“beside him Steve quakes before the oldest and the only god.” (x)
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4 Important Things About This Picture:
Last week was Ben Barnes' birthday and i said same thing about him too:
"I don't know how but they don't get old."
Really. Just look at him. He's looks like when he played Bucky for the first time. Nothing has changed. He is even looking better now. I don't know how they can do this maybe they really found super soldier serum-
2- Dog Tags
Do i need to explain? We all love Bucky's dog tags. And finally we can see more.
3- Army Tent
Look at the background. It's green. It's A R M Y T E N T. ARMY.TENT. When I first saw it, I thought it was about a misson or a soldier friend but thEN.
BUT THEN. I UNDERSTAND. THIS MEANS-
4- G O D D A M N F L A S H B A C K S C E N E S
WE WILL SEE FLASHBACK SCENES. OH GOD HELP US. WE WILL SEE BUCKY FLASHBACK SCENES. OLD TIMES. ARMY TIMES. SERGEANT JAMES BUCKY BARNES TIMES.
OH GOD MAYBE WE CAN SEE STEVE-NO NO NO WE CAN SEE HOWLING COMMANDOS. PLEASE. PLEASE I WANT THEM SO MUCH.-AND OH GOD THERE WILL BE SO MUCH PAIN AND TEARS GUYS- WE WILL SEE GODDAMNS BUCKY FLASHBACK SCENES.
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imagine if the howling commandoes were still alive when steve was de-iced. steve could have woken how to the boys heckling him
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STEVE ROGERS + Teams
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On one mission Peggy took with the howling commandos she ran out of pins to keep her hair out of her face. So Bucky cut a small piece of fabric from his bag and beckoned her to sit between his legs where he gently braided back her shoulder length hair. When the shocked commandos asked why he knew how to braid Bucky replied, “I have little sisters at home and my ma wasn’t always free to do their hair before school.”
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[MCU MEME] Three colors [3/3]: (swedish) pastel
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Part 2 here
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Life Magazine, February 5, 1945
Vintage cover, featuring a WWII image of ‘Captain America’ Steve Rogers and Howling commandos Gabe Jones, James Barnes, Timothy ‘Dum Dum’ Dugan, and an unnamed soldier. This issue was printed before news broke that Captain America had been officially deemed Missing in Action.
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〓 〓 〓 [ CLASSIFIED ] 〓 〓 SOURCE: 〓 〓 The Strategic Scientific Reserve (S.S.R.) Archive 〓 〓 (1943 - 1945) 〓 〓 〓 〓 FILES UNDER SUPERVISION OF: CARTER, MARGARET ELIZABETH 〓 〓 Director of The Strategic Homeland Intervention, 〓 〓 Enforcement and Logistics Division. 〓 〓 (S.H.I.E.L.D) 〓 〓 〓
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Okay, I know it's really unlikely and unrealistic and what not but I don't care Just imagine: The Howling Commandos alive in modern times. Not through science or serums or cryofreeze, those stubborn assholes just won't die. They are mildly crotchety old men who wave canes at family reunions and play bingo on weekends and still try to be involved with espionage whenever possible because their retirement home is just so BORING. (Whenever possible is limited to when Gabe and Peggy's grandson Antoine and their niece Sharon bring them little pieces of 'classified' information and asking for advice, and it's a far cry from their commando days but it's something so they'll take it. One more game of scrabble and someone is getting punched) (yes they are all in the same retirement home. Practically attached at the hips they are, especially now that most of the families have spread and moved onto their own lives.) Then one day Sharon comes in, jittery and more excited than they've ever seen her and tells them that They. Found. Cap! Alive! That night the nurses find out that 90 year olds can still be as rowdy as twenty year olds if they are excited enough. Golden haired fucker doesn't visit them till after aliens invade New York and for that Dernier repeatedly sacks him upside the head with his cane when he does finally come. (They'd never missed being in the action so much as when they had to watch Cap on the tv, fighting fucking aliens without them to watch his six. And maybe they are a little jealous of these Avengers, but sue them, he was their Captain first.) All is well, though the rest home gets a few interesting stories because even now they can convince Steve to do some ridiculous shit if they push hard enough. It's entirely worth the property damage to see him grinning like he hasn't since before Sarge fell. (And that's still a gaping wound in all of them, especially now when they are almost all together again. But it'll never be all of them because Bucky is never coming back) Then DC happens and they see SHIELD fall on the news (HYDRA, fucking HYDRA the whole damn time and Gabe grips his chair so hard his knuckles turn white because where are Antione and Sharon, are they okay?) and most importantly they see a dead man trying to kill Steve and what the fucking FUCK!? SARGE!? WHAT THE HELL SARGE!? Then hydra's Intel hits the web and well. Now it's war. (It was before, but y'know. Fucking personal now, that's their Sarge) So they pour over every piece of Intel they can get their hands on (which is everything the black widow put out their because they may be old but they are the god damn Howling Commandos and their captain and their Sargent need them) and they pull up bases for Cap to tear apart. On her good days Peggy is on the phone helping them and it's almost like old days and it's the most purposeful they've felt in years But their most important mission is finding Bucky and bringing him home. And like hell they are sitting this one out. Fuck that, that's their boy out there somewhere. So they get their leads, they fear up as best they can and they set out. It really does feel like they old days then. Dugan still wears that damn hat and he still has that fucking mustauche. Monty still wears his beret and Dernier still shouldn't be allowed near explosives (or maybe he should, if you ask Dugan his opinion.) and speaks mostly in French so he and Gabe can have private conversations just to annoy the others. Peggy makes them promise to bring him to visit her when they find him and sends along a letter addressed to Sargent Barnes of the Howling Commandos. It takes a while, and Steve rants at them to get back to the home before something happens nearly every day on the phone but sorry cap technically we don't need to take orders anymore, but finally they find him in some old safe house that really is a house in Europe. Bucky looks out his window one day and see a group of old men standing on the walk staring at him and just feels confusion and familiarity and then - are those the men from the museum? Yes, yes they are! Holy shit it's the fucking commandos! How are they here, they are ancient, what the fuck guys!? He sneaks out the back and the chase begins. They follow him across Europe yelling at him to come home every time they get close no matter who is around (to damn old for this shit, get your punk ass home you little fuck, don't give a damn who can hear us) and Dernier keeps lecturing him in French. They nearly choke on their coffee the first time he responds in perfect French, something snarky and oh so Bucky and the fucker takes that opportunity to disappear into the crowd. Asshole. There are close calls and sarcasm and somewhere along the line Morita shanks somebody and Gabe beans a hydra agent over the head with an IV pole and Dugan knocks another one out with his walker. Just, ninety something year old howlies chasing Bucky across Europe and despite his winter soldier training managing to keep getting the drop on him.
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me and the boys on our way to kill nazis
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The Howling Commandos mourning Steve Rogers
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"You guys are the Howling Commandos!"
"I hate that name."
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Most outstanding feature of caps shield!
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I know this sorry excuse for a unit is called the “Howling Commandos”, but do you mugs have to keep your gums flapping 24/7?
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Bucky’s WW2 Uniform
A comment mentioned Bucky’s pants thinking I’d talked about his uniform. I haven’t, but I know I’ve reblogged a Tumblr post about Bucky’s uniform. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on your opinion of time management skills??) I can expound on the information that’s already out there. I also cannot for the life of me FIND that Tumblr post to link it, but I’ll keep working on that. HA Fuck you, I found the post!
I’m not going to get into Army issue. That information is, frankly, kind of easy to find if you need it and Bucky spent none of his post-WTFSteve?? period wearing Army issue. I’m going to try to parse his Howling Commando uniform.
First of all, the only things he would have kept from his old uniform would have been his underthings, including a green wool sweater like the one he’s rescued in, seen here after Steve’s gotten his swag on:
And his dog tags. And it’s interesting to note, his dog tags would have been different from Steve’s.
The Army issued 4 different types of tags during WW2. Bucky would have been given the Type 2 tags, issues from November 1941- July 1943. Steve joined up in August of 1943, and would have been given the Type 3 tags.
Type 2 tags would have had the following information on them:
Line 1: First Name, Middle Initial, Last Name
Line 2: Army Serial Number, tetanus immunization, tetanus toxoid + Blood Type
Line 3: Next Of Kin
Line 4: Address of Next of Kin
Line 5: City, State + Religion
Type 3 was simpler:
Line 1: First Name, Middle Initial, Last Name
Line 2: Army Serial Number, tetanus immunization, tetanus toxoid + Blood Type
Line 5: Religion
(This is the actual tag Steve wears in the movie, making it canon. Also making it INCORRECT DAMMIT. Fuck, I could photoshop that shit into accuracy like I did Bucky’s, wtf movie people. Ohh boy am I going to do a separate post on these? Yes I am. (Yeah, I did it). It also marks him as Protestant, so all those Irish-Catholic headcanons....fuck it amirite?)
Bucky still had his tags in the scene at the factory, so it’s highly unlikely he’d have been issued new ones.
Okay, let’s do this bottom to top, because the only thing on Bucky’s modified shit that I am positive of is his boots. He’s wearing US Army Paratrooper’s boots, right down to the reddish laces. He’s added his own version of the standard issue M-1938 dismounted canvas legging, or gaiters or spats, but he’s made them leather because Bucky is Extra.
Those are not standard issue by anyone, not with those buckles. It’s interesting, because even though the rest of his uniform is obviously NOT standard issue anything, his pants also seem to be modeled off the reinforced Paratroopers’s OD uniform pants. He apparently liked the Paratrooper’s gear (too bad he didn’t also carry the parachute.)
I say this because of the obvious cargo pockets on the sides. Paratroopers were the only ones who had those. Those pockets would have been double button-close. There are panels on the front that are reinforced panels for the knees, and if his pants follow the design which they appear to, they would also have had slash front pockets, 2 rear pockets with a single button closure, a small pocket above the right slash (for a lighter or compass), leg tie straps, and five buttons around the waist for suspenders, which he may or may not be wearing idfk. I’m guessing he would be, simply because he has to, to keep them under that fucking coat. (I’m kidding, of course, he had to be wearing suspenders because of all the fucking crap they attached their suspenders to…..which Bucky doesn’t seem to ever carry? Maybe he’s not wearing them, fuck it). I’m pretty sure they’d have a 5 button fly closure. No zippers!
Standard issue trousers would have been a cotton sateen with a cotton twill inner lining. The added pockets for the Paratroopers were made of treated canvas, so Bucky’s pants would likely be a combo of the three. I don’t know why they’re brown. No one in the US Army was wearing this color, the US Army made everything in Olive Drab #9 (khaki), Olive Drab #3, and Olive Drab #7. Those were the colors. Which just tells you his whole outfit was custom made just like Steve’s.
The belt . . . that’s an Enlisted Leather Garrison Belt, you can tell by the buckle. The Garrison Belt was worn with the Service Coat, which is the coat/belt combo he was wearing at the start of the movie.
So, Bucky kept his dog tags . . . and his belt lol I don’t know why that’s funny? Is that funny or is it just me? No seriously, he likely kept all his standard gear that went under the top layer, shirts and undies, ect. You’re okay, Buck.
Most belts were a canvas material, olive drab in color. Take your pick from OD #9, OD #3, or OD #7.
Moving on. The gear on his belt also appears to be leather. Which. Bucky, no! There was a reason they made this shit in the heavy canvas. He had three whole colors to pick from! But none of them matched his brown pants, so he went with leather. Meaning those fuckers are custom made as well, (Thanks, Howard Stark!).
The pouch on his right, the bigger one, might be his Extra version of a US Colt 45 Model 1911 double magazine pouch. It’s the right size and shape, sort of. Now, there were leather ones available, but they universally have a double bulge that indicates sleeves where the magazines are stored. Bucky’s doesn’t have that, which means it could possibly be something else. I don’t think it is? But that also means the other pouch, I don’t know what the fuck that thing is. My best (and only lbr) guess, according to what a normal soldier would have had on his M-1936 Pistol Belt, is that it’s a first aid kit. Going by that logic, of course, he should also have a canteen AND HIS PISTOL on his belt. But he keeps his pistol in the shoulder harness, and there’s nothing on the back of his belt. It’s not the right size, but I got nothin. So. Yeah. Custom made first aid kit. That’s where we keep our custom made supersoldier Morphine, friends.
Where were we . . . The shoulder harness! Okay, the M7 Leather shoulder holsters for the 1911 Colt, similar to Bucky’s, were standard issue for Pilots, Aircrews, Officers and Tank crews. Not . . . Sergeants in the 107th. Bucky’s doesn’t appear to be standard issue, so he didn’t straight up steal that motherfucker, because it doesn’t appear to be adjustable. I suppose it could be an M3…..in which case he DID straight up steal that motherfucker. He also wears it . . . backwards, meaning he’s a faster draw with his left hand.
Now, every soldier was issued Web Gear, which was the suspenders, cartridge belts, and packs and stuff they each carried. The Commandos do not appear to have kept their standard issued Web Gear, so fuck it.
This leads us to the blue coat. The blue motherfucking coat. I love Bucky’s coat. I really do, I think it’s amazing. But I don’t even know where to begin with this shit. It appears to be the bastard child of a Navy peacoat and an M-44 style jacket, aka an Ike Jacket.
Way back when, the US Navy issued peacoats to ‘reefers’, the men who were forced to climb the rigging and needed the outerwear to effectively protect against being fucked by the elements AND the equipment they were trying to fix.
The Ike Jacket was a modified field jacket, tailored at the waist like Bucky’s coat is. During WW1, the French military had what was called a Horizon Blue uniform . . . meant to be the color of the horizon as they’re charging through the mud, right?
It’s a very close blue to the blue of Bucky’s coat, which might not have been a bad choice for a sniper who had a hard-on for paratroopers and liked to climb things. But aside from that I have no explanation for the color other than he just wanted them to see his vengeful ass coming for them.
His coat is not, in fact, tucked into his pants. His coat has belt loops. His coat is his pants? I don’t know, I got very very confused on the belt loops and got lost in research hell. Bottom line, his coat has belt loops. His belt is looped into. His coat. There is not a coat in the history of the military that was both short-waisted AND had belt loops on it. I….was there?? Can anyone find one? I can’t. My fashion history nerd friend can’t. The closest we could come was Cavalry short coats, which were sometimes belted over, but didn’t have the fucking belt loops on them.
But that also leads me to believe it wasn’t an Ike jacket that did unmentionable things to a peacoat, but rather a light cavalry jacket from the 19th century. Even the placards on the front of 19th century cavalry shortcoats resemble Bucky’s coat. Meaning Bucky went to Howard Stark when it was his turn for gear and said ‘I WANT A 18TH CENTURY RIDING JACKEETTT’ and Howard Stark said ayyyye, I don’t know.
But . . . . it actually makes sense, if Bucky’s main mode of transportation was also, like Steve’s, a motorcycle.
At first glance, Bucky’s coat almost looks like it might be quilted, but it’s not. It’s reinforced. Both the elbows and the front panels are reinforced, just like his knees. His chest plate actually has three visible layers to it. And it has a slight sheen to it.
My theory is that his coat isn’t wool at all, but silk. Layers and layers of silk. Because silk, if you layer it like Bucky’s coat appears to be, with panels and panels, is damn near bulletproof.
(That is a priest from Chicago who got sick of people being murdered so he invented a silk vest and tested that shit on himself . . . hardcore, at what point do you call him Daddy instead of Father?)
Anyway! It’s probably got an inner coat that’s wool, possibly even a canvas layer as well, because the Commandos saw all kinds of weather just like other troops but never appeared to change their shit up, so logically the changes would have to be happening underneath.
Honestly, the whole group was Extra. None of that shit’s regulation. And together they have more of a foraged Resistance feel to their uniforms than Military, even as a Spec Ops or Paramilitary Group. I kind of like that, that they’re the Resistance.
Anyway. Bucky’s Howling Commando outfit is made to echo the Winter Soldier’s later on, which is cool as hell. Kudos to that costume designer.
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You Don’t Have To Be Alone (one-shot)
Synopsis: Reader has recently broken her leg and the only two people in the tower are pretty much her and Bucky. Usually, that wouldn’t be a problem but her major crush on the guy could cause some awkward moments and when feelings are revealed things can drastically change.
Pairing: Bucky x Reader
Warnings: swearing; some sexy time, but not full-on smut
Word count: 4928
“I fucking hate this,” Y/N grumbled, arms crossed over her chest and brows furrowed in annoyance.
“Yeah, well whose fault is that you broke your leg?” Nat fluffed up a pillow and gently placed it underneath the cast-encased leg.
The girl’s eyes darted across the room to where in the kitchen stood Steve, Sam, Tony and Wanda all geared up for a mission just like Nat, while Bucky was in sweatpants and a T-shirt clearly having a lazy day and sipping on his coffee. Y/N narrowed in her Y/E/C eyes on the Falcon.
“Hey, that was uncalled for!” Wilson exclaimed downing the rest of his own bitter liquid.
“Your face is uncalled for.”
“Now that is just plain rude.”
“Wanna know what’s rude? You dropping me in the mid-“
But Steve interjected before things could get really ugly. “Okay, kids that’s enough. Sam, go start up the jet. Y/N,” he looked the girl over once again, a pitiful gaze which she hated, adorning his face, “just please don’t try and do anything stupid.”
“As if I can...” Y/N grumbled turning her attention back to the white cast.
“Darling it’s you we are talking about,” Steve pressed a kiss to Y/N’s head before going to the hangar.
“If you need anything there is Bucky and Bruce in the tower.”
“So basically only Bucky?” Bruce had become so engrossed in a project of his, the girl hadn’t seen him step out of the lab in almost a month. She wasn’t actually sure he was alive, a mummified body sitting in his chair would be more believable at this point.
Nat chuckled pressing a kiss to Y/N’s forehead before standing up and leaving, also noting the pink blush creeping up Y/N’s neck as the girl realised that she and Bucky would be pretty much the only ones occupying the tower for more than a month, given how the mission was supposed to take seven weeks.
“Don’t do the dirty on the couch!” Tony called over his shoulder while walking to get in his Iron Man suit. “Or anywhere in the common areas for a matter of fact!”
“Fuck you, Tony! I’ll do it in your bedroom if I please!” Y/N hollered back while sulking on the sofa. The leg had already started to itch so she took a knitting needle Sam had left behind and unravelled the scarf, a satisfied smirk appearing on her face as she realised he’d have to start all over. “Payback’s a bitch,” she muttered pushing the sharp tool under her cast and scratching the skin, a groan of pleasure escaping her mouth.
“That’s just gross, doll.” Bucky sauntered over to where Y/N was sitting, making himself comfortable right next to the girl, ‘Friends’ playing in the background. His arm draped over the back, Y/N leaning in on an instinctive level. The two Avengers were completely and utterly blind to either’s affections. Bucky could only hope Y/N didn’t hear his heart hammering so hard in his chest, he felt like it would slam out of his ribs with the force.
“You’re not the one unable to wash your leg, so shut it, Frozone.”
The ex-Winter Soldier laughed at that. Be it anyone else but Y/N that called him a dumb nickname, they’d find themselves in a very unhappy state, probably dangling over New York City, but her… Bucky would actually give up everything if that meant seeing Y/N smile. She was the light of his life, fighting his demons without her even knowing it. Whenever the girl entered a room, his world visibly lit up and all the bad thoughts disappeared, they vanished as if there was nothing wrong.
“Don’t worry, doll,” he pressed a kiss to her temple, the girl leaning into his chest to rest her head, his nose staying in her hair, the scent of it making him dizzy with love. “I’ll take care of you. And when you get that thing off, I’ll help you get revenge on Sam for dropping you.”
Though in truth when Y/N was plummeting towards the ground, when Bucky had seen her body fall like a piece of metal without anyone to stop it from happening, it had taken Steve, Tony and even Wanda with her powers for Bucky not to beat Sam to a pulp. He was supposed to carry her to the roof of the building, but for some reason, in the middle of it all he’d let go and Y/N had hit the ground, breaking her leg in three places. If it hadn’t been for Clint who’d softened her fall, but still not enough to leave her unscathed, she’d be probably in a worse condition.
“Thanks, Buck. You always know how to cheer me up,” she scooted up a bit and pecked his cheek. Bucky could feel his heart increase its rhythm though at this point he wasn’t sure that it was even beating, the pace so erratic, it was like a hummingbird flapping its wings.
“Anytime, doll.” Y/N wasn’t faring better. She felt like her whole body was on fire, especially where his hand was tracing invisible shapes on her bicep, leaving a trail of heat in its wake. How she was going to get through a month of practically living with just Bucky was beyond her, the girl’s only wish was not to do anything too dumb, but as Steve had said- it was Y/N, so a stupid revelation of her feelings or her past wouldn’t be out of question.
“Friday, could you please call Bucky for help?” Y/N huffed out, struggling to get into the shower without slipping. For two weeks she had avoided asking him for any kind of assistance, even though the man had insisted. Y/N had finally relented to allow him to make her food, so she didn’t have to stand around as much and could just focus on healing, but still, it didn’t make her feel any better that someone had to take care of the girl.
But now, seeing as it took her almost half an hour to get into the shower every evening, without cracking her skull open on the sink, she had given in and called for Bucky.
“Doll?” his voice was muffled by the door.
“In the bathroom!”
She was standing there in her bra and panties, clearly annoyed that the bench had been removed from the room.
“What do you need help wi- wow,” Bucky got flustered pretty much immediately, a blush riding up his cheeks and eyes darting anywhere but on her half-naked body. The feeling of lust intensified as he’d fantasised about Y/N in that kind of a state quite often, but the circumstances were definitely different than now.
“Could you put the chair in the shower? It’s in my closet. I forgot that I put it there and I’m about to just break everything. Stupid cast,” she muttered not even looking at Bucky, rather glaring at the white encased leg. “Stupid Sam.”
Without waiting for a second Bucky darted out of the room and into the closet. He took a shaky breath before steadying his head. This was just a friend helping out a friend, nothing more and nothing less.
With trembling fingers he took the chair and brought it back into the bathroom, placing it in the shower.
“Thank you, Bucky,” she pressed a quick kiss to his cheek and untied her Y/H/C hair from a bun, letting it fall down and over her shoulders.
“You… umm… are you gonna be okay? Do you need help washing your hair?”
“No, I can manage,” she smiled back at him, making Bucky’s heart skip a beat, “but if I need anything I’ll call.”
“And I’ll come running.”
Y/N snorted and turned her back to the man, so she could place a knee on the chair and lean down to grab the shower head as well as the shampoo. Bucky was just about to leave until his eyes caught a giant jagged scar running from one side of the small of Y/N’s back to the other.
“Doll, what happened?”
“What?” there was utter confusion on Y/N’s face as she looked around the room trying to figure out what was going on. “Where what happened?”
“Your back… that scar.”
“Oh,” there was a mix of emotions flashing across Y/N but it was so fast, Bucky didn’t have time to decipher what any of them were. Though he quickly noticed how her stance turned almost rigid and her arms crossed her chest.
“A mission a while back. Before I joined the Avengers,” she immediately dispelled any concern if that had been Bucky’s fault. Since becoming a part of their little dysfunctional family, every mission she’d gone on had been with Bucky. People had noticed how well the two worked together and immediately they had been set up as an inseparable pairing, so it horrified the man knowing that there was something he could’ve done to prevent such pain.
“I… uhh… I got shot and um…”
He put both palms on her shoulders, trying to console the girl, seeing how uncomfortable the memories were making her feel. “You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. I understand.”
“No, it’s fine. It happened a long time ago. I don’t even know why I feel so weird talking about it.” A nervous laugh escaped her lips and she shook her head in dismissal. “I… I got shot, dead centre in the back,” she turned around, Bucky’s eyes immediately going to the hem of her panties and saw an almost perfect circle formed in the skin. Unconsciously he went to trail a finger across the skin. The contact made Y/N shiver. “It got stuck. They had to cut open all of my back just to safely remove it without causing any additional harm. When I came out of it, the docs told me that the possibility of me walking was less than 25%. Running, let alone going back to work was less than 8%…”
“I’m sorry doll, I didn’t know.”
Y/N turned around looking directly into Bucky’s eyes. She felt safe with him like with no one else. And she knew he didn’t believe her when she said Bucky didn’t scare her. Not even when at nights the girl went into the room of the ex-assassin to wake him from a nightmare, not even after she consoled him and lulled him back to sleep. He still didn’t see the good in himself.
There had been one time when the dream was so vivid, so real feeling, he’d grabbed her by the throat and almost strangled her, but even after that, she didn’t leave. Y/N stuck around, always listening to Bucky and giving him advice, always believing in him, so now, this moment made him realise how little he actually knew about the girl, how little she’d told anyone about her own faults and what demons plagued her dreams.
“You wouldn’t have known that. I don’t really like to tell people about my own problems.”
“Yet you always carry someone else burden.”
She couldn’t tear her gaze away from him, it was like a trance. Those cerulean eyes were boring into her Y/E/C with such intensity she felt short of breath.
“I-“ she didn’t have any words to say, she didn’t know how to rebuff his statement. In truth Y/N felt like she needed to do so, she needed to help others out. Her cards have been dealt in her favour, she’d regained the ability to do her job, to save the world and now the girl felt like it was her responsibility to help out others. And she just wanted to feel whole again. That thing was a reminder of her almost stolen life and she hated that it had left a mark, that her enemies had managed to leave an imprint on her world, so her only way of forgetting the pain was helping others in hopes to heal herself.
“I need to get washed up,” and without another glance, she sat down onto the chair and leaned over to turn on the shower.
After that talk Y/N evaded him as much as possible without trying to cause suspicion that something was off. But Bucky knew he’d crossed some sort of a line, so with a deep breath, he entered the common room, knowing he’d find the girl watching a rerun of some show, but instead his eyes befell on Y/N’s sleeping form, mouth hanging open as she peacefully dozed off.
“Doll,” Bucky gently shook the girl’s shoulder weary of how she got when people woke her up form a nap, let alone when she was fully asleep.
“Mh... fuck... Sam,” she mumbled in reply, burrowing her head deeper into the pillow
“Sam?” Bucky felt jealousy surge up, but he masked it with a chuckle. Why would she be dreaming about him? Were they actually that close and keeping it from people? “Not even close, love.” He replied, a palm ghosting over her cheek, but he quickly retracted it. As much as he disliked Sam, he would never do that to them. To Y/N. If the Falcon made her truly happy, he would step away, as much as that hurt to even think about.
Y/N opened up an eye, allowing Bucky to look at the woman he was crushing on.
“Buck? Wha- fuck,” she groaned drawing the last word out. “Sorry. Was having a dream that Sam got stuck in my air vent and wouldn’t stop singing ‘Agadoo’. Was about to light the bitch on fire. Though I wonder why Sam. I mean Clint is the one usually lurking around the vents…”
He could tell that the girl was still drowsy from sleep, a small smile appearing on his face as well as relief flushed through his veins. She didn’t like Sam that way. Or at least he definitely hoped so. “Well I came to tell you that today is the day, but if you wanna sleep a bit longer we can move it to a different time.”
“What is today?” her face was once again pressed into the pillows, a yawn escaping her lips.
“The day you get your cast off.”
Y/N was up like lightning, arms stretched out for Bucky to pick her up. “Don’t test me, Barnes. I can’t run with the crutches, so if you don’t carry me to the med-bay right this second, you’ll be stuck with one of them showed up your ass so far, you’ll be eating metal.”
He only chuckled and shook his head while picking up the girl bridal style and making his way to the medical wing where doctor Cho was already waiting, scissors in hand.
“You ready to get this thing off?” a smile was plastered across the woman’s face, seeing how eager Y/N was being.
“God, yes! I was about to saw it off myself.”
“Hey!” Bucky had mock hurt on his face, “I wasn’t that bad of a caretaker!”
“Honey, I love you with all my heart but if this thing isn’t taken off of me in the next five minutes I will make sure your neck is stuck in a cast for the rest of your life.”
Bucky and Cho both chuckled at that, but the man’s mind was spinning. She had said she loved him. But did the girl mean it in the way he hoped she did? Or was it in just a friends kind of a way?
“This might be uncomfortable for a bit,” Cho pressed the scissors being the cast where the bandages overlapped on the side.
“I don’t care if it’s painful, just get that thing off.”
Helen laughed and in the span of thirty seconds Y/N’s leg was freed from the encasing, the girl practically jumping up in joy before Cho pushed her down.
“As exited as you are, you still need to use the crutches.”
“Y/N you broke your leg in three places, you can’t expect to be running around in an instant.”
‘Fucking Wilson, Imma break his neck in three places,” with a grunt she took one of the crutches that Bucky had extended for her.
“Take it slow and don’t do anything too active. You can put the weight on the leg, but please, Y/N, let it heal.” Helen had this motherly tone and a look in her eyes, Y/N just knew she'd feel bad if she disappointed the doctor.
“Fine,” she drawled out, Bucky going to the girl’s side and wrapping an arm around her waist to help and take the weight off a bit. “I won’t do anything too stupid.”
Cho just shook her head and turned to look at the super soldier. “Can you please make sure she doesn’t hurt herself even more?”
“Will do, mam.”
The pair hobbled out of the med bay and to the elevator to get to Y/N’s floor. A silence befell them and Bucky wanted nothing more than to break it, but the ding that announced their arrival messed up the moment.
They entered Y/N’s room, her one hand resting on the crutch while Bucky gently lowered her down onto the bed.
“Why such a sour face?” he smiled at the pouting girl.
“This sucks. I wanted to go to the gym and try out Tony’s new sparring instalment, but I can’t do shit,” she turned to look at the bathroom before standing up again. “Ya know what- Imma take a bath. Maybe that’ll cheer me up.”
“Y/N,” he grabbed the girl’s hand before she could even take a step. “Can we talk? Please?”
There was a look on Bucky’s face that told her everything she needed to know about where the conversation would be going, but in her current state Y/N was in no position to run anywhere.
“Umm… yeah, sure, I guess.”
Bucky made himself comfortable right next to Y/N on the bed, keeping her palm in his hand, ensuring that she wouldn’t go anywhere. “Why are you pushing me away? I know I overstepped a boundary and I’m sorry for that, but please doll. Don’t. I need you in my life, you make everything better. And please let me help you. You’ve done so much for me, for everyone, so why can’t you allow someone else to share your pain? Why not allow me to help you? I thought we were friends, that we were close…”
This silence was different from the one in the elevator. This was thick, laced with emotions, most prominently with fear.
“Because I’m scared,” it came out barely as a whisper. “I’m scared that if I let anyone in my life they’ll break me. I’m scared that they’ll see how messed up I actually am, how many flaws I have. I’m terrified that people won’t stick around and I’ll be left alone like always. So I do all of those things because I’m scared and because I feel like I have to. I was able to get better, I was able to recover when others can’t. I feel like it’s my duty to make everyone else feel better… to make you feel better because there is no one more deserving of a second chance than you…”
His palm went to cradle her cheek, wiping away a tear that had fallen down. It was like a weight had lifted off of her chest. Now he knew and there was no turning back. In truth, Y/N was a broken person. She’d never actually told anyone how much that scar on her back meant to her, what it symbolised. How utterly useless she’d felt when the doctor had said there was a higher possibility of her getting struck by lightning than walking. Y/N hated that piece of her.
“And I hate it. That scar. I hate it with a passion. It broke me and I hate it. So when I was able to stand up once again, I decided that in spite all of them I’d walk, I’d run, hell I’d sprint through a marathon. And I thought helping out others would make me feel more whole, but it didn’t. It hasn’t and I’m afraid I’ll stay like that forever, that the ones who gave it to me will win…”
“Doll, look at me.”
Y/N only shook her head, keeping her gaze on their connected hands when a tight grip on her chin made the Y/E/C eyes meet Bucky’s ice-blue ones.
“You are not broken. And the fact that you can find it in your heart to help others just proves that.”
“No. You think you have to do it for others to make yourself feel better, but I don’t believe that to be true. Because no one would stick with someone like me if they didn’t care, no one would endure the shit that you had to, if they didn’t love them…”
Y/N’s eyes widened at the statement, her heart skipping a beat and her breath catching in her throat.
“Don’t shut us out. Please... Don’t shut me out…” he was so close to her now, Bucky could feel the girl’s breath fanning over her face. His palm was resting on the small of her back, right over the scar, but for the first time in a while, Y/N didn’t feel uncomfortable with it, she didn’t feel ugly, instead, his touch encouraged her and she pressed their lips together.
Bucky responded in an instant, his palms going to cradle her cheeks pulling their faces closer if that was even possible, while Y/N’s own hands went to tangle in his long locks, legs going to straddle his hips. There was a slight tug in her kneecap, something Cho would not approve of, but lust and passion clouded her mind so much so there was nothing in the world apart from her, Bucky and their bodies pressing together.
His hands skimmed the rim of her black tank top and Y/N took it as her cue to detach from the man, an adorable pout on his face as she smirked in reply and pulled the clothing off of her body. Bucky’s eyes roamed over her with such hunger, the girl felt like prey, immediately going to cover, but his arms stopped her mid-movement.
They held the gaze for what felt like an eternity, just getting lost in one another’s eyes before reconnecting in a searing kiss, Bucky’s tongue invading her mouth. His hands were gliding up and down her sides until they reached her bra clasp and opened it up, pulling the lacy fabric away.
“Completely breathtaking,” he moaned into Y/N’s mouth making the girl echo the sound as his hands cupped her breasts.
“Bucky,” her own fingers skimmed his abdomen, feeling the muscles tighten where she trailed a path up and down his chest right until the moment the girl went to the hem of his V-neck and Bucky stopped the girl.
For a second the passion was forgotten as Y/N’s hands were clutching Bucky’s shirt to pull it over, but his palms were clamped over the girl’s.
“I-“ he stammered out, sudden fear overcoming his face.
Y/N’s hands went to cradle his cheeks. “It’s okay. You can leave it on if you want to.”
“Buck, I’m not afraid of your metal arm. It’s a part of you and I love every bit,” she gently pecked his lips, trying to reignite the fire by pulling the man by the nape of his neck.
“It’s not.... that...”
His eyes searched hers for a moment but found nothing but encouragement.
He let out a shuddering breath. “It’s the scar. I know it sounds ridiculous now, but I’ve accepted the arm, I mean I can’t do anything about it. And you helped me realise it’s not a bad thing, that it wasn’t me doing all those horrible deeds, but that scar... I just can’t look at it without feeling disgusting... but...”
“Buck,” there were tears shining in her eyes, but he shushed her.
“But I don’t wanna feel like that. Especially not with you. You opened up to me, about how you got hurt, when you have never done that to anyone else. So I want to be a hundred percent me, even if that means having it on display because I love every bit of you, all your scars, every little flaw and I never want you to be ashamed of yourself like I was.”
Taking a deep breath, Bucky quickly removed his shirt. Now they were wearing the same amount of clothing, the man’s shirt joining Y/N’s discarded tank top and bra.
There was a question in the eyes of the girl Bucky didn’t need voicing. A shy smile appeared on his lips as he slowly nodded giving her the approval. But she didn’t touch the scar. Instead, she gently slid her palm in his vibranium one, her fingertips barely ghosting over the metal plates before she brought it to her lips. She kissed every fingertip, every place where the pieces overlapped and connected. Y/N moved upwards, gliding her mouth along the arm until it reached the scar.
“You’re beautiful,” she mumbled and pressed her lips against the jagged skin, kissing every inch she could get to. His body shuddered in pleasure, but the girl took it as a bad sign and immediately pulled back, fear in her eyes she’d overstepped a line.
“No, doll,” he immediately cupped her face between his palms, kissing her worries away. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just… no one has touched me like that. Not with care…” the girl’s heart broke at the statement, her own hand clinging around the scar until she wove her fingers through the shoulder length brown hair, taking a piece of it and pulling him close. His palm moved in response to glide over her own mark of pain on the small of her back.
“Then if anyone tries to touch you in any other way, they’ll have to get through me,” it came out like an animalistic grown, her protective instincts kicking in as her mind went to Bucky being in pain. Never. She’d never allow that to happen. No one would hurt him, no one would use him, no one would take away his happiness. Not as long as there was breath in her lungs or her heart was beating.
He pulled their bodies together faster than the blink of an eye. Kissing down the column of her neck he made sure to leave little purple gifts for Y/N to remember the night as a slight smirk appeared on his face.
“Do you really want anyone else to touch me?”
“Now that you say that,” she raked down her nails on his chest, his whole body shivering in pleasure, “not one bit.”
“……-ve for a month and this is what happens?”
A hushed voice pulled Y/N out of her dreams. Or more so her memories of the previous night, a content smile on her face as she felt Bucky’s arm circled around her waist, pulling her own body tightly to his.
“You owe me twenty bucks, Steve.” It was Nat this time, the girl’s brain deciphering that the previous voice belonged to Tony.
“Hmm…” Y/N hummed and turned to snuggle into Bucky’s chest, “and if you bunch would like to keep your heads attached to your necks, you’ll be gone in five seconds. One, two…”
Her ears caught on to the sound of five pairs of feet scurrying away while her eyes befell on a smiling Bucky who groggily himself opened up two bleary eyes.
“Morning, handsome,” she replied pressing their lips together.
“Ya know,” Bucky’s hand went to rake through her hair that had become a mess of tangles due to their activities of the previous few hours. “I could really get used to this.”
Y/N pressed a kiss to his chest, feeling the man’s breathing return to normal as he fell asleep once more and pulled their bodies closer together.
“Yeah,” she pushed a strand of hair behind his ear and pressed a kiss to his nose before drifting off. “Me too.”
Tags: @nerissa98 @thunderous-flower @who-cares-rn @lumelgy @projectxhappiness
A/N: I know I’ve been completely absent for quite the while, but I got really sick and family flew in to visit and we went to the Harry Potter London Studios Tour and I almost cried in the end of that and uni and just stuff has been happening, but I think I’m getting my mojo back, so keep your eyes open for future stuff. I should also be updating the series soon, so yay productivity :D
P.S. wanna be tagged in future stories or have any requests? drop a message :)
P.S.S. please tell me what you think :)
P.S.S.S. please don’t repost without credit :)
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