Fake it Till you Make it | Part 17
And adorable.
If one were to ask Steve what he thought was about to happen, he’d be pretty fucking certain that he’d be correct in the fact that Eddie would have kissed him.
He’d have gotten up, crowded Steve against the closet door, and kissed him, and he’d have happily let that and whatever naturally followed happen, had watched in barely contained excitement as Eddie moved, then in deeply fond amusement, as Eddie got himself tangled up in the blankets on the bed and ate shit off the side of it in his haste to get up.
So now Eddie was just lying there, half off the bed, long hair dusting the shaggy rug on the floor, arms over the edge, fingers touching the floor, face down against the blankets, unmoving, wallowing in shame.
Steve adored him.
There wasn’t another word for it. It was a deep, all consuming fondness that warmed his entire being. A fondness that couldn’t allow him to just let Eddie wallow there in embarrassment, so he closed the bedroom door for a little privacy and lowered himself down to his knees in front of the bed. In front of Eddie’s defeated form. “Eddie?” The response was nothing but an oh so sorry for himself little whine. “Oh Bambi… look at me?”
“No. Nope, I’m good here.” Steve huffed a soft little laugh before he crouched lower, hands to the floor, body twisted so he could look up at Eddie from below, using one of his fingers to shift Eddie’s hair out of the way. “Leave me here to wallow.”
“But how will I get the kiss I’m betting my entirely wasted college fund I was gonna get, if you stay there and wallow?” At least that got him to lift his head, surprise flashing across his face as he took in Steve’s position below him “There he iiisss, wanna sit up for me?” It was like Eddie was some frightened animal, expression uncertain, as if expecting ridicule or insult, even as he slowly inched himself back onto the bed, sitting back on his haunches, fingers curled around his own hair holding the strands in front of his face. He looked so small for someone who was actually quite big.
For someone who had the higher position with Steve still on the floor.
So innocent, so perfectly pretty, all dark colours against the white of the sheets and the disarrayed blankets, Steve wanted to ruin him. And then keep him forever.
“You… you want the kiss?” Oh yeah, he was going to get that kiss. Could feel it in the air, the electricity, the calm before a storm where static built before lightning struck. Sure all of that confidence Eddie had momentarily built was now gone, but Steve knew it’d been there. Knew the desire was there. That was more than enough.
“I do if you want to give me one, yeah.” He lifted himself up onto his knees, hands on the edge of the bed, pushing himself up just enough, tilting his head just so, so that if Eddie could feel that same electricity, if Eddie knew to strike, he’d take that chance.
But Eddie didn’t seem as clued up as Steve’s usual hits tended to be. He wanted to, there was no doubt there, but just like in the trailer with their practice, which disappointingly enough they’d not actually needed thus far, Eddie needed coaxing. Needed to be shown that it was okay, he was allowed to want, allowed to take what he wanted, that it was freely up for offer and that all he had to do was take it.
Eddie talked a big game, but present him with a chance at actual intimacy, even something as casual as kissing, and he’d turn into a statue. Or trip over himself and eat dirt. “Can—Can you come up here?”
Steve didn’t miss a thing. One wouldn’t be wrong to call him a little on the stupid side at times, he lacked the intelligence of his small hoard of goblins, but he was observant, he knew what to look for, caught things that most wouldn’t, so when he braced himself, both hands flat on the mattress and pushed himself up, he didn’t miss the way Eddie’s eyes watched his forearms flex. Didn’t miss how he gulped a harsh swallow of gathering saliva, didn’t miss the slight pupil dilation, the flushed cheeks were already there but the rest?
That electricity crackled around them. Eddie didn’t move though.
“There’s nothing wrong with wanting it, you know that right?” Steve had to say it as he joined Eddie on the bed, Eddie tracking his every movement yet unmoving, doe eyes wide as if caught in headlights “I mean, I had a little freak out at first too but... remember in the trailer? How easy it became when you just let yourself go?” How he’d just melted into it, the desire was there, the want, bubbling beneath the surface, desperate to break free.
“It’s not that simple, Steve...” no, not to Eddie, it wouldn’t be, would it? Not usually, and certainly not now with the whole... it’s not real thing hanging over their heads. A hurdle they’d have to get over.
Steve caught Eddie’s chin in between his fingers just as the man tried to break eye contact “you’re thinking way too hard about this, Eddie, where’s all that gusto gone, huh?” He wanted those big brown doe eyes on him.
“Buried by shame.” Eddie pulled his head free from Steve’s grip and sat back on his rear. “And that’s probably for the best too, I mean...there’s no reason to, right? It’s just us in here so you—I mean, we, don’t have to pretend in here, do we?” No reason to get caught up in hormones that should have ebbed years ago. “I mean, in front of your parents, if we have to then—then sure, that’s fine, but... in here?” The bedroom was the safe zone, where they didn’t have to keep up the façade.
“Eddie... I’m going to say this once... just once... and then maybe again every single time you need to hear it because I’m very confident in the fact that you want me, very confident there, almost too confident, but that is mutual, the wanting thing, not the confidence thing because you’re clearly lacking that. The want thing? Very mutual, you’re very attractive and it’s very hard to keep my hands to myself, so if you want it, there’s no pretending here, I would—I mean, I also want that.” Steve had no problem going for things he wanted, even if that thing happened to be a very jumpy metal head he wouldn’t have been seen within ten feet of back in high school. “Why torture ourselves when we could be getting something we both want?”
High school Steve could and very much should go suck something long and hard. Probably blow his damn mind.
Eddie, sweet, innocent, somewhat feral Eddie, took a breath, “you uh... you use those lines on all the girls?” and dared a smile, just enough of one to dimple his cheek in that way that made Steve want to smush them with kisses.
“Never had any of em think this hard about it.” Even the ‘good Christian girls’ didn’t think that hard about it. Steve shifted a little in place, shuffling just a little closer to Eddie. “I’m gonna ask, and if you say no… then that’s that, I’ll respect your wishes” he’d respect the boundaries Eddie put in place no matter how tempting it was to cross them “Can I kiss you, Eddie? Not for this whole thing with my parents but… just to kiss you?”
“…You really want to?”
“Really not sure why that’s so hard to believe, man have you looked in a mirror?” Eddie had always been pretty, he’d always been attractive, he was just… also very loud, and argumentative, and he hurled abuse at the jocks like it was his job to do so. Now… he was quieter, still loud in his own way, but… not in the same way, the post-high school life suited him.
“So it’s strictly physical then, I see how it is” Steve snorted a laugh as he leaned in, butterflies flapping up a storm in his chest because Eddie wasn’t moving away, he was leaning in, didn’t pull away when Steve rested his hand on Eddie’s cheek, cupping his jaw.
“Oh shut up” The giggles puffed against his smiling lips right before they connected? Far superior to any lust-charged kiss, any day.
Part 19
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umm. pause. guys. guys. gay tommy has been canon this entire time. what the fuck. like. oh my god. no. like. okay. okay. so. 2x9 (hen begins), sal [deluca] is talking about his girlfriend dragging him to see twilight. he makes a homophobic joke about tommy being team jacob and tommy's like "i don't even know what that means." chimney says "he's insinuating that you're gay" and tommy blows deluca a kiss. fine. whatever. but THEN you skip to 2x12 (chimney begins), and—i stg it's a blink and you miss it moment—tommy and gerrard (racist captain) are having this conversation in the background
tommy: what about that burger place?
gerrard: tommy i hate that place. hey wasn't your girlfriend supposed to come and cook us dinner?
tommy: uhh. next tuesday.
gerrard: promise?
tommy: uhh. uh. yes. yeah. i will promise.
and it's like. number one, this sounds like a conversation they've had before. something to the tune of "hey, how come you never bring your girlfriend around" which i can't help but think was intentional considering the members of the old 118 were entirely familiar with deluca's girlfriend gina. but number two, no straight man who has a girlfriend sounds that unsure that they have a fucking girlfriend. it was very much giving "ah yes. this human lady that i love that most definitely exists. absolutely. also i like breasts." and it's just like. ok. what the fuck. like. i don't know if this was the plan all along. i don't think it was. i still maintain buck/eddie were supposed to go canon after the shooting and the powers that be got in the way. but. but. the idea that this canon queer character has been hiding in plain sight (subtext) is just. wild to me. like. i've always headcanoned tommy as gay, mostly because every character he plays seems fruity as hell. but bro. i don't think it's a headcanon anymore. and i don't think it ever has been. what the fuck.
there's also the idea that. like. so i've been watching the begins episodes again trying to figure out what, exactly, tommy's crime against the members of the 118 has been. like. he worked in a -phobic/-cist environment. he was definitely complicit in making hen/chimney feel like outsiders in their workplace yes yes all these things are true. but as far as i can tell, tommy has rarely ever actively been anything except spineless. deluca makes a homophobic joke? tommy laughs. gerrard makes a bunch of sexist and racist comments? tommy looks, but doesn't say anything to encourage (or discourage him). hen gives her monologue? he looks chagrined.
and his complicity would be absolutely shitty and inexcusable if he was just a cishet white man. no questions asked. but if — if — you view his behavior through the lens of the fact that tommy is queer himself? that tommy is, and always has been, a member of a marginalized community who felt it was easier and safer to assimilate than it was to be openly queer and have a target on his back? his behavior becomes a whole hell of a lot more understandable. yes, it's still shitty, but. there's a purpose behind it. and this idea is supported by the fact that, when gerrard leaves (flashing forward to bobby begins again), even before bobby gets there (because we always credit bobby with making the 118 the family it is today), like. the atmosphere is completely different. tommy and hen? are friendly with each other. chimney and tommy? also friendly with each other. which we also know because in 2x14 broken, he calls him up for help. which lends credibility to the idea that the problems tommy had (or thought he had) with henchim were not about them as people but more about whatever manufactured conservative boys club bullshit gerrard fostered.
and it's just like. motherfucker. bitch. what the hell. like. first of all, leave it to 9-1-1 to tell a story like this in the most subtle way possible. like if that was indeed the intended implication, i'm throwing my tv off a bridge immediately. but also. second of all. what is wrong with this show. they're crazy. i want to eat it like a loaf of bread. just shovel it in my mouth because the idea that tommy has been queer all along, that he wasn't brought back just to be a stopgap on buck's queer journey to eddie, but that he's been haunting the edges of the narrative like a gay ghost is sooo like. ohhh. okay. [throws up]. like????? okay. anyway. i'm going to be thinking about this the rest of the day.
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Barbarian!Bakugo is a little bit… obsessed with lactation.
No, it’s not a new concept to him—he’s seen mothers feeding their children before, in fact, hardly ever put a thought to it.
But now that it’s you, now that it’s his child… it’s interesting to him. Beyond interesting, really. That someone he loves and desires so carnally can provide an almost irreplaceable service, one he is incapable of replicating despite how much he wants to provide for the both of you.
And he’d want to be present for most feedings anyway, both to bond and help ease the parenting load off your shoulders… but the whole time, he can’t take his eyes off your chest, where the little one is latched so safely and happy, suckling away as he stares in a protective haze, in awe. Blinking when baby blinks, wincing when you wince, his hands balling into fists when you sigh and the soft fat of your bosom jiggles.
He’s shy, though. Shy to admit his fascination despite how he asks to touch you one night, after the babe has been fed, swaddled and put to rest, and then rubs his fingers so gently against your nipple it starts to leak.
Bakugo looks at you under thick lashes, no blush because he’s seen you naked endless times, was there for the birth, but hesitant, almost… to do more than feel your raw areola underneath the rough pads of his fingertips. Even if, no sooner, does he put a thumb into his mouth to taste the few, silken drops of milk that escaped onto his skin.
Baby always eats first, of course, until plump and sleepy… but after that first touch, barbarian!Bakugo is no longer above licking up what’s left for him until your tits are relaxed and soft, then massaging you til there’s milk in abundance once more.
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