#how we run

[watchingwisteria]

listen there really was just something about how in the book, snow’s 3-page descent from hesitant lover boy to deluded psychopath happens entirely in his mind. lucy gray gives him no indication whatsoever that she suspects him, that she’s going to leave or betray him. he’s just sitting quietly in the cabin waiting for her to return when that seed of calculated suspicion, which he has needed to survive the capitol, takes a hold of him and chokes the life out of any goodness left inside him. it really drives home your terror as a reader that “oh my god did he kill her? did she escape? what happened to her? why would he even think that?” in a way that when the movie had to adjust for visualization it lost some of that holy shit this guy has lost it emphasis.

#seeing some discourse and im not saying lucy grey didnt know #im saying she never dropped the kind of hints that she knew like she did in the movie #or if she did snow isnt worried about them until he very suddenly is consumed by them #snow is not concerned about whether or not she believed him. of course she did! hes snow! #but then shes gone…. for a while…… #and its the sudden immediate drastic unravelling that comes across so clearly in the book #that i knew wouldn’t translate to screen yet still cant help but miss #the hunger games #coriolanus snow #tbosas #lucy gray baird #not a crime or anything just a note that i cannot stop thinking about #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #this is all from memory of reading it quite a while ago. so maybe 3 pages is an exaggeration #but i remember it happening VERY quickly and without much external cause #like we as the reader have no indication as to whether shes nearby or not. #snow has no idea either. he just SUSPECTS. and his suspicion breeds the hatred that has been bubbling inside him all this time #he hates how she undoes him. he hates that he WOULD run away with her if shed let him keep his secrets #and he HATES more than anything that she makes him WANT to tell his secrets #he wants to be vulnerable and reveal the ugly nasty parts about himself and still be loved #but he does not let himself and it is everyone’s downfall #he chooses cruelty bc it is easy and familiar and makes him feel more powerful than the vulnerable give and take that real love requires

[captainjonnitkessler]

Do you guys notice how when Shawn Fain, president of the United Auto Workers union, started planning a general strike, he did it by a) targeting his messaging towards unions with the ability to safely and effectively strike in large numbers, b) laid out a clear, actionable plan for those unions to follow (setting contracts to all expire at the same time, since many unions cannot strike while under contract), c) is using union contracts to set clear, actionable demands that can be met in order to gauge success and provide an end goal, and d) started organizing FOUR YEARS before the proposed strike date to give people the chance to plan accordingly, because it takes a really freaking long time to get tens of millions of people organized?

You notice how he didn't do it by slapping a message on Twitter saying 'hey nobody go to work on Monday, that'll really show 'em'?

#those 'monday is a general strike stay home if you can!!!' posts are SO performative and they really annoy me #like. you MUST know you can't organize a general strike of tens of millions of people by sharing an infographic on twitter. Right? #don't even get me started on the most recent one that was like 'we understand the last strike only gave one day of notice' #'so this time we're giving you two! strike is on tuesday everyone don't forget!' #like GENUINELY was that supposed to be a joke #the linked article also touches on how difficult actual organizing a workplace is which is nice #because they mention previous failed attempts in which organizers basically just handed out leaflets #and assumed the benefits would be obvious. which i think is basically the equivalent of posting an infographic on twitter #which is to say - not effective at all. Organizing is a LOT of work! Running an effective union even more so! #labor rights

[theoldkyokodied]

One wedding and three funerals

Background paintings under the cut

#tomgreg #succession #tom wambsgans #greg hirsch #shiv roy #roman roy #kendall roy #yeah no im not tagging everyone thats too much #this is me going 'how much implications themes and symbolism can i fit in one painting' #yes i gave rose shivs haircolor. if we ever find out how she looks like and its not like this im just gonna pass away i guess #but yeah i hope yall connect the dots #i put waaay too much thought and work into this. i was googling pictures of all the actors as kids just for reference (sigh) #honestly kinda wanted to make tom and greg link pinkies as like. a pinkie promise. but that was too hard to draw in this angle #at least not without obstructing the view of the ring which is important to see so ya #my fave is actually the tomshiv wedding pic i went off with that. i love them... they should have run away to become sheep farmers fr fr #anyway im so glad im done with this UGH!! finally i can draw smth else without being like oh noooo i need to finish this #i see a lot of you wondering why there is no portrait of logan but one of ewan #it's bc the placement of the painting represent their standing. logans portray would not hang next to the stairs #his present portrait hangs at the end of it. all the way up at the top. alone and withering away #basically the picture you see underneath ewan to the right? its where toms parents would be. the right side of the wall is tom and gregs #and the left one is the roy siblings theirs. since they grew up rich rich. and tom and greg didn't #but ya thats why ewan hangs here and logan does not :)

[tapakah0]

@somerandomdudelmao *cough-cough* *COUGH* Sorry I'm still not over this arc... *disappears*

Imagine Dragons - I Bet My Life

#I know that there's already... so many EVERYTHING with Donnie but HA-HA MMmm it's never enough SORRY and we kind of had point of view from #Donnie and I didn't know how to properly continue this thing from Leo's perspective #I guess it could have been about resistance time but I would make it more symbolic... #Anyway *looks away* I didn't want this one to be very polished #it is as it is *giggle* *runs away* #animation tag #cass fanart tag #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #rise of the turtles

[bourneblack]

i’d rather have rainbow capitalism then living in constant fear of discovery. the woman in the pride flag disney t-shirt might be missing the nuance, but at least i know i can be myself. a street full of rainbow flags makes me more comfortable holding a mans hand. look. corporations aren’t your friend. they will sell to whoever will buy. but kids seeing gay everything every year is only ever a good thing, and a massive improvement in history

#unpopular opinion #lgbt #pride month #rainbow capitalism #queer things #bb unpopular opinion #notice how i never said i love capitalism #its the people who buy the flags that are the benefit #notice how i said it makes me more comfortable #and not everyone #because it's not true for everyone #but it's becoming more and more true over time #because despite the fearmongering #things are better than they were #if you can't recognize the fact that we are better off with corporate pride #than with being burned at the stake or being run behind trucks or getting mass fired and murdered and kicked out of home #then you don't need to be on this post #and don't talk to me about how corps and politicians are paying for those behaviors to continue #they've always done that #and now they are digging themselves into a hole #because we call them out and the public listens #the point #is to say there is value to having a seat at the capitialist table #having public opinoin on our side #it means we have more power to call out politicians and corporations for their hypocrisy #it means we have an audience who is listening #so shut the fuck up #trying to explain on this post what rainbow capitalism #the people on this post and I already know #and i'd rather use it

[welcometogrouchland]

[ID in ALT] I've made posts before about Talia/Dick co-parenting Damian moments (will never happen but let me dream) and this came to me in a vision. Took me ages to finish for some reason 😭 and then even longer to post

#dc comics #dc #damian wayne #dick grayson #talia al ghul #batfamily #dc robin #nightwing #anyway. yes im a self-indulgent ''dick as damians secret third parent'' truther #like i DO think it's way more complex and nuanced than the schmoopy affectionate fan portrayal of it #they're brothers they're father and son they're partners they're the dynamic duo except only in past tense etc etc #but consider! I'm not immune to schmoopy affection in fanworks. it compells me despite itself #anyway it's technically not that crazy when it comes to dick and damian. they hug! often! at least they did #it's not as big a leap to these types of scenarios #also talia ''somewhat absent for complex reasons on both her and damians part but very loving and loved by her son'' al ghul #you will always be famous to me #son of the demon origin...bwahhh #anyway. someone made a comic kind of like this/like a post i made abt this topic #but way funnier bc dick and talia starting trying to beat each other up #so go look at that as well #anyway. it's been a somewhat difficult few weeks so I'm. desperately trying to take it easy #i got some reading with me (first vol of kevin smiths GA run that i found second hand and jaimes BB run vol 2!) #so we'll see how far i get through those. considering there's demons in my head telling me to re-read things (LET ME OUT!!!) #when i finish GA and BB i do plan on rereading robin 2021. as a treat to myself #it's a run I've really warmed up to as time went on #I'm keeping up w/ the current b&r run even though it is. admittedly very slow w/ some weird dialogue #i read it for the damian content more than anything. also nikas back so that's neat :] #idk I have a feeling that after absolute power shakes out we might get some more creative team switch ups #so if anyone at dc is interested in taking over the reigns on b&r...that could be very neat #(it's me they should hire me. please DC i have ideas listen to my red hood pitch PLEASE-)

[dyslexic-mess]

Okay so Danny gets adopted by Bruce. Yeah? Yeah.

And they don't know about his powers? Obviously. We know this part of the story.

BUT. On a casual trip out for food or whatever, Danny and some of the bat sibs get cornerd by reporters and paparazzi. There panicking bec danny JUST got here and they haven't had time to breif him on how to interact with the media and he's totally gonna flounder and they need to help him before he totally flubs it!

Exept, he doesn't. He smiles, nice and bright, into the camra. He waits patiently for each reporter to ask their questions and then answers confidently, giving them something walst acctually answering nothing. "Where are you from?" "A small town, I'm sure you wouldn't know it but, really, it's about where I am now."How did you come to be adopted by bruce?"Well, I look quite a bit like my new brothers, don't you think? Haha. I like to think it was meant to be."

And on and on he gose, dancing around them, shareing professionally worded jokes and calmly addressing eatch person as they viyed for his attention, controlling the flow of conversation.

The bat kids all look at eatchother.

This kids been media trained.

#danny phantom #danny fenton #dc x dp crossover #dpxdc #ofc WE know its because this poor kid has been hounded by the media for YEARS #after his first few run ins with them went rather badly #danny basically pulled up the wikihow on how to not be a dingus on camra #and the rest is practice #but its enough to make the bats just a liiiiiittle suspicious #like. #why is this 16 y/o from the middle of nowhere with no one perants so perfectly camra compitant?? #theres something going on there.

[mjulmjul]

Katya / Goncharov

#yeah ik ive posted them before sorry but i REALLY like how these look together #martin scorsese #goncharov #artists on tumblr #illustration #unreality #<— posters for a ‘movie’ that doesn’t actually exist but is a tumblr meme in which everyone pretends it does&makes content for it #fascinating how we’re immediately personable w katya by knowing her first name while only knowing goncharov’s surname keeps us at a distanc #combined with him being the only major character to go by a moniker it emphasizes just how much he's been consumed by the role he plays #who is goncharov? does he know and keep it secret? or has he too lost his sense of identity? #it's reflected in these posters as we SEE katya but goncharov remains elusive - yet clearly time is running out for them both #lakjdklf ok im done now i never post meta on here so im having fun with the fictional movie #btw I updated both of the illustrations compared to the original posts but will leave those as they were #woudl be cool if my post showed up. u can do it tumblr

[petrichara]

Trying to remember the last time I played hide and seek. The last time I said hi to everyone on the street or saw the girls I spent every day of six years with. The last time my dad picked me up, or my mum brushed my hair. When was the last time I dressed without consideration? There is so much to think about now. I remember falling on the grass at school and making stories with the clouds. Hanging upside down from the swing and realising how big the world was. I wonder on the path of growing when we stop feeling big. I am taller now, smaller still.

#growing up #girlhood #grief #I saw a childhood friend yesterday #she was working #and after twelve years of knowing her it had been a year #her hair is longer #her smile brighter #and the intense sincerity of the happiness we shared for one another was heavy and freeing all at once #I don’t know when we stopped playing #and I know life has gotten in the way #but at some point all our dreams became options #with the life I choose daily I am happy #and still #I wish we could go back once to when nothing mattered but how fast you could run #childhood friends #they know you even when you don’t know yourself #mine

[braisedhoney]

fighting back? against who? they're so happy—they've been waiting for you.

you are wonderful. don't you know that?

bonus: they play sims together :)

#running out of pre-made art for the queue… ;; sorry folks. hope you enjoy this though! you voted for it o7 #utdr #wd gaster #gaster fanart #utdr fanart #deltarune fanart #deltarune #kris deltarune #utdr player #utdr soul #ney’s art #ney’s comics #if gaster was ever an enemy in the actual story i feel like it’d be like this. antagonistic but not behaving maliciously for fun #just dial up his genuine affection for the world to an extreme and make it tinged with Scientific Interest #bam. disconnected and maybe unintentional damage. baked with love from the void #… i do love a good edgy evil guy though. and the goofy takes are favorites too. #btw lowkey this is based on how much the fandom collectively (i think?) loves kris #like yes go blorbo we want to see you overcome all challenges :) #our buddy took all this trouble of taking us to build-a-vessel and someone just stomped on it when we finished :( rude

[verflares]

(pre-calam) filling the compendium :-)

+ closeup and the aftermath

#i am PRAYING that this posts okay and nothing gets squished or looks ugly. but if it is youcant tell me because ill cry #okay. anyways. #zelink #zelda #link #loz #botw #totk #link botw #zelda botw #loz fanart #for some reason trying to format this became a sisyphean ass task so now i just want to post it and go lie down or something #“why use warm colours if theyre on satori mountain” idk.... i liked how they looked :) #ok what else. ummm. so we KNOW zelda filled the compendium like she was running the navy right #its really funny because i dont even think its ever mentioned other than like. maybeeee one throwaway line from purah? #but there was a fandom osmosis moment bcus everyone Knew she'd be on top of it. and its true. she would be. #my art

[umblrspectrum]

hi heres art so you pay attention to me now go read the tags

#ive been rewatching episode 7 like its the only thing on youtube and made note of many things #first off. the solver can only have one host. nori mentions skyn wants to kill off all the other solver hosts (with the dds) and disregards #the idea of both uzi and doll being its current host when they get chased #plus the main solver possessions only occur when skyn is out of the picture (the fightt in ep 7 is only after n decapitates “tessa”) #solver uzi is possible too but i dont count her cause she doesn't have the yellow #personal theory is that its more an instinctual response to overheating or something and not full on possession #second off nori calls the solver cyn. how does she know that name #cyn was on earth and only showed up to copper 9 recently and i presume nori's been here her whole life #it probably wasn't the other dds cause none of them made it down and they're all more savage beasts #since cyn specifies n's team retained their personalities and that makes me think the other teams didnt #also also we should've immediately questioned tessa arriving in the same type of pod as the mds when they were revealed to not be sent by j #im running out of characters also the people who dont like when i use tags like this can bite me #murder drones #murder drones nori #artori? that sounds cool #ill probably just stick with nori though #i have so many solver heart refs now #art #episode 7 #murder drones episode 7 #murder drones episode 7 spoilers #using the same black for shadows as my lineart doesn't work when i have to draw thin things over it #murder drones spoilers

[linefelcei]

"Mom's not here and dad's busy, let's go on a run, Mel!" 🏃‍♀️💨

#STOP BRINGING UR BABY SISTER TO BATTLE ZAG HOW MANY TIMES- #Zag and Mel would be such a chaotic fun sibling duo during the runs #but everyone is like #Zag u fool but we love you #but its ok zag is a pro at this point and he'll protect lil melon #hades game #hades fanart #fanart #digitalart #doodle #digital art #hades 2 #zagreus #melinoë

[cozylittleartblog]

lethal company is a workplace comedy

this prank got us All killed. btw.

#lethal company #comic #art #artists on tumblr #digital art #lethal company fanart #dat me #iirc we were on lake. it was foggy. i was so scared by Mask and i couldnt see thru the FOG i ran out and fell into the lake and DIED #one guy obvs sacrified himself for Le Prank and. i don't remember what happened to the 4th guy. mask prolly got him #AND WE HAD SO MUCH LOOT I WAS SO MAD WJHBDFGBHJDFG. ... IT WAS FUNNY THO NGL IT -WAS- FUNNY #im kinda ehhhhh (wobbles hand) about how i did the last panel and how i portrayed me running to the door but its. its ok #its fine its good enough i think #this wasn't supposed to be so involved DHJBSDFHJB #anyway i've been posting WIPs of this to my kofi page for members!! the Entire sketch is up over there #yknow. in case anyone is interested in that

[bet-on-me-13]

Wes ruins everything

Wes had finally done it, he had finally realized why nobody ever belived him about Fenton and Phantom! It made so much sense now, he had been looking for an answer for years, thinking he was going crazy because everybody refused to see the Obvious!

He was Cursed!

He literally had an Ancestoral Curse on his Bloodline that made it so that all those born with the gift of Prophecy would be ignored! A Gift of Prophecy that he apparently had.

It was Cassandra's Curse, the one from Greek Myths. Apparently she was his Great×1000 Grandmother and passed down the Gift (and Curse) of Prophecy to him. And he knew how to break it!

All he needed to do was gather the right resources, chant the correct incantations, make sure not to accidentally summon a Demon in the process, and he could just foist the Curse onto some other poor schmuck. Sure it would suck for them, and he would loose his Gift of Prophecy, but Wes had been ignored for Years at this point, he needed validation!

So he did the Ritual, and he didn't mess it up, and he managed to get rid of the Curse.

Now all he had to do was convince everybody that he was right for the first time in his life! This was going to be great!

...

Cass didn't know what was going on.

A while ago, she had started getting these...gut feelings that she couldn't explain.

She would look over the details of a Case her Family was working on, and see a patern that the others were seemingly ignoring. Like when she realized that The Penguin was about to raid the Docks on the East Side, but the others were convinced it was going to be on the West.

But when she had tried to tell them, they had brushed her off. "We've already concluded that he will begin the Raid on the West side, no need to go to the East."

She had gone anyways, and low and behold she had been right. But nobody even acknowledged that she had been right at all, they had just wondered how they had missed the signs, not even questioning how she had known.

It wasn't limited to Cases either. Even small things, like telling her brother's where the TV remote was were brushed off, and hours later they would still be looking, never even having checked where she told them.

It seemed that no matter what, nobody cared about her point of view anymore. They kept brushing her off, telling her she was wrong, actively ignoring her ideas.

And it was getting worse. They were starting to ignore her more and more, forgetting she was in the room, not calling her down for Dinner, even forgetting to check in on her during Patrol.

She knew that there must be something going on, Magical or otherwise, but when she tried bringing it up with her Dad or JLD, they would also Brush her off.

Her Family was forgetting her. And they didn't even realize it.

...

Danny was not okay at the moment.

When he had gone to school a few weeks ago and noticed everybody staring at him, he didn't give it much thought. Maybe Dash or Paulina had spread another Rumor about him again, not too out of the ordinary.

When his name had been called over the Intercom, he hadn't thought much of that either. His grades were falling even more than usual, so he assumed his Guidance Counselor wanted to have another talk with him.

When he walked into the Principals Office to see both of his Parents and some GIW Agents, that's when he realized something big must have happened.

He didn't have much of a chance to react when the Shields went up, but he did react when the first Ecto-Blast scorched the wall behind him. His Parents began to scream at him as they fired their Blasters, something about replacing somebody? He didn't know, he was pretty preoccupied at the moment.

It took more effort than he cared to admit to escape the Room, but a stray shot to the hidden Shield Projector under the Principals Desk proved to be his saving grace. Unfortunately the moment he escaped the Office, he was met with a veritable Army of GIW Agents, all armed to the Teeth with Weapons he had never even seen before.

He managed to get away for a moment, hiding in the Bathroom as the Agents chasing him passed it by. That's when he met Wes.

He obviously hadn't been expecting him, but the moment he saw him Wes put on a smug look. "Oh hi Fenton, trying to get away from the other students?"

Danny had replied with confusion, "What the hell are you talking about?!"

"I finally managed to convince everybody about you, now everyone knows that you're Phantom! I'll bet you're hiding from all of the other Students hounding you for questions right?"

"...it was you?"

"Yeah, so? I finally get to be right!"

"...You absolute MORON-"

That was the last Danny got to say to Wes before an Ecto-Blast launched him through a Wall, seeing his face morph into a look of Shock just before the dust cloud covered it up.

Since that day, Danny had been on the Run. Nowhere was safe anymore now that the GIW knew both his Human and Ghost's faces, but he had to keep running. He crossed state Lines already, and was on his way to the next Ecto-Rich City he could sense, somewhere in New Jersey.

He cursed his Fenton Luck every day. Why had everybody believed Wes this time?! Nobody had ever belived him before, nobody even seemed to acknowledge his existence after a while! What had changed?

Danny just wanted to rest already.

...

Cass had taken to Patrolling alone recently. She had taken to doing a lot of things alone, actually.

After the first month, it seemed that nobody could remember that she was in the room with them, even if she was within their eyeline, she just faded into the background. By the 2 Month Mark they had stopped talking to her entirely, although occasionally she would get a Text or two from her dad. By the 3 month Mark she was completely invisible, and By the 5th she had been forced to get used to it.

She didn't know what was going on, was it a Meta Ability? Magic? Alien Tech? She had no idea.

She had begun to cook for herself after the first time Alfred forgot to set her Plate at the Table. The same with Washing her own Clothes, Cleaning her Room, and Paying her Phone Bills. At the very least the Automated Allowance Payments to her Account had kept up, or she wouldn't have been able to go to her favorite Cafe anymore.

It was bittersweet for her. She used to go to that Cafe every week with Alfred, but he didn't even come on his own anymore. Had he only come for her? Did she really mean that much to them? It hurt, she finally had a family that cared for her and suddenly she didn't exist to them.

She sat alone at a Table, ignored by everyone in the Cafe as usual, when a new face walked in. He looked about her age, a little roughed up, walking with a sort of cautious gaint, as if he was scared of something. His Body Language seemed to agree with her assessment, as his body practically screamed "Worry" in its movements.

Cass stopped watching at that point. Just another Gotham Teen, probably worried over something like getting not having enough money or getting mugged on the way home. It was a Common sight in Gotham.

She attention was pricked again for a moment when she heard a voice speak up. "Uh, can I sit here?"

She ignored it, he wasn't talking to her.

"Um, excuse me? Miss? Could I sit here?" He repeated.

She ignored him again, he wasn't talking to her. Nobody talked to her.

"Hello? Do you have Earbuds in?" He said, and he waved his hand in front of her face.

Her face. He waved his hand. In front of Her Face.

He was talking to her.

She looked up at him sharply, seeming to startle him for a moment before he asked, "So, is that a no?"

"You can see me?" She asked.

He looked a bit bewildered, but replied "Uh, yeah? Why would I not? Are you...a Ghost?". That last part sounded a bit suspicious.

"No. Not a Ghost. But nobody sees me. Ever. Nobody remembers me." She replied. She had never spoken this much to anybody outside of her Family, but in the past few weeks she had been starved for interaction.

He seemed slightly interested, and sat down at her table. He looked her in the eyes, and said "Do you...talk about it?"

She smiled. He could see her.

#Dpxdc #Dp x dc #Dcxdp #Dc x dp #Danny Phantom #Dc #Dcu #Batman #Cassandra Cain #Cassandra's Curse #Wes Weston has Cassandra's Curse #He manages to get rid of it and foists it onto a random person #That being Cassandra Cain (because irony) #The Cassandra Curse works a bit differently here #The User will slowly become less relevant and more ignored in the lives of the people around them #Until nobody can even be bothered to remember they exist and the Prophecy they speak becomes utterly useless #Ever wonder why Wes isn't an actual character in the Show? It's because everybody including the Audience forgot about his ramblings #Danny is unaffected because of Ghost Shenanigans #Wes Weston reveal Danny Phantom #He was so obsessed with finally being right that he didn't think of the consequences #He's still a moron though and doesn't have a way to undo it #Danny is on the Run #This is Cass/Danny if you didn't catch on #Danny has been Unseen because hasn't been able to talk to people for months due to being on the run #Cass has been Unseen for months because that's when she was cursed #Both haven't talked to another person is so long and it is relieving #They live together Unseen for Months since they don't know how to fix either of their situations #Dead Silent #That's their Ship name right? #Had to reference the Shipping Chart

[fungi-maestro]

Happy tdov to fat trans people. 🏳️‍⚧️ Biggest thing that helped me as a trans kid was seeing older fat trans people. There were a lot of really irritating "advice" posts going around early in my time on the internet with a lot of misinformation in them, but one that I constantly saw (in addition to people claiming you should wear your pants rediculously low or only wear button ups) were posts saying you had to lose weight to transition. Can confidently confirm that is completely untrue. 👍

#seal.txt #tdov #that 'sky and mike' image of the two old trans dudes hugging was one that I had saved to my phone as a trans teen #and i would look at it sometimes and just wonder how they had made it #idk its just nice knowing we live that long and its not a requirement to be skinnyin order to be respected and loved and get old #some of the old 'advice' posts i saw were really completely bizarre and a lot of them stick with me to this day in insecurities #this would have been 2016 ish tumblr so i know not that long ago but i would have been around 13 for reference #weird that i remember so many of the things i read back then. i could probably fill a post with things i was misinformed on due to Tumblr #specifically tumblrs run by people that i didnt really have the knowledge or awareness to understand probably didnt have my best interests #like 'trans rights ' blogs i would follow and not notice until much later were quite the opposite #this is the consequence of viewing social media before i knew all the secret codewords and my brain was much less developed than it is now