced, always "yeah, we would be happy to do it, maybe, someday in the future", and arguing that it would be important for women and girls, no matter its content. I'm so glad we got it like this. So, so glad.

The rest under the cut.

Let's start with some technical details. The film has a lot of setups and callbacks, nothing is done in chance. For example, I love how the light, and the sounds we hear when we first, and last, see Natasha in the film, are the same. We greet her in bright -birds cheeping- morning light, while she's riding her bike home, to her family

and we leave her in bright -birds cheeping- morning light, while she's riding her bike home, to her family (I'm using the term family very liberally here in reference to the Avengers for the sake of the movie, bear with me, you know how I feel about those dudes).

It's signifying new beginnings, each time, not endings. Notice how, what we see is natural light, which makes this scene pop out, and look more real because the light is coming from the sun, and isn’t artificially made on VFX software. You will notice the stark differences in colours and lighting when the emotions and the atmosphere change in this film, because there is a visual language being employed here, the director has a story to say, and she uses all the tools she has to tell it. The light is exactly the same in those 2 scenes, because Cate wants us to make that connection, even if we make it unconsciously.

Natasha is placed in such a positive way, both at the start and the end of the film. There's this discussion about how "real" their little family was, but it was the characters that muddled up that image. The reality of their lives in Ohio is presented in a happy way, that had deep rivers under the surface, for sure. This wasn't accidental, for a lot of reasons.

First of all, if you take it the literal way, they were spies, and had to present themselves as normal. If you take it the allegorical way, any girl could fall victim to trafficking, and if you take it the character way, both Scarlett and Cate wanted to showcase that Natasha is human. They also wanted to give her something that wasn't always dripping with pain and sadness. They were both parts of her life, yes, but there was also joy, and light, and once upon a time she had been a kid, playing with her sister.

Also, and this has been mentioned before but it bears repeating: I love the actress they chose for young Natasha, and I love how they presented her character. She's allowed to be a young teenage girl. She's not sexualised. She's at that gangly stage between childhood and adulthood, and there's nothing sexual about it, no provocative clothing, no excessive makeup. She's a kid.

Plus, I know Cate said the actress already had her hair dyed blue and they just decided to let her have it, but I think it works well for Natasha's character. That small act of defiance, even that early on, against the system that wanted to break her. Also, the film gives us such great character moments, because they let the camera roll and don't rush through scenes, look at Natasha looking at Melina comforting Yelena. We can see the pain, the fear, where she knows that this isn't going to last, and wonders about what will become of them once their lives begin to unravel.

We also get to see the joy on her face, the wonder of discovering the world, how often do you get to see Marvel characters do this, just live in the moment?

Bioluminescence: the production and emission of light by a living organism. Or how Natasha is a bright light, that shines from within. Not my words, Cate Shortland's words. I felt it when I was watching this scene, but it was lovely to have it verified in one of her interviews. I wish I could meet her, and tell her that everything she wanted to put on screen came through, incandescent and crystal clear. Fireflies are a symbol for Natasha, as a bright light that shines from within, and never dies.

Small details that I love, the magnet on the fridge: Don't forget, above a picture of Natasha. LIKE WE EVER COULD, CATE.

We have another setup here, where the family gathers up to have dinner together. Even the sitting arrangement is the same as later on in the film.

Notice also how both young, and adult version of Natasha, communicate so well with Melina, just with their eyes. It doesn't necessary show a deep history between them, but it does show a bone deep level of understanding. Not just of their current circumstance, but of their future, and of what it will do to them. Melina knows what's coming and she's says it "I'm sorry", but they're both resigned to their fate, Melina because she doesn't see a way out, and Natasha because, well, here she's a kid, and therefore is powerless.

The dynamics between Yelena and Alexei is so different. Yelena is young and doesn't understand, so they're speaking about completely different things. "I don't have my shoes" is what she says, and it's heartbreaking in its innocence, as Alexei is loading his gun and reading himself for battle. We can still see that he's not indifferent to her, telling her she can have "fruit loops in the car". He's not a monster, he just doesn't have a choice (or at least, he thinks he doesn't).

Also, notice how the camera angles are employed here: Natasha and Melina look each other eye to eye, Yelena looks up to Alexei, Alexei looks down on her, there is an imbalance of power and understanding in the second set of images, and the camera tells us that.

Melina doesn't let Natasha take the photo album. For one thing, it's certain that Natasha wouldn't be able to keep it. For another, Melina wanted the memories, and probably didn't want anyone else to realise/think that they cared about their little family unit.

There's just a lot of thought that's been put in the details of the script, to show us their bond, their attempts to hide it, to show the characters' personality in everything around them (notice the plants that are ever present in Melina's home, in Ohio and later in Saint Petersburg). She might seem cold, she has been through a lot, but she cares. And that care has brought her pain. And we have to see that pain, because we get the quiet moments like this one, where she stands alone in an empty home knowing that part of her life is over, never to return.

The mission, is the last thing Melina asks about. The last thing Alexei mentions, the last thing either of them cares about. First, she refused to accept that they had completed the mission and were now hunted, then she accepted it and they loaded their family in the car, and then she asked about the leaked files.

Also, notice how that shot is framed. Both images silhouetted by the light because it’s the moment and the prop smack down in the middle of the frame that’s important, now what they’re going through, emotionally, they’re not themselves in that moment, they’re nameless, tools of the trade, expendable in front of that tiny floppy disk.

Yelena is singing while the rest are plunging in despair, but still humour her and play her song.

I found this shot a bit... Jarring. I get it that for American audiences this would show that they're actually leaving "home" behind, but for the rest of us... Eeeh, I'll give it a pass because it is an American production and this is just something to be expected. I mean, Yelena's song was American Pie. We get it, you still love America, just because you're making a film about Russian spies doesn't mean you're a commie Marvel, it's ok.

But in any case, the setup for the action scene here was excellent. Happy, familiar music playing, car is on the main road, car goes off the main road familiar music gets toned down and eventually completely lost in the darkness.

Yelena knows what to do, we see it, so that we know that this 6 year old girl who holds her stuffed animal and walks barefoot has practiced for this moment.

By the way, Natasha did take another item with her along with the photobooth pictures (it also looks like a photo album with Disney princesses on it), it didn't survive the trip. We are informed of this for a very specific reason: Melina didn’t ask Natasha not to take the photo album out of malice, or just because she wanted to keep it for herself. She knew it wouldn’t survive the trip in Natasha’s hands. We also get a close shot of the image strip (and we get it again, during the credits), because it will be important, later on.

Bet y'all also forgot you were watching a superhero movie until this happened? That wasn't accidental, they wanted us to see them as normal people, this is the moment when that ends.

Natasha saved her family, even though she was a terrified kid.

I know that they did the huge titles thing to connect this film to Civil War but... Listen, Civil War needed the huge titles because that script and the way that movie was directed was a complete disaster. We needed to know where the characters were each time with huge ass title because there was NO OTHER WAY TO TELL. Between complete lack of a timeline, and the fact that you couldn't even tell what time of the day it was due to the horrible lighting, you definitely couldn't tell what the location was because it was irrelevant to the plot like, 90% of the time. Not to mention the title cards in Civil War were usually followed by dimly lit grey corridors so, yeah, give us a title so we know at least where they are, generally.

This film. Didn't Need That. For the most part anyway, there are 2 locations where the titles worked. First one was Ohio, the other I'll reveal later.

But here. Guys, they're Russian spies escaping from the US on a small plane... Where else would they go if not to Cuba?!?! This is the Black Widow movie paying for the sins of Civil War, in a small way in this instance.

Yelena tells Melina that pain only makes you stronger, Natasha cries, and they setup my heartbreak for later.

Natasha protecting Yelena, terrified, and staring men down the barrel of her gun anyway. Such a badass and heartbreaking callback.

Notice how this scene makes us look at how men view this. There's an allegory here as well, but I'll address what's actually happening in the film:

Dreykov notices Natasha's natural instinct to protect herself and her sister, and all he sees is something he can use. A tool for violence, instead of sex, in this case. But the implication is there. Not a person, or a terrified girl, just an object to be used by men.

So glad that piece of shit got blown up and never mentioned again. Any man looking for exposition on Dreykov to feel the "loss" when the villain is gone: Fuck you. Go get some therapy.

Moving on from that piece of shit, difference between Melina and Alexei: Melina apologised. Alexei lied, but he also tried to give them hope. We can see the devastation, because the soldiers never thought of them as girls like he did, and didn't blink before drugging them and taking them away.

Yet another setup, of Natasha and Yelena, drugged and powerless as they are taken away. Because it wasn't enough that they were kids, they took away all their choices, and rendered them unconscious.

What can I possibly say about this credits scene.

It's very real, probably the realest minutes in the entire MCU, and it's merciless. They don't try to sugar-coat what's happening, and there are no jokes to diffuse the drama. These are girls being trafficked from all over the world. I don't know about you but I felt the switch from true parallel to real life traffic victims like this shot that looks like footage from Interpol

to Red Room victims as being a clear shift, and I was actually grateful for it. Because here I could put my back against the fact that the red room wasn't real, otherwise I would have broken down before the credit sequence even ended.

It was a stroke of genius to create an introduction to this entire world like that. We rarely see credit sequences anymore and it's a shame, because when they're well done they tell stories in and of themselves, and this is one of the best I've seen.

Even the villain is set up here. He's pointing at girls and saying "that one, and her", like he's picking pigs for slaughter. How much more setup than that do you need, to want to murder that man dead? Not any more, that was enough.

Nobody speak to me I’m crying.

Subtle, but there. Trafficking (and traffickers) exists because it IS being tolerated by governments around the world.

Unnecessary title aside, who else says Natasha looks at herself in the mirror hear and repeats "pain only makes you stronger", as she's being hunted away from yet another family.

Then she's saying it again because it bears repeating and Natasha has been through A Lot these past few years. I love how unfiltered our first image of her is. After all she's been through, we basically see her stripped of all her tricks in a moment where she’s alone with herself and her thoughts(something we later learn she tries not to do much), and she's just a woman having a tiny breakdown in a semi-public bathroom. Again, human.

This is where I will leave you for this first part. Hey, I got through the intro, I count that as a win given just how long this breakdown has already been. If you’ve gotten this far, thank you for reading, come yell at me in my inbox whenever, see you for the next one xo

#MCU Breakdown #Black Widow #Black Widow Spoilers #Natasha Romanoff #I'd like to think that all my followers have already seen it but just in case

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youwontlikethisblog · 3 years

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Betty, My Betty! Part 2.5 (Hopefully the last one)

Alrighty, I think this will be my last post for tonight? This morning? But it is still in the same vine of Armando being possessive so he is the main subject of this breakdown but I will also be discussing Mario a lot here so this in an attempt to be the final post regarding this episode will be a lengthy one.

Again I accidently bought the bootleg version of the novela so some scenes and episodes are missing as well as the chapters aren't titled.

We are in the same episode of Armando reacting to Betty having a boyfriend.

Right now Betty is exiting her office, she just hung up the phone with Nicolas who warned her that they needed to pay a loan to the bank because their 24 or 27 days were up.

Mario is leaning over Armando's desk and Armando is leaning forward as they are both discussing and whispering (that part is so short you can't really pick at what they're talking about but you can imagine what it is. I'm assuming that while Mario was telling Armando not to question or judge Betty on her personal life that Betty was in her office on the phone with Nicolas and when Mario leaned forward to talk to Armando Betty was about to end her call so they are essentially talking about how to go about finding out who Betty's boyfriend is) something I cannot hear. As Betty fully exits her office Mario moves from being up front to in the back of the room by the doors that take us to the meeting room. He looks Betty down and up as if checking her out.

This small frame(I don't know if when they were whispering it was them arguing over Mario's proposal of the plan or if Mario hadn't proposed it yet and it was just them talking about how to find out who Nicolas is because again, since this bootleg version isn't the complete one some scenes are missing so I could be wrong about this one! but the episode I saw on NBC showed the exact same scene so I'm going by the first "(red)" in the paragraph above) allows us to depict Mario coming up or starting to scheme the plan.

We know Mario Calderon will screw anything that has legs, wears skirts, and breathes and consents that is(<-hopefully). Every woman who has had a seggsual relationship with him has said so. Marcela warned Paty about it before they got involved so I'm assuming that in this scene Mario is checking out Betty to see if it's possible for someone to really love(lust) her and if not than he needs to figure out a plan and a way to convince Armando to follow through said plan.

When you're writing a novel you write down the key points you want to make but as you imagine certain scenes you really delve into detail of characterization. You make sure that whatever happens in that scene that your characters behave as themselves. So you really spend time getting to know your characters. This is a general rule of thumb for any creative writer. The plus of being a novelist or writing literature is that you can really go deep into details and write scenes in really long poetic ways. I don't know how to write scripts but I've read some from TV shows I've watched and they are written differently than a novel. Scripts have more dialogue than poetic descriptions and they are usually blunt with what the writer wants from each character in that scene.

For example: (Take this with a grain of salt I don't know how to write scripts I am going off based on how I've read them)

Ana walks into the room. The camera focuses on her face. There's lighting outside and we see the lighting flash on her face.

Julian turns to see her. He is surprised to see her. He thought she was dead. He stands up slowly. The camera focuses on his face and then Ana's.

She smiles at him, tears forming in her eyes.

"Is that re-really you?" He stutters. He then walks slowly towards her.

In a script you write where the camera goes, where the actors move, the facial expressions, the mood of the room, and so forth. Yes directors do have a say on how they choreograph scenes and actors can add their own two cents but script writers have a pretty good idea of everything that is going on the scene and why it is. If in novel writing(that's not the correct term) we focus a lot on how the reader will imagine the scene and being able to correctly and artistically discribe it as well as how they will understand it because we are not focusing on visual cues like script writers but rather focused on using words to be able to paint a inner visual picture than in scripts the writer usually focuses on tone and movement. The same rule still stands though; show don't tell.

Why do I even bring this up?

This helps us understand that what is shown here isn't just an accident. We aren't being fed what we're told, we are being fed what we see. What we see is the final vision of the writer. Fernando Gaitan was the only one to write this novel and he wrote every detail with the intention of it to mean something.

I have no doubt that the actors added their own flavor as they are excellent actors and the reason why we were able to fall in love with these character. The directing is amazing as well. The scene cuts, the frames, and the choreo are amazing(tho some stills are funny and y'all know which ones) but the writing has a lot to do with it. If anyone is a script writer or knows what that's about correct me if I'm wrong!

I say this because what we are being told and shown is that Armando had feelings for Betty and not a crush like Betty did. He actually cared about her, as a friend. I know many don't agree with that because Armando was a crappy boss. We see them always interact as boss and employee but the reason why I continue to bring up the fact that he started to blur those lines is because we were being told and shown that.

Armando is mechanical. He is emotionless to the outsiders. As he once told Betty that she probably thinks he is a man of ice and later on in the future we see Betty daydream telling Marcela that she knows Armando acts like he's got a heart of stone but deep inside of him he needs a lot of love. However Armando isn't a man of iron and he tells that to Betty himself.

We are told this but what are we shown?

We are shown an erratic, often driven by emotion, and neutronic person. Now the people he has surrounded himself with aren't the most loving and welcoming people. They are pretty judgy and stuck up. So often the emotions he shows and knows how to distinguish well are anger, frustration, and most of all being erratic with the emotions mentioned above. These emotions drive him. The people around him think that he is a man of stone and that nothing moves him. However we then meet a woman who isn't like that at all or like any of the people he has surrounded himself with.

This person is kind, loving, respectful, and sweet to everyone. She loves her job, loves her friends, loves her family and secretly loves her boss. In a very poetic way Betty is color in an otherwise black and white world. She brings warmth to Armando and because they work so closely, how is he not supposed to be affected by this? How is he not supposed to be changed and moved by this?

He is an awe of her morals, of Betty's qualities and her general presence and though we aren't bluntly told this by the characters themselves we are shown this and it's not by accident and not by mistakes of post production.

Take a break if you need it.

It isn't an accident that we see Mario so much in these scenes just standing in the background taking it all in because he truly is the mastermind behind Betty's downfall. He truly mapped out and planned the way to seduce Betty and how to manipulate Armando and didn't even care if it hurt her or his best friend. What he cared about was that his best friend remained President because titles mean everything to him. As we saw in the past when Armando and him were arguing over the deal with the Panamanian fabric seller, while Armando focused on how it not only affected him and the major shareholders but everyone, Mario reminded him that he was also a minority shareholder, but a shareholder nonetheless. Armando's inner turmoil was that he was jeopardizing the livelihood of not only the company's shareholders, and his family but the entire company's employee roster while Mario was more focused on himself, telling him that he too had a lot to lose but not understanding what really weighted down Armando's shoulders.

Think about it, Mario in a sense is a leech. He gets the crumbs of women Armando doesn't want. If I'm not mistaken in the spinoff Eco Moda Mario himself says that women only ever showed interest in him because they wanted to get close to Armando. Mario lives off of the crumbs of Armando, not only with women but socially. Armando is one of the major shareholders of Eco Moda, he's attractive, charismatic, and an important figure in society and not only among the Fashion world like Mario is. Mario Calderon wasn't going to let his best friend lose the title of being President for anything because than it would be bad for him. It would be bad for his reputation to have been his close friend and accomplice to Armando while also being a part of a disastrous presidency term in the company.

Mario is charismatic, one could even say a lot more than Armando seeing as I myself even like him even when I know all of this about his character. I find him funny, charming, and at times endearing but of course that's when you look at him on a surface level.

Mario Calderon is despicable. He is downright selfish and egocentric down to the bone. He maps out this plan so easily because he knows his two victims well. He has seen Armando's disagreements with Marcela, he has witnessed first hand Armando's change towards Betty and silently observed Betty's interactions with Armando. He himself has thrown out his conclusions on Betty's actions by a simple snip bits of conversation that he's either been in the room to hear or heard from Armando himself.

Who better to make Betty fall in love than Armando? Because Betty has those feelings there and who better to do be the one to do this than Armando? Not only because those feelings are there but because Armando can stomach the job. The man who is confused about his feelings and behaving erratically and emotionally driven than Armando?

Because Armando proposes for Calderon to do it. At first Calderon is grossed out by the idea but Armando presents everything telling him he isn't the boss, that he has no morals and he was perfect for the job. Mario agrees with all of that, even asks for a bigger percentage of shareholding and Armando agrees. This gives us the understanding that Mario would be willing to seduce Betty.

I realize this contradicts my own personal opinion that Armando agreed to do this because it meant he was saving Betty from Nicolas but lets remember that Armando was afraid to face those feelings and he wasn't even aware that they were there. Here Armando and Mario weren't talking about love, as he thinks Betty is so in love with Nicolas that he is her eternal love and that Nicolas would take advantage of that and poison her against them, they are talking about seduction, meaning seggsual. Which I've said before Armando thinks lust is love and therefore that if he ain't wanting to jump they bones in that instant that it cain't be love therefore my mans thought he had no feelings for Betty(idk why bc we do get two scenes where he checks her out briefly (I am sure of this because it's the episode where Betty tripped and was limping and when Mario brought it up Armando asked if she didn't already walk like that, if he had been noticing her walk than he would have been aware of the limp but his eyesight went from the top of Betty's head all the way down. Do with that information what you'd like :)) and where he gets jealous when Charlie Zas kissed her cheek(someone once said that they were celos de jefe and excuse me ma'am jealousy is jealousy and a normal boss would not feel that. If my boss or manager ever did that I woulda done been fired in that instant))

Take a break if you need it.

Okay return back to this scene.

While Calderon does this mila second rundown of Betty, Armando and him share a stare. Either Armando wants the room to himself or is looking at him for a confidence boost. Then Mario nods and lets him know he'll leave them be.

Armando sticks to the script by not removing his trust from Betty. Instead he encourages her and congratulates her on doing things well.

In this scene while Betty has been entirely focused on the work at hand and being professional Mario was busy assessing the situation while Armando... is hard to read here. He is keeping himself composed rather than being emotionally driven or erratic or neurotic. In truth he is showing one of his best traits so far, composure. When he is sure of what he wants to happen Armando is really good at keep composure, feelings at bay, and controlling the situation. Something he later loses as he begins to get more lost and confused in his own feelings and understanding them.

Betty here is endearing, honestly I find Betty endearing at all times lol. She's super cute and such a good sport since her character is written to capture your heart, not by sympathy but by empathy. Again just like Armando how are we not supposed to be affected by such a sweet character? Constantly putting her feelings aside for Armando's, who hasn't done that? We empathize with her because at some point or another we've been her and ironically it's the exact same reason why we sympathize and empathize with Armando because at some point or another we've all been there where we let the worse get the best of us and we've learned to live with it and deal with it same as he.

As Betty starts to leave the office Armando calls her name, stands up in a slow but steady way showing us that he is the one in control in this situation. His tone is controlled but not enough where you don't hear that resent.

"Betty you didn't hadn't told me you've got a boyfriend"

Betty looks taken aback by this behavior of his. As she stares at him a bit shocked and rocks on her feet, seeming uncomfortable with this but also worried.

Armando proceeds to say "and that that boyfriend is Nicolas Mora, your friend from university. The one you've got in Terra Moda" Notice how now there is a waiver in his voice and he no longer is being as composed or in control of his emotions. As he for split seconds allows those emotions of jealousy and possessiveness to sweep through his tone of voice.

In this scene Armando isn't so much giving us body language as he is stiff, showing nervousness and discomfort himself, often we see this whenever Marcela is interrogating him but he is giving us tonality in voice.

Again the sequence as he names the list of what and who Nicolas is shows priority. First, Nicolas is Betty's boyfriend, that guy she's talked about who she went to university with, and she's got him working in Terra Moda. His priority: Betty has a boyfriend. He knows who said boyfriend is and he knows what he does.

Betty tells him that she doesn't have a boyfriend: "Ay ay no Doctor, eso no es cierto." Betty normally has a waiver her voice whenever she's nervous or scared so it's not unlike her to have it here, she smiles and chuckles nervously. In translation what she says is lost so by interpretation this is what she said "Hmm? No sir... um that's not true."

Armando's tone is now accusing her. He seems angered by Betty's "denial" as he tells her "It's not true? I heard it-" we then get a frame of Betty's reaction. She is truly concerned over this as we later find out at the end of the day that she was worried that it could cause Don Armando to build distrust towards her. Again we are shown that Betty is keeping it all professional whilst Armando isn't.

"I heard when Bertha told you, right in front of me. [Y'all] started gossiping, didn't notice I was there. You both forgot about me, no Betty?"* He is shaking as if agitated and he sports a cocky smile because he feels like he caught her in her own lie.

[*]This could be taken in a double sense. In his eyes Betty was so excited about hearing that her "eternal love" called her that she forgot he was in the room and in a figurative way, Betty forgot him.

Betty's understanding of his behavior is rational. He's upset that she withheld vital information from him after she told him she had nothing else to hide(when he interrogated her the previous night) and this is related to a professional work related situation.

Armando now sports similar traits to that of Marcela when she is looking for reasons to act out on her anger. Armando is agitated as stated before and while Betty goes to explain herself Armando grabs his glass of whisky, not taking his eyes off Betty and drinks(cantinero, otro whisky!(Now his behavior here is very interesting because as he grabs the glass to drink from it he takes in a deep breath. At first I interpreted this for anger but after seeing it a few times I realize it's panic. While at first he was composed and sure of what he was feeling which was anger, now he is faced with uncertainty from feelings he doesn't recognize and he doesn't know where this conversation is going to head or how he'll react or feel so he enters panic mode)). She tells him that it was something the cuartel came up with because she once mentioned Nicolas and since then they haven't gotten it out of their heads that he is her boyfriend "I don't have anything with him."

Then relief starts to wash over him as Betty's final words are reassuring him that she doesn't have a boyfriend. In this frame Armando no longer has a drink in hand and he doesn't seem as tense as before.

"Definite? We're sure of that?"

Betty chuckles and nods and his tone of voice returns to being soft spoken and calm, even hopeful as he tells her "Okay, okay it was only curiosity." (What kind of curiosity tho?;))

Betty leaves his office and has a slight smile and was on the brink of a daydream when Sofia interupts her from doing that.

I have this dumb theory where Aura Maria and Freddy are in some way a parallel of Betty and Armando except that Aura Maria takes on the role of Armando while Freddy takes on the role of Betty and if y'all want I'll write a post explaining this.

Take a break if you need it.

Skip a scene we've got Armando interacting with Freddy. Usually everyone pays the burnt of Armando's anger and in this scene he looks anything but angry. He actually humors Freddy which allows us to know that after that conversation with Betty, he has one less problem(you know the one that topped all the others). He then laughs at Freddy(I find it ironic that Freddy told him that what Jenny and him have is strictly professional at which Armando laughs and repeats the same thing. The reason I find it ironic is because we as an audience know that what J & F have is not strictly professional and the conversation Armando just had with Betty wasn't strictly profession. In other words, Fernando Gaitan has a good sense of humor) and tells him to show him his lil dancy dance and leaves to go to Mario's Office.

When he enters his office he informs him he spoke to Betty about that infamous boyfriend.

"What did she say?" Mario asks.

"Well no, that she doesn't have a boyfriend." his smiles and says happily. He the catches him up on the gossip.

While Armando is now showing an array of emotion and excitement Mario is poker face, fidgeting with his pen and studying Armando.

He tells him "You know what this means? That I'm a happy man!" he chuckles and looks around the room as if really taking in the news and letting the relief settle in. "What a relief, finally some good news today, ah" he says the final part as if he were an italian chef. This lets us know that Armando is truthfully relieved to find out that Betty, his Betty is single and that he is still her special man.

In the previous post I talked about how Armando went about listening his excuses to start drinking early that day and how he basically went going from his smallest problem to the biggest one as he says that the one that topped all of his other problems was Betty having a boyfriend.

See, all his other problems were a cause of stress and anger, emotions he is very familiar with so they don't disconcert him however, jealousy or fear of losing Betty, are new territory for him that alone freaked him out but the fact Betty had a boyfriend was enough to just push the boy just close enough to the edge he needed a drink so early in the morning because it was anguish.

Mario tells him he has never seen him so relieved and happy to find out a woman doesn't have a boyfriend to which we pan out to see Armando roll his eyes and slouch against the chair, annoyed at Mario's insinuation once again.

Mario reminds him of the last time he saw that same expression on him which was when he found out some woman was separated from her husband. Armando then tells him not to diminish the good news because it meant Betty hadn't ommited any information from him.

To really bring this post to the full potential of it being analytical let us break this down.

Why was it important for him that Betty not omit information from him? Especially relating to something so personal and intimate of Betty's life outside of the office? (Again the argument that this is only about Eco Moda and Terra Moda are disproven in the previous post).

[EDIT: Sometimes as I write I've got two ideas at the same time and forget to finish writing them. It wasn't only important for the reasons mentioned below but because he does in fact want to know more about Betty as he later tells Bertha the same thing].

Armando went through the five stages of grief.

Anger, denial, anger, denial, more denial, and then moving on.

He did not accept that Betty had a boyfriend therefore when she told him she didn't he fully believed her, didn't ask more questions.

For Armando Betty's character means a lot. I don't mean the individual personification of Betty as a fictional character in this novela I mean as in her inner self and what she represent. To him Betty represent stability, comfort, unconditionality, honesty, and most of all fidelity and loyalty and the last three qualities are what he is always naming. If she withheld something from him it would mean that Betty was no longer that. She no longer would be an object of reassurance and comfort but like everyone else she'd become an unpredictable and untrustworthy individual in his life. Some one more that he needed to keep at arm's length or pretend around.

Armando has gotten a taste of being around someone who doesn't judge him when he is himself and doesn't hold it over him when he makes mistakes based on his neurotic nature or anger issues. Instead he has been around someone who understand he's like that, someone who is patient and knows how to call him out on it and how to handle his erratic behavior so he has learned to let his guard down little by little and found a niche of comfort in his assistant but if she lied to him it would take all of that away. It would be betrayal in his eyes.

That's why it was so important to him that Betty didn't keep secret from him. Especially seeing as they were forming a friendship that was based on honesty and respect towards each other. This explains why that was important to him. It's important for him to have trust in her.

However we ain't kidding anyone because his reaction was possessive over Betty because Betty has given all of these things to Armando, who has never really received them without some fine print, and he doesn't want to share her with anyone else. This is possessiveness and it is not love or romantic. It is a toxic trait because not one person belongs to someone and Armando feels that Betty belongs to him. Be it romantically, platonically, or work related, a person is a human being and they do not belong as an object or property to anyone.

Armando is a very emotionally immature individual and this shows us that.

Mario then proceeds to be his classical self, which is to sow the seed of paranoia in his best friend as he starts to point out that her friends wouldn't be saying that if Betty hadn't given them a reason. His hands clasped in front of him show a position of power. Right now he is holding the cards and he is well aware of that.

Right as he see the reaction he wanted from Armando he leaves him to ferment so to speak in the paranoia he has left in him. Armando becomes nervous all over again and susceptible to it.

He is left with himself and he says "Y quien es el.." now if you're hispanic or latino you'll find the humor in how that scene ends as he starts to sing in a sorrowful tone a very romantic and a song that I'd say most listen to when dealing with a break up "y en que lugar se enamoro de ti?"

Which translate to "And what is he like? and in what place did he fall in love with you?"

I won't read too much into that as I'm sure it was written in for humor or added in for the humor effect as we've had some pretty heavy emotionally driven scenes in this episode but I do think it's an ironic placement of humor.

Now to bring the final scene that I will be discussing regarding Armando finding out about Betty's boyfriend we come full circle with Armando asking Bertha about it.

He acts charismatic, composed and professional to get Bertha to talk to him.

"The subject is the following: I've got a long time working with Betty and It's just until now that I find out she's got boyfriend. Do you know who he is?"

"Well like really know? No, because she's so reserved"

He then with a pierced mouth nods. Again those feelings are creeping back up. I get it. He's feeling paranoia, distrust, betrayed, hurt, offended, scared, jealous, possessive and angry but this proves what I mentioned about Armando having his guard up at all times because he doesn't show any of this to Bertha, at least not enough where she picks up but because we as an audience are given so much detail regarding his character, we can.

Quickly he asks her "And you don't know how long she's been dating him?" brings us full circle again. The same tone he had with Betty when he told her that he was in the same room as her when Bertha said that she had a boyfriend, minus the smirk and actual reaction of his, once again proves that Armando knows when to show his reaction and how to be in control and composed.

Bertha proceeds to tell him the "actual" story in which she tells him "dating dating? No, but he does have her eating from the palm of his hand because she's stupidly in love with him." and we hear Armando gasp and say "No." we then get a frame of his face which shows us... the opiset of happiness, joy, relief, tranquility, peace, serenity but with someone trying to be composed.

Bertha tells him that Mariana read her the cards and said that he was Betty's dream man and that he was going to change her life and she was going to change his life. I don't care for that but for the sake of this breakdown I'll mention it.

We know that Betty's dream man is Armando, not Nicolas. However everyone else thinks it's Nicolas. Armando's facial expression shows someone once again panicking.

He not only finds out that Betty has boyfriend, now it turns out she didn't just omit something from him but lied when he asked her and to top it off she so happens to be stupidly in love with him and on top of all of that he is Betty's dream man and to finish it off, he will change her life and she will change his life in the mildest of riches, meaning with Betty becoming the sole owner of Eco Moda and Terra Moda, making her rish rish $$$.

This is when it no longer is just about his mixed up feelings for Betty but now the entire livelihood of his family and everyone that works for Eco Moda.

Eco Moda is Armando's pride and joy. He does love that company which is why he started that scheme in the first place because he didn't want to lose it, let his father down, prove Daniel right, and throw away 30 plus year of his father's work and life time(Also as we're told because of his goals). The company means a great deal to him and in ways he's not aware of yet, so does Betty.

However someone is aware of this, not to the deep knowledge that Armando has regarding whatever he thinks he is feels towards Betty but they've got some sort of idea regarding this and they innact and come up with a plan to secure the company, the presidency, and his statues and reputation.

Step one: Tell Armando that he needs to make Betty fall in love with him to secure the company. Women in love will do anything for the one they love therefore if he beats Nicolas to the goal we secure the company. It worked with Paty(he's stupid so his logic doesn't work)

Step two: Convince Armando that he is the right candidate for the job. If that doesn't work, manipulate him with paranoia and make him fear Betty. If that doesn't work, tell him you were sure that Betty was in love with him before you found out about Nicolas.

Step three: Tell Armando I will be in charge of all the corny details because he will freak out and get way over his head and ruin the plan.

Step four: make fun of him.

Step five: Go on a trip and write a letter that explains the entire plan in detail and leave it on my desk without telling my secretary to not let anyone touch it or go near it except Armando so that she can go into my office, and I know how she likes to be nosy, and she can then think it's in the wrong office and give it to her assistant who takes care of all of his stuff, literally, and she finds it, reads it and does exactly what I was afraid of and made my best friend afraid of as well and that will then bring her downfall, his downfall, therefore the entire company's downfall.

Step six: never realize how stupid I am or take full accountability for it and apologize sincerely for all the wrong and harm I have caused.

Obviously I'm not saying Armando is innocent or that he didn't do anything wrong. He did. He allowed his best friend to manipulate him when he said he wouldn't listen to him again(the panama thing), he allowed his best friend to make fun of Betty and was a coward to admit his true feelings not only to himself but to his best friend. He was a willing(felt guilty for it but nonetheless willing) participant in the plan.

By now breaking down these past episodes and scenes allows us to understand where Armando was coming from so we can sympathize just a bit for him and his confusion and how he was so easily manipulated by Mario, however this doesn't mean he isn't guilty. At the start of it he too to some degree thought no one could love Betty, (yes we later find out that he did care for her as he tells Mario that he feels endearment for Betty and he looks relieved to find that out. I will be breaking down that scene when I get to it) because of her physicality (I already talked about this but when the time is right I will go into deep detail regarding this part of Armando's character).

It is eleven AM. I have been writing this post for the past seven hours and I am beat and tired. I hope this makes sense.

Once again, 'til next time.

HAHAHA OKAY I FORGOT TO ADD SOME COMMENTARY ON THE REST OF THIS SCENE.

[Edit:

Bertha proceeds to tease Armando about him liking gossip and being Nosey. He gets annoyed at her but in order to get the information he wants he stays composed and tells her that he just wants to know about Betty.

"It's not that[I like gossip], it's just that this is about someone who is really close to me everyday-who I work really close with- and truth be told I am a little curious about Betty's life. You know, one just imagine her a little ugly and with boyfriend...? You know? Why don't you tell me the whole thing?"

At first he is a being defensive while trying to justify the fact he is being nosey. His tone then changes to endearing as he tells her "truth be told I am a little curious about Betty's life." and his face goes along with the tone as he says "you know, one just imagines her a little ugly-" he catches himself and say "and with boyfriend...?"

Overall what we have learned here is that Armando is really good at dismissing his feelings on the spot, suppressing them, and running away from them(I too do that and it's a pain in the butt). He does this as a sport.

Bertha then tells him "The thing is that Betty doesn't like it much for you to know about her private life." and this again offends Armando as he straightens his face and stares at Bertha in shock and as Bertha says "How is it, Sir..." and he quickly sits down to listen to her. "that this morning when we left your office she pulled me aside and told me that she didn't want you to know about her intimate life?" he rubs his chin, eyes still on Bertha and whispers "Really?"

Armando knows that Bertha can't tell half a gossip so instead of asking her to keeping telling him, practically begging her to tell him the whole scoop he manipulates her by saying "If this is going to cause problems then don't tell me. Let's leave it as is, Bertha, thank you." his tone is somber to tug at her strings, how could she possibly leave this man curious over this juicy gossip? and how could she not tell the whole story? Especially because it's her boss?

Bertha chuckles and tells him that she, of course is going to tell him, that she is dying to tell him. Armando then tells her "Well then if this is between us two it doesn't leave the planet, go on, tell me how did it go?"

Armando starts to bit his nail as he listen to Bertha start from the beginning.

She tells him word for word what Mariana said about Betty's dream man. She's obviously describing Armando, but to everyone else that's Nicolas, so the impression or idea that Armando now has of Nicolas is that he isn't some loser or nerd or some nobody but he is an important man who is the type of man woman lust over. They will have an intense relationship that will be strong and that the man is fundamental for her life.

This describes a man that is both important and that will be for sure in Betty's life.

Now Bertha goes on to describe the man Betty told them about. He is desired by woman,tall, handsome, strong, isn't rich but has money, has a big car, and his name is Nicolas Mora. However Betty clearifies that she has nothing going on with him, that she just likes him and she feels a strong attraction to him but that nothing has happened between them.

Then Mariana tells her that something will happen because it will change both of their lives.

Take into account that though Betty's life in a personal aspect hasn't changed much in the professional aspect it has. She's got a respectable job, a boss who values her work ethic and her enough to hand over his company which means she's could be rich. She's abandon some of her morals to collaborate with her scheming boss and is doing things that aren't morally correct.

Armando's life has changed not only professionally but personally. For one he's begun to let his guard down and given more of himself to a woman he isn't in a relationship or knowingly attracted to, his relationship with Marcela is only getting worse and Betty is usually the center of their biggest fights, he has now built a friendship with said woman built on trust and respect, something he has never done with any other woman and of course professionally he has sunken his and his family's company into debt.

I'd say Armando's life is changing a lot and that's not even the peak of it. Betty's life is also changing a lot and they haven't even started dating.

Armando is aware of how Betty's life is changing on a work related level so he obviously believes everything Bertha is telling him because he knows things she doesn't know.

Impatiently and annoyed Armando tells Bertha to explain what she means by "it's going to change their lives." which again since he "knows" things Bertha doesn't, therefore Tweedledum has sowed the seed of paranoia and Tweedledee has given it the perfect terrain for it to flourish so Armando is now listening to Mario's voice that Betty could turn against them though the important thing to note here is that Armando isn't mistrusting of Betty instead he is really mistrusting of Nicolas, because again, who could really fall in love with "ugly" betty. Except that's a joke on it's own because the idiot was already having feelings for her.

They are interrupted by Guti Guti and this is where I will end this post.

Truthfully until next time. ]

#analysis of ysblf #armando mendoza #armando ysblf #don armando #mario calderon #betty pinzón solano #betty ysblf #betty la fea #ysblf #yo soy betty la fea

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yanderecandystore · 4 years

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PLEASE i need more of your among us concept, it was so good!

Hi!! How are you doing? I saw a lot of people want more of these, so I wanted to gain some time to be able to come up with more stuff about Yandere Among Us.

So, I hope you didn't wait too long. How about we continue where we left off?

But this time with an proper begining.

TW/Tags: Everyone is fighting // more characters because I hate myself! // Shy boy is a really suspicious boy // not as much as yandere tendencies, but maybe the start of them?? // All characters have real names, but calling each other by colors is a formal military way in this universe, ya know? // Mentions of blood and possibly (just maybe) scent kink 👀 // It may low-key not be like the original game but I tried ;-;

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

"- You're pretty sus, not gonna lie." Ch - 1 [Yandere!Among Us x Reader - Short Fanfiction]:

(Ch - 2)

"- And then I told her:' Yo, your chicken is dry as hell!' And then she beat me with a stick." You were currently talking with your best pal, Cyan! You two were in the cafeteria taking a snack-break, while everyone was trying to repair the ship by doing their own assigned tasks.

"- H-Heh, that's so you [Y/N]." Cyan said, although their tone was extremely off, like they didn't know what to say. They haven't eaten anything since the day began, and you were starting to worry if they were okay or not.

"- Buddy, are you okay? You haven't touched any of the snacks I brought you, you haven't even eaten a single marshmallow yet, and I thought these were your favorites!" You told them while shoving more potato chips down your mouth.

To you, the situation was mildly confusing, but to "Cyan" it was an absolute nightmare! How are they supposed to keep this up?? You're going to end up blowing their cover, they just know it!

They started to consider making you their next meal, yet if they did it right now everyone would be suspicious of them, since "they" have been with you ever since you two went to do tasks.

Stars help them, because things can go wrong any minute now! They were sweating under the suit out of nervousness and because of how hot and wet the suit was.

They didn't have time to clean the blood inside of the suit, so it was basically really, really sticky inside it.

They were disassociating until you've put your hand on top of theirs.

"- Cyan, what's wrong?!" You sound so worried, so loud yet concerned. For someone that was floating through space using asteroids to move around, your voice is so- Different, from the empty void out there. They aren't accustomed to this feeling yet.

"- I-I am! Don't worry about it, I, I think I just had a really long day, that's all." They lied through their teeth hoping that you would fall for it. But of course, you're way too stubborn to fall for that.

"- Are you sure tho? I- I could call White to see if you're sick, or maybe-" You were interrupted by the Cyan's scream while they suddenly stood up.

"- No! No, please- You-" Stars, they're terrible at this, aren't they?? They just need to shush you for now, they can't let you call someone else! The more people around them the more anxious they'll be and they will obviously be exposed to-

"- Look, [Y/N]-" -They tried to calm themselves, everything is fine, they just need to think of a way to make your worries go away- "- I'm fine, I promise, okay?" They said while putting their hands on your cheeks forcing you to look at their space suit's helmet.

You feel flustered by the sudden movement. Not only were you caught off guard by their sudden reaction, but-

This- this little thing that they did? Was starting to blossom a lot of unwanted flowers inside your heart.

' God, take a grip [Y/N]! You can't be all flustered in a time like this!' You think to yourself while shaking your head to wipe the lovey-dovey thoughts out of your mind.

You just can't help it though! You guess that ever since your team has been stuck in space- No, ever since you first met Cyan in the facility on Earth and were introduced to your team as their new crewmate, you have found yourself having a crush on Cyan. You hate to admit this, but yeah, they were always kinda… Cute, to you.

Ah well, Cyan was always the rascal, the flirty over the top one. The one that was always playing around yet also keeping their head strong when facing a conflict. Always so radiant yet so down to earth. Oh well, here you go, simping again, oh geez...

You try to wake yourself from your fantasy world, this is not the time [Y/N]!

"- Okay-y then! I-I'm really sorry if I was bothering you!" You try to speak up yet you stutter all the way, making you feel embarrassed at how silly you're acting right now.

And while you're dealing with your inner struggles, Cyan is looking at you really confused (not that you would be able to see it because of their helmet). There is something really strange about the way you talk to them that is making them wonder what your previous relationship with this "Cyan" human was all about, and wondering if they can keep it up with this charade if they observe you and learn more about, well, "how to be themselves" around everyone else.

Actually, this may work perfectly! By getting small clues out of you, they'll be able to decipher how to properly imitate humans!

But, they're still oblivious to human emotions, so this may take more time than expected, luckily you two can spend a lot of time alone-

"- Yooooo, look over there y'all!" You two heard someone shouting while coming into the cafeteria. Oh God, really?-

Of course it was Red, who else would be making fun of you two?

Well, he is not mean, he is just- ARGH!! He keeps picking on you for liking them, and it frustrates you so much when he comes looking all smug-

If your face could, it would turn itself into a tomato and probably pop off of your body and roll away from the embarrassment.

Wow… Okay, that was a little exaggerated, but still!-

"- How is my favorite couple doing on this pleasant evening?" He said while coming forward. His words making you turn on your defensive mode instantly:

"- We're not dating you know! I told you this nineteen times, Geez, stop being an ass…" Yep, really subtle how your cheeks lighten up at the idea of being a couple with Cyan.

And while the rest of the crew is now appearing into vision and coming forward to the cafeteria, Cyan is losing their grip ever so slightly- They can't handle this! It's- It's literally too many of you!

They can't take out every single one of you at once! This is terrible!

They need- They need to calm down and take this suit off. The heat is starting to take over their head.

"- So, how's it been for you two? Ya know, beside all the smooching-" Red says as he looks directly at you awaiting your delicious response, which was a little pouty face, so it meant that his job was done for today "- Have you guys finished your tasks?"

"- Oh! Well, we didn't manage to complete everything, the lights turned off out of nowhere and we couldn't see anything!" You tell him honestly. You're still kinda sad about it, it sucks to finish the day without completing everything you needed to.

Everyone's gathering around and sitting at the main table, it's time for a dinner meeting and assignment of tasks for tomorrow before everyone goes to sleep. God, you already miss your bed so much!

"- Ha! I knew it wasn't just in one room!... But yeah honestly me too, I couldn't finish my task because of the blackout. All that I needed to do was to swipe the card though!" Red said, while stealing one of your snacks, which earned a little "hey" coming from you, he was only joking though, as he returns the snack back to you before he can eat any.

"- Well, don't worry, tomorrow we can finish it!" Said Yellow, trying to lighten up the mood by being positive.

"- I sure do hope so-" Orange was about to say when Blue came in and interrupted all of you.

"- But what if we can't do any of them tomorrow?" Their voice echoed through the cafeteria. Everyone was silent as Blue's words caused a new feeling to arise inside the crew's hearts. Despair.

As no one was saying anything, they continued-

"- You guys seriously haven't noticed our situation yet, have you? We're floating through space because or engines have been broken by the asteroids outside, we can't even navigate this spaceship-"

"- We're trying to fix this-" Pink started, but failed to continue.

"- And while we keep "trying" and not actually doing anything, we are all in danger! Even the facility has stopped communicating with us-"

"- Blue! That 's enough!" White had interrupted his rant. His yelling was starting to get hold of Yellow's feelings, she was always sensitive to yelling and loud noises in general. Truth is, that the most positive person in your group was truly the most negative one in this scenario, yet she wanted to keep everyone together, to keep bringing hope inside everyone, even though she herself didn't truly believed in that hope.

"- W-We-" Yellow tried to speak through her sobbing, trying to hold enough strength to control her bottled up emotions from spitting out.

"- Come on, take deep breaths, I know you can do this-" Black tried to comfort her, like he would to everyone aboard.

"- We-We are all going to die here-e." She whispered in between sobs. Her breathing became more frantic and more desperate for air.

It's the eight time this week someone had a breakdown while everyone was present.

"- Blue, seat down." White asked, yet her normally stern voice made it sounded more like a command, which Blue absolutely despised.

"- I'm-" Blue started, yet, stopped themselves. Wanting to say something towards their distressed crewmate yet deciding to go away and miss tonight's meeting. Again.

"- This is stupid." They said before leaving.

"- Blue come back this instant-" White tried to call them, they didn't even look back.

"- … Didn't even apologise…" Brown said, trying to keep his cool even though he couldn't stand Blue's antics ever since the ship was stuck in space.

"- D-Damnit!" Orange punched the table with her wrists. God, she hated every single second spent in this hellish place. She only retracted her anger when she noticed Yellow flinching from the sound.

"- I'm- I'm so sorry Yellow-"

"- It's fine! D-Don't worry about it!" She said while trying to keep her own little charade going on. But after a month, no one believes her at this point.

"- Yellow I can lead you back to your room! Do you want to company?" Said Pink, their voice sounding just as sweet and cute as their personality. The only one helping everyone stay sane by simply being there and saying "Hi!" every "morning".

"- I would like it." Yellow had calmed herself down enough so she could at least say a couple of words. She said her good nights and followed Pink back into her room.

"- It's another meeting wasted." Green said while packing their things.

"- Well, it could be worse, right? Good night everyone!" Said Purple not really caring about anything at this point.

"- Oh, come on everyone! Shouldn't we discuss our tasks for tomorrow?" Red asked, if not begged for them to come back. How has this happened? How has all your crew started to fall apart so easily?

"- Don't worry Red, we can do that tomorrow morning." Black said while comforting White who was having a headache because of the endless fights inside the spaceship.

This was the third time just this week that your meetings were interrupted by arguing. This is only the second time Blue has actually been the cause of it though.

"- Maybe they miss their family?" Lime asked while referring to Blue.

"- We all do." Brown said while standing up and going to his own bedroom. Muttering something through his teeth that no one could understand.

The whole situation happened so fast, you couldn't even understand what just happened!

"- Are, are we-"

"- Yes [Y/N], you're all dismissed." White answered already knowing what you were going to ask.

"- Oh…. Do you want some?" You asked motioning the snacks up to her, which surprised her yet she appreciated the gesture.

"- Thank you…." She whispered. You nod your head and decide to give her some space. You knew that you didn't need to worry too much about it, as Black was there to help her feel better.

If Black wasn't in this ship, she would have already fallen apart. All of you would.

"- Well, I guess dinner has ended sooner than expected!" Red tried to joke to lighten up your mood, to which you give a little chuckle. God, today is a really terrible day isn't it?

"- Uhn, hey, you're okay? You have been quiet throughout the whole meeting." Red asked Cyan.

Oh. Oh no, please no.

"- Uhn? Yeah? I… did?" They're so dead.

"- Yeah, it was… Pretty odd. Last time Blue yelled you had put them in their place, and it was pretty cool of you to stand for Yellow like that". Red said remembering that day. He didn't have anything against Blue, as he knew Blue is trying their best like everyone else. Yet he didn't like how Blue started to act like an ass lately, especially not even apologising towards Yellow or even the whole crew for that matter.

Cyan was sweating like crazy. They were panicking at the beginning of the meeting because of the amount of humans surrounding them, but when they noticed how easily humans let their distrust control them, they decided to let them speak and see what would happen. Seeing them argue with each other made them feel calmer and safer.

' I won't die!' They thought.

But now? They're raising suspicion again, by literally not doing anything??! How is this possible-

"- Well, it is true but, I don't know Red, Cyan has been pretty tired all day, and besides, Blue doesn't listen to us anymore, so it wouldn't matter anyway." You tried to reason. Yes, Cyan was acting a little different, being a little more shy than their normal self but come on now, everyone has their bad days! Maybe today they are not feeling really well….

You looked up at them, trying to show sympathy to your friend who you still thought was having some personal issues of their own.

"- Yeah! Exactly… Today has been pretty crazy! I think I just need some sleep.". Yeah, really crazy! Their body had hit an spaceship filled with free food, and then they had to disguise themselves as one of the humans inside so they could easily take one by one. But now? They're regretting each second of it! Stars, the anxiety eating them from inside is worse than being all alone in space.

Well, if they ever get out alive, they'll at least have some cool story to tell their own kind about…. If there is anyone waiting for them to return, that is.

"- Oh… That sucks buddy, but you got an point, I guess we all need to relax, and hey! Tomorrow is a new day right?" Red smiled at you two, offering a little bit of positive before you two went inside your rooms. Well, he offered a little bit of positive and a hug, to which you had gladly taken.

Although, Cyan was at first really confused about this gesture, so they stayed a little further away from the sign of affection.

"- Oh come on! Stop being a dork, come over here already!" Red said as he pulled Cyan into the tight hug. It was comforting but you couldn't lie that you felt sandwiched between the two, you tried to warn Red that you couldn't breathe, and Cyan was still panicking but now for a different reason.

Because of the helmet, their sense of smell has been limited considerably, yet by being so near to your bodies, they realized they could still take in your scent. Or maybe it was all the blood inside the suit? Who knows, they just knew that the idea of a next meal was absolutely mouthwatering, and they weren't even hungry! Maybe the idea of having a whole place filled with eleven people was starting to make them salivate uncontrollably, as a child having to wait until they can pick their next candy from the jar.

Maybe they could basket in your scent until they actually feel the need to consume another crewmate.

Red was the first to break the hug, but not before fussing your hair.

"- Well, that's my goodbye for today! I need to restore some energy before I can give you two more hugs!" He entered the door behind him, which lead to his room. An oddly well organized bedroom which was only a couple of steps before your own bedroom.

And after your bedroom, there was Cyan's bedroom.

He gave his last goodbyes before closing the door. You can't help but appreciate that dork, the endless bickering between you two was pretty fun in your opinion.

While turning your back you noticed that was Cyan looking straight at you this whole time, which caused you to squeak in surprise. God, they were way too close! And your hair is a mess!

"- Sooooo… I guess we're alone now, right?" You asked timidly, trying your best to make small talk which still came off pretty awkwardly. You avoided their gaze while trying to come up with what else to say.

"- Yes. Yes we are." Cyan said, their tone was unnaturally dark for their nature, yet when you noticed them approaching you closer, you realized what you said.

"- Oh! No, I didn't mean it like-" You tried to explain the the misunderstanding, thinking that Cyan was about to flirt back with you, even though your comment was purely without malice! You swear it!

"- No making out in the halls, ya love birds!" Red opened his door and screamed, with his smug little face.

"- Geez get a room you two!" Said Pink from the other side of the corridor, their voice being really faint because of the distance between you.

"- We were not, okay?!" You yelled hoping Pink would hear it.

"- Shhhh! Some of us are trying to sleep here!" Orange banged on her door while scolding all of you. Even though she herself was making a lot of noise.

"- S-Sorry!" You responded.

Cyan distanced themselves from you, fuck, every single one of them was hearing you two. Were they all listening to your whole conversation? How were they supposed to kill anyone if everyone is this spaceship is an gossip addict? Always listening for the next tea to be spilled.

While looking at your face they recognized that same hue popping off of your cheeks. Are you perhaps sick? Actually, now they have mentioned it- What would happen if they ate a sick human?

"- Your face is red." They mentioned nonchalantly.

"- Sigh… Yeah." You sigh defeated. What's the point of hiding something that is in your face?! Even if it's fainted, everyone can tell at this point. The only person you aren't sure if they know it yet is, well, Cyan themselves.

"- …"

"- …" An awkward silent start emerging from you two, until they ask:

"- Is it because of me?" Did they, I don't know, brought some sort of sickness aboard with them? Are you passing out? Should they be concerned that your meat could be possibly damaged because of this sickness?

Although their tone is really vague, you still interpreted the question as one of their flirtatious jokes. Truth is that Cyan loves going around flirting with everyone, even with you! And they know that this makes you flustered, so you can't tell if they do it because it's fun for them or if-

Or if they like you….. A little bit.

"- Oh no! You won't fool me this time, I know what you're up to!" You say dramatically, trying to change the conversation to have a more silly tone, yet your whole attempt was dismissed, because as soon as you said that, Cyan started shaking anxiously.

You knew? You knew?! Oh stars, they're done for! They're so dead now!

"- W-What?!" They scream, please don't hurt them, they were only hungry and trying to survive!

"- … Uhn, Cyan? I'm joking." You tell your really skittish friend. Geez they really were acting weird! Normally they would have returned your joke but they are acting so easily terrified!

Did something happen in electrical while you were away?

"- Cyan… Are you hurt? You never told me what happened when the blackout happened." You once again ask them if they were okay. What if… They are scared because of something that happened in electrical? What if… They saw something?

"- What? Oh, I'm- I'm sorry! I didn't mean to freak you out like that." They laugh realizing that you were only "joking" with them. Honestly, your jokes are going to be the death of them.

"- Are you okay tho-"

"- Yes, for the fifth time, I'm doing fine [Y/N]." They… Growled? What? Their sudden anger made you take some steps back, what just happened??

They didn't realize how their tone had come off, they needed to be more careful if they wanted to keep your trust. You… You look so distressed! Did they scared you that bad? If not, than why are you distancing yourself? Why are your eyes so… Watery?

"- I-I'm sorry! I'm really sorry! I didn't mean to…." And why were they apologising? Why does your frightened face cause such an intense feeling inside them? They were supposed to harvest your fear as an way to easily control the situation, but instead they can't help but pity your current state.

"- I've been, really stressed out, I didn't mean to yell." They say, half true, half lie. I mean, their first day is already being so strange and stressful, anyone would've expected them to end up blowing up at some point.

"- No! No, don't worry about it, I, sigh… Honestly I'm pretty stressed out myself. I guess I was so worried about you that I ended up bothering you with my questions." You say while guilt starts to form inside you. You haven't given them enough space, maybe you been pestering them too much.

To be honest, everyone was so on edge that you should have expected something like this happening, even from someone as chill as Cyan. Before you even considered finding a way to comfort them so you two could talk about it, Cyan was faster than you and had managed to trap you in their arms.

"- Hey, it's fine. Don't worry too much, I'm glad you're worried but I can reassure you, everything is okay."

It's an little awkward long hug, but you don't really mind, it's not as suffocating as Red's was. Oddly enough, Cyan wasn't being dishonest, but that fact only brought more confusion inside their mind.

"- Well… Goodnight Cyan, I'll see you tomorrow, kay?"

"- Yeah, sure…"

After some time spent looking at the ceiling waiting to see if everyone else had gone to sleep, Cyan had gotten out of their bed and started to unzip the space suit frantically.

Putting it on wasn't so hard, but getting out of it feels ten times worse now that they're sweating and tainted with the blood from the suit's previous owner. They don't need oxygen, but the feeling of suffocation inside that thing was starting to get over their heads. They needed something to cool down, anything!

So that's when the ventilation came into mind. The cold air coming from it was pleasant but not nearly enough for them, so they opened the top and got inside.

The cold air mixed with the cool metal touching their skin felt amazing compared to the heat and blood inside the suit. They need to remember to not only clean the suit, but to clean themselves very soon.

Without the helmet, their senses are so much better. They can hear and smell better, the vibrations passing through the ship helping them understand where they are and where they're going, as technically, they're kinda blind.

But who needs a great sight when they can easily smell and hear their prey from kilometers away? Speaking of which, the vents sure do help them a lot in that regard, as they can hear the soft breathing of all of your crewmates sleeping.

The smell of flesh is absolutely incredible! Just the thought makes their mouth water, maybe they deserve a little "midnight snack".

"- Eeny. meeny. miney. You!" They were deciding which one of your group should be the next, and the answer seemed pretty obvious, why not go to the nearest person?

It could lead to some issues with the other crewmates, but when they smelled your scent the need to enter your bedroom was way more important than considering the dangers of acting without thinking.

While entering your room as quietly as possible, they took a look around until they found your sleeping body almost falling from the bed. This is their chance!

Coming near you, savoring in your heavenly smell and dreaming what your taste is like, they-!... They stopped themselves from doing anything.

Your face is going to hit the floor if you continue to slowly slip from your bed.

You speak in your sleep sometimes. Not actual phrases, just occasional words. It's funny actually.

They poked your face multiple times out of curiosity. Were you awake or just dreaming? It seems like it's the latter.

You're still falling in slow motion. There is both the need to see what will happen next, and help you get back into bed.

They could just watch and see what happens. Besides, it is too dark for you to see them anyway.

Hmm… What should they do? Maybe they're wasting too much time by being here. They need to make a decision, it's to either kill you or to go back to their room.

After a couple of minutes of observing, another option has appeared, and they chose that one over the other options. They helped you get back into bed, hopefully you won't slip out again.

Maybe they should stay, just to guarantee you don't fall.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

#yandere #sheep stuff #sheep's stuff #yandere x reader #yandere among us #yandere among us x reader #yandere fanfics #yandere fanfic #yandere fanfiction #yandere short fanfiction #special delivery request #special delivery fanfiction #some danganronpa style of despair

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bungou-stray-dingus · 4 years

Note

I’ve just read the head cannons of Chuuya and Dazai’s bebes and I love it 🥰 can you write how they’ll react when someone kidnapped their babies and how they would get them back? QwQ

A/N : I've been gone for so long and I'm so sorry. This request and many others have laid dormant in my ask box for many many months and I'm so sorry. I went through big depression kick, and I didn't write for a while. I ended up getting laid off from my job because of the rona, and everything just felt uncertain for a while and I honestly didn't really know what to do. I slowly got back into writing, starting off with my fanfiction just to get back into the swing of it, and now I'm ready to make y'all proud and finish all the requests! I'm sorry for making you all wait so long, and I want this request and all other requests that I answer to be amazing for all of you. So, here we go! -Hopefully (still) Your Favorite Dingus

T/W : angst; kidnapping; slight mention of blood;

Osamu Dazai

Kazue was the literal light of his life, aside from you... obviously. You and his son were the center of his entire universe, he would do anything for you and his son. He made that quite known, considering how spoiled your son was already. At three years old, Dazai had already managed to buy your son everything he did, and sometimes didn't need.

Your son was a lot like his dad in the way that he liked to run off often, having you worried sick in the middle of the grocery store of mall. Dazai would often find him at the gumball machines or the tiny change eating rides in the middle of the mall. Your son hated to be confined in his stroller, and Dazai agreed that strollers were awful contraptions and that your son should be allowed to walk around.

His views quickly changed when you were out shopping for groceries one afternoon. Dazai was at work, and trying to keep your son in the shopping cart proved to be impossible, so you had agreed to let him out of the cart as long as he stayed close to you and hold your hand. You promised to get him candy if he followed those two simple rules, but thanks to Dazais relaxed parenting, your son just assumed he'd get candy no matter what. (Thanks Dazai)

You had only let go of his hand for a second, kneeling down to grab something from the bottom shelf. The last thing you heard was the small cry of "Momma!" and when you shot up and turned around he was gone. Your heart sank as you dropped the item in your hand and ran to the front of the store, asking the employees if they had seen your son, showing them the pictures in your wallet, and all of them shook their head, only able to offer their sympathies to you.

Calling your husband was the hardest part, trying to keep your voice and your hands steady as you held your phone up to your ear. The employees had already called the police for you, and they were scouring the entire store trying to look for any clue as to where your son could be.

When you had managed to tell Dazai what happened, he was on his way to the store, he didn't waste any time at all. He was furious, and at first he took his anger out on you. "I thought you were watching him!" "How could you let this happen?!" "Why would you let him go!?" He was angry and he wasn't thinking straight, but as soon as he saw how his words affected you, he quickly pulled you into a hug, peppering the top of your head with kisses. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, darling. It's not your fault."

An officer brought over Kazue's stuffed kitty cat which was a gift from Fukuzawa. He had gotten it on his first birthday and refused to part with it, he brought it with him everywhere. The sight of the kitty cat not being held by Kazue made you throw up immediately, your mind jumping to the worst possible scenario. You heard Dazai grit his teeth, his arm was wrapped around you tightly, and his grip on your shirt tightened.

The two of you race to the Agency, every other case that they had been working on is dropped instantly. Desks are cleared and pushed together to draw out a map of the entirety of Yokohama. You're sitting on one of the couches in the office, Kazue's kitten clutched against your chest, your tears soaking the top of the plushy. The light in Dazais eyes has disappeared completely, he's stern, on edge. His voice is hard but you can hear it break occasionally at the end of his sentences, especially when he says his sons name.

Ranpo and Atsushi are the main people Dazai communicates with, his voice is mixed with the constant slamming of his fists on the desk when his emotions take over completely. "Where the hell is my son!?" He shouts as he drops his head into his hands. That's the only time he'll cry, his body shaking violently. You walk over and wrap your arms around him from behind, your chin resting on his shoulder as you both sob.

Everyone had been sitting around the office quietly watching you and Dazai have your moment. They all felt hopeless, especially when Dazai had initially went to Ranpo and he didn't seem to have a clue as to where Kazue was or who had taken him. "Why... Why would anyone take him? What's the reason? I want to know a reason!" Dazai shouted, his fists once again coming down on the desk. You pulled away quickly, giving him his space to lash out. He threw everything off the desk, his head dropping into his arms that were folded against the desk and letting out a scream.

His strength was being tested, he was breaking. It killed you to see him like this, you knew that there was nothing you could do to calm him. There was nothing worse that could ever happen to him, his son was everything to him. Kazue was the reason he had stopped attempting suicide, Kazue gave him a reason to stay alive, Kazue was his life line. Dazai loved his son with every fiber of his being, and right now he not only lost his son, he lost his reason for living. If anything were to happen to your son, if the worst case scenario was the actual case, you were sure that you would lose your husband as well.

All hope had seemed lost, the sun was quickly setting over the city. Everyone was emotionally exhausted. You were curled up on the couch, your head resting on Dazai's lap, his fingers massaging your scalp. "Please, get some rest darling. You need it." He whispered to you when he saw you slowly drift to sleep only to have your eyes open quickly. You felt bad for falling asleep, knowing that your son was out there somewhere without you or his father.

You handed Dazai the stuffed kitten before rolling over and trying to get comfortable. "Here, if anything comes up.. he's gonna need his Fuwa." You said sleepily, and you heard Dazai's chuckle, it sounded like he was being choked. He sniffled as he grabbed the kitten and brought it up to his face, silently crying into it.

Ranpo stood up from his chair and made his way over to the desk, pulling the map up off the floor and laying it flat on the desk. His eyes were wide open, the soft emerald green had long since turned as hard as the gem itself. Dazai shifted you off his lap and made his way over to Ranpo, stuffing Fuwa into his coat pocket. Atsushi followed him over and they both peered over Ranpo's shoulder, looking down at the map, following where Ranpo pointed with his fingers.

"The warehouse... next to the Port. Whoever it was quick enough to be gone before Y/N could notice, but he was still able to drop his cat. That means the person was on foot, so this person would have to be somewhere close to the store so a scene wouldn't be made, but somewhere they could hide him. They're most likely expecting us to show up, they want something in return, this is a ransom kidnapping." Ranpo said and Dazai nodded, trusting him with 100% of his being. He had to be right, but Dazai also knew how some ransom situations worked out. If it took too long...

"We have to go now." Dazai growled, and Ranpo nodded, Atsushi "hmph"ing in agreement. Kunikida stood up from his chair, joining the three of them by the door.

"None of you know how to drive. Let's go." Kunikida had a soft spot for Kazue, he wanted your son home safe as much as everyone else. (Even if he thought his father was a complete dunce.)

Everyone in the office agreed to stay with you just in case you woke up before the four of them got back, and with that they all ran out the door, hopping into Kunikida's car and speeding off towards the warehouse.

When they got there, they snuck up to the doors of the warehouse. Dazai leaned his head against the door, hoping to hear something, anything that would indicate that his son was in there. His heart was beating fast, and as much as he wanted to murder someone for stealing his son in the first place, he wanted to bring Kazue home with him, bring him back to you safe and sound more than anything else.

"Momma... Daddy..." He heard the soft whimpers of his son coming from the inside of the warehouse. It sounded like he was crying and Dazai to control his urge to kick down the door right then and there. He needed to be careful so that no harm would come to his son, but the sounds of his son softly crying had him seeing red. "Pwease..." He heard his son again and his heart shattered, the sound of his son pleading with his captor had him on the verge of an anger induced emotional breakdown.

Kunikida pulled the gun from the back of his pants and silently counted down from three before they pulled the door open. All four of them had guns, refusing to let Atsushi use his ability out of fear of hurting Kazue. There was one man in the corner of the room, a gun pointed at the head of your son as he smirked up at the four men. They all stopped dead in their tracks, dropping their guns to the ground and holding their hands up in the air. "Please, don't hurt him..." Dazai choked out, his eyes locking with his son in the corner.

"Took you all long enough to show up, thought you guys were detectives. He was becoming a pain in my ass, constantly crying, asking for his mommy and daddy and his Fuwa." The man chuckled as he cocked the gun back and pointed it back at your son. "Do you know why I'm doing this? Do you know?!" The guy shouted and Kazue cried out, his arms outstretched for Dazai.

He felt like he was going to collapse, the room was spinning, he had to compose himself though, he had to stay focused. He looked to Kunikida and Atsushi, hoping the plan would work out how they had said.

Kunikida quickly bent down and grabbed his gun off the floor, firing one shot at the arm of the man, making him drop the gun. Kazue let out a shrill scream and Dazai took this moment to run over and scoop him up off the floor, holding him close against his chest. The other three ran over to the man, Atsushi and Kunikida pinned him down on the ground as Ranpo cuffed his arms behind his back.

After the police took the man away they all made their way back to the Agency building, Dazai was in the back of the car holding Kazue on his lap, rocking him back and forth as his son fell asleep in his arms. The man had been one of the criminals they had captured before Kazue was even born. He had held an entire bank and its customers hostage, but had never actually killed someone, so he was let out on good behavior recently. He had been stalking Dazai, and he found out about you and Kazue and decided that he would have his revenge for the Agency ruining his life. None of them ever found out if the man would have actually hurt Kazue, and honestly, they didn't want to know, they were all just happy that he was unharmed.

When they walked through the door and you saw Kazue being cradled in Dazais arms you fell to your knees and cried. Tanizaki and Yosano had to help you stand up, and as soon as you found your footing you ran over to Dazai. "Hi Momma!"

Dazai now sternly enforced the stroller rule, he didn't want to go through anything like that ever again.

Chuuya Nakahara

Asa was his princess and you were his queen. But his daughter, oof, if anyone even looked at his daughter wrong for crying he would kill someone. Do not test Chuuya when it comes to his child. He would kiss the ground that she crawls on, he loves her so much.

If you didn't know any better, you'd think his office was a shrine dedicated to her and you. There were framed pictures of you and her, and sometimes the three of you hung on his wall, propped up on his desk and coffee table, pretty much any surface that could have pictures, they were covered.

She had just celebrated her first birthday, she was learning how to walk which Chuuya would not shut up about. If there was ever a moment to talk about his daughter he would. The Mafia members had all learned to just deal with it, knowing that if they looked agitated about the constant talk of his daughter they would either be demoted or have their asses kicked.

"Does she really have to start sleeping in her own room? She's got a crib in our room, I don't see the problem." Chuuya whispered to you from the couch as you made your way into the room opposite of yours and his. She had an entire nursery that was practically unused due to protective parenting. He really didn't see a reason in having her in a completely different room when it was so much easier to have her in yours and his room. If she woke up, he could get her immediately and get her back to sleep in the bed between the two of you.

When you came out of the bedroom you sat with him on the couch, his arm habitually wrapping around your shoulder and pulling you closer. He turned down the television so he could hear the monitor clearly. "If she gets too used to sleeping with us in our room, she'll never want to sleep in her own room. She's not that much further. You're spoiling her, honey." He groaned and you stifled your laughter, propping yourself up to press a quick peck to his cheek. "We should try to get some rest while she's sleeping. Come on."

The two of you laid in your bed, he held you close against his chest while you traced hearts against his bare chest with your finger. "I don't know why she has to sleep in her own room now though. She's only a year old. She's still my baby. I feel better having her close." He sighed, adjusting his free hand behind his head as he turned to look over at the video monitor, the corner of his lips twitching up slightly as he watched his daughter sleep peacefully in her crib.

"You're scared of her growing up. She's turned you into a big softy. You know, she's gonna keep growing."

"Don't say that. She's only one." He pulled his arm out from underneath you and ran his hands over his face. He hated thinking of her getting bigger, growing older. The thought of her not being the adorable, babbling baby that waddled over to the door whenever he walked in with open arms was enough to make him almost cry. ALMOST.

"You know... we can have more..." You said almost too seductively as you peppered kisses across his shoulders. It was supposed to be a joke, but he didn't take it as such. He wouldn't mind one or two more little princesses or princes teetering around the house.

The two of you thoroughly tired each other out, the night seemed to be going perfectly. Asa hadn't woken up yet, and this was the first time the two of you had been able to be intimate in that way since she had reached the eight month mark. You fully blamed Chuuya for that though, he had spoiled her so much, but he didn't seem to mind it at the time. Now he seemed to be convinced that having her in a separate room wasn't such a bad thing.

Everything was silent, the only sound was the crickets chirping outside and the occasional sound of a car passing by in the distance. That would shortly come to an end though, the sound of glass breaking and Asa's blood curdling scream coming from both the monitor and the room across the hall had jolted you and Chuuya from your peaceful slumber. You grabbed the monitor off the nightstand and Chuuya ordered you to stay in bed as he ran out of the room and into Asa's room. You knew though, it was too late as you saw the cloaked man who was holding your daughter jump out of the window just as the door flew open and Chuuya came into view on the screen.

"NO! Son of a BITCH!" His screeching voice was just as loud as your daughters cries had been and you dropped the monitor into your lap on the bed as the realization hit you. This wouldn't have happened if you had just listened to Chuuya, if you had let her sleep in your bedroom as she always had. He ran back into the room, flicking the lights on as he went over to the closet and quickly got dressed.

"This... this is my fault... if I would have listened..." You said, not able to face your him at all. He turned to face you, sighing as he tried to calm his nerves. He was already fully dressed, ready to hunt down and murder the asshole who had the nerve to take HIS daughter. He made his way around the bed to the side you were on, grabbing your face in his hands and kissing you softly.

"Don't you even dare blame yourself. I'm gonna get her back. I need you to stay here though, I can't have you getting hurt." You knew what he meant. The way that he felt right now, this would probably turn into an all out war, and if you were in the wrong place at the wrong time you could end up injured. You nodded slowly, kissing him one last time before he ran out of the room and out the front door.

He barely gave the car time to start up before slamming his foot down on the gas pedal, peeling out of the parking spot and speeding down the street. His vision was blurry as the tears started to stream out of his eyes, he was only able to keep his composure long enough to hopefully make you feel better. Now that he was alone he had hurdled the thin line between lashing out and having a complete mental and emotional breakdown.

The only thing keeping him from getting into a severe car accident was knowing that he had to stay alive to save Asa. Although he couldn't see where he was going through his clouded vision, he had dedicated the route to muscle memory, and he could luckily see faint streaks of red and green lights indicating braking cars and traffic lights.

When he got to the headquarters he got some questionable stares from the guards, it was three o'clock in the morning, considerably late, or maybe early, to be coming into work. When they attempted to speak to him he couldn't even mumble out a "fuck off" through his sobs. He raced up the stairs, not having the patience to deal with waiting for the elevator to get him up to the floor he needed to be on.

He stormed into Mori's office, and, not unlike his boss, he found him sitting at his desk, his hands folded under his chin as he stared down at the papers in front of him. "They said you'd be on your way up. What's wrong Chuuya?" Mori asked, motioning to the armchair in front of his desk. Chuuya didn't want to sit though, so he strode over to the desk, slamming the note that had been left in Asa's room down in front of Mori. "What is this?" Mori asked, grabbing the note between his gloved fingers and unfolding it.

"He got my Asa. I'm gonna fucking kill him!" Chuuya screamed, remembering the words that had been carefully scripted out on the thick note paper.

"For the beautiful woman who was murdered by one of your own. I shall avenge her. An eye for an eye. -H"

He knew exactly who "H" was, and he knew exactly who the beautiful woman was that he was speaking of. What he didn't understand was why he would target his family, his daughter to get back at the Mafia for what had happened. Chuuya hadn't even taken part in the situation that had sparked this outcome, so it made absolutely no sense to him.

"Chuuya, you need to stay calm. Asa is loved dearly by everyone here, I will get together everyone needed to find her." Chuuya found his bosses strange sense of composure to be infuriatingly irritating.

"How could I possibly stay calm!?" Chuuya shouted, he wanted to lash out, he wanted to go off on someone, anyone.

"I would feel the same way if it was my darling Elise who had been taken." Mori said, but that was a mistake. Chuuya sighed, exasperated. He was pacing the floor, but when Mori had the audacity to utter those words, he punched the wall that he was closest to, leaving a large hole.

"She's your god damn ability! You wouldn't understand half of what I was feeling because this is my actual fucking DAUGHTER! So don't tell me I need to stay calm!" Chuuya screamed, the tears seemed to flow endlessly, staining his cheeks as they ran down to his chin, hanging on for only a second before splashing down onto the hard wood floors. Mori didn't argue back, he knew that Chuuya was emotionally unstable right now, so he just nodded in agreement.

"So what is it that you need me to do?" He asked, the phone already in his hand as his fingers hovered over the dial.

"Get everyone here..." Chuuya muttered before finally crashing down in the armchair. His sobs had eventually become choked off, and he was left shaking in the chair, his arms wrapped tightly around his chest as he tried to hold himself together.

Everyone had filed into the office, some of them looked agitated, others looked tired and pissed off that they had been woken up, but when they saw Chuuya's current state they knew that something was wrong. His usual smug, cocky smirk seemed to have been erased, the only emotion that was left to be read on his face was pain.

Chuuya didn't need to say much, no one needed a thorough explanation to jump into action. Asa was the one beacon of light that graced the walls of the Mafia headquarters whenever Chuuya brought her in. She had even managed to make Akutagawa crack a small smile when she had burped in Chuuya's face and then spit up on his freshly laundered coat.

Around five o'clock in the morning he got a call from you. He answered it quickly, and it broke his heart to hear how distraught you were. "H-Hi honey... It's almost time for her bottle. She'll need to eat soon, and she'll need to be changed, and and and... god, please tell me you've found her..." You were a mess, and he could only imagine how much harder it was for you to be there in your home, surrounded by all of her things but not her.

"Not yet... but I swear, I'm gonna bring her home to you, okay? Trust me." He needed you to trust him, because right now all hope seemed lost. There was no possible leads as to where the jackass could be keeping her, nobody knew where to find the guy.

"It's... It's so quiet... please bring her home." You whispered out between broken sobs, he heard you try to swallow back the lump that had been building in your throat. He could only nod, giving you a small hum as an answer.

After you had hung up, whispering out a solemn "I love you." Before ending the call he was right back at it. He was dead set on catching this guy today. Not only had he stolen away his daughter, but he had destroyed his wife, his love... This man had crossed a line and he was going to pay for it.

"Oi, Chuuya. Look, at the bottom of the note." Tachihara said, he had the note close up to his face, his eyes squinting as he focused on the tiny scrawling at the bottom of the page. Chuuya ran over and snatched the paper out of his hands, walking over to the large window to try to shine some light onto the paper and see the writing clearer.

"For fucks sake, they're coordinates! They were here the entire time!" Chuuya was seething now, this must have been a sick game to that man. Chuuya grabbed his coat off the back of the chair and headed for the door, but he was stopped by Mori who placed a hand on his chest.

"This might be a trap, how do you know it's not?" Mori said and there was a soft murmur of agreement from the group of people that were standing around.

"Does it matter!? She could be there and that's all that matters!" Chuuya screamed, the tears that threatened to spill were stinging his eyes. The fact that they thought he cared about his own safety as this moment was almost laughable, he would have laughed if his throat didn't feel like it was closing in on itself. "If you're so fucking worried than I'll take Akutagawa..." This is all his fault anyway, isn't it? Akutagawa was the one who had murdered the woman who he was avenging, so he might as well come along.

Chuuya pulled the coordinates up on his phone and it pinpointed a building that seemed on the map to be rundown and abandoned. A princess like Asa didn't belong in a place like that, it made him sick to even imagine his beautiful, precious daughter in such a desolate area. He growled as the directions read that it would take an hour and a half, maybe two hours to get there.

He would make it in half the time though. He could give a shit less about traffic rules, and if the cops even dared to try to stop him on his mission, the wrath of Hell and Chuuya would be brought down upon them. He sped down the streets, winding through traffic like it was nothing. He didn't speak a word to Akutagawa, and Akutagawa knew not to talk to him right now either. Chuuyas mind was a frenzy, a whirlwind of emotions. A mixture of anger, depression, rage, and heartache, and all of those emotions were just simmering.

The devil himself wouldn't be able to stomach what Chuuya planned on doing to the man who took his daughter from him.

He made it there in record time, the drive only took fifty five minutes, an hour tops to get there. The entire drive, Chuuya's eyes would glance in the windshield mirror, looking back at the empty car seat, hoping that it would soon be filled with his perfect little bundle of joy to be brought home.

Chuuya kicked the door in and his eyes immediately zeroed in on the trail of blood droplets on the floor. His heart sank while his stomach rose, he tried to control his dry heaving as horrid images and scenes filled his mind. "Remember his ability, it uses blood." Akutagawa said sternly, trying to keep Chuuya from losing it completely already.

They followed the trail up a case of stairs that seemed like a safety hazard, and Chuuya hated to think that his daughter was in this place at all. It wasn't safe enough for her to be in, she could get hurt at any point. This place needed to be demolished as soon as he got her out of here. He would do it himself if the city didn't want to.

The blood stopped in front of a door, and as soon as Chuuya heard the soft whimpering of his daughter behind the door he kicked it in. She was sitting in a small dingy playpen in the corner of the room, and Akutagawa had to hold Chuuya back to keep him from running straight for her.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!? SHE'S RIGHT THERE!" Chuuya shouted, alerting his daughter to his presence. She pulled herself up on the rails of the playpen, stomping her feet to show him that she was becoming impatient.

"This might be the trap. We need to be careful." Akutagawa hissed, and Chuuya knew he was right. He sighed and peaked into the room, scanning it entirely to make sure it was empty before stepping in. Akutagawa followed close behind, Rashomon creating a shield around himself and Chuuya as they made their way over to Asa.

As soon as Chuuya got close enough he pulled her out of the playpen, holding her tight against his chest. He breathed her in, finding instant comfort in the smell of the all too familiar baby lotion and lavender shampoo that you used for her nightly baths. "I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting, princess. My beautiful baby girl, daddy loves you so much." He cooed to her, but just as things seemed to be going flawlessly, a loud scream escaped her tiny rose petal lips.

A hail of what seemed like bullets were fired across the room, and one of them managed to hit her leg. Chuuya held onto his composure long enough to check her leg, it had just skimmed by, but it was enough to make her bleed and to make her cry. He was trembling, all of his emotions had formed into one cluster fuck of pure, unfiltered rage. He passed Asa over to Akutagawa and ordered him to leave the room through his teeth. Akutagawa didn't bother to argue, instead wrapping Rashomon around himself and Asa completely and running out of the room and down the stairs.

Chuuyas teeth were barred as the man stepped out from the darkest shadow of the room. He didn't have time to speak before Chuuya charged at him, tackling him to the ground and pummeling him with his bare hands, the force of his ability behind each and every punch would leave the man unrecognizable. He was going to kill him, he wanted to kill him, but the vibration of his phone in his pocket made him stop. He pulled his phone out and when he saw it was you it brought him back to reality, the reality that his daughter was waiting for him, and you were still at home waiting for him to bring her home.

He answered it, holding his phone between his ear and shoulder as he wiped the blood of the man off his hands. "Did you find her? Tell me you found her!" Your voice was hoarse, he knew that you hadn't stopped crying. He couldn't keep you waiting any longer, you deserved to hold Asa in your arms as well.

"We'll be home in an hour or two." He said, and it felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders when he heard your sigh of relief at his words.

Two Months Later

Chuuya was propped up on the floor, his head resting in his open palm as he bounced Asa's plush horse across the floor, making the horse noises as he did so. The sound of Asa's laughter was music to his ears, and her wide smile was just as beautiful as she flaunted her newly sprouted bottom two teeth. She crawled across the floor towards Chuuya who quickly lifted her up in the air. "Airplane Asa coming in for the landing!" He said playfully as he lowered her down to her his face and pressed a quick kiss to her nose.

His head shot up as he heard the bedroom door open. You had your hands behind your back, and the wide smile that spread across your face when you saw him made his heart flutter. He sat up, his back against the couch now, Asa on his lap attempting to imitate her fathers horse sounds as she bounced the plush horse across her lap. "What's up, baby?" Chuuya asked, wondering what could possibly be behind your back.

You moved your hands to the front, holding the white stick between two fingers and smiling down at him. "Congratulations, daddy."

a/n : I hope you enjoyed my first request after my ridiculously long hiatus. Again, I apologize for being gone so long, but I can't wait to start working on all the requests that are in my inbox. I love you all!

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd imagines #bsd scenarios #bsd headcanons #Dazai Osamu #Nakahara Chuuya #chuuya nakahara x reader #osamu dazai x reader #dazai x reader #chuuya x reader #chuuya headcanons #dazai headcanons

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bellylivesthepoguelife · 3 years

Text

Overwhelmed. John B x Sarah

Request: Hi! How about a college related drabble? Sarah is super overwhelmed with exams coming up and calls John B starting to panic. He comes to see her and plans a whole night to distract her and comfort her 🥰

Word Count: 1.7K

A/N: I know that I didn’t QUITE follow the whole request on this, but it was getting a bit long, so I hope that makes up for it! I wrote this after I wrote the 500 words of pure angst for these two, so I apologize if it’s a little too angsty. Also, I’m still trying to get comfortable writing the comedic/banter parts of a lot of the pogues relationships. (I’m just not naturally witty so I really have to try!) Anyways, I hope you like it! Please let me know what you think!

Heroes and Villains of the Middle Ages was not a class that Sarah Cameron would have ever taken for fun. But when it satisfied one of her General Education requirements, it's not like she really had much of a choice in the matter. The fact that the professor was about as fascinating as the girls from high school that messaged her saying she'd be a "perfect fit" for joining their pyramid marketing business didn't help. So having to write an essay on 4 chapters of her "textbook" (each chapter ranging anywhere between 30-50+ pages long) was grating her brain, as she legitimately has zero desire to complete it.

An hour into her attempt to read the assigned chapters had her overwhelmed. She couldn't even pretend to find the content interesting, she had no clue how she was going to write a 1,000 word essay on it, and to put the icing on the cake: this was one of four that needed to be completed in the next two weeks as part of her final exam. Exasperated at the thought, she throws the book half way across the room as she finished the second chapter. Making it halfway through warrants a break, right?

She scrolls through instagram to allow her brain to run on auto-pilot for awhile. She scrolls past a photo JJ posted 43 minutes ago, of him, John B, and Kie hanging out at the Chateau. JJ snapped the photo, Kie leaning into him, laughing, while John B is in the background making a "you-caught-me-doing-something-I-shouldn't-have" face, no doubt saying something resulting in the laughs from the other two.

The picture makes her smile. Not just because it's of her friends, but also because between John B and JJ, they'll do just about anything to make their friends laugh. It causes her heart to flutter, and she decides to call him to further distract herself.

It doesn't take long for him to pick up, but it's not John B who answers the phone, it's JJ. "Hey Princess! How's college treatin' ya?!"

"Busy, boring, and yet still somehow not captivating enough to keep me from missing you."

"Oh, so you do miss me."

She rolled her eyes, "of course I do JJ."

"Not as much as you miss JB though, I'm sure." There's a pause, but before she can respond he's rushing out the words: "Oh, speaking of! Okay, Here's John B, I'll talk to you later, love you bye!"

She can tell John B is pulling the phone away from him by the decrescendo of his voice as he gets farther from the microphone. However, the sound of her boyfriends voice filling the speaker at her ear makes her smile even more.

"Hey Val." He greets, and she can tell he's smiling.

"Vlad. I must say it is nice to know that JJ misses me. Even though he won't admit it in as many words."

"Yeah, I think it's safe to say we all do."

"Is Kie still there?"

"Nah, she has to work tomorrow so she went home about 20 minutes ago. How did you know she was over?"

"I saw the picture JJ posted on instagram."

"Ahhh, yeah, that would explain it." She heard him walking around, saying goodnight to JJ before closing what she assumed was the door to his bedroom.

"Did y'all have fun?"

"We did- JJ what the hell, I just told you goodnight." He must have opened the door to John B's room.

Sarah could hear JJ say, "yeah but I didn't say goodnight to Princess! Night Princess!" He calls louder, making sure she can hear him.

"Goodnight JJ!" She calls back, knowing she was more than likely on speaker phone.

"Night Birdshit!" is the last thing she hears before she hears the door slam.

John B is back on the phone in an instant. "I swear, I might actually kill him tonight."

She laughs at their antics, and a bittersweet feeling settles in her chest as she realizes just how much she misses her friends.

"So," John B starts again, "How's your homework coming?"

Sarah scoffs. "Don't remind me."

"That bad?"

"It's just this class is so boring!" He's heard her rant about it a million times, but he lets her do it again. "I mean, it's a 400 level class. And I understand those are the more difficult ones, but--fuck--this is hard, and it's not even interesting in the slightest!"

"Which makes it only about a million times worse."

"It does!" She agrees, thankful that he's empathetic to her suffering. "And I have my Chemistry final next week, and my English 102 research paper due the week after. Nevermind the final project for my Geology, and Quantitative Reasoning class that I've only just started on--" She's ranting, and she knows it.

"Woah. Easy there, Val." He chuckles despite her. "You'll work yourself up."

"I am worked up!" The more she talks, the more overwhelmed she gets, and soon she realizes she's pacing her small room. "I just want to come home." The confession almost stuns her as she's catapoulted into a sea of homesickness, and even the knowledge that she'll be home for the summer in two weeks time doesn't even begin to calm the waves.

"You'll be home in a couple weeks, babe. Just 2 more, and then you're mine for the summer."

She knows he's trying to change her perspective, but she's not in the mood tonight. She's sad, and wants the space to allow herself to be sad. A half-hearted "yeah" is all she manages.

"Hey," John B doesn't miss the dejected tone of her voice, realizing how upset she truly is. "It's gonna be alright, Val. 2 more weeks is a piece of cake after the past seven months."

They'd seen each other since she started college, of course, but even then, the last time they were together was when she came home for Wheezie's lacrosse game 5 weeks ago. And after spending almost every day of last summer together, the distance began to do it's damage. Not on their relationship, no, their relationship was still so, so good. It was just on nights like tonight, when she was so overwhelmed that no matter what she thought of, it only made the drowning feeling three times worse.

She feels her throat tighten and before it even registers that she's getting emotional, she feels the gentle pricks behind her eyes indicating it won't be long and she'll be crying. "It's just really hard right now." She confesses, annoyed with how her voice is full of emotion, which is going to cause John B to go into his protective, "I'll-be-your-hero-and-fix-everything" mode.

And sure as shit, his tone becomes softer, and he's building her up. "I know it is, Sarah, but you're doing so well. I know this has been an adjustment for you, and for us, and it hasn't been easy, but you've been doing so well. You're killing it at college, and you only have these last two weeks, these last exams and projects and then you're home for the summer."

She nods, knowing that he's speaking truth, but still feeling discouraged. "It's just, everything's happening at once right now, and I'm just so overwhelmed, and there's just so much pressure riding on these last projects, and--I just want you."

"What do you mean?" She can tell he's laughing at her rambling confession.

"I mean I just want you. I miss you, John B." Great, that broke the dam, and now she's really crying. "I miss hugging you, and kissing you, and just being next to you. Because at least when I was home and busy, we were still together. Now I have to do all of this by myself, and I just feel so alone, and I just want to come home." She didn't intend to share all of these subconscious thoughts and feelings when she called him on the phone. She had initially just called for a distraction, and to see how JJ and Kie were doing. But sometimes the breakdowns come when you least expect them.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" The question is not how she expected him to respond.

She sniffs, thinking through what her Saturday plans were. "I'm- going to finish this essay, probably work on my projects, and study?" She phrases it like a question, even though she's answering his. After hearing silence for a little too long, she adds, "Why?"

"I'm on my way."

"What?" If she wasn't expecting him to ask what she was doing tomorrow, she REALLY doesn't expect him to say he's coming to see her at 10pm on a Friday.

"What do you mean you're on your way."

"I'm coming to see you." He answers as if it's the simplest thing in the world. She can hear his smile as he talks, probably patting himself on the back for being the hopeless romantic, her knight in shining armor, coming to distract her from her scholarly obligations.

"John B, you don't have to do that." Of course, she wants him to. But it's a ways to drive, and she knows his van isn't cheap to fill with gas.

"Shut up Val." He laughs. "I'm going to spend the weekend with you. But on one condition." He thinks, and then doubles back. "Okay, two conditions."

She rolls her eyes, always thinking there's no way she can be more in love with this man, and then he does stuff like this to prove her wrong. "And what are your conditions?"

"One. You have to write your essay. And I'm going to help you study. You don't just get a 'get out of jail free' card just because your man is coming to see you." He gets her to laugh with that one.

"My man?"

"Yes. That is what I am, isn't it? Your man?"

"Sure. And what's the second condition?"

"You have to buy me my own bag of Skinny Pop." Her eyes automatically roll for probably the 15th time tonight. "Okay, agreed. I will go to the store, and buy you your own bag of Skinny Pop."

"And you can't have any of it." He ammends.

"Alright, fine. And I won't have any of it." She grudgingly agrees.

"Deal."

"That settles it then! I'm on my way!"

"Drive safe, loser."

"I love you, Sarah."

She smiles to herself. "I love you too, John B."

"I'm serious though, don't eat my Skinny Pop before I get there."

#jarah b #john b x sarah writings #john b x sarah #obx writings #sarah cameron #john b routledge #jarah b requests #writing requests #obx requests #outer banks writing #college sarah cameron #long distance jarah b

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ephemeral-afterlight · 5 years

Text

Day 15: Scars

(I know you think you’re alone.)

Whumptober 2019 Day 15: Scars

Word Count: 2458

Relationships: Creativitwins (familial) NOT remrom don't tag as remrom or i'll steal your bones and use them to make Halloween decorations

Warnings:��Self-harm (c/tting, it doesn't actually happen but it is referenced outright many times. there is mild/non-graphic description of it as well, and scars are referenced multiple times too), mention of self-hatred, mentions of emotional breakdowns, cursing, mild inappropriate language. Lmk if I forgot any!

A/N: i'm not too upset about this one! it's not my best, but it's certainly not my worst. can y'all tell i love writing creativitwins brother dynamic?

dedicated to @illogical-anxieties. love you, dumbass ♥

There’s something calming about running your fingers across the raised lines, about observing the streaks of light painted thin on your skin. It has an almost soothing effect, at least for Roman, and despite the irony of it, hyperfixating on those scars can help prevent him creating more. And creation, being such a prevalent aspect in his function as a side, is definitely not a force to be reckoned with. So he counteracts it the only way he knows how, runs his fingertips softly along the ridges on his forearms, and just breathes. Usually.

Except right now, as he sits here huddled in the corner of his room, it’s not working. It’s not doing what it should be, isn’t tempering his hyperventilation, isn’t nullifying the pain echoing in his heart. Roman doesn’t know what to do. He’s tried hydrating, splashing cold water on his face, holding an ice cube to his skin, and singing Disney songs to distract himself, but nothing is working. Everything feels tense right now, dangerous after his fourth breakdown this week, and he just… wants this all to end.

Roman doesn’t want to feel like this anymore. He doesn’t want to have the urge to dig into his skin, to take a blade to his shoulder until the apathy comes to drown his self-hatred. He doesn’t want to feed his addiction, to give up this easily, but… he yearns. He yearns so deeply for that cold, unforgiving brush on his fragile canvas, for the numbness that comes with it.

He’s in the bathroom rummaging through his drawers like a madman before he even realizes what he’s doing.

And maybe he should think this through more, try harder to resist, but it’s so tempting. He isn’t just helpless toward his relapse, he wants it, and for the first time in seven months, a silver edge comes within an inch of his marred skin. But of course, of course he forgot to lock the door, and his brother barges in the room without a single knock or warning beforehand. He’s jittery, and looks like he’s about to yell something, but then his whole demeanour shifts when he sees Roman bowed over his vanity sink with a razor in his grip. His sleeve is rolled up, and his scars are on full display, and Remus shoots forward to knock the blade out of Roman’s hand with an almost desperate snarl.

“You idiot, what are you doing?!” Remus hisses as he grabs his counterpart’s arm roughly, drags him out of the bathroom and shoves him onto the bed without a hint of gentle treatment to be found. Roman rubs harshly at his forearms and glares at his lap with dull, dark eyes, and slaps his brother’s hand away when he tries to pry his grip off of his damaged limb. “I’m supposed to be the violent one, what the hell do you think you’re accomplishing with this?”

“I’m trying to be better? This is the only way I can-- I can fucking think. I tried. I fucking tried everything I could, every grounding technique and distraction, and nothing’s working. I can’t… I can’t do this,” Roman spits back, anger dissolving easily into resignation. Remus takes a loud, deep breath, clenches his fists so tightly his knuckles go white, and sits there in an odd, silent suspension for some amount of seconds. Once he’s seemingly calmed down, his brother deflates and it’s like all of the stiffness trickles out of him in one fell swoop. It’s strange to watch, considering how easily both of them lose their tempers.

Remus just stares at him, flat gaze boring into Roman’s own, and it feels like there should be some exchange happening here. It’s almost as if Remus is searching for something, something that even Roman himself can’t see. After another long moment where they just observe each other, his brother clicks his tongue in a sudden movement that almost startles. He looks like he’s sizing Roman up, gathering intel with eyes that are bathed in the tempest, and then he’s speaking again. “You haven’t tried everything, I bet. I’ll show you.”

“Remus, you don’t have to do that. Just… let me be. If I wanted to, I could easily wave them away, so. It doesn’t even matter,” Roman mumbles, fingers flitting up to unconsciously trace the scars on his arm, and his counterpart just scoffs.

“Yeah, no shit, of course you can wave them away. But you haven’t, and you won’t, so just shut up and come on,” Remus replies, scalding and protective at the same time, and Roman doesn’t understand. They’re supposed to hate each other. They’re not supposed to hang out, not like… not like they did when they were younger. Their days of running around the Imagination waving plastic weapons at their combined villainous creations have been over for a long time, so why does he even care?

Roman doesn’t know, but he still stands and follows his brother anyway.

They go to the light sides’ common room first, the living room devoid of any presence other than the twins’ own. The others are up in the real world watching a movie with Thomas, if he remembers correctly, so they probably won’t be back until late. Remus gestures to the couch and waits for Roman to sit hesitantly before flopping down himself.

“Try screaming,” Remus tells him plainly, and Roman just gives him an incredulous look. What? What does that mean? Scream? Why? Apparently his brother can easily read the confusion on his face, because he just rolls his eyes and snatches up a throw pillow to place in Roman’s still hands. “Scream. Into the pillow. It helps, so just do it. Here, I’ll do it too, see?”

And Remus just stares at his own pillow resolutely, takes a huge breath, and then smashes his face into the fabric. The pillow doesn’t muffle the sound by very much, but it’s still at a similar volume to his speaking voice, and Roman wrinkles his nose in disgust. Is he joking? And-- no, of course he’s fucking not, he’s Remus. Well… he might as well do it. Roman figures if he’s gonna looks stupid anyway, it should probably be along with someone else, and his brother always looks stupid, so maybe his presence’ll mitigate it a bit.

So he screams. He lets loose a long yell into the stuffed cushion, shouts even louder when Remus laughs beside him and starts yelling into his own pillow again, and this whole situation is awful. They must look so dumb, two twins screaming intermittently into pillows as almost a response to one another, and Roman has to admit, it’s more funny than it is mortifying. Shocking, sure, but Remus somehow manages to make even the silliest things sound serious, so Roman doesn’t even know why he’s surprised in the slightest.

“So? Feel any better?” Remus asks cheerfully when they finally stop to breathe, both sitting back against the couch panting as they clutch their respective pillows to their chests. Roman groans and throws his head back, inhales slowly while he gives the ceiling a scathing glance, and Remus tilts his head in confusion not unlike how a dog would.

“I mean-- I don’t know, I guess? A little bit, but…” Roman trails off and Remus jumps to his feet. His pillow is thrown at the wall as harshly as possible, discarded viciously to smack against and shatter a picture frame. Roman starts with the noise, and then gives his counterpart a disapproving glare. Remus stares him down for a second, then hunches over and groans when he realizes Roman isn’t going to back down on this one, and he moves over to fix the damage with a wave of his hand as he rolls his eyes.

“Right, well. Still not good, huh? Let’s try something else. Follow!” Remus shouts far too loudly, a fairly unreachable sentiment when is comes from Roman himself, and the two of them leave the room.

They go outside next, trek around the house in the beating sun, and Roman sweats from both the heat and the mischievous look in his brother’s eye. The two stop in the backyard beside the porch, and Remus sizes up a blank stretch of brick wall as Roman just shakes the collar of his jacket in an attempt to air it out a little. Remus nods to himself after a couple moments of deliberation, and then summons what seem to be brightly coloured water balloons sloshing around in a blue plastic bucket.

“Water balloons? I don’t want to get wet right now, Remus,” Roman sighs, ignores the suggestive eyebrow wiggle he gets in return, and he crosses his arms when his counterpart grabs a balloon from off the top of the pile.

“Haha, no, dumbass! You’re so silly, of course they’re not water balloons-- they’re paint balloons!” And Roman has to leap forward and snatch the balloon away as Remus is winding up to launch it, berating his pouting brother as he replaces the paint balloons with actual water balloons. Roman doesn’t bother with words, just gives Remus a withering look when he huffs and waves his hand over the balloons again. “Fine. Compromise.”

“There better not be paint in those again, Remus, or I might literally strangle you. Ah-- before you say it, no, not in ‘the fun way’.”

And there isn’t. They’re water balloons, still, but they’re also filled with so many different colours of glitter, and Roman has to admit that the way the sun shines and refracts off of the little flecks coating the side of the building is pretty awesome. But… as pretty as it is, Roman can still feel that itch, that wanting, so they clean up (read: Roman cleans up while Remus tries to swallow a balloon whole. Wait, can Deceit do that?) and head back inside, having managed to stay decently dry.

So they try again. Remus takes him to his own room, drags out a huge canvas and easel from god knows where and swats the dust and cobwebs away from the slightly yellowed surface. It isn’t hard to guess what they’re doing, and Roman wonders if Remus only puts out shades of red acrylic for a reason. He has to admit, though, smearing the page with so many different hues to make an abstract mess of bright claret is surprisingly fun, though he’d never admit that to Remus.

They also attempt to make cupcakes, but that’s all more of Virgil’s thing than anyone else’s. Stress baking is a common occurrence, to the point where Virgil has actually gotten to be extremely skilled, and it does make for a humorous juxtaposition to the other two. Logan is great at cooking because it can not only be precise and measured, but also a creative outlet, and despite his insistence that he is Logic and Logic only, Roman knows that even Logan can create some really amazing, unique things if he tries. Patton, on the other hand… oh boy. Despite his position as a parental fixture within their group, he is awful at making nearly everything related to food. He’s too prone to experimentation and disregarding recipes and measurements outright, which is why baking is always a disaster, and he gets too scared around heat to really cook a proper meal. He does make some really good parfaits, though.

So although he has years under his belt of watching those three do their thing, of learning what to do from Virgil and Logan and what not to do from Patton, Roman isn’t exactly good at baking himself. He’s awesome at decorating, and he’s made some really cool cake artwork before, but the actual baking part is not something he usually ever has to deal with. And Remus… well, Remus is Remus. He purposely switches the salt and sugar in his food, so.

Needless to say, their attempt is an absolute tragedy, but Roman honestly isn’t too mad about it. Sure, they’re both covered in flour, and Roman’s jacket is stained with vanilla extract from a particularly disastrous spill, and Remus has been continually making Roman cringe by crunching on the cakes that are burnt beyond recognition (cupcakes are not supposed to be crunchy, what the fuck) , but Roman’s actually having a lot of fun. Maybe the cupcakes didn’t turn out very well, but Roman hasn’t laughed this hard in a long time, so he’ll take small victories where he can get them.

And the twins don’t stop. They throw darts at headshot pictures of politicians taped to the wall, they have a pillow fight until Roman’s arms feel like jelly, and they go into the Imagination to ride some of the horses there (a white one with an elegant mane for Roman, and a decaying half-skeleton horse for Remus) until the sun is setting in the real world. They do so much, a surprising amount, and it feels just like when they were kids and they used to run around the house together yelling at the top of their lungs and giggling as they ran away from an exasperated Patton. Roman didn’t know how much he missed this until now, but it’s late, and unfortunately it has to come to an end.

“Remus, I’m tired, and nothing’s working… can I just go to sleep?” Roman sighs as they walk back into the main part of the mindscape again, scratching at the back of his neck as Remus whistles a cheery tune. He doesn’t understand how his twin can still be so energetic even after every exhausting activity they’ve participated in today, but it’s somewhat refreshing nonetheless.

“Nothing’s working? But you just went a whole day without cutting yourself! Seems like it worked to me!” Remus exclaims, eyes bright as he grins cheekily, and-- holy shit. He’s right. Roman didn’t cut today. He didn’t hurt himself, even though he was feeling that bad earlier. Even with the stress, and the tension, and the breakdown, he still managed to not give in. Because… because of Remus. Because of his little brother. That sneaky little shit, he knew what he was doing from the get-go. Maybe Roman is sorta proud. Okay, a lot proud.

“Anyway, I-- woah, don’t cry on me! Otherwise I might have to steal your tears and keep them in a jar to use as lube,” Remus snickers, and Roman doesn’t even care about his vulgarity as he brings his brother into a tight hug. He can tell that Remus is surprised, and a little stiff even as Roman squeezes his shoulders with gratitude. But then he’s relaxing a little, laughs more sincerely as he pats Roman’s back, and maybe Remus isn’t so bad after all.

132 notes · View notes

whereconfusionisarhyme · 4 years

Text

First Reactions To Logan’s Playlist

K first song let’s do this

White and Nerdy-Weird Al Yankovic

Wtf this song was definitely Joan’s idea I mean who else would think of ‘White and Nerdy’ for Logan

Is this like canon he listens to this stuff or like songs about him???

Not Perfect-Tim Minchin

TIM MINCHIN

Bo Burnham better be on Logan's playlist

#deep

Is this about the mindpalace/inside of Thomas’ head??? Cause like???? Ouch???? I think????

Lol nvm it’s not sad lmao

I take back my take back it is sad

So this could be literally “in his mind” or it could be figurative and it’s really messing with my funky flow

Streaks-ANIMA!

Cool instrumental

Love the voice sounds a little like MARINA and Regina Spektor

Oh no I’m two lines in and I can tell it’s gonna be sad

OH NO CONFORMITY RELATED ANGST AHHHHH

Wow Logan is just out here being relatable isn’t he smh 😔👊

"Cause you're a smart kid, but you're still a kid" LOGAN REALLY BE OUT HERE BEING RELATABLE ON MAIN

The Elements-Tom Lehrer

Sounds like what piano class would sound like if I took piano class

Something you would listen to in science class

Bop

Medicine-STRFCKR

A Fever You Can't Sweat Out vibes

Lmao nvm

Gonna go look up the lyrics rn brb

A sad bop

Philosophy cool

Human-Tank And The Bangas

Logan playing this to comfort himself because this singer is the only person who has ever told him this

WHO HURT LOGAN WITH THEIR WORDS

LOGAN THE HEART SKIPPING COMMENT ARE YOU OKAY IM GIVING YOU A HUG

GUYS LOGAN IS TRYING TO CONVINCE HIMSELF THAT HE MATTERS IM NOT OKAY

Last???? Relationship???

Okay I'm not a shipper BUT my theorist analysis obsessed brain is just SCREAMING about Roman and Patton

Observation: Logan is probably atheistic and this song covers God a lot. I don't have a conclusion or anything just pointing that out

This woman do be calming tho like yes I'm beautiful yes I'm special thank you

Okay so I already knew Logan wasn't okay but he 100% isn't okay

Fittet Happier-Radiohead

K two words in and I can tell this is gonna be sad here we go

Employees? Or maybe…other sides?

Minor key ok

SELF HARM ISNT OKAY

"WILL NOT CRY IN PUBLIC" NONONONO

So I heard of a good therapist just downtown-

The Watchtower-The Dø

I paused it cause I need a second after the last one

Guys as someone who dissosiates a lot I think Logan might be dissosiating

Dissosiating to protect himself from his emotions

Y'all just trust me in this one

Coming for the TØP brand I see

K ready to start again here we go

Fire beat I'm vibing with it

Is he trying to distance himself from his emotions to try and perform his tasks better like watching from a Watchtower???

This is the first character I've seen that might dissosiate which only means one thing

I'm gonna be projecting an unholy amount in my fanfiction

"No one in particular" hon who hurt you

City Lights=Emotions (which he considers distractions)??? Maybe??

I'm a William Finn fan come on this isn't my first rodeo

Art Is Dead-Bo Burnham

BO BURNHAM I WAS RIGHT

We all love some good Imposter Syndrome (tm)! :D

This gives Learning New Things About Ourselves' a whole new meaning

Ngl this is the first time I heard the degrading of the piano at the end and I'm here for it

In My Mind-Amanda Palmer

Oop we LOVE setting up impossible expectations for yourself to the point you have a cripplingly horrid self esteem! :D

Logan I've done this before and trust me it isn't worth it the mental breakdowns are too taxing

I'll do it when I'm older=I'm never gonna get around to it

I don't wanna be the person I wanna be either

Why do I perfectly understand every lyric am I ok

Live!!! While you!!!! Can!!!!

At least there's a happy ending

Okay so I've decided that once I'm done I'm gonna make a list of songs I think would fit in the playlist

Algorythym-Childish Gambino

K its spelled incorrectly get ready for some metaphors my dudes

Intro is cool definitely very very Logan WOAH OKAY CHAIN SMOKER

Gonna go look up lyrics I don't understand shit

The chorus sounds like Thanksgiving at my Aunt's house where like 100+ African American relatives blast house music and dance until their feet falls off

Nvm no it doesn't

GO OFF

ELPHABA BETTER WATCH OUT CHILDISH GAMBINO IS COMING FOR YOUR BELT

Adlibs are everything

Letter C-Zach Sherwin

This gives off the same vibes as that one pickle video by Charlie Puth

Roman vs Logan rap battle but it's this

I don't really see why this is related but sure

Time Adventure-The Marcus Hedgehog

Nostalgiaaaaaa

Okay Logan has too many songs talking about one (1) person who is it

I have a gut feeling that it's about Thomas and how Logan used to be enough "back then" but now he thinks he's not cause like let's be honest when was the last time someone gave Logan a strong sincere thank you for all that he does????Excluding DWIT (which doesn't really count in my opinion cause they said he was cool, not like an integral and arguably the most important and powerful side) nobody really appreciates Logan???? Hugs???

Anyway plz ignore this is just how my brain works

K next song

The Breach-clipping.

OKAY SLOW DOWN IM GONNA LOOK UP LYRICS

Is this Daveed Diggs???? I haven't listened to Hamilton in like forever is this Daveed Diggs???

LITERALLY PERFECY PARRALLEL TO LOGAN AND THE SIDES

Sound effects

Really just gonna fry my eardrums like that huh

What I Do For U-Ra Ra Riot

Okay scrap anything and everything I said about it being the sides Logan is 100% talking about Character!Thomas

Erase Me-Ben Folds Five

Ooh this intro reminds me of this one particular musical songs but I don't remember which one

Wait have I listened to this before????

I've listened to this before!

Okay I need to stop being distracted

NOOOOOO don't Erase Yourself!!!!

Logan really just do be having no Self Esteem don't he

Okay so theory: Logan didn't pop up in person in the last video because his eyes were too red from crying

I have 0 evidence so it's not a very good theory but…

Just throwing it out there

One More Time with Feeling-Regina Spektor

Oh no it's Regina Spektor

Oh no I'm gonna cry

Okay so Logan doesnt wanna block of all emotion, only permit some to show???? But most of the time block everything????

Did I get that???

Nobody!!!! Thanks!!!! Logan!!!!

Awww he just wants love and recognition

Tbh this sounds a lot like Roman they have so much in common despite their constant arguing

Galaxy Song-Monty Python

Ooh Monty Python

I haven't listened to Monty Python so I sadly don't know the context

Really just dissing all of the other sides aren't we

Can't really blame him tho

Very scientific

"Yeau~"

Sweet with dark undertones. Love it.

Equation-Hans Zimmer

Later I'm gonna check the equations if they're correct XD

Sunrise-In The Heights

!!!!!!

WHO???!!!!!

K to this is one of my favorite love songs ever it's just so sweet and as someone who's bilingual the concept is just amazingly wonderful so yeah I may be freaking out

Also because WHO??!!

Okay I said I wasn't a shipper but let's be honest this is probably about Roman not romantically but like

OR MAYBE JANUS???

IM SO CONFUSED

But Logan is definitely Nina in this situation it just fits so well with her character for the same reasons I really wanna play her (but never will cause I'm exactly 0% Latin American smh) yeah the pressures to be the smartest and then it backfiring horribly and oh God what if Inùtil is also in the playlist ahhhh

Okay moving on

Lifeboat-Heathers

WHAT

CONFORMITY RELATED ANGST LOGAN STOP BEING RELATABLE AHHHH

IS THIS CAPTAIN THOMAS??? THE OTHER SIDES AS A WHOLE??? AN ABSTRACT CONCEPT???

IM NOT OKAY

Bohemian Groove-Will Connolly

Okay I'm still not recovered from the last song but I need to continue or else I'm never gonna finish this playlist

Eeecccchhhhhoooo

Your friends haven't surpassed you Logan you belong with them okay????

Emptiness despite success??? Millennial who???

Vibing with it but also are you okay

Nvm I know the answer already

Hug All Ur Friends-Cavetown

Okay so Logan is a Cavetown gay noted

Self validation??? Who's she???

Lies. You care so much about what other people *sides* think about you

Maybe Logan listens to this song to remind himself to not care too much

But it doesn't work and it's getting to him more and more

That took a turn

Breathin'-Thomas Sanders

Good move

Don't really have much to say on this

The Bidding

Spoopy

Alchoholic!Logan

New idea for us fan writers

The pronunciation of beurgoise

Okay I'm like pretty certain at this point that all of the songs that mention a someone else is about Character!Thomas

A Better Version

OHMYGOD I LOVE THIS MUSICAL ITS SO UNDERRATED I HAVE LISTENED TO THE SOUNDTRACK AND UNGODLY AMOUNT OF TIMES YESSSSS

But also since I know the song in terrified cause the feels are gonna come in I just know it

Wait so is Jayce supposed to be Thomas???

I am suddenly feeling much more uncertain about my certainty

Okay let me unpause and just listen to it (even though I already know all of the lyrics)

Okay so I'm a dumbass and apparently this song isn't even part of the playlist

Okay so I'm an idiot and the last few songs have all been "related to playlist" and not in the actual playlist I'm big dumb.

Anyway here's my list of songs I think would fit. (BTW, I only went off of lyrics for these ones. I realize that there’s a general sound and vibe for the playlist, but I decided not to follow it.)

Oh No! ~ MARINA

Hug All Ur Friends ~ Cavetown

Bohemian Groove ~ Will Connolly

Guiltless ~ Dodie Clark

Lifeboat ~ Laurens O’Keefe

The Bidding ~ *idk who*

I Am Not A Robot ~ MARINA

Inútil - Lin Manuel Miranda

Through The Eyes Of A Child ~ AURORA

Community Gardens ~ The Scary Jokes

Let me know if I should do this with the other playlists as well! :)

#sander sides #ts sanders sides #sanders sides #thomas sanders #tss #logan sander angst #logan sanders #ts logan #logan’s playlist #first reaction #self harm mention #tw self harm

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savnofilter · 5 years

Note

plzz, grow up. youre always complaining about how hard you hav it when there are so much worse that could happening. starvation, illiteracy, bullying, physical abuse, etc. and youre sad bcuz you feel insecure? as a person, youre actually quite mean. people like you make me sick.

You know, if you really had your money at your words you would’ve done this off Anonymous but you’re clearly a pussy ass bitch to do so. Since you think I’m a bitch or an asshole or an asswipe (whichever you’d like to prefer), I just wanted to water your crops and respond to you in that manner. You’re welcome. I will write you an essay since you’re just an angry fan who wants attention.

1. There’s a reason why I haven’t properly stated my reasons for being like I am the way I am, but since you want to be all up in my coochie hairs, this is my business.

- losses in the family.

- stresses of school.

- responsibilities i have to take care of because I can’t just drop out because i “feel insecure”.

- wanting to reach out but my feelings and thoughts are always twisted because I am shit at words/or seen as stupid reasons to be upset.

- legit being called a rape apologist that triggered me from past experiences, sent my already deteriorating mental health into shit hole.

- being body shamed at a place that felt second home at.

- wanting to do my favourite hobby on earth but not being able to do it because I have no energy for it/not wanting to leave my followers hanging who are excited for things and not post at all (which I’ve been doing but I sincerely apologize).

2. What the fuck makes you think I have never struggled before? I am genuinely curious. Because I can write? Because I try to be nice to people on my blog? Because until now I don’t hide that yeah, I’m not in the best place? You’re such an asshole for even trying to invalidate my feelings and its happened way too many times in my life to let someone like you even attempt to do it. Maybe you’re attacking me because I am young. Maybe you’re attacking me because you need to blow off some steam.

I legit don’t know what your reason is, but YOU need to grow up LMAO like your ass in ANONYMOUS right now kik like whaaaaaat. My cock isn’t yours so hop off it okay? Never called you my slut but you all up in my pussy boy.

3. Also to further my point in bullet one, why is it that I can’t feel insecure? It’s not like I wake up with a mental breakdown not feeling myself on purpose. It’s not like I wake up and go “okay what can I be depressed about today” – because quite frankly if I had the choice guess what? I wouldn’t choose it lmao.

Just like many artists like Billie Eilish, what’s wrong with admitting that you aren’t okay? Like how is that immature? The first step to the healing process is to know the issue, second step is finding out the root of the problem. Since I know myself, me saying that is basically a forewarning like “my emotions are fucked up at the moment, so I might be an asshole because what the fuck are feelings?”.

And you know what? When you’re often a second choice, or someone shows absolute affection towards you and makes it seem you’re the only one then they do it to everyone else then yeah it does get to you. But from what I’ve read, you’re too much of a pretentious bitch to have ever experienced that and people probably bend to everything you say and that is why you don’t like me. I don’t act the way you want me to. And you were probably the one all up in my inbox asking me age like a creepy bitch like that is none of your flip flacking fucking business (apologies if the anon who asked that isn’t, its weird. dont do it lol).

4. Yeah I make you sick? I’m mean? Since you have not provided any statements nor receipts for me too refute, yeah everyone can be a bitch. I mean just look at you sugar. Anyways, I will be showing the pros and cons of talking to me, so you know, people like you,,, don’t,,,,, get,,,,,, sick,,,,,,,,

pros:

I am nice - unlike popular belief or your opinion and no, not to be cliche. yeah sometimes when i talk its like “… why the fuck would you say that?” because sometimes I just don’t know. So it’s better to tell someone then I’m sitting here like

after it hits the fan.

I am very supportive - bro, you having a hard time? Hold up where is the remaining of my happy energy to give to you! You need a heart meme? Writing piece? Like I got you. Feel like your stuff isn’t worth it? You don’t feel worth it? I got you. Like no cap.

Loyal - you give me the same energy, I vibe it back to you love. That’s all. You shower me in love, I shower you in love. You never forget me or always talk to me, I do the same. It’s how you do it babe.

cons:

there’s a reason why my blog name is “savnofilter” - and imma explain it good. Well here’s a backstory ain’t nobody asked for so here it is.

So in 7th grade, moved to my new town I live in – shit at first kinda alright now. We had this assignment in our poetry unit, and that was to get the class divided and have a rap battle and whoever won I don’t fucking know got extra credit or some shit (my brain is old at this point, can’t remember shit lol). So in this assignment, we had to make, a rapper name. And I wanted it to be cringey (yes, that was the vocabulary used-). I had to think long and hard because mane I ain’t ever thought of shit like that until my friend was like, “hey, why don’t you go with savage because you say wild things and don’t care” and I was like,,,,, oh shit mane, U RIGHT. Then I was like, that isn’t enough. I need more, more flare. So I dozed off then sat up like “oKAY A CONCEPT THO, HOW ABOUT NO FILTER?! SAvage… No Filter? Saying it out loud sounds like absolute rubbish.” So I had to think again, what name clicks?

I had already locked in that I have no filter because I don’t give a fuck, so whats next?Sav[redacted]nofilter (blurred because you’d be able to find me somewhere NOT related to writing LMAO). So yeah, because I’m a savage. I genuinely do not care what I am saying. And no, not in a way that I’m saying something insensitive and going “its mah trademark!” its because I don’t care. I’m a savage with no filter.

If you piss me off or ignore what I’ve said or belittled me – whatever I will not hold back! period! - I dont have much explaining for that but there it is. take it how you will.

I am piss poor shit at words - I know plenty of you will read this and be like “but u write? 👁️👄👁️”. So you guys know those people who need like a puppet to speak properly, or sing so they don’t stutter? That’s basically me. If it’s not an actual work or anything I can’t comprehendddddd. Then again I’ve learned to just hold on my feelings since I use to be a crybaby and such. I just horde my feelings until they get worse, like now. I’ve now just realized this so I’ll be talking with my therapist into easing me into sharing how I feel. Which furthers my next point -

I have constipated feelings - so, you can say, that my feelings a shit (y'all saw what I did there LMAOOOOO).

I vibe with how you vibe with me - pro if you do it right, con if you do it wrong. My mum has always said that I tap into peoples energies too much, but its because I like helping people, I like helping people feel secure and everything is alright but it backfires when someone isn’t giving me the same energy.

At this point, I’m not mad anymore. I know who wrote this anyways by the end of this so I apologize for my language earlier ;;. If you truly wanted to speak with me, I would’ve appreciated it lol. I’m just hurt you chose to do it in such a destructive manner, even including someone else in it as well.

oh oh!! yes, i get vague visions of who be all up in my inbox so theres that. thisll be last time i take anyone serious on anon, so future anons you can cuss em out if youd like lol.

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artificialqueens · 4 years

Text

learning to be silent (multi) — chapter two - Roza

[ summary ] : the grand prix qualifications are building splendidly even if it means a self discovery for some and nothing but piling towers of stress despite that, new bonds seem to happen every day when you're a professional figure skater.

[ author's note ] : this au has been a real fun one to write, as always, I enjoy introducing new characters when I can, next chapter will probably (definitely lmao) be huge since it'll be the short program and all that jazz, hope y'all enjoy xx — lily.

AO3 / My Tumblr / (◍•ᴗ•◍)✧*。

— ✧*。

Alaska hadn't intended to spend her last day in the states for a week helping Trinity and Detox pack for France, though it was an excuse to ignore everything that was building up on her plate for Moscow, they all had reserved their own row on the plane to Paris, now it was just a matter of time and driving before they would be supporting their teammates in their journeys to the Grand Prix, stacking their points. Every step was one more day closer to Olympic qualifications in January.

"Jesus, how many suitcases do we need? We're only there for a week and not even skating at the event!" Trinity called out as she scrambled through Detox's closet, wearing her oversized jacket from Skate America, Alaska sitting on her best friend's bed, spread out and staring at her phone, unable to breathe at the moment, everything was beginning to crumble and she promised Sharon to not tell anyone but it was reaching a breaking point.

"Just get one big one and we'll have two bags, Alaska is coming to don't forget we have three people in the equation!" Detox yelled back before stepping into the room with an unopened bottle of sparkling wine, Trinity clapping at the sight of alcohol as she skipped over to her girlfriend who brushed their lips together, her hands brushing through her blonde hair though she pulled away cackling hearing Alaska's blantant sickness noises, wanting to throw up at the sight of her best friend since she started skating and Trinity trying to get it down in front of her.

Detox fixed her hair and huffed, blowing the small strands out of her face before she handed the bottle to Alaska who was an aficionado at opening caps with her long acrylics, "To Aquaria, Shea and Adore! Let's hope the best for all of them." She toasted simply, Trinity nodding, "I'll drink to that, Grand Prix here our girls come! Olympics ain't ready honey." The Floridian raised the bottle once Alaska got it to pop open with a small flick of her nails.

Rotating the bottle around one by one, Alaska took a long and hard swig, causing Detox to widen her eyes and take away the bottle, the older skater groaned. "Oh c'mon you're not my fucking mom." She snagged it once more before finally putting it down in front of Trinity who adjusted the sleeves of Detox's jacket.

"What's wrong? I know you too damn well, fess up." Detox's tone one of concern as well as aggression, she could tell when Alaska was in her tantrum stages. Trinity sat uncomfortably, not knowing if she should be involved in the conversation invade it took an extremely personal turn.

"Nothing, I'm fine, just had a bit of a fight today with Sharon is all."

Trinity moved towards the door, knowing that Detox and Alaska had their own code of when they wanted to be alone. "I'm gonna go and get some food, I'll leave y'all be." The skater shut the door gently even at the dismay of Detox who's eyes focused on Alaska whose eyelids drooped after putting the half empty bottle on Detox's cabinet shelf right near her bed.

"What the hell happened?"

"Girl, we're packing, let's not do this now, please." The affirmative tone in her voice telling Detox to back off and focus on what she was currently doing, though Alaska's head was definitely elsewhere, a minute later as they folded up another dress the blonde finally broke down in tears, at first letting the sniffling come and playing it off as allergies or some bullshit like that.

"I'm retiring, I'm fucking retiring at the end of this season, I can't take all the stress and pain any longer and seeing Aquaria and all the new seniors do so good out a real fucking gap in my confidence, I give up!"

"Alaska..."

"No! Don't fucking tell me I'm overreacting and don't tell me that's how the skating world is now, I know that and I can't take it anymore."

Detox dropped her skates on her bed before sighing aloud, knowing there was no use in even attempting to knock sense into or out of Alaska during her breakdowns, she just needed support: not as if the decision was something people liked to hear, to make.

Opening her arms Alaska looked up and immediately jumped into them, Detox tightening the grip around her shoulders, patting her back as she sobbed all over her jacket with no remorse, she could always wash it later. Fighting back tears she spoke up, not ever wanting to hear the fact Alaska, her best friend since they started skating, was retiring: "Are you really sure, I'm not gonna push it but are you atleast gonna try for your last Olympics?"

Alaska took home bronze in her first Olympics, a truly incredible feat, she proved to everyone even back then that as long as you had passion, drive, charisma and raw talent you could win a medal no matter if you were skating to Vivaldi or Bon Jovi, which she did.

"Of course I am you shady bitch, gotta knock you off somehow."

Detox couldn't help but completely lose it on her lap, slapping her on the stomach before letting her head rest, "What am I gonna possibly even do without you? Truthfully, who else will drink three entire bottles of Gatorade and almost piss on the ice—" Alaska yelled, her cheeks becoming hot remembering the indescribable amount of embarrassment she felt during her warm up skate of World's back in 2017.

"What does Sharon think?"

It shouldn't have made Alaska's lips twist when her name was mentioned, she knew it was coming since Sharon was her coach and her worst kept secret after all. A muscle in her jaw seemed to twitch as she spoke, "She wasn't very happy to say the least but my career, promised her I'd of course try for the Olympics."

* * *

"I'm retiring."

Alaska whispered the words she honestly hoped would never have to come out of her own mouth, when she was still young, not as young as the rest but she still had a good amount of years left for herself.

Her tears falling down her cheeks one after another, trying to speak but not letting any words come out before Sharon's fingertips brushed her eyes, wiping them in utter confusion, "What do you— what do you mean you're retiring?" Lifting her face with her hands, being sure to make direct eye contact with the blonde who was in the middle of either a mental breakthrough or breakdown.

"I can't do this anymore, I can't compete with all the new seniors, I'm reaching my breaking point and you being my coach has been both the greatest and worst experience I've had in this sport."

She didn't respond, a bit offended by the poor choice of words however. "Worst? Fucking jesus, I know I retired earlier than expected but I wanted to coach, especially since Aquaria was getting older, I wanted to care for her and look out for you!" She snarled out of anger, a flush creeping out on her face once she noticed Alaska so generously hanging onto her every word by a thread.

"Sharon, I'm just losing touch and I know you're supposed to be my coach. I know you're hard on me because it's your job and because we've been together since we were teenagers but anytime you and I sit in that kiss and cry and you stare at me blankly, your eyes look so disappointed and want to scream!"

"I'm never, ever disappointed in you."

Alaska winced at the unexpected rough diction in Sharon's voice, she never looked so terrifying and serious in her entire life. Granted she had known the blonde for only god knows how long and had seen every little piece of the puzzle to her, expecting all the unexpected.

"I love you Sharon, I love you dammit and I thought about it for weeks, this isn't a personal vendetta, you know how this sport pays my bills and keeps me alive but I want to retire and just help you with the girls and finally settle down with you like I always wanted."

Sharon's face contorted, unable to express whether she was honored that Alaska was for once, being so serious about their relationship, whatever that was— or, completely saddened by her will to just throw away her entire life and success to just be another coach, she had so much untapped potential even if she was a bit older than the average girl's nowadays.

"You're so talented and have so much to give, you're not even the oldest American competiting, remember how Chad retired when he was 39? I mean, he wasn't even pushing it either." It was true that she skated a while, still even did tours time to time, she had completely pioneered the skating world as did her students which of course, had Sharon in the line up.

"I just don't want you to do this purely for me or because you're feeling stressed, because that's the reality of the sport." She took Alaska's hand in her own, squeezing firmly as her words left with baited breath, "I will never force you to keep skating but as your coach, I'd be so fucking upset if you did."

Her lips pressed a kiss to Alaska's ring finger, "I'll always be here and be ready, skating won't." A hand crept to Sharon's cheek as the younger blonde smiled gently, feeling a genuine stir in her emotions, her heart beating twice as fast whenever Sharon kissed her.

"I know but, I think it's my time to be able to relax after all these years, I can always be an annoying commentator." She grinned, lightening the mood as her ears heard Sharon whisper a faint, "I love you." under her breath before laughing at her out of time response, pressing their lips together and caressing her face.

"If you promise to be at the Olympics, I can maybe say aloud that I'll handle this better."

"Of course I'm gonna try to qualify dumb bitch! You really think I'd just give up after finally getting allowed to do an Arrowsmith song for my routine? In an all black and grey costume? I promise you I'm gonna kill that shit."

* * *

"So, if I may add an interlude..." Her words spiraling back to her usual extended holds, "What's the deal with you and Miss Taylor, I know clearly you guys are comfortable outside of the rink but, is it actually official?"

Detox pondered her words a bit, not exactly knowing how to respond.

Her and Trinity in the rink had always been buddy-buddy with eachother starting three years ago, Trinity had trained with Agnes (who they all called Peppermint since their junior skating years) a while before making the move into Sharon and Chad's training camps, she fit in almost instantaneously and caught the attention of Detox as fast as she did Chad who saw endless supply of potential when it came to her style of skating.

Alaska coughed obnxiously, signaling she overthinking far too much. But what was she really supposed to say especially with Alaska, who she adored with her entire soul and heart and always would, who everyone knew was just about the biggest tease and the quickest to break secrets when simply asked, you didn't even have to coddle her for them.

"She's very beautiful and talented, has a great personality and we're just both seeing where we're going, we kiss here and there but mostly it's just in an awkwardly endearing phase, we don't know exactly what we want either."

"So basically you're finally into a girl and just checking out from fear and delusion that she doesn't like you back even though all she does is steal your jackets and excitedly smile whenever you come into the room. Match made in heaven if you ask me."

They toyed with eachother's hair and hands before Detox threw a pillow at her face, "C'mon, we have to be at the airport tomorrow and if you don't wake up I'm just gonna leave without your sorry ass."

*.✧

"We're here!" Yelled Adore in the back of the large car, her legs sparwled onto Bianca's lap, the coach dazing in and out of sleep having been wide awake during the plane ride there, she had never been so sober in her entire damn life even when she was still a competitive skater.

"We are and thank god for that, I was about to fall asleep in this fucking rental." Bianca spoke up with genuine honesty, a yawn leaving her lips before she stepped out the car, reaching out her hands so that Adore could easily jump from the car.

"Hallelujah for that." Bob grumbled under her breath before taking her carry on from the back of the van as Shea wondered off into the hotel, that was conveniently placed beside the convention center and arena where they would skate and then have their Gala afterwards, the best part besides winning gold and racking up points for the Grand Prix.

Shea hadn't had a clue of what time it exactly was, far too lazy to even pick her phone from her pocket as she stumbled through the doorway and took in the sight: being in Europe wasn't new, she had traveled many times for competitions but she had yet to truly be in France for a Grand Prix assignment, the years she had been a senior she either was in China, Japan or Canada— it would be her first time truly getting some time, even if her focus was to win a medal, to beat her fellow competitors, she never turned down a good few hours of walking through a new city, buying overly expensive touristy souvenirs and she always promised herself to buy some kind of local chocolate, she could restrain herself pretty well for diets and competition days but otherwise she definitely wasn't one to turn down a bar of chocolate.

Hearing the usual cooperation banter didn't phase her much, she knew people had a job to do but a familiar face caught her eye almost immediately, that distinct face shape and sweet smile. Thick blonde curls hiding her steel blue-grey eyes, sported of course in the Russian national team jacket, this had to be Sasha.

The Sasha Velour.

Her heart was racing at a million miles an hour, all the affirmative respect and distinguishing of titles made it seem like she was old when she was indeed a year younger than Shea in the first place, it was more meant as a title with sentimental value. She was beautiful as always and had a great reputation to uphold and did so with honesty and a tolerant mindset, two things the Russian figure skating association was exactly known for, despite how dirty of a sterotype that sounded.

The American waited patiently as she seemed to be sorting some issues with her keycard, requesting she be given another one. The conversation tuned out in Shea's mind until she felt a brushing and gentle hand against her shoulders and a wide smile from Sasha, the touch making the girl jump, completely frazzled. "Oh I'm so sorry!" She whimpered, unknowingly holding her hands to make sure they weren't shaking, "I'm so sorry."

"Oh c'mon it's okay girl." She immediately bit her tongue, this wasn't Adore or Trinity whom she was causal with, she had nothing but respect for Sasha and felt nothing but maddening anxiety in their one minute interaction, of course they had seen eachother before when competiting but not as if they had time to converse during or after the matter. "I mean Sasha, shit, I'm so sorry."

"Why are you apologizing? I'm perfectly fine with what you said, I know I'm supposed to be a bit more rough and tough since I'm Russian and all but, I promise you I'm not as bad as everyone else." A subtle wink leaving the corner of her eyelids as she placed a hand on her hip, "It's really wonderful to finally meet you."

Shea didn't want to say she had completely felt her face get hot, red and her entire body froze when she spoke to her but that was exactly what was happening and it was driving her insane, she practically kicked herself for being such a fool. "It's so great to meet you to! You're so talented and so gorgeous and I've never felt more pressure to skate beside someone."

"Please, you are far too sweet for your own good."

A smile lit up her face as Sasha chuckled in response to her growing confidence, "What are you smiling for? It's completely true, I saw your routine at the American national's and almost had a nervous breakdown knowing I have to compete against you and your friend, Aquaria, it is an honor to meet Sharon's daughter? I believe she is..." The sentence trailing before Shea shook her head before also nodding the more she thought about it, "Well she is but not by birth."

"And that's okay, family isn't always blood, it's about the people you choose in your life to be a part of you."

That was either extraordinary deep or Shea was far too smitten with finally speaking with her skating crush of years, this was the moment she had been craving.

"You are absolutely correct, have you met any of the other girls yet? I can always introduce you to my squad of course." Sasha clapped her hands together, slinging a backpack over her back that was a light baby blue, most likely where she housed her skates. "I would love to but I'm going to go and get some private time, come with me!" She mumbled under her breath as they held eachother's wrists.

Shea instantly nodded, not even thinking of the girls, "If you're okay with it." Sasha rolled her eyes, texting someone quickly on her phone before sliding it into the back pocket of her leggings, "Of course I am, my coach doesn't define my life, I already told her I'm gonna be going out to find a rink anyway so, Shea Couleé..." The name rolled right off her tongue in a way that made the older girl completely melt into her hands as she interlocked elbows, "Let's go!"

It would seem odd for two girls of rival countries to just wonder off in the time of sunset, going to the definitely empty ice rink nearby the arena, together as if they were teammates and didn't just formally introduce themselves.

They had barely wandered out of the building when Adore recieved a text telling her to not snitch if Bob asked where she was, explaining best she could in the time she had allotted trying to walk and talk with Sasha that she was going to go and skate, she had taken her bag with her anyway. Shea telling Sasha she needed a quick minute to tell her friend where she would be at.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Adore Delano 🍕

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀—

Don't snitch on me bitch, I'm going off somewhere near the hotel, I really wanna practice.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Do you actually or is someone catching your attention? 👀

If I said it was Sasha Velour would it make you back off lol

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Sasha?! The fucking russian girl who's won literally every damn 🏅???

Yup and she's way prettier in person...

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Oh Jesus, I won't snitch tho! I'm a good friend like that bitch <3

—

"You coming?" Sasha's irresistible smile spearing her straight into the heart. Not as if she would say no to her newfound friend and fellow skater, how could she ever even refuse the chance to spend some alone time with the Sasha Velour, her curls bouncing off her face.

"Absolutely."

*.✧

Sharon wasn't sure what to expect when warm-up training had begun taking shape the day before their first day, the short program for ladies beginning tomorrow though they did have a chance to cheer for the American ice dancers who were performing their short program's yesterday, happy to see that they still had it: scoring a silver medal and having two more teams in the top five.

After the medal ceremony, Aquaria decided to stay with Shea in their hotel room, taking the night off in the comfort of their bed's and the giant flat screen, ordering whatever food they wanted and could find off the hotel service menu.

"Aquaria, you're under rotating that quad again, you know how harsh they're going to be on you now, look at these mistakes and fix them." The words leaving her lips gently, fixing her hair as Aquaria took it all in with a nod, adjusting her jacket's zipper before she hummed, skating off. It was difficult to process all the cameras, she had been photographed and interviewed of course but most people focused on the senior level, it wasn't as if junior competitions were sold out and had photographers everywhere, this was going to be an entire different environment even if she grew up with media in her face already.

"Well, well!" A voice spoke from her behind her, Sharon's entire body running completely cold. It didn't matter what her profession was or how old she was, she could recognize certain voices anywhere she went, she turned on her sneakers, not feeling a need to wear heel's in a damn ice rink.

"Of course it's you..." She grumbled knowing that the utter disappointment in her voice was completely visible though she played on with a fake smile, giving a quaint and polite handshake and kiss of the cheek to Phi Phi, who looked fantastic, the fake tanning did her horrible and Sharon was beyond happy she had stopped a few years ago, and seemed to be comfortably warm in her large knitted white sweater.

"How are you?" She asked, her hands in her pockets, acting sweet for the camera's, it wasn't right to fight like cats and dogs when there was media and their skaters were just attempting to focus. Besides, what had happened when they were competitors was simply past them at this point atleast to Sharon who almost never lost a single medal to Phi Phi, there was definitely some resentment from the latter.

They hadn't always fought, in fact they had gotten along splendidly when they first met at World Championship's almost twelve years ago, neither of them medaled though Sharon had come close with her fourth place accomplishment but it was difficult to compete when Bianca, Morgan and Jinkx were still knocking everyone out of place, seasoned skaters already.

Phi Phi had been her training partner when she decided to stay a year with their old coach, she represented Philippines, which she explained was a huge deal to her, being the first women and the second to ever skate for the southeast asian country. Her temperament was always an issue with her, coach having to repeat stuff and talk over her yelling, that would also be projected into Sharon when she lashed out, claiming she only scored higher on her components because she had the ideal skater body and aesthetic attributed to the sport.

"Oh I'm wonderful, just here to see how my skater does, the usual." It wasn't much until the words faded and she had to ask about Aquaria, Sharon's eyes glimmering with absolute love towards her adopted daughter, "She's fantastic, has a quad and everything, they're definitely way more expecting of them compared to us even Alaska complains with all the new elements they keep adding, I think we retired at a good space." She joked though Phi Phi didn't laugh, she only nodded.

"And Alaska? She still with her boyfriend? I know she's skating with you now, wonder if you still liked her after all these years."

Sharon wanted to shoot herself for even bringing her up, she knew it would immediately cause tension in her body and make her confess more than she wanted: honesty was the best policy even if it was a bitch and it had to be said in front of one of the people she disliked most.

"She's not, she lives with me now."

The pursed expression across Phi Phi's lips was enough to signal she already knew the answer, she just wanted to hear it said aloud. "I had a feeling you two would always end up together, I mean for god's sakes, as if that wasn't fucking obvious." Her fingertips brushed her sweater under her pants, adjusting the laces of her shoes, "She's getting older to, she's only a few years younger, this her last season you think?"

"Phi Phi, Stop."

"Sharon please, I'm asking simple questions, you getting defensive about your girlfriend isn't going to help either of us at this qualification."

Her body swayed, their eye contact setting flames ablaze again in old rivarly, it had been years since they last physically saw eachother, every other time they stayed away or kept it formal and only found out news from Social Media, as most did.

"Just cause you're training your daughter—" her fingers putting air quotes around the word which only made Sharon want to absolutely break her knee with a piece of metal, Harding style. "Doesn't mean she's any good at a senior level or as good as her coach, she's now with competition unlike before, she has a lot to learn like they all do."

"I know that, she's been training hard and I believe in her, of course she has competition, it wouldn't be a Grand Prix if she didn't."

"Well, we will see how she does, I hope she has a good experience though!" The doubt of Aquaria winning shining in her reply, the snicker hidden deep in her throat waiting to come out lodging before she gently coughed and adjusted her posture, "Good luck, genuinely."

"Good luck to you to."

Can't wait to see the look on your face when Aquaria fucking pummels your skaters score into the ground.

#rpdr fanfiction #shalaska #sashea #detox x trinity #sasha velour #shea coulee #trinity taylor #adore delano #alaska thunderfuck #sharon needles #aquaria #phi phi o'hara #bob the drag queen #bianca del rio #figure skating au #lesbian au #learning to be silent #roza #concrit welcome

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