Secret-Diary’s Colour Wheel... OF DOOOOOOM!
So, I started writing this for my own personal reference, but then it was funny, so now it’s a blog. There, that’s your origin story: now here’s me attempting to describe obscure colours in way that will make you see them in your head, when I could just show you a swatch and have done with it.
Dark, lustrous red- almost like blood. The deep kind I mean, not the fresh, red kind that happens when you cut yourself. If you cut yourself lightly and your blood is Incarnadine, you might want to seek medical attention.
Light, almost fleshy pink. Like a newborn homunculus, or Boris Johnson’s terrifyingly baby-like face during a press conference.
Orangey-yellow, sometimes held to be darker than regular ginger, but also sometimes also thought to be lighter. The word is super flexible about the exact colour it refers to, but the hue reminds me of the Spice Melange before it goes all blue and an Atreides shoves it up their hooter.
Dark teal. A bit peacock-y. Yeah, it’s not super exciting or unique or hard to describe, but ‘skobeloff’ is a transcendently brilliant word.
Golden yellow with maybe a teeny tiny snip of orange in the mix. It’s actually a really nice colour, but not quite as nice as…
Browny, orangey, reddy, and yellowy all at once. If autumn could be summed up in one colour, it’d be this bad boy.
A really nice word for ‘poppy red’. Also it has the word ‘coq’ in it, so it’s funny.
Bright green with a dash of yellow. A really extra type of lime.
You know that ace Art Deco Green that teapots and lamps sometimes are? Yeah- this is the name for that.
A highly saturated violet that’s slightly more blue than red. Sounds like a deep-space phenomenon in a sci-fi show from the nineties, but it’s actually named after a flower.
Icy blue, but slightly darker than what you initially pictured when I said ‘icy blue’. Think ‘deep permafrost’ rather than ‘ice cube’.
Now think ‘ice cube’. Or think ‘bluebird with frostbite’.
Bluish-green; a bit dark; more green than blue. Very useful if you’ve already used ‘verdigris’, ‘emerald’ and ‘teal’ when describing an alien forest. Also comes in handy if you need to explain the colour of rusted copper to an idiot.
A nice, rusty sort of green-blue. Very coppery. Even more so than Viridian. Fuck you, Viridian!
HOW MUCH BLUE DO YOU WANT BECAUSE WE HAVE ALL THE FUCKING BLUE RIGHT HERE MOTHERFUCKER!
Similar to gamboge, but a lot less fun.
Light, greyish purple. Purple for people who can’t fucking commit.
A nice, light purple. A bit lilacesque. Use it in a sentence to sound posh and impress the gullible.
Light, not-super-saturated pink. A bit of a ‘romance colour’, if you catch my drift.
A dark, broody magenta. A man’s man’s magenta. Magenta for people who would shoot actual magenta and mount it in their pool hall.
Not to be confused with the dwarf of the same but differently-spelled name. A really dark mauve. Mauve for Goths.
The blue you thought the sky would be in Italy before you went there and spent half the time dying of heat-stroke and the other half getting rained on because Italy’s weather is in a permanent state of emotional meltdown.
You know those dark, orangey-red lines that pattern the surface of still-warm coals? That’s basically persimmon. Alternatively, it’s the colour that the sky went that time I had the flu and I thought the fucking world might be ending because nobody had told me it was just a random dust-storm from the African plains somehow reaching England.
Darkish red, but a really nice darkish red. The kind of darkish red that you might want an armchair in a private library to be, or that a Lannister would wear when going on a date with a close blood-relation.
Black, but not in a racist way.
A more racy version of obsidian. Note I said ‘racy’, still not ‘racist’.
Can’t decide between black and grey? Onyx has got your back, dawg.
A greyish, olive-green. Pairs well with Hardy.
Have ever wished there was a word for ‘golden yellow, but not in a healthy way’? Well, here it is. Citrine is a lovely word, but the colour to which it refers is the colour of your urine after a night of terrible, terrible decisions, or of a lemon that’s seen better days.
And that’s it- my favourite colours… SO FAR!