#hrt comparison

[donutcrow]

Officially been on HRT for 2 years now!! I love that T has allowed me to properly inhabit my body. I can recognise myself in the thrum of my voice and stubble on my chin, in photos with friends and bus window reflections.

I feel lucky for the family and doctors that helped me get to where I’m at now, from gel to injections. I’m looking forward to celebrating each annual milestone for many years to come 🏳️‍⚧️🎉

#wanted to do a lil doodle for it!! #looking back at my monthly T videos during the first year is crazy for comparison now #thank you HRT I love you HRT #cawart #my art :) #art #doodle #queer #trans #transmasc #ftm #HRT #testosterone hrt #sona

[asstrofem]

butt

#my blog name implies that I’m cheeked up on a thursday afternoon #me #fatasstrofem #also day 26 hrt y’all #tagging for later comparisons down the line lol #ok to rb

[workmaninprogress]

may 2017 // march 2023

#ftm #ftm transgender #female to male #ftm hrt #hormone replacement therapy #photo #hrt #transgender #ftm transman #testosterone #transguy #ftm transguy #trans #transman #hormones #ftm trans #comparison #transition #ftm transition

[genderkoolaid]

transmascs you know you are allowed to talk about your experiences without adding "but of course transfems have it worse!" right. that is oppression olympics you are playing. you can just say "this is a thing i struggle with because of transphobia" and leave it at that. i promise you there is a transfem out there who would look at your situation and go "oh my god thats awful, i've never experienced anything like that" and there is a transmasc who would look at your situation and go "yeah i've gone through that and much, much worse", because neither transmascs nor transfems are a monolith and neither one is privileged over the other.

free yourself of the need to constantly downplay your suffering from oppression. you are suffering and you deserve not to be, that's the end of the sentence. stop playing the sick game of comparing suffering, whether you are favoring yourself or not.

#saw a tweet (yeah i know) that was talking about expensive T is for this person #and how he isnt going to be able to afford it #and it ends with ''transfems have it worse because their HRT is much more expensive'' #yeah and getting on T without a scrip is ILLEGAL. that doesnt mean transmascs have it worse either!!! #neither of us have it worse!!!! there are many variables at play in how you are affected by transphobia in your life #and also just because YOU PERSONALLY feel you have not been as affected as some transfems you know/have seen #that does not mean there are not transmascs who have suffered horrifically in ways that SOME transfems have not. #just stop the comparisons of who has it worse and focus on HELPING EACH OTHER when we say we are suffering #anyways. how are yall doing today #m. #transandrophobia

[scripturientdelight]

The Tdick Paradox:

Compared to before testosterone?

HE'S HUGE!

Compared to perisex men?

Not so much...

#poetry #transmasc #trans man #tdick #testosterone blessings #testosterone hrt #comparisons are odious #he's doing his best

[kayden-skylars-transition]

These pictures are close to a year apart. The left is from the end of August 2022, and the right is current, July 2023.

#ftm #trans #me #transgender #testosterone #transition #hrt #hormone replacement therapy #changes on t #hormone therapy replacement #comparison pictures

[the-amber-droid-dreams]

throwback to when a born and raised canadian made some comments abt how its not great being queer/trans in canada (like . in comparison to the rest of the world even) and my immigrant friend and i start cackling, absolutely hooting and hollering

#(slightly bitter rant --) #'we can walk down the street holding a girls hand !' #'i know right ?? i dont have to worry about *prison*' #like is that a low bar ? yea sure but thats not even to speak abt like #much increased public awareness and acceptance of queer ppl and way easier access to hrt and healthplans that cover hrt and and and #like y'all have it good ok #we always strive for better ofc but u cant Not acknowledge that youve got it good #like besties . my immigrant friend at least had access to hrt at all in their country i didnt even have That #quite literally nothing. zero. zilch. nada. and you wanna tell me canadians arent living like fucking royalty in comparison ? #there are queer focused orgs ! there are queer shelters ! there is pride ! there are Resources that ive never before had ! #fuckin wild #amber actually saying stuff

[skullamity]

PSA for trans men and trans mascs on T who are afraid of/concerned about or experiencing male pattern baldness: Talk to your endocrinologist who monitors your T about hair loss before you talk to anyone else, you have options!

When the hair in the top of my head started to thin, I talked to my regular GP. She told me it should be fine to use Rogaine topically. There were no other options, either because she was somehow not aware OR was under the impression that alternatives might interfere with HRT. If this was the case, she did not relay this info to me, and if she had, I would have made an early appointment with my endocrinologist, who specialises in HRT for trans people specifically, and asked her about my options.

But, since I only have appointments once a year with my endo now because my levels are generally super consistent, I decided to try Rogaine. I lasted about a month, because it basically meant I had to wear a lined hat at all times to make sure I wasn't getting any on my pillow/cats/child. You need to apply it two to three times a day and leave it on your scalp for a couple of hours for the best results, every day, forever, and if you stop using it, your hair goes back to whatever it was up to before that made you concerned in the first place. I quit after a month and resigned myself to eventually going bald.

I finally had a phone appointment with my endo last week (was supposed to be in person but she had an emergency and was working remotely for the day), and when I brought this up and that I had tried Rogaine but couldn't deal with all of the above + my scalp was not reacting well to the alcohol in the foam so I quit, she was like ????? what? why didn't your GP just prescribe you finasteride???

I am now on finasteride! It is a dirt cheap, tiny ass pill. I only need to take a quarter of a pill once a day (my endo also helpfully explained to me that pill cutters exist and are also dirt cheap, so perfectly cutting a pill into quarters takes about 5 seconds and I got it for a whopping $8). Just like Rogaine, I WILL need to take it every day, forever, but it's not going to get all over my pillow and make my cats sick or cause my kid to grow a beard or whatever. It isn't going to dry my scalp out, and it also the cost comparison is a joke. I take it every morning at the same time I take my adhd meds, so it's easy to remember.

I have seen so, so many trans men and mascs online lately worried about this, probably because I've seen so many conservatives and the kind of detrans people that conservatives like to parade around put a lot of emphasis about how T will make you UGLY and make all of your hair fall out. I do feel sorry for any detrans women who are dealing with wonky hairlines or male pattern baldness, but also it sure is convenient that none of them see fit to mention that if you are experiencing those things, you can literally just talk to your endocrinologist about what your options are and then take a quarter of a pill every day to fix it. Almost like making you aware of that might move you away from their end goal, which is getting you to detransition.

#trans man #trans guy #transmasc #hair loss #transmasculine #endocrinology #finasteride

[yourtongzhihazel]

Hello. I am curious about the state of LGBT rights and healthcare in China. I think you are the kind of person who would recognise both the good and the bad parts, so if you are willing to, it'd be cool to have a bit of a rundown with links to relevant articles/reports? Thank you in advance.

Sure! Indeed, there are good and "bad" parts. "Bad" in that they're not ideal and/or needs improvement. In comparison to how these policies compare to the rollback of LGBT rights in the imperial core, no comparison need be made. One is, by far, significantly worse and getting worse by the day (here's an interesting map showing a comparison). The way I see it, there's two parts to the question. The first is one of social acceptance (e.g., personal bigotry). The second is of government and party policies. In that regard, there's areas where the state/party leads the people and areas where the people lead the state/party.

In terms of social acceptance, in my experience trans people are better (relative term) accepted than LGB people. There's a whole discussion to be had about gender roles, and specifically conformity, in modern Chinese society but I won't be doing that here. There's a definite generational divide between the socially progressive younger generations and the more conservative older generations. There's also a urban-rural divide as well, with urban areas leading rural ones. Generally, most of the discrimination you face will probably come from your family, statistically speaking (and also from personal experience). Despite this, there's quite a large LGBT scene in most major Chinese cities (I've heard ChongQing is a top spot).

On the state side, the courts will, generally, protect LGBT people. Notably a trans woman who was fired for being trans won a case against her employer. Sex education is also a step above what I received in the states. More clinics for trans youth (and adults) are popping up. All good steps in the right direction, but there's still a long road ahead. China doesn't yet recognize same-sex marriages nationally, though some cities do. Certain practices like conversion therapy isn't outlawed yet even though courts almost always rule against its use. There's still a general lack of access for gender affirming care for trans people and gender marker changes still require SRS and a gender dysphoria diagnosis.

Something I've been personally keeping my eye on is a move by the central gov to ban online sales of HRT. Here, opinion is divided; some say its a a step backward while others say its a safety measure (this is an ongoing debate in LGBT circles). The problem here is moreso with lack of official channels to access HRT. I do see the case for safety, but without offsetting the removal of third-party HRT with more official clinics there will present a supply and access issue. We shall see how this develops.

In short, I would describe LGBT+ rights in China as better than average (definitely more than where I live rn) and improving.

What if we kissed in front of Mao's portrait?

Supplemental material:

A) An op-ed by subject of the victims of Chen Weihua memorial foundation, Chen Weihua about LGBT rights (the man rarely misses).

B) A documentary about trans people across several generations.

C) CGTN documentary about LGBT people in China.

#Hazel's press releases #A larger focus on trans issues because well kinda self explanatory

[ricky-toon]

Trixie transition timeline

I know trans Trixie is a popular hc and I wanted to add a little on it

In her first appearance in Boast Busters not only has Trixie a single reflection in her eyes (which is more common among stallions while mares usually have two), but her horn seemed noticeably bigger than the other unicorn mares. Also, can't forget that in this episode Trixie was initially supposed to be a stallion but was later changed to a mare.

In Trixie's second official appearance in "Magic Duel", she now has a regular horn like other unicorn mares (is horn reassignment surgery a thing? lol). Her eyes still have only a single reflection. Another interesting detail in this episode, Trixie stole Twilight's (fake) amulet as soon as she saw Twilight "turned a mare into a stallion".

Trixie's fourth official appearance in To Where and Back Again (season 6), it's the first time she's shown with two reflections in her eyes and it remains like this for the rest of the series. It doesn't seem to be a change made for her reappearance in season 6 as in her third official appearance in No Second Prances (season 6), she still only had one reflection. (I guess magical HRT made her grow a second reflection during the season xD)

EDIT: I haven't noticed but the single shiny isn't the only thing most stallions have in common, the colour in their eyes is also gradient, unlike most mares. Even after Trixie gained a second shiny (similar to most mares), her eyes remained gradient, like most stallions. You can see a good comparison here between Starlight having typical mare eyes and Trixie:

Even future Trixie still has gradient eyes

It was probably not intentional but it's still interesting to see how Trixie physically changed in the series and how it could fit with her being possibly trans.

#mlp fim #mlp #mlp gen 4 #trixie #trixie lulamoon #trans #headcanon

[spiderfreedom]

my suffering is profound and legitimate, yours is frivolous nonsense

Just reading a blogger I like but I had to laugh because she was talking about how beauty practices are bad for women's mental health, and she left a note saying "unlike gender affirming care! gender affirming care improves people's mental health and it's nothing at all like cosmetic practices."

TIL, when an older woman gets botox to remove her wrinkles and avoid facing the inevitability of decline and death, her problem is spiritual/structural and she needs to Do The Work to deprogram her ageism, unlike people with dysphoria, who of course have legitimate claims to cosmetic alteration.

And it is cosmetic - no part of the body that is altered by HRT or SRS or any of the feminization/masculinization surgeries is failing to function or functioning poorly. The problem is with the brain, which perceives the body parts as foreign or undesirable. We may sympathize with someone struggling with such a condition, but that does not change that the body parts being altered were already healthy and the alterations are cosmetic, and the relief being brought about is mental.

But plenty of trans people openly admit that separating body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria is a losing game. Contrapoints's video on "Beauty" (transcript) has the observation that she feels least dysphoric when she is meeting feminine beauty norms:

But I also think that trans people often talk like gender dysphoria is this intrinsic, personal experience that's always 100% valid and never has anything at all to do with the external pressure of beauty standards. But in fact, gender dysphoria is not sealed away in a vacuum away from the influence of societal ideals and norms.  [...] When I try to psychoanalyze myself, I find that my desires to look female, to look feminine, and to look beautiful are not exactly the same, but they're woven together so tightly that it's kind of difficult to untangle them. And the opposite is also true, that for me feeling mannish or dysphoric usually goes along with feeling ugly. I don't have a lot of days where I walk out the house thinking "well, I'm giving femme queen realness, but apart from that I look like absolute shit". 

Max Robinson's book "Detransition," from an FTM perspective, points out how the prospective trans man views his suffering as unique from and distinct from women's, even as the surgeries they seek are not especially different:

The stereotypical cosmetic surgery patient is seeking to become closer to being perfectly feminine - she wants to be beautiful. Transitional cosmetic surgery, on the other hand, is widely understood to mark the patient as ex-female and therefore unfemale; this is part of the meaning FTMs seek to create through surgery. FTM desire for cosmetic surgery is positioned as something totally different than the stereotype of a woman who 'merely' seeks beauty at her frivolous leisure. FTMs are deemed to have a rare affliction that needs urgent, life-saving treatment. Conversely, there is nothing more common than for a woman to become obsessed with her socially-deemed 'unsatisfactory' looks and desperately seek to change them, believing that such a change is the only thing that can restore her quality of life. This comparison will feel like an insult to the FTM. It will feel that way because we believe other women's suffering doesn't matter, and recognize how much ours does. Women's suffering is ordinary but ours is extraordinary. For us to matter, we must be differentiated from the silly little woman who wants to be pretty so badly she'll pay thousands of dollars (now billable to credit cards and loan programs designed to pay for elective surgeries!) to risk her life and health. These women don't need to be fixed; we do. FTMs know that we don't deserve a woman's fate but have not yet realized that no woman does.

I have more to write on the topic of the relationship between gender identity and beauty culture, but I'll end this one here. It makes sense that somebody who is identified with the opposite sex would also be affected by the standards of beauty expected of that sex. (Non-binary identification is more complicated and requires separate treatment.)

#mypost #beauty culture #gender identity ideology #radical feminism #100 notes tag

[workmaninprogress]

three years post op

#ftm #ftm transgender #female to male #ftm hrt #hormone replacement therapy #photo #hrt #transgender #testosterone #ftm transman #transguy #ftm transguy #trans #transman #ftm trans #comparison #transition #ftm top surgery #ftm transition #top surgery recovery #top surgery #post top surgery #shirtless

[genderqueerdykes]

Topical or Injectable Testosterone Comparison: Which is Best For You?

i've met a lot of people who are unsure of which route of HRT they'd like to take. there are a lot of pros and cons to each one, I figured I would lay out some information to try to make that decision a bit easier for folks, as someone who has used both.

both forms of testosterone are equally as effective, topical is not "weaker" than injectable, everyone's bodies processes these hormones differently and the effectiveness depends on how your body processes medications, and your dosage.

Topical Testosterone

Taken daily, or for some folks, every few days

Either comes in a bottle with a pump that dispenses measured doses, or will come in a month's worth of small packets or tubes.

Many insurance plans in the United States will not cover topical testosterone for transgender or intersex HRT purposes, and if it is covered, it often costs an exorbitant amount of money- well into the hundreds of dollars

Requires clean skin prior to and covering the skin with clothing after application and avoiding swimming and showering for several hours after application

Hands must be washed afterwards to prevent transmission of the hormone to other people in your environment

Has a strong smell due to the gel being alcohol based

Can cause burning sensation if it accidentally gets into sensitive areas such as mucous membranes, cuts, your eyes, etc.

Can cause skin irritation in some folks, though this is rare

Being an alcohol based gel, it is very flammable, so caution is needed to be practiced around flames until the gel has dried

Can be easy to miss doses if you have chronic fatigue and/or illness, memory problems, mental health issues, or a busy lifestyle

Injectable Testosterone

Usually taken once or twice a week, depending on your needs

Testosterone cypionate is almost always covered by insurance in places where transgender HRT is a part of your plan. It is extremely cheap if it is not covered for whatever reason, usually costing around $15 for a month's worth of vials and syringes, but this can vary wildly depending on your area

Requires needles, syringes, a sharps container (safe container to dispose needles into), alcohol prep pads or isopropyl alcohol or other strong sterilizing agent for the injection site, bandages for applying to the site afterwards, and optionally gloves, but washing your hands prior to injecting works as well

If doing your own injections, you have to learn how to measure your dose accurately, and how to hold the needle at the angle most appropriate for your injections, as well as learning about if you need to do subcutaneous or intramuscular injections

Despite the amount of items required, injections are very quick and can be done and forgotten about until your next injection date- there is no daily maintenance for injections

You must switch up your injection spots every time you inject as to avoid damaging muscle and skin tissue

Injections can be done by endocrinologists and prescribers if you do not feel comfortable doing them yourself

It is possible for your skin to react to, or for you to be allergic to the injecting needles. This is rare, and can be addressed with your prescriber and/or an allergist

Testosterone cypionate will crystalize in cold temperatures. It will change in appearance and consistency, but can be returned to normal by placing the vial into warm water for a while and/or by shaking the vial for a while

this is not meant to be a comprehensive guide, but rather some observations ihave made in my 8 years of being on testosterone HRT. hope this is helpful, we will add anything else we can think of. good luck figuring out what's right for you in your journey

#transgender #trans #lgbtqia #lgbtq #queer #transmasculine #transmasc #ftm #trans man #trans men #trans guy #trans boy #demiboy #nonbinary #enby #genderqueer #gnc #gender non conforming #butch #butch dyke #butch lesbian #ftm lesbian #transmasc lesbian #transmasculinity #transneutral #transneu #transneutrality #bigender #polygender #multigender

[brooke2valley]

I started hrt just 3 days before you, so I wanted to ask you what changes you've seen so I can get a quick comparison to mine.

of course if you're not ok talking about that it's perfectly ok.

Skin is clearer and softer, my breasts are larger (although idk their size lol), I had thin spots in my hair that are full now, my hips and thighs are bigger, body hair grows slower now and my face has softer features.

#trans #lgbtq

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Trans Allegory in Cupid's Last Wish

When I first started my BL journey a few months back, I watched Cupid’s Last Wish as a comparison point for Earth and Mix’s acting after seeing A Tale of A Thousand Stars, because, to be honest, I struggled with Phupa initially and wanted to see if it was a character thing or if Earth just wasn’t a strong actor (I have settled decidedly on Earth being a good actor).  Cupid’s Last Wish did not seem to have the widest reception when it came out and I was deep into a rapid BL Binge Watch, so I wasn’t paying the most attention to the story and what it was trying to say when I initially started it. That is, until Episode 6…when I burst into tears after one particular scene, because I had the sudden realization that this show has a trans allegory baked into it. I wanted to watch it again, using that lens from the beginning. In conversations with @lurkingshan she said she was having trouble connecting with Earth as an actor, and I suggested she try this show because it gave me the info I needed to understand Earth’s acting ability. And we picked up @so-much-yet-to-learn along the way.

And so a group watch began! There will be spoilers in this post.

Plot Summary: “Korn and Win are childhood best friends. Conflicts arise when Win's father includes Korn in his will, granting him part of the family's farm's stocks. Misunderstandings follow, breaking up their friendship of 22 years. Their path crosses again when Win gets into a car accident with his sister Lin, and wakes up to find his soul in her body. To return to his original body, Win, in the body of Lin, sets off on a road trip to collect holy water from 4 temples across the country within 7 days. The companion to his journey is none other than his friend turned foe, Korn.” (My Drama List)

Notes: 

From the point of the body-swap onward, we will be referring to who is shown on screen as Mix or Jan depending on the actor because we are following the character of Win the entire time, and naming the actors is my way of not invalidating the fact that Win is always present even when Lin's body is on screen. 

Anytime we talk about changes in a biological aspect of the story in terms of its connection to trans people, we are referring to the changes trans people commonly experience on HRT (hormone replacement therapy). 

Characters:  Win: Reason All of This Is Happening, played by Mix Sahaphap Korn: Win’s best friend, played by Earth Pirapat Lin: Win’s sister, played by Jan Ployshompoo Non: Win and Korn’s childhood best friend, played by White Nawat

Episode 1: 

One of the first line we get in the show is Win saying “I want a female name”, it is not established until partway through the scene that Win is referring to a female name for a calf. From a trans allegory lens, this is a beautiful establishing moment that there will be gender fuckery about and I love that they let the statement sit for a moment before the reveal.

Win is obviously in love with Korn, Korn is obviously in love with Win, but we see a moment where Win withdraws into himself and gets sad because he sees Korn interacting with Lin and has convinced himself that Korn might not actually feel the same way he does. The jealousy and withdrawn nature that we see occur in Win whenever Korn and Lin interact is going to be a central plot point. 

We see Mix when Win wakes up, and we see him standing on one side of the mirror while Jan’s face is reflected back at him. 

We end the episode with Win waking up in Lin’s body, fighting everybody to try to attack Korn, and then falling into Korn’s arms, where the imagery shifts from Jan in this scene to Mix as Korn holds Win. From the moment that Win is placed into this female body, Korn still sees Win, the man he has known his whole life. 

We identified a pattern going forward: We see Jan when there are multiple witnesses, and we see Mix when it’s just Korn and Win in a scene together or when a scene is shot from Korn’s perspective. 

Episode 2 

We see Jan when Win tries hitchhiking, and when Win’s being harassed by the men that were picked up by the person he was hitchhiking from, and when Win and Korn first sit down at a restaurant. Places where they are in public, places where Win forgets that he is in the body of a woman and therefore more prone to experiencing danger.

At the restaurant, the waitress walks away, and the scene shifts to Mix when Win and Korn are alone and start talking to each other, then back to Jan when a waitress is called to the table. 

At the temple: Mix when Win and Korn are walking alone together, Jan when another person comes to warn them about the spirits in the mountain, and Mix when they are alone again. 

Win realizes he has a much smaller appetite in Lin’s body. Trans appetite change: Real. 

“That bit about not realizing the danger because you never thought of yourself in a position of vulnerability around men. Real.” -@so-much-yet-to-learn

The type of ghost that is said to exist in the woods of the temple, Krasue, is only a head and entrails, no body. That’s trans, baby. 

Episode 3

We see Jan when Win and Korn start running up the stairs towards the temple, Mix when Win faints and gets cradled by Korn. 

“Lin is not as physically strong as you” -Korn 

Something about Korn having to constantly remind Win about the function of the body that he is in reads as trans to me. 

Mix when by themselves, Jan when they run into the woman in the woods, Mix when they leave. 

“Just Being Friendly” plays when Korn covers Win’s eyes (Mix is the person on screen for this) …sure puen puen puen…uh huh. This isn’t part of the trans lens stuff, just noting the irony of the song with what we know about the heart eyes between these two. 

We see Jan at the public temple. 

Win is told by the monk at the second temple: “You are in a female body, keep reminding yourself of that,” Jan’s face: 

Cuts to Mix 

“If you see things with your eyes and not your heart you won’t see clearly. If you cover your eyes with your hand, you will not be completely blind. But if you shut down your heart you will be completely blind.” Identity is internal, Win is still Win even though he’s in Lin’s body, etc. etc. etc. 

Mix when Win and Korn are alone together in the car, Jan when they check in to the hotel.

Win gets a new room when he learns about the open bathroom, “is this because of the sexual tension between Win and Korn or because of the body he’s in?” -smytl. The entire road trip so far, Win has been forgetting about or willfully ignoring the body he is in, but he was just reminded of his body by the abbot. 

We see Jan when Win is on FaceTime with his mom, after their mom overhears her employees gossiping about how she should be worried about her daughter traveling with a man. Switches to Mix when Win is off the phone. 

“Do you not want me to get cold because you don’t want me to be a burden?” \\ “No, because I care…I care about Lin, she’s not as strong as you” \\ “I think Lin’s body needs more rest”  

Korn is always addressing Win but at the same time has to remind Win that he’s in Lin’s body. This is where we can start to see the seeds of doubt about who Korn has feelings for be planted in Win’s mind.

But Korn never has trouble using Win’s name, always referring to Win by his name when they are alone, not trying to maintain pretenses in public. 

Win never sleeps in as late as 8am and then takes a nap in the car

“You sleep better on testosterone, and often sleep for a shorter time,” -smytl

We see Jan in the restaurant

We see Mix in the car once again singing to ‘Just Being Friendly’ 

Episode 4 

We see Mix when Win is by himself, Mix when Korn finds Win, Mix when Korn walks them back through the forest, and Mix all evening and in the morning. We only see Jan when they start walking towards the temple. 

We see Jan at the restaurant talking to the waitress, Mix when it’s just Win and Korn at the table.

“You worry too much about Lin’s body” -Win

We see Mix in the car, Jan at the rest stop and in the bathroom. The fact that we get Jan for the entire time that Win is alone in the bathroom is intriguing in terms of what getting your period does to remind trans people of their bodies. 

They are making brain chemistry a part of the character, they aren’t just plunking a soul into a body. Win’s hunger is impacted, his temperature regulation is impacted, his mood is impacted on his period because he’s experiencing different hormone levels than usual. Noticeable changes in body function can be a part of hormone replacement therapy when people start estrogen, progesterone & spironolactone (transfemme) or testosterone (transmasc). 

We see Mix when Win is crying and getting hugged/comforted by Korn. We see Jan in the restaurant but then Mix when he starts eating.

Episode 5

Let’s talk about all the times we see Mix grappling with the period pain, rather than Jan AND that we see Korn care so well for Win AND that Mix is on screen for those scenes so you know that Korn is seeing Win in these moments despite Win having a period.

“Hearing stories over the years of transmacs being comforted by a partner through period pain…For someone to see you so clearly that something we were raised to consider profoundly gendered could not shake their idea of you?” -smytl

We see Jan at the hotel lobby and in the hotel restaurant when the waitress is there. Mix is present when the waitress walks away and Win’s jealousy comes out to play. Jan is present when Korn’s boss drops by for a chat. Win has an angry reaction to being called Korn’s sister. Win, in fact, gets angry or otherwise upset whenever he is referred to as a woman by Korn

Win gets jealous, Mix is on screen when Win plays up his femininity a bit around Korn’s boss to try to warn Korn’s boss about flirting with him. 

Episode 6

Now, looking at the entire show with a trans-lens means I have found a lot more scenes that I can read as a trans allegory. But Episode 6 truly has the most obvious moments of transness at least to me (a trans person). Win spends a lot of his time this episode looking at himself in mirrors, grappling with the identity of who he is and whose body he is in:

Korn helps Win (Mix) with his seat-belt “When you’re female-presenting, accepting help feels like the status quo. When you’re male-presenting, accepting help is making a conscious choice. There’s subtle shifts, I don’t know how much of it is being out and feeling like myself or hormonal changes adjusting the brain chemistry but I definitely take pride in the ability to do things myself, care for other people in a different quality than I used to before.” -smytl

We see Mix when Win is leaving the car and running to the stable, Jan when they get to the stable. Korn called Win “Lin” when he fainted after treating Katin’s bloat (Katin is Win’s most favorite dairy cow) because they are around everyone at the farm. Korn is intentionally mis-identifying Win because they are around Win’s entire family who do not know that Win is in the wrong body.  

Korn’s calls Win “Lin” again when he pulls Win away from his cousins. His aunt and uncle pick up on the fact that Lin is acting like Win. We see Mix when we cut to Korn carrying Win away and talking with his friend. Again, intentionally mis-identifying Win because they are around people who are not aware. 

Win looks in the mirror and sees Lin.

“You looked just like Win, I wondered if you swapped bodies.” 

We see Jan on the farm, and with White’s character (White’s character is in love with Lin so it makes sense that he is seeing Lin’s body).

We see Mix when Korn arrives on scene.

“Please keep Lin safe” says Win’s Mom, and Korn and Win share a knowing glance. 

“Mom was right. He loves Lin.” THEN MIX STARES INTO THE SIDE MIRROR OF THE CAR AND JAN STARES BACK (Win looks and sees Lin).

Gifs from @thepancakelady

Now this is the point where we remember that most of this episode has been spent back home, where everyone around Win kept seeing and referring to him as Lin. Even Korn did it to not…literally out Win. And then they leave, Korn says “I don’t love Lin any more than you” and Win convinces himself that Korn is in love with Lin. Because he just spent all this time being around people that did not affirm his identity. 

Which leads to the scene that started it all. 

Here we are with Win repeating over and over and over again “You are Lin. You’re not Win. You’re Lin. You’re not Win. You are Lin. You’re not Win. You are Lin. You’re not Win. You are Lin.” 

Every example that he thinks about in his time with Korn on this road trip where Korn is caring for Win physically, Win replaces himself with the image of Lin’s body. THIS! SHOW! IS! TRANS!

Win (as Mix) runs to the ocean and has a massive screaming breakdown in the water. I don’t know about anyone else, but that sort of frustrated, heartbroken all-consuming rage is something that was very familiar to me when I came home and had my identity constantly undermined by my family.

“I don’t want to have good feelings for you anymore” \\ “Why not?’ \\ “I don’t want to be soft again.”There is something to be said here about toxic masculinity classifying softness as a negative thing and Win grappling with feeling perceived as feminine leading up to this. But more likely, based on the context of the previous scene, Win is struggling with the idea that Korn’s connection is to Lin’s body and not to Win’s soul. 

Episode 7

We see Jan at the wheel when it was just Win and Korn in the car in order to signify that Win is dealing with less developed upper body strength, this is one of the only times we see Jan on screen when it is just Korn and Win alone, but it quickly cuts back to Mix. We see Jan in public again. We see Mix when Korn starts massaging Win’s shoulders. In fact, every point of physical care and intimacy that we see between Win and Korn, Mix is the one on screen. When we did see Jan on screen with Korn in the flashbacks Win has in Episode 6, he is literally shifting his own mental image of the body he is in. But Korn only ever sees Mix. But Win is so caught up in the body he is in that he routinely fails to account for all the moments of emotional intimacy and care that Korn gives him throughout the journey. 

We see Jan when Win starts eating, and then Mix when Korn ties up his hair. 

Korn switches to sleeping on the floor instead of the bed at this point, despite the fact they have shared a bed multiple times by this point. The end credit scene shows Korn holding Win’s hand from the floor, so the most likely interpretation is that Korn is deeper in his feelings and isn’t sure he can bear sleeping next to Win.  

We see Jan around others.

Episode 8 

Win dreams of Lin. This is one in a number of examples of dissociation as a form of dysphoria.

Win and Korn confess their love for eachother and share a brief kiss. Win very quickly realizes the body that he is in, and overthinks how Korn must be viewing him. Win breaks the kiss, and stays far away from Korn the rest of the evening.

Lin wakes up in Win’s body. Non sees Mix at first, realizes that it’s Lin and then sees Jan. In previous scenes with just Non and Win, Jan is on screen (unless Korn is also present in which case Mix is there). Non is in love with Lin and therefore sees Lin’s body when he’s interacting with Win.

We see Mix when their Mom comes in. 

When Win has the flashbacks to everything, he keeps forgetting about the stuff that Korn did to make him smile, the emotional connections, he only remembers the times that Korn took care of his body, but this time he sees himself instead of Lin.

Non sees Mix in Lin’s body and Jan in Mix’s body so he’s also internalized the consciousness of the person. 

Something about the solidarity between Win and Lin when they first meet again, seeing each other in their respective bodies in a way many around them don’t. That’s trans friendship, baby! 

When their bodies are switched back, Korn immediately makes eye contact with Win because he’s always always seen Win. Korn has been traveling with Lin’s body this whole time, but the person he has been through all of this with is Win. When Win is finally in the body that is his, Korn needs no time at all to adjust. 

Episode 9

Swapping the bodies back in the hospital feels very medical, with the monk asking everyone to leave the room while he performs the body reassignment, and then walking calmly out to Korn and Non waiting in the chairs asking how the procedure went.

Episode 10 

“How could I not know my own children?” “More a generally queer thing than specifically trans, but a parent (anyone) so entrenched in their idea of you that they remain oblivious to what seem like obvious discrepancies to others. Continuing to act under that assumption until you are forced to confront their misperception and correct it because you can't continue the lie anymore.” -smytl. 

Wardrobe Choice

Win’s wardrobe throughout the show consists entirely of simple, utilitarian clothes that are loose and prioritize comfort over style. It follows the same stylistic choices consciously made by many transmasc individuals, namely selecting articles of clothing that obscure or draw attention away from certain features. Some of this may be attributed to Mix’s choice and comfort level in clothing (but this is a trans allegory so we’re analyzing the wardrobe with that lens). The choice in attire becomes more apparent when Jan is on screen as Win, and we see Win as Jan choose to continue to wear Win’s clothing as what is most comfortable for him.

Those styles are: 

Loose pants, often cut to have added structure or with side pockets along the hip or thigh, which break up any curve there in a silhouette. 

Multiple layers of t-shirt and jacket or overshirt when out in public, usually left open in the front. The parallel vertical lines of the placket draw the eye up to the collar and away from the chest. The straight lines also minimize the appearance of any curves beneath, and make the torso seem boxier.

Jackets with multiple patches or patterns, or plaid flannel shirts, which again visually distract to break up body lines. The only time we see Win without these added layers is when he is alone with Korn, in a hotel room where he cannot be seen by passers by, where his focus is on relief from period pain. His decision to wear a simple t-shirt without the added layers shows his comfort level with Korn is higher than anyone else, to take off the layers of protection and concealment. 

And the most prominent wardrobe choice, a sling bag carried cross-body in front, which covers and draws focus away from the chest beneath. This can also be a form of emotional armor or comfort item to hold onto for reassurance under stress, and is indeed gripped as such in moments of tension throughout the show. The bag is only used during the body swap and when out in public.

Final Thoughts

Notably, we didn’t notice a lot of gendered language being used until Win and Lin are back in their respective bodies. And in the rare instances of gendered language being used during the body swap (like in Episode 4) the pronouns are messed up. Win (played by Jan in this moment) says “krub” initially and then changes it to “kha” when he remembers that he’s in a woman’s body.

Something else that truly makes us capable of reading it as trans, rather than a typical body swap, is that for the majority of the show, only one body has been swapped. Lin’s soul is stuck in limbo for most of the show, leaving Win’s body an empty, waiting vessel. Jan is utilized in this show mostly as a reminder to the viewers that the outside world is seeing Korn with Lin when they are on their journey.  Do we think the trans allegory is intentional? Honestly, no. But watching the show with that lens in mind, seeing the body swap as an allegory for transness does greatly improve the story. It still falters at the end, the plot is not revolutionary. But it holds a lot more meaning, has a lot more weight if you see the barrier to Win and Korn actually getting together as Win being unable to believe that Korn is actually seeing Win this whole time. Win is convinced Korn sees him as Lin and would not actually love him as a man. And it makes Korn’s love and care for Win more powerful if you read the story as trans and know Korn has seen Win, as a man, the entire time, despite him being in a female body. 

(shout out to @so-much-yet-to-learn and @lurkingshan for their contributions during the watch party and in writing this post, this was a group effort)

#trans allegory in cupid's last wish #clw #cupid's last wish #mix sahaphap #earth pirapat #earthmix #cupids last wish #wka long post

[nekhcore]

so... HRT definitely changes your voice a lot. when i was a kid i was a mezzo-soprano, and i was really proud of my voice. i hated the sound of it in recording, but i loved my technical skill and the things i was capable of doing with it.

anyways, my voice is very important to me. so i spent a lot of time singing to myself in audacity--usually copies of the arrangements we did in choir. naturally, when i transitioned i kept up that habit.

so i want to show you all a little comparison!

volume warning on this one -- i was literally singing full belt at my computer. it's loud!

now here's the exact same arrangement, sung by me as an adult, 2 years on testosterone :) (significantly quieter lol)

i think i'm finally both happy with where my voice is and also confident in my skill with it. it's super exciting!

trans care saves lives!

#my gay little thoughts #trans #trans man #ftm #ftm singer #singer #transmasculine #transition #transition timeline #trans joy #trans timeline #trans voice #trans music #trans pride